Ask Uncut - Second Hand Gifts, Spending Money On Games & Wedding Cold Feet - Life Uncut

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is us guncut where
you're writing you deep as dark as burning questions.

Speaker 4 (00:19):
We do our best to answer them. Are we educated
on the subject?

Speaker 3 (00:22):
No?

Speaker 4 (00:22):
Do we have experience and enthusiasm? Absolutely?

Speaker 1 (00:25):
Always. He's just having a little crisis over here.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
She's just discovered that all of her ADHD medication has
scattered through the bottom of her bag, which feels very
ADHD yes.

Speaker 5 (00:34):
Like I got into. It's very meta. Did you just
collect them off? Again? I don't even know.

Speaker 4 (00:38):
It's got a safety cap on the top of this thing.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
I mustn't have put it back on.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
Which also you probably hadn't taken it just kind of
like haphazardly put the lid on it.

Speaker 5 (00:46):
God damn, I did something yesterday.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
I wasn't going to tell you guys about this, but
it might be related to will to like ten percent
of the population. I spent fifteen minutes trying to get
my front loader washing machine opened because I was convinced
that my phone I'd accidentally put it the laundry into
the wash even when I got my Apple Watch and
I was trying to ping it so I could because
I was running around the house being like had that
has to be there? I can't find it anywhere else,

(01:10):
And then my Apple Watch died.

Speaker 5 (01:12):
Like the batteryeside before.

Speaker 3 (01:13):
Don't you remember I did that last time? I was, yeah,
I did that last time.

Speaker 4 (01:17):
I was going overseas to see Ben.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
I swear I said it on the podcast. I'm sure
I didn't. The last time, like three times ago. I
was literally like the Uber was coming to get me
for an international flight and I was like, where is
my phone? And I looked everywhere could not find it.
And I don't know why, but I couldn't find it
on find my phone on my computer.

Speaker 4 (01:39):
It was just like not working.

Speaker 3 (01:40):
I had to trace back through everything. I was like,
I'm gonna have to cancel the Uber.

Speaker 4 (01:45):
No sorry. I was like, I'm gonna have to go
and try and.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
Buy a new phone at the airport because I was like,
you can't go overseas without a phone, like no contact,
nothing on there. Anyway, I ended up trying to like
I was like retracing all my steps, but then couldn't
find it and I was like, I need to be
more precise my retracing.

Speaker 4 (02:00):
Anyway, it was in the dryer. I put it in
the dryer.

Speaker 5 (02:04):
Was it on?

Speaker 4 (02:04):
No, thank god it wasn't. Machine was on.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
That's why it took me, because you know, once you
start a front loader, it locks, guys, so I had
to let it spin. I feel so hectic right now
because I have put my phone a washing machine turned
it on, and one time I thought I put the
cat in there by accident.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
She wasn't in there. I couldn't find her.

Speaker 2 (02:23):
I could not find the cat, and I was so
I ran around my house frantic and Matt was like,
she's outside, dude, you need to calm down.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
And anyway, she was fine, she was outside.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
But I now have this like deep fear that the
cat climbs in the washing machines at any time before
anyone puts a load on. I'm like, check the Oh
could you imagine? I bet you it's happened to someone.
And I'm really sorry if that was you.

Speaker 5 (02:44):
Please don't write in with those stories. I don't want
to be very sad. I don't want to know about
that either.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
But I actually was going to tell you, guys something
that has really got me down in the dump.

Speaker 5 (02:51):
Sorry with all the negative information, but I.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
Really got so disappointed and upset, and Laura, I think
you'll care about this.

Speaker 5 (02:57):
I don't think Brute will give a shit.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
I found out the other day that the post Office
are gonna stop selling knickknacks.

Speaker 5 (03:04):
I care about that.

Speaker 1 (03:05):
No, I no, I'm off that.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
I thoroughly enjoy walking into the post office and just
seeing like what hectic most haphazard, like whoever is the
buying agent for the post Office. It's like she goes
and smokes a joint and then goes, you know what,
let's go into She goes into Read market. So every
year in Australia there's like big trade shows where you
can go into.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
One of them is called Life and Style. One of
them is called Read.

Speaker 2 (03:27):
Read is a basically a market that you go into
and you can buy things wholesale to sell in your store.
And I just imagine she goes in there on psychedelics
and she just goes I'm imagining it's a woman and
goes leg cooling, gel face, Massaga cups, egg cup like it's.

Speaker 5 (03:44):
Just national deed grap it.

Speaker 2 (03:45):
Yes, it's literally the most random mix of stuff. But
I always find something I love.

Speaker 4 (03:50):
I care about that Keisha, I'm a fence. Yeah, because
I went in the other day. I took Delilah out
and I realized, oh my god, I forgot her lead.
I was like, where could I get a lead from?

Speaker 1 (03:58):
Now?

Speaker 4 (03:58):
Post office has everything you want. I love us a
little sporadic by the post office.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
Well, I found out the other day because everything was
so heavily discounted, which I actually got some bargains if
you are, you know, close to a post office. And
they I was like, why is everything so cheap? And
they said, because we're not going to be selling stuff
like this anymore. I don't know to what extent is
that just your post office? No, I asked, because it
was across two where I came from, where I used

(04:22):
to live and.

Speaker 1 (04:23):
Where I've moved to. Interesting devastating for everyone.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
I'm so devastated because I just feel like the post
office was It's the modern version of do you remember
when you were a kid and they used to have
that book fair.

Speaker 4 (04:33):
Yes, everything for like two dollar table, five dollar table.

Speaker 5 (04:36):
And it was so exciting because you never knew what
you were going to get.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
It's a spontaneous joy that's been taken away from us.
It's really little things in life.

Speaker 5 (04:42):
Feedback to us posts, Well, that's just done.

Speaker 4 (04:45):
Subscribed for the week.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
Post Post is also a sponsor to the podcast, so
maybe we can petition together.

Speaker 4 (04:50):
I would love to this conversation along.

Speaker 5 (04:53):
We started change schedule.

Speaker 2 (04:55):
Let's get into vibes and unsubscribes on that note, what's
your vibe?

Speaker 4 (04:58):
My vibe?

Speaker 3 (04:59):
Look, I tossed, I haven't been doing anything deep this week. Well,
Ben has hell because I'm with Ben where I'm not
reading books and I'm not listening to podcasts. I'm not
doing anything because I'm spending all my time with him.
So I did toss up between another TV.

Speaker 4 (05:12):
Series and I just thought that makes me look far
too simple. So I've taken another turn. I'll save the.

Speaker 5 (05:17):
TV series for next week.

Speaker 4 (05:19):
It's an Instagram account, but I can't recommend it enough.
It's called Punter's Politics. Verified four hundred and thirty one
thousand followers.

