Ask Uncut - The Challenges of Long Distance Relationships - Life Uncut

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
past and present, Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land.
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and I am located currently in Romania.
How is Romania, Brittany, I'm not there yet, So for context,
this was recorded just before we took off for our
little one week getaway break. But we hate leaving you hanging,
so we did want to pre record some things for you.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
We did, and also I did try and convince Bread
that she should take her recording equipment to Romania, to.

Speaker 3 (00:49):
Which I said, which told.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
She to not me, to go fuck myself, which is
absolutely fair, and I did.

Speaker 4 (00:54):
It's like I'm going to finish this sentence right here.
No is a full sentence.

Speaker 3 (00:58):
We will do a pre rap free goods.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
But to be fair, I know, obviously, guys, we talk
about we talk about relationships lots on this podcast. But
something that I hadn't been aware of until you spoke
about it on Tuesday, But you were talking about how
you have been at a point at this like this
break of long distance, where it's been particularly hard.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
Well, most of you know that you've been here for
a while. You know that Ben, my fian Ben has
lived over in the UK for a long time. If
you are new here, I am in a long distance relationship.
My partner does say yeah, welcome, subscribe for We do
get a lot of new listeners though, and I think
sometimes we also forget that they're popping in and we
expect everybody to.

Speaker 4 (01:35):
Know where we're at. But long distance has been great.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
Like you guys know that if I had the option,
I wouldn't be doing long distance. It's not like I
only want a long distance relationship, but I am somebody
that can make the most of it, and I understand why.

Speaker 4 (01:47):
I can see the benefits and I can try and
aim for the future.

Speaker 1 (01:51):
But occasionally, and now he's one of those times it's
hard to.

Speaker 4 (01:56):
Aim for the future when you're like really in the
depths of shit in the distance relationships.

Speaker 1 (02:01):
And what I mean by that is this six months,
so this back end of the year, from when we
got engaged a couple of months ago in June until Christmas,
this year, I am spending five nights with Ben in
six months, that is it five nights, And I'm like
beside myself every time I think about it because I'm
really struggling with it. So when I was going there,

(02:23):
I was like, I just want to be with him
for five nights, and I'm going to be exhausted and
jet lagged, and I'm so I'm really having a hard
time with long distance long distance.

Speaker 4 (02:31):
I think he is great. I think you can do it.
I think everyone can do it. I'm an advocate for
it if it has to happen.

Speaker 1 (02:36):
But this is like extreme long distance, Like we've never
gone six months with only five nights. Then on top
of that, Ben stays up till one thirty in the
morning just to say good morning to me when I
wake up because the time difference is so bad. So
we're not even conversing, do you know, It's like you're
not even having those We speak like once a day
if we can, and even then one of us is

(02:58):
exhausted and one of us has woken up.

Speaker 5 (03:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (03:01):
So I think also you would have gotten used to
your previous schedule, you know, like you kind of got
into the swing of things when you knew what the
time zones were where he was living before, and you
got used to that, and now the parameters have changed
as well. I can only imagine that there's only so
many times you can say miss you until it sounds
very like yeah, yeah, say miss you too, you know.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
And it's like I said to you girls, I use
the term you know. I said it's not working. And
when I say it's not working, I don't mean the relationship.
Of course, we're going to get through that, but the
long distance isn't working. That doesn't mean the relationships over.
It just means sometimes long distance works well, like a
well oiled machine, and sometimes it fucking doesn't. Right now,
it doesn't. And what happens when you spend so much
time apart and anyone listening now will know exactly what

(03:44):
I'm talking about. You go from really lovey dovey, emotional
and in love to quite angry and frustrated at each
other for no reason, because like, what's the fucking point
of like I'll just talk to you tomorrow, there's no
point you're tired to go to bed, I've got to
do this. It's like you get angry over nothing. And
I have noticed that over the last two years.

Speaker 4 (04:05):
Right at the end, when we're.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
At the long part, like just before we see each other,
we realize we're at you need to see each We're
at like the end of our teathers a bit with Okay,
this needs to happen because we're just frustrated and you're
not frustrated anything.

Speaker 4 (04:20):
No one's doing anything. And Ben is such an amazing partner.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
He always talked me off the ledge, like every time
I work myself up and get really upset, which is
a lot lately, way more than I would care to
admit or I want, it's really tough. And I know
on Instagram and stuff, it looks like we spend a
lot of time together. I mean someone we laughed about
it a little while ago. Someone laughed and said, it's
just bitch always on holiday because I did.

Speaker 3 (04:41):
And I was like, fuck you.

Speaker 1 (04:42):
I was like, if I can be yes, yeah, but
I was like, and I'm aware it sometimes looks like
that because I'll always post photos from four months ago
on a holiday, like so I look at him and
I miss him, and I'm like, I'm just gonna put
this up whatever. But yeah, so this is being recorded,
like I fly in a couple of hours, so we
left it right up into the last minute. But it's
because time is a very precious commodity this week, and

(05:05):
I didn't think you wanted me to record tuning while
I was fornicating this.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
I want to hear you to be yes, I wanted
you to be mid coitus. That's exclusive subscriber content for you.

Speaker 4 (05:17):
Talk about giving away prizes if you subscribe.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
Do you know how many times we have these conversations
and I glance over to our video editor, John O
and he doesn't even look up, but his face is
always like, I'm just going to tune outs.

Speaker 2 (05:27):
We don't have Patreon yet, but maybe that will be
the first subscriber episode. Join click now, swipe up up.
Can you pay me to not have to edit?

Speaker 4 (05:36):
No, it's uncut, it's raw and it's not edited.

Speaker 1 (05:39):
So yeah, it's it's been really tough, but I'm very excited,
like you listening to this, guys, hopefully I'm there and
I'm posting it. I'm having a great time, but I'm
very ready to see him, Like I feel like we've
pushed it to the extreme from you know, seeing each other,
and I'm so beyond ready. The fact that every time
I think of him, my cry, which is ridiculous. But

(06:00):
let me tell you something funny.

Speaker 4 (06:01):
I did.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
This is actually this will make you laugh. And I
was so embarrassed. I was so mortified. I got a
DM from a listener. She is this amazing musician, very talented,
Like I follow her because she's so brilliant. She messaged
me and she's like, hey, Britt, Like I just wanted
to say congrats on your engagement, Like it was the

(06:26):
loveliest message. I have been a life a listener for years,
Like I've listened to all the episodes. If you ever
want to talk music or anything for your wedding, you
know I'm around.

Speaker 4 (06:36):
Like her name is Sydney.

Speaker 1 (06:38):
So what she does is takes two songs that you
might love and she mashes them together but makes them
acoustic and suitable for.

Speaker 4 (06:47):
A wedding, Like you have to go. We can put her.

