March 9, 2025 • 48 mins
Welcome back to ask uncut where we unpack all of your deep and burning questions. Britt is broken from dancing and we decided it was the right time to have a bit of an intervention with her. She is upset by Laura and Keeshia going behind her back but they're sticking to their nostrils.
Vibes for the week:
Britt and Laura - Devil in the family on Disney plus
Keeshia - Koala Luxe Mattress
Then we jump into your questions!
HOW DO I GET MY IDENTITY BACK AS A MUM?
I want to start off by saying I absolutely love being a mum and I am grateful everyday that I have two beautiful girls. This didn’t come easy for my partner and I and had a few losses along our journey. My question is how do you find your identity after becoming a mum? My youngest is 12 weeks old and oldest is 2 and right now my life is consumed with being a mum. I feel a bit lost and find myself missing who I was before. I avoid mirrors when I can because I don’t recognise the person looking back at me. I want to be the best role model for my girls and I’m worried if I can’t find myself again I won’t be able to do this for them. During the labour of my second I was listening to random episodes of the Podcast to take my mind off the contractions. I didn’t realise I still had my headphones on when I started to push and my daughter was born to the sound of Britt's laugh!
SHOULD I HOOK UP WITH HIM AGAIN AFTER I SH*T DURING SEX?
My ex and I broke up in October. Recently, we’ve been reconnecting for a bit of company and casual fun. Last weekend, I popped over to his place for a chill lunch hangout, which of course eventually led to some steamy playtime. It was one of those really hot days, so we decided to have a shower session. Things got hot and steamy, and he started touching me in all the right places with his hand. As things really started to heat up I said “Fuck me!” He replied with a cautious “babe,” but when I turned back - I was hit with a shock I’ll never forget. His finger was covered in a thick smear of gooey, brown diarrhoea. It was my first time experiencing such an unsexy disaster, and needless to say, I was mortified. We quickly washed off, agreeing that “we can’t come back from this one.” Now it’s become a core memory I can’t shake. So here’s my dilemma: should I put the brakes on our casual escapades, or might a second round (with a strategic bathroom break this time) help us wipe the slate clean?
HOW TO TELL MY HUSBAND HE HAS NEVER MADE ME COME?
I’m a female, married and am in my late 20’s. I’ve always enjoyed sex, but as I’ve gotten older, my sex drive has declined. This has become a point of tension in my marriage, as my husband has always maintained his sex drive. In an effort to reconnect with my body and bring some excitement back into our sex life, I recently bought my first vibrator. While exploring, I made an embarrassing discovery—I’ve never actually orgasmed from my husband or most past partners, and I’ve always wondered if I even could. However, I did experience it once with a previous partner, which has made this realisation even more confusing. Now, I’ve learned that I can do it myself, and I don’t quite know how to process that. I love my husband deeply, and I know this revelation would hurt him. I don’t want him to feel inadequate, but I also want to be honest so that we can improve our intimacy together. How do I approach this conversation?
HOLIDAY WITH FRIEND OR SEE LONG DIST POTENTIAL LOML?
Last year I went on a uni exchange. In t
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
on Cut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is ask
Kunk Cut where we answer You're deep, You're dark, and
you're burning questions and I.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Am so broken. You're so broken. I'm more broken than
I've ever been. So I'm more broken this week than
last week.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
There's only a few more days left. Were dancing with
the Stars.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
I don't know if I'm allowed to say about but
you just said it.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
I didn't sign an nda.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
I'm sitting here in the hot water Fuck, I'm a wattle.
I'm sitting here. I'm sitting on a piece of wattles.
I'm waddling. I do wattle. Actually, my natural path said
it would be good for me. So for the last
couple of months, you guys know, I've been doing Dancing
with the Stars. But I'm at my tether, Like I'm
at my wits end. My body is screaming out for her.
(01:00):
It's like it is sing. So I have to walk
around everywhere now with the hot water bottle basically tape
to me. I drive in the car with it on
my groin and I wish that was for a different reason,
but it's absolutely not. I strap it to my back
at every moment I can. Every part of my body
is like screaming on fire.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
You only have a couple of days. You're gonna make
it to the end. You're gonna be amazing.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Tell you what if this, If this comes and I
make it to the end of Dancing with the Stars.
If I make it to the end and I'm there
and you guys don't vote for me, so what are
you gonna do?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
I'm quitting the podcast, Britty's I'm gonna take back all
those puppies I promised you and never gave you.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
I'm quitting. I've left that much blood, sweat and tears. Literally,
there's blood on Craig, my dance partner. Craig leaves with
blood on his shirt. That's because you use a mental car.
What do you? Oh? Yeah, true, my groin is on
his shirt. I will that's true.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I also just want to like remind you that Dancing
with the Stars isn't also like a separate thing to
the podcast, so that you can't quit the podcast because
people don't vote for.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
You and they're two different entity.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
But I'm glad that you've like it's taken over every
facet of your life.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Laura, I am blackmailing our life is So we.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Were just talking about this. I mean, obviously you've come
here for us to answer your questions. We'll get to that, guys,
don't worry, it's coming. But we were just talking about this.
So Britz started doing a new thing which we're going
to create a compilation.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
For you complaining yet hang on, I'm still complaining.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
This complains so recently. I don't know whether you've noticed it.
And that's because Kish does an incredible job of editing
out like every single one of these opens.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
That puts me in a position that makes me uncomfortable
because I do my absolute best. Sometimes I isolate audio.
Sometimes I use AI to try and reduce them.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
I don't know where this is going, but I don't
like it.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
So yesterday I get a message from Keisha and she says,
I'm sorry, but we need to have an intervention.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
So so hang on, let me get this straight. We
have a group chat. You left the group chat to
talk about.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
She said, I don't know what to do. I'm at
breaking point. I don't know how to make this. I've
brought it up. I've shown her examples. I don't know
how to get.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Rid of it. The snort has to go. I didn't
listen to the examples. I saw that. I saw the
voice came through, and I was like, I'm not changing
who I am, and I deleted it. We've noticed recently
they're Brittany's.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
We love your laugh, it's.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Amazing, but you're you're snorting is something that everybody has
a person we feel personally victimized by it.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
What I will say is in my defense, yes, my laugh.
What I will say is in my defense I will
What I will say is I am aware that my
laugh has evolved why. I can't be sure how. I
don't know. I don't know where it's come from, but
I know the snort has entered my life. It seems
(03:42):
to be on an upwards trajectory. I know one used
to sneak in every now and then.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
To be honest, they actually used to come from Laura
More and yours have disappeared.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
You're no longer in the recording. I want everyone that
me just doing that hurt my really strong what though, like,
We're gonna let you guys into a real insight. We
obviously edit the podcast, which try and keep it as
natural as possible, right, but we edit things. If one
of us does something like snorts too much, we will
edit that. What I want to say is what you
guys aren't aware of. And I hate that this is
(04:10):
throwing each other on the bus. Welcome to Welcome to
the Pug. We love each other, but this is the
slay episode.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
Okay, sorry for getting out of the group chat and
directly contacting Laura, But I'm.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Sorry for throwing you under the basket. Yeah, when I'm
throwing you under the bus, Laura for six years. What
you don't know is our very own Laura Burne snorts.
I reckon one hundred times an episode because she has
breathing problems like a little pug. You're like a little
French bulldog. They can't breathe properly, and we edit it
(04:40):
out to make you sound better. So now you're coming
from but you don't even know you do it because
it's so natural for you.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I do it in conversation, but I stop, so it's
an easy edit. Keisha, how often do I snort and record?
Speaker 4 (04:51):
Though it has reduced significant this is what I'm concerned about,
which this is.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Like a group meeting.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Yes, what places, And BRIT's trajectory is increasing. Yours is
decre so much that I hardly even notice it anymore.
And I used to have a problem with the mouth sounds.
Everyone knows I'm a bit sensitive to the the snorting
has taken on a level where like the wavelength of it.
When I can when I'm coming through the audio and
I can see it coming up, I almost brace myself
(05:17):
because I'm like, it's coming.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
The high personally, the high purble, because if you listen
with headphones in, it's an assault on the years. And
I love your laugh. I am so supportive of your laugh.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
I am sorry that I've gone behind your back to
try and rectify this, but the snort has got to go.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
This is it.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Maybe this is the episode that we do insert the
compilation here just so everyone can hear.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
All of a sudden, just mean she came and.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Sees me doing you know on the Simpsons, that dog
that does the squinty eyes when you looks. That's what
I'm doing. Is I'm Homer going back into the bush.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Now it is time for vibes and unsubscribed so that
we can get into.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
We're just pretending that attacks. Well, I've done one unsubscribed,
my unsubscribers.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Your snort, Well, let's put.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
It out to the people. Let's put a pole on.
Actually don't. That'll make it worse. Put on. Let's move on.
I'm going to try my best not to snort. I'm upset.
I said about a lot of things in my life
right now. We love you, we love every time about you.
We don't we do, I love most things. We'll put
me back in the group chat. Then, all right, vibes down, subscribes.
(06:38):
At least we're so in sync. We've got the same
vibe this.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Week we do okay, So I'll just say my own
subscriber is to snort, and then it feels like we've
got something different.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Well, my unsubscribes equally your sort. Go and get surgery.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
I know I do. I've spoken about this before, though.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
I can't go and get surgery now because people will
think I'm just getting like a rhiner plasty, and they'll
think I'm doing it for that reason.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
You've got a two in Actually you can do a
three and one. I have a time's in the laber
hair transplant new sinus three and one, I reckon, there's
someone in Turkey that would do that.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
You know, you can get the side of surgery without
altering the appearance.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Why would you go Laura would come out looking like
halle Berry should be like a different person. She'd be like,
while we're there, I didn't change my skin color. At
the same time, it just meant you come out like
looking like a different person.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
You're like, just trim here here, let's fix her here
and also sign me up for those melotonin injections saying
if you're gonna go under all right, look, let's get
serious vibes and unsubscribes. Brittan I do have the same vibe.
And it's because it's rare these days that I get
sucked into a TV show or a documentary or anything
and I'm able to watch every single episode in one sitting.
(07:41):
But that is how incredibly interesting this doc or is
that we're about to recommend. It's on Disney Plus, it's
Devil in the Family. The Fall of Ruby Frankie. Now,
so many of you will know the influencer Ruby Frankie.
She had their Channel eight passengers on YouTube, who was
convicted of child abuse in the US.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Yeah, and We've also spoken about her few times over
the last year or two as her case progress was
spoken about her daughter, Shari, so you may have heard
us talk about it on the podcast before.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
The reason why I found this so interesting is because
we knew a lot about the basic facts around the story,
the facts around the case, the opinions of the children
who have come out publicly to speak about it, Shari
and Chad namely. But there was so much in this documentary.
It's three episodes, I know about fifty minutes each, and
it is fascinating to me. The father sits down and
(08:28):
he does quite a lengthy interview around his involvement, around.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
How he was complicit, what he did and didn't know.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
I think it really raises so many questions around the
legalities and responsibilities that need to be put into place
to better safeguard children from family vlogging situations.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
I had really mixed feelings about the father's version. I
completely believe him that he knew nothing about it, but
that doesn't mean I think it's okay, because I think
what he did was so wrong, and I understand that
he was and you'll have to formulate your own opinion.
I understand that he was brainwashed to an extent, but
he still made some pretty interesting decisions to abandon his family.
(09:09):
His reasoning for it to him was justified at the time,
but for me it wasn't enough. I think he really
let his family down.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Yeah, there's so many facets. So Kevin Frankie is the husband.
