Hey Lifers,
Today's episode has a lot of variation of light and shade.
Britt has done something that could be one of the funniest stories of something embarrassing that she's ever told. Salt & pepper squid anyone?
Laura and her family have been navigating a really hard time in their personal lives as her step dad has entered the last phase of his terminal cancer. They had a celebration of his life and today Laura shares what this experience has been like behind the scenes. Please if there is one thing about today's episode, it's to reach out to the men in your life who are over 50 and ask them when their last prostate check was.
Footage of a horrific, violent assault by Sean 'Diddy' Combs on his ex girlfriend Cassie Ventura has spread over the weekend. He has now released an 'apology' video that completely contradicts a statement he made in December where he said that he was completely innocent and that the allegations made against him were by "individuals looking for a quick pay day".
We speak about women not being 'reliable narrators of their own experiences' until there is video evidence of abuse. We speak about 'reputational apologies' and how different laws complicate this particular scenario.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
past and present.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on gadigal Land. Hi, guys, and welcome back to
another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
I'm Laura.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I'm Brittany, and we have had the funniest morning.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
We've been in hysterics all morning. Have you been in Yeah, hysterics. Yeah,
we've now.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Look I know that I am like the most annoying
little thing in your guys Ear, I'm going to say
it once.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
We don't have to sit on it. Benny's coming in
one week.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Today, coming literally inside me. We didn't physically coming to
the country.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
It's in the calendar. We did the request.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Everyone put it in their calendar and we're all counting
down alongside you.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Brituce.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Oh my god, we haven't even said we're Brittany and Laura.
Welcome to Life on Carton. I've got into Ben coming
in me. Wow, that escalated so quickly. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.
Just a differentiate, no, but very exciting. He's coming in
a week. I know you put in your calendar. If
he didn't put it in your calendar, please pop it
in now. And if this time next week.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
The very first episode you've ever listened to from us,
Ben is Brittney's boyfriend. Which that's probably too much for
an explanation anyways, continue, yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Yes, haven't seen him in a couple of months, so
it's going to be a brilliant time. I want you
all to think about me and what I'm doing this
time next week.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Well, the thing is, you say it like we're going
on a holiday, We're gonna still be here.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Why no, I'm still here. You can think about me fornicating. Okay,
thank you. That's it. That's right where it is.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Or even better than that, you can just tell us,
step by step, blow by literal blow, how it was
seeing each other again.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
That was punny.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
One more week, blow by blow. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Speaking of funny, I need to tell you what happened
to me on the weekend because I had my own
accidentally unfiltered.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Like I'm not often.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Mortified, You guys know that I don't get embarrassed very easily,
but I was proper mortified at myself. I wanted to
dig myself a hole bury me over the top, but
obviously I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Logistically that is impossible. So I was at a party.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I went out, which I also don't do very often,
but I was at this party and it was outside
near the Harbor Bridge in Sydney, and it was packed,
like the balcony was jam packed with people. And it
was one of those parties that wasn't sit down. It
was literally at like a fancy bar with like or
dirvs finger food a bit of a bar tab. So
everyone's just thriving, right. So I'm standing there and I'm
(02:24):
starving because I was late to the party, so I
didn't have dinner. So I went there and I was like,
I'll just get some of the finger food when.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
I get there.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
So I'm standing there having a drink, waiting for the food,
and then I can see it come out. And you know,
when you see a waitress come out with food, you
like eyeball them the whole time to let them know that,
you you know, like when people are walking around plates
of food, You're like, just so you know, I'm over here,
like I'm I balling.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
You, you know, when it's what you mean when it's
finger food food.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Yeah, you're like, you always get the waitress's attention.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You know that there's a technique you stand towards the
front because most waitresses don't. They don't evenly bring it around.
So if you're closest to the kitchen, you get the
most food.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Well, I couldn't get close to the kitchen because it
was jim packed like Sardine's, but it didn't matter because
I could see him making a beeline for us anyway,
So I thought, oh, she knows that the people up
there back neath the food because she was making a
beeline through the crowd and we're hungry, and she was
kind of holding them up. Not many people were grabbing it,
so I was like, beautiful. It was like a saltn
pepper squid. I was like, I can see that no
one's grabbing it, so there's going to be more by
the time it gets here. So she walks towards me,
(03:20):
and I reach out and I grabbed some salt pepper
calamari and I'm like thank you, and she gives me
a really.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Weird look, and I was like okay.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
So she walked past me, and I looked to the
people I was with, and I was like she was
so rude.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Like I said, did she not hear me say thank you?
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Eat my calamari? And then I turn around and make
eye contact with that And she's not a waitress, she's
in fact a guest. She's a guest that ordered her
own salt and pepper calamari, went and bought it and
took it back to her table.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
She was eating it, and I took I took the.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Calamari off her plate as she was leaving and looked
at it and feel like that waitress is such a
rude bitch.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
She should not be working in hospitality.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
I made eye contact, I was like thanks, and just
started nibbling at She must.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Have been that entitled bitch. No, she would look at
you and be like, oh my god, that's that's that girl.
Bring me Hockley. She's a mole. Was a life and
not a life for anymore. What did she did?
Speaker 1 (04:16):
You go on?
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Apologies?
Speaker 2 (04:16):
I did not.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
I did not just doubled down. I didn't double down.
I didn't go back for more. But I did in
fact leave the party. I've never been more embarrassing my
entire life, because I thought I don't want to make
it worse I mean, in hindsight, no, I probably should
have gone and explained what had happened to make that better.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
An explanation would have helped, because now there is especially
if she did recognize you, because now there's a woman
out there she might have there's a woman out there
who thinks you are so entitled that you just helped
yourself to her calamari, that's what she's gonna.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Say, embarrassed.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
I did find it weird that they weren't serviettes or
little like skewers, you know, toothpicks to pick it up with, or.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Just one life and fork on the side.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Yes, I think we're even carrying a number.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Look at all adds up in hindsight.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
So if you're listening, I'm mortified and I'm so sorry.
And if I wasn't a few espresso Martine's deep, I
probably would have had the emotional intelligence and social intelligence
to go up and explain it. But I just died
inside and I just had to smoke bombingly. Were there
actually people walking around with finger food?
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Or did that not happen at this place? Was like,
where is the finger food? This part of sucked? No
finger There was, in.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Fact a table in the corner that had some aarghiny
balls on it, of which I did consume multiple balls.
But there was not there was no, there was no
there was no finger food walking around. So that's probably
why you're you're right, Laura, that's probably why I don't
go out much.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Yeah, and last class, in my defense, she was wearing black.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Okay, that's her fault then, so I'm gasoline in it.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Also, did she dress like a waitress? Did she have
a name tag on?
Speaker 1 (05:55):
No, there was no other indication besides the fact that
she had food.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
There was nothing. She didn't actually looked like.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
This is a million years ago. But when I used
to I used to be a waitress. I worked in
like a really fancy restaurant in Woollongong. It was the
fanciest restaurant in Woollongong.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
It's okay. It was called the Lagoon and it was
super fancy.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
I think the guy who owned it the place burnt
down once upon a time, and he was like the
old mayor, and everyone had conspiracy theories that maybe he'd
burnt it done for an insurance job allegedly.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
Don't see me. Also, it was a really long time ago.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Anyway, I worked there and I was a waitress, and
I have this every time I think about it.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
It just really sends me. Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
So I had a tray full of champagne and it
was a wedding that we'd had there. So they had
these big long tables and all these people sitting along
the table, and I was having to go down the
length of the table between the two chairs and put
a champagne down.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
You know, anyone another drink, Well, fucking here's a champagne.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
So here I am with this tray that has about
thirteen glasses on it, and I put one champagne down.
As I put it down, the woman who's sitting in
the opposite chair pushes her chair back and stands straight up.
So she clipped my tray and knocked the whole tray
over this poor man that was just sitting there.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Thirdean glasses of champagne.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
All over him, for like literally they would have hit
at the back of his head. They all went down
his back, They all were like pulled in his chair,
glasses were breaking on the table on the floor. And
the woman who did it didn't even take responsibility, And
I am she blamed me.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
She blamed me. Everyone was like, oh my god, what
are you doing it? And she was like what are
you doing?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
And then and then I quit not so long, and
then I burned the place down, and then I kind of.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
Down with the insurance job. Do you know what I did?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
I was a waitress for years at a gourmet pizza restaurant.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
This is it's just the past lives over.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
But yeah, from like sixteen when I could get a
job until he even I say, hey, the boss even
used to take me back through my summer holidays of UNI.
So I worked there over like years and years and years. Anyway,
I remember this one time I was walking with multiple
big plates of pizza, because they're all served on big plates,
and I remember I was trying to balance at this
really fancy table and I was trying to balance and
put them down in the middle, and because I wasn't
paying attention to my other hand, it had tilted and
(08:02):
the whole pizza slid off onto the man's lap, the
whole entire pepperoni and olive pizza. I nearly imagine having
an entire You've gone out to dinner and the entire
pizzas in your lap.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
I like, I don't think we'll charge you for that.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
That one's for free. She's a goodness.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Okay, anybody who has been a waitress for a long
enough period of time has stories like these, Like every
single person has had something happened to them where they
went home that night and was like, well, I didn't
get any tips tonight, and I know, why.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Do you remember?
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Oh God, the no.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
This is like the ultimate accidental unfiltered that we had
written in about the oysters.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
If you're an og, you might remember this.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I am going to remind you. So there was a
girl that wrote in that said she was working at
like a seafood restaurant and she got she we're talking
about how we used to eat leftovers and stuff like
I used to eat pizzas for sure. If people didn't
eat their pizzas, I'd go out the back and eat
those pizzas.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
So Okay, what BRIT's referring to is because when I
worked at this restaurant.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
The Lagoon, people had really expensive platters and if they
didn't eat all the sefred platter, the staff would eat
it off their plate.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Yeah, after we'd taken it in to the kitchen.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
I think it's standard, Like I think most waitresses will
agree that that was as long as it wasn't. It's
different if it's like a half.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Eaten chicken schnitzel, like you're not going to eat it.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
But for me as a pizza girl, pizzas are in pizzas,
so like, if this's half a pizza, it's not eating,
I'm not throwing it out.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
And also I was poor at UNI.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
But this one girl wrote in and she said she
was working at a seafood restaurant and a table of
people didn't eat a whole plate of twenty four oysters.
