Ask Uncut - "I've Been Completely Excluded From My Friendship Group" - Life Uncut

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
PI.

Speaker 3 (00:12):
Guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life. I'm Cut,
I'm Laura.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
I'm Brittany, and we are another year older officially.

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Oh congratulations, what was it thirty two again?

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Yeah, we're gone with done. We're gone with that. Kish,
What were you were just bread crumbing a bit of
a birthday story question?

Speaker 4 (00:28):
Yeah, I kind of realized that I've actually ended up
with my own ask gun Cut, So I hope that
you guys don't mind. This is the episode where we
unpack all of your questions and dilemmas, and I have
one of my own. Last week it was your and my.

Speaker 5 (00:38):
Birthday bite and in the lead up to my birthday.

Speaker 4 (00:42):
To be honest, one thing that I like about myself
is that I am pretty good.

Speaker 2 (00:46):
One thing I like about myself.

Speaker 5 (00:47):
It's because I don't like the office set.

Speaker 4 (00:49):
You know, when your birthday's coming up and your partner
says to you, or even maybe your parents or someone
that you're close with, They're like, hey, what do you
want for your birthday?

Speaker 5 (00:56):
Someone that you kind of assume you're going to get
a present from.

Speaker 3 (00:58):
Yes, we did unpack this last week when it said
to Ben nothing and then she received nothing, and then.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
She was mad about it.

Speaker 3 (01:04):
So sometimes honesty is the best policy in these equations.

Speaker 4 (01:07):
Well, I've gone to the point where I've sent an
email before with links.

Speaker 5 (01:10):
I'm like, here are all.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (01:12):
I would never that's aggressive, is it?

Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:15):
I've even said, like in size, you know, I have
never asked for a gift.

Speaker 2 (01:20):
I really I will always say, don't worry about it.
And that's my problem with Ben. Even if I know
someone's gonna get me present, I'm not going to tell
them what I want because I just don't have that
in me. I will just be like, oh, just accept.
If you want to get me something else, fine. I
feel like it's because it's practical. I'm like, this is
something I want to buy for myself anyway. So like,
if you are going to.

Speaker 4 (01:36):
Get me something, at least get me something that you
know I really enjoy it.

Speaker 5 (01:40):
I'm going to get used out of.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
So yeah, I see.

Speaker 3 (01:42):
I struggle with that as well, which also it never
results well. So I mean an example of this is
my mum always asked, what do you want, and unless
you send her something specific, you get nothing. So my
sister always sends her She'll be like, I want this
pair of shoes, or I want this bag, or I
want this. I don't think my sister's ever not gotten
a birthday present, and I don't think I've ever received
about that.

Speaker 5 (02:01):
She's proactive.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
Literally, it's my own fault, is what my mum would say.

Speaker 2 (02:04):
But can we just sit in this for a minute.
Have we ever actually unpacked? Like? How crazy it is
that we get gifts because we were born. You didn't
do anything, your mum, If anything, your birthday, your parents
should get the gift they birthed you and raised. Do
you know what I mean?

Speaker 4 (02:19):
Like?

Speaker 2 (02:19):
Why do we keep each other presents just because someone
birthed you?

Speaker 3 (02:23):
Because life is hard, brit and we survived another year
of it.

Speaker 1 (02:25):
Goddamn it. Celebraty, why are you trying to get us
less gifts?

Speaker 2 (02:28):
What are you doing? I don't know. I've always had
hard time understanding it. Anyway, continue what's the problem case?

Speaker 5 (02:33):
So this year I have a TV in my bedroom
and I.

Speaker 4 (02:35):
Like, no one clicked on your legs year, that's what
no one clicked on my bloody links.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
So the TV that they've had.

Speaker 4 (02:40):
In my room I've had for it's over ten years,
now and it's starting to not work basically, so I
was like, Okay, I think it's time to upgrade.

Speaker 5 (02:47):
I would like a TV.

Speaker 4 (02:48):
The one that I want is quite expensive, so I'd
said I would like money to go towards this particular TV.
I want one of the like you know, the frame
ones that look like our work and they're expensive. Okay,
So I was like, a contribution to that, that would
be great. I'll make the difference.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
This was my boyfriend, I want to my TV.

Speaker 4 (03:10):
So I thought I was trying to be like, it's
not like I was expecting the whole amount.

Speaker 5 (03:14):
Anyway, I said this months beforehand.

Speaker 4 (03:18):
It comes around to birthday time and we have moved
into our new house a couple of months ago, and
out the back we have our own outdoor gym and
it's got some of his To be honest, I've used
it twice, like it's his thing. He really likes working out,
so that's kind of his area and he's got all
of his working out equipment and he's put a lot
of money into this gym. Right anyway, So it comes
around to birthday time and he.

Speaker 5 (03:41):
Gifted me over a.

Speaker 4 (03:43):
Thousand dollars work like a ridiculous amount of money, much
more than the TV was ever going to be worth,
of my own gym equipment to go in our own
home gym so that we can work out together.

Speaker 5 (03:55):
And he was like, happy birthday.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
So you got gym equipment which you would use. That's
a solid dig But.

Speaker 5 (04:04):
That's second to unpack.

Speaker 4 (04:06):
My question kind of surrounds the fact that I ended
up talking to him about it and I was like, well,
you know, we said the morning for the TV, and
he's like, oh, I can give you a little bit,
but you know, the gym equipment was really expensive. And
I was like, but I didn't want the gym equipment
and he's like, but you're.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
Going to use it.

Speaker 4 (04:19):
You actually have already used it, and it's gonna be
really nice for us to use it together. That's what
I got you for your birthday. And I was like,
but I didn't ask for that. I didn't send you
the link for that was that on the list, it.

Speaker 5 (04:30):
Was not under email.

Speaker 4 (04:32):
And I'm kind of wondering, if you are someone who
is specific and reasonable with your gift requests, can the
person that you've sent it to, being your partner, not
get you that.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
Yeah, I cannot want.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
Completely.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
Yeah, I actually sound really ungrateful.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
And it's also so much because like he's doing something
that you can do together. He's like, we can she
She's like, I don't want to fucking work out.

Speaker 3 (05:03):
I but I lie in my bed and watch TV
exactly how I feel.

Speaker 2 (05:07):
I think at the end of the day, what he's
done is said, Okay, cool, I'm going to get us
something that I know she will use and we can
do it together. It's time spend together. It's quality time
over maybe contributing to something that's going to take your
way to your separate room, to your separate TV, where
it's not quality time.

Speaker 3 (05:21):
The only thing I would unpack from this is is
I think equipment, Yeah, if exactly. I don't think that
he's done anything wrong in like, you know, deviating from
the specificness of what you ask for. I think the
question is is is gym equipment effective?

Speaker 2 (05:36):
No, it's not.

Speaker 3 (05:37):
Is it the same as like giving someone an iron
or like a vacuum or I don't know? That to
me is like it's a presumptuous gift. No, he didn't
want Jim equipment.

Speaker 2 (05:45):
Because Keisha has. No, it's not and I'm going to
defend tabla in here.

Speaker 5 (05:49):
No, I want to go back to Laura's question.

Speaker 2 (05:52):
Maybe maybe maybe some people one hundred percent, depending on
the situation. But Kesh's been saying for a long time
she wants to get back into weights and she needs
to start like those workouts, and she hasn't been doing
the gym, and like, you've been saying that a lot,
and you do that's your own problem.

