October 11, 2023 • 42 mins
First up, may we please ask you for a hot little sec to vote for us in the Australian Podcast Awards Listener's choice?!
Laura has been getting down to cocomelon sound tracks and it's official; we're not envious of her sex life! She mentioned the episode we did with Johann Hari last year and it's a banger. If you'd like to listen to it, you can here - This One Is For The Scatterbrains
Vibes:
Britt - Paramount plus show - Special Ops Lioness
Laura - News app Feedly
Then we jump into your deep, dark and burning questions.
- I received a save the date for a friend’s wedding a year ago, the wedding is at end of this October and haven’t yet received a formal invite (currently beginning of October), even though I know other people going to the wedding have received theirs. I have drifted from this friend over the past year and would not be upset if I was no longer invited, as I am currently planning my own wedding and am having a very hard time with my own guest list. My question is: do I say anything? Do I get my other friends to ask on my behalf? Or do I just leave it?
-
This listener is living abroad and loving her life, but the dating scene there is grim.
“I’m turning 30 this year and I know it shouldn’t and is stupid but it weighs heavily on my mind. I can’t stop doing the biological clock maths. I will go home in a few years anyway, but my dilema is should I go home early now to meet someone. I love my life here at the moment and although I’d be happy at home, moving right now would be purely for that reason. For context I’ve always enjoyed dating in my home city.
Is it silly to base such a huge decision on finding love, or is it realistic and worth it to make the decision for love?
I feel as if all my friends back home are getting engaged and coupled up and like I’m missing the boat.
-
I'm a 33 year old female whose brother was diagnosed with late stage cancer a couple of years ago. I'm heavily involved in treatment and support and have put my life on the back burner to focus on him and support my family for the last couple of years. I've put dating on the back burner and have a real desire to meet someone but I carry with me a very heavy heavy life and responsibilities which a lot of people aren't looking for - especially on the dating apps, where they often say things like "I want someone who doesn't take life too seriously" I just don't know how to navigate dating when my life has been consumed by sadness and hospitals the last few years.. How do I approach that with people I date? Any advice is so appreciated
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
past and present.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on Drug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome back
to another episode of Life un Cut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany,
and this is ask gun Cut, where we answer You're deep,
(00:31):
you're dark, and you're burning questions and we do our
best to answer them. You have just been saying to
this morning, you've got something funny to ask me? No,
anything funny? Yeah, completely, that never happened. I want to
ask you, okay, it's not actually funny. It was just
a conundrum that I had on the plane the other day.
Where did you even get that from? I feel like.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
We've been in a washing machine and I don't even
know how to explain because I've never done this, right,
I have never done mushrooms or listener Jenny on record,
I've never even tried it.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Have you never? Now?
Speaker 1 (01:03):
But I feel like this is what it feels like.
I don't have any concept of time. I don't know
what is real and what has been in my sleep?
And I think that's because like we're in the middle
of our tour around the country and we're just one
hundred miles an hour. We've been doing international interviews, which
means we're doing interviews at like ten at night. We're
doing them at six thirty in the morning, like to
fit in with time zones.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
I don't know what ways up right now. Okay, let
me tell you this. What you're experiencing is anxiety. And
mushrooms are a lot more fun. Haaa. They are much
better than this feeling. But anyway, so that's my twenties. Guys.
I am a mom now. I don't do none of
that stuff. I'm well behaved. That is absolutely going to
end up on Daily Mail.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I find turned down. I hang on, before we get
into this.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Do you know what We've all got a past. Everyone's
done things in their past. Jelick was it? I mean, yeah, Well,
I mean I'm a good girl too.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Now lies fingers toast cross.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
What's your question?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
No, before we get into it, we keep forgetting to
say this. It's our tiny bit of housekeeping. But the
Australian Podcast Awards done because I feel like I feel
like every other year we're like can you guys please
vote for us. But again, this whole magic mushroom hallucination
thing means that.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Can I just say we are not endorsing or promoting
or recommending. That's not what I've ever done it.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
I'm definitely not recommending it. But I believe there's only
a few days left to vote, and I think that's
why we went into panic mode and we're like, let's
talk about it right now at the start of the episode.
If you have two little seconds, if you've ever loved
a podcast episode we've ever done over the last four years,
it would mean a lot to us if you can
just jump on the Australian Podcast Awards and vote for
us in a Listener's Choice award. All you have to
(02:38):
do is type in Life Uncut for Listener's Choice and
then you just confirm that vote in your email. And genuinely, Laura,
I know he's going to offer you a puppy if
you do it. She does it every year from he
never delivers the puppies.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
You know, Britt has a lot of puppies to give
out because this is like three years now of puppies,
but this could be the year that happens. If you vote,
you might get a puppy.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
You are breadcrumbing them to thinking that they're gonna get
a puppy.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
No, but not seriously.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
It's it is the big award for our industry. We
only get one a year and it's the one that
means the most to us, and you know, it helps
us keep going.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
It's the poor Man Oscars of the podcasting world, is
what it is. You know, I know we say this
every year, but like, podcasting is such a weird little world.
It's this insular, cool little world where we work in silos,
we get to like interview incredible people, but we sit
basically at the moment, we're sitting in Britney's loundry recording.
But it's the one time of year that everyone from
(03:30):
our industry all comes out of their dark little audio
caves and we're all together and we get to celebrate
what is such a fucking incredible medium. And the reason
why I mean, I'm gonna get sentimental here, but the
reason why I think podcasting is so special is because
when we started life on cart there were and are
(03:50):
very few opportunities in media for women, especially within radio. Right,
Like you can count on one hand how many female
radio hosts there are within the country. So podcast was
always a platform for which women could have a voice
and be able to put out content because there wasn't
anywhere else to do it. That's why we have you know,
the juggernauts like Mum and me. That's why Shameless existed.
(04:11):
It was a place in which women could hear women speak.
And then when we started it, we were talking about
dating and relationships. And we started off doing this podcast
at a time where there weren't really any other dating
and relationship podcasts in Australia. There really weren't. Like we
came in four and a half years ago at a
time where that topic of conversation wasn't as prolific.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
And I remember I remember everyone telling me I was
crazy and not to do a podcast. I remember when
I said to people, I'm doing a podcast, especially because
I was working in a hospital, like it's not like
I was in the media world, and it was like
a little side step. This was like a climb over
Mount Everest. I remember people going, don't do it, what
even is that? Like, no one listens to podcasts, and
(04:52):
we were like, no, we.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Have a dream, we believe in it. We have a passion.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
We want to help people, and I'm so glad we
did it because four years here we are doing live
shows and still bring you the podcast every day and
we love it just as much, if not more totally.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
And the media landscape has changed. It has changed so
much in that podcasting was the stepping stone to allow
us to get a job within radio, and I think
that that is now shifting. Podcasting has been so instrumental
in showing mainstream media that women's voices count, and that
women's stories count, and that not just women want to
hear women, but everyone want to hear women talk. So
(05:26):
that's my little appreciation for the world of podcasting. But
if you guys, do if you get a second of
your day, stop listening. Go on to the ustream, but
stop listening, do simultaneously it just pause for one second
so you can concentrate putting your vote for life on
cut and then you have to confirm that vote in
your emails or it doesn't count. Now, I didn't have
a question for you, but I do have a little
(05:47):
bit of a story for you, So I know. I
talk about it all the time about how much having
kids has changed my relationship in some ways incredibly so,
like it's changed my relationship for the better. Having kids
with Matt, I think overwhelmingly has shown me what a
top notch human he is. But also it's made me
feel more secure in my relationship in terms of like
(06:07):
we're now doing it together. But the one thing that
it has fundamentally changed is my sex life. Also, it
has changed desire. One of the things I missed the
most is like, fuck, I miss wanting to have sex, Like.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
I used to close off, stroll on the bed anywhere anytime.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Like I remember my desire that I had when I
was in my twenties. And I don't mean desire for
a person, I mean my desire to be sexual. My
desire to have sex was like, yeah, let's do it,
you know, like a horny little twenty year old. And
then literally me now yes. And then you have children
and because you're touched out and you're tired, and you're
overwhelmed and you're overworked and you're doing three hundred things
(06:46):
at once, that literally exits your body. It just levitates
up to the sky and vanishes, and your eye up
in the Sahara man I we are trying to be
a bit more consistent with our sex life.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Right, I think congratulations, I love after you, thank you.
If I had a machine here, right, would slow.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Clap you could slow clack me anyway, Yeah, I did. So.
It's really hard because when you know at nighttime we'll
probably work until late and then you know there's no
spontaneity to it. That's the big issue, right, like when
it comes to your sex, like there's zero spontaneity. Quickly,
let's just do it now, we're in bed before we
fall asleep. Yeah, and then it goes like seven minutes
you're already tired, and then you're like, oh, I can
(07:25):
get the mood anyway. So we were at home on
the weekend and we had both the kids, because that's
the other thing when do you have sex, because you've
got two children constantly with you all the time. He's
got to be with them. And it was Saturday lunchtime,
and I don't know why, but the desigre hit me.
It came back and we were like, you know, getting
not frisky. But we're in the bedroom, the kids were downstairs,
(07:47):
and then Marley's yelling out for nutral grain or something else,
which is just it's not the type of distraction. That's
going to help you get in the mood. Put it
that way. And so Matt was like, why don't we
just put on something on the TV, just like have
a quickie. And I was like, because they're wide awake,
like they literally could come up any moment. He was like, no,
we just we'll put on Cocomela and that shit for
a second, that shit is crack. We'll put on cocomelon.
(08:08):
They'll stay down there, they won't even think about it.
And I was like, okay, So and for me, that
seems really risky because our house is quite open. The
kids could walk in the bedroom anytime. We don't have
a lock on our door. So he puts on Cocomela
and he puts the kids in front of the TV
and he runs upstairs and he's like, Okay, we've got
a really short period of time. So we do it.