Speaker 3 (05:27):
This is his bio, just an Aussie punter navigating the
divisive world of Australian politics. He has a podcast as well,
but he's very educated on the fact he was a
teacher and he talks all about Australian politics. But he
definitely has a bit of a niche angle that's related
to gas that I find fascinating and things that I
didn't know. And one of our biggest buyers of gas

(05:47):
is China, and there's a lot of debate around the
fact that our domestic gas prices are far higher than
what China pays for us, and it stems back to
contracts that have been in place in Australia for a
long time. I know this might not be fascinating to
many people, but essentially it affects each in, every single
one of us what our government is doing. And I've
learnt so much from his page. So if it's something

(06:08):
that you're interested.

Speaker 4 (06:09):
In in Staff Punch's politics.

Speaker 5 (06:11):
That sounds great.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
My vibe this week is and I know I've recognized
that I really take eyes and lows here. This is
like a family friendly, feel good movie if you just
need a bit of a bit of an escape.

Speaker 5 (06:21):
I really enjoyed it. It's a new one.

Speaker 2 (06:24):
You might have seen it trending because it has been
in the top ten on Netflix. It is called Nona's
It is executive produced and the main actor.

Speaker 5 (06:30):
In it is Vince Vaughn.

Speaker 2 (06:31):
What is it called nonas? Yeah, they say, I guess
because it's American. I thought that was how I was
supposed to pronounce it.

Speaker 5 (06:38):
Is how I would have said it, but they say norness.
So I'm trying to do it. I'm trying to do
a justice to the Italians.

Speaker 2 (06:44):
Okay, I love Italians. So this as it turns out,
I didn't know this mill the very end of the movie,
and I liked it more knowing it, So I want
you going and knowing it.

Speaker 5 (06:56):
It is based off of a true story.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
The synopsis, because I don't want to give too much away,
is a greeting man, which is Vince Vaughan finds the
recipe for healing when he buys an Italian restaurant and
he hires four sassy seniors as the chef's.

Speaker 5 (07:08):
So he buys this.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
Restaurant and he employs four Italian nonnas to come in
and be the chef's And it's kind of the story
about how the business. You know, we'd either going to
fail or whether it's going to take off. And I
will just say that by the end of this, and
my boyfriend had tears coming out of his eyes, and
he's also pre ordered the cookbook that you can now

(07:31):
get from Nona's in Staten Island, so they've also got
a cookbook to go alongside it. Apparently nice just watching
something that's sugary and easy and doesn't leave you feeling
like you're real with anxiety.

Speaker 5 (07:44):
Yeah, it was really nice.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
It was like food for the soul and also some
recipes that you could probably put on the dinner table.
Do you want to know?

Speaker 3 (07:50):
Like an unrelated fun fact, So the actress in that,
Susan Sarandon, I used to be a nanny, a Susan
Sarandon's nanny.

Speaker 4 (08:00):
What in Italy?

Speaker 1 (08:02):
So we had her nanny used to it.

Speaker 4 (08:03):
I was a nanny in Italy.

Speaker 3 (08:04):
So when I moved to Italy when I was like
eighteen nineteen twenty, I was a nanny and I nannied
for Susan Sarandon's nanny.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
Imagine going to work to be a nanny only to
have to then hire nanny.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
She wasn't She wasn't her nanny anymore. She used to
nanny for it. Then she became a mum and wasn't
a nanny, and then I was her nanny. But that's
my connection to Susan Sarandon, so we're basically bestie.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
Also, I feel like she hasn't she hasn't changed in
twenty years. So there's episodes of her on Friends, and
I watched her in this movie and I was like,
you look the same. Yeah, I'm gonna be honest, I
have no idea who she is, but.

Speaker 5 (08:36):
This is you Do Wilson. Last week You're like, I'm
not finn h Susan Sarandon.

Speaker 4 (08:41):
She's a brilliant actress. She's been around forever.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
I can't see from there, but yeah, I agree.

Speaker 4 (08:46):
That is so funny that you don't know who it is.

Speaker 5 (08:49):
I called Nannas on Netflix. It's a movie. It goes
through about two hours and I really enjoyed it.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
I have a fantastic podcast recommendation episode for you guys
to listen to. It goes for an hour and thirty minutes,
so give you some bit of time. It is from
Feel Better, Live More by doctor Chattage, who you guys
interviewed on the podcast on Life on Cut Yourselves, so
you can go back and listen to that one as well.
But this was doctor Chatategy interviewing doctor Daniel Amen. Now

(09:14):
the name of this podcast episode is how to future
prove your brain simple daily practices to improve focus, energy, memory, mood,
emotional well being with doctor Daniel Amen. This was incredibly
fascinating to me, and the whole premise of this episode
was all about loving your brain, which sounds kind of
woo woo and bizarre, but also he is a very

(09:35):
well renowned psychiatrist. But the thing that is and sets
his research apart, and what they really get into in
this episode is that he shares insights into two hundred
and fifty thousand brain scans that he has done and
how we can actually repair the damage that we've done
in our brain. He goes into all the different life
factors that we all expose ourselves to on the daily
that impacts in deteriorates your brain health. But the thing

(09:58):
that I think I didn't realize until listening to this,
I kind of thought that once you damaged your brain,
whether it be from drinking in your twenties or partying
or whatever it was, that that damage was done and
there's actually so many things that you can put in
place to repair and to improve. What they've found is
these improved brain scans from things like diet, you know,

(10:19):
stopping alcohol and everything else, but one of the things
that he speaks about the impacts of marijuana and how
significant that is, how significant psychedelics are in deteriorating the brain,
and also the food and the cosmetic products that you're
using on your skin. And for anyone who has teenage
kids and you know, you worry about them potentially getting

(10:40):
into drinking or getting into doing drugs, which just feels
like a rite of passage at a certain age. It
was really interesting how he put it into accessible language
to have conversations with kids around the damage that they're doing.
And also the fact that like we're so focused on
the way that we look. We're so focused on like
our you know, cosmetic surgeries and things that we do
to our face to improve our appearance. But because your

(11:03):
brain is something that you just don't see, you don't
have access to the damage that you're doing to it.
We often neglect it and don't realize the accumulative effects.
And I have never really thought about it prior, but
for someone who has Alzheimer's and dementia in my family,
and it's that is definitely something that I think about often,
and mental health is a big factor of our family

(11:24):
as well, this episode really felt like, oh, okay, there's
tangible things that can be done to improve your resistance
to getting something like Alzheimer's, and here are all the
things that are contributing and increasing people's exposure and risk
to Alzheimer's and dementia. Fucking loved it. It was fascinating.
What I also love about doctor Amen is that when

(11:44):
he speaks about things with advice like this, it's actionable.
Like it's not like, you know, the guy who's the
billionaire who's doing all the science stuff to his body.
You don't have sounds, blood and st Yeah, like you
don't have to be of that level.

Speaker 5 (11:56):
And weirdly talking about our past lives.

Speaker 2 (11:59):
When I was in medical research, I was doing an
honors in bimedical science and my research was in sinnati plasticity.
It's also referred to as neural plasticity. And I remember
at the time, I started in an alcoholism lab and
then I moved to an addiction lab, and it was
so fascinating to me to see scans of what alcohol
can do your brain and like, you know, chronic use

(12:19):
of different substances and whatever, but it's really I don't
know it's encouraging to kind of be like, yes, they're
the really bad things, and yes, there is a point
where you can damage that brain tissue to the point
where it won't regenerate. But unless you're not like before,
you're at in repoint, there are things that you can do.

