Can Divorce Make You A Better Parent? Girls' Weekends Away and Wedding Venue Mishaps

Hey Lifers,

We are back from a little few day vacay! Laura's friend catch up FINALLY made it's way out of the group chat and into reality! She had a little mishap at the airport and there's a valet parker who hopes she never comes back.
Britt and Producer Keeshia went to Bali to sus out Britt's wedding venues and food tastings. They ended up getting sick and missing some of the important parts. 
Chaos and motion sickness; very on brand for life uncut!

The world is in mourning as JLo and Ben Affleck file for divorce! Lots of the world are talking about whether you think it's ever a good idea to go back to your ex. But, we're more interested in whether you think divorce can make you a better parent.
There was a really interesting article by Kathryn Jezer-Morton in the Cut that explored the idea that the end of a marriage, while challenging, can lead to personal growth and improved parenting skills. 
We discuss:

• Whether our experiences of divorce or parents staying together influenced our views on relationships and marriage
• Whether you should or shouldn't stay in a step kid's life
• Whether we think divorce is always traumatic to kids
• How it shaped our views of conflict
• Parents who are only staying together for the kids - is this a good thing or a bad thing?
• Does being a 'child of divorce' make you more 'realistic' about marriage?

We mentioned a podcast that we recorded with Esther Perel

You can watch us on Youtube

Find us on Instagram

Join us on tiktok

Or join the Facebook Discussion Group

Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xx

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
were never seeded. We pay our respects to their elders
past and present.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to
another episode of Life Uncut.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and we are back from our
very mini little vaca.

Speaker 3 (00:29):
Four nights away.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
It's all I need, hot dash, I could have done
with longer. I'm not gonna lie, but I'm not gonna
say no to the four nights.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
A four night trip to Bali is so aggressive.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
It was so aggressive.

Speaker 2 (00:42):
It's actually I mean, Kisha was trying to convince me
that it's a good idea to do with the kids,
and I was like, please, never try and convince me
that a four night trip and international trip, six hours
on a plane with children, they're back just duck over
is a good idea.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
I would never try and tell you that it is
a good idea. After twin it myself as a thirty
our seven year old woman, like even I needed an iPad?
I did. I was on a struggle street. No, it
is great if you don't have kids. Four nights is
great for Balley because it is quick enough. Like we
left it in the morning, wake up in the morning.
We were having lunch in Bali in the sun, so
it was nice. It is doable, but do not do

(01:16):
it with small children.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
I just don't under Okay, I know you were there
for a very specific reason which we would get into.

Speaker 3 (01:22):
Brittany was wedding shopping.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
Okay, you didn't know.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
I'm engaged everybody, so britt was off wedding shopping, venue shopping.

Speaker 3 (01:31):
I need to hear, like I want to hear everything.

Speaker 2 (01:33):
I kind of know some details because on the drive in,
Keisha told me lots of bits and pieces share. But
I also got to go on a holiday and this
was not as exciting as yours, but it was my
first trip, like it was a first girl's trip, no husbands,
no children, first girls trip that I've ever had with
my group of friends who I've been friends with for
twelve years, and this was our friend adversary. We've been

(01:54):
trying to do it for ten years, like for literally
the last two years we've been trying to do it.
We organized it on our ten year and ship anniversary
and it took us two years to get it out
of the group chat and actually into NUSA. So it's
actually twelve twelve year f anniversary. But that's a cute
idea friendversary. I like that, Yeah, let this be your
sign if you've been trying to plan a weekend away

(02:15):
or a holiday with your girlfriends, go and fucking do it,
because it was.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
It was amazing.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
And this sounds really dumb, but I have never been
to NUSA before, and I felt like I was just
getting in on a joke.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
What do you mean you've never been to NUSA.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
Every single person I say that too, is like shocked
to the call because in my.

Speaker 3 (02:32):
Head tastings parade, oh paradise.

Speaker 1 (02:35):
In my head, you're a NUSA girl. In my head,
I'm one too now. NUSA is one of those places
that until you have been, and I say this like
a go all time. I've been twice, when you go,
you're like, how did I not know this existed? Like
I don't know what day you got at the beach,
but when the water is flat and crystal clear blue,
you were like, am I in the mal dives?

Speaker 2 (02:55):
I thought that NUSA was somewhere that middle aged women
wearing kaftans go and then.

Speaker 3 (02:59):
I really, I'm a middle aged woman wearing a caf down.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
So I'm just driving my fucking life, which is why
you're thriving, because why you were there. This is amazing.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
But we did not leave Hastings Parade or Hastings Street
or whatever it's.

Speaker 1 (03:12):
Called the whole time.

Speaker 3 (03:14):
Yeah, we just walked that little little three blocks.

Speaker 1 (03:16):
Up and down. It's all you need. You go to
the alcove, you do the walk around the hose, It's
all you need in life.

Speaker 2 (03:22):
Smoothie bowl nah rice and raw and rice I think
it was called. But I did have something happened to
me at the airport, which I feel as though you
guys will I mean, this will come as no surprise
to you because you already know how forgetful I am.
But it was one of those moments where I kind
of just looked into the eyes of another person and thought, God,
I'm so sorry for existing and how inconvenient this was

(03:43):
for you.

Speaker 1 (03:43):
I'm sorry for my existence.

Speaker 3 (03:45):
I'm so sorry for my chaos.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
So the reason why this trip worked out so well
is because I had to go to Brisbane anyway for
a work day for radio.

Speaker 4 (03:53):
It was actually really it was really fun.

Speaker 3 (03:54):
I was on a panel, guys, and I had a
great time on the panel.

Speaker 1 (03:57):
I love that for you.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
But radio, because I had to leave at like five
o'clock in the morning get to the airport for the
very first flight out to Brisbane.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
They booked valet parking at the airport. Okay, fancy, pancy,
so fancy, you never have balet.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
So I drove it and I was like, I'm a
fucking baller, even though there was a half eaten apple
in my console and my kids shit all over the floor.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
I was like baller getting this car.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
So I drive in and then I realized I was
in the wrong valet parking. But I was also cutting
it fine for time. So he's like, no, no, no,
you've booked it for arrivals, not departures. So then I
had to do the loop if you know City airport.
I had to do the loop around and by then
I was like on the time that I needed to
be there for check in.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
So I drove in and im to the airport.

Speaker 2 (04:37):
I drove back into the arrivals valet and as I
drove in, I was like, I'm so sorry, I'm running so.

Speaker 1 (04:42):
Late, and he was like don't worry, like it happens
all the time.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
The guy helps me get my bags out, and then
I like threw my stuff at him. He threw a
little tag at me, and I run into the airport
and I check in and everything's fine. I go through
security and I'm sitting there at the gate and I'm
having this moment of like, fuck, yeah, I made it.
And then I see a gu running through the airport
like running that looks really mad.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
Did you not give him me keys? You didn't ah
theobs in your bag?

Speaker 2 (05:10):
He looked so fucking mad, and I was like, why
is this man going to attack me?

Speaker 1 (05:13):
Like what's happening?

Speaker 2 (05:14):
Then I realized he was wearing a valet jacket and
I had just driven up, hadn't even like put the
car where you're supposed to put the car, just stop
in the middle of the valet taking the keys and
ran to the gate And he had to find me
at the gate Marco to get my keys.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
Bye. That is so findy.

Speaker 2 (05:36):
If I'd flown to Brisbane with my keys in my bade,
they would have towed my car.

Speaker 1 (05:39):
Four days later, the car is still seen arrivals with
engine like that's so fah fair, so fair. You were
a semi fair when you took your keys oversea. The
argument still stands, they are my keys. I actually can't
believe you did that. You are so lucky you found you.
He found me, and he looked so mad.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
And for a second, because I don't take criticism very well,
I got a bit defense shocked.

Speaker 1 (06:03):
Laura. He was mad and was like.

Speaker 2 (06:05):
I need the keys, and I was like, whoa, Okay,
calm down, okay, big man. Then I realized actually I
was the problem, and so then I she usually gave
him my keys.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
I was so embarrassed to go and pick my car up.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
I was like, I wonder if they've put a big
sign on it, being like, this is the girl who fucking.

