Ask Uncut - When a threesome turns into a pregnancy - Life Uncut

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country. We pay
our respects to their elders past and present, Always was,
always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on
Drug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another

(00:23):
episode of Life Uncut.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and Brittany's back baby. Yeah it
was weird. I got a day off. I mean, yeah,
so be nice.

Speaker 1 (00:34):
Not intentionally, So you guys know, I'm doing their fertility journey,
the egg freezing, which is the two weeks of hormones.
And I've spoken about it many times, but if you're
new here, I'm in the middle of doing my egg freezing.
But what it means it's so time specific. Well, we
didn't realize.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
I mean actually I did, because I knew last time
it was time specific. But like it's to the men,
it's very time specific.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
And I mean when I say didn't realize, this is
my third time doing it, so know now. But going
into the process, and I think it's a really interesting
thing that a lot of people don't know. And this
is what I say to people when they're saying I
want to do it. What do I need to know
you need to be available. And when I say available
for a two week period, you have to be available
to go into the clinic to have your blood test,

(01:17):
to have your ultrasounds, their internal ultrasounds where the probe
goes in in your cervix. They scan the follicles from
the inside, and they check the lining, and they check
that they're growing. They do all their measurements, but that
is all very time sensitive.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
So you'll do a blood test. I did a blood
test a couple of days ago.

Speaker 1 (01:34):
Then they get the results and then they say, okay,
you need to come in Monday morning between seven and
eight thirty.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
That's it.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
So it doesn't matter what you've got on, you have
to be available because stove. Yeah, because the rest of
the testing and the rest of the injections and the
dosages depend on that result. So once that result comes back,
then I'll know when my next appointment is. So I
know now that I have to go back tomorrow morning
for another scan and another blood test to check how

(02:03):
they're growing. And so I couldn't come to the recording
last minute because I had to go and do this testing.

Speaker 2 (02:09):
So produce a Keisha field in. Did it go all right,
it went great. That was Tuesday's episode. But how are
the baby little follicles blip?

Speaker 1 (02:16):
Well, they're still unfortunately baby follicles.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
So I have quite a lot.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
So I've got about fourteen on one side and thirteen
on the other. So that's what the sonographer tells you.
But that's irrelevant because she didn't tell me the sizes.
She's like, oh, this is how many you've gotten. That
I got excited. That's what happened last time. But basically
it's how big they are and if they're mature enough
so quote unquote, so they do all the measurements. So
I've got a lot, but they're measuring most of them

(02:42):
are measuring really small.

Speaker 2 (02:44):
What are you going to do this time? Do you
feel like this is the last time or do you
think it's something that you could do again. I mean,
I thought the last time was the last time. It's
hard to know.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
I won't know until I get my results, and I
don't want to do it again.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
I already know that.

Speaker 1 (02:58):
But if I get none again like last time, yes,
I'll probably keep going until I get some more.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
Because none is none like.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
None none zeropsent chance of me using those in the future.
So if I get none, I guess I'll go again.
But I wonder, and I know that so many people
in my dams, you know, I'm like third time. People
are like, oh my gosh, good luck, I'm up to
my fifteenth time. And I just think, oh my god,
like what you have gone through so many times? And

(03:26):
it's so common, like so many women saying thank you,
I feel so alone.

Speaker 2 (03:30):
And that's why I put some polls up on my
Instagram a couple of days ago.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
If you follow me, just trying to try and engage
how many you have done this process or about it? Yeah,
so people can look at it and see it's actually
really quite common because so many people are messaging saying
they feel so lonely in the process, which is really
sad because it's really common and a lot of women
are going through it, I guess, just not a lot
of talking about it.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
I read this really interesting article which I can't remember
where it was, but it was. I mean, it was
an opinion piece around how prolific conversations are about egg
freezing and how it's like, are we being made to
worry more than we should now about our fertility because
it seems like everyone is talking about egg freezing, and
I know it's been a big conversation for us over
the last couple of months, and it's something that is

(04:15):
so important to be aware of. But I wonder where
the tipping scale is in terms of how important it
is and how many people should have in terms of
if they were to go down the path of egg freezing,
because I do think I think like the algorithm now knows,
like I even get advertised egg freezing, and I'm like,
hold ahda, but do you know what I mean. It's
like something that we never would have thought about ten

(04:37):
fifteen years ago, and now it's almost become so commonplace
that you hit your thirties and you are thinking about
or expecting to go down the path of egg freezing.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
And I genuinely think, now that I've done it for
a few years, I think it should be commonplace. I
think this should be a really common discussion. Not commonplace
that you freeze your eggs, but commonplace that we're talking
about it and that you're aware of it. Because education
is the key. I think a lot of the time
people aren't educated enough to know that they might have problems,
what those problems could be, what they look like what

(05:07):
masks those problems? When I think it should be common conversation.
I think it should become a conversation that people are
aware enough to say, hey, you know what, I don't
know if i'll egg freeze, but I might just go
and do that initial testing to see where I'm at,
just so you have the knowledge to make the decision,
because it's not for everyone.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
Not everyone's going to want to do it. And I
think it is a really interesting conversation. And I'm fascinated
by this idea that the pendulum almost has to swing
so far in the opposite direction. And it's not in
terms of like giving people fertility anxiety, but it's around
at least knowing what your fertility is and having a
bit of awareness over it, because I think, like for

(05:44):
so many of us for so long, it's this like
unknown until you're trying, I mean, until you're in the
position that you want to have a baby, you just
don't know. You're just assuming and you're going off what
you think might be the case. But I do think it.
I mean I wonder whether in set of ten year
time it will be something, or five years time even
that becomes more and I don't want to say more

(06:07):
of an anxiety for people, but becomes like more front
of mine because it is becoming so common and now
the algorithms are selling us egg freezing. There is like
advertising around it, and it's just becoming something that does
play into people's insecurities around where their fertility sits, especially
for people who are single as well.

Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, and that's why I think it's important to go
and get the testing so you have the knowledge. You
don't have to go and make that decision because you
saw an ad Totally. Oh my god, I'm thirty and
I've seen an ad. I've got to go egg freeze.
That's not it at all. But it's knowing what your
situation is, what your biological situation is, because it's different
for everybody. So I don't think it's a scare tactic.

(06:44):
And I never want to be talking about this and
scare anybody. But I want to talk about this and
have somebody sit there and say, oh, maybe I'll just check.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
It out totally and have visibility around it. Yeah. So
this is Thursday.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
I think my collection will be sad, but you don't
know until probably two days ago. Harvest time again, when
they do that is an operation they do go under
for a local or can you be awake for that?

