September 28, 2025 • 43 mins
Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer your deep and burning questions. Laura may or may not have her 3rd child by now so we recorded this a bit in advance!
Do you have a ‘legacy contact’ (the person assigned to access your phone if you were to pass away)? Would you make your legacy contact your partner or are you trusting a best friend/sibling to scrub that thing clean of anything you don’t want anyone seeing?
Vibes for the week:
Britt - Egg in the air fryer for 8-10 mins
Keeshia - Tapo TP-Link Smart Security Wi-Fi Camera
Then we jump into your questions!
IS IT WEIRD TO ADD A FRIENDS BF ON IG
I'm in a new relationship and I have never been in one before so I'm trying to understand what is normal and what isn't. I've known this guy for 2 months. My friend wanted to see me, and I asked if this new guy could join and she said yes. We hung out for a couple of hours that day. This was a month ago, fast track to now and she's just added him to Instagram. My new bf is very transparent and said he's not accepting her. After a few hours of him not accepting, I then got a message from her saying he came up on her ‘suggested’. Her one and only photo on Instagram is quite provocative. She's a friend I trust, but I just thought this was a bit odd as I've never added my friends bfs on Instagram. Most of my friends think it's weird, but one of them and ChatGTP seem to think it's showing signs of just friendliness. I'm also on my period, I just need help to know if this is normal
CAN I ASK A HOOKUP TO PUT DEODORANT ON?
I recently went out for drinks with a distant work colleague who was tall, scruffy with a beard and overall very attractive. He was an amazing kisser and things got hot and heavy quickly. We went back to his hotel room and when he took off his clothes, I noticed he had a strong BO smell. I’m very sensitive to smells and would have liked to ask him to put deodorant on but it would have killed the mood. I ended up not saying anything but if this situation were to come up again, what is the protocol here? Is it inappropriate to ask a man to put some deodorant on? Or do women usually just put up with this?
IS PAYING SOMEONE FOR SEX BETTER THAN BEING CHEATED ON?
I’m at a bit of a loss. My partner told me tonight that he has paid someone to have sex with him three times and to make matters worse, he thinks he may have caught something… he reckons the chick took the condom off and was really kissing him. (Writing this makes me feel like I’m going to be physically sick). I really didn’t think that he would ever do something like this to me and I just feel numb, I feel disgusting. We have been together for almost 7 years, we have a daughter who is almost two, I work full time, help him run his business as well as all the house stuff. I don’t mind doing all of this stuff as I want the business to be successful and I support him both best I can emotionally and financially. I’m always up for having sex with him and usually I’m the one who initiates it. I’m just curious on your thoughts, is this still betrayal.
SHOULD I TELL MY PARTNER HIS SISTER IS GETTING AN ABORTION?
My longterm partner has a sister who I am quite close to. She has revealed to me that she is pregnant and is getting an abortion next week. She does not want her parents to know. This feels like a pretty big thing to keep from my partner. I know he would not tell his parents, should I tell him? UPDATE: I spoke to her about the awkward position I am in and she said if I tell him she will not trust me again. But I think my partner’s trust is more important to me. I feel so torn. There is a chance he will never know about it anyway but what if he finds out and what if he finds out I knew all along?
You can watch us on Youtube
Find us on Instagram
Join us on tiktok
Or join the Facebook Discussion Group
Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! Xx
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut. I'm
Brittany and.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I'm Keisha Fielian for Laura, who.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
May or may not have a baby and likely has
a third baby by now. We're assuming at this point,
so obviously they say about assuming, Yeah, it makes an
as out of you and me. We are making the
assumption that at this point Laura would have maybe a
couple of days old third baby, but we don't know
because this has been recorded ahead of time. For that reason,
(00:38):
I have been in Italy for a week with my
husband and Laura was having a baby, so we were like,
let's get ahead of this. We did not know what
chaos is going to come. Let's record this ahead of time.
So that's why it is a couple of weeks out.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
But I wanted to start this episode because I came
across a video on Instagram. It's not only a bit
of a PSA to everybody, but I have a question
to ask you off the back of it. It has
to do with a legacy contact. So I'm sorry for
anyone who doesn't have an Apple phone. I feel like
I've just had an Apple phone for so long that
I actually can't imagine a world like this stranglehold that
(01:11):
Apple has on me.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
I'm never leaving.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I'm a customer for life, simply because I refuse to
learn how to use anything else.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
So that's why they do it. Yeah, because everything is
so entwined. I know what you're gonna say.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Okay, So okay for us, This video about what a
legacy contact was.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Here, it is Hi, Apple, my husband just passed away
and I need access to his Apple account. Oh, you
must be his legacy contact. I'm not sure a legacy
contact would be someone he named to be able to
access his account after he passed. How do I know
if he added me? Just go into settings on your phone,
tap your name, click sign in in security, and then
scroll down to legacy contact And there you'll just choose
(01:46):
who you want from your contacts, and Apple will send
them a text and it's all set up for them
to access your stuff should anything happen to you.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
No, I don't have a legacy contact. No, I did
not know what even existed. Do I want to put
somebody down to go through my phone? I want to die?
I don't know. Okay, because here's my question.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
I saw this video and I thought, wow, that's great
that you know if something happens, because that's kind of
a question you've got, right, like what happens to all
your photos, some of your messages. There might be recordings,
like people have voice notes or videos that have your
voice and them that other people might want to access.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
I think it's also leans into a lot like I,
as you guys know, I listen to a lot of
true crime, and the number one thing that they say
is that like somebody should have access to your life
in case you don't pass away, you know, when everyone
knows in case you're kidnapped or you go missing and
you're the kidnappers left your phone behind, like that could
be the information you need. I love that that's where
(02:38):
your mind goes.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
It is because I saw this and I sent it
to my best friend, who has been my best friend
since I was about thirteen years old, and I was like,
over my dead body is my partner coming my legacy
con dict? I said, I need you to be my
friend who goes through my phone and scrubs it clean
any of the things that I don't want anyone else
to see or know about. And you need to kea
(03:00):
that shit to yourself until the day you die.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
One hundred percent, Like there is shit on there that
you even though it's your husband or you might be
married for twenty years. People have personal things that they
do not want anyone else to see.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
This surprises me because I thought I was gonna ask
you this, and I thought you were gonna be like, no,
of course it would be Ben. Like I've got my husband,
the person I love the most in my search history.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
No scrub that scrub scrub my Google history that no
one needs to say that. No, look, it all seriousness.
I don't have anything on I know. Do you know
what I probably do now that we're gonna deep dive.
I don't have anything on there since I've been with
Ben that I would want to hide from him at all,
Like we're in an open book. But I am pretty sure
(03:42):
I probably still have a lot of photos of my
ex on my phone, But that's because I have one
hundred and eighty thousand photos on my phone. But like
handing over your I don't know, it's like a diary.
My phone's like a diary.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
See, I feel more so like the photos and stuff
of my past. I'm like I have a past there's
photos of it whatever, you need to kind of get
over that.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
But do you have photos of your ex or like
from your pastel on your phone? Yeah, I would because.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I haven't deleted photos for like, there's like two hundred
and fifty year byes and photos in there, right, So
that stuff, I'm kind of like it happened before you.
It's more so that I don't want my partner to
get the ick for me after I've died, Like I
don't want a posthumous ick. If he was going through
my messages, it's.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Better than alivic.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Firstly, there would there would be moments where I would
be bitching about him, or I'd be complaining about things
that he's done to my friends messages. And if he
also went back and saw the way that I used
to be in relationships, like in the early phases of
dating people.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Like Lady, he would get the biggest ick for me.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
And be like, I actually can't believe I was in
a relationship with this person.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
She's so desperate and needy, Like it's so glad she's dead.
No one, I'm so glad. I'm glad, so glad she's
passed on. I would think that about friends and family too,
Like I wouldn't want family going through my phone. I
wouldn't want anyone going through my phone. Who would be
your legacy contact would be me? I would leave you
instructions to burn my phone. I don't even care I'm kidnapped.
Leave me. There's already got all the important VOTs I've
(05:03):
already air dropped. Nah. My legacy would be Sherry. Yeah,
the only person I would trust on this earth with
every single corner of my life, and like that's not
you know, I trust you with everything. I trust Laura
with everything. I trust band with everything, but every single
corner of like business, relationships, friendships, money, nudes. Would be Sherry,
(05:26):
Like she's the only person that I know would never
posthumously get the you know, she's like I already knew how
folo she was. Who's yours? Mine?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Would be my best friend one who's been my best
friend for over twenty years, Like she is my absolute
go to, you know, like you can have such close friendship,
I feel like I have the closest friendship with you.
To me, you are the closest thing that I've ever
had to assist her because I didn't have a biological sister,
and I kind of I share everything with you. There's
nothing that I would be actually, you know what, you'd
probably be a close second.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Yeah, he still would have bitched about me at some
point from being your boss or something like. There's still
stuff that.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Just like I knew, Like, I wish I could take
that in a voice. I wish I could retract her
pay that like fuck brutal.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Well.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I think that there's someone in your life that you
just know it is the least judgmental person. You know,
no matter how much you suck up or what you've done,
there's that person in your life. I actually think it's
a really it's quite a beautiful thing to share with
someone in your life. If you go, you know, we've
had the conversations about like who's your emergency contact, and
that kind of shows you your proximity to that person.
(06:26):
I feel like legacy contact is that plus trust, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
I was just thinking about Ben so boring, like in
terms of there's just nothing to worry. There's I can't
even dig for Ben because there's nothing to dig if
I got his phone right now, and because I did
do this ones because we trust each other without passwords. Anyway,
I was looking for a photo and this was last
time together at the wedding. I was looking for a
photo and I only had to do like one scroll
(06:54):
and I was at, like our mal dives holiday year ago.
He doesn't there's no screenshots. He doesn't take photo And
I was like, how have I gone back a year
with one swipe of the screen. If I do one
swipe of the screen, I'm still in the same Delilah
about selfie. Oh yeah, I'm still in the same selfie
session of me and my dog. I'm like this and
I was like, wow, this literally like there's no digging
(07:15):
for Ben. There's nothing that I can stumble across and find.
There's just nothing there. Yeah, maybe you get the for
like how boring he was. I was like, oh God,
at least like flirt or something. No, I'm joke all right. Anyway,
I have a think about who yours is going to
be and maybe actually go in and take the time
to add them. Let's get into vibes and unsubscribes. Keisha,
what is your Is it a spotlight? Is it a shoe?
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Is it a No, it's not a diy and it's
not a sleep recommendation. I'm actually vibing a home security
camera system. So we got these a couple of months ago,
initially for just outdoors, and then when we got Bonnie
the puppy, we also got one for inside because I
had wild anxiety about leaving her by herself, and I
was instructed that, like I have to do.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
That and also left.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Yeah, all the way, they kind of get that separation anxiety.