Jodie Hildebrandt was Ruby's business partner. She's also serving up
to thirty years imprisonment for child abuse. Because they were
very entwined, and it also centers around the Later Day
Saints and the Mormon community of which they are all
members of. I found it truly, truly fascinating, and I
(09:39):
also was enraged watching Kevin Frankie because I felt as
a father he was able to completely absolve himself with
the responsibilities. But to me, he was the weakest version
of a man, the weakest version of a father figure,
of someone who should have been there to take care
of their family and to protect them.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
He cared so much.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
About his faith but also about this family unit at
the cost of the absolute expense of their children.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Would you go as far as saying that you think
he enabled the abuse one hundred percent? And also, what
I don't like is.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
He's come out and spoken about how quite confronting some
of the behind the scenes footage is because you've got
to remember, like Ruby Frankie had filmed thousands and thousands
of hours of herself and her children, and so this
is all unseen footage that didn't make it, so the
takes that didn't make it to her YouTube channel, and
there's moments where she grabbed her child by the mouth
to shut her child up. There's moments where she's screaming
(10:33):
at the kids from the other room. And I read
a statement from Kevin Frankie and he said, you know,
this is the reality of vlogging out of people who
share their children online. And I was like, you know
what it might be for some families, but they're abusive families.
And the fact that you think that this is so
normal just shows that this was systemic throughout the whole
time of your relationship, and it was only when you
(10:54):
removed yourself from the household that the abuse escalated.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
But she was always abusive.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
That's the thing that I've been very interested in with
seeing this play out across media now now that she's
been convicted and stuff, I feel like people are equating
vlogging with child abuse, and it's so important to distinguish
the difference because there are going to be versions of
both of those things.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
That do coexist.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
But a lot of the time those things are not
going to totalists. You know, most child abuses don't vlog it.
They don't have the evidence, they don't have it on film.
And most vlogging families are.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Not abusing their children. They might be exploiting them in
some way, but there is a difference. You know. It
does highlight so many different interesting aspects this documentary that
we've seen before, but also one of the big things
for me was just seeing the level of coercive control
that Ruby had towards her husband, Like it was quite
the role reversal in that sense to what we're used to.
Was he quite a weak and pathetic man, and I
(11:48):
hate saying that. That is how he comes across the
whole show. He even says it himself at the end
of the final questions, you know, or like, she's in
prison for thirty years for child abuse, she did these
horrific things to your son, She brainwashed you, she wouldn't
let you see your kids free, all of these things.
Do you love her? And he's like, yeah, I do, I.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Always will, I'll always love her.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
That's his final statement, and I was just like, eh, yeah, absolutely,
look like I said.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
I mean, there is so no matter how much you
know about this story fascinating, there is so much more
in this STOCKO definitely give it a watch. It's on
Disney Plas. I highly recommend it. Honestly could not stop watching.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
My vibe for the week is seemingly much more what's
the word I'm after? Flippant?
Speaker 3 (12:27):
After that deep.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Unpacked, we can the light and shade.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
Don't worry. It's a mattress.
Speaker 4 (12:32):
So the reason I've been thinking that I should vibe
this on the podcast is because often in our Facebook group,
so the Life on Cut discussion.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Group, and I'm talking like probably.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
Three to four times a week minimum, people are putting
questions in there, being like, hey, who has this mattress?
Speaker 3 (12:46):
Do you recommend it?
Speaker 4 (12:47):
Blah blah blah, And often it's a question between like
this one versus this one. And I obviously can't compare
it because I haven't had multiple but I purchased the
Koala Lux mattress on the boxing day sales, so I
did get at thirty percent off, which was a nice
little little treat for myself. And I am so deeply
obsessed with it that my brother and sister in law
spent one night on this mattress when they came to
(13:09):
stay in our house.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
And they and they've moved in. They have now ordered
their own, like or that's all it took for them.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
So I mean that if there's ever been a review,
that's it right there.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
Yeah, yeah, I really really love this mattress. I realized
that my mattress for someone who's as obsessed with sleep
is what I am. My mattress was terrible before this.
So this is their top of the range one, so
it's the most expensive one. The Queen retails for two
thy three hundred and ninety. They do have sales quite regularly,
so you maybe get on sale wait for one of those.
I think it's amazing. It comes in a box. I'm
(13:39):
not really a mattress a box mattress person, until.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Now I am completely converted. I have had their mattress.
I bought it probably three years ago, and I won't
go back. I really really love it. And everybody always
talks about how comfy my bed is too, because I
have people in multiple times a week. You know that's
a joke. She was left in your bed a little
All three people that have ever slept in my pitness.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
In terms of like softness, that is the other question
that people tend to ask in Facebook group.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
I think it's probably.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
Medium to soft range of memory foam styles. So if
you like a firm one, I'm sure that they've got
versions that you can kind of make it more firm.
But I think it's yeah, it's really good. The Koala
Lux mattress is my vibe for the week. I've been
sleeping like a queen.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
All right, Well, let's get into the questions.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Question number one My question is how do you find
your identity after becoming a mum. My youngest is twelve
weeks old and my oldest is only two right now,
and my life is just consumed with being a mum.
I feel a bit lost, and I find myself missing
who I was before. I avoid mirrors when I can,
because I don't recognize the person looking back at me.
(14:44):
I want to be the best role model for my girls,
and I'm worried if I can't find myself again, I
won't be able to do this for them. During the
labor of my second child. This is viewbritt During the
labor of my second child, I was listening to some
random episodes of the podcast to take my mind off.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
The con actions.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
I didn't realize I still had my headphones on when
I started to push and my daughter was born to
the sound of Britney's laugh. Oh my god, that's your
problem right there. That's where it's all stemmed from.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
I think that's where it started. On what laugh that laugh?
Will snort laugh?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Probably that laugh because we've met at the snort laugh
out as we've established.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Do you think did that means if a baby's actually
do you know what? Fuck it? That's good laugh? Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
That kids, it's like getting shut on by a bird like.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
A cooko ra. Yeah. We could liken it to that.
That's gonna be good luck, I think for your child. Congratulations.
That's really tough, because this one's definitely probably more for you. Laura.
I'm not a mum and I've never been through it,
and I know there's so many different aspects of postpartum
depression and trying to find who you are again and
your life completely changes. I've seen that through so many people.
(15:46):
I've seen that through Laura my family. You know, I've
got so many nieces and if you have so many friends,
but I personally haven't experienced it.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Firstly, I think it's really important to acknowledge that so
many mums feel like this, Like there are so many
women who go through motherhood and you have two under two,
you have a three month old baby, you are in
the trenches. I mean, they also call it the fourth
trimester when you have a when you have a newborn
baby and you go through those first three months. I
don't think we talk about the fourth trimester enough because
(16:14):
there's almost this expectation that once the baby's out, you're
going to be able to get back to the way
that you were, And I don't know if you ever
really get back to the way that you were. You're
a new version of yourself. But that new version doesn't
have to be a worse version by any means.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
It's evolution, it is.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
But it's not just it's not just the big changes,
and sometimes like they're the things that we talk about,
like you know that sleep is hard, that managing your
time is hard, that your touch dad and you always have,
you know, a baby, you're a person to tend to
the responsibilities are high, but it's also the small things
as well. It's the getting up in the morning and
not feeling like any of your clothes are right on
(16:48):
you because you can't wear the clothes that you used
to wear before you're pregnant, and you don't necessarily want
to wear your maternity clothes because you're not pregnant anymore.
It is a shift that takes over every part of
your life.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Yeah, and I remember us having that conversation, Laura. I
remember back like first pregnancy, Marley, where your whole life changed,
And I remember sitting down and you saying, this sounds silly,
but I don't know who I am and what to
wear now. I don't know what fits me. I don't
know what looks right. Even though my old coats fit me,
they don't feel right. Yeah, you just didn't know. And
(17:20):
it wasn't an identity crisis as such, but I guess
it was a mini one because you are trying to
figure out this next chapter that you haven't ever put
a foot in before. Like it's such a new experience
for everyone.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Yeah, and when you've had two under two, like, you've
probably been off work for quite some time and so like,
the things that were normal from your day to day
are just not normal anymore. I still look back on
photos of me after Maley and Laula were born, and
I'm like, what am I wearing?
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Like? But it was it was the only thing that
kind of felt like it fit.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Me, fit me right then. But I don't know, I
just I look back on those and I don't recognize
I mean not everything about that period was bad. I
don't want anyone to think of this as like a
motherhood slamming conversation.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
And there were way worse things than what Laura had
to wear. But yeah, when I.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Look at that and I'm like, what the fuck was
going on? Like that was okay, that was an interesting
time in the evolution of Laura Burns.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
Okay, it was fashion choices.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
But I and the reason why I'm focusing on the clothes,
and I know that clothes makes up the smallest part
of it, but it's like the reason why I'm saying
that is because it really does affect everything from the
top down. I would say, right now, your three months postpartum,
give yourself so much grace.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Like you do.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
You're in the trenches and you do crawl out of
the trenches like you do. One day you wake up
and you'll be like, oh my god, I had time
to like wipe my ass without my child screaming at
me today, And then I was able to go for
a walk and I went to pilates. And I think
it's when you're able to start doing things for yourself
and also having some moments of time that are on
your own, you start to gain a little bit of
(18:48):
sense of yourself again.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
And it's also really important.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
That you have support in order for that to happen,
because what can sometimes happen is that even though you
might go and have your shower or go and do
the things that you feel like you're doing for yourself,
you might be on high alert still for when your
baby's crying or for if there's a problem. Whereas like
what I found worked really well for me is like
in the mornings, Matt wants he'd had his shower and
(19:14):
he was already I would give him Lola Andmali, and
I'd be like, I'm having my shower, Do not interrupt me.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Do he come to me?
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Do not? I don't, I do not solve the problems
for an hour, Like that's my shower for an hour.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
There's water, no like shower, get ready, Like have an
hour to yourself, like if your baby's fed, Like you
can take that time. And it might not be feasible
in the morning because maybe your partner's got to go
to work, whatever that looks like. But there absolutely has
to be time carved out in the day where you
are able to have solo time so that you can
sit and have a coffee, or you can call a
(19:45):
girlfriend or do whatever it is that you want to do.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
That's undistracted time. Oh, she literally says here at the end,
thank you for bringing so much joy and laughter to
this world. I've only had one night out since becoming
a mum, and that was to your live show in Melbourne.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
See that's two years. No wonder, you don't have a
sense of who the hell you are. You're not anyone
right now except a mom, except a mum, and like
it's I mean, I'm so glad that you spent that
night coming to hang out with us. But like, when
you have two kids under two, I understand that there
is a big priority, but you are also still a priority,
and your partner is also still a priority. You have
(20:21):
to be able to give each other time to have
moments in life which are about you as a person
separate to being a parent. And maybe that means getting
a babysitter. If that's not able because it's too expensive,
maybe a friend can come and help. Or maybe it
just means your partner steps up to the plate takes
care of the kids so that you can go out
with your girlfriends for dinner once a month. You know,
that's not a big expectation.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
You've got to cut yourself some slack. And realistically you're saying,
you know, I feel like I'm just a mum right now,
but that's because you also are. You have a three
month old. At the end of the day, you are
keeping a small, helpless being alive, like that is your
job right now as well. So you are going to
feel like that is all in COmON because it is
all encompassing. But you do need to be able to
(21:02):
put that little bit of balance in. I don't know
if you can do it once a week, once a month,
but definitely more than one night in two years. That's
something that you need to prioritize. And I understand it's
not for everyone to be able to go out once
a week, in your household, with your children, with your partner,
whatever it is. But there's got to be something else
you carve out at some stage.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yeah, and it doesn't have to be like it doesn't
have to be a night out. That's not what we're suggesting.
Maybe it could be pilates. It could be going for
a swim like whatever that looks like for you. Maybe
you go and you do a pilates class. I don't
know why I keep saying polarates, but whatever, it could
be that with a girlfriend, you know, and that's the
person that you hang out with. But there has to
be something else in your life that is beyond just
(21:42):
being a mum for you to feel like you have
a sense of identity, because it's very fulfilling. We love
being mum's kids are amazing all of that stuff, but
it is not the only thing that you will put
on this earth to do after birthing children.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
It's just not.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
So I think, give yourself some grace and have some
big compass with your partner around how you're feeling so
that they can better support you and they can better
carry the load, so that you can actually prioritize yourself
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
All right question number two. My ex and I broke
up in October. Recently we've been reconnecting for a bit
of company in casual fun. Last weekend, I popped over
to his place for just like a super chill lunch hangout, which, of.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Course I don't know why that was funny.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
I know, because like, you know, you're gonna fuck. It's
just a super chill light hangout. Is your exit lunchtime.
