April 13, 2025 • 43 mins
Welcome back to ask uncut where we unpack your deep and burning questions.
We recorded this a few days early as Britt is currently on her way to Italy to have a very close quarters catch up with her fiance, sister, brother in law and niece!
We’ve really realised that we are in the next age bracket with our vibes this week!
Vibes for the week:
Britt - Podcast Stalked
Keeshia Contour Cool Gel Knee Pillow
Laura Instagram Sydney Plant Guy Instagram
Then we get into your questions!
HUSBANDS MUM HAS HIS LOCATION SETTINGS ON
My husband’s mum has his location settings on, so basically she is able to track him at all times. She isn’t necessarily controlling or making a big deal about it but I often hear her saying things like “I saw you were at the pub the other night” or “why were you at work on Saturday”. It makes me feel a certain way. I just find it a bit odd but I feel like I can’t really just ask him to turn it off because she’ll ask questions and I don’t want it to come back on to me. I guess my question is, am I being ridiculous to be annoyed at this?
HOW DO TWO AVOIDANTS MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORK?
I’m 29 and have finally got my hands on the man I've been plotting about for 10 years. We’ve always had a strong connection, but life has led us in different directions over the years. We’ve been seeing each other as exclusive ‘fwb’ for the last year, but things have evolved recently. We spend hours chatting, planning our future, our communication is great, and we’re super compatible. The spark is strong; it may as well be fire. But we have both realised that we have avoidant attachment styles, which has prevented us from going ‘all in’. Recently, we’ve both admitted that we’re in deep and would like to try to be together. So my question is, how do ‘regular’ people do this? I can’t get my head around how to ‘be’ a girlfriend.. and what that might mean for my sense of self, and my lifestyle. I’m hyper independent, falling in love and absolutely terrified.. Help!
IS IT WEIRD FOR BRIDAL PARTY WEDDING TO SLOW DANCE?
What’re your thoughts on a bride making the bridesmaids and groomsmen slow dance together at the start of the night? My boyfriend is in a wedding this afternoon and he has to slow dance with his partner for 5 MINUTES!! Is this normal, am I overreacting that I find this weird? My heart rate is resting at 120 right now, I'm that anxious.
You can watch us on Youtube
Find us on Instagram
Join us on tiktok
Or join the Facebook Discussion Group
Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! Xx
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany and producer Keisha keep that in
what Laura just did at the start? Do you know
what it sounded like, whiteladus. It was whiteloadus, wasn't and
then it was the start of it.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
That's what all we need on a Monday, Okay, we
all need the white list.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Do you know what Britt used to do before we
would start episodes. Britt just to slap herself in the
face to get herself in a mood back in the day,
when you know, you would be tired, it was late
at night. We would record at all hours to try
and get this podcast out.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
And it was.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Especially when I was still working at the hospital and
sometimes you'd been like on a twelve hour shift and
it was eleven pm at night. I would literally slap
myself in the face, not hard. I don't want people think.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
You know, like waking, Like yeah, it was a ritual,
pre record ritual. Brit would slap herself. I would laugh
at her, and then we were in the mood.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
It was like I was psyching myself up. You'd think
that I was like, say, about to go and performing
in front of thousand of people. I was like, come on,
you can do it, or like a football match or something,
because like I was really pumping myself up like a fighter.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
I'm not sure if there's any Olympics or there was
a coach that did that to the fighter and people
all across the world were like, that's not okay, Well
a coach.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
The coach slapped the fighter. Yeah, but it probably is.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
It is okay if your job is about to be
punched in the face, that's different. It's not like they're
going in for promotion and then boss slaps across the face.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
That's just part of the warm up.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
It's not Britt slapping me in the facesha edit better
slap you Like if you're a fighter, that would get
you psyched because you want them to be angry and
you want them to be fired up.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Not saying that any violence is okay, but when your
job is violence, it hits different.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
So just so you guys do know, we are having
a holiday very shortly, and this episode has been recorded
in the EFFA. Actually it's just been pre recorded because
Britt is on her way to Italy to go and
spend some time with Bed.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I'm not on my way, I'm there. I'm Orgasmine as
we speak, I hope.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
So why is that where you always take it.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
To Because I don't have sex for three months at
a time, and then that's what I'm going to be doing.
And we're all about having an unfiltered chat here. If
you guys think I'm doing anything other than that, you cook.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
We'll also just keep in mind that whilst you're listening
to this brute is mid orgasm, I'm having a home likely.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Not just I also am not for what I will say,
it's I'm a very family person. I can't wait. I'm
looking forward to it. But my sister Sherry Jay and
baby Maya are going to come and visit.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
The family shouldn't be included in that bridge. Y, Well, what.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
The problem is. Ben's always had like a two bedroom
apartment with two bathrooms, and it's quite big and it's
been great, but he's now moved into a one bedroom
apartment because he had no time to find it. One bedroom,
one bathroom, and the spare room is just a sofa
bed in the lounge. The lounge pulls out. So this
is a very small, intimate apartment. So now I'm like,
(02:51):
do I just shout them in airbanb Do I put
them up somewhere?
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Surely if they're coming for a holiday, they can get
themselves in it. It just they don't have to stay
in the apartment if the apartment not adequately sized. Also,
they have a baby, they probably don't want to stay
in the apartment.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
It's just really expensive over there. So you always offer, right,
I'm always like, of course you guys can, Like they're
already paying one thousand bus sea don't. I was like,
you guys are so welcome to stay on the tiny
pullout sofa in the one bedroom apartment.
Speaker 4 (03:14):
Come would you give up the main room for them?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Would be ridiculous? How would I do that? I think
that I think that they're going to do half half
because Sheridan was like, look, we won't stay. We know
what you guys are going to be doing and no
one needs to hear that, And I was like, no,
that's ridiculous. Family comes first. No, actually I come first,
then the family comes second. But I was like, why
don't we do half half? Stay a couple of days
with us? Because I also want maybe mightac to be
(03:39):
at my disposal twenty four to seven, Like I want
to have access to it whenever I want. But I
was like, why don't you do three days with us
and then three days in and their baby? So I
think that's the happy medium.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Well, this is I mean in terms of what we
have coming up for you guys. So we still have
an episode coming out on Wednesday, and then we are
taking one week off for Easter break and we'll be
back to normal programming after that. So I mean, is
a way having a wonderful time. I hopefully, if things
work out and stars align, will be able to spend
my first week down at the house we've been renovating
down the South coast. So that's cross Yeah, I'm really like,
(04:11):
I'm so looking forward to it. It all depends on
furniture deliveries, so like fingers crossed, that freedom comes through
with like the delivery on time.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Well, you can't just go and lay on the ground,
Well yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Kind of what we'll be doing otherwise. So oping in
a house yeah, but you kind of need at least
a couch or a bed or something like a chair.
There's literally the house is barren and we have all
the furniture arriving at one time, so it's still touch
and go at the moment as to whether that's going
to happen. But that is the plan for our little
easter break.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Do you know what my parents told me all the
time growing up? These are these stories that come from
your parents where they're like, I walked three kilometers in
the snow to get to school. I all will never
forget my dad and my mum saying that they had
a ladder in their house for nearly two years and
that they had like camp furniture because they were building
a house and they couldn't afford furniture as well. And
I guess times have changed so much because now we
(04:59):
can get furniture for so cheap.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
It just might not be good furniture totally.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
But I always picture them and I'm like, how did
you live for two years like that?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Like, surely you've.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Added so much mayo to it? You know that's an exaggeration.
It's like when yeah, exactly like you said, and I
walked to school with no shoes. Yeah, thanks mum.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
So maybe you can just have camp chairs for two
weeks and teach the.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Girls what it's like to live in a little bit
less comfortable situation.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
They like, yeah, we'll tell them that we're glamping. But anyway, guys,
we're here to answer your questions for asking. Cut before
we do that. It is vibes and unsubscribes. Britt, What
is your Vibe for the Week?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
My Vibe for the Week is a podcast. It's a
podcast by BBC. It's hosted by two people, one girl
named Hannah and she's the victim and then coincidentally her
stepmom growing up like her parents are split, but her
stepmum but a stepmum's a journalist and the podcast is
called Stalked and it's her Hannah telling the story herself
(05:52):
about her experience with exactly that this stalker but it
is so extreme and went for so many years, is
and completely infiltrated her life, like this person that stalked
her and she was trying to figure out who it was, right,
she had this guy that became a bit obsessed with her.
But then stalkers came separately and they were presented to
(06:13):
her as people that were hacking into her phone, following
her around, writing to her like they know everything about
her and she's trying to piece together who it is,
and she's trying to piece together in her life who
it could be. And it's her trying to figure out
if these people that are stalking her online the same
people that she had issues with in real life, but
it's different because she's telling the story from her experience.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Does this have sort of like a hybrid between being
catfish and stalk because it sounds like it has some
similarities to Sweet Bobby sort.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Of she knows this, and I don't want to give
too much away. She knows the person very intimately over years,
they're actually friends. But the catfishing comes from eventually him
not being who he said he was, but that takes
years to discover, and the lengths that he goes to
to pretend his life is one thing when it's not
is so extreme, But it's them figuring out over the
(07:06):
years and putting the pieces together. But hearing the story
from her point of view, she's very educated, she's very
well spoken. Her showing how the wool was pulled over
her eyes and how extreme it was. I just found
it really fascinating, and I liked that their two hosts
had this connection as well. It was a great listen. Yeah,
so that's BBC podcast anywhere you get your podcasts, but
(07:27):
it's called stalk.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
How many episodes is it?
Speaker 2 (07:29):
It's seven episodes?
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Awesome, Yeah, my vibe this week.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
I feel like sometimes my vibes can be really like
thought provoking, and then for a couple of weeks in
a row, I fall into these categories where they are
just such simple, basic things that I'm like, I don't
know if this is too low bra.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
I like the pendulum between really really insightful to totally basic. Bitch.
I think we're all here for.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
It, but there's no I think there's no right or wrong.
We can be basic, we can be well smart, not
right now insightful.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
We can It is a contour legacy, cool gel leg pillow.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
What the hell key shark?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
I got it from? Just got from the post I
got it from the post office.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
When you go to the post office, they have so
many knickknacks that I am like, never ever thought I
would need that.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
That's the best thing I've ever purchased the post office.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
The shopping experience at the post office has no rhyme
or reason. I find it the most confusing thing that's
ever existed. It's like there'll be some sort of neck
massage pillow next to a moneybox, yes, next to a
plate that's got Peter Rabbit on it, and you're like,
what is going on here? I use all of those items,
but I bought every single one. I didn't know I
needed that.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
That's exactly what happens to me.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
It's such a lottery and I get so excited by
the randomness of it. So I saw this one when
I was in line for you know, the post office.