Speaker 1 (06:20):
Abed Imagine I had to like call you out over
the laud speaker, but they don't know who you are. Well,
the woman that just radically dropped her car about the
front in the wrong place for arrivals.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
And and apple in her car and then.

Speaker 1 (06:32):
Stole the kids, please report back to security. You will
be escorted off the premises.

Speaker 3 (06:37):
Yeah, so that was me.

Speaker 1 (06:39):
Kisha and I had actually a really now that you've
said that, we had a really great weekend way too,
but it's probably the first weekend I have also had
in a very long time with just girls, like I
haven't been away with and there wasn't even girls. It
was one girl. It was not a plural, which just kes.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
I also don't I don't want people to misunderstand what
I've just said as well, because I know that I
know from their outset, like from social media and stuff,
it looks as though we travel a lot, and I
absolutely do like I travel a lot. For Tony May,
I went to India with my sister. Like I've been
away heaps this year, but this is the first time
I have been away in about.

Speaker 3 (07:13):
Almost a year that was purely just a holiday.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
It was not there was no work attached to it
at all except for the Brisbane part.

Speaker 3 (07:20):
But then the news apart, it was great.

Speaker 1 (07:22):
Sorry continue, No, I was just thinking the same thing.
I was just thinking of people, the people that were
trolling me on my Instagram yesterday. Oh no, just you
reminded me of a troll yesterday I had. I had
a few trolls. It's fine, happened. No one girl? Does
this girl ever work? And I was like, fucking bro.

Speaker 5 (07:38):
I do know what I love the most when they
it's so obvious that they've tried to send something you've
created to someone else and like their friend and they're
having a bit of a bitch but it accidentally comes
to you and you're like, yeah.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
It's like the time they tried to send a story
of Marley saying that she was an unattractive baby to
their friend, but.

Speaker 1 (07:55):
They accidentally send it to me. Yeah, that was her
turtle face. It was cute face.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
I mean she grew up out of it. Just be
crossed that she looks like a frog. Yeah, anyway, that's
not reminisce on the past.

Speaker 1 (08:06):
It's that someone was trolling me about how I never
worked and I'm always on holiday and I wanted to
say what you said, it looks no, but it looks
like that because I post a lot on holiday when
I'm with Ben, but we have a full time radio job.

Speaker 2 (08:18):
No, to be fair, you've been to the Mawdives like
seventeen times this year. I haven't don't even remember the
last time you worked.

Speaker 1 (08:24):
You I've been to the Maldives twice this year. Yes,
And also, guys, what no, no, sorry, No, there is
no one in this world who will relate to I've
been to the Maldives twice this year, but you go
off because this year one was at the end of
last year. Guys, I'm in a long distance relationship. But

(08:45):
what I wanted to say is when we do have
our radio break, Yeah, I go hell for leather. I
cram in my last lane dune in ten days. I
went to five countries in ten days. You do the math.
It's two days of country. I was like, it looks
like I'm getting around and then I post photos longer
than I there. It's fake. I come back and I'm work.
I'm still posted in Malta. Okay, That's what I do.
That's the life I live.

Speaker 4 (09:06):
Let me, let me, let me live.

Speaker 1 (09:09):
That's what I want to say. And in addition, go off,
go off, queen. In addition, what I want to say
is when I am on my holiday with Ben, I'm
at home all day alone waiting for him. He's not
on holiday. He goes to work and I sit there
and twitdle my thumbs, usually in the rain in Scotland.
Now I'll be with Dracula in Romania. But I just

(09:30):
wait for Ben and then he comes home at night
we have sex, that's my holiday.

Speaker 4 (09:35):
Just to read it, it's a working holiday.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
Anyway. That troll really got to me. Okay anyway, No,
it's like Kisha and I had a great weekend together
with girls. I have not been away with a girlfriend
in as long as I can remember, like properly, and
we had so many laughs. But La, it started from
like the second we got to the airport to the
end when we were vomiting simultaneously. But we got onto
the plane and we were sitting down before we took off,

(09:59):
and this girl I was walking down the aisle and
just out of nowhere just looked into our faces and
she goes get a job and walked off.

Speaker 3 (10:09):
Lifer if you know, you know she's a lifer through
and through.

Speaker 1 (10:12):
And I was like, yes, yes, you go off. It
was so well delivered. Everyone else would have thought it
was really rude, but I was like the insiders knew.
We were like yeah, and everyone just thought someone was
now abusing me telling me to get a job while
I was going to barley.

Speaker 4 (10:24):
She was awesome. Her name was Joss and she is
a full lifer.

Speaker 2 (10:26):
I also ran into anyone who's in the Sunshine Coast
who's a lifer might know of today who runs out.
She's like life on cut meetups. She's been doing it
since day dot. I ran into her. I was checking
my bags in and then I had a moment where I
was like, you know when you see someone out of contact,
and I was like, I know you are you?

Speaker 1 (10:41):
Are you?

Speaker 3 (10:42):
Anyway? They're everywhere.

Speaker 1 (10:43):
We ran in the clothes in Bali as well. It
was amazing.

Speaker 5 (10:46):
There was also we had our birthday in Bali, so
we would down at this really lovely restaurant on the
beach and this lovely couple they'd been married not long before.

Speaker 4 (10:54):
This is their honeymoon. They came over and I got
this tap on the shoulder and she was just like,
happy birthday anyway.

Speaker 5 (11:00):
Her name was Stevie, and we were chatting to her
and her husband for a while. They were so nice.
But the funniest thing was right at the end of
the conversation he completely threw her under the bus.

Speaker 4 (11:10):
He said to Britt and I, Oh, I'm so glad.

Speaker 5 (11:13):
This was such a nice little chat because, to be honest,
she was a little worried.

Speaker 1 (11:16):
She was like, what happens if I go over there
and they're bitches?

Speaker 2 (11:19):
Say right, like never meet you. I mean, I won't
say heroes because we're certainly not that, but.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
Now say it. That's what she said. That was what
she said. No, she did say that. She said it's
like to someone or like someone you've always wanted to meet,
and then you meet them and they let you down.
She's like, I really was worried you guys were going
to let me down. I was like, don't let anyone.

Speaker 4 (11:37):
Guys.

Speaker 3 (11:37):
I do want to say this.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
I feel like we used to say this all the time,
and so over the years it kind of felt like
we were repeating ourselves.

Speaker 3 (11:43):
There is nothing that we like more than meeting you.

Speaker 2 (11:45):
Guys are the reason why we do this podcast, and
the fact that so often and when we're in different
places or we're doing things, people come up and say
love the podcast, or they listen to it so devoutly
that they know a story like get a job. It
makes me so had, like genuinely, deeply so happy. So please,
if you've ever seen us and you're thinking like, oh,
should I go and say hello, wear losers, say hello

(12:07):
to us, You've made our day.

Speaker 1 (12:08):
So Keisha and I were in Bali mainly well, no,
the sole reason was my wedding venues, Like I had
to go and pick a wedding venue because otherwise I've
got nowhere to get married in a very short period
of time. And I just don't trust Instagram, so like,
there are incredible venues on Instagram that I probably could
have just booked based off of that, but I just

(12:29):
didn't trust it. We can't have a wedding that neither
Ben or I have seen.

Speaker 3 (12:33):
No, of course not.

Speaker 2 (12:33):
You've got to go and at least try the Nazi
gor rang and make sure it's some good quality.

Speaker 1 (12:37):
Yes, it was some good quality and I was going
so we went to a couple of venues anyway, we
were going to this one venue. And it was really
important for me that Keisha could also look at everything,
taste everything, because I don't trust myself second opinion, one
hundred percent, especially with the food. Like I don't just
trust myself because I am like a truffle pig, like
I will eat everything. There is nothing. If you put
anything in front of me, I'm gonna eat and I'll

(12:58):
be like that was delicious, but could whatever?

Speaker 2 (13:00):
Why can you call yourself a traffle pick and I
can't call you a swamp donkey?

Speaker 1 (13:03):
They hit different. They hit different because the traffl pick
was more about my lack of food.

