Poppy Has Popped! Laura Had A Baby!

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Life Fun Card. I'm
Brittany and I'm.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Very excited to introduce our guest today.

Speaker 3 (00:18):
She is the guest that we've had on I guess
the most times in podcast history.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
She's had one week off.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
We like to call her the milk Maiden.

Speaker 4 (00:25):
I've already been shot on, spat on, vomited on this morning,
and that was just from Britain.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
I the baby's not even here. Who tends to welcome
with that?

Speaker 3 (00:33):
Laura Burn back in studio after I think ten days,
Thank you it's been Yeah, I've had a really RESTful break.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 3 (00:42):
Okay, in my defense, I did tell you to have
longer off, but you wanted to come back, and I
understand why. There's fomo's a real thing. Kisha and Ryman
having a lot of fun, but not too much fun.

Speaker 4 (00:53):
No, I was like, I'll just get the Birst story
out the door before people don't care anymore.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
It's so true.

Speaker 3 (01:00):
No, there's been a lot of questions about when this
Birst story was coming.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
I'm getting a lot who has asked you? I think
jas Keisha. I was like, has anyone Does anyone care?

Speaker 3 (01:09):
Am?

Speaker 1 (01:09):
Is this just self fulfilling?

Speaker 4 (01:10):
People definitely care, I honestly, and I really want to
say this, like all the life is through in the discussion.

Speaker 1 (01:17):
Group, because like I had Poppy and then.

Speaker 4 (01:19):
It was probably like four days until when we posted
it or said like you know, she's born, and I
got into the Facebook group on day four and people
were freaking the fuck out and I'm so sorry because
everyone was like, what's happened?

Speaker 1 (01:31):
Is that something wrong? Has something gone wrong?

Speaker 4 (01:34):
And it's because we were quite we were quite vocal
and then we just went quiet. But it's because I
my vagina got decimated and so I just needed a
bit of downtime to recover.

Speaker 3 (01:41):
It checks out people knew when you were you We
talked about it, so everyone's dying to hear the news.

Speaker 4 (01:46):
And also people knew I was in labor because I
posted yeah, Matt posted this like interpretive dance reel, don't
get me.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
Started, and then so people knew that the day was imminent.

Speaker 4 (01:55):
It was happening, and then nothing happened afterwards, which I
didn't really think it through. I wasn't trying to bea
you guys are just it's a lot. Giving birth is
a law.

Speaker 1 (02:03):
Laura bated me. She was messaging me me like is
she or isn't she?

Speaker 2 (02:06):
Is she? Isn't she?

Speaker 1 (02:07):
And I was like just tell me. I'm like, it's
just popping here. No.

Speaker 4 (02:11):
I was like, I don't think that happened. What I
was like, that was definitely the epidurals.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
I run the podcast now, so these are my stories.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
No.

Speaker 3 (02:20):
So I mean, we're going to get into it, but
we're on a time difference. So I was in Italy
and I was constantly messaging like, how's it going you
in Laby yet?

Speaker 1 (02:26):
But I mean, we'll talk about it.

Speaker 3 (02:28):
But Laura and I were We were doing business deals
the whole time that Laura was in labor and I
was trying not to but she's like, it's fine, I
can't feel much yet. So we were were talking, we
were emailing, we were we were doing things that we
should absolutely not have been doing during a.

Speaker 4 (02:41):
Labor which is the same like, I don't know how
I managed to get myself into these situations, but we've
joked about it before. When I was in labor with Lola,
I was still emailing and doing work and everything else.
And also I've said this before. I'm not trying to
say this because I'm a hero. I have very good
epidurals and they're extremely effective.

Speaker 1 (02:58):
If anyone ever wanted to know how effect they are.

Speaker 4 (03:00):
You can still run a business meeting after you're inactive label.

Speaker 1 (03:03):
At the start, I thought, just don't worry about it.

Speaker 3 (03:05):
You take a break. I've got this, Like, you can
trust me. We've been doing this for six years. You
can trust me. But then we facetimed and she was great,
She's like, feel nothing, just chat were chatting it through
she had I was like, okay, we can keep talking
because you are okay.

Speaker 4 (03:16):
But to set the scene of today, we're in studio,
Poppy is on my lap, being the angel child that
she is.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
She did just pooh like three times.

Speaker 4 (03:24):
Yeah, standard though, but I feel elated. I'm having a
great time. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
So we're going to go through Poppy's birth story, all
the questions that you guys have written in because you
have been writing questions in sporad.

Speaker 1 (03:35):
How sloppy was Poppy? You know, I know you've all
been curious. Well, I thought we were trying to drop
that nickname for Sloppy.

Speaker 2 (03:42):
Actually USD last week. If we could call this episode
Poppy has popped, that's fine.

Speaker 1 (03:46):
What sloppy? Poppy got vetos.

Speaker 4 (03:51):
Well before we get into all of the birth story details.
And like some of you were so pervy because I
did put up a question box. No, I put up
a question box, and I was like, you guys, asked
me whatever it is that you want to know, and
I'll answer all the questions. The number one most asked
questions was did I or didn't I shit myself? Which
I know we're clothes that, I know, we're friends, and
I will answer.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
It for you. I don't think that's pery. It's the
number one question. Yeah, but I think that checks out.

Speaker 3 (04:14):
You know why a lot of women pooh themselves, as
we know, but I think so many people don't talk
about it that the women that pooh themselves are like.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
Oh, how embarrassing. I'm an anomaly, but that one thing.

Speaker 4 (04:26):
No, I'm going to free the shite, yeah here to destigmatize.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
But we'll get into all that.

Speaker 4 (04:30):
What has been happening in the whole ten days that
I've been gone, Oh my god, no, I've been gone
for like two weeks.

Speaker 1 (04:36):
By the time this comes out.

Speaker 3 (04:37):
Yes, we've had a week off since we've been back.
I had ten days overseas.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
You know, it's weird.

Speaker 4 (04:41):
Because Matt's taken over my job on pick up. It's
all been happening or he's hustling for you to be out.

Speaker 1 (04:46):
Yeah, I can tell it's fine.

Speaker 3 (04:47):
He's like, I think that's really great for a male
to have a vibe in here.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
I don't know if Laura needs to come back.

Speaker 3 (04:52):
The only thing we haven't told you, like, the only
update we haven't told the life is all you, Laura.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
And that's because, like it was pretty tumultuous and it
took us a little bit of time to get over.

Speaker 4 (05:00):
But when I can tell that that's a joke already,
So I'm like, what happened?

Speaker 2 (05:05):
No, there was a moment in time where it wouldn't
have been and I was genuinely emotionally distressed.

Speaker 1 (05:10):
Yeah, so Keisha has Delilah.

Speaker 3 (05:12):
When I go overseas, and probably I don't know, Like
five days in, I get a picture from Kesha that's like, hey,
have you seen this on Delilah?

Speaker 1 (05:23):
Is this normal?

Speaker 3 (05:24):
And it's a picture of her mouth and she's like
pulled down her lip and on her gum. Is this,
like it's really really ugly looking black mark.

Speaker 4 (05:32):
I did see this, but Kesha sent this to me
as well and was like, she's got a growth on
a gum.

Speaker 3 (05:36):
Yeah, And so I was like, no, I'm pretty sure
that wasn't there, and it looks it looks really Nasty's
pretty sure I wasn't there, And Keisha's like, yeah, I'm
almost certain it wasn't. Because I've been admiring her smile lately.
Delilah's a very smiling dog.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
It was just coincidental. It was two days beforehand. We
were waiting at the traffic lights across the road and
Delilah looked up at me with this beaming smile on
her face, and I looked at her teeth, and I
was on the phone, and I actually made a comment
to a friend, be like, she's just got the most perfect,
little tiny teeth underneath. And so I kind of took
note of the fact that I was like, two days
ago pink gums now today grow quite a big black,

(06:12):
like really dark and also not symmetrical spot had formed
on her gums. And an additional thing is that because
Dahlilah has the albino gene, like I'm kind of hyper
aware of the fact that she is more prone to
get skin cancers. I was freaking out.

Speaker 3 (06:27):
And so we were like, oh, that looks really nasty.
Kesha's like, yeah, is it okay? I know it's okay,
but like, give me the okay to take it to
the vet. And I said, yeah, whatever you need to spend,
spend it of course. So she takes it to the vet,
sends me some more close ups, takes to the vet.
The vet was like, oh, it looks like could be
a mass. So Kesha's updating me and I'm like, okay,
drop whatever money it is, it's fine, and then we

(06:48):
start talking through it. We're like a mass like cancer basically.

Speaker 2 (06:51):
Well that was kind of what was freaking me out,
to be honest. So at the vet they were saying,
you know, like oh, yeah, it does look abnormal, you know.
And I was kind of holding Delilah's mouth open and
she was having a look at it, and she said
it was a Wednesday, and she said we can buyop
see it next Tuesday. And I was like, no, this
thing has come up in the space of two days,
Like this needs to happen, This needs to happen today.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
Or tomorrow.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
So Keisha and her really good friend Nat who's been
on the podcast before, they start like basically phoning around
everybody to see who can get her into a specialist.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
The next day, both of them it was amazing. In
the meantime, they've.

Speaker 3 (07:24):
Messaged they know that doctor Chris Brown obviously bond divert.
They messaged him with the details. I had simultaneously been
messaging Chris. I always message Chris and I'm like, hey,
Doliah's eting the poppy seed muffin.

Speaker 1 (07:34):
Is she gonna die?

Speaker 3 (07:35):
So we've been messaging Chris the's pictures and he's like, look,
it's really hard to see over a camera, but he's like,
it could be a mass, but it could be like
the root's dying, like underneath, it could be a few things.
He's like, I haven't been seen or I don't know,
and I can't see in person. But if the vetters
looked at it and touched it and monitored it and
they've said go to someone, He's like, yes, I think
you should go to a specialist.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
So Keisha found somebody that got her in the next day.

Speaker 3 (08:01):
Now, mind you, I'm in Italy crying, thinking Delilah is
going to die. I'm like, oh my god, she's got
cancer in her mouth. What's going to happen? And in
my head I'm like, am I gonna have to remove.

Speaker 1 (08:09):
Half of her jaw? Like because it's this huge thing,
and I'm like, what are we going to do?

Speaker 3 (08:12):
Keisha's beside herself crying. The specialist is like, yep, I
can see you in the morning. Moved appointments. It was
going to be very expensive, and I was like, it's fine,
I don't care. Yeah, she's prepped for surgery. She's a specialist.
I've given her my credit card. Doctor Chris's messaging being like,
keep make sure you keep me posted with everything that's happening.
I'm sorry, I can't be there. I haven't seen it case.
She gets her into the specialist who's cleared the schedule

(08:34):
and she walks in.

Speaker 1 (08:35):
Specialist puts her on the table. She's like, we're ready.

Speaker 3 (08:37):
We're ready to put her under biopsy and if we
need to operate at the same time, we'll figure it
out once we're in, and we're like, yep.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
Ten thanings in. You know what they do?

