April 19, 2023 • 47 mins
Hey lifers,
Ever wanted to be frightened to death to a proposal?
Neither! But this guy thought it was the perfect, romantic plan!
Vibes and unsubscribes for this week:
Laura vibe- Country Road bike shorts
Britt Unsubscribe - Coachella
Then we jump into your deep, dark and dirty questions:
1. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. However, I often think about the time I slept with his younger brother one drunken night, only 2 weeks before my boyfriend and I started seeing each other. I don’t know if my boyfriend knows this happened, I certainly haven’t told him and I’m unsure if his younger brother has either. Do I tell my boyfriend about the one time we slept together? I’m not sure how he’d react and if he finds out later down the track… but given he may already know, is the fact neither of us have ever brought it up weird?
2. I’ve been with my partner for 6 years and we have a 12-month-old. Today he had a serious talk with me about being present and my phone usage. He works full time and I’m the primary caregiver. When he gets home, I get to have a break, so I enjoy my time going on tik tok and Instagram. I feel all the mum guilt right now. Am I being a shit mum? How do I approach this?
3. There is a girl that I used to be quite good friends with. Not best friends, but close. Her and I had a falling out about a year ago. It resulted in me blocking her on social media because of some really nasty things I found out she had said about me. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for about a year and a half now. I’m having blood tests and trying to work out why my partner and I can’t seem to fall pregnant. Over the weekend, I saw some mutual friends post that this girl I used to be friends with was pregnant. They were at what looked like an early baby shower for her.
I am livid. To the point where I understand it’s possibly irrational but I can’t help how I feel. It is the only thing I have been able to think about. I’m so angry that this person who was horrible to me seems to get to have the one thing I want most in the world. Do you have any advice on how I get over this jealousy? I’m a mess and I don’t feel like I can say this to any of my friends because I understand how horrible it is that I am reacting this way.
If you have a question you'd like us to answer, send it over to our Instagram DMs.
Join the Facebook group
Follow us on Tiktok
And tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love! xx
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose
lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their
elders past and present.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on de rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome
back to another episode of Life on Cut. I'm Laura,
I'm Brittany, and this is ask gun Cart where we
(00:29):
answer or your deep you're dark and your dirty questions.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
We both this morning have sounded better. We have been
having like an asthmaic coffee.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
How cute is it that we all have asthma still
as like full grown adults.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I don't think it's asthma. I don't think I've ever
had asthma. But I've had this thing in my throat
for like ten days and I can't It's seamen.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Yeah, stuck, stuck for dear life, dripping down still, that's
what happens. No, that is not what it is. But
I can't clean. I'm not sorry. No, don't be sorry
for me. I'm great, airways open. Apologize to do a
salt water flush. You'll be fine. I've done everything. I've gurgled.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I've just dreamed like I've better than gargled. I've done
the salt, I've done the lemon.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
I don't know what it is. It's called being sick.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
I wonder if I've been really jet lagged right the
last couple of days. But I think I'm moving past
jet lag having insomnia like I cannot sleep.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
No, I think you've just moved past jet lag and
you're moved into being old. And that's what happens when
we get our late thirties. I thought more no, less broken. Sleep,
not as good, not as thorough.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Grandparents sleep all the time, like they nap all day,
but they have to get out like five times a
night just to pee.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Do you know what? Speaking of speaking of sleeping, do
you know why I am tired all the time? Because
my three year old Molly gets into bed with us
every night, right like she still does it. She's been
doing it since she was like one and a half.
She'll just climb out of her bed to come, and
it's like maybe two in the morning. She climbs into bed,
and she's super daddy orientated, so she always wants to
cuddle dad and kick me in the tit And that
(02:07):
happens about right, Yeah, over and over and over. But
now she started doing this new thing. So not only
does she want to cuddle down and be like affectionate
towards him at night time and get like you like
be right in the spoon with him and kick me
in the tit, she'll come around to my side of
the bed and instead of like just climbing in being
like a normal child, she just stands there like a
(02:29):
tombstone until I wake up screaming, because like she'll just
like touch me a little bit or stroke my cheek
or like play with my hair, and it until caress
to wake you up. And then there's just this figure
in the dark standing there ominously over me, staring down
at me like Chucky the grudge or something I feel
like other Mumsey, No, she's awake, cause she's fucking petrifying. No,
(02:51):
but I'm being honest.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
She could be asleep because I used to do that
and I was asleep. That's quite a sleepwalking thing. You
look awake, you can talk, but you're sleep.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
She's awake and she's standing there with a knife trying
to terrorize me.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
It's not but she could be sleepwalking because I used
to do that all the time. I caught mom and
dad having sex on the lounge once when I was
a child. I don't remember it, but they've told me because.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
I stood there.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I walked in and stood there looking at them, and
they just stopped and they were like, oh my god,
we've been sprung. This is gonna cost us so much
in therapy for the next twenty years.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
And I apparently just toook at my eyes up and staring.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
At them, and then they were like, sweetie, is everything okay?
And then I said to them, if Mitch kills me,
can I kill him back? Mitch is my brother. And
then they realized that I must have been asleep. They're like,
why would your brother kill you? And I just said,
if he kills me, can I kill him back?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
And they were like sure, And I just went back
to bed. Never remembered it, but I look away. Do
you know what that actually is called? That's a repressed memory.
That's trauma. If you go and have my brother tried
to kill me, no, that you watched your parents having
sex and then your brain was like can't commute. If
you went and had hypnotherapy, that's the stuff that would
come out. They would be like, oh, remember that time
you saw your parents doing dogging on the couch. That's
(04:04):
what that is. No, I wasn't doggy. I think it
was missionary. No, I think mum was on top dad.
But that no one needs to know that, right, that's good. Yeah,
the producer Geche doesn't need that. Everyone needs that image.
Here's a thought.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Could be on my own thinking or not thinking, but
knowing my parents have sex does not bother me.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Nah, neither.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Like I know a lot of people are like, oh
my god, I couldn't think of anything worse. Knowing my
parents have sex makes me happy because I'm like, great,
they've been married forty five years.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
I'm stoked they're still happy. You are probably alone with this,
but you know, it does bother me. Walking in on
my mum in a sixty niner that's what does bother me.
And that is still sid into my brain.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Which actually explains a lot of it.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
He was on top and he was on the bottom. No,
we know how everything that was us to the doorway.
Think of it like that.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
I think I was about ten, and I still really
every so often when I'm in the depths of my trauma,
that image recalls to my brain. I saw her came from.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Why images don't come to mind, which means I'm not
post from anyway.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
We do not need to talk about our parents having
speaks anymore. This is fine, Sorry, mum. She never listens
to the podcast Haws. She ever listened? No, she doesn't anymore.
I think I said a few things early on and
she was like, not for me.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
We'll say hi to Big Tony because my dad listens
to every episode.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
So I had to add, and I hope you're still
getting written into the sunset there. Don't get it dead,
get it okay?
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Well, speaking of love, speaking of being happily married, I
want to say that most not all, but most women
at some point, from when they're a young girl to
a teenager to the early twenties to whenever.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
At some point, I feel like women dream of the
day they'll get married. They imagine it, the proposal, who
it's going to be, what it's going to look like.
I feel like I thought about it probably once, but
it's been thirty five years, so I've let it go,
so like not go think about anymore.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
But if it happened, stoked.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
But it's one of those things that I don't know,
if you were the same lord. But everyone thinks about
their proposal. Everyone thinks about like whether or not you
want to get married or not. There's been a point
in your childhood where you've thought about it, because we're
brought up around this very you know, traditional idea that
you get a white dress, you get married, and it's
all lovely and beautiful, and your whole family's there, piket fans, yea,
four kids, You talk about it, whether here someone I mean,
(06:22):
I think there's different types of people.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Some people like really really think about it, and then
some people like that might happen. Probably never.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Oh people have I know friends that have whole what
to call that skin board?
Speaker 2 (06:33):
See, I don't even know that pinboard and they're not
even engaged yet. I've never had a pinterest.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
People that have pinterests their entire life, and you know,
they've got kids names, they've got their wedding dress and
their venues, and they haven't even had a boyfriend. Fine,
that's fine. Sure we're not gonna yuck eat someone's crazy young.
It's good to have goals, yeah, drink, it's good to manifest. Well,
the only time I thought about it was when I
almost got married to the sociopath because he was marrying
(06:58):
someone else. I have not thought about it again, you know,
like that just sort of took away the specialness. Yeah, yeah,
when you're not the only one.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
But I want to tell you about this kidnapping. I
don't know if you've heard about it, Laura, but no,
everyone's heard about it. Yeah, everyone who's looked at the
news the last couple of days. It's ae that haven't.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
There's a man that's gone above and beyond for the
quote unquote ultimate proposal. He's actually a Sydney man. He's Australian.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Adam ritsk Is. His name. Doesn't surprise me, to be honest.
That's from Sydney.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Yeah, it's such an Australian man thing to do. He
went on holiday with his lovely partner to Lebanon. He
decided to surprise her there with a proposal. But what
he did, for some unknown reason, he thought it would
be a good idea to stage a carjacking in Lebanon.
So they're in the car and all of a sudden,
the car gets carjacked, she gets taken out, she gets blindfolded,
(07:50):
there's a knife, there's these men yelling that she's been kidnapped.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
This is Lebanon.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
She is petrified. This is all on footage, petrified. They're
driving for a long time. She doesn't know where they're
going because she can't see. She can't or she can
hear his men bumpy dirt road. They finally pull up
to a destination and it's rocky gravel and they're pushing
her along the road. She's literally fearing for her life.
This is I don't know how long this has gone
on for, but it's it's not quick.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
It's a problem. I think she has been fucking kidnapped.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
The woman thinks she's about to die, and I don't
blame her. I would feel the same. And when I
watched the video, I was like, she's gonna die, Like
this is a proper kidnapping.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
So they walk her down this gravel road.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
When she thinks her life is over, they rip her
blindfold off, and instead of there being a kidnapper that's
gonna be ahead her or something, there is her partner
on one knee.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
With a proposal.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
He's staged the whole kidnapping and was like, psych, you're
not gonna die.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
It's me and I want to marry you. I am
laughing at this. And the reason why I'm laughing at
this is not because it's funny. It's very serious. It's
absolutely outrageous. I have a lot of feelings about it,
and I'm sure I ran in a little bit. The
reason why I'm laughing is because I knew dating in
Sydney was fucked. I knew that it was hard to
find a good man, but I didn't think it was
this hard.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Do you know what makes it worse? It gets worse.
Surely you think, all right, this has got to be
Like he's in Lebanon. He's had a last minute, spontaneous
idea like this could be fun.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Let me just quickly organize this in ten minutes. This
was like you didn't think it through. Like it's one
of those things that you you think it's gonna be
a good idea and you do it on a whim
and then you're like.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Huh, I youel like I wish I sat on that
and thought about it. Yeah, three months he planned this.
He also planned it with his sister. So this has
gone through multiple people and a large amount of time
has gone by. There's been a lot of times that
this could have been shut down, but they thought it
was a brilliant idea. And you know what, the even
crazier part is she said yes, Yeah, but to be fair,
(09:49):
yes to the kidnap.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
To be fair, I've been in relationships where I so
wanted them to propose to me. Is I probably would
have said yes too in the past. Not anymore. I'm
not saying it's a good thing. I'm saying, like, deeply flawed.
So stop doing fucking proposals for Instagram? Oh what are
you doing that for? Like? Are you doing that for
clicks on TikTok? Are you doing that for people to
like get a viral download? You haven't thought, hmm, what's
(10:10):
the way to really mark this engagement? What's the best
way that's going to be super special that we can
look back on and used to come, Ah, I will
kidnap her and make her petrified for her life trauma bond. Yes.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
I just couldn't believe it. And I'm all for pranks.
