February 20, 2025 • 46 mins
Today’s guest is one of the most funny, relatable and completely open people we’ve been lucky enough to chat with. Tanya Hennessy is a comedian, radio announcer, TV presenter, multi-bestselling author and content creator.
We kick this chat off by speaking about something Tanya recently wrote about called the ‘catch up trap’. It’s where we all seem to be just ‘catching up’ with our friends and recapping our lives rather than actually creating new memories together. It can be reflective of the stage of life that we’re in, but it can also make you question whether it’s a good use of our time to just be relaying what we’ve been up to since the last time we spoke. When was the last time you created ‘new’ memories with your friend? Tanya is now all about creating these new memories and seeking deep joy from her friendships.
Tanya has been very open with her long ‘journey’ with challenging fertility. The main difference is that Tanya speaks about it in real time, not hindsight. Tanya is currently going through the process of her 7th round of IVF and has tried quite literally everything that you could imagine.
Something we are often asked during Ask Uncut is how to speak about kids, pregnancy or trying to conceive with a friend that you know has been struggling with their own fertility. Unfortunately there is no one size fits all answer of how to do it right. But, we ask Tanya how she navigates her friendships with her loved ones that have kids, how she responds to social media announcements and things like baby showers etc.
Tanya also speaks about the things that we need to address on a systemic level like pregnancy loss care and removing the deafening silence of fertility struggle stigma.
You can find more from Tanya on her instagram and tiktok
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
on Cut. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura, and today I'm
very excited to introduce our guest.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
She excited.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Yeah, I'm pretty excited because she's one of She's one
of those people who you know, those people that you
look at and you're like, what can't you do? And
everything you do you do it?
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Well, maybe there's splits. Can you do the splits?
Speaker 3 (00:32):
I'm Tanya Henessy, by the way.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Who the focus is?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
No, we have Tanya Hennessy, comedian, TV personality, radio presenter,
multi best selling author, girl.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Can I tell you know what you say? What are
you not good at? Like having self control when there's
chips at a party?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Good?
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I understand that way.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Yeah, not having ibs on a cruise chip?
Speaker 4 (00:53):
I feel that one too.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Like there's a lot having hemorrhoids, but.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
You're not good at having hemorrhoids or you're good at
having I get.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Rid of them?
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Oh have you ever removed? Now that just she puts
them back up?
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Why did I start?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
I need to? Well, I'll ask you afterwards. No one
wants to hear about my hemorrhis At the.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Second time, I will tan your hennessy. Welcome to the podcast,
and your hemorrhoids too. Your hemorrhads are welcome here.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Anytime the guys go before I get on. You know,
it's unfiltery. You can say what you want. I was like,
all right, two seconds in, let's talk about my hemmorrhoids.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
We do have a big chat that we are going
to be talking to you about today, something that you
are really open about and that I have resonated with
on a small scale, but I know so many women do.
And that is your journey to fertility or your journey
with infertility, whichever way you want to look at it.
But before we get to that, we want your raw,
open and honest, accidentally unfiltered.
Speaker 4 (01:41):
Yeah good, that's your most embarrassing story.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
I have so many. It's February, right, is this podkinda
come out this month? Okay? So I get so it's February.
I shut myself twice in January, like I don't know how. Okay,
the first time, maybe it just out when I was
driving on the Gold Coast, I mean a pooja slipped
down like I thought I had endo pain Nope, I
(02:06):
just shat myself in the car.
Speaker 5 (02:08):
That's upsetting because you can't like, if you can't tell
the difference, that's not your fault, right.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
So true, it's medical. I'm actually a victim in this circumstance,
and not tom my partner who threw up on himself
after I shat myself on the Gold Coast Highway.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
From the smell.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Yes, and I'm like, this is out like honeymoon. It
was just like after Christmas. And then I got home
and I had an endo surgery and I'd taken so
much endo and that I got so backed up that
I took a bunch of like mover cole and then
it started moving and I shut myself again. I was like,
it's January. I'm thirty nine. I shut myself twice in
a no a month.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Look the mover call.
Speaker 5 (02:42):
Look, both of those circumstances are understandable, and I'm here
to make you feel better about yourself. Everybody has shot
themselves on mover coal, everyone, anyone who's taken it. That
has been the outcome.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
And the other one.
Speaker 5 (02:54):
I'm like, maybe people who have endometriosis would understand.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
What that was.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
All the endo girls listening it. Oh, don't put us
in that boat, Laura, which is a loose you know,
we are not claiming her as a part of our community.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Tanya.
Speaker 5 (03:08):
You recently wrote an article which I loved and we
had big discussions about it afterwards around the catch up
trap with friendships, and it was something I wanted to
talk to you about because I resonated so hugely with it.
I feel like I'm in this phase of life where
I don't create new memories with my friends. All I
do is have these endless conversations about what's.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Being going on in your life? How aren't you?
Speaker 5 (03:28):
It's nice to see you whilst I'm also trying to
do fifty other things. What was happening in your life
when you had this realization?
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I think I was just seeing friends and the conversation
was literally just a recap. I felt like I was
just recapping my life back to somebody as opposed to
living it with them. And I was like, this is
I'm bored, and so I'm sick of talking about myself.
And I sometimes think it's a bit dumpy, like they're like, oh,
these are the problems in my life. I'm like, oh
(03:57):
my god. I also have problems, and then it just
becomes a back and forth. And I was like, we're
got to go to the zoo or something computer what
I mean, like, let's go good dood pottery, let's go
feel something together, Let's have a shared experience. And I
think you know, when you're older and you don't have kids,
it's sort of when people do have kids, you kind
of separate a bit, so it's harder to and you
kind of get this. You're like, it's harder to spend
(04:18):
time with them because they've got different commitments and they've
got birthday parties, and you're sort of like, well, what
do I do? And do I binge drink still or
what do MIGHT do?
Speaker 4 (04:26):
Should I just ship myself in the corner?
Speaker 5 (04:28):
And the answer is yes and twice it's also and
like it's not an excuse for it, but like often
you have distracted conversations because you're going out with the
people who do have kids and their kids are there,
especially if they're little, Like I honestly feel like I
don't have any quality conversations with my friends when I've
got my kids around. Yeah, totally, And I always walk
away from it feeling like dissatisfied in the quality of
(04:50):
the friendship, not the friendship itself, but like of what
I was able to give. Because you're talking, but you
constantly have a kid running up being like, Mom, look
at this, Mom, do this?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Mum, get me a juice?
Speaker 5 (04:59):
I mo, Mom hungry, And so it's really hard to
have that connection and also feel like you genuinely have
caught up with someone.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Yes, And then you're going, is this catch up valuable
use of both of our times? Like it's catching up
just talking back and forth about what we've done conducive
to our relationship, or do we need to do something
as a shared memory to actually evolve our friendship forward?
Speaker 1 (05:20):
And how have you changed this Disney cruise?
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Yeah, but it's easy, Like it was actually so ridiculous
and fun. You did it with your friends, yes, and
it was just they've got kids, they've got kids who
would have probably loved to have been on a Disney cruise.
But we just like lived and went to see shows
and got drunk and lived and made all these stupid,
ridiculous new memories and it was great.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
But that's the term and that's what I was about
to say, not just in terms of catching up the
catch up trap with your friends. But you get to
a point in adulthood where you forget to live and
you exist. Yes, you get through every day, and then
every day you're like, I've just got to get through
the week, and it's like I'm just going to get
through this month. All of a sudden, you've just gotten
through the year. By just getting through, like you're not
(06:05):
taking those experiences and being like, oh, I'm only working
so that I can live, And we forget that as
adults that we also can still have fun and you
can still have life.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
And I think for me, prioritizing joy has been a
huge thing because I'm a workaholic. I know both of
you guys probably understand this. Really fueled by the joy
of work. I like finding new avenues to stretch my creativity.
I you know, I will do some random acting, but like,
I find all of that really stretching and rewarding. But
(06:34):
I want to preface joy and a part of that
is being an idiot with your friend in a pool
after six cocktails, you know, pretending to be a crocodile
when you're almost forty. Like, I want joy. I want
to laugh till it hurts I want to cry because
something is so ridiculous and inane, Like I want to
remember the friendships that I made because of the stupid
(06:56):
nuances that we did at UNI and our stupid personal jokes.
Like that's what I'm crazy eing more and more as
I sort of plunge towards.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
Forty Tanya, how are you navigating? I mean, and I
know we're going to speak about fertility quite a bit
in a moment, but when you are navigating friendships with
people who are in that different phase of life with kids,
I mean, I know you said that you kind of
they were in a Disney cruise and like fuck their
kids off.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Yes, Like from when you went.
Speaker 5 (07:20):
Through that sort of like started that period of life
where friends around you are having kids.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
What was that like for you?
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Well, this, I've been through it twice. So I had
a friends who have twelve year old. I've a friend
who has an eighteen year old. Yeah, and I have
my sister who has a two month old, my sister
in law who has a two year old. So I've
been through it twice. And the thing with fertility is
you'll go through it again when your friends become grandparents.
And that is an interesting wow. Yeah, peace to be like, wow,
I'm going to be constantly living in a feeling like
(07:48):
you're missing out a phase kind of forever, which is
a really interesting concept. And someone brought that to my
attention recently. I was like, thank you so much, as
if I didn't have enough in my fucking head.
Speaker 4 (07:58):
For doubling down that I can't ever scar Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Exactly the cool. But when I was younger my friends
were having children, it was easy because I was twenty
four twenty five and I wasn't in my zeitgeist. I was,
you know, building my career at that time. I was dressing.
I used to work as a dresser in musical theater
and opera and ballet, and I used to do warm
up comedy on kids shows. So I just didn't even
think about that, and I just thought fertility was promised.
(08:21):
And then now as I'm older, it's harder because I
miss my friends and I want to be where they
are when they're going to first birthday parties and events
with their kids, and you know, Disney on Ice, I'm like,
I want to go to that with my kid. I
want to be doing that. So it's jealousy but also
like I'm happy for them. It's a really hard, you know,
duality to.
Speaker 4 (08:42):
Balance, not malicious jealousy, you know.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
I think people always think jealousy has to have this
negative attachment, like a negative connotation, But it doesn't have
to be. You can feel something because you want it
and still be happy for that person.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
People can have two feelings and hold them with egles waiting.
Speaker 5 (09:00):
Have you found that your friends have been continuously inclusive
or have you ever experienced friends be like this is
too hard for me and they've had that pull away
during them having kids and everything else.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
No, it does just naturally happen, though. I find that
people go, we won't invite tell you the first birthday
party because she won't want to come. She want to come.
I'm like, uh yeah, if there's fairy Brad, I'll be there,
Like yes, I want to come as lollies immediately. Yes.
But sometimes yeah, it is kind of you lose a
bit of contact with them because you're not where they are. Yeah,
(09:31):
you know, when they're like oh, in the thick of parenting,
which you can sort of try to comprehend, but not
you don't have that lived experience. But they don't have
the lived experience of years and years of loss, you know,
so you're kind of going two different ways, and it's
really hard, and I've had some friendships really rattled by it.
But you know, we come together every now and again.
It's often without kids because they want to have time
(09:52):
where they can just be themselves and not be distracted.
And I mean, I don't have a choice, but yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
So let's go back to I guess when you discovered
you even had issues, like you and your husband Tom,
congratulations you didn't get married that long ago.
Speaker 4 (10:06):
Actually it looked amazing, beautiful.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Yeah, it's amazing. It looks incredible.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
We had the same wedding designer. She doesn't best dresses,
and I saw Laura's dress and I was like, this
is hot. I'm gonna steal it.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
I'm gonna hit this chick up.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Yeah, and I did.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
It was hot. But when I guess, how did it
even come to light? Like when did you start talking
about having a family and when did you realize that, oh,
this is actually not a given.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
There's some things going on here.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Well, Thomas heaps younger than me, so he's seven years
younger than I.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
Love that I'm a cougar. As well, Yeah, it's hot,
it is, it's hot.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
What's the age It's not much.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
My ex was seven years and this one's five.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
This one Ben, I love you.