You're having a lunch break. You're not going over to
have a ham sandwich. But maybe they did, and then
they fuck for sure? Well they did. That's the end
spoil on, okay, which of course eventually led to some
steamy playtime. It was one of those really hot days,
so we decided to have a shower session. Things got
(22:46):
hot and steamy, and as he started touching me in
all the right places with his hand, things started to
heat up and I said, oh, fuck me. I don't
know why that was imperative to the conversation and why
I had to say it, like I was there. I
like it though, okay, he replied, the cautious babe. When
I turned back, I was hit with a shock that
I'll never forget. His finger was covered in a thick
(23:08):
smear of diarrhea. Oh it was it was my first
time experiencing such an unsexy disaster.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Then, God, you're in the shower.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
Needless to say, I was mortified. We quickly washed it off,
agreeing that we just can't come back from this one. Ah,
that's so brutal. You just shit yourself. And he says,
we can't come back from this. Now it's become a
bit of a core memory and I can't shake it.
Here is my diarrhea, I mean, my dilemma. Should I
put the brakes on our casual escapades or mite a
(23:37):
second round with a strategic bathroom break this time help
us with a clean slate. I am so confused what
this question is? Wait? Can she live again?
Speaker 4 (23:46):
I would just like to point out that I did
not put this question after unhit.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
Brittany chose solely to put this one in. It was
a little too hectic.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Wait, you dated someone for it. It broke a prolong
period of time.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
It broke up.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
They broke up, you know, hangs and bangs accidentally shut
on him, and now.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
She wants to know if she needs to leave it.
He put his finger in there.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Oh, he's stuck his finger in your arm.
Speaker 3 (24:08):
No, we don't know that his hands were down there.
She she just says, my hands are down there, and
then she got diarrhea.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
I think he must have put his fingers in her backside,
because I don't think that someone just unless you've had
something going on with you.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
You got to check that out if you just accidentally,
because if he's put no, because if he's put his
finger up there and it's coming out with Pooh, that's
something you have to accept could happen if you are
not prepared for it. That's a home. That's where it belongs.
That's my point. That belongs there more than a finger do.
That's why I think she'said exactly. That's why I think
it's been an accident, because that's an expectation. If you're
going to go willy nilly, no pun intended, if you're
(24:42):
gonna go willy nilly and put a finger off the
butthole without it being prepped or talked about, then you've
got to expect something to be on there. The Pooh
lives in the but hole.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
I think it's fine. I think you can just laugh
it off and be like that was awkward. You don't
even have to you don't even have to talk about
it again. But him saying like, we can't come back
from this, because.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
They both said that.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
I think you can come back from it. It's your
ex boyfriend, it's fine. If it was just a hangs
and bangs guy that you did not care about, I
would not come back from it.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
I think you can come back. But I absolutely think
you can come back from it.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
I think it's not whatever you were in the shower,
you were right there near the soap washhand.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
No, if it's a one night you just met the guy,
you shit on him, I wouldn't have gone back. I
think you'd leave that one if it was if you're
on tinder block delete Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
But like this match, this is a guy that you've
dated for a considerable amount of time by the sounds
of things, and now you're like quite happily having hangs
and bangs and you're in the shower, and you know what,
if he can't take you at your worst, he doesn't
deserve you at your best.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
It depends. I just it depends. I just had so
many mental images going through what this situation could look
back in the shower, Like imagine the diary just pouring
out or down the shower. But I don't think it
was that. I take it there, Brittany, because that's where
we are. I'm a visual person, so I needed to
play this scene out. I don't like the fact that
I think this is so funny. I know, I don't
(25:55):
like the fact I just picture him looking like this,
holding his finger up, being like, we can't come back
from this, And I think that's cooked. You can come
back from it. It's a bit of poop. Tell him
to man up. Yeah, he wants to have sex with you.
A little accident in the shower is fine.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
But if you did just totally accidentally shot yourself, like
and you had no idea that you did it, I
really think you should probably get that checked out because
that doesn't sound normal, Like that's not like but you
also know you no one like but you know if
you've you know, like, no one okay, man, but you
know you do a shot, you know, like you've at
(26:29):
some point discover you don't have someone be like, hold on,
look at what's here unless you have like a lack
of sense or feeling and that's something that you know
you experience or deal with.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
I don't think we have to tell she's got a
health problem. Some people do just poop. Some people have this, No,
I'm being serious, some people do have loose bowels, and
if you're in the shower and it slipped out, you're
not going to feel it as much, right because people
when they shot and I'm not saying people I have
not shouted on record, but well please you don't.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
You also don't need that caveat everyone's shouted.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
No, they haven't. That is such a blanket statement. Everyone
has not shot it. But my point is people do.
The reason you know you've done it is because usually
you have pants on and you feel it. But if
she has accidentally done that in the shower, she's not
going to have known because there's water and it's loose
and it's coming out. So I just think, at the
end of the day, hang on, just stop this. Why
fucking your ex anyway, you've shot on him, he's your ex.
(27:20):
Let's move on. I don't think you actually need to
go back there. Technically you can. It shouldn't be an issue.
But I'm just going to take this as a sign
from the universe. He's an ex's in the past. Let's
move forward and hopefully not shit on anywhere even in
the universe. Is like, this is shit, stop taking it.
The universe is like, what do I need to do
to stop this from happening? I know you can shit
on him, like I think, let's move on.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Interesting question.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
I would just like to end it with I do
think you can come back from this. I don't think
that it's a big deal. Everybody goes to the toilet.
If he's that weird out by it and wigged out
by it, then that says a lot more about him.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
It's but also it is easy to say that if
I was getting hot and steamy and I actually pooed
on someone's hand, I would also be mortified, but I
would I would laugh it off. I would just be
like wow, like that's gonna go down in history. Crazy,
so crazy, Oh my god, could you believe that that
just happened? Okay, question number three? Please, let's move on.
(28:16):
Question number three. I am a female, married and deem
in my late twenties. I've always enjoyed sex, but as
I've gotten older, my sex drive has declined. This has
become a point of tension in my marriage, as my
husband has always maintained his sex drive. In an effort
to reconnect with my body and bring some excitement back
into our sex life, I recently bought my first vibrator.
(28:36):
While exploring, I made an embarrassing discovery. I've never actually
orgasms from my husband or most past partners. I've always
wondered if I even could orgasm. However, I did experience
it once with a previous partner, which has made this
realization even more confusing. Now I've learned that I can
do it myself, and I don't quite know how to
(28:57):
process that. I loved my husband deeply, and I know
this revelation will really hurt him. I don't want him
to feel inadequate, but I also want to be honest
so that we can improve our intimacy together. How do
I approach the conversation? That is a very tricky discovery.
It's a great discovery. Yeah, I'm really fuck I am
very please.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Here's lots of time on your own.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
No, but it's a tricky discovery when you assumed that
you were having orgasms or reaching like some sort of
peak with your partner, to then discover, oh, actually, like
that's not and potentially it's why you don't have the
same sex drive, and that's kind of declined because you're
not actually sexually satisfied. And I mean, like, there's probably
a few ways that you can navigate this, But if
(29:40):
this was me, I would not tell my partner.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
That he's never made me orgasm.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
I don't know if that's going to be like the
right way of attacking the situation to start with, especially
when he thinks he has. But I would maybe have
a conversation and say, hey, I recently bought a vibrator
and I have done X Y and it's really really
great and it feels really amazing. Is there a way
that we can try and replicate that or bring it
(30:08):
into the bedroom, you know, when we're having sex.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
I would love for you to be able to be
included in that. I don't know is that offensive?
Speaker 3 (30:15):
Is that going to make him turn around and be like,
what are you mean?
Speaker 2 (30:18):
I think that there's a way that you can include
the vibrator into your relationship so that maybe you can
get an oh, but he can be the one facilitating it.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
I don't know how I feel about it, because I
do think you need to move forward with honesty and
I'm really thinking through this. I don't think the conversation
necessarily has to be you've never made me orgasm.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
No, I think that that's too too harsh.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Yeah, I think the conversation can be different, But I
think I don't know how you'd navigate this without telling
him the truth in a way. Now, firstly, ten to
fifteen percent of women, so we're told with the internet,
actually don't or can't orgasm, So not every single woman can. Now,
we have had some sex ologiers before that have disputed that.
There are people that say that they don't believe those
(31:03):
facts that everybody can learn to orgasm. So I'm not sure,
but we are led to believe that there are some women,
and I know women in my own life that have
never had an orgasm, Like I know people in the
medical professional that have done all the research they can,
have tried everything, and they just can't. So there are
some people that can't. It sounds like you thought maybe
you were one of those people, and then you've made
(31:24):
this discovery. Well I hang on, maybe it just takes
something a little bit different for me to get there.
And I think that that's an amazing discovery because your
whole life is going to change now. But I don't
see why that can't be a conversation you can have
with your partner where you've said, hey, sex has always
been amazing with you. But I think I have had
a realization where I don't think I have reached my
(31:46):
full capacity with intimacy because I did have this moment.
But I think that, like it's instead of saying, hey,
I've never had an orgasm, it's like I felt something
I haven't quite felt before. Can we discover that? Can
we play with this a little bit? Because if you've
never introduced that stimulation before into your sex life as
a couple or alone, you won't to know. So that's
(32:07):
not necessarily a reflection on your husband's performance, your performance,
or anything else. It's just a difference with your body
and what your body needs.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Yeah, and also on that it's been I mean, it's
well documented that a lot of people who have volvers
can't orgasm or climax from penetrative sex.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
Right, Like those people can't.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
Yeah, most people can't.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
And there are a lot of women out there who
aren't able to come unless they're using vibrators. Like, I
don't think that this is an unusual thing, but I
don't think it should be stigmatized that that is the
way that you're able to reach climax, Like you shouldn't
be penalized or punished because your partner's ego is going
to be hurt.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
I think there has to be a.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Way to be able to incorporate it into your sex
life so that you're able to reach the same level
of climax. And I don't think it should be I mean,
it's tricky because I know that we are saying it
shouldn't be seen as something that should be like ego hurt,
but that doesn't necessarily mean that that's how it's going
to play out when you have the conversation. So I
do think be careful around making sure that it's an
(33:05):
inclusive conversation around like how you can both get more
enjoyment out of.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Your sex together.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
But I don't think you're alone in discovering that you
have a better climax when you do it to yourself
with a vibrator than what you do with a partner,
because like you also control everything, you know exactly where
and what to do as you're in the midst of it,
whereas like your partner's not a mind reader and doesn't
have that same sort of ability or understanding.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
A man could be the best fucker in the world
and you could like he could win a competition that's like, hey,
I'm the best lover. You could still introduce a vibrator
on top of that and it will be better. Like
it doesn't have to be an ego hit. And it's
just that saying you don't know until you know, And
that's what's happened for you. You haven't known until you've known.
Now you know, and he needs to know that you
know that you don't know till you know.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
There's an article from a sexologist named Tracy Cox right,
and she's said that there are lots of women who
wouldn't have orgasms all if it wasn't for the humble vibrator.
And it's more about finding ways that can bring you
to climax, rather than expecting that your partner is the
only person or only thing that would be able to
do that. So like teaching them or teaching yourself another
way is something that absolutely should be normalized. It's just
(34:15):
approaching the conversation in the right way.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
I always think about it in reverse too, like if
my partner came to me and said, hey, I tried
this sex tweet. Oh my god, sex feels ten times better.
I'd be excited by that. I'd be like, awesome.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Yeah, I think you wouldn't say sex fells ten times better.
I think you'd say it felt really intense.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
But that's what I mean. If if my partner came
to me and said this increases my feeling, that wouldn't
offend me. I'd be like, how cool that we found
something that makes you feel better. Like, and I understand
egos are different for men and women or whatever, but
I just think that's should way. When you approach it
that way, it shouldn't be But I think it's the
way you say it. It's the way you bring it
to him. And if you've never used it before, you
(34:54):
haven't known. Now you have new information and new education.
