Have Our Boundaries Destroyed Our Sense of Community?

Hey lifers!
Did you grow up in a house where you could openly chat about things like s3x?
We’re on opposite ends of the scale on this one!
Britt has reverse manifested and ended up with a pretty grim case of food poisoning.
We end up having a chat about how we each feel about manifesting and goal setting.

If you have kids, do you experience ‘mum guilt’? Laura has a work commitment that means she can’t make something that is important to Marlie Mae. We speak about the expectations on parents these days when they’re also trying to juggle work. 

Fleurine Tideman recently wrote a substack titled 'Enough with the boundaries; losing my stepfather showed me the community we're sacrificed for our so called 'boundaries'.
She told the story of her step father who was battling terminal cancer when she noticed how much the neighbours and friends stepped up without even being asked to. 

We spoke about our shift towards outsourcing everything so we don’t feel indebted to others and how we all seem to focus more on convenience.

We asked:

• Do you think our inclination to set boundaries has removed our sense of community?
• Does the idea of someone dropping over unannounced feel warm or anxiety inducing?
• Do you know your neighbours?
• Do you agree that in order to have a village, you have to be a villager?

You can read Fleurine’s substack here.

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Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! Xx

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Laugh on Cut.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
Brittany has gastro no. I.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Firstly, I just had this thought. I often forget the
stuff that we talk about on here.

Speaker 3 (00:23):
I forget them.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
My biggest fan in the world is my dad. Puny
listens shout out. He listens to every episode.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
Does he listen to every single one? Still every episode.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
He gets up at four thirty am every day to
work out, to do his pull ups yep, to do
but big big tomes. He's keeping fear and he listens
to the podcast. And I often get messages from him,
you know, if he is inspired by an interview, or
he gives me really good feedback, like he genuinely listens.
He's like, hey, Britty, I loved what this such and
such sett in this episode and was really thought, Perican,

(00:53):
it was interesting to hear your guys opinion on this,
and it's always like quite deep, you know, good feedback,
solid feedback.

Speaker 3 (00:58):
We stand as supportive daddy. That's nice.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
The other day it was like, ah, heard you had
a little bit of fun at the laser clinic.

Speaker 3 (01:06):
Sorry.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
So remember when I was talking about laser getting laser
and the blowing air was on my vagina and I
said it was ticklish, and he's like, excuse, like, hey, bringing,
it's just good to know what you're keeping maintenance down there,
and like he just jokes about it. I'm like, I
just forget that. My dad listens to me.

Speaker 4 (01:21):
We kind of different version of the audio that your
dad will cut of anything to do with body or
sex with Ben, Like we're just an amended version.

Speaker 1 (01:29):
But also it's game of your dad to say anything,
like you can listen. They're the conversations you don't bring up.

Speaker 3 (01:35):
They're the found mention.

Speaker 2 (01:37):
Nah, there's My family is one of those families, the
six of us. My parents been married forty eight years
or something, and that would be a dinner table conversation,
like there's nothing that is off limits, like the idea
of talking about sex and all that stuff. We were
such an open family, which I love now I love
and I didn't realize it was so open at the time.
I thought it was normal, Like it just created an

(01:57):
environment where you could talk about anything. And like my parents,
it used to make us cringe, but we would know
when they'd had sex growing up, not as kids, but
as teach.

Speaker 3 (02:06):
I'm disgusted for you.

Speaker 4 (02:09):
Laura and I shudder in divorced parents totally.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
But as teenagers you just know that come out Dad
give like mom a little hit on the bottom and
you'd know. And I'd be like, you guys had sex,
didn't you, And Dad'd be like, yeah we did, Mo'm
and be like, tell me of the kids, Like it
was just that kind of a family. And I get
now as an adult that that I was a minority.
And actually I drove my friend to work today and

(02:33):
she said, you know how rare it is to have
your family unit these days, Like to have parents that
are still together for so long.

Speaker 3 (02:39):
And that's still like each other and still like each other,
is still attracted to each other.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
Yeah, lots of parents like live amicably and like they
co parent and they're like, you know, they're in the
comfort stage.

Speaker 4 (02:49):
I've never related to something you've ever said less same same.
I literally have broken home, Like I've never once seen
my parents even thinking all the way back when tap
each other on the bum in a cheeky way.

Speaker 1 (03:05):
If anyone wants to talk about parents fighting over child support,
like I can really relate to that slide into my DM.

Speaker 4 (03:11):
If anyone has like a three month period where they
didn't see their parents speak, I'm with you.

Speaker 3 (03:16):
You know what's so funny.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
I can't imagine my dad.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
You guys will know Terry Byurn. He lives on Magnetic Island.
He lives with the Koalas. He's like one with the koalas.
No wi fi, no, no, absolutely no wi fi. Oh,
actually he might have it now. He's definitely got a
mobile phone. Every day I get a nature update from
my dad. He still doesn't really understand what a podcast is.
He calls it a pod book.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
I actually love that so much.

Speaker 1 (03:40):
And I never ever have to worry about him hearing
or knowing anything that I say or do.

Speaker 3 (03:44):
So that's fine. I'm in the clear with Terry Burrn.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
You're in the same bone.

Speaker 4 (03:47):
And my dad doesn't know that I have ADHD. He
created a whole timpart mini series about it.

Speaker 5 (03:52):
But I was like, it's fine.

Speaker 4 (03:54):
He doesn't have Instagram or he doesn't know how to
listen to podcasts, So I'm in the clear.

Speaker 3 (03:58):
Should you just maybe send him, would you? Yeah, it's probably.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
Things in it.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
Kusha doesn't want him to hear to be honest it Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
Well, like that time that you got the liplip and
couldn't give a blow jobs. I don't want you to
hear Dad, you don't want you hear that.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
This is my.

Speaker 5 (04:13):
Career, aren't you for us?

Speaker 2 (04:15):
Something else I did want to say is and I
know that Laura, you're gonna hate what I'm about to say.
I was, well, I was because it's about like manifesting.

Speaker 3 (04:25):
I don't hate manifesting.

Speaker 1 (04:26):
We can talk about that in a second, but like,
I don't hate it, I have reasons to dislike the
version of manifesting that's kind of touted.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, well this is like the it's like an anti
manifest manifest probably isn't the word, but you know how
a couple of weeks ago, we were talking about how
I had said Delilah's never been to the hospital, she
has never been sick before, and then three hours later
I was taking it to the emergency VET and I
was like, wow, I wieled that into fruition. That day.
I did it again. A couple of days ago, so
on the weekend, I was talking to a girl and

(04:57):
we were talking about food poisoning. That day, I haven't
not talked about food poisoning in it's not something that
comes up right. And I literally said to her, She's like,
care if you don't get it when you go to
Balley and I said, oh, yeah, I've been to Bili loads.
I don't get it. I was like, I actually don't
get food poisoning, like I couldn't total last time I
got food poisoning. And she's like, wow, you're so lucky,
and I was like, yeah, I must have guts of steel.

