The Best Of The Pick Up - Anyone With Botox Is Banned

It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP.

Every week we live across the country at 3pm on the KIIS Network. You can listen live on iHeart radio, or catch up here each week!
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What's on the show:

• MAFS apparently has a VERY juicy twist coming
• What important thing did your kid lose?
• A couple has been slammed for faking a proposal for free drinks
• Laura came across an Instagram post that perfectly captured her feelings as a mum
• A comedy club has banned patrons with Botox
•  The 'secret' eye rule that will apparently make you 10x more attractive 
• Millie Bobby Brown has 62 PETS (but Britt & Laura have had more??)
• We died at Jacqui getting the ick from seeing Ryan's house for the first time on MAFS
• What is your hypothetical revenge plan?

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut. I'm
Brittany and I'm Laura, and this is with a pick
up our radio show where we package up all the
best bits of the week right here for you and
put on Life on Cut. If that's not ever been
confusing for you. We hit a lot of things this week,

(00:21):
didn't we. I just wanted to show you something. Hang on,
it's gonna be I can. You don't even have to
tell me it's going to be a picture of Lola.
Because you've set your screensaver on your phone to be
like alternating, it just pops up because five times a
day you're like, can I show this picture of Lola? Okay,
if you haven't done this, and you have kids or
a pet, or a husband or a parent you really like,
or a partner, pick their face and go into your

(00:42):
like alternating screensaver photo option, and then every day, like
five or six times a day, your phone just suggests
a photo out of nowhere. It is the most simplest
and purest form of joy. Every day, like an old
photo from the archives just comes out, and I can't
every time I see this, I'm like third baby. Nah.
I tried and it just ended up with a nude
on my phone. It was really awkward. That's for another story.

(01:04):
We'll save that whore. Oh so good. I might save
that for live show. Every so often I get like
a photo of Matt and he's doing something stupid. But
it's been so long since we've sent each other a
nude that I don't need to worry about that. Also,
surely iPhones are smart enough to know, like, that's not
an appropriate all paper. Nah. Not when you just pick
the face. It's not like you've said no genitalia the

(01:26):
face and not the dicky terrible anyway. Look, sorry, that
was a real detour that we didn't need to take.
But I hope that can be my recommendation. Change of
screen savers everyone rotating photos. I still had that issue
until not long ago. I didn't know how to actually
fix it, so I just stopped it. But on my iPad,
I had just rotating photos, but I didn't pick a face,
and my extras used to come up all the time,

(01:48):
so bad. It's so bad because sometimes I didn't know.
But I have like one hundred and thirty thousand photos
on my phone. I just didn't really think about it,
and I opened up my iPad and I was with
Ben and he looked over, but he didn't see it
because I think I had that screen protect her on
Thank the Lord, Oh my god. So I didn't know
how to fix it and just take his face off,
so I just took it off all together. Yeah. No,

(02:10):
you can go in as a setting. You choose the person.
See how like iPhones obviously like allocate people and pets.
You can go in and you can select who you
want and who you don't want to show up on
your screen role. It's unfortunate that it doesn't say people, pets,
and genitalia. That's a shame. Hey, well, this week one
of the things we were talking about is I love
her Millie Bobby Brown. Did you know Billy Bobby Brown?

(02:32):
In case you miss it, she has sixty two pets.
It's crazy, but everyone's been talking about her recently because
how she's been so vocal around the journalists talking about
her body image. However, we were talking about her sixty
two pets, so like we're covering all bases. I just
couldn't love them all because they're not all hers, like
they're hers, but not hers. But she like fosters a lot,
she does a lot. But we did have a very

(02:53):
funny chat about some of the pets that we had
grown up. Yeah, and also some of the weird things
that you used to do with your pets. Don't judge me.
I'm an animal lover, and when you hear what I did,
you might also be as disgusted as La. I'm going
to read you. That's on you for you making that,
for you, making that conversation sick and sexualized. I was

(03:15):
like a ten year old with a hermiticrab. Let me live, okay.
And I also shared a story so recently, you guys
know that we were away for the f one. We
were staying in hotel and Marley and Lola took something
really really important of mats and they lost it completely gone,
couldn't find it, spent hours looking for it. Was it
his dignity? Well, now they took that years ago, we've

(03:36):
got nothing left. It was very expensive, it's very meaningful
to us, and we could not find it. And then
we got into a big discussion about what did your
kids take and why do kids cost so much money?
And look, there's more to it, let's get into it.
Just when you think maths, Married at First Sight can't
get any worse, it does. It shuts us up real
quick and it's like, hey, you thought we were already cooked,

(03:57):
We're about to be more cooked. There are all these
is going around. Now, this hasn't happened on the show,
but everyone's talking about them. It's been released by a
quote unquote insider that there's the biggest twist to ever
happen on Married at First Sight. It's never happened before.
So what it is. It's a new challenge called is
the Grass Always Greener? And what they do is they've

(04:20):
given all of the maps contestants who are now they're
so deep in the show, they're with their partners. They
give them an envelope that has their backup spouse on it,
and they say, this is the person you are almost
match with. Do you want to see it? Do you
want to meet this person? And they're asking them this
question in a private room, so their partners don't know

(04:41):
if they decide to meet them or not. So you
don't know if your partner has said yes to meeting theirs.
You don't know if you should say no to maintain
your relationship integrity, or you don't know if you should
say hey, should I just say yes in case my
partner says yes, I saw this, and also that's said
that this has been the undoing of so many relationships,
So obviously a lot of people have open in the
envelope to check. We disagree, but I have strong feelings

(05:03):
about this. If you have made the commitment to be
in this relationship, if you are riding stay on that
couch every day and someone hands you an envelope that
says here could be a better match for you and
you open it, you are clearly not that invested with
your partner, And if you choose to open it, it
is either you don't have a very high emotional EQ

(05:23):
or secondly, it's a pretty clear indication about how that
person feels about your relationship. So if your partner's going
to open that envelope, I would be riding leave the
next time I'm on the couch. Maths does not scream
invest it. This show is a train wreck. It is
not like The Bachelor or these other really wholesome dating shows.
This show is constantly challenging relationships. I think firstly, this