Speaker 2 (07:09):
You can do either, but I always go under.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
Yeah, I think I would too, because for a local,
the way I think about it, and I mean, like,
I'm sure everyone that's ever given birth is like, suck
it up, Brittany, But for a local, it's like you're
awake and they have to put the anesthetic into your cervix,
so you still have to have that moment where you're
not anesetized to be an esetized, you know what I mean.
So it's still got to go in there and you've
got to have that. And I was just like, just

(07:33):
just put me out. I was like, knock me out
and wake me up like an hour later. I don't
know so I feel about childbirth. Just put me under
and take it out of me. I don't want to
know about it totally, Like.

Speaker 2 (07:42):
Wait, I want to know when I have a baby.
I want to know. I want to wake up like
two years later. You don't it, just put me in
in juice coma. I honestly, every time I see like
mother Earth, mothers who are like fucking water birthing and
home birthing and breathing their way through it. I'm just like,
you are a better human than I am. And I
know that that's not how we should look at it,

(08:04):
but really I'm like, wow, you are so much stronger
than me. I am pathetic and weak and scared. I know.
I think actually more of my friends than not I
have done water births just at home or like at
a hospital that provides the water birth. I don't.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
I I don't know if I can even think about that,
And I think I'd be one of those people that thinks.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
It's a great idea. I honestly, and I say this
with the greatest admiration. When people are like, breathe the
baby out, I'm like, I screamed that motherfucking baby out,
slid straight across the count. No, it certainly did not
trust me. Didn't four cents in a s suction cap
and everything. That kid came out with a cone head.
It was locked down. Honestly, Molly May was still holding

(08:44):
onto the lining of my uterus. She was like, I'm
not going anywhere. She was two and a half weeks
late and she was holding on for due life. And
that's funny. She's so small too.

Speaker 1 (08:52):
I mean, I know that doesn't mean anything, but usually
she's so small. Usually you think when they go over
they're any more in there, you know, like they're growing bigger.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
But she was a tiny little thing. I yeah, she
was so so small that it makes me think maybe
she wasn't that overcooked, Maybe didn't actually get the time. Maybe.
But I mean, I'm pretty sure that people who I'm
pretty sure the midwives and whoever were doing the testing
and the obstecutions and everything else know a lot more
than I do. I'm sure they were correct and I
was very wrong. But anyway, but I.

Speaker 1 (09:18):
Put Originally, when I started to talk about this third process,
like we've said, I felt like I was over talking
about it, not over it, but like talking too much
about it. And I didn't want to talk about something
you guys didn't want to hear about. So I put
a poll up about what you want to hear if
I talk about it? Is it seeing the injections, is
it how to do it? Is it how I'm feeling?
Is it the result? And overwhelmingly the response was like

(09:41):
the physiological differences and how I'm looking and how I'm feeling.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
But the number one thing is.

Speaker 1 (09:47):
I'm just so emotional, like the number of times I
cry a day, and what I'm crying about makes me
want to cry about it, Like I'm having the most
ridiculous fights with Ben.

Speaker 2 (09:59):
Okay, just I talked me through the most recent fire.

Speaker 1 (10:02):
The most recent argument was only yesterday. I shouldn't say
it's a fight, but because it's not. It's him being
so confused and me just being so upset.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
You being a psychopath. And came being like what have
I gotten myself into?

Speaker 1 (10:13):
There were two actually that are actually so ridiculous that
I don't even want to put it out to the universe.
Yesterday's one was Ben's been a bit unwell and he
had to go and get an X ray. And so
he went to get the X ray and because I
encouraged him, right, I'm like, you're not well, just go
and check it out, you know, like appease me.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
So he did, went got an X ray.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
I woke up the next day and he's like, hey,
hey babe, got my X ray. I was like, cool,
send the X ray three so I can have a look.
Because you guys know, or you might not know, but
I worked in radiology for thirteen years.

Speaker 2 (10:42):
I'd taken them every day my life. So I was like,
send it through. He's like, well, what I send through?
I was like the x ray? It's like, I don't
have it. I was like, what what do you mean?
I fucking have it. He's like, well, babe, I just
went to the hospital. They kept it, got the x ray,
and they keep it file. And I was like, you
didn't ask them for the picture. He's like, why would
I ask them?

Speaker 1 (10:58):
I was like, I don't know, Ben, maybe because I
this is my job, this is what I do. Did
you not think i'd anyway? It went on and on
and on, and he couldn't understand. He's like I'm sorry, no, no, no, no,
no one can understand.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
No.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
He's like he couldn't understand. And I was upset that.
I was like, you don't even understand me, you don't
even know me, Like.

Speaker 2 (11:14):
What were you going to do that the doctor wasn't
already going to do or the radiographer who took the
photo in the first place was going to do. That's
my point.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
And the thing is, I know, deep down and I'm
being completely irrational and such a twat, like I know it.
And I came back later on and apologize, but at
the moment, I really sat in it. I really made
him feel bad for I said, quote unquote not considering
me in this situation in his illness, in his hospital visit.
And I was like, you didn't even consider me.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
He was like, of course I didn't. You're on the
other side. Fuck. It's so annoying because you're like, I
don't want to give in too the hormones. Not that
you don't want to give into them, but you're like,
I don't want to believe that they run my life
this much, but they really do. And every time, And
I know this was part of you guys at the
live show. It was part of my one of my
stories of the live show, the amount of crazy that
I feel two days before getting my period. Do you

(12:02):
remember I called you the other night and I was like,
I just can't stop crying, or called me balling, And
then Matt said to me once again, he was like,
are you sure? And it's like every time it comes
as a surprise to me. Every month, I don't track
my period, so it's kind of like a bit of
a kinder surprise. I'm not exactly sure what day it's
gonna come, but I should know by now. That the
two days that I'm fucking balling my eyes at is

(12:23):
a pretty clear indication that it's on its way. Well, also,
maybe you should just track it, nah cuvy bother. That's
another thing I'll forget about. Let's be real.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
I'm like, I feel like I feel like Satan is
going to make your life easier.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
But you do your boo, you do your boo, but
you live your life. I like the spontaneity in the
surprise of not knowing. Matt can sniff that out. He's
like a period bower Bird. He's like, I know what's
happening here. He's always right. That's the problem. It's so infuriating. Well,
I was just I think the emotion's only going to
get worse.

Speaker 1 (12:49):
So that was yesterday, and I was just driving to
work today and I was listening to the Eras playlist,
like Taylor Swift because.

Speaker 2 (12:55):
I'm crying in the car.

Speaker 1 (12:56):
I'm trying to really get in the tailor zone for
her concept, and so I was listening to Taylor, I've
got the set list, which you should start to listen
to so you know the whole set. And I was
crying the whole way and every lyric hit me differently,
and like I sat there and cried for like forty
five minutes on the whole trip, every song, and I
was thinking of Bend the whole time, and then I
would cry be of happiness.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
I hate me. I hate me right now.