And he came out and said, you know, we like
to prank each other. We often prank each other. Hide
behind the kitchen door and jump out and scan them.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Don't kidnap them with a knife and three strange men.
Maybe she said yes because she was so relieved that
it was him at the end, like she genuinely thought
she was so close to a near death experience that
the only reasonable thing to come out of her mouth
was like, oh my god, thank god, it's you. And
then he interpreted that as a ye, yes. Do you
think she was probably like, yes, I'm not being kidnapped.
(10:52):
I'm just like yes, yes, yes, no, okay. But the
thing that's even wilder is that. So since this has happened,
obviously it's garnered a massive amount of views cross social media,
which is why everyone's talking about it, which is what
makes me think that this is the whole reason why
it was done in the first place. But she's gone
on to say so her name is Vanessa. She's gone
on to upload photos from her engagement, and she says
(11:14):
it was a dream come true. It was a dream
come true, which also makes me think maybe they're just
into some fucking weird kinks. Nah, maybe she likes it.
Maybe she's really into BDSM like ming Pata took it
one step further.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, I think she's convinced herself that it was the
best day of a line.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Adam's sister also said Adam always joked that he wanted
to propose to Vanessa in a way to scare her,
and my family joined in and made it possible when
she was visiting family in Lebanon. They always play pranks
on each other, so it's just their relationship. There's a limit.
There is still a limit.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
There's a line, and you crossed it big time.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Oh my god, what would you do? I would say no,
I'm not kidding.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
I'd say no, and I would It's hard to know
because you're not in it, but I reckon I would
break up with him.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
I'd probably get back together with him.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
But I'd be like, if you think this is normal, Like,
if you think this is how I wanted this to
go down After ten years, they've been together for ten years,
and he still thought this was.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
A good idea. I genuinely look back on my past
relationships and think, there have been times in my life
where I so desperately wanted to be married. It was terrible,
bad relationships, trauma, toxic, so you just want I reckon
that if someone had done it, I would have been like, oh,
at least they proposed, Like, at least I'm now getting married.
Shows he loves me. It means he actually loves me.
(12:32):
I would have convinced myself that that was like a
good thing. I actually feel like I'm the opposite. Yeah,
I mean, I was pretty crazy in my twenties. I
wouldn't recommend it.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
And Ben, if you listening to this, do not take
me to Levenon, do not kidnap me, and do not
pretend that my life is over.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
I don't think he was ever gonna do that. I
get a really strong feeling that you've made that pretty clear. Anyway,
before we get into answering your questions, I have a
vibe today. I don't know if it's a hot take,
but I'm gonna tell you anyway because I'm fucking loving them.
So I find it really hard to get bike shorts.
This sounds dumb, but bear with me. My legs look
like you know when you buy two sausages and they're
(13:06):
still connected. That's what bike shorts do to my legs.
They just cut me in the middle and sucking around
a ring, and then my legs like billow out below
the bottom of it. That is not accurate. It's because
I'm thin, but I'm not toned. There's no tone to
these legs. They're just soft, and so bike shorts cut
in in the middle.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
See what you're saying is you found some non sausage
bike pants.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
You've only seen me in a pair of bike shorts
that you can't actually wear exercising, like soft bike shorts
from I actually think i've seen your bike pants once
in life. You know, you've seen in those cream ones
that are from Zuloff ribbed ones, which you can't exercise
in them because your bum falls out the back.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
No, I wouldn't call them bike pants.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Yeah, they're fashion okay, but then yeah, I bought bike
shorts and they're freaking great. And if you're someone who
feels like a sausage when you put them on. And
I don't mean, I don't know between the podcast, don't
name drop. No, it's country road Country road bike shorts there, Yes,
And that's why it's my vibe because I walked in
there it was unsuspecting I saw them on the shelf.
It was actually I was at the airport and I
(14:01):
was going to something where I needed to wear active
where and I'd forgot to pack it, and I was like,
would have been Rockhampton. No, it was something that was
being shot and I was like, okay, I'll get them,
it's jeopardy. And then I put them on and they
were amazing, seamless, straight down the thigh.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Are they actual exercise bike pants?
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I did the exercise in them, and I think it
went well. I love that for you. Yeah, so who
would have thought country road bike shorts for exercise where
if you are somebody who finds the bike shorts always
cut you in the middle of the thigh, Okay, I
always get a cameltoe. Yeah, No, No, camelto like kind
of a bit reinforced. You need the ones that have
a bit of not that it's battered in the middle,
but it's just a bit thicker in the middle. For
(14:39):
anyone who actually has a LaBier.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Well, I also think when we're talking about camelto's like
it's a natural part, there's nothing wrong with it. But
some people are more prone to them than others.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
But it's literally women with labiers. No.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
I think the reason I get them is because I
like high waist and I have quite a long torso,
so for bike pants to get to my high waist,
they just jack up a bit, do you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
So I think that's why I just think some of
us have medium muffs, and it's fine, that's my problem.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
That's true, lots of different musks, but mine's definitely.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
We love to call it that someone's gonna get angry.
So someone's going to write to us right now and
say it's evolva I have we know.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I haven't said mums since I was about twelve, so okay, fourteen,
All right, let's not call it that then.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Anyway, what's your vibe?
Speaker 1 (15:22):
I didn't have one, but I have a big unsubscribe.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Oh yes she is.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
This is probably the biggest unsubscribed that there is, and
I don't think you can actually do it.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Oh instead of recommending something you're angry this week, I
really want it like.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
An a controversial but I want to unsubscribe from Coachella.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
It is.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
I do not want to see one more thing of Cochella.
Not because I'm jealous, not because I have fomo, because
I feel like it's gotten to the point where it's
changed and it.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Is so performative.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
There are people coming out, They are all these stories now,
like it's just clogging my feet and I don't want
to look at anymore. But there are people coming out
and saying that loads of people fake going to Coachella.
They don't go, and you can tell when they don't
have the wristbands. They do the whole thing. They get
dressed up, they pretend they're there, they photoshop them in,
they do all this stuff and they're not even there.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Wait, are they actually in the country or they're just
standing in front of a green screen at Crichello I
think a to be but no.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
A lot of people go, but they don't go in
the gates, and other people just take photos dressed up,
pretending they're somewhere with like a plain background.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
But that's the same as fashion week, fashion Week in Sydney,
Mercedes Fashion Week, whatever it's called. Now. You go there
and there's influencers out the front taking photos, but they're
not going to the shows. They're just standing at carriage works.
Coachella is a giant carriage works. Wow.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
I love people having fun fun, But for me, I
don't sure. It's just my ANSWER's crime this week. I
want to just like I wish I could type in
the hashtag Coachella and then mute it for this week.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
That's all. I'm just I feel the grumpy.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I'm just probably old and grumpy because I'm not sleeping.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I feel the same when it's Burning Man. I feel
the same when it's Coachella. I feel the same when
it's Fashion Week. Anything that kind of like clogs your
feet and takes it by storm. And I get it.
I get the people go to Burning Man and they
have life altering experiences because they took mushrooms for a
week and they feel like they're enlightened and they look amazing.
These festivals look amazing. They do, they do. But I
also think a lot of these things now half it's
(17:14):
for the experience and half of it's for Instagram.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Well, another girl put up I just saw this this morning,
and influencer put up how ludicrously expensive food and stuff
is there? And she put up a photo of what
she bought a cost her seventy bucks sixty eight dollars,
and it was like scraps. It looks like you picked
something up off the ground that someone else has eaten.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
And you know what, maybe this is me. I think
it is, do you know I? Because if you went
to Coachella, you'd be posting the shit out of it,
So I think it's you.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Maybe one day I'll tick it off maybe it's not
even on my bucket list, but maybe I was supposed
to go last year.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Do you remember that? And then you would have been
someone you hate?
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Remember a guy asked me on a date from here
to Coachella, who's gonna fly me on a prep plane?
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Why didn't you go?
Speaker 1 (17:56):
I thought, I don't even usually do dinner on a
first date, so flying to Coachella was pretty big.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
All right, let's get into answering these questions. Question number one, Now, Britain,
I have different feelings about this. My boyfriend and I
have been together for three years. Three years. Keep that
in mind, he's thirty six months. Is it? That was good?
That was good? Mass real fidding more? Bumpum did not
(18:24):
do masks or he's got a calculator? Actually, Like, I
need to confirm. I stopped maths when I was in
year ten. I was like, I'm never going to use
this shit and I never had three years? Is well, okay,
I'd have to do you know how I'd have to
count that up. I'd have to go ten, ten, ten,
and then six. You wouldn't go. That's how I would
count it. I wouldn't go twelve, twenty four, thirty six
no that like my brain's having an aneurysm. I have
to go. I have to break it down ten ten,
(18:46):
ten six. I still count sit on my hands. That's
going to make some people feel better about themselves. Counting
is not It's not something that I excel at, and
I'm okay with it all right here. It is. My
boyfriend and I have been together for thirty six months.
He's the best thing that's ever had than to me,
and I know one day we will be married. However,
I often think about the time I slept with his
younger brother one drunken night dum, only two weeks before
(19:09):
my boyfriend and I started seeing each other. I don't
know if my boyfriend knows that this even happened. I
certainly haven't told him, and I'm unsure if his younger
brother has either. It was a one night thing, and
the brother and I have never spoken about it since.
We have also remained really great friends, and I now
feel I am a part of their family. My question
is do I tell my boyfriend about the one time
(19:34):
I fucked his brother. I'm not sure how he would
react if he was to find out later down the track,
but given he may already know is the fact neither
of us have ever brought it up. Weird, don't It's
been three years, it's been thirty six months. Stop stop
walking you are You are ruminating in your thoughts. Some
(19:57):
things just need to go to the grave. You left
it pove loong and he does not need to know.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Disagree, No, disagree in the fact of I don't think
he needs to know now. But what I'm feeling from
this is you're obviously thinking about this a lot like
this is on your mind. It's been thirty six months,
and you are constantly worried about if he knows, which
is fair. I would think that too every day. If
I was in your situation, I would be like, is
(20:22):
today the day? Did he find out yesterday? If you've
had a fight and he's off you for something you
don't know, you're like, oh my god, as his brother
said something, has someone else said something, has a third
party said something. There is a chance that this will
come out there one hundred percent is a chance.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
And I think if it ever happens, you like play
the fifth, I don't even know that's that. Don't If
you plead it, you plead it, or you say you
have amnesia, you don't remember. Just to a Harrison from APS,
I can't remember. I must played the fifth Yeah, I'm sorry,
I don't remember so long ago. Speak about that, or
if it passes the ten in your mark, you can
pretend it's like your tax and just say you didn't
keep the receipts. I don't remember. No, because you can
(20:58):
go to prison for that. Noe. No, you can't up
ten years gone.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Let's be okay, here we go. This is serious, is it?
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (21:05):
This is her life on the light.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
I think what I would do in this situation the
sensible thing to do, because I'm gonna say that if
your partner finds out about it, you've gotta know about it.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
I think he's.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Gonna bring it up like you're gonna have a combo.