Speaker 5 (06:05):
But I didn't want to actually do anything about it.
I just say that I don't have any motivation. All
I want to do is see if my room and
watch TV.

Speaker 1 (06:11):
I just want to complain about that.

Speaker 5 (06:13):
Yeah, maybe I have an ungrateful shrew.

Speaker 4 (06:15):
Maybe I need to reassess I would go home and
keep him kiss it's say thank you. I can't wait
for the messages I'm going to get from people being like,
are you joking? That is a really generous It is
such a generous amount of money. That's why I'm kind
of like, why did you spend so much on something
that I don't actually wants.

Speaker 3 (06:30):
It's generous because because if you have been talking about
wanting to do it, it would imply that actually, in fact,
you did want it. And he's trying to help you
achieve something that you want to achieve. The problem in
this equation is you, but we love you when it's
your birthday.

Speaker 1 (06:46):
Go off, Queen.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
I don't know what I got from Benyette, So maybe
we can reviews that next week, because if we record this,
I'm assuming it arrives to night. I don't know what
it is or if anything is arriving, but I'm going
to be away for the weekend, so I won't you know. Oh,
you're all on the edge of your seae.

Speaker 5 (07:02):
I hope you we also enjoy your gym equipment.

Speaker 2 (07:04):
Anyway, It's not my vibe for the week. Maybe the
TV one. Okay, Speaking of vibes, guys, I have got
a killer one. Great okay it so hear me out.
Most of you will know who this person is, but
you won't know her by name. Her name is Elizabeth Tekenbrock.
That will ring no bells. But do you remember the
woman that went viral? Like I think it was like

(07:26):
one hundred million views on TikTok. Do you remember the
woman that was filming herself at the kitchen bench making
a cake and muffins for herself on her birthday and
crying into camera saying I'm making muffins for my kids
to give me so that I'm a single mom and
they know the feeling of happiness and giving. Do you
remember that woman? No, but you don't know. Are you okay?

(07:47):
You must be under a rock.

Speaker 5 (07:48):
It was kind of about the mental load that particularly
single parents have to because to make things special, which
they want their children to feel special about their birthdays,
they also have to create the magic for their own
birthday so.

Speaker 4 (08:00):
Their kid can you know, gift them things. They're kind
of doing all of the work for their own birthday.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
So it was like it was a I mean, go
and have a look at the video. If you don't,
it's very easy to find. It shot her into the
stratosphere and made her somebody because she was I guess
she was a no one, right and when I say
no one, just an everyday woman. So she's horrifically crying.
And there are some people that sort of jumped on
board and were like, I feel you. I'm a single
mom to it so hard because she's like, here, I
am at ten at night making my own birthday cake

(08:27):
just so my kids can feel that what it's like
to give a cake, you know, single mom. She always
talks about how shit her husband was and anyway, shot
into the stratosphere. Now what this did, because it went
so viral, it caused an unraveling like nothing I have
ever seen. There is a podcast series based on this
woman now called her name's Elizabeth, and the podcast series

(08:50):
is called Elizabeth l I E s Lies Elizabeth. I
am just repeating what the podcast is alleging. We are
not going to put this out here that it is
fool proof, but there is so much evidence in it.
But like all allegedly, it is like Anadelvi level, you know,
inventing Anna. This is the biggest scam artist, this woman

(09:11):
you have ever seen. So she outed herself. It is
like nothing you can imagine. She has faked cancers, She
scams everyone she comes into. She's a compulsive liar. She
has created twenty five personas to steal money from people.
She's pretending she's faking to be a doctor.

Speaker 5 (09:29):
Did she make her own birthday cakes? Was she a
single mom?

Speaker 2 (09:32):
She's a single mom because she's not allowed to have
the kids because she's such a psycho. Like what she
has done to her ex husband, it's insane. And the
unraveling happened because that video went viral, so many people
started coming out being like, hang on, she's not Yeah,
and these journalists have gone into this deep dive speaking
to the people.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
Oh my god, that's such a good one.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
Oh, you'll be hooklining sincer like I was. I've got
goosebums thinking about it. The unraveling of what she did.
She would fake, the emails, she would fake. She was
having multiple relationships at the same time. The way she
gas lit her husband and the way she treated her husband,
and it was the other way, like she was accusing
him of domestic violence. She got caught like googling pictures

(10:15):
of domestic violence, and she would post about it. She
was ruining people's lives. And her parents have come out
being like, we told you, guys, everyone has told you.
But she's such a master manipulator. Anyway, I looked her
up again and she's still posting online. She's like, Wow,
it's just like nothing you've ever seen. I cannot RelA.

Speaker 3 (10:32):
Some visual andes have just taken on a podcast against her.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
Well, because I guess imagine if this person is scamming.
She scammed one guy out of his life, saving it's
like five hundred thousand dollars he can't retire anymore. And
it's not one person, it's every person she's ever come
into contact with, really good friends, babysitters, lawyers, real estate agents.
It's a wild story and I haven't felt this hooked
by a podcast in a long time.

Speaker 3 (10:54):
It just shows how easy it is to actually create
a persona on social media, like you can be whoever
you want to be. And then it questions that whole
conversation around authenticity, like what is authenticity? We want to
relate to people because we think that we authentically connect
with them, But some people have learnt the power of
weaponizing vulnerability to be able to garner likes and to

(11:14):
garner attention and media and everything else. Like we see
it play out all the time, and I think that
weaponization of vulnerability is such a powerful tool on social media.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
Now you both will love it, and it's almost like
something we might even unpack at a later date. But
everyone go and listen to it so we can talk
about in the discussion group. But it's it called it
lies a birth and lies is.

Speaker 1 (11:32):
In capitalist Okay, Okay, all right, well, look I have one.

Speaker 3 (11:34):
It is kid related and it's kind of a flow
on from something I recommended a few weeks back and
had loads of questions about. And I also recommended Britt
to go and buy one the other day for her
niece Maya.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
Which I did so a couple of weeks ago.

Speaker 3 (11:47):
I recommended what is called a Yoto's, which is like
a little screen free player that you can put cards
into and we use them when we're traveling. Now, interestingly,
I was like, Brit, go and buy one for Mayra.
It's a great first year of birthday present. And BRIT's
sister Sherry was like, we don't need that. We have
what's called a Tony's. Now, if you're a parent, you'll
know what both of these things are. But in our
household we have both of them. And a Tony's Player

(12:10):
is something that like, we only recently bought, but we
don't use it for travel so much. So we have
this set up in the girl's bedroom. It's a tiny
little box player like this and it doesn't need cards
or anything like that. It's really great for smaller children,
so if you have like one year old's two year olds,
it comes with and you can buy all these different
toys like plastic figurines and you pop them on top.

(12:31):
There's a magnetized bottom to them, and then it just
starts automatically playing the story or the songs or whatever
is loaded into that toy. And it's really good for
little kids who don't have the dexterity to do something
that's a bit more complicated and like our girls. For us,
the reason why I freaking love it is because it
bides us another hour in the morning. Like they wake
up well before we want to get up on a weekend,

(12:53):
and they'll try and come into our bed and then
they go and put your Tonys on, and they go
back into their room and they pick a toy and
they stick it on, and like there's every there's Disney characters,
there's like learning characters, there's like music.

Speaker 1 (13:04):
It's honestly, it has.