The ones that we had on the outside. Funnily enough,
like I know that you're supposed to want them for security,
but I actually wanted them initially when we had Delilah
there because ifever I had to leave her in the backyard,
I was just I just had I mean, I do
have anxiety, but I had a lot of anxiety about,
you know, if something could happen to her, if she
could hurt herself and I wouldn't know about it. So
(08:19):
the system that we installed, and I actually asked life
as on the Facebook group what ones they recommended, and
this one came up a couple of times. So it's
the TPE Link Tarpo Home security system. So you can
get a different number of cameras. The ones that we
have outside there were more expensive but they charge through solar,
so you kind of install like a solar panel and
that way they never run out of battery. They back
(08:41):
up to a certain amount in your phone or like
an online system, and then you can get an app
on your phone that you can access at any time
and you can see live. You can talk through the cameras,
so if there's a delivery or something like that at
the front door, I can say, hey, like, yeah, you've
got permission to leave it whatever, And I guess you
could all so talk to your pets if you like,
(09:02):
which I have been trying to do, but I'm trying
to do it less because she needs to get better
at being a home by herself. But yeah, it's been
really really good and I found that it's helped me
kind of reduce my anxiety about what's going on at
home when I'm not there. And I guess secondly, if
we had anything happen or anything weird that went on,
totally got a record of it.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I feel like everyone should have a camera system at
this point.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Yeah, you can also get they can have like motion detection,
so you get a notification if someone comes up to
the front door, you'll get a notification so that you
can kind of open it up and see what's going on.
But yeah, it's the tp link Typo home security system.
They start pretty reasonably at like thirty seven. I think
some of the other cameras that we got were like
up into the one hundred and something marks, So they
do get more expensive. If you want that solar connection.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Yeah cool, cool, and you just like stick them wherever
you want.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Yeah, you just like install them. They're not very heavy.
I think we've screwed some of the outdoor ones in
and the one inside we've just stuck with one of
those like double sided tape things.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Yeah, okay, well strap in for my record mandation. You're
not gonna learn anything, but it's going to streamline your
mornings or maybe your lunch or maybe your afternoon. I
don't know if I was embarrassing to admit that I
didn't know you could do this? Did you know that
you can just get an egg and put it into
your air fry a hole and just walk away and
(10:17):
it will give you the most perfect boiled eggs. So
egg boom air fryer eight to ten minutes, depending if
you want. I know you guys are laughing, but this
is what our vibes are. We're not always going to
be educational. Sometimes we're just gonna make your life a
little bit easier.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Is this just reminded me of that time that you
mocked me for motion sense of lights, and then a
couple weeks later you were like, actually, best thing ever.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
I like, I've got an egg.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Iic at the moment, but I feel like in a
matter of weeks I could come back and be like
air fry egg trick.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
But did you know you could do that? I never
thought you could get an egg just with a shell
and just dump the shell in, Like you just just
put it in a hole and then walk away from
air fry. It's the quickest, easiest thing. Like it sounds funny,
but it's even taking away the step of boiling the
water and then timing in the water. You just put
your timer on eight minutes, put it in, and you've
got like a perfect egg, like a hard boiled egg. Yeah, yes,
(11:04):
it's a perfect hard boiled egg between eight and ten minutes,
depending on if you like it a bit more soft
like soft boiled hard boiled. But I am going to
give you the little extra trick, and that is once
you do take it out. You've got to just like
do the cold punch so it stops cooking. It's like
an ice bath an egg eyes ba. But when I
learned this, I'm a I'm such an air fryer fiend.
(11:25):
I live and swear by my air fryer, like I
will air fright everything. But it never crossed my mind
that I could just throw an egg in. So that's
it sounds crazy, But when I did that this last week,
I was like, the people need to know. It's like
how you reaching your protein goals. The people need to know.
So that's my It's unusual.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
I get it, and I do have to admit sometimes
I know mock you for things like this and vice versa.
We actually get a surprising amount of messages from people
saying that it was incredibly helpful. So I'm going to
shut my mouth. I'm not going to mock you for this,
and I'm going to look forward to people sending it
in pictures.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Yeah, they're air fright eggs. I'm looking at you, the
busy mums. I'm looking at you people that are not
busy like me, but also just lazy to you. All right,
let's get into the questions.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
This is an interesting one because I've actually been in
this situation before, and I'm wondering whether I handled it
in the right way. Is it weird to add a
friend's boyfriend on Instagram. I'm in a new relationship and
I have never been in one before, so I'm trying
to understand what is normal and what isn't. I've been
dating this guy for two months now. My friend wanted
to see me and catch up, and I was hanging
(12:27):
out with my new boyfriend, and so I asked whether
we would all like to hang out together. We hung
out for a couple of hours that day.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
This was a month ago.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Fast forward to now, and she's added him to Instagram.
My new boyfriend is very transparent and he's said that
he is not going.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
To accept her.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
After a few hours of him not accepting the follow requests,
I then got a message from her saying that he
came up on her suggested her one and only photo
on Instagram is quite provocative. She is a friend that
I trust, but I just thought that this was a
little bit odd, as I've never added a friend's boyfriend
on Instagram before. Most of my friends think that it's weird,
(13:04):
but one of them went to chat GPT and chat
GPT seem to think that it was showing signs of
friendliness and also on my period. And I just need
to know whether this is normal or if I'm overreacting.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
I can't wait to hear your response to this, Keiche,
I think this is the most normal thing. Am I
a minority? I think it is so normal. If your
friend is dating someone new, it's a couple of months,
they're in their life, it's pretty serious. You've met them,
you hung out with them. For me, that seems like
a really normal thing. You're not going to rush home
and be like, can't wait to add them. But if
(13:38):
for whatever reason, maybe they didn't really come up on
the suggestive list, maybe she's panicked and said that this
would not be awkward for me at all. Like, I
know that you have followed my exes, you still follow
my exes? There we still trap? Yeah, which that's another story.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Sometimes you'll get a message it's friendly, it's above board.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
But I follow tobleron. I followed toubler own after I think,
I mean, I didn't know him that well, but we'd
met a few times, and at the end of the day,
I was like well, this is somebody that is important
to someone that's important to me. Well, why wouldn't I, Like,
it's not only fans account. I don't know, am I
missing something? I think it's normal.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
So when this happened in my life, it wasn't someone
that I was actually in an exclusive relationship with. It
was just someone that I've been hooking up with. And
so there was this one day and I was hanging
out at the beach with a couple of friends and
I ran into him, and so he came over and
he kind of like sat with us for a little bit.
It was probably not more than fifteen minutes, and we
were currently hooking up, but it was quite friendly and
(14:37):
it didn't look as though it was going to turn
into anything like it was almost that type of dynamic.
And he was really hot and I quite liked him.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
But that was okay. So that was the situation.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
One of my friends that was hanging out at the
beach that time again, fifteen minute period. When AN added
him on Instagram after it, that's weird.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
It did make me feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
It made me feel really weird, and I ended up
bringing it up a couple of months later because I
was like, am I, I bet you.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
I know who that is. I was like, am I
you probably do.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
I was like, am I weirdly insecure about this? Because
my friend was really attractive? I would probably say she
was more attractive than me. And did I feel a
bit threatened by it?
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Elective? Potentially?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
But I just thought it was a little bit strange
because I was like, we're not in an exclusive relationship.
You guys didn't really spend that much time together. And
she kind of returned to serve by saying, you know,
I've just moved to Sydney and I'm trying to be
had as well, and I'm trying to make more friends.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
And I was like, yeah, but I I'm banging.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
I was like, those friends don't need to be people
that I'm cooking up with. Like, that's quite strange to me.
So I can understand that there is an element that
can be weird about.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
This, but that's situational. You were just banging a guy
and she met for fifteen minutes. This girl's like, it's
her really good friend. She's been dating this guy for
a couple of months and they hung out properly.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
I do think it's strange, even if it is an
exclusive relationship. If they haven't met before or had any
type of interaction, then I think it's a little bit snoopy.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Then I kind of think.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
That the people who add the new boyfriend are kind
of just trying to gather data, right. This is if
their account is on private. If a account's on public,
that's a little bit different because you can kind of
do that snooping anyway. But I think that if they've
actually spent time together in person, that does change it.
And I think that it could be your friend kind
of showing the boyfriends like I want to accept you
into my friendship group as well.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
The only other thing that I would say is why
it might get a little bit messy or you're uncomfortable
with it, Like the listener is maybe and only you
can answer this, but maybe there's an element of you
not trusting your friend. Maybe your friend has done something
in the past, or you know, we can have there
are so many different levels of friends. You can have
friends that you adore and you love them, but make
(16:47):
questionable choices and do questionable things, or maybe they're a
bit flirty with people but that's their personality or whatever
it is. I'm getting the impression that maybe there's some
sort of characteristic or trait within your friend that makes
you uncomfortable. Because if what you're saying is the whole story,
she's your really good friend, You've been with this guy
for two months, you've all hung out, she's followed him,
(17:09):
it's fine. It's also a bit weird for me that
he's making a big deal about it and he's like,
I am not accepting that that's weird, Like why what
is going on that this has become a thing, Like
why would he be like it's weird that your friend
added me. Not really, it's your best friend and you
all just met. Instagram is a pretty top level, everyday
societal norm. It's a part of our living. Like, you
(17:30):
follow people you don't know, so why can't you follow
people you know or people that are important in your life.
So I don't know what the reason would be that
the boyfriend is finding it weird, but his reaction is
weird to me.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Well, maybe it's because the friend, like he's also got
the spidy senses of that person's maybe you're not particularly trustworthy,
do you know what I mean? Maybe he's kind of
got the feel that they're a bit too flirty. They're
a little bit inappropriate, and maybe he's kind of trying
to say, like, I'm just reassuring you this has happened,
but I just don't feel completely comfortable about, you know,
doing the whole followback situation.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I'm pretty sure you guys followed Ben when I was
just banging him like he lived on the other side
of the world, Like I think that was pretty early on.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Yeah, I think that we've had facetimes though, which is weirder.
When you were there, it sounds like never better than
I've been FaceTime still also talk to all of your exes,
So I am the problem of it.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Sometimes when Jordan doesn't answer FaceTime bat.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Like, what the fuck have you been brought into this
all the days?
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Because sorry, Jordan, he does not listen to the podcast.
Absolutely wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
But I think that if you've had interactions with the person,
it makes it less weird. So that's why I think
that this one is actually a bit of a play on.
But I think you should maybe actually question why it
makes you feel uncomfortable, because it does. And for me,
the reason I felt uncomfortable was because I didn't completely
trust that friend that they weren't maybe trying to like
cut my grass.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
A little bit.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Yeah, and I was likely a bit insecure because she
was real hot.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
So do they have won? I don't know. Are they friends?