Speaker 3 (08:46):
They pull her lip down, They touched the mass the
cancer that was going to kill Delilah.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
And in fact they pull out a dreadlock.

Speaker 1 (08:56):
It was a dress.

Speaker 4 (08:58):
I'm sorry, sorry, I know that part of it, but
surely the first vet needs to be held accountable.

Speaker 1 (09:04):
The first vet do they pulled out a dreadlock. It
wasn't cancer. It was her own dreadlock that she ate.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
I feel like people who are listening to this and
not watching it on YouTube will be like, are you
the most stupid person? Like how can you possibly mistake that?
When you see a photo of it, I feel like
you'll have more understanding as to why I thought it
was something It had calcified and like kind of stuck
to her.

Speaker 1 (09:26):
Guy.

Speaker 2 (09:27):
I obviously tried to move.

Speaker 4 (09:28):
It, absolutely, but surely the first vet could have could
have tried, could have tried a bit harder.

Speaker 1 (09:33):
That person went to school for a long time.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
No, I don't know where that first VET got their
degree from. The cancer that was going to take her
life was a dreadlock of her own.

Speaker 1 (09:41):
That she did. You go back to the first VET
and ask for a refund?

Speaker 2 (09:44):
I know, but less Sydney Pet Dentistry. He looked at me,
and I looked at them straight away, and I was
having such mixed emotions. The main one was relief, but
the other was like I probably looked like the stupidest
person that's ever watched this. I looked at them and
I was like, is this is this the silliest thing
anyone has ever come to see you for? And they

(10:07):
were like, no, but it's definitely up there. And then
they turned to me and they were like, don't worry.
We're not going to charge you for this appointment. So like,
thank you, yeah, thank you?

Speaker 1 (10:17):
Wait, what was the name of that business again?

Speaker 2 (10:19):
To Sydney Sydney pet.

Speaker 3 (10:20):
Dentist suit, Oh yeah, shout out honestly shout out the
fact that you were ready to save my dog from cancer,
but then double shout out that you didn't charge us
when the cancer was a dread.

Speaker 2 (10:31):
He also turned and he was like, do you want
to keep it? Then? I think I better take it
with me so I can send a photo to Britain
deliver everything's okay?

Speaker 4 (10:40):
Wait did you keep it? Is this kind of yeah, okay,
you're going to keep it for.

Speaker 2 (10:44):
I feel like we should frame it as like a
you know, a gratitude for what could have been.

Speaker 1 (10:49):
But what a tumultuous ride, What a ride?

Speaker 3 (10:51):
That was over a couple of days of thinking you're
gonna lose your dog, but she just is eating her
own hair.

Speaker 1 (10:55):
Bye.

Speaker 2 (10:56):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (10:56):
I'm glad that the latter is okay, and I'm sorry
for the scare, and I'm very very grateful that they
didn't charge you because that would have been an expensive
vendors of wointment.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
I'd love to read what your dogs have eaten, though, Guys,
if your dogs have eaten something that you've ended up
at the please tell us. But anyway, besides that, like
tumultuous ride, all is well, So let's get into your
tumultuous ride.

Speaker 1 (11:14):
Or don't even know where to start.

Speaker 4 (11:16):
I mean the last time we talked, I was telling
you that we kind of didn't have a birth plan.
I was being induced, I hadn't packed a bag, and
I was just completely disorganized. I think it was pretty
much like the that's the summation of the last time
we chatted everyone.

Speaker 1 (11:29):
Yeah, and it stayed true to that. Nothing changed.

Speaker 3 (11:32):
I guess let's start with you, not poppy story Poppy.
You can come in a minute, but like, how are
you feeling now?

Speaker 4 (11:37):
We talked about this the other day when I came,
I came and visited Britt and Keish we were at
your house. And if I'm honest with myself, and it's
something that we didn't really talk about on the pod
at all because I didn't really realize it until after
having her. I think a lot of my what was
wrapped up in me being like, I'm being realistic, this
is my third child. I'm just like preparing myself for

(11:57):
the worst. I actually think I I genuinely thought I
was going to be a bit depressed after having her,
And I want to be careful how I say that
I was prepared to have another Lola.

Speaker 1 (12:08):
And Lola was a really bad sleeper.

Speaker 4 (12:10):
She was really tricky, she didn't eat, there was no
support because it was during COVID, Like it was a
really really hard time to have a baby.

Speaker 3 (12:16):
Well, for context, quickly, Marley was the dream boat. Yeah,
she was a union, which is why Lola came so quickly,
because you're like, I could do twenty of these and
Lola was just a hard baby.

Speaker 4 (12:25):
Yeah, And Matt was doing Dance with the Stars so
he was never around and like, it was just a
really really hard time. And if I'm honest with myself,
I think I was quite I don't want to say
depress because I was never diagnosed, but I was quite
down after having Lola, and I definitely had the baby
blues and I definitely struggled a lot, like I struggled
a lot after her, And so I think I just
convinced myself that this was going to be really hard

(12:48):
and that this was going to be the same and
adding a third to the mix, like well, I mean
just purely the numbers game of having a third that's
going to be fucking horrible.

Speaker 3 (12:56):
And do you think that this was sort of wrapped
up in because you were often saying I'm not as
excited for this one, but it's because I've done it
before and I'm busy, and I'm busy, so I'm just
not as excited.

Speaker 1 (13:05):
But I'll be good when it's here.

Speaker 3 (13:06):
But do you think that you were using that as
a bit of a cover because you were scared you
were going to have these maybe posts.

Speaker 4 (13:11):
Yeah, and even worse than like not being excited, I
was not feeling connected to the pregnancy at all, Like
I was not you know, every people would say like,
are you excited, and I'd be like, yeah, really wasn't excited.
It wasn't that I didn't want to have a third
and it wasn't that I wasn't you know, looking forward
to having Poppy and like meeting her. I just didn't
have this like the warm, fuzzy feeling all the excitement

(13:34):
around pregnancy, and I definitely didn't feel connected to the
baby that was in my belly, and so I think
I kept on coming up with other excuses. But now
that she's here, and now that I've been through the birth,
I realized it was actually just a lot of fear
and that I was like very, very worried about what
life was going to look like. And I had mentally
prepared myself to be miserable for a year, which just sounded.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
Anxiety about what it could be.

Speaker 4 (13:55):
So I was like, Okay, I'm just going to accept
the fact that I'm going to be really stressed out,
i have any sleep, and I'm probably going to hate
my life for a year, and then we'll get good.
Then it'll be fine, Then I'll be able to, you know,
call back some sort of yeah, some sort of normality again.
After she was born, I was like, Okay, well, I
know day two is going to be really hard because
I mean, for a lot of people. If you have

(14:16):
kids and you've gone through birth day two is kind
of when the baby blues hit because you've had this
like absolute rush of endorphins and then there's nowhere for
them to go except be gone, and then you're completely depleted.
So I was like, Okay, day two's here, Today's the
day I'm going to feel sad. And then I was like, oh, okay,
I just I don't feel that sad. And then I
was like, maybe it's me day three, I'm going to
be really sad. And then it just didn't hit, Like

(14:38):
I didn't have that down in the same way that
I thought I was going to have it, Like, of
course I had the feeling of being tired and everything else,
but it wasn't It wasn't what I was expecting. I
honestly think that I was preparing myself mentally for the worst,
but I wasn't actually expecting the best outcome either, if
that makes sense. So I know how sometimes you go, oh,
I'm preparing myself for the worst and hoping for the best.
I think I was preparing for myself for the worst

(15:00):
and expecting the worst. So then when it didn't hit,
I was like, oh, oh, that's right. You can have
a baby and be really happy afterwards.

Speaker 1 (15:08):
Oh I'm gonna be okay.

Speaker 4 (15:09):
I forgot and then I messaged Matt on day three
and I was like, this is so great, maybe we
should have another one, And he was.

Speaker 1 (15:14):
Like, Matt did say that.

Speaker 4 (15:17):
He told me that he's going to go and book
that versect me and told me to go fuck myself, which.

Speaker 1 (15:23):
You'll have to do for me.

Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:25):
Yeah, I'm happy the time of my life.

Speaker 4 (15:28):
But no, I mean, like, yes, he is probably going
to go and have a verseect to me. But I
have just been like so blissfully happy. And I think
there's so much information out there and there's so many
conversations around how hard motherhood is. Like we know that
that is a very real outcome for a lot of people,
and it's been one of my outcomes of three kids.
Now I'm only a couple of weeks in, so I
don't want to say I don't want to say it's

(15:49):
too good, too early, But I mean she's been sitting
in my lap this entire time and hasn't made a peep.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
She's such a good eater.

Speaker 4 (15:55):
Like I think when you have those like main pillars
down pat the eating, the sleeping. Oh now she's going
to say how they're eating, the sleeping and all those
sorts of things. If they fall into place early on, yeah,
and you have support. So I had a very different
birth experience this time to last time, which I'll explain
as well.

Speaker 1 (16:11):
It was like night and day, which night and day?

Speaker 3 (16:13):
I mean, the last thing you want is knowing that
the next year of your life is going to be
like your personal hell. That's not to say you don't
love them, but like it can make or break you
if you're not sleeping at all and you have a
baby that is crying with indigestion constantly, and like it
affects your entire.

Speaker 4 (16:27):
Life when you don't know why they're crying and they're
clearly in pain or they're clearly uncomfortable, and the only
time that they're going to sleep is if they're strapped
to your body, and it erodes everything. It erodes your
relationship with your partner, roads your relationship with your other kids,
because you can't show up in the way that's like
positive and happy.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
So I think anyone who has.

Speaker 4 (16:46):
Ever had a bad sleeper or a baby with colic,
like you know how full on that is and how
hard it is to kind of like get your head around.

Speaker 1 (16:54):
What it's going to be.

Speaker 3 (16:55):
Like, you really wanted to go natural this time. You
wanted your orders to break, You wanted to have that
feeling of like going spontaneous labor, spontaneous labor, but no
happened for you.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
It did not happen.

Speaker 4 (17:05):
I had all the stretch and sweeps even I mean,
as you know, Britt offered to give me some.

Speaker 1 (17:09):
I'm still waiting for my stretching sweep, but you don't
actually pregnant for me.

Speaker 2 (17:13):
I can do it anytime.

Speaker 1 (17:15):
I don't know what the outcomer will be.

Speaker 4 (17:16):
But yeah, sure, it didn't happen. I didn't go into
spontaneous labor. I was induced, basically. I So when you're induced,
you call up the hospital in the morning, you check
if they have space for you, so you make sure
like someone hasn't gone into an emergency labor or something else.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
We woke up six third in the morning. I called
the hospital.

Speaker 4 (17:32):
I was like, today's the day, and a lovely midwife
on the phone was like, yeah, come on down. So
we got the kids ready for school. We dropped Lola
off at daycare, we dropped Maley off at school.

Speaker 1 (17:42):
Such like a normal day.

Speaker 3 (17:43):
It's weird because you're like, you know that your life's
about to change, but you still just pack in the
lunch box.

Speaker 1 (17:47):
Totally.