(05:46):
shouldn't even be a challenge, it's setting them up for failure.
It's like Maps is saying we genuinely do not want
successful couples. But what I will say is I'd be
pretty damn curious if I was on a show like this.
Pretend that I I am the really genuine person, right,
I genuinely want to find love on it. You're two
months in, You're with a partner who seems to be fine,
they're great, you get along. If somebody came to me

(06:09):
three experts and said, hey, we put so much time
and effort into trying to find your soulmate, your perfect match.
This is the person that we thought was pretty close
but almost might not have made it. I'm going to
tell you I'd be curious. I know you'd be curious.
But my thing is is, I don't think that you
can blame the experiment for putting these types of obstacles

(06:29):
in place that people are failing. No, Because the reality
is you've got to take some personal responsibility. If you
open that envelope, you have to know that it's going
to hurt your partner. You have to know that when
your partner finds out that the curiosity of finding out
who was better than them is going to hurt their
feelings and that maybe they won't want to be with
you anymore. So for me, I'm like, you can blame

(06:52):
it on the experiment throwing spanners at you, but life
is going to throw temptation at you at every point.
It's different because in real life is the grass always greener?
Means there could be someone walking down the street that
you're like, well, they're hot. There could be someone online
on Instagram that the post bikini photos they're the temptations.
This is different. These are three professionals that are saying
they scoured Australia to find your perfect match. So if

(07:14):
you are genuinely like, oh I really want to find love,
they come to you dangling a carrot, saying this could
literally be your soulmate because we put so much of
our resources, time and energy into it. As if you're
not going to be like, oh, what if they're the
more most perfect person for me? Yeah, totally. But also Britt,
keep in mind it was the second choice. It was
the person that they thought was the backup to the

(07:34):
person that they thought was perfect. Yes, but these contestants
know the people that they have chosen are to make
a TV show. The people that are chosen by maths,
we all know when they feel the person in the
envelope is to make a TV show. But the reason
he wasn't chosen or she wasn't chosen he's probably too
normal and they weren't going to enough. No, you know
how reality TV were Now they cast for drama. I

(07:55):
think about this from my own experience, and maybe the
reason why I kind of feel more strongly about it
is because, you know, doing The Bachelor and meeting my
husband on that show, I know that sometimes it does
work out right, like we are a rare success story,
but it did happen. I imagine if I had gotten
three quarters of the way through the experiment of The Bachelor,
if they had come to me and said, hey, do
you know what. You're still competing against five other girls

(08:16):
at the moment, but we have another guy who we
think could be perfect for you. Do you want to
meet him? There's no way I would have said yes
to meeting him, because I was so sure that there
was something special about my relationship with Matt that I
wouldn't have jeopardized it. Because I don't think the grass
is greener and so I think for me, when I
see this, it is a really clear indication as to

(08:37):
where these couple stand and whether they're going to make
it in the real world or not. It's just fast
track them to the breakup that was clearly inevitable. I
so disagree. Anyway, we got to get out of it.
I'm opening the envelope. Soz if I'm on Maths and
you're getting broken up with you a single for ten
years on the Bachelor, I couldn't even get it. So yeah,
I'm a mund sent opening the envelope. Luckily I'm getting
married anyway. Can I tell you having children, they're a

(09:02):
real liability. Yes, it's a weekly conversation with that art.
They are. And also they are very expensive, but not
for the reasons that you might think, like obviously people
are like okay, school fees and putting clothes on their
back and feeding them, you know, keeping them alive, doing
extracurricular activities, like all that stuff's expensive. The thing that
you don't think about is how much money you spend

(09:22):
on the stuff that they lose. Now, something happened on
the weekend we were away, my husband and I. We
went away to the Formula one and we were staying
at a lovely hotel, and we decided that we would
take the girls. Now Matt when he sleeps here, because
my husband wears like quite a bit of jewelry, So
he wears his cuffs, he has dark necklaces, he's got
his big diamonds. No, but he's got jwelry that he wears,

(09:44):
and he would take it off at nighttime and he
puts it beside the bed usually, And it was the
night before we were going to check out, so he
took off all his jewelry, put it beside the bed.
We got up in the morning, we went for breakfast.
We decided we'd have a little swim before we checked out.
And now check out time was at ten am, So
about fifteen minutes before we have to check out, Matt
goes over to the side table to put on his

(10:06):
jewelry and everything's there. He's putting it on, and then
he realizes that one thing's missing, the wedding ring. His
wedding ring. Oh my god, he wouldn't have been like
the chain with the cross on. It couldn't have beat
anything else. But no, my children are attracted to diamonds.
They're like little bower birds. So he's like, oh my god,
my wedding ring's not here. And firstly he thinks did
the cleaner take it? Like that's crazy, So that was

(10:28):
his first thought, not the three and four year old.
And then he turned around. He looked at my children
five and four, mind you, so they should know better.
Oh yeah, and he was like, oh my god, Marley
May and we sat them down and he did this
like kind interrogation and he was like, hey, did either
of you pick up daddy's ring? And Marley was like,
Lola did it? Her number one at the moment is

(10:50):
to blame everything on her sister, even though she is
one hundred percent complicit. No, Marley at five, wouldn't she
She did? So Marley took the ring, gave it to
her sister. Her sister is four. Lola, you cannot get
any right, like rhyme or reason out of that kid.
She will not tell you the truth. She won't tell
you what she's done with it. She was just like, well,
I don't know. And then we were like, hey, Lola,
where did you put it? She was like, well, I

(11:11):
don't know, but she knew she'd had it. She just
could not remember what she'd done with it anyway. We
walked out to the bed and she was like, I
was just playing with it around here, guys, like around
this general area. We had to check out in fifteen minutes.
We checked out two and a half hours late because
we spent two and a half hours ripping the bedroom
apart trying to find Matt's wedding ring. Where was it?
We eventually found it and it was just by absolute

(11:32):
stroke of luck. So I totally stripped the bed of everything,
and that was like, I'm just going to put the
mattress up off the bed. So he pulled the mattress
up and it had fallen down between the mattress and
the BedHead and there it was just slotted down there
like it had fallen into like a little money slot.
His wedding ring. Thank god we found it. It's probably
not sure either knowing you, no, of course not. That's
not sure. But I want to know, Okay, have your

(11:55):
kids lost something that was very important to you, because
this stuff happens way more than what you would think.
We've got Tom on the line, Tom, what did your
kids lose?