Speaker 5 (06:50):
You've showed me her account. She does like melodies, so
she'll get brilliant. And the thing about pop songs is
that they're often written in the same time signature, and
you're able to transpose them into the same chord. You
can kind of put one on top of the other.
Quite easily and quite seamlessly. She does it to a
level that is so you're just like, oh my gosh,
this is every song in the pop charts, and you've

(07:11):
made it into the one song and she'll just sing
a bridge from one and a chorus from another, and yeah.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
It's like yeah, yeah, but not just a mash up.
Any song that she doesn't even have to mash them right.
Any song that you might love but it could be
a pop song but you love the lyrics. She just
makes it her own and sings this soft, beautiful acoustic
version that is suitable because not every song you gotta
rock down the aisle.

Speaker 4 (07:31):
Too, right, but she makes it likely. Anyway, this is
not the point.

Speaker 2 (07:35):
Walking down the ar to My Pussy and My crack crack. Yeah,
but that's what she does. Anyway, That was irrelevant. Can
we request that she makes a melody of My Pussy
and My Crack. I can ask me to sing it
on the podcast, please, Sidney, if you're listening, please sing
My Pussy and My Crack for us.

Speaker 1 (07:53):
But my point of this is she wrote me this
beautiful message, and I am just always such a hurricane.
So I wrote back to her really quickly, because I
was busy and put my phone down.

Speaker 4 (08:03):
What I responded to her?

Speaker 1 (08:05):
So she'd written this beautiful message, and she said she's
a longtime listener. And I wrote back, Oh, you're a loser.
Exclamation mark.

Speaker 3 (08:11):
That's what I wrote. I wrote, you're a loser because
you meant to send it to someone else.

Speaker 4 (08:16):
No, because it was supposed to say, oh, you're a lifer.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
Order I was supposed to say you're a lifer, which
is why it had exclamation marks.

Speaker 5 (08:26):
Oh you're a lifer.

Speaker 1 (08:27):
I reaan Oh you're a loser, exclamation mark, exclamation mark. Anyway,
then I Sidney were so sorry bury me. You know what?
She wrote back, tell me what you really think. But
before she wrote that, I was in huge capital letters.
I was beside myself. I was like, oh my god,
I'm so sorry.

Speaker 4 (08:46):
Lifer.

Speaker 1 (08:47):
I meant you're a life by life, a lifer like
I love you. You are not a loser.

Speaker 4 (08:50):
She goes, tell me what you really think. I nearly died.

Speaker 5 (08:53):
That is so funny. Imagine imagine if you hadn't noticed
that's it's got.

Speaker 4 (08:59):
A review through Brittany's a bit.

Speaker 1 (09:02):
I just could not believe it. I was like, man,
like you gotta focus more. You can't be going around
throwing loser around.

Speaker 3 (09:10):
I feel like I also shoot from the hit with
messages quite a bit.

Speaker 1 (09:14):
You're like, she was wonderful and I think she still
will be composing some music for me my.

Speaker 5 (09:20):
Grand to hear it if you want to check her out,
and also apologize for Brittany's no correct.

Speaker 4 (09:29):
I haven't even booked her in or anything.

Speaker 1 (09:30):
But what I will say is she does do weddings
where she will rock up and personally sing like she
will be your entertainment or if it's like a destination wedding,
all she can't make it, she pay for her to
do the song that you want, and she also she
almost curates it. I'm just so excited by this. Is
she coming to BALI is that? Is that? What?

Speaker 5 (09:49):
Sponsored?

Speaker 4 (09:50):
It's not?

Speaker 1 (09:51):
No, I just think she's I just looked at her.
She could be my vibe this week. But I just
looked at her page and I'm like, you're so talented,
and I just love the work.

Speaker 4 (09:58):
I haven't booked it. I'm not doing anything yet.

Speaker 3 (10:00):
You're really doing a good job of digging up from
the loser comment. You're like, and she's she's the best
we are a winner.

Speaker 4 (10:07):
You're a winner in my eyes.

Speaker 3 (10:10):
Fark Let's move on, Okay.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
I have a question for you guys before we get
into ask gun cuts. And I think it kind of
pertains to an ask gun cut in some ways. Do
you think and it's a tricky one to explain this
question without like just try throwing the person completely under
the bus.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
Do you think it is okay?

Speaker 2 (10:29):
Or there is a limit slash time frame to how
long you can be in a relationship without knowing for
sure that that person is the one. And I say
this because it came off the back of a conversation
I had with a friend recently. They've been a relationship
for almost eight years, and they said, I'm not really
sure if they're the one talking about their partner talking

(10:52):
about whether or not they would want to get engaged
to and do all the big life things that their
partner also wants in life.

Speaker 3 (10:58):
It's not like they're both just cruising.

Speaker 2 (11:00):
Their partner is hoping that one day they will have
the you know, the white picke at fence and the
house and the potentially family with this person. What are
your views on not being sure when you're in a
long term relationship whether the person that you're with is
the one and if you feel like that, how long
is it okay to feel like that before you take action.

Speaker 1 (11:21):
Is the person that is unsure a male or female?
A male okay checks out. Women usually know what they
want for me. I think if you are eight years
deep and you're at this age group, like there's a
difference between eight years from eighteen, like coming out of school,
or a difference between eighteen and you're in your mid
to late twenties to thirties and onwards.

Speaker 4 (11:40):
If you don't know what you want.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
With that person after eight years, chances are they're probably
not right, And I think you're wasting somebody's time. I
don't think that's fair. Do they know that you are unsure?
Because that's the other question too. It's like, have you
had that conversation with them where you're like, look, I
don't I don't know what I want? Or are you
internalizing that? And this poor person does think that you are.
You know, she's waiting for the engagement and she's waiting

(12:02):
for the baby. Because they're two very different things.

Speaker 2 (12:04):
I mean, yeah, absolutely, I do think they are two
to different things. But I don't necessarily think it's the
wrong relationship. I think that there are people out there
it's the person. It doesn't matter what relationship they're in,
They're always going to have this casual lais a fair
kind of attitude towards it, because they themselves don't know
whether they as a guy, they've got like a bit
of Peter Pan syndrome. They don't know whether they want

(12:25):
to have kids, they don't know whether they want to
get married. They don't really know whether they want to
have these big things. But they're quite happy to be
in a committed monogamous relationship, which would indicate that they
are after those things. That would, you know, allude to
that the time is coming.

Speaker 3 (12:39):
But I think it's not.

Speaker 4 (12:40):
Yeah, I think that's okay.

Speaker 1 (12:41):
If you can't be sure about if you want kids
or not, or you want to get married or not,
but you are so sure about that person and they
know that. I think that's different. You know, we spoke
about me being in that pendulum of kids and not kids.
There are plenty of people that are unsure about their
big life decisions. But the constant there is your partner,
Like you need.

Speaker 4 (12:58):
To know if that part nor is right for you,
if your partner.

