September 4, 2024 • 41 mins
Hey Lifers,
This is ask uncut where we answer all of your deep and burning questions after we've had a bit of a gasbag about our own personal dilemmas!
Have you noticed that children's dolls are now wearing g-strings? How do you feel about that?
Vibes for the week:
Britt Netflix doco The Lie: The Murder of Grace Millane
Laura Glass Podcast by Shameless Media
Keeshia Love and Loss Piece by Zara Seidler
Then we jump into your questions!
PARTNER WATCHES PORN BEFORE WE HAVE SEX
My fiancé and I have had issues in the bedroom for years. He’s struggling with anxiety and takes a medication which has massively affected his sex drive. Over the past few months he’s been asking me if I want to have sex, but it's always been after he’s been on his phone in bed, and already has a raging boner - so I assumed he’s watching porn. I looked at his google browser history on the computer we share (the same google browser on his phone), and it turns out he’s been watching porn right before asking me for sex, as I assumed. I know I shouldn’t have looked at his history but I was going crazy. I’m in two minds. One is complete jealousy as I feel like he needs another girl to turn him on before he can sleep with me. But I also know that he’s probably just doing what he needs to to get it up and get the job done as I’ve been putting the pressure on lately. For context: we have a great relationship, we’re getting married in a month, I know he finds me attractive - he’s constantly tapping me on butt, grabbing my boobs etc, but I’m just struggling to be okay with this. I also don’t want to tell him that I’ve looked at his browser history so I don’t know how to talk to him about it.
FAMILY NOT COMING TO KIDS BIRTHDAY
I come from quite a messy family. I have 6 siblings, all half. My dad is on to his 4th marriage and my mum has had 2 divorces. I’ve always been close with my mum but have only become close with my dad in the past 5 or so years. My parent’s break up was very messy and they’ve never been amicable since. I now have a beautiful partner and a darling little daughter who is just about to turn one. We’re throwing her a party and have invited all our friends and family. However, a few weeks out, my Dad has just said that no one from his side of my family (himself, my step mum, brother and his family) will be coming because they feel uncomfortable and they would like to have a seperate party for my daughter instead. I’m so disappointed! It’s been over 20 years since they divorced, he’s had 2 marriages since! How are they still hung up on this to the point that they can’t be in the same room for an hour? I never wanted my daughter to have to celebrate everything twice like I have. What would you do? Do I suck it up and throw two parties? Or just say to my dad that he’ll unfortunately have to miss out?
DITCHING A WAKE
Should you ditch a wake (after a funeral), to go to a footy match? Our team has made it into the finals, but the day of the game is the funeral of a grandparent. My sibling thinks it’s ok to go to the service and skip out after to make the game, but I think that is in very poor taste. What are your thoughts?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
past and present.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to
another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and
it is ask guncut where we answer You're deep, you're dark,
(00:31):
and you're burning questions.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Should I start with an update? How burning are you?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
What are you?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Questions? I'm pretty clear I've got nothing going on. No,
I have an update. So this week, Earlier this week,
I was breadcrumbing the excitement that my sister Sherry had
her baby. But I was like, I'm under strict instructions
that I can't give too much info.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
To be fair, when you say bread crumb, we still
talked about it for a good twenty minutes, so like
we gave as much information as we possibly could, and
then some well.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
We end up just talking about me and what I
want in my life. We didn't really talk about Sherry
for twenty minutes. But as an update, I can tell
you now because Sheridan has posted it. But it is
a little girl called Maya. She was two kilos so tiry, Yeah,
she was two kilos. And I am just I know
that every woman says this right, like or every birth.
(01:18):
Everyone's like, I'm sewing awe of the human body and
how it works and that a woman can even push
that out. But when I hear Sherry's story, I really
am just like gobsmacked. She went in at only thirty
four weeks, just the back end of thirty four weeks,
with a bit of pain. But it's her first baby,
so she wasn't sure. But she's like, I don't want
to risk it. She's got high blood pressure and they
were like, you're fine, nothing's going on. They checked us.
(01:41):
They're like, look, the baby's head's engaged, but you're not
dilated at all. The contractions are so far apart. They're like,
it's Braxton Hicks, not real. But we're going to keep
you just because your blood pressures high. So she was
like great, so she stayed in.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
I always say to friends who are pregnant, who are
like towards the end of their pregnancy, They're like, how
do I know if I'm in labor? This labor And
I'm like, if you're googling, am I in labor?
Speaker 1 (02:02):
You're not in labor. But this is the thing, right,
she was in labor, but she must just have the
highest pain tolerance anyway, So she does marathons. She's good
with it. She does she does that ultra shit. A
couple of hours go past and she messaged me. She goes, oh,
it feels like it's ramping up a little bit, but
she's still not concerned. But she's like, something is happening.
So she calls them back. So they with Berundi's off,
(02:23):
have a look. They're like, oh, you're only two centimes dilated.
Nothing's happening plenty of time, and her waters had only
partially broken, which I didn't know was a thing like
the tinese bit had leaked out. That's why she sort
of went to the hospital because she's like, I think
this is my waters but it was just a small amount,
and they're like, yeah, sometimes they can leak out for
like weeks anyway, So she calls them back. They're like
two centemis dilated. She calls them back again a bit
(02:44):
later and they're like, bro, you're not in labor. And
she's like, well, I feel like there's a bit more
pain right now, and she's messaging me this and I'm like, okay,
keep me posted. But I didn't think anything was happening.
So they gave her one paracetamol. That's it. They're like,
you are fine, and you are not gonna last through
labor if this is bothering you. So they gave her
one paracegemol. Within one hour, she was screaming, screaming, pulling
(03:08):
her undies off, and they came running and she's like
I need to push. They're like, you don't your two
centimeters look down and they're like, oh my god, they'll
like clear the room. Sheridan was like it was like
a movie. They were like wheeling her down and she's
ripping her clothes off, screaming, and within one hour, that
baby shot out on one paracetamol. It just it just decided.
(03:30):
I didn't even know that was a thing. I didn't
know you could be two centimeters and so early and
the doctors are like, there is nothing happening to it
being out on her chest.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
It's also why people have babies in car parks and
in cars and on their bathroom floors. That it happens.
It doesn't happen frequently, but it absolutely happens. I have
a friend who had her baby. She was like, I'm
having contractions, I'm gonna have a bath and then they
had a baby on the bathroom floor forty five minutes later.
Couldn't get to the hospital and time ambulance on this way,
but just her partner birthed her baby.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Crazy. It is wild anyway. So she's also so healthy've
they've just gone home now. She didn't need like she's
obviously premie, but she didn't need anything. She had a
bit of jaundice, so she was under the blue light
for a bit. But they were like stick grunts, son,
she's killing it. Yeah, They're like, off you go. So
I just look at my sister and I'm like, you
smash that out with one parascene. What that's amazing. Yeah,
(04:19):
so it's amazing. That's my little update. And she's so small.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Oh it was speaking of kids, I had something I
wanted to bring up with you, which I feel like
I'm very late to the party on this because when
I did some research online, this is something that's been
around for a while, but it's new to me. So
hold on to your nickers, literally, So Marley is obsessed
with this type of doll called an lool doll. It says, lol, omg,
probably not a doll that you should get for your kids.
(04:44):
The packaging in and of itself is probably enough to
be like, oh, it's probably not the best thing.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Even though I all know what an lool doll.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Is lool dolls, because Marley's told me. Molly showed me.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Her LOL dolls. She loves them.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
They come and they've got all these accessories, and they're
all dressed up, and you can get different ones. You
can get tiny, little full plaster figurines, or you can
buy dolls that come in boxes. Some of them come
in like an egg, so you don't know what you're getting.
It's like a surprise LLOL doll.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
With a doll in the middle.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I am shook it.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
I am absolutely effing gobsmacked because she got this one
the other day and it's like a it's kind of
I don't even.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Know how to describe.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
It's got big permed hair, it's got a puffy fur
pink jacket. It's wearing like bell bottomed jeans. It's like
very adult looking clothing on this doll, which I guess
is kind of like, you know, the old Barbie, but
you take its pants off as kids do when they're
getting them changed, and it's wearing a yellow G string.
This doll is wearing a yellow G string fluo yellow.
(05:44):
And I really like that G string, but like so
inappropriate for a kid's doll that's five years old, Like
really hyper sexualized for a child's toy. What would you
like some Bridget Jones full briefs in nude color, full
nude brief does not need a floral yellow G string
for a five year old unnecessary?
Speaker 1 (06:01):
It seems a lot. Can I ask the actual doll itself?
Is it supposed to be a teenager? Because I think
it's like a Barby shame a doll, but it's very slutty,
it's a very slutty Is it a teenage? Actually?
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Like? Is it a toddler doll or a teenager doll?
Like what is the age of the doll?
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Like?
Speaker 1 (06:18):
How old is the doll?
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Well?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah, how excuse me? How old are you?
Speaker 4 (06:24):
Well, you know, like a.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Barbie, you would say it's grown woman, right.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
Yes, the doll is probably in her twenties.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah, so she can wear a yellow G strink yeah,
but she's made for children, but she's made for little kid.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Is it removable or is it stuck on?
Speaker 1 (06:38):
No, it's stuck on. It's stuck on. Thank God.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
To paint over it, to add some extra briefs to it.
Speaker 4 (06:46):
I just took it away. We just said he lost it.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
It's gone.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
But she has so many of them, and they all
like there's different levels of inappropriateness, Like some of them
are a bit like, oh, that's on the edge, but
this one really went over the edge. I was like, Okay,
now I understand why people were upper arms about Lloel dolls.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
I also understand because these things don't happen by accident.
These are like round the boardroom conversations of what are
we gonna do on this particular doll, how are we
gonna market it, what are we gonna puts its undergarments,
sex salesciche no.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
And I also also, I mean, we make jokes about it.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
But there is a much bigger and far more serious
conversation around how children are exposed to hyper sexualized objects
very very young, and how there is so many things
that are actually targeted. Two kids created four kids that
are already conditioning their brains around being sexualized and even
the other day and I know, like I'm going on
(07:38):
a parent rant now. We had Matt's book launch the
other day and Mary has this really cute set from Seed.
It's like a little top and the pants. The top
is a bit cropped, but the pants sit up high waisted.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
She looks like a cute little floral girl from the seventies.
Like that was the vibe that I got from the outfit.