Speaker 2 (12:04):
My little three year old daughter lost my passport two
days before I had to fly out to my brother's
wedding in London?

Speaker 1 (12:12):
Oh god, where did she put it?

Speaker 3 (12:16):
No?

Speaker 1 (12:16):
But like, what happened? Was it gone completely or did
you find it somewhere?

Speaker 2 (12:21):
We managed to miraculously find it. We tore the house
to pieces and found that she had buried it in
a board game box in one of our colors. I
don't know how we managed to find it.

Speaker 1 (12:36):
Yeah, why did you even think to go through that?

Speaker 2 (12:38):
Unce we found it? It had also been completely graffiti.

Speaker 1 (12:41):
Oh so, hang on, did you get to your brother's wedding?

Speaker 2 (12:44):
We did, just luckily she used text over the face part,
but that came off really well, and there was all
pen through the rest of it. But that didn't matter
as much.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
I didn't see she literally drew on your face.

Speaker 2 (12:56):
Yeah, so it was crazy And yeah, we realized that
she basically found it, graffeeded it, and then went to
bury the evidence so that when she went and hit
it into the board game.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
And even at three, they know what they're doing. She
was like, I need I need to hire the evidence.
I've got to put it somewhere there. Mum and dad
will never find it, and then I'll deny everything. They
know that you guys smart. Thanks Tom. Mikayla, Hi, Mikayla,
What did your kids lose?

Speaker 4 (13:23):
My three year old misplaced my keys inside a bag
of stuff toys inside the Salvos. No, it took an
entire three hours and the entire store of workers and
other random shoppers helping out because nothing is in order
in a Salvo so to try and find it, I

(13:43):
had no idea. I could not leave the store without
my car keys.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
How did she?

Speaker 4 (13:47):
So eventually they were found, but it took half a day.

Speaker 1 (13:50):
How did you know that she'd put it into the
Salvos bag? Like, how did you know that it was
in there? Or did you just you just takeing a punt?

Speaker 4 (13:56):
I was delivering good so my hands were full walking
into the store, So for some silly reason, I decided
to let her carry the keys and then she walked
around and put them in a bag.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
You're so lucky you got those back.

Speaker 4 (14:10):
So I was left in the store going.

Speaker 5 (14:12):
Where are my keys?

Speaker 4 (14:13):
Where are my keys? Trying to not have a meltdown
at her while she was.

Speaker 5 (14:16):
Going I don't know, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (14:18):
Why do they have like two second memories? She did
know they know because oh yeah, that's exactly what it is.
Do you think it's okay to fake a proposal in
a restaurant purely in hopes of getting like free drinks
or a free dessert or something like that. I think
it's ballsy. I don't hate it, though, because everybody has

(14:39):
been at a dinner table where someone's faked birthday or
faked some sort of celebration to try and get maybe
free cake, maybe free little slice of cake. Yeah, but
also not a wedding. Okay, hang on, let me just
set this up. There's a couple going viral online at
the moment for going on a holiday to Honolulu, and
they were they were in this beautiful restaurant, like it's stunning,

(15:00):
It's got really nice ambience. One might say it's the
perfect place to propose. No, I'd be devoted if I
got proposed there, I'd be shattered. I don't want to
get proposing that restaurant pure such hard work. I'm sorry
if you propose to me in this restaurant in front
of a hundred people over my cordon blur. Yeah, I'm
not froging it, alleged cordon blu. So what happened was

(15:22):
everyone's having that beautiful meal and then the husband, oh sorry,
the now fiance gets down on one knee, causes this
big scene, proposes to his partner. She says, oh my god. Yeah,
she's ecstatic. The restaurant goes wild. They're clapping, they're so
happy for them, and they get engaged in this beautiful scene.
Spoiler fake. They literally posted it to their social media.

(15:45):
My husband fake proposed to us to get free drinks
last night. Laffyfas left for face. Luffy Face four hundred
and sixty two thousand likes. It's going off, but it's
very divisive. There are a lot of people in the
comments being like, wow, this is stealing from the restaurant.
You shouldn't be so proud that you posted to your people.
I consider this theft to see people is to see
if people is not throwing it you think it is.

(16:06):
I like that they have such a similar sense of
humor that they can do this stuff and find it funny,
and they're both on the same page, like that's a
funny experience that they both went to this restaurant pretended
to they got one two margaritas, who cares, and the
restaurant patrons were buying them. Other people that were there
were like, this is so sweet. I will spend my
hard earned holiday money on this couple to celebrate their

(16:27):
love when it was fake. Now, look, I'm the first
person to put my hand up. Have I faked an
anniversary or a birthday? Yeah? I have. So why do
you draw the line at a proposal? Is it clear?
Why does it feel more sacred? I just feel like
it's too much, like it takes away from the sweet
geshes of proposals all over the world, makes a mockery
of marriage. Not that I'm religious, I don't know. For me,

(16:50):
there's a line and they crossed it. For me, the
line is like, if you want to drink, fake that
it's your birthday, say it's your anniversary, sa, it's your honeymoon. Okay,
hear me out. Though, girls will pretend to be single
in bars to get drinks from guys and they're not.
They're the or they pretend to be interested in men
that they're not interested in to get drinks. Why is
that okay? And why is that totally fine? But this

(17:13):
couple getting two margaritas from a patron and it being
like a funny moment that they shared, so outraged. I
just had the patriarchy l I know, I agree it's
time for us to get even. We don't even get
paid the same amount. That's why men have to buy
us a drinks. Don't get me wrong, I'm not raging.
I'm not raging about any of this. I think it's
relatively harmless and I think the amount of vitriol that
they're receiving for doing it. My only thing is is

(17:34):
like I feel like at the moment, it's more so
the case that everything is content. They've captured this and
put this on their social media because they're clearly content creators.
They clearly are doing stuff for engagement, and guess what,
it worked. They got the engagement that they wanted. But
I would dare say that a lot of people have said,
you know, when they booked a restaurant, have said, oh,
it's a special occasion so that they could get a
nicer table, or they've faked a birthday so that they could,