You can incorporate that to your life. But definitely do
not mean out on orgasms and better sex for your
partner because you're too worried about what he's going to think.
Because you're going to be married for another forty fifty
six years. You need to live your best life, all right.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Last question.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Last year, I went on a UNI exchange and in
the last few weeks there I met a British guy
who I genuinely believe.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Could be my person.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Since then, we have kept in contact and I have
met him in Bali and again back in the UK
for a few weeks later in the year. My dilemma
now is that I have agreed to go on a
cruise with my friend in April for contacts with this friend.
She has been my best friend for a few years,
but because of some things that happened last year, she
now lives with my ex boyfriend of four years that's random,
(35:39):
and a few other people who don't run in my
circles anymore. This has made our relationship a little bit
challenging recently, and this cruise with her entire family could
really be a make or break situation for us. However,
I have just found out that this is the only
time in the entire year, because he studies medicine and
gets little holidays, that my British boy would be a
(36:00):
were to come out to visit me for a few weeks.
Having this cruise smack bang in the middle of these
weeks means that the trip wouldn't be worth the money
for him if I'm only going to be there for
half the time.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
So my question is how terrible of a friend am I?
Speaker 2 (36:13):
And or will this ruin my friendship if I prioritize
seeing the potential love of my life over this cruise
with my best friend. Also a little bit more context.
She was so excited when I told her I was
going to come on the cruise and has not been
overly supportive of this British man I've been obsessing over.
So I really feel like me doing this would be
(36:33):
taken very personally, and I'm worried that we potentially won't
fully come back from it. But it also feels like
if I can take the opportunity to see him, then
I should.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
No one has a mirror ball.
Speaker 3 (36:45):
I have two very different opinions. It's hard because, like you,
I did it. Yes, no, I didn't do it. You
didn't cancel something on me? But yes, no, but Ben
did it? So okay, hear me out straight up. Is
this going to jeopardize your friendship? Probably? Yeah, And you've
said that we don't know that. You've said that.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Yes, you have written that she was so excited, she's
already got to be in a bonnet about the guy
she is.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
It's going to change your friendship.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
The only thing here.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
Is hope with your ex. Yeah, that's weird.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
The only thing is here? Why the fuck is she
with your egg? No, but it would be different. There's
a few variables. It'd be different for me if this
was a holiday that they were going on as two
friends and she bailed. Her whole family is going Did
I hear that right? Like she's on a trip with her.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Family, yes, and she's invited her friend to come.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
Yep. So she's like, Hey, I'm on this trip with
my family. Do you want to come? And you're like, yeah,
you know what, got nothing else to do? Sure? Now
you do have something else to do. Which it's tricky
because you're only leaving her where she started. She never
started the trip with you. She was on a family trip.
You're going to come. You're not so there that I
don't think she will see it like that. She won't,
but let hear me out. This is why it's slightly
different for me. If you had a trip just with her,
(37:51):
you two, then I would say you absolutely cannot cancel.
But you're talking to somebody who is marrying the person
that she took a risk on, a guy she met
for three days and I took a risk, so my
my train of thought is not normal. And you guys
might remember if you passed your mind back, my train
of thought is not normal.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
It's true.
Speaker 3 (38:13):
Take that as a quote. But if you cast your
guys mind back a couple of years. In the first
year that Ben and I were together, there was a
moment that we did talk about in the podcast, but
if you missed it, which highly likely did, Ben had
like a friend's wedding that he was invited to, and
it was the one time in six months that he
and I could see each other because of our holidays,
(38:34):
and so we were still in the early stages of
getting to know each other. We were in a relationship,
but like you didn't know you're going to marry each
other yet, yeah, And he ended up making a really
difficult decision to see me instead. It was a really
tough decision because he's like, this is my friend's wedding,
but he's like he inside was like there is something
(38:55):
about this girl. Okay me, but he's like the saying
about this girl. And this is the way he explained
it to his friend. He said, I think if I
don't go and see this girl, it could be a
really bad decision. He's like, I really think that she's
going to be a part of my future. And he
had a really sit down conversation and said, like, she's
really important to me, and if I don't see her now,
the relationship won't work because I won't see her for
like a year. And I didn't want him to say that.
(39:17):
I left it completely in his court, and I actually
felt really guilty. But he's still really great friends with
that person, and he and I are getting married. And
I know that's not a normal example, but it's the
first thing I thought about. When you're saying I really
like this guy that I've met and we might not
see each other. It's super tricky, but I think we
can't answer it because we don't know how you feel
(39:38):
and we don't know what this guy means to you.
But how important is your friendship because she's gonna be
if she's gonna be upset and it is going to
cancel your friendship, that's a different question. Ben had the
conversation with his friend and they understood and they moved forward,
but she might not.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
I know, this is such a hard one because, like Britt,
you are the exception. What you guys have experienced. Is
not standard, you know. And I think the other part
of this to keep in mind is you said that
this is the only time in a year.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
I think it was that you'd be able to see him.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
Are you going to be able to sustain a year
of long distance with only two weeks together. I just
think that there's some big conversations to have with him first,
because you've obviously been to Bally to see him, You've
gone to the UK to see him, like you are
making effort and you guys are keeping in contact and
everything else, like you will know what is happening. But
I think that there should be some big conversations around
(40:31):
like are you in a relationship together?
Speaker 3 (40:33):
Like are you actually exclusive? Is that what's happening again?
Do you just have a crush?
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Because the difference for you, Britt is like you guys
were exclusive at least at that point in time and obsessed,
You had a close relationship, you were a boyfriend and girlfriend.
You'd already made that commitment to each other. I don't know,
and it doesn't to me, doesn't sound like that's the
case here. It sounds like it's two people who are
infatuated with each other and you've you know, you've still
got your own things going on in your lives, but
you haven't really had those big conversations yet. So the
(40:59):
question is, potentially have those conversations with him. Is he
serious about the relationship being a relationship, about closing the relationship,
about looking to what the future looks like, what is
a bit of a plan there? And if that's the case,
then maybe here's someone that you are okay with risking
a friendship on. But it does sound like you want
(41:20):
us to tell you that it's okay to go and
do this. The thing is is you can do whatever
you want to, but you will have the fallout from
your friendship. If it sounds like your friend is going
to take that really personally.
Speaker 3 (41:31):
He needs to one hundred You need to be together. Yeah,
this shouldn't eve even Aye, Sorry I just made that assumption.
This shouldn't even be a conversation if you're not together.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
I don't think they are. I think that they're still.
I mean, who knows. But it's like, this is the
boy that I'm obsessed with, But she hasn't actually said
that this is her partner, this is what she's in
a relationship with.
Speaker 3 (41:48):
Yeah, this is my genuine response. And there is zero
reason that this can't happen. I think he comes to
see you. You both go on the cruise together. They're
with their family, you're with your friend. He's there seeing
something else.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
No, that's weird. You can't invite it.
Speaker 3 (42:02):
Weird. Also the cruise ship. Sorry, this girl and her
family don't own the cruise ship.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
It's not that though.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
It's about inviting your friend to come and have a
holiday with you, and then they've brought their new boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
They're not gonna spend time with you.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
Yes, you will, you have Well, that would be that,
That would be what I would do if one hundred percent,
I would say, hey, can we come on the cruise.
She's got her family, she's got her whole group. There's
zero reason you can't also say, hey, do you know
what this could be really cool? You can get to
know a guy that's important to me. You're important to me.
There's ways to spin this. I ways to spin this.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
I do not think that that will be well received.
Speaker 3 (42:36):
FI gross cross. Hang on, is it a neutist orgie cruise?
You know those like sex cruises, pie cruissm No, I.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
Think it's probably just a carnival and they're just gonna
go and have a nice little times Peanuts. It's probably
a Disney cruise, Okay, I don't know. I don't think
that you can take the boy that you barely see,
because you guys are just gonna want to have sex
twenty four hours a day. Like you're not gonna want
to hang out with your friend's mum. So like, I
don't think that that's gonna be a fair holiday for
everyone because your friend is going to get very jealous
(43:04):
that you've brought this person who you want to see
more than her.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
Like that's going to create a weird dynamic. I don't know.
It goes two ways because if you were I don't
want to say if you're a real friend, but if
you had a really close friendship close enough to go away,
you can have that conversation where you're like, hey, hey,
this is what's happening. I really like this guy. It's
the only time he can come on holiday, do you reckon?
He can come on the cruise. Like, it's not like
you're sleeping in a bed with her, she's with her family.
(43:26):
You can definitely all hang out. You're adults, you're not kids.
You cannot be in a situation where as grown women
you are jealous that your friend wants to bring her
partner to your family holiday.
Speaker 2 (43:38):
That's why trying to tell me, honestly, that if Ben
came over, if he was coming here for three weeks
or two weeks or whatever, and we were going away
on a holiday with my family and you were like, Okay,
I'm going to bring Ben on the cruise with you,
that you would still prioritize time with me and my family.
Speaker 3 (43:55):
You'd hang out all day long. You would.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
I'd be like, where's You'd be like into the reception
is bad down and the drudges, but of course you
still have.
Speaker 3 (44:03):
She's still gonna have her moments with her family. You're
not gonna you don't want to hang out with your friends,
parents and brothers and sisters for a fucking crew whole cruise.
It's different. It's not you're not going to a really
romantic airbnb where it's secluded on a private beach and
it's just a family. It's a cruise with thousands of people,
thousands of restaurants, entertainment like these thousands I don't know,
(44:24):
but you know what I mean. These cruise ships are humongous.
They're absolutely insane. There's water parks on them. I don't
think it's the biggest deal to meet in the middle
and say, like, I really want you to also call opportunity.
You can all still hang, but you will have to
make the effort to hang out with her on the crew.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
The reason is, let me give you one more spanner
as to why that won't work, because the reason why
she's invited her is because she's probably got a room,
so they will share a bed together.
Speaker 3 (44:47):
We don't know that with speculation, but I speculation.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
Cruises sell out very quickly and it's very okay cruise
they do, they do. But it's also like she's probably
invited her because she's got a spare, like she's got
the double bed and it's a twin room.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
She's invited it because she doesn't want to be on
a holiday with a family. No, but there's space for her.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
I doubt that she said, hey, come on this cruise
and completely book yourself your own bedroom, because if it
was that was the case, and I'd be like, sure,
it's different, she's booked entirely or her own room. What
I'm reducing from what she said, is that she's been
invited because it probably makes sense from a numbers perspective
for her to have a friend there. I don't know
the only way to answer this is that you have
to make a decision around what's more important, and if
(45:24):
it's taking a punt on this relationship or it's your friendship,
one of them is going to be affected by the
decision that you make.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
And so if you are at a point.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
Where you're like, okay, I'm okay with the friendship being
damaged and potentially never coming back from this, then that's
the decision to make. But I think be careful because
I think often relationships are not the exception that you
think they are, and so you could throw away a
really important friendship for someone who might not be ready
to make the commitments that you are if you haven't
had those conversations first.
Speaker 3 (45:51):
If you think that this could be your person and
you guys are together, then I think it's a different
conversation because at some point you do have to prioritize yourself.
You weren't going on the cruise just with your friend.
She was already going with her family. You were invited
as an extra to make it a bit more fun.
That to me is different. But unless I know how
(46:11):
important this person is to you, And again, I'm not
normal because that's how I met the love of my life,
like my husband. Is this situation that you're explaining you
met someone from a different country, you've become infatuated, and
you're falling in love, and you're trying to make it work,
and trying to make it work as someone that's done
it for two and a half years now, is fucking
so hard. And I will never now that I've lived it,
(46:34):
I will never tell someone again, oh, you've only known
them for four days, that you don't know they mean nothing. Sure,
you've only known them for four days, you don't know them,
but it doesn't mean they don't mean anything to you
and that you don't want to make something work. But
if you truly think that this could be your penguin
and you're trying so hard to make it work, and
it really is the only time of the entire year
(46:54):
you can possibly spend any time together, then I would
have a sit down with my friend. I wouldn't tell her.