So when she took it out the bag, she was like,
really off it. She was like, what a waste of money,
like these entitled people, So she started.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
Eating the oysters.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Then when she went to fix them up for the bill,
she said, look, I'm not going to charge you for
the oysters because you guys didn't eat them, you obviously
didn't like them. And they said, oh no, we just
we love the taste of the oysters, but not the
texture to swallow them, so we just sucked the taste
off and spit the oyster back in. So she took
the plate out and ate all their regurge takes oysters.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Sersey right, Hey, could you imagine Sersey right, that's.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
The moment in life where you go, I might stop
eating off people's plates or oysters. I think people will
be shocked to hear this because I'm assuming that maybe
it's changed because when we were in restaurants it was
like twenty years ago. I'm assuming things have changed like
quite a bit now. I think that you wouldn't get
away with it, whereas back then, like it was a
free for all it was. It was unrestricted, unlicensed, free
(10:25):
for all of eating people's leftovers. Anyway, that took a
real tangent. Also, if you do work in restaurants and
you like have your own stories, please send them through
because I think that this could be very very very.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Funny one hundred percent. And also, if you've ever seen
me at a restaurant and I don't finish my food, A,
I'm probably unwell, but B I'm going to.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Give you permission to eat it.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
I don't want anyone to waste food, so you can
eat my food left overs.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
You're just so giving bred what a good perth.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I'm just paying forward from the woman's calamari that I
just date.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Okay, well, we have a bit more of a serious
episode for you guys today, and we actually had many
conversations prior to this around how to get into it.
And it's tricky for me because I mean, I'm still
sitting here with a big smile on my face. And
I appreciate the I appreciate the last brute, and I
appreciate the stories because part of this has to do
with some stuff that my family is going through at
the moment and something that I find really hard to
(11:15):
talk about. So I kind of I need the levity
as much as possible at the moment. And as you
guys know, like I wasn't here on last week's episode.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
My car broke down in a tunnel.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
But also on top of that, I'd had a really
really big weekend down in Wollongong with my family, and
so I also it was.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Kind of a bit of a scapegoat.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
It was pretty good to not have to jump on
the podcast record because I wasn't mentally in a place
where I felt like I could sit here.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
And just have the funnies.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
And I think that that's something I mean, you guys know,
we always try and keep it light here. Well, the
highs and the lows. We love to have a laugh
and make fun of like lighthearted things, but we love
to have the serious conversations too, And every now and
again we go through something personally that is really hard,
and we don't always talk to you about it as
(12:01):
it's happening. We've said this in the past before you know,
this has happened in the past, Laura, things that we
go through where we think, let's just go through this
on our own for a hot second, and you've been
going through something for quite a while and now you
feel like it's time to share. But on that britt
we also like for you life as for this community
that we have, we are so appreciative and it is
such a privilege to be able to share these parts
(12:23):
of life with you.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Like you guys have been there for all of the
best bits. You've been there for the funny bits, and
you've also been there for some truly shitty, shitty, sad
times of what's been going on in life. And this
conversation that I wanted to share with you guys today
is something that is not just affecting me, and I
think that that's also a reason why sometimes it takes
us a while to be able to have the conversations
(12:45):
firstly making sure that other people in our family are
okay with us sharing things that directly affect us but
also affect other people more and that was definitely the
instance for this.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
So I have spent a.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Lot of time down in Wollongong recently and I'm going
back down there after this record because my stepdad, who
has been my mum's husband for like the last twenty
years or partner for the last twenty years, and who
has played like such an incredible role in our lives
since my mum has been in a relationship with him, Well,
twenty years is a really long time, like that takes
you back to your teenage years.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Yeah, and his name is Neil.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
He is an incredible, incredible man, and he was diagnosed
with prostate cancer eight years ago and when he was
diagnosed it was stage four, it was terminal, and we
have had eight incredible years with him since. So we've
been on borrowed time. But he is in palliative care
now and it's been seen a really sad and difficult
(13:42):
time watching him deteriorate and being down at the hospital
and being there for mom. And look, I guess I
have more than just wanting to share the sadness with
you guys. The reason why I wanted to talk about
this is because I don't think that we talk about
prostate cancer enough. Certainly we don't because the age that
we're at, it's not really something that affects us.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Yet.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
You know, for a lot of the people who listen,
prostate cancer is something that you think, oh, you know,
it's when you're in your seventies or your eighties. That's
just something that old men get. Neil Is he's in
his mid sixties. He was diagnosed in his late fifties,
and I know that he never would have thought that
he was going to be the one to get prostate cancer.
And I guess the reason why I want to talk
about this is because I would ask the question, how
(14:27):
many of you listening to this know when your dad
had his last prostate check? Who listening to this has
ever had a conversation with their dad or with whoever
it is that's maybe an older male figure in their
life that they're close to, whether it's your grandfather, it's
your dad. I'm around prostate and around their health. There's
some really crazy statistics. So the Cleveland Clinic do a
(14:49):
survey every year. It's called their National Mention Emmy Engine,
Great Pun Campaign, and then it's all around examining why
men are so avoidant around going to doctors. Some of
the statistics are pretty it's pretty alarming. And I say
that because as women, we are so conditioned to go
to the doctors. We're so conditioned to have our tests
(15:09):
from the time that we are quite young. We're told
about pap smears, we're told about cervical screenings, we're told
about mammograms. We know that this is just a part
of being a woman, is going and having the general
health checkups.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
I feel like we're also might be a bit of
a blanket statement, but I feel like we're also more
in tune with our bodies and like things that change.
We're more aware of going to get something checked as well,
whereas a lot of men, even when there are changes
happening to their body or they're feeling different things, they're
less inclined to want to go and investigate that.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
I think it also pertains too toxic masculinity. We talk
about We have many conversations around the patriarchy on this podcast,
but one of the things is that men who have
been conditioned to think that they are the stoic types,
or they're the ones that need to provide for their families,
or they're the ones who just kind of get on
and get on with it. You know, it's fine, I'll
get better, don't worry about this thing. They're the types
(15:59):
of men who avoid going to the doctors, who avoid
getting tests done, and these tests very very much could
save their lives. And I just wanted to read some
of the statistics out for you guys. So fifty percent
of men say that they're less likely to receive medical
attention than women. Fifty percent they are fifty percent less
likely to receive medical attention. Sixty five percent of men
surveyed said that they avoid going to the doctors for
(16:19):
as long as possible. Only three out of five men
go to the doctor for a routine checkup. Only twelve
percent of men would turn to a doctor if they
had a health.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Issue twelve percent.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Only twelve percent said that they would turn to a
doctor first if they had a health issue, wow, And
thirty seven percent of men said that they have withheld
information from their doctors in the past, specifically because they
weren't ready to deal with the potential diagnosis that it
might result in if they were told the truth.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
I spoke to my mum.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
This is when I say, you know that often when
we have these big things happening in life, that we
have to consider the other people that it affects. I
talked to my mum about it, and I was like,
the reason why I want to have this conversation is
because I really want to encourage everyone to talk to
their parents around making sure that your dads are going
and getting this prostate checked, because as far as we
(17:09):
are aware, Neil hadn't been to have his checks regularly,
and by the time it was diagnosed, it was so progressed.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
It was already in his bones and in his lymph nodes.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
And I don't want to say, and this is the
thing that makes me feel so upset, because I don't
want to say that maybe it was avoidable, because who knows, right,
and that it's so unfair to him, it's unfair to
his children to think that maybe this could have been
found out earlier. But I also know that Neil is
very strongly advocating now, telling his friends, telling people who
(17:39):
he cares about, like make sure that you're going and
getting checked because the alternate is realizing that potentially your
avoidance of doing something has meant that you didn't bypass
getting cancer. You just created a situation where it was untreatable.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
And you just weren't aware of it for a little
bit longer.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Yeah, And it's been for anybody who has seen someone
that they care about go through something that they can't
get better from, I guess, and watching like the impacted's
hat on mum, and you know, I think he's he's
such an amazing man. And he's got six grandchildren, he's
got two biological children, and he's going to miss out
(18:18):
on them getting older. Now, you know, there's so much. Yeah,
there's so much that is so sad about it.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
It really really is. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
So it's been a big few months. And I think
also with my mom. You guys know, I've spoken about
it loads over the course of the last five years.
My mom had a really hard run in relationships. You know,
my parents got divorcement I was three. She got remarried
to my stepdad, who was a really horrific person. And
(18:48):
we had my brother though, so that was like the
one good thing we were saying, the silver larning of
that fucking awful eight years of everyone's life. And then
she eventually met Neil. He's just such a fucking good
guy and the test wonderful. He's an incredible man. And
I think it's so sad that, you know, she's spent
all this time she finally met someone who's an incredible,
(19:08):
incredible guy, the person you think you're going to grow
old with, and then that gets robbed so short. So
if this conversation makes you do anything from listening to
this podcast, like have that awkward chat with your dad
that most people never would ask him, when was the
last time he had his prostate checked? And if he
said it's something that he hasn't had done or he's
(19:28):
adverse to it, or maybe it's weird to have those
conversations with your dad pushed through it because it genuinely
could save his life. And it also could mean that
you're not in a situation that our family is going
through right now.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
And so Laura, what like, what are the recommendations for
men when they're getting their prostate checked? Is it from
fifty years old?
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Yeah, so over fifty years old.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
And now it's I mean, it used to be like
the stigma around having a finger in your ass. It's
over fifty years old, it's every two years, and it
is done by blood tests mostly now. There's still obviously
some you can have inte exams if there's maybe the
suspicion of something, but it is as simple as a
blood test.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
So it's changed so much.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
It's changed so dramatically, so for any men who maybe
you don't even know that that's the case, because I
wouldn't have known had I not had to look it up.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
No, it's what you're saying is exactly right. And I
know that you spoke to your mum about this to
see if you could have this discussion, because it is
something that is still currently ongoing. You are living it
every day right now. And I think it's amazing that
both Neil and your mum want to advocate for this
because it has changed, you know, their life, the course
of so many people's lives, and.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
It's so common.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Like the other thing as well, is is like and
this is something that might not be widely known, but
if you're diagnosed with prostate cancer young, it's way more aggressive.
So a lot of men might get prostate cancer and
it's not actually the thing that kills them because they'll
die from being a ripe old man. But the younger
you get prostate cancer, the more aggressive the prostate cancer is,
which is why it's so so fucking important that if
you don't already have it in your family, you start
(20:57):
getting tested from fifty and if it is something that's
common in your family, it's even earlier than that, and
it's for that exact reason, you know. So for Neil,
that's just the really unfortunate part of it is that
by the time it was diagnosed, it was already so advanced,
and we were told at the time that he would
probably only get five years. Thirty percent of people who
had cancer that advance don't live beyond five years, so
(21:19):
only thirty percent of people do. And we have had
eight which seems like an incredible amount of time, but
eight years is still not enough. And you know, we
had such a beautiful a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
It was funny.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
One of his friends was like, it's like having your
own wake. But we had a celebration of his life
which he was able to be at, and it was
a really really special day. He's been a really active
participant in like the music community in Woollongong. He's a
school teacher and he's played in so many bands. He's
a brass player. But also they have and I'm sure
like lots of like local smaller communities have it, where
(21:53):
like the schools will get together, the public schools will
get together and they put on like a big show.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Wollongong has a version of that.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
And so this clebration of Neil's life meant that so
many of his students came, like his colleagues came, all
of his brass band members came, and they put on
this big thing for him, in this big show for him.