Speaker 2 (13:09):
And the swamp donkey was sorry about your appearance. Got it,
Andy hits That's where the limit is. I understand now
it's more personally.

Speaker 1 (13:16):
I had felt like a swamp donkey many times over
last week though. So We're driving to this venue and
it was the one that I thought I really wanted,
Like in my head, out of all the venues we saw,
I was like, I think this is going to be
the one. So we get in the car and ca
She's like, ah, I don't feel great. I was like
me either. We were getting really nauseous from we think
car sickness. Nothing we ate but car sickness. We both

(13:37):
get car sick I get motion sickness on an office chair.
If I scooted too fast on an office chair, I'm done.
So she's like, I just needs to lay down for
a minute. So she lays down on my lap. She's like,
can you scratch my hand? So I'm like okay. So
now she's on my lap and I'm like massaging her
head in the car and in my head I was
and she's.

Speaker 3 (13:54):
Like, can you call me Ben.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
Dart me.

Speaker 2 (13:58):
Slip on in in the backside too far.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
Sorry, So I'm massaging her head in my head. I'm like,
I mean love you, fine, we're friends. I was like,
but this is my day.

Speaker 5 (14:11):
So massage lasted as long as the Instagram story was
being recorded, I would lack on records.

Speaker 1 (14:17):
Anyway, we get to the venue and we're both feeling
really unwell. And it's when they're showing you these venues.
It's a really big thing. They're trying to win your business.
They're trying to make it look as beautiful as possible,
and they're professional and they have all these people waiting.
They've got towels, they've got drinks as you get out
of the car. Anyway, so we both swamp donkey out
of the car straight to the bush and are like heaving,
like no vomit yet, but we were like, oh my god,

(14:37):
this is going to be a disaster. And he's like,
are you okay. We're like yes, just please give us
a minute. So we sit outside to fifteen minutes. We're like,
you guys can go inside. There's just waiting with the towels.
They're like no, we'll wait, and we're like, oh my god.
We walk inside, even more beautiful and spectacular in there,
and he She's like, I'm sorry, I need to get horizontal.
I'm so well. So she just lays down and puts

(14:57):
her feed up. I'm like, can you please give me
one moment, sir, And he's like yes. I was like,
do you have a bathroom? He's like right here, like
right in the middle of where everyone is, and I
was like, thank you. Walk in close the door. For
the next twenty minutes, I am heaving vomiting. Everyone there
can hear my vomiting, like.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
I annihlate the toilet. There is nothing worse. And for
anyone who's been to Bali, you'll know you may have
experienced this. There's some bathrooms where, like the toilet, the
door doesn't go all the way to the floor and
it doesn't go all the way to the ceiling.

Speaker 3 (15:26):
But it's not actually in a separate room.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
It's just a toilet that's within the room that everyone
else is actually it.

Speaker 1 (15:32):
Yep, everyone's our fresco toilet at the posh wedding venue
that we haven't even seen the venue yet, And these
guys are probably like, what the fuck anyway, Keisha's I'm vomiting.
Keisha's so unwell that they have to go and get
her a healer. A healer comes and at the venue,
they're like, please lay down. The healer comes and starts
doing this like nausea massage and massage in her head.

(15:54):
I finished vomiting and I come out and they're like, sorry,
but we need to see that. And I was like,
let's go, come on, let's go, let's see this.

Speaker 4 (16:00):
I'm good.

Speaker 1 (16:01):
I was like, come on, Keisha. She's like, I can't move.
Keisha does not see my wedding venue. For the next
thirty minutes. Keisha lays down, gets a neck massage, gets
a head massage, and gets healed. Quote unquill she did. Heal. Healed,
she did. And so I'm seeing this venue and then
we walk out at the end and Kesha's like, so
what do we think?

Speaker 4 (16:20):
She goes.

Speaker 1 (16:20):
I think it looks great. It could be the one.
She goes, what's that? I'm like the ceremony place. Keisha.
I was like, you would know if you saw it.
So now I've had to make my decision without my
stepping fiance's help, without Keisha's help, We've annihilated the toilet.
But I think I'm going with the place that I
destroyed the toilet. That's amazing. But you've decided on a
wedding venue. Yes.

Speaker 3 (16:42):
And we decided on the food.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
Oh that was another story, I think so. Yes. But
we did one tasting that was going really well. It
was delicious, and then I looked down and I saw
a huge hair in my food. So I was like,
it's okay, I'm not going to pass her. Hairs don't
bother me. No, they don't bother me either, Laura. So
I pushed it to the side and I said, I'm
not going to let that determine. It was quite flavorsome.

(17:06):
We continued on eating and I went to put the
next big thing on my plate and there was not one.
There were like five humongous, fucking huge black hairs. I've
got red hair now. It was like they had garnished
it with hair to the point that you cannot push
it anymore.

Speaker 3 (17:23):
It's like a hand noodle anyway.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
So it's Keisha and I on one side, it's like
an interview, and all the food in the middle, and
then him, just him on the other side, and that's it.
And he said, has the food? And I said it's wonderful.
I said, I'm not. I don't usually say something, but
I have to tell you that there's a hair and
he goes, oh my god, a hair. I'm so terribly sorry.
I was like, not just one. I was like someone
shaved their head into it.

Speaker 2 (17:43):
And I showed it's like the bathroom bowl after MAT's
cut his beard and just like sprinkled it on top.

Speaker 1 (17:47):
But then Kesha's puts her hand up and she's like,
there's one in mind too. I didn't want to say
anything three plates of.

Speaker 4 (17:52):
Hair, so it was the one dish.

Speaker 5 (17:54):
And the funniest thing was is that we're people pleasers, right,
So I saw the hair initially and I just scooped
it to the side and thought, not going to tell
brit that because you know she's having a good experience.

Speaker 4 (18:05):
This is very important. I don't want to ruin the vibe.
And it wasn't until I looked over at.

Speaker 5 (18:10):
Her plate and I saw that she'd done the exact
same thing with multiple hair out.

Speaker 4 (18:16):
And it wasn't until I think both of us clocked
that there.

Speaker 1 (18:18):
Was so that's who we've gone with. Anyway. I was like,
I like, what you've done with this dish. What's the secret.
It's like I shave my pubes into it.

Speaker 2 (18:34):
Well after speaking about marriage and Brits, you know, engagement, impending,
impending marriage, the joys, the highs, the lows, and we're
also going to talk about the lows because you guys
would have seen that last week. Jlo and Ben Affleck.
It's been on the cards for a long time. It's
been in the stars, one might say twenty five years.
But they finally announced their divorce. Irreconcilable differences is what

(18:55):
has been put on their divorce paperwork.

Speaker 1 (18:57):
But that is the standard, Like you have to enter
something in America to get divorced, so it's the standard.
It's literally like a drop down menu. And you're like, oh,
irreconcilable differences. It's this blanket divorce statement.

Speaker 2 (19:07):
Well you're never going to put down and be like Chita,
fuck with which your control?

Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yeah, No, it's a drop down And I think it's
like the blanket statement because it is made public like this,
so you can't put in like the real reason. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:20):
And I find their relationship fascinating for so many reasons.
One because when they first got together, not first, the
second time they got together like this twenty year relationship
that spanned across multiple other relationships, across them having children
with other people, and then they've come back together. Now,
what I find interesting about them is that they have
been now together for two years.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
This divorce was filed on the day.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
Of what would have been their two year anniversary, right,
which is like, it's a bit.

Speaker 3 (19:47):
Of a fuck you from j Lo to bed Affleck.

Speaker 1 (19:48):
I think it is like, there is You've waited for
that day for a reason, so it does get your thinking.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
Well, I think she I think that it was very
much a statement. I'm obviously we're all we're speculating because
we don't know them. I'm not friends with She didn't
call me about this, unfortunately, but so rude. I think
you would have done it to try and have some impact.
It would have been a bit of like a personal
dig a sting. But I think it's interesting because they
were together for only two years back in two thousand

(20:15):
and two, and then throughout the time that they were
both married to other people, they spoke about each other
so fondly. This idea that they were each other's first
real love and then it.

