‘That’s Triggering!’ Is Therapy-Speak Changing Our Relationships?

Hey Lifers!

Britt looks like Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson today, but the dress code for her wedding has caused an unintentional stir. The Europeans think she's a bit of a creep!
Last week Laura told us how much she loved the reptiles at the reptile park and in a relatively ironic turn of events, she might have 15 of her own coming to her new home!

A few days ago, Love Is Blind US (Netflix) released season 7 of the show. There was a particular moment where one of the contestants, Stephen admits to Monica that he has emotionally cheated in the past. He then went on to say “we went through therapy. We worked it out” and “I’m actively in therapy to talk about these things.”

We spoke about how speaking about therapy in the dating landscape can be great, but it can also be used as a tactic to manipulate their date into thinking they're more emotionally intelligent than they are! Many women now say they prefer to date men who’ve been to therapy. Do men now use therapy as a badge of emotional depth?

We also spoke about "therapy-speak" and the overuse of certain labels or phrases like triggering, trauma, narcissist, gaslighting and sociopath. Do you think the overuse of these terms dilutes the experiences of people who have endured genuine abuse or trauma? We also spoke about how we can spot when therapy-speak is being used manipulatively versus when it reflects genuine emotional growth. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose
lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their
elders past and present.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on Cameragle Land Daddy Vibe.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
We just text all the time, picture of my dad.

Speaker 4 (00:17):
Text it all the time. It takes when I dropped
Alilah to him and I'm.

Speaker 3 (00:20):
Like, did she get there? Okay?

Speaker 4 (00:22):
Sometimes on his birthday, Oh that's cute.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
Do you remember when we first started the podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
I would always be like, fuck, your dad's hot, and
you were like, you need to stop.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
Is he does one hundred pull ups of morning at
four thirty he.

Speaker 3 (00:47):
Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
on Cut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
I'm giving the rock today, Anna who. I looked at
myself in the mirror when I got ready and I
didn't have time to change, and I was like, wow,
I look like the rock in that really famous photo.

Speaker 3 (01:01):
This is exactly that photo. And I actually had.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
A chain around my turtleneck that I've got on. I
had a chain and I was like, I can't do it.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
Does the rock wear Gucci? Crocs.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
You realize that the rock is the richest man in Hollywood.

Speaker 3 (01:13):
Yeah, he does. That's the photo anywhere. It's black.

Speaker 4 (01:15):
It's the one that everyone goes as Halloween.

Speaker 3 (01:17):
It's because of.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
The belt and the color jeans with a turtleneck. That's
why I was like, it's giving.

Speaker 3 (01:21):
Roight and you're bulging del toy.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
Now that you've said this, if you just put a
bum bag on, thank you complete look.

Speaker 3 (01:28):
One hundred percent.

Speaker 1 (01:29):
And I was like, I probably have time to quickly
put a different top on.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
But I was like, just gonna lean in. But hot rock,
hot rock, hot rock. I'll take it. Yeah, thanks like hot,
But I mean that's very what is it eighties? What
one say?

Speaker 4 (01:41):
Yes, the rock from eighties nineties.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
But you look great, you look great today if you
have been saying, which I wanted to know, because this
is what always happens.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
Whenever something funny happens in our lives, we're like, i'll.

Speaker 3 (01:53):
Tell you on the podcast.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
Oh so I've been wanting to know what it is
that you've been keeping secret from me.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
It's not a secret, but I just had this.

Speaker 3 (02:03):
It was funny.

Speaker 1 (02:03):
I had this realization and had to chuckle to myself
out loud, and I wanted to tell you guys straight
away because it involves you a little bit.

Speaker 3 (02:10):
But then I was not enough save it for the pod.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
No, so Ben and I in the last little week
sent out like save the date kind of wedding invites.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
Yeah, got it, Thank you for that.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
So just to double down, yeah you haven't responded.

Speaker 3 (02:23):
I did RSVP straight away.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
I was probably the first person to RSVP with Matt
RSVP two to all events, all three. I RSVP to
the Brittany and Ben spectacular. Okay, every single one.

Speaker 3 (02:35):
Okay, it's a couple of days, jep be dramatic to
the five day fucking affair. I met every single thing.
It's one month. It's twenty eight events. You want me
at the breakfast, the brunch, and the dinner. I am
their girlfriend. I haven't even given you all of it yet.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
So half anyone that's new, half of our wedding is
Florign and half is Australian. So Ben is Swiss, but
he's also lived a lot of the time over in
UK and in Germany and wherever else, so a lot
of his people are coming from that kind of part
of the world.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
When you said half of the wedding is you made
it sound like it's a traveling circus. We're going to
do half of it in Australia that we're going to
take it.

Speaker 4 (03:13):
It's a well tools.

Speaker 3 (03:16):
Could be. It's going to be a wonderful wedding.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
But yeah, so half all of his side, none of
them Australian on his side except me.

Speaker 3 (03:23):
So we send the invites out.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
And Ben's like, Babe, I've been getting into like these
random messages about the wedding. Just like yesterday, one of
my friends messaged me and went dress code question mark,
and so Ben wrote back and was like, oh yeah, sorry,
brite set the dress code and he was like okay.
He's like, but what is it done? Because we put
the dress code on there done nothing. A day later,

(03:46):
one of his other friends gets a message. They the
missus wants to ask about the dress code question mark
question mark. A couple of days go past, and I
haven't heard about it yet. I don't hear about them individually.
But after he got a couple he's like, it's so
weird people keep asking me about the dress code and
I'm like, that is weird. I was like, because our
dress code is not like it's pretty standard. This happens
four or five times, and then one of his female

(04:09):
friends messages, hey, I just wanted to follow up about
the dress code, and he's like, yes, what is the problem?
They wrote the dress code. I think it's okay, and
she was like, well, how strict is it and he
was like, well, pretty strict. I guess that's what she's
decided she wants. And she's like, well, what if it
doesn't go with my dress? And he's like, I'm sure,

(04:29):
whatever's going to go.

Speaker 3 (04:30):
He's like he was like, oh, so confused.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
He's like, I'm sure it's going to be fine, and
she goes, well, I just think it's a bit extreme,
and he was like, I don't understand what the problem is.
He's like, I'm sorry, the dress code is not extreme,
and I think that you'll figure it out. And this
goes back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
I'm not involved at right. He sends me this conversation
and then she goes, well, I don't understand how she's
going to know if I if I wear it, and

(04:52):
he's like, she's gonna know, she's going to see it,
and she's like, well, that's a bit perverted, and he's like,
I don't understand, and she's like, who in their right
mind would make us wear and enforce no songs? And
then Ben was like, Ben was like, they're gonna be on.

Speaker 3 (05:12):
Your feet, she'll see them.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
And she went hang on feet and he was like, yeah,
your feet and she was like, but a thong is
a g string and he was like, oh my god,
there is a language barrier here. So Ben calls me
and he goes, Babe, half of the wedding things you've
said they're not allowed to wear g strings, strict enforcement
briefs or nothing, bridge joneses or nothing. And it makes
so much sense why so many people were messaging and

(05:36):
being like dress code qush fuck?

Speaker 3 (05:38):
Do you remember when it was our wedding?