Speaker 4 (17:48):
It was so weird, Like I was literally making a
ham sandwich in the morning, and then I was explaining
to the girls that mummy was going to go to
the hospital and had the baby. So we dropped off
the kids at school, went to the hospital. I met
my sister there, So my sister came and she was
there for the entire time as well, which someone message
because I did do a call out and I was like,
what are you Like, what are your purby questions? And
someone was like, wasn't that weird having your sister in

(18:10):
the room? Like where did she stand? She stood at
the business end, she got to witness all of it.
But she's been there for She was in the room
for Marley's birth, and then I was in the room
for both of her births.

Speaker 1 (18:21):
She couldn't be there for Lola because COVID baby.

Speaker 3 (18:23):
I also think it depends Some people might find that
really weird, like can't believe your sister was in there weird,
But that depends on your relationship with your sister.

Speaker 1 (18:29):
I mean, you're so close with your sister, you work
with your business partners, and you grew up you know,
really really toast up in the same mouse.

Speaker 4 (18:37):
No.

Speaker 1 (18:37):
I was like, I was gonna say, you the same parents.

Speaker 3 (18:40):
No, because there's plenty of people that have siblings where
you could never imagine them being in your life.

Speaker 1 (18:45):
That's totally.

Speaker 3 (18:46):
Having a sister doesn't necessarily mean having a friend. They
don't equate to the same thing.

Speaker 4 (18:50):
Like, imagine having one of your brothers in the room
with you whilse you're giving birth.

Speaker 3 (18:54):
I was gonna say saying, second you saw my brain, hay.
I was like, went for a sick joke, and I
was like, I'm not going to do it. I would
have my sister in there with me, easy.

Speaker 2 (19:03):
Yeah. Is there a part of you that, even like,
regardless of how great your partner can be, if you're
in a hetero relationship, is there a part that you
still want a woman there?

Speaker 4 (19:11):
No, not really, Because like I had a great experience
with Matt being in the room for Lola.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
His interpretive dance was great and it.

Speaker 1 (19:17):
Was just him.

Speaker 4 (19:17):
But Matt doesn't take he takes labor seriously at go time,
but I think because I have an epidural, and there's
a lot of waiting once you've had an epidural, and
really like if you have a good epidurl like you
don't really feel anything like. I know we joked about it,
but yeah, I was doing emails, Alisa and I were
talking about work. Matt was filming TikTok fucking interpretive dance reels.

Speaker 1 (19:37):
Like you really just have a lot of time to kill.

Speaker 4 (19:39):
But there is something that I found very interesting because
I went so I went private this time, didn't go public,
and I had heaps of questions around what did I prefer?
And I want to be really careful with this because firstly,
private and public have their own benefits and negatives, right,
both of them do.

Speaker 1 (19:57):
Privates negatives being that it's a fuckings yeah, yeah, which
is why you went public twice. It's so expensive.

Speaker 4 (20:04):
So I've been public twice and both of those experiences
were fine, right and would have been good if I
didn't have my own complications, which probably would have been
the same outcome had I been private or public. The
thing about public, though, is that you don't have a
lot of after care, or as much after care in
hospital there's like you only have one or two days
in hospital and then you go home, and the after

(20:24):
care happens at home.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
Because someone else needs to have their baby.

Speaker 4 (20:27):
Yeah, and there isn't as much space, right And you
also often have to have a shared room afterwards, so
you go into a shared room with other mothers and
other babies, and there's not really room for your partner
to stay. So, and I'm sure other hospitals are different,
but that's the experience of the hospital I went to.
I went home after about twelve or thirteen hours, So
for me, it was like I had a baby, I
went home. So the hospital experience was fine, but it

(20:50):
was the lack of after care at home. Yes, the
midwives come and visit you at your house, but when
you've got another baby at home, you're not laying down
and resting in the same way.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
You're not recovering.

Speaker 4 (20:59):
Whereas going private, I stayed in hospital for like almost
five days. I stayed there for the full time, and
they bring you high tea like all day. You're being
taken care of in a room that's your own, and
that is obviously private.

Speaker 1 (21:11):
A twenty thousand dollars private bill was worth it for
that cup of tea.

Speaker 4 (21:13):
But it's so expensive, so we didn't have private health
and health insurance as you guys know, and you pay obviously,
you pay your obstetrician firstly, so you pay them over
the course of your pregnancy, which is around nine thousand
dollars for that's what their total bill is throughout all
your appointments and everything, but it's kind of broken up
by like five hundred dollars increments because of your appointments
with them.

Speaker 2 (21:33):
It's like a package.

Speaker 4 (21:34):
Yeah, and then you go to hospital and you have
like so to stay in hospital and to like have
your birth in a birthing suite is seven thousand dollars
or seven thousand, five hundred.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
But then what I wasn't aware of is that you
pay for all the additionals.

Speaker 4 (21:47):
So when the pediatrician comes and sees and does a
check on the baby, you just get an email of
a bill. When you have an epidural, you get an
email for a bill.

Speaker 3 (21:56):
That's snaky because you think you're just paying for the
stay that's inclusive, like and all you can.

Speaker 2 (22:00):
Need to add on extras.

Speaker 4 (22:01):
I didn't realize that everything was an add on, so
like the epidural.

Speaker 2 (22:04):
Your high tees charged individually.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
Matt literally said that. He was like, are we gonna get.

Speaker 2 (22:10):
To one another team? We can charge another two hundred dollars.

Speaker 4 (22:12):
It's like if I get an extra bill for an exit,
which Laura, is that enough? But you yeah, so you
receive bills afterwards, which is obviously probably okay if you've
got private health insurance. So my recommendation would be, if
you are going to have a baby and you do
want to go private and you have the luxury of time,
make sure that you do that one year of paying

(22:33):
the higher levee through your private health insurance, so that
way so that when you're covered for pregnancy, whereas if
you're not covered and you have to pay all of
those additionals, then yeah, it's expensive. But it was like
staying in a health retreat guys, and genuinely was like,
I never want to go home. I want to stay
here with this lovely midwife.

Speaker 1 (22:51):
There's a lot of Asian countries. It's amazing.

Speaker 3 (22:53):
I don't know if you've seen it, Like they're trending
at the moment on Instagram and tingktalk and stuff, but.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
What they do is is really look after mum. When
they have bird after.

Speaker 3 (23:01):
QA two to three week. Actually it could even be
a month long. It's almost a retreat like you take
your baby, but they have people there that look after
your kids all day. You are looked after, you are
getting massages, you're getting the best food, you're sleeping, and
there's like a there's like a night nanny and a
day nanny. And the idea is we will look after
you for a month so that you are so in

(23:23):
such a good space to go home and start your
life as a mom. And I'm like brilliant. And that's
not like a oh, I have to be a private
health insurance. It's like just to really, they just look
at mothers different.

Speaker 4 (23:32):
I think that there is such a broad spectrum of
how the postpartum experience can be for people. And I really,
like I said, I want to be really careful because
I don't want to shit on the on the public system.
The public system is incredible. You receive all of that
for free. You can go into a hospital in Australia,
you can have a baby for free with incredible midwives.
You can be so well taken care of. But you

(23:53):
do have to go home faster. And it depends on
what you're at home, situation is like and if you're
at home, situation sucks or you've I've got other kids
that are climbing all over you. It's really really hard.
And I think that that's what sets a lot of
women up for feeling as though they're overwhelmed. And I remember,
and I've said it before, I remember getting home twelve
hours after having Lola. Maley was only nineteen months, so

(24:15):
she's in a nappy, she's like running around, She's all
over me, and.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
It was COVID. There was just zero support.

Speaker 4 (24:21):
And I remember sitting on the side of the bed
Lola hadn't stopped crying since she'd come home, and thinking,
oh my god, We've ruined our life, Like what have
I done?

Speaker 1 (24:28):
Like, I remember those feelings. I was so sad.

Speaker 4 (24:31):
The difference of had I been in a hospital situation
and I'd felt like that, I could have buzzed a
midwife and been like, I feel really not okay, I
feel really really sad.

Speaker 1 (24:40):
What can I do? And someone would have been there
to support you, you know, just help you for a minute.

Speaker 4 (24:45):
Yeah, But when you feel like that, you also don't
want to burden your partner with those feelings.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
Either.

Speaker 4 (24:50):
So I just sat by myself feeling horrible and being like,
oh my god, what do I do with this feeling? Yeah,
I had a very different experience and it was incredible,
and it cost the price of a small secondhand car,
but it was fucking worth it for me, and I'm
really I feel incredibly privileged that I have the ability
to pay for that.

Speaker 1 (25:08):
Now.

Speaker 4 (25:08):
I couldn't have afforded it with Lola and Mary, you know,
That's why I didn't even entertain the option.

Speaker 2 (25:14):
I actually think there's a bigger conversation here though, And
like COVID is a kind of a specific set of
isolation that was incredibly isolating. But I know that a
lot of other cultures, you know, they say it takes
a village to raise a kid, and especially in that
very early stages, I think they do it a lot
better than us.

Speaker 4 (25:29):
You know.

Speaker 2 (25:29):
They have a lot of people rally so that the
mum can sleep, so that there's people there to support,
you know. And I know that a lot of this
is like female based, Like a lot of it is
the women come around the mum at the time. But
I actually think that we need to be borrowing from
those other cultures and change the way that we kind
of approach motherhood totally.

Speaker 4 (25:47):
When I went to the I had like a specials
appointment with her just a couple of days ago, and
the woman I was speaking to you as a midwife,
she was like, the levels of postpartum depression during COVID
we're the highest that we've ever seen, like women presenting
with post out depression because the isolation was so high.
So I do think it was a unique version of postpartum.
But yeah, this just felt it actually felt joyful, and

(26:10):
there was so much about this birth experience. When people
told me, or have told me in the past, that
they've had like a really positive birth experience that's been
that they've felt happy from and they've felt joyful after.

Speaker 1 (26:21):
I was like, you're like liarp, yes, yes, I was
like that's no.

Speaker 4 (26:26):
I was like, motherhood is great, but that's a lie, yeah,
because birthing sucks. And then I experienced it this time,
and I was like, Okay, I literally laughed this baby
out between contractions. We were all in the room hysterically laughing,
which to me just goes against every version of what
I thought birthing could be.

Speaker 2 (26:42):
It was really might be The playlist it was the
fucking playlist. Guys.

Speaker 4 (26:47):
Okay, let's talk about real good. Let's talk about the
playlist for a second. So we did a call out
for you guys to help us create the most epic
birthing playlist, and it is called Push It Real Good,
and it is for all the life.

Speaker 1 (26:58):
Is Giving life. Thank you.

Speaker 4 (27:00):
Between there was a couple of specifications with this. We
opened it up to all of you to add your songs.
I wanted to listen to this whilst I was having
like in labor. I wanted it to feel like a party.
I love a pun. So if you wanted to like
make it birth semi birth related, I was like, all
for that.

Speaker 1 (27:17):
There are a couple of questionable ones in there.

Speaker 4 (27:19):
Whoever put poopy bum bum in there really has some
explaining to do.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
Poopy bum bum. Yeah, it's like your kid's song.