(05:18):
So then all of us go out as a group
that day on National Carbonara Day.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
Mind you, it was also the late celebration for my birthday,
but I think we were celebrating Carbinara Day.

Speaker 2 (05:27):
It was a week later celebration for Laura's birthday, but
it was also National Carbonara Day. I only know that
because carbonara would be the meal that I had on
my deathbed. Anyway, So we went to this amazing restaurant,
like quite high end, quite classy, quite expensive, and I
was like, the Carbonaro is going to be amazing. Waited
an hour and a half for it. They were very slow.

Speaker 4 (05:50):
We did have a five point thirty booking because it
was so it was actually so busy that that's the
only time we could get in.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
It was like a geriatric booking, isn't it. We were like,
we'll take it.

Speaker 3 (05:57):
It's not a it's a parenting booking.

Speaker 4 (05:59):
Well, I had five thirty or eight thirty when I
went to book and I knew us well enough to
know which of those options.

Speaker 3 (06:04):
Five thirty is the mum time slot.

Speaker 2 (06:06):
Okay, five thirty is also my time slot. I don't
want to go out and start the evening at eight thirty.
It was quite expensive, like it cost me a couple
of hundred bucks for the meal. And then I got
home and that Carbonara did me so dirty that about
four hours, almost to the minute, I got this pang
in my stomach and I was like, what's that. I

(06:27):
was like, oh, that doesn't feel good. Within ten minutes,
I was on all fours in the bathroom, both ends
like heaving.

Speaker 3 (06:35):
They are the moments where you're happy you live on
your own, no.

Speaker 2 (06:38):
There the moments yes, like I don't want Ben to
be seen that, but also someone to help you in
those moments would so be good, like don't come in
the room, don't see it, but like sliding stuff on
the door.

Speaker 3 (06:49):
I'll never forget I'll never forget when I used to it.

Speaker 1 (06:51):
I mean, so everyone, we have a new videographer, Vanessa.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
Keeping here in the background for a couple of weeks.

Speaker 1 (06:59):
Our video edited Vanessa. So, Nas and I have lived
together for I mean we were housemates, like when I
went to the Bachelor, right, So we lived together for
a really long time.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
Yeah, this job's nepotism.

Speaker 3 (07:07):
Yes, she's my child.

Speaker 1 (07:10):
We've been We've been like the closest friends for over
a decade now decade, he almost a decade.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
And Nessa's wife, Jess, we all lived together before that.
They were like a married couple. And one night Jess
got food poisoning so bad. But I was like, is
she okay?

Speaker 3 (07:24):
Opened the door up.

Speaker 1 (07:25):
There was just like poor thing in the midst of
both ends dying. And she still hates me and will
probably hate me telling that story.

Speaker 3 (07:32):
That's okay. I love her.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
It's been seven years six She was like looked at
me like she was an animal.

Speaker 2 (07:36):
Was like, god, yeah, no one needs to see that.

Speaker 5 (07:40):
I pictured column from Lord of the Rings.

Speaker 4 (07:43):
No, it's like it was another type of ring any
of us.

Speaker 2 (07:49):
Well, I did message. So I was heaving in the
bathroom for a long time, and then it sort of
faded down a little bit and I crawled back into bed,
like my column, and I messaged the group and I
was like, is anyone else scuse anyone else feel sick?
Message Keisha privately. He She's like, are you sure it's
food poisoning not something else? And I was like, Bro,
if you saw me right now, you would not be
questioning that.

Speaker 1 (08:08):
The only thing, though, is and like, you can't say
that I'm going to hate this. I don't think you
manifested fantasting. These moments, to me are coincidences. I know
that there's been two of them recently. Even someone who's
really into manifesting would say that that's not how manifesting works.

Speaker 2 (08:21):
What's also I'm joking it's the anti manifest anyways.

Speaker 3 (08:24):
Like doing bad things and bad things will happen.

Speaker 2 (08:26):
Yeah, yes, there's got to be something in that, but
I've been doing it a lot lately.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
For anyone who's really into manifesting, please don't think that
I don't think it has a purpose. I just don't
like the simplified version of it. I don't think that
it is like think good thoughts and you're going to
get out of situations. I think there are a lot
of complexities in the lives that we all live, and
I think that it is a luxury in a lot
of times to be able to prioritize manifesting. That's not
to say that I don't think you should have goals

(08:51):
and work towards achievements and whatnot.

Speaker 4 (08:53):
The thing I don't seem to resonate with is that
I often will hear people and I think it is
like a different type of goal set.

Speaker 5 (09:00):
Right.

Speaker 4 (09:00):
You know, you've got the thing that you want written down,
or maybe you say it, or however you actually go
about manifesting and then if.

Speaker 2 (09:06):
You achieve it.

Speaker 4 (09:08):
Sometimes I think that if you label it as manifesting,
I'm like, are you taking it away from the fact
that you worked really hard towards something like you are
the reason that that happens. So don't put it down
to like some spiritual thing you made that happen for yourself.
And does it maybe take away from like your sense
of pride about that or your sense of feeling like
you had determination to reach a certain goal or achieve

(09:30):
something that you wanted.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
Well, I don't look at manifesting like it's spiritual. I
look at it as a step in achieving goals. It
is just another step. Whether it's subconsciously, it makes people
chase that goal harder when you've written it down and
you're working towards it and you're thinking about it all
the time, because that's a big part of manifesting, right,
It's like thinking about it, looking for it, working for it.
Then you see opportunities that you might not have seen before.

(09:51):
You take opportunities you might not have seen before, and
it all comes back to that idea of like really
putting into fruition what you want. So it's not that
you you sit at home and we've spoken about this
so much, but I believe Ben's new football job came
off the back of manifesting. And that's a whole another chat,
and that's not just manifesting. But I taught him how
to do it. It was definitely a move that was not

(10:15):
on the cards in any capacity, and we didn't think
was possible for a multitude of reasons. But I taught
him how I do it, to write it down and
think about it, and then off the back of that
he did things that he probably wouldn't have done otherwise,
just because it's in the front of your mind. So
it's just about another step in the road to achieving
a goal.

Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah, And I guess maybe it is the difference in
how people describe it, Like I look at it as
it's a goal setting activity. I think I struggle with
some people who agree with me, and some people absolutely won't.
And that's totally fine, Like, please know that me disagreeing
with it is not me shitting on people's beliefs around it.
If it works for you, fantastic, totally. But there is
like a lot of conversations if you've really gone down
the manifesting research about like raising your vibrations and like

(10:59):
you know, putting it out into the universe, And there
is a spirituality element to it for a lot of people.
And I think that is probably the side of it
that I struggle with.