The money was all supported to go to prostate cancer
research because everyone paid like a ten dollar admission thing.
But I don't know, it was just it was a
really beautiful celebration of the life that he had. But
(22:19):
it's such a fucking weird thing to celebrate someone's life
who's still here that you know that they can't get better.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
I mean, it's not something I've never really thought about.
Anyone that I have lost in my life has not
known that they were passing. Like you know, I haven't
very luckily been around anybody that has had a slow
deterioration like people in my life have just passed away.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
So I've never been in.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
A situation a palliative care Well, yeah, I've never been
a situation where I guess somebody would have a wake
for themselves or like a celebration of life. But it's
really I'm a moent, Like I don't want to cry
because but I'm crying look at you. No, I know,
but it's when I'm thinking about the idea of it.
It must just be such an unusual thing for the person,
(23:00):
for Neil to want to have that moment with all
these people that he loves in his life, but also
knowing why he's having it, like knowing you're having a
moment to say goodbye to people, you know there'll be
some people that are unofficially saying goodbye. I cannot imagine
what that's like for him, but but also for you guys,
because you want to be putting on a brave, happy
face for him and make it a happy moment. But
(23:21):
of course you're losing someone very important in your life too.
Not only are you losing like such an important person
in your life, like your stepdad, who's he's not just
a stepdad, he's like a dad. You know, he's been
around for twenty years. But you're also watching the people
that you love the absolute most in life go through
what they're going through, Like you're watching your mom. Like
if you think of how much you're feeling about losing
someone that you love, she's losing her life partner and
(23:43):
her soulmate. There's like a flow on effect. So you're
battling with trying to support your mom around her entire
life that's about to change and how she's going to feel,
which I cannot imagine losing your soulmate. But then also
you have another layer that's like you're your loved one
that you're losing as well.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
I mean I think were for so Neil has two
biological children. I never want to speak on plf of them,
like they're my step brother and sister. They're amazing and
they are like they're so strong, Like I can't even
tell you they've been incredible. But then I think of
my mom and she's the person who I feel the
most responsible for in some ways. And how you know
it's this and I think it's something that so many
(24:23):
of us will go through. It's this transition right where
you're still a child, like I'm still my mum's child,
but I also feel a responsibility to care for my
mum and to make sure that she is okay in
this next transition of life and that she is able
to take care of herself and she feels supported. And
I know, Woollongong to Sydney. For anyone who's listening who's
(24:44):
not from, you know, around this area, which is probably
most of you, it's an hour and forty five minutes drive.
It's not a huge, huge drive, but it's enough that
you can't just pop down to check in on how
mum's going, you know, and supporting someone else as well
through their grief and supporting someone else through what will
be a huge, huge life transition of losing their partner.
And I don't know what that looks like yet because
(25:05):
we haven't gotten to that point. There's definitely been a
lot of sadness at the moment, but I think things
for her own life, for her, I don't even think
she's aware of how much it's going to change, or
maybe is not even able to process that, because at
the moment we're just processing him being so unwell and
the palliative care aspect of it.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
So yeah, I think a lot.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
There will be a lot of people listening to this
who's been through that sort of immense grief alongside their parents, and.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
It's almost grieving.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Well, it's almost like you're going to have to re grieve,
you know, once he passes away, because you're grieving the
life that's about to come.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Yeah, we come here, we're all haha, rah rahs often,
but sometimes there's other big things going on behind the scenes.
And yeah, I know we've said it a few times,
but if you take anything from today's episode, please make
it that you have conversations with your family around this stuff,
so that maybe in the next ten twenty years time,
it's not a weird, stigmatized thing that men do talk
(25:59):
about their tests, their medical tests in the same way
that we talk about it as women. We talk about
periods and perhaps mess and we make.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Jokes about it.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
And I don't know if men have the same ability
to have those conversations in their friendship groups, So maybe
we can have them within our families instead.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
And we talk about advocating for your own health all
the time, Like, at the end of the day, no
one is going to go and do something for you.
No one is going to go and investigate your health
issue unless you don't take control and totally. And this
is another one of those things. But we know that
men need more of a push. We've just got the statistics,
so have the conversation, mate. I messaged my dad straight
away the other day when Lauren and I had a
(26:35):
really in depth conversation about it, and.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
I just thought, wow, I've never asked. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
If you said, had your dad got a prosy check?
I said, I don't know, and then I thought, why
don't I know that? So I messaged my dad immediately
and luckily he said he's been getting them every two years,
so it's something just to make sure.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Well done, Tony. Proud of you.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I'm proud of you, Tony because he knows he would
have felt my wrath as well. If two weeks ago
this wasn't even a question for me, and now I'm like,
I would have annihilated if he had said no, I
would have gotten really angry, like, why aren't you going
to look after yourself?
Speaker 3 (27:04):
Yeah? Well, guys, I mean, yeah, that's a life update
for me.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Well, thanks for sharing them because it's really important and
I'm sorry that you're going through that, and I know
there's a lot of life is right now that will
go and have that conversation. Maybe in the future, Laura
might not be on some episodes and you'll understand why. Yeah, yeah,
and all the life is and as it here for you.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
And also to anybody who's listening to this, who's because
like a lot of men get prostate cancer.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
It's really common.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
My granddad, my papa, he had prostate cancer, My uncle's
had prostate cancer, but often men beat it. It's a
really common cancer that men beat. But there will be
people who are listening to this who have lost loved
ones from whatever. Cancer doesn't just have to be prostate cancer.
There's so much sympathy and empathy for that because it's
(27:50):
just a fucking horrible thing to go through. To all
of you who are probably listening to this and feeling
like it's dug up some feelings as well, Yeah, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
That you had to go through that. Yeah, I'm sorry
you're going through that.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
And I know it's not over yet, but we appreciate you,
We love you.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Thanks Sony. All right, let's go to an ad Whush wush.
In the face of everything, we still wanted to bring
you a normal episode of life on cut. I mean,
I do genuinely want to say thank you for holding
space and for listening, and also Britt for letting me
have that conversation. But we did want to have and
bring it to you a normal episode. And there's been
(28:28):
something that has happened over the weekend that we cannot
not talk about because it is so important and it
also is very reflective of greater conversations that are happening
right now across Australia and across the world to do
with domestic violence. So many of you would have seen
the incredibly horrific video of p Diddy assaulting his ex
(28:51):
Cassie Ventura in the hallway of the Intercontinental Hotel. And
for anyone who has not seen this video, I'm not
recommending that you go and watch it, because once you've
seen it, you will not be able to unsee this.
But what happens is she leaves the room. She's carrying
her shoes in her hand. She's clearly trying to get
away from him who's inside. She's standing at the lift,
(29:13):
and he comes running down the hallway and brutally attacks
her and assaults her.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
She's lying on the floor.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
She is completely still, and he starts kicking her and
dragging her.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
It is horrific.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
Now, the reason why this is so important to talk
about is, and there's a few things that I think
of straightaway, and it's this conversation that women are not
reliable sources of telling their own stories. Now, in November
of twenty twenty three, Cassie filed a civil lawsuit against
p DIDF. Now, this was for several allegations including and
(29:48):
it's horrific to even say rape, physical abuse for over
a decade. Now, this lawsuit that was raised was settled
within one day after being filed. So I think it's
really important before we get into the semantics of it.
It's different between a civil lawsuit and a criminal lawsuit.
So a civil lawsuit usually is settled with some sort
of monetary remuneration, whereas a criminal lawsuit is usually settled
(30:12):
with some sort of punitive justice like going to prison
or being fined or whatever. And they're raised by different peoples.
But there was a I mean a pretty damning and
when I say damning, it was reputationally damning statement that
P did he brought out in response to her claim.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
So her claim was November twenty twenty three, and on
December sixth, twenty twenty three, p Did's statement reads, enough
is enough in big capital bold letters.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
For the last couple of.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Weeks, I have sat silently and watched people try to
assassinate my character, destroying my reputation and my legacy. Sickening
allegations have been made against me by individuals looking for
a quick payday. Let me be absolutely clear, I did
not do any of the awful things being alleged. I
will fight for my name, my family, and for the truth.
(30:58):
So not only did he come out and adamantly denied
that he did anything wrong, he also gaslighted Cassie, and
in turn he's saying that they are ruining his reputation.
In turn, he did the same thing to her because
he said she's after a quick payday, she's lying for money.
No one believed Cassie at this time because somebody as
(31:20):
powerful as Pddy, who we have grown up with. We
have seen twenty million folls on Instagram. Everybody knows who
he is. She was nineteen or twenty when they started dating.
Like the power imbalance was astronomical, so for her to
have had the courage a after ten years of on
and off to leave the situation and then report that
there was sexual assault, rape, and physical abuse in the relationship.
(31:43):
I cannot imagine how brave you have to be to
report that in any situation, let alone going up against
someone as powerful as PDDY.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
But this is this is incredibly frustrating thing, and the
reason why we wanted to talk about this is because
it's something that happens to so many women who are
in domestic violence or in any sort of violent situations.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
They are not believed. She was not believed.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Her credibility as a person who was presenting her own
story was brought into disrepute by him saying that she
was just after a payday. There's also other allegations that
came out around the time, where pdd was saying that
she had blackmailed him for thirty million dollars or she
was going to write a tell old book of things
that were just completely untrue. And so when those things
(32:27):
are circulating in the media and in the press, you're
left to kind of make up this assumption about the
type of person Cassandra is, and it's open to speculation,
it's open to people's opinions, and I think that this
is something that so many women experience, so many women
who are trying to prove that they have been raped,
that they have been sexually assaulted. When it's your word
(32:48):
against someone else's word, especially when that someone else's word
is more powerful, it shows that not only are you
not believed, but in order to be believed, you have
to have cold, hard evidence. That is so horrific to
watch that literally every news outlet across the country is
now playing it and reporting on it.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
It's so sad that that's the society that we live in.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
But I do think it's so important that we unpack
the wy around it and that people start sort of
asking themselves, Okay, well, why did we need to see
the proof the video in order to believe all of
these women?