But whilst we're in the midst of doing it, all
(08:28):
I can hear is mister son Son, mister golden Son,
is that crazy? I don't know? Down on me? And
then I hear Lola mister shang shang again sun yelling
like singing at the top of her voice. That's like,
let my golden sun shine down on you, Laura, let
me shine, let it rain down. At this moment where
(08:51):
dawned on me, I was like the soundtrack of my
past sex life would have been like some some late
nice slow music put on, like pay some Barry why anything,
and now I'm fucking to cocomelon at one o'clock in
the day.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Who would have thought, definitely not the maker of cocamelon,
that coca melon will be helping parents have sex since
two thousand and twenty two's been around for a little bit,
like yea twenty eighteen.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Maybe it's been around for a while.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Maybe technicality or I was just joke, that's uh that
is Maybe he's a thought like the creator of coca
melon was someone in a sexless marriage because they had
kids and they were like, fuck, you know what, we
need to develop crack so that our kids sit in
the round room for more than twenty minutes at a
time so we.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Can have sex. Maybe that's happened. You couldn't pretty much
do an hour long session if you put cocomelon on
those kids. It's like their eyeballs just get sucked into
the TV. Do you worry that there's like it's melting
their brain you like, No.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Like Jonestown where it's those subliminal messages that Have you
seen the episode of The Simpsons where there were subliminal
messages on the TV political Did have you seen that episode?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
No? What if there were? Because you probably don't sit
for an hour watch cocomelon. What if? Like they're brain
washing our children? No? No, no, no, the kids watch it.
I've seen everything's on it. Don't think they're brainwashing their
children unless it's brush their teeth and wash their bodies properly.
But it is, Brittany, do you know what it is?
It's because so I mean, fuck, if you don't have kids,
this is porn chat. But cocomelan, actually no, it's not.
(10:13):
The reason why cocomelan is so addictive to children is
because it works off the same premise as TikTok. So
the content so every single frame, for example, the picture
that's on the screen, each frame changes within something like
ten to fifteen seconds, so the kids are constantly being
re engaged by a new image that's on screen, and
obviously it retains their attention. But it works on the
(10:36):
same algorithm as say something like TikTok where it's like
this constant feed of new content keeps you engaged for longer,
and it also means that their attention spans are getting
smaller and smaller, and that's why it's quite problematic.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Well, I was going to say to me, that sounds problematic,
and we know that the reason TikTok existed, Like we
don't have a short attention span because of things like TikTok.
TikTok exists because we have a short attention span because
of this cumulity growth of social media where we do
lose our attention span over the years. I think it's
really problematic. Like I think back to when I was
a kid, your parents would PLoP you in front of
(11:09):
like a three hour movie like Fantasia or something like that,
member Fantasia, which gave me nimaues for the rest of
my life, like so good and the Mickey Mouse character
was conducting and the ocean.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Was going up and anyway, anyone doesn't know what Fantasia is.
But for anyone who does know what Fantasia is, you
have nims. You haven't a real walk down memory lane
right now.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
But we would sit there for three hours and it
wasn't switching frames every two seconds. Our attention span because
of things like social media has completely changed. So now
we're conditioning our kids' attention spans to change from Cokemela
at like.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Two years old. Do you know what if you haven't
heard the interview we did with Johann Hari, we actually
interviewed him Keisha and I while you were away last year,
brit He speaks so much about this concept of stolen
attention and how our attention is being degraded and that
it is not actually our fault. It's all these forces
working against us, which we really derail this conversation because yes,
(12:00):
it's working against us. But let me tell you, for
that seven minutes, it was very, very very Useful's seven minutes.
I can't wait to have sex? I when are you?
You just go away? Yes, it's not till Christmas. It's
my Christmas present. Yeah, you're not having sex to like December,
although my parents are coming over for Christmas to Scotland
(12:22):
with Ben to meets Ben's family and stuff, which is amazing,
but it also means they're going to be in next
door in the two bedroom apartment. Is the apartment big
enough and the wall's thick enough so that you cannot
do something else that's thick enough.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Well, recently, when I was at Ben's house in Scotland,
my sister and her husband, so Sherry and Jay, they
live in Scotland now, so they came and stayed at
Ben's house and they were next door, and we thought
we'd put it to the test, and they definitely heard
some some some squeaking coming out.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
So I think I'm gonna have to rein it in
with the parents are there. I couldn't think of anything
worse than having my dad accidentally hear me have sex.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Ill, Yes, there's nothing worse like that would be it
that my dad's coming to our podcast live show and
the things we talk about in the stories we tell
it the live show pretty questionable.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
So we're gonna have to give him some mere pods.
If you've seen the videos, Brittany's dad gets to watch
me get fisted on stage by Brittany. Wow, they're gonna
think this is like a wild section. Also, that is
your reminder if you haven't got your tickets yet, this
is coming out on Thursday morning, So we're gonna be
in Perth tonight. We're actually like we're recording this episode
(13:28):
on Wednesday at BRIT's house. We fly out to Perth
this evening and we'll be on stage in Perth tonight.
Then we have Sunday in Sydney and then next week
we've got Gold Costs. It's still it's wild. There's still
six more shows to go, so if you haven't got
your tickets, you can get them from life on cupodcast
dot com dot you as well. Anyway, let's get into
vibes and unsubscribes for the week. I'm going to kick
(13:50):
it off.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
I don't unsubscribe from a lot of things, which makes
me feel like I'm a good person, like not a
lot to piss me off.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
But that's not true though, No, it's absolutely you're just
faking it. Yeah, I was an angry person yesterday. Anyway.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
My vibe this week is from Paramount Plus.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Now.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
I don't know if everyone has Paramount but I think
I ended up downloading every single streaming surface ever over
the last couple of years, so now I feel like
I have every single one I share them with. Yeah,
it's it's actually bad, but it's on Paramount Plus and
it is called Lioness Special Ops. Actually it's called Special
Ops Lioness. Now it's got Nicole Kidman in it. You
might have seen it. They actually did a heap of
pr a couple.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Of months ago. I'm talking like.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Buses all over every city had like Nicole Kidman's face
on it and the Lioness faces on it. It's Zoe
Saldana is the other main character in it. Now it's
like a CIA operative kind of vibe.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
But it's all women.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
So the idea around this is it's a special ops team.
And the reason it's called Lionesses is because they're all Lionesses.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
They're all women.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
They're all these fierce women that get put into these
crazy situations and have to like save the world, basically
go under cover.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
I was really loving it.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Obviously there's male characters in the show, but I love
the premise that I was being created around all these
kick ass women.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
It's really cool. What does Nicole Kimmen do in it? Like,
what is she a role? She's like the head of CIA,
of the operative team.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
So she oversees Zoe Saldana, who then oversees another operative.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
I really like Nicole Kimmen. Matt can't stand on so
I always have to try and like encourage him to
watch things that she's in. Interesting. She's brilliant.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
I mean she's not if you want to get Matt
to watch it. She is, believe it or not, not
the main character. She's definitely a supporting character, but she's
not the bell and end all of this one, which
is pretty cool.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
All right, Well my vibe for the week. I have
been bringing you guys some apps recently, and I have
one that I use all the time and I absolutely love.
And it is called Feedley. Now, that's f dly sounds
like a delivery food service. No, it's not Feedley. It's
a news feed. It's an aggregator. Now, there's two reasons
why you would use Feedley. One is if you feel
(15:52):
quite overwhelmed by the news cycle and you don't want
to constantly be dipping into, like if there's specific things
that you want to find, and you don't want to
have to constantly be trudging through the news cycle, which
is just honestly, at the moment, it is very devastating
with what's happening in Israel, and if you need to
have a little bit of respite from that, what it
lets you do is it lets you curate your news
(16:12):
feed So I actually use it as someone who is
a you know, quote unquote small business owner and someone
who's very interested in marketing and advertising and how to
develop and grow business. What I do is I use
feed Ley. You create a folder in there and you
can say, okay, I want all the articles from say
the New York Times, from The Guardian or whatever other
subscriptions you might have there. It's also free news outlets
(16:35):
as well that you can pick and choose and you go,
I want every article that has to do with marketing
to put into this folder. I want every article that
has to do with retail to go into this folder.
So it means instead of having to go online and
trudge through all of the news that's out there in
the world to find very specific sources, you just click
into your feedbly app and then it's all there with
(16:55):
your specific news that you want to read. This is
absolutely not sponsored. It's just something that I find very,
very very useful if I want to stay up to
date on a specific topic or a specific type of content,
and I don't want to have to read every single
fucking thing that's coming out in the world.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
So it's feely this time and like this day and
age with what's happening in the world. We've done episodes
on this before where it can be so overwhelming when
you see some of the news that's happening, especially right now,
it is absolutely flooding our feeds totally.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
And so for example, like if you're like obsessed with
Taylor Swift, you could just have a folder that says
Taylor Swift. It'll give you all the Tailor Swift news articles.
You know, it's kind of like having Google alerts, but
you can set those up in it as well. But
at the same time, it's just a really really smart
and efficient aggregator. And it also means that if you
do work in a business where people have similar interests
and you want to share similar news articles, you can
(17:44):
actually share those folders with them so you're all across
the same content. Sounds good. I really recommend it. It
is brilliant.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Question number one long story short I received to save
the date for friends wedding a year ago. The wedding
is at the end of October, so very soon, and
I haven't yet received a formal invite. It is the
beginning of October. Even though I know other people going
to the wedding have received theirs.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
I have drifted from.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
This friend a little bit over the past year, and
I would not be upset if I was no longer invited.
As I am currently planning my own wedding and I'm
having a very hard time with my own guest list.
My question is do I say anything about this? Do
I get my other friends to ask on my behalf?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Do I just leave it? Do I turn up to
the wedding.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Basically, she got to save the date, but they never
got the actual invite.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
What did you just go I'm dying. You're not invited. No,
you're not invited. Yeah, you're not invited. I yeah, there's
been a change of there's been a like flip and switch. Yeah,
I did flip. This happened to me. This happened to me.
I did this to someone. Am I wedding? Oh fucked? Yeah.
But I ended up messaging them and telling them. But
it was probably a bit too close to the actual wedding.
If you have not received an actual physical invitation and
(18:53):
no correspondence, no website link, no like RSVP, no prompts,
and nothing, you're not invited to that wedding. And it
could be that maybe they sent out to save the
dates and then you know, a year later they had
to cut a couple people because you've got the cut.
Or maybe it's because, like you said, you guys have
started to lose touch a little bit, and the bride's like, well,
I've barely heard from her since I sent this. I
(19:14):
sent you a saved the date and you've not even
contacted me once since then. So the bride might be thinking, well,
you're not really as committed to this friendship as what
you know, I thought you were. Whatever her reasons.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Are, they're in the same group though, so other friends,
it's awkward like you're in the same It's like you
getting invited to Keisha's wedding and not me, and I'm like, oh, she.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Told me to look that date out, do I know?