It was really cute.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Yeah, and if the pants are worn the right way,
then they are kind of like they're cut off of
the ankle, like they're a little bit cropped. But she
gets dressed and she comes out and she has her
full middrift showing like she's pulled them down onto her
lower waist.
Speaker 4 (08:08):
And I was like, Molly, poop pants up. You're not
going like that, and she goes.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
But I like this.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
It makes me feel like an adult. She is that
what she's five, That's what she said, she's five. It
made me think where she gets this from or where
she's seen this before. Maybe it's from watching the Taylor
Swift concept. Maybe it's already Brittany.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
But then this is where I love. Yeah, this is
where you're shaming me on my own podcast, Put your
Midriff for Way. But it's not shocking where they get
it from. It's literally everywhere it is. She lives in
Bondai Beach. There's no one that wears clothes in Bondo Beach.
She watches dance videos, she watches Taylor Swift like we
live in a society where that is normal at any age.
So I'm not shocked that she has that thought that like, oh,
(08:50):
this is what everyone's doing.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
I'm not shocked, but it does feel very young. And
then when you see things like an LLOL doll and
the way in which the dolls have been curated to
dress to look, the way they come with the accessories
to intermatch, and then you see what they're actually hardwired
with underneath that, like the lingerie underneath that, that was
to me pretty shocking. It also made me go, Okay,
I really need to check these things before because you
(09:13):
can't see the lingerie from the outside of the box, right,
Like you can't open it up and see it.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
So yeah, it's it's fucking wild to me.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
It's so interesting though, because I saw a TikTok only
yesterday or the day before of a woman she was Australia,
Australian or Kiwii. She had a pair of shorts from
Kmart and this went really viral and the commentary on
her on Facebook was super divided. And she was holding
up a boy's pair of shorts and there were size three,
and she was holding up a girl's pair of shorts,
and the girl's pair of shorts were these tiny cropped
(09:43):
daisy juke style denim shorts, right, and the boys' version
were inches and inches and inches longer. Yeah, And she
was like, what the fuck is going on? Why is
this the option for girls? Like why are we conditioning
them that their clothing should be shorter, that they should
be showing more skin from the age of someone who
would wear a size three, you know. And the commentary
online was it was very interesting because so many people
(10:05):
were like, don't like it, don't buy it, and then
other people wrote and said, there's actually more to this.
We need to be having conversations about why these decisions
are being made, because they have a flow on effect.
And the flow on effect is Marley going, I want
to look like an adult and my dolls have g
strings on.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, And the thing is is like that mentality of like,
if you don't like it, don't buy it.
Speaker 4 (10:28):
That fine.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Yes, absolutely, as parents we need to be conscious about
the things that we're buying.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
I know that someone listening.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
To this will be like, people know this, this is
not a hot take, Laura, that's how LOL dolls are.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I think that these are just the lessons that you
kind of hit as a parent, and sometimes you feel
like you're behind the eight ball when you're having these lessons,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Kids have always wanted to like when we were growing up,
we used to put on our mum's heels and jewelry,
and like we've always wanted to have that experience of
dressing older or like you know, playing dress up or
pretend totally. But to me, it's actually a really fucking
weird thing that a group of adults sat around a
table and when what underwear choice do we want for
this doll that is targeted at five year old children?
(11:06):
Let's put a G string. That to me is where
I'm like, what, let's probably see.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Their parents in all which you know, that's not sexual,
it's just a different type of undergarment.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
It's a very fine line between what is playing into
things that are adult and where that line is when
it becomes something that's sexualized. Girls are conditioned from such
an unbelievably young age, and it's stuff that we are
so as adults, we're so conditioned to, we're so used
to that we don't even necessarily notice it.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Yeah, it's the lool doll really got me yesterday, that's
for sure, So burn it. Fucking burn them, burn them off.
Maybe that's your unsubscribed.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I'm unsubscribing from lool dolls, fair and short shorts and
mid drifts.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Some five year olds. Oh we hear we in our vibes?
Now did you just segue us there?
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (11:48):
What's your vibrant? Okay, great, my vibe is. I think
it's currently as I speak, number two on Netflix. It's
called The Lie The Grace Mulane Murder. Now you'll all remember,
and I think you shocked like I was at how
long ago it was. Remember the British backpacker. There was
only twenty two that was murdered in New Zealand on
her year away. It was absolutely huge and like rocked
(12:09):
to the nation. It was her twenty second birthday and
she was murdered or she disappeared on her birthdays. Now
I'm shocked that that was in twenty eighteen, because for me,
it feels like it was yesterday. But it shows all
the video footage from when she disappeared to how they
arrested the person that they arrested in the end. But
it goes a little bit deeper than that, and it
really highlights the domestic violence and the violence against women
(12:32):
issue in New Zealand particularly.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
Was it her boyfriend at the time or was it
a stranger?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
It was a Tinder date? Oh wow, Yeah, it was
a you'll remember it if you look at up laws
or when you watch it you remember the case.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
I remember, yeah, I remember it being in the news
and it was a developing story, like they didn't know
who had done it, and then it was all It
all kind of unfolded quite quickly.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Yeah, So it ended up being a Tinder date and
it highlighted so many issues. Then it flipped. I didn't
realize how bad domestic violence was there. Then it flipped
and it showed all the statistics around the violence against
women in New Zealand. And we know that's everywhere, but
this is obviously based around New Zealand. But I found
it a really great documentary on that case particularly, but
(13:13):
then highlighting these really important issues off the back of it.
So that's on Netflix. It's called The Grace Mulane Murder.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
So my vibe for this week is a piece written
by Zara Sideler in El Australia, the magazine. It is
titled Love and Loss what It's Like Getting married without
a parent. I read this too, It was absolutely beautiful. Now,
Zara is the co founder of The Daily Ohs. We're
all friends with Zara. But quite a few years ago
she lost her father and she got married. It was
(13:40):
either at start of this year or the end of
last year.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
She lost him as a teenager. Yeah, a long time ago.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
So Zara wrote this beautiful piece about the complex emotions
involved when you have an experience, like a big milestone
in your life, but there's someone that is like this
big gaping hole that you think should be there experiencing
it with you. And I like, I almost hear up
thinking about this piece. It was so beautifully written, and
I thought it was I don't know if it was
(14:06):
deliberately around Father's Day, but it made me think that
a lot of people would experience this type of like
complex emotion around days like Father's Day in particular. Anyway,
it is such a gorgeous piece. I haven't been able
to find a link for you to read it online.
I think it must be available in the magazine, but
Zara actually shared the entire article on her Instagram page,
so I will link her Instagram post in the show
(14:30):
notes so that you can have a proper read of it.
I guess, like she wrote in the piece about how
she's really downplayed all of these different milestones in her life,
so her birthday's like work achievements, all these different things,
and she was like, well, initially when I was proposed
to I was like, ah, I want to Elope, because
I don't want to have to go, you know, walk
down the aisle with this thing where you're traditionally supposed
(14:52):
to have your dad there and I'm obviously not going
to have my dad there. And the piece kind of
wrote about how she woke up on her wedding day
went to visit her dad's grave, like that was the
first place she went to. I get taran even thinking
about this. It was just so beautiful her explaining the
range of emotions you can have when you have something
(15:14):
so joyous but also so sad at the same time.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
I read through what she posted as well, and I
think anyone who has lost someone who they love, who
then enjoys something that is truly magnificent in their life
feels that duplicious feeling of like, I want to be happy,
but I also feel like something's missing.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
I really liked the fact that she didn't just highlight
the feeling the void surrounding the wedding. It was all
the achievements that she has in a life. And Tony Lodge,
who we had at our live shows, she speaks about
this as well. She speaks about she doesn't want to
celebrate any work achievement or any big achievement because she's like, well,
my mom's not here to celebrate with me, so let's
(15:53):
just keep bypassing it. So yeah, it's yeah, it was
a very beautiful piece.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
I agree. So I will link that in the show
notes and I'll.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Collect my tears.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
I actually just thought it was one of the most
gorgeous short pieces that explained how these things coexist, you know,
how grief lives alongside joy, and yeah, I really recommend it.
Especially if you're someone who maybe experiences that same thing.
I think you'll feel very able to relate to her.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
I have a recommendation as well, which is not just
my own subscribe, which is full brief.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Undis to dolls. Can we get a full brief funday
see legs.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Mine is full brief panties. So this is a podcast series.
It is three episodes. It is by Shameless Media founder
or co founder Michelle Andrews. The series is called Glass
and it is You guys might have heard of it
so far, but Michelle spoke and she shared about it
this week on Instagram that she has been having her
(16:50):
own struggles when it comes to fertility. She talks about
how her left ovary. Basically, she was having some issues
and she went in to have an ultrasound done. She
was having pain and was trying to get to the
bottom of it and discovered that she's completely missing her
left ovary but also had severe cysts on her right ovary.
So this series I really love how Shameless drop this.
(17:11):
It was three episodes, but they dropped it all at
the same time so that you don't have to wait
for the suspense of episode two, which I think when
it's something that's this sensitive. It's really about the storytelling
aspect of it. It's not about like your driving suspense. Guys,
subscribe next week, You've got a new episode.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
You want to consume it all at the same time.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Yes, So I appreciated the sensitivity around this because the
women who are going to listen to this podcast series
are people who are having their own fertility issues. She
talks about IVF, she also talks about her own family
history and how when you are somebody who has fertility issues,
often it's not just your story, but it's the story
of your sisters, it's the story of your mum as well.
(17:48):
And the reason why I liked this is because it
was very different to a normal podcast. This to me
was far more like an audiobook. So Michelle has written
her experience down, almost like listening to someone read out there.
She's a great writer and she's written down her experience
and she is reading her experience, and it is a
storytelling aspect to it. I think it was beautiful. I
(18:09):
am one and a half episodes in. I was listening
to it in the car on the way here, and
that's my recommendation. Three episodes. Shameless Media glass, and yeah,
it's a really, really beautiful story, all right.
Speaker 4 (18:22):
Question number one.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
My fiance and I have had issues in the bedroom
for years.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
He's struggling with anxiety.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
He takes medication, which has massively affected his sex drive. Now,
over the past few months, he's been asking me if
I want to have sex, but it's always been after
he's been on his phone in bed and has a
raging boner, So I assume he's just been watching porn.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
I looked at his.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Google browser history on the computer we share the same
Google browser, which is on his phone, and it turns
out he's been watching porn right before asking me to
have sex as I assumed.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
I know I shouldn't have looked a gadget.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
I know I shouldn't have looked did his history, but
I was going crazy and I was in two minds
about it. One is complete jealousy, as I feel like
he needs another girl to turn him on.