They're still friends on Instagram? You know what's made this weirder?
I actually think the weirdest part about this is that
it's become an issue, and now it's something that's been
spoken about, like did you follow them? Only followed them
because it got brought up and it got suggested, and like,
oh he doesn't want to accepit now like now it's
a thing between your friend, you and your boyfriend, like
(19:20):
you're all going to hang out again. And it's weird
that he hasn't accepted the friend request, Like it has
made it into something I don't think it should have
been made into. I don't know. I would have taken
the easier bath. I would have just been like, cool,
I'll accept you, and if we don't vibe but we
break up, old delete you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
I think that you have to now because otherwise the
next time that you guys all hang out, it's going
to be awkward.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
As bark, I feel awkward. Okay, anyway, talking about awkward,
can I ask a hook up to put deodor or not.
I recently went out for drinks with a distant work
colleague who was tall, scruffy, with a beard, and overall
very attractive. It was an amazing kids wow that escalated.
Recently went out for drinks. He's an amazing kids there,
he's an amazing kisser, and things got hot and heavy
(20:00):
very quickly. We went back to his hotel room, and
when he took off his clothes, I notice he had
a very strong smell, not a good smell, a bo smell.
I am very sensitive to smells, and I would have
liked to have asked him to put deodoran on, but
I felt like it would have killed the mood. I
ended up not saying anything. But if the situation were
to come up again with him, what is the protocol?
(20:23):
Is it inappropriate to ask a man to put some
deodoran on? Or do women usually just put up with this?
Speaker 2 (20:28):
I feel I kind of feel like that the question
actually has two parts to it, and my answer is
both like my answer is different for both of them.
The only way that you can bring this up, and
also I would have done the exact same thing as
what you did and not brought it up because that's
gonna be awkward. You're already in the moment, and you know,
if things are getting kind of spicy and stuff, maybe
(20:50):
you just need to suck that up and try and
block your nose, not such as yeah, maybe you just
changed position all of a sudden, you're doing doggie and
it's not so much.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
For a problem. I want to do this thing where
I'm hanging off the as far away from you as possible. Actually,
I want you to put my head out the window
and then you're about answering thing laurs you stretch your
arm out with a dildo, and then we'll do it
that way.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Let's create some distance. I've seen it like on Cant
Dog About God. So I think you did the right
thing in that scenario. But I think if it's gonna
be an ongoing problem, it's obviously going to be a
turn off. And you're obviously not going to wanner hoogut
with someone who smells really bad.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
To be O.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
The only way that you can do this is by
making it jovial and in a joke. Wait, well, like,
oh my god, you feel like what if I when
did you shower last? Go and put some dignether on
not make a joke about it.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
I don't think you can take a joke about someone stinking.
But you know what, I had the perfect answer. You say, hey,
you want to take a shower together. That's hot naked
in a shower. You can lather him up, you can
get his arms in the air. You can just will
scrubby scrubs under the underarm. But I think it's like, hey,
let's take a shower together. You can make that hot
and sexy and like it is sexy, especially if you've
(21:55):
been out and you've just come home from a club.
Like like if I was ever going to do, that's
what I would do, because I don't want to be
hooking up with someone that's been around smoke and drink
and alcohol and bo all day and other people and
the dirty and then you're gonna get in my bed. No,
thank you. Like the shower thing isn't easy out.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
I'm interested by what you just said. I feel as
though showers that I hook up has had the best branding.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Oh it's terrible.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
I actually think it's the worst thing ever. There's no libercation.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
It's actually quite dangerous. Like I'm really sure.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
So I've always really really struggled with the idea of
shower sex because ergonomically it's really dangerous. There's never been
a position where it's been achievable without some type of
weird accident, safety, accident prone position and situation.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
And I think that everyone's in this position surely, Oh no,
one hundred percent. But I don't think you go and
have the sex in the shower. But you can still
go into the shower and shower together and kiss then
like it can be the foreplay. It's just four play
and it's you don't have to do anything like you
can actually just wash each other if you want. It's
like if you just want to clean each other, but
like that's the sexy start. Then you clean and then
you get out. Butex spaseex sauna sex. Sorry, you need
(23:04):
to set the record straight.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
That is your quickest way to sec You don't want
some type of like beauty.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
I there's so many chemicals floating around. It's terrible idea.
Anything in like pool or water is has just we've
been led to believe it is something that's absolutely not
No one is doing that, and if they are, I
can tell you they're not enjoying it. So that's what
I would do. Once you get to know them better,
you can tell somebody that may smell one hundred percent,
Like if it's your partner, you know, if Ben had
(23:32):
come home from training and wanted to get it on
and he was he'd been sweating and stinking, I would
literally be like, whoa go up a shower, you stink? Yeah,
And he would probably tell me the same. He would
be like, Wow, you've been working out, haven't you. He's
never gonna say you stink. But it's different when it's
like I don't know. There'll be people that disagree. There'll
be people that are like, you can say what you
want on a first hook up, and you probably can,
(23:52):
But is it going to offend him? Probably? Yeah, So
that's what you've got to take into consideration. Is it
a mood killer also, yes, Like if you think you'll
bring your a game when you're getting down to dirting,
you're sexy and you take your shirt off and you
think you're about to have sex and your partner that
looks at you and says you smell, it is going
to cause a bit of an interruption in your flow
and your vibe. But at the end of the day,
(24:13):
if you want to try and do it, it's up
to you.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
I also think that some people just have a greater
awareness of hygiene. Like you said that you're really sensitive
to smells. I'm exactly the same, and weirdly enough, it
actually changes throughout the different times of my cycle. I
don't know if it's connected to hormones in some way,
but I find that at different points of my cycle,
I can smell like a bloodhounds. Like We've made jokes
in our household that I can just smell certain things.
(24:37):
And my boyfriend after he's like had a T shirt
on and whether he's been out. You know, it doesn't
even have to be.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Like a bo smell.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
It can just be that worn in all day smell
that gets into like cotton t shirts and that kind
of thing, and I'll be like, oh, like I've just
got I've got. It grosses me out at certain times
of the month, and I can smell it more. So
I relate to you in the sense that you're very
sensitive to smell. So maybe he's the type of person
that doesn't have as much hygiene around, like washing his
(25:06):
clothes every time he wears them and that kind of thing,
and that could potentially if you actually want to start
a relationship with this person and it doesn't just want
to be like you know, work hookups, it might be
something that you have to kind of investigate a little.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Bit more and have a bit of a conversation with.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
But for me, if this was the situation, I would
either make a joke about it or I think the shower.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Renames them in your phone. The last thing I want
to say is food for thought. And you've just made
me think about it, Keisha. So since COVID, my smell
is so bad, Like so I was hospitalized with COVID.
Kisha drove me to the hospital one day, and since
then my smell has never been the same. So Keisha's
come to my house before, gone to get a drink
from my fridge and she's like, whoa, bro, something is
(25:50):
off in there. Dead animal. I will put my yeah,
I will put my head into it. Can't smell a thing,
And I'm like, wow, I actually can't smell them at all.
So maybe you know his smell is not as sensitive.
A lot of people can't smell themselves, or the way
that they smell their own body is different to how
another person interprets that smell as well, Like you don't
(26:12):
smell other people the same way and you don't smell
yourself the same way. So I think that is something
to consider too, that maybe you're both on different ends
of He can't smell a lot and you're hyper sensitive.
But fuck yeah, you're not gonna You're not gonna go
long term with someone you can't stand to be around.
So I think maybe by the third date you a
bit more open rain If you want to try a
Keisha's make a joke of it, let us know how
(26:33):
it goes.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Okay, this one, I think there are going to be
some very very different opinions on, and.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
All of those opinions are valid.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Is paying someone for sex better.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Than being cheated on? I'm had a bit of a loss.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
My partner has told me tonight that he has paid
someone to have sex with him three times, and to
make matters worse, he thinks he may have caught something.
He said that he reckons the took the condom off
and was really kissing him. Writing this makes me feel
like I'm going to be physically sick. I really didn't
think that he would ever do something like this to me,
(27:09):
and I just feel so numb. I feel really disgusting.
We have been together for almost seven years. We have
a daughter who is almost two. I work full time
help him run his business as well as doing all
of the house stuff. I don't mind doing all of
this stuff as I want the business to be successful
and I support him the best that I can emotionally
and financially. I'm always up for having sex with him,
(27:31):
and I'm actually usually the one who initiates it. I
am just curious to get your thoughts on this. Is
it still betrayal because he paid to cheat on me?
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Yes, yes, absolutely, it is absolutely still betrayal. Just because
he's saying it was a sex worker, I want to
call bullshit on the fact that it even was a
sex worker.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
I don't know any sex worker that would ever take
a condom to remove protection its protection for themselves.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Yeah, and it's I think it's just like the rule,
it's like a standard rule that they wouldn't do it.
So that was a bit of a red flag for
me when he's like, oh, yeah, she was kissing me
and she took the condom of And there are some
sex workers that won't kiss you either, Like it's like
they don't take the emotion. Now. I'm sure there are
some that do, but for me, this is really fucked.
Your opening question here, is paying someone for sex better
(28:20):
than being cheated on. It is being cheated on. They're
the same thing. Firstly, like it is still betrayal, and
it is still infidelity. He has still gone and had
sex with somebody else. The fact he paid for someone
doesn't change the fact that it's cheating. I almost want
to say it's worse. And the way you've written this
is maybe you're trying to convince yourself it's not as bad.
(28:40):
I think it's worse because if my partner came to
me and said, firstly, they told me because they'd made
a mistake, right, I am so sorry. I have done
something terrible. I was out with the boys, I got
blind drunk, I cheated on you. I've done the wrong thing.
I'm so regretful. Whatever, that is very different to the
premeditation of booking the same person, going back to that
same set work paying them for it. It's premeditated, it's planned.
(29:04):
It's not a mistake. It's a recurring theme. So and
there will be people that don't agree with me. For me,
I would put my life down that Ben wouldn't cheat
on me either way. But hypothetically it's almost worse for
me when it comes to the point that it's like
so pre planned and premeditated.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
I very much get your point with the whole premeditation thing.
I think that I differ slightly, and I think that
maybe everyone will feel this way. The reason I feel
slightly differently about the cheating being with a sex worker
is because it's a very defined transaction and there's no
emotion involved in that.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
But you don't know there's no emotion in it. He's
gone to the same person three times.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah, true, I mean there might be emotion on his end.
I think that for sex workers that's the one thing
that you know. They can emotionally connect with their clients,
of course, but it's quite a defined interaction and a
defined transaction of this is what we will be doing.
