August 3, 2025 • 39 mins
Welcome back to ask uncut where we unpack some of your deepest and weirdest dilemmas!
One of our lifers has done the (most) homework and tried out ‘hamstering’ so you didn’t have to. We respect it but we are likely not to attempt this for ourselves.
Vibes for the week:
Britt - Cord Organiser
Laura - Chekoh Wrap
Keeshia - My Mom Jayne on HBO Max
Then we jump into your questions
HELP! SAW MY GAY DADS SEX TOYS
Help a girl out. This is one of the most awkward moments of my life. I’m 25 and quite close with my dad. My dad is gay and has been all my life… It's a long story. Anyway, I’ve just hopped in the back of his car because we are going to visit my sick grandma in hospital and there’s a sex toy in the back seat on the floor!!! Black anal beads/butt plug kind of vibe. Do I ask him what it is?! Do I pretend I never saw it? Do I kick it under the front seat so he’s not embarrassed with it laying out in plain sight and knows I saw it?! Help a scarred girl out!
GIFT RECEIVER DOESN'T OPEN GIFT IN FRONT OF ME - I FIND IT STRANGE!
Is it common practice for people who are receiving gifts to open them while the gift giver is present? I’ve been to both a baby shower and a kids birthday recently where I brought a gift but to my disappointment the gifts were not opened during the event but taken away to be opened at a later time. As a gift giver, I think it’s nice to see the receiver open my gift; mainly to see if they liked it. When you put time and enough into picking the perfect gift I feel like it’s a bit anticlimactic to not actually see them open (and hopefully enjoy) it. Am I wrong in thinking it’s strange to not open gifts at the event in front of the givers?
I KISSED MY GP IN AN EMOTIONAL TIME (I’M MARRIED)
I’m 29yo. I’ve been with my husband for over 6 years and we have 2 gorgeous sons (4 and 2). I’ve been feeling like we’re roomates rather than partners for a long time now. We rarely have sex, don’t communicate very well and I’m feeling so lonely. Earlier this week, I had an appointment with my GP. A 53yo man who has been our Dr for 5yrs. It was a long appointment, and we shared and cried over our joint experiences of losing our daughters in very traumatic circumstances (they passed away on the same day, 5 years apart and Monday was their anniversary). At the end of the appointment, we hugged for a very long time, then there was a moment, and we ended up kissing. Nothing hot and heavy, but it was very nice. Now, I can’t stop thinking about him and that kiss. He is divorced, and has been such a source of comfort for me during some very darks times, and he says the same about me. What was this kiss? Is it just because we’re both lonely and were emotional over our daughter’s anniversaries? Or is it more than that? Please, please help
AM I UNREASONABLE NOT WANTING HUSBAND TO GO TO FRIENDS FUNERAL?
I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable with how I’m feeling. So my partner works fifo 2 weeks away, 1 week back and we have a 4 month old baby. He got some news about an old friend of his who suddenly passed away who lived interstate so would need to travel for the funeral. I don’t know this friend but he apparently played a large role in his life back when he was younger.
The funeral is the day after he gets back, so now instead of coming home he will pack a back and fly away again for a few days. I feel so incredibly upset with this decision. I understand the importance of this friend and I get that he wants to say goodbye. But I feel like given the circumstances, it isn’t just as easy as him jumping on a plane and going. Am I wrong to feel this way? Maybe I’m just being hormonal I don’t know. Please don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love being a mum, I wouldn't change it for the world. I just feel like I count down the days for him to get home so we can have time together as a family and I can get just a little bit of break or time to myself. It’s not like I get to just jump on a plane for a few days away whenever I want. Not that money is an issue but it’s also costing over $1000 for these flights as they’re last minute.
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is ask gun Katch,
where you're writing your deep starts burning questions.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
We do our d darndest to answer them. Yeah. I
really did enjoy last week's one about Pubes the pube fetish.
Oh they're lating to it again last night, and I
was like, that was a great question. The styling.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Did you think about styling yours movie?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I don't know. No, I gave it a trim. We're
back down to nothing. How did you give it a
true I felt inspired.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Oh look, I'm not a hedge clipper around.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
I am not saying that it is well like, it's
well done. I have no idea how patch it is.
No one's seen down there for a while, but at
some point soon my obstration is going to look down there.
And so I was like, at least I should try
and figure out what's going on.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Isn't it funny?
Speaker 1 (00:54):
It's the field basis at the moment, it's not bad sight.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Why do women do that when we're like, oh, we're
going to a doctor or we're going to some one
that could see it, like we need to trim it
and style it, and why do we do that?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Like it's just PUBI hair totally. My obstetrition does not
give a fuck fus zero. You don't think it's gonna
impressed with you? More hawk like?
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Like, what do you think playing back inside?
Speaker 1 (01:15):
I'm pretty sure I still would have a hairy crack anyway,
I'm going to reach everywhere. Why is your obstitrition looking
at your crack? Don't they see everything when you're giving birth,
they see it all like they'll see.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yeah, but your obstrician appointments not fingering your crack?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Is that? Like, let me see what happened.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
I don't know where you go. Sometimes I really worry
about you. Your obstitrition is he in like a back
room in a dark ally with flashing lights?
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Neon sign, baby looks great. I think we did talk
about the other week on an Ask Guncut episode. You
guys might remember. It's probably the only thing that I
brought to the podcast this year, so I thought i'd
bring it back up the Thirsty Hamster if you missed it.
It's a new sex position that's going viral. When I
say it's going viral. There's been a few media outlets
(01:59):
speaking about it. Yeah, it's definitely not viral. It's definitely
been spoken about on TikTok. Has anyone ever tried it
unsure until now? So just to kind of set up
what it is in case you missed it. Basically, the
way the Thirsty Hamster works is that you have to
get your partner or whoever has the penis in the relationship,
to lay on the roof of the car. Now, this
(02:21):
only works if you have a sunroof.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Convertible or it's very nat It doesn't work.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
If you have a convertible because how are you going
to plank on that, right.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Because you've got convertibles that are only like three quarters
and stuff.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Yeah, So imagine like you know those dickie sunroofs that
like a lot of the cars have these days, where
it's just like a cutout square. You didn't even intentionally
do that. So Dickie laid on your Dickie sunroof with
your dicky out through your pan, popping through the sunroof,
and then the person in the car has to give
head to the person who's laying on top of the car.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
It's the dumbest I'm sorry, it's the dumbest sex vision.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Also the neck pain that.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
The person that is in the car sucking like that
is a not a comfortable position.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
No, no, it's terrible. I wasn't recommending it. I was
just having a laugh about the visual and the reason
why it's called the thirsty hamster obviously is you know
how when you have like a guinea pig or a hamster,
or does anyone in Astraia have a hamster? No? Do
you know it's illegal to just have one hamsters? Yeah,
only in some countries.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Yeah, Nordic countries, the countries that can more, that's wow,
because they get lonely.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Oh. You also couldn't do the sex position with anyone either.
Typically you don't actually need a hamster for this because
that would be illegal. So bestiality. So you know how
they have like rabbits and guinea pigs and stuff have
that water bottle with like the little metal tube and
then they got when they drink out of it, So
imagine the penis is the metal tube. There we go,
there's the visual. We brought it up. It was funny.
(03:39):
We all had a laugh about it, and the consensus
on this was that who on earth would ever try it?
And let me tell you one of our true blue
lifers who is just she's here for us, she's doing
the most. She really did. She came through with the gourds.
Well she's written this, hey, girls, true life are here.
The last Epps said to write in if anyone has
tried the Thirsty Hamster. And I'm here to say that.
Hubby and I were laughing so hard about this on
(04:01):
the pod in the car and thought, fuck it, let's
try it just for the lolls. And it was honestly
the funniest thing ever. And also some feedback. Your head
has to be completely back like the Exorcist for it
to work. Here's my point.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
It is the most uncomfortable thing for I mean, the
person up top just gets to lay down.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
I love that. It's like Howby and I were laughing. Yeah,
of course he was laughing. He's like, oh so funny.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Whould try it?
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Yeah, let's try something else.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
You'll try it again. And just to make me I
wonder if it's possible, I vibrates.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I have a question, So like, where did you do it?
Were you parked in the garage? Yeah, you're not doing
it on the main street. We just pulled into your driveway,
Like where were you? Nah, you're in the garage. It's public.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
In decency, you can't just fuck on the street like
life one God told me to do it.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Like that's not gonna fly when a police bean pulled
you over. But I reckon worse things have happened anyway. Look,
let's get into bars and unsubscribed so you can answer
your questions. There's a number of people.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
That have gotten in trouble from giving blowjobs driving in
a car because been caught on camera, like phone camera.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
I think that that's like a really young person thing.
Like I feel like you do it when you're in
young love, Like I don't know any less risk of it.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
What do you know? I mean, like I feel we
definitely hurt the people double It's.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Like for me when Ben was here because only here
for a short periods of time. No, but I feel
like it's one of those things that everyone attempts when
they're in their early twenties or and then you get
old and you're like not giving people blowjobs while the
car's going ever, just like mad, It's like, what do
you mean when the car's going that's what that's like?
(05:34):
What's a blow drop?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
That is? Oh?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
I laughed you hard because it's true, poor Matt. Maybe
you need to give him one.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Oh, just for like, I don't know, you bending your
neck back like that to do the thirsty hands while
you're pregnant, and that's too right.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
To do it with my neck boatog I try.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I wouldn't be able to do it. I wouldn't be
able to hold my neck up to do it. Yeah,
I'm not giving that one to go. All right, let's
vibes I subscribed.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
I'm going to start with my vibe because it's probably
the most boringom.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Should I go there? No?
Speaker 2 (06:06):
No, it is a product and it's something so niche,
but I think a lot of people will benefit from it.
I don't think it actually has a name, but we're
calling it the phone card holder, Are you right? No?
Because it's like this really niche. You can just get
them on Amazon, you get them from anywhere. They're really cheap.