Speaker 1 (13:02):
Female partner really wants kids and she doesn't know how
undecisive you are. That's a conversation you need to have
because it could be a deal breaker for her. You
don't want to take that away from her that moment,
and that's a huge It's not a moment, it's like
the rest of your entire life.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
I have so many complex feelings about this, to be honest,
because on one hand, I and maybe it comes from my
own personal experience a little bit, because when I was
in my early twenties, my six year relationship I will
never forget when he one day was like, I just
don't know whether you're the person I want to marry
or not.

Speaker 3 (13:34):
And I was like, sorry, what.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
We've been together for six fucking years. You still don't
know You're not sure? And it was really, really hurtful.
I thought it was so mean, And now that I'm older,
I do have an appreciation because by him giving me
that information, he was also giving me the opportunity to
make a decision for myself.

Speaker 3 (13:52):
I was just too.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
Young, too naive, too blindly and love to realize well
that but it was the truth, and the truth doesn't
always make you feel good. And so it did give
me the information that I should have done something with,
although I stuck my head in the sand.

Speaker 5 (14:06):
I think this a lot of it comes down to
the communication of the desires, you know, like and I
think far too often we hear of this scenario where
person A doesn't communicate the fact that they're not sure about,
you know, because it works in their favor. It's almost
quite manipulative because they're getting everything they want out of
the situation. And I think it adds a particular layer

(14:27):
of cruelty when you add in a potential biological clock,
Like you said, I think if the person's communicated it
and they're like, hey, I don't know if this is
what I want. I don't know if this is you know,
the future of us, and that other person, person B,
chooses to stay in the relationship, well, that's kind of
a bit like a you're aware of the scenario, you're

(14:48):
aware of the factors, and you're choosing to opt into it.
But I think far too often the person who feels
that way, the person who feels unsure, isn't communicating that,
and he is leading the other person down the garden path.
And that's why you hear so many stories of people
just being like, I am so blindsided by this decision
because the other person's been thinking about it for months,

(15:08):
if not years, and you've had absolutely no idea that
this is going on in their head, and now you're.

Speaker 3 (15:14):
Like, what the fuck?

Speaker 5 (15:15):
I had this trajectory of where I thought my life
was going to go. Now all of a sudden, it's
completely different and I'm in a different phase of life.

Speaker 2 (15:23):
I agree with you. I think that is a particularly
cruel scenario. And it's so funny because over the years,
and like I said, I would have prior if we'd
gotten that askun cut, say five years ago, where someone
was like, hey, i've been in a relationship for seven
years and my partner has told me that they don't
think I'm necessarily the person that they want to spend
the rest of their life with. I would have had

(15:45):
the response of like, well, fuck your partner, Like, how
dare they kind of get to that point and only
just tell you now.

Speaker 3 (15:50):
I do think seven years is a long time.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
If you've been thinking that that whole time, you should
have had the conversation sooner. But in the same instance,
there is something about the honesty that I do appreciate
now and I go, okay, well, at least they're giving
you the opportunity to make a decision for yourself. It's
exactly the scenario that you've described, Kesh, where that person
is unaware and then one day might get broken up

(16:12):
with and had no idea that they will never ever
endgame in the first place. And it's like it's the
stopping and the prohibiting of that person to be able
to seek out a relationship with someone who wants the
same things as them that I think is particularly manipulative.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
Yeah, I think it changes if how long you've had
these uncertain thoughts for so if I mean, everyone goes
through these ups and downs in a relationship, right, if
it's just hit you after eight years and you're like,
we do I think this is the right person?

Speaker 4 (16:43):
Like that's okay, where that's okay?

Speaker 1 (16:44):
And I don't think you need to go and discuss
that immediately. I think you need to get your own
collective thoughts together. But if your eight years deep and
you have always thought I don't know if they're the one,
and I don't know if this is the right relationship,
then it is cruel to not have that conversation. Time
is such an important commodity that you cannot get back,
especially for women with that fertility window.

Speaker 5 (17:03):
So what is the time frame. Let's say one of
our friends came to us. We were catching up with
them today and they came and they said, you know,
I'm just not sure.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
I'm not sure the.

Speaker 5 (17:14):
Person I'm with is the one or like you know,
in game, long term, etc. What do we say to
that person? Do we say how long have you been
feeling this way? And if that's the question, what is
the time berrier that you think is reasonable to go
or you need to leave or is this just a
lull in your relationship and things will come back and
you'll realign again.

Speaker 2 (17:35):
I think it is so so hard to give a
time frame because everyone says, you know, every single person,
scenario and situation is slightly different. It depends on how
much your partner wants xyz. So if the person that
you're in a relationship with you is communicating that they
want to get married, they want to have kids, they
have a mental timeline, and your mental timeline is absolutely
not adding up to theirs, then I think you're on

(17:56):
different pages, and like there needs to be a conversation
that is very honest around where you're both at. Sometimes
it takes months to even get the courage to break
up with someone. It took me a year to break
up with one of my exes because I felt like
it for so long, but I couldn't do the breaking
up because it was so scary because I didn't want
to hurt their feelings.

Speaker 4 (18:15):
I think, I mean, how long is a piece of string? Right,
So there's for me, there's not nanswer.

Speaker 1 (18:19):
But my response to a friend that came to me
like that was, well, you need to work that out.
So however you are going to work it out, you
need to get there so you can go spend some
time thinking about what you really want, and if that
person fits in, it also gets easier. I believe the
older you get, because you don't have the time and
you've got more experience, you know what you want, you're
usually a bit more certain. So And I say that

(18:40):
that's interesting though, because if like we're talking about the
fact that this is quite related to the age that
we're at, right, Yes, well, I say that in relation
because Laura said this person in particular was the male
females generally speaking, no more what they want, and they're
aware that there is a time crunch. So I think
females are more likely to say, Okay, you don't think
that I am it, and you don't think you want kids,

(19:01):
and I really want kids.

Speaker 4 (19:02):
Then you know, I've had friends.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
That have literally and I don't necessarily think this is
the right thing. But I've had friends that have put
a timeframe on it and said, you've got three months
or I'm out because I need to get on with
my life.

Speaker 4 (19:13):
So get your shit together and work it out.

Speaker 1 (19:15):
Is it me, is it marriages at kids or is
it not? Because I don't want to waste the next
four years of you figuring it out. Then you decide
it's not me, and then I'm I've missed my window.

Speaker 2 (19:24):
That's an interesting take for me, though, Britt, because I
don't think it's age dependent. I think maybe for some people,
maybe some people have more clarity, they learn the lessons.
A lot of us don't learn the lessons, and I
think there's a lot of people who are in their
fifties and sixties who still make terrible relationship decisions, who
stay in relationships way longer because they hope that the
person will change, or they you know, think, well, if
I stick it out, if I try this or try that,

(19:46):
maybe the relationship will be different. I don't think that
age is always a predeterminer for good decision making or
good boundary setting in a relationship.

Speaker 5 (19:55):
But I just actually imagined if this was my mum,
to completely change the dynamic. If my mum called me
today and was like, oh, my partners.

Speaker 3 (20:03):
You know, they've been together for years.

