So I dated a Sociopath

Grab your oxygen tanks people because we are about to get deep. We chat about the new bachelor contestants before we dive right in to a more serious topic, dating a sociopath. Britt opens up and shares the experience that completely changed her life. We also introduce a new segment, “Ask Uncut” where we answer your questions. Please hit subscribe, if you like us hit 5 stars and leave a review to help us grow. Because, well, we love love. x

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hey, guys, and welcome to another episode of Life Uncut.
I'm Laura and I'm Brwutney, and today we have a
real doozy of an episode for you. I think it's
fair to say that most people have experienced some sort
of toxic relationship in their life, whether it be with
a family member, with a coworker, or in their own
personal relationships. Today, someone very close to me is going

(00:39):
to be sharing their experience with the toxic relationship. And
that person is so close to me, she is close
enough that I can smell her. Please, don't do you
want me to work pretty early in the morning. Have
you showered yet? I actually haven't known you. No, No,
it's okay. It's five point thirty in the morning right now,
and this is the only time we had to get

(01:00):
this podcast done, so we were on our hustle. Guys,
Britt is going to be sharing with us a pretty
huge dating story and how she's dealt with this toxic
relationship in her life and how it's shaped her. And
I'm really really proud of her for sharing this, and
I'm actually really excited for her to share this with
all of you, not because it is an exciting story,

(01:22):
It is actually really quite a traumatic story. But I
think that there are a lot of points from this
that are going to relate to a lot of people
who may find themselves in similar situations or find themselves
in other toxic relationships. But before we get into the
thick of it, britt I know you watched The Bachelor.
Of course, I I'm only human. Give me your low down.

(01:45):
What do you reckon? Right?

Speaker 2 (01:47):
Well, we did speak about it last week. I openly
love Matt you love him?

Speaker 1 (01:52):
Yeah, I think Matt agnew. Just so you know, if
you didn't pick anyone, Brittany loves you the end, I
thought you would. I'm going to send him. I'm going
to send him a text. I'm going to slide into
his DMS and let him know I have a sneaky
suspicion the man is very in love.

Speaker 2 (02:08):
Which I'm stoked for because that's what the show's about.
Don't say you're stoked.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
It's a lie. She's actually heartbroken. But you know what,
we're still pretty excited about the show itself. So, yeah,
I did watch it. Did you watch it? Yes? Okay,
So we were away for the week and I made
my sister book an Airbnb that had TV free to air.
I was there. We couldn't go out for dinner because
I was watching The Bachelor. It's a dedication, isn't it?
Very much? So? So, what did you.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
Think of the first lot of girls, because obviously it
was they came in two lots over two nights. What
was your initial just go your initial overthought?

Speaker 1 (02:40):
I love them, I love them all. No, I think
that it's been cast so well. We said this in
the last episode, but this season seems to really have
characters and I like that. I like that there is
the villain, but she kind of came in as the
crazy bride and crazy yeah, I get a real cure
vibe from her. What I love.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
I love that she brought her best friend in as
the bridesmaid. But I'm pretty sure Matt got confused and
thought it was a contestant.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
Did anyone else hear her call her friend a bitch face? Though?
Did you see that best friend goals? I'm like, oh,
that is. I don't know how you're gonna feel being
the best friend watching that back. Speaking of toxic relationships,
don't let your friend call your bitch face.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
It's not nice. Remove yourself from that immediately.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
So okay, if you had to pick your top girls,
who are they off the bat? Okay?

Speaker 2 (03:27):
So I think Eleanor So she was the girl from Mauritius.

Speaker 1 (03:31):
Yeah she's French. Yeah, she looks beautiful. Sheems Oh you
mean cream that one? I like her?

Speaker 2 (03:39):
Oh cream, No, I liked her. She seemed super normal.
She was beautiful. I think Ellie.

Speaker 1 (03:44):
She won me over with the marshmallow campfire. Elle everyone
everyone over. She's the dream.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
She was just so sweet. I think we'll see her
in the end.

Speaker 1 (03:54):
I'm worried that I'm gonna get Nikki Gogan. She's amazing,
she'll be potent. Yeah. Oh, or we have to prepare
our hearts for that. Or maybe she's the girl, Maybe
she's she might be you know who I love. I
love the girl from Rio. I just think her narrating
of this season so far, with the Kelly hair. I
want to be best friends with her and I want

(04:15):
her to narrate my life so funny.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yeah, she's a cutie. She's got really glowy skin.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
Yeah. Now BRIT's creeping on her host Well. Do you
know what else I like about this season? I like
that they've brought in the intruders, and they've brought them
in at the very beginning because normally there's this sense
that an intruder can't win the show because the intruders
haven't had enough time with the bachelor. Yeah, I mean,
I do think it's been from the few of the
girls dropped their comments, and just how we know filming is.

(04:42):
I think it's been about a week. It was only
night two, but I reckon the girls had about a
week in there before the intruders came in. But that's nothing.
Only in a week only one person's probably had a
single date so far, so most people are pretty much
on an even playing field. Yeah. I really like that
instead of bringing the intruders in three quarters of w through,
which they normally do just to try and spice things

(05:03):
up for the viewer. There's no way that an intruder's
gonna win if they've only got two weeks to spend
with the guy, of course. Yeah, so bringing them in
at the beginning it means that we still have that
injection of new girls. Do you know what I think
is funny?

Speaker 2 (05:15):
Though ane of them could win. Yeah, And I love
how it's old girls first new girls. And I love
how the old girls are like, we're the old girls.
You can't come in here, And I was like, babes,
it's been one episode.

Speaker 1 (05:26):
It's been one but you know what, they've been in
there for a week, so they already start to feel
like they've got their click and they've got their groove
of what's happening in the house. So I can kind
of understand that we never had intruders on our season
at all. No. None. I don't know why. I don't
know whether it was a call from production or where
the Matt had said that he didn't want intruders, but
we never ever had any.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
Sometimes I feel like they get halfway and they're like, oh,
we need to spice this up.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
What did you think of the date with sigand the
first single date?

Speaker 2 (05:54):
Yeah, to be honest, I was a bit on the
fence about it because I thought it was super over
the top, okay, as in like what they were doing
was over the top.

Speaker 1 (06:03):
Well, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
I just didn't feel like I saw enough of them
actually talking. Oh my god, thank you so I actually
met think you I'm made a comment on Instagram. I
was sort of doing some Instagram stories, mainly of me eating,
looking distressed, I said, did I just blink and miss
the whole chat because I didn't see anything.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
So I was actually looking at the social media pages
for the date from the Bachelor's instagram, and everyone was saying,
this is the most romantic date I've ever seen. Their
perfect together. I honestly don't think I heard them say
one sentence other than other than the one bit where
Segun said, this is so beautiful, I'm speechless, and I
was like, girl, you've been speechless this whole day. You

(06:42):
haven't said one word.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
And also the orchestra, I didn't even hear them play,
but they looked great in the background. I just didn't
see them have any actual chemistry. Yeah, in the in
the helicopter, they didn't actually have any conversation at all.
They were just enjoying the view. And I think she
did open up a little bit towards the end about
how she'd been single first seven years, which is how

(07:04):
we ended up getting into our conversation for today.