It's an organizational tool. So they're like these little stick on,
(06:30):
round like adhesive things that can go anywhere. So the
idea is they hold your phone cards. So if you've
got one hundred cords behind a lounge or something.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Oh yeah, I have seen these.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Yeah, so like I mean you've googled it, but like
they just stick on and it's got a magnet. It
clicks your cord in and it holds it up high.
So if you've got like cords for me, for example,
in my lounge room, behind my lounge is where my
PowerPoint is and I have phone cards and laptop charges.
But they go so far down so you can stick
them on the wall behind the lounge and it just
magnetizes your cording to it so that it's just organized, neat, tidy,
(07:03):
they don't get messed up.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
It's the easiest thing.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
You can stick them next to your bed or work
on your desk, in your car. They're just an adhesive
but stick anywhere and holds all different kinds of chords.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
I feel like we're gonna need a very specific link
for this because hunless someone's seen it, they're all like
cords and stick on it. No, that's what I mean.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
That's when I said it doesn't actually like have a name,
but it's on Amazon. If you just google Amazon phone
called Holder, you'll see them. And they're come in packs
of six and ten or whatever, and it's just an
organizational tool exactly.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Keeach, that's it. You just google that. That's it.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
These little stick on adhesive things amazing.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Well, I mean, we'll still put a link in the
show notes, as we do every week. We'll find one.
I have a recommendation for any mums to be or
if you have a newborn baby, and it's because.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
You're having a baby. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
But also, and I'm not joking, I know I said
this last week. We're now eight weeks way or like
eight and a half counting down, and we still don't
have anything. We've organized nothing, like I don't have a
single thing. And now it's become like you know that
episode of Hamish Nandy where they kept driving with the
petrol in the car to see how long they can
push it. I feel like I'm that person with this.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
But also it's because you've you've done it. I don't
think many people would do that on the first time. No. Yeah,
it's like now you're like, I know, it'll be fine.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
No matter what happens. Poppies going in a drawer and
she's wearing size for rub some glad rap she's like
oversizes in. Yeah, No, look I gave mine of these
away and I just put them. I put together a
little list of all the things that I know are
absolute essentials because you end up with so much stuff
that you don't use when you are having a baby,
and you often buy a lot of things that you
(08:34):
don't use as well, especially when it's your first and
your second, because you think, especially your.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
First, she's like, I'm gonna dress it in qube goes
and berets a totally.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
So like I've really like kind of like stripped down
my list, and one of the things was at the
very top and it is what Lola absolutely lived in
for the first six weeks of her life. It's called
a baby wrap. So the brand that I love, it's
Checko or Chico, I don't know how to say it.
It's c H E k oh. And they're like a
long piece of fabric, stretchy fabric, so instead of having
(09:01):
a baby in a carrier, you wear your baby, so
you wrap it all around them. It's very Byron Bay
mums if you've ever seen them. But for me, I
found it so comfortable. Lola would sleep in it all
day long, like that was the only thing she would
sleep in. And they have really nice colors, and they're
really nice fabrics. They're such good quality. The ones I
had when Lola was born, I gave them to a
(09:23):
girlfriend and they have now been passed on to two
more babies since so and they're still in circulation somewhere.
I wish they'd come back to me. I don't know
where they are. Yeah, that's a good vibe. So, yeah,
it's great. I really love them. I've got a couple
of them on my list at the moment.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
My vibe this week is possibly my favorite Biopiccodoco that
I've ever watched.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
It's the one by Mruska Hagata.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
It only came out I think two weeks ago, and
I watched this on HBO.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Max and it's called My Mum Jane, So Mruska hugaite
if you're trying to place the face.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
She plays Olivia Benson in Laura and Order SVU.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
She's been on the show.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I love her, yeah, two decades and I had no
idea about this. Her mum, Jane Mansfield, was a huge
Hollywood star, like Marilyn Monroe esque vibe, and she was
only a couple of years after Marilyn Monroe, and she
was incredibly famous and very very well loved. But she
was quite a complicated person and she was this sex
(10:14):
symbol but she kind of played the dumb blonde role
for so long, but she wanted to be a serious
actress and she kind of hired to get the public
to take her more seriously, and they almost rejected that
side of her. And you know, it's interesting to look
back on kind of the cultural times now looking at
it with the twenty twenty five lens. Anyway, she ended
up having three husbands and five children, and quite complicated
(10:36):
relationships with some of those husbands. But Mariska actually lost
her mum, Jane, when her mum was only thirty four.
It was in nineteen sixty seven, and it was in
a car accident and Mariska and two of her brothers
were in the car at the time.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Oh wow. And there's a really interesting thing that.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Comes out from her brother in that the brothers were
taken to hospital and when one of them woke up,
he was like, where's my sister, And they had to
go back to the car wreck and Mariska was actually trapped.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Underneath one of the seats. She was alive. Oh my god,
like it.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Yeah, goosebump kind of stuff, and then there's a whole
other twist about two thirds of the way in where
and there's you know, I'm not giving anything away because
there's a lot of reporting about this now, but Mariska
kept it a secret for thirty years that her father
wasn't actually her biological father. She found out when she
was an adult, and her biological father joins the documentary
(11:28):
as well. One of the most interesting stories because it's
kind of two people's stories. It's there's like this underlying
theme of Risker searching for her identity in her mum
and also has a lot to do with her name.
Her name on her birth certificate is actually Maria and
it wasn't kind of changed until later in her life,
and like, it's just absolutely fascinating. I loved this documentary
(11:52):
so much. I tried to watch it all in one night,
but it got too late and it was the first
thing that I put on as soon as I woke up,
So I watched it on HBX, which is a.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
New streaming service serve we've signed.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Up for, like as if we need another Yeah, but
I did have a look online and apparently you can
get it on Apple TV in Australia as well, so
I cannot recommend it more.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
My Mum Jane by Mariska Hargitete. Oh my God, sounds
like all right, well, let's get into your questions.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Question number one, Help a Girl Out. This is one
of the most awkward moments of my life. I'm twenty
five and quite close with my dad. My dad is gay,
and he has been all my life. It's a long story.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
He might have been gay his whole life too, who knows,
I would assume.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
So anyway, I've just hopped in the back of his
car because we're going to visit my sick grandma in
the hospital, and there is a sex twee in the
back seat. I'm talking black anal beads and butt plugs,
that kind of a vibe.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Do I ask him what it is?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Do I mention it and talk about it? Do I
pretend I never saw it? Do I kick it under
the front seat so he's not embarrassed with it laying
out in playing sight and knows that I saw it.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Help a scarred Girl out that you've obviously written this
in real time, like I'm imagining you sitting in the
back seat at the anal beads and you're like, fuck,
give me instant help. Sorry, this has probably come a
little bit late, so you probably have figured out what
to do. And I would say, if you're wearing clothes shoes,
kick that thing under the seat and pretend you didn't
see it. There is no need, there is no need
(13:20):
at all to speak to your dad about his sex toys.
You do not have to have that conversation dad. Can
I just have a quick chat? Look, I just need
to talk about anal beads.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
What are you gonna talk about somehow have you been using.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Them with people? Sometimes we're too open, like we're too
open with our parents. It's great, like all for him.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
But sometimes it's better to plead ignorance, plead it never happened.
You don't know what, Like, Hey, let's say they're rosemoo beads.
They went around his snair keys religious in fact, not
anal beads. Let's go with that and take that to
the grave. Pretend it didn't happen. Don't kick them too
far under the sea, because the porky needs them, like
he doesn't.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Want to lose them.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
But you don't, like, there's just not something you walk
out unless you've walked in. Actually no, not even unless
I was gonna say, unless you've walked in face to face,
you look down in between, you are anal beads and
you have to mention it.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
But even then, maybe don't. Even then, I reckon you
can still get away with not saying anything. Go to church,
see there.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Yeah, Na, this is this is just an easy one.
I don't think we need to done.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
But there's no need. There's no need. I'm in full agreeance.
Have you ever found something he hasn't? Have you ever
found anything totally inappropriate of your parents? Before Keisha's nodding,
I have.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
I want to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
What did you think your poor mom? I wonder if
she'll ever hear this once. I found a toy of
hers by accident. Oh you only found one. I found
a whole bag dix. I found a whole bag of dildos. Yeah,
just rounder the bed my fold. I was searching. I
don't know what for. I think Christmas presence. Christmas came
out about a sack and it wasn't one that I
(14:59):
had any present for me in it. My parents it
is gold.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I've not found anything. I'm sure they were there. But
they just protected us.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Nah, they're just better at harding her. Poor woman. She
was single. Leave her alone, so was mine.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
We are leaving her alone. You know.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Yeah, it's great. You're like back off vibrators. Back in
the day, they're about this bit. Vibrators back in the
day were so hectic because like now they're cute, they're purple,
they're little bunnies. There are big penis, but back in
the day, they were visceral, real veiny penises like jelly like.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Well they had like it was like they molded it
off a dick. They had like four skins and veins
and like they were huge.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
And they were like, I don't know who did the
marketing for that. It was obviously made by men. And
they were like, this is what women want. You know
what you've just reminded me of And it's got nothing
to do with dicks.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
But when you're saying like it was a different time
back then, I think about my parents' night of their wedding.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
This is what they did. Well, obviously they did stuff.
That's what I'm gonna talk about.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
They got a hotel and it was just of the
time their hotel bed you put it was like it's
like a game, like you put twenty cents in the
machine of the bed and the bed would vibrate around
it a circle. And on their wedding night they put
the money in in this hotel and it got stuck
on the whole night.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
I never forget that story.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
So but I can you just imagine the time, like
that's where you've gone to your honeymoon and your bed.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
I didn't even know that they were beds. That It
feels very eighties as well, waterbeds and vibrating beds.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
They had a waterbed, of course they did, so did
my brother.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Everyone had this rounding this question out.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Hang on one thing. No one's ever had a waterbed.