You will be paying this amount of money for these services.
(30:03):
The transaction happens, and we go both go about our lives.
Whereas I think if it's more of an emotional affair,
or if they've gone and slept with someone else three times,
like just a you know, a standard person that they
met at work or a friend of a friend or
whatever it might be. I think my concerns about that
would be that there would.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Likely be an emotional connection.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Three times is not you know, like that's not a
short amount of time. So I can understand where you're
kind of saying, like, is it better that he did
it with a professional rather than someone that's in our lives?
Speaker 1 (30:34):
I think I remember years ago we interviewed, you know,
one of Australias leading escorts, Samantha X, and she would
say that the reason she had recurring customers is because
they wanted her because there was a connection with her.
And as much as the connection isn't they're going to
go off and get married and be together. They've formed
a connection. You are the person that I go to
(30:55):
I feel comfortable with. Now we know how this works.
You know what I like? I know you lie. Some
of them just want to emotionally connect. Some of them
want to go and like the sex is the tiniest
part about it, and they want to have that connection
and talk. That's why I feel like this is worse
for me because he's choosing to go back to the
same person and it is planned and it's not a
mistake and you can't brush it off, and let's not
(31:17):
forget the only reason you know is because he thinks
he caught something like it's like he's been like, Wow,
what am I doing? I feel so guilty. I need
to save my relationship and do the right thing. He's
been sprung and thinks you have an SDI.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Yeah, And this line here just really it actually really
breaks my heart. I'm always up for having sex with him,
and I'm usually actually the one who initiates it. Like
I think it's one thing to kind of understand that
people have physical needs and sex desires can be different.
They usually are different in any relationship. One person may
have a higher sex drive at some point in time,
the other might have a lower one.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
And with little kids and married and.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Totally and you're supporting him in all of those things
as well, and so for you to be taking on
all of the mental load of the house, you're helping
with the business, you're helping raise your daughter.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
And I'm still.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Saying I'm actually the one who initiates having sex and
I'm always up for it, like I actually find that
a really good part of my relationship. And he's still
gone and sort out this other physical act of sex
with a professional worker. I find that actually the most
disappointing thing about his behavior, because it's not like he
can lean on the excuse of all, you know, since
we had the kid, we haven't had sex for two years,
(32:22):
and I have physical needs and like I just went
out and did it, and you know, it felt so
good the first time. I like, he's really really betrayed you,
and I'm so sorry that you're experiencing this. And I
think that they may be people who are in situations
where if they don't have a sex drive and their
partner does, maybe that is an agreement that you can
come to. But the difference is is that it's an
agreement that you come to, it's not something that just
(32:43):
happens and you find out about after the fact.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I would love to know how this played out, like
what he said to you and his reaction, you know,
was he apologetic, was he blaming in some capacity? Was
there gas lighting? Did he want to make it work?
Did he apologize? What is he wanting from telling you
other than you to get an sci check to be
sure you know that response is going to weigh very
(33:06):
heavily on what you do moving forward, and if you
can move forward, because if my partner came to me
and was like, hey, I've been doing this, I'm not
that he is sorry. I'm only telling you because you
know she took the condom off, which she definitely didn't.
I'm only telling you because she took the condom off,
and you know, now I have an sci And if
that was the conversation and it wasn't, like, I'm mortified,
(33:26):
I'm beside myself. I don't know why I did it.
I love you, Let's work on this. I'm going to
get help. I wouldn't personally be able to stay in
that relationship like that is such a multi level betrayal.
Yeah for me. Yeah. And also at the end of
the day, the crazy thing is you're not asking us
for advice and you're not asking us what to do.
You just want to know if paying someone for sex
(33:48):
is better than being cheated on, and is it still betrayal?
And my personal answer, and Keisha's answer is it is
the same thing. It's one and the same thing. It's
absolutely a betrayal and it is cheating. Happy to put
this and I would love to put this on Instagram.
Just this one question and get the responses from different people,
because there might be people that feel differently about it,
(34:09):
but short and sharp, yes, yes, it is okay. Last question,
should I tell my partner his sister is getting an abortion?
So my long term partner has a sister who I
am quite close to. She has revealed to me that
she's pregnant and is getting an abortion next week. She
does not want her parents to know. This feels like
a pretty big thing to keep from my partner. I
(34:31):
know he would not tell his parents. Should I tell him? Update?
I spoke to her about the awkward position that I
feel like I am in, and she said, if I
tell him, she will not trust me again. But I
think my partner's trust is more important to me. So
I feel torn.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Oh wow, I'm so sorry. I feel so so differently
to you.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
So do I do? Ya? Okay?
Speaker 2 (34:54):
I feel as though, firstly, this girl is in a
vulnerable position. She's having something that no one wants to experience.
You know, no one wants to have to go through
the process of getting an abortion. It can be a
really emotional time for some people. It can be a
not emotional time for others. But she has trusted you
with this information because she's obviously after a little bit
(35:15):
of support. I don't know whether that's because you've experienced
it before, and so she's asking it in terms of like,
you know, what happened with you and what can I expect?
Or if she just wanted someone to go to and
you were someone that she felt she could go to.
This type of information is really personal and very private,
and while some people will be comfortable to you know,
(35:36):
saying it on podcasts like Laura's spoken about having this
procedure before on the podcast, most people are not going
to feel that way. There's still so much shame surrounding abortions,
particularly at the moment with the way that things are,
you know, changing in the United States and how there's
a lot of regression in terms of like abortion rights.
There is so much shame wrapped up not only in
(35:58):
getting the procedure, but in getting pregnant to begin with
and who it was weird and why you, you know,
weren't protecting yourself or why were you having sex before
you were ready to be in this position?
Speaker 1 (36:07):
And la la la Lah.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
She's in a really vulnerable position because it's happened. She's
getting this procedure she's come to you seeking comfort and
seeking reassurance and support, and you're saying to her that
you don't feel comfortable not sharing that with her brother.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
I think it's way easier than that. It's got nothing
to do with her brother, it's got nothing to do
with your partner. Why are you in an awkward position
now for keeping one of her most private moments from
your husband, who is her brother. I understand where it's like,
we don't have secrets in our relationship, like we tell
each other everything. This doesn't have to be that, and
(36:45):
it's never going to come out in the relationship because
your friend is never going to say, hey, you know what,
I just want you to know that, like five years
ago out in abortion and I told your wife and
she kept that from you, Like that's it's never going
to come out in conversation. I just think that it
feels a bit weird to me personally that you've made
this about you, and how awkward you and uncomfortable you
(37:05):
feel when she's come to you saying that this is
really big life event that she's going through, and what
have you got to gain? I guess is the question
by telling him I don't know it just feels a
little bit weird for me, And I get that. It's like, yes,
I tell my partner everything, Why do you have to
tell him this part. It's not like a big secret
that's going to affect him. It doesn't affect him in
any way, but it affects her. And I can understand
(37:26):
why she's saying, please keep this between us, Like I
told you that, you know, like I told you that
in confidence, and I told you that as a friend.
I didn't tell you it because you're my brother's partner.
I told you because you're family and a friend, and
you're the person I've chosen to tell. I understand where
you're coming from. But I'm probably a little bit more
team her, to be honest.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Yeah, And I also think there's an added layer she
said here that she doesn't want her parents to know. Well,
telling her brother like you kind of risk the chance
that her brother then going to tell her parents. Is
that then going to turn it into something that she's
going to have to do with her entire family knowing.
And that's just not a position I would ever want
to put anybody in, Like I would never want to
(38:06):
enforce that or even risk and have them have the
anxiety she's already going to have anxiety about going in
and getting an abortion. Do you then want her to
also be living in the space where she's like, oh,
my gosh, now my brother knows. I don't know whether
my brother is going to tell my parents or not.
I really don't want to have to deal with it
if they do end up finding out. I don't want
to have to deal with the lectures and the repercussions.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
And I don't know how they religious.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
Would they shame her for this type of thing?
Speaker 1 (38:31):
You know, like, we just don't know these things.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
And I just don't know why it's so important to
you to have this open communication channel about something that
doesn't actually affect your body. It's not like you're having
the procedure and you're wondering whether you can keep it
from him.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
I also think that if you so strongly feel uncomfortable
about it, you can tell him. But you've got to
know that it's going to come with repercussions, and are
you is it worth it? Is it worth him knowing
about it and then causing a family rift, causing a
friendship breakdown, just so that he knows that his sister
had an abortion it just feels like personal private information
(39:08):
that he doesn't need to know and she's entrusted you
with and that's okay. As open as I am with Ben.
If a friend came to me like that it's got
nothing to do with Ben begged me, you know, or
his sister came to me and said that I would
trust that, I would say, it's got nothing to do
with him, it's fine, like, of course, I'll keep that
secret for you.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Yeah, And on the other side, I'd be really upset.
I'm very close with my sister in law. I love
her and I'm so lucky that she's so amazing, and
there are many things that I have said to her
that I have asked her to not share with my brother,
not necessarily because I don't want him knowing.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
It's just that I don't know.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
It's just something that I'm like, if I wanted him
to know, I would have told him myself. So I'm
trusting you with the fact that this is just between us,
and I would be really really hurt an upset if
I found out that she'd actually broken that trust.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Yeah, and that is something to consider moving forward, Like
it's food for thought to think.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Okay, everything that you tell somebody, you do have to
weigh up.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
If they're going to go and tell their significant other,
because there are a lot of relationships where they do
tell each other everything, and they tell each other everything
about their friends and what's happening in their life. And
it's something to consider when you are unloading something that
is a secret on somebody that it's highly likely they
are going to tell somebody. But you know, there's not
many people that take a secret to the grave and
(40:27):
don't tell one other human. So something to consider. I
guess if you are sharing that kind of information with someone,
maybe if it's somebody that is so close to your brother,
consider that they might tell. But for me, I would
be not telling him. I'd be keeping this to yourself.
It's got nothing to do with you, and it's got
nothing to do with him, and he's got everything to
(40:48):
do with You've been there for your friend and she
already feels like you've almost probably sort of betrayed her
in a way because she's like, why are we even
having this conversation. I've asked you not to tell him,
Like why are you making this more awkward? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (40:59):
And the last thing is is that let's say that
situation you spoke about Britt where the brother may actually
find out in the future. That to me also seems
like an easy conversation to say. That's a pretty private
thing that is about her, like reproductive well being. It's
not something that I felt was my place to share.