Speaker 2 (05:40):
So like when Matt and I got married, we made
one of those like I don't know, like the is
it a WEBSHD or web whatever.

Speaker 3 (05:46):
It's like you go.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
Online and you fell it all out online. Yeah, and
you put all of the information for the wedding on
like a little website, right that idea. Yeah, it's the
same type of thing, and so that's where you put
your your dress code and everything.

Speaker 4 (05:57):
Yeah, except Britt and I never got it a good things.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
So we made this website and I didn't realize that,
like because I mean it was pre COVID, and like,
we're pretty fucking unorganized. And I asked Matt to fill
out half of it, and I feeled out half of it.
Part of his thing to fill out was the dress code,
and he had just like, because you have to populate
before you can move on to the next page. So
he populated some things without it being serious, just so

(06:22):
that we could flick through to the next page to
put all the important information in. And he had every
intention to go back and fix those things.

Speaker 3 (06:28):
Like a placeholder.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah yeah, Except he didn't go back and didn't fix
those things. And so we sent out wedding invitation with
the dress code dress sexy, and that went out dress sexy.

Speaker 3 (06:42):
That's okay.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
Ben's nana got no G strings?

Speaker 3 (06:48):
You were gonna have one of.

Speaker 4 (06:48):
Those mirrored aisles.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
Also, at what age?

Speaker 1 (06:55):
What age two?

Speaker 2 (06:55):
Record you stop wearing a G string? Like, because it
would I can't imagine. I mean, bless her, she's gone now,
but I couldn't imagine Nana wearing a G string.

Speaker 1 (07:03):
I can't imagine mine Nana wearing a G string.

Speaker 3 (07:06):
When do you give up? When do you say not
for me anymore? I want to be hugged forever. I
don't think that's your ass, to be honest. I think
it's your lips, like it's in the fallen outside.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
I think when it gets a bit like more relaxed
down there, I want to say relaxed over looser, but
like gravity, when it ages, gravity takes over.

Speaker 3 (07:22):
I imagine that.

Speaker 1 (07:23):
Would be super uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
You know when you said that, the only thing I
thought straight away was, oh, someone's going to be angry
at you because you said lips and not lady.

Speaker 3 (07:31):
Someone's going to be so mad that you didn't say vulva.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
Yeah, but then when we say labia we get in
trouble too. Stop talking about Laura's laby being cut off.
Sorry if she wants to cut off. But I had
to go back onto the website, and then I updated
the wedding invitation, so I kept it all the same.
It still says like no thongs, but then I had
to write in brackets for all your Europeans thongs means
flip flops. You can, in fact, you'll wear a G string.

(07:53):
That's what I wrote that I sent that out, So now.

Speaker 3 (07:56):
Now that's gone to Ben's nan.

Speaker 1 (07:57):
So now Ben's nan, I have confirmed that if she
wants to she can wear.

Speaker 3 (08:02):
No. Actually ben Nan.

Speaker 1 (08:03):
Has passed away, but he has other people she dressing peace.

Speaker 3 (08:08):
She can wear whatever you want.

Speaker 1 (08:09):
I know, I felt bad making the joke about his nan,
and then I was like, she's not here anymore.

Speaker 3 (08:12):
But yeah, so it went out to a lot of people.

Speaker 1 (08:14):
It shouldn't have gone out to pleasant b How.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
Was your weekend? Okay, so my weekend. My weekend was great.

Speaker 2 (08:21):
It was very long because it was like, well, it
wasn't really the long weekend. But we went down to
Aladalla on Thursday and had four nights down south. And
so if you guys are not following, or if you
don't follow social media, you might not know this, but
Matt and I we are renovating a house down in
Ala Dollar. It's about three hours drive from Sydney. So
we went down there on the weekend. And if you

(08:42):
listened to last week's episode, it's kind of like beautiful
synchronicity that happened. So last week on Tuesday, EP I
was talking about how Matt and the kids and I
had all been to this reptile park and how I
am sick for the reptiles.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
Yeah, you do love a reptile. What a great reptile park.

Speaker 2 (09:02):
I should go there one day, but never as a
non parent did I get myself there. But on the
weekend I went with Matt. I went with the kids,
and it was like dreams come true. I had so
much fun. I love reptiles. So the reptiles heard. They
listened to Life on Cut and they got the memo,
the four one one. They know that I love the

(09:22):
snakes and leave a review. Yeah, because otherwise I don't
want to know about it.

Speaker 3 (09:28):
Posts here from the reptile parks. Okay, well you fucking
know what happened. Don't pretend like your shop Brittany, what happened?
Trying to move it along.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
So we go down to the house on Saturday and
we were cleaning up the gardens and about halfway through
the day, as we were walking down the side of
the house, this massive python and I'm talking like almost
two meters pythons slithering up the fence line and.

Speaker 3 (09:58):
Matt was still inside. It wasn't Matt's python.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
So it was slithering up like between the border between
our property and the neighbors, and the neighbors had come
out to look at it as well, and they were
all making jokes like, oh, whose house is it gonna
go into?

Speaker 3 (10:11):
Not like yours, motherfucker. Yeah, not a funny joke.

Speaker 2 (10:14):
Anyway, it went into the bushes, and because we'd cut
down a couple of like dead trees, and so I
for a minute thought maybe we had cut down its home,
like we'd cut down where it had been living. And
so it was feeling a bit displaced because it was
quite cute.

Speaker 3 (10:28):
Nah, not cute. It was like twenty meters long.

Speaker 2 (10:30):
It wasn't cute. It could eat you. No, it's not
a bowl constrictor. It was a diamond python hot. And
so it was in the bushes and it was like
hanging down and we were cleaning up. We were watching
it for half the day, and I kept saying to Matt,
do you think we should get a snake catcher out?
Do you think we should get a snake ketcher? He's like, nah,
it's fine, Like it's in the bush, let it go. Anyway,
we'd stopped paying attention to the snake for a while,

(10:52):
and we were still cleaning up this back area and
I look up and as I look up into the tree,
the fucking snake has climbed up. And there's this one
bit where the tree is like a little bit close
to the roof of the house, and it is just
long skinny neck is reaching out from the tree and
it's trying to get towards the hot tiles of the roof.

(11:14):
And before we could stop it, I went and I
got the broom, and I was trying to know what
were going to do. Well, I was trying to broom
it out of the roof, so I had the broom handle,
and I was trying to gentlely because I don't want
hurt it, because I love snakes. So I was like
trying to like get it out of the roof anyway.
I like, I knocked it once and then it didn't
like that, and so then it just went a bit faster,
and all of a sudden, this big ass, which it

(11:36):
had just eaten because I had a big fat belly,
had crawled into the roof of our house. So at
that point I was like, cool, Matt, I think we
should probably call the snake catcher.

Speaker 4 (11:45):
Now, I think we should probably burn down the house.

Speaker 3 (11:48):
We don't move.

Speaker 1 (11:50):
I'm just thinking about the fact that you have a
small cat.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
Yeah. Yeah, it's not good for Raspberry.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
Hey, you haven't seen Raspberry a few days. Not speaking
of not good for the cat. Also not good if
we have a newborn either. That's not funny.

Speaker 3 (12:03):
You'd better not do it.