Speaker 4 (10:46):
He listens to every episode that was my beautiful fiancee
Ben five years.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Okay cool? Yeah, so I'm seven. So sometimes I'll be like, oh,
do you remember Tazos And he's like, no, it's far
I'll go do you know that song? All say it's
never ever and he's like no, no, no, that one. Who's
all oh okay.
Speaker 4 (11:01):
He's like, you're like the Beatles anyone.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
So we first kind of tried well before we got married,
so I would have been thirty one or thirty, and
we just started trying naturally. Oh what a grind, I
tell you, especially when you're like, oh, it's not working,
it's not working. And then you know, I went a
couple of doctors and there was just like a young
and healthy and you know, you just keep going. And
I was very stressed at the time because I was
(11:26):
you know, it was it was around the time when
I was really big on Facebook. Remember those days you.
Speaker 4 (11:31):
Were doing the skits.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Yeah, it was like filmed horizontal and I would have
like thirty million views per videw I was like, Wow.
Now I look back and I was like, that was wild.
I can't believe that ever happened to me. That's so cool.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
So how come you didn't capitalize more on that?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
It's a different platform at the time though as well.
It's changed so much. How it went from being like
everyone was on Facebook and then everyone migrated to Instagram.
It's kind of the same change of tides now with
everyone migrating to TikTok. It's a very similar shift in
user behavior.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Yeah. I also, I think I've come to the conclusion
that you only get a certain amount of time in
the digital frame, if that makes any sense, and then
you sort of need to adapt. Yeah, Like, I still
make content, but nowhere near as viral as it was.
But it doesn't bother me because I'm doing what I
enjoy more. But yeah, so we kept trying, kept trying.
Years and years went past I did when I did
(12:20):
I'm a celebrity. We were trying since then, two of
the camp mates that I was in there with have
had freaking full babies and they weren't even trying at
that point. And yeah, so it was about four years
before we did an internal scan, and the internal scan
was in ash Field, I still remember, and the lady
was doing the scan and she goes, wow, your endo
is bad and I was like sorry, and she's like,
(12:40):
you got you got real bad endo. I can see
this is that it's only ovary and they're all meant
to actually tell you that. She's like, I thought you
knew because it is bad. She's like, this is probably
stage four and I was like, what.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
So you had no idea that you had end demeterroosis
at that time.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
No. And I was so mad because I was like,
why didn't we do this earlier? Because it was just
keep trying. You're very stressed, you're working a lot, you're
missing cycles because you're flying all the time. It's probably
just that. And no, one didn't internal until four years
after the fact. And it just what drives me nuts
is when you go into fertility clinics now and they go, well,
you're thirty nine.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I'm like, but I I was, dr, that's so fucking
frustrating that you have a fief but you are missing cycles.
And the answer was not let's have a look if
there's anything wrong, it's oh, you're probably missing them because
you're flying, like traveling.
Speaker 5 (13:28):
But also I think that there are so many people
who have their like so many women who have their
issues dismissed as normal pain normal experiences, like the amount
of times that people have heard periods are painful. And
I think of that time, you know, like nine years
ago or even six years ago. Yeah, endometriosis was not
being diagnosed as significantly as it is now, and people
(13:51):
just weren't.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Some gps just weren't looking out for it.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
And that's exactly what happened to me. And it's fine,
but that GP has kids, you know, yeah, absolutely, you
get I have kids, like, but I mean, look, medical
things happen all the time. All you can do is
just take from it and keep going. And then it
was like, okay, well you've got really bad endemetrious as.
We're going to have to do IVF because it stounds
pretty pretty bad. And we did a couple of rounds
(14:14):
of IVF with my endemetrious is in its form, and
it just wasn't working. Eggs would break, couldn't take the
sperm with the ixy which is where they put the
sperm into the egg kept breaking. And these rounds are
so expensive and honestly, I thought it would just work
because IVF works when you are.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Doing like have you got embrys frozen or are you
doing the more fresh? So you would go in, take them,
put them in, and then that was a fresh cycle both.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
So I was trying to embryo bank, but I was
also happy to do fresh if that was what was
going to work. It didn't. Every time I had a
chemical and ad a topic like it was just and working.
You know, I know you've been through it. Working on
top of it so hard when you're like I'm bleating,
I can't let anyone know I'm a funny gal, so
(15:03):
you know, like it's hard, but it's invisible slightly as well.
And I think people get fatigued by your chronic situation
as well, which is so fair. I can understand.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
I actually think that they don't. I think that that's
something that we put on ourselves.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
I think you put on yourself that I don't want
to burden anyone with, oh my god, my cycle didn't
work again. They're sick of hearing about it. I don't
believe your friends or anyone would be sick of hearing
about it. But I think it's an internalized pressure that
you put on yourself. I truly believe that, and I'm
sorry that you're going through it. So how many few
times have you tried IBA?
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Six?
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Six? And from the six we have three embryos, two tested,
one untested, frozen, and so I've since done two Endo
surgeries and I've just done another one couple of weeks ago,
and so i am like, no Endo, they took my tube.
I am a fresh yich so this will be my
first ever no Endo frozen embryo cycle, which is something
(16:02):
I've not done yet. I've also lost forty two kilos,
so I'm just like, if this fucker doesn't work, there
will be hell. Like I've done everything. I've eaten these
stupid keto foods. I don't drink any Red Bull anymore,
and god, I miss my Red Bull. I don't eat
much sugar anymore, which has been so hard, and I've
(16:22):
just like i feel like I've done everything possible to
get what I want, and I've done that in my career,
Like I've tried so hard and I'm so ambitious and
i feel like I am adaptable and I've done all
of that for my fertility. And if it doesn't work.
I feel like I'm not going to believe in anything anymore,
because yeah, it's like, oh man, I feel like I
deserve it so much. You feel like it would be
(16:43):
a really good mom, and I feel like my life
isn't complete, like I really do what. I don't mean
to say that for other people. If other people don't
have kids, like that's amazing, and you know, if that's
your choice, Like fierce feism, we should discuss people not
having kids more often and choosing that it's so cool.
I just want to meet my kid's so bad. I
(17:07):
believe it's a girl because I see her sometimes when
I do my stupid acupuncture. How do you do accupuncture anymore?
Speaker 2 (17:15):
I'm gonna hug you at the end because otherwise we're
just both crying.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Oh, because I see.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
You're such a beautiful mom where I see your beautiful girls,
and I'm like, I want girls.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
I don't care.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
I just want a healthy kid. I honestly, I don't
care if it comes out half a monkey. I'm happy, honestly,
like I don't. I just want it to be healthy.
I just you know, and I just I want to
hold my baby to term because I keep you know
it doesn't can't hold it. Yeah, And I just I
want to know what it feels like to be pregnant.
I want to know how it feels like to be
a mom. I want to know how life feels on
the other side. Becky Lucas said in a video once,
(17:48):
and she's a great comedian. I'm such a fan of hers.
She said, being a mother is knowing this a door
there the whole time, but you've not opened it, and
then when you become a mom, you open it and
you wonder why you never opened it. And I get it.
I'm like, here, you girl, I want to open the door.
It does lot. It's bulshit, it's dead balted. I have
tried more at my fertility than I ever have at
(18:09):
anything in my life, and I've written seven books, which
is the thing.
Speaker 5 (18:12):
That feels like so deeply unfair because it's it's like
you're almost grow up thinking as though it's a guarantee,
and with so much energy and effort that's put into
putting the absolute fear of God into young girls that
you're gonna get pregnant. If you look at a penis like,
you know, make sure you already use a condom, which
for some people might actually be the case, especially when
(18:32):
you're young. But then the alternate side is that when
it doesn't work, and then it continues to not work,
and then you have to go, Okay, well what is
the next steps? How do you deal with the constant
conversation across social media? You've been really vocal yourself in
talking about your lived experience, but just the constantness of
baby announcements, of happy pregnancies, of seeing other people living
(18:54):
through what you want.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
How do you deal with that?
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Well, I'm always like stoked for them, Like I'm like, yes,
you got it, you got it, you did it. Like,
especially when someone's been through IVF, the feeling is even
more because you're like, it does work. Look, you did it,
And I know that it was hard for them, you know,
and even just trying naturally some people try for years
to because I want their natural preys, Like, yes, I
love it. But sometimes when people are going through their pregnancies,
(19:17):
I do have to mute them, not because of I
don't like them or I'm not stoked, It's for self
preservation because it's like, feel so far away from me
I'm trying to manifest.
Speaker 4 (19:26):
Do you feel this?
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Added level of okay, well, I only have three times
that I can try, and then how do you fathom
if you are or decide I should say, are you
going to try and do all three yourself? Or is
there a part of you that's like, okay, do I
save one and then hope I do a surrogacy with it,
knowing that my body might not be able to carry it,
because when those three are gone, there's this stress that
(19:49):
you would feel every day that's on top of your
normal fertility stress.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Yeah, so I think we'll go. We'll put two. So
I'll do one in March, so like next month, and
then I'll do if that doesn't take. It depends on
what happens to it, where it sits, what time it sits,
because you might have to, you know, and then put
the other one in if that first one doesn't work,
and then the third one. I might see if I
could get a surrogate. Yeah, and then I might look
(20:15):
into egg donation. I don't want to do those, well,
I don't. It's not that I don't want to. It's hard.
It's hard.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
It's a different conversation, it's a.
Speaker 5 (20:22):
Long process, and it's also something else to get your
head around because once you're like, Okay, well this is
next step, it's almost like and I can only assume
it's it's like so far in the future to think about, well,
that's then the next option, you know, and then going
through the process of finding someone to do that. Like,
the fertility processes are very complicated and it's not easy
(20:42):
to access all these things.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
And same with fostering and adoption. People think it's really easy.
One credit trust me not on comments is people go,
don't worrytan and you can just adopt. I'm like, do
you know how hard adopting is?
Speaker 5 (20:55):
Speaking of this though, I can only imagine and I've
seen you, I've seen it. You speak about this actually
on socials, about the way in which people respond to
either infertility or like when people are really struggling in
the depths of trying to become pregnant, how people respond
to that can be good thing or a really damaging thing.
What do you think is the best way for people
(21:15):
to speak about it?
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Approach it and.
Speaker 5 (21:18):
What have been some of the things that you've experienced,
or you be like, that was fucking not the right
way to talk to me about this one thing?
Speaker 3 (21:24):
It really and this is like, because I work in
an industry where some people know who I am. Is
like I'll be having lunch and my brain is like
not thinking about fertility and someone will come over and
just go, oh, I'm so sorry, like a stranger, and
I'm like oh, and I'm like what are the sorry? Like,
oh my god, for what is that? They know my
shat myself on the Gold Coast and they're like, back
(21:45):
really quick, I shouldn't have done that in front of
that marry it and they the Hilton the Hilton record
is out. Honestly, I reckon it might be on camera.
Oh god. Anyway, they come over and I'm really sorry,
and then they will just tell me their situation and
I'm like yes, okay, or the other thing is you
know you go oh god, it's yeah, it's really hard
(22:07):
just you know, to someone and they'll go yeah, I
mean my husband like looked at me and I got pregnant.
I'm like that is so wild.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
Also doesn't help.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Yeah, it's not like you're going far. I'm really sick
and someone going so weird, I am, well, yeah, it's
never been more well it's like just you would never
But I do think there is a discomfort in talking
about it, and people feel uncomfortable and scared because I
don't want to say the wrong thing. I can understand that,
but I think half of the reason I decided to
talk about this so much, and I really don't want
(22:37):
to become the face of IVF. I want people to
remember that I do have art, and I do create things,
and I am more than this story. I am you know.