Speaker 3 (13:06):
Such a good range of really beautiful stories, but also
just no screens, so like they can go and entertain themselves.
You don't have to be worried about what they're doing,
and it occupies them for hours.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
Yeah, in ourishood, it's a good gift.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
Yeah, it's a great gift.

Speaker 4 (13:20):
There are all those reports of the fact that reading
to kids is like declining a lot and that kind
of thing.

Speaker 5 (13:25):
So at least they're getting storytime.

Speaker 1 (13:26):
Oh, I don't know if this replaces story time.

Speaker 3 (13:28):
I don't know if like listening to an audiobook replaces
parents reading to your children, but it replaces like I mean,
it just gives you a moment to claw back a
bit of your morning time, especially if your kids are
kind of in that three to four year old age group,
or four year old like Lola can be up and
wandering around doing stuff in the house. She's four, right,
she doesn't need to be like eagle eyed supervised all
the time, but she also needs to be entertained. She's

(13:50):
bought five point thirty am. She doesn't want to just
entertain herself and like look at a toy. So like
she's now able to take a little bit of autonomy
in the mornings, and we just get back a bit
of time.

Speaker 1 (14:00):
So nice.

Speaker 5 (14:01):
Yeah, that's not really great.

Speaker 4 (14:02):
My vibe this week is it's a little obscure and
it's kind of a bit of pleasure porn. So I
know that I'm really into my renovation content at the moment.
This is not an instructional Instagram account. It is called
Danny Underscore sand House now he is a flooring wizard.
So he's this guy from the UK and he goes
into a lot of these homes that he's in are

(14:22):
like over one hundred years old. Some of them are
like well over one hundred years old, and he goes
and he's like the sand Flora man.

Speaker 5 (14:29):
So he kind of.

Speaker 4 (14:31):
I was trying to think of how to explain this.
He does glow ups to flooring. The pleasure that I
get from seeing the process of this being done and
the transformation that you see of these homes, it's not
because I'm going to do it myself. It's not like
these are instructional and you're going to learn how to
do it. It is just so deeply pleasuring watching the

(14:52):
process of these things be transformed into these beautiful, beautiful
artworks of flow. Do you know what?

Speaker 3 (14:59):
It's hilarious this. It's just that you're so deep in
renovation content now you get.

Speaker 5 (15:03):
So algorithm found me and I'm so glad that it did.

Speaker 2 (15:07):
Nothing better than before and afters Yeah, than any capacity totally.

Speaker 4 (15:10):
There's another account that I follow called Satisfying Lawn. Like
I don't give a shit about lawn, but it's just
seeing the transformational process. I find it really calming and
really soothing, and so I really think that you guys,
if you're into that kind of thing, it's just nice.

Speaker 5 (15:23):
You know what, There's a lot of shit.

Speaker 4 (15:24):
On Instagram at the moment, and this is really beautiful
content that you just find a lot of a dope
for me.

Speaker 3 (15:29):
Here from is one that I follow, which is all
like Tyler's who retile heritage brands, like you know, you
go have like your beautiful paddington S boutiques and they
had that little tiled area in the front and I'll
just sit there watching tile renovations. But it's niche. It
is so beyond niche. I think you're only there if
you're someone who enjoys DIY.

Speaker 2 (15:47):
Yeah, I just got a lot of dogs.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
Ye, It's like the nichest thing ever. But I'm here
for it.

Speaker 2 (15:53):
Thanks G.

Speaker 5 (15:53):
I feel like your account is tiling one and Danny
should be friends.

Speaker 4 (15:58):
As always, our advice will be linked on the website
and also in the show notes.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
All right, let's get into the questions.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
I hat question number one. I find my husband's super
sexy in group settings or when he's away, but not
when it's just us.

Speaker 1 (16:12):
Oh, that's terrible. That's avoidance right there.

Speaker 2 (16:16):
I've been. It's interesting, though, there's some psychology behind that.
I've been married to my husband for nearly two years,
together for nine I have been struggling with sexual chemistry
for a while now. My desire to show any intimacy
in any form is basically non existent. But here is
the thing. Every time I see him come home from
work in his business uniform, I really want to jump him.

(16:37):
Every time he walks in late to our family friend
catch ups, I genuinely think he is so bloody attractive,
and I feel like a teenager again seeing my crush.
Every time he's away for work, I instantly want him
back and all my sexual desires return. Why doesn't this
transpire every time it's just me and him, when it's
actually the opportunity to have sex, or when we're in

(16:58):
bed together. It's like he's a completely different person to me. Help,
I'm confused. I mean, I think I don't even know
how to help you with this. What I do? I
do sex with your husband you want to, but do
it when you feel it. If there's a desire, like
if he's walked in the door and you think he's
hot from work. Use that momentum, like you literally say,

(17:18):
I want to jump his bones, jump his bone.

Speaker 3 (17:20):
But maybe they've got kids in they're sitting at the
table eating speedy ball and ag and from what.

Speaker 2 (17:23):
You've said, this is taking him two seconds. Just get
in there. It's not going to take him along. Like
if he's not if you guys are not sexual and
you say to him we are on, trust me, he's
gonna be like hell yeah, oh do you know.

Speaker 5 (17:35):
What it is?

Speaker 1 (17:36):
Though?

Speaker 3 (17:36):
It's it's the comfort and familiarity, Like it's the fact
that you're sitting on the couch, you're both in sweatpants,
you both like like slopped into watching a TV show
and you're like, yeah, we could have sex now, can't
be fucking bothered? Like I think it's partly you can
talk about it being desire and chemistry and everything else,
and the other part is just that it's easy to
not It's easy to sit there and just to choose not.

Speaker 2 (17:56):
To do it, to sleep and watch TV.

Speaker 3 (17:58):
And the thing is is when you are like oh yeah, yeah,
like this is you know, you're hot, this is arousing.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
It's also because you know you're not going to do it,
like you know you're.

Speaker 3 (18:05):
Not going to take that opportunity either, So it's kind
of like the I guess, like the flirtation.

Speaker 1 (18:11):
Of the thing you're not going to be able to have.

Speaker 3 (18:13):
I think in these instances, and I've said this before
on the pod, and maybe I guess it's important because
I think it really works for me. Sometimes action precedes
the feeling. And I'm not saying that you should make
yourself have sex when you don't want to have.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
Sex, but how many times have you been like, ah,
do you know what? I could just go to bed?

Speaker 3 (18:33):
But then you're like, I do love my husband and
I'm definitely ah right, here we go.

Speaker 1 (18:37):
And then you're like, oh, I fucking love doing this.
We should do this more. You know, like you go,
that's that's what happens.

Speaker 2 (18:42):
A short story by Laura Burn.

Speaker 3 (18:46):
Literally literally like, can't be bothered, should go to sleep?
I guess we're doing it. Oh that's pretty good.

Speaker 1 (18:52):
Yeah, yes, but I love you.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
This is great.

Speaker 3 (18:54):
Then you think to yourself, fuck, I wish we did
that more. And then four days later you're like, ah,
I buy myself another week. I think we get lazy.
We get lazy, we get complacent in our relationships. We
deprioritize sex because like, unless you're actually doing it, you
kind of forget how much you enjoy it. And the
problem is only you can change that, and actually it
takes a bit of effort. So for me, this is

(19:15):
not about you not desiring your husband. It's not about
you having you know, a lack in chemistry. Necessarily it
feels like a lack of effort.