I think the thing that's different here is that the
friendship has started to erode, like you're not as close
to them anymore and you haven't seen them for a
long time. Is it okay for you to send a
message and ask? Absolutely? I think that though the way
to frame this message is like, hey, so and so,
I do not want you to think that it's a problem.
(19:53):
It is absolutely, so fine, I just wanted to let
you know that in case I was supposed to receive
an invitation, I haven't. But I also totally understand that
numbers may have changed and you've maybe made a different decision.
Absolutely no hard feelings. I just would hate to have
missed it if you were sending it. That's all I
just think. Don't say nah, I think nothing. She hasn't
invited you. I don't think you have to say just
(20:15):
confirming the uninvite. I can confirm that I will not
be coming to the invitation you didn't send. I don't
think you need to do that. I think you haven't
been invited. Don't go. Okay, what if what if the
very unlikely thing happens, and that is that she just
didn't get the invitation. What if it got lost in
the mail.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Because you need to confirm numbers for a wedding. You've
got sit down meals, you've got seating, you've got you
have to confirm who's coming.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
So she would have said, sorry.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
I haven't got your confirmation yet. I just need to
finalize their numbers.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Because are you coming? Are you coming? You're not going,
You're not going, You're not going.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
The only other thing you can do is say like
it's just a message and be like, I'm so sorry,
I'm not able to make the wedding. I'm actually going
to be away with my grandma whatever. She's going to
be away, have the best time. Because then she thinks, oh,
she thinks she's invited, but she can't make it. That
saves me from any awkwardness. It saves you from awkwardness
or fucking just don't saying I don't know if she
(21:11):
you're going to see her, she's in your friend group.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
I don't know if it would save you from any awkwardness.
I think if anything, I would realize that that person
was sending it as like a fuck you, like hey,
so sorry, I can't come to your wedding, and then
the person who wedding it is is like, oh, you
would invite. I've changed my mind. You've got to I
just learned back and ruminated. You have to say something.
This is the most confusing advice. No, it's funny, it's awkward.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
You have to say something. The reason is because even
if the something is have the best wedding.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
I'm wishing you all the love and happiness in the.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
World because you are still friends, right, you might not
be the closest of friends, but you're gonna see her again.
You're in the same group, and at the end of
the day, it's not like this hard feelings. It's the
awkwardness of just you didn't know if you were going,
but like you said, you don't care, so it's not
like you're hating on the girl.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
She's not hating on you.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
Weddings are really hard to like pin down numbers expensive,
so I think I think just a message of hey,
I have the best weekend, I'm wishing you all to love,
I can't wait to see the pictures, I can't wait
to catch up with you in the future, and hear
all about it. It's just something really nice that you
actually genuinely would say. Anyway, then she doesn't feel awkward.
She'll write back, thank you so much, I can't wait
(22:17):
to see whatever. And I just think it just takes
away from a little bit. But don't say, am I
still am arted?
Speaker 2 (22:21):
So what you're saying is be the bigger person.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
But I don't think it, nah, I don't think it's
about being a bigger person. Like at the end of
the day, you know you're not that close to friends anymore.
And I've been really serious here. You know you're not
that close to friends anymore, but that doesn't mean you're
actually not an acquaintance or a friend, and you share
a lot of similarities in life, obviously, I think the
nice thing to do is just wish them luk. Like
I have been in that position before, where like I've
been friendly enough with someone that I see them all
(22:45):
the time, but I didn't go to their wedding, And
that's what I did. I just messaged and said, have
the best time ever, Like, because I mean it, I'm
like everyone you want anyone you.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Know to have the best day of the life of
the wedding. Yeah, but there is a little bit of like,
fuck you send me say the date. Okay, here's my
reverse question. Can you do it if you send someone
to save the date and then you just say you
sent them a year ago, and then since you sent
that save the date, you've barely heard from them, They've
barely checked in, they've shown no interest in the wedding,
and they've shown no interest in your life. Can you simply,
(23:15):
when it comes to sending out your invitations just not
send it to them? Because I think this would happen
way more than what we expect. Yes, she can. She
did it, but like, is the bride in the wrong
for doing that or is it like do you know what? No,
I don't think so, because a year is a long time.
She changes, shit changes, she goes down, she goes up,
she goes sideway.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
There is a lot that can happen in a year period,
and this probably is the best way to go about it,
because what are your options, right?
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Your options are I.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Feel the bride you just don't follow up with the
actual invitation, or you have to confront the person and say, hey,
I'm so sorry, we had to cut numbers and you've
been on the chopping block, Like they're your options. So
I think that I think she took the safer, smoother,
less confronting option of just like I just won't follow
through a VIMVA.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
It's like, I'm sorry, but out of the one hundred
people that I had invited, you are the one person
who can't make it. You were at the very periphery
of the friendship group. That's where you sit in terms
of priorities. No, look, I think people can do it.
I do think it makes things awkward, but weddings make
things awkward anyway, like there's always going to be something
or someone who's got a little b in their bonnet
(24:20):
when it comes to organizing weddings. Do you think I should? Elope? Nah,
You'll never Elope, You'll have a wedding. We've spoke. I've
spoken about eloping. You have spoken about eloping, but you've
also spoken about having Bloody Lewis.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Capaldi play at your weddinge with Lewis Capaldy Laura put
and two together.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
I could not imagine you eloping, I think, And also
do you know what I always thought I would alope?
And then looking back, I no, you could, Elope, absolutely,
But I think looking back on how much fun it
is to stand in front of your family and your friends,
it really was a very different experience to what I
thought it would be. It was so special and I'm
(24:56):
such a wedding cynic, like I'm the person who couldn't
care less about wedding's, never really got all Google gaga
at them. And then when I actually got to be
there with all the people I love and do it
with the man I love, it was just fucking it
was amazing.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
It was best a live stream to everyone's talk about
one extreme together. Oh, either a lope alone with her livestream.
All right, let's get into question number two. All right,
question number two.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
I'm an expat living in a country and a city
town where dating is a complete pile of shit.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
I'd love to know where you are, like every city ever.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Basic, No, there's places better than others. She goes on
to say that she reckons ninety percent of the people
who are in the town are either expats who are
traveling themselves. Most of the people that she's been on
dates with don't have values that align with her, and
she's really looking for her penguin. She wants to be
with someone long term now. She hasn't planned on moving
home yet. She was going to stay traveling and working
(25:50):
for quite a bit longer. But this is the dilemma.
I'm turning thirty this year, and I know it shouldn't
matter and it's stupid, but it weighs heavily on my mind.
I keep thinking about my biological clock. I was going
to go home in a few years anyway, But my
dilemma is this, Should I go home early now with
the intention to meet someone? I love? My life here
at the moment and although I'd be happy at home,
(26:11):
moving right now would be purely for that reason. The
only reason I would be moving back would be with
the intention of trying to meet a long term partner.
For context, I've always enjoyed dating in my home city.
Is it silly to base such a huge decision on
finding love or is it realistic and worth it to
make that decision for love? I feel as if all
my friends back home are getting engaged and coupled up
(26:31):
and I'm missing the boat with love your perspective on this.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
I actually don't think this is a silly question. Well,
this girl that wrote this in this paragraphs a lot right.
She gave us a lot of backgrounds that we sort
of cut through. But I do not think that this
is a silly question.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
There are definitely cities.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Around the world and towns around the world that are
going to be easier to date and meet people or
harder to date and meet people, and that might fall
under many categories, Like you can be in a big city,
for example, I'm going to say New York, and I'm
going to say New York because I know people that
to New York who said dating.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Is actually really hard.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Places like New York is a huge city. The population
is there, but a lot of people in New York
don't want to settle down.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
And now this is just a real blanket statement.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
But people are there because it's the city that never sleeps,
and they're there for the excitement and to churn through dates,
to meet new people, to have fun, to party, and
the same goes with a small town. You might go
to a small town. They're not there to party.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
But the pool is smaller.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
I've definitely moved towns before for that reason. Even my
hometown of Port Macquarie, I lived there my whole life.
It's a really small town and I knew everyone. I
wanted bigger things for work and career, but also I
wanted to meet new people, so that was a huge
part of the reason that I moved. My advice here
for you is, I don't necessarily think you should run
(27:47):
home to your hometown, because you did say you're still
enjoying being away and working and traveling, but you want
to find love and that's not going to happen there.
My suggestion would be, maybe moved to a new city
so you're still away, you're still traveling, you're still living
in a home. You're not going back home to your
hometown to settle down and getting to that. I want
to say monotony, because that is what will happen once
you go back home.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Well, it's not just it's not less so monotony, but
it is like the reliable you know, it's like you
know exactly the outcome. Well, actually you don't necessarily, but
you have a good idea of what that outcome will be.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Absolutely, So my advice would be, why don't you try
a new city somewhere else. Maybe it's someone you've never been,
Maybe you don't know anyone, Maybe you have a friend
in a city that you do know. It's one friend,
one person, But why don't you try that a new
environment with new people, new people on dating apps, new
work environment, and then see how that goes before you
just rush home to settle down and hope to meet
(28:39):
someone back in your owntown.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
That's I think that's what I would do in that position. Yeah,
I totally agree with you, Britt, But I also think
for me, this whole conversation comes down to two things.
The first one is that it's priorities. What is the
biggest priority for you? If you're saying that you're thinking
about your biological clock all the time you're thinking about
wanting to be in a relationship, that that's something that
really is front and center of your mind. Are you
able to enjoy your time where you are in a
(29:03):
town where you say that dating is absolutely like just abominal,
that you don't think you'd ever be able to meet
someone there. And if that's the case, if that's impacting
your ability to enjoy your time there, then yeah, I
think it is probably time to move on. I totally
agree that it doesn't necessarily mean that needs to be
back home to comfort and to routine and to whatever
town it is where you think dating is safer and
(29:24):
has been better for you. I think that there are
other options to explore first. But the other thing I
think that you have to be careful of when you're
making these decisions is nothing is guaranteed. You might move
home and you might think that that's where you're going
to find someone and settle down, and it might take
you years to find someone in that town. You know,
it's not that black and white, and it's not necessarily
(29:44):
as oh, I'm just going to go back to this
place and then I'll find a husband and I'll do
XYZ because yeah, you might end up getting into a
relationship that person could be an absolute flog as well.
I think sometimes when we prioritize the want and the
absolute need and we fret over our biological clas too much,
what happens is that we then run the risk of settling.