Speaker 2 (27:25):
I think that. Because I created the playlist, I can
see who's added what.

Speaker 4 (27:28):
Oh No, I deleted poop bum bum because I was like,
if this plays again, I'm gonna I'm gonna have a conniption.

Speaker 2 (27:33):
My kid can't come out to poopoo bum bumb.

Speaker 4 (27:35):
But it was the best playlist from the second we
got in the room.

Speaker 1 (27:39):
It felt like a party. You know what I wish
I'd put on there, and I forgot eminem Lose Yourself.

Speaker 4 (27:45):
It was there, It was on there, It was on there. Also,
someone put informat do you remember.

Speaker 1 (27:54):
A neked boom boombber so good? The word that no
one knows any words.

Speaker 4 (27:59):
Except the reason why that just like so deeply took
me back to a place. Nostalgia is because as a kid,
you know the bridge part, which is like, I know it,
so I'm going to sing a few.

Speaker 1 (28:08):
I sang in at the cool with my tipp type girl.

Speaker 4 (28:10):
Please got my cool, they got my pal lock me up,
so I can't do a thing, pick up the hall
on the telephone ring. I like sat in there and
I was I just had this moment of childhood nostalgia
and I was so filled with fucking joy. And then
I was wrapping the whole thing, and Matt was even
He was like, who is this person?

Speaker 1 (28:25):
And also my sister knows the whole thing, so her and.

Speaker 4 (28:27):
I were just having this real bonding moment and the
midwife walked.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
In and thought we were insane. She was like, Oh,
I like this room, but I'm a bit scared.

Speaker 2 (28:34):
She's like, has Alicia also been on the gas?

Speaker 1 (28:36):
Are you guys sharing the gas?

Speaker 4 (28:37):
There was no gas, so yes, it was a lit playlist. However,
she was crowning. She was like out, like her head
was three quarters of the way out. And then I
became very cognizant of the song that was playing.

Speaker 1 (28:52):
And I was like, change the fucking song. I refuse
to give birth to Vanga boys. I am not I
am not pulling this child out of me to the
Venga boys. Yes, and everybody's jumping.

Speaker 4 (29:07):
So whoever put that on the playlist, it was great,
but it wasn't the crowning moment.

Speaker 1 (29:11):
Matt's like, I'm in the middle of my interpretive dance.
I can't change it.

Speaker 5 (29:14):
The obstetrician was like push, and I was like, I
will not give the Venger boy Laura sucks are back
up and Matt runs over mid contraction and he's trying
to and he's like what song.

Speaker 1 (29:28):
I was like, I don't fucking care. Just put the
start of the playlist back on.

Speaker 4 (29:32):
So he put it back to the very start, and
the very start Keisha is I'm coming out.

Speaker 1 (29:39):
I want go wat to know.

Speaker 2 (29:43):
I'm so honed, I'm gonna remember that forever.

Speaker 1 (29:46):
I'm going to tell Poppy first.

Speaker 4 (29:48):
Yes, So I pulled her out of me and put
her on my chest to I'm coming out.

Speaker 2 (29:53):
It would have been better actually to have the Lion king. No.

Speaker 4 (29:57):
No, I recommend it though, guys, if you are, if
you are having a baby anytime soon, if you got
a friend who's going to be in labor, get health insurance,
get health insurance, and then get a postponent for an
entire year, and then like, go on this playlist because
it is a five and a half.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
We had the best time in there.

Speaker 2 (30:16):
It's got eighteen hundred saves. So someone also wrote to
us saying that it was a really good running playlist.

Speaker 1 (30:22):
Birthing or running, I mean both of them are endurance.

Speaker 2 (30:24):
Say me, fabe, I'll play it for my baby.

Speaker 1 (30:28):
Making playlist is like push it real.

Speaker 2 (30:31):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 4 (30:31):
But then, like I said, there's some weird ones on there.
I don't think it's a love making playlist.

Speaker 1 (30:36):
I think it's banging. Yeah, okay, definitely a banger. Hey,
let's chat labor a length. Okay.

Speaker 4 (30:43):
So firstly, the only other thing I wanted to add
before we kind of get too far off the private
public conversation. So with Marley and Lola, who were both public,
I had been told that I had to be in
established labor in order to get an epidural, So I
had to be in full established labor.

Speaker 1 (31:02):
And look, that's fine.

Speaker 4 (31:03):
I'm not too posh to push or and I'm not
like saying I don't want to have any pain. But
both of my children are posterior, which means the spine
is against my spine. Plus I've been induced, so the
pain is not a normal labor pain. It is very,
very very intense and results in every contraction I'm vomiting.
So it's an awful experience.

Speaker 2 (31:21):
I've also learned recently that if you go into like
a labor naturally, you have like chemicals in your body
that actually do provide some pain relief. I've heard that
it can be a lot more painful if you were induced. Yeah,
so like it mimics the chemicals, but it doesn't do
all of them.

Speaker 4 (31:37):
Well, it's just a lot more intense and it happens
a lot faster. And also if your baby's posteria, you're
already having a real hell of a time because there's
the nerve endings of the spine on spine is really painful.
So I had been told we cannot give you an
epi durol until you're an established labor. Turns out that
is not true, and I felt really angry and I
felt really jipped because I was like, well, it had
always been my birth plan to have an epidural with

(31:59):
all of my births, So why wasn't I able to
have it from the very beginning when you knew I
was going into some sort of labor when contractions had started.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
It's probably not that it's not true.

Speaker 3 (32:10):
It's probably just true from the public system because they
have less people on hand, so it's more like, hey,
these are a set of rules. Unfortunately, we can only
do it once you're in labor because they don't have
enough people to constantly be coming for everyone. And so
I think that it's not that it's a lie in
terms of labor, but it would be the public system's true.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
Yeah, I understand that, you know.

Speaker 4 (32:27):
I actually I'm glad that you said that, because I
did feel like i'd been a bit gas lit, Like
I did feel like I'd been lied to you, because
the way it had been said to me was exactly
that we can't give it to you until your an
established labor, which, for me, filling in the blanks, I
understood it to be well, it's because it can only
be done at this point in time. But it's really
hard to have an epidural when you're in intense pain
because you have to stay completely still, and so there's

(32:50):
more chance for something to go wrong because you move
because you're having a fucking contraction. That anisthis came in
and he was an absolute vibe and half like he
was great. And I was like, look, realistically, I want
to feel as little of this as possible. And he
was like, well, we'll just do it now. And I
was like, what do you mean you can do it now?
And he's like, well, just if you know you're going
to have it. He's like, we'll just do it now, and.

Speaker 2 (33:12):
Would you like some of my tea?

Speaker 1 (33:13):
I was like, but I'm not in labor, and he's like,
he's you.

Speaker 4 (33:16):
He was like, wow, you've had a few contractions, You're fine,
and he's like, I would prefer to do it now
so that I'm not trying to do it when you're
in active labor. And also he's like, you're going to
be in active labor you're going to be calling me,
it's going to take me twenty five minutes to get here.
He's like, I'll just do it now, and you'd be sweet.
So it was just such a different time because as
soon as that was in, I was.

Speaker 3 (33:35):
Like, whoo dream and everyone Yeah, so that was disco lie.

Speaker 1 (33:42):
So I think the thing with private is you have
more opportunity of choice.

Speaker 4 (33:46):
That's what feels different to make it paying for Yeah,
you have more say And that was my experience. It
might not be the case for everyone, but mine was
that I felt a little bit more in control. I
felt like I had more options, and I felt like
I had been given a little bit more time and explanation.

Speaker 3 (34:01):
So what's there around about what is the cost for
someone to go private and knowing that you didn't have
health insurance for those playing at home.

Speaker 4 (34:07):
Oh, it's a crazy expensive twenty about twenty thousand dollars? Yeah,
I would say about seventeen thousand.

Speaker 1 (34:12):
That's what I would expect. I think that's not going
to shock people.

Speaker 3 (34:14):
I think that that's probably what we think is pretty
standardized for a private.

Speaker 2 (34:17):
Really, I think it would shop people what I thought
it would.

Speaker 3 (34:20):
I always thought it was about twenty grand without insurance.

Speaker 4 (34:23):
Yeah, which is why I'm like, if you have the
health insurance, it's like yeah, yeah, if you don't, I
don't reckon. It's something that's feasible for most people to do.
And I certainly like, I mean, it's it was my
last hirah okay.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
But also it was too late.

Speaker 1 (34:34):
I didn't get a push present. You're already too deep
because you thought you had the insurance, but you's already
locked it in.

Speaker 4 (34:38):
You're like, oh, well totally so then okay, look, I
mean moving into the actual birth situations that had ma
ab dural, the three of us were just in the
room for a really long time, Like it was about
nine o'clock at night, and they hadn't checked me yet,
so like I hadn't been checked to see if I
was fully dilated or anything, and I really didn't feel
like I was like I didn't really feel like anything

(34:59):
was happening.

Speaker 2 (35:00):
I had an epidewel.

Speaker 1 (35:02):
Yeah, but I guess you probably lost you didn't feel it.

Speaker 3 (35:05):
I think you war mean your body, right, you know
your body. You just feel like nothing was changing at all.

Speaker 2 (35:10):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 4 (35:10):
I think you can still kind of tell that, like
stuff's happening a bit faster and a bit more like if.

Speaker 3 (35:15):
It doesn't make you completely numb, you can't like stab
a knife in your leg and you don't feel anything.

Speaker 4 (35:19):
No, you feel pressure. Yeah, you stabbed a knife into
your leg, you wouldn't feel any pain.

Speaker 2 (35:23):
They do an ice cube test, don't they. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (35:25):
Yeah, they run an ice cube down your sides to see.
So anyway, you know, you see your obstetrician gone in.
They have a look, they sworn out and not there
for the whole time.

Speaker 3 (35:33):
Every obstetrician right now is like rolling over in there
but been like this fucking chick thinks that this.

Speaker 2 (35:38):
Job is easy.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
No, my obstrition was amazing.

Speaker 4 (35:40):
But what I'm saying is if it's an easy birth,
it's a great job. If it's tricky birth, oh my god,
you want a great obstetrician. But if it's an easy birth,
they're literally they have twenty five minutes then they're gone.

Speaker 3 (35:49):
I remember so obviously the time difference in Italy. I
remember it was like early evening and I'd messaged Laura
knowing that she'd already been in labor for a long time,
and I was like, what's where you are, what's the
progression and you were like, I've been laboring for a
few hours, not yet, but can't be that long. And
I remember thinking, oh, cool, it's bedtime for me. By
the time I wake up, there will be a baby.

(36:10):
I'll wake up to a baby message because it's like
eight hours. I woke up and you were like, no,
nothing yet, not fully dilated, and I thought, what the hell.

Speaker 4 (36:16):
Yeah, it was a long time, but basically the midwife
came in, so we had one midwife. She finished the day.
We had another midwife come in who was lovely, and
she was like, look, let's just have a look, let's
have a let's have a geezer. So she goes down
there as a squeeze and she's like, oh, you're ten centimeters,
you're ready, next contraction, start pushing.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
She's just so chill about it. And it was like,
I'm not for insic really coming right now.