Speaker 5 (20:05):
He's turned around and said that he doesn't think we're
going to be together forever. I think my response would
be kind of different. I think I'd be like, okay,
seems a bit strange. How do you feel about it? Like,
are you happy with where your life is at now?
Do you want to continue living together or do you
want to break up?

Speaker 3 (20:20):
Like?

Speaker 5 (20:20):
I think my answer would be different because they don't
have the pressures of getting married and having kids by
a certain time exactly. I think we've just landed maybe
on the answer. And I think the ethical conundrum is
actually whether you are robbing the other person of experiences
or that they want.

Speaker 3 (20:39):
I think that is the factor. You know, Like this.

Speaker 5 (20:42):
Person who has been in a relationship for eight years,
My next question is now is he robbing his partner
of the experiences that she wants. By the sounds of it, yes,
could be the answer. Well, then he needs to do
something about it. I think it's potentially cruel what he's
doing to her.

Speaker 3 (20:59):
Well, that's get into vibes and unsubscribed.

Speaker 1 (21:01):
We've already had Brits of the Week and hopefully I
have another one, but I'll save it. Yes, it's well,
I should tell you what her full instagram is. Then,
now that we're that, I'm going down the vibe train.

Speaker 3 (21:11):
We will also link in show notes.

Speaker 1 (21:13):
So her instagram is your girl Sydney spelled like the
city no s I d n e y.

Speaker 4 (21:23):
And she's a musician, singer, songwriter. She's amazing. So go
and have a look at an insta and you'll understand
more about what I mean.

Speaker 3 (21:29):
Okay, what's your vibe? Gish?

Speaker 5 (21:31):
My vibe is something that I already know that you're
a big fan of Laura.

Speaker 4 (21:34):
That is my clip in fringe.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
Have we not vibe? This is your two pay.

Speaker 4 (21:39):
It's not a two pay.

Speaker 5 (21:41):
You might have seen on Laura's stories if you followed
her a couple of weeks ago. Laura and I had
a hilarious car trip home. A fringe is something that
I'm really toying with, and I let's just cut it.
That's what the old me would have done, But the
medicated me was like, let's test the waters first with
aw I went into the depths of the internet because

(22:02):
I had previously ordered clip in bangs, too much, to
too many bang, too much hair, too much bang for
your buck.

Speaker 4 (22:11):
One might say, yeah, it was bang town.

Speaker 5 (22:14):
Anyway, I eventually found exactly what I was after. It
is called the Medusa wispy light human hair fringe.

Speaker 4 (22:23):
Stop much clipping in? Oh my god?

Speaker 5 (22:25):
Is that the Meduca meduces the brand? So it turns
out that they're from Byron Bait. This particular one I
really like because it's light. I love the flexibility of
choosing when I'm fringing and when I'm not, because fringes
are a lot of maintenance.

Speaker 3 (22:39):
Don't you feel like a fraud though, Like it's a
fringe fraud.

Speaker 4 (22:43):
I feel like I get tensions.

Speaker 5 (22:44):
I feel like I get to like play up to
who I want to be that day.

Speaker 2 (22:48):
Extensions feel less fraudy because they're permanently there. But when
you're like I have a fringe, nouata I have a
fringe nouata.

Speaker 3 (22:54):
It's like such a tease.

Speaker 2 (22:55):
Even people like life As are writing it and they're like, well,
the fuck he she's got a fringe.

Speaker 3 (22:58):
Now it's gone again.

Speaker 5 (23:00):
One of my best friends messaged me when she saw
a video that we posted online. I must have been
wearing my fringe that day.

Speaker 1 (23:05):
And she saw me the day before and she's like,
did you did you get a haircut.

Speaker 5 (23:09):
Since I saw you last night?

Speaker 4 (23:11):
I'm so confused on what's going on?

Speaker 1 (23:12):
Is that?

Speaker 3 (23:12):
No, baby, it's clip in. What happens if you pick
up a doo and you're like, hold on, let me
take your fringe? My fringe out?

Speaker 4 (23:18):
Well, she lives with her partner.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
So I don't think she's picking up a do There's
people who listen to us who are going to be single, Like, imagine,
imagine taking out your chicken filets, taking your fringe off.

Speaker 1 (23:26):
I have had hair extensions that I've had to hide
when I've been having like a hook up. They've fallen
out in the bed and I'm like, well, so I
stuck in one of the bed like I am about
your clipping fringe. I think if you committed to a fringe,
you'd regret it, not because of the way it looked,
because of the maintenance and how limited you are. But
a clip in you can be whoever you want to
be that day.

Speaker 5 (23:45):
I love it, so I am color number six one three. However,
I will say I toned and died this fringe to
make it actually match my house so initially, and I
had to trim it a little bit.

Speaker 3 (23:58):
So there is a little bit of you've got.

Speaker 5 (24:00):
To make it work for you involved, whether that means
you take it to a hairdresser or if you're okay
to do it yourself.

Speaker 3 (24:07):
It's thirty five bucks.

Speaker 5 (24:08):
It's a really good price to pay for ensuring that
you don't make a decision that you can't take back.

Speaker 2 (24:14):
My vibe this week is for the money conscious Gally
or Guiley everyone.

Speaker 3 (24:18):
Yea, it's for everyone.

Speaker 2 (24:20):
It is called eat Club. It is an app download it.
I think it's particularly good in metro areas. But basically
it's an aggregator of many different restaurants and it shows
you all the different deals that they have going and
so some of them have limited number of deals. It
could be a restaurant that you might like will be like, okay,
we've got five discount vouchers for thirty percent off if

(24:41):
you're going to get takeaway before this time. So if
you are someone who likes to eat out or you
like to explore new restaurants, but you are money conscious,
I think that this is such a good app because yeah,
it's great for people who enjoy discount HI even app.

Speaker 5 (24:56):
All the time. I love that you're vibing this because
I've been sleeping on it, hiding it so I get.

Speaker 2 (25:01):
The five deals that they've got available. Stop telling people,
because then they'll be less deals available.

Speaker 5 (25:05):
It's so good they can get up to like forty
five percent off. It actually gets to the point where
sometimes I will check the app and talk with my
boyfriend about whether it's better to just order take away
than it would be to go down to the grocery
store and get food. Links for all of our vibes
will be in the show notes and on our website.
If you've forgotten life on cutpodcast dot com, dot a

(25:26):
yun doesn't have.

Speaker 3 (25:27):
A dota y it does.

Speaker 1 (25:29):
Let's get into the questions, Okay, Question number one. I'm
twenty one and my male partner is twenty three. We
have been together for three years now, since we have
been together, he has only gone down on me probably
three times, for a total of twenty seconds total collections,
so just under seven seconds per down.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
That's not it can't be a total of twenty seconds.
That's like not even a kiss. Up it comes now.

Speaker 4 (25:54):
Let me read it verbatim.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
It's like his olf one total for twenty seconds he
just did. That's like, yeah, he licked it like an
ice cream, came back up. It's literally just shy of
seven seconds a session.