It's her information if she wanted to share it with you, Like,
(41:20):
that's a particularly private thing for women, and there's a
lot of emotion that can be involved in it, and
I just didn't want to share it with you because
she asked me not to. I don't feel like there's
a person who wouldn't understand that the highly sensitive nature
of that information and why you didn't share.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
It with them.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
So if the person that you're with wouldn't understand that,
that's actually where I would be questioning things a little
bit more and being like, why would you know, why
would you enforce that upon your partner that she told
you this highly sensitive information from your sister. Yeah, So, yeah,
I'm sorry if I've kind of come down a little
bit hard on you, But I think that sister right
now actually is the one who needs a lot of support,
(41:58):
and I really hope that you are able to provide
that for her.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
I think we've been balanced. It's just sometimes it's hard
when you don't agree with the person that's written in,
like we Sometimes you guys write in for advice and
we want to agree with you and we want to
be on your side, but sometimes we're just not. And
you know, there'll be other people that disagree with us
one hundred percent, with people that say, yes, tell your
partner everything they're entitled to, that that's okay, but yeah,
(42:23):
we just differ on this one, and it is it's
tough when we go against you guys, because we don't
want to be but we do want to give our best,
you know, most considered advice. Yeah, yeah, so I hope
I have we have en uptake with that. Anyway, let's
get out of here. I have a husband in Italy
to go on adventury and I've going to got one
slim little week, so I'm going to go and soak
up every single second.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Maybe you can catch everything on YouTube, but we love
to play the asking on cut questions to friends, housemates, partners,
find out whether they disagree with us. Maybe they think
we're idiots for our opinions. I'm absolutely fine with that.
If you can message us. You'll ask the cut questions
on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (42:58):
If you can pop, ask on puts, that's wonderful. If
you joke, that's also fine.
Speaker 2 (43:03):
You can find us at Life on Cup podcast and
you know the drill.
Speaker 1 (43:06):
So mum to your dad, tad, dog, tear friends and
share the love because we love love
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut. I'm
Brittany and.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I'm Keisha Fielian for Laura, who.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
May or may not have a baby and likely has
a third baby by now. We're assuming at this point,
so obviously they say about assuming, Yeah, it makes an
as out of you and me. We are making the
assumption that at this point Laura would have maybe a
couple of days old third baby, but we don't know
because this has been recorded ahead of time. For that reason,
(00:38):
I have been in Italy for a week with my
husband and Laura was having a baby, so we were like,
let's get ahead of this. We did not know what
chaos is going to come. Let's record this ahead of time.
So that's why it is a couple of weeks out.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
But I wanted to start this episode because I came
across a video on Instagram. It's not only a bit
of a PSA to everybody, but I have a question
to ask you off the back of it. It has
to do with a legacy contact. So I'm sorry for
anyone who doesn't have an Apple phone. I feel like
I've just had an Apple phone for so long that
I actually can't imagine a world like this stranglehold that
(01:11):
Apple has on me.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
I'm never leaving.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I'm a customer for life, simply because I refuse to
learn how to use anything else.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
So that's why they do it. Yeah, because everything is
so entwined. I know what you're gonna say.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Okay, So okay for us, This video about what a
legacy contact was.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Here, it is Hi, Apple, my husband just passed away
and I need access to his Apple account. Oh, you
must be his legacy contact. I'm not sure a legacy
contact would be someone he named to be able to
access his account after he passed. How do I know
if he added me? Just go into settings on your phone,
tap your name, click sign in in security, and then
scroll down to legacy contact And there you'll just choose
(01:46):
who you want from your contacts, and Apple will send
them a text and it's all set up for them
to access your stuff should anything happen to you.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
No, I don't have a legacy contact. No, I did
not know what even existed. Do I want to put
somebody down to go through my phone? I want to die?
I don't know. Okay, because here's my question.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
I saw this video and I thought, wow, that's great
that you know if something happens, because that's kind of
a question you've got, right, like what happens to all
your photos, some of your messages. There might be recordings,
like people have voice notes or videos that have your
voice and them that other people might want to access.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
I think it's also leans into a lot like I,
as you guys know, I listen to a lot of
true crime, and the number one thing that they say
is that like somebody should have access to your life
in case you don't pass away, you know, when everyone
knows in case you're kidnapped or you go missing and
you're the kidnappers left your phone behind, like that could
be the information you need. I love that that's where
(02:38):
your mind goes.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
It is because I saw this and I sent it
to my best friend, who has been my best friend
since I was about thirteen years old, and I was like,
over my dead body is my partner coming my legacy
con dict? I said, I need you to be my
friend who goes through my phone and scrubs it clean
any of the things that I don't want anyone else
to see or know about. And you need to kea
(03:00):
that shit to yourself until the day you die.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
One hundred percent, Like there is shit on there that
you even though it's your husband or you might be
married for twenty years. People have personal things that they
do not want anyone else to see.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
This surprises me because I thought I was gonna ask
you this, and I thought you were gonna be like, no,
of course it would be Ben. Like I've got my husband,
the person I love the most in my search history.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
No scrub that scrub scrub my Google history that no
one needs to say that. No, look, it all seriousness.
I don't have anything on I know. Do you know
what I probably do now that we're gonna deep dive.
I don't have anything on there since I've been with
Ben that I would want to hide from him at all,
Like we're in an open book. But I am pretty sure
(03:42):
I probably still have a lot of photos of my
ex on my phone, But that's because I have one
hundred and eighty thousand photos on my phone. But like
handing over your I don't know, it's like a diary.
My phone's like a diary.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
See, I feel more so like the photos and stuff
of my past. I'm like I have a past there's
photos of it whatever, you need to kind of get
over that.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
But do you have photos of your ex or like
from your pastel on your phone? Yeah, I would because.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I haven't deleted photos for like, there's like two hundred
and fifty year byes and photos in there, right, So
that stuff, I'm kind of like it happened before you.
It's more so that I don't want my partner to
get the ick for me after I've died, Like I
don't want a posthumous ick. If he was going through
my messages, it's.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Better than alivic.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Firstly, there would there would be moments where I would
be bitching about him, or I'd be complaining about things
that he's done to my friends messages. And if he
also went back and saw the way that I used
to be in relationships, like in the early phases of
dating people.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Like Lady, he would get the biggest ick for me.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
And be like, I actually can't believe I was in
a relationship with this person.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
She's so desperate and needy, Like it's so glad she's dead.
No one, I'm so glad. I'm glad, so glad she's
passed on. I would think that about friends and family too,
Like I wouldn't want family going through my phone. I
wouldn't want anyone going through my phone. Who would be
your legacy contact would be me? I would leave you
instructions to burn my phone. I don't even care I'm kidnapped.
Leave me. There's already got all the important VOTs I've
(05:03):
already air dropped. Nah. My legacy would be Sherry. Yeah,
the only person I would trust on this earth with
every single corner of my life, and like that's not
you know, I trust you with everything. I trust Laura
with everything. I trust band with everything, but every single
corner of like business, relationships, friendships, money, nudes. Would be Sherry,
(05:26):
Like she's the only person that I know would never
posthumously get the you know, she's like I already knew how
folo she was. Who's yours? Mine?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Would be my best friend one who's been my best
friend for over twenty years, Like she is my absolute
go to, you know, like you can have such close friendship,
I feel like I have the closest friendship with you.
To me, you are the closest thing that I've ever
had to assist her because I didn't have a biological sister,
and I kind of I share everything with you. There's
nothing that I would be actually, you know what, you'd
probably be a close second.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Yeah, he still would have bitched about me at some
point from being your boss or something like. There's still
stuff that.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Just like I knew, Like, I wish I could take
that in a voice. I wish I could retract her
pay that like fuck brutal.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Well.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I think that there's someone in your life that you
just know it is the least judgmental person. You know,
no matter how much you suck up or what you've done,
there's that person in your life. I actually think it's
a really it's quite a beautiful thing to share with
someone in your life. If you go, you know, we've
had the conversations about like who's your emergency contact, and
that kind of shows you your proximity to that person.
(06:26):
I feel like legacy contact is that plus trust, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
I was just thinking about Ben so boring, like in
terms of there's just nothing to worry. There's I can't
even dig for Ben because there's nothing to dig if
I got his phone right now, and because I did
do this ones because we trust each other without passwords. Anyway,
I was looking for a photo and this was last
time together at the wedding. I was looking for a
photo and I only had to do like one scroll
(06:54):
and I was at, like our mal dives holiday year ago.
He doesn't there's no screenshots. He doesn't take photo And
I was like, how have I gone back a year
with one swipe of the screen. If I do one
swipe of the screen, I'm still in the same Delilah
about selfie. Oh yeah, I'm still in the same selfie
session of me and my dog. I'm like this and
I was like, wow, this literally like there's no digging
(07:15):
for Ben. There's nothing that I can stumble across and find.
There's just nothing there. Yeah, maybe you get the for
like how boring he was. I was like, oh God,
at least like flirt or something. No, I'm joke all right. Anyway,
I have a think about who yours is going to
be and maybe actually go in and take the time
to add them. Let's get into vibes and unsubscribes. Keisha,
what is your Is it a spotlight? Is it a shoe?
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Is it a No, it's not a diy and it's
not a sleep recommendation. I'm actually vibing a home security
camera system. So we got these a couple of months ago,
initially for just outdoors, and then when we got Bonnie
the puppy, we also got one for inside because I
had wild anxiety about leaving her by herself, and I
was instructed that, like I have to do.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
That and also left.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Yeah, all the way, they kind of get that separation anxiety.
The ones that we had on the outside. Funnily enough,
like I know that you're supposed to want them for security,
but I actually wanted them initially when we had Delilah
there because ifever I had to leave her in the backyard,
I was just I just had I mean, I do
have anxiety, but I had a lot of anxiety about,
you know, if something could happen to her, if she
could hurt herself and I wouldn't know about it. So
(08:19):
the system that we installed, and I actually asked life
as on the Facebook group what ones they recommended, and
this one came up a couple of times. So it's
the TPE Link Tarpo Home security system. So you can
get a different number of cameras. The ones that we
have outside there were more expensive but they charge through solar,
so you kind of install like a solar panel and
that way they never run out of battery. They back
(08:41):
up to a certain amount in your phone or like
an online system, and then you can get an app
on your phone that you can access at any time
and you can see live. You can talk through the cameras,
so if there's a delivery or something like that at
the front door, I can say, hey, like, yeah, you've
got permission to leave it whatever, And I guess you
could all so talk to your pets if you like,
(09:02):
which I have been trying to do, but I'm trying
to do it less because she needs to get better
at being a home by herself. But yeah, it's been
really really good and I found that it's helped me
kind of reduce my anxiety about what's going on at
home when I'm not there. And I guess secondly, if
we had anything happen or anything weird that went on,
totally got a record of it.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I feel like everyone should have a camera system at
this point.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Yeah, you can also get they can have like motion detection,
so you get a notification if someone comes up to
the front door, you'll get a notification so that you
can kind of open it up and see what's going on.
But yeah, it's the tp link Typo home security system.