Speaker 1 (20:24):
Will be each other's last.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
Well, it was this kind of like fairy tale story
that after all this time, they'd come back together, even
when they very first got together. Jalo did a post
on Instagram, you know, we've learnt the lessons we've had
this time apart. We know exactly what we want as people,
and we're going to do it right this time. And
you really did think that they were going to have
their happy ever after for at least six months, and

(20:47):
then that it became obvious that.

Speaker 3 (20:48):
That wasn't really the case.

Speaker 1 (20:49):
It's funny that the world is so obsessed with them,
their relationship and the divorce. But I think the infatuation
comes from they're not a regular couple. Not just that
they're not a regular couple, like they're a Hollywood no,
but their story is a regular like the story of
They really pushed the fairytale narrative of right person, wrong time,
which I think a lot of us like to hold

(21:10):
on to, Like a lot of us have that person
in our life where we're like, I know you were it,
but we weren't in the right place, like let's revisit
in ten or fifteen years. So they were the one
that let the little people like us believe in that storyline.

Speaker 2 (21:24):
So I have two separate questions, which I think is
very interesting around their relationship. The first one is, do
you think it's a case that people can change if
you give a relationship a second go years down the track,
or do you think it's more likely that we romanticize
and fantasize about what the potential of a relationship can be,
and then often you give it another go and actually

(21:47):
it just turns out that it's just a fucking hot
mess and it wasn't what you wanted it to be
in the first place.

Speaker 1 (21:52):
I mean, that's obviously what's happened to jaloen Ben. They've
obviously thought that they were at the right time now
and they were going to have the happy ever after,
and we were all four like, I was frothing it.
I was like, yes, I love that you guys have
have navigated all their trauma and the tumultuous things that
life has thrown at you, and you found yourself and
you're gonna have this blended family and your kids love
each other, and it was the dream, but it didn't

(22:14):
work out. I do, though, think that people can change. Absolutely,
I have seen it. I have told you guys about
a friend of mine that was married, they divorced, and
then they ran into each other ten years later in
a supermarket, got remarried and had kids and they're still
together now. Like for me, that is a prime example
of like, they were too young, not in the right headspace,
not wanting the same things at that time, but they

(22:36):
still remained at their core the same people. Then ten
years later, at their core, same people, but ready for
something else. So I've seen it happen, but I think
it's very rare.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
Yeah, And I think I do think that more often
than not in these types of situations, it's almost as
though you have to go back and give it another
shot in order to have the closure right, you have
to give it another chance so that you can mentally
go okay, well fuck Over twenty years I gave everything
I possibly could to that relationship, and it absolutely wasn't

(23:08):
what I wanted it to be. Even though we tried,
and even though we learn all the lessons, we still
did the same thing on repeat, whether it was the
same mistakes, but you know, the outcome was the same.
But the thing that's different about the relationship now verse
twenty years ago is the fact that they both have children.
From other relationships and when they started this new relationship,
they were coming together of a blended family. Jennifer Lopez

(23:30):
she has two children, I know she's twins, and ben
Affleck has three children to Jennifer Garner, who he was
married to last time, now who last time.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
Like for so many one time he married her one
time some stage thing.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
So something that's been very widely reported on is the
fact that they have had this beautifully blended family, that
the children have all become really close friends with each other,
and over the last of six or seven months, Jennifer
Lopez has been photographed multiple times in multiple scenario in
different countries with Ben Affleck's children and is doing everything

(24:03):
that supposedly she can as a stepmom to maintain this
blended family idea. And I also I think that that
lesson came from the fact that in her last marriage
to a Rod, her two girls became really really close
friends with his daughter and they became best friends. And
she even has been on records saying that one of
the hardest parts of that breakup was the realization for

(24:24):
my children that that best friendship that they had would
now not be as intense, and they wouldn't be able
to be as close, so she didn't want to make
those mistakes in this relationship. I have thought so much
about this because.

Speaker 1 (24:37):
I have I am thinking NonStop about Jayleen stop an
a Rod, jay Rod, because I think, look, divorce, we
know it's far less stigmatized than what it was, you know,
fifteen twenty years ago.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
I think there's a lot more acceptance around it, even
though Jaylo's now been married what four times. I think
that people the idea around divorce is kind of like
it's very common and almost bit more accepted. But I
think one of the conversations that doesn't get as much
airtime is the relationships with children and how it impacts
your kids, whether it's in a positive way or a
negative way. And I think about this for myself because

(25:13):
growing up, my mum, who I've spoken about quite a bit,
she married my stepdad, who was I mean, he was fucked.
It was a horrible relationship. Yeah, we don't even need
to sense that he's a fuck with He was fucked.
But he had a daughter, Jasmine, who was my stepsister.
So I grew up with a stepsister for seven years
of my life, and she would come and stay with us,

(25:34):
we all lived together. She obviously stayed with her mum
as well, but I grew up with a stepsister and
then they separated, and then that was it. Our relationship
was pretty much over. I barely saw her again. I
hardly ever spoke to her again up until recent times
where we've kind of reconnected tiny bits on social media.
But that, to me is such a bizarre thing that
you can be so entrenched in a family's life, you

(25:56):
can be this blended family, and then all of a sudden,
because your parents' relationships dissolved, you lose that relationship with
your sibling as well.

Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah. We talk about this a lot, not even involving kids,
but just when you end a relationship long term. A
really big part about it is the ending the relationship
with the extended family and the in laws and the
dream house and the idea, like a separation isn't just
a separation between two people. There's a lot of aspects
that you mourn when you break up with someone.

Speaker 2 (26:22):
Yeah, and I think that often when we talk about divorce,
we talk about first divorces. We talk about like breaking
up the nucleus family and what that looks like. But
very it doesn't get as much airtime what it looks
like breaking up a blended family when someone goes through
their second divorce.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
But it's interesting that you say that, Laura, because your
example of your growing up and your family life and
that breakup is I think is a little bit different
because it was such a fuck with and the reason
we're going to go into this this is based around
like an article that Laura and I have been talking about.
We saw it on the cut and it's about can
divorce make you a better parent? And once we sort
of delved into it, one thing that you just said,
Laura was, you know your parents broke up, and you know,

(27:00):
I ever saw Jasmine, your stepsister again, right, but she's
okay with me talking about a high yeahs me if
it was I don't know if you're a life does.
But then at the same time, it was the best
thing for your mum and stepdad to break up like
that relationship was not great, and I imagine as your mom,
she would have considered that there's a part of her
that's like, well, do I stay together because it's better

(27:21):
for our kids and the family, knowing that the relationship
is bad and will impact them or do we separate
the kids and they go through that struggle knowing that
in the long run it would be better, Like I
can't imagine the decision that you have to make in
a situation like yeah, and kids are like very I mean,
I think so kids are very, very.

Speaker 3 (27:38):
Resilient to change.

Speaker 2 (27:40):
But I also think at the time, and there still
is I say that divorce is being destigmatized a bit.
I don't think multiple divorces has been totally destigmatized. And
I think my mum was very frightened about being divorced
for a second time, you know, being in her early
thirties and being like, well, I've gone through two divorces now.
So I do think she clung to that relationship a

(28:01):
lot fiercer than what she may have had she not
ever been through a divorce prior. But I guess in
terms of this concept, and this article is super interesting,
we'll link it in the show notes from the cart
Around whether or not divorce can make you a better parent,
people often talk about, well, how's that going to break
up the family? How is the divorce going to impact
the children? But I think if you, as a parent,

(28:23):
are so fixated on the issues that you have in
your relationship on the drama, the toxicity, the inability to
live harmoniously with your partner. That takes up so much
brain space, it takes up so much of your energies
that it actually can be quite challenging to be a good,
clocked in parent because you're so consumed with all of

(28:44):
the struggles of your relationship that often can sometimes unfortunately
take priority.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
Well, the article goes on to list some of the
positive things that can happen when two people get divorced
and as kids involved, And I found it really interesting.
So I don't come from divorce. My mom and dad,
Nick and Tony have been married next month. I think
it's forty seven years.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
Yeah, that was so weird to me as a kid,
But now I look at that and I'm like, that's amazing.