Speaker 5 (26:06):
Fuck.

Speaker 2 (26:06):
Imagine someone only going down on you for seven seconds
then popp me back up.

Speaker 4 (26:09):
She doesn't need to imagine it. It's her life that sucks.

Speaker 1 (26:13):
I have brought this up with him a few times,
and that's why he doesn't do it. He just replies
with I don't like it, sorry, which is totally fine.
But when we do have sex, I never get anything
out of it, as he never even tries to pleasure me.
We have tried sex toys, but I think he gets
awkward about it and then it never happens again. I

(26:34):
talk to my friends about it, but they all say
the same thing, the relationship is not right for me,
and then they proceed to tell me how good they
have it's superfl so dirty, your friends such a dirty
Sometimes I wonder what I'm missing out on. Every other
part of our relationship is amazing, because he is an
amazing human who I miss so much. My question is

(26:55):
am I actually missing out? And what the hell do
I do about this? This seven second wonder?

Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yes you are missing out, but yes it is not everything.
If your partner is amazing in every other way and
in every other aspect, then I don't think it is
a fair assumption to say that he is not the
right partner for you.

Speaker 3 (27:14):
I think that that is incredibly harsh.

Speaker 4 (27:17):
It's lazy advice from your friends.

Speaker 3 (27:18):
Yeah, it really is. But I also think it's lazy
from him.

Speaker 2 (27:21):
I think he's getting what he needs out of his
sexual relationships, and he's you know you guys, but you're
not satisfied. And and I do think that in time
that will build a resentment there that needs to be addressed.
It's okay that he doesn't like going down on you.
I mean it's annoying and very much so. We preach
the whole you know, you don't do anything that you

(27:41):
don't want to do. But if that extends to he
doesn't want to pleasure you. So it's very easy for
him to say, oh, I'm just not into going down
on you. Is he into doing any other of the
things that around Laura.

Speaker 4 (27:53):
When you're talking, I'm into fingering you like a shotgun?
I can't look at it. I'm like, stop, stop talking
about fingering and doing the science.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
Is he in two finger are you said with two
fingers waving around in the air. But I mean it,
it's okay for him to get off with one part
of pleasuring in sex that he doesn't enjoy.

Speaker 3 (28:13):
That's okay. I'm not gonna hold that against him.

Speaker 2 (28:15):
It's annoying because if that's how you get off and
if that's what you enjoy, then it is unfortunate. But
I'm not gonna say, oh my god, it's you know,
it's a travesty that he doesn't want to go down
on you like fucking riot and burn him at the stake.
What I am gonna say, though, is that if he
is not making any other conscious effort, then I actually
don't think it's the going down on that he doesn't like.

Speaker 3 (28:35):
I think he's just a bit fucking lazy in the bedroom.

Speaker 2 (28:38):
And that is a bigger conversation that needs to be had.
And I also think, unfortunately it is a tricky conversation
to have because he may get defensive, he may feel
as though he's a failure, whatever it is. But I
think that there is a way that you can approach
this conversation that is sensitive to him without being a cusatree,

(29:00):
which explains that you want more, and hopefully it's received
well by him.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
Yeah, you don't need to dump his ass, absolutely not.
But there is a big problem here. This is a
big problem if you are not being satisfied in any
capacity in your sex life.

Speaker 3 (29:14):
Just lazy.

Speaker 4 (29:15):
Well, it might not be lazy. She said.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
He's awkward. He might be a very awkward person. He
might have no confidence, he might not know what to do.
You guys are in your very early twenties. You've been
together three years, so he, I'm making an assumption, might
not have had a lot of experience before that. So
these are conversations that you need to have together because
I mean, I'm just thinking back about since I was

(29:38):
eighteen to now. You learn so much by being with
different people. And I'm not saying you have to be
but you can have an amazing you could be with
one person since you were eighteen and have an amazing
sex life. But that's because you're communicating. You know what works.
But you also learn a lot from being with different people.
And now I'm not saying that you need to go
with other people, but what I am saying is he

(29:59):
might have had the exposure and the experience and maybe
you haven't quite communicated enough. But there should be no
part of your relationship where you are having sex or
having intimacy and he leaves satisfied and you live with nothing,
Like in no world should that be okay? He doesn't
have to go down on you if he doesn't like it,

(30:19):
that's okay. You can't make someone do something they don't
want to do.

Speaker 3 (30:22):
Yeah, but also like why, like what is the well.

Speaker 1 (30:25):
He doesn't need a reason. I don't think that if
you do not like doing something sexually, you don't have
to do it. But you need to compensate in other ways,
Like he needs to be understanding that you are not
orgasmine and getting off and enjoying sex. Maybe if he
knew that, he'd probably be mortified if he knew that
you were, You're not coming. I can't imagine a world

(30:45):
in where any guy is okay with that with their
long term partner, Like, he's probably going to be shocked,
but there are so many other things that you can
do that will work for you or that you can try.
And unfortunately, if he's an awkward person, he's still going
to have to try so things like, you've been together
three years, so you need to be figuring out what works.
You cannot continue this relationship by having completely unsatisfactory sex.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
But also like you're saying you've tried sex toys, but
he got awkward about it and then never, like he
needs to get over the awkwardness. Yeah, and the only
way that he's going to get over the awkwardness is
by trying things. You know, it is difficult because when
you have a conversation about something that feels vulnerable, which
sex often is a vulnerable conversation to have, you only
build confidence to have more of those conversations based on

(31:33):
your partner's reaction. If your partner's reaction is defensiveness, is
that they're uncomfortable, it makes it harder to broach the
conversation again, right, Like, it's not an easy thing to
do if you're not the reception from that conversation is
not one that's positive well or enthusiastic. And obviously when
it comes to having sex and having someone pleasure you
and all the things that go with that, you want

(31:55):
them to be enthusiastic about it.

Speaker 3 (31:56):
You don't want to.

Speaker 2 (31:57):
Have to be like so just letting you know this
is where I'm at, and you know you saying that
you don't want to do this, or you don't want
to do that, or you're not putting in enough effort
doesn't really set the flames for igniting like a deep
passion or desire in your partner.

Speaker 1 (32:13):
The hard thing is, too, is dependent on what type
of conversations you've had in the past. Does he know
you don't ever get off or do you fake it
to get it over with?

Speaker 4 (32:23):
Does he think that sometimes things work you and sometimes
it doesn't.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
Because if you've never had that convo, it's really delicate
to have it now and say, hey, just so you
know it's it's actually never worked for me, Like that
is a big thing to drop, So you have to
be really careful about how you bring that up.

Speaker 2 (32:39):
It's funny because I say ask why, and you say
it doesn't matter why. I actually think it's a conversation
if someone says I don't like something in the bedroom.
I do think it's okay to say, oh, why don't
you like that? Like, what is it about it that
you don't like? Because he might be like, I don't know,
I don't like it when you've had your gym shorts
on all day and you've just been to the gym

(33:00):
and then we're about to have sex and you want
me to go down on you.

