How You Got Cold Played and What I Really Wish I Knew Before Motherhood

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi, guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
I'm Laura, I'm Scarred, and I'm Brittany.

Speaker 3 (00:18):
We just had a really uncomfortable conversation around how much
would we have to pay each other to go down
on each other.

Speaker 4 (00:24):
It's too hard knowing that you've got to work with
the same person every day, Like Laura, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
You brought this up a few times. Do you want
me to go down?

Speaker 3 (00:31):
You get it? I have not a recurring theme, do not.
The person who brought this up first was you? No,
it was you. It was you.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
You look guilty because it makes me feel sick.

Speaker 3 (00:44):
It's not something I'd do anyway. We're too close as friends,
not in that way. Are we going to answer what
we said? No, let's just move along. Welcome back from
holidays everyone. I did say that it would be at
least one zero less for me to do it than
for one.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
Of you guys.

Speaker 3 (00:59):
Keisha's doing it for free. Guys should not do it anyway. Look,
we are back on holidays. We took a week off.
Sorry to come in very rogue. It was so nice.
We've only taken two weeks off content or maybe two
and a half. Who's counting two? Yeah, not much this year,
this entire year. Look, we needed a break.

Speaker 4 (01:17):
I also love you guys, but I got so many
messages being like, can you guys come back already?

Speaker 2 (01:20):
And I thought it's been three days.

Speaker 1 (01:22):
I was like, I don't think we've been.

Speaker 3 (01:23):
Released an episode normally three days and I was like,
we just need one week, give us a week.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
Yeah, Well, it was school holidays.

Speaker 3 (01:29):
The one thing though about school holidays is that when
you're on holidays and your kids are also on holidays,
the amount of time and energy have to put into
trying to like come up with activities all day. Every
day it was an activity day and so like I
was telling you this yesterday, Britt, but like one morning
we woke out, we were doing clay art, we did puzzles,
and then we went to bowling. That all happened before

(01:49):
eleven thirty am in the morning. All of those things
I think too soon. Yeah, you've got a peek, right,
do they just wake up at seven and say like,
what are we doing?

Speaker 2 (01:57):
Like let's crack on?

Speaker 1 (01:58):
Well, okay, so the problem is we were.

Speaker 3 (01:59):
Down to the Ala Dolla House, the one that we've
been renovating, and we have no curtains at all. We
haven't had curtains in that house since well like, we
haven't had curtains in the house at all.

Speaker 2 (02:09):
We need blackout so that they still think it's midnight.

Speaker 3 (02:12):
So we all wake up with sunrise, right, we wake
up with sunrise.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
Some days that's really really cute. Other days it sounds
like this.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
Yes, someone is ruining the serenity because.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
Out Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (02:36):
Yeah, so this is I mean to give context to that.
That was five am in the morning.

Speaker 1 (02:40):
She's saying, let's go. No, she's saying Lego.

Speaker 2 (02:44):
Let's the first time I saw you play that on
the Instagram. I thought that's what she said.

Speaker 3 (02:49):
I thought she was in the bed, gund no, let's
get the day started. She wanted Matt to go down
to the car and get Lego out, and he wouldn't
get out of bed and go get the lego. She
was screaming Lego, and then the two of them were
in bed with us chanting Lego. Anyway, we've realized we
need to get some curtains in that house.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
Oh my god, you do.

Speaker 3 (03:06):
Originally we thought, oh it, it's so nice to wake
up with a view, and now it's like block it out,
just anything to try and like claw back an extra
hour of.

Speaker 4 (03:13):
Sleep, sneak a little sedative in there as well, like
blackout curtains melotonin.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what's legal.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
I don't I don't know how I feel about melotonin.

Speaker 3 (03:21):
Everyone talks about it and how they give their kids
melotone and gummies and stuff to help them sleep more.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
I'm not about it.

Speaker 3 (03:26):
I've never given it to our kids, and I just
don't nah. I'll look, I'll wake up and get screamed
out about lego.

Speaker 5 (03:32):
I'm one of the few, and I know that other
people experienced this, so we were spoken about in the
Facebook group a little bit.

Speaker 1 (03:36):
I get really.

Speaker 5 (03:37):
Really weird dreams, like weird cooked dreams when I take melotonin.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Do you cook dreams anyway?

Speaker 3 (03:44):
I mean, I know that it is meant to help
kids sleep, and it's like seemingly natural. I have not
done research into it. Guys, this is not a health podcast.
Do not take any advice from me whatsoever. And I
know some mums who use it and that's like they're
sleep time gummies. But I also kind of am just
like weird to give.

Speaker 1 (04:00):
My personal thoughts.

Speaker 3 (04:01):
I feel like it's a little bit weird to give
your kids something that is in any way hormone changing
or medicinal or anything else to help them sleep at
nighttime if they're not actually having really massive problems with sleeping.
Keshas like, I disagree.

Speaker 1 (04:14):
They would depend on how that it was.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
Well, I feel the same with you stoping Britney's just
got whiskey on the dummy.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
That's a trick they used to do.

Speaker 3 (04:24):
Yeah, they also used to smack their kids with spoons
talking about no curtain something did actually happen to me.
So our house, like, if you're following, we've got the
renovation page, so you might have seen. If you're not,
don't worry about it, but I'll explain it to you. Basically,
our upstairs bedroom has this like beautiful big glass window
which looks over the rock platform side.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
Of the beach. It's awful.

Speaker 2 (04:47):
I hate it. It's to be fair.

Speaker 3 (04:49):
When we bought the house, it was deemed as uninhabitable
and the only redeeming feature of that house was the
fact that it had that window in it. Like the
rest of it was just it had snakes, had a
white ants. It's stunk, but it had this amazing window
which we kept. So, like I said, we've been contemplating
whether or not we should get curtains, and I was like.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
No, it's like we can wake up early.

Speaker 3 (05:07):
There's so much privacy you can't see in because the
only thing well you can see in the only thing
that you really see is the ocean. And then behind
our house is this tiny little dirt track that leads
down to the beach right and the only people who
ever use it is like very rarely.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
You'll get like one random surfer every lag.

Speaker 2 (05:27):
So basically, you've.

Speaker 1 (05:28):
Got a private beach, You've got.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
A private trash, and you're private private beach.

Speaker 3 (05:33):
So no play on as you were, sorry, keep just
playing about the curt Just just note I've got to
wear a snowjacket in my house to cook my dinner.
But please, So, I am, as you guys know, very
heavily pregnant. Now I have nine weeks left. It's creeping,
nine weeks, nine and a half weeks.

Speaker 2 (05:53):
Slow that down.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
I know, nine and a half weeks slow down takes a.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
Melton in go to sleep.

Speaker 1 (05:58):
This is a very random fun fact.

Speaker 5 (05:59):
Do you know that kangaroos can pause pregnancies, called embryonic diapause.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
Is it.

Speaker 5 (06:05):
Yeah, If times are bad, kangaroos can pause the pregnancy
until things are better.

Speaker 4 (06:10):
That's one of the like we do a lot of
random animal facts. Here is probably one of the better
ones I've ever heard.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
Cash, thank you.

Speaker 5 (06:15):
I'm gonna double check it, so if you're hearing this,
I have fact checked it. I remember learning about it
in biology. But frankly, your pregnancy has seemingly gone very fast,
and I don't think nine weeks feels real.

Speaker 1 (06:27):
It's nine and a half weeks.

Speaker 3 (06:28):
But it's always interesting to me when other people tell
me that my pregnancy has gone fast, because I would
say I.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
Don't feel the same. We're not ready.

Speaker 2 (06:36):
But sorry, that is correct. You don't have to fact
checked it. They pause pregnancy is amazing.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
Wow, you're on the case, britt.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
People say that in learn anything here, does anyone say that?

Speaker 1 (06:45):
Nuh okay, So look back on track. So I am.
I am very pregnant now.

Speaker 3 (06:50):
My boobs are humongous, actually wrought at the park recently
and Mary was telling everyone that I have purple boobs now,
and then she was asking me to show them because
your nipples go darker when you're pregnant, right, So I
have really dark nipples, and yeah, Molly's like, mom, show him.
My mom's got purple boob. You're like no, and she
was telling an entire family. So anyway, I'm in the shower,

(07:12):
purple boobs, fat laby.

Speaker 1 (07:14):
Everything's just happening in this pregnancy. It's all gone downhill
real quick.

Speaker 3 (07:17):
And I walk out, put me a towler on me,
and I walk out to look at the view, to
look at the ocean to just enjoy because it's so
beautiful and we have no curtains, and I like, opened
my towels.

Speaker 2 (07:30):
Give me him an island.

Speaker 3 (07:31):
I opened my towel to dry myself off, and I
heard an audible scream from the beach goat trap and
it was like a twenty year old surfa who was
looking up. You also know it's a problem that he
didn't hide to continue watching he scream. Now, I was

(07:53):
looking out at the ocean, so my eyeline was like horizon.
He's down there pretty much in our garden. I just
heard this, and he's that's because think of the angle too,
think of his eyelighter was straight to the fat LaBier
it was straight to the laby.