What I would do is probably go and speak to
the brother. Only if you're that concerned and you feel
like you can't sleep another wink and you have anxiety
every day, because that's a horrible feeling, and it is
is today the day something's going to happen. It's a
horrible feeling. I'd speak to the brother. Not ideal, but
I would be like, yo, bro in law, do you
(21:37):
plan on ever talking to your brother about this, I'd
just say your feelings. I would just say, like, I'm
really anxious about it. You didn't do anything wrong, you
slept with h before you with the brother. But there
is a level now of you've kept a pretty big
secret for thirty six months.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
If I was with my partner for.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Thirty six months and he then had said, oh I
had found out, Like, you know, I've got to clear
the air. I slept with sheriff and two weeks before
I was with you, and everyone knew that except me
for those six months. I don't want to say i'd
break up because I don't know if that's the answer.
Bit to lie and betrayal from a your family member
and be your partner is pretty pretty humongous.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
What if the brother doesn't remember either, Hember? What if
he doesn't remember? What if she then goes, hey, remember
that time we had sex and he's like, oh my god,
it was you, And then he tells the brother. What
if that happens are.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
He remembers, I think if it would have been the
best sex of his life.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Yeah, obviously, my only worry is if nobody's talking about it,
if it's been three years and you start to bring
up things from the past and having conversations with the
brother or whatever, start talking about it. It could bring
it to the surface, and it could make it front
of mine, and it could make the brother want to
talk about it. Maybe they go out, they have a
few beers, and then he decides to share that information.
(22:52):
I actually think it's very deceptive to go to the
brother and say, hey, are you going to tell him
or not get that information and then be like, it's
our secret to have. I think that's even worse because
then you're in on a lie. You're in on a
secret that you have already in on a line but
it's not been spoken about that you're conspiring with the
brother to then purposely keep a lie. My thought is,
(23:13):
if it comes up down the track because the brother
does decide to talk about it, you can at least
be honest. You can say I have never ever ever
spoken to your brother about it since it happened. I'm
sorry I didn't bring it up. There was never a
good time to bring up the conversation of I fucked
your brother before we were together, and once I fell
(23:33):
in love with you, I was so frightened that you
wouldn't want to be with me because of it. I
think it is worse to go and speak to the brother,
to conspire on a lie and to then not tell
your partner than what it is to continue just keeping
it the way it is currently. That is more deceptive
and that is eviler. I agree with you.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
What you're missing here is the fact that she's extremely uncomfortable.
She thinks she needs to get over it or talk
to if she's got anxiety. Yeah, there you go, there's
your talks to boyfriend. She's got anxiety and she's worried
about it. So you can't just live a life like
that like you. She has to make a decisions.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Go speak to a therapist about it, don't go and
speak to the brother. This is my honest opinion. I
don't think you should speak to your current boyfriend about
it since you've been together for three years. I think
it's going to create a lot of problems, which really
sometimes the past can just be in the past, especially
if there isn't an overlap. But I just don't think
speaking to the brother about it is the right thing
to do to your current partner. So if you have
(24:26):
anxiety about it, I'll go and book a consultation with
a therapist to talk through it.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
But that's not going to help the anxiety because the
anxiety is her wondering if it's going to come up,
and if he already knows, that's the question, is it
going to come up? Because the thing that I think
about is there is not a guy. I don't care
what anyone says. There is not a guy in the
history of time that will have sex with someone and
not tell someone else someone, No one ever. No guy
takes sex to the grave ever, especially when it's a
secret as big as your brother's girlfriend. Sorry guys, he's
(24:54):
told someone someone knows about that, then that's someone that
knows about it.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
They don't keep that sort of secret. This is big shit.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
So what if one time in the future they have
a conversation and it slips out. I think that's what
the anxiety is, and that's where my anxiety would be.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
I don't think you should speak to the boyfriend right now.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
I know that's not what I'm saying, But if you
are that concerned in this situation, there's not really any
I don't believe there's any good answer, Like there's nothing.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
That is easy for sure, you left it too long.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Yeah, you're thirty, you're ten plus ten perst ten plus six.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
But I don't personally like the advice of going and
speaking to the brother and kind of getting from him
and sussing that out, because even as you say, Britt,
maybe someone else knows. Maybe that information is never going
to come from the brother, Maybe it's going to come
from the brother's friend. I worry that doing that creates
even more of a triangulation in the relationship. It creates
a purposeful secret. It's not just a secret that has happened.
(25:50):
I agree where you've all ignored the elephant in the room.
It creates real, purposeful deceit against your current partner, and
I don't like that.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
What you could do is just played this episode in
the background and let him hear it, like, oh my god,
what would you do?
Speaker 2 (26:04):
And then be like, imagine if I had slept with
your brother, what do you think would be the best outcome?
What would you do in the situation? And then see
what he's saying.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Clear speaking, if this were us and that was Bobby.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
It's really hard. On the look, there isn't a clear
cut answer, because if we were going to be the
moral take the moral high ground. The clear cut answer
would be to sit down have a conversation with your
boyrid We don't take the high ground, but we're also
realistic that sometimes there are things that happen in relationships
prior to relationships that information. Like if your boyfriend receives
(26:38):
that information now and he's not being privy to it,
and you decide to make a great, big, grand deal
about it and sit him down and talk about it,
it's going to be something that he has to overcome.
It could fundamentally affect your relationship. Do you want that?
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I do agree though, that if the time comes, for
whatever reason, whether you decide to speak to your brother,
whether it comes out at any stage, play fifth.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Plead, the fifth stop playing, play the fifth plead.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
It do what Laura said, which was just be really
honest and say like it happened before I met you,
and then I just felty hard and there was no
coming back and I didn't want to lose you, and
then all of a sudden, thirty six months in the past,
like just explain it like that and beg.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
It meant nothing. It meant nothing, and you know, I mean,
it's so hard because sometimes we do things in our
past that affect what we want in the future without
doing anything wrong, you know, like without ever stepping a
foot out of place. You having sex with the brother
two weeks before is just hugely unfortunate timing and you
(27:35):
have done absolutely nothing wrong. So I just don't think
you need to wear the level of anxiety or where
the level of stress, or feel as though you're living
in this huge amount of deceit because you're not. I
understand he would want to know. I understand like I
would want to know if Matt had had sex with
my sister, I'd feel like that was a betrayal. But
the thing is is like the relationship, I don't know. Fuck,
(27:57):
it's so put yourself in that per relationship.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Matt came out now and said I wouldn't want to
know now, but I not want to know. Yeah, okay,
you don't want to know, but someone's told you you know,
wouldn't you feel the ultimate betrayal?
Speaker 2 (28:10):
It's such a tricky one. You wouldn't be like youte,
guys love that for you. Do you know what? I
would not care as much now as what I probably
would have in the past, obviously, because I'm married, and
my relationship feels very secure. But if Matt was to
turn around and be like, hey, I had sex with
a sister X amount of time before we got together,
(28:31):
you wouldn't care. I would care. I would care. There
would be a part of me the cap. I'm not
going to leave my relationship for it. Well, no, it's not.
The problem's not the sex. It's not talking about who
would you be more mad at. Would be more mad
at your partner or your sister?
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Probably for me, I reckon, I carry yeah sister because
they're my best friends.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Yeah, and I can understand why a partner didn't say
it in the beginning, because they're trying to impress you.
They want to be with you. But I would be
confused as to why my best friend didn't say, Hey,
that guy that you're dating, I also say with him,
just like the time you started dating someone and I
was like, hey, I also slept with him. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Weird that the brother was like, yo, bro, I fucked her.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
He probably has forgotten. He probably forgot. Did not forget.
I've forgotten. Some people have been inside me. They've all
Oh that is so concerned. Okay. Question number two also
has two Okay, anyway. Question number two wrong with you too.
I have never you remember the name of every single
person you've had sex with. Every single one.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
It was two weeks prior. It's not twelve years you two.
Oh my god, question number two. I can't deal with
either of you.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
Okay, question.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
I've been with my partner for six years and we
have a twelve month old. Today he had a serious
talk with me about being present and how much I
use my phone. He works full time and I'm the
primary caregiver. When he gets home, I get to have
my break, so I enjoyed my time going on TikTok
and Instagram and just scrolling.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
I'm really feeling the mum guilt? Now?
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Am I being a shit mum? How do I approach
this conversation? I mean, you're the mum here.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I know you're not being a shit mum. I think like, okay,
let's unpack this. Are you on your phone all the
time during the day when you're caring for your child?
Are you using your phone constantly? Is your child constantly
trying to get your attention? Because at every moment when
you're not interacting one on one with them, you're on
your phone. If that's the case, then yeah, absolutely you
(30:21):
need to look at your phone usage. And you know
because kids connect with us, and I know, for example
with Malea Lola, I know when I'm on my like
you could be playing, but really you're like half playing
and you're on your phone. Kids know that you're not
plugged into them. They know that you're not engaging with them,
and they act out when you're doing that. When you're
like half paying them attention but you're obviously more distracted
(30:45):
and more interested in your phone, they feel a sense
of rejection. And I have definitely witnessed that in my kids,
and I'm super conscious about not if I'm giving them
my attention, they get all of it. If I'm on
my phone, my phone gets all of it, and I
go into another room and I don't try and do
the two at the same time. If your partner is
not seeing the mum that you are during the day
(31:05):
when he's at work, and the only time he's seeing
it is when he comes home, and then you're opting
to be on your phone, that doesn't make you bad mum,
of course not. It just means that you're wanting some downtime.
So the solution to this, I think is really simple.
I think the solution is, hey, honey, when you come
home from work, can you take the kids for forty
five minutes. I'm going to go for a walk. You
(31:25):
don't have to go for a walk, just leave the house,
leave the environment, and go and sit in a park
on your phone for forty five minutes. And the reason
for that is is because as long as you're in
the house, as long as you're in the same room
as your kids, your kids are going to want your attention,
and they're going to see that you're on your phone,
and your partner's going to see that you're ignoring them
and you're on your phone. So this issue is being
created by perception more than what you're actually doing. So
(31:47):
I think just take your forty five minutes of alone
time and go and do it outside the house. It
doesn't matter what you do, do pilates, watch TikTok for
forty five minutes. Who fucking cares, But like, really allocate
that time out or do it once kids are in bed.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
I agree, but I don't think you need to leave
the house if you don't want it. Like, you're allowed
to go on your phone at the end of the day.
I'm wondering if when I read this again, I'm wondering
if also your husband might feel like he hasn't seen
you all day either, so he's just.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Gotten home totally and then you're on the phone.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
So I wonder if he's actually like, I want to
connect with you as well, like you're not even talking
to me, you're not listening to me. Whereas because you
are the primary caregiver stabbing the dark here, but he
might not know just how much you're doing all day
every day with the kids, and he might not know
quite what that involves on a mote.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
There's absolutely no way that he knows. That's the thing.
The person who's at work, So and we say this, man,
I say this all the time. Whoever goes to work
and doesn't have the kids has the easier day one
hundred percent of the time because being stuck at home
and I shouldn't say stuck, it's not stuck, but being
at home with children all day every day is unrelenting
(32:51):
and it is extremely exhausting work. It's rewarding. We all
know that, but like we cannot deny that it is
fucking hard to.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Well, that's why I'm thinking that maybe it's a bit
of a b to be so he might not realize
how much you just need a break because he might
not look at it like you've been at work for
the last ten hours, So he might be like you've
just been at home.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
You know, and he wants you. He wants to have
a conversation with you about your day and his day
and connect. But that's also why I say, I think
it's really good to have a conversation about carving out
that forty five minutes or an hour and leaving the house,
because the thing is is everybody sees screen time as
a really negative thing. It doesn't always have to be
a negative thing. Sometimes it is a great way of
(33:31):
just completely disassociating from what's going on around you. It's
a great way to kind of just like, Okay, that's
my downtime, that's my mental literally like my numbing mental meantime.
