The Shift In Identity After Having A Baby. Uncut with Holly Nicholson

Quite a while ago now we put a call out for who you’d like to hear on the podcast and the name that came through the MOST was the woman sitting in front of us Holly Kingston/Nicholson!
We initially got to know Holly when she found love with Jimmy on the bachelor and they’ve gone on to get married and break the bachelor girl baby spell with their son Lenny!

“Once you have a baby, your relationship will never be the same” seems to be a tale told to a lot of expecting mums. And it’s true, but there are a few parts left out of that narrative. Holly and Laura ran into each other not long before Holly had Lenny and she told her ‘no one tells you how much fun it’s going to be’.

We speak about:

• Life before bach
• How her and Jimmy decided to pivot careers
• What the first year of their relationship was like
• Maintaining friendships after the bachelor
• Their challenging pregnancy journey
• Being both very grateful that you’re pregnant but really not liking pregnancy
• What the baby blues can feel like
• The counter narrative of motherhood being all doom and gloom
• The shift in identity that becoming a mum gives you
• How their relationship has changed since becoming parents

Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
6:17 Accidentally Unfiltered
13:23 Post Bach Relationship
17:37 Road to Pregnancy
24:44 Positive Test
25:50 Pregnancy and Postpartum
32:25 C-Section Birth
36:50 How Babies Change Relationships
43:45 Unsolicited Parenting Advice
51:13 Strange Pregnancy Symptoms

You can find more from Holly on her instagram

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and we have such a special
episode for you today.

Speaker 1 (00:18):
It feels like sitting down with an old friend, one
of our own alumni.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Yeah, it is within the Bachelor Illuminati.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
We did a call out quite a while ago and said, like,
who do you guys want on the podcast and one
of the most requested names that came in.

Speaker 3 (00:32):
Was not Holly, but we had it.

Speaker 4 (00:35):
We couldn't get.

Speaker 2 (00:36):
Us in Bachelor's very own Holly Kingston.

Speaker 1 (00:42):
And I mean we've talked about Holly and Jimmy, who's
also sitting in the room hiding in the corner with
their baby Lenny at the moment, but we've spoken about
Holly so much over the years on the pod. We
did Batchel on Cut and we literally updated you all
in real.

Speaker 3 (00:55):
Time on them falling in love.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
And now we get to update you all on a
very different phase of life that Holly and Jimmy have
found themselves in, and that is being brand spanking new parents.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
Holly, Welcome to the pod.

Speaker 5 (01:08):
Thank you. I do feel like a little bit of
pressure and I feel like it's really I think you've
stitched me up a bit because I feel like I've
been on a bender for about two months. I'm not
the best version of myself, a baby bender. I wasn't
drunk for two months, just so everyone's.

Speaker 4 (01:21):
I imagine, could you imagine that's the headline? Holy on
baby bender?

Speaker 1 (01:25):
To be fair, though, like it is a wild bit
of gear those first couple of months after having a baby.

Speaker 5 (01:31):
It is. But I think we were talking about it
just before we, you know, started recording. But it's a
fine line, isn't it, Because people really do. I do
feel like I went in thinking it was going to
be all doom and gloom, and it has been so
much fun. It actually has. I've been a bit tired,
but it's been so much fun.

Speaker 4 (01:49):
It's so nice to hear because Laura and I have
spoken about this like multiple times, never in detail, but
always in passing comments on the podcast in private, but
all you hear the narrative about childbirth and the first
year of motherhood, not even the first year. But it's
just how taxing it is, how exhausting it is, how
you never sleep again, how your social life changes, your
relationship changes, everybody highlights the bad stuff, so it's really

(02:11):
I'm trying to ignore Letty if anyone can hear his
like moaning, we haven't left him on his own, Jimmy
don't have him, But it's really nice to hear straight
off the bat as well, you say like it's been
great and not as bad as everyone made it out sound.

Speaker 5 (02:22):
Yeah, I mean it's quite ironic timing as well as
my child screaming in the background, But no, it has
been It's been so much fun. And I feel like
I actually run into Laura at an event when I
was heavily pregnant, and I thought about what you said
to me so much, which was no one tells you
about how fun it is, and that's something that I
was underprepared for. I was very prepared for having no

(02:44):
sleep and how much it's going to change your relationship
with your husband and all of these things, and you
don't get prepared for how fun it is.

Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah, it's an interesting one because I remember when I
had Mali and I was so ready for my life
life to be ruined because I've been told so many
times that it would never be the same. And don't
get me wrong, like, yeah, of course, it changes your relationship,
and you know, there's one hurdle after another. It's a
forever changing beast being a parent. But I think that

(03:14):
it was important for the conversations of women who have
found becoming mothers really hard to have its time in
the spotlight. I think it's so important for us to
have those conversations so that when motherhood does feel really hard,
you're not sitting in a silo going am I the
only one suffering? But I do think that that pendulum
swung so far into one direction that for people who
have actually had great experiences, or maybe even if you've

(03:36):
had a traumatic birth experience but you don't feel ongoing
trauma from it, it's as though we walk into motherhood
with a lot of fear now that it's going to
just absolutely fucking destroy your life. You're not going to
have a career, and you're not going to have any
sort of sense of social life, and your relationship is
going to go down the drain. And not all of
those things happen all at once for every single person.
I think is important to show that side as well. Yeah,

(03:58):
I think every day is so different. Obviously, you're going
to have your shit days, and you do.