You used to have to put the hose through the
window into.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Your room and feel it. That's what we have to do.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
You have to take the fly screen out. People have
no idea at the time that we lived in all
the young AND's.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
But also, waterbeds were so unsupportive and so uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Made no sense when you were asleep and your partner
gets in to the other side. I have so many
funny memories. Okay, continue on.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
All right, Well, I'm just going to round it out
it's great that you have a really open relationship with
your dad. You don't need to talk about with him
the end. Okay. Question number two is it common practice
for people who are receiving gifts to open them while
the gift giver is present. I've been to both a
baby shower and a kid's birthday recently where I brought
a gift, but to my disappointment, the gifts were not
(17:23):
opened during the event, but taken away to be opened
at a late at time. As a gift giver, I
think it's nice to see the receiver open my gift,
mainly to see if they like it or not. When
you put time and energy into picking the perfect gift,
I feel like it's a bit anticlimactic to not actually
see them open it and hopefully enjoy it. Am I
wrong in thinking this is strange not open gifts at
(17:44):
the event in front of the givers? This is so funny.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I think it depends you've said it's a baby shower.
I think it depends on the situation, like the party
that you're at, in terms of like is it a
huge party with fifty people? No one sorry, no one
wants to go to a party. In sit around watch
someone open present. So I understand why they're like, you know,
thank you so much, I'll open that later. But I
also understand why you want to watch them open the gift.
(18:11):
But I think that's more to fill your cup, like
you're wanting something from that. You're wanting the satisfaction, which
I understand, like you're stoked about it. I get it,
but I wouldn't say it's a strange, out of the
ordinary thing to not open and gift in front of you. Like.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
I also think as a parent from a kid's birthday
party perspective, there is nothing more annoying when you go
to a kid's birthday party and one kid is opening
up all these Obviously it's their birthday. They're allowed to,
they're entitled to.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Noah, look at it that.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Every other kid's like crying because they're like, but I
didn't get any presents, not my birthday, Like, especially when
they're little, it's really hard for them to comprehend why one,
especially they have siblings. Like I understand, maybe that's the
resilience building we need to give for our kids, but
I don't do that. They get all their presents, I
put them to the side and then once everyone's left.
What I do is I ration them. I pick out
(18:59):
like six presents or four presents, and I'll be like, cool,
they're the ones they can open. The rest of them
go in the goverment, do you yeh because it's too
many presents and sell them makes money? Put them on no,
never be new, still wrapped. I bring them out whenever
there's like a reason why they should get a present
for something, or if they've done if they're like, you know,
really being great that weekend or clean the room or
(19:20):
something like that, or I need an activity, I'll bring
a present out. But the amount of stuff that kids
get at kid's birthday parties, then I'd be devoed.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
If I, like on the other end, if I got
somebody present, like a child a present or something, and
then their parent was like, no, I give it to
me like two years.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
I'll save that one.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
I'd be like, okay, do you Yeah, I'd open a bitch, right,
I mean to you money.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
I do open it so I know what's in it,
but like then I wrap it back up so that
Marley can well because like I just maybe other parents
are not going to agree with this.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Yeah, I don't know. I think this one might ruffle some.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
I do the same. I do the same on Christmas,
so they Christmas present again, No, because I think that
the problem with getting too many gifts when you're a
little kid, especially because our kids are still small, is
that they are so overwhelmed by the volume that they
pay no attention to any of them, so they don't
appreciate it as much. Yeah, it's no longer about the gifts.
It's no longer about like, oh my god, that's that
(20:12):
toy I really wanted and I'm going to go play
with that now?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
How many can I open?
Speaker 1 (20:15):
What's next? What's next? And they're just ripping things open,
they're not even looking at them, and then they get
to the end and they're like, is that it? Like
there's a level of ungratefulness that happens. So we ration
presents when there's too many of them for that reason,
because I'm like, there's never going to be a world
where a four year old can play with that many
toys in a short space of time, so stuff just
gets forgotten about. So that's kind of why we do it.
But maybe that isn't the most thoughtful thing. I don't know.
(20:37):
I don't know. I think you'll be people on both
sides trying to raise not shit kids. No, I actually
don't have my best I actually understand it. But maybe
you just don't buy them that many. Then well, it's
not us, it's people give them. I'm not buying the presents.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Like it's Falcon.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
It's back talking to you. Falcon. Falcon ready when he
doesn't know, is like one of our best friends. He's
the best uncle ever, but he is like the most
elite gift gift.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
I come over even for dinner or a visit without
bringing presents. There's too much Falcon.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
What I know you're listening. Why are back?
Speaker 2 (21:06):
You're making the rest of us look bad? You think
you makes you look bad?
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Yeah? Look, I don't think it's rude to not open it.
I don't know. I'm not someone who needs to sit
through a gift opening procession. I think it's fine if
you want to open them in your own time and
send a nice thank you note. It's yeah, I'm not
I don't know. Whatever.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Yeah, yeah, I think it's okay.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
That one's slide.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
This one.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
I think I think it's important we unpack it. But
it has a lot of layers. To some quite problematic
that I'm just wondering maybe the listener hasn't thought of yet.
I'm twenty nine. I've been with my husband for over
six years and we have two gorgeous sons, full and two.
I've been feeling like we're roommates rather than partners for
a long time now. We rarely have sex, we don't
(21:50):
communicate very well, and I just feel really lonely. Earlier
this week, I had an appointment with my GP. He's
a fifty three year old man who has been our
doctor for five years. It was a long appointment and
we shared and cried over our joint experiences of losing
our daughters in very traumatic circumstances. They passed away on
the same day, five years apart, and Monday was their anniversary.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
So sad. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
At the end of your appointment, we hugged for a
very long time and there was a moment and we
ended up kissing. Nothing hot and heavy, but it was
really nice. Now I can't stop thinking about him and
that kiss is divorced and has been such a source
of comfort for me during some really dark times, and
he says the same about me.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
What was the kiss?
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Is it just because we're both lonely and we're emotional
on our daughter's anniversaries or is it more than that?
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Please help. I feel like the kiss is completely inappropriate
to me. There's many layers, but that doctor patient relationship
in that environment, for him to have ended it that
way is just a completely, completely inappropriate thing. It would
be almost akin to going and seeing a psychologist or
a therapist and talking to them about what has happened
(23:03):
to you and sharing those stories and then having them
kiss you. Do you know what I mean? Like this,
there's such a level of patient a patient doctor breach here, so.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Like going to a gynecologist and I think you no,
it is It's like you're in this situation and you
take it so consensual and you take it too far
your situation and they take.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
It too far.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
It's really different, very similar, giving very similar.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Firstly, Okay, firstly, before we like take this down, and
I don't want to take it down a funny route,
I really want to say, like, I'm so so sorry
that you're going through this. That is an awful thing
that you've had to even deal with the fact that
you've lost a child. I cannot comprehend. And then the
fact that he has also lost a child like that
is that is a huge It's a huge amount of grief.
(23:47):
It is an incomprehensible loss that none of us sitting
here could ever understand.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
But I would imagine you would never ever be able
to get over and I think you'd find it really
hard to find someone that you relate to.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
One part of the story that we don't know the
details for is you said you lost your daughter in
a very traumatic circumstance. I wonder whether this is your
daughter with your husband that you're now with. Was it
a past relationship, Like, we don't know those details, And
I guess, like my reaction to that is is you know,
I don't know. I kind of wish that we had
(24:19):
the information as to whether it was your husband's child
as well, like whether you've shared that trauma together, or
whether the reason why you feel this closeness to this
man is because he shares a very similar feeling that
your now partner has not experienced. Do you know, I
mean it could be from a past relationship.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
I'm not sure how much it matters, to be honest,
because grief affects people differently, whether you're in the relationship
or not. Like a lot of people have spoken about
the fact that their relationships don't survive something like a
loss of a child, because even though they both experienced
the same thing, the way they experience it.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Is it's actually one of the huge, the biggest statistics.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
It drives them apart. Sometimes they build resentment, sometimes they
can't understand. You grieve, slash, move on, slash grow at
different rates. So I don't know how much that comes
into it. And as we can, as we, Laura said,
like we could not even begin to imagine, we can
try and imagine. The loss of a child is something
that no parents should go through, and so I don't
(25:14):
think you will ever get over that. I'm sure time helps,
but I don't think it's something that any parent ever
moves on from. We don't know enough about you and
this doctor, but what I do think is he's only
been your GP. I would very much say you are
trauma bonding, and I would say there is a misuse
of his power in this situation. He probably wants to
comfort just as much, but the setting and the timing
(25:35):
and everything about this is wrong. That's not to say
that you guys might not have real feelings for each other.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
In some way.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
But I would imagine that you're in a long term
relationship with two kids, and you said your youngest is two,
your oldest is full, and you've lost a child, and
you feel lonely in that relationship. I'm not surprised you
feel lonely in that relationship, like you are still in
the depths of newborns and like trying to figure your
life out. And Laurie, you've said so many times that
(26:02):
it takes two to three years to try and get
your relationship back on track when you have a kid,
because your whole focus is on making sure these kids
are alive, and you lose your identity for a little bit.
I'm not surprised you feel like that with your husband,
But personally, from the information you've given me, I would
not be leaning too far into what this kiss means.
I think it was a very emotionally driven moment. You
(26:24):
have felt understood by somebody, You felt emotionally connected to somebody,
which are two very powerful things, especially if you haven't
been getting those at home. I would want to say,
if your relationship at home is otherwise good, I'd be
going back to focus on that and try and work on.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
That yeah, I agree with everything you've said, Britt. I
think it's really inappropriate that the GP kissed you, like
I really do you know, and the fact that you
have been going to him for five years, there's been
this rapport that's obviously been built, You've obviously spoken about
your shared grief together. I think it's incredibly unprofessional. It's
not I don't think it is incredibly unprofessional of him
(26:59):
that he has not said better boundaries around this, Like, look,
in a different time, in a different world, maybe this
could be something that could have been, you know, a
conversation or a date or a relationship. But you're married
and you have two kids, and you hadn't entertained these
ideas or thoughts until you had a very intense doctor's
consultation that literally should never have happened. And then I
(27:21):
feel like he also, I don't want to say you
took advantage of it, because it does sound like he's
also in this like very emotionally grieving moment, and it
was probably a moment of vulnerability between the two of you.