I was returning a package and it was thirty five
dollars and I was like, you know what, I really
reckon that my back could do with a leg pillow and.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
It is fan tass, Please describe me what it is again? Sorry,
be cooling. What It's a.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Cool gel leg pillow. She has a very hot house.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
It's hot.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
It's shaped.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
I want you to imagine like the size of your head,
but in like a kind of a triangle, and one
side of it is higher than the rest, so it's
contoured downwards, but it's also contoured so that it goes.
Speaker 4 (09:15):
In between your knees.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
If you're a side sleeper, so it kind of like
you sleep on the side and It goes in between
your knees so that your hips are kept in a
good position, and.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
It's really good if you get lower back page. How
come you do because I just I do that every night.
But I just put a pill in my legs. Do
you need a cooling triangle inclined whirl leg? I have
all of the above.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
I have tried so many different variations of this. I've
tried like a body pillow.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
I even looked into getting a maternity one at one point,
but they're really expensive.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Yeah, but maternity pillows are lit. They are absolutely lit,
and once you've had one, you will never go back
to normal sleeping.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
That's how I feel about a knee pillown now. So
this one with thirty five dollars it is. The brand
is Contour. They've got different variations. Some have cooling gell
in them, some don't. I don't know if you're a
hot sleeper or not.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Mine has the cool gel.
Speaker 4 (10:01):
It goes in between my knees and it is fantastic.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
This to me is the type of thing. It's so
nicknacky that I would buy it, use it for a week,
and then it would sit on my side table. I'd
never use it again. Yeah, Like I'm the queen of
buying gadgets that then get discarded, and that, to me
is what this.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Is, even the good gadgets. Like we both did it.
Remember when we bought the face mask.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
I was literally about to say the omni Lux, the
Omnilux red light mask is actually amazing. It works really well.
The problem is that you have to be consistent with it.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
I go hard for like a couple of months, then
don't use it for six months.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
I am not consistent with anything in my life that
requires any iota of effort. I just bought this this
thing recently. It's called a body sculpt because I was
getting slammed by the ads. So you go in the
shower and you massage. It's like for your cell. Yeah,
so you have to, but the problem is you've got
to do it each body part for five minutes a day, and.
Speaker 4 (10:50):
I want that time.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
As soon as I read the instructions on the back,
I was like, oh, I'll never do that.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
And you only usually shower your feet. You don't even
get in the shower.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
So literally only have a five minute shower. That would
be like spending twenty five mini footbath.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
That's about it. You're screwed. But those feet have no
cellul had on them.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
My feet are great. All right. Look, I have a
recommendation for all of the people who are really into
their plant content. I'm back in my plant era.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
Even that wasn't consistent, so you didn't leave it.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
I have never left it, but I did shut up
about it on the podcast for a while. But I'm back.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
I over.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I'm here for anyone who wants help with keeping their
indoor plants alive. There is a genuinely fantastic Instagram account.
It's called Sydney Plant Guy. He has five hundred and
forty three thousand followers, So there's a lot of people
out there who like plants. Basically, if you are wanting
to grow like marijuana.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Yeah, is that why he's so popular.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
He's got a whole farm if you want to grow hydroponics. No,
Like sometimes indoor plants are very very hard to grow
in terms of like having them look as flourishing as
what they do when they're outside where a plant should
be right, Like, a plant will grow in a crack
in the sidewalk better than what it will grow inside
your house.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
My olive tree inside is thriving yeah, the plastic one.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
But this is like, I mean for anyone who has
like this sounds so niche, but I'm going to lean
in if you have a variegated monsterra or you have
plants that are expensive that are really hard to take
care of but really also challenging to flourish. I found
this instagram. I came across it and like, he is
so helpful with ways in which to better like structure
(12:29):
them so that they can grow in a way that
they would naturally, but do it indoors and it's fantastic,
Like it's really easy plant care tips, and I highly
recommend it if you're a plant galley.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
You know, you never really pinpoint the moment that you're old,
do you Like, there's not a moment.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
But all the cooling gel nice, I'm sane.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
It's like all of a sudden, it just happens. Like
even a couple of days ago, I couldn't believe how
much I got off on the fact that I changed
my living room around. I moved my lounge and I
was like, oh, this is so good. And I was
like this, she's the most exciting thing that happened with
this week. You've got a leg cooling pillow and you're
fur offing a plant. I was like, when did it happen?
When was the transition where we were like, oh, we're
in this era now.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Yeah, I don't hate this era though, I'm okay with that.
I don't hate it off and my house plans are
really happy about it too.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Guys, Okay, let's give him to the questions, Oh, what's
his instagram?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Sydney plant guy, Sydney plant guy, go and give him
a follow, Okay. Question number one, Hi, ladies, my husband's
mum has his location settings on, so basically she's able
to track him at all times. She isn't necessarily controlling
or making a big deal about it, but I often
hear us saying things like, oh, I saw you were
(13:38):
at the pub the other night, or why will you
work on a Saturday. It makes me feel a certain way.
Question mark, question mark, question mark. I just find it
super odd. But it feels like I can't really just
ask him to turn off, because then she's gonna ask
questions and I don't want it to come back on
to me. I guess my question is am I being
ridiculous to be annoyed by the fact that my husband
shares his location settings his mother.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
This is funny. I have like two feelings about this one.
I'm a true crime girl. I think it's important that
someone knows where you are at all times.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Just in case her husband shows up in a bin
if his disappears.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Yep, I think it's important.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
That everyone grim Sorry, that's terrible to take that.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I really like, is that how you would end someone's life.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Put it in a bin?
Speaker 2 (14:21):
My brain was like el No, I do think it's
important and it's not the end of the world. Do
I think it's strange that he shares his location with
his mom? Probably not normal, not out of control. Do
I think it's weird that she constantly checks it? Yes,
the fact that she knows he was at the pub
or at work. Like Ben and I share location, I
have not checked it once. I know it's there, I
(14:43):
do not check it. The fact that she's like tapping
in and out on the daily to see what he's
doing where he's at is a bit of a like
there is something that needs to be let go.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
My question here is is does your husband share his
location settings with you or only with his mom? Is
he like h He's like nah, babe, I'm not going
to share this, but hey, mummy, I'm going to be
at the pub on Friday, hear me out. I think
the reason why he shared it is because it's so
not a big deal to him, Like he just doesn't care.
Obviously she's asked for it, It's been shared at some
point for whatever reason. He's never turned off, and he
(15:13):
just doesn't care that his mom can see where he
is because it's not a big deal to him. It is,
And I agree with you, brit super weird. She checked
that she checks, and that she could going. You've got
to actively choose that. You're like, hey, let's see where
he is at.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
The moment, and then you go into the setting.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
But also it's weird, but it's also could be just harmless,
Like she might be bored, she might be lonely, Like
that might be her way of creating conversation. You know,
he might not caller enough, and it's her way of
being like, oh, I saw that you were at the
pub on Saturday, Like how was your night? You know,
it might be her way of trying to stimulate some
sort of deeper connection with him.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
I think we know what her attachment style is, which
what is it attached.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
But I mean, I understand that you feel a certain
way about it because it is a bit weird that
I don't think that you should necessarily be annoyed by it.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
No, it's one of those it will cause more harm
than good. If you say, hey, turn your location settings
off your mum because she checks it every day, obviously
she's going to be like, why did you turn your
location settings off? There's no answer other than I don't
want you to know where I am or it's weird,
like there's nothing that unless she's showing up to where
he is, then I think you just have to leave it.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Would you have the conversation with your partner though, and
be like, hey, is it odd that?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Like, would you at least have that conversation so you
both can be in the same page, like Wendi to
say like, hey, that is weird that mom does that.
But you know, at least it's then you against the
mom together. It's not like him and the mum being like,
oh here share my location, SWEETI pie come over for dinner.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
What happens If he doesn't think it's weird.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Then you well, I don't know, I know, that's a
whole different story.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
No, I think that's leaning into like the same way
Matt doesn't think it's weird to put his head on
Ellie's lap and get head pats. Like some people are
attached to their mom and they don't think it's weird.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Okay, a bit of context, we've heard it.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
We've all heard.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Okay, a bit of text around this is like what
is and what doesn't constitute overstepping the line for a
parent child relationship, right, we're talking about it on the
radio the other day. And like Matt has an incredibly
close relationship with his mom. We obviously live with his mom. Yeah,
And like Ellie, Ellie is incredible. She like does our
(17:19):
washing for us. I come home, She's cooked us in.
Like she is a mum in every sense of the word,
still to us, even though we are fully grown adults
and very capable of doing things ourselves.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I love it. You're in it now, you're like us.
She's she's done.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
She just like she's so generous and she takes such
good care of us, and she's a care that's like
what she was put on the earth to do. She
has five children, she loves giving.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
And she's a teacher, so she loves like. I say
that because I think that says a lot about the
person you are.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yeah, and also like, Okay, so this might be weird
for some people because they probably don't have this relationship
with their mother in laws. But like, I'll come home
from work if Ellie's in her bedroom and I want
to come and have a conversation with her, Like, I'll
come and crawl up and lay next her in bed
and we'll have a chat, you know, Like to me,
that's so that's where our relationship is at. Matt is
the same, or like if we're all sitting on the couch,
this is the thing that Britt was like, your husband's
(18:04):
are fucking weirdo, So we're all laying on the couch
or sitting on the couch. If I'm like, I'm not
giving you a head rub, Matt will just lay down
and put his head on Ellie's lap and be like, mom, Mom,
rubbed my head. M rub my head.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
I forgot. Keisha hasn't heard this weird or not weird.
Keish as just be honest, because I was honest, Be honest.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
He'll get a head massage from his mom because I
don't want to do it in her lap.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I just want to replay it to you so you
can hear it. How we hear it.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
He's turned to you for affection.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
You haven't provided it, so he's just flipped onto the
other side to get it from his mother.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
That's fine. Hey, you can give him a blowjob as well.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Ellie, I'm tired, Just be dry. It was so funny.
There are there are some common people in the comments
that were like, look, we get the affection. Think it's okay.
Everyone needs affection. Why does his head have to be
in a lap? People are like, why does it have
to be laid down with his head anyway?
Speaker 1 (18:58):
This isn't about Matt, say, I'm not. Before we do
move on, I know that that probably is weird to
a lot of people who don't live with their mother
in lawa and have like that level of closeness. There
is no part of their relationship that I look at
and think is weird. I literally look at their relationship
and think it is the most aspirational relationship for a
mother and son to have. He has so much respect
for his mum, and she totally understands where my boundaries
(19:21):
are at in terms of everything.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Put your head in your dad's lap, friand Messa.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah, but we don't have that.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
It's just the people who are weird about this are
like no, I could never imagine because I don't have
that relationship ship.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
You know, I would never lay down on my dad's
lt and be like Massa like my it's just not
quite right.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Anyway, let's move back to this. There's nothing you can
do about it unless it's actually infiltrating your life to
the point that she's turning up. I think exactly like
you said, Laura, it could just be a way for
her to connect with her son, to have something to
talk about, to make sure he's safe.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
She might be lonely.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
She might be lonely, but not even that. There are
a lot of parents that have trouble letting go. It
can be a really hard thing, and she one hundred
percent has not let go. It's not necessarily bad. You
can't ask her to not check in on him. You
can't ask him to turn his location settings off. I
believe I think that's just gonna cause chaos.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
You definitely can't ask her not to check in. You
could ask your husband to turn off sharing his location settings.