Speaker 2 (19:24):
Well, it also says like my desire to show any
intimacy in any form is non existent. I guess I
want to know why as well, like do you have
other issues in the relationship, does he not police weight
at home? Or you know, do you guys fight a lot?
All of those things add up. But if your relationship
is great and you're just not feeling it, I want
to double down what Laura said, And this stems back

(19:44):
from a conversation we originally had with Esther Perell, who
is like, you can create desire. You don't just wake
up and it's there, like desire and full place. She
talks about full play starting from the second the intimacy
ended the last time. It should be twenty four hours
a day, and it's not like you don't just go
and finger him finger.

Speaker 5 (20:02):
He doesn't just going you.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
And like sorry, when was the last time? Sorry? Then?
So what I'm trying to say is like we're not
talking about the things. We're not talking about four play
over twenty four hours, Like you don't just go and
grab his dick and he doesn't just come and put
a finger, And that's not what we're talking about. We're
talking about it grubbing the neck, rubbing the back, kiss
on the neck as you walk past. It's the little
things that add up that you don't notice as one
single thing, but overarchingly, so maybe there are parts of

(20:25):
you and him that can start to like try and
implement those little things again. But desire is not something
that he's just going to come and smack you in
the face. And if it does, then you guys are
very lucky. But it is something that you have to
work on, and relationships are and do become hard work
and something that doesn't become natural and easy like it
was at the start. Like we know all the chemistry changes.

(20:47):
We know it's literally physiological changes that happen in your body,
and you one hundred percent can get it back. But
maybe there's something that you can lean into in terms
of if you love when he's away and when he
walks into in a business suit, why don't you try
some role play? Like, why don't you try? And I
don't know he can dress up in the bedroom as
a lawyer. I don't know what it is, but like,
I don't want you to give up on it because

(21:10):
you seem to be confused that only happens when he's
not there and when you're in bed you don't want it, Like,
I do believe you can create it.

Speaker 5 (21:16):
Do you know what I actually think this is. I
don't think this is a desire. I think this is novelty.

Speaker 4 (21:20):
Everyone has a natural desire for novelty and for like
different experiences. You think about it, It's so common for
couples to be like, oh, we have so much more
sex when we're on holidays because you're experiencing something different.

Speaker 5 (21:31):
It's like, exactly what you said, it's just comfortability.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
I think people feel like they have to have sex always.

Speaker 3 (21:36):
Yeah, you're like, we like nothing else to do, what
are we going to do? Guess we should have sex
because we love each other.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
Well, I don't know myself.

Speaker 4 (21:42):
I am the type of person who craves a lot
of novelty, and I'm seeing that. You know, you're saying,
like when we're in these group settings, like when you
know we're doing different things, when he's away, when it's
out of your routine, You're like, I get this these flutters.

Speaker 5 (21:54):
I get this feeling.

Speaker 4 (21:55):
And I think that you just have a bit of
a craving for novelty, which is totally normal. I don't
think there's a person on the planet that doesn't crave novelty.
So maybe, like you said, Britt, maybe you can just
try and introduce a little bit more novelty to your
actual relationship rather than it being an issue of desire.

Speaker 3 (22:10):
You know, totally, I'll have sex in the pantry. I
remember what I first got with Ben. I should probably
still be like this because we're long distance, but I'm not. Like,
at the end of the day, we're still three years deep.

Speaker 4 (22:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:20):
He would come home from work and I would be
in like the hottest lauingdree that Keisha had brought me
to take over. I would be in the hottest lingere
and like it would be on He would walk in
that door and I was like, and I had sent
him photos throughout the days to build it so he
knew what he was coming home do the poor thing.
Now it comes home to not that but absolutely not that.
That's something that that changes over time, and like you do.

Speaker 1 (22:42):
I could.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
I have taken lingerie, sexy laundree the last four trips
to ben. It doesn't come out of my bag like
it's the intention is there, but when you get there,
you're like, it's easier to sit on the lounge and
have dinner and watch TV. And then all of a sudden,
you're not going to go get changing in ci lunder
and come back. If you're gonna have sex, she's gonna
do it, and I could go and do it and
make the effort. So I think that's the point of like,
it's normal what you're feeling, but we can all go

(23:04):
and put a little bit more energy.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
All right.

Speaker 3 (23:06):
Next question, Hi, girls, Am I being overly sensitive or
is it completely okay that I feel devastated about this.
I found out recently that my very close group of
girlfriends created another group chat that I wasn't invited to.
Now the story behind this is one of my best
friends has gone away for her fortieth to Port Douglas
with two of our other girlfriends, and I had absolutely

(23:28):
no idea about it. I hadn't been invited. I only
found out when I asked where she was when she
didn't turn out to our kids football game. She told
me on the day that she had spoilt herself with
a little trip to Port Douglas. However, she didn't mention
who it was with, only that it was for her
fortieth I asked her who she went with, and she
never replied. Despite having a huge conversation. By a text,

(23:49):
I found out from another mum that she's gone away
with two of our best friends. This has absolutely devastated me,
as I thought our friendship was on the same level
and would never have thought that I would be excluded,
or that I wouldn't be invited, or even for it
to be mentioned to me. I feel like it's been
hidden from me. I feel like completely shutting down. What
should I do? I just don't trust them anymore? Am

(24:09):
I being too sensitive? Or is this a very valid feeling?

Speaker 1 (24:13):
That's really?

Speaker 2 (24:13):
This is really sad. It is a very valid feeling,
of course, Like you would be hard pressed to find
somebody that didn't feel the same way when you came
across something like this, like your friend group.

Speaker 3 (24:23):
Your best friend starting another group chat and just not
putting you in it.

Speaker 2 (24:27):
That's so mean.

Speaker 5 (24:29):
Group chat we.

Speaker 1 (24:30):
Do, we do, it's only where we talk about you.
So that's why you can't be in it?

Speaker 2 (24:36):
Is that? Is that all? You know?

Speaker 5 (24:37):
How I always send it to the wrong group.

Speaker 4 (24:39):
I do that all the time because on I message,
did the first two names come up?

Speaker 5 (24:43):
So your two names come up?

Speaker 4 (24:44):
And then I send it and there's a third person
and I'm like, oh shit, sorry that wasn't inter for you.

Speaker 2 (24:48):
Yeah, so we've labeled that don't talk about Kisher in
this group.

Speaker 3 (24:51):
Recently, so Tony Maye, well you got a fucking million
group chats to Tony may because we've got like one
for the marketing team, one for production, one for every factory.

Speaker 2 (24:58):
It's too dangerous. No.

Speaker 3 (25:00):
Recently, something was put into one of the group chats
around something that happened with QC, and I was like,
where is this being discussed? I was like, I don't
understand how everyone knows about this thing that I don't
know about. Anyway, I discovered that the team had a
group chat they forgot to add me to.

Speaker 1 (25:13):
I was like, I'm your boss.

Speaker 2 (25:15):
Forgot No, Laura, You're not you were not in that
chat that we totally forgot let's add you now.

Speaker 3 (25:20):
No, they literally they've had it for like eight months
and it's to discuss like it's work related.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
And I was like, I don't know what's going on
in my own company, but if you.

Speaker 5 (25:27):
Haven't noticed me eight months, maybe.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
There's an issue. Don't join it.

Speaker 5 (25:31):
Maybe there's a they've gone.

Speaker 1 (25:33):
I was like, sorted out yourself.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
No.

Speaker 3 (25:35):
Look, if that was me, I would be absolutely gutted
as well. And I think the thing that feels so
upsetting is how intentional this feels. The reason why it
feels intentional is because it's very evidently intentional.