Speaker 4 (19:08):
Before he can sleep with me.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
But I also know that he's probably just doing what
he needs to do first to get it up and
get the job done, as I've been putting the pressure
on lately. For context, we have a great relationship. We
are getting married in a month. I know he finds
me attractive. He's constantly tapping me on the butt or
grabbing my boobs, et cetera. Fuck I whdeer men do that.
But I'm just struggling to be okay with this. I
(19:31):
also don't want to tell him that I've looked at
his browser history, so I don't know how to talk
about it.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
First Well, firstly, Laura, what's wrong with a titty grab? Oh?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
I don't hate it, Like, don't get me wrong, I
don't mind like the butt slaps every so often, but sometimes,
like if I'm in the kitchen and I'm cleaning or
I'm putting away laundry, having someone try and stick their
finger in my ass when they walk past doesn't really
arouse me.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Well, like we went from that escalated quickly, went from
a titty grad to slip in the butt.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Like if I'm bending over doing the dish or whatever,
Matt will come past and try and grab my ass
and I'm like, it's just stop. Like I'm in the
middle of doing something, and I find that really annoying.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Well, it's not arousing. There'd be some people that that
would be arousing for. I think that's more where you
guys rap. I think my first thought for this, and
there'll be people that won't like this, but I don't
think there's a problem with this. The problem would come
if he was watching porn and not wanting to have
sex with you and that was consuming his time. But
it sounds very much like you've had the discussion that
(20:28):
you want more sex for whatever reason. He might be
having some issues, which is something that you need to
investigate further. But I think if he's watching it to
try to get a little bit excited and in the
mood and he's coming to you, then he's not jacking
off in the bathroom without you and then saying I
don't feel like sex. He's doing it, from what you've said,
so that you guys can go and have the great
sex life that you are looking for. Is it the
(20:50):
right way to go about it. I mean, for some
people it's not an issue. If it's an issue for you,
it's an issue for you. That's where it comes from.
It sounds like he's not taking away from you. It
sounds like he's just trying to get in the mood,
and that's what porn is for, right. Porn is to
stimulate you. To get your imagination going, to get your
juices flowing. That's white was created. So as long as
he's pointing that and channeling that in the boner in
(21:12):
your direction, as long as he's pointing the boner in
your direction, Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
I feel a little bit differently because I do think
that if the only way you're able to get off
is by watching porn, if that's the only way you're
able to get in the mood to then have sex
with your partner, I feel like that is and has
become a crutch. And if it's affecting you, as in
the person who's written this in and it's upsetting you,
then it is something that needs for a greater conversation
(21:36):
because I don't think that it's healthy to need to
have porn as the only way to get in the
mood to be able to have sex with your partner.
For me, I would say that there is some other
thing that's going on there that you would want to
have a conversation with him about. The thing that I
think though, is very tricky is that you've said you
(21:56):
don't want him to know that you looked at the
browser history, So then how do you bring this up
because if it is an issue for you or you
are feeling insecure by it, a very honest conversation may
open up that channel and may either a make you
feel less and secure. B It'll give him an opportunity
to explain why or what it is about that that
helps him, or c explore new things in the bedroom,
(22:18):
which might mean that he's able to get off easier
without it just being about porn.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Yeah, I don't know. I feel like we're looking into this,
or maybe you are too, maybe haven't given us enough information.
It doesn't sound like it's the only way he can
do it. She just said that she's noticed that he'll
be on his phone in bed, then he'll want sex after.
That's what she's saying. So I don't think it's like
it's the only way.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Well, no, she said, over the last few months, he's
been asking me if I want to have sex, but
it's always been after he's been on his phone in
bed and he already has a raging boner. So what
I interpret has happened here is she's brought up with
her partner that she's feeling as though their sex life
isn't at a place that makes her satisfied, because she
also said it's after she had put the pressure on
(22:57):
a little bit, and so he is making an effort,
but the only way in which he's able to make
an effort is by watching porn.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
The other thing here is is that I think you
can easily have that conversation. You haven't been snooping on
his phone. You have a shared browser history, so it's
pretty easy. When you go to typing something into your
browser history, it often drops down what you've been looking at.
So it's pretty easy for you to be like, hey,
this just popped up. I've seen that you've been watching.
I don't think that's a big deal to conversation to have.
You're marrying him next week, Yeah, this should be a conversation.
It's like, hey, you don't come to him like accusatory,
(23:27):
and you don't come with anger. It's like, hey, baby,
I was looking on the computer and I saw you've
been watching porn. Can I just ask do you feel
like I know you've been making an effort with me,
Do you feel like you need to watch that to
have sex? Is there something that like we could do
differently or try to maybe help. I think that's a
really easy conversation. To be honest, I have a bit.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Of a different opinion on this, and I just want
to give her the alternate perspective as someone who is
on medication like this and has been on medications in
the past that have absolutely decimated my sex drive. Like
pretty much any type of any depressant or like ADHD
medication or any anxiety medication has very known effects on
(24:06):
your sex drive.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
For a lot of people, it completely disappears.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
I actually think this is a really kind thing that
he's doing, Like he's probably quite aware of the fact
that it's such a strange thing to explain because you
can still find your partner just as sexually attractive, and
you can be like, yeah, I really enjoy sex, but
just that it's like getting the ball rolling you just
have no desire whatsoever in your body to do it.
And so and I've personally experienced this, like it's one
(24:33):
of those things that I'm just like, I don't know why,
it's just like it's just not there at the time
that I'm on these particular medications. And so I kind
of am trying. I mean, I'm putting a few things
in place that maybe don't exist in your relationship. But
he's probably aware of the fact that you are wanting
to have a sexual relationship with him. And I truly
genuinely believe that he wants to have a sexual relationship
(24:53):
with you, And so he's like, Okay, this is a
really good way for me to like get the ball
rolling and get my juices so that I can have
sex with you in the way that I want to.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Yeah, I agree in some parts, but obviously, and like
whether it's medication or anxiety, whatever, it is the contributor
to this, Like he has an issue with managing a rousal,
Like he doesn't have arousal. But the problem is is
that he's relying on an external stimulant and will become
conditioned to only being able to have sex if he's
watched porn and if that's the only way he's able
(25:25):
to get off, like that is going to cause some
long term issues in a relationship. If the only time
your partner wants to fuck you is if he's been
laying in bed watching pornography prior. I understand why she
feels not threatened, but she feels like, Okay, maybe sometimes
this is a way that we can get into the
mood of having sex. But if this is a condition
of him wanting to have sex with me and it's
(25:46):
become something that is normally in their relationship, I would
also feel as though that's something I would need to address.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
I write a really interesting study the other day, but
it was around long term relationships and being able to
ejaculate or have sex, I guess even masturbation, but more
than one time in a day in a long term relationship.
And what they found from these studies was really interesting
and I think it leans into this. Men that are
probably from thirty on, like once they've passed their peak
(26:14):
peak ejaculation, you know in your early twenties, you can
just go and go and go and go. Men that
have been in long term relationships that are a little
bit older can really only have sex once and then
it takes quite a long time that day. Like if
they could have sex another time in that day with
a long term partner, it's really really, really hard. There's
no way one hour later they can do it again.
(26:36):
But when given the same day, so they've had sex
with a long term partner, when given external stimulus like
porn that if somebody new they can have sex, they can,
they will get a boner, and they can ejaculate again
far quicker than they can if it was their long
term partner. And once I read that, I was like,
I sort of understand why people do need external stimulus
in long term relationships. It doesn't mean they don't love
(26:59):
you as much, but if you've been with someone for
ten or fifteen years and you know them inside out
and you've had all of that initial burning chemistry at
the start, it is going to take something different. And
I'm not an advocate for porn. I'm not saying everyone
should watch it, but I totally understand why some people
need a help in hand to continue giving their partner
what they need. And that's why I'm usually I would
(27:21):
be against pawn in these questions when we've had asking cuts,
when the person is like, he won't be having sex
with me, but I know watching porn. But I really
feel like, sort of what Keisha said, I really feel
like he's doing this because he's trying to give you
what you need, and maybe he's not going about it
the right way, but he's watching it and not ejaculating.
He's watching it and then rolling over to you and saying,
do you want to have sex like I'm ready.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Yeah, But I understand why as someone you feel like
a cum dumb stuff get it aroused by watching someone
else and come off your load. I really understand the
points that you guys are making that I deeply relate
to why she is not okay with this as being
the constant in her relationship, and I think that they
need to have a converse about it and.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
Put it out on the table.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
And I'm relating to it in terms of, like, if
that's where my sexual relationship got to with Matt, that
the only time he wanted to have sex with me
was after watching porn, I would be upset by that.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
So I'm understanding her feelings.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
That's all I very much do as well, especially if
this is like you said, it becomes a conditioned response.
I think that if you're going to have this conversation,
my only point of mentioning like how much this medication
can affect you is And it does sound as though
you will enter the conversation with a lot of compassion
of your fact that like it's a physiological thing. It's
actually and I'm only saying this because I have genuinely
(28:36):
experienced it so much. It's not a psychological thing. It's
just like something is different in your body and you're
just not able to get the hormones.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Or whatever it is that causes you to be like
h it just dispays.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
I think the medication thing is what sets it apart
for me. I don't like this idea that just because
you've been in a long term relationship with someone that
you need to have external stimulus to maintain desire. I
think there needs to be big conversation around arousal, around
what you both want in the bedroom, around all the
things we've spoken about with esther Peerrell. I don't think
that porn should be the only thing that we go
(29:09):
to to try and maintain desire in a relationship. And
I actually don't have anything against porn. I think it
can be a great contributor, but I also think it
can be something that takes away from relationships very much
as well.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Yeah, of course, and like I said, this is an
easy convo for you to have. You've got to shared history. Like,
I don't think this is a way. It'd be a
tiny bit harder if you had unlocked his phone and
gone through his phone, like you know, gone through his
private stuff. But when you've got a shared computer. I
think that's an easy in, but it's all around the
way you approach it, which You've written to us so
calmly and with such understanding that I think that you
(29:42):
will approach it in the same way. Good luck. Next question.