This is just a part of my life, not my
whole life, and I do create things. Read my books,
read seven.
Speaker 5 (22:54):
It's not even Christmas time, and it gets like the
hottest run in our household a classic.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
But yeah, like I get it. A lot just people
going I don't know what to do, I don't know
how to say, you know, And I think a lot
of it is listening and asking, Hey, is this a
good time to talk about this? Do you want to
talk about this? If I go their hair dresses, they'll ask,
And I love.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
That dresses have no boundaries.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
We love them.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Oh when they go, hey, do you like I had
a makeup artist the other day? Actually, you know Carlo, Oh, yeah,
one of my closest friend. He's great. She'll talking about Maddy.
Actually ed, Carla was like, do you want to talk
about ida? And I was like, oh, I love that.
That is so nice. You know, sometimes you might want
to write and I was like, yeah, sure, but yeah,
but I it gives you that ability to say no
(23:35):
or just say if you don't know what to say,
sorry is a good one. And listening and don't try
and fix it. I think you know, people will often
go oh if you don't add acupuncture. I've got a
friend who used a witch and the witch had this
wand that she found in a forest and a lizard
licked it and unbelievably three kids. It's like, come on,
love as if we if I've gone through coming up
(23:56):
to seven rounds. Ho, do you not reckon? I've seen
a witch in a dungeon.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Yes is the ands.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
I've done kinesiology, I've done bowen therapy, I've done every
type of meditation, I have prayed to every type of God. Ho,
do not tell me what to do, especially if you've
not been through it yourself.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Yeah, that's the hard part because they just want to
connect and help you.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
But it's also.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Like like, yes, I have turned the computer off and on.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
I know, like I am that's I'm there it's also
just inappropriate.
Speaker 5 (24:27):
But I mean, I know you say you don't want
to become the face of something like IVF, and I
definitely don't think that that is what's becoming. You have
so many accolades and so many achievements. If anything, I
think you're known for too many things that.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
You've It's like my biggest problem. My manager's always like,
just do one. I'm like, I can't. I can't.
Speaker 5 (24:45):
The reason why I like this conversation is so important
is because it's something that happens to so many women,
but all you seem to see online is the happy
outcomes you know, no one's And I mean it is
becoming more common now that when someone has been through
an IVY journey that they're talking about it. But in
historically it wasn't that part of the story that was
being told. It was just his baby and even miscarriage
(25:08):
at something that we're talking about more like, no one
wants to be the face of that club. But I
think it's only by talking about it that other women
who are in the exact same spot go yeah, fuck
me too, girl.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
I absolutely needed Jackie Giellies. She talked about IVF on
Real Housewives of Melbourne. Yeah, girl, if she hadn't have
done that show and been so open about her journey,
I don't reckon. I needed to see myself. I needed
to see it. I needed to know that I was
not going crazy. So I guess the idea if I
put myself out there, even to be honest, what I
share is so bare minimum compared to what I'm actually
(25:37):
going through and experiencing, like I show, you know, very
small parts, but if it helps someone feel less alone,
because I think the rate of self harm and those
types of things and self hatred in people going through
IVF like it's very high depression, anxiety, real, real, real
sad feelings because it's uncontrollable. And I think if I
(25:59):
can attention to that and help someone get out of
that dark space or just see themselves, and it's worth
putting myself through this slightly uncomfortable, you know, public position.
Speaker 5 (26:08):
I think one of the most powerful conversations I've said
it wasn't even a conversation, do you honest? This sounds
so this might be hard to put into context for
kem out When I did Dancing with the Stars. Mary
Custis she has a girl, a daughter, and had been
through twenty three rounds of IVF, Like, it's unfathomable how
many rounds of IVF she went through.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
And she did this, Oh cry just talking about it.
Speaker 5 (26:28):
She did this dance at her last dance on Dancing
with the Stars and it was her dancing in the
middle with twenty three lights all around. Oh, I am said,
I am said, And we just we had a really
good conversation about how much it is just not a
given and this expectation that like, as a woman, you
(26:52):
expect that you have a choice, but you do think
that whatever choice you make is the choice that will
come into fruition. And I can only imagine, and I
think unless you've ever tried to walk in it trying
to reconcile what that conversation would be if you don't
get the thing that you want and then what's the
next steps? You know, it's very powerful of you to
be able to have the conversations, especially on such a
(27:13):
public platform about it.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Also especially as you're doing it, like for you to openly,
but for you to openly, you know, because in real time,
in real time, I was doing it without a lot
of the time not being open. And I'll talk about
in hindsight, which if I go through it again, I'll
probably be more real time because it's easier just to
be like talking, but for you to be saying openly
to the world like I'm going to try.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
One of my three attempts next month is really brave,
and I hate the word brave.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
I hate it, but like to know that you are
people will be waiting with baited breath for you.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
It adds another layer.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
Oh man. I feel like one of my biggest like
sore spots is and I know anyone who's gone through
this will get this is like I want it to
go away. I want it to work so I don't
feel so bad, like I feel bad for my family.
I feel bad for everyone hoping for me, and I
just want them and I'm to be happy, Like I
want to be please people and I want them to
(28:07):
get what they want because they want it for me
so badly. And I just want my mom to feel like,
be happy, and I want my family to kind of
come back together and not feel maybe as like they
have to walk on eggshells because it's hard because I exist,
and I don't want it to be hard, but it
just innately is because of the circumstance, and you know,
people can understand what it's like to have children because
(28:28):
they have children, but my mom doesn't know this experience,
so it's alien to her, and so it's then becomes
a little bit more alien to you. And then it's
very lonely. And I miss the girl I was before
I did IVY because I was so light, and now
I feel so weighted by this experience. And people say
to me, oh, I missed when you were so much funnier,
and I was like, girl, the same same my old self,
(28:54):
newself is hotter. But do you know what I mean? Like,
I'm doing this mile. The first time I ever had sex,
I made the guy I wear two condoms because I
was like, I will not be teenup per regnant.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
And now you're like ripping them all.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
You're like holding everything, and God, by the words like
two condoms.
Speaker 4 (29:10):
That's actually funny. I've never heard anyone put too on.
I've never heard anyone.
Speaker 5 (29:13):
You really double bagged it because I was like, you know,
I need to be a I wanted.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
To be an actor.
Speaker 4 (29:20):
Actually, how do you manage.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
I already careful how I say, don't, but how do
you manage the self hatred and the blame that you
that you put on yourself when your body doesn't work.
Because so many women will relate to that feeling of
I'm broken, what's wrong with me? Every time you get
a negative test, every time it doesn't work, It's so
easy to sit back and be like the smart girl
in me knows it's not me, but sorry that it
(29:46):
is me.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
It is my body. It was a primitive version or
the reptilian version. It just wants to rip your house apart.
I don't know, I don't know. You do a lot
of therapy, and I do a lot of like grounding,
which so weird, like I'll just take my shoes off
and stand like you know, the outside weird. And often
(30:07):
water is really good. So I'll put feet in the water,
sand head in the sky and just like channel it
and ask this is so woo weird, but it's I
just have to do it. And I'll ask the waves
to take the pain from me, even if it's just symbolic.
I need to do it. Yeah, you know, I'm like
take it, take it, take it, and bring when the
ocean comes back, bring me joy and peace. And that's
(30:30):
why I'm looking for joy. So much in my life
because a lot of joyful like it's hard, and also,
oh my god, my IVF doctor is so funny. He's
so down the lines like now and all your gosh problems,
but we'll try and get your kid by I don't know,
you know what's saying so and it's like it's really funny.
Like also, you know what's wild, Sometimes it's really funny.
(30:53):
I actually made a documentary called Sticky about IVF uh
and no one picked it up. Do you know how
that's insane ruling it is to film three rounds of
IVF and the fifty thousand dollars it cost to film it,
and then for every network to say no.
Speaker 4 (31:07):
Don't give up on that.
Speaker 5 (31:08):
Someone will Yeah, absolutely, And also it's something that I mean,
I'm sure it's fun. I'm sure it's a lot of
a lot of men who are also sitting on the
board of directors who are like, who wants to watch this?
Speaker 1 (31:19):
And the thing is is literally every woman wants to
watch that.
Speaker 5 (31:21):
Every woman, whether you've gone through IVF yourself or it's
because you want to better understand how you can support
your friends going through it, Like this is the thing.
So many people are so ill equipped because they haven't
had that lived experience and so they don't know.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
How do you respond, how do you support? What do
you say? Of course? And these are the things that
like everybody needs exposure to.
Speaker 5 (31:41):
You mean, you mentioned that you feel like you have
this burden obligation to your family. How does Tom respond
to you during this period and how is your relationship
and the support that he's able to give you.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
He is like the best person alive. I'm just such
a fan of his. Like when I had my endo surgery,
he's a chef. Oh my god, I'm a genius. But
he he prepped every meal because like I want to
eat my high protein. I don't want to have too
many cabs because I'm kind of like yes, yes, yes,
like and so like I need to have all these things.
(32:14):
And he set it all up and then every meal
he had ready to go when I got out of hospital.
When I was in hospital, he came and bought like
all my food because you're meeting this cato stuff. And
he's like my biggest fan, and he is like, ah god,
you know, sometimes you make shitty decisions, and Tom Pool
was my best decision. Like I never really wanted to
(32:36):
be married. But I really wanted to be married to Tom. Yeah,
like I just did never dream to get married. To
be honest, it was never my dream. I never thought
I would get married. I just but I love him.
He's just like in service and in terms of like
acts of service. I learned so much about kindness from
his behavior. And that's the worst part of it is
that this man is born to be a father, and
(32:59):
I want him to be a dad so bad. In
our vows, I was like, I will do everything so
you can become a dad, because this man will be
the most unbelievable parent. And he is like the most
dedicated man, Like I'm such a man hater at times,
you know, he's such an unbelievable man. Yeah, and so
kind and generous, Like my mom comes over, he makes
all meals for my mother, Like he's just my nan
(33:22):
died my Like Tom made fifteen meals for my mum
and my dad. When my best friend had a baby,
he made thirty meals for her, when my sister had
a baby. This is he made all these meals just
so that's his gift of love if he does this
for my family, Like I'm just getting this unbelievable experience,
but he finds it hard. It's a lot for him emotionally,
(33:43):
and he's trying to go to work and he's like, oh,
this mental health wreck at home. So yeah, well that's
the lot for him to hold.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
The other layer that women take on in these IVF
situations is they also take on the burden of that
they're taking something.
Speaker 4 (33:57):
Or robbing their partner of something.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
So it's like it's in extra layer that you put on, Oh,
they won't be a parent now because of me, which
again we know that there's no one to blame. But
you wrote a really interesting article. I watched people wait
for their baby scans while I was actively losing mine.
Off the back of that, like what changes would you
like to see in the healthcare system? How do you
(34:19):
think we can make this a smoother and more holistic
approach to pregnancy.
Speaker 4 (34:24):
That's not just the successful pregnancies.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
So that piece was about the fact that when I
had a neck topic, I didn't realize but they take
you out of the IVF section and put you into
the public system. Fine, However, the public system, and this
was not explained to me, is the pregnancy area. So
it's where people are getting their scans. That's where people are,
you know, having their moments. There's partners, everyone's joyful, but
you're there bleeding, and so you actually have to move
(34:49):
from your seat so pregnant people can sit down. Obviously,
I'm going to do that, obviously. But I think that
if we are providing IVF care, which is pregnancy both
you know, positive and negative, we need to create space
for positive and negative. Pregnancy is holistic, like you said, Brett,
so it needs to be encompassing all of that. If
(35:10):
we have the facilities to make babies, we have the
facilities for them not to work, where is the care
for that. Mental health and IVF are so deeply connected.