Speaker 2 (25:47):
Like it feels intentional because it is.

Speaker 1 (25:50):
You know, sometimes you.

Speaker 3 (25:51):
Can gaslight yourself. You can be like, oh, like, am
I overreacting?

Speaker 1 (25:54):
Is this you know?

Speaker 3 (25:55):
But I I mean through what you've said, she very
deliberately didn't tell you you asked to direct question. It's
weird to me that, like there was never If this
is your closest best friend you know, and you guys
are as close as what you think you are, it's
odd to me that you guys hadn't had a discussion
around her fortieth birthday, prior to this fortieth are a huge,
big deal, and I would say that, you know, I

(26:15):
would normally know what my best friends are doing for
their fortieth I would have asked that question. So it
is kind of a bit of an unusual one that
that probably didn't pop up earlier. However, in saying that,
I think it's pretty obvious that you have been left out,
and I think it's okay to feel super upset about it.
The question is what do you do. Do you confront
them no, yeah, do you bring it up? Or do

(26:38):
you just take this as a very quiet understanding of
where you sit in that friendship dynamic, and maybe just
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (26:47):
I don't know what the right thing to do is here.

Speaker 3 (26:49):
I don't know whether you express your sadness or whether
you accept that you know they made an intentional choice
and you were left.

Speaker 1 (26:55):
Out of it.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
This is really hard because I truly believe that this
is a bit of like a tough lie love situation,
and it's an unfortunate situation that I want to say
most people are going to feel at some point like
friendships change. There are always going to be people that
are closer in a group, even if there's a group
of ten people, there's always you know, three or four
that might be really close. At the end of the day,
they've made a choice and they did exclude you. Sure

(27:18):
you can go and tell them how upset that made you.
But in a way, I want to say, what's the point, Like,
they made the decision and for whatever reason, they didn't
want you to go, And for me, if I was
in that situation, I would think, okay, if I go
and tell them that, like, hey, I would have really
liked to have come, they didn't want you to come,
and we don't know what the reason is. And I'm
careful because I feel bad saying it, but I do

(27:39):
want to protect your feelings here. It doesn't matter what
the reason is. That's the outcome. They didn't invite you,
and they made an active choice, and I would think, okay, well,
then maybe these aren't quite the people I thought they were,
which is okay, maybe they're not we're not as close
as I thought. It's also okay. You can't force a
square peg into a round hole. And if a friendship
has changed or divert which and other people are forming

(28:01):
off into groups, that nothing good is going to come
from you going and inserting yourself or forcing yourself back
into that group by like forc saying Hey, next time
you do that, please invite me if they don't want
to invite you. And I know it sounds me but
it's it is the way of the world. You can't
expect to be best friends with everyone I know. But
I felt like in two minds about this. One part
of me was like, if this happened to me, what

(28:23):
would I do? If this happened to me, I'm relatively
conflict avoidant. I would probably just not say anything and
accept it.

Speaker 3 (28:29):
But the problem is, though, is like, by not saying
anything and accepting it, one you're making some assumptions. We
are just concluding that it was super intentional and that
you know, there was no other ulterary reason. I don't
know what that reason could be, but we don't know
the intricacies of your life. They might have assumed you
had something else on that weekend. There might have been
a reason why they they didn't invite you. They could
have been something we don't know that. But then also

(28:52):
I would accept it, but then it would always change
the way I felt. I would feel that level of resentment,
And so then how are you going to navigate that
friendship moving forward? Going to navigate it as though this
hasn't affected you? Are you going to navigate it as
though it has and now you're not friends with them anymore.
I think it depends on the level of hurt as
to whether you can just move past it or whether
a conversation needs to be had. And also it probably

(29:14):
depends on the intensity of the friendship. I know you
say that you're in this group chat and you thought
that they were your really close girlfriends, and she said.

Speaker 1 (29:22):
One of my best friends.

Speaker 3 (29:23):
It might be interesting to gauge whether or not they
see you the same way, because like, sometimes it happens
where you know, someone might feel as though I'm your
best friend, but then they And that's what a weird
thing to say as an adult. I'm your best friend,
but you're not my best friend. I have other best friends.

Speaker 2 (29:38):
Sounds nice face top eight.

Speaker 3 (29:40):
Oh, it sounds so kindergartner and and like childish, doesn't it?
But like that could be the case. My only worry
for you is that sometimes by not talking about things,
assumptions are made, and there is a possibility that those
assumptions are wrong.

Speaker 1 (29:55):
Is it likely I don't know.

Speaker 3 (29:56):
We don't know the other details about this, but I
guess if you you feel compelled to say something, I
would probably firstly just say like, oh, how is port Douglas?

Speaker 1 (30:05):
I heard you went with blah blah blah and blah
blah blah.

Speaker 3 (30:07):
You know, and so at least they know that you know,
so they're not having to lie about it firstly. And
then I don't know, I think could be pretty ballsy
to be like, oh, just wondering, like, you know, there's
there a reason why you didn't want me to come,
but that could be a question that you asked, but
also be prepared that that could have a very awkward answer.

Speaker 2 (30:23):
And it's going to be different for everyone. I'm very
I wouldn't do it. I'm very much to let people
show you who they are and what they want, and
for me, that's what I'm very conflict avoiding as well.
I hate it, and if someone had done that to me,
I'm like cool, I got the message loud and clear,
like I'm never going to force myself into something that
I think I'm not wanted or you know, and of
course those situations happen. I just wonder if you ask

(30:44):
yourself what are you going to gain If you sit
down and have that conversation, it's going to be awkward
because you're essentially saying, like, I know, you went away
without me, and you're going to put her on the
spot as to why. And then even that's going to
cause something in the friendship. I don't know personally, I'm
just letting it go.

Speaker 3 (30:58):
I know, but it could be like, for example, who
knows she could have gotten free accommodations somewhere and it
only slept three people or something like you just we
just don't know. And I know that means she had
to make a choice, but there might be a reason
and she might turn around and say, oh, yeah, look,
you know I got bought this accommodation only three people
could stay in there. I'd mentioned it to Sarah, but
I didn't realize that then this and she's like, I

(31:19):
just felt really awkward.

Speaker 2 (31:20):
You just do it, And then they intentionally hit it
and made up, like I kind oft know.

Speaker 3 (31:24):
Have you ever have you ever had an experience where
you've been totally left out of your friends and felt like,
for sure, really sad off the back of it.

Speaker 2 (31:30):
Yeah, for sure. Not in the last couple of years,
like at this point in my life.

Speaker 3 (31:34):
I definitely noticed it more after I'd had kids. I
think I noticed it with my friends who didn't have kids.
And you know, it was a tricky one because ninety
nine point nine percent of the time I wasn't able
to go and do the things that they were doing anyway.
Like it wasn't like it wasn't as though they were
intentionally leaving me out. But there did come a point where,
like I stopped getting invited to stuff because they assumed

(31:55):
I couldn't go, And so I'd be like, oh, not me,
at least at least give me the invitation, and like,
let me tell you I can't come. And I know
it must be annoying to include me and then for
me to be like, oh, sorry it's naptime or sorry
it's this, But you know, there would be occasions where
I'd be like, oh fuck, I could have come to that,
but the assumption was made.

Speaker 1 (32:11):
And I think that sometimes there moments where.