Speaker 3 (11:07):
Don't get me wrong.

Speaker 1 (11:08):
I think like good mental health is important. Having all
of your goals set out is so important for keeping
it front of mind and achieving things. I just don't
use that terminology. I don't use high vibration low vibration.
It doesn't resonate with me and with my skepticism.

Speaker 4 (11:22):
That's all. There's also that thing I've just googled it
because I couldn't remember what it was actually called. It's
I could be mispronouncing this the beta Mainhoff phenomenon, also
known as the frequency illusion, and that's when you think
about something then suddenly you notice it everywhere totally like
it's a proven psychological concept.

Speaker 1 (11:37):
This is very similar to the theories around angel numbers.
And don't get me wrong, like I said, some of
this stuff I do believe it, and some of the
stuff I like find it contradictory in myself. But angel numbers,
if you start seeing you know one one one or
one one one one or whatever, that there's quite a
few of them.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
They all mean different things.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
They are meant to mean different signs, and there's this
belief that it is its spirits guiding you the universe,
showing you that you're on the right path, or trying
to redirect you or to reassure you. There's loads of
different the kind of affirmations around it. But it is
also something that when you become very aware of your
brain is wired to look for it. There's this amazing

(12:15):
I think I've done it with you guys a while back,
but I might even try it now. I went through
a really really shitty time in my early twenties, like
a really bad mental health space. I remember I was
sitting at my work desk and I was just crying
at my laptop and my boss came over and he
was like, what's going on? Had just gone through a
bad breakup, but it was like a lot of my
mental health, I think at that age of my life
was revolved around my relationship, which wasn't particularly good. And

(12:38):
he took me into a boardroom and he was like, Hey,
I just really want you to listen to this experiment,
this activity, and I was very negative. I was like,
very upset about everything that was going on in my life,
not just my relationship, but the flow and effect that
it had had in every facet of my life. And So,
unless you're in a car, do this activity with me. Now,
close your eyes.

Speaker 5 (12:58):
Well, this is fun closure.

Speaker 2 (13:00):
Don't be on a cliff walk now either.

Speaker 3 (13:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (13:04):
Same, if you're somewhere safe, like in your house, in
your room, whatever, close your eyes. Okay, on the count
of three, I'm going to ask you to open your
eyes and look around the room for every single thing
that you can find that is brown. You have to
really focus close your eyes cicature. Focus on everything that's brown.
Really remember the specificness of it, the textures, the colors

(13:26):
of the brown, because I'm going to ask you to
recite them. So you've got like three to four seconds.
I'll tell you when to close your eyes again. Okay,
open your eyes. Look for brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown.
Look around behind you, look everywhere brown. Close your eyes.
I want you to tell me everything that you saw
that was green. Keep your eyes closed.

Speaker 4 (13:47):
The only things that I can label that are green
are because we're in this room consistently, and I just
know the things that are green. I know that parts
of the podcast machine and green. I know that there's
a plant behind me. I would not have if we
were in an unfamiliar room. I wouldn't be able.

Speaker 3 (13:59):
To tell you those things.

Speaker 1 (14:00):
Can you think of any one thing that's not something
you see every day that's green? No, Okay, open your
eyes and then look around the room for things that
might be green that you wouldn't have necessarily noticed, Like
over there, there's a green thing on your coffee cup,
there's a green tape on the camera. The thing is
you train your brain to only see what it is

(14:21):
that you're looking for so, if you're looking for the
brown in your life, i e. The shit in your life,
you will only see that version of it. Your brain
doesn't have the capacity to focus on multiple things. And
so when we talk about this idea and this is
I guess my version of manifestation, it's retraining your brain
to focus on the things that are positive or are
good and are not saying, you know, toxic positivity, but

(14:43):
like really looking for those things, because if all you're
seeing is brown, you will only see brown.

Speaker 3 (14:48):
You will never see the green.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
But that is the psychology behind manifestation. It's the whole thing.
Once you've written it down and you're thinking about it,
you are looking for those things and those opportunities when
they present themselves that you wouldn't normally look for. If
it wasn't front of mine.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
I'd be so interested for anyone who actually just did
that activity, Like, let me know how it went, did you, Like?
Because when I did it in the room that day,
I looked around and I recalled all these brown things,
and then I opened my eyes and like, right in
front of me was this little pop plant that had
been there the whole time, this plastic green pop plant,
and I just hadn't seen it.

Speaker 3 (15:19):
I hadn't seen anything.

Speaker 1 (15:20):
And the more I looked around the room, the more
I was like, oh, like I really had just completely
discarded all of those things, and it really helped me
to rewrite how I see things when I'm going through
challenging negative times in my life.

Speaker 2 (15:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:34):
Yeah, I mean that was a weird tangent.

Speaker 1 (15:35):
We didn't even plan to talk about manifestation today, but
here we are.

Speaker 5 (15:38):
No.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
But then, like, just so we know, I am joking
when I said I manifested my your diarrhea and my
popping in.

Speaker 4 (15:44):
Like that, Just to be clear, I had a bit
of your carbonara and I also felt a little bit sick,
and that's why I asked you.

Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah, I was like, oh, we're food sharers. I don't
know if I do want to completely like shame and
blame the carbon era because we did also have prosudo
that it could have.

Speaker 3 (16:00):
I ate the precuido and I was fine, dam was
a cab and Ira girls.

Speaker 2 (16:04):
God.

Speaker 1 (16:05):
Anyway, something has been going on in my life from
I feel like there'll be other parents out there, particularly
probably mums who can resonate with this. It is Easter
Hat Parade week.

Speaker 3 (16:16):
I wish that we did.

Speaker 5 (16:17):
These kind of thing for work.

Speaker 3 (16:18):
Remember last Halloween?

Speaker 2 (16:19):
You want to here. I just want to add a little.

Speaker 4 (16:22):
Bit of novelty, Like how cute wouldn' it be if
we were all sitting here in at easter hat guys,
it would be good social content. Okay, It's like that
time it was Halloween and Keisha wore little little ghost
buns and I didn't.

Speaker 3 (16:32):
I didn't My people loved them. I didn't quite know
what they were.

Speaker 1 (16:34):
It took me so long, and it was halfway through
the record that you were like, do their ghosts?

Speaker 3 (16:38):
And I thought you just kind of dressed out like
little Lamb and the prairie for the day. And I
didn't know what. I didn't want to Rakish.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
We're not stopping you. If you want to come in
here in an easta hat.

Speaker 3 (16:48):
Do it myself.

Speaker 5 (16:49):
I'm thirty one years old, it look like.

Speaker 2 (16:51):
But even if there's three of us doing it, we're
all still thirty year.