We need to start supporting. And they can't tell you.
IVF nurs are unbelievable the care you get on the phone. Wow. Yeah,
I would love to see that in practice. In the practices,
(35:32):
I would love to see areas that are specifically for miscarriage,
specifically for you know, when pregnancy is not turned out
the way we wanted it to. And that means that
we don't have signs around about postnatal antiinatal care. When
you're like, bitch, I want that. Yeah, Yeah, it's you know,
it's just these minute changes. And I had a bunch
of people on that article be like, the world isn't
(35:54):
set up for you. I was like, but if it's
set up for pregnancy and the holisticness of pregnancy, and
if we are benefiting, if IVF clinics are benefiting financially
from us, why isn't that money equally put into when
it doesn't work, which is a fucking likely scenario.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
And it's when you're dropping sixteen or between two and
twenty thousand dollars year round on IVF. It's you. You
have some expectations that I think are pretty low.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
Can I tell you? For my topic, all I needed
was a blood test and an internal. Guess what they
do with the IVF clinic. A blood test and an internal.
And I had to wait for eight hours for a
blood test and internal and I couldn't work that fucking day.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
How did you find out you had anctopic pregnancy? When?
Speaker 3 (36:32):
What was the app My pregnancy hormone kept going up?
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Yeah, no pain at that time? Too early? Yeah, thank
god it was caught. When it was caught.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
Yeah, So then I had to go to the hospital
and they they're like, okay, so you're six weeks girl,
that fucks your head because you're like, oh my god,
I would love like I've saw a positive pregnancy test.
It's so exciting because I've never seen that before. I've
felt like a child.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Do they have a reason?
Speaker 5 (36:54):
Why is there a more high likely chance for it
to be in ectopic pregnancy when you've got and demetriosis?
Speaker 3 (37:01):
Okay, right, it's a high risk. It's more likely to
result in that topic. I didn't know that. But also
they never found it. They never found it was a
pregnancy of unknown, unknown location, so they actually never found it.
So I didn't need the methatract say, and I didn't
need to have my tube take it. It just passed naturally.
Speaker 4 (37:17):
So did they.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
Say to you, because now that you've had your demetrious
is cleared, are they still saying that that is the
reason for your infertility or have they put you in
a category of unknown infertility?
Speaker 1 (37:28):
No, it's end It is still endome.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
So even though it's cleared out, it can still leave
like a lasting damage.
Speaker 3 (37:33):
Yeah, or it's scarcar tissue.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Yeah, so it depends on where it attaches in the womb.
Is that correct?
Speaker 3 (37:39):
I think so? Right? But I've got a noss sort
of it. It's like there's got We've got a bunch
of it. I've got freaking pacy or where stuff going like,
I've got every's the fucking circus in there. And the
irony is I would have never known and I would
have never particularly cared if I didn't want to have
a kid. That's the weirdest part.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Yeah, it's strange to get to a level four, which
I mean, I was gonna say, it's great that you
don't have the pain. Yeah, well, it's great that you
got to a level four and you didn't have the
level of pain that some other people do. Some other's
it's like debilitating. They can't get along along with their day,
they can't go to work, they can't do anything. But
having said that, the contraindication of that is that you
didn't find out you had it. If you had that
(38:21):
extreme pain, that maybe you would have found it earlier.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
The thing is I did have pain, but I just
thought it was normal.
Speaker 5 (38:27):
That's the misconception, right, that we've been built to think
that period pain is just a normal part and parcel.
And the thing is is, well, what's pain on a scale?
My experience of pain is different to your experience of pain.
And if you've always had that pain associated with periods,
then you think that that's normal pain.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
And the bleeding. I just thought to go through a
bedtime pad three times a day in the middle of
the day was normal, and to change it multiply, I
thought that was really normal because I could never use
tampons at school because it was so heavy. And also
I didn't know how effective Missindle was, which was over
the counter codeine. That's when I when they took over
the count to codeine off the shelves, That's when my
(39:01):
pain got worse because I was really feeling it because
I didn't have codeine over the counter.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (39:05):
Right, And so you've been masking it for so long.
It's also the case with so many people who take
birth control. It masks so many things, you know, And
then there used to be this real sort of thought that, oh,
it's the birth control that makes you have infertility or
fertility issues, and it's like, no, it's not the birth control.
Mastered for so many years, you had no idea what
was going on in your body because you just were
suppressing it. Because when you were fifteen and those issues
(39:26):
were there, and you went to the doctor about it.
They put you on birth control and that was a
solution to those problems.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
What do you think we can do?
Speaker 2 (39:32):
And this is such a tricky conversation, but I imagine social
media contributes a lot to the pain of infertility, the
constant seeing baby showers, birth notices, pregnancy announcements. What do
you think we can do to make that like a safe,
manageable space, Because on one hand, you don't want to
take that joy from now someone else.
Speaker 4 (39:50):
It's like their moment, you're happy for them.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
But there has to be.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
Like this happy medium. I guess where we can be
a little bit. It's not up to some stranger to monitor.
I guess their announcement in thinking that maybe someone that's
going through in fertility.
Speaker 4 (40:04):
Will watch that and hurt. But where do you think
the happy medium is?
Speaker 3 (40:08):
I don't think there is one. I think it's like
it's gonna hurt and it's okay, and you can you
can mute or you can unfollow if it's going to
be particularly triggering. But I think it's like.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Part of it.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
Yeah, and you like I would never and I think
anyone listening to this going through fertility fragments. They would
never want someone to mar their joy for somebody else
in a way like I want people to like especially
my sister just had a baby, right, I wanted this
girl girl. I wanted my sister. I'll be likel in it.
I wanted my sister to be like living her best life.
(40:40):
I wanted her to just feel everything because she's wanted
to be a parent too, and and she's got this
cute little boy. Oh my god, this kid is so
fucking cute. And I want her to just post all
the time and be excited, because, like, you know, we
should chase joy. And if that's where your joy is
at that point, post all you want, like you should
feel that. And it's I think if if it makes
(41:00):
people going through in fertility feel some way, we can
remove ourselves that. I don't think we should make people
stop feeling their joy. Doesn't make sense.
Speaker 5 (41:08):
Yeah, but I also think that there's there's definitely levels
of posting joy and also then there's levels of being
understanding that not everyone is having that lived experience.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
Yeah, you know, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (41:19):
I mean, it's such an impossible one to navigate because
no matter it's like if you do or you don't,
Like someone is going to be experiencing a very different
reality to what you are experiencing. But yeah, Tanya, I'm
so grateful for everything that you shared, Like I know
that a lot of this, even from like the friendship
chats to around like how you've navigated that, to around fertility,
(41:41):
like it is something that literally women go through every
single day in so many different parts of their lives.
Like I said, whether it's yourself or it's someone that
you love, and I even myself, I've learned so much
about how to better navigate that with the people who
I care about.
Speaker 3 (41:55):
Yeah, I feel like I have this really loud and
you guys probably have it as well, voice inside of
you that is like what you're here to do. Yeah,
And for me, I think, and I always come back
to it everything I make, everything I create, I'm running
a TV show at the moment. It's really exciting and
I so hope it gets up.
Speaker 4 (42:14):
I've written a whole TV show as well.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
We need to talk, we.
Speaker 3 (42:17):
Go okay, okay. But the thing that I keep coming
back to, and it's so nice, I think, is that
I think I'm here to make people feel less alone
and so sometimes sharing some really dark, awful truths and
painful things, are embarrassing things, cringey things is going to
make people feel less alone, because this world is kind
of hard and if I can soften it for someone,
(42:38):
maybe my life is worth it.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
You know what a powerfully beautiful contribution there that is.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Yeah, and I hate that you said that you don't
want to be the face of fertility, yet we've had
you on here to talk about it.
Speaker 3 (42:49):
Oh, everyone does.
Speaker 4 (42:51):
What I want to say to people is we will
have you back.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
On this podcast. You are one of the funniest people.
You are such an incredible talent in the entertainment industry.
And if anyone has just discovered you somehow from this episode, now,
please go and investigate every part of Tangia's life because
she's brilliant. And we'll have you on at another time
where you can just laugh the fuck and tell jokes
the whole time. You don't have to talk about your
pain and trauma. But you have absolutely done that with
(43:15):
this episode. You have made so many people fee less alone.
I promise you, myself included in a way. But I
know that I know how many women go through this.
Speaker 3 (43:23):
You know how many women go through this clinics. When
you go in there, it is quiet and it is deafening.
Why it is awful.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
When I've gone into the clinics before, I have run
into so many people I know in there doing the
same thing, and.
Speaker 3 (43:36):
I'm like a certain level of wanting to conceal it
and not wanting to talk about it. They don't take
it to their workplace. They're high and the toilets. I
don't want that for people. I don't. I want to
get rid of this stigma.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
I've seen people here at my workplace in the clinics
and we say hello, and it's like this unspoken thing
where you don't talk and that you look at each
other across the clinic. And I'm like, and in my eyes,
I'm like, don't worry. I'm not going to tell anyone
that you'll hear. Like, not that it should be like that,
but you've made people feel les alone. And also, I
know this is going to mean nothing to you, But
I am huge in manifestation. I manifest manifest everything, and
(44:10):
I'm the second that you leave here, I'm going to
be writing in my notes, I'm going to do a
manifestation for you, please, and people think that's wue.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
I do a manifestation board every year.
Speaker 4 (44:20):
Yep, every year, mate, let's do it every month. Oh
anything you do ye anything?
Speaker 3 (44:25):
Random stuff on there though I didn't even want to
know which.
Speaker 4 (44:28):
Please stop shooting myself. This year, I didn't ship myself.
Speaker 3 (44:31):
I wanted to own a bunch of like lizards.
Speaker 4 (44:32):
Anyway, you don't have to manifest that tan.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
You can go and buy yourself, Lizzen is that post
being in the jungle. You're like lizards. That'll make me
happy by yourself.
Speaker 5 (44:41):
One.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
I can't do reality shows. I honestly, britt I don't
know how you do it.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
I love them. Someone was dragging me on my you.
Speaker 3 (44:52):
I was dragging Brittany. I thought, yeah, take down off.
Speaker 4 (44:55):
On my Dancing with the Stars announcement. Someone was in
there dragging me.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
There's always trolls and always its tang and pops up
to my defense and she's just like going the trolls back.
But somebody was like, oh my god, what reality show
wouldn't this girl do? And I just wrote maths And
then I thought.
Speaker 1 (45:09):
Why I love reality I would do, But I was right,
I would do.
Speaker 2 (45:16):
Like when you think about it, who wouldn't want to
go and dance for two months and have fun.
Speaker 4 (45:21):
Like, of course I'm going to do that.
Speaker 3 (45:22):
I tell you, that is like the best show. I'm
like going to be this like uncomfortably close to the
TV when you're on. We need to get you to
get a Team brit shirt please, I'll be Did you
enjoy it?
Speaker 1 (45:33):
I loved it? Yeah, it's fun.
Speaker 5 (45:34):
Yeah, it's a really fun show. That was the only
reason why I did it was because Matt had done
it prior and he had loved it so much, and
I was like, it's my turn, so yeah, it's really
really fun.
Speaker 3 (45:44):
I feel like I used to see Matt so much
because we used to do a show together and we
used to talk all the time. And now I just
randomly ask him annoying questions all the time and he
always answers when he's like looking after your kids, Like
he's always like in the middle of dadding and I'm like, Matt,
what do you reckon? If I made a video about
he said, turnya, Lola, don't do that.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
Yeah, I think you could.
Speaker 3 (46:03):
Don't sit down, get your hand down of that cat.