Speaker 2 (36:40):
I don't want to push yet.

Speaker 1 (36:40):
I want another sandwich.

Speaker 4 (36:41):
Literally, I was like the chicken pie was really good. No,
So she looked down there she was like, yeah, next contraction,
just give a push. And I was like, should we
get the obstetrician down and she was like, nah, you'll
be fine, just give it a push, and she's like,
we just start moving the baby down. So anyway, next
contraction came push and then I think there was like
two contractions that I was pushing through and Matt was like,
do you reckon? We should get Bobby, like the obstetrician,

(37:03):
to come down.

Speaker 1 (37:04):
Now. She's like, yeah, I've called him on his way.
He walks in.

Speaker 4 (37:07):
I've like pushed for two contractions by then, and like
I said, we were honestly pissing ourselves laughing. So at
the at the end of each contraction, someone would say
something that was funny, and it was just everyone was
laughing and it was a really like really amazing environment.
And then I think I pushed for maybe five contractions
of four contractions.

Speaker 1 (37:27):
That was it. It's it, that was it.

Speaker 4 (37:29):
And then I could feel heaps of pressure and I
was like, oh, could you top up the epidural and
the midwife was like, no point, sweetheart. She's like, the
reason why you can feel that is because there's a
head there. But your hands down.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
Cut yeah, nothing stopping. And I put my hands down.
I was like, oh my god, there's a head there.

Speaker 4 (37:43):
And then Bobby the obstriction was like, do you want
to pull her out?

Speaker 1 (37:47):
And so and I didn't have a good hold, So
like what so, yeah, you pull them out of you do?

Speaker 2 (37:53):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (37:53):
You there pull them out?

Speaker 2 (37:55):
Surely. That's why there's other people in the room. Like,
if there's one thing, you're.

Speaker 1 (37:59):
Twenty dollars, pull it out.

Speaker 2 (38:01):
You fucking pull it out. It's nice for you to
pull it out. It's nice.

Speaker 1 (38:06):
No, it is nice. But I had a really bad grip.
They're so slippery.

Speaker 2 (38:09):
You're like, I'm not an athlete, you were a bull
sports girl.

Speaker 1 (38:13):
They're so slippery and you can't see what you're grabbing.

Speaker 4 (38:15):
And then you're also like, oh my god, someone support
the head and so they just kind of pulls up
a turn.

Speaker 5 (38:23):
She's like, no, why what I thought she'd looked like,
So I grabbed her, but I grabbed.

Speaker 1 (38:28):
Him this really weird angle.

Speaker 4 (38:30):
I like had like one finger underneath an armpit and
like the other ones like in her ear, And I
didn't know what I was grabbing.

Speaker 1 (38:36):
And I pulled her out and I put her on
my chest.

Speaker 4 (38:39):
And to be fair, she has just been the chillest
baby since she was born. She she didn't cry at
the start, at all and I was like, is she okay?
Like everyone's laughing, and I was like, is she fine?

Speaker 2 (38:50):
Someone?

Speaker 5 (38:51):
I was like, someone make the baby cry, Like, ah,
she was a bit blue.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
But they're always a bit blue.

Speaker 4 (38:56):
They come out kind of grayish, covered in slid.

Speaker 1 (38:59):
It's not hot at the start. Yeah, she's just on
my chest.

Speaker 4 (39:02):
And after a little while, I was getting a bit like, sorry, guys,
is she okay?

Speaker 2 (39:06):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (39:06):
Someone look at her and the midwives were like everyone,
she's fine, everyone's fine, It's all fine. And then she
took a big breath and she cried and it was perfect.
And then they're all fussing down around my hoha. Like
they were just all down there as they always ask,
like pushing on your stomach and trying to get the
placenta out, and I was like, is everything fine down there?

Speaker 1 (39:23):
And they were like, yeah, you just lost a bit
of blood. We're just keeping an eye on it.

Speaker 4 (39:26):
Because so when they come out really quickly, you're more
inclined to lose blood, and like, you know, you lose
up to a leader of blood before they even care,
before they even are worried about it.

Speaker 1 (39:37):
They're like anything under a leader, you're fine.

Speaker 2 (39:39):
This is a really good time to talk about blood donation.
They need blood donation for people. Yes, go go and
donate blood. So I lost seven hundred mills. You only
have about five liters in total fur reference.

Speaker 1 (39:50):
Yeah, I was like, that seems like a lot of blood.

Speaker 4 (39:52):
And they what they do is they take the pads
away and they weigh the pads, so they weigh how
much blood.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
Is coming out at any one time.

Speaker 4 (40:00):
And then you have to actually birth your placenta as well,
so you've birthed the baby, and then you have to
You don't push with contractions, but you definitely have to,
like they kind of half pull it out. It's a process,
the whole thing, the whole other thing that has to
come out of you.

Speaker 2 (40:13):
Is it really weird watching something take its very first breath?

Speaker 4 (40:16):
Like is that actually quite beautiful? But do you know
what I mean? Like it's amazing. Yeah, the whole thing
is amazing. It's the most natural crack you're ever gonna have,
because as soon as you do.

Speaker 1 (40:26):
It, you're like, I could do that again.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
I don't know if you've hired pressure hosed before.

Speaker 1 (40:30):
I don't know if you've diy painted a bedroom, but yeah,
I did buy pressure hose on the weekend. I'm not
gonna lie you.

Speaker 4 (40:36):
So you just get like the most like intense feeling
of euphoria post having a baby that I'm like, whoa's
go again? So yeah, I want to have another, but
that's quickly.

Speaker 2 (40:50):
So everyone's question, did you shoot yourself?

Speaker 1 (40:53):
Okay, number one question that was asked, did I shit myself?

Speaker 4 (40:55):
No, I'd happily proudly say that I have gone three
for three and have yet shat myself of during a pregnancy,
I mean a.

Speaker 3 (41:01):
Birth, proudly because there's nothing wrong with shitting yourself. No.

Speaker 4 (41:05):
We did say that we're here to destigmatize, but unfortunately
I'm not part of the crew of pooping myself. However,
I have been in the room when people have pooped
themselves during labor.

Speaker 1 (41:14):
Nothing wrong with it.

Speaker 2 (41:16):
You just.

Speaker 1 (41:18):
I was that was so funny. I was like, but
there's only one birth. My sister did shit herself d labor. No,
but they're so good there.

Speaker 3 (41:27):
No, that's what I'm saying. They're so good that the
second somebody has pooed themselves, it's gone. The menwives have
cleaned it.

Speaker 1 (41:33):
You don't even know. They usually don't tell you. They
don't tell you they just whip it away.

Speaker 4 (41:38):
Wait, not going to sit here, But I think that
it's more normal to do it than not to do it.
And also like who cares? Like everything else is coming
out from downstairs?

Speaker 1 (41:46):
Why do you worry?

Speaker 4 (41:47):
Well?

Speaker 3 (41:48):
Why we're sitting in this conversation and like feel free
not to answer it, but I know it's a question
a lot of people want to know and it's not
often discussed. So Laura and I were on the phone
chatting maybe two days later, and you will lie like,
oh my god, I've got to go.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
It's time. It's time for the first post birth pooh,
And you were like, I don't want to do it.
I don't want to hang up.

Speaker 3 (42:08):
I'm scared because it's there's this idea that the first
pooh that you do after a baby is not great?
So is that true that it's like so much more painful.

Speaker 4 (42:16):
You're not the only person I messaged Vanessa. I sent
it to about five people. I was like, I was traumatized,
and if for me it was terrified?

Speaker 3 (42:23):
Is that? Do you know?

Speaker 1 (42:24):
Why?

Speaker 3 (42:24):
Is it because the body's hormones have like changed the
consistency of your about next bowel movement?

Speaker 2 (42:28):
Like it it's like your body stops it for a while.

Speaker 4 (42:30):
I just didn't go to the toilet for two days
because I was like, and then I was backed up.
You're supposed to drink move a coal, and I just
didn't drink enough move a cole, and I.

Speaker 1 (42:36):
Was like, I gotta go.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
But it's good to hurt.

Speaker 4 (42:38):
I'm scared, and already you feel like your insides are
falling out. So I don't know. I don't know if
anyone else found it as horrifying as I do.

Speaker 1 (42:45):
No, it is. I've heard it from multiple people. I've
never enjoyed the first pooh after birth.

Speaker 4 (42:49):
To be fair, I would say for the first week
it's kind of ah, she's laughing. I would say for
the first week it's kind of a bit full on
and a bit scary, but then your body starts to
figure it out again. I wish doctor and obstetricians and
midwives talk to you about that a bit more. I
wish that anyone had said to me, especially after Marley,
hey you've just given birth, but you're gonna give birth again,

(43:10):
and that's gonna be It's gonna be worse. It's gonna
be in twenty four hours or forty eight hours and
it's going to be a number two and that's gonna
be an experience, and so whatever support you need to
get you through that, we're here.

Speaker 1 (43:21):
I wish someone had had that conversation with me.

Speaker 4 (43:22):
You would think after three I would have thought through it,
but I didn't, and it was I think I was
forty eight hours and it was on the toilet. Do
you know what the other thing that people don't talk about,
it's called after birth pains. So every time you breastfeed,
your uterus contracts. With every child you have, those after
birth pains become more intense. So you breastfeed and then

(43:47):
as you're kind of think of like period cramps, but
as you're breastfeeding, your uterus is contracting, and those contraction pains.
After birth pains are so painful, like they are so
so uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (43:59):
How do go introducing Maley and Lola to Poppy.

Speaker 4 (44:03):
They're obsessed with her. They are absolutely obsessed. I didn't
have a baby for myself. Lola had a baby. This
is Lola's baby. They love her so much. But Lola
is struggling a little bit. I think it's probably the
best version of it. She's not jealous of Poppy, Like
she loves her sister and she wants to hold her
and be like completely absorbed in everything that she.

Speaker 1 (44:23):
You know, she just wants to hold her one hundred
percent of the time.

Speaker 4 (44:26):
The very first morning after I came home, I was
in bed with Poppy feeding her, and Lola came and
got into bed with us. I'm very conscious about making
sure that Lola gets a lot of me time and
a lot of like you know, cuddles and everything else.
But I was feeding Poppy and also you know, obviously
giving Lola a cuddle.

Speaker 1 (44:43):
In one arm, and I had Poppy in the other, and.

Speaker 4 (44:45):
Lola looked at me and she started crying, and she goes,
I wish I was Poppy, And I was like, why
do you wish you were Poppy? And She's like, so
that you would cuddle me like that too, And I
was like, oh, sweetheart, I'm not cuddling her.

Speaker 1 (44:57):
I'm literally a milkmaiden. I'm feeding her. She needs this
to survive.

Speaker 4 (45:01):
But she she she's just such a sensitive little soul
and she just wants her mum so much, and so
she's not jealous of Poppy, but she wants more.

Speaker 1 (45:11):
Of me and she's jealous trying.