Speaker 1 (07:07):
But that was the only thing. But that was the
only thing, and I don't know if that was enough
to be able to say that they had this real chemistry.

Speaker 2 (07:14):
I'm glad you said that, because I thought I must
have just had a micro sleep and missed.

Speaker 1 (07:17):
The whole thing. But no, not just me. It didn't
have a micro sleep. I honestly, I wasn't sold on
that first single date, to be honest, nor was I. Also,
where did they get changed in the bush? That's my
point behind of it? Wind? And where did the dress
come from? Matt? I'm sorry when they say Matt set
that up. You did not put that dresser. Oh, come,
we allt don't don't ruin the smoke and mirrors. The

(07:41):
Bachelor organizes all the dates. Actually, do you know what?
I can say this and attest to this. The Bachelor
has a very very big say on every single date.
I know that there's this like rumor out there that
all the dates are done by production. The Bachelor actually
gets to dictate very much the plan of the date. Yes,
and just I'm just taking a p She's hateful because

(08:03):
she thinks Matt's in love and it's not with Britt.
I can give you that spoiler. Matt and Britt do
not end up together.

Speaker 2 (08:09):
Spoiler.

Speaker 1 (08:11):
So okay, So we got talking after the Bachelor, and
if you've listened to our first episode, you would know
that Britt touched on the fact that she has been
single for seven years, which for some people might sound crazy,
because Britt, you have everything going for you, why are
you single? And I know that that's really an offensive
thing to be asked. No, it's it's not offensive.

Speaker 2 (08:33):
It's just that it wears you down sometimes when a
lot of people ask you over and over and over
again for seven yearly.

Speaker 1 (08:38):
But often there's a reason. Maybe you've chosen that, maybe
you haven't met the right guy yet, but you have
quite a good reason up until this point as to
why you carved out some time for yourself.

Speaker 2 (08:51):
Correct, Laura, thanks for asking.

Speaker 1 (08:54):
I am asking, and I really, I mean, I really
want to approach this sensitively for you, So I really
kind of want to give you the microphone a little
bit and lead into this conversation however you feel most
comfortable as well. I am.

Speaker 2 (09:08):
To be honest, I'm pretty open and comfortable talking about
this now, but I never have really voiced it on
a national platform before I got to the point where
I started to talk a lot about it with my friends,
and I did mention it to Nick on The Bachelor,
but we didn't go quite into depth because I had
said I just wanted to skim the surface with it,
and I didn't want to be airing my dirty laundry

(09:30):
on national television.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
Did you take a little while to sort of process
the fact that your whole life was going to be
in the public, I one hundred percent did.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
Okay, Yeah, and I definitely was not going on there
for a well is me and this is my story?
Otherwise I would have told it.

Speaker 1 (09:44):
Yes, So I do have.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
An interesting story and I want to help people that
might be in this situation because I do think it's
going to be a lot more common. And essentially that
is well, to put it simply, I dated a sociopath.

Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yeah, so there it is. That is the end. Thank
you for listening to our podcast. And look, I don't
think that it's fair to throw around the term sociopath
really nearly because we don't have any sort of degrees,
we don't have qualifications in this. But I think once
you listen to this story that Britt is going to share,
it's pretty hard to say that this person or individual

(10:23):
who made these decisions doesn't display sociopathic tendencies.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
Yeah, and clinically I know that this person is Now
I mean, people use sociopath and psychopath interchangeably, but they
are different. Also, there's this big common misconception that both
are these violent, horrible murderers that we see on TV
thanks to people like shows like Criminal Minds.

Speaker 1 (10:46):
Of course, but I think that there are a lot
of people who are very high functioning and who have
amazing jobs, and they can maintain some solid relationships, but
they dip into being very narcissistic or they display those
tendencies without necessarily having to be full blown.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
Yeah, so there's a narcissistic personality disorder that sort of
goes hand in hand with a sociopath. Yes, usually they
share very similar characteristics character traits.

Speaker 1 (11:14):
And I think we're gonna call him Luke. His name
was not Luke. And this whole episode is not about
trying to trying to make a victim out of a
certain person, So you want to keep him anonymous. This
isn't about calling somebody out about awareness. It's not a

(11:34):
revenge podcast by any means. Definitely not. So let's start
the story.

Speaker 2 (11:40):
This is the reason I've been single basically for seven years.
I met Luke at work, and Luke is he was
the most beautiful, charismatic.

Speaker 1 (11:51):
He could sell water, to fish.

Speaker 2 (11:53):
The guy could he could do anything he wanted. He
could convince you of anything, and you would. He had
this air of confidence where he would walk down on
the corridor and whether you were attracted to him or not,
you looked at him.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
Do you know those people? Yes, just an a real energy.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
Just the way they carry themselves, and a little bit
egotistical that came out later.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
But so sometimes that's attractive in someone as well, you know,
having like a little bit of arrogance, especially if they're
in a powerful job, that can be really attractive. I
know I have sort of been drawn towards that in
a person before.

Speaker 2 (12:24):
Yeah, it's just that maybe if they sit at about
seventy to eighty percent of arrogance, yeah, not about one
hundred and fifty seven, which is what Luke was sitting at.

Speaker 1 (12:33):
Anyway.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
So this is quite a long story, so I'm just
gonna try and give you the main points. He approached
me and basically told me I was beautiful, taught me
everything I wanted to hear. We started dating immediately, and
within about three and a half four weeks he was
telling me he loved me, which is very fast in hindsight,

(12:56):
but of course I was just smitten, so I said
I loved him back. And it was intense. It was
the most intense relationship. I cannot even describe it. There
were probably seventy to eighty messages a day, usually from him.
I would respond, obviously, but and they were via so
many different medias, phones, emails. He'd be popping in to

(13:18):
see me at work. And when you're in this new
love and this new infatuation, you just think this is
the best thing since sliced bread. Someone cares about me
that much, someone's so interested in me, And we delved
into the most intense relationship ever. Let's just say, hindsight's
a beautiful thing. So we're going to fast forward a
few years and then we'll come back. I found out

(13:41):
he had a double life. So after two years we
were getting married. He'd taken me to Tiffany's. He'd convinced
me to get this Rhodesian ridgeback dog. We're buying his
house in Melbourne.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
He really had set up a life for each other.
He had set up a life. We had chosen our kids' names.
It was really intense, but it also sounds like the
beginning of your relationship. He just completely love bombed you.

Speaker 2 (14:04):
Which is what you said in episode one.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah, which is like a real way of just making
someone feel completely adored, and that level of adoration is addictive. Yeah,
I did.