Speaker 3 (16:53):
Olds doing these. I'm almost forty. I have a hot
glue gun at home. I'm ready to go. Come on over,
you can rumble tonight. I would love to do arts
and crafts with So it's Easter hat parade we are.

Speaker 1 (17:03):
I've got to go back to Kmart tonight to go
and get more things so that I can do Like
the most epic Easter hat tonight is the hot glue
gun night.

Speaker 3 (17:10):
It's the whole thing.

Speaker 1 (17:11):
I've got to make one for Lola, even though she
doesn't even have one at her preschool. And then Marley's
got very specific theming. I feel like the Easter hat
in our household is turning into the cake creation in
like the Hamish Blake's household.

Speaker 3 (17:23):
It's like the equivalent.

Speaker 2 (17:24):
Who has put the specifications on Marley's the school or
Marley Marley.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
Oh, so what is she at? The creative genius. We've
bought all these different toys that are getting stuck on
the hat. She wants green crepe paper to go around
it so that the bunnies look like they're sitting in
a field. Then she wants Easter eggs. She wants plastic ones,
but also real ones stuck onto the hat.

Speaker 3 (17:44):
The whole thing is just like what do you do
with them afterwards?

Speaker 1 (17:47):
Right? You sit them in the cupboard. I have like
a one cupboard that's just full of fucking Easter hats.

Speaker 3 (17:51):
Last three years, I don't. I don't really do.

Speaker 4 (17:54):
I have a business idea we could have, like no,
like a exchange easter hats each year.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
Easter hatswap, yeah, because then you never have to make
one for your kid again. You just get one. That's
fuck yeah, that's brilliant.

Speaker 3 (18:07):
Cycle recycle.

Speaker 5 (18:08):
It could be like the sister of the Traveling Pants,
but the Easter hat.

Speaker 4 (18:11):
And you've got to leave like a letter about your
experiences in the year.

Speaker 2 (18:15):
I love this.

Speaker 3 (18:15):
Did you win the year? Priorly? Where did you place?
Because it's competitive, Where did you play?

Speaker 4 (18:19):
Yes, we want top three, but it's got to be
tiered because if you're a really good easter hat maker
and then you swat with someone who's a shit hat maker.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
I'm creative and competitive, So both of these things they
take seriously. But actually, the reason why I wanted to
talk about this isn't so much about the Easter hats,
although I'm sure we all have very fond memories of
being in school and the Easter hat parade. It is
the duality of being a working parent and also having
your kids do something that they're really excited about at school.
And we had a moment this morning, so obviously we're

(18:49):
making the hat tonight, excited, excited, excited. The parades on Friday,
it's at nine forty five, and I can't go because
I have a photo shoot for Tony Mayon that's been
planned for ages, long before I knew that the Easter
Hat parade was on, and it's all paid for it
and I can't cancel it.

Speaker 3 (19:03):
I explained that to Maley and she was so upset.

Speaker 1 (19:06):
But then, to make matters worse, Matt also has something
that he can't move, so she was in absolutely hysterics.

Speaker 3 (19:13):
The solution is Nana is going to go.

Speaker 1 (19:15):
We're very lucky living with Ellie that Ellie steps up
to the plate in the instances where we're not able
to do it. But I think that there's this increasing
expectation on our generation of parenting to be available, ever present,
to be ever present at things that are in working hours.
And I try so hard, like I would say that
we do make it to ninety percent of them, but

(19:37):
the disappointment that they feel, and the disappointment you feel
as a parent when you aren't able to move work
things like you feel like you're not doing a good
job and you feel like what kind of trauma am
I creating in my child that I wasn't there for
these key moments when every other parent is going to
be there to see their kid do something that they're
so excited about.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
Yeah, but I don't think every other parent is going
to be there. And I think it's an unrealistic expectation
to expect parents to be available consistently through school hours.
It is not the norm, and I know the expectations
are increasing, but I just think that we probably need
to take a step back from that and say, hey,
you know what they're Most families that I know are

(20:16):
duel workers. Both parents go to work. Not everybody runs
their own business. Not everybody has the luxury to have
one parent stay home full time and still earn enough
to live in the economic climate they were in.

Speaker 3 (20:28):
Like, it's not a luxury some families.

Speaker 1 (20:30):
It's actually financially more viable for a parent to stay
home and take care of their kids then put them
in daycare. There's so many reasons why people have the
setup that.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
They have totally, but there's so many people that do
have to go to work as both parents, and that
is just like I just think to my childhood one
of four kids, and my parents both worked jobs that
meant that they had to go to work. If my
parents were leaving every time one of the four kids
has something to attend, neither of them would work, Like
you would be impossible, and they came to the things

(20:58):
that were really important or if they could move their
work around. But I turned out just fine, Like it
doesn't it did.

Speaker 1 (21:06):
I guess the thing, though, is is with that And
this is probably like the big question that you ask
as a parent is what to find something that's really important.
The Easter hat parade is something that's so important to her.
Mollly doesn't care about sports. She's got cross country on Wednesday.
She's like, I'm not running, don't come. I'm not running
around the school. I hate running. But an Easter happ
parade is something that is like deeply exciting for her.

(21:26):
But she is absolutely stoked on it, and it's something
that we're doing as an activity together, Like she's really
proud of it, and she's been talking about it for
weeks and so I guess in this instance, this is
something that is important to her and normally I would
move mountain and earth to try and be there, but
this one I physically can't move like there are moments
where you just have such immense guilt and you're like,
I know that I'll make it up in other ways,

(21:48):
but it's a really shitty thing to try and juggle
when you've got to do it all.

Speaker 4 (21:51):
I think this is actually a flow and effect. Like
we know that we're the therapy generation. We like to
psychoanalyze everything. We'd like to unpack out trauma, and for
some people that that is real trauma. For some people
bullets trauma with a little tea. I think that there's
been this shift in the way that our behavior can be,
you know, in our romantic relationships, before we had an
absent parent or if we had, you know, a parent
that wasn't emotionally engaged with us, and we we kind

(22:12):
of know what the flow and effects of that are.

Speaker 5 (22:14):
But also that has a scale.

Speaker 4 (22:16):
You can have a parent that is completely emotionally absent
and completely physically absent, or you can have a parent
that's not able to go to one little thing that
their child is wanting them to be at because they
have other responsibilities or other commitments that they can't get
out of. And I think that we've kind of almost
equated them to be the same, and like the flow
and effects for the kid are going to be the same.
And that's probably why you feel guilty because you're like, oh,

(22:39):
you know, I'm not able to be present for every
single thing that she wants me to be. Therefore, you
even made a joke of like, how's this going to
fuck her up in the future?

Speaker 1 (22:46):
You know.

Speaker 5 (22:46):
The reality is when we were growing up, our parents.