The only thing is is then yeah, it's like is
the juice worth the squeeze, which we often ask, It's like, okay,
she's gonna know. She might say, oh, you turned your
location settings off, and then like you have to have
a conversation around why she feels sad. She might yeah, exactly.
I don't know. Part of me is like I find
(20:40):
it odd because I don't share my location settings with
anyone at all, but you might have.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
To do in case you end up in a bin.
How will we know?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
I don't know. Part of me thinks it's odd. Do
I think it's it's like damaging to your relationship?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
No, So like just location settings are hard. I only
share it with my sister Sherry and Ben and Sherry.
I always forget that I share it with people, so
I don't check in on people. But the number of
times Sherry has called me out on something where she's like,
I'm going to her house for dinner, I'm meeting her
somewhere or whatever it is, and she's like are you closed?
And I'm like on my way not far. She's like,
you're literally in your house. He's still in a shower,
(21:12):
and I'm like fuck. I always figure I'm like I
was like, yeah, gotcha, I'm walking out of the door.
She's like, you're not. She's like, I can see that
you're not. You haven't moved. That's when, again get a
bit tricky.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
Do you think that it's an intimacy. I'm trying to
think of why I find this so week. I want
to validate this person. I find this so weird. I
only share my location with my boyfriend, and we've only
started doing that in the last I think six months.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
He does night shifts.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
I like to make sure that he, like, if I'm
at work, that he's driven home and he's gotten home okay.
And it kind of helps because he can't have his
phone on him at work, so if you know, I'm
making dinner or whatever, I'll know if he's still thirty
minutes away because I can see where he is. I
find that it's like quite an intimate thing between us
that we I've never trusted someone to share a location
(21:57):
with before, Like I always found it was just a
bit of a weird independence breaker, you know, Like I
just wanted the autonomy of no one knowing where I
was so I didn't have to explain it all.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
I don't know what it was.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
I was weird about it until quite recently, so I
think that that's why I find it so weird that
the mum has the location.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
It feels like an intimate thing to me.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
I think it's intimate.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
I think it definitely makes him seem like he's a
bit of a mummy's boy for sure, and like he
hasn't necessarily shared.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
To begin with.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Well, you never know, they could have been on holidays together,
like there could have been any number of reason as
to why it was shared in the first place.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
But that's why you do the one week one not indefinitely,
Like you know, when it says do you want to
share for one hour, one week or indefinitely, don't pick it?
Definitely pick one week and extend all right? Question number two,
how did two avoidance make a relationship work? I'm twenty
nine and I finally got my hands on the man
I've been plotting about for ten years. That sounds so bad.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
That's a long time to have feelings with someone.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
But also it sounds like you've finally got your hands
on like a limited edition bag or something like something
that I've waited. I've finally got my hands on this guy.
I've been lotting about for ten years. This sounds extreme
pining for I think she means yeah, no judgment. We've
always I judge and don't listen. I mean I listen
and don't judge.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
We've that sounds like every argument ever I judge and
I don't listen.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yeah, what you're wrong? What? Okay? We've always had a
strong connection, but life has led us in different directions
over the years. We've been seeing each other as exclusive
friends with benefits for the last year, but things have
evolved recently. We spend hours chatting planning our future. Our
communication is great, We're super compatible. The spark is strong.
(23:39):
It may as well be on fire.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Wow, she sounds wonderful.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
But we have both realized that we have avoidant attachment styles,
which has prevented us from going all in. Recently, we've
both admitted we're in deep and would like to be together.
So my question is, how do quote unquote regular people
do this. I can't get my head around how to
be a girlfriend and what that mean for my sense
of self and my lifestyle. I'm hyper independent, falling in love,
(24:04):
and absolutely terrified. Help.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
I think this is interesting because on one hand, you've
said that you have spent heaps of time. We spend
hours chatting, planning our future, and our communication is great.
So it sounds like to me, you're already it's not avoiding,
you're already so far down that rabbit hole. Or maybe
you're quite okay with the conversation part, but then when
it comes into the actuality of committing yourself or committing
(24:29):
your time, that's when you start to freak out. My
only thing around this is like, I think that sometimes
we can self sabotage. You say you've had feelings of
this guy for ten years, you've been in a friends
with benefit relationship for a year, you now finally made
the commitment to give it a go. I would say,
if you are having second thoughts about that, or you're
finding it difficult to commit to it properly, like that
(24:51):
is deeply avoided, and it's like, be careful of the
line between self sabotage and also blaming your avoidant personality
type as your excuse for this, because you're clearly very
aware that you pride on your independence. You love your independence,
you love having your own sensus self. You can maintain
all of those things in a healthy relationship. You don't
(25:11):
sacrifice all of that just because you've started dating someone.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Yeah, and I understand what you're feeling. I remember feeling
the same thing. I'm assuming when you say you've been plotting,
slash pining for this guy for ten years, I'm assuming
you were probably single for most of that time. It's
really difficult when you've been really independent and on your
own and not dating, to then date and be dependent.
And I remember feeling the same way. I remember saying
(25:35):
to my friend, I don't know how to be in
a relationship. I don't know how to be a partner.
I don't know how to be a girlfriend. I don't
know what the expectations are. I don't know how to
share my life with someone. Which is silly because everyone knows,
right like everyone has that. But when you get accustomed
to live in a certain way or only relying on
yourself or doing everything on your own, you said you're
hyper independent. Well it's not silly, no, but it's a
(25:57):
big life change one hundred percent, And that's scares people.
It scared me. I remember thinking, am I going to
be with no one else again? In my whole life?
Am I going to be with this one person? What
if this person's not right, then you start to get
in your head and that's when the self sabotage comes in.
I think you need to roll with it. Absolutely, two
people that are the same avoidant or whatever your attachment is,
(26:17):
any two people can be together if you're hyper aware
and socially enough aware of what you are, what your
communication style is, and who you are. That's half the battle.
You might need to work a little bit harder than
two other different types of styles that are matched together. Like,
there are definitely people that are more compatible, but anyone
can make anything work when they understand what they are,
(26:38):
what their partner is, what they need, and what work
you have to do to meet each other halfway. But
I don't think, like Laura said, I'm not convinced you
are avoidant. I think you're a bit scared to take
the leap into this new phase of life because you
have an experience for so long. Also, sometimes when you're
chasing something for so long, you've been chasing this for
ten years, all of a sudden you've got it. There's
(27:00):
something where it's like holy shit, like do I actually
want this? Is this where we're going? Am I? But
I think you're not avoidant, And I think no, I think.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
She is avoidant. I think absolutely can be. I think
an avoidant person can like know that then recognize that
they want all those things in another person, and they
can like verbally apply themselves. But once it gets to
a place where they actually have to like physically make
those commitments or things are feeling like that level of
intimacy is increasing, or the closeness or that they're encroaching
on their time, that's a trigger for them, and so
(27:28):
then they start to pull away, Hence the whole idea
of self sabotage. But I guess my thing is, and
look for anyone who's not one hundred percent across like
what an avoidant attachment style is. Avoidant attachment styles in
relationships may avoid expressions of intimacy and affection and pull
back from romantic connections once they start to become too serious.
It doesn't mean that they don't love their partner, they
just struggle with connection. The thing, though, is, and what
(27:52):
I believe is like, if you have recognized the type
of personality style that you are, you can do the
work to change it. You can recognize your triggers, you
can actually start to change the behaviors. Once you start
to see yourself doing them, you're not. And I hate
this idea that we're just like a victim to our
attachment style, that you can never have a great relationship
(28:13):
because your X, Y Z attachment styles are fluid. They
change depending on what relationship you're in, what the attachment
style is of the person that you are dating.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
What period of life you're in, one hundred.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Percent, what you want, what you need, what your experience
is at that point in your life. The fact that
you are aware of it means that you are not
a slave to it, and the fact that your partner
is also aware of it means that he doesn't have
to be either. I would hope that you have enough
ability to stop using it as an excuse to limit
yourself in your relationships, because I really think that even
(28:45):
two people who are avoidant can have a really mutually
incredible relationship because they understand and value what is important
to each person. If independence is important to you, the
great thing is is that your partner also has that
strong need for independence. You can respect that in each other.
You can respect the fact that you both really want
to maintain a strong sense of your own identity, it
(29:07):
just means you're going to have to work a little
bit harder to have the deeper level of communication and connection,
which it sounds like you're doing that anyway, because you're
talking for hours about where your future is going to be.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Agree with everything. And what I want to say here
is I do think that there might be a chance
that you are confusing avoidant attachment style with just being scared.
And I say that because everything you've said, we have
a great connection, we plan our future. You literally say
communication is great, we chat for hours, we plan our future.
(29:36):
The spark is strong. We are so combatible, we want
to go all in. I think you're just scared. I
actually don't think you're avoidant at all. But I think
we're so used to having to put a label on everything,
which sometimes we don't need to put a label. And
it's normal to be scared when you're going into a
new chapter. It's normal to be scared to put your
emotions and your heart on the line because there's a
chance it doesn't work and something you thought or romanticized
(29:59):
or fantasy for ten years might not turn out to
be exactly what you need, and that can be really scary.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
I have a question when you say scared for it,
because I often think sometimes we speak about this idea
of like being scared to lose yourself in a relationship
or lose your sense of identity, But actually, what I
think we're scared of is being hurt. It's not so
much about the losing yourself or what the relationship could be.
It's the fact that, like, if you open yourself up
to it entirely, then there's a greater possibility of being
(30:28):
really deeply hurt by it. And so when you've been
single for a long time or you've only been dating
for a long time and haven't given yourself over to
those feelings, that is like a frightening thing.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Yeah, And I say, I think you're confusing the two
because you've literally said all these amazing things, and then
you say, I'm absolutely terrified. So I don't think you're avoidant.
I think you are just scared, which is completely normal.
I want to validate those feelings. What I do think
you need to do is there's no right way to
be a girlfriend. There's just two people that make whatever
their relationship is and their personalities work. You've if this
(31:00):
for so long, our life is short. What are you
scared for jump in if there's a chance it doesn't
work out. That's also life, and that is completely okay.
It's normal most people, I mean everyone at some point,
except if you are one of those people that their
first relationship at sixteen is the person they marry for
their life. Everyone experiences failed relationships, but they're not failed.
(31:23):
It's just a part of the journey to find the person.