Speaker 2 (14:15):
I felt like the most amazing person in the world,
Like he would not look at another person. And all
of this, I would like to say, was coming from him.
All these plans were his, so he always made these
huge romantic gestures as well. But to go with that,
there were a lot of downsides, but I always let
them slide. So there was a lot of really last

(14:35):
minute canceling weekends away because we lived separately, and he
did have a very high powered, high pressured position, and
it was very easy for him to say within ten minutes,
I can't make it. I'm at work, I've been called
I have to go, And you sort of sit back
and think, oh, okay, well, you know he's out there
doing this amazing thing, so we'll let that go.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
But I had this.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
Constant like disappointment. I was always every week there was something.
But I loved him so much, so I made an excuse.
The job is how he got away with it for
so long. He also he didn't have social media, which
wasn't the end of the world, because this was quite
a while ago, it was quite new to everybody. But
he somehow always knew what I was doing and where

(15:21):
I was and what I'd done the day before, if
I hadn't even told him yet.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
So do you think maybe he did have social media
and he just had a different profile or something, or
had a way of keeping tabs on you. Yes, he did.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
Turns out he had been, for want of a better word,
almost talking me, I guess, from day one, to the
point that he would even make up fake emails, fake
email accounts to email me to test me if I
would maybe go on a date with him, not knowing

(15:54):
who he was.

Speaker 1 (15:55):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
So one day I put a picture up of me
and swimwear with a bunch of my friends at the
beach we'd been surfing, and he's not on social media.
Almost within half an hour I got a message from
him saying, have you been putting bikini photos up?

Speaker 1 (16:09):
Brittany? And I said, excuse me, Like, what are you
talking to? Like? Low key controlling? You should be able
to put whatever, yeah ever you won up of yourself
on your social media page without having to think how
that's going to be.

Speaker 2 (16:20):
Yeah, And I said, I'm sorry, how do you even
know that? I said, yeah, I put a photo up
at the beach and he had. He told me, and
he showed me the email he forwarded to me, an
email that he got from someone anonymous saying the most
horrible things about what they wanted to do to me
from seeing this photo. So, yeah, so I was disgusted
because I had seen this email that someone had written him.

(16:41):
And he said, how do you think this makes me
feel britt like knowing people are out there seeing this
photo and they want to do these things too. So
he made me delete my social media because of that,
because he made me feel like there was these really
disgusting men. And it turns out he just had these
fake accounts and he used to just make people up
write emails to himself so he could forward them to

(17:03):
me to control me. It got to that point.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 2 (17:07):
Fast forwarding two years and it comes out coincidentally that
through this mutual friend that didn't know both of us existed,
it came out that Luke was marrying someone else at
the same time, So.

Speaker 1 (17:20):
He was literally living a double life. He was literally
living a double life, and how was he doing this?
So you were based in Melbourne.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
Now I was in Port McQuary, Okay, he was in
Newcastle and his other partner was in Melbourne, so she
had quite a high profile job too, and that's the
only reason he could really pull it off.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
So the tyranny of distance made it easier for him
to be able to sort of have a life set
up in Port McCrory and have a secondary life set up,
and he just kind of could float between the two
of them because of his occupation.

Speaker 2 (17:49):
So every second weekend we would go to his place,
this beautiful house on the beach, and he would change
the whole house, pack it up, change it so it
was suitable for me. My photo is, my clothes, my cosmetics,
everything I left. And then I would leave and turns
out he'd have to pack the whole house up and
hide it and reset the house for how his other
partner had it. And he did this every weekend for

(18:12):
two years.

Speaker 1 (18:13):
But this is insane. This is actually an insane story. Yeah,
And the fact that you were such an intelligent woman
to think that you had the will pull it over
your eyes really makes me think if this could happen
to anyone, this isn't something that's isolated to you. Definitely,
if somebody wants to purposely deceive you, and if somebody
wants to lie, then I think this can honestly happen

(18:37):
to anyone.

Speaker 2 (18:38):
Well, it turns out the way the way to successfully
lie apparently is to try to keep as close to
the truth as possible.

Speaker 1 (18:46):
Yeah, but he was setting up lives to.

Speaker 2 (18:48):
The point of, we had a Ohdesian ridge back, and
he and her had a Oh Desian ridge back. And
we were buying the same house, and they were buying
the same house.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
We were Wow.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
We both wore the same perfumes. He made us, He
bought us all the same present. He wrote us Christmas
cards and letters that were word for word identical. I
know this because I became friends with this woman. But
they were to the point of, let's call her Emma.
There were a point she was of sort of Asian descent,
and I'm obviously blue eyed Caucasian.

Speaker 1 (19:19):
He would say, dear Brittany, I can't wait to have children.
I hope they have your eyes. But then her letter
would be like, dear Emma, I can't wait to have
children with you. I hope they have your eyes. We've
got different eyes. I mean completely but the same same sentiment.
So wait, hold up, and rewind when you said you
became friends with her, you can't just say that and

(19:41):
throw that into the conversation because if this is me,
she would be ten foot underground, which I know it's
not her fault. How did you become friends with her? Okay?

Speaker 2 (19:49):
So he had told me he had this ex girlfriend. Yea,
he said he'd been with her for a long time.

Speaker 1 (19:55):
They broke up.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
Then he met me, and I was the love of
his life. It came out at dinner with this mutual
friend that Emma was very much still around.

Speaker 1 (20:03):
So how did you know this mutual friend? And did
you Okay?

Speaker 2 (20:07):
Right, they were new to work and they had worked
with Luke previously, but they were so new that I
hadn't gotten to the point of saying, hey, so this
is my life. I'm dating Luke. So we just didn't
even know each other existed, like we didn't know, and
he accidentally just dropped it to another friend. He said, hey,
have you been to Luke's when he's missus Cook's. She's
so good And I knew that that was my Luke,

(20:29):
and I thought, hang on, I've never met you, and
I've never cooked for you, So I just played dumb
for a second. It took me two seconds. My heart
dropped and two years flashed before my eyes. Everything was
adding up like it was just like it clicked over.
Everything made sense for two years. I thought, oh my god.

Speaker 1 (20:46):
And so when you were sitting there at this dinner,
did you say anything to the people that were there? Yeah,
so I probably looked a bit of psycho for a second.
I played it.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
Cool, and I thought, I'm just gonna you could not
even compare to how psycho I would have looked. So
I just played a call for a second because I
knew as soon as I told them they were not
going to give me any more information. So I said, oh, Luke,
you know that works at XX And he was like yeah,
So I thought he was single and he said, oh no, no,

(21:17):
he's been with this missus Emma for like six years.

Speaker 1 (21:20):
They're getting married. Did you just hear that?

Speaker 2 (21:23):
Then?

Speaker 1 (21:23):
That was my heartbreaking. I'm not sure i've heard it.
That was mine. I actually can't even imagine.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
Yeah, So there was this table of people sitting there
and I just I ended up losing it. I got
I was like so erratic. I stood up, and I
had my phone and I was like.

Speaker 1 (21:36):
I'm marrying Luke. I've been with Luke for two years, Like,
who the hell is this girl?

Speaker 2 (21:40):
And I was frantically like swiping photos in front of
their face, showing them all like just all photos of
us on.

Speaker 1 (21:45):
Holiday to try and prove, like not even trying to
show them how well, just justify the day.

Speaker 2 (21:51):
I wasn't a psycho, but of course I had a
yeah that I had a life with this person and
their face, this guy's face, I'll never forget it. He
just looked at me with so much sympathy. Britt, I'm
so sorry, I promise you.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
I did not know.