Speaker 5 (12:34):
And that kind of provides hope.

Speaker 2 (12:37):
And also the fact that what he talks about is
how now we are of an age when neuroscience is
defining culture and society and rules as to how we
regulate society. So for example, he was like, you know,
in American football, they used to never wear helmets, then
they wore leather helmets. Now they full wear full protective gear.
Kids under the age of it, I think it's ten
years old can't do contact headsports in soccer or like this.

(13:00):
Certain rules around the ages of which you can do
certain things, and you know, we've obviously had the rules
come in in Australia that are going to be actioned
over the next year and a half or whatever it
is around sixteen years and under being able to access
social media like this all comes off the back of
the research that has been provided from neuroscience around the
effects that this stuff is having on the brain. It's

(13:20):
genuinely one of the best episodes I've listened to recently.

Speaker 1 (13:23):
Go and have listened to it. It is episode five
five to.

Speaker 2 (13:26):
Five How to future Proof your Brain, Simple daily practices
to improve focus, energy, memory, mood and emotional wellbeing with
doctor Daniel Amen Water title.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
Go and have a listen.

Speaker 2 (13:35):
That's a mouthful. Let's get in some questions, all right.
Question number one wedding jitters. Since getting engaged seven months ago,
I have dreamt multiple times a week about an X
situation ship from about ten years ago. My fiance and
I have been together for over six years and lived
together for five, so getting married shouldn't really feel that different.

(13:56):
I love my fiance and it hurts my heart to
think of not being with him. But I also feel
a little bit of a pit in my stomach when
I think about the wedding, which is in August. Is
this just wedding nerves? I feel like I may have
some commitment issues, as I've never had a long relationship
before this one. I also don't love being the center
of attention, so could that be contributing to it? Is

(14:17):
this just a normal reaction before such a big commitment.
I guess that's why they joke about people getting cold
feet before a wedding, But I never thought that was real.
Would love your opinions, please.

Speaker 3 (14:29):
This is really hard to answer, to be honest, for me,
because the cold feet are a real thing.

Speaker 4 (14:35):
Like, that's where it comes from.

Speaker 3 (14:36):
People do get nervous about locking down for the rest
of their life with someone like you can feel certain things.
It's strange to me that the person you started to
think about is a situationship from a decade ago. Like
usually if somebody starts to.

Speaker 4 (14:50):
Be like, oh my god, is this the right thing?
Am I doing the right thing?

Speaker 3 (14:53):
Usually it's because someone that was like pivotal in their
life or had a huge impact in their life. You know,
maybe it's an exit you you weren't in control of
the breakup, or you thought it was the one that
got away, or I find it fascinating that your person
is a situationship.

Speaker 4 (15:06):
It was like literally someone you're fucking ten years ago.

Speaker 3 (15:08):
That's crazy to me. But I think the most important
thing here to think of is the fact that you
have said it hurts my heart to think of not
being with your partner, your fiance, And that's what I
think you need to hone in on here. I don't
want to say it's normal to get cold feet, because
it's absolutely not. Like I mean, I definitely didn't. I
know most of my friends haven't got it. But that

(15:29):
doesn't mean it means anything either.

Speaker 4 (15:31):
You might just be nervous.

Speaker 3 (15:33):
You just said there are things like you don't like
people looking at you, and the commitment might be a
big thing. But I don't know what to tell you
about the situationship, Like, that's weird to me that a
decade later that person is still if in the forefront
of your brain.

Speaker 2 (15:47):
I google this because I was like, I really don't
know how to answer this question, because everything you've said
is a possibility, right, Like, yes, you could just have
cold feet. Yes, it could be anxiety because you don't
want to stand up in front of a big group
of people. Yes, it could be anxiety because you don't
know if like you want to get married and you
have commitment issues.

Speaker 4 (16:05):
Yes, you could still love your situationship.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
But when I when I googled it is cold feet normal,
it said, yes, experiencing coal feet is generally normal, especially
in cooler environments.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
But when maybe a.

Speaker 5 (16:15):
Bit more specific there with that giggle selaw. So I
did realize it taken over.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
I did revise it and it said, yes, experiencing coal
feet before a wedding is common and a normal phenomena
in most people. I think to think that you can
go into and I know there are a lot of
people who had absolutely no doubt and no fear and
no feelings of uncertainty or anything going into their marriages
and their weddings, and I feel really lucky that I

(16:41):
got to be that version of a person. But I
also know that there are people that do have cold feet,
and it doesn't mean that the relationship is not the
relationship for them. It might mean that they radiate on
a higher anxiety and a frequency that they you know,
have had commitment issues that there is, They've got just
a different download blueprint for how they attached people. That's
a very real possibility. My biggest thing is that I

(17:04):
would ask yourself, do you have anxiety about your relationship
or do you have anxiety about the physical wedding day?
Because they are two very different things. And you've said
that you love him so much you can't imagine your
life without him. Focus on that exactly as you said
for it like, to me, that's your answer all the
other stuff that you have been thinking about or worrying about,

(17:25):
then that to me doesn't really seem like it is
as big in comparison. And what I kind of think
sometimes happens is you can have a thought about something.
Obviously you've had a dream about an ex boyfriend or
whatever it was, situationship, and then because you've thought about
that and you've given that some more mental energy, it
kind of snowballs and gets bigger and bigger and bigger.
And just because if it's a thought doesn't make it real.

(17:48):
Just because it's something that you have dreamt about, certainly
isn't something that you should give energy and focus to it.
And the more energy and focus you do give to it,
the more confused you're going to feel about this whole thing.

Speaker 3 (17:59):
I think you just need to hinpoint. What the feeling
in the pit of your stomach is? You Like, every
time I think of the wedding, I feel an off
feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Speaker 4 (18:07):
Okay, what is that? I got that, But mine.

Speaker 3 (18:09):
Was personally surrounding the feeling of how much I've spent
That made me feel sick. The stress because things weren't
working out, and I things, you know, I had my
photography cancel a week before.

Speaker 4 (18:20):
We haven't even spoken about that.

Speaker 3 (18:22):
I had a lot of things that were happening in
the week before, and I was feeling that feeling in
the pit of my stomach. But it wasn't I could
pinpoint that had nothing to do with who I was
marrying or if I was making the right choice.

Speaker 2 (18:32):
But also on that brit like, there's a big fear
of the unknown for some people, you know, like marriage
is a huge commitment. It is a huge step in
a direction. You're obviously taking it seriously. You know you
love this person, You've been with them for a really
long time. I don't think that you have fear around
the relationship, but the unknown of like what is to
come in your life over the next twenty thirty forty

(18:54):
years is a really really big.

Speaker 1 (18:55):
Thing to wrap your head around.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
And like people get anxiety about changing jobs, get anxiety
about moving to a new town, Like I think it's
very normal to have anxiety about getting married to someone
and really assessing where that feeling comes from, whether it's
around the commitment, whether it's around the relationship, or whether
it's around like the fear of the unknown, Like they're
all things that you can sit down and kind of
like plot out yourself. I just don't want to sit

(19:19):
here and tell you that it's not normal to have
these feelings, because I think it is.