I come from quite a messy family. I have six siblings,
all half My dad is onto his fourth marriage, and
my mom has had two divorces. I've always been close
with my mum that have only become with my dad
in the past five or so years. My parents' breakup
(30:04):
was very messy and they've never been amicable. I now
have a beautiful partner and a darling little daughter who
is just about to turn one. We're throwing her a
party and have invited all of our friends and family. However,
a few weeks out, my dad has just said that
no one from his side of my family, so him,
my stepmom, brother and his family will be coming because
(30:24):
they feel uncomfortable and they would like to have a
separate party for my daughter instead. I'm so disappointed. It's
been over twenty years since they have divorced, he's had
two marriages since. How are they still hung up to
the point that they can't be in the same room
for my daughter for one hour. I never wanted my
daughter to have to celebrate everything twice like I have.
(30:45):
What would you do do I suck it up and
throw two parties or just say to my dad that
he'll unfortunately have to miss out.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Firstly, I understand all your points very much, so no,
you don't have to have two parties for your kids.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
But if your.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Parents that fucking like haves that much disdain for each other,
if they feel that uncomfortable being in the same room
after twenty years, I would not want them both at
my kid's one year old birthday party because they will
make it about themselves.
Speaker 4 (31:13):
They will make that situation uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
And then a memory that is like your first child's
first birthday party is such as sweet and big event,
like you made a whole year. That's like your first
birthday party. You had a whole year of parenting and
you kept that kid alive.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Good for you.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
I personally would not want my parents there in the
same room because I wouldn't want to give them the
opportunity to make it about them and to take anything
away from the experience of my day and of our
family unit's day of enjoying my child, So that would.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
Be my first thought.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
So if the opportunity came up to have two separate parties,
I think I personally would just do it because I
absolutely couldn't be bothered with the family drama. But in
saying that, if you don't want to have two parties
because you have memories of how divisive that was for
you growing up, I would just say to your dad, Okay, well,
unfortunately we're not doing a second one. So I mean,
(32:06):
we can have cake at your house or something, but
we're not having a second party. So if you guys
are unable to put your differences aside, then unfortunately you
miss out.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (32:14):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
I absolutely do not think you need to throw two
entire parties. It's your prerogative, it's your child, and it's
also like Laura said, your birthday, throw your one party.
Be nice to your dad, say hey dad, this is
the party we're doing. Totally get you don't want to come.
I wish you could. I would have thought you could
put your differences aside by now for the sake of
my daughter. But if you can't, you are welcome to
take her for an ice cream or have a cake
(32:36):
or have it. You can have a moment with her
and the family, but I'm not going to the extreme
of two parties. Also, once you start two parties at one,
you've set the president and you's just going to be
a lot of effort for the rest of your life.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
You set your differences aside, and you do what's mutually
best for the people in your life. Your parents are
not doing that. They're only thinking of themselves, They're only
prioritizing their own discomfort. And this is your opportunity, as
the adult in your child's life, as the parent, to
now make decisions that are right for your nuclear family.
And you know, we either grow up as parents ourselves
(33:09):
and we emulate our parents, or we set really clear
boundaries around how we want our children to be raised.
And I think that this is going to be one
of those opportunities for you to communicate with your parents
what you will and won't stand for in your kid's life.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
And unfortunately, you can't make people be less selfish. You can't.
And if some people are so stuck in their ways,
and it sounds like if it's been twenty years that
pretty stuck in the mud. Put it out there tell
him how it is and his options of what he
can do. He can either come and be great, or
he can take her for a little cake and an
ice cream or in a moment with his family. But
(33:42):
that's it, Like, you don't need to negotiate and you
don't need to bend over for other people. When you
become a parent and you know how you want to
parent again, good luck, good luck.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Wishing you all happy birth Happy birthday to your beautiful
one year old, and congratulations and a year of parenting
all right? Next question, should you ditch awake after a
funeral to go to a footy match? Our team has
made it into the finals, but the day of the
game is the funeral of my grandparent. My siblings think
(34:11):
it's okay to go to the service and skip out
to go to the game. But I think that that
is very, very poor taste. What are your thoughts? Fucking hell,
I think it's poor taste.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
I think you could almost do it.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
Ask your granda. I mean, like, do you think your
grandparent would care they're not there?
Speaker 1 (34:26):
Do you know what? When I first read like this,
I thought ditching just to go and watch a footy game?
But it's own final I think your grandparents would want
you to go and win for them. I think you
go doing it for you. I'm doing you. I love you,
I love your grandpa. We're making fun of this. Obviously,
we're sorry that your grandparents passed away, but I do
truly think that if you have had that relationship with
(34:47):
your grandparents, they know that you love them. You don't
need this one specific hour to mourn them. If you've
had the relationship where you think that they would be
okay with it, Like, is it ideal? No, of course
it's ideal for you to be at the wake with
your fears. But if your family are okay with you going,
and you feel okay with you going, I think your
grandparents would be like rock on, like, go and win
(35:09):
that football match. But if you don't think you can
live with it, like you're the one that said your
family thinks it's okay, but you think you can't go
if you don't think you can recover from skipping their wake,
which spoiler, it does only happen once, like this is
it If you think that you're not going to be
able to live with that? Do you think you are
(35:29):
crucial to your team winning the final? Like will they
be okay without you? Then it's only an answer question
that you can answer. I mean, it's it's a tricky one.
Like I have.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Had quite a few funerals lately, unfortunately, But I don't
think that the wake is for your grandparents.
Speaker 4 (35:47):
The wake is for your family.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
So like the funeral is the memory of your grandparents,
the funeral is the time where you you know it's
going to be very emotional.
Speaker 4 (35:55):
You will probably be crying. It's going to be a
real pivot to be like.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Cool, I'm on the field, like that will probably not
You're probably not going to play the best game that
you've ever played coming straight out of a funeral.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
But that's for you to decide.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
The purpose of awake is for spending time with your
family and sharing memories, and it's usually the levity that
follows the funeral. I know that, like when we lose grandparents,
it is deeply, deeply sad, Like it is devastatingly sad,
but it's also not a tragedy when a grandparent has
lived a long and full life. The only question you
can ask is what you said, Britt, Like, what would
(36:27):
your grandparents think if your grandparents were to turn around?
And be like, oh my god, I cannot believe you
left marm or Dad or whoever it was in that
state they were so so upset.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Then I would have second thoughts.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
But if your family are okay and this is just
because you morally are you know, throwing up this question,
then I'm like, Okay, well you did the funeral.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
I think of My nana would be like, mate, I'm
already dead. Go live your life. Like that's what my
nana would say. My nana, I'd be like, I know
you love me. I'm like, you know, should say go
rock on? For sure?
Speaker 2 (36:56):
That's exactly my nana would also say rock on. My
nan was like, don't even have a funeral for me.
Just put me in the ground fucking be done, which
was pretty grim, but she's like, just let me go.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
She was like, why you're crying so embarrassing for you?
Get it over with. It's I mean, it's again, I
think it's what you've got to live with. You're the
one that knows your grandparents and you know your family,
and you know if you're going to be okay with
making this decision.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
I think it also depends on like I mean, I
kind of touched on it, but it kind of depends
on the suddenness the tragedy of it, Like it really
does depend on how everybody has gone with their morning
so far.
Speaker 4 (37:28):
When I think about my experience with Mike, Nana.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
She was so ready to go, like she had been
talking about wanting to die for about six years. She
was like, you'd visit her, and every time you visited her,
she'd be like, well, I guess this is.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Goodbye, Like like, Nana.
Speaker 4 (37:43):
Not not yet, and so like, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
I think if this was my situation, my name would
absolutely have been like, please do not not play your
football final my Nana.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
Just last time I was up, I put my Corey visiting.
She was taking a jewelry off and giving it to me.
We're at my niece's football match, and she was like,
take this now, Hannah, I might not make it. I
was like what.
Speaker 4 (38:05):
I was like, Nna, put it back.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
On your finger. I was like, I'm not taking it now.
Also like you still live alone, you're still great. Like
she's like, that's just better to be sure. She's like
it could change any day, honestly. So, yeah, it's a
tricky one, but I reckon most grandparents would be happy
for their grandchildren to be going and living their life
and not missing out because of them. That's what I
It could.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
Also be cultural though, I mean, we're talking about this
from our perspectives, which are very very similar, but culturally
it could be very different. And also it depends on
your relationship with your grandparents. Like you may be emotionally
too bereft to be able to go and do anything else.
But if you know that you yourself are going to
be okay, you know that your family members and the
people who rely on you for support are okay. They've
(38:48):
had time to process this and it's more a celebration
of their life. You are able, and it is okay
to celebrate the life of the people you love in
your own way, especially because you have made an effort
to go to the funeral.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
You have been there.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
I'm okay with this, But you don't need Life on
Cut to tell you that we're okay with Well.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
No, the only other thing that I'm putting in I've
just put I just really visually took myself out of
the podcast and put myself in that exact situation. The
only thing that I would say now is your siblings
are okay with it, which is great, But I think
the questions more around your parents. So you need to
ask your parents because they lost their parents. So you're
one of your parents has just lost their mum or
(39:26):
dad yep, and you don't know how they are going
to feel. So the siblings saying you can go is
one thing. But I would go to your parents in
all seriousness and just say this is the situation. How
would you feel if I did this. I want to
be here for you more than anything, but I also
want to go on kock a footage track that I
want to but I want to win.
Speaker 3 (39:43):
No.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
But because like it depends on your parents' relationship with
their parents.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
It also depends on what sort of football you're playing.
Are you playing touch or rugby? No, I don't mean
the style of football. I mean like you like playing
community sports.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
Yeah, it doesn't matter if it doesn't know, it doesn't.
It still is important to anyone. It doesn't matter if
you're a professional or if it's your weekend team. I
think of it a bit. If it's important to you,
what matters more if it's the World Cup. But I
don't think this, I don't think this life is playing
in the World Cup. Well, that is it from us, guys.
If you have a question, please right into the podcast
(40:16):
Life on Cup podcast. Just put askuncut at the top
of your DM. We will store that bad boy away
and try and answer it and you will always stay anonymous.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Carry it away like a little squirrel with nuts in
its mouth. Yeah, you know what Mully did yesterday put
a nut in her mouth. She stole a whole lot
almonds from upstairs, and I came upstairs to go to
bed and she'd made an armond cafe.