My advice here is to absolutely go all in. This
is not a new thing. It's ten years in the making.
Your communication is there. You can still be hyper independent
in a relationship. I mean, that's exactly what I am
right now. I know it's long distance, but I would
still be hyper independent if I lived with Ben, because
it's who my personality is. A relationship doesn't have to
(31:45):
change you and take that away. You do have to
be malleable with a partner, Like you might not be
able to go away on benders for weekends without communicating
that you're not going to be in contact. Like maybe
things change in that sense, yep.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
But that's still independence. That's selfishness.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
That's my point, Like, you can still have your independence
and be all in in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
My thought though, is, and I think that there is
a greater debt here in terms of like feeling like
there is like what's on the line, the risk of
what's on the line. And that's because it is someone
who you've been pining about for ten years. The fear
factor is greater because you've already built up a sense
of what this relationship could be in your head. I
would say that if you've been pining or you've had
(32:24):
a crush on someone for ten years, you've probably built
them into a bit of like a magical being and
the potential of your relationship into like a magical possibility.
The reality is is you have no idea what this
relationship is going to be until you give it a shot.
It may not meet up to the expectations, it may
exceed them. There is absolutely no way of knowing. But
(32:45):
I think be very very careful with what is you
excited and like invested in the potential of the relationship
rather than what necessarily the relationship is, and treating it
as though you're starting a new relationship, not that you're
coming into this with ten years of like life excitement
and like suspense around what it could be, Because that's
(33:06):
definitely gonna change how you feel? Question number three Is
it weird for the bridal party to slow dance with
their partners? What are your thoughts on a bride making
the bridesmaids and groomsmen slow dance together at the start
of the night. My boyfriend is in a wedding and
he has to slow dance with his partner for five minutes.
(33:27):
She said that in a capital So I feel like
we gotten that. Yeah, to really put some emphasis on
this is this normal? Am I overreacting that? I find
it so weird. My heart rate is resting at one
hundred and twenty beats right now. I am that anxious.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
I don't think that was literal. I think that's her
trying and say she's stress. I don't think she's got
a whoop on that's testing Harry.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Maybe she does. I feel like it's very accurate.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Oh, that's weird. Five minutes is a really long slow dance.
I don't know who's slow dancing for five minutes. That's
multiple songs. Songs don't even go for five minutes, that's
my point. That's two to three songs of slow dance.
So I think that's an exaggeration or if she is
making them dance for three songs in a road. That's
fucking weird. Absolutely, This idea of making the bridal party
slow dance is something of the ages. Is something that
(34:11):
has been like a standard traditional part of weddings for
as long as I can remember. I've had to do
it before. It's just a part of being like, hey,
these are our people that we have chosen that are
coming on the dance floor to dance. I don't think
it needs to be a staple in a wedding. It
does confuse me a little bit, but I understand it,
and I don't think it has to be that much
of a big deal. He hasn't chosen to You're not
(34:32):
at a wedding and he's like, hey, Babs, I'm going
to go and ask the bridesmad to dance. It's a
part of what that bride and groom have chosen for
their bridal party to do and partake in. It is
sometimes weird, I remember, but once I had to slow
dance with someone that I didn't know that was on
the other side of the party, and it was weird.
It was uncomfortable. We're very close and intimate, You're looking
at each other's eyes and like, don't know you partner's
(34:53):
over there. Sure, it's unusual. I don't know if I'm
going to make my people do it at my wedding.
It's something I haven't thought about to now.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Okay, well think about it. You're gonna make people slow
dance who don't know each other.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Probably not, or they can come on if they want
with their partners, or they can come on with someone. But
having said that, I remember being at a wedding single
before and everyone went out. The party went out with
their partners instead of the bridal party, and I was
just standing there like a little turtle off to the site.
I was like, oh, no, one wants a dance.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
You made me dance with you at Laura's wedding.
Speaker 4 (35:21):
Yeah, it's like the partner time. Because we were both.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
Saying that's my point exactly, I was like, O, Kisha
gonna have this dance? I think you are overthinking it.
It's just a part of weddings, it has been for years.
It doesn't mean anything is going to happen. It doesn't
mean he loves you any less. I would be questioning
why it makes you uncomfortable?
Speaker 1 (35:38):
Yeah, I mean I read this and I think if
your partner is part of a bridal party, they've been
matched with a stranger, or they've been matched with someone
that they might know kind of a little bit, and
they've been asked to slow dance with them. I think
that the slow dance is innocent. The slow dance doesn't
mean anything. There's no like, there's no secret deep connection.
There doesn't mean he's going to run off with her.
(35:59):
It's not he won't. He's not going to. I find
it odd that it creates this much anxiety in you,
the thought of your partner slow dancing with someone else
when it's been something that's like an expectation. You know.
It's interesting because like coming off the back of Dancing
with the Stars, right, like you've just done it, brit.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
You grind all up on a stranger.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Yeah, and I did it two years ago. I was
matched with my dance partner, and it is there is
like a real intimacy there. But slow dancing doesn't have
to be like I mean, we were like doing the
bloody we were like up against each other, right, Like
that's what that dance was. And I found it really
weird because there's like a level of intimacy. But then
there's no chemistry, but like you just got to kind
of make the chemistry seem like it's convincing, and you're
(36:38):
supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
Telling like a love story goes you guys are in
love and this you're on this journey. It's totally looking
at each other and so you don't.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Know though, which is a very different kettle of fish
to having a slow dance at a wedding. They don't
have to be staring into each other's eyes and holding
each other really close. They can just do the two
step from side to side kind of, you know, half
holding each other. I don't think that it's slow dance
has to be a level of intimacy that's uncomfortable, And
if he's making it a level of intimacy that's uncomfortable,
(37:06):
that's weird in and of itself. You know, people slow
dance with their mums. They slow dance like dancing is
just dancing. And to me, I guess it's like the
bride has an idea of what she wants for her wedding,
and that's for her and her husband to be on
the dance floor with her bridal party and all of
them to have a dance together. It maybe because she
doesn't want to be like on the dance floor by
herself with her husband. That might be uncomfortable for her.
(37:28):
So I don't think it's a big deal. And like
I said, my biggest reaction to this is the fact
that it is creating that much anxiety in you. Do
you not trust your partner? Do you find it uncomfortable
when they speak to girls or spend time with girls
outside of your relationship? Like? What is it about this?
It's that triggering for you that you are literally in capitals,
(37:50):
like I am that anxious.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
I think it's way more simple than that, Like, I
know that we're covering all bases. I think it's really simple.
I just don't think you understand that it's a normal
part of weddings. Maybe you haven't into that mini because
you literally say, is it normal that they have to
do this, they have to dance together?
Speaker 1 (38:04):
Is that weird? It's not weird.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
It's a very standard part of a lot of weddings.
So I do just wonder if maybe you haven't had
that exposure or know a lot of people that have
gone to weddings like that. But it's like every wedding
that I have ever known or ever been to has
pretty much has this aspect. I can't remember if.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
Yeah, Like there's no ulterior there's no ulterior motive, like
they're not trying to get the bridal party together, like
to hook up or anything.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
And you can be waiting on the sidelines to swoop
in the second that that three point five songs and
five minutes is over, Like you're in there.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Hear me out. Maybe she's not invited to the wedding
and that's why she has the anxiety. Maybe they are
a new couple, which I would understand. Then if you're
a new couple, you haven't been invited, so you already
feel a little bit invalidated in your dating and in
your relationship, and then you find out that your partner
is going and slow dancing. What I think has happened
here is that you are catastrophizing a situation in your
(38:52):
head because you are feeling in the blanks.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
I think she just doesn't know.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
No, I don't think she's going to the wedding.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
I agree, Laura, But I genuine only just think she
doesn't know. She just said, is it normal for them
to slow dance? Yeah, it's normal totally.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
But my thing is is if you were there and
you were able to witness it, there's no way that
you would feel as insecure as what you do now.
It's the fact that you're not there, you're not witnessing it,
and so therefore it's turned into a bigger thing in
your head than what actually it is.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Unless he's been matched with like Mirandaka or something like
I did see Courtney Cox recently. Was it a wedding
in Australia?
Speaker 1 (39:22):
My friend did her makeup?
Speaker 4 (39:24):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:24):
At the wedding.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Margot Robbie not long ago, was a bridesmaid for her friend. Like, yeah,
that's where my insecurity would come from. If my boyfriend
had a five minute SLW dance with Margo Robbie.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
N I'd be so fine. I'd be like, she's out
of your league.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
No, I'd do it. I'd be like, tap it if
you could. I was like, yeah, just for sorry, No,
I wouldn't. But completely normal. The five minutes not normal,
that's weird, that's really abnormal. Did you do it, Laura,
I can't remember. Did you make your No, we.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
Didn't slow dance, though we did a silly dance. At
no point did we have a slow dance in our wedding.
We just went from like.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
My dance is going to be the slowest dance you've
ever seen.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
We did like a mock slow dance for about thirty seconds,
and then we busted into like a funny routine and
then everyone the band just started playing, so everyone was
on the dance for having a party.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
Can you imagine Ben doing a choreograph dance? Absolutely not.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
I find slow dancing unless you're good at it, like
unless you've learned to slow dance, or you can do
a waltz or something. I find it uncomfortable for everyone
else to stand around and watch a little bit, like
when two people don't know how to dance, but they
kind of look forced into just swaying from side to side.
You know that they've never done it before.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
Well, Laura, avert your eyes my wedding.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
I don't want to go to the toilet. I just
find it like why do we make people do this?
Like why is this such a tradition when clearly so
many people are uncomfortable by doing it.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
I did read I'm very much up on the trends
at the moment, whending trends betweenty twenty five it's my algorithm.
Choreograph dancers are out the shame. Yeah, Choreograph dances are
absolutely out. So are entries. You know how they have
entries where people dance in the bridesmaids You remember I
had to do it once.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
Yeah, I've done it at most my weddings too, out
every bride'smaid of But why that just sounds like fun
is our?
Speaker 2 (40:57):
What?
Speaker 1 (40:57):
So like you need to have this polished wedding that
has no personality.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
I mean, no one listens to trends anyway. I'm just
saying that's what the algorithm told me.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
I don't think people should be listening to algorithms for weddings.
I think I have the wedding that you want to have,
absolutely yeah, And I would one hundred percent prefer a
couple to do a silly choreographed dance then to watch
two people awkwardly sway from side to side. Wow.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
Double down, Laura. I Am going to be awkwardly swaying
from side to side so Ben does not crump, He
does not do choreography.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
Ben will do the awkward sway. You've just had six
weeks of like professional elite dancing.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
I'm not going to sasha around him ways stands still
in them match if you just stand still and like
sways like an elephants side to side and I'm like
sashaying around.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
But that would almost be like any man who's on
Dancing with the Stars, Like if you've watched that show,
most of the men don't have to dance, They just
do a couple of like steps and the professional female
dancer spins around them so rapidly that it makes them
look good.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
They always do in they do nothing. I mean, the
women are doing backflips in high heels. But I will
I'll probably try and teach Ben like one. What I'm
hoping is we can make it look good. I'm hoping
that sixty percent is swaying from side side, but then
I can put a good dip in and put one
good lift in. It's got to be thirty seconds, that's it,
and then I'm hoping that we can nail it. We
(42:10):
can confuse people so much and I'll I'll probably have
some fireworks going off to distract at the same time
so people don't know where to look.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
All right, guys, well, look that is it from us.
