It’s Birthday Week! If We Were In Our 20s Again, Here’s What We’d Do Differently

Hey Lifers!

Laura’s house is back in chaos and Britt has embarrassed herself in an elevator full of people. What’s your phone wallpaper? Has it ever been a hot photo of yourself?

It’s ½ the team’s birthdays. Another year older, another year w̶̶i̶̶s̶̶e̶̶r̶̶ still wondering what the heck we are doing in life. We speak about how birthdays can feel pretty anticlimactic and differently if you are spending it with someone in particular. 

We flash back to last week where Britt gave …feedback on some fashion choices. We asked you what some of your funniest back handed ‘kill them with kindness’ comments.
We love that for you. 

With birthdays and a lot of self reflection this week, we really enjoyed the substack written by Leanne Ely titled ‘If I Were 50 Again, Here’s Exactly What I’d Do Differently’. We spoke about Leanne’s advice on detoxing her relationships before she detoxed her liver and how a lot of women have done a lot of living for everyone else and put their own wants and desires on the back burner.
You can read the whole substack here 

We each asked ourselves if we were to have another go at our 20s, what would we do completely differently.

You can watch us on Youtube

Find us on Instagram

Join us on tiktok

Or join the Facebook Discussion Group

Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! Xx

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Life and Cut. I'm Laura,
I'm Brittany. Do you know what I had to do
last night? Brit You're gonna be thrilled.

Speaker 2 (00:18):
If I could have a stab in the dark. I
am going to say, you had to milk. Fuster's anal blands.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
I've never had to do it myself. I take him
to the vet for that week, no, like once every
six weeks. I take him to the vet and yourself,
look because you have to. No, it's not I always
thought you could do it from the outside, but then
I had to be in the vet this one time.
They made me hold him and it was really traumatic
for him, for me, for everyone there, and they put

(00:44):
them inside and milk it.

Speaker 1 (00:46):
It's a lot. How are we here? Within? Here's this life?
I'm god.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
Well, that's not how I started my That's not how
I ended my day. I ended my day with a
knit treatment. Everyone family Knit treatment again and Johnson burn household.
Yesterday we got the email from daycare being like there
is a knit outbreak. And then I kind of wrote
to Matt and I was like, Lola has been.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
Scratching her head a lot. Did she have them? Yeah,
yeah she did, so you've got them.

Speaker 3 (01:15):
No, I don't anymore because that K four twenty four
whatever it's called, is really effective. I blitz the whole family.
We're nit free again, but yesterday not so much the case.
And now Vanessa's scratching her head.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
Oh god, I actually just scratched mine too.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
You know, it's like an instant reef. Like someone says
knits and you're.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
Like, I know, to be fair though kids unfortunately, just
kids bring them home from school all the time, and
especially if you have kids that don't wear their hair back,
like Molly always takes her hair out, even if we
ask her to wear in a bunch, she'll.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
Just pull it out during the day. A plat them
or something. Yeah we do, we do.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
And then she she did wants to be Hairleo Swift,
so she takes her hair out.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
But the prola Taylor Swift does plats. The problem just
comes in with the cat eyes.

Speaker 3 (01:54):
So we Matt and I I just wanted to be
known because I'm sure Daily Mail is going to write
an article about us being the nit family. Matt and
I did not have knits, just the kids, so you
can write that.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
I'm pretty sure the Daily Mail weren't gonna right.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
Imagine that. Imagine I say headline Laura and Mabney. It's
like slow New So they've done slower the knits.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
Oh yeah, I mean, dude, you walk out of the
house were he cropped up? They're like Britney's stunning abs
blah blah blah, And.

Speaker 1 (02:20):
No one's ever said that, No one not. They do
no listening abdominals.

Speaker 4 (02:27):
Even showing off, that's what they do, shows off.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
Figure what husband is missing, It's what X is missing.
That's what it is.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
Britney shows XP is missing. I was like, Brittney's married,
doesn't think about her experts. Britty has moved on. Okay,
so I want to tell you something. I don't get embarrassed.
You guys know this, but very occasionally, very occasionally, something
slips in, and it happened to me on the weekend.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
I had the feeling, I felt the emotion. I was
embarrassed when something slipped in.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
So unfortunately, nothing has slipped in a long time. So
I embarrassed to even admit this. Before I tell you
the embarrassing story. Last week's episode of the podcast if
you listen to it.

Speaker 1 (03:07):
We said, you know, this is really rogue. This is
a rogue episode, but it was so funny.

Speaker 3 (03:12):
I also would love it to be known that we
did plan content for that episode. We actually prep some
relatively nuanced things, and then something happened and it was
like two hours in and we hadn't gotten to it yet.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
We just decided it was time to go. Well, so
it was very funny.

Speaker 5 (03:28):
Though.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
It's one of the episodes that I got the most
amount of responses from people just saying laugh so hard,
couldn't stop laughing, screaming, howling, like this went on and
on and on, and we got so many that I
was like, I'm gonna listen to it.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
I'm gonna listen back right now.

Speaker 2 (03:42):
Usually it takes me a few weeks to listen to
an episode after we've recorded it, because I'm like it's
fresh in my mind.

Speaker 6 (03:47):
But I was like, wow, it must have been really
funny to listen back to you. I wish Kish and
I had the same privilege of that editing. We had
to edit that steaming pile of shit.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
But if I give it a few weeks, it's like
a new episode to me because I don't quite remember
what we said or did. Anyway, so many people had
said that was so funny and they were laughing, so
I was like, I'm going to listen to it, So
I put it on in the car. I drove up
to Bondi Junction because I needed to go to the
shopping center, playing it out loud, get out of the car.
It's winter, so I put my phone in my pocket,
my jacket pocket, and then I put my coat over

(04:19):
the top, get out of the car, walk in to
the most packed elevator, and I'm in the elevator and
everything is dead quiet, and it must have just hit
against my leg and me my own podcast starts playing
out loud in the elevator full of people. There's like
fifteen people there, and because it's on the inside pocket,
it's dead silent, no one's talking, no one gets in

(04:40):
the elevator, and it's just us. So it's me listening
to my own episode obnoxiously out loud on my iPhone
in an elevator, and I was like, oh, sorry, sorry,
and I'm.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
Trying to get it out. And as you're speaking, they're like, hey,
that's you no, And I was mortified.

Speaker 2 (04:54):
A I was mortified at the fact that I was like,
I'm obnoxiously just playing a podcast.

Speaker 1 (04:58):
B I thought, I say, you know, it's me.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
I'm playing myself out loud, and I'm trying it because
it's not in the outside coat. I'd put it in
like my blazer pocket. And then I had a jacket.
I'm fumbling trying to get off. We're screeching, we're laughing
the sex. Anyway, I was just mortified, and like, you know,
it goes to the elevator goes so long and anyway,
I finally get into my pocket.

Speaker 1 (05:16):
Elevator opens, this girl walks out at the front and
she turns around. She goes, don't worry. I like life,
I'm cut too.

Speaker 7 (05:22):
And then.

Speaker 1 (05:24):
My god, I was like, no, that's I think it's
not this is not me. I was like, I don't know,
like I don't have it. I was so embarrassed.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
I thought, imagine these people that know I'm thinking I
walk around playing my own podcast out loud.

Speaker 1 (05:36):
You do, though, like you do, It's fine. It's so embarrassed.

Speaker 2 (05:40):
No, you can't own it, Like there's some things you
can't do, and playing your own podcast out loud in
an elevator is one of them.

Speaker 3 (05:47):
I would say that this is a kin to people
who have themselves as their own screen savers, because.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
It's like that was you as well. Let me just
let me just check up. No, I always have me,
but I have me and Ben from the wedding. Yeah,
so cute if it's a couple of photo.

Speaker 3 (06:00):
But like you know when someone's just like gotten hot
and then they have a bikini photo of themselves or
has their.

Speaker 2 (06:05):
Own bikini photo on their phone, yes, no they don't.
People aren't doing that. If you do it, change it now,
do they really?

Speaker 1 (06:13):
Okay? People always do it as like a strategic one.

Speaker 3 (06:15):
So they've gotten like fit, and then they've gone on
a holiday and it's like them in a bikini bit
of sunset, so it's like it's the sunset photo.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
But really we all know it's because you're hot on
in a bikini, like with.