Like it's so funny. When he comes back to he's daddy.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
Daddy daddy, hardcore dadding, that's what he is.
Speaker 5 (46:11):
It's usually Lola your fingers out of your arse, like
she'll be there just trying to like sign.
Speaker 3 (46:15):
So I mean to be honest relatable.
Speaker 5 (46:16):
Yeah, I just live.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
You're an absolute dream.
Speaker 3 (46:22):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
We'll link everything in the show notes that you can
find all of her staff, all of her best books. Also,
once again pick.
Speaker 5 (46:28):
Sanna and thank you for coming being pugod for this
age group.
Speaker 3 (46:31):
I think that's listening to this podcast All the Grown
Women or Lexanta unbelievable. It rhymes
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
on Cut. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura, and today I'm
very excited to introduce our guest.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
She excited.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Yeah, I'm pretty excited because she's one of She's one
of those people who you know, those people that you
look at and you're like, what can't you do? And
everything you do you do it?
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Well, maybe there's splits. Can you do the splits?
Speaker 3 (00:32):
I'm Tanya Henessy, by the way.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Who the focus is?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
No, we have Tanya Hennessy, comedian, TV personality, radio presenter,
multi best selling author, girl.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Can I tell you know what you say? What are
you not good at? Like having self control when there's
chips at a party?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Good?
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I understand that way.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Yeah, not having ibs on a cruise chip?
Speaker 4 (00:53):
I feel that one too.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Like there's a lot having hemorrhoids, but.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
You're not good at having hemorrhoids or you're good at
having I get.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Rid of them?
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Oh have you ever removed? Now that just she puts
them back up?
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Why did I start?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
I need to? Well, I'll ask you afterwards. No one
wants to hear about my hemorrhis At the.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Second time, I will tan your hennessy. Welcome to the podcast,
and your hemorrhoids too. Your hemorrhads are welcome here.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Anytime the guys go before I get on. You know,
it's unfiltery. You can say what you want. I was like,
all right, two seconds in, let's talk about my hemmorrhoids.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
We do have a big chat that we are going
to be talking to you about today, something that you
are really open about and that I have resonated with
on a small scale, but I know so many women do.
And that is your journey to fertility or your journey
with infertility, whichever way you want to look at it.
But before we get to that, we want your raw,
open and honest, accidentally unfiltered.
Speaker 4 (01:41):
Yeah good, that's your most embarrassing story.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
I have so many. It's February, right, is this podkinda
come out this month? Okay? So I get so it's February.
I shut myself twice in January, like I don't know how. Okay,
the first time, maybe it just out when I was
driving on the Gold Coast, I mean a pooja slipped
down like I thought I had endo pain Nope, I
(02:06):
just shat myself in the car.
Speaker 5 (02:08):
That's upsetting because you can't like, if you can't tell
the difference, that's not your fault, right.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
So true, it's medical. I'm actually a victim in this circumstance,
and not tom my partner who threw up on himself
after I shat myself on the Gold Coast Highway.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
From the smell.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Yes, and I'm like, this is out like honeymoon. It
was just like after Christmas. And then I got home
and I had an endo surgery and I'd taken so
much endo and that I got so backed up that
I took a bunch of like mover cole and then
it started moving and I shut myself again. I was like,
it's January. I'm thirty nine. I shut myself twice in
a no a month.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Look the mover call.
Speaker 5 (02:42):
Look, both of those circumstances are understandable, and I'm here
to make you feel better about yourself. Everybody has shot
themselves on mover coal, everyone, anyone who's taken it. That
has been the outcome.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
And the other one.
Speaker 5 (02:54):
I'm like, maybe people who have endometriosis would understand.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
What that was.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
All the endo girls listening it. Oh, don't put us
in that boat, Laura, which is a loose you know,
we are not claiming her as a part of our community.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Tanya.
Speaker 5 (03:08):
You recently wrote an article which I loved and we
had big discussions about it afterwards around the catch up
trap with friendships, and it was something I wanted to
talk to you about because I resonated so hugely with it.
I feel like I'm in this phase of life where
I don't create new memories with my friends. All I
do is have these endless conversations about what's.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Being going on in your life? How aren't you?
Speaker 5 (03:28):
It's nice to see you whilst I'm also trying to
do fifty other things. What was happening in your life
when you had this realization?
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I think I was just seeing friends and the conversation
was literally just a recap. I felt like I was
just recapping my life back to somebody as opposed to
living it with them. And I was like, this is
I'm bored, and so I'm sick of talking about myself.
And I sometimes think it's a bit dumpy, like they're like, oh,
these are the problems in my life. I'm like, oh
(03:57):
my god. I also have problems, and then it just
becomes a back and forth. And I was like, we're
got to go to the zoo or something computer what
I mean, like, let's go good dood pottery, let's go
feel something together, Let's have a shared experience. And I
think you know, when you're older and you don't have kids,
it's sort of when people do have kids, you kind
of separate a bit, so it's harder to and you
kind of get this. You're like, it's harder to spend
(04:18):
time with them because they've got different commitments and they've
got birthday parties, and you're sort of like, well, what
do I do? And do I binge drink still or
what do MIGHT do?
Speaker 4 (04:26):
Should I just ship myself in the corner?
Speaker 5 (04:28):
And the answer is yes and twice it's also and
like it's not an excuse for it, but like often
you have distracted conversations because you're going out with the
people who do have kids and their kids are there,
especially if they're little, Like I honestly feel like I
don't have any quality conversations with my friends when I've
got my kids around. Yeah, totally, And I always walk
away from it feeling like dissatisfied in the quality of
(04:50):
the friendship, not the friendship itself, but like of what
I was able to give. Because you're talking, but you
constantly have a kid running up being like, Mom, look
at this, Mom, do this?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Mum, get me a juice?
Speaker 5 (04:59):
I mo, Mom hungry, And so it's really hard to
have that connection and also feel like you genuinely have
caught up with someone.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Yes, And then you're going, is this catch up valuable
use of both of our times? Like it's catching up
just talking back and forth about what we've done conducive
to our relationship, or do we need to do something
as a shared memory to actually evolve our friendship forward?
Speaker 1 (05:20):
And how have you changed this Disney cruise?
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Yeah, but it's easy, Like it was actually so ridiculous
and fun. You did it with your friends, yes, and
it was just they've got kids, they've got kids who
would have probably loved to have been on a Disney cruise.
But we just like lived and went to see shows
and got drunk and lived and made all these stupid,
ridiculous new memories and it was great.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
But that's the term and that's what I was about
to say, not just in terms of catching up the
catch up trap with your friends. But you get to
a point in adulthood where you forget to live and
you exist. Yes, you get through every day, and then
every day you're like, I've just got to get through
the week, and it's like I'm just going to get
through this month. All of a sudden, you've just gotten
through the year. By just getting through, like you're not
(06:05):
taking those experiences and being like, oh, I'm only working
so that I can live, And we forget that as
adults that we also can still have fun and you
can still have life.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
And I think for me, prioritizing joy has been a
huge thing because I'm a workaholic. I know both of
you guys probably understand this. Really fueled by the joy
of work. I like finding new avenues to stretch my creativity.
I you know, I will do some random acting, but like,
I find all of that really stretching and rewarding. But
(06:34):
I want to preface joy and a part of that
is being an idiot with your friend in a pool
after six cocktails, you know, pretending to be a crocodile
when you're almost forty. Like, I want joy. I want
to laugh till it hurts I want to cry because
something is so ridiculous and inane, Like I want to
remember the friendships that I made because of the stupid
(06:56):
nuances that we did at UNI and our stupid personal jokes.
Like that's what I'm crazy eing more and more as
I sort of plunge towards.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
Forty Tanya, how are you navigating? I mean, and I
know we're going to speak about fertility quite a bit
in a moment, but when you are navigating friendships with
people who are in that different phase of life with kids,
I mean, I know you said that you kind of
they were in a Disney cruise and like fuck their
kids off.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Yes, Like from when you went.
Speaker 5 (07:20):
Through that sort of like started that period of life
where friends around you are having kids.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
What was that like for you?
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Well, this, I've been through it twice. So I had
a friends who have twelve year old. I've a friend
who has an eighteen year old. Yeah, and I have
my sister who has a two month old, my sister
in law who has a two year old. So I've
been through it twice. And the thing with fertility is
you'll go through it again when your friends become grandparents.
And that is an interesting wow. Yeah, peace to be like, wow,
I'm going to be constantly living in a feeling like
(07:48):
you're missing out a phase kind of forever, which is
a really interesting concept. And someone brought that to my
attention recently. I was like, thank you so much, as
if I didn't have enough in my fucking head.
Speaker 4 (07:58):
For doubling down that I can't ever scar Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Exactly the cool. But when I was younger my friends
were having children, it was easy because I was twenty
four twenty five and I wasn't in my zeitgeist. I was,
you know, building my career at that time. I was dressing.
I used to work as a dresser in musical theater
and opera and ballet, and I used to do warm
up comedy on kids shows. So I just didn't even
think about that, and I just thought fertility was promised.
(08:21):
And then now as I'm older, it's harder because I
miss my friends and I want to be where they
are when they're going to first birthday parties and events
with their kids, and you know, Disney on Ice, I'm like,
I want to go to that with my kid. I
want to be doing that. So it's jealousy but also
like I'm happy for them. It's a really hard, you know,
duality to.
Speaker 4 (08:42):
Balance, not malicious jealousy, you know.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
I think people always think jealousy has to have this
negative attachment, like a negative connotation, But it doesn't have
to be. You can feel something because you want it
and still be happy for that person.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
People can have two feelings and hold them with egles waiting.
Speaker 5 (09:00):
Have you found that your friends have been continuously inclusive
or have you ever experienced friends be like this is
too hard for me and they've had that pull away
during them having kids and everything else.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
No, it does just naturally happen, though. I find that
people go, we won't invite tell you the first birthday
party because she won't want to come. She want to come.
I'm like, uh yeah, if there's fairy Brad, I'll be there,
Like yes, I want to come as lollies immediately. Yes.
But sometimes yeah, it is kind of you lose a
bit of contact with them because you're not where they are. Yeah,
(09:31):
you know, when they're like oh, in the thick of parenting,
which you can sort of try to comprehend, but not
you don't have that lived experience. But they don't have
the lived experience of years and years of loss, you know,
so you're kind of going two different ways, and it's
really hard, and I've had some friendships really rattled by it.
But you know, we come together every now and again.
It's often without kids because they want to have time
(09:52):
where they can just be themselves and not be distracted.
And I mean, I don't have a choice, but yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
So let's go back to I guess when you discovered
you even had issues, like you and your husband Tom,
congratulations you didn't get married that long ago.
Speaker 4 (10:06):
Actually it looked amazing, beautiful.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Yeah, it's amazing. It looks incredible.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
We had the same wedding designer. She doesn't best dresses,
and I saw Laura's dress and I was like, this
is hot. I'm gonna steal it.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
I'm gonna hit this chick up.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Yeah, and I did.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
It was hot. But when I guess, how did it
even come to light? Like when did you start talking
about having a family and when did you realize that, oh,
this is actually not a given.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
There's some things going on here.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Well, Thomas heaps younger than me, so he's seven years
younger than I.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
Love that I'm a cougar. As well, Yeah, it's hot,
it is, it's hot.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
What's the age It's not much.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
My ex was seven years and this one's five.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
This one Ben, I love you.
Speaker 4 (10:46):
He listens to every episode that was my beautiful fiancee
Ben five years.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Okay cool? Yeah, so I'm seven. So sometimes I'll be like, oh,
do you remember Tazos And he's like, no, it's far
I'll go do you know that song? All say it's
never ever and he's like no, no, no, that one. Who's
all oh okay.