Speaker 2 (08:08):
I didn't even see a face. You were a faceless labyer.

Speaker 3 (08:14):
I just don't know why I was looking for whales?

Speaker 5 (08:21):
Why why did you.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
Have to be making to look for the whale?

Speaker 1 (08:25):
I don't know.

Speaker 5 (08:26):
It's really it's liberating.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
I mean, you're talking to the person. I do this
in Hayman Island, to every single family, So I get it.

Speaker 1 (08:32):
I feel you.

Speaker 2 (08:32):
There's no judgment.

Speaker 3 (08:34):
It's so uncomfortable wearing clothes and being pregnant, so I
just I was just enjoying a.

Speaker 2 (08:39):
Moment's so funny. And then well he's not using to
go track anymore, is he.

Speaker 3 (08:44):
I hid behind the wall and then I was like,
see me picked out and this guy you know when
you know.

Speaker 1 (08:51):
You just can't escape because he just kept double taking.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
He was like, what the fuck was It's not what
he wanted. It's probably not what he wanted.

Speaker 3 (08:58):
It was really humbling, to be honest, Yeah, because I
don't think I've ever had that reaction before. I think
I just arrived at a point in pregnancy where I
was like, okay.

Speaker 4 (09:06):
Well I think there's gotta be something different, like this
is what we're dealing with every young guy is gonna
want to see naked chick in the window, and they're
like mansion over the water, like naked.

Speaker 1 (09:14):
Everyone with the private It was a dilapidated house.

Speaker 3 (09:18):
Was he on the helipad? Did you ride the quad
bike to the helipad? Did you get the flying fox
down the clo We.

Speaker 1 (09:25):
Tod got white horses there.

Speaker 4 (09:28):
Every young kid wants to seat someone naked in the window.
I just think it cuts off at like three months pregnant.
I think like when they're three months pregnant enough, they
don't want it.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
An I reckon.

Speaker 3 (09:39):
You can get to like end of second trimester and
people are still like oh yeah. Like to be fair,
I did have someone. This is a couple of weeks
back now. Someone was clearly I don't want to own horn,
was checking me out from behind.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
I still got it, eyes in the back of your hand.

Speaker 1 (09:55):
No, no, they called somebody out the window. It was when
I would feel it. It was when I was all
dressed up and then I turned around and they look horrified.

Speaker 2 (10:02):
So because from behind, you have not changed.

Speaker 4 (10:06):
If you saw your pregnancies, some people's pregnancies go round
out the sides and some people grow out. You grow
out so like from behind, you can't see your belly.

Speaker 2 (10:15):
If there's anything we've learned from this, for multiple reasons,
you need to get curtains.

Speaker 3 (10:19):
Yeah, we're going to do it. It's happening actually this week.
So that's going to be an exciting update. Hold the phone,
I'll tell you all about when the curtains arrived. I
love how that's the solution where the other solution is
that you don't have to sugar.

Speaker 5 (10:30):
Glider out your Yeah, you can just keep your towel on,
your clothes dressed.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
How was your holiday update?

Speaker 3 (10:38):
Me?

Speaker 1 (10:38):
Please?

Speaker 5 (10:39):
Oh my, your.

Speaker 1 (10:40):
Sounds so much.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
If we think of kids, your sound much better than
mine mine.

Speaker 4 (10:44):
I went up to the Gold Coast for a week
to stay with Sherry and Jay and to move.

Speaker 2 (10:48):
Into my new house.

Speaker 4 (10:49):
So very exciting if you follow me on Instagram if
you don't, I posted that Ben and I took the
next step in our.

Speaker 2 (10:56):
Relationship and we purchased.

Speaker 4 (10:58):
Our I mean it's a dream home, one marital home,
our marital home. Yeah, we purchased on home together, which
is like, I don't know, part of me feels like
that's a bigger thing to do than get married.

Speaker 3 (11:08):
Yeah, because marriage can end really quickly if you want
to marriage, right, if you've got nothing, you can just divorce.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
But then if you're married and you've got a house,
there's more.

Speaker 4 (11:16):
You know, to deal with and more to split, and
like it gets more complicated, and I think that it's
all of a sudden, it's it's a commitment, like it's
a real joint finances.

Speaker 2 (11:25):
It's a big thing.

Speaker 4 (11:26):
So anyway, I felt like it was almost in a
way bigger deal than.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
Getting married twice.

Speaker 5 (11:30):
Yeah, for sure, that's probably because your wedding was fake.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
But I'm really married now too, So yeah, we bought it.

Speaker 4 (11:35):
We bought a beautiful home up there that I'm so
happy with and we actually it turned out well, it
could have turned out bad, but we bought it on
our wedding night.

Speaker 2 (11:44):
So like we had the.

Speaker 4 (11:45):
Wedding in Bali and then it was like three am,
you know, frisky around. We'd had our margaritas and whatever
else and we're getting in bed and then an email
came through that was basically like you need to put
the offer in today, like right now, and so I
just remember rolling over to bed and I was like,
I don't know if now's the time to do it,
Like we've just had some espresso martinis. So even though

(12:05):
we were so exhausted want to go to bed, we
were a bit pinging and everything just felt like we
were on the wedding high and a doorphin high. And
so I don't know if it's at that time, if
it was a couple of days later, I don't know
if we would have done it. But at that moment,
I was like, Yes, I fucking love you. I've got
love hormones, I've got the doorphins, I've had the cocktails.

Speaker 2 (12:22):
Let's do it.

Speaker 1 (12:22):
So we put all through debt.

Speaker 2 (12:24):
Yeah, let's get into debt.

Speaker 4 (12:25):
So we put the offer in and we got it,
which is really it was really exciting.

Speaker 2 (12:28):
So now I feel like it's even more you know,
like the wedding.

Speaker 4 (12:31):
Day is even a bigger thing for us because we
it was the day we went into, you know, the
next chapter of our life for two reasons. But I'm
not moving up there now. I'm just going to rent
it out for a while and hopefully one day it
is the place that I'll end up. My sister Sherry's
up there, So that was really really exciting, and I
got so much love from you guys, it's actually so
nice to take everyone on a journey, and you know,
everyone that has followed along Life on Card and my

(12:53):
journey for so long.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
Everyone was really so.

Speaker 4 (12:56):
Supportive and so happy, and it's so nice to feel
like you have people that are rooting for you.

Speaker 3 (13:01):
Can I just ask we are renovations podcast now because
like all of us have entered a new phase of adulthood.
And Keisha, you were posting about painting doors on your house,
Like what happened to us?

Speaker 1 (13:12):
Because five years ago we're all hot messes. We are
still hot messes.

Speaker 5 (13:16):
Yeah, I think I've accidentally taken some like you know
how they say that you are an amalgamation of the
people that you spend like the five people that you're
closest to.

Speaker 2 (13:24):
I think I've accidentally turned.

Speaker 3 (13:26):
Into delinah osmosis rage bait content from you, Laura. Because
Tobes and I bought our first place a couple of
months ago. It's the first time I've ever owned a
house before, and I moved out of home.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
When I was eighteen.

Speaker 5 (13:39):
It was a huge deal for me, like I've been
saving for this for literally my entire life, and you know,
put the deposit down and then you've got to wait
the weeks for settlement and blah blah blah. And I
do love to do do y stuff. But the other
thing is is that I'm nearly thirty two and I've
lived in rentals for that entire time, So fourteen years
of cream water that you're not allowed to change, that

(14:01):
you're not allowed to hang a picture hook into, and
it has.

Speaker 1 (14:04):
Just been it's been the best feeling.

Speaker 5 (14:08):
Just like I'm allowed to hang a photo on the wall,
and like I'm allowed to change a color of something
that I don't like. And so I've been removing wallpaper,
and I've been painting the front doors and painting the rooms,
and now I'm in that thing where you know how
when you start one.

Speaker 1 (14:25):
Thing, it makes it obvious how.

Speaker 5 (14:27):
For example, I painted one of the bedrooms and I
did all the skirting boards, and then I was like,
now the skirting boards in the hallway looks shite, and
now the skirting boards in the other room bookshit. So
that wine never ends, and so now I'm painting.

Speaker 1 (14:41):
The whole house. I do.

Speaker 4 (14:44):
I went over to Keisha's a couple of days ago,
and it was the moment where we looked at each
other and we're like, sis, our life. Now we're just
like sitting in her room staring at like paint samples
on walls.

Speaker 2 (14:53):
That was like one different five of She She's like,
what do you reckon?

Speaker 4 (14:56):
And I was like, I can't really tell the difference.
She's like, I really need to decide.

Speaker 2 (14:59):
I couldn't tell.