Speaker 3 (33:02):
Fucking fair oho.

Speaker 2 (33:04):
But you can then say okay, I'm going to go
and have a shower and then would you try? Like
I actually think the why is really really important and
I think it's fair to ask that question.

Speaker 1 (33:14):
I agree, But it's been three years, She's not in
a gym shorts all day. If he has said in
three years he's gone down on a twenty seconds, it's
not his vibe.

Speaker 4 (33:22):
It's just not the guy's vibe.

Speaker 3 (33:24):
I agree.

Speaker 2 (33:24):
But I do still think there could be a conversation
around why, and it may be more telling than what
you are assuming. I also know someone who used to
say that they hated giving head right a girlfriend of
mine she hated blowjobs. We were in our early twenties.
She always said she hated giving blowjobs. Then she got
into a new relationship with someone and was like, oh
my god, it's actually not that bad a shower. No,

(33:46):
it wasn't that. It was that her ex boyfriend was
really fucking rough with it, and like he used to
ram his penis down her throat, and of course she
didn't like it, and then that was the only way
that he would get to climax. And without knowing that
that's how he was approaching oral sex, it was like, oh,
that makes sense. And then she had a new sexual
experience with someone who it wasn't that much effort, they

(34:08):
really enjoyed it, and they didn't treat oral sex like
it was a porno. So there is absolutely reasons why
people don't like things, and it can often be based
on their past experiences with it totally.

Speaker 1 (34:19):
But what I'm trying to get across is that at
the end of the day, if he says he doesn't
like it and you say why, the answer very well
could be I just don't like it, and that's also okay.
My point is that doesn't have to be a specific reason.
There's plenty of sex things that people don't like. So
I'm just trying to say, is at the end of
the day when it comes to things around sex. Of course,

(34:40):
it's important to understand it the end of the day
when it comes to sex. If someone doesn't like something,
you can't make them do it. Sex one hundred percent, can, should,
and will be worked on your entire relationship because it's
not always going to be the same from start to finish.
It's going to change when you have kids, it's going
to change when you've been together for twenty years. It's
always something that you have to work towards and communicate on.

(35:00):
And you were in your early twenties, in your early
days of a relationships. So the communication has to start
now because that conversation in ten years of I've never
come since I've met you is going to be a
lot harder to have when you're a decade Dean.

Speaker 3 (35:13):
All right, next question.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
I've been dating my boyfriend for about seven to eight months.
He asked me to help him with some work medical claims.
He sent over a pack of documents for me to
read to help him write a letter. Now reading the documents,
it said that he has herpes. Now, what I'm getting
from this is that obviously he'd had some medical tests
done that he needed to like obviously have like a

(35:35):
health check, didn't see all the results, and he didn't
realize that this was in the bylines for context. When
we first started dating, I made sure that we both
had had sexual health checks. He was pushing to have
sex without a condom at the time, something that I
had never done before and didn't feel comfortable doing without
an STI check prior. The test came back with no
issues flagged, so we started having unprotected sex. Seven months

(35:58):
later I read this document. He says initially to me
that oh, he just forgot to tell me, then ended
up telling me that he intentionally lied to me because
he thought I would break up with him if I knew.
Additional context to this is that his previous ex girlfriend
gave him the herpes and also didn't tell him until
two months into their dating.

Speaker 3 (36:18):
I don't know what to do. I thought that this
guy was my penguin. Help.

Speaker 4 (36:22):
It's pretty big betrayal.

Speaker 3 (36:25):
It's a really complex one this because.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
Is it he lied to a face for It's a
big thing like an STI can really damage, especially if
you don't know, can damage a woman. That is a
conscious choice to lie to your partner about something that
could seriously affect her long term for me? Complex what
because he can't deal with the fact that he has
an STI complex for him? Ye, it's complex purely because

(36:49):
they're at a point where she, I'm assuming loves him
and she's been with him long term, so it makes
it harder. But that's a pretty big betrayal, and I
would be wondering if I would want to spend my
life with somebody that could make a decision that, as
a result, affects me long term.

Speaker 2 (37:03):
I say that it's complex because, firstly, if you are
someone who has been recently diagnosed with herpes, please go
and listen to the episode we did. It was quite
a while ago now, but we had a really amazing
episode speaking all around STIs. Well link it in the
Well link it in the show notes all around destigmatizing STIs.
Also someone who we had on the podcast, Ellie from

(37:25):
Comfortable in My Skin, has really amazing resources around destigmatizing
herpes and other STIs. I think that there is a
lot of scare mongering around things like herpes. There's a
lot of scare mongering around genital warts and everything else.
There is this incredible fear around getting it, like it's
going to be the worst thing that happens in the world.
And so I understand why he was fearful to tell you.

(37:50):
I do empathize with that to some degree. I do
not empathize with him trying to con you into having
unprotected sex with him when he knew that this was
something that he deals with without the honesty. That, to
me is where the deceit comes in. That, to me
is where I'm like, he went another layer beyond. Also,
when you say he got tested and your STI checks

(38:13):
or came back fine, my question here is is did
he show you those checks? Did he actually show you
the documentation or did he tell you that it came
back fine, because that could be another layer of lying
and deception. I also know that when it comes to herpes,
if you don't have any active outbreaks, I think it
can be a tricky one as to how it shows

(38:33):
up on medical reporting because so many people carry the
Herpes simplex virus. But he's told you that he intentionally
lied to you because he thought that you were going
to break up with him, even though now you're seven
months deep in this relationship, and even though you love him,
and just because he has herpes doesn't mean that you're
ever going to catch it. You can have a healthy

(38:54):
and fulfilling relationship with someone and never ever ever get
that or never ever catch it from them. But the
thing for me, I would struggle with, and what I
think you're struggling with, is the fact that it's changed
your perception as to who he is a bit simply
because of the lying, not because of the herpes. And
he didn't give you the opportunity to make an informed
choice or decision for your own body. He made that
decision for you and lied to you.

Speaker 4 (39:15):
It gives me the ick. I'm so off it. I
think it's disgusting.

Speaker 1 (39:18):
I think it's disgusting behavior, especially the fact that he said, yeah,
I actually knew and made the decision consciously to not
tell you because I was too worried about what would
happen to me, which is you breaking up with me.
It sucks that you have it, And again, we have
done the episodes on it, and I can't I can't
imagine the feelings of what that's like to have those conversations.
I understand that, unfortunately, a responsibility does come with that

(39:41):
when you have it, and that is to make people
aware the fact that the whole reason that he got
herpes in the first place was because somebody misled him.
His ex didn't tell him that's why he's got it,
and now he knows what that's like, yet he's still
putting that onto you.

Speaker 5 (39:56):
I've just had a look at the laws and their
different base on state. So this one is New South
Wales because that's where I'm googling from. Since twenty seventeen,
people are no longer.