Speaker 3 (45:13):
Yeah, she's not jealous poppy, but she jeous at her time.
It's hard has been cut. Yeah, like there was nothing
else to folks on. She can come into bed whenever
she wanted. There was nothing else in the bed. Yes,
she's sharing her whole life is changing, so I mean,
I'm sure there'll be an adaptation process.

Speaker 1 (45:27):
It's very normal, but Marley seems fine.

Speaker 4 (45:29):
Like Marley's older though, Yeah, and she also gets something
through it. She also gets a lot from her dad,
like she's quite happy to be like, oh dad, hug me,
like you know, Mum's busy.

Speaker 1 (45:37):
But Lola doesn't get that.

Speaker 4 (45:39):
And so she's like she's definitely the one that is
struggling the most. And it's yeah, and it's not in
the way that you would expect like I thought she
was going to have.

Speaker 1 (45:47):
She's definitely having big tantrums and whatnot as well.

Speaker 4 (45:50):
But I thought that she would be a bit like,
I don't want the baby, get the baby out of
the way.

Speaker 1 (45:54):
She loves the baby, but she dances me. Obviously.

Speaker 3 (45:57):
I've been doing Radio Now with Matt for the last week,
but Matt was saying that her emotions right now are
just not matching the situation, Like her reaction is so
extravagant to like the smallest catalysts really, like she's very volatile.

Speaker 1 (46:14):
And I think that these these are the adjustment.

Speaker 4 (46:16):
Also being a middle child's character building, You're gonna turn
out great, like you're gonna.

Speaker 1 (46:21):
Be the little child.

Speaker 2 (46:22):
I'm fine, You're gonna be fine, Like I'm fine.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
Right someone anyone.

Speaker 4 (46:27):
I think that there's benefits to it in the long run,
but at the moment, it's definitely adjustment, an adjustment period.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
Okay, so that's how.

Speaker 1 (46:33):
The girls have.

Speaker 2 (46:34):
Adjusted or like in the process of how have things
gone with Matt, have you felt any shift in like
your relationship.

Speaker 4 (46:41):
I mean, I think there's always a shift in the
relationship when there's a new born baby, not because you
love each other any differently, Like you just don't have
as much time for each other. You're not like you know,
you can't snuggle in bed or the sleep is affected
for everyone. So at the moment, I'm up every at
least every two hours in the nighttime. Matt is in
the bed with me, but then he gets called into
Lola's bed, so he kind of starts off in our

(47:02):
bed and then he ends up in Lola's bed, and
I think, you just have such little time for each
other in those first few weeks of postpartum, so I.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
Got to get touched out to do. I'm actually feeling
pretty good.

Speaker 4 (47:11):
I'm not feeling touched out at the moment, but I
do worry that it takes a little bit more for
I don't know whether this is Matt specific, and I
don't know whether he'd even agree with this. I worry
that it takes him longer to feel connected to a
newborn baby and too poppy because he just doesn't get
the contact time, like she's always on me. He's got

(47:34):
the bigger kids, and so I'm kind of like.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
You know, do you love her? Like are you excited?

Speaker 2 (47:39):
Like you look how cute she is?

Speaker 4 (47:41):
And he's very supportive, and he's very much like, yeah,
she's gorgeous, and like he's he's like, she's such a
good baby.

Speaker 1 (47:47):
It's been really really easy. This is really enjoyable.

Speaker 4 (47:50):
But I don't think he feels the way I feel
like I'm obsessed with her, I think, and I'm like,
I'm like I just want to climb inside his skin, and.

Speaker 2 (47:57):
He's like, here's the baby. She exclusively.

Speaker 4 (48:00):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, I just feel like so overwhelmingly
in love with this baby.

Speaker 3 (48:05):
You also have the hormones right now and the endorphins,
and you carried her and you birthed her, and you
pulled her out and you felt it all and you're
feeding her. And Matt's the husbands and the partners, they're
just there in terms of like they don't have that
same roller coaster rived which is why.

Speaker 4 (48:18):
I also think for a lot of men, you know,
we don't talk about postpartum depression, but for men, and
obviously it presents very differently. It's a reaction to the situation.
It's not hormone driven. But I do think that that's
a very real thing, and it's because, like you know,
sometimes as women we have the benefit of the hormone attachment.
Sometimes it doesn't work out that way, as we know,

(48:39):
but for guys, like they just have to have the
it has to just appear, you know, or the non
birthing partner, it just has to appear. And so I
do kind of I don't, like I said, I don't
want to speak format because he says he feels connected,
but I don't think he could feel as connected as
I do, you know, and like I said, I am
totally obsessed with her.

Speaker 1 (48:58):
I did not think I would be this. I actually
thought I thought it would take.

Speaker 4 (49:02):
Me a really long time to feel like this, and
I thought I would feel a little bit resentful that
Matt was getting to spend all this time with the
other girls and I would get stuck with the baby.

Speaker 1 (49:10):
You know, That's what I was really worried about.

Speaker 4 (49:12):
But I'm I'm like so in love with this postpartum
experience in comparison to what I've had before.

Speaker 1 (49:19):
Can I tell you for some what this's up.

Speaker 3 (49:21):
Every two hours, you look less tired than you used
to before you had it.

Speaker 1 (49:25):
You look fantastic, like you look amazing. You're obviously healing well,
and I feel good. I feel really good. And maybe
that is because you're happier this time as well.

Speaker 4 (49:33):
Yeah, And I you know, if I look back on
the other you know, experiences I've had, this has been
by far my best and most just I think there's
something being really healing in this postpartum experience. It's like
renewed my faith that like having newborns can be really
joyful and it can be I don't want to say
it's easy, because it's never easy, but we get told

(49:54):
so much about how hard it's going to be. And
I did fall down that rabbit hole a little bit
with Lola, even though with Marley I was always like, no,
having babies is really fun and there's so much joy
in it. And now I feel like that's been restored again.

Speaker 3 (50:05):
It's just hard because there'd be people have seen right
now that have had both.

Speaker 1 (50:08):
There are people that have had the dream, and there are.

Speaker 3 (50:10):
People that are like, have had the worst experience ever
and they just don't have an easier a good baby.

Speaker 4 (50:15):
Well, I think the thing is is if you had
that for your first birth, Like if I'd had a
Lola for my very first time around, I don't know
if I would have a second baby. I don't know
if I would have had more because I don't know
if I would have put that pressure on myself. But
knowing that, like Marley was the unicorn, then we had
like a tricky sleeper and colicky baby, and now we've
had another you know, quote unquote unicorn, even though it's

(50:38):
two hour sleeping windows, but it's just is what is
with a newborn. I think that that's what gives me
this real sense of like, oh, I can do this,
I can manage this, and I emotionally and mentally can
manage this, Whereas I totally understand why some women who
don't experience that and have a really tricky one first up,
you can't see what it could be like either, and like,
why would you go back for a second if that's

(50:59):
been your experience?

Speaker 3 (51:00):
A bit of a PSA as well for people I
didn't really know this. I didn't know the timeframe. You
put something on your Instagram and you've had a lot
of people respond to you saying like, what are you
talking about that you can't go swimming in the ocean
for like six weeks post birth?

Speaker 4 (51:14):
This to me was such a education piece. So yeah,
I put up on Instagram.

Speaker 1 (51:18):
The other day.

Speaker 4 (51:19):
We were downe at Passy Bay and I was like, Oh,
it's just torture being at the beach not being at
a swim for six weeks.

Speaker 2 (51:24):
It was also thirty degrees.

Speaker 4 (51:25):
Yeah, I was thirty degrees and I was at the
beach with a baby, and I was like, just want
to go in the water. And so many women who
have had children themselves, like vaginal birthing women, and I'm
talking like people who are friends with me, people who
I don't know but I know that they have kids,
were like, what do you mean you can't swim? Just
wear period underwear and go swimming. Just wear period swimmers.
And it made me realize how much information is missed

(51:48):
in that post birth aftercare. I didn't realize that with
my first baby either, Like I didn't know the information
with Marley. I think Alicia might have told me my sister,
But yeah, you can't. Well, you're not supposed to swim
for four to six weeks, especially if you have stitches,
or especially if you've had a vaginal birth, because your
uterus is still open and you have a massive gaping
wound in your uterus where the placenta is detached, So

(52:10):
going swimming means that you could get seawater up in
your uterus, which is like, you know, non hospital, you
introduce microorganisms an infection.

Speaker 3 (52:18):
The misconception is that it's about blood in the water
and blood loss, and that's not what it is.

Speaker 4 (52:23):
It's about getting an infection and an open wound and
you're still healing. So you're supposed to go for a
four to six week appointment with either an obstetrician or
your health care or whatever it is. Whatever, it's also
put a self up for that one. I have you
shut your forehead and that's when you get the approval
as to when you should and shouldn't swim, you know,
to make sure that everything's healed. So that was shocking

(52:43):
to me that so many women who have had children,
or so many women who are pregnant didn't know that
that was the case. But it just shows you that
there's such a gap. I think that often, especially when
there is poor continuity of care, doctors think, oh, they've
been told this by a different and so they don't
rehash things. But that's where information gets missed, and especially

(53:04):
if it's your first time doing it, Like unless you
proactively are going out there and finding this information yourself,
sometimes you just don't know.

Speaker 1 (53:10):
You just don't know. This question was written in by
someone called Whitney.

Speaker 4 (53:15):
Hello, Whitney, Whitney Popley, Whitney Pocley that wants to know.

Speaker 3 (53:22):
You said before you had Poppy that you felt like
something was missing and you weren't finished. Whitney Populi would
like to know do you feel more of a sense
of completion.

Speaker 2 (53:30):
That your families covered, it's like, do we need to
prepare for another?

Speaker 1 (53:35):
And also Pisha Lett it wants to know.

Speaker 4 (53:38):
I really thought after having Poppy I would have this
overwhelming sense of like our family is done now.

Speaker 2 (53:45):
Oh my god, Britt, it didn't go how he thought.

Speaker 1 (53:47):
I know, and what was the feeling that you've had?
And I don't have that feeling.

Speaker 4 (53:51):
But I've just I've accepted the fact that maybe I
won't be that person who will have that feeling. You know.

Speaker 3 (53:55):
The playlists in my head right now is darn it,
learn it.

Speaker 1 (53:59):
Jewels when a jews shot comes to you. That's what
I just felt. No minus one more damn.

Speaker 3 (54:05):
I want to celebrate. Yeah, okay, so okay, cute. So
you're not done.

Speaker 1 (54:10):
That's that's a lovely No. It's not that I'm not done.
I'm going to need a bigger house.

Speaker 4 (54:15):
I think I am done because I think logistically, relationship wise, financially,
like having kids is so business. Yeah, everything, lifestyle. I
think the realities of life tells me that I'm done.
I'm also you know, know what.

Speaker 2 (54:29):
We could do?

Speaker 1 (54:30):
I have this weird innate feeling that I'm having twins.
You could have one? No if I take it seriously.

Speaker 4 (54:38):
The realities of life tell me that I'm done, Like
all the things that surround the situations of my life
tell me, Okay, that's enough.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
It's enough. I don't think I'm ever.