If you have any questions for ask gun cut slide
on into the DMS. Ask your questions because we will
be back, well, actually we'll be back in a week
to answer them, so we will collect them or can
do that at Life Fun Cut podcast, or you can
send them in by email, or you can also send
them into the discussion group at Life Fun Cut Podcast
on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Also send us in your aftermaths please if we've ever
answered a question, or if we've answered your friend's question,
we want to know what happens, so please writing with
an aftermath. And you guys know the drills, so mum
te dad, tell you dog tee friends, and share the
love because we love love
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany and producer Keisha keep that in
what Laura just did at the start? Do you know
what it sounded like, whiteladus. It was whiteloadus, wasn't and
then it was the start of it.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
That's what all we need on a Monday, Okay, we
all need the white list.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Do you know what Britt used to do before we
would start episodes. Britt just to slap herself in the
face to get herself in a mood back in the day,
when you know, you would be tired, it was late
at night. We would record at all hours to try
and get this podcast out.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
And it was.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Especially when I was still working at the hospital and
sometimes you'd been like on a twelve hour shift and
it was eleven pm at night. I would literally slap
myself in the face, not hard. I don't want people think.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
You know, like waking, Like yeah, it was a ritual,
pre record ritual. Brit would slap herself. I would laugh
at her, and then we were in the mood.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
It was like I was psyching myself up. You'd think
that I was like, say, about to go and performing
in front of thousand of people. I was like, come on,
you can do it, or like a football match or something,
because like I was really pumping myself up like a fighter.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
I'm not sure if there's any Olympics or there was
a coach that did that to the fighter and people
all across the world were like, that's not okay, Well
a coach.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
The coach slapped the fighter. Yeah, but it probably is.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
It is okay if your job is about to be
punched in the face, that's different. It's not like they're
going in for promotion and then boss slaps across the face.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
That's just part of the warm up.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
It's not Britt slapping me in the facesha edit better
slap you Like if you're a fighter, that would get
you psyched because you want them to be angry and
you want them to be fired up.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Not saying that any violence is okay, but when your
job is violence, it hits different.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
So just so you guys do know, we are having
a holiday very shortly, and this episode has been recorded
in the EFFA. Actually it's just been pre recorded because
Britt is on her way to Italy to go and
spend some time with Bed.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I'm not on my way, I'm there. I'm Orgasmine as
we speak, I hope.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
So why is that where you always take it.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
To Because I don't have sex for three months at
a time, and then that's what I'm going to be doing.
And we're all about having an unfiltered chat here. If
you guys think I'm doing anything other than that, you cook.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
We'll also just keep in mind that whilst you're listening
to this brute is mid orgasm, I'm having a home likely.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Not just I also am not for what I will say,
it's I'm a very family person. I can't wait. I'm
looking forward to it. But my sister Sherry Jay and
baby Maya are going to come and visit.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
The family shouldn't be included in that bridge. Y, Well, what.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
The problem is. Ben's always had like a two bedroom
apartment with two bathrooms, and it's quite big and it's
been great, but he's now moved into a one bedroom
apartment because he had no time to find it. One bedroom,
one bathroom, and the spare room is just a sofa
bed in the lounge. The lounge pulls out. So this
is a very small, intimate apartment. So now I'm like,
(02:51):
do I just shout them in airbanb Do I put
them up somewhere?
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Surely if they're coming for a holiday, they can get
themselves in it. It just they don't have to stay
in the apartment if the apartment not adequately sized. Also,
they have a baby, they probably don't want to stay
in the apartment.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
It's just really expensive over there. So you always offer, right,
I'm always like, of course you guys can, Like they're
already paying one thousand bus sea don't. I was like,
you guys are so welcome to stay on the tiny
pullout sofa in the one bedroom apartment.
Speaker 4 (03:14):
Come would you give up the main room for them?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Would be ridiculous? How would I do that? I think
that I think that they're going to do half half
because Sheridan was like, look, we won't stay. We know
what you guys are going to be doing and no
one needs to hear that, And I was like, no,
that's ridiculous. Family comes first. No, actually I come first,
then the family comes second. But I was like, why
don't we do half half? Stay a couple of days
with us? Because I also want maybe mightac to be
(03:39):
at my disposal twenty four to seven, Like I want
to have access to it whenever I want. But I
was like, why don't you do three days with us
and then three days in and their baby? So I
think that's the happy medium.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Well, this is I mean in terms of what we
have coming up for you guys. So we still have
an episode coming out on Wednesday, and then we are
taking one week off for Easter break and we'll be
back to normal programming after that. So I mean, is
a way having a wonderful time. I hopefully, if things
work out and stars align, will be able to spend
my first week down at the house we've been renovating
down the South coast. So that's cross Yeah, I'm really like,
(04:11):
I'm so looking forward to it. It all depends on
furniture deliveries, so like fingers crossed, that freedom comes through
with like the delivery on time.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Well, you can't just go and lay on the ground,
Well yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Kind of what we'll be doing otherwise. So oping in
a house yeah, but you kind of need at least
a couch or a bed or something like a chair.
There's literally the house is barren and we have all
the furniture arriving at one time, so it's still touch
and go at the moment as to whether that's going
to happen. But that is the plan for our little
easter break.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Do you know what my parents told me all the
time growing up? These are these stories that come from
your parents where they're like, I walked three kilometers in
the snow to get to school. I all will never
forget my dad and my mum saying that they had
a ladder in their house for nearly two years and
that they had like camp furniture because they were building
a house and they couldn't afford furniture as well. And
I guess times have changed so much because now we
(04:59):
can get furniture for so cheap.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
It just might not be good furniture totally.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
But I always picture them and I'm like, how did
you live for two years like that?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Like, surely you've.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Added so much mayo to it? You know that's an exaggeration.
It's like when yeah, exactly like you said, and I
walked to school with no shoes. Yeah, thanks mum.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
So maybe you can just have camp chairs for two
weeks and teach the.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Girls what it's like to live in a little bit
less comfortable situation.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
They like, yeah, we'll tell them that we're glamping. But anyway, guys,
we're here to answer your questions for asking. Cut before
we do that. It is vibes and unsubscribes. Britt, What
is your Vibe for the Week?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
My Vibe for the Week is a podcast. It's a
podcast by BBC. It's hosted by two people, one girl
named Hannah and she's the victim and then coincidentally her
stepmom growing up like her parents are split, but her
stepmum but a stepmum's a journalist and the podcast is
called Stalked and it's her Hannah telling the story herself
(05:52):
about her experience with exactly that this stalker but it
is so extreme and went for so many years, is
and completely infiltrated her life, like this person that stalked
her and she was trying to figure out who it was, right,
she had this guy that became a bit obsessed with her.
But then stalkers came separately and they were presented to
(06:13):
her as people that were hacking into her phone, following
her around, writing to her like they know everything about
her and she's trying to piece together who it is,
and she's trying to piece together in her life who
it could be. And it's her trying to figure out
if these people that are stalking her online the same
people that she had issues with in real life, but
it's different because she's telling the story from her experience.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Does this have sort of like a hybrid between being
catfish and stalk because it sounds like it has some
similarities to Sweet Bobby sort.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Of she knows this, and I don't want to give
too much away. She knows the person very intimately over years,
they're actually friends. But the catfishing comes from eventually him
not being who he said he was, but that takes
years to discover, and the lengths that he goes to
to pretend his life is one thing when it's not
is so extreme, But it's them figuring out over the
(07:06):
years and putting the pieces together. But hearing the story
from her point of view, she's very educated, she's very
well spoken. Her showing how the wool was pulled over
her eyes and how extreme it was. I just found
it really fascinating, and I liked that their two hosts
had this connection as well. It was a great listen. Yeah,
so that's BBC podcast anywhere you get your podcasts, but
(07:27):
it's called stalk.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
How many episodes is it?
Speaker 2 (07:29):
It's seven episodes?
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Awesome, Yeah, my vibe this week.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
I feel like sometimes my vibes can be really like
thought provoking, and then for a couple of weeks in
a row, I fall into these categories where they are
just such simple, basic things that I'm like, I don't
know if this is too low bra.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
I like the pendulum between really really insightful to totally basic. Bitch.
I think we're all here for.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
It, but there's no I think there's no right or wrong.
We can be basic, we can be well smart, not
right now insightful.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
We can It is a contour legacy, cool gel leg pillow.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
What the hell key shark?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
I got it from? Just got from the post I
got it from the post office.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
When you go to the post office, they have so
many knickknacks that I am like, never ever thought I
would need that.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
That's the best thing I've ever purchased the post office.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
The shopping experience at the post office has no rhyme
or reason. I find it the most confusing thing that's
ever existed. It's like there'll be some sort of neck
massage pillow next to a moneybox, yes, next to a
plate that's got Peter Rabbit on it, and you're like,
what is going on here? I use all of those items,
but I bought every single one. I didn't know I
needed that.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
That's exactly what happens to me.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
It's such a lottery and I get so excited by
the randomness of it. So I saw this one when
I was in line for you know, the post office.
I was returning a package and it was thirty five
dollars and I was like, you know what, I really
reckon that my back could do with a leg pillow and.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
It is fan tass, Please describe me what it is again? Sorry,
be cooling. What It's a.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Cool gel leg pillow. She has a very hot house.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
It's hot.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
It's shaped.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
I want you to imagine like the size of your head,
but in like a kind of a triangle, and one
side of it is higher than the rest, so it's
contoured downwards, but it's also contoured so that it goes.
Speaker 4 (09:15):
In between your knees.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
If you're a side sleeper, so it kind of like
you sleep on the side and It goes in between
your knees so that your hips are kept in a
good position, and.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
It's really good if you get lower back page. How
come you do because I just I do that every night.
But I just put a pill in my legs. Do
you need a cooling triangle inclined whirl leg? I have
all of the above.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
I have tried so many different variations of this. I've
tried like a body pillow.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
I even looked into getting a maternity one at one point,
but they're really expensive.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Yeah, but maternity pillows are lit. They are absolutely lit,
and once you've had one, you will never go back
to normal sleeping.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
That's how I feel about a knee pillown now. So
this one with thirty five dollars it is. The brand
is Contour. They've got different variations. Some have cooling gell
in them, some don't. I don't know if you're a
hot sleeper or not.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Mine has the cool gel.