Speaker 4 (40:05):
Required to disclose their.

Speaker 5 (40:07):
Infection to perspective partners. However, people who are aware that
they have an SDI must take reasonable precautions to prevent
spread of the STI, and a penalty of up to
eleven thousand dollars and or six months jail applies if
reasonable precautions are not used.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
So I think in this there's two ways, because I
do think it is unreasonable for somebody who has herpy
simplex virus that is completely under control to have that
conversation with every single one nightstand that they're ever going
to have.

Speaker 3 (40:37):
I don't think, and that's why that law has been changed.

Speaker 4 (40:39):
Yeah, we're a condom.

Speaker 2 (40:40):
It's yes, It's absolutely unreasonable to think that every single
intimate partner that that guy ever comes in contact with.
He's going to say, hey, I know we just met,
but also, you know, three years ago I had an
outbreak my ex girlfriend and then I you know, I
haven't had an outbreak since.

Speaker 3 (40:53):
Like, that's just that's not going to happen.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
But if you are going to get into a long
term relationship with someone and you are trying to get
them to unprotected sex, and a caveat of that is
that you go and have an STI check. That's where
I draw issue with it. And I probably feel less
fearful around this than a lot of people do. And
I'll say I mean, I'll tell you the story. My ex,
a guy that I was seeing for quite a long time.
He had herpes. I have never caught it, so he

(41:18):
was on an antiviral. He was super honest with me.
I met him when we were traveling, and I absolutely
adored him. He is a great, great guy, and he
was so honest. He was like, look, I know that
this is something that might make you not want to
date me. He's like, but I really like you and
I really want this to be something, even if it

(41:38):
is just that we end up being great friends. This
is me, I've never had an outbreak since I'm on antivirals.
I think it is well managed. He's like, but it's
always going to be a risk anyway, I took the risk.
We dated for maybe three months. Never ever, ever, did
I have an issue with it. So I know it
is possible to have a sexual relationship with someone who
is managing a herpes virus.

Speaker 4 (42:00):
It is like loads of people doing that. It's not
about that. And the keeping that you said, Laura was
he was honest.

Speaker 2 (42:05):
Aboutely and if he had not told me that, and
then at the end of our relationship, like you know,
three months in, had turned around and been like, haha,
I fucking manipulated into being with me, having an emotional
relationship a connection with me, and now I'm telling you
this information, I would feel really differently about him, but
I hold so much respect for him and how he
managed that, and it didn't change my feelings for him

(42:26):
at all.

Speaker 5 (42:26):
I think it's interesting when you like, we've been addressing
this as an ethical question, but the person who's written
this in like, you also need to know, depending on
what state you're in, it's possible that your partner has
actually broken the law. Because he had, he may not
have taken reasonable precautions. And I just I'm only saying
that to validate the fact that this is like, this
is a big betrayal, to the point that it's actually

(42:48):
written into law. So don't feel as though you're like,
oh my gosh, Amy making a big deal about this situation.

Speaker 3 (42:53):
No, like it is a big deal, and.

Speaker 1 (42:54):
It's also possible, and just throwing this out there, it's
also possible he's cheated on you too, and that this
is him saying, oh no, no, I did have it
before then I just didn't tell you, Like we don't know.
But the core of this question is the misleading, deliberately misleading.
And I would hate for anyone to listen to this
and think that we have any problem with herpes.

Speaker 4 (43:13):
We do not.

Speaker 1 (43:14):
And like we said, we have done so many episodes
on it. You can have wonderful relationships with STIs. They're
so well managed. My upset over this is purely around
the deception. That is it, the intentional deception.

Speaker 2 (43:26):
Yeah, And I think that that is, if anything, the
very important take home, because there is enough hysteria that
exists around STIs, there is enough fear mongering, and so
much shame, Like it's unbelievable the amount of shame that
people feel when they do catch an STI and it's
like you've not done anything wrong except just got a
bit unlucky. Yeah, no one feels shame when they catch

(43:47):
the flu. No one feels shame when they catch anything else.
So why is it that you feel so shameful for this?
It doesn't mean you're dirty, it doesn't mean that you're promiscuous,
it doesn't mean anything. And so I guess for me,
I don't want to catastrophize the situation and feed into
the narrative that it's something that he should have felt
super shameful of. But I do think that he should

(44:09):
feel something about the fact that he was trying to
manipulate you into having sex without protection when you very
clearly communicated that that's something that's important to you. That's
the determining factor here for me. And ultimately, I'm not
saying that you should break up with him. I'm not saying,
you know, you've been together for eight months now. I'm
sure there's other great qualities about this person. But if
it does change the way you feel about him in

(44:31):
some way, if it gives you the ick because of
his lying. If it makes you feel as though he's
not truthful.

Speaker 3 (44:38):
Then that's a whole different thing.

Speaker 2 (44:39):
You can't help the way that you feel about that,
all right, Next question, Should I enter a short term
friends with benefits situation with a colleague that's leaving at
the end of the year. Even though I'm inexperienced and
not sure how I'm going to emotionally handle it, I
think it could be a great idea for my overall
satisfaction and self confidence. But I don't want to get
reject did or catch feelings and then get really sad

(45:02):
when I am rejected and he moves away.

Speaker 3 (45:04):
Is it worth the risk for good sex?

Speaker 2 (45:07):
Firstly, you have no fucking idea whether the sex is
going to be good unless you've had sex with him already.

Speaker 3 (45:11):
Could be terrible, could be a terrible.

Speaker 4 (45:13):
It could be terrible. It could be amazing amazing, could
be the best sex you've ever had.

Speaker 1 (45:16):
You could be more satisfied than you are when you
have a mcflurry with everything in caramel sauce. It could
blow your mind. But two things here. One probably shouldn't
shit where you eat. I will eat where you shit,
whichever way you want to do that totally shit. Yeah,
I know that he's leaving and that's great, but you
still have six or seven months that you're going to
be working together every single day. It's probably more likely

(45:39):
not going to work out than it would work out
knowing that, so you've got to think about that. You
are going to go with each other every day, you're
going to be in the same environment. And the other
thing is more times than not, and I hate saying
this because it's not a blanket statement, but more times
are not women.

Speaker 4 (45:54):
It's also a chemical thing. It's science.

Speaker 1 (45:56):
We do catch feelings like we do have an endorphin release.
We do start to feel safe and connected when we're
intimate with someone. On top of this, you're seeing him
not only intimately, but you'd be seeing.

Speaker 4 (46:06):
Him at work in the day as well.

Speaker 1 (46:08):
So a lot of your day is going to be
spent thinking about this person, seeing them and connecting with them.
It's highly likely you're going to catch feelings, and you've
been the first person to say I don't know if
I'll catch them, probably going to catch them. Then you're
going to be either heartbroken and disappointed when he leaves,
or it's going to end worse earlier than that.

Speaker 3 (46:25):
I agree with you.