Speaker 4 (40:36):
She'd just set up like an entire shop and all
that sold was almonds.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Wow, and it works very niche rock on anyway, guys,
that is it from us. Also, if you enjoy watching
or listening, you can go and watch it all on
the YouTube channels because all the episodes are there. Go watch,
enjoy get real behind the scenes and up close and personal.
Brittany's sitting on the couch with nose choos on.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Like I was also just looking at how I've got.
I don't wear high heels anymore, and I had to
wear high heels last week for a long time. Actually,
they might even still be from the logies, which was
a long time ago. I've got these like blistered scabs
on my feet and I'm like, man.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
I can go one step further than you do. You
remember when I went to Bali. I think it was
in June or July this year.
Speaker 4 (41:20):
July.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Okay, No, I don't have a blister. I have one
single toenail that still has.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
Now polish on it from July. Actually just no one,
the fourth one?
Speaker 2 (41:33):
Oh yeah, two, I have two tiny Even Molly was like,
what the fuck are you doing with that?
Speaker 1 (41:36):
Mum? Get that sort of free rank My llol dolls
better than that. Yeah, look at that. We don't need
to put your foot down as actually discussing. Okay, guys,
let's get out of here on that note, you know
the drill. See Mum tea, Dad tea, Doug. Tear friends
and share the love because we love love
Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
past and present.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to
another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and
it is ask guncut where we answer You're deep, you're dark,
(00:31):
and you're burning questions.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Should I start with an update? How burning are you?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
What are you?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Questions? I'm pretty clear I've got nothing going on. No,
I have an update. So this week, Earlier this week,
I was breadcrumbing the excitement that my sister Sherry had
her baby. But I was like, I'm under strict instructions
that I can't give too much info.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
To be fair, when you say bread crumb, we still
talked about it for a good twenty minutes, so like
we gave as much information as we possibly could, and
then some well.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
We end up just talking about me and what I
want in my life. We didn't really talk about Sherry
for twenty minutes. But as an update, I can tell
you now because Sheridan has posted it. But it is
a little girl called Maya. She was two kilos so tiry, Yeah,
she was two kilos. And I am just I know
that every woman says this right, like or every birth.
(01:18):
Everyone's like, I'm sewing awe of the human body and
how it works and that a woman can even push
that out. But when I hear Sherry's story, I really
am just like gobsmacked. She went in at only thirty
four weeks, just the back end of thirty four weeks,
with a bit of pain. But it's her first baby,
so she wasn't sure. But she's like, I don't want
to risk it. She's got high blood pressure and they
were like, you're fine, nothing's going on. They checked us.
(01:41):
They're like, look, the baby's head's engaged, but you're not
dilated at all. The contractions are so far apart. They're like,
it's Braxton Hicks, not real. But we're going to keep
you just because your blood pressures high. So she was
like great, so she stayed in.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
I always say to friends who are pregnant, who are
like towards the end of their pregnancy, They're like, how
do I know if I'm in labor? This labor And
I'm like, if you're googling, am I in labor?
Speaker 1 (02:02):
You're not in labor. But this is the thing, right,
she was in labor, but she must just have the
highest pain tolerance anyway, So she does marathons. She's good
with it. She does she does that ultra shit. A
couple of hours go past and she messaged me. She goes, oh,
it feels like it's ramping up a little bit, but
she's still not concerned. But she's like, something is happening.
So she calls them back. So they with Berundi's off,
(02:23):
have a look. They're like, oh, you're only two centimes dilated.
Nothing's happening plenty of time, and her waters had only
partially broken, which I didn't know was a thing like
the tinese bit had leaked out. That's why she sort
of went to the hospital because she's like, I think
this is my waters but it was just a small amount,
and they're like, yeah, sometimes they can leak out for
like weeks anyway, So she calls them back. They're like
two centemis dilated. She calls them back again a bit
(02:44):
later and they're like, bro, you're not in labor. And
she's like, well, I feel like there's a bit more
pain right now, and she's messaging me this and I'm like, okay,
keep me posted. But I didn't think anything was happening.
So they gave her one paracetamol. That's it. They're like,
you are fine, and you are not gonna last through
labor if this is bothering you. So they gave her
one paracegemol. Within one hour, she was screaming, screaming, pulling
(03:08):
her undies off, and they came running and she's like
I need to push. They're like, you don't your two
centimeters look down and they're like, oh my god, they'll
like clear the room. Sheridan was like it was like
a movie. They were like wheeling her down and she's
ripping her clothes off, screaming, and within one hour, that
baby shot out on one paracetamol. It just it just decided.
(03:30):
I didn't even know that was a thing. I didn't
know you could be two centimeters and so early and
the doctors are like, there is nothing happening to it
being out on her chest.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
It's also why people have babies in car parks and
in cars and on their bathroom floors. That it happens.
It doesn't happen frequently, but it absolutely happens. I have
a friend who had her baby. She was like, I'm
having contractions, I'm gonna have a bath and then they
had a baby on the bathroom floor forty five minutes later.
Couldn't get to the hospital and time ambulance on this way,
but just her partner birthed her baby.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Crazy. It is wild anyway. So she's also so healthy've
they've just gone home now. She didn't need like she's
obviously premie, but she didn't need anything. She had a
bit of jaundice, so she was under the blue light
for a bit. But they were like stick grunts, son,
she's killing it. Yeah, They're like, off you go. So
I just look at my sister and I'm like, you
smash that out with one parascene. What that's amazing. Yeah,
(04:19):
so it's amazing. That's my little update. And she's so small.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Oh it was speaking of kids, I had something I
wanted to bring up with you, which I feel like
I'm very late to the party on this because when
I did some research online, this is something that's been
around for a while, but it's new to me. So
hold on to your nickers, literally, So Marley is obsessed
with this type of doll called an lool doll. It says, lol, omg,
probably not a doll that you should get for your kids.
(04:44):
The packaging in and of itself is probably enough to
be like, oh, it's probably not the best thing.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Even though I all know what an lool doll.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Is lool dolls, because Marley's told me. Molly showed me.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Her LOL dolls. She loves them.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
They come and they've got all these accessories, and they're
all dressed up, and you can get different ones. You
can get tiny, little full plaster figurines, or you can
buy dolls that come in boxes. Some of them come
in like an egg, so you don't know what you're getting.
It's like a surprise LLOL doll.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
With a doll in the middle.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I am shook it.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
I am absolutely effing gobsmacked because she got this one
the other day and it's like a it's kind of
I don't even.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Know how to describe.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
It's got big permed hair, it's got a puffy fur
pink jacket. It's wearing like bell bottomed jeans. It's like
very adult looking clothing on this doll, which I guess
is kind of like, you know, the old Barbie, but
you take its pants off as kids do when they're
getting them changed, and it's wearing a yellow G string.
This doll is wearing a yellow G string fluo yellow.
(05:44):
And I really like that G string, but like so
inappropriate for a kid's doll that's five years old, Like
really hyper sexualized for a child's toy. What would you
like some Bridget Jones full briefs in nude color, full
nude brief does not need a floral yellow G string
for a five year old unnecessary?
Speaker 1 (06:01):
It seems a lot. Can I ask the actual doll itself?
Is it supposed to be a teenager? Because I think
it's like a Barby shame a doll, but it's very slutty,
it's a very slutty Is it a teenage? Actually?
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Like? Is it a toddler doll or a teenager doll?
Like what is the age of the doll?
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Like?
Speaker 1 (06:18):
How old is the doll?
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Well?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah, how excuse me? How old are you?
Speaker 4 (06:24):
Well, you know, like a.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Barbie, you would say it's grown woman, right.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
Yes, the doll is probably in her twenties.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah, so she can wear a yellow G strink yeah,
but she's made for children, but she's made for little kid.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Is it removable or is it stuck on?
Speaker 1 (06:38):
No, it's stuck on. It's stuck on. Thank God.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
To paint over it, to add some extra briefs to it.
Speaker 4 (06:46):
I just took it away. We just said he lost it.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
It's gone.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
But she has so many of them, and they all
like there's different levels of inappropriateness, Like some of them
are a bit like, oh, that's on the edge, but
this one really went over the edge. I was like, Okay,
now I understand why people were upper arms about Lloel dolls.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
I also understand because these things don't happen by accident.
These are like round the boardroom conversations of what are
we gonna do on this particular doll, how are we
gonna market it, what are we gonna puts its undergarments,
sex salesciche no.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
And I also also, I mean, we make jokes about it.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
But there is a much bigger and far more serious
conversation around how children are exposed to hyper sexualized objects
very very young, and how there is so many things
that are actually targeted. Two kids created four kids that
are already conditioning their brains around being sexualized and even
the other day and I know, like I'm going on
(07:38):
a parent rant now. We had Matt's book launch the
other day and Mary has this really cute set from Seed.
It's like a little top and the pants. The top
is a bit cropped, but the pants sit up high waisted.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
She looks like a cute little floral girl from the seventies.
Like that was the vibe that I got from the outfit.
It was really cute.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Yeah, and if the pants are worn the right way,
then they are kind of like they're cut off of
the ankle, like they're a little bit cropped. But she
gets dressed and she comes out and she has her
full middrift showing like she's pulled them down onto her
lower waist.
Speaker 4 (08:08):
And I was like, Molly, poop pants up. You're not
going like that, and she goes.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
But I like this.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
It makes me feel like an adult. She is that
what she's five, That's what she said, she's five. It
made me think where she gets this from or where
she's seen this before. Maybe it's from watching the Taylor
Swift concept. Maybe it's already Brittany.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
But then this is where I love. Yeah, this is
where you're shaming me on my own podcast, Put your
Midriff for Way. But it's not shocking where they get
it from. It's literally everywhere it is. She lives in
Bondai Beach. There's no one that wears clothes in Bondo Beach.
She watches dance videos, she watches Taylor Swift like we
live in a society where that is normal at any age.