Speaker 1 (13:21):
But speaking of Taylor, did you see her moment last night? Well,
this was two days ago when this comes out, But
her moment in Argentina where Travis, her boyfriend, was at
the show and she changed the lyrics to him.

Speaker 2 (13:34):
Did you see the moment? No? Okay, I have not
been following anything, and I think I'm the only person
in Australia who's not or the only person who actually
enjoys Taylor Swift. I have not been following this relationship
at all.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
Okay, do you have an opinion on the relationship if
you think it's before we get into this, if you
think it's PR or real?

Speaker 2 (13:51):
Oh, I don't have No. I don't have a firm
feeling either way. The only thing though, is I would
suspect that someone as big as Taylor, as medius savvy,
as PR savvy as Taylor, knows what she's doing. I
don't think it's a PR relationship, but I definitely think
that she knows how to use her relationships to her advantage. Yes,

(14:12):
I agree, And she's the queen of storytelling, so I
don't think she's going to miss a storytelling opportunity. Like
I know, the whole friendship bracelet thing like that is
a storytelling moment.

Speaker 1 (14:20):
So I when it first came out, when the relationship
first came out, because you know, we're not going to
deep dive into that because I'm sure you guys have
all heard it. But Travis went to her concert. He
loved Taylor. Travis Kelsey. He's the American football player. Yeah,
he's got the big mo he's hot, he's big, manly,
not Taylor's usual type.

Speaker 2 (14:38):
Right, Yeah, he's a footy player. So he went to
the concert. He wanted to ask her out.

Speaker 1 (14:43):
He tried to give her a friendship, his own friendship
bracelet to Taylor, like with his number on it. It
was a whole thing, right, But he couldn't get to
her in terms of she was like, I'm not saying anyone,
like no, I don't even.

Speaker 2 (14:53):
Know who you are.

Speaker 1 (14:54):
But then publicly he told that story and he's like, ah,
he threw it out there. I want to bite Taylor
to one of my matches. I tried to give her
my phone number. I couldn't get to us, so the
media took that Taylor heard about it. Taylor turned up
to the game, this big thing, right. But since they've
come out, both of them have skyrocketed. And I know
you think she can't skyrocket anymore, but she has. I mean,

(15:17):
he's definitely doing better out of her than she. Hondy Honey,
definitely punching.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
So oh, I don't know if he's punching because he's
pretty hot. No, I don't mean, I don't mean, I
mean hotness does not come into punching. I think. I
mean as in, like this in terms of success has
been way more advantageous to him, I think than her.

Speaker 1 (15:35):
Well yeah, but I don't know a man in the
world that it would be opposite, Like any man that
dates Taylor Swift. She's the biggest thing in the world, right,
So anyone's going to be punching or like, it's going
to be advantageous.

Speaker 2 (15:45):
Which is the sad thing.

Speaker 1 (15:46):
And like it must be so hard to be someone
like Taylor Swift who has to second guess everyone that
wants to be in a life.

Speaker 2 (15:53):
I remember when it first came out. I am guilty.

Speaker 1 (15:56):
Of saying, oh, this is probably PR her coming out,
and he's got all these matches that it's.

Speaker 2 (16:03):
Going to do him good as well.

Speaker 1 (16:04):
And it was such a different relationship for her that
I didn't believe it at the start, But I didn't
care either, like everyone in Hollywood does PR relationships, So
I wasn't off it, but I didn't believe it.

Speaker 2 (16:14):
I was like, cute.

Speaker 1 (16:15):
You know, they're gonna do what they're gonna do for
a couple of weeks. They're gonna get a lot of publicity,
they're gonna say that they're better off as friends and
part ways.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
But I'm so in this relationship now.

Speaker 1 (16:23):
I think it's so real. I think they're genuinely in love.
So they had this moment last night in Argentina at
her concert. He's flown over there to watch her. He's
in a private box. She's performing. It's packed, it's sold out,
and some people in the crowd are filming.

Speaker 2 (16:39):
Now. She's singing the song Karma, which the lyrics comma
as My fire Bear.

Speaker 1 (16:45):
The original lyrics are, Karma is the guy on the screen.
I'm not going to sing it, Karma is this girl?
Karma is the guy on the screen coming Straight Home to.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
Me, which is about her ex boyfriend who was an actor. Yep,
all he's an actor, so he's a guy and this
you've seen on the screen. He comes Straight Home to Me.
So she's in the middle of this.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
Set and she looks up to him, to Travis, and
she says, and it was such a simple moment, but
he didn't know what was coming. And you can see
that he hears the lyrics and his face and he's
so shocked and so toughed and he sat It's so

(17:27):
I've got goosebumps.

Speaker 2 (17:28):
It's the cutest thing.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
You have to watch it. And he's beside himself, his
dad's there. They're like, oh my god. And then he
starts like really rocking out, like really dancing to his
girlfriend's lyrics.

Speaker 2 (17:40):
And she's pointing up at him, and she makes.

Speaker 1 (17:42):
A few references throughout the concert to him, like whenever
there's a key sentence for a moment, she looks up
at him and she points at to him.

Speaker 2 (17:48):
And and my only take on this is that historically
a lot of the people that Taylor has dated have
either been musicians or actors. And I can only imagine
that when you were in her orbit, but you also
trying to forge a successful career yourself within the public
sphere that you work, so like within a very similar
industry to her, you'd then be constantly competing and be

(18:10):
constantly in the shadow of her fame. I can only
imagine that that's one of the reasons why people like
her ex boyfriend Joel or Olwen weren't publicly getting photographed together.
They weren't publicly going to events together. They were very
private in terms of their relationship, whereas somebody who is
very successful in his own right, who is an American

(18:32):
football player, that they're not competing. It doesn't take away
from him to be public, and it doesn't take away
from her. It only is something that they can They
can revel in each other's successes without either of them
living in the shadow of the other person's success because
the industries are so so deeply different. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:48):
Absolutely, And I think that's a part of why I
originally thought it was publicity, because she, historically speaking, is
so private and half the time she gets carried out
of places in like bags people don't even know in there.
She gets like smuggled out because she doesn't want to
be seen and photographed, and she really respects that relationship.
Now I'm not saying she doesn't respect this relationship, but

(19:09):
I genuinely think she's come to a point of her
life like where she's like, I don't fucking care anymore.
I want to be like everyone else.

Speaker 2 (19:17):
I want to be no, because she's not fucking like
everyone else.

Speaker 1 (19:22):
No.