Speaker 3 (19:22):
Yeah, but I just can't work out the dreaming multiple
times a week about the guy from ten years ago.
That's the part that I'm getting that. I'm not saying
that that's a reason not to marry partner.

Speaker 4 (19:31):
I think one hundred to that, marry your partner.

Speaker 3 (19:33):
I just am a bit confused about where the dreams
have come from. All of a sudden, I'm fascinated by dreams.

Speaker 5 (19:39):
Like we know that.

Speaker 3 (19:40):
I've tried to do dream episodes. You guys cancel it
all the time, But I love dreams. I love to
talk about dreams.

Speaker 4 (19:44):
I don't know what it means other than allowed.

Speaker 5 (19:46):
You too, And how did that go British?

Speaker 4 (19:48):
Well, we picked the wrong person.

Speaker 3 (19:49):
But I will find a way to find another dream
expert and we will get.

Speaker 2 (19:52):
But do you think it's because maybe she didn't have
closure from the previous situationship and now she's like going
into this next chapter where it's it's definitely locked down
and it's not like it's actually any different to how
you're living.

Speaker 4 (20:03):
But I don't know.

Speaker 2 (20:04):
I kind of understand why your brain's playing games, being
like you're about to lock this down for sure and
get married, but remember remember what.

Speaker 1 (20:12):
It was like before totally.

Speaker 2 (20:13):
I actually think that sometimes when you are in a
big life transition, your brain does kind of it goes
back through the file off facts and it goes like, Okay, well,
what have we experienced in the past, and it pulls
up old memories. But the thing is is like your
thoughts and your memories around something, we have to take
it with a grain of salt because it's not real.
We are so conditioned to only remember the good bits.

(20:34):
There's obviously reasons why that situation ship never worked out,
and I don't even think that this person's pining about
it anyway, But I don't necessarily think it's a red flag.
I kind of think that sometimes your brain just pulls
things out, and especially with dreams, like it might pull
an X out and then you have this weird dream
about your X and you wake up in the morning
and you're thinking about them, and you're like, uh, like,

(20:55):
but you didn't actively think that wasn't an active thing
that you had control over, and I think it's okay
to accept that, put it back in the file of facts,
and get on with life.

Speaker 4 (21:03):
I also think it's a really normal thing.

Speaker 3 (21:04):
And this is where I think, you know, if I
had to make a psychological assumption with my expertise, this
is where I'm going with It's a very normal thing
to when you are getting married, have the thought process
of like, wow, like I am never going to be
with someone else again, Like this is the one person
that I'm going to be intimate with.

Speaker 4 (21:24):
That I'm going to have sex with, that I'm going
to have experiences with, and I'm going to do my day.

Speaker 3 (21:27):
Like I thought that, And that's not a it's not
a bad thing, but it was like, oh my god,
like this is my person I'm choosing.

Speaker 4 (21:33):
For the rest of my life, whether you realize it
or not.

Speaker 3 (21:36):
Subconsciously, that is going to make you think of past
experiences and you know, obviously this situationship was a good
one for you. Obviously you enjoyed it. There was someone
pivotal in whatever reason, and you're going back to thinking
of like I'm never going to have those moments again.
So maybe now that it's in the forefront of your brain.
It is a recurring thing that you're thinking about. But
don't overthink it. You said you love your fiance. You

(21:57):
can't imagine your life without him. Embrace it. Don't like
this is a time that you should be really excited
and happy about. And it's okay to think of an
X or someone you've been in the past. Every single
person married or not married, the ex is popping to
their brains at some point, or someone that they've had
some kind of like that's normal.

Speaker 4 (22:14):
We've spoken to psychologists that have said that's normal.

Speaker 3 (22:16):
So I don't want you to like psych yourself out
that you're getting cold feet and you're making a mistake.

Speaker 4 (22:19):
Fucking marry this guy. He's amazing. You've been with him
six years.

Speaker 2 (22:22):
Let's pull this as well, because people have interesting opinions
on whether, like, how do you define what level of
cold feet is normal or what is a red flag
that something is not just you know, it's not just
an indicator of cold feet, but actually as an indicator
that the marriage is not right. I don't think that
that's the case in this situation. All right, all right,
question number two, Hi, guys, I have a dilemma. I

(22:44):
love when my partner goes down on me, but because I.

Speaker 4 (22:47):
Am so comfortable with him. But because I'm so comfortable
with him, I thought, I pooh, I pull out tampons
in front of him, I do it all. There's no secret.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
It's probably not while he's going down on you, though
I would assume you No, She's sultaneously Yeah, there was
an odd.

Speaker 3 (22:59):
Sentence to put together, But she's just trying to say
she loves it, and that she also has no secrets
from him. So she's like, he has seen pretty much
everything we've been together for four years.

Speaker 4 (23:07):
He has been diagnosed with OCD, especially around cleanliness.

Speaker 3 (23:12):
Now, because he has seen all of the things I
have just said he has seen, he doesn't like to
go down on me, even when I've suggested doing it
as soon as we've had a shower. Is this something
you think we can work on or do I have
to find alternatives like toys, et cetera.

Speaker 4 (23:26):
Please give me your best advice.

Speaker 2 (23:29):
I mean, this is a big conversation to have with
your partner. If he's been actually diagnosed with OCD. It's
not just someone who's like stuck it up and go
down there. But yeah, it's really it's a tricky one,
like that's a psychological diagnosis. It's really hard for us
to sit here and be like, he should be pleasuring you,
and you deserve a man who could like this is
it causes him tormous anguish like this is unfortunately, this

(23:51):
is something that's really you know, we make jokes, but
a lot of people talk about OCD so casually. A
lot of people like, oh, I have OCD, I need
things to be cleaned, and it's just because they like
stuff to be ordered. No, people who have diagnosed with OCD,
it is a psychological battle to be able to get
through the day when things aren't done or aren't specifically
in a way that their OCD brain needs them to be. Yeah,

(24:13):
and I would say that unfortunately for you, this will
be something that is going to take a lot of
either a time, perseverance and patience for him to be
able to get to a point where he can do that.
That might take the sexiness out of it. You know,
knowing that your partner can't do it because they're psychologically
tormented doesn't really make you be like, yeah, fucking go
down on me.

Speaker 3 (24:33):
But you also could stop swinging the tampons around, you
can stop pooping in front of him, Like, yes, there's
those kind of And this goes back to why I
said I don't.

Speaker 4 (24:40):
Fart personally in front of my partner. You've said your.

Speaker 3 (24:43):
Fart, pooh, pull tampons, do it all, which is so fine,
But I have always said you have to be aware
it is going to take some parts. And I know
that he has OCD and it's different, but I'm talking
generally speaking.

Speaker 4 (24:55):
You do have to be aware that if.

Speaker 3 (24:57):
You're going to be like taking dumps in front of
your partner and doing stuff you can't unsee or unsmell
that stuff, and it is going to have some sort
of an effect you.