And it's okay to have those moments. But if your
partner is feeling like he comes into the room then
he asks you a question and you sem me ignore him,
or the kids are asking you things because you're doing
(33:52):
it around them, the easiest way to combat that is
just to go away for forty five minutes and then
you kind of have your cup field. But it's when
you take the break and you go, I'm doing ten
minutes here on my phone, ten minutes here on my phone,
twenty minutes here on my phone, that it seems like
you're never off your phone. That's the problem. If you
do it all through the evening with little chunks, it
(34:13):
gives the perception that all you are is on your phone.
There's also I mean, we might be.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Going off piece here, but there's nothing worse than when
you're talking to someone I'll say a partner now because
we're talking about that, but.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Even a friend, anyone.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
When you're trying to talk to someone and they're on
their phone, and if it's something like even if it's mundane,
it's a problem, but if it's something quite deep and
serious and someone's on their phone, it's so offensive because.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
You're like, are you even listening to what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
So when it's a partner two you haven't seen all
day and someone's trying to talk to you and you're
just looking down like mm hmmmmmmmm, like you're going to
start an argument at some point.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
And that's the thing is though, is that you can't
even get into those deep conversations because when someone's on
the phone, it's such a ball for communication and contact.
Matt and I have a system now in our house
because for me, I work on my phone a lot.
So I am on my phone so often. Yeah, you
both do, yeah, And the reason for that is because
I run my emails, I run Tony May from my phone.
We do all our podcast organization and whatnot from phones.
(35:10):
So like, I'm on my phone so much. And definitely
there has been a time where not so much in
terms of the kids, but in terms of Matt and
my relationship. He has felt a sense of rejection because
I'd be on my phone doing something and he would
ask me a question and I cannot multitask in that way.
Like if I'm doing something on my phone and someone's
talking at me, yeah, you can't. It doesn't go into
my brain. I'm responding, but I'm not actually communicating with them.
(35:35):
So Matt and I now have a system where if
he can see that I'm doing something on my phone,
he'll say, I need to ask you a question. Can
you let me know when I can speak to you?
And then it's a very clear, put the phone down,
and we have a conversation, and then I can go
back to whatever I'm doing. But it's the trying to
multitask and you physically can't, your brain cannot do it,
and so you're giving literally ten percent of yourself to
(35:57):
your partner or to your kids whilst you're scrolling TikTok.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Yeah, And sometimes I think, as like everyone try and
keep this front of mind for the next week. Sometimes
you'll pick your phone up when someone's talking to you.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
You don't even have anything to do.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
Sometimes you're just you'll see the person scrolling or something
on Instagram, and you're like, you're not even urgently doing anything.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
It's just a habit that you pick up your phone
and you're open TikTok. I would actually say that that's
more often than not. We are so conditioned to have
our phone in our hands. We're so conditioned to just
open an app when there's no other stimulus, or if
we've checked out of a conversation for a couple of seconds.
It's so second nature to just be like listen and
scroll at the same time. And I think if you're
(36:38):
really conscious about that behavior, you start to realize just
how frequently, so many people do it. But at the
end of the day, no, you're not being a bad mum.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
You've been a normal human that has worked their us
off all day with their kids, and like any other
normal human, you want to switch your brain off.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
How do we do that?
Speaker 1 (36:53):
We scroll aimlessly on our phone. We do whatever we
want on our phone, So you can totally you're not
doing anything wrong. It's just about fitting in with others
around you.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Can. I also say on this like I think sometimes
because like mum, gil, you can't escape it. You're aways
going to feel it about something. Right now, Someone's always
gonna say something. Yeah, someone's gonna say something that triggers
in you that a fuck. I haven't been doing the
best job I possibly can do. None of us are
doing perfect parenting, not a single person. My parent Dolilah
pree Keisha does too because she has a fifty percent
of the joint. Yeah. But like, guilt is such a
(37:23):
great motivator for changing behavior sometimes as well. So if
you are now that you have thought about it, you're
gonna be so much more conscious about your phone use.
And that doesn't mean that you can't use your phone.
Doesn't mean you're not entitled to Instagram doesn't mean you're
not entitled to sit on social media because God knows
fucking mum's need the downtime more than anyone. It just
means you won't do it around your kids, and that's
great as well. All right, last question. There is a
(37:47):
girl that I used to be quite good friends with
now not best friends, but we were close. Her and
I had a falling out about a year ago. It
resulted in me blocking her on social media because of
some really nasty things I found out she'd been saying
about me. I've been trying to get pregnant for about
a year and a half. Now I'm having blood tests
and I'm trying to work out why my partner and
I can't seem to feel pregnant. Over the weekend, I
(38:09):
saw some mutual friends posts that this girl I used
to be friends with was pregnant. They were at what
looked like an early baby shower for her. I am
fucking livid, to the point where I understand it's possibly irrational,
but I can't help the way I feel. It is
the only thing that I have been able to think about.
I am so angry that this person who was horrible
(38:30):
to me, seems to be able to have the one
thing I want most in the world. Do you have
any advice on how to get over this jealousy? I
am a mess and I don't feel like I can
say this to any of my friends because I understand
how horrible it is that I am reacting this way.
It really sucks. It really sucks. Are you being irrational? Yes?
(38:51):
Are you being irrational? No? I think there's aspects for both.
I understand it's not only irrational is the right word.
The only reason I don't know if irrational is the
right word is because I think when women are overly
sensitive or have strong emotions, we often say irrational, but
you'd never say that about a man who was upset
about something.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Nah, I know what you mean. This is irrational. I
think you're more mad because.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
You hate her.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
It's not just because one of your friends is pregnant,
but it's because you have this hatred of her and
this dislike and it sucks to even see when you're
in that position. It sucks to even see your friends
falling pregnant and you're happy for them. You're so happy
for them, and you are allowed to feel sad at
the same time. But this is hurting you way more
because you hate her. But that's not fair on you.
So you need to try and find a middle ground
(39:37):
where you don't have to be happy for her, but
you've got to try not to let it affect you
so much. You're trying to focus on you right now
and your fertility and falling pregnant. And from what I
have been told from when we've spoken to fertility specialists,
stress can have the craziest effects on your body in
all sorts of mediums, in illnesses, in fatigue, and sleeping,
(39:59):
in fertility. So I don't know how you can get
around this, but I think you really need to block
that out and put your blinders on and just focus
on yourself for the moment. Again, you don't need to
be happy. You can be sad because it fucking sucks,
like you want something so bad and when you feel
like you're doing everything right and it's not falling into
your lap and everyone else is getting what they want.
(40:21):
You know, with what you think and about trying, it's
not fair, like life is not.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
It's not fair. It doesn't follow a linear logical path.
But I mean, I just want to go back to
this thought on irrational because I actually hate the word
in this context. So irrational not logical or reasonable, that's
the definition of it. The feelings that you have are logical,
I think, and are reasonable, and I think you can
give yourself grace to feel the way that you feel,
(40:48):
because you know it's hard enough, like you said, Britt,
to be happy for someone who you love, even though
you know you're gonna love their baby, even though you're
happy for their happiness, you're happy for their fertility when
you're someone who struggle with infertility. It's already hard enough
to be happy for other people alongside your own sadness,
But being happy for somebody who you hate, who has
(41:08):
caused you pain. I think that that is why you
know when you say irrational, that is why you feel
this level of like this is so fucking unfair, And
I think it's okay to feel that way. And yeah,
maybe your friends won't understand it and you don't need
to talk them through it, but it doesn't make you
a bad person because you have those feelings. The only
(41:29):
thing that is the really horrible part of this is
that the way that you feel doesn't affect anybody else.
But you exactly, you are hurting yourself by feeling so hateful,
by feeling so envious, And jealousy is such a shit
emotion because it fires you so much inside, it takes over,
(41:50):
it takes over your mental space or your energy, and
yet everybody else around you is unaffected by it, and
you're living within this fury and you have to live
like that. The person that you're jealous of doesn't and
they don't receive any of that, they don't understand it,
and then it's like the toxicity lives within you only
I think in this instance, I mean, it's so amazing
that you're going you're doing all the fertility treatment stuff,
(42:11):
but I think it's also really really important to go
and do all the mental health stuff that sits alongside it.
Go and speak to a therapist, go and speak to
a counselor speak to your family and friends about how
fertility is affecting you, because I think that once people
around you are very aware of it, they're also more
sensitive and how they have conversations with you about it.
But I mean, I've had two miscarriages, but I've not
(42:32):
struggled with infertility. But I can only imagine how that
affects everything. When the one thing that you want and
you see other people having it, I can only imagine
how that affects your day to day thinking.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
I mean, one of my best friends had what they
call unknown infertility. So they did all the tests and
there was literally the doctors were like, we don't get it,
Like everything's great, levels of great, blood's a great sperms,
great counts, great, you just have something that's called we
can't finger on it. And it was all she wanted.
Like I cannot stress that enough. As long as I
(43:04):
have known her, she was born to be a mum.
And it took them a couple of years of you know,
fertility treatments, and they finally felt pregnant.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
And I was witnessing that.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
I was very close to her, and all of our
other friends were falling pregnant, and so I know firsthand
what it felt like from her because I was with
her every day with the tears, with the you know,
she came to my fertility appointment as well, and there's
nothing else to say. Then it fucking sucks. But all
you can do is focus on you. And I think
something that might help is you actually don't know if
(43:34):
this other girl has also been struggling, Like, you don't
know what her journey was. You don't know if it
was an IBF baby. You don't know if she was
trying for years, or if she's miscarried in the past,
or you really don't know other people's stories.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
And one thing we do know are.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
The statistics that infertility or fertility problems are far higher
totally than everybody thinks.
Speaker 2 (43:56):
I'm so happy you said that, Britt, because I think
you see a pregnancy announcement and you don't think about
what went into having that happy baby. And often people
don't feel comfortable sharing their fertility stories because it is
so personal and it's so painful for so many people,
and we can think everybody else has it so much easier.
You're like, why was it so easy for them? You don't,
You don't know, You really don't. And I think the
(44:18):
best thing to do in your situation now is to
avoid triggers. Avoid things like social media triggers. Block people
who and I'm not saying block anyone who's having a baby,
but in this instance of this girl, like you can
mute the things that might come into your feed and
ruin your day. Do you know what I mean, Like,
don't go looking for things that you know are going
to make you sad and block or mute things that
(44:40):
you know. If you're having a great day and then
all of a sudden you see that pop up on
your Instagram, it's going to affect you. We really have
to take responsibility for the stuff that we consume that
hurts us. I mean, yes, and of course there's limits
to that.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
Like you scrolling social media, you don't know that the
next picture is not going to be a pregnant person.
Speaker 2 (45:00):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
Absolutely, there are things you can put in place, But
I mean to sum it up, you're absolutely entitled to
be upset because it's a really upsetting thing and it's
a very stressful thing.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
But I also think, like you know, I know, we've
said it, this whole idea of giving yourself grace, allowing
yourself to feel the feelings. But know that fucking corny
and cliche, But in a year's time, you're not going
to feel the same level of rage towards this person,
or jealousy towards this person. Jealousy, just like every other emotion,
fluctuates the way that you feel right now, is not
going to be a constant, and I think that it's
(45:33):
okay to ride this wave and know that in a
month or two months, or what however long it takes you,
you're going to start to feel better about this situation.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
It's so important for you to do what you can
to focus on you and not worry about someone else's journey.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
Easier said than done.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
But however, you want to do that, whether it's talking
to your friends more so that they understand more, so
maybe they don't drop these things, they don't ask these questions.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
I don't know if your friends are across.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Your fertility journey, but if they're not, it might help
you to talk about it, and it might help them
to be more hyper aware. Because nobody ever means to
offend you ever, but if they don't know, they very
well could say something that will trig.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
You totally totally. And also, like you can people can
put up stories and exclude people from seeing stuff. Your friends,
if they go on to baby showers and whatnot, and
they know that it's a trigger for you because you've
told them, they can put up stories and they can
exclude you from seeing it, and like that would be
better for your mental health.