Speaker 5 (15:00):
Feel like I'm still on the excitement way.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
It might die us.

Speaker 1 (15:02):
It does.

Speaker 5 (15:03):
Hyperfixations don't last very long.

Speaker 1 (15:05):
That's like me and house plants. They're all dead now.

Speaker 3 (15:07):
To be fair, you guys might have seen on socials
that we celebrated one hundred million downloads, which is absolutely
utterly insane, and we mentioned it in the social video,
but I think it's worth mentioning here because we are
just so we're so so grateful for you guys, and
we're so lucky for the community that's been built.

Speaker 2 (15:25):
One hundred million.

Speaker 4 (15:26):
When you think about it, how big that is? Was
it five times the population of Australia like three and
a half. But that's okay, go five, Like quick, I'm
hearing ten.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
I'm hearing ten.

Speaker 4 (15:35):
But it's so big, and it's so easy, and we
were guilty of it. It's so easy to brush over
these huge milestones and not brush over them. I guess
like you clock them, but sometimes you need to really
sit in it and be like, this is actually insane.

Speaker 3 (15:47):
I think it's something that we all do though, right,
it's not just something that we're guilty of last. Everyone
does that. There's so many amazing things that happen in
life that we are. You know, that thing that you've
always wanted, that you've always been working for, and you've
worked so hard to achieve it, and then you get it.
But because your site is so already fixed on the
next thing, because you have this ambition and we're all

(16:08):
kind of subscribed to hustle culture, you don't celebrate the
milestones when they come, and then they're so quickly that
they pass by and you're like, oh, okay, well that happened.
Now I got to achieve the next thing.

Speaker 2 (16:17):
And then all of a sudden you're fifty, and then there's.

Speaker 1 (16:19):
Nothing wrong with being fifty of it.

Speaker 3 (16:21):
No, I've mean, like, okay, let me rephrase that, all
of a sudden, twenty years has gone past.

Speaker 2 (16:25):
Like you know, like you don't stop and smell the roses.

Speaker 3 (16:27):
And I think when you look back accumulatively like how
amazing those like small milestone moments or big milestone the
moments are. It's so important to appreciate them, and like, genuinely,
so much of that comes down to every single one
of you who listens to an episode.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
We are deeply and forever grateful.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
And then also part of that is that we had
our six birthday as well, so six years of.

Speaker 1 (16:46):
Life on put in the World.

Speaker 3 (16:48):
And it's funny that we're all joking about doing DIY
renovations and everything, but to think about where we were
when we started the pod, which was just you and
me in a bedroom brit with a baby.

Speaker 2 (16:59):
And rented studio that we bought.

Speaker 1 (17:01):
Member. Oh no, we didn't.

Speaker 2 (17:03):
We rented it.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
We rented a per hour studio where you hired it.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
At shit.

Speaker 1 (17:09):
The audio was so bad. Actually, we should put some
old posts. No we are not.

Speaker 2 (17:13):
Oh post, yeah, we're not putting the audio.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
We just got it done because we loved everything about
being able to create this podcast.

Speaker 2 (17:18):
You know what I will say, I loved it at
the time.

Speaker 4 (17:20):
I'm not proud of it now when you say let's
put your photos up from that time it was my
beret era.

Speaker 2 (17:29):
I just wore a i'd loved a.

Speaker 4 (17:31):
Beret, and I've got the first photo that popped mind
when you're like, let's put some photos up. There's a
photo that we took in there, and it's a selfie
and I've got like a deadim skirt on a white
shirt and that had this brown corduroy berat and I
loved it.

Speaker 3 (17:41):
So I wore it, you know, like proper official photos.
It was our first ever, Like you know with the
thumbnail for your podcast, BRIT's wearing a beret.

Speaker 5 (17:52):
A beret, it's like the little it looks like a beret,
but it has.

Speaker 3 (17:55):
The no it's it's like an old man train cap.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
I loved it.

Speaker 3 (18:01):
That's what my papa used to wear. He never would
leave the house without it. But that's because he was building.

Speaker 1 (18:05):
Britt.

Speaker 3 (18:05):
Maybe the same reason for you at the time, my
double crown. You come through so many hairstuffs. You also
had jet black hair at the time as well.

Speaker 4 (18:14):
It was so dark because that's when I used to
die my hair myself with the pack of MiGs.

Speaker 1 (18:17):
It was just black. I just always we would come through.

Speaker 5 (18:20):
So anyway, that was the funny thing about going back
through the one hundred million video. The funniest thing is
that Laura looks it could have been taken yesterday. Any
of the videos could have been taken yesterday.

Speaker 2 (18:29):
She looked so the same. Who am I?

Speaker 5 (18:30):
Brit looks like a different person in every single different clip.

Speaker 2 (18:33):
It was so.

Speaker 5 (18:34):
Funny to just watch the transition.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
It was like, were you.

Speaker 2 (18:37):
Ever the same? That was like, I've had a rough
ten years. Okay, I've tried to find out who I.

Speaker 3 (18:41):
Am, but that was it was so cool to see
like how many what's called crises, how many crisis as
I went through in the ten years. That's also why
when it was Your Hands Party, my vote was that
we should have dressed up as a britney eraror so
that everyone should have come as like one version of
brit because there's been so many to choose from.

Speaker 2 (18:58):
I'll do that for my I know about a couple.

Speaker 3 (19:04):
Of years something else that happened while we were on holidays,
and I know the whole entire world is talking about it,
and we don't want to get into the nitty gritty
of this because the memes, the memes have come, they
are still coming. Every podcast is unpacked. It under the sun,
and that is the Coldplay affair. We saw it, we
followed the wave, and look, it was joyful for a while,

(19:25):
and then it got kind of weird, and now we
don't really know how.

Speaker 1 (19:27):
We feel about it.

Speaker 3 (19:28):
I absolutely loved it. I have loved being on the
cold Play journey the last couple of days.

Speaker 2 (19:31):
It feels like it's been months.

Speaker 4 (19:32):
It's literally hasn't even been a week, I think, But
at this point now we spoke this morning, I was like,
I actually just feel really sorry for the family, like
for the rest of them that I can't imagine, like
probably the bullying and the things that the kids are getting,
Like that's horrible, but we cannot deny that the memes
that came off the back of this are going to
go down in history.

Speaker 3 (19:49):
Also, I kind of loved and you know, don't get
me wrong when I say, at the same time, I'm like,
has it gone too far? I kind of love that
a lot of brands have used it as like funny
marketing advertising.

Speaker 1 (19:58):
So there's been like some.

Speaker 3 (19:59):
Jewely brands who are like, some apologies are bigger than
just sorry you need diamonds brilliant that everyone has jumped
on this and it happens maybe once or twice a
year that something goes so viral that it kind of
transcends every version of whether it's like pop media, mainstream media, podcasting,
like it takes over everything.

Speaker 1 (20:18):
And that is what this has done. It galvanizes us,
It brings us together.

Speaker 2 (20:23):
Triangulator.

Speaker 5 (20:24):
I'm an NRL girl, and so many of the cameras,
Like you know the thing I love about the kiscam
cameras now and it's just funny. And then there was
one at Nicky Glazer's comedy show with Hamish Blake and
Lisa Wilkinson, Like I love that side of it.

Speaker 3 (20:39):
But also there's been a really interesting debate that's come up,
and like, like I said, we won't get into it,
but I would love to know everyone's thoughts around this.
Like in terms of obviously the memes and everything are
really funny, we know that there are real people at
the bottom of this, and then there's real families that
are affected. The problem is is you don't really hear
from them. They've kind of just gone silent, removed their
socials so like they've removed themselves from it as much

(21:01):
as possible. But I guess the thing is it comes
into question this idea of public shaming, especially when it
is linked to cheating, because cheating normally goes unchecked in
our system of morale, in our system of like the
legal system. Cheating is that one thing that hurts so
much that there is no punitive punishment for it, right,
like that people can cheat and then they get away

(21:23):
with the damage that they do. And so this is
kind of one of those moments where people feel vindicated
because everyone's been cheated on.

Speaker 1 (21:28):
Everyone knows how much that hurts. And so I think
that we've.

Speaker 3 (21:32):
Really reveled in this idea of the payback to the
big CEO boss who's now punished for having an affair.

Speaker 4 (21:40):
I think it transcends that now. I don't think it's
just about that. I think a lot of people don't
even care about it. They're just using it as a
comedy step up. Like that's what it's become. It's just become,
like you said, marketing pr funny. People are laughing about it,
enjoying about it, they're enjoying making content. I think that
it's the it's the commonality. It's the fact that we
can all relate to this experience and there's this like hahafuck,

(22:00):
you got caught moment in this that.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
We think is really funny.