Speaker 2 (19:22):
But there's not one single part of their relationship that's
like everyone else's.

Speaker 1 (19:25):
No.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
But she's not want to. I get she knows she's going.

Speaker 1 (19:27):
To be photographed, she knows she's not the same, but
she's like, I just want to be in that moment.
If I want to be happy with my partner in public,
if I want to kiss him, if I want to
do whatever, I really love that.

Speaker 2 (19:36):
Like it was just them.

Speaker 1 (19:37):
Being genuinely so in love and happy to see each other,
and it was just the moment where I thought, yes,
I'm fucking I'm here for this relationship and I believe
you and I want this to work.

Speaker 2 (19:45):
I think it can be both. I think it can
be both. I think it can be a real relationship
that also is very pr advantageous, and I think that
it's very possible that they're leaning into both of those things.
I think it benefits both of them to be the
public spectac that they're becoming. I wonder if you'll come
to Australia. I mean it's a long way. Yeah, it
does anyone care? Probably probably everyone except I don't care.

(20:11):
I truly don't care. Anyway. Let's get into our vibes
and unsubscribes on the episode. I have a vibe today
now look full transparency. This is a brand who I'm
going to be working with, but the vibe is fucking
strong and I'm recommending it. So Buster through. He is
a rescue dog. I got him when he was one.
He's got three legs. He's an angel sent from the heavens.

(20:32):
He is truly like the most amazing dog. And I
often think that rescue dogs get a bad rap, Like
people often think that rescue dogs are aggressive, or you
don't really know their background. And we know or we
kind of loosely know that Buster is a bull Arab,
which a bull Arab is a mix between a bull Mastiff,
a Great Dane, a Dalmatian. It's like it's like a

(20:54):
random millonge of dogs that's been made and it's like
an Australian breed of dogs, but no one actually knows
exactly what kind of goes into them. So my recommendation is,
you know how you can do ancestry for like people,
you could do pet ancestry. I didn't know this was
a thing. So you do like a little swabby swab
at the inside of their mouth and you send it
away and you can find out exactly the breakdown of
the breed of your dog. And I think this is amazing.

(21:16):
How you know, I had no idea, but it is
a thing, and we're doing it at the moment for Buster,
so I'm waiting for his ancestry to come back. And
I just think it's adorable. And if you're someone who's
a dog person and you've always wondered, like, what is
the DNA makeup of your animal? I think it's so cool. Yeah,
there you go. We can't wait to find out. Same.
Give you guys have all the livestock. I'll let you
know exactly how much darmbation is in Buster. All jokes aside,

(21:40):
I'm actually really interested. Same, I'm person so same, I'm
so interested.

Speaker 1 (21:45):
The only thing about Buster, his only flaw is his
dick's always.

Speaker 2 (21:48):
Out Dick's always out.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
I've never seen him without a king lipstick. It is
not like it is always out. It's flapped out. It's
like a it's like a draft penis, and it's always erect.

Speaker 2 (21:59):
It is mighty and story. It's like a well, I
mean he's compensating for the missing leg with his additional
foram I reckon, that's no. But like he anytime he's excited,
anytime you say walk, anytime you say water, anytime you
say fucking ball. Anything to him, he's like dick out
and just excited to be in the world. Maybe that's
what happens, like maybe after you've been through like a

(22:20):
big trauma like he did poor thing or hit by
a car, had a leg removed. Maybe like you, he's
just really excited to be alive and everything excites him. Yeah,
all day, second list, Yeah, Okay. My vibe this week
is it's a podcast, and it's not a good podcast
in terms of a happy podcast. I'm recommending a terrible
podcast today.

Speaker 1 (22:41):
No, not a good podcast in terms of it's a
crime podcast, so it doesn't have a great ending for
the person. But I love crime podcasts and I'm always
trying to find that something new to listen to.

Speaker 2 (22:51):
So it's called The Trial Ashling Murphy. That's her name, Ashlin.
Yeah A s h L I n G.

Speaker 1 (22:59):
It's from the same people from a podcast I recommended
you guys a little while ago, which was the trial
of Lucy Leppie even a nurse. Yeah, so she was
the pediatric nurse that was charged with all these murders
horrific of babies that you're supposed to be looking after.
It's from the same people, so I really feel the
connection to them. Now, you know, when you like a
host or you like the people that produce something.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
So we also like the way in which the storytelling's
done exactly.

Speaker 1 (23:22):
I mean that was downloaded over thirteen million times. So
this is season two. I mean I'm not gonna say
too much, but she's a twenty three your teacher in
Ireland that's murdered. And Ireland, as you guys know, is
very small, but the community is all very small too,
So this really like I follow Irish people on Instagram
now that are talking about it because it's current.

Speaker 2 (23:40):
You know, this trial it's hard.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
I always feel really guilty when I recommend a true
crime podcast because when I think about the person. It's
a real person, you know, a real person was murdered,
So you almost feel like you shouldn't be talking about it,
But then there's a part of you that's like, well,
in her honor, more people should listen to what happened
to this person. You know, they know who killed her
and they do him.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
And because it's the.

Speaker 1 (24:01):
Trial, so it's about the trial of this man talking
about how they discovered who did it, what he was
doing in the lead up, and it's one of those
things that gives you goosebumps, what he was doing in
the lead up to this murder and how many women
which is fucking wild. How many women were almost this woman,
Like how many women he was following and.

Speaker 2 (24:24):
It's so awful.

Speaker 1 (24:25):
And those women also talking about it, like they were like,
I remember him following this.

Speaker 2 (24:29):
I was so scared. But they didn't know until the
trial that that's how close they were to be in
that person. That's so so terrifying. Yeah, so it's I mean,
I likely listen to it. And that's my vibe of
this week. It's the trial Ashling Murphy. Do you know
what I did watch? I watched a recommendation from last
week last top Larima.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
Loll cano, right, I mean though about it, like it's
almost satirical.

Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yeah, one hundred percent. It's the weirdest murder mystery I've
ever watched. But I actually was on the edge of
my seat. I loved it. I think if you haven't
watched Spritz recommendation from last week, which was on Netflix
last Stop Larama. It's two episodes. Matt and I watched
it over the weekend and honestly, you just question, like,
why would you ever live in a town like this?
But also the town itself seems so interesting. It seems

(25:14):
like the type of place and a haven where like
the most odd balls of Australian society would go to
and find their little community, even though they all kind
of hate each other. Go go watch that. That's like
a rehash and of recommendation. Anyway, let's get into the questions.
This is the wildest ask uncut we have ever received.
I almost think it's going to be the hardest one

(25:35):
to answer that we've ever had.