Speaker 1 (46:26):
Idea anyway, guys, good luck anyway.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
That is it from us, Done and dusted. If you
have a question which you would like us to answer for,
ask gun cut, slide on into the sexy dms and
it's very sexy. You know what. If you've got a
sexy one, we love the sexy one, love the sexy ones.
Slide on in and ask the question and you may
feature on next week's episode. You can also join us
at Life un Cut discussion group on Facebook or at
(46:50):
Life un Cup podcast on TikTok and Instagram.
Speaker 1 (46:52):
Don't forget toy, Mum, tell you Dad, Tell dot to
your friends and share the love because.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
We love them. The Batan were based
Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose
lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their
elders past and present.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on de rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome
back to another episode of Life on Cut. I'm Laura,
I'm Brittany, and this is ask gun Cart where we
(00:29):
answer or your deep you're dark and your dirty questions.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
We both this morning have sounded better. We have been
having like an asthmaic coffee.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
How cute is it that we all have asthma still
as like full grown adults.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I don't think it's asthma. I don't think I've ever
had asthma. But I've had this thing in my throat
for like ten days and I can't It's seamen.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Yeah, stuck, stuck for dear life, dripping down still, that's
what happens. No, that is not what it is. But
I can't clean. I'm not sorry. No, don't be sorry
for me. I'm great, airways open. Apologize to do a
salt water flush. You'll be fine. I've done everything. I've gurgled.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I've just dreamed like I've better than gargled. I've done
the salt, I've done the lemon.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
I don't know what it is. It's called being sick.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
I wonder if I've been really jet lagged right the
last couple of days. But I think I'm moving past
jet lag having insomnia like I cannot sleep.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
No, I think you've just moved past jet lag and
you're moved into being old. And that's what happens when
we get our late thirties. I thought more no, less broken. Sleep,
not as good, not as thorough.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Grandparents sleep all the time, like they nap all day,
but they have to get out like five times a
night just to pee.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Do you know what? Speaking of speaking of sleeping, do
you know why I am tired all the time? Because
my three year old Molly gets into bed with us
every night, right like she still does it. She's been
doing it since she was like one and a half.
She'll just climb out of her bed to come, and
it's like maybe two in the morning. She climbs into bed,
and she's super daddy orientated, so she always wants to
cuddle dad and kick me in the tit And that
(02:07):
happens about right, Yeah, over and over and over. But
now she started doing this new thing. So not only
does she want to cuddle down and be like affectionate
towards him at night time and get like you like
be right in the spoon with him and kick me
in the tit, she'll come around to my side of
the bed and instead of like just climbing in being
like a normal child, she just stands there like a
(02:29):
tombstone until I wake up screaming, because like she'll just
like touch me a little bit or stroke my cheek
or like play with my hair, and it until caress
to wake you up. And then there's just this figure
in the dark standing there ominously over me, staring down
at me like Chucky the grudge or something I feel
like other Mumsey, No, she's awake, cause she's fucking petrifying. No,
(02:51):
but I'm being honest.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
She could be asleep because I used to do that
and I was asleep. That's quite a sleepwalking thing. You
look awake, you can talk, but you're sleep.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
She's awake and she's standing there with a knife trying
to terrorize me.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
It's not but she could be sleepwalking because I used
to do that all the time. I caught mom and
dad having sex on the lounge once when I was
a child. I don't remember it, but they've told me because.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
I stood there.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I walked in and stood there looking at them, and
they just stopped and they were like, oh my god,
we've been sprung. This is gonna cost us so much
in therapy for the next twenty years.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
And I apparently just toook at my eyes up and staring.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
At them, and then they were like, sweetie, is everything okay?
And then I said to them, if Mitch kills me,
can I kill him back? Mitch is my brother. And
then they realized that I must have been asleep. They're like,
why would your brother kill you? And I just said,
if he kills me, can I kill him back?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
And they were like sure, And I just went back
to bed. Never remembered it, but I look away. Do
you know what that actually is called? That's a repressed memory.
That's trauma. If you go and have my brother tried
to kill me, no, that you watched your parents having
sex and then your brain was like can't commute. If
you went and had hypnotherapy, that's the stuff that would
come out. They would be like, oh, remember that time
you saw your parents doing dogging on the couch. That's
(04:04):
what that is. No, I wasn't doggy. I think it
was missionary. No, I think mum was on top dad.
But that no one needs to know that, right, that's good. Yeah,
the producer Geche doesn't need that. Everyone needs that image.
Here's a thought.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Could be on my own thinking or not thinking, but
knowing my parents have sex does not bother me.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Nah, neither.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Like I know a lot of people are like, oh
my god, I couldn't think of anything worse. Knowing my
parents have sex makes me happy because I'm like, great,
they've been married forty five years.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
I'm stoked they're still happy. You are probably alone with this,
but you know, it does bother me. Walking in on
my mum in a sixty niner that's what does bother me.
And that is still sid into my brain.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Which actually explains a lot of it.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
He was on top and he was on the bottom. No,
we know how everything that was us to the doorway.
Think of it like that.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
I think I was about ten, and I still really
every so often when I'm in the depths of my trauma,
that image recalls to my brain. I saw her came from.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Why images don't come to mind, which means I'm not
post from anyway.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
We do not need to talk about our parents having
speaks anymore. This is fine, Sorry, mum. She never listens
to the podcast Haws. She ever listened? No, she doesn't anymore.
I think I said a few things early on and
she was like, not for me.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
We'll say hi to Big Tony because my dad listens
to every episode.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
So I had to add, and I hope you're still
getting written into the sunset there. Don't get it dead,
get it okay?
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Well, speaking of love, speaking of being happily married, I
want to say that most not all, but most women
at some point, from when they're a young girl to
a teenager to the early twenties to whenever.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
At some point, I feel like women dream of the
day they'll get married. They imagine it, the proposal, who
it's going to be, what it's going to look like.
I feel like I thought about it probably once, but
it's been thirty five years, so I've let it go,
so like not go think about anymore.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
But if it happened, stoked.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
But it's one of those things that I don't know,
if you were the same lord. But everyone thinks about
their proposal. Everyone thinks about like whether or not you
want to get married or not. There's been a point
in your childhood where you've thought about it, because we're
brought up around this very you know, traditional idea that
you get a white dress, you get married, and it's
all lovely and beautiful, and your whole family's there, piket fans, yea,
four kids, You talk about it, whether here someone I mean,
(06:22):
I think there's different types of people.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Some people like really really think about it, and then
some people like that might happen. Probably never.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Oh people have I know friends that have whole what
to call that skin board?
Speaker 2 (06:33):
See, I don't even know that pinboard and they're not
even engaged yet. I've never had a pinterest.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
People that have pinterests their entire life, and you know,
they've got kids names, they've got their wedding dress and
their venues, and they haven't even had a boyfriend. Fine,
that's fine. Sure we're not gonna yuck eat someone's crazy young.
It's good to have goals, yeah, drink, it's good to manifest. Well,
the only time I thought about it was when I
almost got married to the sociopath because he was marrying
(06:58):
someone else. I have not thought about it again, you know,
like that just sort of took away the specialness. Yeah, yeah,
when you're not the only one.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
But I want to tell you about this kidnapping. I
don't know if you've heard about it, Laura, but no,
everyone's heard about it. Yeah, everyone who's looked at the
news the last couple of days. It's ae that haven't.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
There's a man that's gone above and beyond for the
quote unquote ultimate proposal. He's actually a Sydney man. He's Australian.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Adam ritsk Is. His name. Doesn't surprise me, to be honest.
That's from Sydney.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Yeah, it's such an Australian man thing to do. He
went on holiday with his lovely partner to Lebanon. He
decided to surprise her there with a proposal. But what
he did, for some unknown reason, he thought it would
be a good idea to stage a carjacking in Lebanon.
So they're in the car and all of a sudden,
the car gets carjacked, she gets taken out, she gets blindfolded,
(07:50):
there's a knife, there's these men yelling that she's been kidnapped.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
This is Lebanon.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
She is petrified. This is all on footage, petrified. They're
driving for a long time. She doesn't know where they're
going because she can't see. She can't or she can
hear his men bumpy dirt road. They finally pull up
to a destination and it's rocky gravel and they're pushing
her along the road. She's literally fearing for her life.
This is I don't know how long this has gone
on for, but it's it's not quick.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
It's a problem. I think she has been fucking kidnapped.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
The woman thinks she's about to die, and I don't
blame her. I would feel the same. And when I
watched the video, I was like, she's gonna die, Like
this is a proper kidnapping.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
So they walk her down this gravel road.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
When she thinks her life is over, they rip her
blindfold off, and instead of there being a kidnapper that's
gonna be ahead her or something, there is her partner
on one knee.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
With a proposal.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
He's staged the whole kidnapping and was like, psych, you're
not gonna die.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
It's me and I want to marry you. I am
laughing at this. And the reason why I'm laughing at
this is not because it's funny. It's very serious. It's
absolutely outrageous. I have a lot of feelings about it,
and I'm sure I ran in a little bit. The
reason why I'm laughing is because I knew dating in
Sydney was fucked. I knew that it was hard to
find a good man, but I didn't think it was
this hard.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Do you know what makes it worse? It gets worse.
Surely you think, all right, this has got to be
Like he's in Lebanon. He's had a last minute, spontaneous
idea like this could be fun.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Let me just quickly organize this in ten minutes. This
was like you didn't think it through. Like it's one
of those things that you you think it's gonna be
a good idea and you do it on a whim
and then you're like.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Huh, I youel like I wish I sat on that
and thought about it. Yeah, three months he planned this.
He also planned it with his sister. So this has
gone through multiple people and a large amount of time
has gone by. There's been a lot of times that
this could have been shut down, but they thought it
was a brilliant idea. And you know what, the even
crazier part is she said yes, Yeah, but to be fair,
(09:49):
yes to the kidnap.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
To be fair, I've been in relationships where I so
wanted them to propose to me. Is I probably would
have said yes too in the past. Not anymore. I'm
not saying it's a good thing. I'm saying, like, deeply flawed.
So stop doing fucking proposals for Instagram? Oh what are
you doing that for? Like? Are you doing that for
clicks on TikTok? Are you doing that for people to
like get a viral download? You haven't thought, hmm, what's
(10:10):
the way to really mark this engagement? What's the best
way that's going to be super special that we can
look back on and used to come, Ah, I will
kidnap her and make her petrified for her life trauma bond. Yes.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
I just couldn't believe it. And I'm all for pranks.
And he came out and said, you know, we like
to prank each other. We often prank each other. Hide
behind the kitchen door and jump out and scan them.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Don't kidnap them with a knife and three strange men.
Maybe she said yes because she was so relieved that
it was him at the end, like she genuinely thought
she was so close to a near death experience that
the only reasonable thing to come out of her mouth
was like, oh my god, thank god, it's you. And
then he interpreted that as a ye, yes. Do you
think she was probably like, yes, I'm not being kidnapped.
(10:52):
I'm just like yes, yes, yes, no, okay. But the
thing that's even wilder is that. So since this has happened,
obviously it's garnered a massive amount of views cross social media,
which is why everyone's talking about it, which is what
makes me think that this is the whole reason why
it was done in the first place. But she's gone
on to say so her name is Vanessa. She's gone
on to upload photos from her engagement, and she says
(11:14):
it was a dream come true. It was a dream
come true, which also makes me think maybe they're just
into some fucking weird kinks. Nah, maybe she likes it.