Speaker 2 (22:04):
I don't really know what to say to you, and
I just said, you're gonna have to excuse me, throw
my cutlery down, stormed out of this restaurant.

Speaker 1 (22:11):
And so when you found out and you said that
everything flashed before your eyes, did you sort of have
this hindsight that things weren't right and things didn't add up?

Speaker 2 (22:20):
Oh definitely. I felt so ridiculous and so angry at
myself because there were so many signs. And my sister Sherry,
who were so close, she would never straight out say
I hate this person, don't date them. But she was
constantly saying, brit this doesn't sound right. Why is he
why is he canceling last minute? Or why did he

(22:41):
have a piece of her clothing still? Because that would happen.
I found something and I you know, I would quiz
him and I would leave that conversation apologizing to him.
That's how good he was. Whenever I approached him about anything,
I would end up apologizing and begging and crying saying
I'm so sorry, because he would. He's so manipulative, he'd
be I had to flip it around and make it,

(23:01):
make it your problem, like gaslight. You too felt like, oh,
I can't ask these questions. And he had an answer
to everything, Like he had this huge house. Oh she
must have left it here a year ago when we
broke up, or always somewhere. I thought it was yours
and so I didn't throw it away all ways. He
was so secretive of his phone. That's another thing, Like
would not let anyone look at his phone. The manipulation

(23:25):
in this relationship was next level, and it was on
so many levels. The abuse was on so many levels.
But I remember seeing one day he was showing me
a photo of his work, and as he was swiping,
I saw a video of me and I had never
seen it before, and I could see that I was nude,
and I said, hang.

Speaker 1 (23:44):
On, what was that.

Speaker 2 (23:46):
I was like, oh, nothing, nothing, nothing swipe by and
I said, no, that was I know that was me,
and he had filmed us sleeping together.

Speaker 1 (23:54):
Without your concer.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
I had no idea. Wow, and I like, I don't know,
this is not.

Speaker 1 (24:02):
Cool, actually not angry.

Speaker 2 (24:04):
I was just really taken aback. And I said, I
don't know when was this And he said, babe, baby,
know that you know you'd had a few dreams. We'd
spoken about it, and he ended up convincing me at
the end that I had somehow agreed to that.

Speaker 1 (24:19):
And I guess the thing is, when you love someone
and they're lying to you, you want to believe them,
because it's not in our innate nature to think that
someone's lying, especially if you're not a lie yourself. Then
you know, you take what's said to you for face value.
And yes, there may be this underlying niggling, like insecurity

(24:42):
or something that doesn't quite add up, but if that
person is manipulative enough, they can make you feel like
you're the one who's being crazy, and you're the one
who's sabotaging your relationship, and you're the one who's making
issues out of nothing. But the reality is, when it's
a good relationship and there isn't any lying going on,
you don't feel crazy. You just don't because there's a

(25:04):
calmness to the relationship. Whereas I feel like, listening to
what is going on in your life with this relationship,
it sounds really frantic. It was. There was no calmness ever,
and high energy all the time.

Speaker 2 (25:16):
Yeah, I just was constantly in the wrong and constantly apologizing.
So there were a few things like that that happened.
But so we fast forward. I've just found out and
I had remembered him telling me because because this friend
had said they'd been together six years, this other couple,
I'd remembered him telling me about his ex girlfriend, So
it was she was so easy to track down. So
I just, first of all, I called him. He didn't answer.

(25:39):
He's never not answered me in his life because he
was a sporterline obsessed with me. And I just knew
that the other guy had like gone, mate, giving you
a heads up, britt Nos.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
Yeah, I he was the intro. I call him, holy yeah, wow.
Of course he didn't have to answer his.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
Phone, and he didn't answer, and so I messaged him
and said, call me immediately, or I'm going to tell
find this other woman and tell her. And he called
me back straight away. And then as the phone was
ringing and I was looking at it, I thought, do
you know what stuff you? Why am I even giving
you that option? I'm just gonna tell her anyway.

Speaker 1 (26:12):
But I didn't pick up for him. Do you think
you you thought that initially because you still love him.
You know, love doesn't just stop immediately, and even through betrayal,
usually the first reaction we have is anger, but that
is that anger doesn't necessarily mean that you have just
wiped the love slate clean, like you still feel love.

Speaker 2 (26:33):
I it was the most stupid woman, but I loved
him so much. Even when I had heard that, I
was still making excuses in my head. As I was
walking down the street trying to find these girl's details,
I was still making excuses that this has.

Speaker 1 (26:48):
To be wrong. Of course, you're not stupid. Your whole
identity from two years has just been taken away from you.
You cannot expect yourself to understand or to process that
in a matter of seconds. That takes months, if not years,
to heal from. I think that to be able to
kill from that, if you ever could heal from that,

(27:09):
Because the level of dishonesty runs so deep, how do
you trust someone again? It did form a.

Speaker 2 (27:14):
Lot of trust issues for a long while. It turns
out that so I called her and we spoke for
seven hours, and she was amazing. She was incredible, she said.
As soon as I told her as well, the last
two years of things fell into place for her. As
we're on the phone to each other, we're sending each
other emails about proof. She's like, I believe you, but
can you just forward me this just so I can

(27:35):
throw it in his face. I was sending her emails.
I was like, okay, this is the house we're buying.
He just emailed it to me. She wouldn't get it.
She'ld email me I wouldn't get it. And then in
front of our eyes all our emails being deleted. So
he was on he already had just worked it out,
was trying to save his butt. He was at his house.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
He was in your email emails.

Speaker 2 (27:58):
So I didn't even know he knew my password. This
is how he had been following me and monitoring me
for so many years. He knew my passwords. He was
doing it to her too, so we were like, oh
my gosh, quickly log out, READO our password. We went
back in and turns out we were in each other's
blocked senders. So I didn't know who she was, but
in my email Emma was blocked and Brittany was blocked

(28:18):
in hers. He had just thought of everything in case
we had ever stumbled across each other and thought to
try and contact each other and never would.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
Have made it. The level of deceit just runs so
deeply with this.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
Yeah, he had covered himself on all levels.

Speaker 1 (28:32):
I think that's probably a testament to how intelligent he was.
I mean, you can use your powers for good or
for evil, can't you? And this guy really used his
powers for evil. It's just so selfish.

Speaker 2 (28:43):
We'd be on a holiday, we'll be overseas, and he
would force me to leave one day, he said, you
have to go home. I've got so much work to do.
You have to go tomorrow.

Speaker 1 (28:51):
It has to be.

Speaker 2 (28:52):
He wouldn't let me stay. And it turns out because
she would be flying in within an hour.

Speaker 1 (28:56):
Of me leaving.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
She would go and they would do their thing, and
really horrible for her because she had been with him
for six years. But she was amazing to me. We
had this amazing friendship. But I ended up having I
changed my password over the next six months quite a lot,
and he was constantly I had this, I had something
on my computer that told me where someone was logging in,

(29:17):
and he was constantly finding my password again and I
didn't understand it. I ended up having to get somebody
that was in military security to look on my computer
and everything that I typed. I don't know what the
technical term is, but like a key logger, yeah, it
would go to him, so it doesn't matter how many
times I changed the password.