I would have the conversation, Hey, this is the predicament
I've found myself in I really value our friendship. I
think this could be my person though, like I've just
never felt anything like this. I'm really trying to find
a way to make both work. Like how would you
feel if I did that? And if she really said
(47:14):
to you like I wouldn't forgive you, then that's something
that you need to decide on your own. But I
wouldn't go to her and just say, hey, I'm doing this,
I'm not coming anymore. But after math this one, please
please let us know what happens in this, because it's
really true.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
The only other thing to add to it is, I
know you've said this is the only three weeks that
he can come over here, but is there not the
possibility for you to go back over there to spend
time with him, and maybe he can pay for those flights.
If it's about you, guys, being together, then it shouldn't
be whether he travels here or you travel there. But yeah,
I think you absolutely should only be doing this, so
making these sacrifices for someone who's.
Speaker 1 (47:45):
Committed to you.
Speaker 2 (47:45):
But tell us what happened, Yes, tell us in the aftermaths,
and that's it from us, guys. If you have a
question for us on ask on Cut, Slide into the
dms at Life Uncut Podcasts.
Speaker 1 (47:53):
You can leave us a review.
Speaker 3 (47:54):
You can watch it on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
All of the good stuff and you.
Speaker 3 (47:57):
Know the drill. See mum Te dad Te, Doug Tear. Friends,
Share the love because we love love.
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
on Cut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is ask
Kunk Cut where we answer You're deep, You're dark, and
you're burning questions and I.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Am so broken. You're so broken. I'm more broken than
I've ever been. So I'm more broken this week than
last week.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
There's only a few more days left. Were dancing with
the Stars.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
I don't know if I'm allowed to say about but
you just said it.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
I didn't sign an nda.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
I'm sitting here in the hot water Fuck, I'm a wattle.
I'm sitting here. I'm sitting on a piece of wattles.
I'm waddling. I do wattle. Actually, my natural path said
it would be good for me. So for the last
couple of months, you guys know, I've been doing Dancing
with the Stars. But I'm at my tether, Like I'm
at my wits end. My body is screaming out for her.
(01:00):
It's like it is sing. So I have to walk
around everywhere now with the hot water bottle basically tape
to me. I drive in the car with it on
my groin and I wish that was for a different reason,
but it's absolutely not. I strap it to my back
at every moment I can. Every part of my body
is like screaming on fire.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
You only have a couple of days. You're gonna make
it to the end. You're gonna be amazing.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Tell you what if this, If this comes and I
make it to the end of Dancing with the Stars.
If I make it to the end and I'm there
and you guys don't vote for me, so what are
you gonna do?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
I'm quitting the podcast, Britty's I'm gonna take back all
those puppies I promised you and never gave you.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
I'm quitting. I've left that much blood, sweat and tears. Literally,
there's blood on Craig, my dance partner. Craig leaves with
blood on his shirt. That's because you use a mental car.
What do you? Oh? Yeah, true, my groin is on
his shirt. I will that's true.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I also just want to like remind you that Dancing
with the Stars isn't also like a separate thing to
the podcast, so that you can't quit the podcast because
people don't vote for.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
You and they're two different entity.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
But I'm glad that you've like it's taken over every
facet of your life.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Laura, I am blackmailing our life is So we.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Were just talking about this. I mean, obviously you've come
here for us to answer your questions. We'll get to that, guys,
don't worry, it's coming. But we were just talking about this.
So Britz started doing a new thing which we're going
to create a compilation.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
For you complaining yet hang on, I'm still complaining.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
This complains so recently. I don't know whether you've noticed it.
And that's because Kish does an incredible job of editing
out like every single one of these opens.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
That puts me in a position that makes me uncomfortable
because I do my absolute best. Sometimes I isolate audio.
Sometimes I use AI to try and reduce them.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
I don't know where this is going, but I don't
like it.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
So yesterday I get a message from Keisha and she says,
I'm sorry, but we need to have an intervention.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
So so hang on, let me get this straight. We
have a group chat. You left the group chat to
talk about.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
She said, I don't know what to do. I'm at
breaking point. I don't know how to make this. I've
brought it up. I've shown her examples. I don't know
how to get.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Rid of it. The snort has to go. I didn't
listen to the examples. I saw that. I saw the
voice came through, and I was like, I'm not changing
who I am, and I deleted it. We've noticed recently
they're Brittany's.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
We love your laugh, it's.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Amazing, but you're you're snorting is something that everybody has
a person we feel personally victimized by it.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
What I will say is in my defense, yes, my laugh.
What I will say is in my defense I will
What I will say is I am aware that my
laugh has evolved why. I can't be sure how. I
don't know. I don't know where it's come from, but
I know the snort has entered my life. It seems
(03:42):
to be on an upwards trajectory. I know one used
to sneak in every now and then.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
To be honest, they actually used to come from Laura
More and yours have disappeared.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
You're no longer in the recording. I want everyone that
me just doing that hurt my really strong what though, like,
We're gonna let you guys into a real insight. We
obviously edit the podcast, which try and keep it as
natural as possible, right, but we edit things. If one
of us does something like snorts too much, we will
edit that. What I want to say is what you
guys aren't aware of. And I hate that this is
(04:10):
throwing each other on the bus. Welcome to Welcome to
the Pug. We love each other, but this is the
slay episode.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
Okay, sorry for getting out of the group chat and
directly contacting Laura, But I'm.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Sorry for throwing you under the basket. Yeah, when I'm
throwing you under the bus, Laura for six years. What
you don't know is our very own Laura Burne snorts.
I reckon one hundred times an episode because she has
breathing problems like a little pug. You're like a little
French bulldog. They can't breathe properly, and we edit it
(04:40):
out to make you sound better. So now you're coming
from but you don't even know you do it because
it's so natural for you.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I do it in conversation, but I stop, so it's
an easy edit. Keisha, how often do I snort and record?
Speaker 4 (04:51):
Though it has reduced significant this is what I'm concerned about,
which this is.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Like a group meeting.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Yes, what places, And BRIT's trajectory is increasing. Yours is
decre so much that I hardly even notice it anymore.
And I used to have a problem with the mouth sounds.
Everyone knows I'm a bit sensitive to the the snorting
has taken on a level where like the wavelength of it.
When I can when I'm coming through the audio and
I can see it coming up, I almost brace myself
(05:17):
because I'm like, it's coming.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
The high personally, the high purble, because if you listen
with headphones in, it's an assault on the years. And
I love your laugh. I am so supportive of your laugh.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
I am sorry that I've gone behind your back to
try and rectify this, but the snort has got to go.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
This is it.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Maybe this is the episode that we do insert the
compilation here just so everyone can hear.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
All of a sudden, just mean she came and.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Sees me doing you know on the Simpsons, that dog
that does the squinty eyes when you looks. That's what
I'm doing. Is I'm Homer going back into the bush.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Now it is time for vibes and unsubscribed so that
we can get into.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
We're just pretending that attacks. Well, I've done one unsubscribed,
my unsubscribers.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Your snort, Well, let's put.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
It out to the people. Let's put a pole on.
Actually don't. That'll make it worse. Put on. Let's move on.
I'm going to try my best not to snort. I'm upset.
I said about a lot of things in my life
right now. We love you, we love every time about you.
We don't we do, I love most things. We'll put
me back in the group chat. Then, all right, vibes down, subscribes.
(06:38):
At least we're so in sync. We've got the same
vibe this.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Week we do okay, So I'll just say my own
subscriber is to snort, and then it feels like we've
got something different.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Well, my unsubscribes equally your sort. Go and get surgery.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
I know I do. I've spoken about this before, though.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
I can't go and get surgery now because people will
think I'm just getting like a rhiner plasty, and they'll
think I'm doing it for that reason.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
You've got a two in Actually you can do a
three and one. I have a time's in the laber
hair transplant new sinus three and one, I reckon, there's
someone in Turkey that would do that.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
You know, you can get the side of surgery without
altering the appearance.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Why would you go Laura would come out looking like
halle Berry should be like a different person. She'd be like,
while we're there, I didn't change my skin color. At
the same time, it just meant you come out like
looking like a different person.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
You're like, just trim here here, let's fix her here
and also sign me up for those melotonin injections saying
if you're gonna go under all right, look, let's get
serious vibes and unsubscribes. Brittan I do have the same vibe.
And it's because it's rare these days that I get
sucked into a TV show or a documentary or anything
and I'm able to watch every single episode in one sitting.
(07:41):
But that is how incredibly interesting this doc or is
that we're about to recommend. It's on Disney Plus, it's
Devil in the Family. The Fall of Ruby Frankie. Now,
so many of you will know the influencer Ruby Frankie.
She had their Channel eight passengers on YouTube, who was
convicted of child abuse in the US.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Yeah, and We've also spoken about her few times over
the last year or two as her case progress was
spoken about her daughter, Shari, so you may have heard
us talk about it on the podcast before.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
The reason why I found this so interesting is because
we knew a lot about the basic facts around the story,
the facts around the case, the opinions of the children
who have come out publicly to speak about it, Shari
and Chad namely. But there was so much in this documentary.
It's three episodes, I know about fifty minutes each, and
it is fascinating to me. The father sits down and
(08:28):
he does quite a lengthy interview around his involvement, around.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
How he was complicit, what he did and didn't know.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
I think it really raises so many questions around the
legalities and responsibilities that need to be put into place
to better safeguard children from family vlogging situations.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
I had really mixed feelings about the father's version. I
completely believe him that he knew nothing about it, but
that doesn't mean I think it's okay, because I think
what he did was so wrong, and I understand that
he was and you'll have to formulate your own opinion.
I understand that he was brainwashed to an extent, but
he still made some pretty interesting decisions to abandon his family.
(09:09):
His reasoning for it to him was justified at the time,
but for me it wasn't enough. I think he really
let his family down.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Yeah, there's so many facets. So Kevin Frankie is the husband.
Jodie Hildebrandt was Ruby's business partner. She's also serving up
to thirty years imprisonment for child abuse. Because they were
very entwined, and it also centers around the Later Day
Saints and the Mormon community of which they are all
members of. I found it truly, truly fascinating, and I
(09:39):
also was enraged watching Kevin Frankie because I felt as
a father he was able to completely absolve himself with
the responsibilities. But to me, he was the weakest version
of a man, the weakest version of a father figure,
of someone who should have been there to take care
of their family and to protect them.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
He cared so much.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
About his faith but also about this family unit at
the cost of the absolute expense of their children.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Would you go as far as saying that you think
he enabled the abuse one hundred percent? And also, what
I don't like is.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
He's come out and spoken about how quite confronting some
of the behind the scenes footage is because you've got
to remember, like Ruby Frankie had filmed thousands and thousands
of hours of herself and her children, and so this
is all unseen footage that didn't make it, so the
takes that didn't make it to her YouTube channel, and
there's moments where she grabbed her child by the mouth
to shut her child up. There's moments where she's screaming
(10:33):
at the kids from the other room. And I read
a statement from Kevin Frankie and he said, you know,
this is the reality of vlogging out of people who
share their children online. And I was like, you know
what it might be for some families, but they're abusive families.
And the fact that you think that this is so
normal just shows that this was systemic throughout the whole
time of your relationship, and it was only when you
(10:54):
removed yourself from the household that the abuse escalated.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
But she was always abusive.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
That's the thing that I've been very interested in with
seeing this play out across media now now that she's
been convicted and stuff, I feel like people are equating
vlogging with child abuse, and it's so important to distinguish
the difference because there are going to be versions of
both of those things.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
That do coexist.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
But a lot of the time those things are not
going to totalists. You know, most child abuses don't vlog it.
They don't have the evidence, they don't have it on film.
And most vlogging families are.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Not abusing their children. They might be exploiting them in
some way, but there is a difference. You know. It
does highlight so many different interesting aspects this documentary that
we've seen before, but also one of the big things
for me was just seeing the level of coercive control
that Ruby had towards her husband, Like it was quite
the role reversal in that sense to what we're used to.