(30:04):
We run the risk of dating someone and they're good
enough because we are comparing ourselves to people who are
getting married, We're comparing our cells to people who are
having babies, and we're worried about missing out on that
that we're not necessarily choosing the right person who's going
to give us the things that we need and require
in a relationship. We're choosing the relationship because it's the
time of life that we want it in. So that's
(30:25):
something that I think you have to be really, really
mindful of. But I would say I know, and I
don't want to dismiss anyone's fears around turning thirty, because
we've had many conversations about how age is something that
women have to consider, and also how once you feel
like your biological clock is ticking and it's yelling at you,
there's not much else that you know it's really hard
to break out of the head noise around it. But
(30:48):
when you're thirty years old, you still have other options
around you as well. Go and get your fertility checked too.
We've spoken about that heaps with you, brit find out
where that sits for you. You know, do you have
great fertility? Do you want to freeze your egg? And
if so, where would you do that? Are there other
options before completely removing yourself from this like exhilarating time
of life where you get to experience and be in
(31:09):
this completely new place and meet new people, to go
home and be in a place that's safe and routine driven.
I think explore those opportunities first before you put all
your eggs into the one basket of like I'm going
home to find myself husband.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Yeah, and I do think you can do all things simultaneously.
I don't think you have to be like, this is
my priority now, so I'll sacrifice everything else in my
life totally. My priority is love, relationships, and commitments, So
I'm going to move away from everything else that makes
me happy. You can find a happy medium where you
can do all the things at once. I mean, I
feel like I have found that it's not easy because
(31:42):
my happy mediums on the other side of the world.
But I still found love, and I still get to
live in the city that I love right now, and
I'm still doing a job I love.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I just to reiterate what Laura.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
Said, I think I have changed my opinion a little
bit over the years, like, well, thirty is just a number.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Yes, thirty is so young.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Yes, I think of Laura and I went on The
Bachelor at thirty, Like we had this conversation.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Without I was thirty one. Yeah, we had.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
I've got this conversation the other day with that co
host Mits Churry on the radio, a private conversation about
you know, how he he also wants to meet someone
he's gone through a breakup and he feels, you know,
he made the thing of you know, I'm nearly twenty eight,
almost like he was not keeping.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Up to the societal timeline. And then we sort of
said that to him.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
We were like, well, hang on, think of how much
Laura and I have done and gone through. We started
The Bachelor at thirty and thirty one, Like we just
started this journey, and you guys have been along the
podcast journey with us for four and a half years.
You know how much we've both been through in that time.
So we're in We're thirty six now. It is just
a number, but I want to reiterate that now as
(32:41):
someone that's going through the fertility journey and it's not easy,
and I've realized it's going to be a struggle. It
is important to check it. And it's a number, but
the biological clock exists.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
It fucking sucks. It exists.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
There's nothing we can do about it as women other
than make sure we take it into our control. So
go get your fertility checked, live in a city you like,
date like crazy, trying to all at the same time.
And I really do think if you are enjoying where
you are and what you're doing, the right thing will
come along.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
My only worry is the immense disappointment you will feel
if you move back home with the sole purpose of
meeting someone and you don't meet someone, because then you've
just sacrificed being somewhere and living life and just fucking
living your thirties and your twenties, which is literally the
time for it, you know, like you're just you're in
the prime time for you to be able to be selfish,
(33:27):
to make decisions that only revolve around you to like
experience what the world has to offer you. So to
cut that short, because you've got this real strict idea
about where you're going to meet someone, I think that
that really limits what your life could be, all right.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
Question number three taking a little bit of a turn
in the vibe here, but I think this is a
really important one. I'm a thirty three year old female
whose brother was diagnosed with late stage cancer a couple
of years ago. I'm heavily involved in treatment and support,
and I've put my life on the back burner to
focus on him and support my family. Over the last
couple of years, I've put dating on the back burner,
(34:01):
and I have a real desire to meet someone and
have that relationship for myself, But I carry with me
a very heavy life and responsibilities, which a lot of
people aren't looking for, especially on the dating apps, where
you often see things like I want someone who doesn't
take life too seriously. I just don't know how to
navigate dating where my life has been consumed by sadness
(34:22):
and hospitals the last few years. How do I approach
that with people on a date. Any advice is so appreciated.
This makes me sad because firstly, I'm so sorry about
your brother, and I can't imagine the life that you
have been through the last couple of years. But it
makes me sad because you deserve both and I don't
think it has to be one or the other. And
(34:43):
I can't imagine how much this has consumed you the
last couple of years. But you wanting to date the
right person is not going to be put off by
some hardships that you've gone through in your personal life
in the last couple of years. And I imagine that's
a really hard thing to talk about with somebody in you.
But I don't think that has to be something you
talk about on a first date.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
I don't agree.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Yeah, I think you can go on a date and
just be you, like, try to separate those two parts
of you because.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
You still are you.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
You don't have to just be defined by something else
that is huge and monumental going on in your life,
even if that's for a small time. Go on a date,
meet people, just talk about who you are and what
you enjoy doing and when your aspirations in life, have
some fun, have some banter, and then see where that
goes rather than feeling like you have the responsibility to
(35:29):
sit down on a date and say, hey, I need
you to know that the last couple of years has
looked like this.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
I also think like you're entitled to have levity and
joy and fun in your life as well, Like you
do not have to be your trauma and and what
I mean by that I or want anyone to think
that that's me being insensitive, but like you will live
side by side it, you will encompass it and embody
it when you need to. But you're also if you're
(35:54):
able to allowed to step outside it and also have
a life and also have the things in your life
that bring you joy and have support from people who
love and understand you. I think sometimes we get so
down in the trenches about how fucking shit dating can be,
which I will also want to be careful about because
people often surprise you as well. You might think that,
oh my god, nobody ever is going to want to
(36:16):
take this burden on, but to somebody who is caring
and empathetic and you know has a real love for
you as a person, which you know you're only ever
going to discover that through dating and through getting to know, people,
some men and some women, and some people just show
up in ways that you would never ever expect them to.
And I mean, for example, I think a really incredible
(36:39):
example of this is Lottie Bowser. So we interviewed Lottie recently.
She spoke about her husband who had passed away from
cancer in his brain. It was harrowing her story around COVID,
and she went for a trip. This is shortly after
his passing. She went for a trip to Portugal and
she met someone and now you know, a year and
(37:00):
a half on, she's in a relationship with that man.
And he took on everything that she was, the baggage,
the trauma, because he obviously fell in love with who
she was as a person as well. And I just
think that there are so many people out there who
will surprise you as much as there are so many
people who are shit. The people who are shit are
just not going to be your people, right, The people
who this is too much for they're not going to
(37:21):
go on a third, fourth, fifth, sixth date. But there
will come a point where you meet someone and they're
gonna think you're an amazing person. And also they're going
to understand that your brother is going through something that's
so significant and it impacts your entire family.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Also, it's interesting the way you look at this, because
I'm looking at this from a different lens to you.
Obviously are because you're in the trenches. You're looking at
this like, why would anybody want me when I'm going
through this? But fuck, you are obviously an incredible person,
and the qualities you're exhibiting here are extreme generosity and
(37:54):
kindness and caring, and they are amazing qualities to go
into a relationship with.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Someone is going to.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Not look at you like, oh, I can't believe you
live a life where you look after so many other people.
Someone's going to say, what an amazing woman giving up
her everything to look after those people she cares about.
That is a really rare and beautiful quality. And I
think you're underestimating the value of that and how much
somebody would absolutely love to be in a relationship with
someone like that, the.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
Value of yourself. Even I so agree with that, and
I also think, like, just to extend on that brute,
it's like this idea of worthiness, like you think that
you're not worthy of being in a relationship because nobody
will want to take on baggage your life, baggage. Everybody
has baggage. Everybody has all different kinds of baggage, you know.
I know single mums often find it really challenging to
(38:40):
get back into dating because they feel like they have baggage.
Who's going to want to date them? You experiencing this
because your brother has cancer. People who have chronic illness
feel this way because they think, well, who's going to
want to date me because I have chronic illness? And
they're not going to understand. It's an education piece for
people as much as it is a process. And that's
not to say that it's not going to come without limitations.
(39:01):
It's not going to be more challenging for you. There
will be, and could be, some people who don't want
to take that on, and that's okay because they're not
your person. But you're never going to find someone who
will be willing to take on those things, who will
stand beside you and love you and be supportive of
you and hold you through your grief and your trauma
and all of those things and enjoy the amazing, wonderful, fucking, exciting,
(39:23):
beautiful times as well. Unless you weigh through that, and
unless you actually put yourself out there to do it.
It's the only way to find that person.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
Finally, I don't know your family obviously personally, but I
have no doubt they're going to want you to be happy.
They don't want you to just be spending every second
of your life looking after them and then going home
alone and sad and wanting another life. If you ask them,
I bet you they'd be like, yeah, probably go get
laid ciss like, go have fun that you don't have
to take it seriously. So definitely start dating. Put yourself
out there. You don't have to lay it all on
(39:51):
the table on the very first day. Just enjoy yourself
a little bit, because you absolutely deserve it. It is
time for our suck and our suite, our high and
a low light for the week. And this week we
are going to be doing sweets only. And the reason
for that is I think everyone I even feel emotional.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
About to say it.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
I think everyone's feeling the same sort of way about
what's happening in the world right now, and we have
just decided that this is not the week for a sock.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Yeah. I mean, if anything, I think it's the week
to be grateful for all of the amazing things that
we have in our life. When you see what's been
playing out online and trying to keep up with the
new cycle of what's happening and the division between Israelis
and Palestinians, regardless of what side of the war and
the fence and the commentary that you sit on, I
think everybody can agree that the absolute atrocities and how
(40:38):
hideous some of the footage and the crimes are doing
committed against innocent people and civilians over there, and children
and women, it is fucking devastating.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
So we, yeah, hearts are with every single innocent person, Yeah, old, elderly,
anyone that is caught up in this whole thing that
is innocent. It truly breaks our heart, Like I know
it's breaking everybody's heart.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Yeah, we're all thinking of you. Our sweets for the week. Now, look,
my sweet for the week is and has to be
the live shows. I don't think that either of us
can get away from saying anything, but my sweet for
the week is also like making new friends. I think
when we were in like you, well in Adelaide, like
Emily Weir came with us, Kelly Finlayson came with us,
Sam Fisher he was also there. Now I've met Emily
(41:21):
and no Emily, and have met Kelly and no Kelly
as well. But like being able to go and do
these little live show tours together has really just kind
of bonded those friendships. And I think it was such
a beautiful thing as an adult, when you get to
go and spend some really quality time with amazing humans.