(17:56):
you know, get a free piece of cake. I don't know.
Listen to the time at back. So I was at
the circus Sila, and I thought you'd get free drinks,
and my friends and I all thought you get free
drinks if it was your birthday because they had said
we'd been told ahead that they ask people if it's
their birthday. So they said, is there anyone's birthday today?
And my friends all pointed to me, and so I
just went in. They were like, yeah, it's her birthday,

(18:17):
and I was like, yeah, it's my birthday, like so embarrassed,
like pretending thinking that we'd all get free rounds of drinks,
and instead they pulled me up on the stage and
I had to do like circus acts and stuff instead
of everyone at and I was like, wow, this would
really backfight. Didn't get a drink. This is why you're
dirty about it because the one time you lied, you
got pulled up and had to do some acrobats, whereas
this couple got two margarita's. I had to climb a rope.
That's it. That's all this comes down to. This is

(18:39):
just like a deep set traum. I just think, do
it if you want, if it's your birthday and your anniversary,
but don't take away from the magic of proposals and marriage.
Said from the person who recently got proposed to, it
clearly feels post really about it, real real proposal, Thank
you very much. I came across an Instagram post on
the weekend that really kind of stopped me in my tracks.
And I read this and it as a mum, and

(19:00):
as someone who has been in the trenches with little
kids for the last couple of years, I caught them
in there. Well, I feel like I'm I'm dragging myself out,
but definitely having two kids under the age of two,
there was a period there where I would talk about
and relate to this idea of feeling like I lost
my identity a little bit, feeling like I lost my

(19:21):
sense of self. However, I never really felt as though
describing it as a loss of identity really made sense
for me, because I still knew who I was, but
there was something that fundamentally was different now that I
was a mum. Yeah, and I think it's the thing
that you hear the most from new parents in the
first couple of years. They all say the same thing.
I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know
what I want anymore, I don't know my identity. Like

(19:42):
you hear that said so often. I mean, obviously it
sounds like it's such a negative, but it is something
that so many mums experience. But there was a different
way of approaching this conversation and this Instagram post. It's
from a psychologist named the Psyched Mummy, and I resonated
it with it so deeply because it wasn't about losing
your idea, it was about losing your autonomy. And it

(20:02):
went like this, A mum came to see me for
therapy and something she said stuck with me for years,
and I wonder if you might feel the same. She
shared all the ways her life had changed since becoming
a mother. I nodded with deep understanding, knowing just how
many parents felt similarly, including myself. And then she said,
I don't feel like I lost my identity. I lost
my autonomy and that's been the hardest part for me.

(20:24):
She was no longer in control of her life. Her
decisions were dictated by others. Even her time was not
her own. So it's not that she didn't know who
she was anymore, it's that she couldn't access that person.
All of the things that made her feel the most
about herself were out of her reach. She valued independence,
she valued spontaneity, she valued being in the driver's seat
of her own life. But she felt like that that

(20:46):
was squished somewhere in the back seat. Now sounds like
a poem from Robert Frost, The Pathless Tacon that was
deep it really is. And I read it and I
was like, wow, Okay, maybe it isn't identity, Maybe is autonomy.
And I say this as someone who, like I never
expected to love being a mum as much as I do,
Like I deeply love being a mum and I love

(21:08):
my children so much, but there definitely are times where
you wish you had my life. Yeah, having a friend
who's able to go and do whatever they want to
whenever they want to. It's the small things, you know,
they're not being able to go to the gym or
or go and just see your friends or have time
to yourself, especially when you're in the trenches of little kids.
I know it changes at different ages and everything's the stage,

(21:31):
but I don't think I realized how much I have
experienced this to different levels at different times throughout my
motherhood journey until I read it so plainly. And it
also kind of gave me the language to be able
to talk about it, because I think there's been times
where I'm I'm not frustrated about not knowing who I am.
But I definitely have times where I feel frustrated that
I don't have time for me at all. It's interesting

(21:53):
because as the person in the friendship group that doesn't
have kids, I've always said to you, Laura, that's always
been what I've been high aware of when I have
been on the fence or discussing whether I'm going to
go forth and have kids. The number one thing I
always used to say is I'm aware enough to know
that I'm very selfish with my time. Now. It's like
the inherent sacrifice you have to make. I don't know

(22:14):
if I was ready to make the sacrifice of my
time and not be autonomous. So I've always been aware
of that, and I haven't gone into that stage of
children yet, but that's been my worry. So my worry
was never losing my identity. My worry was I'm thirty
seven years old and I've only ever had to worry
about and look after myself my entire life. How do
I go from not doing what I want when I want?
How do I go from I had a nap on

(22:35):
the lounge yesterday. It was brilliant, and every time I
do it, I wake up and I'm like, couldn't do that.
I wouldn't have done that. Could every time I do
anything in my life, I'm like, wouldn't be doing that
if I had a kid. But do you think Matt
feels the same, Like, I don't think it's necessarily just
the women. Obviously, the women bear the load a lot
more in the mental load, the physical load what they're doing,
But I imagine it's a bit of a change for

(22:55):
the men to I think it depends on your relationship.
I think it definitely depends on how much of the
load is falling on you as the mum. We know
that it's not an equal parody in most relationships, but
I feel very lucky because Matt and I share the
parenting load very very equally, and at different stages. I've
done more and at the moment he's doing more. So
I would dare say that he probably feels the same

(23:17):
in a lot of ways, Like I think that he
makes a lot of sacrifices as well as every parent
does when you have children. But there really is this
kind of sense of mourning, the ability to do whatever
it is that you want to, to be spontaneous, to
sometimes feel like you're fun because you kind of give
those bits of yourself up a little bit to be
a responsible parent. In the same time, I don't know,

(23:39):
it's a there's like a sacrifice that's made for a
wonderful gain, and the gain is so worth it in
so many ways. But it doesn't mean that at some
points you don't have these moments where you're like, Okay,
I don't remember my old self as my old self was,
so now that you put it into words from Robert Frost,
I don't know, you feel better about it. I feel
better about it. It doesn't mean that that it changes, you know.