Speaker 4 (06:24):
Your own phones on your own Yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:27):
Maybe it's a twenty year old thing. Maybe I'm too old.
I don't have any photos of me anymore. Like literally
the other day I was like, after I have this kid,
can I get a facelift? And started at the knees and.

Speaker 5 (06:37):
Just pull everything that's not face, like can I just
pull the whole thing up and then just tie it
off the heads guy, get.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
A labyec to me and just trim the eyes as well.
Started here and ended here. No, I'm not loving photos
at the moment, but that's fine.

Speaker 8 (06:51):
Can I ask you guys about the phone screen thing?
Most of the time, I think people would have their
partner if they have one as their phone screen.

Speaker 4 (06:57):
Maybe your kid, maybe you can Julilah.

Speaker 8 (07:00):
Sometimes, if I'm a bit annoyed at him, if it's
like a photo of him on my phone screen and
we've had some spicy fight or whatever and we're in
that stimmy, I swipe up and I change it to
a location photo.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
That is so petty. That is the most petty thing
I have rotating.

Speaker 3 (07:15):
Photos on my phone, So like mine is like I've
chosen the kids and Matt and I get like a
rotating pick of them that comes up. But it's created
this real popularity dynamic in my household because now the
kids get really offended. So if Laula sees it and
like Marley's been on there too many times for her.

Speaker 1 (07:31):
Liking, she'd be like, what is that?

Speaker 4 (07:33):
Ah?

Speaker 5 (07:33):
Like I love me and so I have to put
Lola back on, and then ten minutes later it changes
every twenty minutes because you're nits Lola, because your ground
zero of the night.

Speaker 2 (07:44):
I remember when I tried to do that and I realized,
quick smile, I'm in a long distant relationship and have
a lot of nudes on my phone that I couldn't
do that. I had sexy lingerie photo pop up on
my screensaver.

Speaker 3 (07:54):
That's very interesting because I actually think that it is
very like AI savvy, so it knows what it's ro
tating through when you pick a person.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
It doesn't put nudes on there.

Speaker 8 (08:03):
So like I have.

Speaker 3 (08:06):
But like I've taken photos and this probably sounds weird,
but it's the most innocent way. Like I've taken photos
of the kids in the bath or the kids in
the shower and stuff right.

Speaker 1 (08:13):
When they're just like and within way I take photos
my buttthole. I was like, super intent.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
I've just taken photos of you know, Matt with his
penis out, like it's fine, it's super innocent, you know,
And those ones have never popped up, So I don't
know what you're talking about.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
Brid mine popped up. Let me tell you. That's why
I can't have a rotating photo.

Speaker 3 (08:28):
Oh well, anyway, I don't know how we arrived here,
but here we are, from atal glance to Matt's nudes.

Speaker 1 (08:35):
We have something very big that is happening this week.
It's Britney and Keisha's that day.

Speaker 8 (08:41):
I thought you're about to say there's another big life announcement,
and I was like, not.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
Again, no, no joke. I didn't know what you're about
to say. I was like, do I know this. I
didn't know what announcement you're about to make tomorrow.

Speaker 3 (08:51):
If you're listening to this on the day that it
came out Wednesday, tomorrow is Brittany and Keisha's birthday.

Speaker 2 (08:57):
It is.

Speaker 1 (08:57):
It is literally half of the TAM's birthday tomorrow. I
know we're both cute, both thirty three. It's cute.

Speaker 4 (09:04):
I'm actually turning thirty two. You're turning thirty. I don't
want to age you thirty eight, don't age me?

Speaker 1 (09:10):
Yeah, okay, thirty eight? No, yeah she is. Isn't it
crazy though, that you?

Speaker 3 (09:14):
I mean, I know we've discussed this every single year,
but of all the days that you guys could be born,
the fact that it was the same day.

Speaker 8 (09:20):
What I really love about it is because I've never
really been a big birthday person.

Speaker 4 (09:23):
You know, I think you kind of tend to fall
into one of two camps.

Speaker 8 (09:26):
You're either the person who celebrates their birthday, loves their birthday,
love the attention that comes from it, wants to celebrate
you know, everything.

Speaker 4 (09:33):
That has to do with it, or the type of
person who's kind of like take it or leave it.
Like I really just I feel a bit awkward about it.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
I know we talk about is every year, so like,
if anyone's listening, they're probably like, gouys, you talk about
this every year.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
But it's true.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
I hate birthdays. I hate birthday week. I go into
like a depresso mode. I've always hated them. I probably
always will hate them.

Speaker 1 (09:50):
I don't know why I hate them less because we
can share it. Oh, same me too, That's what I
was about to say. Just cut her off.

Speaker 2 (10:02):
I was just yeah, if you didn't interrupt me, then
I was I was going to finish with But since
I met you.

Speaker 4 (10:07):
It's.

Speaker 1 (10:09):
You're the light of my life. The end you can
speak again.

Speaker 8 (10:15):
I'm trying something new, No, but I really enjoy that
we get to share it because it makes it kind
of a little bit less. I don't know, I feel
less weird about, you know, having the attention on it,
and I like that I get to share it with
someone that I'm so close with. It also makes it
easier to kind of, you know, do the birthday dinner thing. Well,
what I do want to say is, and it's no
one's fault, Keisha. It's not your fault.

Speaker 1 (10:36):
But Keisha and I always do something together on our birthday.

Speaker 2 (10:39):
But Keisha fell in love and she's with her toddler
own and obviously I feel in love too, but I'm
still single.

Speaker 1 (10:45):
Because and I was like, what should we do on
our birthday?

Speaker 2 (10:49):
And she's like, oh, I've got dinner with Toby, and
I was like, yeah, obviously me, I'm doing stuff too.
I was like, I'm going to also do my own.

Speaker 1 (10:55):
Don't excuse me. We were going to go to Alex
Warren concert with my kids. So like when you said
you're bringing Marley, I was like, oh, it's a family thing.
I was like, you guys go, it was just me
and Marley.

Speaker 4 (11:05):
And also I did invite you to our couples dinner
because you were a part of it.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
I'm not going to crash your romantic couples dinner. It's
all right, everything is fine, flows Lava.

Speaker 3 (11:14):
I mean a couple of years ago we did an
episode around birthdays, and also because I think originally when
we spoke about it, it was like, how for some
people it feels so anticlimactic and you have this like
it should be a time, there should be a celebration,
but for a lot of people, and it's not necessarily
age related, but it feels like embrace yourself moment, And Keisha,
I think you put it perfectly where you were saying,
it's a date kind of like New Years that makes

(11:37):
you have this self reflection as to whether your life
is where you expected it to be at by that
arbitrary age point is that you've kind of like accept
for yourself.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
How do you feel? Do you feel any different about
it this year?

Speaker 2 (11:47):
It took me a second to recognize this, So on
the weekend, I was like, what is wrong with me?
I was so I don't want to throw out around
the word depressed, but I'm going to say it is
in like I was flat right, Like I was so
depressed over Yeah, I was so low.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
I just was crying so much. I didn't want to
go out.

Speaker 2 (12:04):
I didn't want to see anyone. I just like was
feeling really sorry for myself. And I can say that, like,
it's not warranted. I have a great life, and I
can also recognize that that doesn't take away from you know,
and doesn't take away from the fact of you feeling low.

Speaker 8 (12:18):
Sometimes I feel like I can actually exacerbate it because
you're like, but I have all these great.

Speaker 4 (12:22):
Things exact and I still feel so flat.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
Yeah, I just I said it to I told Bann.
I was like, I just fucking hate everything right now,
Like I just don't feel good. I don't I'm not happy.
I'm not And it's such a throwaway comment because of
course I'm happy, but in that moment, I just felt
like and then it took me I always forget no joke,
I forgot it when you just said now like big week,
I forget it's my birthday. And it took me a
second to be like, oh, it's my birthday week. I

(12:46):
wonder if that impact re emptying the feeling, just because
like I always used to hate my birthday because I
always felt really alone on it, and it was just
the reminder of like, you're doing this on your own again.
It's another year and you're in the same place you
were last year, even though you know everything else for
other reasons when not I'm married, career is great, but
there's still a moment of like, oh, I'm still just
living alone and not with my partner and not celebrating it,

(13:09):
and you know, everyone else.