It really reminded me just how much those like friendships
are so important. And I had such a fucking amazing
(41:42):
time with everyone, and that was my highlight.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
I mean, kindven anything that my highlight was exactly the
same thing. Going down into the little bubbles that we
are with the people that we are and meeting all
you guys was the highlight.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
Nothing else of Trump that this week, oh my god,
Actually do know else was a highlight. The two girls
who came to Adelaide show who had made shirts that
said we love love and sow them You hand sewed
your own t shirts with glitter and sequence and it
was hot, fucking amazing. Okay, that is also a highlight.
And lastly, you know, I know we're talking a lot
about the last shows, but meeting you guys and your
(42:13):
incredible stories, Like every single person had an incredible story
as to why they connected with the podcast, and for us,
it's just such a privilege as much it is to
share ours with you, to hear your stories back was
my absolute, mind blowing incredible this week. I love you guys,
and that's it. Tell your mum, tell your dad, take
your dog, tell your friends, and share the love. Because weird,
(42:34):
we love. And I gotta ride
Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
past and present.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on Drug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome back
to another episode of Life un Cut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany,
and this is ask gun Cut, where we answer You're deep,
(00:31):
you're dark, and you're burning questions and we do our
best to answer them. You have just been saying to
this morning, you've got something funny to ask me? No,
anything funny? Yeah, completely, that never happened. I want to
ask you, okay, it's not actually funny. It was just
a conundrum that I had on the plane the other day.
Where did you even get that from? I feel like.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
We've been in a washing machine and I don't even
know how to explain because I've never done this, right,
I have never done mushrooms or listener Jenny on record,
I've never even tried it.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Have you never? Now?
Speaker 1 (01:03):
But I feel like this is what it feels like.
I don't have any concept of time. I don't know
what is real and what has been in my sleep?
And I think that's because like we're in the middle
of our tour around the country and we're just one
hundred miles an hour. We've been doing international interviews, which
means we're doing interviews at like ten at night. We're
doing them at six thirty in the morning, like to
fit in with time zones.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
I don't know what ways up right now. Okay, let
me tell you this. What you're experiencing is anxiety. And
mushrooms are a lot more fun. Haaa. They are much
better than this feeling. But anyway, so that's my twenties. Guys.
I am a mom now. I don't do none of
that stuff. I'm well behaved. That is absolutely going to
end up on Daily Mail.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I find turned down. I hang on, before we get
into this.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Do you know what We've all got a past. Everyone's
done things in their past. Jelick was it? I mean, yeah, Well,
I mean I'm a good girl too.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Now lies fingers toast cross.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
What's your question?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
No, before we get into it, we keep forgetting to
say this. It's our tiny bit of housekeeping. But the
Australian Podcast Awards done because I feel like I feel
like every other year we're like can you guys please
vote for us. But again, this whole magic mushroom hallucination
thing means that.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Can I just say we are not endorsing or promoting
or recommending. That's not what I've ever done it.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
I'm definitely not recommending it. But I believe there's only
a few days left to vote, and I think that's
why we went into panic mode and we're like, let's
talk about it right now at the start of the episode.
If you have two little seconds, if you've ever loved
a podcast episode we've ever done over the last four years,
it would mean a lot to us if you can
just jump on the Australian Podcast Awards and vote for
us in a Listener's Choice award. All you have to
(02:38):
do is type in Life Uncut for Listener's Choice and
then you just confirm that vote in your email. And genuinely, Laura,
I know he's going to offer you a puppy if
you do it. She does it every year from he
never delivers the puppies.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
You know, Britt has a lot of puppies to give
out because this is like three years now of puppies,
but this could be the year that happens. If you vote,
you might get a puppy.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
You are breadcrumbing them to thinking that they're gonna get
a puppy.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
No, but not seriously.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
It's it is the big award for our industry. We
only get one a year and it's the one that
means the most to us, and you know, it helps
us keep going.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
It's the poor Man Oscars of the podcasting world, is
what it is. You know, I know we say this
every year, but like, podcasting is such a weird little world.
It's this insular, cool little world where we work in silos,
we get to like interview incredible people, but we sit
basically at the moment, we're sitting in Britney's loundry recording.
But it's the one time of year that everyone from
(03:30):
our industry all comes out of their dark little audio
caves and we're all together and we get to celebrate
what is such a fucking incredible medium. And the reason
why I mean, I'm gonna get sentimental here, but the
reason why I think podcasting is so special is because
when we started life on cart there were and are
(03:50):
very few opportunities in media for women, especially within radio. Right,
Like you can count on one hand how many female
radio hosts there are within the country. So podcast was
always a platform for which women could have a voice
and be able to put out content because there wasn't
anywhere else to do it. That's why we have you know,
the juggernauts like Mum and me. That's why Shameless existed.
(04:11):
It was a place in which women could hear women speak.
And then when we started it, we were talking about
dating and relationships. And we started off doing this podcast
at a time where there weren't really any other dating
and relationship podcasts in Australia. There really weren't. Like we
came in four and a half years ago at a
time where that topic of conversation wasn't as prolific.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
And I remember I remember everyone telling me I was
crazy and not to do a podcast. I remember when
I said to people, I'm doing a podcast, especially because
I was working in a hospital, like it's not like
I was in the media world, and it was like
a little side step. This was like a climb over
Mount Everest. I remember people going, don't do it, what
even is that? Like, no one listens to podcasts, and
(04:52):
we were like, no, we.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Have a dream, we believe in it. We have a passion.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
We want to help people, and I'm so glad we
did it because four years here we are doing live
shows and still bring you the podcast every day and
we love it just as much, if not more totally.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
And the media landscape has changed. It has changed so
much in that podcasting was the stepping stone to allow
us to get a job within radio, and I think
that that is now shifting. Podcasting has been so instrumental
in showing mainstream media that women's voices count, and that
women's stories count, and that not just women want to
hear women, but everyone want to hear women talk. So
(05:26):
that's my little appreciation for the world of podcasting. But
if you guys, do if you get a second of
your day, stop listening. Go on to the ustream, but
stop listening, do simultaneously it just pause for one second
so you can concentrate putting your vote for life on
cut and then you have to confirm that vote in
your emails or it doesn't count. Now, I didn't have
a question for you, but I do have a little
(05:47):
bit of a story for you, So I know. I
talk about it all the time about how much having
kids has changed my relationship in some ways incredibly so,
like it's changed my relationship for the better. Having kids
with Matt, I think overwhelmingly has shown me what a
top notch human he is. But also it's made me
feel more secure in my relationship in terms of like
(06:07):
we're now doing it together. But the one thing that
it has fundamentally changed is my sex life. Also, it
has changed desire. One of the things I missed the
most is like, fuck, I miss wanting to have sex, Like.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
I used to close off, stroll on the bed anywhere anytime.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Like I remember my desire that I had when I
was in my twenties. And I don't mean desire for
a person, I mean my desire to be sexual. My
desire to have sex was like, yeah, let's do it,
you know, like a horny little twenty year old. And
then literally me now yes. And then you have children
and because you're touched out and you're tired, and you're
overwhelmed and you're overworked and you're doing three hundred things
(06:46):
at once, that literally exits your body. It just levitates
up to the sky and vanishes, and your eye up
in the Sahara man I we are trying to be
a bit more consistent with our sex life.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Right, I think congratulations, I love after you, thank you.
If I had a machine here, right, would slow.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Clap you could slow clack me anyway, Yeah, I did. So.
It's really hard because when you know at nighttime we'll
probably work until late and then you know there's no
spontaneity to it. That's the big issue, right, like when
it comes to your sex, like there's zero spontaneity. Quickly,
let's just do it now, we're in bed before we
fall asleep. Yeah, and then it goes like seven minutes
you're already tired, and then you're like, oh, I can
(07:25):
get the mood anyway. So we were at home on
the weekend and we had both the kids, because that's
the other thing when do you have sex, because you've
got two children constantly with you all the time. He's
got to be with them. And it was Saturday lunchtime,
and I don't know why, but the desigre hit me.
It came back and we were like, you know, getting
not frisky. But we're in the bedroom, the kids were downstairs,
(07:47):
and then Marley's yelling out for nutral grain or something else,
which is just it's not the type of distraction. That's
going to help you get in the mood. Put it
that way. And so Matt was like, why don't we
just put on something on the TV, just like have
a quickie. And I was like, because they're wide awake,
like they literally could come up any moment. He was like, no,
we just we'll put on Cocomela and that shit for
a second, that shit is crack. We'll put on cocomelon.
(08:08):
They'll stay down there, they won't even think about it.
And I was like, okay, So and for me, that
seems really risky because our house is quite open. The
kids could walk in the bedroom anytime. We don't have
a lock on our door. So he puts on Cocomela
and he puts the kids in front of the TV
and he runs upstairs and he's like, Okay, we've got
a really short period of time. So we do it.
But whilst we're in the midst of doing it, all
(08:28):
I can hear is mister son Son, mister golden Son,
is that crazy? I don't know? Down on me? And
then I hear Lola mister shang shang again sun yelling
like singing at the top of her voice. That's like,
let my golden sun shine down on you, Laura, let
me shine, let it rain down. At this moment where
(08:51):
dawned on me, I was like the soundtrack of my
past sex life would have been like some some late
nice slow music put on, like pay some Barry why anything,
and now I'm fucking to cocomelon at one o'clock in
the day.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Who would have thought, definitely not the maker of cocamelon,
that coca melon will be helping parents have sex since
two thousand and twenty two's been around for a little bit,
like yea twenty eighteen.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Maybe it's been around for a while.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Maybe technicality or I was just joke, that's uh that
is Maybe he's a thought like the creator of coca
melon was someone in a sexless marriage because they had
kids and they were like, fuck, you know what, we
need to develop crack so that our kids sit in
the round room for more than twenty minutes at a
time so we.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Can have sex. Maybe that's happened. You couldn't pretty much
do an hour long session if you put cocomelon on
those kids. It's like their eyeballs just get sucked into
the TV. Do you worry that there's like it's melting
their brain you like, No.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Like Jonestown where it's those subliminal messages that Have you
seen the episode of The Simpsons where there were subliminal
messages on the TV political Did have you seen that episode?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
No? What if there were? Because you probably don't sit
for an hour watch cocomelon. What if? Like they're brain
washing our children? No? No, no, no, the kids watch it.
I've seen everything's on it. Don't think they're brainwashing their
children unless it's brush their teeth and wash their bodies properly.