Speaker 3 (33:19):
Because it's not just Cassandra.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
There have been five other lawsuits civil lawsuits that have
been raised against p DIDY that we know of, and
I think up until this point it would have been
open to this speculation around, oh, this is just women
who are trying to do me dirty type rhetoric. But
I mean some of these includes so in November of
twenty twenty three, the rapper was accused of drugging, filming,
and sexually assaulting a woman on a date in nineteen
ninety one. There was also a third woman who filed
(33:43):
a lawsuit against him in twenty twenty three, claiming that
he and another singer songwriter, Aaron Hall, took turns sexually
assaulting her and a friend. In the early nineties, there
was another one which accused him of sexually assaulting a
seventeen year old girl at his New York City recording
studio after drugging her and supply her with alcohol.
Speaker 3 (34:01):
I mean, there's a common theme here, isn't there.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
That he is an absolute predator, like a frightening predator.
And I think the other part of this that we
really wanted to unpack because so many people up until
this point have reported on the video of her being assaulted.
But he has actually come out and done an apology
video which we're not going to play. We're not going
to play. And we spoke about whether it would be
(34:24):
right or wrong to put that in here in order
to give you guys context and to be able to
better unpack it. But it is not worth the breath
that it took for him to exhale those words, and
it is so based in nothing. Once you match up
the timeline and you look at the fact that in
twenty twenty three of December he brought out a statement
saying enough is enough. I'm the one who's the victim here,
(34:46):
and now that we're only in May, he puts out
a statement, a sorry statement, saying how he's been to
go and have therapy and how he's changed, and it
makes him discussion. It's like, you don't get to be
those two things. You don't get to say it didn't
happen in December, and then in May say that you're
so deeply sorry that you've had therapy.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
You never want to be that person again.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
Well, infuriatingly for those that are at home saying lock
him up, which was my immediate response, I was like,
lock him up and throw away the key. Unfortunately, in
their state, the statute of limitations has passed. The statue
of limitations is one and three years for two different
types of assault. One is assault, one is aggravated assault.
He cannot be charged for this now because too many
(35:26):
years has passed, which seems fucking insane, Like if you
beat and rape someone three years ago, four years ago.
Why is that any different if it was one year
ago for me? You have not rehabilitated, and I want
to read you one part. I know we're not going
to play his apology, but one part of his apology
he said, it is so difficult to reflect on the
darkest times of your life, but sometimes you got to
(35:48):
do that. I take full responsibility for my actions in
that video. I was disgusted when I did it. I'm
disgusted now.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Firstly, sometimes you've got to reflect on the hard times
of your life.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
That's what he said.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Bullshit, you're reflecting now because you've been called out publicly
in a video where you cannot deny it is you
abusing your girlfriend. Secondly, I take full responsibility for my actions.
I was disgusted then, I'm disgusted now. You took no responsibility.
You denied this and gas lighted her only a couple
of months previously, and you abused her for ten years.
(36:21):
Like this is the most bullshit apology I think I
have ever heard.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
And I hope you're right, Laura.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
He can't be held accountable right now in the eye
of the law, but I hope, for God's sake, he's
held accountable in the public eye.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
Some of you might have seen this if you've been
staying close to the news. It's been reported that p
did he actually paid fifty thousand dollars to the hotel.
It was taken in the hallways of the Intercontinental. The
hotel has been closed since, so it's not actually a
running hotel or under new management, but that he paid
them fifty thousand dollars in order to make this video
go away so that it was not accessible. So for
(36:54):
someone who is so remorseful, it's like, once again just reiterates,
you're only remorseful because you got call. The thing that
I think is so sad. We know that victims are
not always perfect victims. Victims don't always act and behave
in a way that you might assume is akin to
being a perfect victim, and that means that sometimes it
takes people a really long time to come forward and
(37:15):
feel as though they are empowered enough that they have
healed enough to be able to talk about the traumas
that they have actually experienced. And one to three years
doesn't allow people to process the damage that they've experienced
and then also be able to face up to that perpetrator,
especially when they're still fearing for their life, they're still
fearing for their situation to be able to process a
(37:37):
court proceeding either. So I think, like, I mean, we're
just lucky that we live in Australia in some respects
that that limitation is much longer and that there can
be justice for people. But even so, there's still so
many people who will never come forward because the statistics
say that they won't be believed.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
And I know, Laura, at the start, you said, you know,
I urge you not to watch this if you haven't
seen it. I on my social media took a different stand.
I said, this isn't going to be triggering for you,
and you don't have a connection to domestic violence. I
urge you to watch it, and I urge you to
share it with people that you know, specifically men, because
the most common thing we hear in domestic violent situations
is well why don't you just leave? Or why didn't
(38:15):
they just leave? Like it's almost victim blaming. It's their
fault they stayed in that situation. This video is so
evident that she is trying to leave, she is physically
she has waited till he is asleep in the hotel
till she can try to secretly sneak out at a
safe time when he's unconscious. She hasn't even put her
shoes on. She has her shoes in her hands. She
(38:36):
can tell that she has grabbed a bag. She's covering
her face with the hoodie, and she is running to
the elevator. When he discovers she's gone, he goes out
and physically drags.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Her back in.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
We lose sight of her as after he's beaten her
on the ground as he drags her back in. And
I think that that is really really important to note
that people try to leave, it is not as easy
as just leaving. And she would have tried to have
left so many times, and she came back because she
was scared that leaving would be worse. And now can
you imagine feeling that you don't have anywhere to go,
(39:10):
or if you do leave that situation, it's going to
be worse. She always felt like he was and she
said this, She felt like he was going to be
more mad and the outcome would be worse for her
physically if she didn't go back to the hotel, because he.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
Would be more angry.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
He would beat her worse than he ever has before.
Speaker 3 (39:26):
It's so frightening, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
Because we've had I mean, there has been over the
years an increasing swell around these conversations, and in the
last couple of months, I think that finally it feels
as though people are listening, Like we had Bianca Unwin
on the podcast a couple of years ago her sister
was murdered by her ex partner, and it's just like
people retell their stories. People have been saying how horrific
(39:50):
it is for so long, and finally it kind of
feels like, especially in Australia, like everybody is listening, Like
men are listening, like people are actually taking note of
what is happening. That at the same time time you think,
like exactly what you said, Britt, Like it's so harrowing
that sometimes we have to see it play out, to
see the proof, to actually process how frightening it is,
and to think that that happened in a public space,
(40:13):
That happened in the hallway of a hotel where he
would have known that there was CCTV. He knew that
someone could have easily come out of their room and
seen what was going on, Like it's so brazen because
it's so public, and then it makes you think, well,
what goes on when no one's watching, what goes on
when there are no cameras.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
And the power that he feels he had over her,
yea to not worry about that because he's like, it's fine,
I'll pay the hotel a bit of money and get
the footage, Like it doesn't matter what I do on
TV right now, I'm I am that in control and
I have that much power over these women and other
people that yeah, I'm untouched, I can do what I want.
And disgustingly, there are still people, even though this footage
has come out. I know you just said it's taken
(40:51):
footage fresh to physically see, there are still people that
are commenting saying, well, imagine what she did then to
deserve that she's done something. There are still there are
still these mislogynies, dick pigs of men that think that
she still would have done something to deserve that, So
trigger it. One thing I do want to finish with
and actually give some space to Cassie's husband now. His
name is Alex Fine, and he put out a statement
(41:12):
that I think is wonderful and I think a lot
of people need to share it. I think a lot
of men need to share it amongst men, because women
have been screaming this for years and no one's been listening.
And unfortunately, it does take men to have these conversations
as well. He said, men who hit women aren't men.
Men who enable it and protect those people aren't men.
As men, violence against women shouldn't be inevitable. Check your brothers,
(41:34):
your friends, and your family. Our daughters, sisters, mothers, and
wives should feel protected and loved. Hold the women in
your life with the utmost regard. Men who hurt women
hate women. And I think this is so important because
in this situation, there were so many people that knew
this was going on that stayed quiet. People at the hotel, managers,
(41:54):
people that worked for him, friends, there were people that knew.
And I think you're complicit in this that was happening,
and you said nothing.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
Yeah, Well, normally we finish all of our Tuesday's episodes
with an accidentally unfiltered story and also with our suck
and our suite.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
But I think.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
It's pretty evident what my suck is at the moment, Guys,
it just doesn't feel right on today's episode with everything
that we've been speaking about, to do the funny hahas
like oh my god, I can't believe you shout yourself stories,
and also to talk about the trivial things that have
been sucks in our life.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
My suck is literally what women have facing every single day,
Like this conversation is my suck.
Speaker 2 (42:31):
Yeah, but genuinely, guys like and I know I mentioned
it at the beginning of the episode, like, we're so
greatly appreciative that we're able to have space to have
these conversations, the hard conversations, the ones that are much
easier than what today's episode was. And yeah, and I
hope that I hope that you guys got to make
out of it, and genuinely, I hope that it makes
a difference to some people. And going back to what
(42:51):
I spoke about about my stepdad, like I said, if
it changes the course for one family, if you're able
to have these conversations and opens that up, then thisisode
it has been worthwhile.
Speaker 3 (43:01):
So we appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (43:02):
Thanks for sharing today, Laura, because I think that's going
to help a lot of people, and it's unfortunately relatable
to a lot of people.
Speaker 3 (43:08):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Anyway, Guys, if you have enjoyed the episode, if you
think it will make a difference to somebody's life, or
if anybody is going through similar things to what my
family's going through, feel free to pass the episode along
share with a friend. Also, have all of our episodes
on YouTube now, so you can watch me cry in
real life.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
And if you're a cute cry though, you can watch
me cry.
Speaker 2 (43:26):
I'll give you on the video for Matt. But also
we have an amazing episode for you tomorrow. So we
interviewed a woman named Kirsten Pills. Now, Kirsten was faced
speaking of palliative care. This is probably not quite the
right LINKI but I wasn't supposed to be a segue,
but it feels like an awkward segue.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
But we're going to go in there and lean into it. Anyway.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
Basically, she has written an incredible book. It is called
Loving My lying, dying, Cheating Husband.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
Which is a pretty self explanatory headline, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
So. Kirsten's husband, who she was deeply in love with,
he was suffering from a terminal illness terminal cancer, and
she found out that during the entire duration of their marriage,
he was having an affair, and the big question is
what do you do when you have become the love
of your life's care that maybe the person who you
(44:15):
thought they were isn't actually the person that they turned
out to be.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Yea, that is what we are discussing on tomorrow's episode.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
It's an incredible, incredible episode and it's so thought provoking
and it's so emotive and you just cannot imagine being
in that situation, and she says some really surprising things
throughout it. You just don't know how you will react
if you were faced with what she was faced with.