Speaker 2 (12:05):
So I get this number for a local snake catcher, right,
So I call him Marp and he hello, my darling,
Hello me dear.

Speaker 3 (12:13):
I was like, so irish, I no, no, is this
man real? You're wishing lord of the roof. He's real.

Speaker 2 (12:19):
And I was like, look, we've got a snake in
the roof. Can you come out and help me? And
he was like what would you like me to do
about it? And I was like, get it the fuck
out of my roof please. He goes, okay, send me
a video. So I send him a video of the
snake and he calls me right back and he goes, ah,
a diamond python.

Speaker 3 (12:35):
It's beautiful. Now.

Speaker 2 (12:37):
Explain to me, darling, why do you want to get
it out of the roof. And I was like, because
I think it's living there, and he goes, yes, you.

Speaker 3 (12:44):
Are right, it has been. It's its home. I would
even bet it's been there for many years.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
You probably have lots of snakes in your roof because
they like to live together. And I was like, I
think you need to understand that this is horrifying for me.
And we are kind of vibing on a different frequency
right now, and I said, oh, look, I don't think
it's gonna come out anytime soon because I think it's
just eaten.

Speaker 3 (13:07):
And he and goes, no, my dear, I don't think
it's eaten. I think it's pregnant. And is that splendid.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
Like you're far because have you seen a snake give birth?
It doesn't have one fifteen to twenty eggs?

Speaker 1 (13:25):
And then some the size of that python, I reckon
she's having fifty?

Speaker 3 (13:29):
Are you're gonna have fifty? From my python.

Speaker 2 (13:31):
Experience print me the button tamer that was from a
different phase of life though, and it wasn't a python.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
I reckon, it's gonna have like fifty baby pythons. Imagine
if you have fifty of those big giant things.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
Yes, I know that is exactly how I felt, and
so pretty much told me he couldn't help me because
he couldn't access the python through the manhole of the roof,
and so the python is just there. He's just living
in the roof, chilling to be really be in a python.
I don't think they actually I know, we're like laughing.
I don't think they actually do much. I think they're
actually really good in terms of they eat the rag.

(14:07):
This is what he said, Like, just think about it.
You'll never have any vermin or mice. How wonderful. So yeah,
it's not good for Raspberry. But we do have a
massive python and it is living in the house.

Speaker 3 (14:19):
So I'm not for I'm never coming.

Speaker 2 (14:22):
We did have like really cool plans for long weekends
down there, but it's just not gonna happen.

Speaker 1 (14:26):
Now where does he get out of? Is there an
obvious hole gutter?

Speaker 2 (14:30):
Well? No, at the moment, the house is in all
states of deconstructed, so there's many holes.

Speaker 4 (14:35):
Do the people who were doing the construction, no, because
they're about to get a real jump scare.

Speaker 3 (14:40):
Yeah, that was the problem.

Speaker 2 (14:40):
So we called our builder, who is an absolute legend,
like this dude who's got four kids. He was like,
his name's Tom, and we called him and I was like, hey,
this is not not good times and he rocks up
in his truck with his four children and his wife
to look at it, to come and try and get
out of the roof because he was worried about his
workers and the reptile park.

Speaker 3 (14:58):
And they thought this is actually it's a free reptor
for free reptile party.

Speaker 1 (15:04):
Now you guys know, or you might not know, but
you will. Now I am a sucker for love is blind.
So love is blind. If you haven't seen it, it's
like a very modern dating show where there's a bunch
of men and a bunch of women and they go
into these pods that are separated pods. It's just a room, right,
but they go into these pods that's separated by these walls.

(15:25):
The men are on one side, the women on the other.
You go one woman per room, one man per room,
and you talk to each other and you get to
know each other and you write things down. You can
send gifts through the room and stuff, but you never get.

Speaker 3 (15:38):
To see each other.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
One might think that it's based on the premise that
someone's personality is more important than the way they look.

Speaker 1 (15:45):
It's exactly what it is. The whole idea.

Speaker 3 (15:47):
Is is love really blind?

Speaker 1 (15:48):
That's the question they pose The.

Speaker 3 (15:50):
Antidote to online dating.

Speaker 1 (15:51):
Maybe yes, so they it's like speed dating without seeing
the other person. So all the people move between the pods.
You get to speak to whoever you want, and then
you form these Then you decide if there's like maybe
one or two people that you want to pursue. Then
at the end you have to have chosen your person
blind blindly. Still then you get to meet. But the

(16:11):
idea is you propose you're getting married. You are getting married.

Speaker 3 (16:14):
Without having seen each other.

Speaker 1 (16:17):
Then you go on a honeymoon that everyone goes, and
that's where sometimes the drama starts to happen, because maybe
one person might have had a connection with someone else
but chose the other person, but then when they see them,
they're more physically attracted.

Speaker 3 (16:30):
To the other person.

Speaker 1 (16:31):
Then it's like do they leave, do they swap partners?

Speaker 3 (16:33):
Do they commit? It gets spicy.

Speaker 1 (16:36):
The reason I wanted to talk about this is there
one particular scene that happened episode two at the very
start between two people, Steven and Monica, that sort of
stopped me in my tracks a little bit, and I
had to rewind it and say, did I just hear
that correctly? So this happened in episode two, Season seven straight.
At the start of episode two, Steven and Monica they

(16:57):
have a conversation that really got me thinking about therapy
took and people using therapy tool to manipulate situations.

Speaker 5 (17:05):
Here's what I believe. You like someone for their qualities,
but you love someone for their flaws.

Speaker 6 (17:12):
I've always been drawn to.

Speaker 3 (17:16):
Flaws.

Speaker 5 (17:17):
I've been the same way.

Speaker 6 (17:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (17:20):
Actually, my my most recent relationship, since you know we're
already getting into this, I will divulge something that I
am not very proud of at all, but I wear
this brand and I think it's very important to be
honest about it.

Speaker 3 (17:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (17:35):
So we're we're going to talk about cheating. Yeah, I
technically hold the title of being a cheater. I've been
cheated on multiple times as well. I believed that this
person that I was dating at the time, I believed
I didn't deserve her. Everyone has a different concept of cheating.
One person's could be you know, looking at someone you know.

(17:57):
Someone else's could be an actual physical act. I basically
slid into a girl's DMS like a dumb ass, and
we were surting with intention. You're emotionally cheating at that
point I got caught, which I knew I would. I
was very disappointed with myself and there was a lot
of Yeah. I mean, if we went through therapy, we

(18:18):
figured it out. I'm actively in therapy to talk about
these things.

Speaker 6 (18:22):
And by the way, I really appreciate you sharing with me,
and I want you to feel like you can tell
me anything, like we're all human. I'm thirty six years old,
Like it's not so black and white. The experiences that
I've had to deal with from cheating.

Speaker 3 (18:37):
Are woo they are. That's the music. Music grows and
very very bad.

Speaker 6 (18:44):
And even in those situations, I've always found a path
to forgiveness.

Speaker 3 (18:48):
I love how he's.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
Managed to victimize himself in that cheating situation, like he's
the one who acted outside of the relationship. And obviously
I know there's many reasons I people cheat. We've talked
about that a load of time, but in that one conversation,
he managed to make himself the victim and gain her
pity for his cheating.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
Oh, one hundred percent. But even the way he set
it up, you can tell he knows what he's doing.