Speaker 1 (25:37):
Okay, I'm an absolute loss. My fiance and I have
been together for six years. We have an amazing relationship,
and shortly after we got engaged, we decided to make
our secret fantasy a reality.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
After deciding that I didn't.

Speaker 1 (25:49):
Want to die wondering, I asked my fiance if he
would be willing to have a threesome, a one of
the experience for us both before we get married. We're
both quite open and trusting with each other and wanted
to experience just this one thing one time. We both
agreed to doing this, and I ended up asking a
friend of mine if she would be willing. We all agreed,
and after a lot of great communication, we worked out

(26:10):
what we were okay.

Speaker 2 (26:11):
With and how it would all go down slash who
would go down here.

Speaker 1 (26:17):
I felt comfortable and secure about doing this with a
friend that I had asked because we're not super close,
but we have known each other for a long time.
I didn't really want to do this with a friend
that would be around a lot. I didn't want them
to be super close to me. She was very respectful
about boundaries and made sure I was happy with everything.

Speaker 2 (26:34):
When it came to do and the deed, my fiance.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
And I were both super stoked we did this, and
we said we felt closer than ever.

Speaker 2 (26:40):
Now.

Speaker 1 (26:41):
There's a lot in this, so I'm going to fast forward. Basically,
the next little while.

Speaker 2 (26:45):
We didn't talk to that girl.

Speaker 1 (26:46):
We messaged her twice just to keep contact, but she's
not a close friend. Last week she called and dropped
an absolute bombshell on us. She called me when I
was at work and told me that she was pregnant.

Speaker 2 (26:59):
I don't even have words, Craig bragante, and that my
fiance is a father. I called my fiance straight away.

Speaker 1 (27:07):
He said, Oh my god, I actually think the condom
did break, but I was too drunk to remember or
to even think about talking about it.

Speaker 2 (27:13):
She's decided to keep the baby. Holy shit, I know,
she said. I feel really blindsided. I have no idea
what to do. How do I even process this.

Speaker 1 (27:20):
My fiance and I do want kids together one day,
but the idea of him having a baby with another
woman makes me feel sick. He's so upset and confused
about what to do or how to feel. How do
we explain this to friends and family? How do we
know if this can even work? I feel so overwhelmed.
I don't know if I can stay in this relationship
and move over it. But there's nothing wrong with our

(27:42):
relationship except this.

Speaker 2 (27:46):
Oh okay, let's attack it from the top. Down, you
can't do anything. If she wants to keep this baby,
that is absolutely one hundred percent her decision. And unfortunately,
it means that if you want to stay in a
relationship with your husband, your fiance, that this baby and

(28:07):
it's mum, your friend, is going to be in your
life forever, forever, and that's going to be something that
you're going to have to make like you're gonna have
to go to some therapy and you're going to have
to come to terms with if it's something that you
are able to do now. I think realistically, I'm trying
to put myself in your position, which is just I

(28:28):
can't even I cannot even imagine what it is that
you're going through. But I guess what I would try
and compartmentalize is that this was a decision that you
guys both made together mutually as a couple, that you
wanted to do, and you didn't have any regrets after
doing it. Obviously, you don't want to have a baby.

(28:49):
That's not something that was on the cards or it
wasn't a plan. But I don't think it has to
come at the sacrifice of your relationship, because he didn't
go out and cheat on you. You mutually had the
experience together, and now the byproduct of that is that
he's going to be the father or the DNA contributor
to a baby. I think together the two of you

(29:09):
have to make the decisions around one obviously if you're
going to stay together, but to what sort of father,
What sort of contribution does he want to make into
that child's life. And that can be being a proactive dad,
that can be not anything if he doesn't want to be.
I'm not saying that that is the great option or
that is the most moral option, but that is also
an option. He can financially contribute to the child's life,

(29:32):
but he doesn't have to be a proactive part of
the child's life. And how do you explain it to
friends and family? You tell him, I think you have
to tell the truth. I think you be honest. I
think you genuinely be honest. And I think the reason
why you genuinely be honest, especially with people in your
closest knit circle, is because the assumption is going to
be that he cheated on you. And if you love
your partner and you want to protect your partner, I

(29:53):
think you carry a bit of that weight together because
he didn't betray you. Uh fucking' hew. I mean, but
I don't want to skim over this. I don't know
if I would be able to survive this in my relationship.

Speaker 1 (30:06):
No, and this is the thing that I think I
want to the angle I want to go down and
I we need to cover it all.

Speaker 2 (30:11):
But I have thought about this for the last couple
of days. I spoke to Beat about it.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
I've been really trying to get my head around what
I would do in this situation. And I guess it's
one of those things you don't know unless you're in it.
I mean, she ends it with I don't know if
I can accept this situation. Unfortunately, if you can't accept it,
Whilst that's not fair, you don't have another option. You
can't stay in a relationship if you're not going to
accept it, because it is forever. I'm also making an

(30:35):
assumption here that your partner is got and you if
you stay in the relationship, because you will become a
step mum. But your partner, I assuming he's going to
do the right thing, because you know it was a
situation you.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
All willingly went into and it is a friend.

Speaker 1 (30:49):
I can't imagine a man in that situation, being like, no,
you're on your own making that assumption that he's going
to be involved in some capacity financially and physically.

Speaker 2 (30:57):
Do you think though, that that is the wrong thing.
It is an interesting debate because I don't think this
might caught me into a bit of hot water in may.
I do think that you financially need to contribute, So
if you have unprotected sex with someone. Firstly, I mean,
it's terrible that the condom broke and he did not
have a conversation with her. He didn't think about her.
He was too drunk. Like that's a whole that is

(31:18):
a really massive issue that we can't just skim over.
Like morally, this is a situation he created by his irresponsibility,
and he had sex in a way that she therefore
did not consent to. And now she's pregnant, and this
poor woman is having a baby that she didn't necessarily
want to have, but is keeping it. And that's you know,
like that's her decision to do so. But I guess

(31:40):
when it comes to the expectation that he has or
that people have on him, to be a proactive part
in this child's life, I think financially and legally he
has to be. But I don't think that a man
has to be a father figure in a child's life
that he didn't also agree to wanting to have. Does

(32:00):
that make sense, Yeah, I mean I disagree. I think
it's unfair, but I don't think that there's an expectation
to toplay that part.

Speaker 1 (32:07):
I think it's a responsibility that you need to take
in some capacity.

Speaker 2 (32:12):
Of course, you don't have to. If I was that
child and.

Speaker 1 (32:15):
I grew up knowing that my dad was my mum's
friend literally down the road, and he didn't fucking care
about me. He threw me some money. Sometimes it's going
to have an impact. So I think it kind of
sound to him it's a moral obligation. Obligation is probably
the wrong word. It's a moral responsibility. You are not
obligated if you don't want to. No human in the
world obviously is. But I think it shows a lot

(32:35):
if he isn't involved in his child's life. I don't
think that in this situation money is enough personally.