Speaker 4 (11:01):
He's like, you're like the Beatles anyone.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
So we first kind of tried well before we got married,
so I would have been thirty one or thirty, and
we just started trying naturally. Oh what a grind, I
tell you, especially when you're like, oh, it's not working,
it's not working. And then you know, I went a
couple of doctors and there was just like a young
and healthy and you know, you just keep going. And
I was very stressed at the time because I was
(11:26):
you know, it was it was around the time when
I was really big on Facebook. Remember those days you.
Speaker 4 (11:31):
Were doing the skits.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Yeah, it was like filmed horizontal and I would have
like thirty million views per videw I was like, Wow.
Now I look back and I was like, that was wild.
I can't believe that ever happened to me. That's so cool.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
So how come you didn't capitalize more on that?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
It's a different platform at the time though as well.
It's changed so much. How it went from being like
everyone was on Facebook and then everyone migrated to Instagram.
It's kind of the same change of tides now with
everyone migrating to TikTok. It's a very similar shift in
user behavior.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Yeah. I also, I think I've come to the conclusion
that you only get a certain amount of time in
the digital frame, if that makes any sense, and then
you sort of need to adapt. Yeah, Like, I still
make content, but nowhere near as viral as it was.
But it doesn't bother me because I'm doing what I
enjoy more. But yeah, so we kept trying, kept trying.
Years and years went past I did when I did
(12:20):
I'm a celebrity. We were trying since then, two of
the camp mates that I was in there with have
had freaking full babies and they weren't even trying at
that point. And yeah, so it was about four years
before we did an internal scan, and the internal scan
was in ash Field, I still remember, and the lady
was doing the scan and she goes, wow, your endo
is bad and I was like sorry, and she's like,
(12:40):
you got you got real bad endo. I can see
this is that it's only ovary and they're all meant
to actually tell you that. She's like, I thought you
knew because it is bad. She's like, this is probably
stage four and I was like, what.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
So you had no idea that you had end demeterroosis
at that time.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
No. And I was so mad because I was like,
why didn't we do this earlier? Because it was just
keep trying. You're very stressed, you're working a lot, you're
missing cycles because you're flying all the time. It's probably
just that. And no, one didn't internal until four years
after the fact. And it just what drives me nuts
is when you go into fertility clinics now and they go, well,
you're thirty nine.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I'm like, but I I was, dr, that's so fucking
frustrating that you have a fief but you are missing cycles.
And the answer was not let's have a look if
there's anything wrong, it's oh, you're probably missing them because
you're flying, like traveling.
Speaker 5 (13:28):
But also I think that there are so many people
who have their like so many women who have their
issues dismissed as normal pain normal experiences, like the amount
of times that people have heard periods are painful. And
I think of that time, you know, like nine years
ago or even six years ago. Yeah, endometriosis was not
being diagnosed as significantly as it is now, and people
(13:51):
just weren't.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Some gps just weren't looking out for it.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
And that's exactly what happened to me. And it's fine,
but that GP has kids, you know, yeah, absolutely, you
get I have kids, like, but I mean, look, medical
things happen all the time. All you can do is
just take from it and keep going. And then it
was like, okay, well you've got really bad endemetrious as.
We're going to have to do IVF because it stounds
pretty pretty bad. And we did a couple of rounds
(14:14):
of IVF with my endemetrious is in its form, and
it just wasn't working. Eggs would break, couldn't take the
sperm with the ixy which is where they put the
sperm into the egg kept breaking. And these rounds are
so expensive and honestly, I thought it would just work
because IVF works when you are.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Doing like have you got embrys frozen or are you
doing the more fresh? So you would go in, take them,
put them in, and then that was a fresh cycle both.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
So I was trying to embryo bank, but I was
also happy to do fresh if that was what was
going to work. It didn't. Every time I had a
chemical and ad a topic like it was just and working.
You know, I know you've been through it. Working on
top of it so hard when you're like I'm bleating,
I can't let anyone know I'm a funny gal, so
(15:03):
you know, like it's hard, but it's invisible slightly as well.
And I think people get fatigued by your chronic situation
as well, which is so fair. I can understand.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
I actually think that they don't. I think that that's
something that we put on ourselves.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
I think you put on yourself that I don't want
to burden anyone with, oh my god, my cycle didn't
work again. They're sick of hearing about it. I don't
believe your friends or anyone would be sick of hearing
about it. But I think it's an internalized pressure that
you put on yourself. I truly believe that, and I'm
sorry that you're going through it. So how many few
times have you tried IBA?
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Six?
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Six? And from the six we have three embryos, two tested,
one untested, frozen, and so I've since done two Endo
surgeries and I've just done another one couple of weeks ago,
and so i am like, no Endo, they took my tube.
I am a fresh yich so this will be my
first ever no Endo frozen embryo cycle, which is something
(16:02):
I've not done yet. I've also lost forty two kilos,
so I'm just like, if this fucker doesn't work, there
will be hell. Like I've done everything. I've eaten these
stupid keto foods. I don't drink any Red Bull anymore,
and god, I miss my Red Bull. I don't eat
much sugar anymore, which has been so hard, and I've
(16:22):
just like i feel like I've done everything possible to
get what I want, and I've done that in my career,
Like I've tried so hard and I'm so ambitious and
i feel like I am adaptable and I've done all
of that for my fertility. And if it doesn't work.
I feel like I'm not going to believe in anything anymore,
because yeah, it's like, oh man, I feel like I
deserve it so much. You feel like it would be
(16:43):
a really good mom, and I feel like my life
isn't complete, like I really do what. I don't mean
to say that for other people. If other people don't
have kids, like that's amazing, and you know, if that's
your choice, Like fierce feism, we should discuss people not
having kids more often and choosing that it's so cool.
I just want to meet my kid's so bad. I
(17:07):
believe it's a girl because I see her sometimes when
I do my stupid acupuncture. How do you do accupuncture anymore?
Speaker 2 (17:15):
I'm gonna hug you at the end because otherwise we're
just both crying.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Oh, because I see.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
You're such a beautiful mom where I see your beautiful girls,
and I'm like, I want girls.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
I don't care.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
I just want a healthy kid. I honestly, I don't
care if it comes out half a monkey. I'm happy, honestly,
like I don't. I just want it to be healthy.
I just you know, and I just I want to
hold my baby to term because I keep you know
it doesn't can't hold it. Yeah, And I just I
want to know what it feels like to be pregnant.
I want to know how it feels like to be
a mom. I want to know how life feels on
the other side. Becky Lucas said in a video once,
(17:48):
and she's a great comedian. I'm such a fan of hers.
She said, being a mother is knowing this a door
there the whole time, but you've not opened it, and
then when you become a mom, you open it and
you wonder why you never opened it. And I get it.
I'm like, here, you girl, I want to open the door.
It does lot. It's bulshit, it's dead balted. I have
tried more at my fertility than I ever have at
(18:09):
anything in my life, and I've written seven books, which
is the thing.
Speaker 5 (18:12):
That feels like so deeply unfair because it's it's like
you're almost grow up thinking as though it's a guarantee,
and with so much energy and effort that's put into
putting the absolute fear of God into young girls that
you're gonna get pregnant. If you look at a penis like,
you know, make sure you already use a condom, which
for some people might actually be the case, especially when
(18:32):
you're young. But then the alternate side is that when
it doesn't work, and then it continues to not work,
and then you have to go, Okay, well what is
the next steps? How do you deal with the constant
conversation across social media? You've been really vocal yourself in
talking about your lived experience, but just the constantness of
baby announcements, of happy pregnancies, of seeing other people living
(18:54):
through what you want.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
How do you deal with that?
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Well, I'm always like stoked for them, Like I'm like, yes,
you got it, you got it, you did it. Like,
especially when someone's been through IVF, the feeling is even
more because you're like, it does work. Look, you did it,
And I know that it was hard for them, you know,
and even just trying naturally some people try for years
to because I want their natural preys, Like, yes, I
love it. But sometimes when people are going through their pregnancies,
(19:17):
I do have to mute them, not because of I
don't like them or I'm not stoked, It's for self
preservation because it's like, feel so far away from me
I'm trying to manifest.
Speaker 4 (19:26):
Do you feel this?
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Added level of okay, well, I only have three times
that I can try, and then how do you fathom
if you are or decide I should say, are you
going to try and do all three yourself? Or is
there a part of you that's like, okay, do I
save one and then hope I do a surrogacy with it,
knowing that my body might not be able to carry it,
because when those three are gone, there's this stress that
(19:49):
you would feel every day that's on top of your
normal fertility stress.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Yeah, so I think we'll go. We'll put two. So
I'll do one in March, so like next month, and
then I'll do if that doesn't take. It depends on
what happens to it, where it sits, what time it sits,
because you might have to, you know, and then put
the other one in if that first one doesn't work,
and then the third one. I might see if I
could get a surrogate. Yeah, and then I might look
(20:15):
into egg donation. I don't want to do those, well,
I don't. It's not that I don't want to. It's hard.
It's hard.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
It's a different conversation, it's a.
Speaker 5 (20:22):
Long process, and it's also something else to get your
head around because once you're like, Okay, well this is
next step, it's almost like and I can only assume
it's it's like so far in the future to think about, well,
that's then the next option, you know, and then going
through the process of finding someone to do that. Like,
the fertility processes are very complicated and it's not easy
(20:42):
to access all these things.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
And same with fostering and adoption. People think it's really easy.
One credit trust me not on comments is people go,
don't worrytan and you can just adopt. I'm like, do
you know how hard adopting is?
Speaker 5 (20:55):
Speaking of this though, I can only imagine and I've
seen you, I've seen it. You speak about this actually
on socials, about the way in which people respond to
either infertility or like when people are really struggling in
the depths of trying to become pregnant, how people respond
to that can be good thing or a really damaging thing.
What do you think is the best way for people
(21:15):
to speak about it?
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Approach it and.
Speaker 5 (21:18):
What have been some of the things that you've experienced,
or you be like, that was fucking not the right
way to talk to me about this one thing?
Speaker 3 (21:24):
It really and this is like, because I work in
an industry where some people know who I am. Is
like I'll be having lunch and my brain is like
not thinking about fertility and someone will come over and
just go, oh, I'm so sorry, like a stranger, and
I'm like oh, and I'm like what are the sorry? Like,
oh my god, for what is that? They know my
shat myself on the Gold Coast and they're like, back
(21:45):
really quick, I shouldn't have done that in front of
that marry it and they the Hilton the Hilton record
is out. Honestly, I reckon it might be on camera.
Oh god. Anyway, they come over and I'm really sorry,
and then they will just tell me their situation and
I'm like yes, okay, or the other thing is you
know you go oh god, it's yeah, it's really hard
(22:07):
just you know, to someone and they'll go yeah, I
mean my husband like looked at me and I got pregnant.
I'm like that is so wild.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
Also doesn't help.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Yeah, it's not like you're going far. I'm really sick
and someone going so weird, I am, well, yeah, it's
never been more well it's like just you would never
But I do think there is a discomfort in talking
about it, and people feel uncomfortable and scared because I
don't want to say the wrong thing. I can understand that,
but I think half of the reason I decided to
talk about this so much, and I really don't want
(22:37):
to become the face of IVF. I want people to
remember that I do have art, and I do create things,
and I am more than this story. I am you know.
This is just a part of my life, not my
whole life, and I do create things. Read my books,
read seven.
Speaker 5 (22:54):
It's not even Christmas time, and it gets like the
hottest run in our household a classic.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
But yeah, like I get it. A lot just people
going I don't know what to do, I don't know
how to say, you know, And I think a lot
of it is listening and asking, Hey, is this a
good time to talk about this? Do you want to
talk about this? If I go their hair dresses, they'll ask,
And I love.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
That dresses have no boundaries.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
We love them.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Oh when they go, hey, do you like I had
a makeup artist the other day? Actually, you know Carlo, Oh, yeah,
one of my closest friend. He's great. She'll talking about Maddy.