Speaker 1 (13:10):
Is moving on with their lives, but I feel stuck.

Speaker 2 (13:13):
So that was my feeling, Like you're having your babies
and you've just bought a house, you're moving with your partner,
you're celebrating with your partner. I'm still just living the
same way I did last year. Even though I got married,
nothing's changed. I still don't have that connection or relationship
or special moments. I don't get to go home and
see him. You know, we talk for half an hour
in the morning, and if I can stay awake until midnight,

(13:35):
I speak to him for twenty minutes and it's vice versa.
And I just was like, just a fun other fucking year.
I was like, it doesn't it just takes away anything.
So it's just nothing to me, Like it just feels
like nothing. I don't feel happy about it. I don't
care that I'm older. I love like I've never felt
better in my body and comfortable with who I am,
And that is such an interesting thing with age, and

(13:57):
every year you get older, I get way more comfortable
with who I am and like sure of myself and
my life decisions. And so it's not that it's just
the feeling. I think for me, it's just the relationship aspect,
not the age.

Speaker 3 (14:10):
It's another big milestone and you're like, and I want
to be with my husband he's not here.

Speaker 7 (14:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (14:16):
Also I think it's you know, I know that there'll
be people listening to this who aren't maybe regular listeners
or who've just tapped in and they're like, well, why
don't you go then? And I think next year there's
going to be things that will look different, Like once
we know exactly what that's like, we will be able
to share that totally.

Speaker 1 (14:31):
But yeah, radio makes things quite tricky at the moment.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
Yeah, I'm definitely, I mean, we will definitely be taking
steps next year to see each other more and spend
more time together. That totally, and I know that all
the life is understanding, nothing changes for the podcast, like
we we're so lucky we can do this anywhere. But yeah,
that's the feeling and I think when you look back
at when I look back at my twenties, by all accounts,
your twenties, you should have more energy, you should feel younger.

(14:55):
You should things haven't started sagging yet and going south.
You've got less wrinkles, like, oh, I don't know what
you're doing with it, though it's wasted you.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
But that's why it's interesting.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
Because I feel way better in myself now And I
always used to hear people say that, and you don't
understand it until you It's unfortunate you can't have the
confidence and wisdom of your thirties and forties in your
twenty year old life.

Speaker 1 (15:16):
But you don't have I don't know.

Speaker 2 (15:18):
They come with their pros and cons, but I've never
felt better in who I am and where I'm going
and what I want.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
So I feel good like that.

Speaker 4 (15:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:24):
Absolutely, it's the whole autage. Youth is wasted on the young, right.
How do you know what about your case this year?

Speaker 8 (15:28):
Yeah? I mean we have spoken about this over the years,
and I think I remember it must have been three
years ago now, because I remember talking about this for
the first time and I didn't know there's actually a
word for it. It's called milestone anxiety. So, like you said,
there are a lot of people experience it around these
kind of monumental things where you reflect on your life
and you go like, does it measure up? Is this
where I thought I would be? You know, what did

(15:49):
I want in my life? What did I kind of
want to achieve? Or what did I want to have?

Speaker 4 (15:53):
And it kind of makes you put a magnifying glass
on the things that you don't.

Speaker 8 (15:57):
And then the year later, I remember speaking about it
and saying, like, I actually feel really guilty about the
fact that I feel so much better and so much
happier with my birthday rolling around because I'm in a
happy relationship. And I was like, I kind of feel
a bit pathetic for that, because you shouldn't need a
relationship to make yourself happy, and you know, we've done
all this work on like loving.

Speaker 4 (16:17):
Yourself and blah blah blah.

Speaker 2 (16:18):
But yeah, sometimes that's a wank first too, Like it's
easy to say you shouldn't need a relationship to make
you happier, but if you're in a healthy relationship, it's
likely you are going to be happier.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
Like you don't have to be in a relationship to
be happy.

Speaker 2 (16:29):
But for something like a birthday, for example, maybe for you,
it's a different feeling of being safe and loved and yeah, celebrated.

Speaker 8 (16:38):
Yeah, And I remember speaking about that at the time,
and Laurie you said this thing to me. You were like, well,
it's because there's someone else there that is going to
celebrate you. And you know, I think the one thing
I took away from those conversations was actually to really
try and make more of an effort to celebrate and
honor my friends if they weren't in a relationship when
it comes to things like their birth like or even
other things that.

Speaker 4 (16:56):
They might achieve.

Speaker 8 (16:57):
Like that was the takeaway that I was like, to
remember how I felt then and how I felt now,
because for the people in my life that don't have
that person to wake up next to, they're probably.

Speaker 4 (17:08):
Feeling how I used to.

Speaker 8 (17:09):
And so yeah, that was something that really was a
bit of an eye opener for me. So this year,
I mean, firstly, I do not feel thirty two, Like
it's so crazy to me that we're here, you know,
we're here, And I think I this year for me
in particular, you know, buying my first house with my
partner has been a particularly big, like tick the box.

Speaker 4 (17:30):
Kind of thing.

Speaker 8 (17:31):
And I feel as though I am making really good steps,
but I still don't feel as though, you know, I
have all the things that I thought i'd have at
thirty two. And I think I'm just learning to be
a little bit more comfortable with that and just go
it doesn't look how I thought it was going to.
But maybe that's kind of part of the fun.

Speaker 3 (17:44):
I also think it's because the goalposts keep shifting, so
like you can set these expectations for yourself years in
advance and be like, I'm gonna be here by the
time i'm this age, and like a five year plan
is great in theory, and life rarely follows that five
year plan, let's be real.

Speaker 8 (17:58):
And I also think there's been a couple things that
have happened in my life that I thought at the
time were just terrible, mostly career related, you know, where
there's been forks in the road, things have happened that
are outside of my control, and I've just been like,
oh my gosh, it's all been for nothing.

Speaker 2 (18:11):
You know.

Speaker 8 (18:11):
One was that I started I did degrees in a
certain area that I never ended up pursuing.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
Then you worked for life on cut that was horrible.

Speaker 8 (18:19):
Studying radio, and you know we all got made redundant
on our birthday. Actually ironically, yeah, we've got something to
tell you after this.

Speaker 4 (18:27):
Second time that's happening.

Speaker 8 (18:28):
And you know, those things not working out ended up
being the biggest blessings in disguise because it redirected me
to something that made me so much happier.

Speaker 4 (18:36):
But you can't see it at the time. Sometimes you
can only see it from hindsight.

Speaker 1 (18:40):
So yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 8 (18:41):
This birthday I actually feel really comfortable with, and not
because I'm gonna do anything, like we're just having dinner
at home.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
I am wondering if look not gonna care either way,
wondering what if Ben's gonna send me something. Remember last
year when I tried to play it cool and I
was like, baby, let's not get it, Like, let's not
do presence this year. I was like, let's say for
a house, and like, let's just say for our flights
towards each other because we fly so much, let's not
get presents.

Speaker 1 (19:05):
And then nothing turned up and I was like, did
you not give me a present? And He's like you literally,
but he's like, baby, you literally said we're saving for
a flight, and I was like, obviously I didn't mean
that bad.

Speaker 2 (19:13):
It was that you trapped me. Yeah, I mean I
can recognize. I can recognize that, but I haven't been
so forth with the no present this.

Speaker 1 (19:20):
Year, so you're like, I need a present. I expect one.

Speaker 3 (19:22):
And I was extremely disappointed last year and told everybody
on my very big podcast.

Speaker 1 (19:26):
Yes, but I mean you guys, I hopefully know that
I'm joking, but I'm not.

Speaker 8 (19:33):
Do what you will.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
Well, look, speaking about last week's episode on Wednesday, if
you haven't listened to it, just go back and listen.

Speaker 1 (19:41):
It's really, you know, an elevator out loud.

Speaker 3 (19:43):
You won't learn anything, you're not going to come away
from it smarter, but you might have a chuckle. And
if you just need something to like get you in
a good mood, that is the episode. Stop what you're
doing right now, go back, listen to that, and then
come back to this. It's Wednesday's episode. It's called Britney
has Big News, which.