Speaker 5 (22:03):
It's the shadenfreude, you know that where it's like you
take joy in someone else's misery and ness. Actually brought
up a really good point yesterday where we were talking
about it, as I think everybody was, and she said
that there was a particular element of this one because
he is such a rich, powerful, wealthy man. There's very
much that kind of like usually you guys get away
with it, you know, usually you have so much power

(22:24):
and so much money that you're never held accountable. It's
kind of like eat the rich vibes.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
I have a question for you.

Speaker 3 (22:29):
Do you think though, that something like this, like a
public cheating scandal, should come with employment punishment or financial punishment.
The woman involved was the manager of the HR department,
and he is the CEO of quite a big company.

Speaker 4 (22:43):
Yeah, And I want to say no, unless you have
legal obligations within your workplace, which they may have had
that says you can't fraternize with somebody else.

Speaker 3 (22:52):
As we've read those in contracts before having but that's
reasnizing with the employees.

Speaker 2 (22:56):
That's what it is.

Speaker 4 (22:57):
And I think it's a lot bigger in America than
it is here, Like I thinks are bigger on that,
like especially people that might be in power in the employment,
like the CEO that you may have to disclose if
you are in a relationship with someone like they might
have their own internal legal documents that cover that, which
is why they've stepped down. I don't think an affair
necessarily should result No, I don't.

Speaker 1 (23:17):
I don't.

Speaker 2 (23:18):
It's situational.

Speaker 4 (23:18):
I don't think an a fair generally speaking, should result
in people losing their jobs. They have to be seen
to have been making a stance to protect their company
and the shares and the people that have invested in that.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
Company, because it is the number one thing talked about
in the entire world.

Speaker 5 (23:32):
I think, more so than like a financial punishment, I
think it's they've got to try and protect their brand management.
That's why I think it's completely fine that these people
are forced to step away.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
But something that I.

Speaker 5 (23:42):
Find a little bit more like I'm a little bit
more curious about is whether you think that it shows
the morals of the person, yeah, and whether that affects
like business opportunity. Like for example, let's say that I
was coming to join life on cut as a business
and I was about to be like a stake in
the business of life uncut, and you found out that

(24:02):
I had been cheating on my partner. Do you think
that that shows what I would be like.

Speaker 1 (24:07):
In the workplace? Like? I don't think it necessarily does.

Speaker 3 (24:09):
But I think in this instance, and the reason why
people have felt so strongly about it and the irony
in it, is that being that she is the head
of HR, which is supposed to be obviously human resources.
They're the people that are supposed to manage these sorts
of internal affairs that happen, and when there's drama, him
being the CEO, the whole conversation around the imbalance of power.
I think that that's why this feels a lot murkier,

(24:30):
and it feels a lot worse than, say, if they
were just general employees who'd been having an affair. But
I understand that he's the person in power here, But
it does seem like she's getting away relatively unscathed in comparison,
and obviously she's copped a lot of heat as well.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
I'm not saying she's unscathed, but if you're.

Speaker 4 (24:46):
Comparing the two, we definitely have a lot more disdain
for the middle aged white man in power in this
situation as opposed to the woman. I don't know, I
find that really interesting, but I do think the only
reason has blown up to the level it has. We
see people cheated on all the time, like public figures,
people on the regular. We see it constantly, but we

(25:06):
don't really care about it.

Speaker 2 (25:08):
Like lots of people get caught in the act.

Speaker 4 (25:09):
But the difference with this was it was their reaction
that's what set it apart. And if they were shown
on the screen for a couple of seconds and someone
and they were normal, nothing happened and someone ended up recognizing.

Speaker 2 (25:21):
Them, the affair would have come out, but it wouldn't
have done what it did.

Speaker 4 (25:24):
It's not that they had an affair, it was their
reaction that then catapulted to where it was.

Speaker 3 (25:28):
Yeah, just so everyone takes note, if you're ever gonna
have enough plan I could and you get caught on
kiss cam, just wave and smile.

Speaker 1 (25:33):
Just literally.

Speaker 3 (25:37):
Well, look, we asked you guys the question on socials,
how have you been cold played? How did you find
out that your partner at the time was cheating on you?
And like, like we said, we know that cheating is
evil and it's immoral. Is it something that should be
legally punished or workplace punished?

Speaker 2 (25:52):
Who knows.

Speaker 3 (25:53):
That's for everyone else to have their opinions to decide upon.
And we would love you guys to wag in and
you can do that on the socials. But here are
some of the reasons that you guys.

Speaker 1 (26:00):
Found out you had been cheated on.

Speaker 2 (26:01):
I'm going to kick off with one of the best.
I walked in on my mum.

Speaker 4 (26:04):
And boyfriend making out in the kitchen.

Speaker 3 (26:06):
No, not absolutely, unsubscribed subscribe you'll hate yourself.

Speaker 2 (26:12):
Is that what it is with? Yeah man's page. Yeah,
you cut your parents off, divorce your parents.

Speaker 3 (26:16):
It is your mum and your boyfriend in balance of power.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
I reckon. I reckon that stuff happens more than you think.

Speaker 1 (26:24):
No, that's awful. What a wretched mum.

Speaker 4 (26:27):
You would have to be, like, You've got one job
and it's not to like fuck your daughter's boyfriend.

Speaker 5 (26:33):
And you can trade anometry because you've got any natural loyalty.

Speaker 1 (26:37):
You'd think it would go to your kid. Oh that's so,
that's so sad. Okay.

Speaker 3 (26:41):
I love this one because I felt like we had
a part in this in a small, tiny way a
long time ago. We're having a conversation on this podcast
about the website. It's actually a Facebook page. It's called
sis Is This Your Man? And people out cheaters on there.
You're not supposed to talk about it. I'll probably get blocked.
Keisha already has been we block. One of you guys
wrote in and said I found out from sis Is

(27:01):
This Your Man? After you guys specifically spoke about the
page on an episode. I went on there and then
found my boyfriend at the time and other women talking
about how he cheated on them.

Speaker 1 (27:10):
Isn't that awful? I know, but I'm glad there is cape.

Speaker 3 (27:13):
I feel like we were a little bit like the
vigilantes in that to help that sort of move along.

Speaker 2 (27:17):
This is a bit more tragic.

Speaker 4 (27:18):
My friend was cheating on her long term boyfriend with
a security guard at the pub that she worked at.
One night, they both went for a drive and had
a really bad car accident and she broke her back
in a few places, and that is how her partner
found out she was cheating.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
Oh that's awfu.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
She's okay now.

Speaker 1 (27:33):
As a f what do you do though in that situation,
because you're.

Speaker 4 (27:36):
Supposed to be there for your partner and look after
them when they've had this tragic accident, but then also
their side pieces literally there in the hospital with you.

Speaker 1 (27:45):
All right.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
My ex partner was kissing a girl in the background
of some random's nightclub photos. It got circulated around until
it finally came to me, so obviously someone had seen
it on Instagram.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
They're just in the background by pure.

Speaker 3 (27:57):
Dumb luck, and that's how she's found out.

Speaker 4 (28:00):
I was with my partner for seven years and then
my doctor told me I had chlamydia.

Speaker 1 (28:05):
It's not funny.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
It's not funny that actually happened to me.

Speaker 4 (28:12):
That actually happened to my vagina when I was with
that psycho guy that had a double life.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
That happened to other woman. She had been with him
for like six years and found out she had commydia two.

Speaker 1 (28:22):
Oh that sucks, really. How about this one?

Speaker 3 (28:24):
I walked in on my boyfriend wanking over photos of
my best friend.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
Oh this is a different one.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
I got.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
I got that too, but not the best friend. I
just walked in on him wanking over her.

Speaker 3 (28:36):
Oh no, I walked in on him wanking over photos
of my best friend.

Speaker 1 (28:41):
Long story short.

Speaker 3 (28:42):
My bestie at the time got pregnant, told me it
was with one guy, and a year later I found
out that it was my husband's baby. Well, he was
my ex husband because we split about a week and
a half after the baby was conceived.

Speaker 1 (28:54):
He just never told me it was his at the time.

Speaker 3 (28:57):
Imagine your husband coming to you and saying I think
we have to split up, but not telling you it's
because he has another baby on the way. And more
than nine months later you find out that one of
your best friends who's.

Speaker 1 (29:08):
Like illegitimate baby is actually your husband's.

Speaker 5 (29:11):
Oh my god, she probably like went to the baby sharing.

Speaker 1 (29:13):
I just got shoes. She's probably godmother.

Speaker 5 (29:17):
Sorry, this one's pretty grim. We got emails to her
during email account registering him to dating apps.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
Oh that's sad.

Speaker 3 (29:25):
I found a box of used girl's g strings hidden
in his cupboard. He'd kept them as trophies.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
That's weird. Trophy.

Speaker 3 (29:33):
He went overseas on a holiday, so I made a
fake Hinder account and set my location there, and I
found him active on holidays.

Speaker 1 (29:41):
That's investigative work.