Speaker 2 (44:34):
And also it's a story around discovering herself again. So
please listen tomorrow's episode and that it's it from us.
Speaker 1 (44:40):
Don't forget to Mum, to your dad, tell you dog,
two friends, and share the love because we love love.
(45:00):
Kabaka Baba kabobaaaa
Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
past and present.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on gadigal Land. Hi, guys, and welcome back to
another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
I'm Laura.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I'm Brittany, and we have had the funniest morning.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
We've been in hysterics all morning. Have you been in Yeah, hysterics. Yeah,
we've now.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Look I know that I am like the most annoying
little thing in your guys Ear, I'm going to say
it once.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
We don't have to sit on it. Benny's coming in
one week.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Today, coming literally inside me. We didn't physically coming to
the country.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
It's in the calendar. We did the request.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Everyone put it in their calendar and we're all counting
down alongside you.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Brituce.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Oh my god, we haven't even said we're Brittany and Laura.
Welcome to Life on Carton. I've got into Ben coming
in me. Wow, that escalated so quickly. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.
Just a differentiate, no, but very exciting. He's coming in
a week. I know you put in your calendar. If
he didn't put it in your calendar, please pop it
in now. And if this time next week.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
The very first episode you've ever listened to from us,
Ben is Brittney's boyfriend. Which that's probably too much for
an explanation anyways, continue, yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Yes, haven't seen him in a couple of months, so
it's going to be a brilliant time. I want you
all to think about me and what I'm doing this
time next week.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Well, the thing is, you say it like we're going
on a holiday, We're gonna still be here.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Why no, I'm still here. You can think about me fornicating. Okay,
thank you. That's it. That's right where it is.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Or even better than that, you can just tell us,
step by step, blow by literal blow, how it was
seeing each other again.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
That was punny.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
One more week, blow by blow. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Speaking of funny, I need to tell you what happened
to me on the weekend because I had my own
accidentally unfiltered.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Like I'm not often.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Mortified, You guys know that I don't get embarrassed very easily,
but I was proper mortified at myself. I wanted to
dig myself a hole bury me over the top, but
obviously I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Logistically that is impossible. So I was at a party.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I went out, which I also don't do very often,
but I was at this party and it was outside
near the Harbor Bridge in Sydney, and it was packed,
like the balcony was jam packed with people. And it
was one of those parties that wasn't sit down. It
was literally at like a fancy bar with like or
dirvs finger food a bit of a bar tab. So
everyone's just thriving, right. So I'm standing there and I'm
(02:24):
starving because I was late to the party, so I
didn't have dinner. So I went there and I was like,
I'll just get some of the finger food when.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
I get there.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
So I'm standing there having a drink, waiting for the food,
and then I can see it come out. And you know,
when you see a waitress come out with food, you
like eyeball them the whole time to let them know that,
you you know, like when people are walking around plates
of food, You're like, just so you know, I'm over here,
like I'm I balling.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
You, you know, when it's what you mean when it's
finger food food.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Yeah, you're like, you always get the waitress's attention.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You know that there's a technique you stand towards the
front because most waitresses don't. They don't evenly bring it around.
So if you're closest to the kitchen, you get the
most food.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Well, I couldn't get close to the kitchen because it
was jim packed like Sardine's, but it didn't matter because
I could see him making a beeline for us anyway,
So I thought, oh, she knows that the people up
there back neath the food because she was making a
beeline through the crowd and we're hungry, and she was
kind of holding them up. Not many people were grabbing it,
so I was like, beautiful. It was like a saltn
pepper squid. I was like, I can see that no
one's grabbing it, so there's going to be more by
the time it gets here. So she walks towards me,
(03:20):
and I reach out and I grabbed some salt pepper
calamari and I'm like thank you, and she gives me
a really.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Weird look, and I was like okay.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
So she walked past me, and I looked to the
people I was with, and I was like she was
so rude.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Like I said, did she not hear me say thank you?
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Eat my calamari? And then I turn around and make
eye contact with that And she's not a waitress, she's
in fact a guest. She's a guest that ordered her
own salt and pepper calamari, went and bought it and
took it back to her table.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
She was eating it, and I took I took the.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Calamari off her plate as she was leaving and looked
at it and feel like that waitress is such a
rude bitch.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
She should not be working in hospitality.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
I made eye contact, I was like thanks, and just
started nibbling at She must.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Have been that entitled bitch. No, she would look at
you and be like, oh my god, that's that's that girl.
Bring me Hockley. She's a mole. Was a life and
not a life for anymore. What did she did?
Speaker 1 (04:16):
You go on?
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Apologies?
Speaker 2 (04:16):
I did not.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
I did not just doubled down. I didn't double down.
I didn't go back for more. But I did in
fact leave the party. I've never been more embarrassing my
entire life, because I thought I don't want to make
it worse I mean, in hindsight, no, I probably should
have gone and explained what had happened to make that better.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
An explanation would have helped, because now there is especially
if she did recognize you, because now there's a woman
out there she might have there's a woman out there
who thinks you are so entitled that you just helped
yourself to her calamari, that's what she's gonna.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Say, embarrassed.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
I did find it weird that they weren't serviettes or
little like skewers, you know, toothpicks to pick it up with, or.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Just one life and fork on the side.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Yes, I think we're even carrying a number.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Look at all adds up in hindsight.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
So if you're listening, I'm mortified and I'm so sorry.
And if I wasn't a few espresso Martine's deep, I
probably would have had the emotional intelligence and social intelligence
to go up and explain it. But I just died
inside and I just had to smoke bombingly. Were there
actually people walking around with finger food?
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Or did that not happen at this place? Was like,
where is the finger food? This part of sucked? No
finger There was, in.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Fact a table in the corner that had some aarghiny
balls on it, of which I did consume multiple balls.
But there was not there was no, there was no
there was no finger food walking around. So that's probably
why you're you're right, Laura, that's probably why I don't
go out much.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Yeah, and last class, in my defense, she was wearing black.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Okay, that's her fault then, so I'm gasoline in it.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Also, did she dress like a waitress? Did she have
a name tag on?
Speaker 1 (05:55):
No, there was no other indication besides the fact that
she had food.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
There was nothing. She didn't actually looked like.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
This is a million years ago. But when I used
to I used to be a waitress. I worked in
like a really fancy restaurant in Woollongong. It was the
fanciest restaurant in Woollongong.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
It's okay. It was called the Lagoon and it was
super fancy.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
I think the guy who owned it the place burnt
down once upon a time, and he was like the
old mayor, and everyone had conspiracy theories that maybe he'd
burnt it done for an insurance job allegedly.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
Don't see me. Also, it was a really long time ago.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Anyway, I worked there and I was a waitress, and
I have this every time I think about it.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
It just really sends me. Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
So I had a tray full of champagne and it
was a wedding that we'd had there. So they had
these big long tables and all these people sitting along
the table, and I was having to go down the
length of the table between the two chairs and put
a champagne down.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
You know, anyone another drink, Well, fucking here's a champagne.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
So here I am with this tray that has about
thirteen glasses on it, and I put one champagne down.
As I put it down, the woman who's sitting in
the opposite chair pushes her chair back and stands straight up.
So she clipped my tray and knocked the whole tray
over this poor man that was just sitting there.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Thirdean glasses of champagne.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
All over him, for like literally they would have hit
at the back of his head. They all went down
his back, They all were like pulled in his chair,
glasses were breaking on the table on the floor. And
the woman who did it didn't even take responsibility, And
I am she blamed me.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
She blamed me. Everyone was like, oh my god, what
are you doing it? And she was like what are
you doing?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
And then and then I quit not so long, and
then I burned the place down, and then I kind of.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
Down with the insurance job. Do you know what I did?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
I was a waitress for years at a gourmet pizza restaurant.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
This is it's just the past lives over.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
But yeah, from like sixteen when I could get a
job until he even I say, hey, the boss even
used to take me back through my summer holidays of UNI.
So I worked there over like years and years and years. Anyway,
I remember this one time I was walking with multiple
big plates of pizza, because they're all served on big plates,
and I remember I was trying to balance at this
really fancy table and I was trying to balance and
put them down in the middle, and because I wasn't
paying attention to my other hand, it had tilted and
(08:02):
the whole pizza slid off onto the man's lap, the
whole entire pepperoni and olive pizza. I nearly imagine having
an entire You've gone out to dinner and the entire
pizzas in your lap.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
I like, I don't think we'll charge you for that.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
That one's for free. She's a goodness.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Okay, anybody who has been a waitress for a long
enough period of time has stories like these, Like every
single person has had something happened to them where they
went home that night and was like, well, I didn't
get any tips tonight, and I know, why.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Do you remember?
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Oh God, the no.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
This is like the ultimate accidental unfiltered that we had
written in about the oysters.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
If you're an og, you might remember this.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I am going to remind you. So there was a
girl that wrote in that said she was working at
like a seafood restaurant and she got she we're talking
about how we used to eat leftovers and stuff like
I used to eat pizzas for sure. If people didn't
eat their pizzas, I'd go out the back and eat
those pizzas.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
So Okay, what BRIT's referring to is because when I
worked at this restaurant.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
The Lagoon, people had really expensive platters and if they
didn't eat all the sefred platter, the staff would eat
it off their plate.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Yeah, after we'd taken it in to the kitchen.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
I think it's standard, Like I think most waitresses will
agree that that was as long as it wasn't. It's
different if it's like a half.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Eaten chicken schnitzel, like you're not going to eat it.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
But for me as a pizza girl, pizzas are in pizzas,
so like, if this's half a pizza, it's not eating,
I'm not throwing it out.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
And also I was poor at UNI.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
But this one girl wrote in and she said she
was working at a seafood restaurant and a table of
people didn't eat a whole plate of twenty four oysters.