But I definitely don't think that you should be putting
your focus and your energy now into this doctor over
trying to fix your relationship and your marriage with your husband,
and so inappropriate.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Yeah, I just think just to give you like a
bit of how inappropriate he could potentially lose his license
if this came out, if it was reported to APRA,
he would at least be suspended and investigated. It is
so inappropriate to be having a kiss with one of
your patients. It's actually inappropriate to hug.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
I remember a doctor that I worked with, he lost
his license, got suspended because he had a patient and
they hit it off, they vibe, nothing happened, but he
got her number off details on the system, and then
followed up with us. So this was, let I mean,
in a way, a different level of inappropriateness, but there
was no sexual connection, nothing inappropriate at the work, but
(28:20):
just by getting her number he got the sack. So like,
this is very serious that this man in his consult
room as your GP, a trusted medical professional for five years,
is kissing.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
You during your appointment.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
Yeah, it's crazy, But I think the only reason that
we are all not going down so hard on him
for was because it's centraying on you. Yes, it's consensual,
but also he's obviously gone through something really really awful
as well and is in a vulnerable position himself.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
I think that's the only reason that we have a
bit of grace for him, because he's lost a child
to you know, like, yeah, there's also people that are
in the discussion group on Facebook if you guys want
to if you're not a member, go and enjoying, but
that have said, you know, questioned if maybe he has
made this up to connect with you and maybe he's
more of a predator and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
But I think that's a push.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
I highly doubt monster. You might have to be like
a whole other level to have done that. So I
don't think that's it at all. I just think you're
both trauma bonding at the end of the day.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
I totally agree. Also, like reading the rest like they're
reading the full question. This is the doctor you've been
seeing for five years. That's a real long game of
someone trying to like emotionally manipulate you just to get
a kiss at an appointment, you know, I mean, for me,
I'm like, that's not feasible. I think it is very
coincidental that you have both experienced a shared catastrophic grief
and that there's something in that that like you know,
(29:36):
makes you feel seen and validated and understood and all
of those incredibly complex emotions. You asked the question, what
was this kiss? I think the kiss is grief. I
think the kiss is shared emotions of feeling understood, as
I said. And is it because we're both lonely and
we're emotional over our daughter's anniversaries? Yeah? Probably, I think
you've answered the question. Do I think you're in love
(29:58):
with your GP? Absolutely not, because you've never entertained these
thoughts prior that has happened, and now that that sparked
some chemistry in you, which is understandable, it's confusing, But
I think the more energy and time you put it
into it, the more that you're going to be confused
and have these conflicting feelings. You need to refocus that
energy into your relationship your husband and maybe have some
(30:18):
conversations with him around how you're feeling disconnected, how you're
feeling lonely, how you want to prioritize your relationship again,
and also maybe go and speak to I'm sure you've
probably had grief counseling, but go and speak to a
therapist or a psychologist or a psychiatrist around like ways
that you can reconnect with your partner after going through
something that was so so tragic.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Yeah, I truly think this is just situational comfort. You
had a really long appointment with him where you were
both crying and upset, and all you ever want in
that feeling is to be comfort and connected.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
It's human nature.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
It's not you. That's not a wrong feeling. I personally
think that you need to not go back to him again.
If something has happened now, your relationship with him has
forever change, Like you can never go back to him
as just a GP now, and I think it's good
to put some distance between that. You've said the two
big problems in your relationship are rarely having sex and
you don't communicate well. They are two things that are
(31:14):
very easy to work on. So you're lucky you're not
in a relationship whether you know previously before this moment,
where there's been any infidelity or anything like, They're two
things that are a normal and be very fixable. Like
a lot of people don't get back into normal sex
after you know it's only been two years. You got
a two year old at a four year old and
the death of a child, like that's normal and you
will find your groove back there, but you do need
(31:35):
to work on it and the communication.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Both of you can communicate better easy.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
You literally just need to sit down and talk to
him and say, I want to be able to talk
to you more.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
What can we do?
Speaker 2 (31:45):
So that's what I would be saying. I would say,
don't read too much into it, and I'm really sorry
you're going through this, and there's no blame on you.
We're not putting anything on you that says you shouldn't
have done it or you've done the wrong thing, like
we absolutely feel for you. I just think that that
can't be your GP anymore personally.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Yeah, I absolutely agree, all right. Question number four, Am
I unreasonable for not wanting my husband to go to
a friend's funeral? From the title, I'm gonna say yes,
but let's read it. I don't know if I'm being
unreasonable with how I'm feeling about this. So my partner
works five fo two weeks away, one week back, and
we have a four month old baby. He got some
(32:21):
news about an old friend of his who suddenly passed away,
who lived into state, so we need to travel for
the funeral. I don't know this friend, but he apparently
played a large role in his life back when he
was younger. The funeral is the day after he gets back,
so now instead of coming home, he's got to come
back pack and fly away again for a few days.
I feel so incredibly upset with this decision. I understand
(32:45):
the importance of this friend, and I get that he
wants to say goodbye, but I feel like, given the circumstances,
it isn't just as easy as him jumping on a
plane and going. Am I wrong to feel this way?
Maybe I'm just being hormonal. I don't know. Please don't
get me wrong. I absolutely love being a mum. I
wouldn't change it for the world. I just feel like
I count down the days for him to get home
(33:06):
so that we can have some time together as a family,
and I can also get a little bit of a
break or time to myself. It's not like I get
to just jump on a plane for a few days
whenever I want. Not that money is an issue, but
it's also costing over one thousand dollars for these flights
as they are last minute thoughts.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Oh, I want to say, I need more information to
give you a proper answer. And the reason I say
that is it's not gonna end well if you tell
him he can't go to his friend's funeral, Like if
he has said to you, this was an important person
that I feel the need to go and say goodbye to.
I understand how much you're looking forward to seeing him,
and I know you're flying flyout so you don't see
him for weeks at a time or whatever it is.
(33:44):
And you've got the stress of a baby. So I
totally get why you want him to come home, but
it's going to build a lot of resentment if you
say you're not going to say goodbye to a friend
that died. The reason I am on the fence with
saying I need to know more information is if you
know dip down or you have this weird feeling that
in fact it's just an excuse for him to be away.
Is if he's not a great partner and doesn't often
(34:05):
show up and you feel like, do you know what,
I've never heard you speak about him? You don't know
for twenty years, you're always trying to find excuses. But
that's something that you need to ask yourself, what kind
of a partner is he? Because we don't know that,
but from the outset of this question, yeah, you're gonna
have to let him go to the funeral.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Yeah, I would say, if your partner's a great partner
and he shows up in every other way and he's
saying that he wants to go to this funeral, I
understand when you have a four month old baby that
that feels super overwhelming and you were so looking forward
to this. That this is a situation that's also out
of his control. And sometimes funerals are not always just
about the relationship with the person that's passed away. It's
(34:43):
also about the relationship with the people who are grieving.
So if this person was a huge part of his
life and maybe he hasn't seen them for five years
or seven years or whatever, that looks like. That could
also still be someone who was incredibly close to all
of his best friends. Like, I don't know what that
situation looks like. I think the way that you probably
need to look at this is that, yes, it is
(35:03):
a sacrifice, and yes there is the expectation that you're
not going to see him, but it's probably going to
be three days or two days, and that's a really
small time window in when you think about it in
comparison to the rest of your life as parents together.
And I don't know it's so hard because I know
what it's like being in those early trenches of motherhood.
But I don't think that it is fair for you
(35:25):
to say you don't want him to go to a
friend's funeral. If he is telling you that this is
an important thing for him to do, you can obviously
express to him that it's really you know, you really
have been looking forward to him coming home, you're counting
down the days, and that you're feeling a bit overwhelmed
in this period. But ultimately, if he really thinks it's
something that he needs to do and he isn't using
(35:47):
it as an excuse, and you know that because you
know your husband and you know that he shows up
in every other way, then I would say it's unreasonable
to not let him go and do that.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Yeah, And it's very easy to make it so much
more superficial and say, do you know what, like they're gone,
they're dead, you're not going to see them, whereas we're
here and we need you, like can you not say
goodbye yourself from here? And like it's very easy to
sort of top line top shelf that, but everyone grieves
differently and everyone needs different things. And like you said, laws,
(36:16):
you don't know what their connection was, what the friends
and family relationship was, what he did in that life.
But I understand why it's hard for you to fathom
when you're like old friend when they were younger. I've
never heard of him.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
I understand where you're like cool. I get if it
was maybe someone more close. But if you're making a
choice between your four month old me and helping me
out and saying goodbye to someone you haven't seen in
twenty years, I understand why that is upsetting. Like I
do want to validate that because I would probably be
upset too. I'd probably be like, I'm struggling and I'm here,
like I'm here now and i'm your wife and I
really need you. But I also don't know how much
(36:51):
you're struggling or how much you were just looking forward
to the family time. There are so many variables and
people need different things in grief. It's a tricky one
to and so I think it just has to come
back to what we've both said already. You know your
partner is he using it as an excuse to have
more time away, or is do you know deep down
that he really needs to go and do this and
he wouldn't ever be away from you guys if he
(37:12):
didn't have to be there's your answer. But if he's
told you it's important and he needs to go, you
think you need to let it happen.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Yeah, and I guess Also the last part of it
is you don't really have a choice. You can't tell
him you can't. You don't, you can't he can.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
It just won't go down.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
Well, yeah, but you can't. You can't. You can't control
your partner like you can say I don't want you
to go. But if they say this is really important
to me and I'm going, what are you gonna do? Like,
what's the consequence or the ultimatum here, You're gonna be
so angry, you're gonna throw like you know, you're gonna
make have a huge argument, Like what is the outcome
or the consequence for him going. He's not saying he's
going to go on a boy's we cand. He's going
(37:47):
to a funeral and maybe, you.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
Know, maybe it is turns into a boy's weekend, but
maybe he.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
Can make it the shortest version. Okay, cool if it's
you know, let's say you live in Sydney and it's
in Queensland. You fly there for the funeral, you fly home. Like,
there are sacrifices he can make to make it the
shortest amount of time possible, so that what he is
going for is the funeral and he isn't going there
for the socializing aspect around it. Of course he can
go to the wake. I'm not saying like, just go
(38:12):
to the funeral and go home, but I think that
there is a conversation that can be made around the
sacrifices you are both making, and you both can meet
in a happy place here. Yeah, you can't tell your
partner what they can and can't do.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
And at the end of the day, unless it's like
East Coast to West coast, every flight's in around Australia
inter state, it's like two hours math three hours, three
like yeah, it's like it's there's probably really no reason
that he couldn't come back the same day. I'm not
saying he has to do that or one night. I
don't think you're saying he's packing for a few days.