Speaker 4 (25:05):
I don't think normally take the OCD.

Speaker 3 (25:08):
Out of this, right, it would be a different question.
They're not the same question OCD does chan. So if
you take the OCD out, you know, I think Laura
would say the same thing, that it is a conversation
you have and you can work on, and like, you
do need to be able to meet each other halfway
with how you're pleasuring people. But you can't force somebody
partner or not to do something that they don't want
to do. And if he OCD or not doesn't want

(25:32):
to go down on you, then you do have to
find another alternative, Like you can't just say it's not fair,
grab his head and put it down there, like that's
it's not gonna happen OCD or not. So maybe the
alternative is that you do have to find other ways
to pleasure yourself that work for both of you, whether
that is toys or you know, you can go and
speak to a sex therapist and find out different ideas
in different ways, or they will know things that we

(25:53):
don't know on ways to work on this.

Speaker 4 (25:55):
That's what they're trained on well.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
And also one hundred percent could not have said any
of that better bread. But also like, it's not that
he's being lazy. You know, when we've had these types
of conversations in the past, it's been very evident that
the partner's just fucking lazy, like and they just can't
be bothered selfish, selfish or like you know, in which
case we would answer it so differently. But I agree
with you. We are very open in our household. We

(26:17):
still have a great sex life. No one cares if
the other person is kind of does all the gross things.
We all know that it's like, it's a human bodily function.
It's fine, it doesn't make me less attracted to and
vice versa. However, in this instance, it is affecting your life,
so you can make some sacrifices as well. And I
would say, actually, from reading this, it does seem like
she did all those things and now she's like, oh,

(26:38):
I realized the impact and effect it's had, So maybe
it's going to be a time thing. But yeah, I actually,
unfortunately feel like because of the OCD diagnosis and it
being something that is actually clinical, you can't you can't
just overcome this as easily unfortunately. And you know, are
you able to still have the same amount of enjoyment

(26:59):
in your sex life, pleasure and everything else from using toys.
That's a question that only you can answer. It depends
on how important oral sex is to you. But I
would think that there's probably many other ways that you
can both satisfy each other without that being something that's
as important. You know what I thought when I read
this initially, and I know that I'm being like a
stereotypical of a heterosexual relationship, I actually read this and

(27:20):
I thought, Wow, I wonder how often desire is impacted,
but in reverse, Like for women who see their partner
be a bit gross, how much does that impact their
desire to want to have sex with them?

Speaker 4 (27:31):
But that's what I've talked about.

Speaker 3 (27:33):
Yeah, that is the core of what I've I don't
want to see or hear Ben do that. I want
to have two separate lives where we all know we
do it. Like you know, I worked in a hospital
for a decade, Like I have seen, I've cleaned up
pooh and stuff from people like that's part of our jobs.
If Ben was sitting there farting in front of me
all the time and whatever else, personally, it takes away

(27:56):
my desire in that moment. Would I have wanted to
have sex with him after he's just like done tend
stiggy farts on me?

Speaker 4 (28:01):
Maybe not. If he didn't do them and started to
put the moves on, would I probably?

Speaker 3 (28:04):
And I get that it's different for everyone and it
doesn't touch the sides for you, Laura, but I really
want to try and keep those things a little bit separate.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
I mean, don't get me wrong.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
If Matt was fighting on me all day, I'm not like, Okay,
they're not together, do you know, I'm not doing them
at the same time. I just mean, like I'm able
to separate and differentiate when we're talking about, you know,
or like feeling attracted verse like if he walks out
of the bathroom off just doing a shit, I'm not like, hey,
let's go now like that. We would obviously be some
time in between. The reason I mentioned that is because

(28:34):
you know, you guys mentioned that he had been diagnosed
with OCD.

Speaker 5 (28:37):
I think that that's probably an extreme.

Speaker 2 (28:39):
Version of this situation, But I think this situation actually
plays out a lot, and I would agree with you Keisha,
and I do think that stereotypically, we expect women to
be more lady like and to have a high level
of cleanliness and a high level of everything than what
we expect men to And I think that men can
get away with being a bit grubbier and a bit dirtier.
And I'm not saying that anyone is wanting to have

(29:01):
sex with the guy that you would think.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
Is like grubby or dirty.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
But the thing is is like men are just allowed
to be men and women have to be more lady
like and socially, that has been accepted for a very
long time. However, I do feel that there is a
bit of a rebalancing that's going on. It's been a
lot of relationships finding included.

Speaker 5 (29:17):
She's doing it herself. She's roofing out that she's ongoing.
Fuck the patriarchy.

Speaker 2 (29:21):
That is. That is like I think that that's the
next level. I don't think I would change a tampon
in front of my partner, not because I have anything
against periods, just because I like the privacy of that.
Like I don't if Matt walked into the bathroom. Also,
I would never ever do a number two in front
of him either, Like we have limits, but I don't
think he would just casually be in the bathroom with
me changing tampons I have.

Speaker 3 (29:41):
I've changed my I don't use tampons, but my period
cup like my menstrual cup.

Speaker 4 (29:45):
I've changed that before in the shower in front of Ben.
But I've always said I'm going to do this, like
I don't just do it.

Speaker 5 (29:50):
Is that just.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
Horrifying when it's like shark, because like that to me
is way more visceral than just putting a tampa.

Speaker 1 (29:57):
Then that's discreet.

Speaker 4 (29:58):
That's what I say to him. It's happening, I say hey, I'm.

Speaker 5 (30:02):
Going to do this.

Speaker 4 (30:03):
I'm shocked by that.

Speaker 5 (30:04):
But he doesn't.

Speaker 3 (30:04):
He doesn't watch it. He'll be I'll just be like,
don't watch it, you don't need to see it. But
he'll just turn his back or something. But it's like
we're not so it's still a normal thing and he
wouldn't be put off by it, like he understands it.
But that's like that's different to me again than like
farting on stone or something. It's like it's something that
we experience every single month. It's every single woman experiences

(30:24):
it and I and I don't say, hey, look down,
I'm going to shark wig, but I'm like, hey, I'm
giving you the choice right now. This is what I'm
doing in my shower, So you can you can stay
and get it.

Speaker 5 (30:34):
Come along for the ride, or you can get out
like whatever.

Speaker 2 (30:36):
Yeah, And do you know what, Like I absolutely can
recognize that my bias around it is because there is
like I mean, we've been brought up to have period shame,
Like we've been brought up to be like that's private,
you do that and you're in the toilet by yourself.
But the thing is is like I probably because of
that very deep seated bias. Like I said, I prefer
the privacy around it, you know, like I don't want
the kids coming in the room while I'm changing a tampon,

(30:57):
which is so fun. Give me thirty seconds. I'm sure
there's been times where they've not given me that privacy.
But anyway, all right, next question, My partner spent six
thousand dollars on Roadblocks.

Speaker 4 (31:09):
What's Roadblocks?

Speaker 1 (31:10):
It's it's an online game.

Speaker 5 (31:12):
Oh, kind of like candy Crush, I are sharing.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
Right, right, It's actually it's actually where there's so much
terrible research into Roadblocks now around, like how many predators
are on there because lots of kids use it.