They start pretty reasonably at like thirty seven. I think
some of the other cameras that we got were like
up into the one hundred and something marks, So they
do get more expensive. If you want that solar connection.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Yeah cool, cool, and you just like stick them wherever
you want.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Yeah, you just like install them. They're not very heavy.
I think we've screwed some of the outdoor ones in
and the one inside we've just stuck with one of
those like double sided tape things.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Yeah, okay, well strap in for my record mandation. You're
not gonna learn anything, but it's going to streamline your
mornings or maybe your lunch or maybe your afternoon. I
don't know if I was embarrassing to admit that I
didn't know you could do this? Did you know that
you can just get an egg and put it into
your air fry a hole and just walk away and
(10:17):
it will give you the most perfect boiled eggs. So
egg boom air fryer eight to ten minutes, depending if
you want. I know you guys are laughing, but this
is what our vibes are. We're not always going to
be educational. Sometimes we're just gonna make your life a
little bit easier.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Is this just reminded me of that time that you
mocked me for motion sense of lights, and then a
couple weeks later you were like, actually, best thing ever.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
I like, I've got an egg.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Iic at the moment, but I feel like in a
matter of weeks I could come back and be like
air fry egg trick.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
But did you know you could do that? I never
thought you could get an egg just with a shell
and just dump the shell in, Like you just just
put it in a hole and then walk away from
air fry. It's the quickest, easiest thing. Like it sounds funny,
but it's even taking away the step of boiling the
water and then timing in the water. You just put
your timer on eight minutes, put it in, and you've
got like a perfect egg, like a hard boiled egg. Yeah, yes,
(11:04):
it's a perfect hard boiled egg between eight and ten minutes,
depending on if you like it a bit more soft
like soft boiled hard boiled. But I am going to
give you the little extra trick, and that is once
you do take it out. You've got to just like
do the cold punch so it stops cooking. It's like
an ice bath an egg eyes ba. But when I
learned this, I'm a I'm such an air fryer fiend.
(11:25):
I live and swear by my air fryer, like I
will air fright everything. But it never crossed my mind
that I could just throw an egg in. So that's
it sounds crazy, But when I did that this last week,
I was like, the people need to know. It's like
how you reaching your protein goals. The people need to know.
So that's my It's unusual.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
I get it, and I do have to admit sometimes
I know mock you for things like this and vice versa.
We actually get a surprising amount of messages from people
saying that it was incredibly helpful. So I'm going to
shut my mouth. I'm not going to mock you for this,
and I'm going to look forward to people sending it
in pictures.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Yeah, they're air fright eggs. I'm looking at you, the
busy mums. I'm looking at you people that are not
busy like me, but also just lazy to you. All right,
let's get into the questions.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
This is an interesting one because I've actually been in
this situation before, and I'm wondering whether I handled it
in the right way. Is it weird to add a
friend's boyfriend on Instagram. I'm in a new relationship and
I have never been in one before, so I'm trying
to understand what is normal and what isn't. I've been
dating this guy for two months now. My friend wanted
to see me and catch up, and I was hanging
(12:27):
out with my new boyfriend, and so I asked whether
we would all like to hang out together. We hung
out for a couple of hours that day.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
This was a month ago.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Fast forward to now, and she's added him to Instagram.
My new boyfriend is very transparent and he's said that
he is not going.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
To accept her.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
After a few hours of him not accepting the follow requests,
I then got a message from her saying that he
came up on her suggested her one and only photo
on Instagram is quite provocative. She is a friend that
I trust, but I just thought that this was a
little bit odd, as I've never added a friend's boyfriend
on Instagram before. Most of my friends think that it's weird,
(13:04):
but one of them went to chat GPT and chat
GPT seem to think that it was showing signs of
friendliness and also on my period. And I just need
to know whether this is normal or if I'm overreacting.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
I can't wait to hear your response to this, Keiche,
I think this is the most normal thing. Am I
a minority? I think it is so normal. If your
friend is dating someone new, it's a couple of months,
they're in their life, it's pretty serious. You've met them,
you hung out with them. For me, that seems like
a really normal thing. You're not going to rush home
and be like, can't wait to add them. But if
(13:38):
for whatever reason, maybe they didn't really come up on
the suggestive list, maybe she's panicked and said that this
would not be awkward for me at all. Like, I
know that you have followed my exes, you still follow
my exes? There we still trap? Yeah, which that's another story.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Sometimes you'll get a message it's friendly, it's above board.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
But I follow tobleron. I followed toubler own after I think,
I mean, I didn't know him that well, but we'd
met a few times, and at the end of the day,
I was like well, this is somebody that is important
to someone that's important to me. Well, why wouldn't I, Like,
it's not only fans account. I don't know, am I
missing something? I think it's normal.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
So when this happened in my life, it wasn't someone
that I was actually in an exclusive relationship with. It
was just someone that I've been hooking up with. And
so there was this one day and I was hanging
out at the beach with a couple of friends and
I ran into him, and so he came over and
he kind of like sat with us for a little bit.
It was probably not more than fifteen minutes, and we
were currently hooking up, but it was quite friendly and
(14:37):
it didn't look as though it was going to turn
into anything like it was almost that type of dynamic.
And he was really hot and I quite liked him.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
But that was okay. So that was the situation.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
One of my friends that was hanging out at the
beach that time again, fifteen minute period. When AN added
him on Instagram after it, that's weird.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
It did make me feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
It made me feel really weird, and I ended up
bringing it up a couple of months later because I
was like, am I, I bet you.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
I know who that is. I was like, am I
you probably do.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
I was like, am I weirdly insecure about this? Because
my friend was really attractive? I would probably say she
was more attractive than me. And did I feel a
bit threatened by it?
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Elective? Potentially?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
But I just thought it was a little bit strange
because I was like, we're not in an exclusive relationship.
You guys didn't really spend that much time together. And
she kind of returned to serve by saying, you know,
I've just moved to Sydney and I'm trying to be
had as well, and I'm trying to make more friends.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
And I was like, yeah, but I I'm banging.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
I was like, those friends don't need to be people
that I'm cooking up with. Like, that's quite strange to me.
So I can understand that there is an element that
can be weird about.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
This, but that's situational. You were just banging a guy
and she met for fifteen minutes. This girl's like, it's
her really good friend. She's been dating this guy for
a couple of months and they hung out properly.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
I do think it's strange, even if it is an
exclusive relationship. If they haven't met before or had any
type of interaction, then I think it's a little bit snoopy.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Then I kind of think.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
That the people who add the new boyfriend are kind
of just trying to gather data, right. This is if
their account is on private. If a account's on public,
that's a little bit different because you can kind of
do that snooping anyway. But I think that if they've
actually spent time together in person, that does change it.
And I think that it could be your friend kind
of showing the boyfriends like I want to accept you
into my friendship group as well.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
The only other thing that I would say is why
it might get a little bit messy or you're uncomfortable
with it, Like the listener is maybe and only you
can answer this, but maybe there's an element of you
not trusting your friend. Maybe your friend has done something
in the past, or you know, we can have there
are so many different levels of friends. You can have
friends that you adore and you love them, but make
(16:47):
questionable choices and do questionable things, or maybe they're a
bit flirty with people but that's their personality or whatever
it is. I'm getting the impression that maybe there's some
sort of characteristic or trait within your friend that makes
you uncomfortable. Because if what you're saying is the whole story,
she's your really good friend, You've been with this guy
for two months, you've all hung out, she's followed him,
(17:09):
it's fine. It's also a bit weird for me that
he's making a big deal about it and he's like,
I am not accepting that that's weird, Like why what
is going on that this has become a thing, Like
why would he be like it's weird that your friend
added me. Not really, it's your best friend and you
all just met. Instagram is a pretty top level, everyday
societal norm. It's a part of our living. Like, you
(17:30):
follow people you don't know, so why can't you follow
people you know or people that are important in your life.
So I don't know what the reason would be that
the boyfriend is finding it weird, but his reaction is
weird to me.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Well, maybe it's because the friend, like he's also got
the spidy senses of that person's maybe you're not particularly trustworthy,
do you know what I mean? Maybe he's kind of
got the feel that they're a bit too flirty. They're
a little bit inappropriate, and maybe he's kind of trying
to say, like, I'm just reassuring you this has happened,
but I just don't feel completely comfortable about, you know,
doing the whole followback situation.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I'm pretty sure you guys followed Ben when I was
just banging him like he lived on the other side
of the world, Like I think that was pretty early on.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Yeah, I think that we've had facetimes though, which is weirder.
When you were there, it sounds like never better than
I've been FaceTime still also talk to all of your exes,
So I am the problem of it.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Sometimes when Jordan doesn't answer FaceTime bat.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Like, what the fuck have you been brought into this
all the days?
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Because sorry, Jordan, he does not listen to the podcast.
Absolutely wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
But I think that if you've had interactions with the person,
it makes it less weird. So that's why I think
that this one is actually a bit of a play on.
But I think you should maybe actually question why it
makes you feel uncomfortable, because it does. And for me,
the reason I felt uncomfortable was because I didn't completely
trust that friend that they weren't maybe trying to like
cut my grass.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
A little bit.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Yeah, and I was likely a bit insecure because she
was real hot.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
So do they have won? I don't know. Are they friends?
They're still friends on Instagram? You know what's made this weirder?
I actually think the weirdest part about this is that
it's become an issue, and now it's something that's been
spoken about, like did you follow them? Only followed them
because it got brought up and it got suggested, and like,
oh he doesn't want to accepit now like now it's
a thing between your friend, you and your boyfriend, like
(19:20):
you're all going to hang out again. And it's weird
that he hasn't accepted the friend request, Like it has
made it into something I don't think it should have
been made into. I don't know. I would have taken
the easier bath. I would have just been like, cool,
I'll accept you, and if we don't vibe but we
break up, old delete you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
I think that you have to now because otherwise the
next time that you guys all hang out, it's going
to be awkward.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
As bark, I feel awkward. Okay, anyway, talking about awkward,
can I ask a hook up to put deodor or not.
I recently went out for drinks with a distant work
colleague who was tall, scruffy, with a beard, and overall
very attractive. It was an amazing kids wow that escalated.
Recently went out for drinks. He's an amazing kids there,
he's an amazing kisser, and things got hot and heavy
(20:00):
very quickly. We went back to his hotel room, and
when he took off his clothes, I notice he had
a very strong smell, not a good smell, a bo smell.
I am very sensitive to smells, and I would have
liked to have asked him to put deodoran on, but
I felt like it would have killed the mood. I
ended up not saying anything. But if the situation were
to come up again with him, what is the protocol?
(20:23):
Is it inappropriate to ask a man to put some
deodoran on? Or do women usually just put up with this?