(24:00):
I think sometimes there's like value and validation in being
able to understand what an experience is, even if it
means that you can't change it right now. And I
think we're still at a stage where our kids are
really really little and we are still kind of in
that throes of parenting, and maybe it never fully changes.
I don't know. I don't know what it's like to
pairent a ten year old or a fifteen year old.

(24:21):
I don't know when it is that you wake up
and you go hold on. I can go to the
gym whenever I want to. Now, I don't know when
that time is, but certainly not at my stage of life.
Tell everyone again what that instagram was. If you want
to go look at the psych it's at Sit Mummy.
I highly recommend it's got some good nuggets of gold
in there as well. I actually can't believe what I'm
about to say is going to come out of my mouth.

(24:41):
But there is a comedy club in the UK. It
is called Top Secret Comedy Club. So Secret. Well, it's
going to have no patrons soon. It's going to be
so secret, has no one. The owner has brought in
a new band, like a new checklist when you enter,
so you know when you enter sometimes you got to
get a photo taken or you get your ID check
no songs and a dress code. Yeah, he has banned

(25:03):
anyone from coming if they have botox. How are you
gonna police this? No, he actually is going to police it. Basically,
he has just said our talent, like our comedians are
so sick of performing to reactionless faces because people have
botox and their faces aren't moving. So he's saying that
comedians are putting complaints saying that they just can't it's

(25:25):
so challenging to connect with their audience and delivered jokes
when they only laugh from like the cheeks down, like
when their faces are moving, and when they only hearing
the laughter and not seeing it on their faces. So
he has said to protect his high end talent like
Dave Chappelle and Amy Schumer who apparently go to the club,
he has said that you will now have to be
checked on entry, but he will be doing reaction tests

(25:49):
when you enter. Surely this is like a lawsuit for
you're getting I won't even get into the lineup. But
mind you, I have migraine bowtox. I could put you
don't have it yourself? No, but I could bring a
medical certificate I reckon and still get in because otherwise,
well I'd be up shit creek, wouldn't I I don't
have a medical reason. Okay, I did read this. We've

(26:10):
got here. I've had numerous complaints from performers who find
it increasingly challenging to gauge the audience's engagement and bounce
off their reaction. I'm sorry, but I would go as
far as to say that if the audience isn't having
a reaction, it's probably because the talent isn't that funny,
Because you can still laugh with botox. I mean you
can still have no because no one's trying to do

(26:32):
a laugh without moving my forehead. No one's getting that
much botox that you can't move your face. That's a
lie people do. But you can move your lip, you
can still laugh, you can still have a reaction. I
feel like it's almost trying to blame a bad performance
on the audience. It feels like the ultimate gas lighting
of your own audience. Well, he said, comedy thrives on connection,
and facial expression plays a huge part. We want people

(26:53):
to laugh, cry, frown sneer, but frozen faces from botox
impact the entire atmosphere. This is discriminate. It is discrimination,
And I bet you, I'm sorry, I bet you half
of your performers have botox. If they're allowed to have
botox to deliver the jokes, the listeners are allowed to
receive the jokes with botox. What's the very famous comedian
who just did the Golden Globes. She's amazing, nikky glass, gleaser, glazer, whatever.

(27:17):
I'm clearly super invested in her work, but she is
very funny. Cannot move her face, she has so much botox,
looks amazing. That's no shade, but like can still deliver
very funny jokes and it kind of like comes off
because it's part of her stick.

Speaker 5 (27:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
But also if you're doing an expression test, what if
it's just useful. What if there's a twenty year old
that wants to come in that hasn't gone a wrinkle
yet and their for it doesn't move? No the forest, stormy,
move your eyebrows. No, I can do it. That's a frown.
That is a frown. Are you do it? God? Yeah,
you're frozen too. When I haven't had botox in months.
Oh that's a lot. It is true. How much of

(27:53):
a frown of a go? It's not moving? You're constipated.
This one for anybody out there who is single, this
is gonna be a little hot tip for you. Something
that I wish i'd known back in the time when
I was out there flirting and trying to date. Well,
not all heroes were capes. I'm just here to save
the day everyone. I would say that I am a

(28:14):
particularly bad flirt, Like the idea of flirting makes me
feel uncomfortable. I don't often agree with you, but I
will hear here. Thank you. What about me, makes you
think that I can't flirt everything. Oh, to be fair,
we were just talking about this. It is shocking to me,
genuinely shocking that I managed to win the Bachelor, because like,
when it comes to wooing a guy or flirting, I

(28:36):
don't think that I have a sexual bone in my body,
Like literally, it's non existent. That's more the manipulation that
you used to get. Yeah, that's what my husband still
says after eight years together. I'm joking. I don't know.
I don't want it to come across the wrong way
like I'm bullying you don't. You are, But that's okay. No,
you don't scream flirty, you just don't. I don't know
what it is. Okay, But while you get by on

(28:57):
being super good looking, it's not even true. But you
can keep on and complimenting me. It's fine. Look, the
reason I want to talk about this is because I
think there is a very fine line between being a
good flirt and being a creep. Like that line is thin,
and you don't know what side you sit on until
you hear that someone's talking about you behind your back. Yeah. Right,
And a lot of it comes down to eye contact.
Now we all know the eye contact is very important,

(29:19):
but how much is too much? How do you know
what is the right amount of eye contact to hold
with someone who you think could be, like, you know,
a hot and potential partner. So there's a relationship expert
who's come out. Her name is Luanne Ward, and she
has said that there is an eye contact rule. It
is called the at twenty eye contact rule. The amount
of eye contact, like as in like maintaining physical eye

(29:40):
contact with someone that you should hold is only twenty percent.
What you should be doing is going around the golden triangle.
So you should be like moving your eye contact from
the eyes to the mouth, to the nose, to the
eyes to the mouth to how low down is that triangleg?
And that's when you know you've reached creep state. That's
the creep state. Like it's the moving of the eyes

(30:01):
around that creates a sense of confusion. Not confusion I
was gonna say of like suspense producer Grace is looking
at me like I've lost the blow in the room. No,
but it's meant to like help you create a sense
of like lust, rather than coming across as too intense
or too for long. Well, okay, hear me out. I

(30:22):
am basically a relationship expert without the actual qualification. What
I will say is, I don't think you should be
looking all over the face because when you look at
the forehead it makes people feel awkward, like they've got
something on their face. That is, as I said, eyes
nose mouth, eyes nose mouth. Yeah, you literally said all
over the face. But I think when you look above
the eyes, it's weird. It makes them uncomfortable, like they've

(30:43):
gotten something on their face. What if I look at
above your eyes, I do now I feel like I
got saying in my head, yeah what What I think
the best thing to do is is just a really
subtle glance down to live like that. That was hot,
admit it. I just did to you, did you Everyone
in the car, Fred, they felt that they shot the
tone shift in your voice. You always make things weird.
It's like the subtle smiles and then the look away.