Speaker 3 (19:12):
This is what I think.

Speaker 1 (19:13):
I think he one hundred percent knew what the outcome
was going to be he was being vulnerable. He dropped
that he went to therapy. He dropped that he only
did it because he didn't feel like she was good
enough because she was such a queen. And also when
he says he's a cheater, so he says.

Speaker 3 (19:29):
You know, I want to talk about cheating.

Speaker 1 (19:31):
I cheated, but I've been cheated on loads of times too,
Like he quickly he didn't even sit in I'm a cheater.
He quickly went straight to but I've been cheated on
loads of times.

Speaker 3 (19:40):
He went straight to I'm a victim. And I had to.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
Rewind the whole scene. And I wonder how many people
would have watched that and had an issue with it.
There are some online threads going around, so I.

Speaker 7 (19:49):
Know that the people have I saw some things on
Facebook groups and that kind of thing for Love is
Blind that were very divided, and.

Speaker 4 (19:56):
Half of the people were like, hang on a second.

Speaker 7 (19:58):
He just made himself exactly how we all felt, you know,
he just made himself the victim in a narrative where
he was actually the person doing the wrong thing. But
the other half of people were saying, at least he's
honest about it, Like, at least he's.

Speaker 4 (20:09):
Kind of coming forward with this information and she doesn't need.

Speaker 7 (20:13):
To ask him these questions, and he's being truthful about
his past experiences.

Speaker 2 (20:18):
But I also think that that's been reflected recently and
the whole David Groll thing foo fighters. If you guys
are across it, which I'm sure you are, he has
fathered a child outside of his twenty something year marriage,
and the social discourse around that was so interesting because
some people were like, Wow, what a flog. He cheated
on his wife and had a baby with an adulterous affair.
But the other part of the conversations was, well, at

(20:40):
least he came out and he was honest, and he's
acknowledged the baby, and he's going to be a good dad.

Speaker 3 (20:45):
What a great guy.

Speaker 4 (20:46):
He's taking accountability for accountability.

Speaker 2 (20:49):
It is fascinating to me the way in which we
are able to frame some things, and we can frame
our shortcomings in a way that garner empathy and garner sympathy.
And I'm not saying that this is black and white,
because I do think that there are absolutely instances where
someone's shortcomings and the things that they do that might
hurt someone else very well can be the byproduct of

(21:12):
the unfortunate situations that they've experienced themselves. But I do
think that the language that's used is a way in
order to gain favor, especially in this instance. It got
me thinking about an article I read recently which was
from Glamar. Now it was from last year, but the
article itself was talking about how a lot of women
prefer to date men who are either in therapy or

(21:33):
who have gone to therapy because it shows that they
are more emotionally in touch and that they're working on
themselves and their own mental health. So I was speaking
to Matt about this and I was like, surely then
if people if it is known that this is a
desirable attribute that some women want, surely this is something
that can then be used as a way to kind
of garner affection or get a woman over the line.

(21:54):
And Matt was like, talking about therapy is akin to
talking about puppies. He's like, it is a green flag
if a guy is on a first date talking about
Oh look, this is really hard for me to tell
you about, Like, you know, I go to therapy. I
think that there's a fine line between endorsing it, which
we obviously do on this podcast, and we talk about
how amazing it is to be able to go do
therapy and be able to have moments to talk about

(22:16):
yourself and work on your mental health. But I also
think keep those blinkers wide open for people who may
use that as a way to try and prove that
they are something that they're not.

Speaker 7 (22:26):
I question why that might be the case, because I
think that the implication is that they are potentially at
least more aware perhaps of their emotions if they're going
to therapy.

Speaker 4 (22:37):
I mean, there will be exceptions, some are court mandated therapy.

Speaker 7 (22:40):
But always like, I'm trying to think about the positives
as to why women would be like I want a
guy who has been to therapy, and I think it's
all about taking accountability for your own shit. And I
think that it is somewhat dangerous for us to equate
going to therapy with actually owning stuff and take accountability
for behavior, you know, I don't think that these things

(23:03):
automatically align.

Speaker 2 (23:04):
I also really want to be careful with this because
I don't want this to sound at all like we're
stigmatizing people who do go to therapy or people who
talk about the fact that they go. And I think
it's really important because like, it's not just gendered. There
are a lot of very conscious and intentional men out
there who are going to therapy and it has been

(23:25):
hugely beneficial to them, and they don't feel shame around
talking about it, and therefore that's the reason why they've
brought it up. I think it's more so for me.
This whole idea of like therapy talk is when someone
has learned the language, they've learned the tools, they're not
actually implementing it in their life, but they use it
as a way to make themselves sound smarter, to make
themselves seem like they are superior or authoritative in a way,

(23:48):
and that almost like diminishes, especially within a relationship as well,
it diminishes the thing that the other person might be experiencing.
The example of this and where I think we've seen
it more recently in like social discourse is a situation
with Jonah Hill last year. So last year we saw
Jonah Hill. We did a big episode on it all
around him using the word boundaries to set limitations on

(24:11):
his ex girlfriend Sarah Brady, who he'd said, it's my
boundary that you don't go and serf with other men
and there's.

Speaker 3 (24:18):
My boundary that you don't post a bikini fils.

Speaker 2 (24:20):
It's my boundary that you behave in a way that
I expect you to. And we unpacked on that episode
this conversation around how a boundary is a limitation for yourself,
it can't be a limitation for someone else, And that
to me wreaked of someone who had been to therapy,
had learnt the tools, but then was intentionally abusing those

(24:41):
tools in order to coercive control their partner in a relationship.

Speaker 4 (24:44):
But at the end of the.

Speaker 1 (24:45):
Day, not everybody is cut from the same cloth. There
could be people that go to therapy that are still wankers,
women and men. Right, you still a dickhead, You're still
going to do the same thing. Yeah, there are people
that go to therapy that they come out the other side,
like Jesus. There are people that will never need to
go to therapy and they're still wonderful people Like I think,
just putting that limitation on yourself for dating that you

(25:07):
have to have gone to therapy exactly like Keisha said,
that doesn't align with them being an amazing person that's
emotionally available and not going to cheat on you.

Speaker 2 (25:15):
Like in terms of talking about the ways in which
we can abuse terminology. I think we see it beyond
just dating though. I think we see it with the
overuse of the word toxic, with the word trauma, with
the word triggered.

Speaker 3 (25:28):
Like narcissists, sociopath Yeah.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
I mean we might have a negative experience with someone
who has treated us badly, and then we've instantly blanketed
them as a narcissist, which is a pathological diagnosis. Like
you can't just have one interaction with someone who cheats
on you or treats you badly. That doesn't instantly mean
that they are narcissistic or a narcissist. I do think
we overuse these words. For me, even in the industry

(25:52):
that we work in, we have to be so careful
with the things that we say from time to time,
and we will often go, oh, should we put a
trigger warning on this? Should we talk about the trauma
that's associated with this? And I think we've almost become
too trigger warning happy in a lot of ways, because
something that someone might not want to listen to because

(26:13):
it makes them feel uncomfortable, that's not necessarily a trigger.
Like a trigger is someone who has experienced a deeply
traumatic event that there's been lots of studies around how trigger
warnings are actually more negative and trigger warnings themselves can
more negatively impact a greater population than not having it
in the first place. It almost seems these days as
though everybody has experienced trauma, Like we use the word

(26:36):
trauma to literally describe everything.