So I'm not shocked that she has that thought that like, oh,
(08:50):
this is what everyone's doing.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
I'm not shocked, but it does feel very young. And
then when you see things like an LLOL doll and
the way in which the dolls have been curated to
dress to look, the way they come with the accessories
to intermatch, and then you see what they're actually hardwired
with underneath that, like the lingerie underneath that, that was
to me pretty shocking. It also made me go, Okay,
I really need to check these things before because you
(09:13):
can't see the lingerie from the outside of the box, right,
Like you can't open it up and see it.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
So yeah, it's it's fucking wild to me.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
It's so interesting though, because I saw a TikTok only
yesterday or the day before of a woman she was Australia,
Australian or Kiwii. She had a pair of shorts from
Kmart and this went really viral and the commentary on
her on Facebook was super divided. And she was holding
up a boy's pair of shorts and there were size three,
and she was holding up a girl's pair of shorts,
and the girl's pair of shorts were these tiny cropped
(09:43):
daisy juke style denim shorts, right, and the boys' version
were inches and inches and inches longer. Yeah, And she
was like, what the fuck is going on? Why is
this the option for girls? Like why are we conditioning
them that their clothing should be shorter, that they should
be showing more skin from the age of someone who
would wear a size three, you know. And the commentary
online was it was very interesting because so many people
(10:05):
were like, don't like it, don't buy it, and then
other people wrote and said, there's actually more to this.
We need to be having conversations about why these decisions
are being made, because they have a flow on effect.
And the flow on effect is Marley going, I want
to look like an adult and my dolls have g
strings on.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, And the thing is is like that mentality of like,
if you don't like it, don't buy it.
Speaker 4 (10:28):
That fine.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Yes, absolutely, as parents we need to be conscious about
the things that we're buying.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
I know that someone listening.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
To this will be like, people know this, this is
not a hot take, Laura, that's how LOL dolls are.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I think that these are just the lessons that you
kind of hit as a parent, and sometimes you feel
like you're behind the eight ball when you're having these lessons,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Kids have always wanted to like when we were growing up,
we used to put on our mum's heels and jewelry,
and like we've always wanted to have that experience of
dressing older or like you know, playing dress up or
pretend totally. But to me, it's actually a really fucking
weird thing that a group of adults sat around a
table and when what underwear choice do we want for
this doll that is targeted at five year old children?
(11:06):
Let's put a G string. That to me is where
I'm like, what, let's probably see.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Their parents in all which you know, that's not sexual,
it's just a different type of undergarment.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
It's a very fine line between what is playing into
things that are adult and where that line is when
it becomes something that's sexualized. Girls are conditioned from such
an unbelievably young age, and it's stuff that we are
so as adults, we're so conditioned to, we're so used
to that we don't even necessarily notice it.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Yeah, it's the lool doll really got me yesterday, that's
for sure, So burn it. Fucking burn them, burn them off.
Maybe that's your unsubscribed.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I'm unsubscribing from lool dolls, fair and short shorts and
mid drifts.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Some five year olds. Oh we hear we in our vibes?
Now did you just segue us there?
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (11:48):
What's your vibrant? Okay, great, my vibe is. I think
it's currently as I speak, number two on Netflix. It's
called The Lie The Grace Mulane Murder. Now you'll all remember,
and I think you shocked like I was at how
long ago it was. Remember the British backpacker. There was
only twenty two that was murdered in New Zealand on
her year away. It was absolutely huge and like rocked
(12:09):
to the nation. It was her twenty second birthday and
she was murdered or she disappeared on her birthdays. Now
I'm shocked that that was in twenty eighteen, because for me,
it feels like it was yesterday. But it shows all
the video footage from when she disappeared to how they
arrested the person that they arrested in the end. But
it goes a little bit deeper than that, and it
really highlights the domestic violence and the violence against women
(12:32):
issue in New Zealand particularly.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
Was it her boyfriend at the time or was it
a stranger?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
It was a Tinder date? Oh wow, Yeah, it was
a you'll remember it if you look at up laws
or when you watch it you remember the case.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
I remember, yeah, I remember it being in the news
and it was a developing story, like they didn't know
who had done it, and then it was all It
all kind of unfolded quite quickly.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Yeah, So it ended up being a Tinder date and
it highlighted so many issues. Then it flipped. I didn't
realize how bad domestic violence was there. Then it flipped
and it showed all the statistics around the violence against
women in New Zealand. And we know that's everywhere, but
this is obviously based around New Zealand. But I found
it a really great documentary on that case particularly, but
(13:13):
then highlighting these really important issues off the back of it.
So that's on Netflix. It's called The Grace Mulane Murder.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
So my vibe for this week is a piece written
by Zara Sideler in El Australia, the magazine. It is
titled Love and Loss what It's Like Getting married without
a parent. I read this too, It was absolutely beautiful. Now,
Zara is the co founder of The Daily Ohs. We're
all friends with Zara. But quite a few years ago
she lost her father and she got married. It was
(13:40):
either at start of this year or the end of
last year.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
She lost him as a teenager. Yeah, a long time ago.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
So Zara wrote this beautiful piece about the complex emotions
involved when you have an experience, like a big milestone
in your life, but there's someone that is like this
big gaping hole that you think should be there experiencing
it with you. And I like, I almost hear up
thinking about this piece. It was so beautifully written, and
I thought it was I don't know if it was
(14:06):
deliberately around Father's Day, but it made me think that
a lot of people would experience this type of like
complex emotion around days like Father's Day in particular. Anyway,
it is such a gorgeous piece. I haven't been able
to find a link for you to read it online.
I think it must be available in the magazine, but
Zara actually shared the entire article on her Instagram page,
so I will link her Instagram post in the show
(14:30):
notes so that you can have a proper read of it.
I guess, like she wrote in the piece about how
she's really downplayed all of these different milestones in her life,
so her birthday's like work achievements, all these different things,
and she was like, well, initially when I was proposed
to I was like, ah, I want to Elope, because
I don't want to have to go, you know, walk
down the aisle with this thing where you're traditionally supposed
(14:52):
to have your dad there and I'm obviously not going
to have my dad there. And the piece kind of
wrote about how she woke up on her wedding day
went to visit her dad's grave, like that was the
first place she went to. I get taran even thinking
about this. It was just so beautiful her explaining the
range of emotions you can have when you have something
(15:14):
so joyous but also so sad at the same time.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
I read through what she posted as well, and I
think anyone who has lost someone who they love, who
then enjoys something that is truly magnificent in their life
feels that duplicious feeling of like, I want to be happy,
but I also feel like something's missing.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
I really liked the fact that she didn't just highlight
the feeling the void surrounding the wedding. It was all
the achievements that she has in a life. And Tony Lodge,
who we had at our live shows, she speaks about
this as well. She speaks about she doesn't want to
celebrate any work achievement or any big achievement because she's like, well,
my mom's not here to celebrate with me, so let's
(15:53):
just keep bypassing it. So yeah, it's yeah, it was
a very beautiful piece.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
I agree. So I will link that in the show
notes and I'll.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Collect my tears.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
I actually just thought it was one of the most
gorgeous short pieces that explained how these things coexist, you know,
how grief lives alongside joy, and yeah, I really recommend it.
Especially if you're someone who maybe experiences that same thing.
I think you'll feel very able to relate to her.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
I have a recommendation as well, which is not just
my own subscribe, which is full brief.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Undis to dolls. Can we get a full brief funday
see legs.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Mine is full brief panties. So this is a podcast series.
It is three episodes. It is by Shameless Media founder
or co founder Michelle Andrews. The series is called Glass
and it is You guys might have heard of it
so far, but Michelle spoke and she shared about it
this week on Instagram that she has been having her
(16:50):
own struggles when it comes to fertility. She talks about
how her left ovary. Basically, she was having some issues
and she went in to have an ultrasound done. She
was having pain and was trying to get to the
bottom of it and discovered that she's completely missing her
left ovary but also had severe cysts on her right ovary.
So this series I really love how Shameless drop this.
(17:11):
It was three episodes, but they dropped it all at
the same time so that you don't have to wait
for the suspense of episode two, which I think when
it's something that's this sensitive. It's really about the storytelling
aspect of it. It's not about like your driving suspense. Guys,
subscribe next week, You've got a new episode.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
You want to consume it all at the same time.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Yes, So I appreciated the sensitivity around this because the
women who are going to listen to this podcast series
are people who are having their own fertility issues. She
talks about IVF, she also talks about her own family
history and how when you are somebody who has fertility issues,
often it's not just your story, but it's the story
of your sisters, it's the story of your mum as well.
(17:48):
And the reason why I liked this is because it
was very different to a normal podcast. This to me
was far more like an audiobook. So Michelle has written
her experience down, almost like listening to someone read out there.
She's a great writer and she's written down her experience
and she is reading her experience, and it is a
storytelling aspect to it. I think it was beautiful. I
(18:09):
am one and a half episodes in. I was listening
to it in the car on the way here, and
that's my recommendation. Three episodes. Shameless Media glass, and yeah,
it's a really, really beautiful story, all right.
Speaker 4 (18:22):
Question number one.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
My fiance and I have had issues in the bedroom
for years.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
He's struggling with anxiety.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
He takes medication, which has massively affected his sex drive. Now,
over the past few months, he's been asking me if
I want to have sex, but it's always been after
he's been on his phone in bed and has a
raging boner, So I assume he's just been watching porn.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
I looked at his.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Google browser history on the computer we share the same
Google browser, which is on his phone, and it turns
out he's been watching porn right before asking me to
have sex as I assumed.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
I know I shouldn't have looked a gadget.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
I know I shouldn't have looked did his history, but
I was going crazy and I was in two minds
about it. One is complete jealousy, as I feel like
he needs another girl to turn him on.
Speaker 4 (19:08):
Before he can sleep with me.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
But I also know that he's probably just doing what
he needs to do first to get it up and
get the job done, as I've been putting the pressure
on lately. For context, we have a great relationship. We
are getting married in a month. I know he finds
me attractive. He's constantly tapping me on the butt or
grabbing my boobs, et cetera. Fuck I whdeer men do that.