Speaker 1 (19:57):
Yeah, you don't want to miss it. You haven't heard
my news.

Speaker 8 (20:02):
I did actually name the episode with an asterix and
not and Laura removed that because.

Speaker 1 (20:07):
You can't give it away. Kish. If we're gonna say
BRIT's got big news, at least lean into it hard.

Speaker 3 (20:14):
Kisha named the episode in the back end and she
was like, Brittany has big news, but we're just kidding
and it's actually not big.

Speaker 1 (20:19):
Don't listen to the episode. It's really boring. I was like,
I might delete all of that. Yeah, strung you along? Okay.
Actually there was one review, where's play flo it's so funny.
We don't often breadcrumb. There was one review that really
gave me a tickle and golden laugh. Kate, I hope
you're listening.

Speaker 3 (20:36):
It said clickbait, complain about Daily Mail, then post it
clickbait bait news episode, then brag about being two on
the charts because of clickbait. Boring, not funny, definitely not bragworthy. Sorry, Kate,
how he starts?

Speaker 4 (20:49):
Do we get that?

Speaker 1 (20:50):
Kay gave one one star.

Speaker 4 (20:51):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (20:52):
It's a tough crowd, Kate.

Speaker 3 (20:53):
Kate wasn't a fan, and that's okay, Kate. But it
was very funny. And something that happened in that episode
was that really had an issue with my shoes. Okay,
everyone didn't have an issue. I think that's evident. I
made one comment, and I've learned to never say anything again.

Speaker 1 (21:09):
One unsolicited comment. Let's just take a little step back
and revisit this.

Speaker 7 (21:14):
Your shoes just remind me of little elf shoes I
can't take you to. They're the only thing comfortable that
I can wear my feet. My feet are so swollen that,
like my normal shoes don't fit. They feel too tight.
For the last three years.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
No, no, just since pregnancy.

Speaker 3 (21:27):
I know my pregnancy feels like it's been going for
three years, but it's literally Justin's pregnancy.

Speaker 1 (21:31):
Thanks Cash. I get a lot of comments on them,
not from you, brennany go fuck yourself. I don't particularly
like them, but that's okay. How do you feel about
my birkin stuff? We've got dip?

Speaker 5 (21:40):
No?

Speaker 1 (21:41):
I like those.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
I get so many compliments on these shoes, and Lola
calls them my fancy shoes?

Speaker 1 (21:45):
Do you reckon? And they're not just from.

Speaker 4 (21:51):
Lola, who excessorizes like a queen.

Speaker 1 (21:53):
Lola knows more than you do, brit Lola wears Undy's
on her head. Excess rise queen, and you must everything. No,
I love them. Does anyone have sonnies? I need to
put some sonnies on, I like them, they suit you.
Shut up. That is a back headed compliment. I came on.

(22:15):
I am not going to be ashamed for saying something
is not my style. I don't like what you're wearing,
but they suit you. No, I didn't say I don't
like what you're wearing. Are those shoes for me?

Speaker 4 (22:27):
No?

Speaker 1 (22:27):
But you know that you know that I didn't you
did you know that they're not my type? Look what
I'm wearing that's okay? The hole and it's not a whole.
I offended, And no, you're not. You're wearing sparklings with
added as pets. It's not for me, it's it's okay.

(22:51):
And my clothes aren't for you. Keisha's trying something to do,
you know what I feel me.

Speaker 8 (23:00):
The equivalent of this is is when you ask a
friend like, hey, what do you think of this? And
they turn and they look at you and they go,
have you packed anything else? No, They're like, what's the
other option? What are the other options?

Speaker 1 (23:12):
What else have you got? I would want you to
say that to me, like I think if we're friends,
I would want you to be like, what is that?
And if I like it that much? I'm not going
to care, but like I would still want your feedback.
I don't know. At this point in pregnancy, I'm actually
not after feedback from anyone. Like I'm really not. Please
don't give me feedback on my clothes. No, let him learn.

Speaker 2 (23:30):
I'm not even gonna look you in the eye. I
was like, I'm not gonna look at your sideways. I'm
not gonna address you. I'm gonna bou to you when I'm.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
Gonna kiss your feet. I can you suck my toes?
You couldn't. You could not pay me so much.

Speaker 3 (23:44):
I gat that's gonna take a weird tangent if we
start getting downe that. Okay, So off the back of this,
we were talking about like what are your backhanded I
don't mean backhanded compliments, I mean like backhanded kill them
with kindness sentences, I guess or come back. So if
someone says something to you and it could be a compliment,
but actually it's kind of an insult.

Speaker 1 (24:01):
An example of this could be I love that for you,
you don't really love that for them. That's not true.
You don't love it at all for do you say it?
All's gonna say true? I actually don't think it's anyone
would one. How did that one get on the list?
I love that for you? Is this just all taken
from my vocat? Okay, so we did the call out.

Speaker 3 (24:16):
We wanted to know, like, what is your like sassy
little comeback that you use that kind of flaws the conversation,
but also could be potentially construed as being polite.

Speaker 1 (24:25):
Still. Yeah, and you could defend yourself in a quarter
of law if you had to.

Speaker 2 (24:28):
Okay, I want to start with my absolute favorite, Like,
this is the best thing you can do as a
throwback to somebody.

Speaker 1 (24:33):
I wish you were as right as you are passionate.
That's good, that's good. Just leave it, drop it, walk away.

Speaker 3 (24:39):
What about when people say, like, you know, look, it
doesn't matter what anyone else says.

Speaker 1 (24:42):
I really like you.

Speaker 2 (24:43):
Well that's so passad, it's so me. Yeah, don't worry
about what everyone else has been talking about.

Speaker 4 (24:47):
You're like, what such a power move, isn't it. It's okay,
we know that's the best.

Speaker 2 (24:51):
You can do.

Speaker 3 (24:53):
That in our work capacity would absolutely destroy someone's self confidence.

Speaker 1 (24:57):
I know you've tried really hard and this is the
best that you can do, but it's not good enough. Okay,
what about this. I don't have the time or crayons
to explain this to you right now.

Speaker 4 (25:05):
I'm surprised you felt comfortable saying that out loud.

Speaker 1 (25:09):
Have the day you deserve. Wisdom has been chasing you,
but you've always been faster. It's your life. Tell it
how you want. That leans into like there's three sides
to a story.

Speaker 4 (25:21):
Oh sweetheart, you're so pretty.

Speaker 1 (25:23):
Oh awful. I'd be like, she's like pins.

Speaker 4 (25:29):
That pins that comment to thank you so much. That's
the kind trying something new.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
That's the comment that you screened on put in your story,
so like, you can't believe people are so aggressive just
because it's like, you're so pretty.

Speaker 2 (25:40):
The last one I want to say is something that
I say a lot, and now I might need to
reconsider if I say it because I don't say it pass.

Speaker 1 (25:47):
I just use the term bless like oh bless, yeah,
bless is it? Bless is fine? But like, oh that's
so sweet, thank you. That's how I use it, But
I think maybe I might use it in the wrong way.

Speaker 3 (25:59):
But if someone said some you like they've asked you
for something, or they've told you their political stance.

Speaker 1 (26:03):
And you go, oh, bless, well, no, for example, it's different.
For example, my car break down on the weekend and
one of Keisha's friends who I know, messaged me and
she's like, I have a spare car, like if you
want to use it, and she was really nice, and
I wrote back, bless I was like, bless, thank you
so much. So that's fine. Yeah, it's a normal compliment. Yeah.
So then when I read it on this passag thing,
I was like, am I like, is that a demeaning thing?

(26:23):
Say something? But I just mean, like I.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
Literally for the most non religious person you've ever met.
I mean it is in like, bless your heart. That
is the kindest thing.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
No, I think that's fine.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
I think it would be like, you know, it would
hit different if someone was like, oh, I'm really into
Donald Trump's policies and you were like, oh, bless.

Speaker 2 (26:37):
Or, Like when that guy said he loves me and
I didn't want to say back. Imagine if you like
I love you and you go bless.

Speaker 1 (26:42):
Or, you say I love that for you, I admire
You're confidence.

Speaker 7 (26:45):
Love.