Speaker 4 (54:46):
Going to have the feeling that a lot of women
describe when they're like, I birth this child and I
just knew my family was complete. I don't think I
will have those feelings ever. I think I will miss
having a newborn. I think I will miss going through
the stay, and I was thinking about it this morning.
It's probably the one thing that makes me emotional about
the whole thing is that it's such a shame that
you have to live life all at the one time.

(55:09):
And what I mean by that is is, as a woman,
I know that my job is important to me, and
I wish that there was a situation in life where
you could go, Okay, I'm going to take ten years
to pause that thing, and I'm going to do this thing,
and I'm going to give this thing everything I have,
because if I could just fuck off and be a
trad wife for ten years.

Speaker 1 (55:25):
And don't get me wrong, I don't mean.

Speaker 4 (55:27):
Like I don't mean, you know, an actual trad wife,
but I mean just not work with my kids and
have five kids and like you know, live on a
farm and grow vegetables, like I fucking would love that.

Speaker 3 (55:39):
Of course I reckon, you wouldn't and I am not you,
And I don't want to tell you how to feel.
You just are such a working machine. It's like your
cup is filled from work as much it is a
film kids. I reckon the idea of it for you
sounds good, but I think you'd miss the work with balance.

Speaker 4 (55:54):
I agree, but that's what I mean by not doing it.
At the same time, I don't want to forgo that,
Like I don't want to not have that in my life.
If I don't want to not be ambitious and have
my career. I just want to do it in ten years.
But I know that it will not exist in ten years.
Like I know that it would be a sacrifice.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
So the one week you've had wasn't that I'm not
willing to make for.

Speaker 1 (56:11):
One weak we whats im saying.

Speaker 2 (56:13):
It is like you can have it all, but you
can't have it.

Speaker 4 (56:14):
I can't have it at the same time, and I think,
like if I could choose how I live my life, right,
if I could, someone could say, Okay, you've got an
extra ten years, what would you want to do. I
would probably be like, cool, let's have two more kids
to live somewherehere it's not expensive, Like that would be
absolute joy for me. Like I love being a MoMA.
It's my favorite thing. But I know I want a

(56:35):
career and I love my career, and I know that
just being a mom won't be enough for me in life.

Speaker 2 (56:40):
Do you know what I love about hearing that, though, Laura,
is that you weren't necessarily the person who in your
twenties was like, my biggest dream is to be a mom. No,
you know, like and so it's so nice to hear that.
You're like, that's the best thing I've ever done.

Speaker 4 (56:57):
They're just like it's amazing. I love being a but
like I said, you know, it's not going to be
the only thing that's fulfilling to me. It just feels
like sometimes you feel like you've drawn the short straw
when you're doing it all at the same time, because
I know that like this little bubble that I'm in
right now where I'm like I get to have a
couple of weeks off work and spend time at home
with the kids, like I know that that has an
end date to it, and like right now poppies are made,

(57:19):
Like she's literally sad on my lap. This entire record
hasn't made a peep she is now she's hungry, but like,
I would love to postpone this and be able to
do this for longer. But I know that I also
really want to have a career and I love our
job and I love everything that we get to do,
so I want to do both. I just wish there
was more time to it, you know, so I know
I'm done. And Matt definitely the day after he was like,

(57:41):
I will book that be secd me.

Speaker 1 (57:42):
So so funny because it was the other one, you
see the other way around.

Speaker 3 (57:45):
It was like you that wasn't quite ready yet with
the difference in their age, and Matt was like begging
for another one. Oh it's also early days, like you're
stealing a hormone bubble as well, so you don't know
what you're going to feel in six months or a
year in terms of like I'm not saying that's not
going to be good, but I might.

Speaker 1 (57:59):
I mean like you might have that feeling of like,
oh I do feel like I'm she might say to you, yeah,
I know it's coming.

Speaker 2 (58:06):
Hey, I like you might.

Speaker 3 (58:08):
Feel more satisfied when it's not just a few weeks
in and she's a dream like when it's when she's
a bit more established in her life.

Speaker 4 (58:15):
I wonder, and I do want to throw this out
to you guys, like if you've had kids and you
kind of have found yourself at the end of that journey.
I hate that word, but I use someone who didn't
have that sense of completion and you just made the
decision because you've got to stop somewhere, right, Like.

Speaker 1 (58:28):
I feel that complete? Is that normal?

Speaker 2 (58:30):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (58:31):
I don't because I feel like in my situation, in
my friendship circles, everyone I know has been like I
am fucking done, Like they are so one hundred percent done,
Like my sister was, Like the second I had Tazzy,
I was done. My girlfriend Kay are absolutely done. It's
subjective too, and I wonder if there's more people who
were like I didn't feel done, but I knew I was.

Speaker 3 (58:50):
If that makes sense, I think it's I mean, how
long's a piece of string? What are your family circumstances,
What are your financial circumstances, What are the kids do
you have at home, Like, there's so many things that
are going to so many things add up to your
feeling of completion for somebody. So I think it's like,
I don't think it's something that you could just like
make a blanket statement on how many people feel complete.

(59:11):
You know, it's so subjective to your personal circumstances.

Speaker 1 (59:15):
How do you feel right now?

Speaker 3 (59:16):
Because I know, like I mean, I'm still I said
this to you somebody in the last day or two,
and I cannot, for life for me remember who.

Speaker 1 (59:24):
But I'm spending a lot of time with my sister.
Obviously I've met Poppy.

Speaker 3 (59:27):
Everyone keeps saying that, like when you're around people that
are close to you and they're little ones, it makes
you want them more.

Speaker 1 (59:34):
I just still haven't had It's, yeah, I just don't.
I'm gonna cry again. I just want it and I
don't have it.

Speaker 2 (59:43):
It doesn't come like I don't feel but I don't
know why.

Speaker 1 (59:47):
I guess upset every time I think about it. It
doesn't make me say I don't want them, but I'm
just like, now's the time.

Speaker 3 (59:54):
Like when I was gonna beet Poppy, I was so
excited and I was like it's gonna be what gives
me that rush and that feeling, and it doesn't come,
and it makes me so upset because like I'm desperate
for it to come, but some things you just can't force.

Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
But I also I don't think that that's that uncommon.
I don't think that's frustrated. It's frustrated. It's frustrated.

Speaker 4 (01:00:11):
I definitely felt a little bit when Alicia had Archer,
like I felt a little bit of like, oh, that's
that's really special. But I'm not attached to other people's children.
I feel that I don't get it from other I
look at other people's newborns and I'm like, ew, no.

Speaker 1 (01:00:25):
I don't feel that. I love friends. No, I like
I do and I know I'm right now, No, you're
I don't mean it was in. I mean like it
was in Like I don't want that, Like I don't
want that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:39):
It's not fucking I don't want your life now.

Speaker 3 (01:00:44):
Because you know why, it was even more intensified because
we met up there are a.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
Few of us, so it wasn't just us too.

Speaker 3 (01:00:50):
There were some other people there as well, other women
same age as me, And when we left, one of
the women were like, Wow, it just makes me want
it so bad.

Speaker 1 (01:00:58):
Doesn't it make you want it? I felt like a soath.

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
I was like not really zooming out. I actually think
that it's because and this could be me deeping it
a bit too much. I think it's because we have
been told that it is the most natural thing for
a woman to feel is to want to be a mother.
And so if you don't actually have that feeling take
over your body, there must be something not feminine about you,
or like something that's a bit broken, because you don't

(01:01:21):
seem to have that pool.

Speaker 1 (01:01:22):
Yeah, because it's supposed.

Speaker 3 (01:01:23):
To be this natural thing that happens to women where
it's like your body starts to tell you that this
is what you're here for, and it gives you the
hormones and it gives you the flood of feelings, and
like I'm willing myself to feel it, and I think
that's why I gave it more upset, because like, I'm
so in control of my life in every other aspect,
and that's the one thing I cannot figure out.

Speaker 4 (01:01:44):
And there's so many sacrifices that come with it. And
the reality is is you don't know how you're going
to feel about it until they're here. I never had
and I know we covered it very briefly, but I
never had that maternal pool. And I say this because
when I say ooh, I'm like, I happily like want
to hold my friend kids and I can see that
they're beautiful, and I can see that my nephew and
niece are beautiful.

Speaker 1 (01:02:04):
None of that gave me the feeling of wanting to
have them myself. I just didn't. It didn't. And so
like you be like, yeah, it's cute for you, give
it back, but that.

Speaker 4 (01:02:14):
For you, there has been something deeply different about my
own experience of motherhood and having my own children, like
there is whatever that feeling is is an indescribable feeling.
But the problem is is I know it doesn't happen
for everyone, and so then you then you still feel
like you're taking that punt. You know you're taking the
you're taking or making that decision around, well, will it

(01:02:35):
hit me if I just have the kid.

Speaker 1 (01:02:37):
It is the feeling of like, I don't want to
say that I'm broken. I know we say that a
lot when it's.

Speaker 3 (01:02:41):
Like when you go through IVF and you don't have
the feelings you're like, oh, my body's broken. It's not
that I think it's broken, but I do feel like
it's a semi abnormal feeling. And it's the number of
people that have told me in the last few years,
just you wait until your sister has a baby. It's
just different, Like it'll make you feel something different. So
it's the closest thing you will have to a baby,
right is like my SCIUNTI well, especially just to somebody

(01:03:04):
like my sister, because we we shared the same room
until I was sixteen. We have never had an argument.
We've traveled to sixty countries together. We worked in a
hospital together for a decade. You've never met two people
that are more entwined than my sister and I, like
in terms of siblings. But when that many people tell
you just wait, it'll come, and it doesn't come. That's
when you're like, have I got a gene missing? Like

(01:03:26):
is there something in my DNA that is not clocking
that I'm supposed to have these attachments or want to procreate?
And I'm not saying women peer to procreate. Evidently I
am the person that is flying the flag the other
way in a way, but there is I'd be lying
if I didn't say that that is super upsetting to
me that I cannot even make it come.

Speaker 4 (01:03:45):
If you don't have those feelings at all, and tell
me if you don't want answer this, if you don't
have those feelings at all, and the thing that makes
you the most upset is wanting to will those feelings
into existence. Do you entertain the alternate of being like, well,
maybe I don't actually want them, and I just think
that I want to.

Speaker 2 (01:04:01):
Have a kid.

Speaker 3 (01:04:02):
Yeah, And that's part of why I get so upset
and why I think about it so much, because I
don't have a clear cut because when if you say
to me, do you want a child right now? I say, God, no,
I don't know how i'd fathom that. If you say
to me, look at your future, do you see children,
I would say yes. And those two things, one of
them doesn't add up, like you can't have one without
the other.

Speaker 4 (01:04:22):
But I think it plays into the thing I was
saying just before, around this whole idea of having to
live life at all the same time. I think so
like having to make decisions that don't feel like they
fit together, but they have to be done at the
same time because the window of your thirties is finite.

Speaker 1 (01:04:36):
You know what I mean, And so especially now I'm
thirty one, so I don't have lot nine years later.