Speaker 2 (20:28):
I feel I kind of feel like that the question
actually has two parts to it, and my answer is
both like my answer is different for both of them.
The only way that you can bring this up, and
also I would have done the exact same thing as
what you did and not brought it up because that's
gonna be awkward. You're already in the moment, and you know,
if things are getting kind of spicy and stuff, maybe
(20:50):
you just need to suck that up and try and
block your nose, not such as yeah, maybe you just
changed position all of a sudden, you're doing doggie and
it's not so much.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
For a problem. I want to do this thing where
I'm hanging off the as far away from you as possible. Actually,
I want you to put my head out the window
and then you're about answering thing laurs you stretch your
arm out with a dildo, and then we'll do it
that way.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Let's create some distance. I've seen it like on Cant
Dog About God. So I think you did the right
thing in that scenario. But I think if it's gonna
be an ongoing problem, it's obviously going to be a
turn off. And you're obviously not going to wanner hoogut
with someone who smells really bad.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
To be O.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
The only way that you can do this is by
making it jovial and in a joke. Wait, well, like,
oh my god, you feel like what if I when
did you shower last? Go and put some dignether on
not make a joke about it.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
I don't think you can take a joke about someone stinking.
But you know what, I had the perfect answer. You say, hey,
you want to take a shower together. That's hot naked
in a shower. You can lather him up, you can
get his arms in the air. You can just will
scrubby scrubs under the underarm. But I think it's like, hey,
let's take a shower together. You can make that hot
and sexy and like it is sexy, especially if you've
(21:55):
been out and you've just come home from a club.
Like like if I was ever going to do, that's
what I would do, because I don't want to be
hooking up with someone that's been around smoke and drink
and alcohol and bo all day and other people and
the dirty and then you're gonna get in my bed. No,
thank you. Like the shower thing isn't easy out.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
I'm interested by what you just said. I feel as
though showers that I hook up has had the best branding.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Oh it's terrible.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
I actually think it's the worst thing ever. There's no libercation.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
It's actually quite dangerous. Like I'm really sure.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
So I've always really really struggled with the idea of
shower sex because ergonomically it's really dangerous. There's never been
a position where it's been achievable without some type of
weird accident, safety, accident prone position and situation.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
And I think that everyone's in this position surely, Oh no,
one hundred percent. But I don't think you go and
have the sex in the shower. But you can still
go into the shower and shower together and kiss then
like it can be the foreplay. It's just four play
and it's you don't have to do anything like you
can actually just wash each other if you want. It's
like if you just want to clean each other, but
like that's the sexy start. Then you clean and then
you get out. Butex spaseex sauna sex. Sorry, you need
(23:04):
to set the record straight.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
That is your quickest way to sec You don't want
some type of like beauty.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
I there's so many chemicals floating around. It's terrible idea.
Anything in like pool or water is has just we've
been led to believe it is something that's absolutely not
No one is doing that, and if they are, I
can tell you they're not enjoying it. So that's what
I would do. Once you get to know them better,
you can tell somebody that may smell one hundred percent,
Like if it's your partner, you know, if Ben had
(23:32):
come home from training and wanted to get it on
and he was he'd been sweating and stinking, I would
literally be like, whoa go up a shower, you stink? Yeah,
And he would probably tell me the same. He would
be like, Wow, you've been working out, haven't you. He's
never gonna say you stink. But it's different when it's
like I don't know. There'll be people that disagree. There'll
be people that are like, you can say what you
want on a first hook up, and you probably can,
(23:52):
But is it going to offend him? Probably? Yeah, So
that's what you've got to take into consideration. Is it
a mood killer also, yes, Like if you think you'll
bring your a game when you're getting down to dirting,
you're sexy and you take your shirt off and you
think you're about to have sex and your partner that
looks at you and says you smell, it is going
to cause a bit of an interruption in your flow
and your vibe. But at the end of the day,
(24:13):
if you want to try and do it, it's up
to you.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
I also think that some people just have a greater
awareness of hygiene. Like you said that you're really sensitive
to smells. I'm exactly the same, and weirdly enough, it
actually changes throughout the different times of my cycle. I
don't know if it's connected to hormones in some way,
but I find that at different points of my cycle,
I can smell like a bloodhounds. Like We've made jokes
in our household that I can just smell certain things.
(24:37):
And my boyfriend after he's like had a T shirt
on and whether he's been out. You know, it doesn't
even have to be.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Like a bo smell.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
It can just be that worn in all day smell
that gets into like cotton t shirts and that kind
of thing, and I'll be like, oh, like I've just
got I've got. It grosses me out at certain times
of the month, and I can smell it more. So
I relate to you in the sense that you're very
sensitive to smell. So maybe he's the type of person
that doesn't have as much hygiene around, like washing his
(25:06):
clothes every time he wears them and that kind of thing,
and that could potentially if you actually want to start
a relationship with this person and it doesn't just want
to be like you know, work hookups, it might be
something that you have to kind of investigate a little.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Bit more and have a bit of a conversation with.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
But for me, if this was the situation, I would
either make a joke about it or I think the shower.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Renames them in your phone. The last thing I want
to say is food for thought. And you've just made
me think about it, Keisha. So since COVID, my smell
is so bad, Like so I was hospitalized with COVID.
Kisha drove me to the hospital one day, and since
then my smell has never been the same. So Keisha's
come to my house before, gone to get a drink
from my fridge and she's like, whoa, bro, something is
(25:50):
off in there. Dead animal. I will put my yeah,
I will put my head into it. Can't smell a thing,
And I'm like, wow, I actually can't smell them at all.
So maybe you know his smell is not as sensitive.
A lot of people can't smell themselves, or the way
that they smell their own body is different to how
another person interprets that smell as well, Like you don't
(26:12):
smell other people the same way and you don't smell
yourself the same way. So I think that is something
to consider too, that maybe you're both on different ends
of He can't smell a lot and you're hyper sensitive.
But fuck yeah, you're not gonna You're not gonna go
long term with someone you can't stand to be around.
So I think maybe by the third date you a
bit more open rain If you want to try a
Keisha's make a joke of it, let us know how
(26:33):
it goes.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Okay, this one, I think there are going to be
some very very different opinions on, and.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
All of those opinions are valid.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Is paying someone for sex better.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Than being cheated on? I'm had a bit of a loss.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
My partner has told me tonight that he has paid
someone to have sex with him three times, and to
make matters worse, he thinks he may have caught something.
He said that he reckons the took the condom off
and was really kissing him. Writing this makes me feel
like I'm going to be physically sick. I really didn't
think that he would ever do something like this to me,
(27:09):
and I just feel so numb. I feel really disgusting.
We have been together for almost seven years. We have
a daughter who is almost two. I work full time
help him run his business as well as doing all
of the house stuff. I don't mind doing all of
this stuff as I want the business to be successful
and I support him the best that I can emotionally
and financially. I'm always up for having sex with him,
(27:31):
and I'm actually usually the one who initiates it. I
am just curious to get your thoughts on this. Is
it still betrayal because he paid to cheat on me?
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Yes, yes, absolutely, it is absolutely still betrayal. Just because
he's saying it was a sex worker, I want to
call bullshit on the fact that it even was a
sex worker.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
I don't know any sex worker that would ever take
a condom to remove protection its protection for themselves.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Yeah, and it's I think it's just like the rule,
it's like a standard rule that they wouldn't do it.
So that was a bit of a red flag for
me when he's like, oh, yeah, she was kissing me
and she took the condom of And there are some
sex workers that won't kiss you either, Like it's like
they don't take the emotion. Now. I'm sure there are
some that do, but for me, this is really fucked.
Your opening question here, is paying someone for sex better
(28:20):
than being cheated on. It is being cheated on. They're
the same thing. Firstly, like it is still betrayal, and
it is still infidelity. He has still gone and had
sex with somebody else. The fact he paid for someone
doesn't change the fact that it's cheating. I almost want
to say it's worse. And the way you've written this
is maybe you're trying to convince yourself it's not as bad.
(28:40):
I think it's worse because if my partner came to
me and said, firstly, they told me because they'd made
a mistake, right, I am so sorry. I have done
something terrible. I was out with the boys, I got
blind drunk, I cheated on you. I've done the wrong thing.
I'm so regretful. Whatever, that is very different to the
premeditation of booking the same person, going back to that
same set work paying them for it. It's premeditated, it's planned.
(29:04):
It's not a mistake. It's a recurring theme. So and
there will be people that don't agree with me. For me,
I would put my life down that Ben wouldn't cheat
on me either way. But hypothetically it's almost worse for
me when it comes to the point that it's like
so pre planned and premeditated.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
I very much get your point with the whole premeditation thing.
I think that I differ slightly, and I think that
maybe everyone will feel this way. The reason I feel
slightly differently about the cheating being with a sex worker
is because it's a very defined transaction and there's no
emotion involved in that.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
But you don't know there's no emotion in it. He's
gone to the same person three times.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah, true, I mean there might be emotion on his end.
I think that for sex workers that's the one thing
that you know. They can emotionally connect with their clients,
of course, but it's quite a defined interaction and a
defined transaction of this is what we will be doing.
You will be paying this amount of money for these services.
(30:03):
The transaction happens, and we go both go about our lives.
Whereas I think if it's more of an emotional affair,
or if they've gone and slept with someone else three times,
like just a you know, a standard person that they
met at work or a friend of a friend or
whatever it might be. I think my concerns about that
would be that there would.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Likely be an emotional connection.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Three times is not you know, like that's not a
short amount of time. So I can understand where you're
kind of saying, like, is it better that he did
it with a professional rather than someone that's in our lives?
Speaker 1 (30:34):
I think I remember years ago we interviewed, you know,
one of Australias leading escorts, Samantha X, and she would
say that the reason she had recurring customers is because
they wanted her because there was a connection with her.
And as much as the connection isn't they're going to
go off and get married and be together. They've formed
a connection. You are the person that I go to
(30:55):
I feel comfortable with. Now we know how this works.
You know what I like? I know you lie. Some
of them just want to emotionally connect. Some of them
want to go and like the sex is the tiniest
part about it, and they want to have that connection
and talk. That's why I feel like this is worse
for me because he's choosing to go back to the
same person and it is planned and it's not a
mistake and you can't brush it off, and let's not
(31:17):
forget the only reason you know is because he thinks
he caught something like it's like he's been like, Wow,
what am I doing? I feel so guilty. I need
to save my relationship and do the right thing. He's
been sprung and thinks you have an SDI.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Yeah, And this line here just really it actually really
breaks my heart. I'm always up for having sex with him,
and I'm usually actually the one who initiates it. Like
I think it's one thing to kind of understand that
people have physical needs and sex desires can be different.