Speaker 1 (29:36):
So this is actually a thing you can install. It's
like a spywear and it key logs all your passwords,
which I mean your computer does that anyway, but if
somebody is looking at your computer externally, they can get
your passwords to your banking or your email, or to
any of your private data.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
It's absolutely I felt so violated.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
And to think that he had to go to that
level prior to the fact that you you knew. So
you didn't know. For so long you thought that this
was a normal relationship, and yet he had already done
all these different things to try and control you from
the very get go. Yeah, I had no chance from
day one. No, you were hooked. You were just hooked. Yeah.
And I think that that's also a testament to being

(30:18):
in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic or who
has psychopathic tendencies. It is so incredibly hard to leave
because they make it incredibly hard to leave. Well.

Speaker 2 (30:30):
So one of the main characteristics of someone of a
sociopath is their lack of empathy.

Speaker 1 (30:36):
And I think this is really.

Speaker 2 (30:37):
Important for people to know. If they feel like somebody
just doesn't have any emotion, any connection to reality, it's
a sign. So I knew that something was big, like
hugely wrong when I finally spoke to him for the
first time. The first thing he said to me, I
picked up the phone and he said, I hope you're happy, brute,
And I was so taken, aback, I said, sorry, you

(30:57):
hope I'm happy.

Speaker 1 (30:58):
Like no, I'm devastated. My entire life has just fallen apart. Well,
he's taking everything from me that I loved he.

Speaker 2 (31:03):
Said, well, you could have just kept this to yourself.
You didn't have to tell her, so that now I
don't have either of you.

Speaker 1 (31:10):
That was his I just was so gobsmacked. It's almost
sounds ridiculous, rapemis like, but this is the level of
selfishness that this person had to display.

Speaker 2 (31:20):
He said, you obviously set out to ruin my life
and you've done that, so congratulations.

Speaker 1 (31:25):
To make you feel so do you know that in
itself was one last dig at making you feel bad
and like you're the reason why this ended, Like this
was your fault. It was unbelievable and taking absolutely no
responsibility for the way he acted and behaved throughout this
whole relationship.

Speaker 2 (31:42):
And from this I developed insomnia and anxiety because he
was so mad and there had been like violent outbursts
in the relationship too. He knew I lived and worked,
and he, honestly, from the depth of his heart, thought
he believes that I ruined his life. So I started
not sleeping because I thought, what if this person comes,
What if he really really wants revenge because he thinks

(32:04):
I've ruined his life. I didn't tell my family straight
away for probably a few weeks. Why was that well,
I was so embarrassed. And I know that sounds like
a strange comment or a strange emotion to have, but
I felt like, what a loser, what an idiot? How
could you have dated somebody like this? How could you

(32:24):
have going to marry someone like this?

Speaker 1 (32:25):
Like? How could they have pulled the wool over your
eyes so long? I thought?

Speaker 2 (32:29):
And I was just for some reason, I just felt
like it was all my fault and my problem, and
it's because he had trained me for years to feel
like that. I finally had to tell my parents, and
once I started and my sister, once I started telling them,
it all just fell out and they made me realize
that this has nothing to do with me.

Speaker 1 (32:46):
This other person has come in with real intentions to
control your behavior, and your behavior was controlled. And the
way that you the things that you did in your
relationship with the outcome of what somebody else wanted, the
manipula that somebody else wanted out of you, that could
happen to anyone.

Speaker 2 (33:03):
Yeah, even the things I would wear, he used to
manipulate that. But in a way that's not like you're
not wearing that. It was just in a way that
made me feel insecure about what I had on, and
I'd end up putting on what he wanted just to
like jump back to what you were saying just before,
and not in any way to compare your relationships to
relationships that I've been through. But in my experience, I

(33:24):
know that when I have had to lie to my
family and friends, or like I've had to change the
story a little bit to make my ex boyfriend seem
like not such an asshole, that's when I knew that
this was really profoundly wrong, Like something was really really
a problem. If I was having to constantly try and

(33:45):
make excuses for their bad behavior. Did you find that
you were, at a time making these excuses as to
why he was behaving a certain way, or keeping it
from your close friends and your family because you didn't
want them to judge him. Was that something that you
found that you were doing one hundred percent. There'd be
weekends that he would that I would plan and he
would cancel last minute, and it turns out it was

(34:07):
for reasons like Emma, his other partner had flown in
to surprise him, so he would have to cancel a
minutes notice. And then I was so embarrassed by that
that I would tell my friends I had to cancel
it because I got called into work and I couldn't.
I just couldn't get there. And really, you just did
because it was me constantly being knocked back, knocked down,
trodden on, walked oever, And it's a it's a funny

(34:29):
point that you just said about when you feel like
you start to make excuses because you don't want people
to know how horrible they are. My best friend said
the same thing the other day when I was talking
to her about this. She said, my boyfriend was such
a drop kick, but she she would make excuses for
him and lie to people about him, about how great
he was or how he got a promotion or whatever

(34:49):
to make him sound better, because she said, I was
just embarrassed that he was a drop kick, but I
didn't ever want to end it.

Speaker 1 (34:53):
And she loved him, and she loved him. Yeah, and
she loved him. But there are there are some loves
that it's an addiction. It's not necessarily being in love
with the person, but it's being in love with the
feeling of being in love, and that in itself can
be incredibly addictive. And I know from my past experience

(35:14):
with dating someone who I definitely I mean, like I
said earlier, I'm not a counselor, I'm not a psychiatrist,
but he displayed a lot of characteristics that would put
him in the narcissistic category. I wanted to be with
him so much because I loved being in love with him,
and the relationship we had was so intense and so

(35:36):
heightened that I was addicted to it. But now that
I'm in a healthy relationship, it's made me realize that
healthy relationships don't have those huge peaks and those huge lows.
They run at a more constant They're calmer, and you
don't wake up every day thinking is today going to

(35:57):
be a good day or is today going to be
a bad day. You just know that every day is
going to be good because there is that constant reliability
to it.

Speaker 2 (36:05):
Well, that's a good point, because I was constantly walking
on eggshells. It's funny you say that every day I
was like, what's he going to be like today?

Speaker 1 (36:13):
So you have been single now for seven years and
a big part of that was the healing process after
dating someone who is so manipulative. How do you think
that that has changed your want to get into your
relationship or the way that you date now, or your
perception of men in general.

Speaker 2 (36:33):
Okay, so that's a good question. I think my look
at dating has completely changed. So I'm not single now
seven years later because of that. I don't want people
to think that I really recovered well from that. Bought
a one way ticket to Brazil and I was gone
for three years. So that was a pretty good healing process.