Speaker 2 (32:39):
Especially when it was his fault. Yeah, and we don't
say fault right, Well, it was he's caught the condom
broke and he was too drunk to actually acknowledge it
or talk about it. That's his fault coming back to
you because this is about you. I feel so sorry
for you.

Speaker 1 (32:52):
But if you think that there is a way you
can get through this, which I think you should probably
try if he's the love of your life and you
are going to have kids one day to get If
you really think you can move through it, then you
need to all talk together. You need to sit down
with this friend, go through what it's going to look like.
What are the expectations, Are there boundaries? Then you need
to have a conversation with your partner. What do you
want in this in terms of being a father? What

(33:15):
do you want from me? Do you still want to
have your own kids with me in that situation? There
are so many aspects of this that you need to
nut out the holy fuck yeah.

Speaker 2 (33:23):
I mean, look, think I agree with you on some
parts and I disagree with you on others. I definitely
think the three of you need to sit down and
have a very open conversation around expectations, around how you
feel this is going to play out. I think you
and your heartner need time to grieve. You need time
to grieve this idea of the family unit that you
were going to have. That's not to say that your

(33:44):
family unit still won't exist, And it doesn't mean yes
he will either. You know, your friend has his baby
and he wants to be a part of it. There
will be co parenting. That doesn't mean that that relationship
becomes his nuclears family or relationship. He will still go
on to have a family with you. It just means
that he will cope parent and your kids will have
a half brother or sister, which is gonna be a

(34:04):
weird thing to overcome. But you know what, in time,
even weird situations become less weird, like they become normal.
You guys will grow past it. Time really does. And
it's the dumbest and lamest saying, but it is true.
Time heals all and in time you can get over
so many things that you think you're not able to
get over. But I think in this instance, I would

(34:27):
be really having conversations around expectations because you never know,
your friend may not have the expectation that she wants
him to be a proactive part of this child's life.
She may want him to be a proactive part. She
may want him to be you know, a dad who
contributes financially, Like I think having those conversations, he might
want to be proactive, Like you just don't know what

(34:47):
everybody is feeling, what everybody is thinking, and what the
expectation is to show up to being a parent in
this situation. And I think the choice to have the
baby is entirely her choice, but how that baby's parent
it is not entirely her choice. And so that's something
that the three of you can come to a decision
on together. But I do think it is something you

(35:09):
could work through. But you're going to have to be
super open minded, and you're going to have to really
communicate with the people around you who you love and
respect and who are important to you, because ultimately you
have to protect your partner as well as yourself and
your relationship. And it's gonna be the weird, big elephant
in the room. But also, like, fuck it, you had

(35:29):
a threesome. It's not like you didn't, no one cheated,
no one did anything wrong. You had a consensual threesome.
And I can only imagine how challenging this period of
life is. But I genuinely think you can get through
this if this is the person that you've been with
for six years. You know, I just think you can. Yeah,
you can work through it.

Speaker 1 (35:45):
Yeah. I think that's the most important thing as well
that I agree with is when it comes out, you
do need to tell the truth because otherwise it paints well,
two people in a really bad life, him as a
cheater and her as a friend that also you know,
quote unquote fucked your partner.

Speaker 2 (35:57):
So yeah, but also when I say you have to
tell the truth, you don't owe anyone anything. You don't
have to over explain it, you don't have to just it.
You had a threesome, Like, you didn't break any laws.
You did whatever the fuck you wanted to. You're three
consenting adults. Yes, your parents might find it a bit
challenging to understand. But you know what, like at the
end of the day, people around you will come round

(36:18):
to these sorts of things and I think, yeah, it's
reopen as at all. No, but some people will and
there will be like some guilt and shame attached to it,
which they shouldn't be.

Speaker 1 (36:25):
Yeah, totally, I'm just saying I think that part isn't
no brainer for me, is the truth telling, because otherwise
two people are painted as totally as really bad people
that weren't so Unfortunately, it's a pill that you might
have to swallow for a hot second. But in this
day and age, I mean, everyone's talking about this kind
of stuff now. It will hit different now to what
it would have twenty years ago.

Speaker 2 (36:43):
It is an unbelievable situation. I think this is possibly
the most challenging ask on cup I've ever had. But
I really do want to reiterate that the big thing here,
and I think the main part of the responsibility falls
on the fact that your partner his condom broke and
he did not communicate that. It is such a like
I don't even have words for how much of a

(37:04):
betrayal that is. And the fact that he didn't he
was too drunk, it didn't occur to him that he
should have had that communication means that all of those
discussions that you guys had pre having that threesome, all
of the conversations around your boundaries, around the way in
which you were going to engage the respect for each other,
all of that went out the window. And that really
changes the basis of which the boundaries were set in

(37:26):
terms of what was going to be okay and not
okay in this threesome, I.

Speaker 1 (37:30):
Would love you to write in what happens, and that
might not be something you want to do, but this
as an aftermath, I would love to know if you
can get to a point where you're okay with it
and you stay in the relationship and you guys move.

Speaker 2 (37:41):
Forward, or if you think you can't yeah, oh oh
my god, the aftermath of this, and I think like
the very last thing is go and have some therapy together,
like you and your couple, the three of you, to
talk through the complexities of this situation. I think, like,
don't underestimate the importance of that process. And lastly, take
it day by day because this is such a big

(38:03):
and overwhelming decision that you need to make and it
feels so huge. But like I said, time kind of
heals things. And as you take one step and then
one day and you start working through what this looks
like over the next nine months or however long she
has that she's pregnant, it may seem like it is
not so insurmountable when you start to break it down
into smaller days. That's not to say that it's not

(38:24):
going to be hard, but like it may feel more manageable. Yeah.
Far up.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
Question number two, My boyfriend and I have been thinking
about making a sex tape for ourselves. What's your thoughts
on this? Have you would you ever make one? I'm
not sure exactly how to go about it, as.

Speaker 2 (38:41):
I obviously would hate for it to go anywhere else,
but it would be cool for us both to have
it to access it. Would love to know your opinion.
Have you ever made a sex tape? I have not.
I have not made a sex tape. I have not,
and I would not. That's my personal why would you not?

Speaker 1 (38:57):
There's part of me that loves the idea of it,
but I just don't trust it ever, not being leaked,
not being sent somewhere, not being hacked.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
I just wouldn't trust you. You could have your Kim
Kardashian moment, that might be the thing that catapults you
into stardom. I don't reckon that'll catapult me anyway.