Speaker 4 (29:42):
A text came up on his phone from Dominoes. I
love pizza, so I wanted to.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
Check what the deal. I wanted to check what the
deal was. Obviously I clicked into it. It was not
from Dominoes.

Speaker 5 (29:53):
A plus for creativity, I've got more. Someone I knew
from work took a picture of him boarding a plane
another woman and said, is this your husband? He had
told me that he was going on a work trip.
This one's a little like less Savage a Woolworth's Everyday
rewards account. He scanned his card when he.

Speaker 1 (30:10):
Bought her food.

Speaker 3 (30:11):
That's also the same as how the mushroom killer got
found out because she was scanning. She scanned her rewards card,
and that's how they knew she bought all the mushrooms
and where she bought them from. Sorry, okay, I did.
I really enjoyed that podcast.

Speaker 2 (30:24):
I found his gratitude journal the problem.

Speaker 3 (30:27):
The problem is he was detailing his gratitude about his
double life. Not only did I find out my boyfriend
was cheating on me, I also found out that he
was bisexual because I found dick pics in his email,
followed by in depth details around how they'd been sucking
each other off. I confronted him about it in Bondai
Westfield's and he cried, poor thing that's awful.

Speaker 1 (30:48):
There's a lot going on in his life.

Speaker 2 (30:49):
Okay, I got one more.

Speaker 4 (30:50):
My partner went to their family holiday house in Ginderbyron
for a ski session. I saw that my ski pass
was being used. So when I said to him why
my ski pass being used? He said, I just missed
you and wanted to use it, And she said, well
why is yours.

Speaker 5 (31:05):
Being used to.

Speaker 4 (31:07):
So he took his girlfriend there, I took like the
other girl there and then used.

Speaker 2 (31:11):
His actual partner ski gave her the ski Past years.

Speaker 1 (31:14):
Which is linked to her credit card.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
Well, yes, you got a note.

Speaker 5 (31:17):
You get notification if you have like a season passed,
you can log the times that scanned and that kind
of thing. But when you're wearing ski gear, they can't
really tell that you're someone did.

Speaker 3 (31:26):
That's such a stupid one because he could have said
I gave it a maid or anything.

Speaker 2 (31:30):
I missed you so I wanted to use it. She's like, cool,
why are you using yours as well?

Speaker 3 (31:33):
This one, okay, my boyfriend was a musician. He was
on tour and he took a photo of selfie reflection
in the mirror and there was a girl in his
bed the background.

Speaker 5 (31:42):
This one's less savage. But I bought something on Marketplace.
I went to pick it up and his car was
parked in the driveway next door. What are the chances
you're just trying to get a secondhand bargain.

Speaker 3 (31:55):
I feel like some of these it's almost like there's
a divine being out there that was like, you need
to know this, and so we're going to lead you.
We've given you all the signs, We've tried to show
you in every other way.

Speaker 1 (32:05):
So here's the source.

Speaker 3 (32:07):
I was in such denial when I was in my
bad relationship where there was lots of cheating, that I
literally found another woman's underwear in his bedroom and he
managed to like he managed to lie around it and
tell me that it was his other housemates and then
somehow they must have thought it was his and brought it,
you know what I mean, Like he managed to lie
around it because he was the only one who had
a girlfriend. The other ones were having casual flings, and

(32:30):
so he was like, oh, well there was girls undies
in the house. We just assumed they were yours, and
so now they're in my room. And I was like,
but how did my undies getting someone else's room?

Speaker 1 (32:37):
Like I didn't even think through the logistics of it.
I just believed him.

Speaker 4 (32:41):
Yeah, And we were just saying before we started this record, like,
I'm mortified when I think of my younger self and
how many flags were like literally whipping me in the face,
and I chose not to see them.

Speaker 2 (32:50):
But I think that's the problem.

Speaker 4 (32:52):
You choose to see what you want to see, and
you choose if you are just so desperate to be
in that relationship and for it to not be true.
You can bet that you're believing him or sorry them,
I should say, because women cheat too, But you convince
yourself that you're believing them and everything that they say.
And even though like your subconscious is saying to you,
this is ludicrous, Like you've seen the photos, you've seen

(33:13):
them together, people have told you, your brain just says,
I don't want that. I'm gonna box that away and
I'm gonna believe what he said and continue on. And
I would never do that now, And I cringe thinking.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
About what I used to do.

Speaker 5 (33:23):
Can I admit to you guys the craziest way I
found out. To be fair, we weren't like exclusively dating,
but we pretty much should have been. You know we
were at that point, and I remember he went away
and in an Instagram story, you know how, you can
tag a location, so he tagged a location and I.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
Just had that gut feeling.

Speaker 5 (33:41):
I was like, this guy sus like something weird's going on.
His communication has been really withdrawn since he's been away.
And I clicked on the location and you know how
in the story section of the location you can see
anyone else who's uploaded a story that's got a public
profile in the last twenty four hours. Well, there she was,
same location, hagged the same place.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
And I was like, he was like, we're to.

Speaker 5 (34:07):
What you was saying.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
We're not actually girls, but you weren't even together.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
We were. We were.

Speaker 3 (34:13):
It was to the point where I was like, since,
yeahsh you were. We had this discussion before we even
had our holiday. That's how long we've been sitting on this.
It's a substack that came up and written by a
person named mad bad TEA will link it in the
show notes if you want to go and read it,
but it is called What I Really Wish I Knew

(34:35):
Before Motherhood. It covers quite a few things around the
perception of motherhood, the realities of motherhood verse, I guess
the romanticized version that the writer had prior to actually
becoming a mother themselves. But one of the really big
things that we wanted to talk about is, and I
know it's something that we've spoken about quite a bit
between us and also on the podcast, the big question

(34:57):
we seem to kind of go between as women is
do you or don't you want to have children? You know,
and that's one thing that you've raised quite a few times.
Is this like pendulum swing between do I want kids
do I not want kids? The thing and the question
that's raised in this substack which I found so deeply interesting,
is the question is more so around do you want
to have children with the person that you're actually with?

(35:20):
And part of what is unpacked is that maybe the
biggest and greatest defining factor as to whether a person
actually truly enjoys motherhood or not doesn't so much come
down to the experience of motherhood or the experience of children,
but it comes down to who that person is that
you choose to have children with.

Speaker 2 (35:36):
I'll read you some of the things that she says.
Quite early on.

Speaker 4 (35:38):
A few people did try to warn me. They'd ask
are you sure you want to do this with him?
So not are you sure you want to do this?
But are you sure you want to do this with him?
But because I had such a fake, romanticized version of
motherhood in my head, I didn't really understand what they
were saying.

Speaker 2 (35:52):
I thought they would just being negative. I thought love
would carry us through. Now I get it.

Speaker 4 (35:56):
What they were really saying is this is going to
break you open and need to be with somebody who
knows how.

Speaker 2 (36:02):
To hold you when it does.

Speaker 4 (36:03):
I come from it from somebody that is on the fence,
that isn't sure, and I haven't done it, I haven't
experienced it, So I am this person's I am mad
bad tea. When I read this, I resonated so much
with it. Choosing your partner, who is going to be
your partner in life, who is going to be the
father to your kids, is the most important thing when
you're choosing to have a child.

Speaker 2 (36:24):
Do you agree with that statement?

Speaker 1 (36:25):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (36:25):
Look, I feel incredibly deeply grateful and lucky that I
am with Matt, And like obviously I speak about him
lots on the pod like you guys, if you follow
us like you, I mean, he's got a podcast called
Two Doting Dads. He is essentially a very doting dad.
I got so fucking lucky because I just fumbled my
way through all these shitty relationships. You know, I had big,

(36:46):
very big and serious relationships before Matt. One or two
of them. I would have said yes if they'd asked
me to marry them. It was so toxic, it was
so bad. But I think I thought that if we
got to the stage of being married, that it would
show that they'd had commitment for me, and that then
we'd be on a good trajectory.

Speaker 1 (37:03):
Do you know what I mean? Like, I think I
did exactly that.

Speaker 3 (37:05):
I didn't romanticize the motherhood part, because motherhood was never
something that was essential to me, but I romanticized the relationship.
And I always was able to excuse bad behavior because
we were on this journey towards getting good and being
like a better version of ourselves. We were always like
a version that I could fix if we could just
get here, but we were never there yet, if that
makes sense. And then I started dating Map and it

(37:28):
was just always good and it was just always easy.
And then we had kids, and he's an incredible dad
and he shows parody in every way. And one of
the things I think about often is like, imagine if
I had fucking pro created with one of those men
who I thought I wanted to marry prior, and how
hard my life would be. Because truly and deeply, I

(37:49):
think one of the greatest enjoyments I get out of
motherhood is doing it as a team with Matt, and
I think that if I was doing it on my own,
I would find it a hell of a lot harder.
Like I have so much respect for single mums. I
was raised by a single mum, and that is not
something that a lot of people go into motherhood expecting
that they're going to endure, and then they reach that

(38:12):
destination and their partner hasn't stepped up to the plate
in the way that they hoped, and their experience of
motherhood is really challenging.