But I'm just struggling to be okay with this. I
(19:31):
also don't want to tell him that I've looked at
his browser history, so I don't know how to talk
about it.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
First Well, firstly, Laura, what's wrong with a titty grab? Oh?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
I don't hate it, Like, don't get me wrong, I
don't mind like the butt slaps every so often, but sometimes,
like if I'm in the kitchen and I'm cleaning or
I'm putting away laundry, having someone try and stick their
finger in my ass when they walk past doesn't really
arouse me.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Well, like we went from that escalated quickly, went from
a titty grad to slip in the butt.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Like if I'm bending over doing the dish or whatever,
Matt will come past and try and grab my ass
and I'm like, it's just stop. Like I'm in the
middle of doing something, and I find that really annoying.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Well, it's not arousing. There'd be some people that that
would be arousing for. I think that's more where you
guys rap. I think my first thought for this, and
there'll be people that won't like this, but I don't
think there's a problem with this. The problem would come
if he was watching porn and not wanting to have
sex with you and that was consuming his time. But
it sounds very much like you've had the discussion that
(20:28):
you want more sex for whatever reason. He might be
having some issues, which is something that you need to
investigate further. But I think if he's watching it to
try to get a little bit excited and in the
mood and he's coming to you, then he's not jacking
off in the bathroom without you and then saying I
don't feel like sex. He's doing it, from what you've said,
so that you guys can go and have the great
sex life that you are looking for. Is it the
(20:50):
right way to go about it. I mean, for some
people it's not an issue. If it's an issue for you,
it's an issue for you. That's where it comes from.
It sounds like he's not taking away from you. It
sounds like he's just trying to get in the mood,
and that's what porn is for, right. Porn is to
stimulate you. To get your imagination going, to get your
juices flowing. That's white was created. So as long as
he's pointing that and channeling that in the boner in
(21:12):
your direction, as long as he's pointing the boner in
your direction, Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
I feel a little bit differently because I do think
that if the only way you're able to get off
is by watching porn, if that's the only way you're
able to get in the mood to then have sex
with your partner, I feel like that is and has
become a crutch. And if it's affecting you, as in
the person who's written this in and it's upsetting you,
then it is something that needs for a greater conversation
(21:36):
because I don't think that it's healthy to need to
have porn as the only way to get in the
mood to be able to have sex with your partner.
For me, I would say that there is some other
thing that's going on there that you would want to
have a conversation with him about. The thing that I
think though, is very tricky is that you've said you
(21:56):
don't want him to know that you looked at the
browser history, So then how do you bring this up
because if it is an issue for you or you
are feeling insecure by it, a very honest conversation may
open up that channel and may either a make you
feel less and secure. B It'll give him an opportunity
to explain why or what it is about that that
helps him, or c explore new things in the bedroom,
(22:18):
which might mean that he's able to get off easier
without it just being about porn.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Yeah, I don't know. I feel like we're looking into this,
or maybe you are too, maybe haven't given us enough information.
It doesn't sound like it's the only way he can
do it. She just said that she's noticed that he'll
be on his phone in bed, then he'll want sex after.
That's what she's saying. So I don't think it's like
it's the only way.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Well, no, she said, over the last few months, he's
been asking me if I want to have sex, but
it's always been after he's been on his phone in
bed and he already has a raging boner. So what
I interpret has happened here is she's brought up with
her partner that she's feeling as though their sex life
isn't at a place that makes her satisfied, because she
also said it's after she had put the pressure on
(22:57):
a little bit, and so he is making an effort,
but the only way in which he's able to make
an effort is by watching porn.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
The other thing here is is that I think you
can easily have that conversation. You haven't been snooping on
his phone. You have a shared browser history, so it's
pretty easy. When you go to typing something into your
browser history, it often drops down what you've been looking at.
So it's pretty easy for you to be like, hey,
this just popped up. I've seen that you've been watching.
I don't think that's a big deal to conversation to have.
You're marrying him next week, Yeah, this should be a conversation.
It's like, hey, you don't come to him like accusatory,
(23:27):
and you don't come with anger. It's like, hey, baby,
I was looking on the computer and I saw you've
been watching porn. Can I just ask do you feel
like I know you've been making an effort with me,
Do you feel like you need to watch that to
have sex? Is there something that like we could do
differently or try to maybe help. I think that's a
really easy conversation. To be honest, I have a bit.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Of a different opinion on this, and I just want
to give her the alternate perspective as someone who is
on medication like this and has been on medications in
the past that have absolutely decimated my sex drive. Like
pretty much any type of any depressant or like ADHD
medication or any anxiety medication has very known effects on
(24:06):
your sex drive.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
For a lot of people, it completely disappears.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
I actually think this is a really kind thing that
he's doing, Like he's probably quite aware of the fact
that it's such a strange thing to explain because you
can still find your partner just as sexually attractive, and
you can be like, yeah, I really enjoy sex, but
just that it's like getting the ball rolling you just
have no desire whatsoever in your body to do it.
And so and I've personally experienced this, like it's one
(24:33):
of those things that I'm just like, I don't know why,
it's just like it's just not there at the time
that I'm on these particular medications. And so I kind
of am trying. I mean, I'm putting a few things
in place that maybe don't exist in your relationship. But
he's probably aware of the fact that you are wanting
to have a sexual relationship with him. And I truly
genuinely believe that he wants to have a sexual relationship
(24:53):
with you, And so he's like, Okay, this is a
really good way for me to like get the ball
rolling and get my juices so that I can have
sex with you in the way that I want to.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Yeah, I agree in some parts, but obviously, and like
whether it's medication or anxiety, whatever, it is the contributor
to this, Like he has an issue with managing a rousal,
Like he doesn't have arousal. But the problem is is
that he's relying on an external stimulant and will become
conditioned to only being able to have sex if he's
watched porn and if that's the only way he's able
(25:25):
to get off, like that is going to cause some
long term issues in a relationship. If the only time
your partner wants to fuck you is if he's been
laying in bed watching pornography prior. I understand why she
feels not threatened, but she feels like, Okay, maybe sometimes
this is a way that we can get into the
mood of having sex. But if this is a condition
of him wanting to have sex with me and it's
(25:46):
become something that is normally in their relationship, I would
also feel as though that's something I would need to address.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
I write a really interesting study the other day, but
it was around long term relationships and being able to
ejaculate or have sex, I guess even masturbation, but more
than one time in a day in a long term relationship.
And what they found from these studies was really interesting
and I think it leans into this. Men that are
probably from thirty on, like once they've passed their peak
(26:14):
peak ejaculation, you know in your early twenties, you can
just go and go and go and go. Men that
have been in long term relationships that are a little
bit older can really only have sex once and then
it takes quite a long time that day. Like if
they could have sex another time in that day with
a long term partner, it's really really, really hard. There's
no way one hour later they can do it again.
(26:36):
But when given the same day, so they've had sex
with a long term partner, when given external stimulus like
porn that if somebody new they can have sex, they can,
they will get a boner, and they can ejaculate again
far quicker than they can if it was their long
term partner. And once I read that, I was like,
I sort of understand why people do need external stimulus
in long term relationships. It doesn't mean they don't love
(26:59):
you as much, but if you've been with someone for
ten or fifteen years and you know them inside out
and you've had all of that initial burning chemistry at
the start, it is going to take something different. And
I'm not an advocate for porn. I'm not saying everyone
should watch it, but I totally understand why some people
need a help in hand to continue giving their partner
what they need. And that's why I'm usually I would
(27:21):
be against pawn in these questions when we've had asking cuts,
when the person is like, he won't be having sex
with me, but I know watching porn. But I really
feel like, sort of what Keisha said, I really feel
like he's doing this because he's trying to give you
what you need, and maybe he's not going about it
the right way, but he's watching it and not ejaculating.
He's watching it and then rolling over to you and saying,
do you want to have sex like I'm ready.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Yeah, But I understand why as someone you feel like
a cum dumb stuff get it aroused by watching someone
else and come off your load. I really understand the
points that you guys are making that I deeply relate
to why she is not okay with this as being
the constant in her relationship, and I think that they
need to have a converse about it and.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
Put it out on the table.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
And I'm relating to it in terms of, like, if
that's where my sexual relationship got to with Matt, that
the only time he wanted to have sex with me
was after watching porn, I would be upset by that.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
So I'm understanding her feelings.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
That's all I very much do as well, especially if
this is like you said, it becomes a conditioned response.
I think that if you're going to have this conversation,
my only point of mentioning like how much this medication
can affect you is And it does sound as though
you will enter the conversation with a lot of compassion
of your fact that like it's a physiological thing. It's
actually and I'm only saying this because I have genuinely
(28:36):
experienced it so much. It's not a psychological thing. It's
just like something is different in your body and you're
just not able to get the hormones.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Or whatever it is that causes you to be like
h it just dispays.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
I think the medication thing is what sets it apart
for me. I don't like this idea that just because
you've been in a long term relationship with someone that
you need to have external stimulus to maintain desire. I
think there needs to be big conversation around arousal, around
what you both want in the bedroom, around all the
things we've spoken about with esther Peerrell. I don't think
that porn should be the only thing that we go
(29:09):
to to try and maintain desire in a relationship. And
I actually don't have anything against porn. I think it
can be a great contributor, but I also think it
can be something that takes away from relationships very much
as well.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Yeah, of course, and like I said, this is an
easy convo for you to have. You've got to shared history. Like,
I don't think this is a way. It'd be a
tiny bit harder if you had unlocked his phone and
gone through his phone, like you know, gone through his
private stuff. But when you've got a shared computer. I
think that's an easy in, but it's all around the
way you approach it, which You've written to us so
calmly and with such understanding that I think that you
(29:42):
will approach it in the same way. Good luck. Next question.
I come from quite a messy family. I have six siblings,
all half My dad is onto his fourth marriage, and
my mom has had two divorces. I've always been close
with my mum that have only become with my dad
in the past five or so years. My parents' breakup
(30:04):
was very messy and they've never been amicable. I now
have a beautiful partner and a darling little daughter who
is just about to turn one. We're throwing her a
party and have invited all of our friends and family. However,
a few weeks out, my dad has just said that
no one from his side of my family, so him,
my stepmom, brother and his family will be coming because
(30:24):
they feel uncomfortable and they would like to have a
separate party for my daughter instead. I'm so disappointed. It's
been over twenty years since they have divorced, he's had
two marriages since. How are they still hung up to
the point that they can't be in the same room
for my daughter for one hour. I never wanted my
daughter to have to celebrate everything twice like I have.
(30:45):
What would you do do I suck it up and
throw two parties or just say to my dad that
he'll unfortunately have to miss out.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Firstly, I understand all your points very much, so no,
you don't have to have two parties for your kids.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
But if your.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Parents that fucking like haves that much disdain for each other,
if they feel that uncomfortable being in the same room
after twenty years, I would not want them both at
my kid's one year old birthday party because they will
make it about themselves.