So when she took it out the bag, she was like,
really off it. She was like, what a waste of money,
like these entitled people, So she started.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
Eating the oysters.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Then when she went to fix them up for the bill,
she said, look, I'm not going to charge you for
the oysters because you guys didn't eat them, you obviously
didn't like them. And they said, oh no, we just
we love the taste of the oysters, but not the
texture to swallow them, so we just sucked the taste
off and spit the oyster back in. So she took
the plate out and ate all their regurge takes oysters.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Sersey right, Hey, could you imagine Sersey right, that's.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
The moment in life where you go, I might stop
eating off people's plates or oysters. I think people will
be shocked to hear this because I'm assuming that maybe
it's changed because when we were in restaurants it was
like twenty years ago. I'm assuming things have changed like
quite a bit now. I think that you wouldn't get
away with it, whereas back then, like it was a
free for all it was. It was unrestricted, unlicensed, free
(10:25):
for all of eating people's leftovers. Anyway, that took a
real tangent. Also, if you do work in restaurants and
you like have your own stories, please send them through
because I think that this could be very very very.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Funny one hundred percent. And also, if you've ever seen
me at a restaurant and I don't finish my food, A,
I'm probably unwell, but B I'm going to.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Give you permission to eat it.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
I don't want anyone to waste food, so you can
eat my food left overs.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
You're just so giving bred what a good perth.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I'm just paying forward from the woman's calamari that I
just date.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Okay, well, we have a bit more of a serious
episode for you guys today, and we actually had many
conversations prior to this around how to get into it.
And it's tricky for me because I mean, I'm still
sitting here with a big smile on my face. And
I appreciate the I appreciate the last brute, and I
appreciate the stories because part of this has to do
with some stuff that my family is going through at
the moment and something that I find really hard to
(11:15):
talk about. So I kind of I need the levity
as much as possible at the moment. And as you
guys know, like I wasn't here on last week's episode.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
My car broke down in a tunnel.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
But also on top of that, I'd had a really
really big weekend down in Wollongong with my family, and
so I also it was.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Kind of a bit of a scapegoat.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
It was pretty good to not have to jump on
the podcast record because I wasn't mentally in a place
where I felt like I could sit here.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
And just have the funnies.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
And I think that that's something I mean, you guys know,
we always try and keep it light here. Well, the
highs and the lows. We love to have a laugh
and make fun of like lighthearted things, but we love
to have the serious conversations too, And every now and
again we go through something personally that is really hard,
and we don't always talk to you about it as
(12:01):
it's happening. We've said this in the past before you know,
this has happened in the past, Laura, things that we
go through where we think, let's just go through this
on our own for a hot second, and you've been
going through something for quite a while and now you
feel like it's time to share. But on that britt
we also like for you life as for this community
that we have, we are so appreciative and it is
such a privilege to be able to share these parts
(12:23):
of life with you.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Like you guys have been there for all of the
best bits. You've been there for the funny bits, and
you've also been there for some truly shitty, shitty, sad
times of what's been going on in life. And this
conversation that I wanted to share with you guys today
is something that is not just affecting me, and I
think that that's also a reason why sometimes it takes
us a while to be able to have the conversations
(12:45):
firstly making sure that other people in our family are
okay with us sharing things that directly affect us but
also affect other people more and that was definitely the
instance for this.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
So I have spent a.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Lot of time down in Wollongong recently and I'm going
back down there after this record because my stepdad, who
has been my mum's husband for like the last twenty
years or partner for the last twenty years, and who
has played like such an incredible role in our lives
since my mum has been in a relationship with him, Well,
twenty years is a really long time, like that takes
you back to your teenage years.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Yeah, and his name is Neil.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
He is an incredible, incredible man, and he was diagnosed
with prostate cancer eight years ago and when he was
diagnosed it was stage four, it was terminal, and we
have had eight incredible years with him since. So we've
been on borrowed time. But he is in palliative care
now and it's been seen a really sad and difficult
(13:42):
time watching him deteriorate and being down at the hospital
and being there for mom. And look, I guess I
have more than just wanting to share the sadness with
you guys. The reason why I wanted to talk about
this is because I don't think that we talk about
prostate cancer enough. Certainly we don't because the age that
we're at, it's not really something that affects us.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Yet.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
You know, for a lot of the people who listen,
prostate cancer is something that you think, oh, you know,
it's when you're in your seventies or your eighties. That's
just something that old men get. Neil Is he's in
his mid sixties. He was diagnosed in his late fifties,
and I know that he never would have thought that
he was going to be the one to get prostate cancer.
And I guess the reason why I want to talk
about this is because I would ask the question, how
(14:27):
many of you listening to this know when your dad
had his last prostate check? Who listening to this has
ever had a conversation with their dad or with whoever
it is that's maybe an older male figure in their
life that they're close to, whether it's your grandfather, it's
your dad. I'm around prostate and around their health. There's
some really crazy statistics. So the Cleveland Clinic do a
(14:49):
survey every year. It's called their National Mention Emmy Engine,
Great Pun Campaign, and then it's all around examining why
men are so avoidant around going to doctors. Some of
the statistics are pretty it's pretty alarming. And I say
that because as women, we are so conditioned to go
to the doctors. We're so conditioned to have our tests
(15:09):
from the time that we are quite young. We're told
about pap smears, we're told about cervical screenings, we're told
about mammograms. We know that this is just a part
of being a woman, is going and having the general
health checkups.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
I feel like we're also might be a bit of
a blanket statement, but I feel like we're also more
in tune with our bodies and like things that change.
We're more aware of going to get something checked as well,
whereas a lot of men, even when there are changes
happening to their body or they're feeling different things, they're
less inclined to want to go and investigate that.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
I think it also pertains too toxic masculinity. We talk
about We have many conversations around the patriarchy on this podcast,
but one of the things is that men who have
been conditioned to think that they are the stoic types,
or they're the ones that need to provide for their families,
or they're the ones who just kind of get on
and get on with it. You know, it's fine, I'll
get better, don't worry about this thing. They're the types
(15:59):
of men who avoid going to the doctors, who avoid
getting tests done, and these tests very very much could
save their lives. And I just wanted to read some
of the statistics out for you guys. So fifty percent
of men say that they're less likely to receive medical
attention than women. Fifty percent they are fifty percent less
likely to receive medical attention. Sixty five percent of men
surveyed said that they avoid going to the doctors for
(16:19):
as long as possible. Only three out of five men
go to the doctor for a routine checkup. Only twelve
percent of men would turn to a doctor if they
had a health.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Issue twelve percent.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Only twelve percent said that they would turn to a
doctor first if they had a health issue, wow, And
thirty seven percent of men said that they have withheld
information from their doctors in the past, specifically because they
weren't ready to deal with the potential diagnosis that it
might result in if they were told the truth.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
I spoke to my mum.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
This is when I say, you know that often when
we have these big things happening in life, that we
have to consider the other people that it affects. I
talked to my mum about it, and I was like,
the reason why I want to have this conversation is
because I really want to encourage everyone to talk to
their parents around making sure that your dads are going
and getting this prostate checked, because as far as we
(17:09):
are aware, Neil hadn't been to have his checks regularly,
and by the time it was diagnosed, it was so progressed.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
It was already in his bones and in his lymph nodes.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
And I don't want to say, and this is the
thing that makes me feel so upset, because I don't
want to say that maybe it was avoidable, because who knows, right,
and that it's so unfair to him, it's unfair to
his children to think that maybe this could have been
found out earlier. But I also know that Neil is
very strongly advocating now, telling his friends, telling people who
(17:39):
he cares about, like make sure that you're going and
getting checked because the alternate is realizing that potentially your
avoidance of doing something has meant that you didn't bypass
getting cancer. You just created a situation where it was untreatable.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
And you just weren't aware of it for a little
bit longer.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Yeah, And it's been for anybody who has seen someone
that they care about go through something that they can't
get better from, I guess, and watching like the impacted's
hat on mum, and you know, I think he's he's
such an amazing man. And he's got six grandchildren, he's
got two biological children, and he's going to miss out
(18:18):
on them getting older. Now, you know, there's so much. Yeah,
there's so much that is so sad about it.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
It really really is. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
So it's been a big few months. And I think
also with my mom. You guys know, I've spoken about
it loads over the course of the last five years.
My mom had a really hard run in relationships. You know,
my parents got divorcement I was three. She got remarried
to my stepdad, who was a really horrific person. And
(18:48):
we had my brother though, so that was like the
one good thing we were saying, the silver larning of
that fucking awful eight years of everyone's life. And then
she eventually met Neil. He's just such a fucking good
guy and the test wonderful. He's an incredible man. And
I think it's so sad that, you know, she's spent
all this time she finally met someone who's an incredible,
(19:08):
incredible guy, the person you think you're going to grow
old with, and then that gets robbed so short. So
if this conversation makes you do anything from listening to
this podcast, like have that awkward chat with your dad
that most people never would ask him, when was the
last time he had his prostate checked? And if he
said it's something that he hasn't had done or he's
(19:28):
adverse to it, or maybe it's weird to have those
conversations with your dad pushed through it because it genuinely
could save his life. And it also could mean that
you're not in a situation that our family is going
through right now.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
And so Laura, what like, what are the recommendations for
men when they're getting their prostate checked? Is it from
fifty years old?
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Yeah, so over fifty years old.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
And now it's I mean, it used to be like
the stigma around having a finger in your ass. It's
over fifty years old, it's every two years, and it
is done by blood tests mostly now. There's still obviously
some you can have inte exams if there's maybe the
suspicion of something, but it is as simple as a
blood test.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
So it's changed so much.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
It's changed so dramatically, so for any men who maybe
you don't even know that that's the case, because I
wouldn't have known had I not had to look it up.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
No, it's what you're saying is exactly right. And I
know that you spoke to your mum about this to
see if you could have this discussion, because it is
something that is still currently ongoing. You are living it
every day right now. And I think it's amazing that
both Neil and your mum want to advocate for this
because it has changed, you know, their life, the course
of so many people's lives, and.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
It's so common.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Like the other thing as well, is is like and
this is something that might not be widely known, but
if you're diagnosed with prostate cancer young, it's way more aggressive.
So a lot of men might get prostate cancer and
it's not actually the thing that kills them because they'll
die from being a ripe old man. But the younger
you get prostate cancer, the more aggressive the prostate cancer is,
which is why it's so so fucking important that if
you don't already have it in your family, you start
(20:57):
getting tested from fifty and if it is something that's
common in your family, it's even earlier than that, and
it's for that exact reason, you know. So for Neil,
that's just the really unfortunate part of it is that
by the time it was diagnosed, it was already so advanced,
and we were told at the time that he would
probably only get five years. Thirty percent of people who
had cancer that advance don't live beyond five years, so
(21:19):
only thirty percent of people do. And we have had
eight which seems like an incredible amount of time, but
eight years is still not enough. And you know, we
had such a beautiful a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
It was funny.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
One of his friends was like, it's like having your
own wake. But we had a celebration of his life
which he was able to be at, and it was
a really really special day. He's been a really active
participant in like the music community in Woollongong. He's a
school teacher and he's played in so many bands. He's
a brass player. But also they have and I'm sure
like lots of like local smaller communities have it, where
(21:53):
like the schools will get together, the public schools will
get together and they put on like a big show.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Wollongong has a version of that.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
And so this clebration of Neil's life meant that so
many of his students came, like his colleagues came, all
of his brass band members came, and they put on
this big thing for him, in this big show for him.