Speaker 2 (26:47):
Speaking of birthdays and reflections and everything that comes along
with it, I came across this sub stack that really
resonated with me, which is interesting.

Speaker 1 (26:55):
Because it's written by a woman called Leanne Ellie or Eli.

Speaker 2 (26:59):
I'm not sure she's a New York Times bestselling author,
but she is in her sixties and it's an article
about reflecting on the decade prior and what you've learned
in that time. It's called if I were fifty again,
here's exactly what I would do differently because I waited
until I was sixty to figure it out. And now,
before anyone loses interest because you're not fifty and you're

(27:20):
not in that decade. We do have some fift year
old listeners, but we also have twenty year old listeners.
I think this is relevant to everybody because the idea
remains the same.

Speaker 1 (27:29):
The idea is that you've.

Speaker 2 (27:31):
Lived a life, you've learned, you're wiser, and you can
reflect back on the decade prior to what you would
have done had you had the knowledge that you have now.

Speaker 8 (27:41):
Well.

Speaker 3 (27:41):
It's kind of like the conversation where people say, like,
what I would tell my twenty year old self if
I could again. But sometimes I think about these conversations
and I'm like, you can't because you have to live
the experience. It's all well and good to be like
I wish I would have known this, and then I
would have said this, And it's like, but you would
never have learned that lesson if you didn't have the
experience of being XYZ in the first place.

Speaker 1 (28:03):
So I don't know.

Speaker 3 (28:04):
Sometimes I think it's a kin to like having regrets
or not being able to value something when you have it.
But people arrive at a destination at all different times
in life.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
Want to read you. The opening paragraph, Leanne starts with,
if I were fifty again, I'd be dangerous.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
Not because I'd suddenly be rocking leather pants and starting
a retro girl band, but because I'd finally understand the
one thing that no one really tells you. Our culture
may worship youth, but you don't have to kneel at
the altar. Aging is a privilege. Irrelevance is optional, use
your voice, take up space, and never ever apologize for
any of it. And heads up, fifty is not old,

(28:39):
but it is undervalued.

Speaker 1 (28:40):
Let me explain.

Speaker 2 (28:42):
It's when those body whispers become full on nudges, when
your people pleasing tolerance shrinks faster than your estrogen levels,
when the idea of reinvention starts sounding less like an
overly used word and more like a great idea. So
if I could take a time machine back to fifty
with the clarity I have now and the and I
wish I had, here's exactly what I'd do for my

(29:03):
whole self. So basically the article, she's broken down into
these four key pillars, which are heart, mind, body, and soul,
and she sort of explains each a little bit.

Speaker 1 (29:11):
Now, we're only going to touch on the ones that
I think we really connected with.

Speaker 2 (29:15):
But for me, the first one was heart. I would
detox my relationships before I detoxed my liver.

Speaker 1 (29:21):
So she goes on to talk about the.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
Importance of keeping people in your life that you actually
want to have in your life, people that are adding
to it and not taking away from them.

Speaker 3 (29:30):
Well, I think with this one is that we get
so caught up. Okay, obviously we all know what we
need to do for our own health and everything, and
there's so much that you can do on working on
yourself and.

Speaker 1 (29:38):
Better on yourself I laughs and whatnot.

Speaker 3 (29:40):
But also I think the part of this that is
really quite important is that we spend a lot of
time being affected by the relationships that are around us,
and we hold onto people who don't serve us, whether
that's romantic relationships or friendships. And I'm not saying go
out there and be brutal and fucking cut of all
the knees.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
But maybe you do need to. I think that's her point.

Speaker 2 (29:58):
Her point is, she says, a t who detok starts
with the people in your life that shouldn't be there anymore,
not some gross green juice that makes you gag. I
guess what you're trying to say is the importance of health.
We underestimate the impact that negativity or people in our lives,
all those connections in our lives or relationships that we're
keeping around when deep down you know they are not
right for you, they're not serving you.

Speaker 1 (30:19):
When you know that, you have to ask yourself, well,
why are they here?

Speaker 8 (30:23):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (30:23):
Why do I feel like I need to keep them
and people?

Speaker 2 (30:27):
Please?

Speaker 1 (30:27):
And like you know, I've been friends with them for
fifteen years?

Speaker 2 (30:29):
How can I cut them out now just because they're
being a fuck with But we find it, myself included,
we find it very difficult to cut people that have
been involved.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
In our lives for a certain amount of time.

Speaker 3 (30:39):
Yeah, but I think that there is a reason why
we find it difficult. And that's because relationships, especially long
standing ones, you're still able to see the good or
the good times or reflect on things that have been wonderful,
and it's very easy to look at something and go,
I should have just cut all those people that didn't
serve me. Most of us aren't able to be that
ruthless with our relationships, and we also shouldn't be ruthless

(31:00):
with our relationships. I think it's important to keep this
in mind for things like if you're in a really
toxic relationship that absolutely affects your mental health and your
life and you know, or you're in a marriage that's
unhappy and stagnant and nothing has changed, and you know
it's not going to change, and so you're like, all right,
we like and just foresee that my future is going
to be this forever, and no one is actually trying
to do anything different. Friendships, I think sometimes there are

(31:22):
a hard one because as much as like it's easy
to get on a podcast and say cut those friends
that you know it's time is limited, sometimes friends are
more transient in that you might only see that person
once or twice a year. How much are they impact
in your life? Do you need to go through the
severance of cutting a friendship. I think that sometimes we
look at it with such absolutes, and you can have

(31:42):
people that move from being really close friends to going
into sort of more as like you know, and I
don't want to say aquaintance, because they're not an acquaintance,
but they are one or two times a year friend.
I think there's ways that you can manage this that
allows you to preserve your energy without having to people please.
And the way I kind of interpreted this more so
is that I think a lot of us live our
lives people pleasing and saying yes to doing things that

(32:05):
we deeply don't want to do with people that we
just can't be bothered to do it with, but we
do it because we feel like there's some expectation, or
we've committed to plans, or it's been so long since
we've seen them we feel like we have to. I
think that they're the instances where you can actually kind
of reserve your energy and assess whether or not you
have the time to keep that many people in your life.

Speaker 8 (32:24):
Do you know what word really stood out to me?
She asked this question, does this obligation serve any purpose
other than to make me feel guilty. I think the
word guilty is really what I have tried to learn
to grapple with because friendships are going to be different
maintenance levels and also depending on different stages of life.
We've all got those friends where you might not talk
to each other for a month or two, but then

(32:46):
you catch up and it's all great, and there's never
been that animosity of like, well you didn't message me
for two months, you know, I think it for me.
I read that and I was like, are there friendships
in my life where I feel guilty if I haven't
made an effort for a certain amount of time? And
is there a reason for that? If they've been going
through a really hard time and I've not reached out,
I should feel guilty about that because that's not being

(33:07):
a very good friend. But if it's just kind of
like standard every day and there's that obligation that you
have to maintain something, I find that really emotionally exhausted.

Speaker 2 (33:16):
But my understanding of this is that it's not at
these levels that you guys are talking about. Of course,
you're not just going to go and cut your friends
if something happens.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
This is at a higher level.

Speaker 2 (33:25):
People that are not sparking peace, people that when you
leave you always feel more empty and exhausted than when criticized,
or because there are those relationships, right, there are those
relationships where you.

Speaker 1 (33:36):
Feel the guilt. We've been friends for ages. I need
to show up.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
I could not think of anything worse right now, but
I need to be there for her, So there's the obligation.
So then you go there and they unload on you
for however many times, which is totally fine if it's
that's what a friendship is, right, it's give and take.

Speaker 1 (33:52):
But there are certain friendships that.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
Run their courses and that every single time you leave,
your cup is so much more empty and your mental
life is so much greater. And I think they're the
friendships that she's saying, Okay, does it spark and bring
peace or does it bring chaos? Are there's so many
red flags and I just feel the guilty and obligation
to maintain it because of the sun cost fallacy. And
we've been friends for twenty years. I think she's talking

(34:16):
at a greater level, and I do think she's leaning
a lot into relationships that are probably romantic as well,
Like when we know deep down that it is ruining
our life, but we love them, you know, we want
to make it work.