Maybe she's really into BDSM like ming Pata took it
one step further.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, I think she's convinced herself that it was the
best day of a line.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Adam's sister also said Adam always joked that he wanted
to propose to Vanessa in a way to scare her,
and my family joined in and made it possible when
she was visiting family in Lebanon. They always play pranks
on each other, so it's just their relationship. There's a limit.
There is still a limit.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
There's a line, and you crossed it big time.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Oh my god, what would you do? I would say no,
I'm not kidding.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
I'd say no, and I would It's hard to know
because you're not in it, but I reckon I would
break up with him.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
I'd probably get back together with him.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
But I'd be like, if you think this is normal, Like,
if you think this is how I wanted this to
go down After ten years, they've been together for ten years,
and he still thought this was.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
A good idea. I genuinely look back on my past
relationships and think, there have been times in my life
where I so desperately wanted to be married. It was terrible,
bad relationships, trauma, toxic, so you just want I reckon
that if someone had done it, I would have been like, oh,
at least they proposed, Like, at least I'm now getting married.
Shows he loves me. It means he actually loves me.
(12:32):
I would have convinced myself that that was like a
good thing. I actually feel like I'm the opposite. Yeah,
I mean, I was pretty crazy in my twenties. I
wouldn't recommend it.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
And Ben, if you listening to this, do not take
me to Levenon, do not kidnap me, and do not
pretend that my life is over.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
I don't think he was ever gonna do that. I
get a really strong feeling that you've made that pretty clear. Anyway,
before we get into answering your questions, I have a
vibe today. I don't know if it's a hot take,
but I'm gonna tell you anyway because I'm fucking loving them.
So I find it really hard to get bike shorts.
This sounds dumb, but bear with me. My legs look
like you know when you buy two sausages and they're
(13:06):
still connected. That's what bike shorts do to my legs.
They just cut me in the middle and sucking around
a ring, and then my legs like billow out below
the bottom of it. That is not accurate. It's because
I'm thin, but I'm not toned. There's no tone to
these legs. They're just soft, and so bike shorts cut
in in the middle.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
See what you're saying is you found some non sausage
bike pants.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
You've only seen me in a pair of bike shorts
that you can't actually wear exercising, like soft bike shorts
from I actually think i've seen your bike pants once
in life. You know, you've seen in those cream ones
that are from Zuloff ribbed ones, which you can't exercise
in them because your bum falls out the back.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
No, I wouldn't call them bike pants.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Yeah, they're fashion okay, but then yeah, I bought bike
shorts and they're freaking great. And if you're someone who
feels like a sausage when you put them on. And
I don't mean, I don't know between the podcast, don't
name drop. No, it's country road Country road bike shorts there, Yes,
And that's why it's my vibe because I walked in
there it was unsuspecting I saw them on the shelf.
It was actually I was at the airport and I
(14:01):
was going to something where I needed to wear active
where and I'd forgot to pack it, and I was like,
would have been Rockhampton. No, it was something that was
being shot and I was like, okay, I'll get them,
it's jeopardy. And then I put them on and they
were amazing, seamless, straight down the thigh.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Are they actual exercise bike pants?
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I did the exercise in them, and I think it
went well. I love that for you. Yeah, so who
would have thought country road bike shorts for exercise where
if you are somebody who finds the bike shorts always
cut you in the middle of the thigh, Okay, I
always get a cameltoe. Yeah, No, No, camelto like kind
of a bit reinforced. You need the ones that have
a bit of not that it's battered in the middle,
but it's just a bit thicker in the middle. For
(14:39):
anyone who actually has a LaBier.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Well, I also think when we're talking about camelto's like
it's a natural part, there's nothing wrong with it. But
some people are more prone to them than others.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
But it's literally women with labiers. No.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
I think the reason I get them is because I
like high waist and I have quite a long torso,
so for bike pants to get to my high waist,
they just jack up a bit, do you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
So I think that's why I just think some of
us have medium muffs, and it's fine, that's my problem.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
That's true, lots of different musks, but mine's definitely.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
We love to call it that someone's gonna get angry.
So someone's going to write to us right now and
say it's evolva I have we know.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I haven't said mums since I was about twelve, so okay, fourteen,
All right, let's not call it that then.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Anyway, what's your vibe?
Speaker 1 (15:22):
I didn't have one, but I have a big unsubscribe.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Oh yes she is.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
This is probably the biggest unsubscribed that there is, and
I don't think you can actually do it.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Oh instead of recommending something you're angry this week, I
really want it like.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
An a controversial but I want to unsubscribe from Coachella.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
It is.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
I do not want to see one more thing of Cochella.
Not because I'm jealous, not because I have fomo, because
I feel like it's gotten to the point where it's
changed and it.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Is so performative.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
There are people coming out, They are all these stories now,
like it's just clogging my feet and I don't want
to look at anymore. But there are people coming out
and saying that loads of people fake going to Coachella.
They don't go, and you can tell when they don't
have the wristbands. They do the whole thing. They get
dressed up, they pretend they're there, they photoshop them in,
they do all this stuff and they're not even there.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Wait, are they actually in the country or they're just
standing in front of a green screen at Crichello I
think a to be but no.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
A lot of people go, but they don't go in
the gates, and other people just take photos dressed up,
pretending they're somewhere with like a plain background.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
But that's the same as fashion week, fashion Week in Sydney,
Mercedes Fashion Week, whatever it's called. Now. You go there
and there's influencers out the front taking photos, but they're
not going to the shows. They're just standing at carriage works.
Coachella is a giant carriage works. Wow.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
I love people having fun fun, But for me, I
don't sure. It's just my ANSWER's crime this week. I
want to just like I wish I could type in
the hashtag Coachella and then mute it for this week.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
That's all. I'm just I feel the grumpy.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I'm just probably old and grumpy because I'm not sleeping.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I feel the same when it's Burning Man. I feel
the same when it's Coachella. I feel the same when
it's Fashion Week. Anything that kind of like clogs your
feet and takes it by storm. And I get it.
I get the people go to Burning Man and they
have life altering experiences because they took mushrooms for a
week and they feel like they're enlightened and they look amazing.
These festivals look amazing. They do, they do. But I
also think a lot of these things now half it's
(17:14):
for the experience and half of it's for Instagram.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Well, another girl put up I just saw this this morning,
and influencer put up how ludicrously expensive food and stuff
is there? And she put up a photo of what
she bought a cost her seventy bucks sixty eight dollars,
and it was like scraps. It looks like you picked
something up off the ground that someone else has eaten.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
And you know what, maybe this is me. I think
it is, do you know I? Because if you went
to Coachella, you'd be posting the shit out of it,
So I think it's you.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Maybe one day I'll tick it off maybe it's not
even on my bucket list, but maybe I was supposed
to go last year.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Do you remember that? And then you would have been
someone you hate?
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Remember a guy asked me on a date from here
to Coachella, who's gonna fly me on a prep plane?
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Why didn't you go?
Speaker 1 (17:56):
I thought, I don't even usually do dinner on a
first date, so flying to Coachella was pretty big.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
All right, let's get into answering these questions. Question number one, Now, Britain,
I have different feelings about this. My boyfriend and I
have been together for three years. Three years. Keep that
in mind, he's thirty six months. Is it? That was good?
That was good? Mass real fidding more? Bumpum did not
(18:24):
do masks or he's got a calculator? Actually, Like, I
need to confirm. I stopped maths when I was in
year ten. I was like, I'm never going to use
this shit and I never had three years? Is well, okay,
I'd have to do you know how I'd have to
count that up. I'd have to go ten, ten, ten,
and then six. You wouldn't go. That's how I would
count it. I wouldn't go twelve, twenty four, thirty six
no that like my brain's having an aneurysm. I have
to go. I have to break it down ten ten,
(18:46):
ten six. I still count sit on my hands. That's
going to make some people feel better about themselves. Counting
is not It's not something that I excel at, and
I'm okay with it all right here. It is. My
boyfriend and I have been together for thirty six months.
He's the best thing that's ever had than to me,
and I know one day we will be married. However,
I often think about the time I slept with his
younger brother one drunken night dum, only two weeks before
(19:09):
my boyfriend and I started seeing each other. I don't
know if my boyfriend knows that this even happened. I
certainly haven't told him, and I'm unsure if his younger
brother has either. It was a one night thing, and
the brother and I have never spoken about it since.
We have also remained really great friends, and I now
feel I am a part of their family. My question
is do I tell my boyfriend about the one time
(19:34):
I fucked his brother. I'm not sure how he would
react if he was to find out later down the track,
but given he may already know is the fact neither
of us have ever brought it up. Weird, don't It's
been three years, it's been thirty six months. Stop stop
walking you are You are ruminating in your thoughts. Some
(19:57):
things just need to go to the grave. You left
it pove loong and he does not need to know.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Disagree, No, disagree in the fact of I don't think
he needs to know now. But what I'm feeling from
this is you're obviously thinking about this a lot like
this is on your mind. It's been thirty six months,
and you are constantly worried about if he knows, which
is fair. I would think that too every day. If
I was in your situation, I would be like, is
(20:22):
today the day? Did he find out yesterday? If you've
had a fight and he's off you for something you
don't know, you're like, oh my god, as his brother
said something, has someone else said something, has a third
party said something. There is a chance that this will
come out there one hundred percent is a chance.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
And I think if it ever happens, you like play
the fifth, I don't even know that's that. Don't If
you plead it, you plead it, or you say you
have amnesia, you don't remember. Just to a Harrison from APS,
I can't remember. I must played the fifth Yeah, I'm sorry,
I don't remember so long ago. Speak about that, or
if it passes the ten in your mark, you can
pretend it's like your tax and just say you didn't
keep the receipts. I don't remember. No, because you can
(20:58):
go to prison for that. Noe. No, you can't up
ten years gone.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Let's be okay, here we go. This is serious, is it?
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (21:05):
This is her life on the light.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
I think what I would do in this situation the
sensible thing to do, because I'm gonna say that if
your partner finds out about it, you've gotta know about it.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
I think he's.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Gonna bring it up like you're gonna have a combo.
What I would do is probably go and speak to
the brother. Only if you're that concerned and you feel
like you can't sleep another wink and you have anxiety
every day, because that's a horrible feeling, and it is
is today the day something's going to happen. It's a
horrible feeling. I'd speak to the brother. Not ideal, but
I would be like, yo, bro in law, do you
(21:37):
plan on ever talking to your brother about this, I'd
just say your feelings. I would just say, like, I'm
really anxious about it. You didn't do anything wrong, you
slept with h before you with the brother. But there
is a level now of you've kept a pretty big
secret for thirty six months.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
If I was with my partner for.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Thirty six months and he then had said, oh I
had found out, Like, you know, I've got to clear
the air. I slept with sheriff and two weeks before
I was with you, and everyone knew that except me
for those six months. I don't want to say i'd
break up because I don't know if that's the answer.
Bit to lie and betrayal from a your family member
and be your partner is pretty pretty humongous.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
What if the brother doesn't remember either, Hember? What if
he doesn't remember? What if she then goes, hey, remember
that time we had sex and he's like, oh my god,
it was you, And then he tells the brother. What
if that happens are.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
He remembers, I think if it would have been the
best sex of his life.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Yeah, obviously, my only worry is if nobody's talking about it,
if it's been three years and you start to bring
up things from the past and having conversations with the
brother or whatever, start talking about it. It could bring
it to the surface, and it could make it front
of mine, and it could make the brother want to
talk about it. Maybe they go out, they have a
few beers, and then he decides to share that information.