Actually ed, Carla was like, do you want to talk
about ida? And I was like, oh, I love that.
That is so nice. You know, sometimes you might want
to write and I was like, yeah, sure, but yeah,
but I it gives you that ability to say no
(23:35):
or just say if you don't know what to say,
sorry is a good one. And listening and don't try
and fix it. I think you know, people will often
go oh if you don't add acupuncture. I've got a
friend who used a witch and the witch had this
wand that she found in a forest and a lizard
licked it and unbelievably three kids. It's like, come on,
love as if we if I've gone through coming up
(23:56):
to seven rounds. Ho, do you not reckon? I've seen
a witch in a dungeon.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Yes is the ands.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
I've done kinesiology, I've done bowen therapy, I've done every
type of meditation, I have prayed to every type of God. Ho,
do not tell me what to do, especially if you've
not been through it yourself.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Yeah, that's the hard part because they just want to
connect and help you.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
But it's also.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Like like, yes, I have turned the computer off and on.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
I know, like I am that's I'm there it's also
just inappropriate.
Speaker 5 (24:27):
But I mean, I know you say you don't want
to become the face of something like IVF, and I
definitely don't think that that is what's becoming. You have
so many accolades and so many achievements. If anything, I
think you're known for too many things that.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
You've It's like my biggest problem. My manager's always like,
just do one. I'm like, I can't. I can't.
Speaker 5 (24:45):
The reason why I like this conversation is so important
is because it's something that happens to so many women,
but all you seem to see online is the happy
outcomes you know, no one's And I mean it is
becoming more common now that when someone has been through
an IVY journey that they're talking about it. But in
historically it wasn't that part of the story that was
being told. It was just his baby and even miscarriage
(25:08):
at something that we're talking about more like, no one
wants to be the face of that club. But I
think it's only by talking about it that other women
who are in the exact same spot go yeah, fuck
me too, girl.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
I absolutely needed Jackie Giellies. She talked about IVF on
Real Housewives of Melbourne. Yeah, girl, if she hadn't have
done that show and been so open about her journey,
I don't reckon. I needed to see myself. I needed
to see it. I needed to know that I was
not going crazy. So I guess the idea if I
put myself out there, even to be honest, what I
share is so bare minimum compared to what I'm actually
(25:37):
going through and experiencing, like I show, you know, very
small parts, but if it helps someone feel less alone,
because I think the rate of self harm and those
types of things and self hatred in people going through
IVF like it's very high depression, anxiety, real, real, real
sad feelings because it's uncontrollable. And I think if I
(25:59):
can attention to that and help someone get out of
that dark space or just see themselves, and it's worth
putting myself through this slightly uncomfortable, you know, public position.
Speaker 5 (26:08):
I think one of the most powerful conversations I've said
it wasn't even a conversation, do you honest? This sounds
so this might be hard to put into context for
kem out When I did Dancing with the Stars. Mary
Custis she has a girl, a daughter, and had been
through twenty three rounds of IVF, Like, it's unfathomable how
many rounds of IVF she went through.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
And she did this, Oh cry just talking about it.
Speaker 5 (26:28):
She did this dance at her last dance on Dancing
with the Stars and it was her dancing in the
middle with twenty three lights all around. Oh, I am said,
I am said, And we just we had a really
good conversation about how much it is just not a
given and this expectation that like, as a woman, you
(26:52):
expect that you have a choice, but you do think
that whatever choice you make is the choice that will
come into fruition. And I can only imagine, and I
think unless you've ever tried to walk in it trying
to reconcile what that conversation would be if you don't
get the thing that you want and then what's the
next steps? You know, it's very powerful of you to
be able to have the conversations, especially on such a
(27:13):
public platform about it.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Also especially as you're doing it, like for you to openly,
but for you to openly, you know, because in real time,
in real time, I was doing it without a lot
of the time not being open. And I'll talk about
in hindsight, which if I go through it again, I'll
probably be more real time because it's easier just to
be like talking, but for you to be saying openly
to the world like I'm going to try.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
One of my three attempts next month is really brave,
and I hate the word brave.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
I hate it, but like to know that you are
people will be waiting with baited breath for you.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
It adds another layer.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
Oh man. I feel like one of my biggest like
sore spots is and I know anyone who's gone through
this will get this is like I want it to
go away. I want it to work so I don't
feel so bad, like I feel bad for my family.
I feel bad for everyone hoping for me, and I
just want them and I'm to be happy, Like I
want to be please people and I want them to
(28:07):
get what they want because they want it for me
so badly. And I just want my mom to feel like,
be happy, and I want my family to kind of
come back together and not feel maybe as like they
have to walk on eggshells because it's hard because I exist,
and I don't want it to be hard, but it
just innately is because of the circumstance, and you know,
people can understand what it's like to have children because
(28:28):
they have children, but my mom doesn't know this experience,
so it's alien to her, and so it's then becomes
a little bit more alien to you. And then it's
very lonely. And I miss the girl I was before
I did IVY because I was so light, and now
I feel so weighted by this experience. And people say
to me, oh, I missed when you were so much funnier,
and I was like, girl, the same same my old self,
(28:54):
newself is hotter. But do you know what I mean? Like,
I'm doing this mile. The first time I ever had sex,
I made the guy I wear two condoms because I
was like, I will not be teenup per regnant.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
And now you're like ripping them all.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
You're like holding everything, and God, by the words like
two condoms.
Speaker 4 (29:10):
That's actually funny. I've never heard anyone put too on.
I've never heard anyone.
Speaker 5 (29:13):
You really double bagged it because I was like, you know,
I need to be a I wanted.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
To be an actor.
Speaker 4 (29:20):
Actually, how do you manage.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
I already careful how I say, don't, but how do
you manage the self hatred and the blame that you
that you put on yourself when your body doesn't work.
Because so many women will relate to that feeling of
I'm broken, what's wrong with me? Every time you get
a negative test, every time it doesn't work, It's so
easy to sit back and be like the smart girl
in me knows it's not me, but sorry that it
(29:46):
is me.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
It is my body. It was a primitive version or
the reptilian version. It just wants to rip your house apart.
I don't know, I don't know. You do a lot
of therapy, and I do a lot of like grounding,
which so weird, like I'll just take my shoes off
and stand like you know, the outside weird. And often
(30:07):
water is really good. So I'll put feet in the water,
sand head in the sky and just like channel it
and ask this is so woo weird, but it's I
just have to do it. And I'll ask the waves
to take the pain from me, even if it's just symbolic.
I need to do it. Yeah, you know, I'm like
take it, take it, take it, and bring when the
ocean comes back, bring me joy and peace. And that's
(30:30):
why I'm looking for joy. So much in my life
because a lot of joyful like it's hard, and also,
oh my god, my IVF doctor is so funny. He's
so down the lines like now and all your gosh problems,
but we'll try and get your kid by I don't know,
you know what's saying so and it's like it's really funny.
Like also, you know what's wild, Sometimes it's really funny.
(30:53):
I actually made a documentary called Sticky about IVF uh
and no one picked it up. Do you know how
that's insane ruling it is to film three rounds of
IVF and the fifty thousand dollars it cost to film it,
and then for every network to say no.
Speaker 4 (31:07):
Don't give up on that.
Speaker 5 (31:08):
Someone will Yeah, absolutely, And also it's something that I mean,
I'm sure it's fun. I'm sure it's a lot of
a lot of men who are also sitting on the
board of directors who are like, who wants to watch this?
Speaker 1 (31:19):
And the thing is is literally every woman wants to
watch that.
Speaker 5 (31:21):
Every woman, whether you've gone through IVF yourself or it's
because you want to better understand how you can support
your friends going through it, Like this is the thing.
So many people are so ill equipped because they haven't
had that lived experience and so they don't know.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
How do you respond, how do you support? What do
you say? Of course? And these are the things that
like everybody needs exposure to.
Speaker 5 (31:41):
You mean, you mentioned that you feel like you have
this burden obligation to your family. How does Tom respond
to you during this period and how is your relationship
and the support that he's able to give you.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
He is like the best person alive. I'm just such
a fan of his. Like when I had my endo surgery,
he's a chef. Oh my god, I'm a genius. But
he he prepped every meal because like I want to
eat my high protein. I don't want to have too
many cabs because I'm kind of like yes, yes, yes,
like and so like I need to have all these things.
(32:14):
And he set it all up and then every meal
he had ready to go when I got out of hospital.
When I was in hospital, he came and bought like
all my food because you're meeting this cato stuff. And
he's like my biggest fan, and he is like, ah god,
you know, sometimes you make shitty decisions, and Tom Pool
was my best decision. Like I never really wanted to
(32:36):
be married. But I really wanted to be married to Tom. Yeah,
like I just did never dream to get married. To
be honest, it was never my dream. I never thought
I would get married. I just but I love him.
He's just like in service and in terms of like
acts of service. I learned so much about kindness from
his behavior. And that's the worst part of it is
that this man is born to be a father, and
(32:59):
I want him to be a dad so bad. In
our vows, I was like, I will do everything so
you can become a dad, because this man will be
the most unbelievable parent. And he is like the most
dedicated man, Like I'm such a man hater at times,
you know, he's such an unbelievable man. Yeah, and so
kind and generous, Like my mom comes over, he makes
all meals for my mother, Like he's just my nan
(33:22):
died my Like Tom made fifteen meals for my mum
and my dad. When my best friend had a baby,
he made thirty meals for her, when my sister had
a baby. This is he made all these meals just
so that's his gift of love if he does this
for my family, Like I'm just getting this unbelievable experience,
but he finds it hard. It's a lot for him emotionally,
(33:43):
and he's trying to go to work and he's like, oh,
this mental health wreck at home. So yeah, well that's
the lot for him to hold.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
The other layer that women take on in these IVF
situations is they also take on the burden of that
they're taking something.
Speaker 4 (33:57):
Or robbing their partner of something.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
So it's like it's in extra layer that you put on, Oh,
they won't be a parent now because of me, which
again we know that there's no one to blame. But
you wrote a really interesting article. I watched people wait
for their baby scans while I was actively losing mine.
Off the back of that, like what changes would you
like to see in the healthcare system? How do you
(34:19):
think we can make this a smoother and more holistic
approach to pregnancy.
Speaker 4 (34:24):
That's not just the successful pregnancies.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
So that piece was about the fact that when I
had a neck topic, I didn't realize but they take
you out of the IVF section and put you into
the public system. Fine, However, the public system, and this
was not explained to me, is the pregnancy area. So
it's where people are getting their scans. That's where people are,
you know, having their moments. There's partners, everyone's joyful, but
you're there bleeding, and so you actually have to move
(34:49):
from your seat so pregnant people can sit down. Obviously,
I'm going to do that, obviously. But I think that
if we are providing IVF care, which is pregnancy both
you know, positive and negative, we need to create space
for positive and negative. Pregnancy is holistic, like you said, Brett,
so it needs to be encompassing all of that. If
(35:10):
we have the facilities to make babies, we have the
facilities for them not to work, where is the care
for that. Mental health and IVF are so deeply connected.
We need to start supporting. And they can't tell you.
IVF nurs are unbelievable the care you get on the phone. Wow. Yeah,
I would love to see that in practice. In the practices,
(35:32):
I would love to see areas that are specifically for miscarriage,
specifically for you know, when pregnancy is not turned out
the way we wanted it to. And that means that
we don't have signs around about postnatal antiinatal care. When
you're like, bitch, I want that. Yeah, Yeah, it's you know,
it's just these minute changes. And I had a bunch
of people on that article be like, the world isn't
(35:54):
set up for you. I was like, but if it's
set up for pregnancy and the holisticness of pregnancy, and
if we are benefiting, if IVF clinics are benefiting financially
from us, why isn't that money equally put into when
it doesn't work, which is a fucking likely scenario.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
And it's when you're dropping sixteen or between two and
twenty thousand dollars year round on IVF. It's you. You
have some expectations that I think are pretty low.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
Can I tell you? For my topic, all I needed
was a blood test and an internal. Guess what they
do with the IVF clinic. A blood test and an internal.