Speaker 3 (32:14):
The intention isn't mean the intention isn't it's just there
was an assumption made. I actually remember so NSS. You
guys will have heard us talk about her a little bit.
She's a videographer and she's.

Speaker 1 (32:24):
The freaking best.

Speaker 3 (32:25):
She's been one of my really close friends for ten years.
I used to live with her and her wife Jess.
When they had their baby, Hazel, they sent out a
big group message saying, you know, guys, don't expect to
see us for the first four weeks after Hazel's born.

Speaker 1 (32:38):
We're going to go into like our little Heidi hole.

Speaker 3 (32:41):
We also want to keep her away from people and
you know, like just basically keep her protected. And at
that time, I was organizing a lunch at my house
which we had friends over and we had like this,
like we had a cook calm. I think it was
Matt's birthday or something, but it was a really nice day.
And it was only two weeks after Hazel was born.
And I didn't invite us and Jess because in my mind,

(33:01):
I was like, you told me you don't want to
come to anything, so I didn't even think to invite them.
I was like, cool, jessinessa off the table, We're not
gonna invite them.

Speaker 1 (33:09):
And I think it was Jess.

Speaker 3 (33:11):
Jess sent a message and she was like, oh, it
made me so sad to see those photos.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
I really felt sad that we weren't invited, and I
was like, oh you were. I didn't know it hurt you.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
You would have.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
Been I'm so.

Speaker 3 (33:24):
I felt so bad and I absolutely wasn't my intention,
but you know, I made the assumption based on the
message that was sent. I didn't realize that there would
be external circumstances to that, you know, for like big things.
In my mind, I was just like, funck, there's gonna
be a lot of people here, and you probably don't
want them all around your baby, you know.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
But I'm sure she felt better hearing her totally, you know.

Speaker 3 (33:44):
And had she not sent me that message and she
just like retained it and like being angry at me,
I would never have known. I would have felt like,
why is she being weird to me? Like what's going
on with her?

Speaker 2 (33:53):
Yeah, but I do think that's different in this sense
because she had put out a blanket statement of like, hey,
I'm shutting down for a month, whereas this girl, they're
all just as a normal weekend, and they went behind
their back to not tell it.

Speaker 3 (34:03):
Like it's just a difference. I do agree, but it
is really tricky.

Speaker 2 (34:06):
But like, okay, two options. You just move on and
you pretend it hasn't happened and you just accept that,
you know, maybe you're not as close as the others,
which is okay. Or you sit down and say, hey,
I do just want to let you know, like I
would love to know if there is an issue, you know,
have I done something, or I just want to know,
like why I wasn't invited. You can sit down and
have that conversation. Would I absolutely not, But there's nothing

(34:27):
wrong with you also communicating your feelings to your best friends.
She's one of your best friends, so like, go helpful,
Leather if that's the person you are and you're not
going to be able to move on or it's going
to make it awkward, But know that both decisions have repercussions.

Speaker 5 (34:40):
It's such a.

Speaker 4 (34:40):
Weird one because, like, you risk excluding yourself even more.
Right if you say to them, hey, I feel excluded,
They're probably all going to talk about the reasons that
you were excluded, and then you kind of risk being
ostracized even more. But then you also have to live
with the fact that you feel excluded, which makes you.

Speaker 5 (34:58):
Doubt whether you're as close. You know, it's such an
awful situation.

Speaker 4 (35:01):
I'm so sorry that you're in it, but I think
I'm the same as you guys. I don't know what
bringing it up could achieve given that I don't think
the assumption situation you just spoke about Laura applies in
this because they've quite deliberately hidden it, you know, Yeah.

Speaker 5 (35:15):
Is it on any of their instagrams?

Speaker 1 (35:16):
Was there?

Speaker 2 (35:17):
You know?

Speaker 5 (35:17):
Was there anything about it?

Speaker 1 (35:18):
That's even weird. Who goes to a forty that doesn't
post a single photo? But that's why maybe they hid her.

Speaker 2 (35:23):
They don't want to it. That's so yeah, all right, Okay,
this is another question around like do I bring this
up with the friends? And the reason we're doing two
of these is because we get inundated with questions around friendships.
It's actually probably I think one of the things the
topics that comes through the most.

Speaker 3 (35:39):
This is also a birthday related question, which kind of
links into what Keisha asked earlier. So then some nice
synchronousity is happening here.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
Okay, help, I'm feeling super confused and a little devastated
about a gift from one of my best friends for
my thirtieth birthday. She ought in Inverted commas me an
unknown brand that is kind of like a childlike makeups
I'm doing. I'm talking pink sparkles and a foundation that
is at least five shades too dark. The thing is,

(36:08):
she's super into the finer things in life, and she
would never use these products herself. Now, I'm not a
makeup girl at all, so it felt especially strange that
this was the present she chose for me. If I'm honest,
I'm pretty sure it's a regift. After some casual digging
as we do, you can tell she went on a
deep dive that's not casual digging. I realized it's from
a very niche brand that her mum follows on Instagram.

(36:30):
Now I know that this brand frequently does giveaways. They
have only one hundred followers. I know gifts aren't everything,
but for me, it's not about the present. It's about
the complete lack of thought or effort. It feels like
a reflection of where our friendship is at. For her,
we've been a bit tense so over the last couple
of months after a small communication breakdown, but I honestly
thought we'd worked through that. This isn't the first time

(36:51):
I've felt let down by her lack of effort, and
now I'm seriously considering distancing myself. I'm usually all for
having the hard conversations if it's worth salvaging the friendship,
but over a bad gift, is it worth it? It
feels petty and I don't want to seem ungrateful. Would
you or could you bring this up? And if you do,
how do you do it?

Speaker 3 (37:11):
No, this one's clear for me. I wouldn't bring this up.
I'm not if I also wouldn't end a friendship both
Ford No, Look, I mean I understand the sentiment. I
understand why you feel as though there's a lack of
effort and a lack of thought. But if the only
thing that is a lack of effort at the moment,
if you do actually feel like your friendship has gotten
back to a good place and the only lack of
effort is around a gift, I would say let it go.

(37:33):
But the problem is is that some people are very
gift orientated, like gifts meant a lot to them. Some
people are really thoughtful with their gifts, like they care
a lot about it, and they give beautiful gifts, And
so for those people, it stands out like a fucking
sore thumb when someone has been completely thoughtless and just
filled a hole by bringing something you know. And I
guess it depends on the type of person you are

(37:54):
and probably sounds like you are a really thoughtful person.
You probably put a lot of time and energy into
gifts and they mean something to you. And I think
that there is probably a mismatch in how you both
approach this specific part of friendship. For me, and I
know I've probably said it before, but I don't care
about gifts.

Speaker 1 (38:12):
I don't at all.

Speaker 3 (38:12):
Genuinely, if I say, don't buy me a gift, I'm
not upset about it. And when I joked about my
mum at the start, honestly, I don't think my mum
has bought me a birthday gift in years.

Speaker 1 (38:21):
I don't care. I really don't.

Speaker 2 (38:23):
Would you like some gym equipment?

Speaker 1 (38:25):
Actually yes? Or do implying Kisha?

Speaker 3 (38:28):
But the thing is is, like I know that that
would absolutely gut some people, like it would really hurt
them that the person, even if they didn't say they
wanted something, didn't go out of their way. Would I
end a friendship over this, No. What I would do
is I would look for the other indicators that this
friend is actually not the type of friend that's supporting
me or loving me, or you know that the friendship

(38:49):
is not serving me in a way that is healthy,
or whatever else you know. I think that you're hinging
too many decisions about this friendship on one shitty gift
and was it thoughtless?