Speaker 7 (26:39):
I think that's like the situation that everyone's experience as
a subjective right, So someone's trauma will be subjective, but
a term like triggering is actually an objective word, and
so the overuse of it. And I'm even guilty of
this myself. I mean, on this podcast, over the years,
I would have described one of my ex's behaviors as narcissistic,
and I think as we've kind of gone on and

(27:00):
spoken to experts, I've actually realized that by me labeling
that person as a narcissist, it has diluted the experience
of someone who has actually experienced narcissistic abuse.

Speaker 3 (27:12):
And I really regret that, Like I really regret.

Speaker 7 (27:14):
Amounting my experiences to something that someone really has been
damaged by. And I think that's the problem with the
overuse of these words.

Speaker 4 (27:23):
And it's not just about narcissism.

Speaker 7 (27:25):
You know, a lot of people will say things like
I see it on TikTok all the time. Oh, I
have trauma from one of my past relationships because my
ex used to not write back to me for twenty
four hours and it would give me anxiety and blah
blah blah. And I'm like, Okay, let's actually unpack the
words we're using here. You said I have trauma from
a past relationship to me. I just think that we've
kind of gone a little bit too heavy into this

(27:47):
therapy speak when we're using it in such a liberal way,
because people have genuinely experienced really really awful and traumatizing
events in relationships, especially you know, we talk about domestic
violence the law on this podcast. I just think that
perhaps as a way to try and you know, we
love to put a label on everything. We love to

(28:07):
have everything categorized. We love to have these buzzwords. And
also words like this, especially when you're in therapy and
you start using them in your general vocabulary, it implies
a certain level of emotional intelligence.

Speaker 4 (28:19):
And I just think the pendulum might have swung a
little too far.

Speaker 1 (28:22):
It's just over use of the word. It's lost its meaning,
it has an oversaturation. And I read a really interesting
article from a teacher, a primary school teacher, no so
high school teacher, bit early like twelve, thirteen, fourteen. She
wanted to stay anonymous because she didn't want it to
get back to her kids. But she said she cannot
believe the uses of these terms that she hears amongst preteens.

(28:43):
So she says she has a really hard time trying
to be delicate and understand and guide them, but also say,
you can't be using those words. So she's like, when
they're referring to a breakup and they're thirteen and fourteen,
they're saying he's definitely a sociopath, Like what a narcissist
because they're seeing these terms on TikTok when they break
up with friends. They're using the same kind of words.
When it's not when like we would go back to our.

Speaker 3 (29:04):
Time, I didn't even know what it was.

Speaker 1 (29:06):
It's just a fight with a friend and you'll probably
make up in in a couple of weeks.

Speaker 7 (29:10):
But someone can just be a dickhead. They don't have
to be emotionally abusive. Someone can just be a wenka today.
Doesn't mean that they're a sociopath, you can.

Speaker 1 (29:18):
Be a fuck with and not narcissist. Like these things
are not interchangeable. But I found that really interesting because
that is who we are setting up. That is the
future generation that don't quite grasp the true meaning what
these terms are because they have become standard vocabulary.

Speaker 2 (29:34):
And interchangeable, and don't become interchangeable with just normal experiences
that we are all going to go through as part
of like figuring out how to socially exchange with other people.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
And I know we were talking about it, Laura, the
use of the terms that we throw around now, Like
when we have an argument with our partner, it's not
an argument, it's gas lighting.

Speaker 3 (29:53):
Oh yeah, and look it's a good way to win
an argument. Put it that way. Argument, Tell your partner
they're gas lighting you, like, it won't go down. Well,
you'll win, but you won't make up.

Speaker 2 (30:05):
Gas Lighting is a real and intentional lie to try
and distort someone else's perception of what they experienced. It
is an intentful act. Whereas like we are all going
to have disagreements and arguments with our partners where we
don't see things the same way because our experience of
what we just did and went through or the way

(30:25):
we spoke to each other. Our perceptions around it were different.
And it's funny because like Matt and I will sometimes
and you know, like, don't I'm not sitting up on
my pedestal here being like, oh, we shouldn't do this, because.

Speaker 3 (30:36):
We all do it.

Speaker 2 (30:37):
We've all called our ex boyfriend's narcissists. We've all told
someone that they're gas lighting us when they're probably not.
Matt and I will have an argument and either he'll
say it or I'll say it, you're gaslighting me. And
what we are meaning by that is I'm trying to
convey how I experience something and you're telling me I'm wrong, right,
But when when you actually unpick it and try and

(30:58):
like get down to the root of it. Really it's
just two people who actually love each other, who have
a lot of respect for each other. But we both
experienced that fight or whatever the thing was that set
us off differently. We both had a different perception of
what happened, and so neither one of us is right.
We're probably right fifty to fifty. One person probably said
something with a bit of tone. The other person probably

(31:20):
had a bit of a fucking face, or did something
that made the other person feel inferior and then it
kicked off. It's really important, and sometimes I have to
stop myself and I'm like, he's not gaslighting you. He
just had a different experience and he's fucking wrong.

Speaker 4 (31:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (31:36):
But it's funny because we can sit here, you know, on.

Speaker 1 (31:39):
Our high horses and preach and say it's overused. But
like you just said, we're all guilty of overusing it.
But it's something that we need to start to be
conscious about.

Speaker 2 (31:47):
Yeah, And I think that's the big thing. It's not
like none of this is criticism. It's all just like
awareness around what's the behaviors that we do and are
we contributing to something that's like as a bigger picture
could be slightly problematic.

Speaker 3 (32:01):
I will throw myself onto the bus.

Speaker 1 (32:03):
The theme of Ben's and my relationship is literally, this
is how you made me feel when you said that,
And then the other person says, but I didn't mean
it like that. I didn't mean to make you feel
like that. And I think that comes down to a
bit of maybe a language barrier. Like some it's not
the language barrier, because his English is wonderful, but when
things are directly translated from you know, how he grew

(32:25):
up into English, it doesn't come out sometimes.

Speaker 3 (32:27):
The same way, like an interpretation barrier.

Speaker 1 (32:29):
So I'll be like, I can't believe you said that,
and he's like, but I didn't mean like that, and
I said, yeah, but this is how you made me feel.

Speaker 3 (32:33):
He's like, but that wasn't the intention.

Speaker 1 (32:35):
And that's where we end up getting stuck because I'm like,
whether it was your intention or not, I'm upset, and
he's like, Okay, I'm sorry, but can you understand why
I said it? And that's the back and forth. And
we've got to an amazing place now where we barely
argue about anything because everything, well, we just blame it
on the language barrier. If one of us fucks up,
we're like, help, it's the old language barrier.

Speaker 3 (32:52):
It's interesting that you.

Speaker 4 (32:53):
Bring up perception, though, because to bring.

Speaker 7 (32:55):
It back to the love is blind thing that we
initially were talking about.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
It like kid like, cant back on track of motherfuckers?
Why are we talking about your argument styles.