Was he quite a weak and pathetic man, and I
(11:48):
hate saying that. That is how he comes across the
whole show. He even says it himself at the end
of the final questions, you know, or like, she's in
prison for thirty years for child abuse, she did these
horrific things to your son, She brainwashed you, she wouldn't
let you see your kids free, all of these things.
Do you love her? And he's like, yeah, I do, I.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Always will, I'll always love her.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
That's his final statement, and I was just like, eh, yeah, absolutely,
look like I said.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
I mean, there is so no matter how much you
know about this story fascinating, there is so much more
in this STOCKO definitely give it a watch. It's on
Disney Plas. I highly recommend it. Honestly could not stop watching.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
My vibe for the week is seemingly much more what's
the word I'm after? Flippant?
Speaker 3 (12:27):
After that deep.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Unpacked, we can the light and shade.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
Don't worry. It's a mattress.
Speaker 4 (12:32):
So the reason I've been thinking that I should vibe
this on the podcast is because often in our Facebook group,
so the Life on Cut discussion.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Group, and I'm talking like probably.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
Three to four times a week minimum, people are putting
questions in there, being like, hey, who has this mattress?
Speaker 3 (12:46):
Do you recommend it?
Speaker 4 (12:47):
Blah blah blah, And often it's a question between like
this one versus this one. And I obviously can't compare
it because I haven't had multiple but I purchased the
Koala Lux mattress on the boxing day sales, so I
did get at thirty percent off, which was a nice
little little treat for myself. And I am so deeply
obsessed with it that my brother and sister in law
spent one night on this mattress when they came to
(13:09):
stay in our house.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
And they and they've moved in. They have now ordered
their own, like or that's all it took for them.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
So I mean that if there's ever been a review,
that's it right there.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
Yeah, yeah, I really really love this mattress. I realized
that my mattress for someone who's as obsessed with sleep
is what I am. My mattress was terrible before this.
So this is their top of the range one, so
it's the most expensive one. The Queen retails for two
thy three hundred and ninety. They do have sales quite regularly,
so you maybe get on sale wait for one of those.
I think it's amazing. It comes in a box. I'm
(13:39):
not really a mattress a box mattress person, until.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Now I am completely converted. I have had their mattress.
I bought it probably three years ago, and I won't
go back. I really really love it. And everybody always
talks about how comfy my bed is too, because I
have people in multiple times a week. You know that's
a joke. She was left in your bed a little
All three people that have ever slept in my pitness.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
In terms of like softness, that is the other question
that people tend to ask in Facebook group.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
I think it's probably.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
Medium to soft range of memory foam styles. So if
you like a firm one, I'm sure that they've got
versions that you can kind of make it more firm.
But I think it's yeah, it's really good. The Koala
Lux mattress is my vibe for the week. I've been
sleeping like a queen.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
All right, Well, let's get into the questions.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Question number one My question is how do you find
your identity after becoming a mum. My youngest is twelve
weeks old and my oldest is only two right now,
and my life is just consumed with being a mum.
I feel a bit lost, and I find myself missing
who I was before. I avoid mirrors when I can,
because I don't recognize the person looking back at me.
(14:44):
I want to be the best role model for my girls,
and I'm worried if I can't find myself again, I
won't be able to do this for them. During the
labor of my second child. This is viewbritt During the
labor of my second child, I was listening to some
random episodes of the podcast to take my mind off.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
The con actions.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
I didn't realize I still had my headphones on when
I started to push and my daughter was born to
the sound of Britney's laugh. Oh my god, that's your
problem right there. That's where it's all stemmed from.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
I think that's where it started. On what laugh that laugh?
Will snort laugh?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Probably that laugh because we've met at the snort laugh
out as we've established.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Do you think did that means if a baby's actually
do you know what? Fuck it? That's good laugh? Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
That kids, it's like getting shut on by a bird like.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
A cooko ra. Yeah. We could liken it to that.
That's gonna be good luck, I think for your child. Congratulations.
That's really tough, because this one's definitely probably more for you. Laura.
I'm not a mum and I've never been through it,
and I know there's so many different aspects of postpartum
depression and trying to find who you are again and
your life completely changes. I've seen that through so many people.
(15:46):
I've seen that through Laura my family. You know, I've
got so many nieces and if you have so many friends,
but I personally haven't experienced it.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Firstly, I think it's really important to acknowledge that so
many mums feel like this, Like there are so many
women who go through motherhood and you have two under two,
you have a three month old baby, you are in
the trenches. I mean, they also call it the fourth
trimester when you have a when you have a newborn
baby and you go through those first three months. I
don't think we talk about the fourth trimester enough because
(16:14):
there's almost this expectation that once the baby's out, you're
going to be able to get back to the way
that you were, And I don't know if you ever
really get back to the way that you were. You're
a new version of yourself. But that new version doesn't
have to be a worse version by any means.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
It's evolution, it is.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
But it's not just it's not just the big changes,
and sometimes like they're the things that we talk about,
like you know that sleep is hard, that managing your
time is hard, that your touch dad and you always have,
you know, a baby, you're a person to tend to
the responsibilities are high, but it's also the small things
as well. It's the getting up in the morning and
not feeling like any of your clothes are right on
(16:48):
you because you can't wear the clothes that you used
to wear before you're pregnant, and you don't necessarily want
to wear your maternity clothes because you're not pregnant anymore.
It is a shift that takes over every part of
your life.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Yeah, and I remember us having that conversation, Laura. I
remember back like first pregnancy, Marley, where your whole life changed,
And I remember sitting down and you saying, this sounds silly,
but I don't know who I am and what to
wear now. I don't know what fits me. I don't
know what looks right. Even though my old coats fit me,
they don't feel right. Yeah, you just didn't know. And
(17:20):
it wasn't an identity crisis as such, but I guess
it was a mini one because you are trying to
figure out this next chapter that you haven't ever put
a foot in before. Like it's such a new experience
for everyone.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Yeah, and when you've had two under two, like, you've
probably been off work for quite some time and so like,
the things that were normal from your day to day
are just not normal anymore. I still look back on
photos of me after Maley and Laula were born, and
I'm like, what am I wearing?
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Like? But it was it was the only thing that
kind of felt like it fit.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Me, fit me right then. But I don't know, I
just I look back on those and I don't recognize
I mean not everything about that period was bad. I
don't want anyone to think of this as like a
motherhood slamming conversation.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
And there were way worse things than what Laura had
to wear. But yeah, when I.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Look at that and I'm like, what the fuck was
going on? Like that was okay, that was an interesting
time in the evolution of Laura Burns.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
Okay, it was fashion choices.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
But I and the reason why I'm focusing on the clothes,
and I know that clothes makes up the smallest part
of it, but it's like the reason why I'm saying
that is because it really does affect everything from the
top down. I would say, right now, your three months postpartum,
give yourself so much grace.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Like you do.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
You're in the trenches and you do crawl out of
the trenches like you do. One day you wake up
and you'll be like, oh my god, I had time
to like wipe my ass without my child screaming at
me today, And then I was able to go for
a walk and I went to pilates. And I think
it's when you're able to start doing things for yourself
and also having some moments of time that are on
your own, you start to gain a little bit of
(18:48):
sense of yourself again.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
And it's also really important.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
That you have support in order for that to happen,
because what can sometimes happen is that even though you
might go and have your shower or go and do
the things that you feel like you're doing for yourself,
you might be on high alert still for when your
baby's crying or for if there's a problem. Whereas like
what I found worked really well for me is like
in the mornings, Matt wants he'd had his shower and
(19:14):
he was already I would give him Lola Andmali, and
I'd be like, I'm having my shower, Do not interrupt me.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Do he come to me?
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Do not? I don't, I do not solve the problems
for an hour, Like that's my shower for an hour.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
There's water, no like shower, get ready, Like have an
hour to yourself, like if your baby's fed, Like you
can take that time. And it might not be feasible
in the morning because maybe your partner's got to go
to work, whatever that looks like. But there absolutely has
to be time carved out in the day where you
are able to have solo time so that you can
sit and have a coffee, or you can call a
(19:45):
girlfriend or do whatever it is that you want to do.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
That's undistracted time. Oh, she literally says here at the end,
thank you for bringing so much joy and laughter to
this world. I've only had one night out since becoming
a mum, and that was to your live show in Melbourne.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
See that's two years. No wonder, you don't have a
sense of who the hell you are. You're not anyone
right now except a mom, except a mum, and like
it's I mean, I'm so glad that you spent that
night coming to hang out with us. But like, when
you have two kids under two, I understand that there
is a big priority, but you are also still a priority,
and your partner is also still a priority. You have
(20:21):
to be able to give each other time to have
moments in life which are about you as a person
separate to being a parent. And maybe that means getting
a babysitter. If that's not able because it's too expensive,
maybe a friend can come and help. Or maybe it
just means your partner steps up to the plate takes
care of the kids so that you can go out
with your girlfriends for dinner once a month. You know,
that's not a big expectation.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
You've got to cut yourself some slack. And realistically you're saying,
you know, I feel like I'm just a mum right now,
but that's because you also are. You have a three
month old. At the end of the day, you are
keeping a small, helpless being alive, like that is your
job right now as well. So you are going to
feel like that is all in COmON because it is
all encompassing. But you do need to be able to
(21:02):
put that little bit of balance in. I don't know
if you can do it once a week, once a month,
but definitely more than one night in two years. That's
something that you need to prioritize. And I understand it's
not for everyone to be able to go out once
a week, in your household, with your children, with your partner,
whatever it is. But there's got to be something else
you carve out at some stage.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yeah, and it doesn't have to be like it doesn't
have to be a night out. That's not what we're suggesting.
Maybe it could be pilates. It could be going for
a swim like whatever that looks like for you. Maybe
you go and you do a pilates class. I don't
know why I keep saying polarates, but whatever, it could
be that with a girlfriend, you know, and that's the
person that you hang out with. But there has to
be something else in your life that is beyond just
(21:42):
being a mum for you to feel like you have
a sense of identity, because it's very fulfilling. We love
being mum's kids are amazing all of that stuff, but
it is not the only thing that you will put
on this earth to do after birthing children.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
It's just not.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
So I think, give yourself some grace and have some
big compass with your partner around how you're feeling so
that they can better support you and they can better
carry the load, so that you can actually prioritize yourself
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
All right question number two. My ex and I broke
up in October. Recently we've been reconnecting for a bit
of company in casual fun. Last weekend, I popped over
to his place for just like a super chill lunch hangout, which, of.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Course I don't know why that was funny.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
I know, because like, you know, you're gonna fuck. It's
just a super chill light hangout. Is your exit lunchtime.
You're having a lunch break. You're not going over to
have a ham sandwich. But maybe they did, and then
they fuck for sure? Well they did. That's the end
spoil on, okay, which of course eventually led to some
steamy playtime. It was one of those really hot days,
so we decided to have a shower session. Things got
(22:46):
hot and steamy, and as he started touching me in
all the right places with his hand, things started to
heat up and I said, oh, fuck me. I don't
know why that was imperative to the conversation and why
I had to say it, like I was there. I
like it though, okay, he replied, the cautious babe. When
I turned back, I was hit with a shock that
I'll never forget. His finger was covered in a thick
(23:08):
smear of diarrhea. Oh it was it was my first
time experiencing such an unsexy disaster.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Then, God, you're in the shower.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
Needless to say, I was mortified. We quickly washed it off,
agreeing that we just can't come back from this one. Ah,
that's so brutal. You just shit yourself. And he says,
we can't come back from this. Now it's become a
bit of a core memory and I can't shake it.
Here is my diarrhea, I mean, my dilemma. Should I
put the brakes on our casual escapades or mite a
(23:37):
second round with a strategic bathroom break this time help
us with a clean slate. I am so confused what
this question is? Wait? Can she live again?