Speaker 1 (38:58):
Yeah? Was it a real gift? Probably? Should it end
your friendship?

Speaker 2 (39:03):
No?

Speaker 3 (39:03):
I think that other things would need to add up
to equate to friendship ending status.

Speaker 2 (39:08):
Yeah. I don't even really want to add anything. I
think everything you said I agree with. I feel the same.
I joke about like Ben didn't get me a gift.
I could careless if no one ever bought me gift
yarn for the rest of my life. If you wrote
me a a card, send me some flowers, whatever, And
I don't even expect that. But like, I just don't
put a weight on gifts.

Speaker 3 (39:25):
But I think what she's saying is is like maybe
there was no card. It was the genuine lack of
effort that she feels was just like so pointless.

Speaker 2 (39:32):
Well, let me add this on to I couldn't care
less I didn't get a card for me. It's like,
maybe you can go to lunch or hang out. That's
more important to me than.

Speaker 1 (39:39):
What did my card say to you.

Speaker 2 (39:42):
Pretty titty noodles, I love you oodles.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
No, it's a happy fucking birthday. Go get some botox.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
Well you didn't write that you bought a car that
told me to go get botox.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
She literally botox, bitch.

Speaker 2 (39:52):
I think it's said, yeah, that ship sailed alone. Well no,
in my head, I was like, bro, I got it
a month ago.

Speaker 4 (40:00):
I'm metabolize it too quickly.

Speaker 2 (40:04):
It's all the saunas it is. I just think it's
the rest of the friendship that matters here for me personally.
If she's not showing up in any other way, and
you said you've had an issue but you thought you
worked through it, maybe didn't. Maybe the friendship is changing.
I wouldn't.

Speaker 1 (40:17):
Maybe the friendship is changing.

Speaker 3 (40:19):
But also, I mean, we've all been in that situation
where you've just received the worst and you're like the
worst fucking gift.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
You're like, where am I.

Speaker 2 (40:25):
Going to put this?

Speaker 1 (40:26):
Like how soon can I take it to the Salvos.

Speaker 3 (40:28):
We've all done that, and I know that that's an
awful thing to say, But usually it comes from like
a great aunt or like a family member who is
like lovely adorable, but has terrible taste.

Speaker 4 (40:37):
Once my grandma regifted the candle I gave her the
following year, she'd forgotten that she gave it to me,
and I was like, it's a fucking great gift. But
I didn't realize that she has a bit of sensitivity
to smell, so I actually wasn't It wasn't a good
gift for her to.

Speaker 3 (40:51):
Begin with, and so she was happy to give it
away to someone else who might actually enjoy it, which
was you, Yeah, she's.

Speaker 5 (40:56):
Forgot that who gave it to her.

Speaker 3 (40:58):
The one thing that I struggle with this probably sounds ungrateful,
but and I hope no family members are offended, although
I don't think any family members listen to this podcast
anymore because.

Speaker 1 (41:05):
I've already offended them all in the past.

Speaker 3 (41:08):
Is ornaments for the house. Like, that's a real tricky one,
it seems to be.

Speaker 2 (41:12):
Didn't you literally just say you bought me something for
the house?

Speaker 1 (41:15):
Not ornaments? Though? Oh yeah, but also I've got great.

Speaker 2 (41:19):
She just realized. Laura just realizes she's like a five
got a cat statue for cats.

Speaker 3 (41:27):
I'm talking about I'm talking about family members who clearly
have a very different esthetic, being like I bought you
this to put in your house, and I know that
it's really kind and everything, But then my question is
what do you do with it? Because I'm not going
to take those things to the savos. And when they
do come and visit, I wheel it out and put
it out, but it just it then requires I wheel it.

Speaker 1 (41:47):
I do I do.

Speaker 3 (41:49):
One family member once brought me this big pitch to
go on on, so big, it's so big, and.

Speaker 2 (41:56):
It's not your stock, it's so bad.

Speaker 3 (41:59):
And then I know that at anytime they come, I
need to put it on a wall somewhere. Of course
I do you Otherwise they asked, where's that picture of Butch?

Speaker 4 (42:07):
I put photos of people to the front, as in
like if you've got photo frames of people around the house,
like if they're coming over, I'll move from the front center.

Speaker 2 (42:17):
So they feel special.

Speaker 1 (42:18):
That's so I do the same thing.

Speaker 5 (42:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (42:20):
So we have like a little bit of a shrine
on our mantelpiece of family photos, just like family photos.
It's like, you know, people from Matt's family, people from
my family, like they're all together.

Speaker 2 (42:28):
Oh, but you came for me from my shrine with Ben.

Speaker 3 (42:31):
It's not a professional photo shoot. It's just a family photos.

Speaker 2 (42:34):
Yeah, okay, I stumbled across the photographer. It doesn't helt.

Speaker 3 (42:38):
Are you shrinks and you would get a little laugh
out of you. But it's just like family photos. And
then so like if my mom's coming, then the one
of my mom goes to the front, but if like
Matt's family's coming, so like normally Ellie's at the front,
because Ellie's always in the house. But then like when
you know this sounds very familiarly shuffles around. Dad comes
to the front when he comes to visit.

Speaker 2 (42:56):
My ex used to do that when there were two
of us. I used to what my photo is out
when I came, and the next weekend you'd talk it
out for the other girlfriend. So yeah, I've been a PTSD.
I think the problem here is if there's two things.
It's not just the lack of thought. There's obviously no
thought in it, but it's lack of thought is one thing.
But at least get the same color tone of your makeup,
like it's four shades darker. It's a glitter kit that

(43:17):
you're not gonna use, and you don't like makeup, so
it's a double down on the lack of thought. It's like,
even if the thought was there, you still can't use it.
The shades don't even match your skin. So it's that,
I think is the problem. I'd more offended if a
friend gave me that than not giving me anything at all.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
Yeah, you know what the problem.

Speaker 3 (43:32):
Sometimes no gift is better than a gift totally. I
have one friend who gives the best fucking gifts. They're
so thoughtful, Like it's no her name's Steph. She's awesome.
She gives like the most incredible gifts, and she's hard.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
I just got gezier a Bunnies about you.

Speaker 3 (43:50):
She's so hard to buy for because her gifts are
so excellent, Like it's the worst. Yeah that she should
be less awesome anyway. Okay, here's a question that's going
to get all the mums angry. Is my husband a
fully grown snack thief? I need you to help me
settle a minor domestic dispute that we're having. My husband
is obsessed with our kids snacks. I eat less snacks,

(44:10):
pouch yogurts, chocolate chip muffins, tiny teddies, the full primary
school lunchbox, start a pack. This is a grown ass
man in his thirties heading to work with a poor
patrol yogurt pouch packed did in one of our kid's
old dinosaur lunchboxes despite owning a perfectly good rip curl
cool bag. I buy him adult snacks, but he inhales
them in two days and then raids the kids stash

(44:31):
like a sugar crazed raccoon. I should add I make
us delicious lunches most days, so it's not like he's
going without. Recently, he stormed off without saying goodbye because
I question why he needed or even wanted to take
more of the kids snacks with him. He specifically took
one of the kid's juice boxes. Am I being unreasonable?
Or should my husband stop being the biggest baby in

(44:52):
our entire household and leave the kid snacks alone?

Speaker 2 (44:55):
I think just buy more snags.