Speaker 1 (29:08):
But forty seven years and that is not an easy fee.
So I feel very I guess lucky that I didn't
have to experience that growing up. But some of the
things they say is she says sometimes it takes divorce
to create equality in a partnership, forcing both parents to
do an equal share of caregiving. I think that this
would be a big one. I'm going to say, most relationships,

(29:29):
the woman, the mother, is the person that does more.
This is obviously not a blanket statement, but as mums,
you do take on more, You do do more housework,
and you are more of the caregiver when you split.
And I'm just saying this from my friend's relationships that
I've seen, but when you split up, all of a sudden,
the father, when they're having that one on one time
with their kids, they have to do more and the

(29:49):
mother gets time off, like there actually is that time
where she's like, Okay, well what do I do with
my time? Now I've got three days while the kids
are at their dad's. I'm going to find myself again.

Speaker 2 (29:57):
There will definitely be people who are listening to them
who have been through divorce and see this as an
idealistic or oversimplified version of what divorce can bring, because
I would say I have also seen the opposite where
just because a divorce has happened doesn't mean that that
person who wasn't stepping up in the relationship steps up
in terms of parenting.

Speaker 3 (30:16):
And often sometimes yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
Sometimes it's divorces happened and you can co parent harmoniously
and the other person really picks up maybe where they
fell short in the relationship, but often as well, you
have a divorce and still there is one parent who
is doing the primary caregiving of the kids, and then
the other parent is doing the weekend job. Because we
have had such different childhoods, like divorce happened multiple times,

(30:41):
Like my mum was divorced, she was remarried three times,
but she was divorced twice. My dad has been divorced
three times. He's now single. Brit coming from a relationship
where your family have been together, your parents have been
together for forty seven years and as a nucleus family,
everybody has kind of lived pretty harmoniously together. What have
you learnt through the way your parents' problem solve, or

(31:02):
like how you view conflict in a relationship.

Speaker 1 (31:05):
I genuinely think it impacted me a lot without even realizing.
I don't think it's a negative weight at all, it's positive.
But I think a big part of how long I
was single for stemmed from how great my parents' relationship was.
And what I mean by that is I was taught
from a very young age that you can have a loving, healthy,

(31:26):
long term relationship. My mom and dad don't have roles
specific stereotypical gender roles. My dad does most of the cooking,
my dad loves to clean. They share the load completely,
which I thought was normal growing up because that's just
what I saw. They both worked really hard. My mom
was never a stay at home mom. She was always

(31:46):
out working in the workforce as well. So I just
didn't see the stereotypes. So when I grew up and
I started dating, I had these really I don't want
to say high standards, they're just standards. But for me,
people said that were high standards. And I remember one
person and I was dating at one point, I should
remember saying, I think he like raised his voice to
me and like and swore at me or something like that,

(32:07):
and it wasn't overly aggressive. But I have never heard
my dad swear at my mom my entire life. I've
never heard him raise his voice to my mum. And
this will go back to the conflict resolution. And I
was like, don't you speak to me like that. And
we ended up having this huge fire where he literally
said to me, I'm not your dad, Like I'm never
going to be able to live up to your dad.
That's what he said. And I was like, well, of course,

(32:27):
you can like, he's just a respectful man, Like that's
what I expect in a relationship. And he was like, well,
you're never going to find that, and I'll never forget that.
And then I went forward in my dating thinking maybe
my standards are too high, like maybe my dad fucked
me because he's so great, you know, and and I
don't want him. My dad listens to this. He listens
to every episode Love Your Dad. He's like my biggest
fand Tony has listened to every episode for five years.

(32:48):
He has everyone.

Speaker 2 (32:50):
I think, Fuck, my dad hasn't listened to this podcast
because he'd be like, did god, Laura, I know too
much about your labia.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
How's the trim going? But in terms of common resolution,
that is what I witness and I think I do
the same in my relationship. They never fought in front
of us ever, and that was a rule. If they
were going to, maybe they would get frustrated and throw
something down, like oh, like I'm going to deal with
this later, but there's four of us kids at home,
so they would just walk away. And they would never yell,

(33:17):
never swear, never contradict each other in front of the kids.
Like they were so good at making a team so
good at it, and now that'll be the first people
to say, oh my god. Of course we fought like,
of course it's not been smooth sailing for nearly fifty years.
That is impossible. But they made the choice to work
through it privately and deal with that so we didn't
have to.

Speaker 2 (33:37):
We went to a talk from Esther Perele. She's an
amazing relationship psychotherapist. We've had her on the podcast before,
we'll link it in the show notes. But when we
went to her live chat that she did in Sydney
last year sometime, one of the things that she said
in that conversation really stuck with me and I think
about it all the time as much as I think.

Speaker 3 (33:54):
About Jalo and bed Afflecks separation.

Speaker 2 (33:56):
When she put it in the bar, I don't think
that she's ever said that, but sure she said. She said,
if you love your children, if you love your children,
then the best thing you can do for your children
is to model a healthy relationship with their parent, so
like with your partner. And this was like talking about
people who are already in relationships, like whether you're married

(34:18):
or you're living under the one household. It was around
if you love your kids, stay married, but have a
healthy and good marriage, and prioritize your relationship because often
what we do when we are and have kids is
we deprioritize our relationship because we think we're focusing on
the kids, right. We think we're giving the kids the
attention that they need, and so therefore we neglect our partner,

(34:38):
whether it's physically emotionally, with all of the needs that
they need, we kind of deprioritize them and we go, well,
my focus is on the children. Very easy to do
when you have super young kids as well. And that's
stuck with me because at the time when she said that,
I absolutely had deprioritized my relationship with Matt and I
was focused on work and the kids. They will made

(35:01):
two main things. And then I was like, Oh, we'll
catch up on the relationship later on.

Speaker 1 (35:04):
So's that guy that lives in my house sometimes, who
like sometimes we have sex?

Speaker 2 (35:08):
I don't know, but that's the thing I heard that
and that really really stuck with me. Now in saying this,
I don't want anyone to think that what she was
trying to say in that moment is that if you're
in a bad relationship, you should stick it out for
the kids. Right, If you're in a bad relationship with someone,
if you have tried and you have put the energy in,
or maybe you've come to a place of resolution where
you don't want to try anymore and you don't want

(35:30):
to put the resolution or the energy into it, that's
okay as well. But I think we kind of need
to rewrite this narrative around divorce that divorce is traumatizing
for children because it is not traumatizing for children. Being
in a relationship where two people cannot co parent, they
cannot be harmonious, they treat each other terribly in front
of the kids. That's traumatizing for children. But seeing people

(35:54):
co parent independently can actually be really quite empowering for kids.
And also, I think things are traumatic in life. Don't
always have to be traumatizing. Now, for some people they
will be, but for others they won't. And what I
mean by that is what traumatizes one person, And we
use that word so much at the moment, and it
is it's thrown around way too much. What might be

(36:15):
traumatizing for one person, another person will see that.

Speaker 3 (36:18):
As resilience building. And that was my experience of divorce
growing up.

Speaker 2 (36:23):
I never and for me, I think the best place
was when my mum came out of her second marriage.
That's when I felt safe as a child. It's when
I felt like we were able to actually grow as
a family.

Speaker 1 (36:32):
Well, obviously it's very dependent on the situation, on what
your parents are like, what your home life is like. Akisha.
I know your parents' divorce when you were a teenager
as well, what was that like for you?

Speaker 4 (36:43):
For me, I was a teenager.

Speaker 5 (36:45):
I think I was like fourteen years old, and what
was so strange is that we'd been living in this
household that it was just it was such a toxic environment.
You know, you'd walk in the door, you could cut
the tension with a knife. It was just walking on eggshells.
And the strangest thing for me was that, like my
family was a part of the church at the time,
and when they made the decision, it was actually more

(37:05):
my mum's decision to leave.

Speaker 1 (37:08):
It was very.