The money was all supported to go to prostate cancer
research because everyone paid like a ten dollar admission thing.
But I don't know, it was just it was a
really beautiful celebration of the life that he had. But
(22:19):
it's such a fucking weird thing to celebrate someone's life
who's still here that you know that they can't get better.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
I mean, it's not something I've never really thought about.
Anyone that I have lost in my life has not
known that they were passing. Like you know, I haven't
very luckily been around anybody that has had a slow
deterioration like people in my life have just passed away.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
So I've never been in.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
A situation a palliative care Well, yeah, I've never been
a situation where I guess somebody would have a wake
for themselves or like a celebration of life. But it's
really I'm a moent, Like I don't want to cry
because but I'm crying look at you. No, I know,
but it's when I'm thinking about the idea of it.
It must just be such an unusual thing for the person,
(23:00):
for Neil to want to have that moment with all
these people that he loves in his life, but also
knowing why he's having it, like knowing you're having a
moment to say goodbye to people, you know there'll be
some people that are unofficially saying goodbye. I cannot imagine
what that's like for him, but but also for you guys,
because you want to be putting on a brave, happy
face for him and make it a happy moment. But
(23:21):
of course you're losing someone very important in your life too.
Not only are you losing like such an important person
in your life, like your stepdad, who's he's not just
a stepdad, he's like a dad. You know, he's been
around for twenty years. But you're also watching the people
that you love the absolute most in life go through
what they're going through, Like you're watching your mom. Like
if you think of how much you're feeling about losing
someone that you love, she's losing her life partner and
(23:43):
her soulmate. There's like a flow on effect. So you're
battling with trying to support your mom around her entire
life that's about to change and how she's going to feel,
which I cannot imagine losing your soulmate. But then also
you have another layer that's like you're your loved one
that you're losing as well.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
I mean I think were for so Neil has two
biological children. I never want to speak on plf of them,
like they're my step brother and sister. They're amazing and
they are like they're so strong, Like I can't even
tell you they've been incredible. But then I think of
my mom and she's the person who I feel the
most responsible for in some ways. And how you know
it's this and I think it's something that so many
(24:23):
of us will go through. It's this transition right where
you're still a child, like I'm still my mum's child,
but I also feel a responsibility to care for my
mum and to make sure that she is okay in
this next transition of life and that she is able
to take care of herself and she feels supported. And
I know, Woollongong to Sydney. For anyone who's listening who's
(24:44):
not from, you know, around this area, which is probably
most of you, it's an hour and forty five minutes drive.
It's not a huge, huge drive, but it's enough that
you can't just pop down to check in on how
mum's going, you know, and supporting someone else as well
through their grief and supporting someone else through what will
be a huge, huge life transition of losing their partner.
And I don't know what that looks like yet because
(25:05):
we haven't gotten to that point. There's definitely been a
lot of sadness at the moment, but I think things
for her own life, for her, I don't even think
she's aware of how much it's going to change, or
maybe is not even able to process that, because at
the moment we're just processing him being so unwell and
the palliative care aspect of it.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
So yeah, I think a lot.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
There will be a lot of people listening to this
who's been through that sort of immense grief alongside their parents, and.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
It's almost grieving.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Well, it's almost like you're going to have to re grieve,
you know, once he passes away, because you're grieving the
life that's about to come.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Yeah, we come here, we're all haha, rah rahs often,
but sometimes there's other big things going on behind the scenes.
And yeah, I know we've said it a few times,
but if you take anything from today's episode, please make
it that you have conversations with your family around this stuff,
so that maybe in the next ten twenty years time,
it's not a weird, stigmatized thing that men do talk
(25:59):
about their tests, their medical tests in the same way
that we talk about it as women. We talk about
periods and perhaps mess and we make.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Jokes about it.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
And I don't know if men have the same ability
to have those conversations in their friendship groups, So maybe
we can have them within our families instead.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
And we talk about advocating for your own health all
the time, Like, at the end of the day, no
one is going to go and do something for you.
No one is going to go and investigate your health
issue unless you don't take control and totally. And this
is another one of those things. But we know that
men need more of a push. We've just got the statistics,
so have the conversation, mate. I messaged my dad straight
away the other day when Lauren and I had a
(26:35):
really in depth conversation about it, and.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
I just thought, wow, I've never asked. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
If you said, had your dad got a prosy check?
I said, I don't know, and then I thought, why
don't I know that? So I messaged my dad immediately
and luckily he said he's been getting them every two years,
so it's something just to make sure.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Well done, Tony. Proud of you.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I'm proud of you, Tony because he knows he would
have felt my wrath as well. If two weeks ago
this wasn't even a question for me, and now I'm like,
I would have annihilated if he had said no, I
would have gotten really angry, like, why aren't you going
to look after yourself?
Speaker 3 (27:04):
Yeah? Well, guys, I mean, yeah, that's a life update
for me.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Well, thanks for sharing them because it's really important and
I'm sorry that you're going through that, and I know
there's a lot of life is right now that will
go and have that conversation. Maybe in the future, Laura
might not be on some episodes and you'll understand why. Yeah, yeah,
and all the life is and as it here for you.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
And also to anybody who's listening to this, who's because
like a lot of men get prostate cancer.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
It's really common.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
My granddad, my papa, he had prostate cancer, My uncle's
had prostate cancer, but often men beat it. It's a
really common cancer that men beat. But there will be
people who are listening to this who have lost loved
ones from whatever. Cancer doesn't just have to be prostate cancer.
There's so much sympathy and empathy for that because it's
(27:50):
just a fucking horrible thing to go through. To all
of you who are probably listening to this and feeling
like it's dug up some feelings as well, Yeah, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
That you had to go through that. Yeah, I'm sorry
you're going through that.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
And I know it's not over yet, but we appreciate you,
We love you.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Thanks Sony. All right, let's go to an ad Whush wush.
In the face of everything, we still wanted to bring
you a normal episode of life on cut. I mean,
I do genuinely want to say thank you for holding
space and for listening, and also Britt for letting me
have that conversation. But we did want to have and
bring it to you a normal episode. And there's been
(28:28):
something that has happened over the weekend that we cannot
not talk about because it is so important and it
also is very reflective of greater conversations that are happening
right now across Australia and across the world to do
with domestic violence. So many of you would have seen
the incredibly horrific video of p Diddy assaulting his ex
(28:51):
Cassie Ventura in the hallway of the Intercontinental Hotel. And
for anyone who has not seen this video, I'm not
recommending that you go and watch it, because once you've
seen it, you will not be able to unsee this.
But what happens is she leaves the room. She's carrying
her shoes in her hand. She's clearly trying to get
away from him who's inside. She's standing at the lift,
(29:13):
and he comes running down the hallway and brutally attacks
her and assaults her.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
She's lying on the floor.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
She is completely still, and he starts kicking her and
dragging her.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
It is horrific.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
Now, the reason why this is so important to talk
about is, and there's a few things that I think
of straightaway, and it's this conversation that women are not
reliable sources of telling their own stories. Now, in November
of twenty twenty three, Cassie filed a civil lawsuit against
p DIDF. Now, this was for several allegations including and
(29:48):
it's horrific to even say rape, physical abuse for over
a decade. Now, this lawsuit that was raised was settled
within one day after being filed. So I think it's
really important before we get into the semantics of it.
It's different between a civil lawsuit and a criminal lawsuit.
So a civil lawsuit usually is settled with some sort
of monetary remuneration, whereas a criminal lawsuit is usually settled
(30:12):
with some sort of punitive justice like going to prison
or being fined or whatever. And they're raised by different peoples.
But there was a I mean a pretty damning and
when I say damning, it was reputationally damning statement that
P did he brought out in response to her claim.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
So her claim was November twenty twenty three, and on
December sixth, twenty twenty three, p Did's statement reads, enough
is enough in big capital bold letters.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
For the last couple of.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Weeks, I have sat silently and watched people try to
assassinate my character, destroying my reputation and my legacy. Sickening
allegations have been made against me by individuals looking for
a quick payday. Let me be absolutely clear, I did
not do any of the awful things being alleged. I
will fight for my name, my family, and for the truth.
(30:58):
So not only did he come out and adamantly denied
that he did anything wrong, he also gaslighted Cassie, and
in turn he's saying that they are ruining his reputation.
In turn, he did the same thing to her because
he said she's after a quick payday, she's lying for money.
No one believed Cassie at this time because somebody as
(31:20):
powerful as Pddy, who we have grown up with. We
have seen twenty million folls on Instagram. Everybody knows who
he is. She was nineteen or twenty when they started dating.
Like the power imbalance was astronomical, so for her to
have had the courage a after ten years of on
and off to leave the situation and then report that
there was sexual assault, rape, and physical abuse in the relationship.
(31:43):
I cannot imagine how brave you have to be to
report that in any situation, let alone going up against
someone as powerful as PDDY.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
But this is this is incredibly frustrating thing, and the
reason why we wanted to talk about this is because
it's something that happens to so many women who are
in domestic violence or in any sort of violent situations.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
They are not believed. She was not believed.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Her credibility as a person who was presenting her own
story was brought into disrepute by him saying that she
was just after a payday. There's also other allegations that
came out around the time, where pdd was saying that
she had blackmailed him for thirty million dollars or she
was going to write a tell old book of things
that were just completely untrue. And so when those things
(32:27):
are circulating in the media and in the press, you're
left to kind of make up this assumption about the
type of person Cassandra is, and it's open to speculation,
it's open to people's opinions, and I think that this
is something that so many women experience, so many women
who are trying to prove that they have been raped,
that they have been sexually assaulted. When it's your word
(32:48):
against someone else's word, especially when that someone else's word
is more powerful, it shows that not only are you
not believed, but in order to be believed, you have
to have cold, hard evidence. That is so horrific to
watch that literally every news outlet across the country is
now playing it and reporting on it.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
It's so sad that that's the society that we live in.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
But I do think it's so important that we unpack
the wy around it and that people start sort of
asking themselves, Okay, well, why did we need to see
the proof the video in order to believe all of
these women?
Speaker 3 (33:19):
Because it's not just Cassandra.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
There have been five other lawsuits civil lawsuits that have
been raised against p DIDY that we know of, and
I think up until this point it would have been
open to this speculation around, oh, this is just women
who are trying to do me dirty type rhetoric. But
I mean some of these includes so in November of
twenty twenty three, the rapper was accused of drugging, filming,
and sexually assaulting a woman on a date in nineteen
ninety one. There was also a third woman who filed
(33:43):
a lawsuit against him in twenty twenty three, claiming that
he and another singer songwriter, Aaron Hall, took turns sexually
assaulting her and a friend. In the early nineties, there
was another one which accused him of sexually assaulting a
seventeen year old girl at his New York City recording
studio after drugging her and supply her with alcohol.