Speaker 2 (46:26):
The only thing is is, obviously this question has been
written in because there's already something going on. You don't
just don't don't just go Should I have friends with
benefits of a relationship with this person that's never shown
me any interest like you?

Speaker 3 (46:38):
Obviously, No, I don't.

Speaker 4 (46:39):
Reckon they're hooking up yet, but I think that they're flirting. Yeah,
she knows she could.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
There's definitely something going on here. I guess my big
thing with any friends with if you know absolutely that
he is not going to return that feeling, and you
know there's an end date to this, it has a
expiration date, you got to get really honest with yourself
because if you know that, you're not sure how you're
gonna emotionally handle it. I'm not saying don't do it,

(47:03):
Like it could be really fucking fun and like especially
if you're if you're in your twenties, these are the
years to do some shit that really stretches your emotional capacity.
But I would say, really put boundaries on what you
are and aren't okay with around for yourself. You know,
I don't mean sit down with him and put boundaries
in place for him. I mean, this is where it's at.
You mean, if you do have sex with him, don't

(47:26):
stick around for like the day of hanging out afterwards, Like,
don't go out for lunch and do the cutesy shit
thing that would entail feeling like you're in a relationship
with them, because he might want to do that stuff
with you. Knowing full well that he's going away in
six months time. Be really conscious that this is just sex,
because you could very easily get carried away in this situation.

Speaker 3 (47:46):
What I would do, because you would you, I know
what you would do. You would fuck him.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
You would have a six month relationship with him, and
then you would continue dating him when he moved overseas.

Speaker 3 (47:54):
That's what you would do, Brian.

Speaker 4 (47:56):
Highly likely. Yes, if I was you right now, this
is what i'd do. I'd bang him.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
I'd hook up with him, go out, see how it is.
Begging once, don't make it friends with benefits, banging once.

Speaker 4 (48:05):
Then the next day test.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
The water, be like, well, last night was pretty crazy, right,
better not do that again.

Speaker 4 (48:12):
Hey, And then Sue said, if he's keen to keep going, he's.

Speaker 1 (48:18):
Going to let you know. If not, you've got it.
Out of your system. Like he's a man, He's going
to let you know if he wants to keep banging
one hundred percent. You're not going to be left with
any sort of confusion, or you might decide it's not
for you as well. But if you don't, I think
I'm a big like living the moment.

Speaker 4 (48:33):
I really am. And I don't want to encourage this
too much, but I want to.

Speaker 3 (48:36):
Encourage it just a little bit.

Speaker 4 (48:37):
You're going to probably lose sleep about it.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
If you're thinking about hooking up with this guy so
much that you're writing into us, then go and do it,
but just enter it with cautious purity.

Speaker 2 (48:47):
Is he's the forbidden fruit, right, He's that person, And
you're like, oh, you're probably probably not particularly getting a
lot of work done anyway because you're probably thinking about
him regardless, or you have this flirty chemistry happening at work.

Speaker 3 (48:57):
Great, it's amazing.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
I just look, you know what as well, I'm going
to say have some self preservation here. I'm going to
say just go into it using your head, but also
and your cervix. And yeah, definitely grip down hard with
your cervix. But the other thing is and I'm gonna
guess from this that you're younger because you've said, you know,
you don't know how you're going to emotionally handle it

(49:20):
because you've never been in this situation before.

Speaker 3 (49:22):
That's an assumption. Maybe you aren't.

Speaker 2 (49:24):
You just have never had a friends with benefits relationship yet.
But I think that there are things that we kind
of need to try in life and see how we're
going to go. And I don't think that you can
live your life avoidant on any type of situation, whether
it be sexual, whether it be friends with benefits, for
fear of getting committed or having some sort of, you know,

(49:45):
emotional reaction that you aren't able to control. It's great
that you're conscious of that, but don't limit your ability
to have experiences or relationships in life because you're afraid
of the feelings that you might have. But I think
coming back to the big, big one, and that is
that this is obviously within a workplace for you. Rather
than focusing on whether you can emotionally handle it, I

(50:05):
think you should really focus on how will or could
this impact your work?

Speaker 3 (50:09):
And is that something that you're okay with?

Speaker 2 (50:11):
Is this like you work in a bar and you
know it's kind of fine, and everyone hooks up with
people that they work with. Are you a lawyer and
do you work in an office space where a inter
you know, workplace relationship could really fuck your ability to
be taken seriously. I think that that is what I
would be focusing more on, rather than can you emotionally
handle the fact that he's going away in six months.

Speaker 1 (50:30):
Only other thing I want to add is that you
said you are scared of getting rejected.

Speaker 4 (50:35):
I wish we could.

Speaker 3 (50:36):
Reject him first.

Speaker 1 (50:36):
Yeah, yeah, get the first, lure him in, and then
shut him down.

Speaker 3 (50:41):
Make him know that this is not going away.

Speaker 4 (50:42):
Why are you in my bedroom?

Speaker 3 (50:43):
I still here?

Speaker 4 (50:44):
Why are you in me?

Speaker 3 (50:46):
No, don't say that, get in out go No.

Speaker 1 (50:48):
What I want to say is I'd love to try
and take the fear away, especially in dating, but as
a whole, the fear away of rejection. As humans, it's
so ingrained in us that rejection is negative.

Speaker 4 (50:59):
And I guess that's because it's obviously rejection made. You've
gone for something and you haven't got what you wanted
at the end of the day. But rejection doesn't have
to be that bad. Like if you think there are
a billion people in the world. There's way more than that.

Speaker 1 (51:10):
But if there's a billion people in the world, not
every single person that you have an interest in, or
every job that you go for is going to be
for you and going to be right for you, and
you don't have to take that so personally, I think
if you just take it more top line like shot,
my shot didn't work out, move on, So don't be
scared of it's for me. It's so much better to
go after something that you want and get a know

(51:32):
than it is to never go after what you want
because it's still a no, but you'll never know.

Speaker 4 (51:36):
Say no again another time.

Speaker 3 (51:37):
I don't know?

Speaker 4 (51:38):
Do you you don't know? Do you know?

Speaker 1 (51:40):
That? Is it from us?

Speaker 4 (51:41):
Guys? Please you know? Send the questions in to Life
Uncut podcast Instagram. Just put ask on cut at the.

Speaker 1 (51:46):
Top and while you're there, do you have an accidentally
unfiltered throw it in?

Speaker 4 (51:50):
An embarrassing story?

Speaker 1 (51:51):
Maybe an ask Uncut aftermath, like a follow up to
something we've done.

Speaker 4 (51:54):
We want to hear them all.

Speaker 2 (51:55):
If you've enjoyed the episode, go and subscribe wherever you listen.

Speaker 3 (51:59):
It's on Apple pop Cast a little plus button in

Speaker 1 (52:01):
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Ask Uncut - The Challenges of Long Distance Relationships

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ask Uncut - The Challenges of Long Distance Relationships