Speaker 5 (37:08):
Strange to see how people responded to it, and it
still to this day. I think that there's this narrative
around the way that you speak because I was an
older kid, you know, I was a teenager and I
knew what was going on, and it was really weird
hearing people be like, oh, my gosh, you're going through
such a hard time, like you know, it's so tough
for you, and we're here to support you. And now,

(37:29):
looking back, even at the time, I did realize this,
but looking back now, I have so much more perspective
and I'm like, oh, that wasn't the hard time at all.
That was like, that was the easiest point. That was
where I was like, oh, phew, now we can have
this fresh beginning, this new start where people are not
living together when they hate each other and they don't

(37:50):
want to be around each other.

Speaker 1 (37:52):
It was just very polar opposite to the story that
people I.

Speaker 5 (37:55):
Felt like people were trying to make me feel as
though I was going through a hard time where I
was like, oh, nah, this is like this is the
easiest chapter of this story.

Speaker 2 (38:05):
But I also think that that is the case when
people don't know what's going on behind closed doors, right,
Like that's how I felt when my mum left Alex,
Like I felt an insane amount of relief. But I
think anybody who didn't know what was happening in our
household at the time would have been like, oh, my god, Paul, Like,
that's so hard because for people who come from relatively
healthy households and it's an amicable separation, it can be

(38:29):
so fucking hard on the kids. Like, I don't want
to gloss over the fact that for some children, especially
some teenagers, who grow up with their family being a
relatively happy unit and they can't comprehend why their parents
are getting divorced or they think they should have tried
harder or for whatever reason, like that can be really
really hard. It's so subjective the experience, you know what
I mean. And I guess that if people don't know

(38:50):
the person, all the reasons why, all the things that
are happening behind closed doors, the fight, whether there's physical abuse,
verbal abuse, whether there is fighting in one of the
children or not, all of that stuff can impact the
way in which the kids feel about the divorce.

Speaker 4 (39:04):
One hundred percent.

Speaker 5 (39:05):
I think that The only reason I mentioned that is
because I think we hear the version of the story
where it's like, oh, divorce is really hard for kids
so often. You know, that's just what we hear the
majority of And I just want to offer that other
perspective of it's not always the worst thing and I
think the best thing that came out of my parents'
divorce is that I was taught values that.

Speaker 4 (39:24):
Are really important to me.

Speaker 5 (39:25):
I was taught independence, I was taught you know, my
dad didn't really know how to cook when my parents separated,
and he he can do obviously, he can do all
those things for himself too. Like literally, though, it was
so interesting to see that and now look back and
be like, well, I've spoken with some of my friends
who are going through divorce at the moment, and I'm like, hey,

(39:46):
counter perspective, It's not always the worst thing, and your
children are going to witness better values than what they
may have if you had have stayed together in a
relationship where you didn't like each other.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
Yea, as a child that did have three to four
divorces in her life, Laura, growing up like your parents,
we've I was just trying to be subtle, Laura, as
someone who had five divorces. Your parents have divorced collectively
five times. What did that do to you and your
idea around marriage and relationships and commitment growing up? Because

(40:18):
we do say to ourselves, Okay, if we split up,
what's going to do to our kid? But the fact
of the matter is it does have an impact at
some capacity. For me.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
I think that divorce has taken my blinkers off when
it comes to relationships. It's kind of made me I
was less caught up in the fantasy of marriage and
the fantasy of like, well, we're never going to break up,
We're always going to be together. And I think if
you're very conscious and aware, then you are more inclined
to put the effort in. You're more inclined to have
the hard conversations, You're more inclined to work on it

(40:48):
when things are bad because you don't expect or feel
as though, well, the relationship's just going to be there always,
and I can prioritize other things like That's not to
say that I don't think Matt I will ever come
through and go through really really hard situations, but I
think because he is a product of divorce and I
also am, it made me very very clear on the

(41:11):
type of person that I wanted to marry, and I
married someone who's morals and values aligned with mine.

Speaker 1 (41:16):
It's actually funny I had this conversation with Ben just
a couple of weeks ago, not off this article, just
preparing for marriage. We're in a tricky situation obviously, because
we're from different countries and you know, our families on
different sides of the world, and we were brought up differently,
et cetera, et cetera. Ben is a product of divorce
as well. And we were having this conversation where I said,

(41:37):
if we split up in the future and we have kids, like,
what do you think you would want to do? Do
you think you would be happy to stay in Australia
because he wants to move here, you want this is
where he wants to spend his life. Do you think
you would be happy to live here and start your
life fresh here or do you think you would want
to go back to Europe? And he's like, what are
you talking about. It's like, we're not going to split up,
and I said, I don't think we will either, And

(41:59):
I said, I think this is a really important conversation
to have because if we have a child and we
split up, it's I need to know if you're going
to want to stay around in the child's life or
if you're you know, what's going to be more important
to you. And I know it's almost impossible to say
because it hasn't happened yet, but I think these are
really important conversations for people to have. Just as much
as you need to know each other's parenting style, you

(42:21):
almost need to know each other's like break up style
and like what's what's exit? Watch your fucking exit plan?
Like tell me your exit plan, because if we broke up,
he either leaves to Europe and I am a full
time single mother because he's not even in the same country.
I can't even like he's not even gonna have them
on a weekend or I'm sending my kids over for

(42:44):
months at a time, or like how would that even work?
So I think it's it and he's like, don't be stupid,
We're not going to break up, and I'm like, babe,
everyone gets married with the idea that they're going to
be together for their entire life. Going back to Jen
and Ben, I think it's really cool how she's been
seeing quite a lot for graph, quite a lot with
his kids, and there are people that are making these
comments like, oh, yeah, she's doing it for show. It's

(43:05):
pr make her still look good. At the end of
the day, she's their stepmom and she's been in their
life for a really long time, and just because you
split with somebody doesn't mean you don't still want to
work hard for the kids and the other people in
that relationship. And they're not her biological children, but her
children are very attached to them, and they have grown
up and gone through a lot together. So I quite

(43:27):
like the fact that they're saying, Okay, we didn't work,
but there's no reason we can't still do the best
thing for our children right now.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
Yeah, And I think that sometimes we get caught up
in like the celebrity ism of it all, like we
see them with a different lens and we're like, ah, well,
everything must be a pr and marketing tactic.

Speaker 1 (43:43):
There's still people.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
Maybe there is a pr.

Speaker 2 (43:44):
And marketing tactic to it a little bit. But I
also find I think it's really incredibly respectful to be
able to maintain a loving relationship with your step children.
I know I can only go back to my own
personal experience, but it is absolutely fucking bizarre to me
that I had a stepmom for ten years who I
never heard from again after she separated from my dad.

(44:07):
It's hard because my perspective is a personal perspective. I
know everyone is going to feel differently about this, But
I think that there's something really really cool about the
fact that Jlo is still spending this time with ben
Affleck's kids. And there have been a few articles that
have come out around Ben Affleck and how he hasn't
reached out to Jalo's kids and he hasn't spent any
time with them, And to me, I just think that

(44:28):
looks like a reflection of who was more invested in
creating this co parenting, blended family situation, Like one of
them clearly really wanted that and the other one didn't
put as much effort.

Speaker 1 (44:38):
In Well, Devil's advocate, we also don't know that he
has he just hasn't been photographed.

Speaker 2 (44:42):
Well you know, we're in Sydney, Australia. But no, there's
been reports. Yes, who knows where those reports have come from.
But like we're believing the gossip trade at the moment,
we know all.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
About anonymous reports, Laura, that they can mean absolutely nothing.
It's interesting and there's no right or wrong. And again
we're saying it's dependent on the individual relationship that you
have with each other, with their own parents, with their families,
with their kids. But I have so many friends I
shouldn't say so many, but I have quite a few
friends who are staying together purely for the children. And

(45:13):
I have said, if you didn't have kids, would you
be gone? And they were like, fucking oath. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
But also, don't you think that relationships can spiral up
and spiral down? Like I also think that sometimes, because
especially when you have little kids, little kids fuck your relationships.
The amount of people that I know who have had
small children, they're still in the absolute trenches of it,
and it has changed their relationships so much and they
think like, I don't know how we're ever gonna survive this,

(45:39):
and some relationships don't survive it. But I always think, now,
this is different if it's a toxic relationship, obviously, but
if you were so great prior to having kids, you
loved each other, you were invested in each other, and
then you had children and something broke there, I always think,
surely that could spiral back up again, could get back

(46:00):
to where you once were pre children, if you were
able to stay and to stick it out and to
work through this incredibly hard time. And I don't know
whether that's going to be the case for everyone, but
I know that there are a lot of people who say,
quote unquote, when theyve got little kids, oh, we're staying
we're trying to work it out for the kids. But
there will be so many people who try and work
it out for the kids that once their kids get

(46:21):
into a different phase of life and they're able to
actually really try.