(22:52):
I actually think it's very deceptive to go to the
brother and say, hey, are you going to tell him
or not get that information and then be like, it's
our secret to have. I think that's even worse because
then you're in on a lie. You're in on a
secret that you have already in on a line but
it's not been spoken about that you're conspiring with the
brother to then purposely keep a lie. My thought is,
(23:13):
if it comes up down the track because the brother
does decide to talk about it, you can at least
be honest. You can say I have never ever ever
spoken to your brother about it since it happened. I'm
sorry I didn't bring it up. There was never a
good time to bring up the conversation of I fucked
your brother before we were together, and once I fell
(23:33):
in love with you, I was so frightened that you
wouldn't want to be with me because of it. I
think it is worse to go and speak to the brother,
to conspire on a lie and to then not tell
your partner than what it is to continue just keeping
it the way it is currently. That is more deceptive
and that is eviler. I agree with you.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
What you're missing here is the fact that she's extremely uncomfortable.
She thinks she needs to get over it or talk
to if she's got anxiety. Yeah, there you go, there's
your talks to boyfriend. She's got anxiety and she's worried
about it. So you can't just live a life like
that like you. She has to make a decisions.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Go speak to a therapist about it, don't go and
speak to the brother. This is my honest opinion. I
don't think you should speak to your current boyfriend about
it since you've been together for three years. I think
it's going to create a lot of problems, which really
sometimes the past can just be in the past, especially
if there isn't an overlap. But I just don't think
speaking to the brother about it is the right thing
to do to your current partner. So if you have
(24:26):
anxiety about it, I'll go and book a consultation with
a therapist to talk through it.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
But that's not going to help the anxiety because the
anxiety is her wondering if it's going to come up,
and if he already knows, that's the question, is it
going to come up? Because the thing that I think
about is there is not a guy. I don't care
what anyone says. There is not a guy in the
history of time that will have sex with someone and
not tell someone else someone, No one ever. No guy
takes sex to the grave ever, especially when it's a
secret as big as your brother's girlfriend. Sorry guys, he's
(24:54):
told someone someone knows about that, then that's someone that
knows about it.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
They don't keep that sort of secret. This is big shit.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
So what if one time in the future they have
a conversation and it slips out. I think that's what
the anxiety is, and that's where my anxiety would be.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
I don't think you should speak to the boyfriend right now.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
I know that's not what I'm saying, But if you
are that concerned in this situation, there's not really any
I don't believe there's any good answer, Like there's nothing.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
That is easy for sure, you left it too long.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Yeah, you're thirty, you're ten plus ten perst ten plus six.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
But I don't personally like the advice of going and
speaking to the brother and kind of getting from him
and sussing that out, because even as you say, Britt,
maybe someone else knows. Maybe that information is never going
to come from the brother, Maybe it's going to come
from the brother's friend. I worry that doing that creates
even more of a triangulation in the relationship. It creates
a purposeful secret. It's not just a secret that has happened.
(25:50):
I agree where you've all ignored the elephant in the room.
It creates real, purposeful deceit against your current partner, and
I don't like that.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
What you could do is just played this episode in
the background and let him hear it, like, oh my god,
what would you do?
Speaker 2 (26:04):
And then be like, imagine if I had slept with
your brother, what do you think would be the best outcome?
What would you do in the situation? And then see
what he's saying.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Clear speaking, if this were us and that was Bobby.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
It's really hard. On the look, there isn't a clear
cut answer, because if we were going to be the
moral take the moral high ground. The clear cut answer
would be to sit down have a conversation with your
boyrid We don't take the high ground, but we're also
realistic that sometimes there are things that happen in relationships
prior to relationships that information. Like if your boyfriend receives
(26:38):
that information now and he's not being privy to it,
and you decide to make a great, big, grand deal
about it and sit him down and talk about it,
it's going to be something that he has to overcome.
It could fundamentally affect your relationship. Do you want that?
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I do agree though, that if the time comes, for
whatever reason, whether you decide to speak to your brother,
whether it comes out at any stage, play fifth.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Plead, the fifth stop playing, play the fifth plead.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
It do what Laura said, which was just be really
honest and say like it happened before I met you,
and then I just felty hard and there was no
coming back and I didn't want to lose you, and
then all of a sudden, thirty six months in the past,
like just explain it like that and beg.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
It meant nothing. It meant nothing, and you know, I mean,
it's so hard because sometimes we do things in our
past that affect what we want in the future without
doing anything wrong, you know, like without ever stepping a
foot out of place. You having sex with the brother
two weeks before is just hugely unfortunate timing and you
(27:35):
have done absolutely nothing wrong. So I just don't think
you need to wear the level of anxiety or where
the level of stress, or feel as though you're living
in this huge amount of deceit because you're not. I
understand he would want to know. I understand like I
would want to know if Matt had had sex with
my sister, I'd feel like that was a betrayal. But
the thing is is like the relationship, I don't know. Fuck,
(27:57):
it's so put yourself in that per relationship.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Matt came out now and said I wouldn't want to
know now, but I not want to know. Yeah, okay,
you don't want to know, but someone's told you you know,
wouldn't you feel the ultimate betrayal?
Speaker 2 (28:10):
It's such a tricky one. You wouldn't be like youte,
guys love that for you. Do you know what? I
would not care as much now as what I probably
would have in the past, obviously, because I'm married, and
my relationship feels very secure. But if Matt was to
turn around and be like, hey, I had sex with
a sister X amount of time before we got together,
(28:31):
you wouldn't care. I would care. I would care. There
would be a part of me the cap. I'm not
going to leave my relationship for it. Well, no, it's not.
The problem's not the sex. It's not talking about who
would you be more mad at. Would be more mad
at your partner or your sister?
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Probably for me, I reckon, I carry yeah sister because
they're my best friends.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Yeah, and I can understand why a partner didn't say
it in the beginning, because they're trying to impress you.
They want to be with you. But I would be
confused as to why my best friend didn't say, Hey,
that guy that you're dating, I also say with him,
just like the time you started dating someone and I
was like, hey, I also slept with him. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Weird that the brother was like, yo, bro, I fucked her.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
He probably has forgotten. He probably forgot. Did not forget.
I've forgotten. Some people have been inside me. They've all
Oh that is so concerned. Okay. Question number two also
has two Okay, anyway. Question number two wrong with you too.
I have never you remember the name of every single
person you've had sex with. Every single one.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
It was two weeks prior. It's not twelve years you two.
Oh my god, question number two. I can't deal with
either of you.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
Okay, question.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
I've been with my partner for six years and we
have a twelve month old. Today he had a serious
talk with me about being present and how much I
use my phone. He works full time and I'm the
primary caregiver. When he gets home, I get to have
my break, so I enjoyed my time going on TikTok
and Instagram and just scrolling.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
I'm really feeling the mum guilt? Now?
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Am I being a shit mum? How do I approach
this conversation? I mean, you're the mum here.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I know you're not being a shit mum. I think like, okay,
let's unpack this. Are you on your phone all the
time during the day when you're caring for your child?
Are you using your phone constantly? Is your child constantly
trying to get your attention? Because at every moment when
you're not interacting one on one with them, you're on
your phone. If that's the case, then yeah, absolutely you
(30:21):
need to look at your phone usage. And you know
because kids connect with us, and I know, for example
with Malea Lola, I know when I'm on my like
you could be playing, but really you're like half playing
and you're on your phone. Kids know that you're not
plugged into them. They know that you're not engaging with them,
and they act out when you're doing that. When you're
like half paying them attention but you're obviously more distracted
(30:45):
and more interested in your phone, they feel a sense
of rejection. And I have definitely witnessed that in my kids,
and I'm super conscious about not if I'm giving them
my attention, they get all of it. If I'm on
my phone, my phone gets all of it, and I
go into another room and I don't try and do
the two at the same time. If your partner is
not seeing the mum that you are during the day
(31:05):
when he's at work, and the only time he's seeing
it is when he comes home, and then you're opting
to be on your phone, that doesn't make you bad mum,
of course not. It just means that you're wanting some downtime.
So the solution to this, I think is really simple.
I think the solution is, hey, honey, when you come
home from work, can you take the kids for forty
five minutes. I'm going to go for a walk. You
(31:25):
don't have to go for a walk, just leave the house,
leave the environment, and go and sit in a park
on your phone for forty five minutes. And the reason
for that is is because as long as you're in
the house, as long as you're in the same room
as your kids, your kids are going to want your attention,
and they're going to see that you're on your phone,
and your partner's going to see that you're ignoring them
and you're on your phone. So this issue is being
created by perception more than what you're actually doing. So
(31:47):
I think just take your forty five minutes of alone
time and go and do it outside the house. It
doesn't matter what you do, do pilates, watch TikTok for
forty five minutes. Who fucking cares, But like, really allocate
that time out or do it once kids are in bed.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
I agree, but I don't think you need to leave
the house if you don't want it. Like, you're allowed
to go on your phone at the end of the day.
I'm wondering if when I read this again, I'm wondering
if also your husband might feel like he hasn't seen
you all day either, so he's just.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Gotten home totally and then you're on the phone.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
So I wonder if he's actually like, I want to
connect with you as well, like you're not even talking
to me, you're not listening to me. Whereas because you
are the primary caregiver stabbing the dark here, but he
might not know just how much you're doing all day
every day with the kids, and he might not know
quite what that involves on a mote.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
There's absolutely no way that he knows. That's the thing.
The person who's at work, So and we say this, man,
I say this all the time. Whoever goes to work
and doesn't have the kids has the easier day one
hundred percent of the time because being stuck at home
and I shouldn't say stuck, it's not stuck, but being
at home with children all day every day is unrelenting
(32:51):
and it is extremely exhausting work. It's rewarding. We all
know that, but like we cannot deny that it is
fucking hard to.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Well, that's why I'm thinking that maybe it's a bit
of a b to be so he might not realize
how much you just need a break because he might
not look at it like you've been at work for
the last ten hours, So he might be like you've
just been at home.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
You know, and he wants you. He wants to have
a conversation with you about your day and his day
and connect. But that's also why I say, I think
it's really good to have a conversation about carving out
that forty five minutes or an hour and leaving the house,
because the thing is is everybody sees screen time as
a really negative thing. It doesn't always have to be
a negative thing. Sometimes it is a great way of
(33:31):
just completely disassociating from what's going on around you. It's
a great way to kind of just like, Okay, that's
my downtime, that's my mental literally like my numbing mental meantime.
And it's okay to have those moments. But if your
partner is feeling like he comes into the room then
he asks you a question and you sem me ignore him,
or the kids are asking you things because you're doing
(33:52):
it around them, the easiest way to combat that is
just to go away for forty five minutes and then
you kind of have your cup field. But it's when
you take the break and you go, I'm doing ten
minutes here on my phone, ten minutes here on my phone,
twenty minutes here on my phone, that it seems like
you're never off your phone. That's the problem. If you
do it all through the evening with little chunks, it
(34:13):
gives the perception that all you are is on your phone.
There's also I mean, we might be.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Going off piece here, but there's nothing worse than when
you're talking to someone I'll say a partner now because
we're talking about that, but.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Even a friend, anyone.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
When you're trying to talk to someone and they're on
their phone, and if it's something like even if it's mundane,
it's a problem, but if it's something quite deep and
serious and someone's on their phone, it's so offensive because.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
You're like, are you even listening to what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
So when it's a partner two you haven't seen all
day and someone's trying to talk to you and you're
just looking down like mm hmmmmmmmm, like you're going to
start an argument at some point.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
And that's the thing is though, is that you can't
even get into those deep conversations because when someone's on
the phone, it's such a ball for communication and contact.