Speaker 7 (33:05):
I just think it's interesting because I am so all
about therapy. I'm all about people going and sorting their
mental health. I've had diagnosed mental health issues for years
and years and years.

Speaker 3 (33:14):
I'm all about it.

Speaker 7 (33:15):
And I think the reason I feel the need to
say that is because I've spoken in a very negative
way because what I've referred to, I think is the
use of therapy to shift the perception.

Speaker 4 (33:24):
Of the way that someone else sees you.

Speaker 7 (33:26):
And that's what I have a bit of a problem with,
not the actual therapy or the fact that people are
trying to work on themselves. So in the situation that
unfolded with Stephen and Monica, what I thought was the
most interesting part is that he kind of drip fed
these few things about therapy, and I feel as though
he did that in a way to change the way

(33:48):
that she saw him.

Speaker 4 (33:49):
I thought that he did it in a way.

Speaker 7 (33:51):
To kind of prove that he was emotionally mature, that
he was willing to work on relationships if they had problems, if.

Speaker 3 (33:58):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (33:58):
Absolutely, And I think it's something that some people it's
very manipulative.

Speaker 7 (34:03):
And I'm not saying he's done it manipulative. I don't
even know if he did it deliberately, but I think
he did.

Speaker 2 (34:08):
I think there are people out there who use their
shortcomings or the things that they've done in past relationships,
and they use honesty around it as a way of
showing vulnerability and gaining trust.

Speaker 1 (34:23):
The reason I think that this was pure manipulation in
this particular scene is because he went for the maximum
amount of emotion for the minimal amount of hurt infliction.
And what I mean by that is he was like,
I need to talk about cheating something I did. I'm
so not proud of it, Like it was horrible what
I did, but I just didn't feel good enough and

(34:45):
I'm going to therapy now.

Speaker 3 (34:46):
But I messaged a girl.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
Like his cheating was that he messaged a girl. So
he's trying to manipulate Monica to be like, I can't
believe I stooped so low, but I'm working on it.
So she's thinking, fuck, what's he done. He's done this
bait and switch. So she's like, in her own head,
her internal monologue would be like wow, Like that's what
you think is bad. You categorize bad as just messaging

(35:09):
a girl, knowing that probably highly likely Monic has been
cheated on horrifically, which she actually has, So now her
unconscious bias is like, wow, he thinks this is the
worst thing he could do is message a girl and
he's working on that bingo I've got to catch. So
that's what I think he has done.

Speaker 3 (35:25):
Look at that, really, that is very intotective. Brittany. Yeah
on the case.

Speaker 1 (35:29):
Yeah, maximum emotion for the minimal amount of pain infliction.

Speaker 4 (35:32):
That's really interesting.

Speaker 7 (35:33):
Last night we put up a couple polls on the
Life on Cut Instagram story, and one of the questions
was have you ever dated someone who used the fact
that they went to therapy as a way to prove
their emotional maturity, and only eleven percent of people said
that they had, which felt quite low. We also put
a little question box on there for people to kind
of share their experiences if they wanted to. And the
most interesting thing, I thought, this is really really funny.

(35:56):
The most common response that we got was that people
had in fact done that themselves, like they had.

Speaker 4 (36:03):
I don't know if they had realized that they had
done it until they'd read the question, but a lot
of people were like, oh, wow, I've just realized I.

Speaker 3 (36:10):
Actually do this problem.

Speaker 7 (36:12):
I use it as a way at least they're self aware,
maybe because they've been in therapy.

Speaker 3 (36:16):
I thought This was interesting.

Speaker 2 (36:17):
A lot of responsible received was that the people who
had they acted as though it meant that they were
above being questioned or held accountable because they had done
the work and they knew better, So it gave them
this sense of superiority within the relationship because they couldn't
be wrong because they'd been to therapy.

Speaker 7 (36:33):
I think that that actually goes back to what you
were saying about gaslighting. I think a word like that
is authoritative percent, but people use it also as an
excuse as to why they are doing bad behavior.

Speaker 1 (36:43):
So in a relationship, like as long as you're going
to therapy, you can use that I'm working on it.
I'm in therapy, like I'm trying. I know I've been
an arshole for a year, but I'm in therapy, so
I'm trying. It doesn't mean anything like therapy only works.
If you want it to work, you have to be
so proactive. Just going there so that you can throw
the t around doesn't mean anything.

Speaker 7 (37:02):
Funny, you mentioned excuses, Brick, because that was the last
slide that we put up last night. With a poll,
we asked if people use their time in therapy as
an excuse to avoid accountability. Again, a pretty low percentage.
It was only fourteen percent who had But here are
some of the responses. He went to therapy for professional
evidence that he was fucked up and couldn't help mistreating me. Wow,

(37:23):
my ex started therapy as a way to keep me
after I found out that he had cheated on me.

Speaker 3 (37:27):
I've experienced that.

Speaker 7 (37:29):
Used to say things like I brought this up with
my therapist and they agreed with me. My therapist said
that it's likely you have validation issues from your childhood
and that's why you are needy.

Speaker 6 (37:41):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (37:41):
Imagine being diagnosed by someone's secondhand because they've talked about
you in therapy.

Speaker 4 (37:46):
Thanks for that, pal, cheers for that. Got daddy issues.
Apparently my ex's therapist told him that he cheated on
me because he wasn't loved enough as a child, and
he used to use it as an excuse to always
be the victim and repeated that I simply wouldn't understand.

Speaker 3 (38:02):
Speaking a victim.

Speaker 1 (38:03):
The only thing that we haven't touched on yet that
grinds my gears. I get it, I get that there
are people out there that are going to live like this,
But his comment at the start where he said she
just was too good for me, like I didn't felt
like I didn't deserve her. I felt like I didn't
deserve her, which is why I cheated on her. I
just find that ninety ninercent of the time such a piss, weak,
fake excuse. Like if you truly didn't think you deserve someone,

(38:24):
and you had this absolute queen that wants to be
with you and does everything right, you worship her like
you worship your relationship. I think it's an excuse that's
similar to it's not you, it's me, Like it's like
I just don't want to be with you. I cheated
on you because I don't really particularly want to be
with you right now. It's not because you thought she
was too good for you. I'm sorry, but I'm calling
bullshit on whatever his name is, Stephen.

Speaker 2 (38:45):
Yeah, I mean like it's punishing someone for your own inadequacies,
is what it is. But I think that this would
be more common than what maybe we're giving credit to.
And what I mean by that is is for anyone
who has been cheated on, the two very common explanations
for it is one I didn't feel good enough or
worthy enough, and also the second one is I didn't

(39:06):
feel loved enough or or connect enough in the relationship.
There is always some sort of reasoning. I mean, the
third one is just that I'm lacking in empathy and
I'm a sociopath and I like to you know, once again,
throwing turns around, but it is it's lacking in the
ability to have empathy or care for your relationship.

Speaker 3 (39:21):
Because that does exist as well.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
But it's hard to unpack which one of those things
is the reason, and maybe it's a little bit of
a combination of all of them. Sometimes I also don't
want to take away the fact that that actually happens,
like it does happen, and people that don't feel good
enough it is a real reason, Like I do want
to validate it.