Speaker 1 (46:25):
Again, they'll come good. There are people who.

Speaker 2 (46:27):
Think that their relationship was over and then they worked
on it and they came out the other side.

Speaker 1 (46:32):
Okay, My mom and dad have said that. My dad's
been like, there are times we thought we would break
up because they had four kids under six or something
like something wild. I don't know what they were thinking.
They didn't have a TV, and imagine if they did.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
Imagine if they made a permanent decision around an impermanent
situation exactly.

Speaker 1 (46:46):
But that's Dad's point because I often talked to them
about like how you do it? Like, you know, were
they're rough times because they kept so much from us.
But we're adults now, so like I'm like, how can
handle it? Give it to me? They're like, yeah, of course,
there were times we thought we were going to leave,
Like times I did almostly, not as in like walk out,
but they almost split you know, and they're like, you
work through it, and the best times, he said, the

(47:08):
best times of our relationship came after the worst times,
like after the low point where we thought we couldn't
do it, came the best, the best parts. And it's
because as a society too, I think with how accessible
other people are and dating ears with online dating platforms,
you know, you can roll over in bed and go
and start chatting to someone. The grass is greener, the

(47:29):
grass is greener. I think we do throw in the
towel a little bit too soon when things get tough.
And I'm saying that from a point where I don't
have kids, I haven't been in the trenches, so I
feel like, you know, take that with a grain of salt,
but we don't work through problems the same way our
parents and their parents used to.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
Yeah, And I mean, I don't want anyone to hear
what we're saying now and think that we're saying that
people don't put effort. And I know, when when you're
married or you have children, if you've made the decision
to get divorced, like that decision has not come lightly.
No one is just flippantly going like fuck off with
my relationship. Woh, divorce sounds fun. I want to date again.
No one's doing that. But I think that there's so
many reasons. There are so many reasons why people get divorced.

(48:09):
Some of them are completely unavoidable reasons. It's like, it's
not a two way mutual thing. Things have been done
to you that you can't overcome in your relationship. One
person's trying, the other person's not. They are situations that
are absolutely unmanageable. But then there are sometimes times where
I think the pressures of life make you feel as
though you cannot work through something. And for the couples

(48:30):
who are able to, for the couples who go to
couple's therapy or they're able to like persist, what can
come from the other side of it, Like you said,
brick can be something that's really spectacular.

Speaker 1 (48:40):
Yeah, it's hard to see the sunshine in the storm
sometimes unless you're Jay Loen Beneffleck.

Speaker 2 (48:44):
I think like, once you've given it to red hoogs,
don't come back enough come back with another. Hey, her
wedding ring was ten million dollars this last one. Did
you know that you come back for that back? No?
She's also listed that he can't get any spouse of
support from her. Go for it, Jenny from the block
where it's at.

Speaker 1 (49:00):
Yeah, and fair.

Speaker 2 (49:02):
He's living in a twenty million dollar house. He doesn't
need any spousal support. Yeah, he doesn't need it anyway.

Speaker 1 (49:06):
Guys, we would love look.

Speaker 2 (49:08):
I mean, if you have been through a divorce yourself,
or you are navigating a period in your life where
you are contemplating divorce, we would love to hear from
you from your decision making, how you are able to
co parent, what that's been like. Has it been of
benefit to you and to your children, has it been
an additional burden. Has it brought out the best in

(49:28):
your relationship with your ex partner? Has it just highlighted
all the reasons why they were a fuck with in
the first place. I would love to know the many
variations of this, so maybe we can try and figure
out how we could put a poll up around this,
because I think divorce is something that, as much as
it's becoming more acceptable, there are so many variations of
what that looks like and how people live out divorce.

(49:49):
But I think ultimately the main thing that we wanted
to kind of touch on on this is how it
affects kids in a relationship, and I don't think that
it always has to be something that is hugely traumatizing.
Sometimes it can and be a really positive thing for
kids once they get over the initial shock. It can
be a really positive way of showing that two people
can still love you independently and raise you in their

(50:10):
own way, whilst being amicable at the same time.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
Okay, it's time for Accidentally Unfiltered and you guys sent
in some bangers this week, so we will be able
to use those over the coming weeks. Bangers, bangers. Okay.
I went on a camping trip with my new boyfriend
and his friends. It was pretty much the first meet
and greet of the friends scenario, you know, the ones
where you really try and impress them make everyone like you.

(50:34):
We all got a bit drunk. Then my boyfriend and
I went back to bed in our tent and had
some very very excitable horny sex.

Speaker 2 (50:43):
Tents are very bad for acoustics, yeah, but also you
know when you're so thin the walls.

Speaker 1 (50:48):
This one's not even the acoustics, which is the funny part.
But you're in a new relationship and Europe, you've had
a few drinks and your camping like you put it on.
We spoke about it last week. You put it on
your best moves, like you're bringing it out hit a
tent anywhere, Laura. The next morning we woke up and
were told by his friends that we happen to have
left the torch on, which meant that they all saw

(51:09):
us having the sex in a puppet show silhouette, you know,
from the inside, like when you're telling a ghost story
and you put the light on it.

Speaker 2 (51:19):
Like that's fucking great, oh, truly mortifying.

Speaker 1 (51:25):
They have never let us live it down. So funny.
Could you imagine just kicking back camping and watching It'll
be like watching a poor no but only silhouette puppet sex.

Speaker 2 (51:33):
Also when you think you're being really quiet, like you're
being so quiet so that they don't know, but they're
watching the whole thing, no noise, and just Molly's really
into doing like the hand against what they called the
hand puppet.

Speaker 1 (51:46):
Yes it is a hand puppet.

Speaker 3 (51:47):
Yeah, hand puppets, sex puppets.

Speaker 1 (51:49):
That's what they did. They watched the whole I think
that's fucking brilliant, right, A way to interview friends, good
way to know, like this is a good warning to
everyone going camping, but also who wants to have sex?
And like the pitch black, do you want to see
a little bit? But something just so funny because they
would have thought that they put the torch on just
to see the dim lighting inside, and that's all they
would have thought, like that they were like being like

(52:09):
all sensual and sexual. But it's been like the whole
camp sites displayed on the big screen.

Speaker 3 (52:13):
That's so unfortunate.

Speaker 2 (52:14):
Anyway, all right, Bret, what is your stuck on your
swee for the week?

Speaker 1 (52:17):
My suck? If you follow me on Instagram, you will
know that I got a really bad migraine over the
weekend in Bali. For any new listeners, I'm having a
microine stuff from my entire life, so they're back with
a vengeance. I get migraine botox now I'm due for
it tomorrow.

Speaker 2 (52:32):
Also has a really wrinkle free neck, yes, off the
back of it, so migraine boatox protocol.

Speaker 1 (52:37):
The botox goes all through your skull, your basis, skull,
your neck, and your trap. So my skull is on
point if you've seen the base of my hairline. But
you get it every three months. And the reason my
migraines are back this week is because obviously I'm due
tomorrow and it's just worn off. Like I metabolized botox
really quickly, so it doesn't do for me what it

(52:58):
does for other people. I think some people can get it,
can lie some six months. For me, it's like a
month max.

Speaker 3 (53:02):
Yeah, I'm like one hit wonder.

Speaker 2 (53:03):
I'll get it once and later to get it for
another like eight months.