Speaker 4 (22:48):
Missed a lot of things because it was just the
that was just the way it was, you know, and
we kind of just had to accept it.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
And I guess the other question is is, like, disappointment
is a reality of life. Obviously, you don't want to
be disappointed by your parents. That's the terror to feel
that down by. But have we almost overcorrected in some
ways where we're so fearful of ever allowing our kids
to feel a sense of disappointment. And maybe I'm saying
this to make myself feel better. I am probably self
soothing with this anyway, But like, is that something that

(23:15):
is like if it is meted and it is infrequent,
a level of disappointment is something that every kid has
to experience from a resilience perspective, because people aren't able
to show up for every single thing, every single time,
one hundred percent. I'm sure this parents will disagree with me,
but I get that I try to make myself feel better.

Speaker 2 (23:32):
Guys agree with you reports on it. Kids need to
feel levels of independence paying discomfort. They need to be
able to feel emotions so they know how to correct
them and what to do with them. Like if we
are telling them how to feel all the time and
how to do things all the time. If a kid's
trying to tie his shoelace and we don't let them
figure it out and we just do it for them,
like all of these little things matter, but part of

(23:54):
life is feeling discomfort and trying to work it out
and disappointment. Like you, just perspective is really important, and
maybe that is what people teach their kids more because
there are kids that don't have families at all, so
it's about maybe putting things into perpective. There's kids that
don't go to a school that would never have an
Easter hat parade, or kids that don't have everroof over
their head, or so maybe it's just broader conversations. Having

(24:16):
said that, maybe something you could tell her is that
Ellie will FaceTime you or something, so without physically being there,
you'll watch it live. You're going to see her walking down,
but just from a distance, so she knows that you're
still watching it happen, but you're physically not there. And
maybe that is like a way to meet in the middle,
so she knows you're watching because you'll feel that pride
when she's walking down in a hat.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
Let me say though, like thank God for excellent grandparents
who step up, Like that's the village, right, that's the
village that you need around you because it is so
hard to do it all when you are working full
time and you have kids and everything else. I'm no
busier than anybody else, like everyone else is juggling so
much as well. But when grandparents want to be grandparents
and they step up to the plate and they can

(24:57):
play that maternal role in a fair it's all paternal role,
you know, it's fucking wonderful. And you know I know that,
Like obviously, so Ellie's lived with us for like the
last year now almost, and at the start, so many people.

Speaker 3 (25:10):
Were like, oh my god, living with your mother in law.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (25:13):
And to be honest, I was cautious about how it
was going to be. You know, I was unsure that
the benefit and the love that those kids get because
they had their grandparent in the household. It's been the
most incredible experience. Like I love it so much.

Speaker 3 (25:26):
I feel very, very grateful.

Speaker 1 (25:29):
Something that I wanted to talk about, and it really
ties into the conversation we were just happening around having
the village around you or a sense of community. I
came across a substack article and I sent it in
the group chat because it really hit me the content
of this.

Speaker 3 (25:42):
It's written by a woman, Fluorine Tideman.

Speaker 1 (25:44):
She's a writer who contributes to Pop Sugar Murray Claire
and it is titled enough with the Boundaries Already Losing
my stepfather showed me the community we are sacrificing for
our so called boundaries very much. I would say that
we are the generation that speaks so much about boundary
setting and the importance of boundary setting. We're also a
generation that has had some of the highest rates of

(26:06):
loneliness and disconnection. I really wanted to read you some
of this, but before I do, just to set up
what this substack was about. Florine she recently lost her stepfather,
and she helped support her mum through his battle with
brain cancer, and she was there side by side caring
throughout his palliative care journey. And what she witnessed was

(26:28):
the incredible community that her stepfather and her mum had
around them during this time. Neighbors popping over to walk
the dog, people dropping off food, people just really showing
up in droves. And I guess it made her ask
the question as to whether that would be something that
she would receive if she was in this position. Has

(26:49):
she built a community and this sense of community around her?
And I'm not talking about your best friends. I'm talking
about your neighbors. I'm talking about people who were within
the same street as this couple who lived there, because
they had this real sense of localized community as well.
This is what she had to say about it, and
it is this conversation that has a cross comparison of generations.

(27:09):
She wrote, I have amazing friends in my life. Don't
get me wrong. I am privileged to call such strong
and interesting people my friends, and they were there for
me throughout this time. I'm not trying to imply that
they are anything less than a solid support system. Rather,
I'm trying to share an observation about millennials and especially
GenZ as someone on the cusp of both of these generations.
While we have close friendships, besties and more, we don't

(27:32):
quite have that community. We wouldn't drive each other to
the airport. We'd expect someone to take public transport or
get nubah. Why give up more time than it would
take them. We just don't see the sentimental touch of
dropping someone off or picking them up at the airport.
We look at the cost of our time. We prioritize
practicality over sentimentality. And I guess the big question I
had around this is definitely about community. But do you

(27:54):
think that we are the generation that is so obsessed
with this sense of convenience and boundary setting over a
sense of collective community.

Speaker 2 (28:02):
So funny you say that, because I had this exact
argument with Ben last night. So when you said the
airport pick up, we don't take people to the airport anymore.
We've missed that sentimental touch. The argument, believe it or not,
that I'm having with Ben is so tomorrow I'm flying
to Italy. I'm playing twenty four hours. It's a big
flight and it's two and a half hours drive away

(28:24):
from where Ben lives. And Ben's going to drive two
and a half hours to Milan to the airport to
get me. But then the airport's an extra hour fifteen
minutes from Milan, so it is a huge effort. So
he's trained all day, he's doing all this, he's driving
to Milan, and he has said, let me know exactly
when you're landing, and I will drive the extra hour
and a half to get you. And we had this

(28:45):
argument about him saying I love you, I'm going to
come pick you up, and me saying I love you,
I'm not going to let you come and pick me up.
But I absolutely think that is a product of what
we value in this generation. And for me, I think
time and convenience definitely, whether it's right or wrong, definitely
is at the forefront of what's important to me other

(29:07):
than that sentimental touch.

Speaker 1 (29:08):
Well, I think one of the things I really love
that she wrote in this was that she has the
privilege to call such strong and interesting people her friends.
And there is no doubt that in hard times, our
friends rally around us, and our friends are there for us.
But I guess this idea of having accessibility to our
friends whenever we want to is something that we definitely
don't have in our generation anymore. For example, if your

(29:30):
friend was just to pop over unannounced, completely unannounced on
a Saturday, not text, I think the majority of us
would find that very odd, or we would find it
in an inconvenience. I'd find it intrusive, because almost every
day we've got plans, we've got things that we've organized.
We're such a busy, hustle culture. I don't want to
say of a generation, because I don't think the gen
z's any different to millennials. We are constantly doing things

(29:53):
and constantly have plans. We are like absolutely diarized to
the nines. So I think that for most people, we
know that it would be an inconvenience mostly to just
pop over to someone's house. But I think that that's
very different from generations and go when that was something
that wasn't necessarily seen as an inconvenience. I would say,
for the most part, a lot of people listening to
this podcast wouldn't even know their neighbors, wouldn't know who

(30:16):
their next or neighbor is.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
Yeah, last night I saw there. I went down into
my garage to park my apartment building. And it's not
huge apartment building. I don't know, one to nine, maybe nine.
And there was a girl in the downstairs that I
had never seen before, and she was trying to close
the garage door and I could see you looking for
the button and I.