Speaker 4 (38:19):
Well, there is another paragraph that she says, my tip,
do not have a baby for a man. Do not
believe a man when he says he'll be there for
you and it will be fifty to fifty. It is
never fifty to fifty when it comes to motherhood. I
am no pro at this. It is just a sad reality.
Only have a baby. If you want to be a mother,
you could and are happy to do it alone, and

(38:39):
financially you are independent and secure. That for me is
a paragraph that makes me deeply uncomfortable and makes me
really think twice. Not twice, I think a hundred times.
You know, I think twice about it every day. This
is the thing that really makes me check myself because
I think what a lot of people don't realize is.

Speaker 2 (38:57):
You do have to be okay with being a single parent.
Because we know the divorce rate is so high.

Speaker 4 (39:05):
We know that if couples do split up, the man
generally speaking has weekend visitations, has them like twenty five percent.
It is you can argue the point that some men
have them full time. Of course that is not normal.

Speaker 1 (39:20):
Not full time.

Speaker 3 (39:21):
But I think that increasingly now people have fifty to
fifty share of parenthood.

Speaker 2 (39:24):
I would disagree.

Speaker 4 (39:25):
Not one split family that I know has fifty to fifty.
And that's because kids need stability. It's a choice that
parents make because most of the time when they're at school,
they need to have the same environment, the same routine,
the same household, and that's usually why one parent takes
them on a weekend, like it's not because one parent's
saying I want them more.

Speaker 2 (39:42):
It comes down.

Speaker 4 (39:43):
Toward's best for the child. It's pretty unusual to find
fifty to fifty where you're splitting a child midway through
a school week. But I think that that's something that
we don't really think about. We fall in love with.

Speaker 3 (39:53):
Somebody and we want to make minimes, and we love
the idea.

Speaker 2 (39:57):
Of being this beautiful, united family.

Speaker 4 (39:58):
And if you've married someone, chances are it's because you
think that they are this incredible person that you want
to spend your life with.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
And I hope that that does happen.

Speaker 4 (40:07):
Realistically, there are a lot of divorces, and I guess
this is the part that really hit home for me,
where she said you need to make sure when you're
making that choice that you could be okay to do
a lot of it on your own. That's a really
scary thought that I think a lot of people might
not consider.

Speaker 1 (40:21):
See.

Speaker 3 (40:21):
I didn't interpret that as being on your own in
terms of divorce. I interpreted that as carrying the load
within your own marriage.

Speaker 1 (40:29):
And I think that that's something that.

Speaker 3 (40:31):
We see is that there are a lot of parents
and mums who carry the entire load, and I think
that often, and I really don't want to stereotype this
because I know that there are so many great dads
out there, and like, I feel very genuinely lucky to
be in a family where Matt is that here's the
version of a parent that carries an equal load. But
I know also from a lot of my friends and

(40:53):
also from people who are close to me, that their
partners really just haven't stepped up to the plate in
the same way that they have to, because as a mum,
you don't get a choice. You have to step up
to the plate in every single way. And the thing
is is, like, we know what weaponized incompetence is. We
know that there is the mental low. Like there's so
many conversations about these things. So I would say that

(41:13):
when she's describing this, she's not just describing raising a
kid on your own in terms of divorce. She's describing
a situation where you are the one doing the majority
of the parenting in something that you may have been
led to believe was going to have parody. And it
isn't always the case within every relationship, but there are
some things in this substack, and like I said, we're
going to link it so that you can read through
all of it, because there are some parts of it

(41:35):
that I deeply agree with, and there are some parts
of it where I do think that there has been
this over correction. And I know Britt, we have a
different opinions on this. I think there has been an overcorrection.
I think that there is so much conversation around how
hard motherhood is now online, and what was a surprise
for me is how much I deeply enjoyed it, because
I think I was so mentally prepared for it to

(41:57):
be really, really challenged, Like I really thought it was
going to be the absolute pressure cooker in our relationship.
I remember when I told Matt that I was pregnant,
especially because we weren't planning the very first pregnancy.

Speaker 1 (42:09):
I was so fearful of how his.

Speaker 3 (42:12):
Reaction was going to be and whether he was going
to leave, whether he was going to be committed, Like
I just didn't know how that was going to go down.
And then I think for me, I had this genuine
surprise by how fun and how much I enjoyed motherhood.
All of the hard bits were absolutely true, and I
was very lucky that I didn't have postpartum depression, but

(42:33):
I was surprised by the joy that it brings.

Speaker 1 (42:36):
And I look back and maybe it's one of those things.

Speaker 3 (42:38):
Who knows. Maybe it seemed like, you know how, it
like we're good to only remember the good stuff and
not the bad stuff. Every time I look back through
my camera roll from when the kids are really little
age and I see them doing something cute or something
that I captured, I'm like, oh my god, that age.

Speaker 1 (42:50):
Was so fun.

Speaker 2 (42:51):
You forget everything else.

Speaker 3 (42:52):
You forget the sleepless nights, and you forget the pressure
it puts on your relationship.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
But I do get pregnant with your thirds.

Speaker 2 (43:00):
You think that so much.

Speaker 1 (43:01):
She does want to have another baby in the house.

Speaker 3 (43:03):
But don't get me wrong, I think going into this pregnancy,
and I was saying it to NASA Video editor literally yesterday,
it's the most neutral I've ever felt like I feel.
And I don't want to say the least excited because
that sounds like an awful thing to say. But I
feel the most realistic about it. And so that realism
has kind of muted my level of like, oh my god,

(43:24):
another baby, because in my mind, I'm like, all right,
I know that first year is going to be hard.
I know we're not going to get a lot of sleep.
I know I'm going to be tapped out again and
touched out. I know it's going to put pressure on
my relationship with Matt. I know that we're not going
to have as much time for each other. There's not
going to be as much intimacy. I know all of
those little sacrifices. Some of them are big, some of

(43:44):
them are micro. But I know what they are and
I know that they're coming. So I have a very
different feeling about this pregnancy.

Speaker 2 (43:50):
Because you have a lived experience.

Speaker 4 (43:51):
Now you know number one nothing, It's the most foreign
thing you've ever done. It's like starting a brand new
job in a brand new country with a person you
don't know. I see it a different way, Laura. I'm
begging for people to tell me the truth. Like I
loved reading this article for how blunt and open and
honest she was about it. And she does book end
it with you know, but it is wonderful and it
is the best thing, and she does say that.

Speaker 1 (44:12):
Was the motherhood trope. It's shit, but it's great.

Speaker 4 (44:14):
Well, I don't want anyone to think that this article
is just she's just chatting on the whole thing.

Speaker 2 (44:17):
She's not, but she is saying things that I have
been begging people to tell me.

Speaker 4 (44:22):
And this is somebody I scour the internet every day.
There are accounts that I follow that are dedicated to
deciding if you want kids, Like there are psychology accounts
that are like, these are the things you ask yourself,
these are the things you write down, these are the
things you discussed with your partner, like I am constantly
on the lookout.

Speaker 1 (44:37):
For this stuff.

Speaker 4 (44:38):
It consumes my entire thought process. If you look through
the articles that Ben and I send each other constantly
in like ot WhatsApp, we are always sending each other
articles on pregnancy of kids, life partners, you know we're
thinking about it so thoroughly. And I was always begging
for somebody to tell me the truth. I always ask
my friends and family, and when I say tell me
the truth, people always say how hard it is. People

(45:00):
say you don't sleep, And we all know that it's hard.
I know that it's hard, but I wanted the really raw,
break it open truth, like I want the people to
tell me, think of the worst thing you've ever done,
and it's worse than that. And I'm happy for them,
and I'm not saying that, but I just want real truth.
And there are some people that have said I'm obsessed
with it.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
I love it.

Speaker 2 (45:19):
That's their truth, and that is great.

Speaker 4 (45:20):
But I just felt like on the internet, I was
being fed a lot of stuff that's like, oh, haven't
slept again, but oh my god, look at his little smile,
like it makes me And I'm like, I just don't
want to know that you didn't sleep. I want to
know what that no sleep looks like. I want to
know that it was for eight hours of ten you
were awake.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
You know why, why do you want that?

Speaker 2 (45:38):
Because I want to be armed with it. You can't
return it, you know.

Speaker 4 (45:42):
Like I'm such a person that's I'm happy to move
to another country tomorrow. It's okay because if I don't
like it, I can move back. For me, this is
by far the biggest decision and most important decision I
will ever make in my entire life. I'm like, I
get so upset, Like I've just never been more scared
to make a decision.

Speaker 2 (45:58):
Like I'm petrified and I'm running out of time.

Speaker 5 (46:03):
No, it's like it's just like it's a really real.

Speaker 2 (46:05):
Thing for me.