They usually are different in any relationship. One person may
have a higher sex drive at some point in time,
the other might have a lower one.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
And with little kids and married and.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Totally and you're supporting him in all of those things
as well, and so for you to be taking on
all of the mental load of the house, you're helping
with the business, you're helping raise your daughter.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
And I'm still.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Saying I'm actually the one who initiates having sex and
I'm always up for it, like I actually find that
a really good part of my relationship. And he's still
gone and sort out this other physical act of sex
with a professional worker. I find that actually the most
disappointing thing about his behavior, because it's not like he
can lean on the excuse of all, you know, since
we had the kid, we haven't had sex for two years,
(32:22):
and I have physical needs and like I just went
out and did it, and you know, it felt so
good the first time. I like, he's really really betrayed you,
and I'm so sorry that you're experiencing this. And I
think that they may be people who are in situations
where if they don't have a sex drive and their
partner does, maybe that is an agreement that you can
come to. But the difference is is that it's an
agreement that you come to, it's not something that just
(32:43):
happens and you find out about after the fact.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I would love to know how this played out, like
what he said to you and his reaction, you know,
was he apologetic, was he blaming in some capacity? Was
there gas lighting? Did he want to make it work?
Did he apologize? What is he wanting from telling you
other than you to get an sci check to be
sure you know that response is going to weigh very
(33:06):
heavily on what you do moving forward, and if you
can move forward, because if my partner came to me
and was like, hey, I've been doing this, I'm not
that he is sorry. I'm only telling you because you
know she took the condom off, which she definitely didn't.
I'm only telling you because she took the condom off,
and you know, now I have an sci And if
that was the conversation and it wasn't, like, I'm mortified,
(33:26):
I'm beside myself. I don't know why I did it.
I love you, Let's work on this. I'm going to
get help. I wouldn't personally be able to stay in
that relationship like that is such a multi level betrayal.
Yeah for me. Yeah. And also at the end of
the day, the crazy thing is you're not asking us
for advice and you're not asking us what to do.
You just want to know if paying someone for sex
(33:48):
is better than being cheated on, and is it still betrayal?
And my personal answer, and Keisha's answer is it is
the same thing. It's one and the same thing. It's
absolutely a betrayal and it is cheating. Happy to put
this and I would love to put this on Instagram.
Just this one question and get the responses from different people,
because there might be people that feel differently about it,
(34:09):
but short and sharp, yes, yes, it is okay. Last question,
should I tell my partner his sister is getting an abortion?
So my long term partner has a sister who I
am quite close to. She has revealed to me that
she's pregnant and is getting an abortion next week. She
does not want her parents to know. This feels like
a pretty big thing to keep from my partner. I
(34:31):
know he would not tell his parents. Should I tell him? Update?
I spoke to her about the awkward position that I
feel like I am in, and she said, if I
tell him, she will not trust me again. But I
think my partner's trust is more important to me. So
I feel torn.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Oh wow, I'm so sorry. I feel so so differently
to you.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
So do I do? Ya? Okay?
Speaker 2 (34:54):
I feel as though, firstly, this girl is in a
vulnerable position. She's having something that no one wants to experience.
You know, no one wants to have to go through
the process of getting an abortion. It can be a
really emotional time for some people. It can be a
not emotional time for others. But she has trusted you
with this information because she's obviously after a little bit
(35:15):
of support. I don't know whether that's because you've experienced
it before, and so she's asking it in terms of like,
you know, what happened with you and what can I expect?
Or if she just wanted someone to go to and
you were someone that she felt she could go to.
This type of information is really personal and very private,
and while some people will be comfortable to you know,
(35:36):
saying it on podcasts like Laura's spoken about having this
procedure before on the podcast, most people are not going
to feel that way. There's still so much shame surrounding abortions,
particularly at the moment with the way that things are,
you know, changing in the United States and how there's
a lot of regression in terms of like abortion rights.
There is so much shame wrapped up not only in
(35:58):
getting the procedure, but in getting pregnant to begin with
and who it was weird and why you, you know,
weren't protecting yourself or why were you having sex before
you were ready to be in this position?
Speaker 1 (36:07):
And la la la Lah.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
She's in a really vulnerable position because it's happened. She's
getting this procedure she's come to you seeking comfort and
seeking reassurance and support, and you're saying to her that
you don't feel comfortable not sharing that with her brother.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
I think it's way easier than that. It's got nothing
to do with her brother, it's got nothing to do
with your partner. Why are you in an awkward position
now for keeping one of her most private moments from
your husband, who is her brother. I understand where it's like,
we don't have secrets in our relationship, like we tell
each other everything. This doesn't have to be that, and
(36:45):
it's never going to come out in the relationship because
your friend is never going to say, hey, you know what,
I just want you to know that, like five years
ago out in abortion and I told your wife and
she kept that from you, Like that's it's never going
to come out in conversation. I just think that it
feels a bit weird to me personally that you've made
this about you, and how awkward you and uncomfortable you
(37:05):
feel when she's come to you saying that this is
really big life event that she's going through, and what
have you got to gain? I guess is the question
by telling him I don't know it just feels a
little bit weird for me, And I get that. It's like, yes,
I tell my partner everything, Why do you have to
tell him this part. It's not like a big secret
that's going to affect him. It doesn't affect him in
any way, but it affects her. And I can understand
(37:26):
why she's saying, please keep this between us, Like I
told you that, you know, like I told you that
in confidence, and I told you that as a friend.
I didn't tell you it because you're my brother's partner.
I told you because you're family and a friend, and
you're the person I've chosen to tell. I understand where
you're coming from. But I'm probably a little bit more
team her, to be honest.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Yeah, And I also think there's an added layer she
said here that she doesn't want her parents to know. Well,
telling her brother like you kind of risk the chance
that her brother then going to tell her parents. Is
that then going to turn it into something that she's
going to have to do with her entire family knowing.
And that's just not a position I would ever want
to put anybody in, Like I would never want to
(38:06):
enforce that or even risk and have them have the
anxiety she's already going to have anxiety about going in
and getting an abortion. Do you then want her to
also be living in the space where she's like, oh,
my gosh, now my brother knows. I don't know whether
my brother is going to tell my parents or not.
I really don't want to have to deal with it
if they do end up finding out. I don't want
to have to deal with the lectures and the repercussions.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
And I don't know how they religious.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
Would they shame her for this type of thing?
Speaker 1 (38:31):
You know, like, we just don't know these things.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
And I just don't know why it's so important to
you to have this open communication channel about something that
doesn't actually affect your body. It's not like you're having
the procedure and you're wondering whether you can keep it
from him.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
I also think that if you so strongly feel uncomfortable
about it, you can tell him. But you've got to
know that it's going to come with repercussions, and are
you is it worth it? Is it worth him knowing
about it and then causing a family rift, causing a
friendship breakdown, just so that he knows that his sister
had an abortion it just feels like personal private information
(39:08):
that he doesn't need to know and she's entrusted you
with and that's okay. As open as I am with Ben.
If a friend came to me like that it's got
nothing to do with Ben begged me, you know, or
his sister came to me and said that I would
trust that, I would say, it's got nothing to do
with him, it's fine, like, of course, I'll keep that
secret for you.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Yeah, And on the other side, I'd be really upset.
I'm very close with my sister in law. I love
her and I'm so lucky that she's so amazing, and
there are many things that I have said to her
that I have asked her to not share with my brother,
not necessarily because I don't want him knowing.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
It's just that I don't know.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
It's just something that I'm like, if I wanted him
to know, I would have told him myself. So I'm
trusting you with the fact that this is just between us,
and I would be really really hurt an upset if
I found out that she'd actually broken that trust.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Yeah, and that is something to consider moving forward, Like
it's food for thought to think.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Okay, everything that you tell somebody, you do have to
weigh up.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
If they're going to go and tell their significant other,
because there are a lot of relationships where they do
tell each other everything, and they tell each other everything
about their friends and what's happening in their life. And
it's something to consider when you are unloading something that
is a secret on somebody that it's highly likely they
are going to tell somebody. But you know, there's not
many people that take a secret to the grave and
(40:27):
don't tell one other human. So something to consider. I
guess if you are sharing that kind of information with someone,
maybe if it's somebody that is so close to your brother,
consider that they might tell. But for me, I would
be not telling him. I'd be keeping this to yourself.
It's got nothing to do with you, and it's got
nothing to do with him, and he's got everything to
(40:48):
do with You've been there for your friend and she
already feels like you've almost probably sort of betrayed her
in a way because she's like, why are we even
having this conversation. I've asked you not to tell him,
Like why are you making this more awkward? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (40:59):
And the last thing is is that let's say that
situation you spoke about Britt where the brother may actually
find out in the future. That to me also seems
like an easy conversation to say. That's a pretty private
thing that is about her, like reproductive well being. It's
not something that I felt was my place to share.
It's her information if she wanted to share it with you, Like,
(41:20):
that's a particularly private thing for women, and there's a
lot of emotion that can be involved in it, and
I just didn't want to share it with you because
she asked me not to. I don't feel like there's
a person who wouldn't understand that the highly sensitive nature
of that information and why you didn't share.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
It with them.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
So if the person that you're with wouldn't understand that,
that's actually where I would be questioning things a little
bit more and being like, why would you know, why
would you enforce that upon your partner that she told
you this highly sensitive information from your sister. Yeah, So, yeah,
I'm sorry if I've kind of come down a little
bit hard on you, But I think that sister right
now actually is the one who needs a lot of support,
(41:58):
and I really hope that you are able to provide
that for her.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
I think we've been balanced. It's just sometimes it's hard
when you don't agree with the person that's written in,
like we Sometimes you guys write in for advice and
we want to agree with you and we want to
be on your side, but sometimes we're just not. And
you know, there'll be other people that disagree with us
one hundred percent, with people that say, yes, tell your
partner everything they're entitled to, that that's okay, but yeah,
(42:23):
we just differ on this one, and it is it's
tough when we go against you guys, because we don't
want to be but we do want to give our best,
you know, most considered advice. Yeah, yeah, so I hope
I have we have en uptake with that. Anyway, let's
get out of here. I have a husband in Italy
to go on adventury and I've going to got one
slim little week, so I'm going to go and soak
up every single second.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Maybe you can catch everything on YouTube, but we love
to play the asking on cut questions to friends, housemates, partners,
find out whether they disagree with us. Maybe they think
we're idiots for our opinions. I'm absolutely fine with that.
If you can message us. You'll ask the cut questions
on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (42:58):
If you can pop, ask on puts, that's wonderful. If
you joke, that's also fine.
Speaker 2 (43:03):
You can find us at Life on Cup podcast and
you know the drill.
Speaker 1 (43:06):
So mum to your dad, tad, dog, tear friends and
share the love because we love love
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.