Speaker 1 (36:53):
And I think that you're a testament to just how
well someone can get over a traumatic relationship because you
are so fiercely independent. You're such a strong woman. You
have done so many amazing things in your own personal life.
You've traveled by yourself, you've bought your you've bought your
own property. Like, you have done things in your life

(37:14):
that you've achieved it on your own. Yeah, and you
haven't waited for someone to come around and said, Okay,
I'm going to do that alongside you. You're like, no,
I want to do this. I'm going to do this
shit on my own. I don't even know, man, damn straight, No,
it's so true. I think everything happens for a reason.

Speaker 2 (37:31):
I always say that, but this horrific situation really shaped
me and it.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
Sounds so cliche.

Speaker 2 (37:39):
A bad situation, goes overseas to find yourself, comes back
in new person.

Speaker 1 (37:45):
To apport cliche. No, there's a reason why people do it.
People go overseas because they want to escape their identity
that they have here. They you know, I think there's
an amazing part of traveling after something that's been traumatic
because it means that there's no hang ups. Nobody has
a conceived perceptionist to who you are. You get to
go away. I'm sure maybe some people might call it

(38:05):
running away, but you get to go away and you
get to be a new version of yourself in a
fresh environment and give yourself some space to grow and heal. Yeah.
So well.

Speaker 2 (38:16):
A pivotal moment for me was I was walking down
the street one day and I looked in a window.
I was walking a route overseas that I had never walked.
I looked in a window and I saw this monk
this his coat.

Speaker 1 (38:28):
I was like, what's that.

Speaker 2 (38:29):
I looked in and he looked at me, and we
waved at each other. And that was the start of
a month that he and I spent together.

Speaker 1 (38:35):
With a monk. Yeah, with a monk. Where were you?
I believe it or not. London, you spent a month
with a monk in London, not what.

Speaker 2 (38:44):
You think, right, not to bet It wasn't like in
the Amazon jungle.

Speaker 1 (38:48):
It was just six months in the Amazon jungle. Well
you know it might be.

Speaker 2 (38:51):
I spent a month with him, not a month full time,
just like every day I would see him. Yeah, And
the main thing that I took away from him, And
this is how I approach life, and this is how
I would love everybody to approach life, is that your
whole life depends on your reaction to any given situation.
So something bad is going to happen to every single
one of us in our life. A death, a traumatic breakup,

(39:12):
whatever it is.

Speaker 1 (39:12):
And things that are completely out of our control.

Speaker 2 (39:15):
Out of your control. So the situation's going to happen.
You can either go to your room and be depressed
and anxious for the next six weeks, or you can
still deal with it and mourn, but you can get
on with your life and take something positive from it.
Either way, the situation happened, and that's not going to change.
All that's changed is how you're dealing with it.

Speaker 1 (39:33):
And I do think as well that you can exacerbate
your own hurt by trying to control somebody else's reaction
to a situation.

Speaker 2 (39:43):
In the end, to answer your question, I was single
just because I knew I didn't want to waste any
more time. All of a sudden, I knew who I was,
and I knew what I wanted, I knew my expectations,
and I knew what I deserved, and I just didn't
want to waste my time again with someone that didn't
fit that criteria.

Speaker 1 (40:00):
And I know that it kind of sounds bad to
have a criteria in dating, but you kind of do
need that you do. I'm actually an advocate for having
some sort of checklist, and it's not about the way
the person looks, and it's not the way what the
person earns or the job they have or any of
that sort of stuff. It's about the type of person
that they are and what they want for their goals

(40:21):
in the future, so that you know from daytart that
your relationship marries up and that you're heading in the
same direction. A lot of people don't want to ask
those questions because they don't want to know. They don't
want to be let down at the beginning.

Speaker 2 (40:34):
If it's not what what their goals were.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
Because if someone says, actually, do you know what, I
don't want these things that are on your checklist, well,
then what are you going to do? Are you going
to walk away from that person and say and say, Okay,
unfortunately I really like them, but you know what, they're
not in the same trajectory as me. Or are you
going to waste three years and try and change that
person to be on the same trajectory as you, well.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
Exactly, and then you've wasted threes of your time.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
Yeah, And so I really, I mean, I'm I believe
in checklists and relationships and people might disagree with me,
and that's fine, but I do think it's important to
sit down and write down what you want and what
you've learnt from your past relationships in order to make
better decisions in your next relationship. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:16):
I mean, I don't write a checklist as such, but
I don't even write a grocery list. Yea, I have
a general list in my head of like you know,
but I'm pretty open to meeting loads of people now,
like all different walks.

Speaker 1 (41:26):
Of life totally. And look, I'm not saying this because
I think that there needs to be the same. It's
just one type of person. I think that it could
be many different types of people, but they have similar characteristics.
So that way you're heading in the same direction. Do
you know what else is really crazy? Tell me, I
just realized. I just remember now he took us both

(41:47):
to the same Tiffany's, as in, you and the other woman.
You both went to the same not even just Tiffany's,
in general the same one. What if he got the
same sales rep. I don't know. And do you think
he liked flirting with the danger of it a little bit?
Do you think that there was maybe he got off
on this idea that that use it was, Yeah, like

(42:10):
he was like a chess player in this whole game. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
And I eventually it turns out he was with thirteen
other women as well in that time.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
What but you know, he's flown my mind. But he
said to me, God.

Speaker 2 (42:22):
He said, the one time, I said, you know what,
just be honest, I'm never gonna speak to you again.

Speaker 1 (42:27):
Just tell me.

Speaker 2 (42:28):
And he said, Okay, there were thirteen other women, but
you were the only other girlfriend.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
You're the one I loved. As if that made me
feel better, he said, he but you know what, maybe
he said that as well, and look, may it may
be the truth, but maybe he said that as a
way of just hurting you more. He told me, and
I believed it.

Speaker 2 (42:46):
He had a tear in his eye because this is
the one time I ever spoke to him and saw him,
and only because I ran into him on the street
one day. He had a tear in his eye and
he said, believe it or not, I did love you.
And I know everyone in Australia who's going to hate
me right now, I believe that because I believe in
this super messed up sociopathic way, that's love to them.

(43:08):
Because I know he cared about me. He wouldn't have
dated me for two years. I'm not saying it's normal.
I'm just saying in his messed up world, there was
his version of some sort of love.

Speaker 1 (43:18):
Yeah. I think that that's important to say that. I
think what youth and I think love is someone who
can do that to you doesn't have the capacity to
love in the way that we love.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
Statistics say that we all everyone now has met a
sociopath in their life.

Speaker 1 (43:35):
They just don't know it.

Speaker 2 (43:36):
They're just normal people on the street that you run
into every day.

Speaker 1 (43:39):
And sometimes sometimes they're the most charismatic, amazing, enchanting people,
and then it's only the people who are very very
close to them that can see that there's a layer
or facade there that doesn't quite fit.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
Look, I'm sure this is going to hit home to
a lot of people to an extent, cheating the.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
Double life the line.

Speaker 2 (44:00):
I just want people to know that the embarrassment you feel,
because I know there'll be women out there listening saying
that's me, I feel that it's got nothing to do
with you. I don't want anybody to feel that embarrassment
or feel like they are the victim, because you're not.
And you can take this into your hands and you
can control your outcome. It's just hard to walk away sometimes,
but very.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
Hard to walk away.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
My advice too, is if you've got a really close
friends or family that are telling you things that you
disagree with, like about your partner, maybe just try and
open up and listen to them for a little bit
because it's coming from somewhere.