(31:06):
So like when you see someone produce a gray stop
raising your eyebrows at me, and like blow your kisses
across the room. But that was sort of hot too.
I think it's the like, for example, you might not
be in conversation with someone, but this is like my
main tip for flirting, look across the room at them
where it's out of your way, like you might even
have to look over your shoulder at them, catch their
eye for a minute, little smirk, look away, ten minutes later,

(31:28):
little look back. That's it. That's enough, two second eye contact.
That is enough for them to be like hold the line.
But that's the question, right, That's always to me is
how long does the eye contact need to be held
from across the room, because that's when it can err
into Okay, that's too long. That person's just staring at me.
Not a minute. It's just not like a minute steering
competition across the room, like who can blink first? You

(31:49):
know what? I also think though, fifty percent, yeah, sure,
it might be technique of like how you're looking at
someone's eyes whatever. The other fifty percent is whether or
not you're attracted to the person, because if they're hot
ass and they're still barring at you from across the room,
it doesn't matter. If they're standing there staring you for
ten minutes, you'll be like, oh so I got it,
not creepy. But if there was someone who you're not
attracted to at all, then that's when I think it

(32:09):
ers into creepy territory, which is totally unfair, but it
does show that we're very superficial beings. Absolutely, I wouldn't
add anything to that. I think that was a perfect
wrap off of how to flirt. Thank you, well done, brute.
Millie Bobby Brown is living my absolute dream. If you
don't know who Milly is, she's from Stranger Things and
she married John bon Jovi's son. I know that that's
irrelevant to the story, but I'm just trying to set

(32:31):
their relationship with his name is Jake bon Jovig crely
ever being referred to as John bon Jovi's son, Well,
I don't think he does anything. I think that's his thing.
Is John bon Jovi's son, isn't he? I don't think so.
It's got his hands full. It's busy, Well, he is busy.
Billie Bobby Brown is making headlines because she's come out
saying she has sixty two pets.

Speaker 6 (32:49):
Have a listen to this, Well, I have twenty five
farm animals, and then I have twenty three foster dogs,
and then I have ten dogs in my house that
are my personal dogs, and four cats.

Speaker 1 (33:00):
This is amazing. My personal dogs. It's amazing, but it's
also like slightly insane, right, Like, how do you take
care of that many animals? How do you take to
take care of that many dogs? Well, they actually live
like they have a really cool life. They did buy
a huge farm and a huge property and they lived
this duel life where she can be one of the
biggest people in movies and film and then she just
goes away to sixty two animals on the farm and

(33:21):
just it's kind of like she's a tradwife hybrid, but
she's not a tradwife. She's not takings she's not taking
care of her husband or anything. She's just taking care
of the animals. I was one of those kids who
would always bring home, like any stray, any rescue, any
animal that was in need or like found on the
side of the road. I would like, if we went
on long drives or car trips and there was like roadkill,

(33:42):
like a kangaroo or a wombat, you took the roadkill home.
It seems extreme. No, I would have a tantrum in
the car until my mom pulled over so we could
check and see if there was a joey because I'd
once watched a documentary that said you should check. So
my mum would get out and she's like that one's
been gone for works like she was horrible raising me,
I used to. I didn't bring a lot of animals home,
but we had a lot of weird pets as kids.

(34:04):
I remember my favorite pets were hermit crabs. I had
a hermit crab farm, an entire farm, same same and
I used to get home from school and I would
lay on the ground. I'd get all my hermit crabs out.
And I don't only wear a sports bra crop top
because my favorite thing to do is to put them
on your belly. And that's how I boondomed with them
and the crab. The crabs crawl around and they tickle

(34:26):
your belly. And also that was the only way I
could be close to them and not hurt them. I
would let them crawl over my belly and stuff, and
to get them to come out of their shell. Not cool.
I don't think it's nice, but like I would lick them. Yeah,
you put them in your mouth?

Speaker 2 (34:36):
Why?

Speaker 1 (34:38):
Yeah? This let me show you. So if this was
a hermit crab, I've got a yeah.

Speaker 4 (34:42):
Stop.

Speaker 1 (34:43):
If this wasn't listen, I'm saying, I'm not saying it's right,
but I was a kid. This is how you make
them come out of your shell to play. You used
to put them in your mouth like this and blow
hot air on them. Used to go and the crabs
would go, and then they would come out, and then
you'd put them on your belly because they're trying to
escape your breath. I said, I'm not saying it's right.
In hindsight, as an adult, I know that that was

(35:04):
the wrong thing to do, but I loved my hermit grab.
I grew up in a household when I when I
turned about sixteen, and my mum knew because I moved
out of home when I was I think like twenty twelve.
You know, I was early twenty. It's super early twenties.
But my mom when I was like sixteen seventeen put
a rule in place that I wasn't allowed to bring
home any more pet because it is now when I
look back on it, it is comical. My grandfather used

(35:26):
to call it the menagerie. We'd go to a school
fate and I'd bring something home, or like any time
that we would go past the RSPC, I wouldn't be
with my mom and I'd come home with cat like
I brought home dogs, cats, pigeons, chickens, rabbits, guinea pigs, rats, mice,
sea monkeys, fish, sea monkeys, I am invisible. No they
no sea monkeys, you like grow them. We had I think,