Speaker 1 (39:13):
I mean, I got some pretty good maneuvers, but I
don't think that she's catapulargy.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
I think it's been catapulted once with Kim, and that's it.
I haven't made a sex I think I've filmed things,
but not like a sex tape that's sex. I don't know,
but it was like back in the day, and it
wasn't even on an iPhone. It was pre iPhone days back.
What is I record on it? Like a handheld camera?
Like a whole movie I think I have. I would
have just been deleted. It would have sat on like
a memory card somewhere. Yeah, look, I don't see the

(39:39):
problem with it. I don't think. I think if you're
in a loving and mutual relationship, and like you're in
a long term relationship, I wouldn't be doing it with
someone who I've just freshly started dating. But if you're
in a long term relationship with someone and you want
to do it, and then you're gonna watch it together
and that's gonna get you off, I don't think there's
any problems with it. And I also don't think that
it's necessarily unsafe. If you do it in a safe
way with someone who you trust, it's just you've got

(40:01):
to keep it somewhere where nobody is going to accidentally,
you know, share it on on like an air drop
or something.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
I disagree because I've been in relationships where I completely
trust people and I don't haven't known them right, and
that is something I want people to consider.

Speaker 2 (40:14):
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a sex tape. Film
what you want with your partnership.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
The only thing I would say is anything you ever
film or shoot, there is a possibility statistically that it
could go somewhere. Whether you accidentally put that on a
laptop that goes somewhere, whether somebody hacks you, whether it's
it's leaked, intentional, whatever, it's going to be a possibility.
So I guess one thing you could say is, you know,

(40:40):
if it feels more comfortable. An option is to say
to your partner, like, I want to do this, but
if we do this, I want to take control of
the tape because he also has to consent, right, because
he could also be worried it's going to be leaked.
You could say I want it to be on my
phone if that's okay, and I don't want it to
store it anywhere else. I want to only be watching
it together. Like I think it's like anything, you still
have to have scent and boundaries, no faces up to

(41:02):
whatever you guys are happy with, no faces?

Speaker 2 (41:05):
Who has it? Where it's stored? Is it in one
of these calculator lockboxings, What are the angles? How do
you feel comfortable? What do you want to do? What
don't you want to do? What is an off limits?
Do you then put it in splice and edit it?
Like what do you do with it? Like? Do you
do you just film it from start to finish and
that's your sex tape? Or do you like edit it
put a filter over it? Also, if you're putting it
in an editing app, just just know that the people

(41:26):
who own the editing app have access to everything that
you edit within that app. I've just realized I need
to go through my edit in it that. I also
think be conservative and don't go beyond where your boundaries lie.
And sometimes it's very easy to do that because you
would impress your partner or you want to perform, or
we can kind of like step outside where we feel
comfortable because we don't want to disappoint someone else. And
I think that this is a very big conversation just

(41:49):
before you do it. So therefore you know exactly what
you do and don't feel comfortable with. So that way,
if you know something is being filmed that you've said
you didn't want, you can easily say, oh, you know,
we just spoke about this. I don't want this on film,
but I also think the world's changing. I don't I mean,
and when I say this, I mean I don't think
that there is as anywhere near as much shame and
stigma around it.

Speaker 1 (42:08):
So again, go hellful weather, wear leather, do whatever you want,
but just have those conversations and just be aware of
where it could end up. My point is, if something
has physically been made, it can go somewhere.

Speaker 2 (42:20):
That's something to keep in mind. It's not about who
where why. If it's out in the stratosphere and it's
out in the intwebs and it's on a storage somewhere
and it can be uploaded to an iCloud, or.

Speaker 1 (42:28):
It can be shared or whatever, there's the option. So
it's just something to one hundred percent keep in mind.
Having said that, fucking go for it if that's.

Speaker 2 (42:34):
What you want. Last question, all right, Question number three.
I have been with my partner for three years. We
own a house together and are engaged. Since February, I
have been feeling unsure if I want the relationship. Everything
on paper seems good, but I am just not physically
attracted to him. Barund Barrel. I even sometimes feel embarrassed
that I'm with him. Oh, that's awful, And on the
other hand, we get along really well. I also feel

(42:56):
secure and have a lot of trust in this relationship.
I have never had this before. He adores me so much,
and I honestly enjoy his company. I love the life
that we've built together so far. But I also find
my eyes wandering, no action, just wandering. I do, however,
feel that maybe I have settled for a nice guy,
but maybe not someone I'm crazy about out of fear,
who knows any advice on figuring out how to know

(43:18):
if you were with the right person would be amazing?
Is there more to love than looking at your partner
and thinking, damn.

Speaker 1 (43:24):
Oh, one part breaks my heart. I feel embarrassed that
I'm with him. That's really mean, that's really really horrible.
If you're only feeling embarrassed because you feel like he
doesn't look the way he should look. Breaks my heart
for him because he sounds like everything else is amazing
and you've been with him for three years, like this
is a good guy that loves you. Obviously you love.

Speaker 2 (43:45):
Him, he wouldn't be with him, But that doesn't make
you a bad person. If you're not attracted to your partner.
I just think you have to be honest with yourself.
Like if you are walking down the street and you
are feeling embarrassed that you were in a relationship with someone, yes,
it may be super I'm not saying that these are
good feelings. But what I'm saying is is that you
can justify to the cows come home all the reasons

(44:06):
why you should be with someone. But if you feel
that way, if you feel embarrassed, if you feel not
attracted to that person at all, then I don't think
that all the other reasons are enough. Like if you're
googling should I be with this person? If you're asking
questions like is there more than this? I would say
that this is not your person and you are trying
to fit a square into a circle.

Speaker 1 (44:28):
Yeah, I want to say the same thing I want
to say. If you say to yourself, I feel like
I've settled, you've settled, well, then you've probably settled, and
that you know, we can be with the most amazing
person that ticks every box and they're not our person.
They can treat you amazingly, they can love you, they
can be everything you want, even attractiveness wise, and they're not.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
Your person totally.

Speaker 1 (44:47):
The other thing I will say, conversely, is that looks
aren't forever, and looks do fade and attraction does change.
In long term relationships, the attraction you're going to have
after ten years will be different in some capacity to
what it was at the start. There's a difference between
like unattracted and having the ick and just nothing just plateau,

(45:08):
like you know, I love everything about you, my partner.
I don't get wet when I look at you straight away,
but like I still want.

Speaker 2 (45:14):
To anyone care wet straight away. Yeah, that's because you're
doing long distance.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
But my point is if you're actually getting the ick
and it's turning you off and you're that unattracted to him,
then maybe he isn't your person.

Speaker 2 (45:26):
But it's not just the looks.