Speaker 4 (23:46):
I would just like to point out that I did
not put this question after unhit.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
Brittany chose solely to put this one in. It was
a little too hectic.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Wait, you dated someone for it. It broke a prolong
period of time.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
It broke up.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
They broke up, you know, hangs and bangs accidentally shut
on him, and now.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
She wants to know if she needs to leave it.
He put his finger in there.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Oh, he's stuck his finger in your arm.
Speaker 3 (24:08):
No, we don't know that his hands were down there.
She she just says, my hands are down there, and
then she got diarrhea.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
I think he must have put his fingers in her backside,
because I don't think that someone just unless you've had
something going on with you.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
You got to check that out if you just accidentally,
because if he's put no, because if he's put his
finger up there and it's coming out with Pooh, that's
something you have to accept could happen if you are
not prepared for it. That's a home. That's where it belongs.
That's my point. That belongs there more than a finger do.
That's why I think she'said exactly. That's why I think
it's been an accident, because that's an expectation. If you're
going to go willy nilly, no pun intended, if you're
(24:42):
gonna go willy nilly and put a finger off the
butthole without it being prepped or talked about, then you've
got to expect something to be on there. The Pooh
lives in the but hole.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
I think it's fine. I think you can just laugh
it off and be like that was awkward. You don't
even have to you don't even have to talk about
it again. But him saying like, we can't come back
from this, because.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
They both said that.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
I think you can come back from it. It's your
ex boyfriend, it's fine. If it was just a hangs
and bangs guy that you did not care about, I
would not come back from it.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
I think you can come back. But I absolutely think
you can come back from it.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
I think it's not whatever you were in the shower,
you were right there near the soap washhand.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
No, if it's a one night you just met the guy,
you shit on him, I wouldn't have gone back. I
think you'd leave that one if it was if you're
on tinder block delete Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
But like this match, this is a guy that you've
dated for a considerable amount of time by the sounds
of things, and now you're like quite happily having hangs
and bangs and you're in the shower, and you know what,
if he can't take you at your worst, he doesn't
deserve you at your best.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
It depends. I just it depends. I just had so
many mental images going through what this situation could look
back in the shower, Like imagine the diary just pouring
out or down the shower. But I don't think it
was that. I take it there, Brittany, because that's where
we are. I'm a visual person, so I needed to
play this scene out. I don't like the fact that
I think this is so funny. I know, I don't
(25:55):
like the fact I just picture him looking like this,
holding his finger up, being like, we can't come back
from this, And I think that's cooked. You can come
back from it. It's a bit of poop. Tell him
to man up. Yeah, he wants to have sex with you.
A little accident in the shower is fine.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
But if you did just totally accidentally shot yourself, like
and you had no idea that you did it, I
really think you should probably get that checked out because
that doesn't sound normal, Like that's not like but you
also know you no one like but you know if
you've you know, like, no one okay, man, but you
know you do a shot, you know, like you've at
(26:29):
some point discover you don't have someone be like, hold on,
look at what's here unless you have like a lack
of sense or feeling and that's something that you know
you experience or deal with.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
I don't think we have to tell she's got a
health problem. Some people do just poop. Some people have this, No,
I'm being serious, some people do have loose bowels, and
if you're in the shower and it slipped out, you're
not going to feel it as much, right because people
when they shot and I'm not saying people I have
not shouted on record, but well please you don't.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
You also don't need that caveat everyone's shouted.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
No, they haven't. That is such a blanket statement. Everyone
has not shot it. But my point is people do.
The reason you know you've done it is because usually
you have pants on and you feel it. But if
she has accidentally done that in the shower, she's not
going to have known because there's water and it's loose
and it's coming out. So I just think, at the
end of the day, hang on, just stop this. Why
fucking your ex anyway, you've shot on him, he's your ex.
(27:20):
Let's move on. I don't think you actually need to
go back there. Technically you can. It shouldn't be an issue.
But I'm just going to take this as a sign
from the universe. He's an ex's in the past. Let's
move forward and hopefully not shit on anywhere even in
the universe. Is like, this is shit, stop taking it.
The universe is like, what do I need to do
to stop this from happening? I know you can shit
on him, like I think, let's move on.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Interesting question.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
I would just like to end it with I do
think you can come back from this. I don't think
that it's a big deal. Everybody goes to the toilet.
If he's that weird out by it and wigged out
by it, then that says a lot more about him.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
It's but also it is easy to say that if
I was getting hot and steamy and I actually pooed
on someone's hand, I would also be mortified, but I
would I would laugh it off. I would just be
like wow, like that's gonna go down in history. Crazy,
so crazy, Oh my god, could you believe that that
just happened? Okay, question number three? Please, let's move on.
(28:16):
Question number three. I am a female, married and deem
in my late twenties. I've always enjoyed sex, but as
I've gotten older, my sex drive has declined. This has
become a point of tension in my marriage, as my
husband has always maintained his sex drive. In an effort
to reconnect with my body and bring some excitement back
into our sex life, I recently bought my first vibrator.
(28:36):
While exploring, I made an embarrassing discovery. I've never actually
orgasms from my husband or most past partners. I've always
wondered if I even could orgasm. However, I did experience
it once with a previous partner, which has made this
realization even more confusing. Now I've learned that I can
do it myself, and I don't quite know how to
(28:57):
process that. I loved my husband deeply, and I know
this revelation will really hurt him. I don't want him
to feel inadequate, but I also want to be honest
so that we can improve our intimacy together. How do
I approach the conversation? That is a very tricky discovery.
It's a great discovery. Yeah, I'm really fuck I am
very please.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Here's lots of time on your own.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
No, but it's a tricky discovery when you assumed that
you were having orgasms or reaching like some sort of
peak with your partner, to then discover, oh, actually, like
that's not and potentially it's why you don't have the
same sex drive, and that's kind of declined because you're
not actually sexually satisfied. And I mean, like, there's probably
a few ways that you can navigate this, But if
(29:40):
this was me, I would not tell my partner.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
That he's never made me orgasm.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
I don't know if that's going to be like the
right way of attacking the situation to start with, especially
when he thinks he has. But I would maybe have
a conversation and say, hey, I recently bought a vibrator
and I have done X Y and it's really really
great and it feels really amazing. Is there a way
that we can try and replicate that or bring it
(30:08):
into the bedroom, you know, when we're having sex.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
I would love for you to be able to be
included in that. I don't know is that offensive?
Speaker 3 (30:15):
Is that going to make him turn around and be like,
what are you mean?
Speaker 2 (30:18):
I think that there's a way that you can include
the vibrator into your relationship so that maybe you can
get an oh, but he can be the one facilitating it.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
I don't know how I feel about it, because I
do think you need to move forward with honesty and
I'm really thinking through this. I don't think the conversation
necessarily has to be you've never made me orgasm.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
No, I think that that's too too harsh.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Yeah, I think the conversation can be different, But I
think I don't know how you'd navigate this without telling
him the truth in a way. Now, firstly, ten to
fifteen percent of women, so we're told with the internet,
actually don't or can't orgasm, So not every single woman can. Now,
we have had some sex ologiers before that have disputed that.
There are people that say that they don't believe those
(31:03):
facts that everybody can learn to orgasm. So I'm not sure,
but we are led to believe that there are some women,
and I know women in my own life that have
never had an orgasm, Like I know people in the
medical professional that have done all the research they can,
have tried everything, and they just can't. So there are
some people that can't. It sounds like you thought maybe
you were one of those people, and then you've made
(31:24):
this discovery. Well I hang on, maybe it just takes
something a little bit different for me to get there.
And I think that that's an amazing discovery because your
whole life is going to change now. But I don't
see why that can't be a conversation you can have
with your partner where you've said, hey, sex has always
been amazing with you. But I think I have had
a realization where I don't think I have reached my
(31:46):
full capacity with intimacy because I did have this moment.
But I think that, like it's instead of saying, hey,
I've never had an orgasm, it's like I felt something
I haven't quite felt before. Can we discover that? Can
we play with this a little bit? Because if you've
never introduced that stimulation before into your sex life as
a couple or alone, you won't to know. So that's
(32:07):
not necessarily a reflection on your husband's performance, your performance,
or anything else. It's just a difference with your body
and what your body needs.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Yeah, and also on that it's been I mean, it's
well documented that a lot of people who have volvers
can't orgasm or climax from penetrative sex.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
Right, Like those people can't.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
Yeah, most people can't.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
And there are a lot of women out there who
aren't able to come unless they're using vibrators. Like, I
don't think that this is an unusual thing, but I
don't think it should be stigmatized that that is the
way that you're able to reach climax, Like you shouldn't
be penalized or punished because your partner's ego is going
to be hurt.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
I think there has to be a.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Way to be able to incorporate it into your sex
life so that you're able to reach the same level
of climax. And I don't think it should be I mean,
it's tricky because I know that we are saying it
shouldn't be seen as something that should be like ego hurt,
but that doesn't necessarily mean that that's how it's going
to play out when you have the conversation. So I
do think be careful around making sure that it's an
(33:05):
inclusive conversation around like how you can both get more
enjoyment out of.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Your sex together.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
But I don't think you're alone in discovering that you
have a better climax when you do it to yourself
with a vibrator than what you do with a partner,
because like you also control everything, you know exactly where
and what to do as you're in the midst of it,
whereas like your partner's not a mind reader and doesn't
have that same sort of ability or understanding.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
A man could be the best fucker in the world
and you could like he could win a competition that's like, hey,
I'm the best lover. You could still introduce a vibrator
on top of that and it will be better. Like
it doesn't have to be an ego hit. And it's
just that saying you don't know until you know, And
that's what's happened for you. You haven't known until you've known.
Now you know, and he needs to know that you
know that you don't know till you know.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
There's an article from a sexologist named Tracy Cox right,
and she's said that there are lots of women who
wouldn't have orgasms all if it wasn't for the humble vibrator.
And it's more about finding ways that can bring you
to climax, rather than expecting that your partner is the
only person or only thing that would be able to
do that. So like teaching them or teaching yourself another
way is something that absolutely should be normalized. It's just
(34:15):
approaching the conversation in the right way.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
I always think about it in reverse too, like if
my partner came to me and said, hey, I tried
this sex tweet. Oh my god, sex feels ten times better.
I'd be excited by that. I'd be like, awesome.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Yeah, I think you wouldn't say sex fells ten times better.
I think you'd say it felt really intense.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
But that's what I mean. If if my partner came
to me and said this increases my feeling, that wouldn't
offend me. I'd be like, how cool that we found
something that makes you feel better. Like, and I understand
egos are different for men and women or whatever, but
I just think that's should way. When you approach it
that way, it shouldn't be But I think it's the
way you say it. It's the way you bring it
to him. And if you've never used it before, you
(34:54):
haven't known. Now you have new information and new education.
You can incorporate that to your life. But definitely do
not mean out on orgasms and better sex for your
partner because you're too worried about what he's going to think.
Because you're going to be married for another forty fifty
six years. You need to live your best life, all right.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Last question.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Last year, I went on a UNI exchange and in
the last few weeks there I met a British guy
who I genuinely believe.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Could be my person.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Since then, we have kept in contact and I have
met him in Bali and again back in the UK
for a few weeks later in the year. My dilemma
now is that I have agreed to go on a
cruise with my friend in April for contacts with this friend.
She has been my best friend for a few years,
but because of some things that happened last year, she
now lives with my ex boyfriend of four years that's random,
(35:39):
and a few other people who don't run in my
circles anymore. This has made our relationship a little bit
challenging recently, and this cruise with her entire family could
really be a make or break situation for us. However,
I have just found out that this is the only
time in the entire year, because he studies medicine and
gets little holidays, that my British boy would be a
(36:00):
were to come out to visit me for a few weeks.
Having this cruise smack bang in the middle of these
weeks means that the trip wouldn't be worth the money
for him if I'm only going to be there for
half the time.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
So my question is how terrible of a friend am I?
Speaker 2 (36:13):
And or will this ruin my friendship if I prioritize
seeing the potential love of my life over this cruise
with my best friend. Also a little bit more context.