And I had to wait for eight hours for a
blood test and internal and I couldn't work that fucking day.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
How did you find out you had anctopic pregnancy? When?
Speaker 3 (36:32):
What was the app My pregnancy hormone kept going up?
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Yeah, no pain at that time? Too early? Yeah, thank
god it was caught. When it was caught.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
Yeah, So then I had to go to the hospital
and they they're like, okay, so you're six weeks girl,
that fucks your head because you're like, oh my god,
I would love like I've saw a positive pregnancy test.
It's so exciting because I've never seen that before. I've
felt like a child.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Do they have a reason?
Speaker 5 (36:54):
Why is there a more high likely chance for it
to be in ectopic pregnancy when you've got and demetriosis?
Speaker 3 (37:01):
Okay, right, it's a high risk. It's more likely to
result in that topic. I didn't know that. But also
they never found it. They never found it was a
pregnancy of unknown, unknown location, so they actually never found it.
So I didn't need the methatract say, and I didn't
need to have my tube take it. It just passed naturally.
Speaker 4 (37:17):
So did they.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
Say to you, because now that you've had your demetrious
is cleared, are they still saying that that is the
reason for your infertility or have they put you in
a category of unknown infertility?
Speaker 1 (37:28):
No, it's end It is still endome.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
So even though it's cleared out, it can still leave
like a lasting damage.
Speaker 3 (37:33):
Yeah, or it's scarcar tissue.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Yeah, so it depends on where it attaches in the womb.
Is that correct?
Speaker 3 (37:39):
I think so? Right? But I've got a noss sort
of it. It's like there's got We've got a bunch
of it. I've got freaking pacy or where stuff going like,
I've got every's the fucking circus in there. And the
irony is I would have never known and I would
have never particularly cared if I didn't want to have
a kid. That's the weirdest part.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Yeah, it's strange to get to a level four, which
I mean, I was gonna say, it's great that you
don't have the pain. Yeah, well, it's great that you
got to a level four and you didn't have the
level of pain that some other people do. Some other's
it's like debilitating. They can't get along along with their day,
they can't go to work, they can't do anything. But
having said that, the contraindication of that is that you
didn't find out you had it. If you had that
(38:21):
extreme pain, that maybe you would have found it earlier.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
The thing is I did have pain, but I just
thought it was normal.
Speaker 5 (38:27):
That's the misconception, right, that we've been built to think
that period pain is just a normal part and parcel.
And the thing is is, well, what's pain on a scale?
My experience of pain is different to your experience of pain.
And if you've always had that pain associated with periods,
then you think that that's normal pain.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
And the bleeding. I just thought to go through a
bedtime pad three times a day in the middle of
the day was normal, and to change it multiply, I
thought that was really normal because I could never use
tampons at school because it was so heavy. And also
I didn't know how effective Missindle was, which was over
the counter codeine. That's when I when they took over
the count to codeine off the shelves, That's when my
(39:01):
pain got worse because I was really feeling it because
I didn't have codeine over the counter.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (39:05):
Right, And so you've been masking it for so long.
It's also the case with so many people who take
birth control. It masks so many things, you know, And
then there used to be this real sort of thought that, oh,
it's the birth control that makes you have infertility or
fertility issues, and it's like, no, it's not the birth control.
Mastered for so many years, you had no idea what
was going on in your body because you just were
suppressing it. Because when you were fifteen and those issues
(39:26):
were there, and you went to the doctor about it.
They put you on birth control and that was a
solution to those problems.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
What do you think we can do?
Speaker 2 (39:32):
And this is such a tricky conversation, but I imagine social
media contributes a lot to the pain of infertility, the
constant seeing baby showers, birth notices, pregnancy announcements. What do
you think we can do to make that like a safe,
manageable space, Because on one hand, you don't want to
take that joy from now someone else.
Speaker 4 (39:50):
It's like their moment, you're happy for them.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
But there has to be.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
Like this happy medium. I guess where we can be
a little bit. It's not up to some stranger to monitor.
I guess their announcement in thinking that maybe someone that's
going through in fertility.
Speaker 4 (40:04):
Will watch that and hurt. But where do you think
the happy medium is?
Speaker 3 (40:08):
I don't think there is one. I think it's like
it's gonna hurt and it's okay, and you can you
can mute or you can unfollow if it's going to
be particularly triggering. But I think it's like.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Part of it.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
Yeah, and you like I would never and I think
anyone listening to this going through fertility fragments. They would
never want someone to mar their joy for somebody else
in a way like I want people to like especially
my sister just had a baby, right, I wanted this
girl girl. I wanted my sister. I'll be likel in it.
I wanted my sister to be like living her best life.
(40:40):
I wanted her to just feel everything because she's wanted
to be a parent too, and and she's got this
cute little boy. Oh my god, this kid is so
fucking cute. And I want her to just post all
the time and be excited, because, like, you know, we
should chase joy. And if that's where your joy is
at that point, post all you want, like you should
feel that. And it's I think if if it makes
(41:00):
people going through in fertility feel some way, we can
remove ourselves that. I don't think we should make people
stop feeling their joy. Doesn't make sense.
Speaker 5 (41:08):
Yeah, but I also think that there's there's definitely levels
of posting joy and also then there's levels of being
understanding that not everyone is having that lived experience.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
Yeah, you know, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (41:19):
I mean, it's such an impossible one to navigate because
no matter it's like if you do or you don't,
Like someone is going to be experiencing a very different
reality to what you are experiencing. But yeah, Tanya, I'm
so grateful for everything that you shared, Like I know
that a lot of this, even from like the friendship
chats to around like how you've navigated that, to around fertility,
(41:41):
like it is something that literally women go through every
single day in so many different parts of their lives.
Like I said, whether it's yourself or it's someone that
you love, and I even myself, I've learned so much
about how to better navigate that with the people who
I care about.
Speaker 3 (41:55):
Yeah, I feel like I have this really loud and
you guys probably have it as well, voice inside of
you that is like what you're here to do. Yeah,
And for me, I think, and I always come back
to it everything I make, everything I create, I'm running
a TV show at the moment. It's really exciting and
I so hope it gets up.
Speaker 4 (42:14):
I've written a whole TV show as well.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
We need to talk, we.
Speaker 3 (42:17):
Go okay, okay. But the thing that I keep coming
back to, and it's so nice, I think, is that
I think I'm here to make people feel less alone
and so sometimes sharing some really dark, awful truths and
painful things, are embarrassing things, cringey things is going to
make people feel less alone, because this world is kind
of hard and if I can soften it for someone,
(42:38):
maybe my life is worth it.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
You know what a powerfully beautiful contribution there that is.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Yeah, and I hate that you said that you don't
want to be the face of fertility, yet we've had
you on here to talk about it.
Speaker 3 (42:49):
Oh, everyone does.
Speaker 4 (42:51):
What I want to say to people is we will
have you back.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
On this podcast. You are one of the funniest people.
You are such an incredible talent in the entertainment industry.
And if anyone has just discovered you somehow from this episode, now,
please go and investigate every part of Tangia's life because
she's brilliant. And we'll have you on at another time
where you can just laugh the fuck and tell jokes
the whole time. You don't have to talk about your
pain and trauma. But you have absolutely done that with
(43:15):
this episode. You have made so many people fee less alone.
I promise you, myself included in a way. But I
know that I know how many women go through this.
Speaker 3 (43:23):
You know how many women go through this clinics. When
you go in there, it is quiet and it is deafening.
Why it is awful.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
When I've gone into the clinics before, I have run
into so many people I know in there doing the
same thing, and.
Speaker 3 (43:36):
I'm like a certain level of wanting to conceal it
and not wanting to talk about it. They don't take
it to their workplace. They're high and the toilets. I
don't want that for people. I don't. I want to
get rid of this stigma.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
I've seen people here at my workplace in the clinics
and we say hello, and it's like this unspoken thing
where you don't talk and that you look at each
other across the clinic. And I'm like, and in my eyes,
I'm like, don't worry. I'm not going to tell anyone
that you'll hear. Like, not that it should be like that,
but you've made people feel les alone. And also, I
know this is going to mean nothing to you, But
I am huge in manifestation. I manifest manifest everything, and
(44:10):
I'm the second that you leave here, I'm going to
be writing in my notes, I'm going to do a
manifestation for you, please, and people think that's wue.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
I do a manifestation board every year.
Speaker 4 (44:20):
Yep, every year, mate, let's do it every month. Oh
anything you do ye anything?
Speaker 3 (44:25):
Random stuff on there though I didn't even want to
know which.
Speaker 4 (44:28):
Please stop shooting myself. This year, I didn't ship myself.
Speaker 3 (44:31):
I wanted to own a bunch of like lizards.
Speaker 4 (44:32):
Anyway, you don't have to manifest that tan.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
You can go and buy yourself, Lizzen is that post
being in the jungle. You're like lizards. That'll make me
happy by yourself.
Speaker 5 (44:41):
One.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
I can't do reality shows. I honestly, britt I don't
know how you do it.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
I love them. Someone was dragging me on my you.
Speaker 3 (44:52):
I was dragging Brittany. I thought, yeah, take down off.
Speaker 4 (44:55):
On my Dancing with the Stars announcement. Someone was in
there dragging me.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
There's always trolls and always its tang and pops up
to my defense and she's just like going the trolls back.
But somebody was like, oh my god, what reality show
wouldn't this girl do? And I just wrote maths And
then I thought.
Speaker 1 (45:09):
Why I love reality I would do, But I was right,
I would do.
Speaker 2 (45:16):
Like when you think about it, who wouldn't want to
go and dance for two months and have fun.
Speaker 4 (45:21):
Like, of course I'm going to do that.
Speaker 3 (45:22):
I tell you, that is like the best show. I'm
like going to be this like uncomfortably close to the
TV when you're on. We need to get you to
get a Team brit shirt please, I'll be Did you
enjoy it?
Speaker 1 (45:33):
I loved it? Yeah, it's fun.
Speaker 5 (45:34):
Yeah, it's a really fun show. That was the only
reason why I did it was because Matt had done
it prior and he had loved it so much, and
I was like, it's my turn, so yeah, it's really
really fun.
Speaker 3 (45:44):
I feel like I used to see Matt so much
because we used to do a show together and we
used to talk all the time. And now I just
randomly ask him annoying questions all the time and he
always answers when he's like looking after your kids, Like
he's always like in the middle of dadding and I'm like, Matt,
what do you reckon? If I made a video about
he said, turnya, Lola, don't do that.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
Yeah, I think you could.
Speaker 3 (46:03):
Don't sit down, get your hand down of that cat.
Like it's so funny. When he comes back to he's daddy.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
Daddy daddy, hardcore dadding, that's what he is.
Speaker 5 (46:11):
It's usually Lola your fingers out of your arse, like
she'll be there just trying to like sign.
Speaker 3 (46:15):
So I mean to be honest relatable.
Speaker 5 (46:16):
Yeah, I just live.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
You're an absolute dream.
Speaker 3 (46:22):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
We'll link everything in the show notes that you can
find all of her staff, all of her best books. Also,
once again pick.
Speaker 5 (46:28):
Sanna and thank you for coming being pugod for this
age group.
Speaker 3 (46:31):
I think that's listening to this podcast All the Grown
Women or Lexanta unbelievable. It rhymes
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