Speaker 1 (45:28):
For me, it's the idea that you were saying you're
embarrassed and you're saying you think you're settling. They're two
big red flags in a relationship for me.

Speaker 2 (45:34):
Oh, like, they're beyond red flags. Like for me, there's
no coming back from that feeling like and I say
this not because I'm like, oh, you need to do
this for you, you also need to do this for him.
There's no convincing yourself, Oh, maybe actually be in this
relationship because he's a nice person. If your partner knew
that you were embarrassed to be in a relationship with them,

(45:55):
how hurtful that would be. Like I couldn't think of
any I mean, I could think of things at a worse,
but like, that would be so incredibly hurtful. And I
don't think that we should be in any relationships where
we're willing ourselves to like the other person, to love
the other person just because on paper their qualities are great.
And look, it might be that on paper his qualities
are amazing, and you may struggle to find somebody else

(46:17):
who on paper has all the qualities that he has.
You know, it's not like you're going to just break
up and then instantly start dating someone else. You might,
you might not. It might take you a long time.
But sometimes we can find ourselves in relationships where we
know the person is a great person and we can't
find enough reasons to leave. It's like we want them
to do something bad, we want them to love us less.
We want them to do something which would then warrant

(46:39):
this feeling of it's not quite enough, but he's so
good to you, he's never going to do it. And
but the thing is is that sometimes relationships are just
not right, and sometimes the person is just not the
right person for you without having all of the other
things that go along with it, without having the big
red warning sign, it's just a feeling. And sometimes that
feeling is enough to not be with a person, and

(46:59):
you don't need someone to tell you that it's okay
to leave a relationship. I myself have been in a
long term relationship where the guy was perfect. It didn't
come down to looks. But I didn't feel it anymore,
and hadn't for a really long time. But I knew
he was amazing, and I knew he was an amazing boyfriend,
and I wanted so much to be in a relationship

(47:23):
with him because I loved the life that we had together.
I loved our apartment, I loved our cat, I loved
our everything that we had. I loved. But I didn't
feel the way I should have felt about him, and
so I hung on for so long because I was
hoping so deeply that my feelings would change, because I
wanted them to change, because he was such a fucking

(47:43):
great guy. But the reality is sometimes just being a
great person is not enough of a romantic match. And
I guess, like, just coming back to those two things
you said that you're embarrassed and that you feel like
you're settling for me, that's it. This is a relationship
you shouldn't be in.

Speaker 1 (48:01):
There's also the sunk cost fallacy. You've been within three
years kind of you've bought a house together, you're engaged,
like you feel like a lot of people, I'm not
putting words in your mouth, but a lot of people
in this situation feel like they've invested too much. It's
too late to go back. You know, we've got the mortgage,
three years of my time. We're taking that next step
with the house.

Speaker 2 (48:19):
Like you're on the tradmill. You want it to keep
moving forward because you want to start again from scratch.

Speaker 1 (48:24):
It makes sense, right, and you probably know you want
kids or you're thinking, you know, you've fantasized and talked
about and planned out what your life looks like.

Speaker 2 (48:33):
It's really hard to get out of that. It's really hard.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
And I say hard is in not physically like anyone
can sell a house right The mortgage isn't going to
tie you together forever. You're not yet married. I get, yes,
you're engaged, you've got a ring, you know, but you
can get out of that. It's mentally really hard to
get out of that. It's mentally hard to start again
to mourn what you imagined your life would have been,
the fairy tale, the safety, the security of a partnership.

Speaker 2 (48:58):
It's really fucking hard.

Speaker 1 (48:59):
Also, three years of your life at any age, it's
really hard to get around the fact that three years
of your life has been wasted. Quote unquote. It's not
wasted at all, It is absolutely not. What will be
wasted is if you stay in this relationship for twenty
five years when you know you should have left twenty
five years ago.

Speaker 2 (49:15):
Yeah, and I know that there's another way that we
can unpack this, Like we can definitely take the route
of saying you're superficial and kind of pointing fingers. And
I do think it is superficial to look at your
partner and go, well, I'm embarrassed because of the way
you look. It is so deeply superficial. It's proper cooked.
It is, it really is. But that doesn't negate the
fact that that is how you feel, and if that

(49:37):
is how you feel, then it's a relationship you shouldn't
be in because you should be so especially being engaged,
like engage your honeymoon period, girlfriend, Like you should be
so proud of the person that is standing next to you,
and that is I think a prerequisite for being in
a long term relationship, for like getting ready to walk
down the aisle, if nothing else. You should be able
to stand up on your wedding day and say I

(49:58):
am so proud of the person that I marrying, and
that I'm so proud to be marrying them, not to
be saying I'm so embarrassed by them. It's just it's
so deeply flawed. And I don't think that if that's
the type of wording that you're using about your partner,
that it's something that's going to be easy for you
to overcome. But I do think you're going to have
to do quite a bit of work to get yourself

(50:19):
to a place where you feel as though you can
walk away from the relationship, because when everything when all
the other boxes are ticked, it's so hard. Yeah, and
I want to reiterate as well, I said it earlier,
but looks they really aren't everything. Like one day we're
all going to be hopefully we have the privilege of
being old and wrinkly and saggy, and the way someone
treats you and their personality and their humor is so

(50:40):
much more important. Yeah, but I think she knows that,
and that's why she's grappling with this. That's why she's like,
I know he's great, I just am not attracted to him,
so sure, like what can I do to overcome this feeling?
But the thing is is if you've tried all the things,
if you've tried all the things, if you've you know,
invested in the relationship because you recognize he's a great guy,
but you're still not attracted, still have the ick, you

(51:01):
still don't want to be physically intimate with him because
you know that we just know she's not attracted. Well,
you know, it's pretty leaning into it. I would say
that if you've tried all the things, then you can't
deny what's screaming at you, and that's that this relationship
doesn't feel right, even if you can't put your finger
on the exact reason why you are being told something,
and that is that your guys are not compatible for whatever.

(51:21):
That is also the last thing.

Speaker 1 (51:24):
You've been feeling unsure if you want the relationship since February,
so it's now November, so long it's yeah, this is
not four weeks. This is coming close to ten months,
like the better part of a year. I think you
need to exit stage left before you lock it down
into the wedding.

Speaker 2 (51:41):
Sorry, after math ten it's enough math. If you feel
like this before getting married, this will end in divorce totally.
I very strongly feel like that. Okay. Anyway, guys, that
is it from us. If you have a question for
asking cut, please slide on into the DMS. Every single
one of these ones were very spicy. Yeah, they were hard,
very tricky. So the threesome one fun. It's gonna give
me nightmares. You guys know the trill.

Speaker 1 (52:03):
So your mum, te, dad, te, don't tee friends and
share the love because we love theve

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