Speaker 1 (44:34):
Well, it's coming from people who love you. It's coming
from people who genuinely have no ulterior motive other than
they want the best for you. So if your friends
are telling you that the guy you're dating is a dick,
the guy you're dating could be a dick. It's true, though, Boyler,
he's a dick, he could be Yeah, and love is blind.

(44:54):
That statement is so true. I also think it's important
to touch on the fact that when you've been cheated on,
or when you've been lied to, or you've been manipulated
in a relationship, it's very easy to start to get
into the mentality of what can I do to make
myself better so that this person won't cheat on me

(45:15):
again or they won't leave me? Because I know that
in my past relationship where I was cheated on, my
first reaction wasn't to think this was their fault. This
is entirely their issue, and I didn't do this to
the relationship. My first reaction was, and I'm actually almost

(45:35):
embarrassed to say this now, was I'm not skinny enough,
I'm not pretty enough, I'm not intelligent or interesting enough,
I'm not funny enough, and I wanted to change myself
to make myself better for them. Where Now I look
back on that and I just wish I could talk
to that broken girl and say, holy shit, get rid

(45:57):
of that person who makes you feel sificant and so
unworthy of being loved in the way that you deserve
to be loved, because it was years of life where
I made excuses for someone who made me unhappy.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
And that's half the battle with everybody. I don't think
there are many women out there that could put their
hand up and say one hundred and ten percent, I
am happy with how I am, and I think that's
I hope.

Speaker 1 (46:20):
That there's more women than I really think too, and I.

Speaker 2 (46:22):
Think we're moving in that direction. But I think with
so much outside pressure from social media, from men that
are just saying, oh, well, you could load a few kilos,
or I read something the other day about a girl
saying her boyfriend bought her a gym membership and just
left it on the kitchen table.

Speaker 1 (46:40):
I didn't say anything like the most passive, so un subtle, Oh,
I you know, quite, Look, maybe let's let's play the
devil's advocate here. Maybe the gym is important to him
for his mental health, and that is he was like,
you know what, you'll feel happy go to the gym.
I would probably kill Matt if he tried to subtly

(47:01):
and not so subtly tell me that I needed to
go to the gym because he wasn't as attracted to me. Well,
I think the point of it kills me. Yeah, Britt,
I'm so grateful that you shared this story because I
know that this is not something that you have spoken
about publicly. It is a huge and life defining story,
and I do think that there are people who will

(47:23):
listen to aspects of this and say, you know, I've
experienced that, or or I know what it's like to
be controlled or manipulated in a relationship. And like I've
already said, the fact that this happened to you and
someone who I think is is so independent, it genuinely
blows my mind because it truly can happen to anyone.

Speaker 2 (47:42):
If you have that feeling that just something isn't right,
it probably isn't. You've got instinct in every situation in
life really needs to be trusted and listened to.

Speaker 1 (47:53):
So we did have a section that we wanted to
start including in this podcast because we have been receiving
so many messages and questions and I love that this
has become really interactive. But we are introducing a section
club Ask Uncut that was not hurt. We didn't even
plan that, though we nailed it. So ask Uncut. So

(48:15):
you guys please like message us on our Instagram which
is at Life Uncut Podcast. You can ask us your
questions and we will pick one out each week to
be able to answer it for you and give you
our unqualified spin on what we think of that question.

Speaker 2 (48:31):
Very unqualified. Can we make a note?

Speaker 1 (48:33):
Yes? Please so because of the conversation we've just had
and how we've ended that conversation, the question that we
were asked today was my partner cheated on me? Now
I don't trust him? Do you forgive? And how do
you move past that? Brittany, what do you think of this?

(48:55):
This is a tough one. Do you think it's possible
to move on from a situation where someone has cheated?

Speaker 2 (49:03):
Yes, to be honest, I do. I think it's very
dependent on the situation. But if they've come forward and
they're really honest and it was an honest I can't
say honest mistake. But I definitely think there are times
that you can speak as a couple. And I have
read studies from psychologists that say couples that there has
been infidelity have actually come out stronger because they've gone

(49:25):
and worked through it, They've worked out why it happened,
and they've been better than ever. I think if you
can move on happily and accept it, that's great. But
if you have said you've accepted it, but then you're
going home and saying I don't trust him, how do
I internally move on? Then you're not going to if
you can't trust his everything.

Speaker 1 (49:44):
I do agree. I think that yes, it is possible
to move on from cheating in a relationship. However, I
think that it fundamentally changes the relationship and it takes
a long time to heal from that, and so I
think that both parties need to be realistic that it
might take a year or two years to really heal
from some sort of infidelity, and it does depend on

(50:07):
what sort of infidelity that was. Like, we don't live
in a vacuum. There's no yes and no answer to
these questions. But I think that as we move more
into a society where there's diminishing stigma around couple's counseling,
there is more conversation around acceptance and putting out on
the table what you need in a relationship and what

(50:29):
you want, and maybe getting to the root cause of
why why did this person cheat in the first place?
Was it an absolute moment of just stupid there was
too me drinks, a stupid decision. Was it something more
systematic and endemic in the relationship? So I think it
really does come down to the cause and why was
it an actual affair? In which case there's so many

(50:51):
more layers of lying? Yeah, how long? Totally? And also
are there dependables? Do you have children? Are you married,
do you own a house together? I think that when
you start bringing in more of the bigger life commitments,
then there's more reasons for people to work it out.
But if you've been with your boyfriend for six months
and he's done this, it makes it so much more
difficult to try and work through that because, honestly, who

(51:15):
can deal with the drama?

Speaker 2 (51:16):
I think for me, the underlying thing here is the
trust part where she says I just don't trust him.
She wants to stay in him, but she doesn't trust him.

Speaker 1 (51:23):
Well, the betrayal is the most damaging part of that.

Speaker 2 (51:25):
Yeah, if you can't trust them and you're gonna be
wondering where they are every night, you need to leave.

Speaker 1 (51:30):
Just call it. What do you think of the idea,
if somebody has cheated in a relationship, then their phone
and their email and everything else needs to be an
open book, as in like kind of like random drug testing.
So are you if you have trug? Yeah, but I
think of it like that. It's like a random drug test.
Like you've cheated on me, I've forgiven you, but right

(51:53):
now I feel insecure. So give me your goddamn phone
because I want to check what the fuck you're just
doing again, two sides to it.

Speaker 2 (52:00):
I think that a relationship should be open enough anyway
that if you're like, babe, I'm just going to jump
on and check that email. I think you should have
access to each other. But I think if you're at
the point where you feel like they go out of
the room and you need to troll through their stuff,
it's not right. You're not sitting in a comfortable, trustworthy relationship.