Speaker 3 (01:04:43):
I also wonder if and I could be making this
up as well, because I've never had the feeling. But
I wonder if now that my specific relationship with Ben,
because we are in unusual circumstances we don't live in
the same country.

Speaker 1 (01:04:54):
Adds pressure to it.

Speaker 3 (01:04:55):
Well, I think there's a part of it not just
that adds pressure, because I'm like, I can't imagine how
would work. There's a part of me that's like I
just feel a bit robbed in terms of and I
hate to compare myself and let me explain it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:09):
I feel robbed.

Speaker 3 (01:05:11):
Was been absolutely worth the wait, Like I met him
at thirty five, and then the last three years we've
never been together. We don't do normal things, we don't
have a normal relationship. I don't get to live the
normal life. I feel a bit robbed if I then
had to have a baby. Now, I feel like we
missed some of the best parts of a relationship, of
those early days of just being together, being able to
experience just each other and not just have this baby

(01:05:32):
that you know, is going to change the dynamic of
your relationship. So I feel like if I rush in
have and not that it's rushing three years and I'm
thirty eight, but I feel like if we add that
baby now, I missed those years. And I don't want
to compare my relationship to anyone else, as you can't.
But I look at my sister and I'm so jealous
of her relationship with her partner Jay. You know, the
three of us were almost in a thraple for a while.

(01:05:53):
We've traveled the world together. But I look at their relationship.
They have traveled the world as a couple, they were together,
they like have all these experiences that I don't get,
And that makes me be like, if I just throw
a baby now, Ben and I miss these moments that
you can never get back, and it's it's definitely something else.
I'm like, Well, do I move to Italy and then

(01:06:16):
have a few years with Ben as a couple and
then do it? But then all of a sudden in
my forties and do I want to go down the
track in my forties?

Speaker 1 (01:06:22):
Can I even do it?

Speaker 3 (01:06:23):
Well?

Speaker 1 (01:06:23):
Ivf even work in my forties? If I risk waiting,
I might never have it. I might have to start
the IVF cycle.

Speaker 3 (01:06:30):
Now that might take me threes and I'll be my
forties anyway, Like there's so many things and then I
get so overwhelmed in my brain that I implode and
just don't do anything, have a breakdown, just don't do anything.
I power down, and I'm like, I can't deal with it.
It's for another day.

Speaker 4 (01:06:44):
Life doesn't stop, and your relationship doesn't stop once you
have kids, right, And I think my biggest lesson with
Matt obviously your relationship can be affected and like at
some times your relationship takes a blow, like things get harder,
definitely with different periods. But if you choose your partner well,
and your partner is a proactive person in the parenting,

(01:07:07):
like you grow as a couple in parenting, you know.
And I think that for us our relationship, like we
weren't dating for very long before I got pregnant with Marley.
We were only together for a year I think before
I got pregnant year in half maybe, so a lot
of our experiences have been as parents, you know, a
lot of our relationship experience we didn't have, you know,
I mean I spent more time traveling with my exes

(01:07:28):
than I ever did with Matt. At the start, I
had more experiences with them in time with them than
what I ever had with Matt.

Speaker 2 (01:07:33):
Took a point, you did get to name a star
with Matt, but I did.

Speaker 1 (01:07:36):
I mean, Mataura is still out there.

Speaker 4 (01:07:38):
But the reality is, I think that you know you
can prepare yourself for all the worst versions of what
something's going to be, and I think that's what I
did with this pregnancy. I prepared myself so over prepared
myself for what the worst version of this was going
to be. And then often it is absolutely not that
I didn't feel connected during pregnancy, and I could not

(01:07:58):
be more obsessed with being a mum this time around,
and like that's probably been the biggest surprise. That's not
to say that that's an answer for you, and my
experience is not going to be what you experience. But
I think there's only so much pressure you can put
on yourself for your decision making.

Speaker 3 (01:08:11):
Right now, I'm ninety nine percent sure that we're going
to do it, or at least try to do it,
and I have come to terms with the fact that
no matter when I decided, I am going to be and.

Speaker 1 (01:08:20):
Quote unquote older mum because you can't take back time.
Geriatric is actually the toom. I've been geriatric for four years.

Speaker 3 (01:08:26):
You're geriatric from thirty five or actually just a dig
that you probably didn't no, no, it's I mean we
laugh out all the time, but you're geriatric from literally
like thirty three or thirty four now.

Speaker 1 (01:08:37):
So I've accepted that, like, if it happens, I will
be an older mum.

Speaker 3 (01:08:39):
So I know people that have had babies way older
into the forties and sometimes into the fifties, so it's
not necessarily that, but personally, I do not want to
be mid forties and starting because I just think it's hard.
It's harder, just harder on you. You don't have the
same energy, you don't have the same like life's just different.

Speaker 4 (01:08:56):
And so I do definitely think this pregnancy has been
the hardest on my body in terms of like it's
the most wear and tear. And I know that we
spoke a lot about my laber pre like actually birthing this,
I would like to report that things once again have
pretty much gone back to normal, like it is.

Speaker 2 (01:09:13):
I love it.

Speaker 1 (01:09:14):
That's the headline. You don't want out there is that
you got a fat laber. You like my lavia's back.
I don't care.

Speaker 4 (01:09:19):
I'm just like a no no, because I've talked about
my fat lavier so much, and I lean into the
fact that it was a blue avatar, like we talked
about it all. But honestly, I thought that having three
kids was going to do some like, like you know,
irreversible damage. I thought that we were stuck fat lips
and all. But honestly, it is shocking to me how
much things change post birth.

Speaker 3 (01:09:41):
One.

Speaker 1 (01:09:41):
I think that it's pressure related.

Speaker 4 (01:09:42):
But also, and I learned this, so when you have
a huge amount of estrogen in your body, your LaBier
increases in size, so your like literal LaBier is big
up because of the estrogen. So what happens when you
go through menopause is your LaBier shrinks and it shrivels up,
and some people lose their laber all together. So like
you could go, you could go from having like juicy

(01:10:03):
lips to nothing, but.

Speaker 1 (01:10:04):
You probably have to remember why why it does it too.

Speaker 2 (01:10:06):
The body does everything for a reason.

Speaker 1 (01:10:09):
It's like a cushion. It's there to protect It's there
like it's doing a job.

Speaker 3 (01:10:13):
It's not just fat to like, fuck you, I'm going
to ruin your sex life for the rest of your
It's meant to be more desirable.

Speaker 1 (01:10:18):
It's like, yeah, people get feller in their laby.

Speaker 4 (01:10:20):
We get it chopped off because we don't think it's desirable,
but like our actual anatomy is meant to be like
the bigger, the better.

Speaker 2 (01:10:25):
The only thing I'm thinking about right now is if
you guys can have listened to the episode that Britain
Laura did with my friend Nat. She spoke about the
bonobo that has a giant bulgy literal.

Speaker 1 (01:10:35):
It's supposed to you because it's meant to be desirable.

Speaker 4 (01:10:38):
But we just have, like you know, because of fashion
trends and everything else, we've like decided that big labiers
are not in fashion. But like I'm telling whether lay
is together, like if you have a humongous laby, it's
because you've got a good estrogen girlfriend.

Speaker 1 (01:10:51):
You're like, it's great, guys.

Speaker 3 (01:10:52):
I don't endorse this, I do not encourage it, but
there is a trend right now. They're seeing a huge
uptaking people getting feeler in their LaBier.

Speaker 4 (01:10:59):
It's backing, it's back fluffing's back, it's probably because all
these menopausal women have lost their labiers and they for
so many years we complained about it, and now all
of a sudden, we're like, fucking the trends. Stop falling
the trends because I always come back. But I did
say that I was like considering a laby of plasty.

Speaker 1 (01:11:15):
I can't have one. Now there's no laby at a plasty.
It's just really struggled back up. It'll be back, yeah,
I know with the four kid.

Speaker 4 (01:11:22):
Guys.

Speaker 3 (01:11:23):
Thank you so much for I mean, Laura, thank you
for coming in, thank you for company with Poppy, Like,
so I want it paid.

Speaker 1 (01:11:28):
So I was like, you know, this maternity is really
going to hurt the side that out there. We are
paying you the same amount. There is absolutely the boss.

Speaker 4 (01:11:35):
I own the.

Speaker 1 (01:11:36):
Company exactly, you're the boss. You could go for a
year and you'd still get paid. No, that's a that's
a joke. I'm going it. I do the account.

Speaker 2 (01:11:44):
I paid you.

Speaker 1 (01:11:47):
I know I get paid.

Speaker 4 (01:11:49):
No.

Speaker 1 (01:11:49):
I love I love being here. This is like my
this is my joyful work.

Speaker 3 (01:11:53):
It is a line up for people outside that are
waiting to hold and meet Poppy. So we are gonna wrap,
but I do have to get on with my day
with your husband as well.

Speaker 4 (01:12:00):
Well, that's true, sounds, and I'm going to I'm gonna
start like coming back on so like I'll do, you know.
I think like the way that we'll probably attack this
is like I'll come back for like an episode a week.
I have another week off firstly, I'll come back for
like an eple week and then we'll go from there.
But right now, while she's sleeping through recordings, I'm like,
I'm here, baby.

Speaker 3 (01:12:19):
Keisha and I were, I mean Keisha mainly, but she
was like, Okay, let's like prep the schedule for what
the next couple of months is gonna be like.

Speaker 1 (01:12:25):
And I SA like, look, I can guarantee you back
in two weeks max.

Speaker 2 (01:12:29):
So like, you know, you can take as long as
you need paid more. That is true. However, I don't
want you to feel like in six months time and
be like those fucking bitches They made me come back
three weeks later because I wouldn't handle it.

Speaker 4 (01:12:46):
Laura, she wants yeah, and I like for me, And
this was probably the most healing thing throughout my post
partner with Lola was being able to come and have
adult conversation that wasn't just about a baby. I know.
We spoke a lot about pregnancy and a lot about
everything else the last couple of weeks, because being pregnant
has kind of become my entire personality. But that's done now,

(01:13:07):
And like I'm craving talking to my friends, I'm craving
having conversations that aren't just about being you know, my mom.

Speaker 3 (01:13:13):
So I love Yeah, I love doing this. It's my
favorite it's my favorite job. We love having you back.
Take as long as you want, come back when you want.
You own the place so you can come and you
can flounder in and out.

Speaker 1 (01:13:22):
But guys, this whole.

Speaker 3 (01:13:23):
Episode is on YouTube if you want to pop see
how amazing Poppy was the whole time.

Speaker 1 (01:13:27):
She literally is just an absolute angel.

Speaker 5 (01:13:29):
There.

Speaker 1 (01:13:29):
There might be a little titty that flashes in, but
she did. She just did pool on me. But for everyone,
hold her up. That is she's so cute. She's been
an absolute angel. She is an angel.

Speaker 3 (01:13:43):
Guys, you know the dread I take dog t your
friends and share the love because.

Speaker 4 (01:13:47):
We love live

Speaker 1 (01:13:50):
Sloppy

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