Speaker 1 (53:08):
That's insane. Do you think it's because I exercised so much?
And you don't know. I don't mean that as a dick.
I've realized that that is how that came across. But
apparently like the more you exercise, the more more metabolizers. Yeah,
and mine lasts for months longer than what it's supposed
to be. So my suck is I had a really
bad migraine, like vomiting level. I went to bed at
five pm in Bali, and I got out of bed

(53:29):
at midday the next day, so it was there was
a rough couple of days. My suite would be that
I finally locked in my venue. I haven't paid the deposit,
so I feel a bit anxious. I think I've got
to pay it today, pay it now. So that you
don't lose I am. I got a wedding planner, guys,
So she's doing it. I'm going through I haven't said
this yet. I'm going through Easy Weddings, who is a great,

(53:50):
big company here. So I'm waiting for her to like
doubly lock it down. Yeah, I just want to lock
it down. But I've essentially picked it, so I'm one
step closer. Yeah, so now I haven't make up artist
and a venue and that's it.

Speaker 3 (54:01):
I'm very excited.

Speaker 4 (54:02):
Yeah, y okay.

Speaker 2 (54:04):
Well, my my stuck for the week is it's very minor,
but it's bit. It's been a little bit challenging for me.
I feel like Matt will be annoyed about me saying this.
I have been pat I've been struggling a little bit
with Marley at the moment. She is five, and she
is having some very very big emotions, but they're all
directed at me. They're not directed at him, which I

(54:24):
think it's okay because Lola is usually like Lola's all
over me, loves me.

Speaker 1 (54:29):
Can't stand Matt, but it's very r it can't stand him.

Speaker 2 (54:32):
Literally the other day I had Lola in the bath
and she said, Mummy, I hate boys. I hate them,
I hate daddy. I hate boys. I only love Mummy only.
And I was like, what about Marley, and she goes
only love Mummy and I was like, you're like, well played,
I'll take it. That's all I needed. Thank you for
really feeling me.

Speaker 3 (54:50):
My cut back up.

Speaker 2 (54:51):
She's just very She's got what's called at parental preferences.
It's like a thing that some toddlers go through. Apparently
they grow out of it by the time they're like
four or five.

Speaker 1 (54:58):
I think it's standard.

Speaker 2 (54:59):
But she's like very mummy orientated, whereas Mali has never
really ever been mummy orientated. She's always been a bit
of a daddy's girl, which is so fine. But she's
going through this thing at the moment where she's got
really full on emotions about everything. Whatever the activity is,
she has to finish it. It has to be her way.
She has to win win whatever game.

Speaker 3 (55:19):
It is, like it's.

Speaker 2 (55:19):
All her and like even to the point where she'll like,
if I give them both a toy, but they're slightly
different color. Even if I give her the one, I
know that she would like more.

Speaker 1 (55:29):
She wants it.

Speaker 2 (55:30):
She wants the other one because out of like having
some sort of control or ownership of it, but.

Speaker 1 (55:34):
I can you let her pick it and then say
you've chose that.

Speaker 2 (55:38):
Yeah, But then that the trouble is is then like
Lola always gets deprioritized, and then I'm just reinforcing that
she always gets her.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
Way and that's why Lola hates everyone.

Speaker 2 (55:45):
Yeah, and that's saying Lola only likes Mummy and we
figured it out. But yeah, I'm struggling with her a
lot at the moment. And I'm finding because I'm struggling
with her big feelings, it's not so much her big feelings,
it's my lack of patience. I wake up already, like you.

Speaker 1 (56:02):
Not wanting to face the day a bit.

Speaker 2 (56:03):
Yeah, And you know it's not fair because I've just
done four days away. I've been on a beautiful holiday NUSA,
and then as soon as I got home, I was like, oh,
I'm doing this again, you know, like the eye rolls
at me, the oh they're still here. Like she's just
got a lot of attitude towards me. And I'm struggling
with that.

Speaker 1 (56:17):
But did you grow up? I mean I remember my
childhood growing up. My mom was the best, and it
didn't stop me from just like hating on her for
so long. And I think it's a pretty common girl
thing with their moms, like I think girls are mainly
and maybe Lola will switch horrible.

Speaker 2 (56:36):
She said to me last night. I was putting her
to bed, and I was like, honey, I missed you
so much. I missed you, and she goes, I'm pretty brave, mum.
I didn't really miss you. And I don't even I
got her a toy. I got her memory because and
I don't even like this toy. I would have liked something.

Speaker 3 (56:50):
Else, and.

Speaker 2 (56:52):
That's going to the savoy. So she's got like really
bad attitude. And I was like, okay, well I still
missed you, sitty, and she's like, well I didn't you.

Speaker 1 (57:00):
Oh of night, dagger to the heart.

Speaker 3 (57:03):
What's wrong with you?

Speaker 1 (57:04):
It's a phase. Of course, she's obsessed with you and
loves you, And of course maybe it's not. Maybe she's
just gonna turn into a mean girl drinking. She's social bad, Nah,
check not that bad anyway.

Speaker 2 (57:13):
And my sweet for the week is that I got
to miss my children because I went away for a
girl's weekend. Honestly, I cannot recommend enough go and have
a girl's weekend.

Speaker 3 (57:20):
It's the best.

Speaker 2 (57:21):
Even it was a staycation, it was so so nice.
And we've kind of had this when we were away.
We had this big chat and we were like, we
need to do this every year because it gets so
hard as you get older to maintain the intensity of
your friendships. And you know, we were a group of
there was about six of us and we used to
be in a text message group every single day. We
were so entrenched in each other's lives. And I think

(57:42):
my sweet really was we had this one day we
was sitting on the beach and I had kind of
just told them all about the stuff that was going
on in my life recently, which you guys were all across,
and then Steph was talking about some big stuff that
was happening in her life, and we just kind of
had this big, like debrief as to where we were
at and we hadn't done that in so long, And yeah,
I highly highly recommend it. Put some energy and effort

(58:02):
into your friendships. You haven't been doing that cue because
it was very Yeah, it was very wholesome. It was
very fulfilling. Filled my cup right back up to the brim.
And then my daughter poured it out into the ground.

Speaker 1 (58:12):
Ha's a vicious cycle, isn't it?

Speaker 2 (58:13):
Just anyway, guys, that is it from us everyone. If
you love the episode, go leave a review. Can also
watch it on YouTube where we do it on the TVs.

Speaker 1 (58:23):
You can Laura Laura pushing our YouTube is the funniest thing.
If you guys gone to the interwebs, there's the YouTube
and then if you put in the Life Buddies, if
your colors, you put in the Life on cut, you'll
find it.

Speaker 2 (58:35):
It's actually great. It's so watched our YouTube channel. Yet
even though this is very biased, I think it's fucking epic.

Speaker 3 (58:42):
Go and watch this on YouTube.

Speaker 4 (58:43):
It is.

Speaker 1 (58:44):
We have a great little team here that put the
videos together. Keish and Johno do an epic job and
the YouTube is fire. Like some I low key love
watching it, which is weird because it's it's us like,
because I don't I don't like to listen to myself,
but it's but I'll myself instead. Well, it's a different
parrot in the mirror. No, but it's a different it's different,

(59:05):
like it's it's different to watch the episode than it
is to listen to it. It just gives you a
different vibe.

Speaker 5 (59:11):
I have a favorite time. Actually, it's whenever I'm making dinner.
I don't know why that is my YouTube time. Like
usually I would have a podcast on, but I'll put
on a YouTube of a podcast specifically when I'm making dinner.

Speaker 4 (59:23):
I don't know why. It's kind of strange, but I
really enjoy that.

Speaker 5 (59:25):
So yeah, if you haven't listened to the episode of
that day, we're getting them up on the day of.
You can just you know, before you start choppy chopping
for the chicken, you can put YouTube manner.

Speaker 1 (59:36):
I'm never letting either of you pitch this YouTube again.
They were both terrible. Choppy choppy your chicken and watch YouTube.

Speaker 2 (59:41):
Just sign up slifelon cut anyway, guys, that is it
from us, and you know the trick.

Speaker 1 (59:45):
So Dad tell you dog tear friends and share the
love because we love love baa