But it is, Brittany, do you know what it is?
It's because so I mean, fuck, if you don't have kids,
this is porn chat. But cocomelan, actually no, it's not.
(10:13):
The reason why cocomelan is so addictive to children is
because it works off the same premise as TikTok. So
the content so every single frame, for example, the picture
that's on the screen, each frame changes within something like
ten to fifteen seconds, so the kids are constantly being
re engaged by a new image that's on screen, and
obviously it retains their attention. But it works on the
(10:36):
same algorithm as say something like TikTok where it's like
this constant feed of new content keeps you engaged for longer,
and it also means that their attention spans are getting
smaller and smaller, and that's why it's quite problematic.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Well, I was going to say to me, that sounds problematic,
and we know that the reason TikTok existed, Like we
don't have a short attention span because of things like TikTok.
TikTok exists because we have a short attention span because
of this cumulity growth of social media where we do
lose our attention span over the years. I think it's
really problematic. Like I think back to when I was
a kid, your parents would PLoP you in front of
(11:09):
like a three hour movie like Fantasia or something like that,
member Fantasia, which gave me nimaues for the rest of
my life, like so good and the Mickey Mouse character
was conducting and the ocean.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Was going up and anyway, anyone doesn't know what Fantasia is.
But for anyone who does know what Fantasia is, you
have nims. You haven't a real walk down memory lane
right now.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
But we would sit there for three hours and it
wasn't switching frames every two seconds. Our attention span because
of things like social media has completely changed. So now
we're conditioning our kids' attention spans to change from Cokemela
at like.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Two years old. Do you know what if you haven't
heard the interview we did with Johann Hari, we actually
interviewed him Keisha and I while you were away last year,
brit He speaks so much about this concept of stolen
attention and how our attention is being degraded and that
it is not actually our fault. It's all these forces
working against us, which we really derail this conversation because yes,
(12:00):
it's working against us. But let me tell you, for
that seven minutes, it was very, very very Useful's seven minutes.
I can't wait to have sex? I when are you?
You just go away? Yes, it's not till Christmas. It's
my Christmas present. Yeah, you're not having sex to like December,
although my parents are coming over for Christmas to Scotland
(12:22):
with Ben to meets Ben's family and stuff, which is amazing,
but it also means they're going to be in next
door in the two bedroom apartment. Is the apartment big
enough and the wall's thick enough so that you cannot
do something else that's thick enough.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Well, recently, when I was at Ben's house in Scotland,
my sister and her husband, so Sherry and Jay, they
live in Scotland now, so they came and stayed at
Ben's house and they were next door, and we thought
we'd put it to the test, and they definitely heard
some some some squeaking coming out.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
So I think I'm gonna have to rein it in
with the parents are there. I couldn't think of anything
worse than having my dad accidentally hear me have sex.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Ill, Yes, there's nothing worse like that would be it
that my dad's coming to our podcast live show and
the things we talk about in the stories we tell
it the live show pretty questionable.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
So we're gonna have to give him some mere pods.
If you've seen the videos, Brittany's dad gets to watch
me get fisted on stage by Brittany. Wow, they're gonna
think this is like a wild section. Also, that is
your reminder if you haven't got your tickets yet, this
is coming out on Thursday morning, So we're gonna be
in Perth tonight. We're actually like we're recording this episode
(13:28):
on Wednesday at BRIT's house. We fly out to Perth
this evening and we'll be on stage in Perth tonight.
Then we have Sunday in Sydney and then next week
we've got Gold Costs. It's still it's wild. There's still
six more shows to go, so if you haven't got
your tickets, you can get them from life on cupodcast
dot com dot you as well. Anyway, let's get into
vibes and unsubscribes for the week. I'm going to kick
(13:50):
it off.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
I don't unsubscribe from a lot of things, which makes
me feel like I'm a good person, like not a
lot to piss me off.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
But that's not true though, No, it's absolutely you're just
faking it. Yeah, I was an angry person yesterday. Anyway.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
My vibe this week is from Paramount Plus.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Now.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
I don't know if everyone has Paramount but I think
I ended up downloading every single streaming surface ever over
the last couple of years, so now I feel like
I have every single one I share them with. Yeah,
it's it's actually bad, but it's on Paramount Plus and
it is called Lioness Special Ops. Actually it's called Special
Ops Lioness. Now it's got Nicole Kidman in it. You
might have seen it. They actually did a heap of
pr a couple.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Of months ago. I'm talking like.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Buses all over every city had like Nicole Kidman's face
on it and the Lioness faces on it. It's Zoe
Saldana is the other main character in it. Now it's
like a CIA operative kind of vibe.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
But it's all women.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
So the idea around this is it's a special ops team.
And the reason it's called Lionesses is because they're all Lionesses.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
They're all women.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
They're all these fierce women that get put into these
crazy situations and have to like save the world, basically
go under cover.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
I was really loving it.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Obviously there's male characters in the show, but I love
the premise that I was being created around all these
kick ass women.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
It's really cool. What does Nicole Kimmen do in it? Like,
what is she a role? She's like the head of CIA,
of the operative team.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
So she oversees Zoe Saldana, who then oversees another operative.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
I really like Nicole Kimmen. Matt can't stand on so
I always have to try and like encourage him to
watch things that she's in. Interesting. She's brilliant.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
I mean she's not if you want to get Matt
to watch it. She is, believe it or not, not
the main character. She's definitely a supporting character, but she's
not the bell and end all of this one, which
is pretty cool.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
All right, Well my vibe for the week. I have
been bringing you guys some apps recently, and I have
one that I use all the time and I absolutely love.
And it is called Feedley. Now, that's f dly sounds
like a delivery food service. No, it's not Feedley. It's
a news feed. It's an aggregator. Now, there's two reasons
why you would use Feedley. One is if you feel
(15:52):
quite overwhelmed by the news cycle and you don't want
to constantly be dipping into, like if there's specific things
that you want to find, and you don't want to
have to constantly be trudging through the news cycle, which
is just honestly, at the moment, it is very devastating
with what's happening in Israel, and if you need to
have a little bit of respite from that, what it
lets you do is it lets you curate your news
(16:12):
feed So I actually use it as someone who is
a you know, quote unquote small business owner and someone
who's very interested in marketing and advertising and how to
develop and grow business. What I do is I use
feed Ley. You create a folder in there and you
can say, okay, I want all the articles from say
the New York Times, from The Guardian or whatever other
subscriptions you might have there. It's also free news outlets
(16:35):
as well that you can pick and choose and you go,
I want every article that has to do with marketing
to put into this folder. I want every article that
has to do with retail to go into this folder.
So it means instead of having to go online and
trudge through all of the news that's out there in
the world to find very specific sources, you just click
into your feedbly app and then it's all there with
(16:55):
your specific news that you want to read. This is
absolutely not sponsored. It's just something that I find very,
very very useful if I want to stay up to
date on a specific topic or a specific type of content,
and I don't want to have to read every single
fucking thing that's coming out in the world.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
So it's feely this time and like this day and
age with what's happening in the world. We've done episodes
on this before where it can be so overwhelming when
you see some of the news that's happening, especially right now,
it is absolutely flooding our feeds totally.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
And so for example, like if you're like obsessed with
Taylor Swift, you could just have a folder that says
Taylor Swift. It'll give you all the Tailor Swift news articles.
You know, it's kind of like having Google alerts, but
you can set those up in it as well. But
at the same time, it's just a really really smart
and efficient aggregator. And it also means that if you
do work in a business where people have similar interests
and you want to share similar news articles, you can
(17:44):
actually share those folders with them so you're all across
the same content. Sounds good. I really recommend it. It
is brilliant.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Question number one long story short I received to save
the date for friends wedding a year ago. The wedding
is at the end of October, so very soon, and
I haven't yet received a formal invite. It is the
beginning of October. Even though I know other people going
to the wedding have received theirs.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
I have drifted from.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
This friend a little bit over the past year, and
I would not be upset if I was no longer invited.
As I am currently planning my own wedding and I'm
having a very hard time with my own guest list.
My question is do I say anything about this? Do
I get my other friends to ask on my behalf?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Do I just leave it? Do I turn up to
the wedding.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Basically, she got to save the date, but they never
got the actual invite.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
What did you just go I'm dying. You're not invited. No,
you're not invited. Yeah, you're not invited. I yeah, there's
been a change of there's been a like flip and switch. Yeah,
I did flip. This happened to me. This happened to me.
I did this to someone. Am I wedding? Oh fucked? Yeah.
But I ended up messaging them and telling them. But
it was probably a bit too close to the actual wedding.
If you have not received an actual physical invitation and
(18:53):
no correspondence, no website link, no like RSVP, no prompts,
and nothing, you're not invited to that wedding. And it
could be that maybe they sent out to save the
dates and then you know, a year later they had
to cut a couple people because you've got the cut.
Or maybe it's because, like you said, you guys have
started to lose touch a little bit, and the bride's like, well,
I've barely heard from her since I sent this. I
(19:14):
sent you a saved the date and you've not even
contacted me once since then. So the bride might be thinking, well,
you're not really as committed to this friendship as what
you know, I thought you were. Whatever her reasons.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Are, they're in the same group though, so other friends,
it's awkward like you're in the same It's like you
getting invited to Keisha's wedding and not me, and I'm like, oh, she.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Told me to look that date out, do I know?
I think the thing that's different here is that the
friendship has started to erode, like you're not as close
to them anymore and you haven't seen them for a
long time. Is it okay for you to send a
message and ask? Absolutely? I think that though the way
to frame this message is like, hey, so and so,
I do not want you to think that it's a problem.
(19:53):
It is absolutely, so fine, I just wanted to let
you know that in case I was supposed to receive
an invitation, I haven't. But I also totally understand that
numbers may have changed and you've maybe made a different decision.
Absolutely no hard feelings. I just would hate to have
missed it if you were sending it. That's all I
just think. Don't say nah, I think nothing. She hasn't
invited you. I don't think you have to say just
(20:15):
confirming the uninvite. I can confirm that I will not
be coming to the invitation you didn't send. I don't
think you need to do that. I think you haven't
been invited. Don't go. Okay, what if what if the
very unlikely thing happens, and that is that she just
didn't get the invitation. What if it got lost in
the mail.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Because you need to confirm numbers for a wedding. You've
got sit down meals, you've got seating, you've got you
have to confirm who's coming.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
So she would have said, sorry.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
I haven't got your confirmation yet. I just need to
finalize their numbers.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Because are you coming? Are you coming? You're not going,
You're not going, You're not going.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
The only other thing you can do is say like
it's just a message and be like, I'm so sorry,
I'm not able to make the wedding. I'm actually going
to be away with my grandma whatever. She's going to
be away, have the best time. Because then she thinks, oh,
she thinks she's invited, but she can't make it. That
saves me from any awkwardness. It saves you from awkwardness
or fucking just don't saying I don't know if she
(21:11):
you're going to see her, she's in your friend group.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
I don't know if it would save you from any awkwardness.