Speaker 4 (31:13):
They will make that situation uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
And then a memory that is like your first child's
first birthday party is such as sweet and big event,
like you made a whole year. That's like your first
birthday party. You had a whole year of parenting and
you kept that kid alive.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Good for you.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
I personally would not want my parents there in the
same room because I wouldn't want to give them the
opportunity to make it about them and to take anything
away from the experience of my day and of our
family unit's day of enjoying my child, So that would.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
Be my first thought.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
So if the opportunity came up to have two separate parties,
I think I personally would just do it because I
absolutely couldn't be bothered with the family drama. But in
saying that, if you don't want to have two parties
because you have memories of how divisive that was for
you growing up, I would just say to your dad, Okay, well,
unfortunately we're not doing a second one. So I mean,
(32:06):
we can have cake at your house or something, but
we're not having a second party. So if you guys
are unable to put your differences aside, then unfortunately you
miss out.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (32:14):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
I absolutely do not think you need to throw two
entire parties. It's your prerogative, it's your child, and it's
also like Laura said, your birthday, throw your one party.
Be nice to your dad, say hey dad, this is
the party we're doing. Totally get you don't want to come.
I wish you could. I would have thought you could
put your differences aside by now for the sake of
my daughter. But if you can't, you are welcome to
take her for an ice cream or have a cake
(32:36):
or have it. You can have a moment with her
and the family, but I'm not going to the extreme
of two parties. Also, once you start two parties at one,
you've set the president and you's just going to be
a lot of effort for the rest of your life.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
You set your differences aside, and you do what's mutually
best for the people in your life. Your parents are
not doing that. They're only thinking of themselves, They're only
prioritizing their own discomfort. And this is your opportunity, as
the adult in your child's life, as the parent, to
now make decisions that are right for your nuclear family.
And you know, we either grow up as parents ourselves
(33:09):
and we emulate our parents, or we set really clear
boundaries around how we want our children to be raised.
And I think that this is going to be one
of those opportunities for you to communicate with your parents
what you will and won't stand for in your kid's life.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
And unfortunately, you can't make people be less selfish. You can't.
And if some people are so stuck in their ways,
and it sounds like if it's been twenty years that
pretty stuck in the mud. Put it out there tell
him how it is and his options of what he
can do. He can either come and be great, or
he can take her for a little cake and an
ice cream or in a moment with his family. But
(33:42):
that's it, Like, you don't need to negotiate and you
don't need to bend over for other people. When you
become a parent and you know how you want to
parent again, good luck, good luck.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Wishing you all happy birth Happy birthday to your beautiful
one year old, and congratulations and a year of parenting
all right? Next question, should you ditch awake after a
funeral to go to a footy match? Our team has
made it into the finals, but the day of the
game is the funeral of my grandparent. My siblings think
(34:11):
it's okay to go to the service and skip out
to go to the game. But I think that that
is very, very poor taste. What are your thoughts? Fucking hell,
I think it's poor taste.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
I think you could almost do it.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
Ask your granda. I mean, like, do you think your
grandparent would care they're not there?
Speaker 1 (34:26):
Do you know what? When I first read like this,
I thought ditching just to go and watch a footy game?
But it's own final I think your grandparents would want
you to go and win for them. I think you
go doing it for you. I'm doing you. I love you,
I love your grandpa. We're making fun of this. Obviously,
we're sorry that your grandparents passed away, but I do
truly think that if you have had that relationship with
(34:47):
your grandparents, they know that you love them. You don't
need this one specific hour to mourn them. If you've
had the relationship where you think that they would be
okay with it, Like, is it ideal? No, of course
it's ideal for you to be at the wake with
your fears. But if your family are okay with you going,
and you feel okay with you going, I think your
grandparents would be like rock on, like, go and win
(35:09):
that football match. But if you don't think you can
live with it, like you're the one that said your
family thinks it's okay, but you think you can't go
if you don't think you can recover from skipping their wake,
which spoiler, it does only happen once, like this is
it If you think that you're not going to be
able to live with that? Do you think you are
(35:29):
crucial to your team winning the final? Like will they
be okay without you? Then it's only an answer question
that you can answer. I mean, it's it's a tricky one.
Like I have.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Had quite a few funerals lately, unfortunately, But I don't
think that the wake is for your grandparents.
Speaker 4 (35:47):
The wake is for your family.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
So like the funeral is the memory of your grandparents,
the funeral is the time where you you know it's
going to be very emotional.
Speaker 4 (35:55):
You will probably be crying. It's going to be a
real pivot to be like.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Cool, I'm on the field, like that will probably not
You're probably not going to play the best game that
you've ever played coming straight out of a funeral.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
But that's for you to decide.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
The purpose of awake is for spending time with your
family and sharing memories, and it's usually the levity that
follows the funeral. I know that, like when we lose grandparents,
it is deeply, deeply sad, Like it is devastatingly sad,
but it's also not a tragedy when a grandparent has
lived a long and full life. The only question you
can ask is what you said, Britt, Like, what would
(36:27):
your grandparents think if your grandparents were to turn around?
And be like, oh my god, I cannot believe you
left marm or Dad or whoever it was in that
state they were so so upset.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Then I would have second thoughts.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
But if your family are okay and this is just
because you morally are you know, throwing up this question,
then I'm like, Okay, well you did the funeral.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
I think of My nana would be like, mate, I'm
already dead. Go live your life. Like that's what my
nana would say. My nana, I'd be like, I know
you love me. I'm like, you know, should say go
rock on? For sure?
Speaker 2 (36:56):
That's exactly my nana would also say rock on. My
nan was like, don't even have a funeral for me.
Just put me in the ground fucking be done, which
was pretty grim, but she's like, just let me go.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
She was like, why you're crying so embarrassing for you?
Get it over with. It's I mean, it's again, I
think it's what you've got to live with. You're the
one that knows your grandparents and you know your family,
and you know if you're going to be okay with
making this decision.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
I think it also depends on like I mean, I
kind of touched on it, but it kind of depends
on the suddenness the tragedy of it, Like it really
does depend on how everybody has gone with their morning
so far.
Speaker 4 (37:28):
When I think about my experience with Mike, Nana.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
She was so ready to go, like she had been
talking about wanting to die for about six years. She
was like, you'd visit her, and every time you visited her,
she'd be like, well, I guess this is.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Goodbye, Like like, Nana.
Speaker 4 (37:43):
Not not yet, and so like, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
I think if this was my situation, my name would
absolutely have been like, please do not not play your
football final my Nana.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
Just last time I was up, I put my Corey visiting.
She was taking a jewelry off and giving it to me.
We're at my niece's football match, and she was like,
take this now, Hannah, I might not make it. I
was like what.
Speaker 4 (38:05):
I was like, Nna, put it back.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
On your finger. I was like, I'm not taking it now.
Also like you still live alone, you're still great. Like
she's like, that's just better to be sure. She's like
it could change any day, honestly. So, yeah, it's a
tricky one, but I reckon most grandparents would be happy
for their grandchildren to be going and living their life
and not missing out because of them. That's what I
It could.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
Also be cultural though, I mean, we're talking about this
from our perspectives, which are very very similar, but culturally
it could be very different. And also it depends on
your relationship with your grandparents. Like you may be emotionally
too bereft to be able to go and do anything else.
But if you know that you yourself are going to
be okay, you know that your family members and the
people who rely on you for support are okay. They've
(38:48):
had time to process this and it's more a celebration
of their life. You are able, and it is okay
to celebrate the life of the people you love in
your own way, especially because you have made an effort
to go to the funeral.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
You have been there.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
I'm okay with this, But you don't need Life on
Cut to tell you that we're okay with Well.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
No, the only other thing that I'm putting in I've
just put I just really visually took myself out of
the podcast and put myself in that exact situation. The
only thing that I would say now is your siblings
are okay with it, which is great, But I think
the questions more around your parents. So you need to
ask your parents because they lost their parents. So you're
one of your parents has just lost their mum or
(39:26):
dad yep, and you don't know how they are going
to feel. So the siblings saying you can go is
one thing. But I would go to your parents in
all seriousness and just say this is the situation. How
would you feel if I did this. I want to
be here for you more than anything, but I also
want to go on kock a footage track that I
want to but I want to win.
Speaker 3 (39:43):
No.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
But because like it depends on your parents' relationship with
their parents.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
It also depends on what sort of football you're playing.
Are you playing touch or rugby? No, I don't mean
the style of football. I mean like you like playing
community sports.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
Yeah, it doesn't matter if it doesn't know, it doesn't.
It still is important to anyone. It doesn't matter if
you're a professional or if it's your weekend team. I
think of it a bit. If it's important to you,
what matters more if it's the World Cup. But I
don't think this, I don't think this life is playing
in the World Cup. Well, that is it from us, guys.
If you have a question, please right into the podcast
(40:16):
Life on Cup podcast. Just put askuncut at the top
of your DM. We will store that bad boy away
and try and answer it and you will always stay anonymous.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Carry it away like a little squirrel with nuts in
its mouth. Yeah, you know what Mully did yesterday put
a nut in her mouth. She stole a whole lot
almonds from upstairs, and I came upstairs to go to
bed and she'd made an armond cafe.
Speaker 4 (40:36):
She'd just set up like an entire shop and all
that sold was almonds.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Wow, and it works very niche rock on anyway, guys,
that is it from us. Also, if you enjoy watching
or listening, you can go and watch it all on
the YouTube channels because all the episodes are there. Go watch,
enjoy get real behind the scenes and up close and personal.
Brittany's sitting on the couch with nose choos on.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Like I was also just looking at how I've got.
I don't wear high heels anymore, and I had to
wear high heels last week for a long time. Actually,
they might even still be from the logies, which was
a long time ago. I've got these like blistered scabs
on my feet and I'm like, man.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
I can go one step further than you do. You
remember when I went to Bali. I think it was
in June or July this year.
Speaker 4 (41:20):
July.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Okay, No, I don't have a blister. I have one
single toenail that still has.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
Now polish on it from July. Actually just no one,
the fourth one?
Speaker 2 (41:33):
Oh yeah, two, I have two tiny Even Molly was like,
what the fuck are you doing with that?
Speaker 1 (41:36):
Mum? Get that sort of free rank My llol dolls
better than that. Yeah, look at that. We don't need
to put your foot down as actually discussing. Okay, guys,
let's get out of here on that note, you know
the drill. See Mum tea, Dad tea, Doug. Tear friends
and share the love because we love love
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