That sounds like there's going to be a bit of
a meetup with people and a bit more of a
(38:44):
boy's club or a friend's club, which you know, that's
a happy medium. He can go to the funeral and
then he's got to come back to his responsibilities, which
is his four month old child, and he's you know,
and you.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
Totally yeah, and I think that they're the variables that
you need to kind of nut out. Anyway. That's it.
If you've got questions for us, on into the DMS
at Life Uncut podcast on Instagram where you can send
us all of your ask gun Cut questions or some
of these have been discussed in the discussion group on Facebook,
which is where we got the one around the doctor
and deally you know that's happening, So you can join
the discussion group as well, which is Life Uncut Discussion Group,
(39:16):
and all the good stuff goes down there.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Don't forget, guys, everything goes on YouTube now. So Ask
gun Cuts are like the fan favorite on YouTube because
you can put them on a big screen and watch
your play out live and have the chat with your
flatmates or your friends or your partner and see how
you would handle that situation. So please go hit subscribe
and give that a watch and remember, tell your mom
tay dat te dog. Tear friends and share the love
because we love love
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is ask gun Katch,
where you're writing your deep starts burning questions.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
We do our d darndest to answer them. Yeah. I
really did enjoy last week's one about Pubes the pube fetish.
Oh they're lating to it again last night, and I
was like, that was a great question. The styling.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Did you think about styling yours movie?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I don't know. No, I gave it a trim. We're
back down to nothing. How did you give it a
true I felt inspired.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Oh look, I'm not a hedge clipper around.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
I am not saying that it is well like, it's
well done. I have no idea how patch it is.
No one's seen down there for a while, but at
some point soon my obstration is going to look down there.
And so I was like, at least I should try
and figure out what's going on.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Isn't it funny?
Speaker 1 (00:54):
It's the field basis at the moment, it's not bad sight.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Why do women do that when we're like, oh, we're
going to a doctor or we're going to some one
that could see it, like we need to trim it
and style it, and why do we do that?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Like it's just PUBI hair totally. My obstetrition does not
give a fuck fus zero. You don't think it's gonna
impressed with you? More hawk like?
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Like, what do you think playing back inside?
Speaker 1 (01:15):
I'm pretty sure I still would have a hairy crack anyway,
I'm going to reach everywhere. Why is your obstitrition looking
at your crack? Don't they see everything when you're giving birth,
they see it all like they'll see.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yeah, but your obstrician appointments not fingering your crack?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Is that? Like, let me see what happened.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
I don't know where you go. Sometimes I really worry
about you. Your obstitrition is he in like a back
room in a dark ally with flashing lights?
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Neon sign, baby looks great. I think we did talk
about the other week on an Ask Guncut episode. You
guys might remember. It's probably the only thing that I
brought to the podcast this year, so I thought i'd
bring it back up the Thirsty Hamster if you missed it.
It's a new sex position that's going viral. When I
say it's going viral. There's been a few media outlets
(01:59):
speaking about it. Yeah, it's definitely not viral. It's definitely
been spoken about on TikTok. Has anyone ever tried it
unsure until now? So just to kind of set up
what it is in case you missed it. Basically, the
way the Thirsty Hamster works is that you have to
get your partner or whoever has the penis in the relationship,
to lay on the roof of the car. Now, this
(02:21):
only works if you have a sunroof.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Convertible or it's very nat It doesn't work.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
If you have a convertible because how are you going
to plank on that, right.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Because you've got convertibles that are only like three quarters
and stuff.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Yeah, So imagine like you know those dickie sunroofs that
like a lot of the cars have these days, where
it's just like a cutout square. You didn't even intentionally
do that. So Dickie laid on your Dickie sunroof with
your dicky out through your pan, popping through the sunroof,
and then the person in the car has to give
head to the person who's laying on top of the car.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
It's the dumbest I'm sorry, it's the dumbest sex vision.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Also the neck pain that.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
The person that is in the car sucking like that
is a not a comfortable position.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
No, no, it's terrible. I wasn't recommending it. I was
just having a laugh about the visual and the reason
why it's called the thirsty hamster obviously is you know
how when you have like a guinea pig or a hamster,
or does anyone in Astraia have a hamster? No? Do
you know it's illegal to just have one hamsters? Yeah,
only in some countries.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Yeah, Nordic countries, the countries that can more, that's wow,
because they get lonely.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Oh. You also couldn't do the sex position with anyone either.
Typically you don't actually need a hamster for this because
that would be illegal. So bestiality. So you know how
they have like rabbits and guinea pigs and stuff have
that water bottle with like the little metal tube and
then they got when they drink out of it, So
imagine the penis is the metal tube. There we go,
there's the visual. We brought it up. It was funny.
(03:39):
We all had a laugh about it, and the consensus
on this was that who on earth would ever try it?
And let me tell you one of our true blue
lifers who is just she's here for us, she's doing
the most. She really did. She came through with the gourds.
Well she's written this, hey, girls, true life are here.
The last Epps said to write in if anyone has
tried the Thirsty Hamster. And I'm here to say that.
Hubby and I were laughing so hard about this on
(04:01):
the pod in the car and thought, fuck it, let's
try it just for the lolls. And it was honestly
the funniest thing ever. And also some feedback. Your head
has to be completely back like the Exorcist for it
to work. Here's my point.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
It is the most uncomfortable thing for I mean, the
person up top just gets to lay down.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
I love that. It's like Howby and I were laughing. Yeah,
of course he was laughing. He's like, oh so funny.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Whould try it?
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Yeah, let's try something else.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
You'll try it again. And just to make me I
wonder if it's possible, I vibrates.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I have a question, So like, where did you do it?
Were you parked in the garage? Yeah, you're not doing
it on the main street. We just pulled into your driveway,
Like where were you? Nah, you're in the garage. It's public.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
In decency, you can't just fuck on the street like
life one God told me to do it.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Like that's not gonna fly when a police bean pulled
you over. But I reckon worse things have happened anyway. Look,
let's get into bars and unsubscribed so you can answer
your questions. There's a number of people.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
That have gotten in trouble from giving blowjobs driving in
a car because been caught on camera, like phone camera.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
I think that that's like a really young person thing.
Like I feel like you do it when you're in
young love, Like I don't know any less risk of it.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
What do you know? I mean, like I feel we
definitely hurt the people double It's.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Like for me when Ben was here because only here
for a short periods of time. No, but I feel
like it's one of those things that everyone attempts when
they're in their early twenties or and then you get
old and you're like not giving people blowjobs while the
car's going ever, just like mad, It's like, what do
you mean when the car's going that's what that's like?
(05:34):
What's a blow drop?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
That is? Oh?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
I laughed you hard because it's true, poor Matt. Maybe
you need to give him one.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Oh, just for like, I don't know, you bending your
neck back like that to do the thirsty hands while
you're pregnant, and that's too right.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
To do it with my neck boatog I try.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I wouldn't be able to do it. I wouldn't be
able to hold my neck up to do it. Yeah,
I'm not giving that one to go. All right, let's
vibes I subscribed.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
I'm going to start with my vibe because it's probably
the most boringom.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Should I go there? No?
Speaker 2 (06:06):
No, it is a product and it's something so niche,
but I think a lot of people will benefit from it.
I don't think it actually has a name, but we're
calling it the phone card holder, Are you right? No?
Because it's like this really niche. You can just get
them on Amazon, you get them from anywhere. They're really cheap.
It's an organizational tool. So they're like these little stick on,
(06:30):
round like adhesive things that can go anywhere. So the
idea is they hold your phone cards. So if you've
got one hundred cords behind a lounge or something.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Oh yeah, I have seen these.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Yeah, so like I mean you've googled it, but like
they just stick on and it's got a magnet. It
clicks your cord in and it holds it up high.
So if you've got like cords for me, for example,
in my lounge room, behind my lounge is where my
PowerPoint is and I have phone cards and laptop charges.
But they go so far down so you can stick
them on the wall behind the lounge and it just
magnetizes your cording to it so that it's just organized, neat, tidy,
(07:03):
they don't get messed up.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
It's the easiest thing.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
You can stick them next to your bed or work
on your desk, in your car. They're just an adhesive
but stick anywhere and holds all different kinds of chords.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
I feel like we're gonna need a very specific link
for this because hunless someone's seen it, they're all like
cords and stick on it. No, that's what I mean.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
That's when I said it doesn't actually like have a name,
but it's on Amazon. If you just google Amazon phone
called Holder, you'll see them. And they're come in packs
of six and ten or whatever, and it's just an
organizational tool exactly.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Keeach, that's it. You just google that. That's it.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
These little stick on adhesive things amazing.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Well, I mean, we'll still put a link in the
show notes, as we do every week. We'll find one.