Speaker 1 (39:38):
I just think it gets thrown around too much as well.
I've had people say that to me and I have
had that feeling as well. Like I was in a
relationship I remember I've spoken about a few years ago,
very early on. We dated for three months when I
was living in England. I was so into it, he
was really into me. It was going really well, and
then I found out that he was from his family

(40:00):
were billionaires, like they were in the top richest people
and he didn't tell me that. I just did a stalk,
like I just googled him, you know, because I was like,
I wanted to find out more because it was just
it was. He was every time I would ask questions
with a bit elusive, and it was obviously because he
wanted to protect the fact that his family had money,
which I totally get. And the second I found out,
I self sabotage that relationship because I didn't feel good enough.

Speaker 3 (40:22):
I was like, I cheat on guy.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
No.

Speaker 1 (40:24):
But what I'm saying is I can understand when people
say they get that feeling of not feeling good enough,
and I was like, I will not fit into that life.
I'm not good enough to be in that in that world.
And I had that feeling, but it didn't relay into
cheating and me being a dickhead. I was just like, Oh,
this isn't the relationship for me. I don't which I
you know, this part of me their regrets. We'd love
a billion dollars, but I've got ben, so we won't

(40:44):
go into that too much.

Speaker 7 (40:45):
I think what I hate about that the most, though,
is that so often and I am going to be
talking in like gender stereotypes here, so often. I think
men use that as a weapon against successful women. Oh,
you're achieving so much, and I just didn't feel like
I was good enough in this relationship and that's why
I was seeking validation from other girls on Instagram or like,
I just get really frustrated because I see that narrative

(41:05):
play out a lot. I've seen it happen in my
own life, you know, when I've had various successes.

Speaker 4 (41:10):
And the people that I was dating were really envious
of that and used it as a.

Speaker 7 (41:13):
Way to like justify their shitty behavior, which only made me.

Speaker 4 (41:18):
Feel worse because I was like, well.

Speaker 7 (41:20):
I'm trying to strive and succeed, and you're using this
as a reason for why you've cheated on me, Like
you've implied that I'm at fault for that.

Speaker 2 (41:28):
I think that in order to like wrap this up,
one thing that is very evident is like, although therapy
is great, it certainly isn't the green flag in dating.
It definitely doesn't mean that someone's got everything figured out.
It certainly doesn't mean that that person is emotionally or
mentally at a place of nirvana where you've hit the jackpot.
And I think as well, like if somebody is bringing

(41:49):
it up early in your dating or using it as
a way to garner sympathy for things that they have
done in the past, or is an excuse of how
that they've bettered themselves from the things they've done in
their past. Don't discredit I'm not saying that everything is
something to be like alert and alarmed, but like you know,
have the blinkers well and truly aware of what could
be happening and how those conversations could be unfolding.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
Well, I haven't finished it yet, so I don't know
if Stephen and Monica end up together. I don't know
if this little tidbit of therapy manipulation is going to
like get him the home run. But I'll keep you posted,
and if you guys have watched it, don't send me spoilers.
It's time for accidentally Unfiltered Now. I have a long one,
but it is brilliant. Back in two thousand and eight,
I was eighteen and lived in the Central Coast, but

(42:32):
we used to go to Fanny's nightclub in Newcastle every weekend.
Fanny's nightclub I have frequented. I used to live in
new frequented Fannies.

Speaker 3 (42:41):
Take the other away.

Speaker 4 (42:42):
It was my first ever nightclub, Fanny's.

Speaker 2 (42:45):
Fanny imagine being the marketing guy who was like, you
know what we should call this place Fanny's nightclub.

Speaker 3 (42:50):
It was called something else.

Speaker 7 (42:52):
They've changed it now, they referbed and it's called the
Eiger Old House now, which is nowhere near as fun
but probably slightly classy.

Speaker 3 (42:59):
Okay, I'm going to Fanny's tonight.

Speaker 4 (43:00):
My church used to be next door to it.

Speaker 3 (43:02):
From Fanny's to church.

Speaker 7 (43:03):
Yes, sometimes on the Sunday church there will still be
people trickly out.

Speaker 3 (43:07):
Would they be going to confessional?

Speaker 1 (43:10):
Okay, let's staid track.

Speaker 3 (43:12):
We're at Fanny's.

Speaker 1 (43:16):
My best friend's boyfriend, Mattise there one night with a
couple of his mates. I saw one of them and
was in immediate love. The feeling was mutual and we
made out the entire night. He lived on the northern
beaches of Sydney, but his family also owned a holiday
house right on the beach at the Central Coast, which
coincidentally was just down the road from my house. He

(43:37):
and I made plans to meet up the following day
at the beach right in front of his place. I
was fashionably early, which an hour or so. It's a
bit crippy.

Speaker 3 (43:45):
Sitting out in the front of his house for an hour,
I was fashionably early.

Speaker 1 (43:49):
I text him to let him know I was there
and to take his time. He responded immediately, apologizing that
his dad had asked him to go back to Sydney
for the day to run errands, that he'd be back
later in the afternoon, and he said he'd make it
up to me by taking me to dinner that night.
An hour or so goes by, and then I see
a large group of girls congregate on the beach in
front of his house. I didn't think much of it

(44:11):
until one of them walked up the stairs and came
back to the beach with him. But she just said,
I'm here, but it was an hour's gone past. He
went out with her into the ocean, and I started
making out. I sat and watched for far too long.
Oh no, my heart was breaking.

Speaker 3 (44:28):
But last guy was in therapy.

Speaker 1 (44:29):
I really we should be I really thought I had
met the most amazing guy. So before I left the beach,
I walked up past where they were swimming, and I
yelled out from the shore. Nice one, dickhead, and I
flipped him the bird and then I walked off. All
of these girls cracked up laughing at me. He looked shocked,
his girlfriend looked fucking puzzled. I was like, yeah, I

(44:51):
really showed him. By the time I walked home, I
had a message from him, Hey, how is the beach?
Are you still there? I'm leaving Sydney now, I'll be
home in an hour. I can't wait to see you.
He mustn't have seen me from the ocean, and I thought.

Speaker 3 (45:05):
I feel sick. I know what's happening here.

Speaker 6 (45:07):
Haha.

Speaker 1 (45:07):
I thought the height of this motherfucker. I had texted
the most awful message back, saying I saw you at
the beach. I'm not dumb, delete my number, I'm blocking you,
et cetera. He responded, what I've been in Sydney. I
blocked him, deleted, forgot about him. A year later, my
friend's boyfriend asked why I ghosted the guy and that
he always asked how I am. And I told him

(45:28):
what happened, and he absolutely lost it, laughing. He was
cracking up, and I'm like, wow, I'm glad you think
this is funny. He proceeded to tell me that he
has an identical twin brother.

Speaker 3 (45:41):
I knew. I knew it.

Speaker 1 (45:43):
The brother has tattoos and the twin doesn't. But how
was I supposed to know that? Because I had never
seen him with his shirt off. I had already been
in a relationship for seven months by this stage with
a different guy. But I was curious if this was
the truth. And then I knew I had fucked up. Yup,
googled Facebook and searched for him identical twin brother.

Speaker 3 (46:01):
Oh my god.