(35:48):
like a tamagotchi. No, sea monkeys are real. They're like
they used to. They're like a real nineties pet. Yeah,
they're kind of what are they called, like sea good
type of plankton. Yeah, anyway, you just grow you had plankton.
Let's just you think my hermit crab thing is weird?
You hadds a pet? You had a fungus. No, they're
not there. They're little fish. They're like tiny little the
crissy frimp, Brian shrimp. That's it. Thanks coll, that's so

(36:10):
much better. I also had hermit crabs as well. But
the problem is is so we had cats, and it
was the nineties, like back then people were not desexing
the cats like they are today. And also like my
mum had a lot on she was single mum of
three kids and so many animals, and our cats just
kept multiplying. I know that that's terrible, And obviously I

(36:31):
have a cat. Now she is desex and like, we
understand the rules, but as a seven year old I
wasn't really abiding by them. I was like, ooh, another litter,
another litter, look at all these babies, saying it was
actually in sanity. So I remember there being one time
where we had about sixteen seventeen cats, we had ten chickens,
we had a rooster on, we had guinea pig litter,

(36:52):
and then we had mice. And then what happened was
the back of the mice cage. It was like a
board got a bit wet and the mice had gnawed
through the cage and all thirty or whatever mice we
had had gotten out into the house and we ended
up with all of my pet mice living in the house.
And that's where my mum was like, I am done
with these stories are about form of contraception. If I

(37:13):
at birth, do you I'd be beside myself. I was,
so was she she still is so on maths at
the moment. The show that keeps on giving, it's the
Home Stays Week, and it started some really interesting and
enlightening conversations up until now Jackie and Ryan or everyone right,
they're living in the hotel. You're dating. You've fallen in love,

(37:34):
but you don't really know much about the other person.
But now they're taking each other home to see how
they live, They how they bought a house, are they
with their parents, whatever their situation is at home. And
Jackie has left me in absolute hysterics and made me
remember something that I have actually done. Have I listened
to this? So that Stein is from Germany. It was
eye opening to see his home as an Eiffel tower.

(37:58):
That's sword from the Tower of London. I just think
he's been alone here for seven years, she cry. And
maybe he isn't even aware of how lonely he is.
It really reminds me of the elderly. This is a
seventeen year old commonent.

Speaker 5 (38:14):
It was so sweet of him to be so confident,
and I'm so happy to bring me in.

Speaker 1 (38:19):
It's not quite hoarding. It's just like memories. Okay, So
if you miss this. Jackie went into Ryan's house and
it is full of knick knacks, like it's full of
they're not even nicknacks, I don't know what you call them,
Like samurai swords, skulls. He's got skulls, He's got bottles
of alcohol. He's got ties, he's got teddy bears like
anything you could imagine in like the worst horror show

(38:40):
of a gift shop. He's got it displayed somewhere. It
definitely looks like we're looking at some of the pictures
here now. It definitely looks like she's gone back into
like a teenager's room. Yeah. In fact, he bought the
house and he's thirty six years old. This reminds me
so deeply of my eighteen year old boyfriend's bedroom when
he was eighteen, not when he was in his mid thirties.

(39:00):
I can relate to this. I understand what it is
like to be in a relationship, to meet someone, to
date them, to think that they are fantastic, and then
at some point go back to the house and be like, oh, Okay,
maybe you're living arrangements aren't exactly on par with the
person that I thought you were. So I was dating
this guy for a long time. Then he moved away

(39:22):
and we'd been doing long distance and I hadn't been
to his new place. I'd only ever been to his
place that he had when he was here, and I
went up to go and see him, and it was
like ten hour drive away, and I remember opening the
door to his bedroom and he just had a mattress
on the floor with no sheets and just to do

(39:42):
not they had a Doner cover on it. But it
turns out the raw dog to the mattress for six months,
he had been raw dogging. It turns out that all
the furniture that was in his old place wasn't his,
and the rental had come with the furniture, so he
just knew ew that's even worse. He just never bought
any He just lived anywhere. I'm moving. What has happened?
You bought that furniture secondhand? You bought that mattress secondhand?

(40:03):
What has happened to it? You're not even gonna put
a sheet on it? No? No, no, no. All the
furniture in his old place, which was like surprisingly well
put together, that was all rental furniture. So then he
moved into this new place, had been living there for
six months and never bought anything except yes, a secondhand
mattress that he slept straight directly on row top sheet.
No nothing. I did have a mattress on the floor once,

(40:24):
but that was like a fengshwe thing. I've read something
about it was really good for you to sleep low
to the ground. The thing that's even more embarrassing is
that I ended up moving in with him and we
were together for six years. So yeah, that was good.
Did you ever put a sheet on?

Speaker 2 (40:33):
No?

Speaker 1 (40:34):
I bought the sheets and I bought furniture. Look, I
don't want to yuck anyone's yum here. For Ryan, you
do you. It's very particular taste. But if that's right
for you, that is fine. If it's not right for Jackie,
I completely understand, and I understand why she's I don't
understand why she's crying, but I understand why it's not
for her. But I remember the same thing. I remember
dating this guy and we were in another town. He

(40:55):
was originally from a city like five six hours away.
He was a doctor. So I was like, great, you're
well put together, you got an income, wonderful and his
mid to late twenties. You thought you'd hit the jackpot,
is what you're saying. Not jackpot, but when you are
medically or university educated and you're in your late twenties
and you live away, you think that someone is put together. Anyway,

(41:16):
I went back to where he actually lives and it
was still at his parents' house. Fine, in a tiny
room with a single bed, and everything was still in there,
like his teddies from growing up. I say this as
in like I'm remembering how uncomfortable I was, No Laura,
we was sleeping in a single bed. He was nearly
thirty and a doctor, but he just still lived in
his childhood bedroom. Had he ever moved out and then

(41:37):
moved back in? Because that was Yeah, that's how I
met him. But he just it was like a homing pigeon.
You keep going home For me, I can't help it,
and I know it was judgmental. It gave me the ig.
I was like, I need to be with someone that
has a double bed. You got the ig, and I
dated the guy who had a mattress on the floor
and moved in with him. It says a lot about
our standards are very different, is what that says. But yeah, look,
I can understand why someone's home. I think you have