Speaker 1 (34:27):
We want to put the energy in because we see
the potential. Because you see the potentials.

Speaker 2 (34:30):
I think it's those that and it's always easier to
take a step back outside of that looking glass and
look back in and say, oh, cut those people. That's
always easier than when you're in the relationship. But I
think that's why these conversations are important.

Speaker 3 (34:42):
But it also depends on who that relationship is with. Like,
it's very different if it's a friend from school versus
a parent or a sibling or an aunt or someone.
Like you know, people would have these relationships with their
parents where they feel as though every interaction they have
with them is just kind of criticism and makes them
feel guilty, and they don't walk away feeling good for themselves.

(35:02):
It's much harder to remove yourself from certain relationships, and
I think that that is a really important thing to identify.
But of course, like if you find that you have
people in your life where every single time you leave
them you feel depleted, or you feel criticized, or the
relationship has become one where you are the support person
I think that happens a lot, is like people use

(35:24):
their friendships as like a dumping point for like complaining
about something they're unhappy with. And I understand that that's
normal and every relationship goes through ebbs and flows, but
sometimes you see a pattern where you're like, I'm only
the dumping ground for this friend.

Speaker 4 (35:36):
Sometimes I'm like, should I send you an invoice for therapy?

Speaker 2 (35:40):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (35:41):
And I I mean, I think I have some friendships
like that where I'm like, wow, I feel like every
time it doesn't matter what's going on, it's always because
you're having a hard time, And that becomes an exhausting
friendship after a while because there's no give and take
to that.

Speaker 1 (35:54):
It's just a take relationship. And so I think that
that's a.

Speaker 3 (35:57):
Really big one to be aware of. But we're all guilty.
I don't think anyone perfectly.

Speaker 1 (36:03):
Came in this morning was like I'm depressed. Oh I'm sad,
and we kind of cried. Not that at all, I'm jou,
But I.

Speaker 3 (36:10):
Think it's a really hard one to ever get a
place of peace with because I think you're always going
to have some of those relationships that circle around you
at different times.

Speaker 1 (36:19):
Yeah, Okay, what's what he owned for you?

Speaker 3 (36:21):
I really enjoyed the breakdown on the category's soul, and
I want to read this to you because I think
that a lot of women who are currently finding themselves
either in relationships that don't make them happy, or maybe
you're in the trenches of motherhood and you have deprioritized
yourself so much that you don't really recognize who the
fuck you are anymore. You'll resonate with this. By fifty,
A lot of women have done a lot of living

(36:41):
for everyone else. We have raised kids, held marriages together,
kept households running, built careers, survived heartbreak, made sacrifices, and
somewhere along the way, our own desires got shelled. Not
because we didn't have them, but because everything else got
in the way and we got used to waiting. If
I were fifty again and stop postponing the things that
make me feel alive, I wouldn't wait until burnout or

(37:04):
a crisis forced me to make a change. Here is
the unvarnished truth, sister, you are not selfish for wanting more.
I think like we as women, especially when you have children,
it is kind of something that you do and maybe
it happens both sides. I can't don't think we can
just isolate it to just women. But when you have
kids and you have other responsibilities, and you're you're hustling,
and you're trying to keep a household and everything else,

(37:25):
I think it is very easy to slip into the
lifestyle of doing everything for everyone else and prioritizing everyone
else all the time, and then you get to the
end of the day and you're like, but what did
I actually do for me?

Speaker 1 (37:37):
I know, I went to work, and I know I
got shit done, But what was in that day for me?
What was in that week for me? Which is in
that month for me?

Speaker 3 (37:43):
Yeah, it's really interesting when we talk about this in
terms of perimenopause and menopause, right, because there's a lot
of research that's come out around menopause is one of
the greatest time for divorces in relationships, but the research
hasn't quite extended. Is it because it's purely hormone related
where like women go fucking crazy, or is it actually

(38:03):
also a time where women are usually in their mid
forties or fifties and they've realized they're fucking unhappy with
their lives and so everything is just screaming at them. Yes,
the hormones are there, but also maybe their kids are
a little bit older. Maybe it's a time of reflection
where they're like, holy shit, I have all of these
feelings about the place that I've arrived at, and I'm
actually not that happy with it. And so I do

(38:25):
question whether it's a bit of chicken in the egg
with this whole metopause conversation.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
I mean, I also took.

Speaker 2 (38:30):
Away something from the soul category, and it's about at fifty,
i'd stop postponing the things that make me feel fully alive.
I think this leans into for everyone child free or kids,
or whoever you are. I think it leans into age.
We feel like we are too old to start again
or to try something new. Like so many times people
are like, oh, I can't go back to school.

Speaker 1 (38:50):
I'm aora in my thirties, or I'm in my forties.
I always wanted to do this. I always wanted to
start my own business, but like, I'm too old now.
The competition's too much. There's two young people that are
doing the same thing.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
We get sucked into this vacuum of like your life
had to have been done and set up by the
time you hit thirty in this you are crazy if
you want to start again an any older than that.

Speaker 1 (39:11):
Masterone anxiety. But I also think there's.

Speaker 8 (39:13):
An element specifically for women in this, and maybe it's
not maybe I just feel that way because I'm in it.
I think that women also have that scarcity mindset put
onto us because there hasn't always been a piece of
the pie. So you kind of think, well, if I,
you know, I've always wanted to do this thing, or
if I've always wanted to go and achieve that, or
go and experience that it could be something fun.

Speaker 1 (39:32):
As well, there can be a part of you that's
so scared to actually.

Speaker 8 (39:36):
Do it in case what you come back to isn't
there anymore totally, in case that role or that piece
of the pie has been given elsewhere. And it's because
we have always had to fight for a seat at
the table, and it's always kind of been assumed that
if you got that seat at the table, hold.

Speaker 4 (39:51):
On to it because it might not be there when
you return.

Speaker 2 (39:53):
Yeah, and even if that means you're not living the
life you want to or the dreams that you want
to do, then you know.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
It's too bad because this is your option, but I
also think it's.

Speaker 2 (40:01):
One of these things time is going past anyway. Just
say you're thirty and you've always wanted to go back
and study psychology. You're like, well, it's going to be
four years of my life not going to be finished
until I'm thirty four, and I probably gonna be working
to thirty five. Well, you'll either get to thirty five
and you've got your psychology degree, or you get to
thirty five and you wish you got your psychology degree.
But my point is like, the time is passing, So

(40:23):
when you get to that milestone, you can either have
done what you wanted to have done, or you can
get there and just wish you did it.

Speaker 1 (40:29):
That's something that I think is really range true.

Speaker 2 (40:32):
And not everyone is in the position to give up
their life and go back and study or start their business,
but you do have to weigh up the fact that
time is going to pass regardless. It's not going to
wait for you, but it could be their hold in
your hand, you know, like you could be doing it together.

Speaker 8 (40:45):
I think as a motto about this, it's like the
best time to start was yesterday, the second best time
to start was now, and.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
Then the third is tomorrow. That's not the same.

Speaker 8 (40:53):
That is very bumper sticker live, laugh, love. But I
kind of get the point that they're talking about. It's
kind of the fact that you know, you can delay
these things for as long as you the best time
to start is now because the dude I said, you're
not getting younger.

Speaker 3 (41:03):
I mean, I think we can romanticize it in some ways,
because there's absolutely going to be some things that you
do get past the timeframe of being able to do
in life, right. Like, I think it's almost like a
bit magical, and it's kind of like telling a kid
you can be anything you want to be.

Speaker 1 (41:17):
Some kids will not be.

Speaker 3 (41:18):
Anything they want to be, Like there's like structure within
the system, but you absolutely can reinvent yourself. I think
it's like, you know, reinventing yourself within a metric that
makes sense to your life as well is important because
like if you've got kids and you have a family
and you have responsibilities and then you go, you know what,
I always wanted to be a cruise ship captain and
fucking never be in the one spot, Like you're not

(41:39):
going to do that, right, Like.

Speaker 1 (41:40):
That's not maybe if your kids go on the cruise
ship with.

Speaker 3 (41:43):
You potentially potentially, but like you know, and I think
that that's why sometimes this concept gets hijacked because it's
all great in merit, but then people are like, oh, well,
but you know, if you're seventy two, you're not going
to become a surgeon, you know, because then you'll be
eighty five.