Speaker 3 (46:07):
I know that there's a part of this article that
I was like, Yeah, that's me. There are some people
that want to be mums and dads so badly that
they're okay to do it on their own, and that's amazing.
But I know there's not one part of me that
wants to do it on my own.

Speaker 1 (46:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (46:21):
And I said to Ben, you know, a couple of
nights ago, I said, if we break up, I don't
want to do this on my own, and like, that's
something that we need to think about.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
And he's like, why are we going to break up?
We just got married, and I.

Speaker 4 (46:34):
Said, people, but it's like, I'm such a realistic person,
and of course I've married Ben for the rest of
my life.

Speaker 2 (46:40):
That's what our intention is. Absolutely, of course, that's the
whole point.

Speaker 4 (46:45):
That is what everybody's intention is. That you have kids
and a family and you get married to be with
that person forever. But I'm so realistic and it's so
ingrained in me that I know what the other side
looks like. And on top of that, my situation is
a bit different.

Speaker 2 (46:58):
Ben's foreign.

Speaker 4 (46:59):
I don't know if he's going to want to move back,
you know. I don't know if I'm going to end
up being a single mum, and he would never abandon
his kids. I'm not saying that, but you just don't
know the future when someone's whole life is in another country,
and that kind of scares me because I'm not I
don't want it enough.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
To be on my own.

Speaker 4 (47:15):
It's also complicated because and I understand people won't understand
what I'm about to say because as much as I've
always talked about being on the fence, Ben and I
have been trying for two and a half years, like
since we met, because my futility.

Speaker 2 (47:29):
I knew my fertility was not great.

Speaker 4 (47:30):
We've always said, do you know what, like, we're not
going to be upset if it happened.

Speaker 2 (47:34):
You know, we don't not want them.

Speaker 4 (47:36):
So we always thought, let's just let nature take its
course and if we fall, then amazing.

Speaker 2 (47:40):
We don't have to do IVF. And we've never been
able to feel.

Speaker 4 (47:43):
Pregnant, and so I wonder and I can't work out
in myself, I can't work out if my feelings are
tied to that are.

Speaker 1 (47:51):
Tied to self protection mechanism.

Speaker 4 (47:54):
Yeah, I genuinely do not know, and that makes me
even more confused and upset because I can't differentiate the
feelings and what's causing the feelings.

Speaker 3 (48:02):
Well, I think you've nailed it when you spoke about
it on a past episode, when you're like, having IVF
or going through IVF makes it a definitive date, whereas
there's something around the spontaneity of just like spontaneously getting pregnant.

Speaker 1 (48:16):
It's taken out of your control.

Speaker 3 (48:18):
But going, Okay, I know that we want this so
much that we are going to book IVF. Now, it's
a different take because I would say that most people
who book IVF it's because they've tried every other option
and they desperately want a baby. So I know that
there will be people who listen to this who are like, no,
I fucking tried everything and I wanted that so bad,
and I did everything, and I paid all.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
The monies to be here.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
You know, that's one experience of this, and then there
is the other experience of like, I don't know, which
means that then I'm now having to make big emotional
decisions and also big financial decisions and big lifestyle decisions
around something that I'm just not sure about. And I
guess the thing is is there is there's no substack article.

(49:01):
There is no conversation that you're going to have with
any single person that's going to allow you to feel
like yes or no is the is the right answer?

Speaker 1 (49:08):
Do you know what I mean? Because everyone's experience is different.

Speaker 4 (49:10):
And you know where it gets confusing, And I like,
I know there'll be a lot of people listening that
feel exactly the same way. And I remember Laura Henshaw
spoke a lot about it when she was really confused
as well, and I messaged her at the time saying,
just everything you've said is in my brain, like I
feel the same, And we sort of spoke about that
a little bit, and I know there's so many women
that feel the same. The problem is there are the

(49:31):
people that say you need to want to be a parent,
to be a parent because it's so hard, right, Like,
you need to want it. If you're unsure, don't do it.
But that doesn't work because you're also unsure you don't
want it, So it puts you in a really tricky
place where I don't know if I can believe saying
if you're not a hundred, if you're still on the fence,
don't do it. I don't know if I believe that,

(49:51):
because if you're unsure that you don't want it, then
ten fifteen, twenty years could go past. And imagine the
feelings that you feel of regret and resentment and whatever
other feelings are attached to that, because you weren't decided
either way.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
It's just like one of them the most. I want
to call it fertility purgatory.

Speaker 4 (50:11):
That's how I feel, and I know a lot of
people feel like that, that they are stuck in this
place and the pendulum is swinging and there is society
and life and biology that is pressuring you one way.
You know, if I could fall pregnant, I would have
had a baby by now, because that's how long we've
been trying for. So then it's just adds so many
different layers for me, and I guess that is what

(50:31):
I need to try and dissect and articles like this,
And maybe that's why. You know, everyone that knows me
knows I ask them in detail about their experience, everyone
in my life, and that might be why, because all
of these outside external factors are playing a part internally
for me.

Speaker 3 (50:47):
Can I just say though, coming back to this substack,
because I think that the answer in this woman's negative
experience around motherhood lies in what is the most important point,
and that is your partner makes or brain the whole thing.
And I do want to read this. I think that
so many women will relate to this. The man you
have a child with will either hold you through the

(51:07):
storm or leave you drowning in it. I believed mine
would show up. He told me that he would protect me,
He promised to love me safety and stability. But here's
what I've learned the hard way. Most men today are
not providers. Most are not protectors. They are lost, addicted,
and immature, and yet women still choose them because we
are conditioned to fall in love with potential and with promises.

(51:31):
But promises mean nothing in pregnancy. Only actions matter, and
when the actions don't come, you are left pregnant and alone,
or with the child and alone, trying to survive postpardon,
without sleep, money, or emotional support. You are holding life
and no one is holding you. Your partner's behavior before, during,
and after pregnancy will shape your entire motherhood experience.

Speaker 1 (51:55):
I genuinely feel.

Speaker 3 (51:56):
That this is such a huge factor in people's enjoyment
of the motherhood experience that we don't talk about until
your kid is two or three or four or five
and you realize you're fucking resentful at your partner and
you're angry and you're not enjoying where your life is at.
If the red flags are there, really sit with yourself
and have a conversation around is this the person that

(52:19):
I want to have a baby with?

Speaker 1 (52:20):
And I know that that is.

Speaker 3 (52:21):
Incredibly like holding a mirror up to yourself and really
going to be so daunting for some people. But that
is such a determining factor because if you're going to
go out it alone, then that's a bigger decision to
make when it comes to parenting. You have to be
okay with this idea that you're grappling with brit where
you say, you know, do I want to do it
on my own?

Speaker 4 (52:40):
Which is crazy. I don't want anyone to think it's
like problems like there's not. It's just the consideration for
the future totally.

Speaker 3 (52:47):
But I think I do think that for a great
deal of us. And I relate this back to the
person I was before I got into relationship with Matt.
All of those red flags were there had I had
a kid with any you know, the two ex's I
have in mind, I would have done it on my own.
They would have disappointed me because I was in love
with the potential of what our relationships could have been
and everything I saw us being in the future. But

(53:10):
we were never that, and they were never ever the
types of people who were going to provide that as
a parent or as a father. And then I look
at the person that Matt has been consistent, stable, kind, loving,
enthusiastic about being a dad, so willing to make sacrifices
to be a dad, so willing to deprioritize himself going
out with the boys, friendships, partying.

Speaker 1 (53:31):
Like he doesn't do.

Speaker 3 (53:32):
I mean, like, of course he still has friends, but
like his friends go to the park with the kids. Yeah,
he's not going to the pub with the boys. Like,
there's so many sacrifices that we as mums make that
feeling like you have a partner that shows parody in
those sacrifices absolutely makes you feel like you're a team.
And I think that that is such a huge fucking
factor in whether being a mum is an enjoyable thing

(53:52):
or not.

Speaker 5 (53:53):
I think my take on this was that and I
have a lot of the same questions as you, Britt,
minus the overseas question. I think the whole motherhood conversation.
I've had a fear about whether I would become resentful,
you know, resentful of losing certain parts of myself, resentful
of being in really bad depression ways. I know Sam
prospoke on the podcast about that, and I really related

(54:14):
to her saying like, I was so scared because I
already had mental health issues and I didn't know what
would happen, you know, I didn't know if they would
get so bad. And I've kind of had this and
I get emotional thinking about it too, because I'm like,
I'm scared that I could resent the kid and be
a shit parent because I'm so angry and I'm so depressed.

Speaker 2 (54:33):
Yeah, but this article really.

Speaker 5 (54:35):
Like what you're saying, where it's kind of like, maybe
that's actually not what a lot of people feel. Maybe
people feel resentment towards their partner for not showing up
as a parent.