She was so excited when I told her I was
going to come on the cruise and has not been
overly supportive of this British man I've been obsessing over.
So I really feel like me doing this would be
(36:33):
taken very personally, and I'm worried that we potentially won't
fully come back from it. But it also feels like
if I can take the opportunity to see him, then
I should.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
No one has a mirror ball.
Speaker 3 (36:45):
I have two very different opinions. It's hard because, like you,
I did it. Yes, no, I didn't do it. You
didn't cancel something on me? But yes, no, but Ben
did it? So okay, hear me out straight up. Is
this going to jeopardize your friendship? Probably? Yeah, And you've
said that we don't know that. You've said that.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Yes, you have written that she was so excited, she's
already got to be in a bonnet about the guy
she is.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
It's going to change your friendship.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
The only thing here.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
Is hope with your ex. Yeah, that's weird.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
The only thing is here? Why the fuck is she
with your egg? No, but it would be different. There's
a few variables. It'd be different for me if this
was a holiday that they were going on as two
friends and she bailed. Her whole family is going Did
I hear that right? Like she's on a trip with her.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Family, yes, and she's invited her friend to come.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
Yep. So she's like, Hey, I'm on this trip with
my family. Do you want to come? And you're like, yeah,
you know what, got nothing else to do? Sure? Now
you do have something else to do. Which it's tricky
because you're only leaving her where she started. She never
started the trip with you. She was on a family trip.
You're going to come. You're not so there that I
don't think she will see it like that. She won't,
but let hear me out. This is why it's slightly
different for me. If you had a trip just with her,
(37:51):
you two, then I would say you absolutely cannot cancel.
But you're talking to somebody who is marrying the person
that she took a risk on, a guy she met
for three days and I took a risk, so my
my train of thought is not normal. And you guys
might remember if you passed your mind back, my train
of thought is not normal.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
It's true.
Speaker 3 (38:13):
Take that as a quote. But if you cast your
guys mind back a couple of years. In the first
year that Ben and I were together, there was a
moment that we did talk about in the podcast, but
if you missed it, which highly likely did, Ben had
like a friend's wedding that he was invited to, and
it was the one time in six months that he
and I could see each other because of our holidays,
(38:34):
and so we were still in the early stages of
getting to know each other. We were in a relationship,
but like you didn't know you're going to marry each
other yet, yeah, And he ended up making a really
difficult decision to see me instead. It was a really
tough decision because he's like, this is my friend's wedding,
but he's like he inside was like there is something
(38:55):
about this girl. Okay me, but he's like the saying
about this girl. And this is the way he explained
it to his friend. He said, I think if I
don't go and see this girl, it could be a
really bad decision. He's like, I really think that she's
going to be a part of my future. And he
had a really sit down conversation and said, like, she's
really important to me, and if I don't see her now,
the relationship won't work because I won't see her for
like a year. And I didn't want him to say that.
(39:17):
I left it completely in his court, and I actually
felt really guilty. But he's still really great friends with
that person, and he and I are getting married. And
I know that's not a normal example, but it's the
first thing I thought about. When you're saying I really
like this guy that I've met and we might not
see each other. It's super tricky, but I think we
can't answer it because we don't know how you feel
(39:38):
and we don't know what this guy means to you.
But how important is your friendship because she's gonna be
if she's gonna be upset and it is going to
cancel your friendship, that's a different question. Ben had the
conversation with his friend and they understood and they moved forward,
but she might not.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
I know, this is such a hard one because, like Britt,
you are the exception. What you guys have experienced. Is
not standard, you know. And I think the other part
of this to keep in mind is you said that
this is the only time in a year.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
I think it was that you'd be able to see him.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
Are you going to be able to sustain a year
of long distance with only two weeks together. I just
think that there's some big conversations to have with him first,
because you've obviously been to Bally to see him, You've
gone to the UK to see him, like you are
making effort and you guys are keeping in contact and
everything else, like you will know what is happening. But
I think that there should be some big conversations around
(40:31):
like are you in a relationship together?
Speaker 3 (40:33):
Like are you actually exclusive? Is that what's happening again?
Do you just have a crush?
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Because the difference for you, Britt is like you guys
were exclusive at least at that point in time and obsessed,
You had a close relationship, you were a boyfriend and girlfriend.
You'd already made that commitment to each other. I don't know,
and it doesn't to me, doesn't sound like that's the
case here. It sounds like it's two people who are
infatuated with each other and you've you know, you've still
got your own things going on in your lives, but
you haven't really had those big conversations yet. So the
(40:59):
question is, potentially have those conversations with him. Is he
serious about the relationship being a relationship, about closing the relationship,
about looking to what the future looks like, what is
a bit of a plan there? And if that's the case,
then maybe here's someone that you are okay with risking
a friendship on. But it does sound like you want
(41:20):
us to tell you that it's okay to go and
do this. The thing is is you can do whatever
you want to, but you will have the fallout from
your friendship. If it sounds like your friend is going
to take that really personally.
Speaker 3 (41:31):
He needs to one hundred You need to be together. Yeah,
this shouldn't eve even Aye, Sorry I just made that assumption.
This shouldn't even be a conversation if you're not together.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
I don't think they are. I think that they're still.
I mean, who knows. But it's like, this is the
boy that I'm obsessed with, But she hasn't actually said
that this is her partner, this is what she's in
a relationship with.
Speaker 3 (41:48):
Yeah, this is my genuine response. And there is zero
reason that this can't happen. I think he comes to
see you. You both go on the cruise together. They're
with their family, you're with your friend. He's there seeing
something else.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
No, that's weird. You can't invite it.
Speaker 3 (42:02):
Weird. Also the cruise ship. Sorry, this girl and her
family don't own the cruise ship.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
It's not that though.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
It's about inviting your friend to come and have a
holiday with you, and then they've brought their new boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
They're not gonna spend time with you.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
Yes, you will, you have Well, that would be that,
That would be what I would do if one hundred percent,
I would say, hey, can we come on the cruise.
She's got her family, she's got her whole group. There's
zero reason you can't also say, hey, do you know
what this could be really cool? You can get to
know a guy that's important to me. You're important to me.
There's ways to spin this. I ways to spin this.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
I do not think that that will be well received.
Speaker 3 (42:36):
FI gross cross. Hang on, is it a neutist orgie cruise?
You know those like sex cruises, pie cruissm No, I.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
Think it's probably just a carnival and they're just gonna
go and have a nice little times Peanuts. It's probably
a Disney cruise, Okay, I don't know. I don't think
that you can take the boy that you barely see,
because you guys are just gonna want to have sex
twenty four hours a day. Like you're not gonna want
to hang out with your friend's mum. So like, I
don't think that that's gonna be a fair holiday for
everyone because your friend is going to get very jealous
(43:04):
that you've brought this person who you want to see
more than her.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
Like that's going to create a weird dynamic. I don't know.
It goes two ways because if you were I don't
want to say if you're a real friend, but if
you had a really close friendship close enough to go away,
you can have that conversation where you're like, hey, hey,
this is what's happening. I really like this guy. It's
the only time he can come on holiday, do you reckon?
He can come on the cruise. Like, it's not like
you're sleeping in a bed with her, she's with her family.
(43:26):
You can definitely all hang out. You're adults, you're not kids.
You cannot be in a situation where as grown women
you are jealous that your friend wants to bring her
partner to your family holiday.
Speaker 2 (43:38):
That's why trying to tell me, honestly, that if Ben
came over, if he was coming here for three weeks
or two weeks or whatever, and we were going away
on a holiday with my family and you were like, Okay,
I'm going to bring Ben on the cruise with you,
that you would still prioritize time with me and my family.
Speaker 3 (43:55):
You'd hang out all day long. You would.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
I'd be like, where's You'd be like into the reception
is bad down and the drudges, but of course you
still have.
Speaker 3 (44:03):
She's still gonna have her moments with her family. You're
not gonna you don't want to hang out with your friends,
parents and brothers and sisters for a fucking crew whole cruise.
It's different. It's not you're not going to a really
romantic airbnb where it's secluded on a private beach and
it's just a family. It's a cruise with thousands of people,
thousands of restaurants, entertainment like these thousands I don't know,
(44:24):
but you know what I mean. These cruise ships are humongous.
They're absolutely insane. There's water parks on them. I don't
think it's the biggest deal to meet in the middle
and say, like, I really want you to also call opportunity.
You can all still hang, but you will have to
make the effort to hang out with her on the crew.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
The reason is, let me give you one more spanner
as to why that won't work, because the reason why
she's invited her is because she's probably got a room,
so they will share a bed together.
Speaker 3 (44:47):
We don't know that with speculation, but I speculation.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
Cruises sell out very quickly and it's very okay cruise
they do, they do. But it's also like she's probably
invited her because she's got a spare, like she's got
the double bed and it's a twin room.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
She's invited it because she doesn't want to be on
a holiday with a family. No, but there's space for her.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
I doubt that she said, hey, come on this cruise
and completely book yourself your own bedroom, because if it
was that was the case, and I'd be like, sure,
it's different, she's booked entirely or her own room. What
I'm reducing from what she said, is that she's been
invited because it probably makes sense from a numbers perspective
for her to have a friend there. I don't know
the only way to answer this is that you have
to make a decision around what's more important, and if
(45:24):
it's taking a punt on this relationship or it's your friendship,
one of them is going to be affected by the
decision that you make.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
And so if you are at a point.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
Where you're like, okay, I'm okay with the friendship being
damaged and potentially never coming back from this, then that's
the decision to make. But I think be careful because
I think often relationships are not the exception that you
think they are, and so you could throw away a
really important friendship for someone who might not be ready
to make the commitments that you are if you haven't
had those conversations first.
Speaker 3 (45:51):
If you think that this could be your person and
you guys are together, then I think it's a different
conversation because at some point you do have to prioritize yourself.
You weren't going on the cruise just with your friend.
She was already going with her family. You were invited
as an extra to make it a bit more fun.
That to me is different. But unless I know how
(46:11):
important this person is to you, And again, I'm not
normal because that's how I met the love of my life,
like my husband. Is this situation that you're explaining you
met someone from a different country, you've become infatuated, and
you're falling in love, and you're trying to make it work,
and trying to make it work as someone that's done
it for two and a half years now, is fucking
so hard. And I will never now that I've lived it,
(46:34):
I will never tell someone again, oh, you've only known
them for four days, that you don't know they mean nothing. Sure,
you've only known them for four days, you don't know them,
but it doesn't mean they don't mean anything to you
and that you don't want to make something work. But
if you truly think that this could be your penguin
and you're trying so hard to make it work, and
it really is the only time of the entire year
(46:54):
you can possibly spend any time together, then I would
have a sit down with my friend. I wouldn't tell her.
I would have the conversation, Hey, this is the predicament
I've found myself in I really value our friendship. I
think this could be my person though, like I've just
never felt anything like this. I'm really trying to find
a way to make both work. Like how would you
feel if I did that? And if she really said
(47:14):
to you like I wouldn't forgive you, then that's something
that you need to decide on your own. But I
wouldn't go to her and just say, hey, I'm doing this,
I'm not coming anymore. But after math this one, please
please let us know what happens in this, because it's
really true.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
The only other thing to add to it is, I
know you've said this is the only three weeks that
he can come over here, but is there not the
possibility for you to go back over there to spend
time with him, and maybe he can pay for those flights.
If it's about you, guys, being together, then it shouldn't
be whether he travels here or you travel there. But yeah,
I think you absolutely should only be doing this, so
making these sacrifices for someone who's.
Speaker 1 (47:45):
Committed to you.
Speaker 2 (47:45):
But tell us what happened, Yes, tell us in the aftermaths,
and that's it from us, guys. If you have a
question for us on ask on Cut, Slide into the
dms at Life Uncut Podcasts.
Speaker 1 (47:53):
You can leave us a review.
Speaker 3 (47:54):
You can watch it on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
All of the good stuff and you.
Speaker 3 (47:57):
Know the drill. See mum Te dad Te, Doug Tear. Friends,
Share the love because we love love.
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