Speaker 7 (46:04):
I love that she's flipped in the verb yeah, good one, dickheads.

Speaker 1 (46:08):
But imagine the girlfriend. Imagine the girlfriend being like, explain
yourself totally barck was that.

Speaker 3 (46:15):
The girlfriend would have just been so confused.

Speaker 2 (46:17):
Okay, surely, surely the guy would have realized that she
had seen the brother, Like sure, come on, he would
have known because he would have been like, what are
you talking about, I'm in Sydney. And then he would
have gone, oh, that's right, I'm an identical twin and
my brother has a girlfriend.

Speaker 3 (46:33):
Like, surely he's not that dumb.

Speaker 1 (46:35):
But you know what she did say that, like, they've
met up sporadically over the years, and they still have
big feelings for each other, but their stars haven't aligned
if you feel like that and.

Speaker 2 (46:43):
You've got a boyfriend of seven months, you just oh,
this was a long time ago.

Speaker 7 (46:47):
This was back in twenty eighteen. But maybe what they
need is Fanny's. Maybe they need for Fannies.

Speaker 4 (46:51):
To reopen so they can rekindle the love.

Speaker 3 (46:54):
Sounds like she needs a bit of dick, to be honest. Sorry, continue,
that was too far.

Speaker 1 (46:58):
All right on that note.

Speaker 3 (47:02):
And that note that's not okay. Sorry everyone.

Speaker 2 (47:06):
If you've made it this far, you're in the fold,
all right, No suck and sweet my suck for the week. Look,
I know that there's rules and we're not supposed to
say things we've already said. But there is a two
meter long diamond python in the roof and it's pregnant
having babies.

Speaker 3 (47:19):
Fair, I'd say that that's pretty bad. Doesn't get much
worse than that.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
Oh no, Actually, my other suck is So we're cleaning
out the garden, just trying to make it so that's
actually usable.

Speaker 3 (47:28):
Hopefully it'll be done by Christmas. I don't think it
will be, but I'm trying.

Speaker 2 (47:32):
Okay, So we're cleaning out the garden and I got
this scratch. It's so nothing. It's the most nothing scratch
in the whole world. But it did bleed for a
little while, but the scratch was on a rusty, dirty nail,
and so then I had to go and get a
tetnis shot. So I had to leave the work site
and go and get a tetanus shot. And if you've
had a tetnis shot, they make you really tired. And
then I had to use a broom for two days.

Speaker 7 (47:53):
I'm such a hard laborer snake catching and tetnus needling.

Speaker 2 (47:57):
I had to dust and like my shoulders her and
my hip's hurt, my back hurts, could have tetanus, could die,
You're fine, I'm fine.

Speaker 4 (48:05):
Could also get eaten by a dive in python. But anyway,
I literally went.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
To the medical center in Milton and she was like,
I don't think it would be possible to get tetanus
from such a shallow scrap.

Speaker 1 (48:15):
She's like, it hasn't even actually broken the serpent.

Speaker 2 (48:17):
She said, just so you know how tetanus forms, it's
like asphorically, I don't know, it's like a word that
she used, I didn't know what it was, but basically,
it's like it needs to embed itself into your muscle
and she's like.

Speaker 4 (48:25):
An aerob and aerobic.

Speaker 2 (48:27):
She's like, that is very superficial, but I'll give it
to you anyway.

Speaker 1 (48:30):
I feel like your cat could have scratched you deeper
than't it.

Speaker 2 (48:33):
Yeah, but my cat's not a rusty, dirty nail that's
been in the earth. The cat's dead the python. My
cat is in a python's stomach. Okay, well, my sweet
is my sweet is you don't have one. My state
is that the tiles went into the downstairs bathroom. That's
a fucking sweet.

Speaker 3 (48:51):
It looked good.

Speaker 2 (48:51):
The renout is taking shape, and every time I go
into the house now I have these moments of like
I can see what is going to be.

Speaker 3 (48:59):
Whereas before I was.

Speaker 2 (49:00):
Like I have no idea how this shit show is
going to turn out, but now I can kind of
see it coming together.

Speaker 1 (49:05):
Okay, my suck this week, I had a really really
great week, So I don't have any sucks. My suck
is going to sound so dumb. It is a public
holiday today when we're recording in New South Wales and
we're at work. We got to work early, we're all
working all day. We don't get the public holiday. But
that's not even the suck.

Speaker 2 (49:21):
Because we would never leave you guys hanging, so we
work all the talent.

Speaker 1 (49:25):
Yeah, but the suck is that I got here didn't
have a lot of sleep because it's supportive.

Speaker 3 (49:29):
Girlfriend.

Speaker 1 (49:30):
It's Ben's match day, which he plays at one thirty
in the morning, so I was watching that that we
got up at six blah blah blah blah. The suck
is that there is no coffee shop open in any
vicinity of our work today. So I always get to
work and get my coffee. I felt like I needed
it more than ever today everything's closed.

Speaker 3 (49:44):
I made you a really delicious one, though, so bad.

Speaker 1 (49:47):
I think it's off. I think that milk's off. We
made when it work with this little coffee machine.

Speaker 3 (49:51):
So bad.

Speaker 1 (49:51):
My sweet for the week is it hasn't really happened yet.
But Delilah has like a photo shoot tomorrow. Delilah has
a job that she's doing her out and part of
the job is she has to wear like the cutest
outfit that you've ever seen. So I can't wait to
show you, guys, because she looks she looks proper lit like,
she looks like.

Speaker 3 (50:08):
A rock star. Cute. I'll show you. I can't wait
to see it. She looks my sweetest that my dog
looks lit tomorrow, I'll stop it, sut up, you need to.
I don't know. She looks like Elton John, if that's
what you mean by a rock star, Like she's giving
Elton John. She looks like cute shit, she looks like
a seventy eight year old man. But it looks like
a saxophonist.

Speaker 1 (50:28):
If a dog could be like a jazz star, she
looks like a jazz star.

Speaker 3 (50:31):
Very cute. All right. Well, look, guys, that is it
from us.

Speaker 2 (50:35):
If you have loved the episode girl and leave a review, subscribe.
You can also go and watch it on the YouTube channel.
You can join the Facebook discussion group at Life Uncut
Discussion Group. You can follow us on TikTok. There's lots
of ways that you can be within the Life Uncut orbit.
Get into the ecosystem, insert yourself, and also.

Speaker 1 (50:52):
Please vote for us for the podcast Awards. We've only
got one more week of voting and then you'll never
hear from us again.

Speaker 2 (50:58):
We've got like five days, I think, And so yeah, look,
if you've made it this time in the episode, you
owe it to us because you've just gotten a lot
of content for free. I know you have to listen
to a couple of ads, but all we ask for
is listen to two ads and vote yes.

Speaker 1 (51:11):
So that is the Australian Podcast Awards website. Listener's choice
is what we're asking to vote for. So you just
type in Lifeline cut to listeners choice, press go and
then go to your email and validate the vote and
we'll really appreciate it.

Speaker 3 (51:23):
Well link in the show notes.

Speaker 1 (51:24):
It's also in our insta bio just to make it
super easy for you. And don't forget say Mum's say
Dad te dog tee friends and share the love because
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