I have a recommendation for any mums to be or
if you have a newborn baby, and it's because.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
You're having a baby. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
But also, and I'm not joking, I know I said
this last week. We're now eight weeks way or like
eight and a half counting down, and we still don't
have anything. We've organized nothing, like I don't have a
single thing. And now it's become like you know that
episode of Hamish Nandy where they kept driving with the
petrol in the car to see how long they can
push it. I feel like I'm that person with this.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
But also it's because you've you've done it. I don't
think many people would do that on the first time. No. Yeah,
it's like now you're like, I know, it'll be fine.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
No matter what happens. Poppies going in a drawer and
she's wearing size for rub some glad rap she's like
oversizes in. Yeah, No, look I gave mine of these
away and I just put them. I put together a
little list of all the things that I know are
absolute essentials because you end up with so much stuff
that you don't use when you are having a baby,
and you often buy a lot of things that you
(08:34):
don't use as well, especially when it's your first and
your second, because you think, especially your.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
First, she's like, I'm gonna dress it in qube goes
and berets a totally.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
So like I've really like kind of like stripped down
my list, and one of the things was at the
very top and it is what Lola absolutely lived in
for the first six weeks of her life. It's called
a baby wrap. So the brand that I love, it's
Checko or Chico, I don't know how to say it.
It's c H E k oh. And they're like a
long piece of fabric, stretchy fabric, so instead of having
(09:01):
a baby in a carrier, you wear your baby, so
you wrap it all around them. It's very Byron Bay
mums if you've ever seen them. But for me, I
found it so comfortable. Lola would sleep in it all
day long, like that was the only thing she would
sleep in. And they have really nice colors, and they're
really nice fabrics. They're such good quality. The ones I
had when Lola was born, I gave them to a
(09:23):
girlfriend and they have now been passed on to two
more babies since so and they're still in circulation somewhere.
I wish they'd come back to me. I don't know
where they are. Yeah, that's a good vibe. So, yeah,
it's great. I really love them. I've got a couple
of them on my list at the moment.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
My vibe this week is possibly my favorite Biopiccodoco that
I've ever watched.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
It's the one by Mruska Hagata.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
It only came out I think two weeks ago, and
I watched this on HBO.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Max and it's called My Mum Jane, So Mruska hugaite
if you're trying to place the face.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
She plays Olivia Benson in Laura and Order SVU.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
She's been on the show.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I love her, yeah, two decades and I had no
idea about this. Her mum, Jane Mansfield, was a huge
Hollywood star, like Marilyn Monroe esque vibe, and she was
only a couple of years after Marilyn Monroe, and she
was incredibly famous and very very well loved. But she
was quite a complicated person and she was this sex
(10:14):
symbol but she kind of played the dumb blonde role
for so long, but she wanted to be a serious
actress and she kind of hired to get the public
to take her more seriously, and they almost rejected that
side of her. And you know, it's interesting to look
back on kind of the cultural times now looking at
it with the twenty twenty five lens. Anyway, she ended
up having three husbands and five children, and quite complicated
(10:36):
relationships with some of those husbands. But Mariska actually lost
her mum, Jane, when her mum was only thirty four.
It was in nineteen sixty seven, and it was in
a car accident and Mariska and two of her brothers
were in the car at the time.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Oh wow. And there's a really interesting thing that.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Comes out from her brother in that the brothers were
taken to hospital and when one of them woke up,
he was like, where's my sister, And they had to
go back to the car wreck and Mariska was actually trapped.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Underneath one of the seats. She was alive. Oh my god,
like it.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Yeah, goosebump kind of stuff, and then there's a whole
other twist about two thirds of the way in where
and there's you know, I'm not giving anything away because
there's a lot of reporting about this now, but Mariska
kept it a secret for thirty years that her father
wasn't actually her biological father. She found out when she
was an adult, and her biological father joins the documentary
(11:28):
as well. One of the most interesting stories because it's
kind of two people's stories. It's there's like this underlying
theme of Risker searching for her identity in her mum
and also has a lot to do with her name.
Her name on her birth certificate is actually Maria and
it wasn't kind of changed until later in her life,
and like, it's just absolutely fascinating. I loved this documentary
(11:52):
so much. I tried to watch it all in one night,
but it got too late and it was the first
thing that I put on as soon as I woke up,
So I watched it on HBX, which is a.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
New streaming service serve we've signed.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Up for, like as if we need another Yeah, but
I did have a look online and apparently you can
get it on Apple TV in Australia as well, so
I cannot recommend it more.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
My Mum Jane by Mariska Hargitete. Oh my God, sounds
like all right, well, let's get into your questions.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Question number one, Help a Girl Out. This is one
of the most awkward moments of my life. I'm twenty
five and quite close with my dad. My dad is gay,
and he has been all my life. It's a long story.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
He might have been gay his whole life too, who knows,
I would assume.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
So anyway, I've just hopped in the back of his
car because we're going to visit my sick grandma in
the hospital, and there is a sex twee in the
back seat. I'm talking black anal beads and butt plugs,
that kind of a vibe.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Do I ask him what it is?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Do I mention it and talk about it? Do I
pretend I never saw it? Do I kick it under
the front seat so he's not embarrassed with it laying
out in playing sight and knows that I saw it.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Help a scarred Girl out that you've obviously written this
in real time, like I'm imagining you sitting in the
back seat at the anal beads and you're like, fuck,
give me instant help. Sorry, this has probably come a
little bit late, so you probably have figured out what
to do. And I would say, if you're wearing clothes shoes,
kick that thing under the seat and pretend you didn't
see it. There is no need, there is no need
(13:20):
at all to speak to your dad about his sex toys.
You do not have to have that conversation dad. Can
I just have a quick chat? Look, I just need
to talk about anal beads.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
What are you gonna talk about somehow have you been using.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Them with people? Sometimes we're too open, like we're too
open with our parents. It's great, like all for him.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
But sometimes it's better to plead ignorance, plead it never happened.
You don't know what, Like, Hey, let's say they're rosemoo beads.
They went around his snair keys religious in fact, not
anal beads. Let's go with that and take that to
the grave. Pretend it didn't happen. Don't kick them too
far under the sea, because the porky needs them, like
he doesn't.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Want to lose them.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
But you don't, like, there's just not something you walk
out unless you've walked in. Actually no, not even unless
I was gonna say, unless you've walked in face to face,
you look down in between, you are anal beads and
you have to mention it.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
But even then, maybe don't. Even then, I reckon you
can still get away with not saying anything. Go to church,
see there.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Yeah, Na, this is this is just an easy one.
I don't think we need to done.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
But there's no need. There's no need. I'm in full agreeance.
Have you ever found something he hasn't? Have you ever
found anything totally inappropriate of your parents? Before Keisha's nodding,
I have.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
I want to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
What did you think your poor mom? I wonder if
she'll ever hear this once. I found a toy of
hers by accident. Oh you only found one. I found
a whole bag dix. I found a whole bag of dildos. Yeah,
just rounder the bed my fold. I was searching. I
don't know what for. I think Christmas presence. Christmas came
out about a sack and it wasn't one that I
(14:59):
had any present for me in it. My parents it
is gold.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I've not found anything. I'm sure they were there. But
they just protected us.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Nah, they're just better at harding her. Poor woman. She
was single. Leave her alone, so was mine.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
We are leaving her alone. You know.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Yeah, it's great. You're like back off vibrators. Back in
the day, they're about this bit. Vibrators back in the
day were so hectic because like now they're cute, they're purple,
they're little bunnies. There are big penis, but back in
the day, they were visceral, real veiny penises like jelly like.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Well they had like it was like they molded it
off a dick. They had like four skins and veins
and like they were huge.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
And they were like, I don't know who did the
marketing for that. It was obviously made by men. And
they were like, this is what women want. You know
what you've just reminded me of And it's got nothing
to do with dicks.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
But when you're saying like it was a different time
back then, I think about my parents' night of their wedding.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
This is what they did. Well, obviously they did stuff.
That's what I'm gonna talk about.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
They got a hotel and it was just of the
time their hotel bed you put it was like it's
like a game, like you put twenty cents in the
machine of the bed and the bed would vibrate around
it a circle. And on their wedding night they put
the money in in this hotel and it got stuck
on the whole night.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
I never forget that story.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
So but I can you just imagine the time, like
that's where you've gone to your honeymoon and your bed.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
I didn't even know that they were beds. That It
feels very eighties as well, waterbeds and vibrating beds.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
They had a waterbed, of course they did, so did
my brother.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Everyone had this rounding this question out.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Hang on one thing. No one's ever had a waterbed.
You used to have to put the hose through the
window into.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Your room and feel it. That's what we have to do.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
You have to take the fly screen out. People have
no idea at the time that we lived in all
the young AND's.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
But also, waterbeds were so unsupportive and so uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Made no sense when you were asleep and your partner
gets in to the other side. I have so many
funny memories. Okay, continue on.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
All right, Well, I'm just going to round it out
it's great that you have a really open relationship with
your dad. You don't need to talk about with him
the end. Okay. Question number two is it common practice
for people who are receiving gifts to open them while
the gift giver is present. I've been to both a
baby shower and a kid's birthday recently where I brought
a gift, but to my disappointment, the gifts were not
(17:23):
opened during the event, but taken away to be opened
at a late at time. As a gift giver, I
think it's nice to see the receiver open my gift,
mainly to see if they like it or not. When
you put time and energy into picking the perfect gift,
I feel like it's a bit anticlimactic to not actually
see them open it and hopefully enjoy it. Am I
wrong in thinking this is strange not open gifts at
(17:44):
the event in front of the givers? This is so funny.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I think it depends you've said it's a baby shower.
I think it depends on the situation, like the party
that you're at, in terms of like is it a
huge party with fifty people? No one sorry, no one
wants to go to a party. In sit around watch
someone open present. So I understand why they're like, you know,
thank you so much, I'll open that later. But I
also understand why you want to watch them open the gift.
(18:11):
But I think that's more to fill your cup, like
you're wanting something from that. You're wanting the satisfaction, which
I understand, like you're stoked about it. I get it,
but I wouldn't say it's a strange, out of the
ordinary thing to not open and gift in front of you. Like.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
I also think as a parent from a kid's birthday
party perspective, there is nothing more annoying when you go
to a kid's birthday party and one kid is opening
up all these Obviously it's their birthday. They're allowed to,
they're entitled to.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Noah, look at it that.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Every other kid's like crying because they're like, but I
didn't get any presents, not my birthday, Like, especially when
they're little, it's really hard for them to comprehend why one,
especially they have siblings. Like I understand, maybe that's the
resilience building we need to give for our kids, but
I don't do that. They get all their presents, I
put them to the side and then once everyone's left.