Speaker 5 (30:32):
Was like hey.

Speaker 2 (30:32):
She's like sorry, do you know how to close the door?
And I'm like yeah. I was like, did you just
move in? Like welcome? She's like no, I've been in
here two years. I'm upstairs. And we had never seen
each other. We never spoken. We introduced ourselves to each other,
and she said we should get you up for a
drink sometime, and I was like, yeah, you know what
we should. And then I went inside and I was like, wow,
that's weird. No neighbors ever invited me over for a drink.

Speaker 1 (30:55):
I think it depends on where you live, obviously, Like
if you're in an inner city and you live in an
apartment building, going to be different to people who live
in suburban areas or people who do live in it.

Speaker 3 (31:03):
There are neighborly streets.

Speaker 1 (31:04):
I don't want to discredit everything I've lived in, every
version of it.

Speaker 3 (31:07):
I know who my neighbors are.

Speaker 5 (31:08):
Now.

Speaker 1 (31:09):
I've lived in incredibly friendly streets, and I think COVID
changed that slightly. I think people who lived in maybe
you lived in a could a sac or you lived
in like a quiet street because there was nothing else
to do. People became friends with their neighbors during that period.
I think that that was like a pivot point for
a lot of people. But I would still say that
the vast majority of young people don't have any idea

(31:30):
who a lot of their neighbors are.

Speaker 4 (31:31):
Yeah, I think it kind of comes down to the
convenience piece that you were talking about, and yes, if
you flip it, like the reason I don't necessarily want
to go and knock on my neighbor's doors is because
I don't want to be an inconvenience to them, Like
I don't want to impose myself on them and force
them another part of this article.

Speaker 3 (31:47):
Force them.

Speaker 1 (31:48):
I also think it's because nothing's fixed these days. We
move around like whereas back in the day you might
live in a house for nineteen twenty years.

Speaker 3 (31:54):
People, we are far more.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
Transient in terms of how our living arrangements work, especially
at this period.

Speaker 3 (32:01):
Of our lives.

Speaker 4 (32:02):
There was another part of the article, she said, wouldn't
it be nice to know that you don't have to
arrange a pet sitter, to know that a neighbor could
come over just to water your plants and not see
it as an intrusion. We have apps for everything that
we once relied on neighbors for, and it's because it's
an exchange. I think we now don't want to feel
indebted to people. We don't want to feel as though
we're putting them out, and that they might be able

(32:23):
to hold well at least this is how I feel
they might be able to hold that Over me. I
would kind of in most situations, I would rather just
pay someone and have that exchange be very very clear.
But I think it's in the convenience of that and
the lack of having to feel an emotion about that
interaction that we really have had this decline in a

(32:43):
sense of community.

Speaker 2 (32:45):
I don't think it's comparative, like I think it's very
hard for us to sit here and compare and say
the community aspect has changed, because of course it's changed.
A lot of what it comes down to is the
fact that our parents' generation, when you finished work, you
finished work, you didn't have the You did not have apps.
You didn't take your work home. Some jobs obviously did,
but most people that went to a nine to five.

(33:05):
When you got home, you were at home for the afternoon,
your kids were playing in the front yard. When you
saw your neighbor's kids in the front yard, you knew
your neighbor was home. Like it was just a different time.
Now everyone is on a hustle. Everyone has something else
to do, and they have access to the ability to
do it. Like Laura, you run your own business. You're
always going to be working on that. There's always something
for you to do at home.

Speaker 1 (33:25):
You said something interesting for it when we were talking
about the unpacking of this concept.

Speaker 3 (33:30):
You said, we have community that we opt into.

Speaker 1 (33:32):
Now, if you want community, you go to the gym
and you see your friends there, or you see the
people that you want a touch base with, or you
might go to a sporting thing or whatever. You opt
into your sense of community. The response to that is
something that was written in the comment section of this
sub stack. And to have a village, you have to
be a villager. And I guess the problem with having
the opt in communities it means that when something big

(33:55):
happens in your life. If you do go through a
tragedy or a death, or let's say you have a
baby and you're going through terrible postpartum, if you have
always had an opt in community around you, then they
don't opt in when you're in a time of need
because you haven't been there to support throughout the other
times when other people required it. They probably have their
own sense of community elsewhere.

Speaker 2 (34:14):
Yeah, I think what I mean by that is we
want community that is convenient, and when we opt into it,
I don't mean we opt into it. It's like, hey,
I need help now, so let me That's not what
I mean. So I'll use my gym as an example
that I go to because I think gyms and like
running clubs and exercise clubs or tennis well, I think
that they are probably the main place people go to
get their community in our day and age. And my

(34:36):
gym it's called Vertus, it's in Bondi Beach. It is
an amazing gym for community and I've only discovered that
in the last year. But what it is is everyone
goes to the gym every day, right, so the community
is there. It's not opt in, it's opt in that
you get to choose what time of the day you
go totally, but when you are there, and I have
seen it at this gym. This is why I'm using
as an example. When somebody needs something or is going

(34:58):
through something, the people all the way that they turn
up for each other. It almost is cult like, but
it's like, hey, these are one of our own and
they need this, Like let's all jump in and help them,
let's support them, let's raise money for this. And that
is when everyone does opt in because of the community.
But it's not opt in like I need something, now
help me. When I say opt into your community, it'said.
It's like, hey, it's six pm. I'm ready for some community.

(35:21):
I don't want my neighbor to pop over, but I'll
go to the gym and I'll meet these people. And
that's what I think we mean as a generation, We're
not going over to our neighbors to sit and have
a tea anymore and form the community. We're forming it
on our own timeframe.

Speaker 1 (35:31):
I think also, like I mean, we can talk about
navally versions of this, but I think religion played a
massive role.

Speaker 3 (35:35):
People went to church, they had their church communities.

Speaker 1 (35:38):
You know, a lot of people and a lot of
our generation have you know, moved away from religion. I know,
not everyone, obviously, but there is definitely a push towards
being more agnostic or even atheist.

Speaker 4 (35:50):
There's actually a start that we got about this. Historically,
church of synagogues, mosques and temples provided a strong sense
of community, but in the twenty twenty one census, over
thirty eight percent of Australians reported that they were non
religious and that they didn't attend any of those institutions.