Speaker 1 (52:16):
But I do think that if you've made the decision
to move forward from cheating, then there is give and take,
because I don't think that the crime of wanting to
look at someone's phone because they've betrayed you matches the
crime of cheating. No, you to have access, Yeah, So
if that person has asked for your forgiveness, then they
need to understand that they're well I think this. This

(52:36):
might not be true, but I think that if they've
betrayed your trust and they've asked for forgiveness, then they
need to come to the table a little bit with
being open and also allowing you to act a little
bit freaking crazy at times whilst you're healing.

Speaker 2 (52:52):
Well, it's bound to happen, isn't it. Okay, we're all
good now.

Speaker 1 (52:56):
It's so unfair for them to say you forgave me.
You said you weren't to bring this up. You can't
go through my phone. There has to be some give
and take. And I'm not saying that it gives you
the liberty to do it for forever, but I think
whilst you're getting over that initial trust hump, there needs
to be some give and take in that. Okay, Brittany,

(53:17):
I feel like we've covered some pretty heavy topics today.

Speaker 2 (53:19):
Thanks for bearing with us, guys, but we really needed
to get that out into the atmosphere.

Speaker 1 (53:24):
Oh yeah, and I also think that you know, like,
love can be amazing and love can be really shitty,
and so it's okay to talk about the things that
are really difficult. So if you're in the midst of
a shitty, shitty relationship or you're trying to find your
way out of something that's quite toxic, I hope that
there's been little parts of this today that you've been
able to take away and go, yeah, I've got this.

Speaker 2 (53:45):
Yeah. As long as one person takes something from this
and learn something, we're happy.

Speaker 1 (53:49):
Britt Baby, give me your suck, and you're sweet, suck
and sweet so suck.

Speaker 2 (53:53):
First suck is probably the fact that I got home
to bed at about one am and it's I am,
and we got up to record this podcast.

Speaker 1 (54:02):
Oh my god, so I am so sorry. So we
were supposed to record this podcast at like a normal
reasonable hour of the day, but because we're both ridiculous humans,
oh which there's so much going on in life, and
I have a baby, and so I had to be
here when Matt wasn't working, so we had to get
this recorded and finished before eight am.

Speaker 2 (54:21):
She's like, babe, has five thirty and I'm like, mate, great,
let's do it. Look it in So Britz Suck is
me basically as Watchuck Inadvernally is Laura.

Speaker 1 (54:30):
But let's end on a suite and I hope that
that's also may My suite.

Speaker 2 (54:33):
Is obviously you every day getting the croissot and coffee
with you? Is this week my friend? No, the sweets probably.
I did my talk with Beautiful Minds for mental health
for the teenagers. I flew down to Melbourne.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
I saw that on your Instagram's, Babe, that's so wonderful.
Explain a little bit about what that is.

Speaker 2 (54:49):
We just went down, me and a guy called Andrew,
who is amazing. He speaks to the boys, teenage boys,
and we just speak to them about being a really
strong woman and independent, how to deal with online bullying,
how to be a good person, mental health issues, everything
in the mental health realm. And they were fourteen year
olds that I spoke to, about sixty of them and

(55:10):
it was so great. They all messaged me and said
that they really took something away from that and thank
you so much for coming. And I just felt like
finally I was giving something back.

Speaker 1 (55:19):
And you go in and speak to them in schools.
We go to their schools anywhere.

Speaker 2 (55:22):
Any school in Australia can call and organize it with
Beautiful Minds. So it's government funded. It's a school curriculum,
and it's a really really amazing thing they're doing.

Speaker 1 (55:32):
I love that you're doing this. I mean, you know,
you have, you have an influential following, and to be
able to go in and speak to young children and
be like, yeah, you know, sure I work in this
influencer world, but god, it's all made up and it's
all shit and smoke and mirrors. This is me. This
is what I look like. You know. I have great days,
I have shitty days. I think that it's so important

(55:54):
for young people to actually see what an influencer in
I'm doing inverted comments looks like in the real Oh yeah,
we've got a camera set up here, what an influencer
looks like in real life. So yeah, I think that
that's really beautiful that you're doing that, and I love
that that's your suck and you're sweet and what's yours?
My suck for suck and my sweet my suck my suck.

(56:16):
Was probably also getting up at five point thirty to
do this podcast after I just got up at four
thirty to breastfeed Marley and also Marley Pete and pood
all over herself during her sleep last night. So that
was really interesting to deal with. Yeah, you guys are
so welcome for these details. I told you that every
week My Suck and my Sweet was going to be
something baby related.

Speaker 2 (56:37):
I have an inkling maybe you're sweet might not be
baby related.

Speaker 1 (56:39):
Well, yes, my sweet is actually pretty great. So this
week I don't know if anyone was following my Instagram,
but this week Matt and I we took our first
trip to Melbourne. So we flew on a plane with Marley.
It was a success. She slept and we did a
trade show called Life in Style and Life in Style
is a great, big wholesale trade show which is a

(57:00):
way of getting your brand out there. And I don't
know if you guys know, but I have my own
jewelry business, and so for me, it was a really
amazing opportunity to one feel like an adult again and
talk to other adults and be working without something attached
to your breast. Yeah, I was just really amazing. Matt.
Matt came down. He stayed with me for the full
five days. He stayed the Airbnb and took care of

(57:22):
Marley and just just did everything that he needed to do.
He did was full on dad mode and I love.

Speaker 2 (57:27):
I saw a lot of selfies and here was stoked,
like matching beanies, his loving dad life.

Speaker 1 (57:32):
It was so good because in the past six weeks
he hasn't had a lot of time on his own
with Maley without me being a bit of a helicopter.
So it gave him the autonomy to just be a
dad without me telling him what to do. And it
also gave me the freedom to be a business owner
again and to work for Tony May and to work
for myself. And I just felt so invigorated. I mean,

(57:53):
I'm tired, but I'm so invigorated from a week of
doing that. And I really feel like it's possible to
be a new mum and to have the business and
to have the relationship and to have all these different
facets of life and juggle it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (58:08):
I take my hat off some because you were doing
I'm proud of you.

Speaker 1 (58:11):
Thank you. I think I need too said.

Speaker 2 (58:13):
That cast You've got a thousand things on your mind,
but you still nailed it and very successfully.

Speaker 1 (58:18):
Thanks babe. I'm really lucky I have an amazing support network,
and I think that that is so crucial when you're
a new mum.

Speaker 2 (58:26):
Yeah. Well thanks for listening.

Speaker 1 (58:29):
Guys. Guys, thank you for listening. I am, I'm honestly
thank you for sharing. Yeah, sorry it was a bit
heavy today. No, never apologized that was why we got
into this. I'm so grateful for you sharing your story,
and I'm sure that people who are listening and who've
gotten this far are very grateful for it as well.
And I know that it's a big deal for you

(58:49):
to put this out there.

Speaker 2 (58:50):
I'm glad it's finally out there. I hope someone's life
has been changed slightly. But guys, feel free to write
into ask any questions or advice you need. Don't forget
to subscribe and come back next week.

Speaker 1 (59:01):
Yes, So if you would like to follow us on
social media, as I said, it's at Life on Podcast,
feel free to slide into our d ms there as well. Guys.
That's always exciting and we will have another episode for
you next Wednesday.