Speaker 3 (34:01):
I mean, there's a common theme here, isn't there.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
That he is an absolute predator, like a frightening predator.
And I think the other part of this that we
really wanted to unpack because so many people up until
this point have reported on the video of her being assaulted.
But he has actually come out and done an apology
video which we're not going to play. We're not going
to play. And we spoke about whether it would be
(34:24):
right or wrong to put that in here in order
to give you guys context and to be able to
better unpack it. But it is not worth the breath
that it took for him to exhale those words, and
it is so based in nothing. Once you match up
the timeline and you look at the fact that in
twenty twenty three of December he brought out a statement
saying enough is enough. I'm the one who's the victim here,
(34:46):
and now that we're only in May, he puts out
a statement, a sorry statement, saying how he's been to
go and have therapy and how he's changed, and it
makes him discussion. It's like, you don't get to be
those two things. You don't get to say it didn't
happen in December, and then in May say that you're
so deeply sorry that you've had therapy.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
You never want to be that person again.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
Well, infuriatingly for those that are at home saying lock
him up, which was my immediate response, I was like,
lock him up and throw away the key. Unfortunately, in
their state, the statute of limitations has passed. The statue
of limitations is one and three years for two different
types of assault. One is assault, one is aggravated assault.
He cannot be charged for this now because too many
(35:26):
years has passed, which seems fucking insane, Like if you
beat and rape someone three years ago, four years ago.
Why is that any different if it was one year
ago for me? You have not rehabilitated, and I want
to read you one part. I know we're not going
to play his apology, but one part of his apology
he said, it is so difficult to reflect on the
darkest times of your life, but sometimes you got to
(35:48):
do that. I take full responsibility for my actions in
that video. I was disgusted when I did it. I'm
disgusted now.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Firstly, sometimes you've got to reflect on the hard times
of your life.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
That's what he said.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Bullshit, you're reflecting now because you've been called out publicly
in a video where you cannot deny it is you
abusing your girlfriend. Secondly, I take full responsibility for my actions.
I was disgusted then, I'm disgusted now. You took no responsibility.
You denied this and gas lighted her only a couple
of months previously, and you abused her for ten years.
(36:21):
Like this is the most bullshit apology I think I
have ever heard.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
And I hope you're right, Laura.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
He can't be held accountable right now in the eye
of the law, but I hope, for God's sake, he's
held accountable in the public eye.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
Some of you might have seen this if you've been
staying close to the news. It's been reported that p
did he actually paid fifty thousand dollars to the hotel.
It was taken in the hallways of the Intercontinental. The
hotel has been closed since, so it's not actually a
running hotel or under new management, but that he paid
them fifty thousand dollars in order to make this video
go away so that it was not accessible. So for
(36:54):
someone who is so remorseful, it's like, once again just reiterates,
you're only remorseful because you got call. The thing that
I think is so sad. We know that victims are
not always perfect victims. Victims don't always act and behave
in a way that you might assume is akin to
being a perfect victim, and that means that sometimes it
takes people a really long time to come forward and
(37:15):
feel as though they are empowered enough that they have
healed enough to be able to talk about the traumas
that they have actually experienced. And one to three years
doesn't allow people to process the damage that they've experienced
and then also be able to face up to that perpetrator,
especially when they're still fearing for their life, they're still
fearing for their situation to be able to process a
(37:37):
court proceeding either. So I think, like, I mean, we're
just lucky that we live in Australia in some respects
that that limitation is much longer and that there can
be justice for people. But even so, there's still so
many people who will never come forward because the statistics
say that they won't be believed.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
And I know, Laura, at the start, you said, you know,
I urge you not to watch this if you haven't
seen it. I on my social media took a different stand.
I said, this isn't going to be triggering for you,
and you don't have a connection to domestic violence. I
urge you to watch it, and I urge you to
share it with people that you know, specifically men, because
the most common thing we hear in domestic violent situations
is well why don't you just leave? Or why didn't
(38:15):
they just leave? Like it's almost victim blaming. It's their
fault they stayed in that situation. This video is so
evident that she is trying to leave, she is physically
she has waited till he is asleep in the hotel
till she can try to secretly sneak out at a
safe time when he's unconscious. She hasn't even put her
shoes on. She has her shoes in her hands. She
(38:36):
can tell that she has grabbed a bag. She's covering
her face with the hoodie, and she is running to
the elevator. When he discovers she's gone, he goes out
and physically drags.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Her back in.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
We lose sight of her as after he's beaten her
on the ground as he drags her back in. And
I think that that is really really important to note
that people try to leave, it is not as easy
as just leaving. And she would have tried to have
left so many times, and she came back because she
was scared that leaving would be worse. And now can
you imagine feeling that you don't have anywhere to go,
(39:10):
or if you do leave that situation, it's going to
be worse. She always felt like he was and she
said this, She felt like he was going to be
more mad and the outcome would be worse for her
physically if she didn't go back to the hotel, because he.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
Would be more angry.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
He would beat her worse than he ever has before.
Speaker 3 (39:26):
It's so frightening, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
Because we've had I mean, there has been over the
years an increasing swell around these conversations, and in the
last couple of months, I think that finally it feels
as though people are listening, Like we had Bianca Unwin
on the podcast a couple of years ago her sister
was murdered by her ex partner, and it's just like
people retell their stories. People have been saying how horrific
(39:50):
it is for so long, and finally it kind of
feels like, especially in Australia, like everybody is listening, Like
men are listening, like people are actually taking note of
what is happening. That at the same time time you think,
like exactly what you said, Britt, Like it's so harrowing
that sometimes we have to see it play out, to
see the proof, to actually process how frightening it is,
and to think that that happened in a public space,
(40:13):
That happened in the hallway of a hotel where he
would have known that there was CCTV. He knew that
someone could have easily come out of their room and
seen what was going on, Like it's so brazen because
it's so public, and then it makes you think, well,
what goes on when no one's watching, what goes on
when there are no cameras.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
And the power that he feels he had over her,
yea to not worry about that because he's like, it's fine,
I'll pay the hotel a bit of money and get
the footage, Like it doesn't matter what I do on
TV right now, I'm I am that in control and
I have that much power over these women and other
people that yeah, I'm untouched, I can do what I want.
And disgustingly, there are still people, even though this footage
has come out. I know you just said it's taken
(40:51):
footage fresh to physically see, there are still people that
are commenting saying, well, imagine what she did then to
deserve that she's done something. There are still there are
still these mislogynies, dick pigs of men that think that
she still would have done something to deserve that, So
trigger it. One thing I do want to finish with
and actually give some space to Cassie's husband now. His
name is Alex Fine, and he put out a statement
(41:12):
that I think is wonderful and I think a lot
of people need to share it. I think a lot
of men need to share it amongst men, because women
have been screaming this for years and no one's been listening.
And unfortunately, it does take men to have these conversations
as well. He said, men who hit women aren't men.
Men who enable it and protect those people aren't men.
As men, violence against women shouldn't be inevitable. Check your brothers,
(41:34):
your friends, and your family. Our daughters, sisters, mothers, and
wives should feel protected and loved. Hold the women in
your life with the utmost regard. Men who hurt women
hate women. And I think this is so important because
in this situation, there were so many people that knew
this was going on that stayed quiet. People at the hotel, managers,
(41:54):
people that worked for him, friends, there were people that knew.
And I think you're complicit in this that was happening,
and you said nothing.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
Yeah, Well, normally we finish all of our Tuesday's episodes
with an accidentally unfiltered story and also with our suck
and our suite.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
But I think.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
It's pretty evident what my suck is at the moment, Guys,
it just doesn't feel right on today's episode with everything
that we've been speaking about, to do the funny hahas
like oh my god, I can't believe you shout yourself stories,
and also to talk about the trivial things that have
been sucks in our life.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
My suck is literally what women have facing every single day,
Like this conversation is my suck.
Speaker 2 (42:31):
Yeah, but genuinely, guys like and I know I mentioned
it at the beginning of the episode, like, we're so
greatly appreciative that we're able to have space to have
these conversations, the hard conversations, the ones that are much
easier than what today's episode was. And yeah, and I
hope that I hope that you guys got to make
out of it, and genuinely, I hope that it makes
a difference to some people. And going back to what
(42:51):
I spoke about about my stepdad, like I said, if
it changes the course for one family, if you're able
to have these conversations and opens that up, then thisisode
it has been worthwhile.
Speaker 3 (43:01):
So we appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (43:02):
Thanks for sharing today, Laura, because I think that's going
to help a lot of people, and it's unfortunately relatable
to a lot of people.
Speaker 3 (43:08):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Anyway, Guys, if you have enjoyed the episode, if you
think it will make a difference to somebody's life, or
if anybody is going through similar things to what my
family's going through, feel free to pass the episode along
share with a friend. Also, have all of our episodes
on YouTube now, so you can watch me cry in
real life.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
And if you're a cute cry though, you can watch
me cry.
Speaker 2 (43:26):
I'll give you on the video for Matt. But also
we have an amazing episode for you tomorrow. So we
interviewed a woman named Kirsten Pills. Now, Kirsten was faced
speaking of palliative care. This is probably not quite the
right LINKI but I wasn't supposed to be a segue,
but it feels like an awkward segue.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
But we're going to go in there and lean into it. Anyway.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
Basically, she has written an incredible book. It is called
Loving My lying, dying, Cheating Husband.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
Which is a pretty self explanatory headline, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
So. Kirsten's husband, who she was deeply in love with,
he was suffering from a terminal illness terminal cancer, and
she found out that during the entire duration of their marriage,
he was having an affair, and the big question is
what do you do when you have become the love
of your life's care that maybe the person who you
(44:15):
thought they were isn't actually the person that they turned
out to be.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Yea, that is what we are discussing on tomorrow's episode.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
It's an incredible, incredible episode and it's so thought provoking
and it's so emotive and you just cannot imagine being
in that situation, and she says some really surprising things
throughout it. You just don't know how you will react
if you were faced with what she was faced with.
Speaker 2 (44:34):
And also it's a story around discovering herself again. So
please listen tomorrow's episode and that it's it from us.
Speaker 1 (44:40):
Don't forget to Mum, to your dad, tell you dog,
two friends, and share the love because we love love.
(45:00):
Kabaka Baba kabobaaaa
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