Speaker 4 (31:23):
It's like it's fucking seedy and awful. It's the ultimate
virtual universe that lets you create, share experiences with friends,
and be anything you can imagine.

Speaker 2 (31:30):
Yeah, so you can like have your own communities and
like world that you live in on Roadblocks.

Speaker 1 (31:34):
Obviously none of us use it. I'm sure there's a
lot of about it. There's a lot.

Speaker 3 (31:38):
No.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
I watched a doco on kids who use it and
how there's like child sex predators on there.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
So that's a whole nother story. Let's not go into that.

Speaker 2 (31:45):
My partner and I have been together for three years
and I love him more than anyone. When we first
started dating, he had a slight Pokey's issue and was
completely transparent with it. Together, we worked on that habit
and he stopped gambling on Pokey's. He played poker once
a week and that has been fine. However, last night
I went into his phone when he was asleep to
see where he's been spending money after he made a

(32:08):
comment about being type for money. I looked and there
were three roadblocks transactions for over one hundred dollars each
from the weekend. So today I logged into his account
and I went through all of the transactions. I've worked
out that since January he has spent over six thousand
dollars on this stupid game, and he's been lying about it.
He has said he didn't get paid enough this week

(32:30):
to get his savings at etc. But in reality, he
has been spending it on roadblocks. I need advice because
this is just so fucking childish. I do realize it's
a deeper problem than him playing games. It is an
addiction and I want to help him, But how do
I confront him about it? I just want what's best
for him. For contacts. We don't share a bank account
for these reasons. I am very money savvy and a

(32:51):
good saver, and he is absolutely the opposite.

Speaker 3 (32:55):
This is hard because we seem to look at addiction
very differently, spending money very differently, when it is like
straight up mainstream gambling or like alcoholism or things like that,
to something like gaming, like something that everyone does.

Speaker 4 (33:09):
Your grandma could do it, Like my mom loves candy crush.
She loves candy crush.

Speaker 5 (33:14):
She loves it.

Speaker 4 (33:14):
She's so good at it. She's like like level a
thousand or something. She's like she is, she loves that stuff.
But my point is we look at it differently.

Speaker 3 (33:22):
But the question is should we if we know it's
an actual addiction and something they're lying about. So that's
where I think this takes a different layer. He might
be like, hey, it's just a game and a hobby,
which it is, like gamers all over the world.

Speaker 4 (33:34):
It is what they.

Speaker 3 (33:35):
Love to do in their pastime, same as someone might
like to go and spend five hundred dollars a year
to register for rugby. You know what I mean, It's
for them, it's what they're choosing to do in their pastime,
and that's the way they sell it a lot. The
reason it's the problem here is he's lying about it.
He's spending six thousand dollars already in the first six months,
so if we're going to average that out, he's spending

(33:55):
twelve k a.

Speaker 4 (33:56):
Year on a game that you don't know about.

Speaker 3 (33:59):
And at the end of the day, it is impacting you, guys,
because he's saying he doesn't have enough money, he's not
able to contribute enough when he has twelve grand a
year that he can put into an online game. It's
tricky because you are going to have to have that
conversation with him one hundred percent like I am one
hundred percent saying yes, this is a full on issue
and it is a sit down conversation. It does mean

(34:20):
you have to say to him that you've gone through
his accounts or you've seen what he's spending. So it
comes with its own problems. He's going to feel like
you've gone behind his back. You're going to throw that
back in his face and say, well, you went behind
my back. So the way you handle this conversation is
going to be pivotal to the outcome.

Speaker 2 (34:35):
It is a really hard one because you obviously identify
that your partner has addiction issues. The problem with addiction
is that addiction isn't about a thing. Addiction is the
issue and it is transferred. So if you're not dealing
with the actual addiction issue, with the fact that when
he's addicted to the Pokey's he then and he stops
doing that, he's going to find something else to funnel

(34:56):
his addiction into.

Speaker 4 (34:57):
It's the feeling, it's.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
The way that addiction works. So there is a root
problem here that needs to be addressed. That isn't the roadblocks,
because you could fix the roadblocks thing, and I guarantee
you in six months time, he'll be doing it with
something else. This is just a cycle and you are
now realizing the pattern. And look, yes, you went through
his belongings, you went through his bank account. You guys
are going to have to have conversations about that. That's

(35:20):
going to be super uncomfortable because you don't trust him.
You know that there is something wrong and you are
having to go and search for this yourself. There's just
a there's many layers as to why that this is
a huge problem. The only thing I do kind of
worry about with the roadblock situation is the way that
these games are so insidious in how they take money.
It's small, incremental amounts. I would doubt that he would

(35:42):
have any idea he spent six thousand dollars in the
same way that you might get ubers everywhere or use
Uber eats, and then one day you do your budgeting
and you go, holy fucking shit, I've spent four thousand
dollars on Uber eats.

Speaker 4 (35:52):
Totally, but you know that you've spent three hundred in
one weekend.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
Yes and no, because a lot of these things you
just click. It's so to click as you go, and
it's like you might be buying tokens or you might
be buying X y Z, and just like unless you're
keeping a physical tally, and it's very tricky to keep
an actual log of how much you're spending unless you're checking.

Speaker 3 (36:11):
I agree, but normally, but for this one, I'm disagreeing
because she literally says, just this weekend, there were three transactions.
Each one was over one hundred dollars. So it's not
like I'm two dollars token. I get how that accumulates,
but you've got to know if you're doing on hundred
dollars hundred dolls within like twenty four years.

Speaker 2 (36:28):
And look, maybe I'm giving him too much grace in this,
but I would assume that he's probably not a where
he spent six thousand dollars. Maybe that's playing Devil's advocate. However,
you know, it's still a huge problem. At twelve thousand
dollars in a year on a stupid game is a
crazy amount. Like, think about all of the things that
you guys could be building together now. I would say
that very big conversations have to be had and figuring

(36:49):
out how to resolve this addiction issue entirely. And maybe
he needs to really do some other work because it's
not just the pokey's. Like I said, it's not just roadblocks.
It's going to turn in something else. And if you
guys are not on the same page when it comes
to how you manage your finances, if you're not on
the same page with how you're going to build your
lives together, this is something that's going to keep on reoccurring.

(37:12):
And you can love someone so much, you can have
the most amazing relationship in every other aspect, but for
as long as you keep life and assets and everything
else separate. This won't rear its head in a way
that's like insurmountable for you. But when you go down
the track of having kids, or you if you do,
or you get married, or when your finances become more merged,
this is going to be a huge fucking problem. So

(37:35):
you have to fix it now. And if you can't
fix it now, then I just don't know if this
is like the right type of relationship to be in,
especially when saving money progressing your financial future is something
that is clearly so important to you, but very hard
conversations have to be had.