Speaker 1 (36:04):
I think when I read this like it definitely made
me question my behavior, and not in a way where
I was like I need to radically change everything so
that I had this community around me.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
He's starting a church.

Speaker 3 (36:16):
I have my own cult of Laura Burn.

Speaker 1 (36:18):
I guess my thing is is obviously I have my husband.
I have a really like we are so close. We
do everything together, my husband, Matt. That sound weird, you
guys know exactly is I have really good girlfriends in
the same way that this woman Fluorine describes that she
has really close friends around her. But I definitely am
someone who is guilty of prioritizing convenience over you know,

(36:40):
I'm not the one who's putting my hand up to
run to the airport to go get someone if they
can get a NEWBA. You know, maybe I feel like
slightly guilty for that in some ways, but I think
it is because we stack our work schedules so heavily,
we stack our life schedules. We make excuses for it
because we've got two kids and we're parenting, and everything's
always busy all the time, that it's hard to make
space to be inconvenienced, I guess, and I think like

(37:02):
that's something where I read this and I was like, oh,
I am guilty of being this person. And I don't
say that as though that's an isolated thing. I think
a lot of people would read that and go I
would do the same. I have friends over for dinner.
I'm not cooking them dinner. I'm ordering Uber Eats.

Speaker 5 (37:17):
You know.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
I know that that is fine, and I know that
no one's judging me for ordering it. But there wasn't
the sense of time. I didn't spend time creating something
that was a really well thought at me, or that
I knew my friend was gonna love.

Speaker 3 (37:28):
I was just like, come over and I ordered.

Speaker 1 (37:30):
I think I often opt into convenience because it suits
my life at the moment.

Speaker 5 (37:34):
Yeah, I think.

Speaker 4 (37:34):
I mean what you're talking about is that you prioritize
other things. And I think that that could be because
of the particular life stage that you're in, because that
was my immediate thought when I read this too, I
was like, how am I showing up as a villager.
I will actually put my head up and say, I'm
pretty good at doing the airport pick up and drop off.

Speaker 3 (37:50):
I think you're a great village a case.

Speaker 1 (37:52):
If I was out of all my friends, you're the
first person to go, I will do that for you.

Speaker 3 (37:56):
And I'm like, but why you don't need to?

Speaker 1 (37:58):
And I personally have a S and so I don't
want to inconvenience you and I and exactly what you
described earlier on, I don't want to be indebted to you,
so I will not ask for things because I don't
want to exploit that either.

Speaker 2 (38:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (38:09):
I mean I was thinking about this last night. I
so appreciate you saying that because it's something that I
really I guess I did grow up in a church,
so maybe it's actually because I had those values and
like that sense.

Speaker 5 (38:19):
Of community was really instilled in me.

Speaker 4 (38:20):
My mum was incredibly social as well, so we had
family groups around us all the time growing up.

Speaker 2 (38:26):
I would just say, you're a good friend. I wouldn't
give the church that credit, to be honest, I think
you're just a good person. That's maybe you've been raised
well because you were at the church. Maybe, But I
think it's a.

Speaker 4 (38:34):
Value system that is like a lot of religions, This
isn't specific to the religion I grew up amongst.

Speaker 5 (38:39):
I think that this is across every religion, you know.

Speaker 3 (38:42):
I know that in the.

Speaker 4 (38:42):
Bible there's a lot about you know, doing things for
thy neighbor, and it's all about caring about each other
and having a moral code that you will operate under
so that you're not hurting the people around you. And
maybe it is the fact that we've had this increase
in technology that has made us feel more connected through
the technology rather than physically connected to other people.

Speaker 5 (39:02):
There's a lot of research on the fact that that's
not the same.

Speaker 4 (39:04):
You know, there's a lot of research on the neurotransmitters,
the release in your brain, and they're not the same
as when you're in person physically sitting with someone. But
I also think that you develop this really deep sense
of community with people in the moments you don't expect
the gradual hanging out with each other, and you know,
we drive to work together, and that's when I have
some of my most deep and meaningful conversations with you,

(39:26):
because it's just in the accidental nature of things happening
and things coming up. And I really do think that
I've lost that in almost every other aspect of my life.
But keep you have a question for you, and I
think it comes into the conversation around boundaries. In this
would you define yourself as a people pleaser? I hugely
would have defined myself as a people pleaser. In fact,

(39:46):
I only feel as though I've been able to create
boundaries in my life in the last year to year
and a half. And I would say that since leaning
into this concept of boundaries, you say no to things
more often that I'm saying this not as a criticism.
I'm saying this as like it was an eye opener
to me.

Speaker 1 (40:05):
I feel like I'm someone who has a lot of
boundaries in place to preserve my time, and that's something
that I worked really hard on. Don't get me wrong
when I say like I'm not going to go out
of my way to do X y Z. Don't please,
don't think I'm an asshole. I also never have expected
anyone to go out of their way for me. It's
not a take situation. It is a completely unreciprocated like

(40:26):
I'm fine, I'll get a taxi.

Speaker 3 (40:27):
I'm fine, I'll do this.

Speaker 1 (40:28):
I'm so deeply independent that I don't expect anything from
anyone else. And I guess, like what I took from
this substack, and what I think is so interesting is
that people who don't have this willing sense of like
strong boundaries that we've all been told we are supposed
to have still are the people that show up in
this way because they're so much more open. And it's
exactly how she described herself in this first paragraph, a

(40:50):
chronic people pleaser.

Speaker 3 (40:52):
They's so much more open to do things.

Speaker 1 (40:53):
For other people for the joy of how that makes
the other person feel.

Speaker 5 (40:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (40:57):
Actually, I was thinking about this last night because a
lot of the whole boundary setting and that kind of thing,
if people haven't listened to Cloud. I became more aware
of it when I learned that I was masking in
a lot of situations and that perhaps the reason I
was doing those things for other people, or I was
at least offering was more so about because I didn't
want them to view me in a negative way. I
don't think I did it for the most genuine reasons.

(41:20):
I don't think I did it because I was like, Hey,
this is a village, and this is what we do
for each other.

Speaker 5 (41:23):
But I read this one thing and I was like, Fuck,
that's what it is.

Speaker 4 (41:27):
It's a term that researchers call crowded loneliness. So it's
the emphasis on hyperindividualization and personal boundaries that may lead
to prioritizing yourself over shared responsibility. Basically, it means that
you can be around people a lot, and you can
kind of be in these crowded environments, but you don't
actually feel a meaningful sense of connection. And I think

(41:48):
that that's maybe where I am now learning to put
boundaries in place in a much better way, and it's
leading to much more meaningful connection. I'm more specific with
the people that I want in my village and that
I will bend over backward for.