Speaker 4 (10:01):
It goes in between my knees and it is fantastic.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
This to me is the type of thing. It's so
nicknacky that I would buy it, use it for a week,
and then it would sit on my side table. I'd
never use it again. Yeah, Like I'm the queen of
buying gadgets that then get discarded, and that, to me
is what this.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Is, even the good gadgets. Like we both did it.
Remember when we bought the face mask.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
I was literally about to say the omni Lux, the
Omnilux red light mask is actually amazing. It works really well.
The problem is that you have to be consistent with it.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
I go hard for like a couple of months, then
don't use it for six months.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
I am not consistent with anything in my life that
requires any iota of effort. I just bought this this
thing recently. It's called a body sculpt because I was
getting slammed by the ads. So you go in the
shower and you massage. It's like for your cell. Yeah,
so you have to, but the problem is you've got
to do it each body part for five minutes a day, and.
Speaker 4 (10:50):
I want that time.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
As soon as I read the instructions on the back,
I was like, oh, I'll never do that.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
And you only usually shower your feet. You don't even
get in the shower.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
So literally only have a five minute shower. That would
be like spending twenty five mini footbath.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
That's about it. You're screwed. But those feet have no
cellul had on them.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
My feet are great. All right. Look, I have a
recommendation for all of the people who are really into
their plant content. I'm back in my plant era.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
Even that wasn't consistent, so you didn't leave it.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
I have never left it, but I did shut up
about it on the podcast for a while. But I'm back.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
I over.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I'm here for anyone who wants help with keeping their
indoor plants alive. There is a genuinely fantastic Instagram account.
It's called Sydney Plant Guy. He has five hundred and
forty three thousand followers, So there's a lot of people
out there who like plants. Basically, if you are wanting
to grow like marijuana.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Yeah, is that why he's so popular.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
He's got a whole farm if you want to grow hydroponics. No,
Like sometimes indoor plants are very very hard to grow
in terms of like having them look as flourishing as
what they do when they're outside where a plant should
be right, Like, a plant will grow in a crack
in the sidewalk better than what it will grow inside
your house.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
My olive tree inside is thriving yeah, the plastic one.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
But this is like, I mean for anyone who has
like this sounds so niche, but I'm going to lean
in if you have a variegated monsterra or you have
plants that are expensive that are really hard to take
care of but really also challenging to flourish. I found
this instagram. I came across it and like, he is
so helpful with ways in which to better like structure
(12:29):
them so that they can grow in a way that
they would naturally, but do it indoors and it's fantastic,
Like it's really easy plant care tips, and I highly
recommend it if you're a plant galley.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
You know, you never really pinpoint the moment that you're old,
do you Like, there's not a moment.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
But all the cooling gel nice, I'm sane.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
It's like all of a sudden, it just happens. Like
even a couple of days ago, I couldn't believe how
much I got off on the fact that I changed
my living room around. I moved my lounge and I
was like, oh, this is so good. And I was
like this, she's the most exciting thing that happened with
this week. You've got a leg cooling pillow and you're
fur offing a plant. I was like, when did it happen?
When was the transition where we were like, oh, we're
in this era now.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Yeah, I don't hate this era though, I'm okay with that.
I don't hate it off and my house plans are
really happy about it too.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Guys, Okay, let's give him to the questions, Oh, what's
his instagram?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Sydney plant guy, Sydney plant guy, go and give him
a follow, Okay. Question number one, Hi, ladies, my husband's
mum has his location settings on, so basically she's able
to track him at all times. She isn't necessarily controlling
or making a big deal about it, but I often
hear us saying things like, oh, I saw you were
(13:38):
at the pub the other night, or why will you
work on a Saturday. It makes me feel a certain way.
Question mark, question mark, question mark. I just find it
super odd. But it feels like I can't really just
ask him to turn off, because then she's gonna ask
questions and I don't want it to come back on
to me. I guess my question is am I being
ridiculous to be annoyed by the fact that my husband
shares his location settings his mother.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
This is funny. I have like two feelings about this one.
I'm a true crime girl. I think it's important that
someone knows where you are at all times.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Just in case her husband shows up in a bin
if his disappears.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Yep, I think it's important.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
That everyone grim Sorry, that's terrible to take that.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I really like, is that how you would end someone's life.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Put it in a bin?
Speaker 2 (14:21):
My brain was like el No, I do think it's
important and it's not the end of the world. Do
I think it's strange that he shares his location with
his mom? Probably not normal, not out of control. Do
I think it's weird that she constantly checks it? Yes,
the fact that she knows he was at the pub
or at work. Like Ben and I share location, I
have not checked it once. I know it's there, I
(14:43):
do not check it. The fact that she's like tapping
in and out on the daily to see what he's
doing where he's at is a bit of a like
there is something that needs to be let go.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
My question here is is does your husband share his
location settings with you or only with his mom? Is
he like h He's like nah, babe, I'm not going
to share this, but hey, mummy, I'm going to be
at the pub on Friday, hear me out. I think
the reason why he shared it is because it's so
not a big deal to him, Like he just doesn't care.
Obviously she's asked for it, It's been shared at some
point for whatever reason. He's never turned off, and he
(15:13):
just doesn't care that his mom can see where he
is because it's not a big deal to him. It is,
And I agree with you, brit super weird. She checked
that she checks, and that she could going. You've got
to actively choose that. You're like, hey, let's see where
he is at.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
The moment, and then you go into the setting.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
But also it's weird, but it's also could be just harmless,
Like she might be bored, she might be lonely, Like
that might be her way of creating conversation. You know,
he might not caller enough, and it's her way of
being like, oh, I saw that you were at the
pub on Saturday, Like how was your night? You know,
it might be her way of trying to stimulate some
sort of deeper connection with him.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
I think we know what her attachment style is, which
what is it attached.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
But I mean, I understand that you feel a certain
way about it because it is a bit weird that
I don't think that you should necessarily be annoyed by it.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
No, it's one of those it will cause more harm
than good. If you say, hey, turn your location settings
off your mum because she checks it every day, obviously
she's going to be like, why did you turn your
location settings off? There's no answer other than I don't
want you to know where I am or it's weird,
like there's nothing that unless she's showing up to where
he is, then I think you just have to leave it.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Would you have the conversation with your partner though, and
be like, hey, is it odd that?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Like, would you at least have that conversation so you
both can be in the same page, like Wendi to
say like, hey, that is weird that mom does that.
But you know, at least it's then you against the
mom together. It's not like him and the mum being like,
oh here share my location, SWEETI pie come over for dinner.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
What happens If he doesn't think it's weird.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Then you well, I don't know, I know, that's a
whole different story.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
No, I think that's leaning into like the same way
Matt doesn't think it's weird to put his head on
Ellie's lap and get head pats. Like some people are
attached to their mom and they don't think it's weird.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Okay, a bit of context, we've heard it.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
We've all heard.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Okay, a bit of text around this is like what
is and what doesn't constitute overstepping the line for a
parent child relationship, right, we're talking about it on the
radio the other day. And like Matt has an incredibly
close relationship with his mom. We obviously live with his mom. Yeah,
And like Ellie, Ellie is incredible. She like does our
(17:19):
washing for us. I come home, She's cooked us in.
Like she is a mum in every sense of the word,
still to us, even though we are fully grown adults
and very capable of doing things ourselves.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I love it. You're in it now, you're like us.
She's she's done.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
She just like she's so generous and she takes such
good care of us, and she's a care that's like
what she was put on the earth to do. She
has five children, she loves giving.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
And she's a teacher, so she loves like. I say
that because I think that says a lot about the
person you are.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yeah, and also like, Okay, so this might be weird
for some people because they probably don't have this relationship
with their mother in laws. But like, I'll come home
from work if Ellie's in her bedroom and I want
to come and have a conversation with her, Like, I'll
come and crawl up and lay next her in bed
and we'll have a chat, you know, Like to me,
that's so that's where our relationship is at. Matt is
the same, or like if we're all sitting on the couch,
this is the thing that Britt was like, your husband's
(18:04):
are fucking weirdo, So we're all laying on the couch
or sitting on the couch. If I'm like, I'm not
giving you a head rub, Matt will just lay down
and put his head on Ellie's lap and be like, mom, Mom,
rubbed my head. M rub my head.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
I forgot. Keisha hasn't heard this weird or not weird.
Keish as just be honest, because I was honest, Be honest.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
He'll get a head massage from his mom because I
don't want to do it in her lap.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I just want to replay it to you so you
can hear it. How we hear it.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
He's turned to you for affection.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
You haven't provided it, so he's just flipped onto the
other side to get it from his mother.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
That's fine. Hey, you can give him a blowjob as well.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Ellie, I'm tired, Just be dry. It was so funny.
There are there are some common people in the comments
that were like, look, we get the affection. Think it's okay.
Everyone needs affection. Why does his head have to be
in a lap? People are like, why does it have
to be laid down with his head anyway?
Speaker 1 (18:58):
This isn't about Matt, say, I'm not. Before we do
move on, I know that that probably is weird to
a lot of people who don't live with their mother
in lawa and have like that level of closeness. There
is no part of their relationship that I look at
and think is weird. I literally look at their relationship
and think it is the most aspirational relationship for a
mother and son to have. He has so much respect
for his mum, and she totally understands where my boundaries
(19:21):
are at in terms of everything.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Put your head in your dad's lap, friand Messa.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah, but we don't have that.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
It's just the people who are weird about this are
like no, I could never imagine because I don't have
that relationship ship.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
You know, I would never lay down on my dad's
lt and be like Massa like my it's just not
quite right.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Anyway, let's move back to this. There's nothing you can
do about it unless it's actually infiltrating your life to
the point that she's turning up. I think exactly like
you said, Laura, it could just be a way for
her to connect with her son, to have something to
talk about, to make sure he's safe.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
She might be lonely.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
She might be lonely, but not even that. There are
a lot of parents that have trouble letting go. It
can be a really hard thing, and she one hundred
percent has not let go. It's not necessarily bad. You
can't ask her to not check in on him. You
can't ask him to turn his location settings off. I
believe I think that's just gonna cause chaos.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
You definitely can't ask her not to check in. You
could ask your husband to turn off sharing his location settings.
The only thing is is then yeah, it's like is
the juice worth the squeeze, which we often ask, It's like, okay,
she's gonna know. She might say, oh, you turned your
location settings off, and then like you have to have
a conversation around why she feels sad. She might yeah, exactly.
I don't know. Part of me is like I find
(20:40):
it odd because I don't share my location settings with
anyone at all, but you might have.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
To do in case you end up in a bin.
How will we know?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
I don't know. Part of me thinks it's odd. Do
I think it's it's like damaging to your relationship?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
No, So like just location settings are hard. I only
share it with my sister Sherry and Ben and Sherry.