What I do is I ration them. I pick out
(18:59):
like six presents or four presents, and I'll be like, cool,
they're the ones they can open. The rest of them
go in the goverment, do you yeh because it's too
many presents and sell them makes money? Put them on no,
never be new, still wrapped. I bring them out whenever
there's like a reason why they should get a present
for something, or if they've done if they're like, you know,
really being great that weekend or clean the room or
(19:20):
something like that, or I need an activity, I'll bring
a present out. But the amount of stuff that kids
get at kid's birthday parties, then I'd be devoed.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
If I, like on the other end, if I got
somebody present, like a child a present or something, and
then their parent was like, no, I give it to
me like two years.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
I'll save that one.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
I'd be like, okay, do you Yeah, I'd open a bitch, right,
I mean to you money.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
I do open it so I know what's in it,
but like then I wrap it back up so that
Marley can well because like I just maybe other parents
are not going to agree with this.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Yeah, I don't know. I think this one might ruffle some.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
I do the same. I do the same on Christmas,
so they Christmas present again, No, because I think that
the problem with getting too many gifts when you're a
little kid, especially because our kids are still small, is
that they are so overwhelmed by the volume that they
pay no attention to any of them, so they don't
appreciate it as much. Yeah, it's no longer about the gifts.
It's no longer about like, oh my god, that's that
(20:12):
toy I really wanted and I'm going to go play
with that now?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
How many can I open?
Speaker 1 (20:15):
What's next? What's next? And they're just ripping things open,
they're not even looking at them, and then they get
to the end and they're like, is that it? Like
there's a level of ungratefulness that happens. So we ration
presents when there's too many of them for that reason,
because I'm like, there's never going to be a world
where a four year old can play with that many
toys in a short space of time, so stuff just
gets forgotten about. So that's kind of why we do it.
But maybe that isn't the most thoughtful thing. I don't know.
(20:37):
I don't know. I think you'll be people on both
sides trying to raise not shit kids. No, I actually
don't have my best I actually understand it. But maybe
you just don't buy them that many. Then well, it's
not us, it's people give them. I'm not buying the presents.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Like it's Falcon.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
It's back talking to you. Falcon. Falcon ready when he
doesn't know, is like one of our best friends. He's
the best uncle ever, but he is like the most
elite gift gift.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
I come over even for dinner or a visit without
bringing presents. There's too much Falcon.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
What I know you're listening. Why are back?
Speaker 2 (21:06):
You're making the rest of us look bad? You think
you makes you look bad?
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Yeah? Look, I don't think it's rude to not open it.
I don't know. I'm not someone who needs to sit
through a gift opening procession. I think it's fine if
you want to open them in your own time and
send a nice thank you note. It's yeah, I'm not
I don't know. Whatever.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Yeah, yeah, I think it's okay.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
That one's slide.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
This one.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
I think I think it's important we unpack it. But
it has a lot of layers. To some quite problematic
that I'm just wondering maybe the listener hasn't thought of yet.
I'm twenty nine. I've been with my husband for over
six years and we have two gorgeous sons, full and two.
I've been feeling like we're roommates rather than partners for
a long time now. We rarely have sex, we don't
(21:50):
communicate very well, and I just feel really lonely. Earlier
this week, I had an appointment with my GP. He's
a fifty three year old man who has been our
doctor for five years. It was a long appointment and
we shared and cried over our joint experiences of losing
our daughters in very traumatic circumstances. They passed away on
the same day, five years apart, and Monday was their anniversary.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
So sad. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
At the end of your appointment, we hugged for a
very long time and there was a moment and we
ended up kissing. Nothing hot and heavy, but it was
really nice. Now I can't stop thinking about him and
that kiss is divorced and has been such a source
of comfort for me during some really dark times, and
he says the same about me.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
What was the kiss?
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Is it just because we're both lonely and we're emotional
on our daughter's anniversaries or is it more than that?
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Please help. I feel like the kiss is completely inappropriate
to me. There's many layers, but that doctor patient relationship
in that environment, for him to have ended it that
way is just a completely, completely inappropriate thing. It would
be almost akin to going and seeing a psychologist or
a therapist and talking to them about what has happened
(23:03):
to you and sharing those stories and then having them
kiss you. Do you know what I mean? Like this,
there's such a level of patient a patient doctor breach here, so.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Like going to a gynecologist and I think you no,
it is It's like you're in this situation and you
take it so consensual and you take it too far
your situation and they take.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
It too far.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
It's really different, very similar, giving very similar.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Firstly, Okay, firstly, before we like take this down, and
I don't want to take it down a funny route,
I really want to say, like, I'm so so sorry
that you're going through this. That is an awful thing
that you've had to even deal with the fact that
you've lost a child. I cannot comprehend. And then the
fact that he has also lost a child like that
is that is a huge It's a huge amount of grief.
(23:47):
It is an incomprehensible loss that none of us sitting
here could ever understand.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
But I would imagine you would never ever be able
to get over and I think you'd find it really
hard to find someone that you relate to.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
One part of the story that we don't know the
details for is you said you lost your daughter in
a very traumatic circumstance. I wonder whether this is your
daughter with your husband that you're now with. Was it
a past relationship, Like, we don't know those details, And
I guess, like my reaction to that is is you know,
I don't know. I kind of wish that we had
(24:19):
the information as to whether it was your husband's child
as well, like whether you've shared that trauma together, or
whether the reason why you feel this closeness to this
man is because he shares a very similar feeling that
your now partner has not experienced. Do you know, I
mean it could be from a past relationship.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
I'm not sure how much it matters, to be honest,
because grief affects people differently, whether you're in the relationship
or not. Like a lot of people have spoken about
the fact that their relationships don't survive something like a
loss of a child, because even though they both experienced
the same thing, the way they experience it.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Is it's actually one of the huge, the biggest statistics.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
It drives them apart. Sometimes they build resentment, sometimes they
can't understand. You grieve, slash, move on, slash grow at
different rates. So I don't know how much that comes
into it. And as we can, as we, Laura said,
like we could not even begin to imagine, we can
try and imagine. The loss of a child is something
that no parents should go through, and so I don't
(25:14):
think you will ever get over that. I'm sure time helps,
but I don't think it's something that any parent ever
moves on from. We don't know enough about you and
this doctor, but what I do think is he's only
been your GP. I would very much say you are
trauma bonding, and I would say there is a misuse
of his power in this situation. He probably wants to
comfort just as much, but the setting and the timing
(25:35):
and everything about this is wrong. That's not to say
that you guys might not have real feelings for each other.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
In some way.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
But I would imagine that you're in a long term
relationship with two kids, and you said your youngest is two,
your oldest is full, and you've lost a child, and
you feel lonely in that relationship. I'm not surprised you
feel lonely in that relationship, like you are still in
the depths of newborns and like trying to figure your
life out. And Laurie, you've said so many times that
(26:02):
it takes two to three years to try and get
your relationship back on track when you have a kid,
because your whole focus is on making sure these kids
are alive, and you lose your identity for a little bit.
I'm not surprised you feel like that with your husband,
But personally, from the information you've given me, I would
not be leaning too far into what this kiss means.
I think it was a very emotionally driven moment. You
(26:24):
have felt understood by somebody, You felt emotionally connected to somebody,
which are two very powerful things, especially if you haven't
been getting those at home. I would want to say,
if your relationship at home is otherwise good, I'd be
going back to focus on that and try and work on.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
That yeah, I agree with everything you've said, Britt. I
think it's really inappropriate that the GP kissed you, like
I really do you know, and the fact that you
have been going to him for five years, there's been
this rapport that's obviously been built, You've obviously spoken about
your shared grief together. I think it's incredibly unprofessional. It's
not I don't think it is incredibly unprofessional of him
(26:59):
that he has not said better boundaries around this, Like, look,
in a different time, in a different world, maybe this
could be something that could have been, you know, a
conversation or a date or a relationship. But you're married
and you have two kids, and you hadn't entertained these
ideas or thoughts until you had a very intense doctor's
consultation that literally should never have happened. And then I
(27:21):
feel like he also, I don't want to say you
took advantage of it, because it does sound like he's
also in this like very emotionally grieving moment, and it
was probably a moment of vulnerability between the two of you.
But I definitely don't think that you should be putting
your focus and your energy now into this doctor over
trying to fix your relationship and your marriage with your husband,
and so inappropriate.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Yeah, I just think just to give you like a
bit of how inappropriate he could potentially lose his license
if this came out, if it was reported to APRA,
he would at least be suspended and investigated. It is
so inappropriate to be having a kiss with one of
your patients. It's actually inappropriate to hug.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
I remember a doctor that I worked with, he lost
his license, got suspended because he had a patient and
they hit it off, they vibe, nothing happened, but he
got her number off details on the system, and then
followed up with us. So this was, let I mean,
in a way, a different level of inappropriateness, but there
was no sexual connection, nothing inappropriate at the work, but
(28:20):
just by getting her number he got the sack. So like,
this is very serious that this man in his consult
room as your GP, a trusted medical professional for five years,
is kissing.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
You during your appointment.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
Yeah, it's crazy, But I think the only reason that
we are all not going down so hard on him
for was because it's centraying on you. Yes, it's consensual,
but also he's obviously gone through something really really awful
as well and is in a vulnerable position himself.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
I think that's the only reason that we have a
bit of grace for him, because he's lost a child
to you know, like, yeah, there's also people that are
in the discussion group on Facebook if you guys want
to if you're not a member, go and enjoying, but
that have said, you know, questioned if maybe he has
made this up to connect with you and maybe he's
more of a predator and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
But I think that's a push.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
I highly doubt monster. You might have to be like
a whole other level to have done that. So I
don't think that's it at all. I just think you're
both trauma bonding at the end of the day.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
I totally agree. Also, like reading the rest like they're
reading the full question. This is the doctor you've been
seeing for five years. That's a real long game of
someone trying to like emotionally manipulate you just to get
a kiss at an appointment, you know, I mean, for me,
I'm like, that's not feasible. I think it is very
coincidental that you have both experienced a shared catastrophic grief
and that there's something in that that like you know,
(29:36):
makes you feel seen and validated and understood and all
of those incredibly complex emotions. You asked the question, what
was this kiss? I think the kiss is grief. I
think the kiss is shared emotions of feeling understood, as
I said. And is it because we're both lonely and
we're emotional over our daughter's anniversaries? Yeah? Probably, I think
you've answered the question. Do I think you're in love
(29:58):
with your GP? Absolutely not, because you've never entertained these
thoughts prior that has happened, and now that that sparked
some chemistry in you, which is understandable, it's confusing, But
I think the more energy and time you put it
into it, the more that you're going to be confused
and have these conflicting feelings. You need to refocus that
energy into your relationship your husband and maybe have some
(30:18):
conversations with him around how you're feeling disconnected, how you're
feeling lonely, how you want to prioritize your relationship again,
and also maybe go and speak to I'm sure you've
probably had grief counseling, but go and speak to a
therapist or a psychologist or a psychiatrist around like ways
that you can reconnect with your partner after going through
something that was so so tragic.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Yeah, I truly think this is just situational comfort. You
had a really long appointment with him where you were
both crying and upset, and all you ever want in
that feeling is to be comfort and connected.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
It's human nature.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
It's not you. That's not a wrong feeling. I personally
think that you need to not go back to him again.