Speaker 5 (44:57):
This is the best question ever.

Speaker 2 (44:58):
I think, buy more snag, Like, if your husband likes
the snacks, I don't think he wants to steal from
your child. If he likes them, just buy double. I
mean I don't have any he can buy double two? Well, yeah,
but maybe she does the groceries. I don't know, but
I don't think he needs to be fighting about it
and he needs to storm off with his little snack.

Speaker 3 (45:14):
There is nothing more infuriating than when you have like
portioned out and figured out what the kids are gonna
eat and like have shit for their lunch boxes, only
to find that it's been eaten by the adult who
can make themselves their own meal and can prepare their
own thing.

Speaker 4 (45:28):
Like.

Speaker 3 (45:28):
It drives me insane the days when we're like, okay,
we've got bolonnais for the kids for dinner and they
come home MAT's eating it for lunch, and I'm like,
you sought dinner, nowt that's on you. That is your responsibility,
because two days of dinner is now gone because you
eat three times the amount that these kids eat. I
think the problem is is that in some households, obviously
the burden of doing all the grocery shopping and everything

(45:50):
else lies on the female, like lies on the woman,
lies on the mum, and if she's buying all of
the things that he also wants as adult snacks, and
she's buying all that shit, and then he's just like
you know, cherry picking whatever he wants. Oh, I don't
feel like my adult thing today, so I'm going to
eat the kid's tiny teddies. But you know that the
kids are only going to eat the tiny teddies and
then you're out of options for them. It's just another

(46:11):
thing that then she has to manage. I'm kind of like, cool, Yes,
you could absolutely buy extra. I think that that probably
would help to solve the problem. However, I do think
that if there is not enough of something left, he
should not be just taking it because it's there, Like
that's the unreasonable part.

Speaker 2 (46:26):
The difference is if he goes to the cove and
there's one less snack left, and you have one child
that's about to go to school, and he knows that
he could either take it and the child doesn't get
their snack. Like, yes, that's a problem. It's very selfish.
He's literally taking his small child's food.

Speaker 1 (46:41):
I think this is so related. But I think if
he just.

Speaker 2 (46:43):
Like Ben really recently got into when we were staying
with Jans and Maya. No he so I actually got
me into it too. Maya loves Baby Bell cheese. You
know the little cheeses.

Speaker 1 (46:55):
Yeah, the red plus.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
Well, we're both addicted to them now and I had
to control myself from eat them because they were Mayas
and I was like, I want to eat these. So
Ben was the same. I was like, Ben, you need
to stop eating the cheese because for the small child
that like, we can't eat them. There's something about children's
snacks that's enticing. I understand it.

Speaker 3 (47:12):
Maybe it's like a case of like, you go, Okay,
I've bought these ones for you, I've written your name
on them.

Speaker 1 (47:16):
Don't touch the ones that's for the kids.

Speaker 3 (47:17):
And the reason for that is because then I don't
know how many I have left for school lunches, and
it increases my mental loath, like it's an annoying thing
that I have to be checking because when I purchased that,
I budgeted them for kid lunches.

Speaker 4 (47:29):
I can't stop laughing because right now I'm picturing your
husband turning up. I'm just picturing an office job. Don't
know if he has one, but I'm picturing him turning
up with his rip cool lunch box, opening it with
poor patrol yogurt and his name written on it.

Speaker 1 (47:41):
I think it's a growtherfucker.

Speaker 2 (47:43):
Oh no, you don't have to grow up. Snacks are fine.
Let's not shame the man from eating snacks. I think
that's Okay's shaming from stealing his child's food.

Speaker 3 (47:50):
But the other thing as well is like you're a
grown up, you can go to a cafe or you
can like you can get other things.

Speaker 1 (47:57):
I just think that it's not about the snacks.

Speaker 3 (47:59):
It's about increasing the mental load of having to be
more organized and like running out of things before you
expect to run out of them.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
That pisss you off as.

Speaker 3 (48:07):
A parent, as a mum, I this is like, don't
go for Matt because he's a fucking wonderful man, but
last night he drove me absolutely insane. So I was
like sitting with the kids and I was doing dinner
with them. So and Lola gets too distracted. And I
know she probably could feed herself she's four, but I
have to sit with her and I have to feed
her to make sure that she's actually eating, because otherwise
she'll just get up and run around the house.

Speaker 1 (48:28):
Is zero attention span.

Speaker 3 (48:30):
Anyway, I'd been feeding her, she like got up, she said,
you need to go to the toilet, and so she
went to the toilet, and she was like taking her
sweet hours time to come back. And so because she
wasn't at the food, I was like distracted doing other
stuff and Matt sat down and just assumed she was
finished and started eating a dinner and I was like.

Speaker 1 (48:46):
Sorry, sorry, and he just finished the bowl of past her.

Speaker 3 (48:49):
It was just gone and there was like at least
five mouthls left that Lola. And I was like, you,
you don't get to tap out of dinner time and
then just come and eat it because you assumed it.

Speaker 1 (48:59):
Was left overs. I was like, I actually have nothing
left in my body.

Speaker 5 (49:04):
She'll only need to learn once. If you don't quick,
you don't need it all.

Speaker 2 (49:07):
This is the problem. She didn't care. I care.

Speaker 3 (49:10):
She doesn't care at all, and like she's full, and
she she was like quite thrilled by the whole thing.
But I was the one that was like doing the
bribery of like three mile mouthfuls and you can have
a jelly bean.

Speaker 1 (49:19):
And then Matt just came and ate it all.

Speaker 3 (49:21):
Do you know what a growing up as a kid,
I like learned that you can't save the best thing
for last.

Speaker 1 (49:25):
You know, some kids will like save the bacon.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
I save the best.

Speaker 1 (49:29):
My dad would always eat it.

Speaker 3 (49:31):
If you pushed it to the side of the plate,
he go, oh, you're not eat that, And before you
had a second to say like that was my favorite part,
it would be gone, and so I'm like still traumatized.
So now the best thing on the plate gets eaten.
First prawn pasta. Every prawn has eaten before the past.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
I still to this day will save whatever I think
is the best mouthful. I make sure my last mouthful
is that. I'll put that to the side and that
will be what I have to finish on, like the
most pristine tape.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
But that's because your dad didn't eat your food.

Speaker 4 (49:58):
I'm the office in case I get too full and
then I can't enjoy it because I'm too full.

Speaker 2 (50:03):
I'm Lola.

Speaker 3 (50:04):
Yeah, yeahs out of.

Speaker 1 (50:06):
Here, all right, guys, that is it from us.

Speaker 3 (50:08):
If you have any questions to ask you cut slide
on into the DMS so that we can answer them.

Speaker 1 (50:12):
If you also have a snack thief husband, please let
us know.

Speaker 5 (50:16):
Your picture of your husband with the snacks.

Speaker 2 (50:18):
No, we don't need a picture of our husband with
a snack.

Speaker 3 (50:21):
It's the real hard hitting stuff here that we want
to unpack. Just slide into the DMS. We also have
Life on Cut discussion group which is on Facebook if
you want to join in and add anything to the conversation.

Speaker 1 (50:30):
And you can watch all of the episodes on YouTube

Speaker 2 (50:33):
And remember Timm too, dog, two friends and shed a
love because we love love

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Ask Uncut - "I've Been Completely Excluded From My Friendship Group"

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ask Uncut - "I've Been Completely Excluded From My Friendship Group"