Speaker 5 (42:01):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (42:02):
If that's because I realized throughout the course of time
that maybe things I would be willing to do for
other people they wouldn't be willing to do for me,
And so I've kind of started to create a little
bit more distance in those situations.

Speaker 5 (42:13):
That seems like a bit of a selfish way to
think about it, but not really.

Speaker 4 (42:16):
Well, I think it isn't just natural that if you
don't feel it's a two way street, you're probably going
to be like, oh, actually, if you're not going to
show up for me, I probably don't need to show
up for you as much.

Speaker 1 (42:25):
But yeah, exactly, which comes back to the whole to
have a village, you've got.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
To be a villager.

Speaker 5 (42:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (42:29):
The last thing I wanted to question you guys on
is whether this is a life stage thing. Do you
think that it's fundamental shift in the way that we
now connect with each other because of technology and because
of this, you know, therapy culture that we've got, or
do you think it's just more reflective of the stage
that we're in and when we get older, we might
have more free time and therefore we will kind of
put more time and effort into community.

Speaker 3 (42:50):
I can't wait to play long bowls every day when
I like seventy.

Speaker 1 (42:54):
I hope that as my life is less busy because
I feel like I am currently in the thick of
my life life, Like I can't imagine being fifty and
still running at this pace.

Speaker 3 (43:03):
I think I'll have a heart attack and die, do
you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (43:05):
Like I don't imagine having little kids and running multiple
businesses and trying to keep a husband happy, and like
living with my mother in law, Like I already feel
like I'm so overstimulated by the requirements. And I would
dare say that so many people who are at our
phase of life feel the same. I hope that when
I'm fifty or sixty and my kids are older, I
have time to put into these things, and maybe then

(43:29):
I will have more accessibility to it. The only thing
is is do we become a product of what we
have conditioned ourself to be for so many years?

Speaker 3 (43:39):
You know?

Speaker 1 (43:39):
Do we just become a product of Like Okay, well
now I have time, I still don't have.

Speaker 3 (43:43):
Community and I'm just lonely. Like is that the end goal?
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (43:47):
I don't know. I think it's a really interesting one
for so many people to have a think about. And
please go, Like I said, We're going to link it
in the show notes. The substack, so that you guys
can go and have your own thoughts on it as well.
But it's a really fascinating read. I have a suck
and suitet. What is your stuck of the week?

Speaker 2 (44:02):
My suck of the week is, and I mean I'm
a very blessed.

Speaker 1 (44:06):
Suck, but sitting and vomiting orife obviously that was it.

Speaker 2 (44:11):
But no, we can't use that twice. I am flying
to see Ben in the morning. I'm getting picked up
at three am in the morning, so I have to
get up at two am, and I have not packed.
And I don't know why I do this. I just
have this aversion of packing. I detest it.

Speaker 3 (44:25):
I wait just to take you to pack. Surely packing
takes like one hour.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
No, not when you're going for a couple of weeks
and you're taking so much. I've got to take so
much equipment over for the podcasting, cameras, setups, lights.

Speaker 3 (44:37):
How long do you reckon it takes you to do.

Speaker 1 (44:38):
I am my last minute packer, but I will pack
for my entire family myself maximum. If I've got to
pack for everyone two hours maximum.

Speaker 2 (44:45):
It'll take me a couple of hours for sure. And
then you've got to get your house ready. You've got
to throw everything in the fridge out. You got to
make sure everything is warned, and you've got your plant
food and all this stuff. Got to get Delilah out
and pack up her stuff. It's just like one of
those things that I put off to the last minute,
and I hate it and I don't know why I
do it, because now I'm going home tonight to sort
out my life.

Speaker 3 (45:04):
I've just realized.

Speaker 4 (45:05):
I know I've got Delilah, but am I also expected
to water the plants again?

Speaker 3 (45:11):
If I call you can okay?

Speaker 5 (45:12):
If I call over, I'm not responsible.

Speaker 1 (45:16):
You need to stop taking responsibility because then it just
means that you have to replace You replaced it last time.
That's expensive. That's like that's a debt. You don't want
to get a bargain though. That's a debt you don't want. Okay,
what's your sweep for the week?

Speaker 2 (45:25):
You bok are out of water in my plants.

Speaker 3 (45:27):
We just spoke about community. Yeah, but when did you
ever walk to put it outside in the garden? We do?

Speaker 5 (45:32):
Can you put it outside in the garden.

Speaker 3 (45:33):
It's been raining a fair bit. It'll be fine.

Speaker 2 (45:36):
I mean, I can I guess.

Speaker 1 (45:38):
Your fiddle fee will do better underneath a tree in
the garden. The water will do in your house while
you're gone.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
They don't want it to be moved anyway. My sweet
is I'm seeing Ben tomorrow.

Speaker 3 (45:49):
Well on that. We'll be doing a record next week.

Speaker 1 (45:51):
So we are taking a holiday break at the end
of next week. But next week we'll be doing one
record with Britain in Italy.

Speaker 2 (45:57):
Yep, I will be coming to you from Italia.

Speaker 1 (46:00):
Yeah, and with all the kabanarah and no gastro that
you can possibly have, what is yoursf my suck for
the week, to be honest, I don't have a suck
this week, and the reason for that is because the
weekend just passed. We got to go down to Ala
Dalla and spend two nights in the house. We wanted
to go so like, as if you're not across it.
We've been doing this renovation. I'm sure you are. We've

(46:21):
literally not talked about anything else. For me, I think
they're across and I reckon everyone's across it. But we
like the house is almost finished, we've started to get
furniture in, We've like all the appliances have been installed.
So we went down there on Friday, and we spent Friday, Saturday,
Sunday down there with the girls so that we could
test everything out and make sure that it was like
Liverpool and things actually worked the way that they said

(46:42):
they were going to work, so that we can spend
our Easter holiday down there. So where I'm so stoked.
I honestly it felt like a dream walking into the
house and seeing it finished and like seeing it so
so close to completion because I haven't seen it since
Matt was in the jungle. I went down there while
he was away, so it's been for me like almost
two months I've seen the house.

Speaker 3 (47:00):
Yeah, so and it was amazing.

Speaker 1 (47:02):
The girls have their own sweet bedroom and like it's
all really come together. So next week I'll be able
to update you guys properly on how that is going
down because we're going to be recording from.

Speaker 2 (47:11):
All bla amazing.

Speaker 1 (47:13):
But that's it from us, guys. If you love the episode,
go and leave a review. You can also join in
the conversation on Spotify where you listen to pod or
on Apple Podcasts.

Speaker 3 (47:21):
Where you can leave a review. Just so many ways YouTube.

Speaker 1 (47:24):
Get in the comments section there all of the things,
or you can join the Facebook discussion group, which is
where so many conversations go down as well.

Speaker 2 (47:31):
And you know the drill, tell you mum tey dadte
dog taate friends and share their love because we love
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