Speaker 3 (54:43):
You know, a number of conversations I have with people,
I've had conversations with friends who are like, my life
is easier when my partner goes away, if they go
away on a work trip or they go away with
the boys or whatever. It looks like parenting is easier.
I think more often than not, the resentment comes towards
the partner and the relationship pressures. I don't really know
many people who feel resentful towards their children, and maybe

(55:05):
it is maybe.

Speaker 1 (55:06):
Leasing to hear.

Speaker 3 (55:08):
Maybe it's a case of like, no one wants to
speak negatively about their kids or about motherhood. But I
genuinely don't know many people at all who would ever
say that they regret motherhood. You know, there's parts of
it that they've found really hard. But I do think
the reason why it comes with the caveat of like,
but I love being a mum is because, yes, we
complain about it, but like, for the most part, people

(55:30):
fucking love their kids.

Speaker 1 (55:31):
And love being a mum.

Speaker 3 (55:33):
I know that's not the blanket rule for everyone, but like, yeah,
I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone who
doesn't say that or doesn't feel that it is time
for our suck and our sweet our highlights and low
lights of each and every week. My suck for the
week is that I have raging saiattica At the moment,
I got it really bad with Lola, kind of second trimester,

(55:54):
so I do feel like I've gotten through pretty scott free.
This I had literally had just said maybe about two
weeks ago, I was like, this has been my easiest
pregnancy ever, which kind of goes against all reason and logic.
You would think by number three my whole body. She'd
be like, oh stop, but it's been great. And then
all of a sudden, the ssiatica hit and it's like
if you've never had it, it's just I mean, my

(56:16):
experience of it is the fucking most intense pain that
shoots kind of from your lower spine straight down your
ars cheek and into the back of your leg. There's
nothing that they can do to get rid of it
once it starts. I couldn't walk for a couple of
nights there when we were down the coast. I had
to get Matt to get me up and down off
the couch. And it has been super, super painful. It's
worse in the evenings. But I've gone to go and

(56:37):
see a phissia already, which is something I didn't do
with my second trimester. Like sorry, with my second pregnancy,
I didn't go at all or do anything to try
and fix it, and it made a massive difference, and
that came off the recommendation of someone who listens to
the pod who was like, oh my god, my sciatica
was so bad when I had my baby, and the
only thing that fixed it was going to the physio.

Speaker 1 (56:56):
So so it's really fixed.

Speaker 3 (56:57):
It's not fixed by any means, but it definitely helped
a lot, like a lot. I went from not being
able to walk of an evening to instantly feeling relief
and he basically just elbowed my ass for twenty five minutes.

Speaker 2 (57:09):
That's so, but sometimes that's what you come about. A
little elbow at the butt.

Speaker 3 (57:13):
Not in the butt, like just oh, straight elbow to
the butt cheek. But you know you do you go off, queen.
And my sweet for the week was just I've already
said it, but being on holidays with the girls, having a.

Speaker 1 (57:24):
Full week and a half, just us be in a.

Speaker 3 (57:27):
Family, having nowhere to be, nothing to do, flashing strangers,
slashing surfers, just living my free and most unfiltered life,
best life.

Speaker 1 (57:36):
Yeah, I had so much fun.

Speaker 3 (57:38):
And we were down at the house in Aladulla for
the whole time. When we came back up, Keisha asked
the question, but what do you do down there, And
the answer is nothing. We did absolutely nothing, and it
was amazing. It was so nice, and like the kids
just they just have so much fun and they can
be filthy kids down there. They don't brush their hair.
They just run around be like girls, just be kids

(58:00):
kids and be outside and it's so good.

Speaker 5 (58:02):
Do you think he kind of sucked in that one
because you know it's probably the last like proper week
you'll have before baby number three comes. Well, this baby
is due like just before school holidays, that the next
school holidays, so that we will never have another school
holidays without three kids.

Speaker 4 (58:18):
I mean, there's a lot of things you could say
though on like we'll never do this again without three kids.

Speaker 2 (58:22):
But that's good timing, is it, though? Or is it no?
Maybe it's not.

Speaker 5 (58:26):
Well.

Speaker 3 (58:26):
I mean I would have like, it would have been
nice if it was earlier and then I could have
gotten more time off work and the holidays. But now
I'm just compensating my holidays as maternity leave.

Speaker 1 (58:33):
Yeah, it's comp.

Speaker 2 (58:34):
Well my suck. Is I suck my sweet of the
same thing in a way? My suck.

Speaker 4 (58:39):
So I went up to the Gold Coast to spend
a week with Sherry and Jay. As I said before,
what I didn't say was poor Maya. So she's ten
and a half months now and she was just spent
like three days back in the hospital.

Speaker 2 (58:52):
She's so sick and a lot of you guys might
remember when she was.

Speaker 4 (58:57):
Probably only like four months old, she was in the
ICU and like nearly died basically over in Scotland. She
got really bad RSV and and it was a really
crazy time where it was really scary. And so because
of that, it makes her more prone, not more prone
to picking things up, but when she picked something up,
it's way worse. So she's got like all this scarring

(59:18):
on the lungs. Anyway, she got three viruses simultaneously, which
the hospital was like, we haven't seen this in a baby,
like three separate viruses, and she was so unwell.

Speaker 2 (59:27):
So the suck was that.

Speaker 3 (59:28):
You know, we spent the week working around her and
that she was so unwell. This week was I got
to spend a week there still, so even though she
was so sick, I'm just obsessed with her and at Yeah,
so we just spent a lot of the holiday wasn't
what we thought it would be, which is that's what
kids are, you know, Like, that's what happens. So we
just spent the week basically at home and watching her.

Speaker 4 (59:47):
And there were a few nights that Sharing Day weren't there.
I was just at there myself because they were in
the hospital with her, and so it was it was
a good week and a bad week at.

Speaker 2 (59:55):
The same time.

Speaker 4 (59:55):
She's out of hospital now and she's on the mend
and she's back smiling and happy.

Speaker 2 (59:58):
But man, it's she's not even my kid.

Speaker 3 (01:00:01):
Also, though, I mean, it's a good time to kind
of do a warning for any parents with little kids
out there. I don't know that she didn't have RSB
this time, but RSV is absolutely rife at the moment,
like so so rife. My obstration was saying that it's
like the highest levels of RSB that they've ever had,
that the hospitals and pediatric wards are filled with kids and.

Speaker 1 (01:00:20):
Babies that have RSB.

Speaker 3 (01:00:21):
So if you, I mean, look, we're not a health podcast,
we shouldn't be recommending stuff. But in terms of vaccinations
and everything, if that's something that you're inclined to do,
like especially if you're pregnant, you can go and get
an RSV vaccine. And it could be the thing that
stops your kid from having as severe reaction as what
they can do if they're not. No, and went on
a health podcast. But I will still happily say go
and get the RSB vaccine. So the reason mine was

(01:00:44):
in the ICU and so sick is because Sheridan was
due and booked in to get her RSV vaccine on
the day that she went into labor. So five Sherry
went into l five weeks early, so she was going
to get the vaccine, which would have transferred to.

Speaker 4 (01:00:56):
The baby, and that gives them hummunity. They need not
to know get it, but to not be in ICU
with it. So Sherry went into labor that day, so
she didn't get to get it. She birthed Mire in
like two hours, and that is why May was so sick.
So I one hundred percent will be the person that
says that would have gone a different way. You know,
the icy doctors have said for sure she wouldn't have
been in the ICU if she if you were.

Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
Able to get it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:17):
So yeahred percent, like if you can go and get it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:20):
Get it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:20):
And I'm sorry that such an exciting time was like
you know, not oh god, I don't care about it.
Such an exciting time was like laced by a really
challenging family time as well.

Speaker 4 (01:01:30):
No, it does like that doesn't bother me at all,
Like that doesn't take away from you know myself. I
guess it's you know, you're a parent, but I'm not
a parent, but nothing else matters when you have like
a child that is unwell like that, so it's like
she doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
But it was the reality of the break yet.

Speaker 1 (01:01:45):
Well, guys, that is it from us for this week.
Actually it's a lie.

Speaker 3 (01:01:48):
We'll be back with you know, an episode on Friday,
and also an episode and Saturday a week just the
end of us for today. If you love the episode,
go and leave a review. You can listen on Spotify
leave a review there, or you can jump on Apple Podcasts.

Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
Also, all the episodes up on YouTube. Go watch us
in the flash if you want to see us in
a more three D format. It's so much more interactive,
it really is. It really is.

Speaker 2 (01:02:08):
You can see how much we talk with our hands.

Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
You can laugh along in real life.

Speaker 3 (01:02:11):
And if you have any questions for asking, cut or anything,
go just send them through through Instagram or you can
join the discussion group on Life on Cut discussion group
on Facebook as well.

Speaker 1 (01:02:20):
And you know the

Speaker 4 (01:02:20):
Drill to you mum, te dad, tell you dog tear
friends and share the love because we love love

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