I think if anything, I would realize that that person
was sending it as like a fuck you, like hey,
so sorry, I can't come to your wedding, and then
the person who wedding it is is like, oh, you
would invite. I've changed my mind. You've got to I
just learned back and ruminated. You have to say something.
This is the most confusing advice. No, it's funny, it's awkward.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
You have to say something. The reason is because even
if the something is have the best wedding.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
I'm wishing you all the love and happiness in the.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
World because you are still friends, right, you might not
be the closest of friends, but you're gonna see her again.
You're in the same group, and at the end of
the day, it's not like this hard feelings. It's the
awkwardness of just you didn't know if you were going,
but like you said, you don't care, so it's not
like you're hating on the girl.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
She's not hating on you.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
Weddings are really hard to like pin down numbers expensive,
so I think I think just a message of hey,
I have the best weekend, I'm wishing you all to love,
I can't wait to see the pictures, I can't wait
to catch up with you in the future, and hear
all about it. It's just something really nice that you
actually genuinely would say. Anyway, then she doesn't feel awkward.
She'll write back, thank you so much, I can't wait
(22:17):
to see whatever. And I just think it just takes
away from a little bit. But don't say, am I
still am arted?
Speaker 2 (22:21):
So what you're saying is be the bigger person.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
But I don't think it, nah, I don't think it's
about being a bigger person. Like at the end of
the day, you know you're not that close to friends anymore.
And I've been really serious here. You know you're not
that close to friends anymore, but that doesn't mean you're
actually not an acquaintance or a friend, and you share
a lot of similarities in life, obviously, I think the
nice thing to do is just wish them luk. Like
I have been in that position before, where like I've
been friendly enough with someone that I see them all
(22:45):
the time, but I didn't go to their wedding, And
that's what I did. I just messaged and said, have
the best time ever, Like, because I mean it, I'm
like everyone you want anyone you.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Know to have the best day of the life of
the wedding. Yeah, but there is a little bit of like,
fuck you send me say the date. Okay, here's my
reverse question. Can you do it if you send someone
to save the date and then you just say you
sent them a year ago, and then since you sent
that save the date, you've barely heard from them, They've
barely checked in, they've shown no interest in the wedding,
and they've shown no interest in your life. Can you simply,
(23:15):
when it comes to sending out your invitations just not
send it to them? Because I think this would happen
way more than what we expect. Yes, she can. She
did it, but like, is the bride in the wrong
for doing that or is it like do you know what? No,
I don't think so, because a year is a long time.
She changes, shit changes, she goes down, she goes up,
she goes sideway.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
There is a lot that can happen in a year period,
and this probably is the best way to go about it,
because what are your options, right?
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Your options are I.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Feel the bride you just don't follow up with the
actual invitation, or you have to confront the person and say, hey,
I'm so sorry, we had to cut numbers and you've
been on the chopping block, Like they're your options. So
I think that I think she took the safer, smoother,
less confronting option of just like I just won't follow
through a VIMVA.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
It's like, I'm sorry, but out of the one hundred
people that I had invited, you are the one person
who can't make it. You were at the very periphery
of the friendship group. That's where you sit in terms
of priorities. No, look, I think people can do it.
I do think it makes things awkward, but weddings make
things awkward anyway, like there's always going to be something
or someone who's got a little b in their bonnet
(24:20):
when it comes to organizing weddings. Do you think I should? Elope? Nah,
You'll never Elope, You'll have a wedding. We've spoke. I've
spoken about eloping. You have spoken about eloping, but you've
also spoken about having Bloody Lewis.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Capaldi play at your weddinge with Lewis Capaldy Laura put
and two together.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
I could not imagine you eloping, I think, And also
do you know what I always thought I would alope?
And then looking back, I no, you could, Elope, absolutely,
But I think looking back on how much fun it
is to stand in front of your family and your friends,
it really was a very different experience to what I
thought it would be. It was so special and I'm
(24:56):
such a wedding cynic, like I'm the person who couldn't
care less about wedding's, never really got all Google gaga
at them. And then when I actually got to be
there with all the people I love and do it
with the man I love, it was just fucking it
was amazing.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
It was best a live stream to everyone's talk about
one extreme together. Oh, either a lope alone with her livestream.
All right, let's get into question number two. All right,
question number two.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
I'm an expat living in a country and a city
town where dating is a complete pile of shit.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
I'd love to know where you are, like every city ever.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Basic, No, there's places better than others. She goes on
to say that she reckons ninety percent of the people
who are in the town are either expats who are
traveling themselves. Most of the people that she's been on
dates with don't have values that align with her, and
she's really looking for her penguin. She wants to be
with someone long term now. She hasn't planned on moving
home yet. She was going to stay traveling and working
(25:50):
for quite a bit longer. But this is the dilemma.
I'm turning thirty this year, and I know it shouldn't
matter and it's stupid, but it weighs heavily on my mind.
I keep thinking about my biological clock. I was going
to go home in a few years anyway, But my
dilemma is this, Should I go home early now with
the intention to meet someone? I love? My life here
at the moment and although I'd be happy at home,
(26:11):
moving right now would be purely for that reason. The
only reason I would be moving back would be with
the intention of trying to meet a long term partner.
For context, I've always enjoyed dating in my home city.
Is it silly to base such a huge decision on
finding love or is it realistic and worth it to
make that decision for love? I feel as if all
my friends back home are getting engaged and coupled up
(26:31):
and I'm missing the boat with love your perspective on this.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
I actually don't think this is a silly question. Well,
this girl that wrote this in this paragraphs a lot right.
She gave us a lot of backgrounds that we sort
of cut through. But I do not think that this
is a silly question.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
There are definitely cities.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Around the world and towns around the world that are
going to be easier to date and meet people or
harder to date and meet people, and that might fall
under many categories, Like you can be in a big city,
for example, I'm going to say New York, and I'm
going to say New York because I know people that
to New York who said dating.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Is actually really hard.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Places like New York is a huge city. The population
is there, but a lot of people in New York
don't want to settle down.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
And now this is just a real blanket statement.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
But people are there because it's the city that never sleeps,
and they're there for the excitement and to churn through dates,
to meet new people, to have fun, to party, and
the same goes with a small town. You might go
to a small town. They're not there to party.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
But the pool is smaller.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
I've definitely moved towns before for that reason. Even my
hometown of Port Macquarie, I lived there my whole life.
It's a really small town and I knew everyone. I
wanted bigger things for work and career, but also I
wanted to meet new people, so that was a huge
part of the reason that I moved. My advice here
for you is, I don't necessarily think you should run
(27:47):
home to your hometown, because you did say you're still
enjoying being away and working and traveling, but you want
to find love and that's not going to happen there.
My suggestion would be, maybe moved to a new city
so you're still away, you're still traveling, you're still living
in a home. You're not going back home to your
hometown to settle down and getting to that. I want
to say monotony, because that is what will happen once
you go back home.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Well, it's not just it's not less so monotony, but
it is like the reliable you know, it's like you
know exactly the outcome. Well, actually you don't necessarily, but
you have a good idea of what that outcome will be.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Absolutely, So my advice would be, why don't you try
a new city somewhere else. Maybe it's someone you've never been,
Maybe you don't know anyone, Maybe you have a friend
in a city that you do know. It's one friend,
one person, But why don't you try that a new
environment with new people, new people on dating apps, new
work environment, and then see how that goes before you
just rush home to settle down and hope to meet
(28:39):
someone back in your owntown.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
That's I think that's what I would do in that position. Yeah,
I totally agree with you, Britt, But I also think
for me, this whole conversation comes down to two things.
The first one is that it's priorities. What is the
biggest priority for you? If you're saying that you're thinking
about your biological clock all the time you're thinking about
wanting to be in a relationship, that that's something that
really is front and center of your mind. Are you
able to enjoy your time where you are in a
(29:03):
town where you say that dating is absolutely like just abominal,
that you don't think you'd ever be able to meet
someone there. And if that's the case, if that's impacting
your ability to enjoy your time there, then yeah, I
think it is probably time to move on. I totally
agree that it doesn't necessarily mean that needs to be
back home to comfort and to routine and to whatever
town it is where you think dating is safer and
(29:24):
has been better for you. I think that there are
other options to explore first. But the other thing I
think that you have to be careful of when you're
making these decisions is nothing is guaranteed. You might move
home and you might think that that's where you're going
to find someone and settle down, and it might take
you years to find someone in that town. You know,
it's not that black and white, and it's not necessarily
(29:44):
as oh, I'm just going to go back to this
place and then I'll find a husband and I'll do
XYZ because yeah, you might end up getting into a
relationship that person could be an absolute flog as well.
I think sometimes when we prioritize the want and the
absolute need and we fret over our biological clas too much,
what happens is that we then run the risk of settling.
(30:04):
We run the risk of dating someone and they're good
enough because we are comparing ourselves to people who are
getting married, We're comparing our cells to people who are
having babies, and we're worried about missing out on that
that we're not necessarily choosing the right person who's going
to give us the things that we need and require
in a relationship. We're choosing the relationship because it's the
time of life that we want it in. So that's
(30:25):
something that I think you have to be really, really
mindful of. But I would say I know, and I
don't want to dismiss anyone's fears around turning thirty, because
we've had many conversations about how age is something that
women have to consider, and also how once you feel
like your biological clock is ticking and it's yelling at you,
there's not much else that you know it's really hard
to break out of the head noise around it. But
(30:48):
when you're thirty years old, you still have other options
around you as well. Go and get your fertility checked too.
We've spoken about that heaps with you, brit find out
where that sits for you. You know, do you have
great fertility? Do you want to freeze your egg? And
if so, where would you do that? Are there other
options before completely removing yourself from this like exhilarating time
of life where you get to experience and be in
(31:09):
this completely new place and meet new people, to go
home and be in a place that's safe and routine driven.
I think explore those opportunities first before you put all
your eggs into the one basket of like I'm going
home to find myself husband.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Yeah, and I do think you can do all things simultaneously.