(42:00):
to see it early because I think it's a real
telling sign about more about that person, about all the
things that they like, or whether they're a hoarder, or
what they're you know, their mental state. Yeah, yeah, pray
for Ryan. So I sent in the other day a
piece of content. We've got a group chat between us,
and I sent it in thinking that this would be
a very funny thing to talk about on radio and

(42:20):
hear me out. The reason why I want to talk
about a TikTok that I came across is because cheating
is very relatable. So many of us have been cheated
on the past. Some of you, I'm sure have been
the cheaters. Some of us in this room might have
been the cheaters at one point in time. It's not
a nice thing anyone who's ever experienced it. It's truly
a horrible, horrible feeling to go through, and sometimes you

(42:41):
think to yourself, like, how will you ever get even
with the person who's broken your heart in such a
catastrophic way. Now, this TikTok that I came across, it's
a real from person called the real dot Tarazoune. However,
I fell for it and I thought she was a
little old lady, like a little old Polish lady. But
unfortunately it's just a young lady who was wearing an
age filter. I really didn't do my deep research on this.

(43:04):
But the reason why it was so funny is because
she has some very harmless yet effective ways. If you
were ever gonna plot revenge or on your cheating ex,
she has some choice ideas for you. Have listened to this.

Speaker 7 (43:16):
If he cheats, change his toothpaste to mayo. If he
cheats on you, espirate his whole car with some oilfish SIPs.
Let him drive around in the aroma of his bad decisions.
If he cheats, fill his pockets with glitter. Betrayal is forever,
and so is glitter.

Speaker 1 (43:36):
Definitely funny When she was ninety not finding out as
Ai and she's like twenty two. Oh, I got so
sucked into this. I was like, I genuinely thought that
this was wise advice from a little old lady. It's not.
She's yeah, she's much younger than that, but also still
think that the advice is good. Is there ever a
time where it's okay to enact like a petty, relatively
harmless but potentially extremely annoying revenge plot on someone who's

(43:59):
broken you. You're asking the wrong person because personally, I'm
not a revenger. I could care less. My best revenge
sounds so cliche, sickening. You'll probably get the eck. My
best revenge is to literally forget the person, move on
and be successful. I'm one of those people that do
not waste. I had an ex that was marrying someone
else simultaneously, pretty bad. I didn't even do anything. I

(44:20):
was like, cool, see ya, just move on with my life.
I'm way pettier than you, don't get me wrong. Like,
I've never enacted out the revenge, but I've definitely thought
about that way true. Look, that's not true. You've break
into your exerci house and goes passport forge your signature
and changed his flight so we couldn't go overseas with you.
That's revenge. There's a backstory to that, and there's also
some explanations as to why I did that, but we

(44:41):
don't have enough time to get into it. Everyone, Look,
give us a call. If you've ever plotted a revenge,
you didn't have to like enact it out. I just
want to know, Like, what are the silliest things that
you thought you might do. Here's one for you, raw
chicken in their air conditioner. I got a better one.

Speaker 3 (44:57):
Go.

Speaker 1 (44:57):
I've never done it, but if I did, this is
what I do. It's like I would never enact to revenge.
I'm thinking about that. Mine would be like a stench.
So you cut a little hole in their mattress, tuna, fish, anything.
They don't know what's in there, and they will never
know where it's coming from. Sheet goes back over the top.
You don't know where it's coming from. You're like, is
under the bed? Is it coming from the acorn? That
is smart. You would do it from underneath the mattress,
in the site underneath. Shove it just a whole John

(45:19):
west Canny, if you want to sew it back up
so they don't see this. Lip so smart producer Grace,
you were saying, I mean, this wasn't a cheating one,
but your sister, Your sister did something pretty bad to you. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (45:29):
When I was in high school, my sister and I
had this like prank, going back and forth war with
each other. It was incredibly immature, but she decided to
put a jar of glitter on the top of my
ceiling fan and then not tell anyone about it. So
one day I was like, it's kind of hot in here,
I'll turn the fan on, and just all the glitter
went everywhere and my parents had to recarp.

Speaker 1 (45:49):
But the whole four. She know what you did remind
me of and I actually think that this is the
best revenge you could have had. When we were younger,
my sister was drinking a chocolate thick shake milkshake and
for some reason she pulled the straw out and went
and pushed and blew the milkshake out of the straw
all over my face. And I remember I was so calm,

(46:09):
and I said, you'll not know when, you'll not know
where that I am going to get you back. And
I never did. I never got it back. But she
was petrified four years revenge. No, it's better because you're
expecting it every single day, so you're on edge. So
your revenge is just like putting a deep fear, seating
a deep fear into someone. Yeah, well look we've got

(46:31):
Keeley on the line, Kille, what was your revenge? Did
you actually undertake this or was it just a fantasy
revenge plan?

Speaker 5 (46:37):
We actually did this, so my friends called it. This
is about ten years ago. We're just seen Jun there's
dating this guy, and like she knew it was kind
of probably coming to an end anyway, so she wasn't
like super devo. She found out he cheated on her,
and she goes, can you meet me at Josh's place.
I've got to pick up some of my stuff. And
I'm like, yea, yeah, sure, cool. I get there and
she goes, I'm low key like annoyed about this situation,

(47:00):
but I just want to be really petty, and I
was like, I'm I'm there for it. So what we
did was he was a massive gym bro. So his
whole was full of like red kidney beans and chickpeas
and cans.

Speaker 1 (47:13):
Of lentils on the proteins.

Speaker 5 (47:15):
Yeah, yeah, everything meal prepping to the delight. We took
every label of every can completely naked.

Speaker 1 (47:29):
But that's not very revengeful, is it? Like fifty cents
a can that you also know it's it's actually printed
on the top like it's got like or at least
it is now for that reason.

Speaker 5 (47:39):
Not ten years ago.

Speaker 1 (47:40):
It wasn't we checked mate, You guys, you know this
is even worse because she didn't care. She's like, I
was gonna break it anyway.

Speaker 5 (47:46):
Yeah, Look, she cared enough to be like, you could
have at least broken out with me rather than cheating
on me. Yeah, but he was he couldn't replace all
the food without like you know, he was financially pop
up at the time, so he just had to keep
opening random cans until.

Speaker 1 (48:02):
He found his lentils. His Red Beast