If something has happened now, your relationship with him has
forever change, Like you can never go back to him
as just a GP now, and I think it's good
to put some distance between that. You've said the two
big problems in your relationship are rarely having sex and
you don't communicate well. They are two things that are
(31:14):
very easy to work on. So you're lucky you're not
in a relationship whether you know previously before this moment,
where there's been any infidelity or anything like, They're two
things that are a normal and be very fixable. Like
a lot of people don't get back into normal sex
after you know it's only been two years. You got
a two year old at a four year old and
the death of a child, like that's normal and you
will find your groove back there, but you do need
(31:35):
to work on it and the communication.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Both of you can communicate better easy.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
You literally just need to sit down and talk to
him and say, I want to be able to talk
to you more.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
What can we do?
Speaker 2 (31:45):
So that's what I would be saying. I would say,
don't read too much into it, and I'm really sorry
you're going through this, and there's no blame on you.
We're not putting anything on you that says you shouldn't
have done it or you've done the wrong thing, like
we absolutely feel for you. I just think that that
can't be your GP anymore personally.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Yeah, I absolutely agree, all right. Question number four, Am
I unreasonable for not wanting my husband to go to
a friend's funeral? From the title, I'm gonna say yes,
but let's read it. I don't know if I'm being
unreasonable with how I'm feeling about this. So my partner
works five fo two weeks away, one week back, and
we have a four month old baby. He got some
(32:21):
news about an old friend of his who suddenly passed away,
who lived into state, so we need to travel for
the funeral. I don't know this friend, but he apparently
played a large role in his life back when he
was younger. The funeral is the day after he gets back,
so now instead of coming home, he's got to come
back pack and fly away again for a few days.
I feel so incredibly upset with this decision. I understand
(32:45):
the importance of this friend, and I get that he
wants to say goodbye, but I feel like, given the circumstances,
it isn't just as easy as him jumping on a
plane and going. Am I wrong to feel this way?
Maybe I'm just being hormonal. I don't know. Please don't
get me wrong. I absolutely love being a mum. I
wouldn't change it for the world. I just feel like
I count down the days for him to get home
(33:06):
so that we can have some time together as a family,
and I can also get a little bit of a
break or time to myself. It's not like I get
to just jump on a plane for a few days
whenever I want. Not that money is an issue, but
it's also costing over one thousand dollars for these flights
as they are last minute thoughts.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Oh, I want to say, I need more information to
give you a proper answer. And the reason I say
that is it's not gonna end well if you tell
him he can't go to his friend's funeral, Like if
he has said to you, this was an important person
that I feel the need to go and say goodbye to.
I understand how much you're looking forward to seeing him,
and I know you're flying flyout so you don't see
him for weeks at a time or whatever it is.
(33:44):
And you've got the stress of a baby. So I
totally get why you want him to come home, but
it's going to build a lot of resentment if you
say you're not going to say goodbye to a friend
that died. The reason I am on the fence with
saying I need to know more information is if you
know dip down or you have this weird feeling that
in fact it's just an excuse for him to be away.
Is if he's not a great partner and doesn't often
(34:05):
show up and you feel like, do you know what,
I've never heard you speak about him? You don't know
for twenty years, you're always trying to find excuses. But
that's something that you need to ask yourself, what kind
of a partner is he? Because we don't know that,
but from the outset of this question, yeah, you're gonna
have to let him go to the funeral.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Yeah, I would say, if your partner's a great partner
and he shows up in every other way and he's
saying that he wants to go to this funeral, I
understand when you have a four month old baby that
that feels super overwhelming and you were so looking forward
to this. That this is a situation that's also out
of his control. And sometimes funerals are not always just
about the relationship with the person that's passed away. It's
(34:43):
also about the relationship with the people who are grieving.
So if this person was a huge part of his
life and maybe he hasn't seen them for five years
or seven years or whatever, that looks like. That could
also still be someone who was incredibly close to all
of his best friends. Like, I don't know what that
situation looks like. I think the way that you probably
need to look at this is that, yes, it is
(35:03):
a sacrifice, and yes there is the expectation that you're
not going to see him, but it's probably going to
be three days or two days, and that's a really
small time window in when you think about it in
comparison to the rest of your life as parents together.
And I don't know it's so hard because I know
what it's like being in those early trenches of motherhood.
But I don't think that it is fair for you
(35:25):
to say you don't want him to go to a
friend's funeral. If he is telling you that this is
an important thing for him to do, you can obviously
express to him that it's really you know, you really
have been looking forward to him coming home, you're counting
down the days, and that you're feeling a bit overwhelmed
in this period. But ultimately, if he really thinks it's
something that he needs to do and he isn't using
(35:47):
it as an excuse, and you know that because you
know your husband and you know that he shows up
in every other way, then I would say it's unreasonable
to not let him go and do that.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Yeah, And it's very easy to make it so much
more superficial and say, do you know what, like they're gone,
they're dead, you're not going to see them, whereas we're
here and we need you, like can you not say
goodbye yourself from here? And like it's very easy to
sort of top line top shelf that, but everyone grieves
differently and everyone needs different things. And like you said, laws,
(36:16):
you don't know what their connection was, what the friends
and family relationship was, what he did in that life.
But I understand why it's hard for you to fathom
when you're like old friend when they were younger. I've
never heard of him.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
I understand where you're like cool. I get if it
was maybe someone more close. But if you're making a
choice between your four month old me and helping me
out and saying goodbye to someone you haven't seen in
twenty years, I understand why that is upsetting. Like I
do want to validate that because I would probably be
upset too. I'd probably be like, I'm struggling and I'm here,
like I'm here now and i'm your wife and I
really need you. But I also don't know how much
(36:51):
you're struggling or how much you were just looking forward
to the family time. There are so many variables and
people need different things in grief. It's a tricky one
to and so I think it just has to come
back to what we've both said already. You know your
partner is he using it as an excuse to have
more time away, or is do you know deep down
that he really needs to go and do this and
he wouldn't ever be away from you guys if he
(37:12):
didn't have to be there's your answer. But if he's
told you it's important and he needs to go, you
think you need to let it happen.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Yeah, and I guess Also the last part of it
is you don't really have a choice. You can't tell
him you can't. You don't, you can't he can.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
It just won't go down.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
Well, yeah, but you can't. You can't. You can't control
your partner like you can say I don't want you
to go. But if they say this is really important
to me and I'm going, what are you gonna do? Like,
what's the consequence or the ultimatum here, You're gonna be
so angry, you're gonna throw like you know, you're gonna
make have a huge argument, Like what is the outcome
or the consequence for him going. He's not saying he's
going to go on a boy's we cand. He's going
(37:47):
to a funeral and maybe, you.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
Know, maybe it is turns into a boy's weekend, but
maybe he.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
Can make it the shortest version. Okay, cool if it's
you know, let's say you live in Sydney and it's
in Queensland. You fly there for the funeral, you fly home. Like,
there are sacrifices he can make to make it the
shortest amount of time possible, so that what he is
going for is the funeral and he isn't going there
for the socializing aspect around it. Of course he can
go to the wake. I'm not saying like, just go
(38:12):
to the funeral and go home, but I think that
there is a conversation that can be made around the
sacrifices you are both making, and you both can meet
in a happy place here. Yeah, you can't tell your
partner what they can and can't do.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
And at the end of the day, unless it's like
East Coast to West coast, every flight's in around Australia
inter state, it's like two hours math three hours, three
like yeah, it's like it's there's probably really no reason
that he couldn't come back the same day. I'm not
saying he has to do that or one night. I
don't think you're saying he's packing for a few days.
That sounds like there's going to be a bit of
a meetup with people and a bit more of a
(38:44):
boy's club or a friend's club, which you know, that's
a happy medium. He can go to the funeral and
then he's got to come back to his responsibilities, which
is his four month old child, and he's you know,
and you.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
Totally yeah, and I think that they're the variables that
you need to kind of nut out. Anyway. That's it.
If you've got questions for us, on into the DMS
at Life Uncut podcast on Instagram where you can send
us all of your ask gun Cut questions or some
of these have been discussed in the discussion group on Facebook,
which is where we got the one around the doctor
and deally you know that's happening, So you can join
the discussion group as well, which is Life Uncut Discussion Group,
(39:16):
and all the good stuff goes down there.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Don't forget, guys, everything goes on YouTube now. So Ask
gun Cuts are like the fan favorite on YouTube because
you can put them on a big screen and watch
your play out live and have the chat with your
flatmates or your friends or your partner and see how
you would handle that situation. So please go hit subscribe
and give that a watch and remember, tell your mom
tay dat te dog. Tear friends and share the love
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