Matt and I have a system now in our house
because for me, I work on my phone a lot.
So I am on my phone so often. Yeah, you
both do, yeah, And the reason for that is because
I run my emails, I run Tony May from my phone.
We do all our podcast organization and whatnot from phones.
(35:10):
So like, I'm on my phone so much. And definitely
there has been a time where not so much in
terms of the kids, but in terms of Matt and
my relationship. He has felt a sense of rejection because
I'd be on my phone doing something and he would
ask me a question and I cannot multitask in that way.
Like if I'm doing something on my phone and someone's
talking at me, yeah, you can't. It doesn't go into
my brain. I'm responding, but I'm not actually communicating with them.
(35:35):
So Matt and I now have a system where if
he can see that I'm doing something on my phone,
he'll say, I need to ask you a question. Can
you let me know when I can speak to you?
And then it's a very clear, put the phone down,
and we have a conversation, and then I can go
back to whatever I'm doing. But it's the trying to
multitask and you physically can't, your brain cannot do it,
and so you're giving literally ten percent of yourself to
(35:57):
your partner or to your kids whilst you're scrolling TikTok.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Yeah, And sometimes I think, as like everyone try and
keep this front of mind for the next week. Sometimes
you'll pick your phone up when someone's talking to you.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
You don't even have anything to do.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
Sometimes you're just you'll see the person scrolling or something
on Instagram, and you're like, you're not even urgently doing anything.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
It's just a habit that you pick up your phone
and you're open TikTok. I would actually say that that's
more often than not. We are so conditioned to have
our phone in our hands. We're so conditioned to just
open an app when there's no other stimulus, or if
we've checked out of a conversation for a couple of seconds.
It's so second nature to just be like listen and
scroll at the same time. And I think if you're
(36:38):
really conscious about that behavior, you start to realize just
how frequently, so many people do it. But at the
end of the day, no, you're not being a bad mum.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
You've been a normal human that has worked their us
off all day with their kids, and like any other
normal human, you want to switch your brain off.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
How do we do that?
Speaker 1 (36:53):
We scroll aimlessly on our phone. We do whatever we
want on our phone, So you can totally you're not
doing anything wrong. It's just about fitting in with others
around you.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Can. I also say on this like I think sometimes
because like mum, gil, you can't escape it. You're aways
going to feel it about something. Right now, Someone's always
gonna say something. Yeah, someone's gonna say something that triggers
in you that a fuck. I haven't been doing the
best job I possibly can do. None of us are
doing perfect parenting, not a single person. My parent Dolilah
pree Keisha does too because she has a fifty percent
of the joint. Yeah. But like, guilt is such a
(37:23):
great motivator for changing behavior sometimes as well. So if
you are now that you have thought about it, you're
gonna be so much more conscious about your phone use.
And that doesn't mean that you can't use your phone.
Doesn't mean you're not entitled to Instagram doesn't mean you're
not entitled to sit on social media because God knows
fucking mum's need the downtime more than anyone. It just
means you won't do it around your kids, and that's
great as well. All right, last question. There is a
(37:47):
girl that I used to be quite good friends with
now not best friends, but we were close. Her and
I had a falling out about a year ago. It
resulted in me blocking her on social media because of
some really nasty things I found out she'd been saying
about me. I've been trying to get pregnant for about
a year and a half. Now I'm having blood tests
and I'm trying to work out why my partner and
I can't seem to feel pregnant. Over the weekend, I
(38:09):
saw some mutual friends posts that this girl I used
to be friends with was pregnant. They were at what
looked like an early baby shower for her. I am
fucking livid, to the point where I understand it's possibly irrational,
but I can't help the way I feel. It is
the only thing that I have been able to think about.
I am so angry that this person who was horrible
(38:30):
to me, seems to be able to have the one
thing I want most in the world. Do you have
any advice on how to get over this jealousy? I
am a mess and I don't feel like I can
say this to any of my friends because I understand
how horrible it is that I am reacting this way.
It really sucks. It really sucks. Are you being irrational? Yes?
(38:51):
Are you being irrational? No? I think there's aspects for both.
I understand it's not only irrational is the right word.
The only reason I don't know if irrational is the
right word is because I think when women are overly
sensitive or have strong emotions, we often say irrational, but
you'd never say that about a man who was upset
about something.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Nah, I know what you mean. This is irrational. I
think you're more mad because.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
You hate her.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
It's not just because one of your friends is pregnant,
but it's because you have this hatred of her and
this dislike and it sucks to even see when you're
in that position. It sucks to even see your friends
falling pregnant and you're happy for them. You're so happy
for them, and you are allowed to feel sad at
the same time. But this is hurting you way more
because you hate her. But that's not fair on you.
So you need to try and find a middle ground
(39:37):
where you don't have to be happy for her, but
you've got to try not to let it affect you
so much. You're trying to focus on you right now
and your fertility and falling pregnant. And from what I
have been told from when we've spoken to fertility specialists,
stress can have the craziest effects on your body in
all sorts of mediums, in illnesses, in fatigue, and sleeping,
(39:59):
in fertility. So I don't know how you can get
around this, but I think you really need to block
that out and put your blinders on and just focus
on yourself for the moment. Again, you don't need to
be happy. You can be sad because it fucking sucks,
like you want something so bad and when you feel
like you're doing everything right and it's not falling into
your lap and everyone else is getting what they want.
(40:21):
You know, with what you think and about trying, it's
not fair, like life is not.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
It's not fair. It doesn't follow a linear logical path.
But I mean, I just want to go back to
this thought on irrational because I actually hate the word
in this context. So irrational not logical or reasonable, that's
the definition of it. The feelings that you have are logical,
I think, and are reasonable, and I think you can
give yourself grace to feel the way that you feel,
(40:48):
because you know it's hard enough, like you said, Britt,
to be happy for someone who you love, even though
you know you're gonna love their baby, even though you're
happy for their happiness, you're happy for their fertility when
you're someone who struggle with infertility. It's already hard enough
to be happy for other people alongside your own sadness,
But being happy for somebody who you hate, who has
(41:08):
caused you pain. I think that that is why you
know when you say irrational, that is why you feel
this level of like this is so fucking unfair, And
I think it's okay to feel that way. And yeah,
maybe your friends won't understand it and you don't need
to talk them through it, but it doesn't make you
a bad person because you have those feelings. The only
(41:29):
thing that is the really horrible part of this is
that the way that you feel doesn't affect anybody else.
But you exactly, you are hurting yourself by feeling so hateful,
by feeling so envious, And jealousy is such a shit
emotion because it fires you so much inside, it takes over,
(41:50):
it takes over your mental space or your energy, and
yet everybody else around you is unaffected by it, and
you're living within this fury and you have to live
like that. The person that you're jealous of doesn't and
they don't receive any of that, they don't understand it,
and then it's like the toxicity lives within you only
I think in this instance, I mean, it's so amazing
that you're going you're doing all the fertility treatment stuff,
(42:11):
but I think it's also really really important to go
and do all the mental health stuff that sits alongside it.
Go and speak to a therapist, go and speak to
a counselor speak to your family and friends about how
fertility is affecting you, because I think that once people
around you are very aware of it, they're also more
sensitive and how they have conversations with you about it.
But I mean, I've had two miscarriages, but I've not
(42:32):
struggled with infertility. But I can only imagine how that
affects everything. When the one thing that you want and
you see other people having it, I can only imagine
how that affects your day to day thinking.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
I mean, one of my best friends had what they
call unknown infertility. So they did all the tests and
there was literally the doctors were like, we don't get it,
Like everything's great, levels of great, blood's a great sperms,
great counts, great, you just have something that's called we
can't finger on it. And it was all she wanted.
Like I cannot stress that enough. As long as I
(43:04):
have known her, she was born to be a mum.
And it took them a couple of years of you know,
fertility treatments, and they finally felt pregnant.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
And I was witnessing that.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
I was very close to her, and all of our
other friends were falling pregnant, and so I know firsthand
what it felt like from her because I was with
her every day with the tears, with the you know,
she came to my fertility appointment as well, and there's
nothing else to say. Then it fucking sucks. But all
you can do is focus on you. And I think
something that might help is you actually don't know if
(43:34):
this other girl has also been struggling, Like, you don't
know what her journey was. You don't know if it
was an IBF baby. You don't know if she was
trying for years, or if she's miscarried in the past,
or you really don't know other people's stories.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
And one thing we do know are.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
The statistics that infertility or fertility problems are far higher
totally than everybody thinks.
Speaker 2 (43:56):
I'm so happy you said that, Britt, because I think
you see a pregnancy announcement and you don't think about
what went into having that happy baby. And often people
don't feel comfortable sharing their fertility stories because it is
so personal and it's so painful for so many people,
and we can think everybody else has it so much easier.
You're like, why was it so easy for them? You don't,
You don't know, You really don't. And I think the
(44:18):
best thing to do in your situation now is to
avoid triggers. Avoid things like social media triggers. Block people
who and I'm not saying block anyone who's having a baby,
but in this instance of this girl, like you can
mute the things that might come into your feed and
ruin your day. Do you know what I mean, Like,
don't go looking for things that you know are going
to make you sad and block or mute things that
(44:40):
you know. If you're having a great day and then
all of a sudden you see that pop up on
your Instagram, it's going to affect you. We really have
to take responsibility for the stuff that we consume that
hurts us. I mean, yes, and of course there's limits
to that.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
Like you scrolling social media, you don't know that the
next picture is not going to be a pregnant person.
Speaker 2 (45:00):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
Absolutely, there are things you can put in place, But
I mean to sum it up, you're absolutely entitled to
be upset because it's a really upsetting thing and it's
a very stressful thing.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
But I also think, like you know, I know, we've
said it, this whole idea of giving yourself grace, allowing
yourself to feel the feelings. But know that fucking corny
and cliche, But in a year's time, you're not going
to feel the same level of rage towards this person,
or jealousy towards this person. Jealousy, just like every other emotion,
fluctuates the way that you feel right now, is not
going to be a constant, and I think that it's
(45:33):
okay to ride this wave and know that in a
month or two months, or what however long it takes you,
you're going to start to feel better about this situation.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
It's so important for you to do what you can
to focus on you and not worry about someone else's journey.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
Easier said than done.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
But however, you want to do that, whether it's talking
to your friends more so that they understand more, so
maybe they don't drop these things, they don't ask these questions.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
I don't know if your friends are across.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Your fertility journey, but if they're not, it might help
you to talk about it, and it might help them
to be more hyper aware. Because nobody ever means to
offend you ever, but if they don't know, they very
well could say something that will trig.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
You totally totally. And also, like you can people can
put up stories and exclude people from seeing stuff. Your friends,
if they go on to baby showers and whatnot, and
they know that it's a trigger for you because you've
told them, they can put up stories and they can
exclude you from seeing it, and like that would be
better for your mental health.
Speaker 1 (46:26):
Idea anyway, guys, good luck anyway.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
That is it from us, Done and dusted. If you
have a question which you would like us to answer for,
ask gun cut, slide on into the sexy dms and
it's very sexy. You know what. If you've got a
sexy one, we love the sexy one, love the sexy ones.
Slide on in and ask the question and you may
feature on next week's episode. You can also join us
at Life un Cut discussion group on Facebook or at
(46:50):
Life un Cup podcast on TikTok and Instagram.
Speaker 1 (46:52):
Don't forget toy, Mum, tell you Dad, Tell dot to
your friends and share the love because.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
We love them. The Batan were based
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!