Speaker 1 (41:57):
And you know, of course there's going to be limitations
to these types of stuff.

Speaker 3 (42:00):
But I think the really most important concept around this is, like,
if you want to make a big life pivot, there
are small and incremental or big changes that you can
make at any point in life which will lead you
to something that's more fulfilling. And if you feel stuck,
you don't have to just maintain and be stuck. But
the thing is, unless you're the one who's willing to
change something, fucking nothing's going to change.

Speaker 2 (42:21):
You also need supportive families or a supportive partner, Like
if you've got kids and you want to go back
and study, of course you're gonna need.

Speaker 1 (42:27):
Help, like'ss for some people. Yeah, there's always.

Speaker 2 (42:29):
Limitations, but the idea is whatever life you're in now,
it doesn't have to stay that way.

Speaker 1 (42:34):
And whatever pivot that is.

Speaker 2 (42:36):
It might be small, might be big, it might be
completely left field. Whatever it is, it can be done
obviously with the right pillars. I don't want anyone to
write to us and say like I could never go
back to UNI, like we can't afford it.

Speaker 1 (42:46):
That's not what we're saying.

Speaker 2 (42:47):
We're not saying like, fuck your life now and go
and do what you want to do. But there are
ways to get unstuck.

Speaker 4 (42:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (42:52):
Absolutely. I mean there's other pillars and categories that are
broken down in this. If you feel like you're in
that phase of life where you're like I need an overhaul,
or is something or you feel that shift and that dynamic,
go and read the whole substat because I think it's
really enlightening the way it's been put. It's always nice
to see other people's reflections, but I also think it's
nice to sit back and you know, I feel like
we've made this a birthday episode, so let's leaning hard.

(43:14):
It's also nice to look back on your own reflections.
Like if you were to look back on the last
ten years of your life and you were able to
sit down and go, okay, cool, here is the lessons
I've learned the things I would do differently if I
was able to live those ten years with the beauty
of hindsight, what would they be like?

Speaker 1 (43:30):
What would be your number one brit that I would
do differently? Yeah, I mean I thought about this all night.
What would I have changed? What would I have done differently?
Was there a regret? What did I wish I didn't do?

Speaker 2 (43:40):
And I found it really hard to think of something
I would do differently. To be honest, I am pretty
proud of the fact that I was doing a lot
of things that I wanted to do at the same time.
Like I was in a hospital, but I really wanted
to go to acting school, So I went to acting school.
But I really wanted to travel too, So I figured
out that I could get a license overseas for my
job and try so I clocked sixty countries. I was

(44:02):
really lucky that I was able to go after what
I wanted. I don't know where that came from, other
than like, I've got nothing to lose. But one of
my biggest life lessons is and what I think maybe
some people that are new to life on cut might
not remember or no, but when we talk.

Speaker 1 (44:16):
About the fact that you can change your life.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
I was thirty two when I gave up like ninety
hours a week in a hospital to try a podcast.

Speaker 1 (44:24):
Like that is crazy and I had no.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
Experience I had, you know, I just wanted to try
something new and that was really scary. And I only
thought about this yesterday because out of the blue, I
had this old hospital worker from so long ago that
messaged me and he said, wow, I've been living under
a rock.

Speaker 1 (44:45):
I've just caught up to where you are in life.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
Like he was a bit older, He's like, well done,
well done for like changing your life in the way
you did. And that made me think, wow, Like maybe
I don't think about that enough.

Speaker 1 (44:55):
Because it was a really scary, big leap. But it
just goes back to what we just said, is.

Speaker 2 (44:59):
Like it is hard, and it's not easy for everyone,
and it's not possible for everybody. But if you really
want to make some kind of a change in your life,
the only way to do it is to make some
kind of a change in your life. And it doesn't
matter how small that is, but you have to give
it a go, because if you don't give something a go,
the answers always know.

Speaker 4 (45:16):
I think I interpreted this in a different way, like
we ask what's one thing you do? Completely differently.

Speaker 8 (45:21):
I really wish that I could go back and understand
my really quite desperate need for validation in a different way.

Speaker 1 (45:27):
That's exactly mine, really exactly mine.

Speaker 8 (45:29):
That's so interesting because I think my ADHD diagnosis brought
about a lot of like introspection and trying to work
out why I had done certain things and what behaviors
will into a condition that I thought was just a personality.
And through that I learned so much about how I
used to crave validation in like literally every sense of it.

(45:49):
In my romantic relationships. That was the worst, in my
familiar relationships, my friendships, my career, like every single thing
I did in my twenties, I can actually relate back
to trying to feel as though I was good enough
for something and trying to kind of have that reflected
back to me, whether it be with words or whether
it be with behavior. And it was really exhausting, and

(46:10):
you can never reach that goalpost, And a massive part
of me wishes I could go back and be like,
do you know what, It's actually an unattainable goal. You're
never going to feel how you think it's going to
make you feel, so stop trying to get it.

Speaker 3 (46:21):
I think that was my biggest reflection as well, when
I was like, Okay, what would be and mine isn't
the last ten years because to be honest, I mean
taking a punt meeting Matt, Like, my life dramatically changed
in the last We even did it for eight years now,
So I would honestly look back on the last eight
years my life and I'm like, I feel so lucky
that I'm in the place that I'm in.

Speaker 1 (46:41):
But the ten years bright like the twenties. The twenties,
well it was it was until I.

Speaker 3 (46:46):
Was thirty one, really, but like that period of my life,
I was so desperately seeking validation and really deeply did
not understand that it has to come from yourself and
you have to be able to provide all of those
things to yourself that you are seeking from external relationships.
And I think it was you know, like you say, keysh,
it was like the desperate need to wanting to be loved,
the desperate need of like wanting to feel as though,

(47:08):
I don't know, feel as.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
Though there was value or I had value. I could give.

Speaker 4 (47:11):
Something to someone, How much better will your life be
five minute.

Speaker 1 (47:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (47:14):
And I think the thing is is like it's weird
because you can put that on someone else and you
can be like, you know, I felt not valued in
that relationship.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
I felt like this.

Speaker 3 (47:22):
But when I look back at it, I'm like, I
put myself in all these situations that left me feeling
that way. But it's because I had super low self esteem, really,
and I think a lot of it came from like
trying to feel this unlovable hole.

Speaker 1 (47:33):
If I'm a little bit.

Speaker 3 (47:34):
Skinnier, if I'm funnier, if I'm this, if I'm that,
like always trying to fix to be a better version.
The other thing that happens when you're find yourself in
that place in life, If you're always tweaking and moderating
yourself so that the person that's in front of you
likes you more, you kind of lose your sense of self.
I would be a chameleon in and I'm not just
talking about romantic relationships. I was just a chameleon in

(47:54):
my friendships, in my relationships at my work. Like I'm
very good at mirroring what I think the other person
and across from me once and that's not who I
am now. I feel like I actually know who I
am now, and yeah that I don't know what it
was that kind of shifted that because it wasn't getting
into relationship.

Speaker 1 (48:11):
I think it's age. I think it's acceptance.

Speaker 2 (48:13):
It's probably also just a secure relationship too, Like you
have so much safety now, and I mean, you're so
sure of your relationship, your husband, your kids, who you are.

Speaker 1 (48:23):
What you want you were. I would say that.

Speaker 2 (48:25):
It's funny, though, I when I listened to you both
say that I could not have been more polar opposite.
And I don't know if I believe it, but I
was the opposite to us, like I don't need you,
I don't need anyone. I will get through life on
my own.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
But I think I did need people.

Speaker 2 (48:37):
But it's what I was telling myself was the opposite.
And maybe that, in hindsight was detrimental because there was
I need fucking did need people, and I did need help.
But I was adamant. I was like, no, I am
going to go live in this country on my own,
and I am so happy here. Of course I wasn't.
At times, I was like what am I doing on
my own? I was like crying myself to sleep in Italy,
and I was like, but I had convinced myself of like,
there's no one in this life that I need, which

(48:59):
is such a think.