Speaker 3 (37:51):
Question number four, what is your opinion on gifts? Can
you buy someone something from marketplace secondhand because that way
you can actually bought it and you know that they're
going to love it, Or can you give someone something
that you have owned before? Now hear me out for context.
It's my niece's first birthday coming up. Where we would

(38:11):
normally spend I guess about one hundred to one hundred
and fifty dollars on a gift. We're about to sell
something that has hardly been used by our own two
year old. The retail price is two hundred and sixty dollars,
but they sell for two hundred on marketplace?

Speaker 4 (38:25):
Can you do that? Or is this super tight?

Speaker 5 (38:28):
Then? If you can do it, do.

Speaker 3 (38:30):
You tell them that it is secondhand? Or do you
palm it off and pretend you bought it.

Speaker 2 (38:35):
You can't parm it off and pretend that you've bought
it after it's been used by a two year Like, No,
you can't do that.

Speaker 4 (38:39):
Well, I think they'll know anyway it's not a package.

Speaker 2 (38:41):
Yeah, Like, it's not unless you're wrapping the kid quietly
and pretend that they've already unwrapped it and already like
scratched it and you know, slob it on it.

Speaker 1 (38:51):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (38:53):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (38:54):
I think I would feel personally.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
I would feel odd giving someone a gift that was
especially if it was a secondhand thing from my kid,
and trying to palm it off as though it was
newly bought. I think that's where the problem is. If
you know that this is something that they actually really
want and that they're going to go out and buy anyway,
and that your niece would really really love it, I
think you can say to your sister, I had this,
we were going to sell it on marketplace, but can

(39:17):
I give it to her for her birthday? Gauge your reaction.
They're going to tell you whether that that's like a
normal because it might not even be something they want.
Then you're just offloading your shit that you don't want
that you're going to sell on marketplace as a gift.

Speaker 1 (39:27):
So like, check first.

Speaker 2 (39:29):
I personally would just say sell it on marketplace and
then buy a gift unless you have specifically asked if
it's something that your sister wants, because otherwise it does
kind of come across as giving away the stuff you
don't own your house anymore.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
That's my thought.

Speaker 4 (39:46):
I think it's fine.

Speaker 5 (39:48):
Check just check.

Speaker 4 (39:49):
I think it's fine. I don't have a problem with it.

Speaker 5 (39:52):
It's different.

Speaker 3 (39:52):
I mean it's different if it was something that's been
like absolutely trashed and used to death over the last
two years of your child's life.

Speaker 4 (40:00):
You've said that they've hardly used it.

Speaker 3 (40:02):
It feels like it's pretty much new. You know, you
would get a great price from it. I think it's fine.
But I also came from a family where we do that,
like we're happy to pass things on to each other,
and that's not an issue.

Speaker 4 (40:12):
I think it's different.

Speaker 3 (40:13):
If you're faking it and you're pretending that you like
you're rewrapping it.

Speaker 1 (40:16):
But that's what I mean.

Speaker 4 (40:18):
But like it's I don't know, Marketplace.

Speaker 3 (40:20):
I love Marketplace so much stuff for my sister's baby, Maya,
like Sherry buys all her stuff from Marketplace because you
can get brand new stuff basically.

Speaker 4 (40:30):
For like a quarter of the price.

Speaker 3 (40:31):
So I think if it's about saving money like that,
and if you can't afford it, I truly think if
you say you cannot afford a gift, you shouldn't be
buying something you can't afford.

Speaker 4 (40:39):
There's always a way to give something within your your motos,
especially for a one year old. I'm sure you love us.
She's not gonna remember it.

Speaker 1 (40:46):
She's one.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
I have a question, though, when this specific type of
gift you just said, you have a two year old
and she's hardly used it. Is it because it's actually
not a functional thing? Like, is there a reason why
you're two year old hasn't used it? Because we all
every single parent has crap in their house that their
kid hasn't used, and it's because their kid either didn't
really like it, didn't engage with it, Like there's a

(41:09):
reason why it's not being used.

Speaker 1 (41:10):
Is it because you had two.

Speaker 4 (41:11):
Of them, like a world map.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
So it's like, don't give away something that wasn't useful
to you because it just makes an easy gift.

Speaker 1 (41:19):
Is kind of how I feel about it.

Speaker 2 (41:20):
The only thing that I would say in rebuttal to
you brit is like, have a think about it from
like this perspective, not about kids toys. Imagine it was
your birthday and I had a vase or a salad
bowl that's been at my house for a year, which
I've used a couple of times, but actually I just
decided it doesn't really suit my house anymore, and I wrapped.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
It up and gave it to you.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
You would be like, Laura, I've seen this in your house,
and I'd be like, yeah, but I got that cheeseboard
for my wedding and we don't really like it, so
I thought you would love it.

Speaker 1 (41:46):
Here it is.

Speaker 4 (41:46):
I think it's different when it's your niece and she's
one totally.

Speaker 5 (41:49):
Because my whole house is just hand me down from
me for both of you.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
Yeah, but I just give it to you. I don't
do it as a gift. I don't say Keisha it's
your birthday.

Speaker 4 (41:57):
If it makes.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
Your birthday, here's a cabinet, like, I've never I've got
this use sorted. I've never charged you for the furniture,
so I would never and which I'm grateful for thinking.
And I've just given it to you because it's stuff
I would have put on marketplace anyway.

Speaker 1 (42:10):
I do it.

Speaker 3 (42:10):
So I've got something on you blackmail like and I
owe you on like I just like locked that away.
One day, I'll bring it out.

Speaker 2 (42:17):
Okay. Here's my other question though, when it comes to marketplace.
So for example, if you do have a piece of
furniture or something that you could put on marketplace, but
if you're giving it to a friend, do you give
it to them for free or for a reduced price
than what you would do a marketplace, Because if it's
for a friend, I don't would never charge them, I
just give it away.

Speaker 3 (42:36):
I think it depends on what it is or how
big it is your financial situation at the time, their
financial situation at the time.

Speaker 4 (42:41):
Like, I think there's loads to do with it. And
I don't think it's right or wrong either way.

Speaker 2 (42:45):
It's like whatever that situation is, I definitely think you
have to give it to a friend for less. Oh,
it's some of the halle of your marketplace just makes
it not worth it.

Speaker 1 (42:57):
You're like, it's two hundred dollars, firm, but you.

Speaker 2 (42:59):
Please, I thing up six hundred bucks and they're like,
I'll give you ten ten dollars and can you deliver it?

Speaker 5 (43:04):
You're like no.

Speaker 2 (43:06):
Also, okay, one more question about marketplace. And I think
this happened to you recently, Kesh or was it to you?

Speaker 5 (43:11):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
It's someone here.

Speaker 2 (43:12):
How do we feel about people being like I will
come and inspect it and then decide whether or not
I'm going to take it home.

Speaker 3 (43:18):
I've recently met someone inspecting Keisha's marketplace.

Speaker 4 (43:23):
Like I turned up and there was a man there,
and I was like, okay, should talk to me about
this man in your house? She's like marketplace.

Speaker 5 (43:29):
He then after he left, he was lovely.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
To be fair, it was but I was selling it
for like it was a wardrobe and it was desks.
When I gave you, are you selling my furniture for
a profit, Kesha, she.

Speaker 5 (43:43):
Would do that. She would do that, I would anyway.