I always forget that I share it with people, so
I don't check in on people. But the number of
times Sherry has called me out on something where she's like,
I'm going to her house for dinner, I'm meeting her
somewhere or whatever it is, and she's like are you closed?
And I'm like on my way not far. She's like,
you're literally in your house. He's still in a shower,
(21:12):
and I'm like fuck. I always figure I'm like I
was like, yeah, gotcha, I'm walking out of the door.
She's like, you're not. She's like, I can see that
you're not. You haven't moved. That's when, again get a
bit tricky.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
Do you think that it's an intimacy. I'm trying to
think of why I find this so week. I want
to validate this person. I find this so weird. I
only share my location with my boyfriend, and we've only
started doing that in the last I think six months.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
He does night shifts.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
I like to make sure that he, like, if I'm
at work, that he's driven home and he's gotten home okay.
And it kind of helps because he can't have his
phone on him at work, so if you know, I'm
making dinner or whatever, I'll know if he's still thirty
minutes away because I can see where he is. I
find that it's like quite an intimate thing between us
that we I've never trusted someone to share a location
(21:57):
with before, Like I always found it was just a
bit of a weird independence breaker, you know, Like I
just wanted the autonomy of no one knowing where I
was so I didn't have to explain it all.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
I don't know what it was.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
I was weird about it until quite recently, so I
think that that's why I find it so weird that
the mum has the location.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
It feels like an intimate thing to me.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
I think it's intimate.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
I think it definitely makes him seem like he's a
bit of a mummy's boy for sure, and like he
hasn't necessarily shared.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
To begin with.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Well, you never know, they could have been on holidays together,
like there could have been any number of reason as
to why it was shared in the first place.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
But that's why you do the one week one not indefinitely,
Like you know, when it says do you want to
share for one hour, one week or indefinitely, don't pick it?
Definitely pick one week and extend all right? Question number two,
how did two avoidance make a relationship work? I'm twenty
nine and I finally got my hands on the man
I've been plotting about for ten years. That sounds so bad.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
That's a long time to have feelings with someone.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
But also it sounds like you've finally got your hands
on like a limited edition bag or something like something
that I've waited. I've finally got my hands on this guy.
I've been lotting about for ten years. This sounds extreme
pining for I think she means yeah, no judgment. We've
always I judge and don't listen. I mean I listen
and don't judge.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
We've that sounds like every argument ever I judge and
I don't listen.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yeah, what you're wrong? What? Okay? We've always had a
strong connection, but life has led us in different directions
over the years. We've been seeing each other as exclusive
friends with benefits for the last year, but things have
evolved recently. We spend hours chatting planning our future. Our
communication is great, We're super compatible. The spark is strong.
(23:39):
It may as well be on fire.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Wow, she sounds wonderful.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
But we have both realized that we have avoidant attachment styles,
which has prevented us from going all in. Recently, we've
both admitted we're in deep and would like to be together.
So my question is, how do quote unquote regular people
do this. I can't get my head around how to
be a girlfriend and what that mean for my sense
of self and my lifestyle. I'm hyper independent, falling in love,
(24:04):
and absolutely terrified. Help.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
I think this is interesting because on one hand, you've
said that you have spent heaps of time. We spend
hours chatting, planning our future, and our communication is great.
So it sounds like to me, you're already it's not avoiding,
you're already so far down that rabbit hole. Or maybe
you're quite okay with the conversation part, but then when
it comes into the actuality of committing yourself or committing
(24:29):
your time, that's when you start to freak out. My
only thing around this is like, I think that sometimes
we can self sabotage. You say you've had feelings of
this guy for ten years, you've been in a friends
with benefit relationship for a year, you now finally made
the commitment to give it a go. I would say,
if you are having second thoughts about that, or you're
finding it difficult to commit to it properly, like that
(24:51):
is deeply avoided, and it's like, be careful of the
line between self sabotage and also blaming your avoidant personality
type as your excuse for this, because you're clearly very
aware that you pride on your independence. You love your independence,
you love having your own sensus self. You can maintain
all of those things in a healthy relationship. You don't
(25:11):
sacrifice all of that just because you've started dating someone.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Yeah, and I understand what you're feeling. I remember feeling
the same thing. I'm assuming when you say you've been plotting,
slash pining for this guy for ten years, I'm assuming
you were probably single for most of that time. It's
really difficult when you've been really independent and on your
own and not dating, to then date and be dependent.
And I remember feeling the same way. I remember saying
(25:35):
to my friend, I don't know how to be in
a relationship. I don't know how to be a partner.
I don't know how to be a girlfriend. I don't
know what the expectations are. I don't know how to
share my life with someone. Which is silly because everyone knows,
right like everyone has that. But when you get accustomed
to live in a certain way or only relying on
yourself or doing everything on your own, you said you're
hyper independent. Well it's not silly, no, but it's a
(25:57):
big life change one hundred percent, And that's scares people.
It scared me. I remember thinking, am I going to
be with no one else again? In my whole life?
Am I going to be with this one person? What
if this person's not right, then you start to get
in your head and that's when the self sabotage comes in.
I think you need to roll with it. Absolutely, two
people that are the same avoidant or whatever your attachment is,
(26:17):
any two people can be together if you're hyper aware
and socially enough aware of what you are, what your
communication style is, and who you are. That's half the battle.
You might need to work a little bit harder than
two other different types of styles that are matched together. Like,
there are definitely people that are more compatible, but anyone
can make anything work when they understand what they are,
(26:38):
what their partner is, what they need, and what work
you have to do to meet each other halfway. But
I don't think, like Laura said, I'm not convinced you
are avoidant. I think you're a bit scared to take
the leap into this new phase of life because you
have an experience for so long. Also, sometimes when you're
chasing something for so long, you've been chasing this for
ten years, all of a sudden you've got it. There's
(27:00):
something where it's like holy shit, like do I actually
want this? Is this where we're going? Am I? But
I think you're not avoidant, And I think no, I think.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
She is avoidant. I think absolutely can be. I think
an avoidant person can like know that then recognize that
they want all those things in another person, and they
can like verbally apply themselves. But once it gets to
a place where they actually have to like physically make
those commitments or things are feeling like that level of
intimacy is increasing, or the closeness or that they're encroaching
on their time, that's a trigger for them, and so
(27:28):
then they start to pull away, Hence the whole idea
of self sabotage. But I guess my thing is, and
look for anyone who's not one hundred percent across like
what an avoidant attachment style is. Avoidant attachment styles in
relationships may avoid expressions of intimacy and affection and pull
back from romantic connections once they start to become too serious.
It doesn't mean that they don't love their partner, they
just struggle with connection. The thing, though, is, and what
(27:52):
I believe is like, if you have recognized the type
of personality style that you are, you can do the
work to change it. You can recognize your triggers, you
can actually start to change the behaviors. Once you start
to see yourself doing them, you're not. And I hate
this idea that we're just like a victim to our
attachment style, that you can never have a great relationship
(28:13):
because your X, Y Z attachment styles are fluid. They
change depending on what relationship you're in, what the attachment
style is of the person that you are dating.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
What period of life you're in, one hundred.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Percent, what you want, what you need, what your experience
is at that point in your life. The fact that
you are aware of it means that you are not
a slave to it, and the fact that your partner
is also aware of it means that he doesn't have
to be either. I would hope that you have enough
ability to stop using it as an excuse to limit
yourself in your relationships, because I really think that even
(28:45):
two people who are avoidant can have a really mutually
incredible relationship because they understand and value what is important
to each person. If independence is important to you, the
great thing is is that your partner also has that
strong need for independence. You can respect that in each other.
You can respect the fact that you both really want
to maintain a strong sense of your own identity, it
(29:07):
just means you're going to have to work a little
bit harder to have the deeper level of communication and connection,
which it sounds like you're doing that anyway, because you're
talking for hours about where your future is going to be.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Agree with everything. And what I want to say here
is I do think that there might be a chance
that you are confusing avoidant attachment style with just being scared.
And I say that because everything you've said, we have
a great connection, we plan our future. You literally say
communication is great, we chat for hours, we plan our future.
(29:36):
The spark is strong. We are so combatible, we want
to go all in. I think you're just scared. I
actually don't think you're avoidant at all. But I think
we're so used to having to put a label on everything,
which sometimes we don't need to put a label. And
it's normal to be scared when you're going into a
new chapter. It's normal to be scared to put your
emotions and your heart on the line because there's a
chance it doesn't work and something you thought or romanticized
(29:59):
or fantasy for ten years might not turn out to
be exactly what you need, and that can be really scary.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
I have a question when you say scared for it,
because I often think sometimes we speak about this idea
of like being scared to lose yourself in a relationship
or lose your sense of identity, But actually, what I
think we're scared of is being hurt. It's not so
much about the losing yourself or what the relationship could be.
It's the fact that, like, if you open yourself up
to it entirely, then there's a greater possibility of being
(30:28):
really deeply hurt by it. And so when you've been
single for a long time or you've only been dating
for a long time and haven't given yourself over to
those feelings, that is like a frightening thing.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Yeah, And I say, I think you're confusing the two
because you've literally said all these amazing things, and then
you say, I'm absolutely terrified. So I don't think you're avoidant.
I think you are just scared, which is completely normal.
I want to validate those feelings. What I do think
you need to do is there's no right way to
be a girlfriend. There's just two people that make whatever
their relationship is and their personalities work. You've if this
(31:00):
for so long, our life is short. What are you
scared for jump in if there's a chance it doesn't
work out. That's also life, and that is completely okay.
It's normal most people, I mean everyone at some point,
except if you are one of those people that their
first relationship at sixteen is the person they marry for
their life. Everyone experiences failed relationships, but they're not failed.
(31:23):
It's just a part of the journey to find the person.
My advice here is to absolutely go all in. This
is not a new thing. It's ten years in the making.
Your communication is there. You can still be hyper independent
in a relationship. I mean, that's exactly what I am
right now. I know it's long distance, but I would
still be hyper independent if I lived with Ben, because
it's who my personality is. A relationship doesn't have to
(31:45):
change you and take that away. You do have to
be malleable with a partner, Like you might not be
able to go away on benders for weekends without communicating
that you're not going to be in contact. Like maybe
things change in that sense, yep.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
But that's still independence. That's selfishness.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
That's my point, Like, you can still have your independence
and be all in in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
My thought though, is, and I think that there is
a greater debt here in terms of like feeling like
there is like what's on the line, the risk of
what's on the line. And that's because it is someone
who you've been pining about for ten years. The fear
factor is greater because you've already built up a sense
of what this relationship could be in your head. I
would say that if you've been pining or you've had
(32:24):
a crush on someone for ten years, you've probably built
them into a bit of like a magical being and
the potential of your relationship into like a magical possibility.
The reality is is you have no idea what this
relationship is going to be until you give it a shot.