I don't think you have to be like, this is
my priority now, so I'll sacrifice everything else in my
life totally. My priority is love, relationships, and commitments, So
I'm going to move away from everything else that makes
me happy. You can find a happy medium where you
can do all the things at once. I mean, I
feel like I have found that it's not easy because
(31:42):
my happy mediums on the other side of the world.
But I still found love, and I still get to
live in the city that I love right now, and
I'm still doing a job I love.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I just to reiterate what Laura.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
Said, I think I have changed my opinion a little
bit over the years, like, well, thirty is just a number.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Yes, thirty is so young.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Yes, I think of Laura and I went on The
Bachelor at thirty, Like we had this conversation.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Without I was thirty one. Yeah, we had.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
I've got this conversation the other day with that co
host Mits Churry on the radio, a private conversation about
you know, how he he also wants to meet someone
he's gone through a breakup and he feels, you know,
he made the thing of you know, I'm nearly twenty eight,
almost like he was not keeping.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Up to the societal timeline. And then we sort of
said that to him.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
We were like, well, hang on, think of how much
Laura and I have done and gone through. We started
The Bachelor at thirty and thirty one, Like we just
started this journey, and you guys have been along the
podcast journey with us for four and a half years.
You know how much we've both been through in that time.
So we're in We're thirty six now. It is just
a number, but I want to reiterate that now as
(32:41):
someone that's going through the fertility journey and it's not easy,
and I've realized it's going to be a struggle. It
is important to check it. And it's a number, but
the biological clock exists.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
It fucking sucks. It exists.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
There's nothing we can do about it as women other
than make sure we take it into our control. So
go get your fertility checked, live in a city you like,
date like crazy, trying to all at the same time.
And I really do think if you are enjoying where
you are and what you're doing, the right thing will
come along.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
My only worry is the immense disappointment you will feel
if you move back home with the sole purpose of
meeting someone and you don't meet someone, because then you've
just sacrificed being somewhere and living life and just fucking
living your thirties and your twenties, which is literally the
time for it, you know, like you're just you're in
the prime time for you to be able to be selfish,
(33:27):
to make decisions that only revolve around you to like
experience what the world has to offer you. So to
cut that short, because you've got this real strict idea
about where you're going to meet someone, I think that
that really limits what your life could be, all right.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
Question number three taking a little bit of a turn
in the vibe here, but I think this is a
really important one. I'm a thirty three year old female
whose brother was diagnosed with late stage cancer a couple
of years ago. I'm heavily involved in treatment and support,
and I've put my life on the back burner to
focus on him and support my family. Over the last
couple of years, I've put dating on the back burner,
(34:01):
and I have a real desire to meet someone and
have that relationship for myself, But I carry with me
a very heavy life and responsibilities, which a lot of
people aren't looking for, especially on the dating apps, where
you often see things like I want someone who doesn't
take life too seriously. I just don't know how to
navigate dating where my life has been consumed by sadness
(34:22):
and hospitals the last few years. How do I approach
that with people on a date. Any advice is so appreciated.
This makes me sad because firstly, I'm so sorry about
your brother, and I can't imagine the life that you
have been through the last couple of years. But it
makes me sad because you deserve both and I don't
think it has to be one or the other. And
(34:43):
I can't imagine how much this has consumed you the
last couple of years. But you wanting to date the
right person is not going to be put off by
some hardships that you've gone through in your personal life
in the last couple of years. And I imagine that's
a really hard thing to talk about with somebody in you.
But I don't think that has to be something you
talk about on a first date.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
I don't agree.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Yeah, I think you can go on a date and
just be you, like, try to separate those two parts
of you because.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
You still are you.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
You don't have to just be defined by something else
that is huge and monumental going on in your life,
even if that's for a small time. Go on a date,
meet people, just talk about who you are and what
you enjoy doing and when your aspirations in life, have
some fun, have some banter, and then see where that
goes rather than feeling like you have the responsibility to
(35:29):
sit down on a date and say, hey, I need
you to know that the last couple of years has
looked like this.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
I also think like you're entitled to have levity and
joy and fun in your life as well, Like you
do not have to be your trauma and and what
I mean by that I or want anyone to think
that that's me being insensitive, but like you will live
side by side it, you will encompass it and embody
it when you need to. But you're also if you're
(35:54):
able to allowed to step outside it and also have
a life and also have the things in your life
that bring you joy and have support from people who
love and understand you. I think sometimes we get so
down in the trenches about how fucking shit dating can be,
which I will also want to be careful about because
people often surprise you as well. You might think that,
oh my god, nobody ever is going to want to
(36:16):
take this burden on, but to somebody who is caring
and empathetic and you know has a real love for
you as a person, which you know you're only ever
going to discover that through dating and through getting to know, people,
some men and some women, and some people just show
up in ways that you would never ever expect them to.
And I mean, for example, I think a really incredible
(36:39):
example of this is Lottie Bowser. So we interviewed Lottie recently.
She spoke about her husband who had passed away from
cancer in his brain. It was harrowing her story around COVID,
and she went for a trip. This is shortly after
his passing. She went for a trip to Portugal and
she met someone and now you know, a year and
(37:00):
a half on, she's in a relationship with that man.
And he took on everything that she was, the baggage,
the trauma, because he obviously fell in love with who
she was as a person as well. And I just
think that there are so many people out there who
will surprise you as much as there are so many
people who are shit. The people who are shit are
just not going to be your people, right, The people
who this is too much for they're not going to
(37:21):
go on a third, fourth, fifth, sixth date. But there
will come a point where you meet someone and they're
gonna think you're an amazing person. And also they're going
to understand that your brother is going through something that's
so significant and it impacts your entire family.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Also, it's interesting the way you look at this, because
I'm looking at this from a different lens to you.
Obviously are because you're in the trenches. You're looking at
this like, why would anybody want me when I'm going
through this? But fuck, you are obviously an incredible person,
and the qualities you're exhibiting here are extreme generosity and
(37:54):
kindness and caring, and they are amazing qualities to go
into a relationship with.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Someone is going to.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Not look at you like, oh, I can't believe you
live a life where you look after so many other people.
Someone's going to say, what an amazing woman giving up
her everything to look after those people she cares about.
That is a really rare and beautiful quality. And I
think you're underestimating the value of that and how much
somebody would absolutely love to be in a relationship with
someone like that, the.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
Value of yourself. Even I so agree with that, and
I also think, like, just to extend on that brute,
it's like this idea of worthiness, like you think that
you're not worthy of being in a relationship because nobody
will want to take on baggage your life, baggage. Everybody
has baggage. Everybody has all different kinds of baggage, you know.
I know single mums often find it really challenging to
(38:40):
get back into dating because they feel like they have baggage.
Who's going to want to date them? You experiencing this
because your brother has cancer. People who have chronic illness
feel this way because they think, well, who's going to
want to date me because I have chronic illness? And
they're not going to understand. It's an education piece for
people as much as it is a process. And that's
not to say that it's not going to come without limitations.
(39:01):
It's not going to be more challenging for you. There
will be, and could be, some people who don't want
to take that on, and that's okay because they're not
your person. But you're never going to find someone who
will be willing to take on those things, who will
stand beside you and love you and be supportive of
you and hold you through your grief and your trauma
and all of those things and enjoy the amazing, wonderful, fucking, exciting,
(39:23):
beautiful times as well. Unless you weigh through that, and
unless you actually put yourself out there to do it.
It's the only way to find that person.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
Finally, I don't know your family obviously personally, but I
have no doubt they're going to want you to be happy.
They don't want you to just be spending every second
of your life looking after them and then going home
alone and sad and wanting another life. If you ask them,
I bet you they'd be like, yeah, probably go get
laid ciss like, go have fun that you don't have
to take it seriously. So definitely start dating. Put yourself
out there. You don't have to lay it all on
(39:51):
the table on the very first day. Just enjoy yourself
a little bit, because you absolutely deserve it. It is
time for our suck and our suite, our high and
a low light for the week. And this week we
are going to be doing sweets only. And the reason
for that is I think everyone I even feel emotional.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
About to say it.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
I think everyone's feeling the same sort of way about
what's happening in the world right now, and we have
just decided that this is not the week for a sock.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Yeah. I mean, if anything, I think it's the week
to be grateful for all of the amazing things that
we have in our life. When you see what's been
playing out online and trying to keep up with the
new cycle of what's happening and the division between Israelis
and Palestinians, regardless of what side of the war and
the fence and the commentary that you sit on, I
think everybody can agree that the absolute atrocities and how
(40:38):
hideous some of the footage and the crimes are doing
committed against innocent people and civilians over there, and children
and women, it is fucking devastating.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
So we, yeah, hearts are with every single innocent person, Yeah, old, elderly,
anyone that is caught up in this whole thing that
is innocent. It truly breaks our heart, Like I know
it's breaking everybody's heart.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Yeah, we're all thinking of you. Our sweets for the week. Now, look,
my sweet for the week is and has to be
the live shows. I don't think that either of us
can get away from saying anything, but my sweet for
the week is also like making new friends. I think
when we were in like you, well in Adelaide, like
Emily Weir came with us, Kelly Finlayson came with us,
Sam Fisher he was also there. Now I've met Emily
(41:21):
and no Emily, and have met Kelly and no Kelly
as well. But like being able to go and do
these little live show tours together has really just kind
of bonded those friendships. And I think it was such
a beautiful thing as an adult, when you get to
go and spend some really quality time with amazing humans.
It really reminded me just how much those like friendships
are so important. And I had such a fucking amazing
(41:42):
time with everyone, and that was my highlight.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
I mean, kindven anything that my highlight was exactly the
same thing. Going down into the little bubbles that we
are with the people that we are and meeting all
you guys was the highlight.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
Nothing else of Trump that this week, oh my god,
Actually do know else was a highlight. The two girls
who came to Adelaide show who had made shirts that
said we love love and sow them You hand sewed
your own t shirts with glitter and sequence and it
was hot, fucking amazing. Okay, that is also a highlight.
And lastly, you know, I know we're talking a lot
about the last shows, but meeting you guys and your
(42:13):
incredible stories, Like every single person had an incredible story
as to why they connected with the podcast, and for us,
it's just such a privilege as much it is to
share ours with you, to hear your stories back was
my absolute, mind blowing incredible this week. I love you guys,
and that's it. Tell your mum, tell your dad, take
your dog, tell your friends, and share the love. Because weird,
(42:34):
we love. And I gotta ride
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