Speaker 2 (43:49):
He came to look at it and then he went away,
and then he was really not communicative, and then he
tried to like half the price, and I was like, bro,
I'm just going to give it to someone like wast
waste so much time, like and also I'm a contractor,
like I actually charged by the minute or by the hour,
so you are literally costing me money.

Speaker 3 (44:10):
I walked into Keisha's house the other day is unrelated,
but funny.

Speaker 4 (44:13):
Ben and I went over to Keys's new house. She
just moved into your house beautiful.

Speaker 5 (44:17):
I'm such a scared you're not. It was just funny.

Speaker 3 (44:20):
So we walk in and Ben goes, bad, coffee table
looks really familiar.

Speaker 5 (44:24):
That's just because I got the same one.

Speaker 4 (44:25):
And she goes, oh, I copy Britt. And then he's
like that lounge is familiar to and she's like that's.

Speaker 3 (44:28):
Brits and he's like and he goes, this looks like
finish in your house bridge like a banister thing, and
she's like, also Brits.

Speaker 5 (44:33):
And it's like, my whole house, isn't you?

Speaker 4 (44:35):
And the rug that you walked past on the way
in Laura's.

Speaker 5 (44:40):
It was actually so funny. We love to see it.

Speaker 2 (44:42):
It's like you're like a little child. Get still find
Buster's hair if you know, we look okay. Going back
to this specific question, though, I think that it is
okay to buy gifts off marketplace, but only if it's
something that your friend actually really wants. So like, for example,
if there is now I'm going to try and think
of something on the fly, like if it's someone give me.

Speaker 5 (45:05):
Something you'll don Sorry what a little bit used only.

Speaker 1 (45:10):
A couple of times.

Speaker 2 (45:12):
Yeah, I don't camera, look okay, a camera, right, but
but then like maybe not a camera because a camera
might come with a warranty and stuff from like, hey,
you asked me to just throw examples out there, so
I know it's not example okay, okay. For example, for example,
a yoto, I'm going to use this as like a
kid's little listening thing. They're quite expensive, and for example,
if you don't have the money to spend two hundred

(45:33):
dollars or two undred and fifty whatever they are for
a yoto or for like all of the little cards
and stuff, I think it's totally fine to say to
your friend or your loved one like, oh, I want
to get a Yoto. I found it for really good
price on marketplace. If it's secondhand, just giving them a
heads up that it's secondhand, because I do think that
it kind of comes across unusual to get a wrapped

(45:54):
up gift that is very evidently used. That's where I
think that it might just they're not going to say anything,
They're not gonna be ungrateful. I'm not saying that there's
like an element of privilege. I'm just saying that in
order to ensure that everyone's like, yeah, cool, great, like
they want to go to it's gonna work. It's perfect,
but you can get it for forty bucks less, like fantastic.
But I don't think you should pass it off as

(46:14):
though you've brought something new.

Speaker 1 (46:15):
It feels weird.

Speaker 4 (46:16):
Yeah, it probably changes for me when I think about
it over the years.

Speaker 3 (46:19):
Like when I was younger, or maybe my teenage years
early twenties, if a friend bought me a gift from marketplace,
I would have been like scabbed, like you know, like
would have been like so scabby. But I'm young and
dumb right now at this point in my life, I
would be grateful for anything anyone got me, and I
would be hyper aware that if someone has gone to
marketplace to get you something, chances are they're not in

(46:40):
the financial situation to get you something.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
Else and like or they were able to buy something
that was above the amount of money that they accept
because it's although there's so many examples of when you
would go that's fucking weird. Like, for example, if it
was your birthday and I just folded up a jumper
that I've had for a while and gave it to you.

Speaker 4 (46:56):
I've never given you something new.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
I'd go to my gift comedge.

Speaker 4 (47:00):
I think I gave you something back once that you
gave me nijokes.

Speaker 2 (47:03):
So Britt has definitely regifted pr gifts before. I've been
caught up.

Speaker 5 (47:06):
I'm hard before them.

Speaker 3 (47:08):
Only because it was engraved with my name and I
didn't see it, and it was my cousin and I.

Speaker 4 (47:13):
Was saving my sister because she forgot her presence.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
So no, it's so funny.

Speaker 2 (47:18):
But I do.

Speaker 1 (47:18):
What I mean by this is that I think that
there are limitations to it.

Speaker 2 (47:21):
I think it's okay to give versions of something that
might be secondhand, but like, there also has to be
the thought that counts in this whole equation, because if
you're just looking in your wardrobe for something or looking
in your pantry cupboard for something, because you didn't buy
a gift and you're trying to save cash, Like that's
crap because you're.

Speaker 1 (47:38):
Just offloading your own shit onto someone else you probably
doesn't want it.

Speaker 2 (47:41):
Other opinion, and I'm thinking to the conversation you guys
have with Sarah Wilson.

Speaker 5 (47:45):
Maybe it's our opinions on this.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
Maybe it's actually like our conditioning on the fact that
we think it's cheap and it's scabby. Maybe we actually
all collectively need to change our minds about giving secondhand
things so that we all don't have as much shit
floating around and going to landfill or I mean, yeah,
I do agree, but don't you think it then comes
back to still it's the thought that counts. You can't
change the whole society with one gift that you've purchased

(48:07):
from a marketplace and being like, this is actually because
of my morals. Yeah, it's it's got to be because
you if you're going to choose something that is secondhand,
the thought has to matter more. You have to have
picked that piece because it had a reason as to
why you picked that piece, not just because it was
like convenient to give something from your house that you
don't want.

Speaker 1 (48:26):
That's my that's just keep going back to that example.

Speaker 5 (48:28):
Well it's multi layered.

Speaker 4 (48:30):
I think this one's okay.

Speaker 1 (48:31):
Shit, she's one.

Speaker 4 (48:32):
You think it's a great toy.

Speaker 3 (48:34):
If you think it's fine and it's not like cracked
and broken and old and it's still relatively new, then
absolutely fine. We put too much emphasis as a society,
like you just said, kish on, like fancy things and
superficial things and money and dollar values and how much
did they spend and it's crazy.

Speaker 4 (48:50):
So I think it's fine.

Speaker 1 (48:50):
All right, Well there we go.

Speaker 5 (48:52):
Sorry, did I deep that?

Speaker 2 (48:53):
Did I go too dark? And like say that we
need to change as a society. It's probably true though,
like we maybe do need to soften our expectations on you.

Speaker 5 (49:01):
Sure, commercialization, communism in the world.

Speaker 1 (49:04):
No, I agree anyway, that's it from us, guys.

Speaker 5 (49:06):
That was an important message. Don't think you need to
say that. Voice right out of here by life on,
come away house. It's full of all of your second
hand but we cancel ourselves. Bye o, my guys.

Speaker 2 (49:19):
You know the

Speaker 4 (49:21):
Friend and share I love because we love love second
hand things.

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Ask Uncut - Second Hand Gifts, Spending Money On Games & Wedding Cold Feet

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ask Uncut - Second Hand Gifts, Spending Money On Games & Wedding Cold Feet