It may not meet up to the expectations, it may
exceed them. There is absolutely no way of knowing. But
(32:45):
I think be very very careful with what is you
excited and like invested in the potential of the relationship
rather than what necessarily the relationship is, and treating it
as though you're starting a new relationship, not that you're
coming into this with ten years of like life excitement
and like suspense around what it could be, Because that's
(33:06):
definitely gonna change how you feel? Question number three Is
it weird for the bridal party to slow dance with
their partners? What are your thoughts on a bride making
the bridesmaids and groomsmen slow dance together at the start
of the night. My boyfriend is in a wedding and
he has to slow dance with his partner for five minutes.
(33:27):
She said that in a capital So I feel like
we gotten that. Yeah, to really put some emphasis on
this is this normal? Am I overreacting that? I find
it so weird. My heart rate is resting at one
hundred and twenty beats right now. I am that anxious.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
I don't think that was literal. I think that's her
trying and say she's stress. I don't think she's got
a whoop on that's testing Harry.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Maybe she does. I feel like it's very accurate.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Oh, that's weird. Five minutes is a really long slow dance.
I don't know who's slow dancing for five minutes. That's
multiple songs. Songs don't even go for five minutes, that's
my point. That's two to three songs of slow dance.
So I think that's an exaggeration or if she is
making them dance for three songs in a road. That's
fucking weird. Absolutely, This idea of making the bridal party
slow dance is something of the ages. Is something that
(34:11):
has been like a standard traditional part of weddings for
as long as I can remember. I've had to do
it before. It's just a part of being like, hey,
these are our people that we have chosen that are
coming on the dance floor to dance. I don't think
it needs to be a staple in a wedding. It
does confuse me a little bit, but I understand it,
and I don't think it has to be that much
of a big deal. He hasn't chosen to You're not
(34:32):
at a wedding and he's like, hey, Babs, I'm going
to go and ask the bridesmad to dance. It's a
part of what that bride and groom have chosen for
their bridal party to do and partake in. It is
sometimes weird, I remember, but once I had to slow
dance with someone that I didn't know that was on
the other side of the party, and it was weird.
It was uncomfortable. We're very close and intimate, You're looking
at each other's eyes and like, don't know you partner's
(34:53):
over there. Sure, it's unusual. I don't know if I'm
going to make my people do it at my wedding.
It's something I haven't thought about to now.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Okay, well think about it. You're gonna make people slow
dance who don't know each other.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Probably not, or they can come on if they want
with their partners, or they can come on with someone. But
having said that, I remember being at a wedding single
before and everyone went out. The party went out with
their partners instead of the bridal party, and I was
just standing there like a little turtle off to the site.
I was like, oh, no, one wants a dance.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
You made me dance with you at Laura's wedding.
Speaker 4 (35:21):
Yeah, it's like the partner time. Because we were both.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
Saying that's my point exactly, I was like, O, Kisha
gonna have this dance? I think you are overthinking it.
It's just a part of weddings, it has been for years.
It doesn't mean anything is going to happen. It doesn't
mean he loves you any less. I would be questioning
why it makes you uncomfortable?
Speaker 1 (35:38):
Yeah, I mean I read this and I think if
your partner is part of a bridal party, they've been
matched with a stranger, or they've been matched with someone
that they might know kind of a little bit, and
they've been asked to slow dance with them. I think
that the slow dance is innocent. The slow dance doesn't
mean anything. There's no like, there's no secret deep connection.
There doesn't mean he's going to run off with her.
(35:59):
It's not he won't. He's not going to. I find
it odd that it creates this much anxiety in you,
the thought of your partner slow dancing with someone else
when it's been something that's like an expectation. You know.
It's interesting because like coming off the back of Dancing
with the Stars, right, like you've just done it, brit.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
You grind all up on a stranger.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Yeah, and I did it two years ago. I was
matched with my dance partner, and it is there is
like a real intimacy there. But slow dancing doesn't have
to be like I mean, we were like doing the
bloody we were like up against each other, right, Like
that's what that dance was. And I found it really
weird because there's like a level of intimacy. But then
there's no chemistry, but like you just got to kind
of make the chemistry seem like it's convincing, and you're
(36:38):
supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
Telling like a love story goes you guys are in
love and this you're on this journey. It's totally looking
at each other and so you don't.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Know though, which is a very different kettle of fish
to having a slow dance at a wedding. They don't
have to be staring into each other's eyes and holding
each other really close. They can just do the two
step from side to side kind of, you know, half
holding each other. I don't think that it's slow dance
has to be a level of intimacy that's uncomfortable, And
if he's making it a level of intimacy that's uncomfortable,
(37:06):
that's weird in and of itself. You know, people slow
dance with their mums. They slow dance like dancing is
just dancing. And to me, I guess it's like the
bride has an idea of what she wants for her wedding,
and that's for her and her husband to be on
the dance floor with her bridal party and all of
them to have a dance together. It maybe because she
doesn't want to be like on the dance floor by
herself with her husband. That might be uncomfortable for her.
(37:28):
So I don't think it's a big deal. And like
I said, my biggest reaction to this is the fact
that it is creating that much anxiety in you. Do
you not trust your partner? Do you find it uncomfortable
when they speak to girls or spend time with girls
outside of your relationship? Like? What is it about this?
It's that triggering for you that you are literally in capitals,
(37:50):
like I am that anxious.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
I think it's way more simple than that, Like, I
know that we're covering all bases. I think it's really simple.
I just don't think you understand that it's a normal
part of weddings. Maybe you haven't into that mini because
you literally say, is it normal that they have to
do this, they have to dance together?
Speaker 1 (38:04):
Is that weird? It's not weird.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
It's a very standard part of a lot of weddings.
So I do just wonder if maybe you haven't had
that exposure or know a lot of people that have
gone to weddings like that. But it's like every wedding
that I have ever known or ever been to has
pretty much has this aspect. I can't remember if.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
Yeah, Like there's no ulterior there's no ulterior motive, like
they're not trying to get the bridal party together, like
to hook up or anything.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
And you can be waiting on the sidelines to swoop
in the second that that three point five songs and
five minutes is over, Like you're in there.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Hear me out. Maybe she's not invited to the wedding
and that's why she has the anxiety. Maybe they are
a new couple, which I would understand. Then if you're
a new couple, you haven't been invited, so you already
feel a little bit invalidated in your dating and in
your relationship, and then you find out that your partner
is going and slow dancing. What I think has happened
here is that you are catastrophizing a situation in your
(38:52):
head because you are feeling in the blanks.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
I think she just doesn't know.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
No, I don't think she's going to the wedding.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
I agree, Laura, But I genuine only just think she
doesn't know. She just said, is it normal for them
to slow dance? Yeah, it's normal totally.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
But my thing is is if you were there and
you were able to witness it, there's no way that
you would feel as insecure as what you do now.
It's the fact that you're not there, you're not witnessing it,
and so therefore it's turned into a bigger thing in
your head than what actually it is.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Unless he's been matched with like Mirandaka or something like
I did see Courtney Cox recently. Was it a wedding
in Australia?
Speaker 1 (39:22):
My friend did her makeup?
Speaker 4 (39:24):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:24):
At the wedding.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Margot Robbie not long ago, was a bridesmaid for her friend. Like, yeah,
that's where my insecurity would come from. If my boyfriend
had a five minute SLW dance with Margo Robbie.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
N I'd be so fine. I'd be like, she's out
of your league.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
No, I'd do it. I'd be like, tap it if
you could. I was like, yeah, just for sorry, No,
I wouldn't. But completely normal. The five minutes not normal,
that's weird, that's really abnormal. Did you do it, Laura,
I can't remember. Did you make your No, we.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
Didn't slow dance, though we did a silly dance. At
no point did we have a slow dance in our wedding.
We just went from like.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
My dance is going to be the slowest dance you've
ever seen.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
We did like a mock slow dance for about thirty seconds,
and then we busted into like a funny routine and
then everyone the band just started playing, so everyone was
on the dance for having a party.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
Can you imagine Ben doing a choreograph dance? Absolutely not.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
I find slow dancing unless you're good at it, like
unless you've learned to slow dance, or you can do
a waltz or something. I find it uncomfortable for everyone
else to stand around and watch a little bit, like
when two people don't know how to dance, but they
kind of look forced into just swaying from side to side.
You know that they've never done it before.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
Well, Laura, avert your eyes my wedding.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
I don't want to go to the toilet. I just
find it like why do we make people do this?
Like why is this such a tradition when clearly so
many people are uncomfortable by doing it.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
I did read I'm very much up on the trends
at the moment, whending trends betweenty twenty five it's my algorithm.
Choreograph dancers are out the shame. Yeah, Choreograph dances are
absolutely out. So are entries. You know how they have
entries where people dance in the bridesmaids You remember I
had to do it once.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
Yeah, I've done it at most my weddings too, out
every bride'smaid of But why that just sounds like fun
is our?
Speaker 2 (40:57):
What?
Speaker 1 (40:57):
So like you need to have this polished wedding that
has no personality.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
I mean, no one listens to trends anyway. I'm just
saying that's what the algorithm told me.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
I don't think people should be listening to algorithms for weddings.
I think I have the wedding that you want to have,
absolutely yeah, And I would one hundred percent prefer a
couple to do a silly choreographed dance then to watch
two people awkwardly sway from side to side. Wow.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
Double down, Laura. I Am going to be awkwardly swaying
from side to side so Ben does not crump, He
does not do choreography.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
Ben will do the awkward sway. You've just had six
weeks of like professional elite dancing.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
I'm not going to sasha around him ways stands still
in them match if you just stand still and like
sways like an elephants side to side and I'm like
sashaying around.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
But that would almost be like any man who's on
Dancing with the Stars, Like if you've watched that show,
most of the men don't have to dance, They just
do a couple of like steps and the professional female
dancer spins around them so rapidly that it makes them
look good.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
They always do in they do nothing. I mean, the
women are doing backflips in high heels. But I will
I'll probably try and teach Ben like one. What I'm
hoping is we can make it look good. I'm hoping
that sixty percent is swaying from side side, but then
I can put a good dip in and put one
good lift in. It's got to be thirty seconds, that's it,
and then I'm hoping that we can nail it. We
(42:10):
can confuse people so much and I'll I'll probably have
some fireworks going off to distract at the same time
so people don't know where to look.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
All right, guys, well, look that is it from us.
If you have any questions for ask gun cut slide
on into the DMS. Ask your questions because we will
be back, well, actually we'll be back in a week
to answer them, so we will collect them or can
do that at Life Fun Cut podcast, or you can
send them in by email, or you can also send
them into the discussion group at Life Fun Cut Podcast
on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Also send us in your aftermaths please if we've ever
answered a question, or if we've answered your friend's question,
we want to know what happens, so please writing with
an aftermath. And you guys know the drills, so mum
te dad, tell you dog tee friends, and share the
love because we love love
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com