Speaker 3 (49:00):
Do you not look back on that now and be
like that was also a protection mechanism, Like you were
very avoidant in relationships, and your avoidance manifested itself in
you being like, I don't need anyone absolutely, But then
like we would all be privy to like the breakdowns
around no one loves me?

Speaker 1 (49:15):
Yeah, yeah, do you know? I mean, like, was't It's
not real?

Speaker 3 (49:17):
I think we all tell ourselves these we all tell
our selves these lives. We all have this narrative of
the life that we want to live by. But when
you really unpick it, you're like, oh, I am fucking
work to do and I am the problem.

Speaker 2 (49:29):
Well I wanted and yeah and one hundred percent, like
one hundred percent that is it. But I did want
to get myself to a place. I used to say,
I want to get myself to a point where I
don't need anyone it, but I want them. And that's
where I got myself to. I made myself so hyper
independent that it almost became counterintuitive because I almost didn't
want anyone in my space anymore. But I wanted to
get myself to a point where I was like, I
am choosing to be with you because I want you,

(49:50):
not because I need you for internal.

Speaker 1 (49:52):
Reasons, for financial reasons, for external reasons.

Speaker 8 (49:55):
You know.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
Man was the opposite. I was like, I need you
because my life means nothing. Yeah, but it's interesting. It's
interesting to look back.

Speaker 2 (50:02):
And reflect on those little things and you can't see
them in the time when you're leaving them, but you
sure as I'll see them now.

Speaker 1 (50:08):
Well, it is time for sucking. Sweet our highlight and
a low light of the week. A Laura burn Hello
started off with the suck.

Speaker 3 (50:14):
Okay, my suck for the week is and I feel
like I said it last week that this is the
best pregnancy I've ever had.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
It is, hands down. It's been the easiest.

Speaker 3 (50:22):
But it's very close to due date and I genuinely
feel if I'm standing up for too long, my servex
is not built like it used to be.

Speaker 1 (50:30):
I feel like I have a head hanging out of me.
I'm in denial. I'm like holding my own vagina. Yeah, no,
it's not my head.

Speaker 3 (50:37):
I'm holding her head in no, like they're honestly, by
the end of the day, I'm so heavy, my hips hurt,
my pelvis hurts. But I genuinely am like, am I crowning?
Can someone check? Am I dilated?

Speaker 1 (50:49):
How dilated? Someone? Just have a squizz. I would love
to check to see if I could see it.

Speaker 3 (50:53):
Like the other day, maybe ear, I'd been on my
feet all day and I honestly got to the end
of the day and I sat down and I was like,
a dear God, I feel like I have a head
between my legs.

Speaker 1 (51:01):
It's so uncomfortable. Maybe that's her sign of coming early,
which we're not ready for. We haven't done enough pre
records in hurt yourself, put your legs in the air.

Speaker 3 (51:12):
But my sweet for the week, And actually it's a
really silly one because I know I'm always complaining about
book Week and how like how much effort it takes.
And the reason why I I'm like some moms I
can't stand book week is because when you have kids
in preschool, every day is book week, like as in
like every day they have to go as a different character.
I don't know if that's standard from three schools across
the country, but three I have to have three separate

(51:35):
outfits for Lola because she's in daycare three days. Anyway,
I was like complaining, So I was like, this is
ridiculous and I don't have time to make them, so
that I have to buy the costumes. She woke me
up at five point thirty on Monday morning because she
was so excited about book week. She sat at the
table dressed in her full bluey outfit with her blue
mask on, trying to eat her Sultana brand through her
blue mask. She got on the back of Matt's bike

(51:56):
because Matt rides them to daycare. She got on the
back of Matt's bike and she wore her full bluey
outfit with mask the whole way, and Matt said it
was really kick cause everyone was beeping. And then this
morning she did the same thing. She got up and
she was just so fucking stoked to be a film
at the Unicorn and she put on her Unicorn outfit
and like, it's just it is beyond adorable.

Speaker 1 (52:15):
It's so cute.

Speaker 3 (52:16):
How much even if I hate it? How much did
she just the highlight of her life?

Speaker 1 (52:21):
Okay, my suck is my car break down? On the
weekend on a Sunday. It was not ideal. The number
of people that told me to call the animatic get
a battery. I obviously did that. Thank you for your help.
This was interesting actually because a lot of people didn't
understand it. I didn't know this.

Speaker 2 (52:36):
So the lady said to me, you can call someone out.
Generally speaking, we do have batteries on us. But she's like,
people the people that well, I don't know what they call,
the service men and women, Like, what.

Speaker 1 (52:47):
Are they called the panics? The call out mechanics. Yeah,
they're on corn mechanics apparently, laugh because I don't know.

Speaker 2 (52:54):
Yeah, apparently they pick up their batteries on a Monday
for the week, and that's what last time.

Speaker 1 (52:59):
The Yeah, it's really, that's what she said.

Speaker 2 (53:01):
And I was like, oh, she's like so often by
Sunday afternoon, Like when you're calling, She's like, they might
not have your battery left if they had a lot
of call outs that week with your kind of battery.
She's like, so it's late Sunday afternoon. If you don't
need it now, I would suggest wait till you're safe.
She's like, of course, we can come out, And I
was like I just couldn't be bothered. I was like,
I'll just do it tomorrow. But that was something that
I found really interesting and I'd never thought about that.

(53:23):
They go and collect everything for the week.

Speaker 1 (53:25):
So I don't know if she was pulling my leg,
but that is what the lady on the phone told me.

Speaker 4 (53:28):
She wasn't.

Speaker 8 (53:29):
And I also learned this because we got the same car,
because I copied you same birthday, same car. I found
out that if your car has the stop start at
a traffic light kind of vibe, it's a whole different
type of battery. So the enermy can't even replace it
in your car, even if they had one.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
Yeah, right, the car is a stop start car, now, aren't.

Speaker 8 (53:47):
They Apparently it's a different type of battery. The reason
I learned this is because they are at least two
hundred dollars more. And I was like, great, I don't
even use that feature, but it's like a different type
so it requires I don't.

Speaker 4 (53:58):
Know, more installation.

Speaker 8 (53:59):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
Yeah, so whatever, I'm my car back down. That was
shit and I was already crying.

Speaker 2 (54:03):
I was like, oh, you know, you know, I just
Darlilah and Ilala and I just sat in the car.
You know when whenever life feels overwhelming, the safest place
is just to sit in your car. It's like you
just feel safe in there. So we just sat there
for a while. Del I was frothing to get out,
and I was like, we just need to chill for
a minute, Squid and I was like, we just let's
just sit in this fielding.

Speaker 1 (54:23):
Let's just sit here and cry. I just sit here
in this feeling and cry.

Speaker 4 (54:26):
She's like, I'd rather not.

Speaker 1 (54:28):
She's like, I give no fox about your emotions.

Speaker 2 (54:30):
My swee of the week is it's our birthday and
I'm going up to see my little niece Maya and
Sherry and stuff, obviously, but it's my birthday next week
as well, so we're having like birthday parties and stuff
and yeah, so that's my sweet cute.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
Well that is it from ask guys.

Speaker 3 (54:45):
We are out of here for today, and if you
have any questions to ask on cart or you're a
slide into the dms that's at Life on Cut podcasts.
You can join the discussion group at Life on Cut
Discussion Group, or you can watch it all on YouTube
and you can.

Speaker 1 (54:56):
See the repeat offense offense.

Speaker 2 (54:58):
Of outfits like oh, dude, I just watched the video
the other day you throw the biggest leggies, And the
other was a video the other day where your computer
wasn't on your lap and it was just a leg
spread into your vagina.

Speaker 1 (55:09):
And it just puts a banana or an emoji over it.
Next time. I wish that I could say that it's
pregnancy related.

Speaker 3 (55:16):
It's probably not, but it's worse at the moment, so
I have a whole stomach to accommodate.

Speaker 1 (55:19):
And you often have holes in your pants and crush,
so it's like we can see right, I can't see
that the heads are not quite out yet.

Speaker 3 (55:25):
If that doesn't entice you to watch the YouTube channel,
I don't know what will.

Speaker 1 (55:27):
Anyway.

Speaker 3 (55:28):
Guys, you know the drill to mum tay dad, tell
you dog tear friends, and channel love because we love love.