Speaker 5 (04:03):
But I've actually really thoroughly enjoyed motherhood. There are certain things.
The hardest thing for me was the hormones. No, like,
I feel like that's under talked about. I think that's something.
Those first few weeks, it was genuinely like there was
just black. I was just Jimmy would be trying to
talk to me, and I'd be looking out the window
and just like, what have I done? And that is

(04:25):
you don't really want to talk about that because it
sounds like you're ungrateful for this journey. But one day
that all just kind of lifted, and that was a
really tough part. The other tough part is that you
kind of feel like you've lost your old identity a
little bit. You're now someone's mum and your body's changed.
Everything you know, so much has changed. And we didn't

(04:46):
help that because we moved house within like two weeks
of me giving birth, So I'm in this whole new place.
I'm you know, an hour away from where we used
to be, and I'm you know, I don't lactating over Yeah,
I'm lactating all over myself. But yeah, there was definitely
I think now we're really in the fun stage. I
feel like you start to kind of think, Okay, I

(05:07):
kind of know what I'm doing now kind of and
things are getting a lot more funny, starting to smile
at us and all of those things. It's starting to
feel more rewarding at the first, you know, those first
few weeks, you genuinely just for me, I just felt
like a vessel. I felt like I had utters and
that was you know.

Speaker 4 (05:25):
Well, I think that's essentially it, right, Like they're just
in the nicest way possible, they're little blobs. They're just
pooh and need to eat, and that's all they do,
and that's all you have to do all day. And
I think it's really important what you just said, And
I definitely want to get into that a little bit
later about that idea of the cloud that people feel
or the weight that people feel on them in those
first few weeks, Like what have I done? That it's
not necessarily a true reflection of how you feel. It's

(05:48):
because we don't talk enough about the hormone change. But
before we do get into that, we do want to
kick start with your accidentally unfiltered, your most embarrassing story.

Speaker 5 (05:57):
I actually, do you know what you know when someone
asks you about your most embarrassing moment, you just can't
think about it because there's just been I mean it's
not like I haven't had many, but I just can't
think about it on the spot.

Speaker 1 (06:09):
Or it depends on the type of person, because some
people don't embarrass easily, and you're like, I know that
this would be embarrassing for someone, but like, this is
just a normal day in the life Paull in Kingston.

Speaker 5 (06:17):
Here we are. Yeah, basically, no. I think most recently,
I'm just really coming to terms with the laxating situation.
I'm still kind of coming to terms with the fact
that these are really their milk in, you know, And
I mean only probably this is the most recent thing
I can think of. The most embarrassing thing that's happened
is I was at chemists warehouse just getting some nappys.

(06:38):
I think I was getting Jimmy some protein or something.

Speaker 3 (06:41):
Checks out Frien, Yeah exactly.

Speaker 5 (06:44):
Well, yeah, yeah, I'm glad one of us is going
the gym. You look after yourself done, And I was.
I was at the Chemist's warehouse counter and there was
just this like it was just a teenage boy serving
me and Hagus was looking at me, like I was
looking at the boobs. I've never had boobs in my life,
so this is also a really exciting time for me

(07:05):
in that sense. I mean, without a bra on, they
don't they don't look like you know, they're not great.
But with the bra the bra, let me tell you,
it does wonders no. And he was serving me and
I actually texted Jimmy at the time and I was like,
I think I've kind of got my mojo back a
little bit because he was looking down at my boobs
and I was like, oh, I've got boobs for the
first time in my life, fully checking you. Yeah, And

(07:26):
I just was like, I'm killing it today. And it
wasn't until about, I don't know, ten minutes later that
I looked down and I just had milk dripping, dripping
from the nips. So that's my new life. And that's
I mean, it's just every day, really, isn't it.

Speaker 3 (07:40):
Every day?

Speaker 2 (07:41):
Literally milk, You've got it all.

Speaker 3 (07:43):
So he was checking you out, but just not for
the right and you thought.

Speaker 1 (07:47):
Shame because you could have picked up some breastpads in
there at the same time. I could have made it
all around the shop. I was just telling you about
this before. But I had a situation where I was
in mid serving a customer at Tony May and we
just had a new aircorn instored right above where I
was standing, and I felt wet, like a drip on me.
And I look at the customer and I go, oh,
I'm so sorry the air con is leaking. And I

(08:08):
looked up at the air con and I'm like looking
at trying to find this leak. And at the same time,
I was full squirting on the customer and she was
too embarrassed to tell me that. I it was like
it was beyond just like lactating. It was when it
does that full let down and just squirts out of
my top and was terrified.

Speaker 3 (08:24):
Yeah, yeah, like a water.

Speaker 5 (08:28):
For her skin though very good for.

Speaker 3 (08:30):
You should be grateful.

Speaker 4 (08:31):
Rub that on yourself, charger for it, Like that's essentially
a facial that's terrible.

Speaker 3 (08:37):
Don't worry.

Speaker 1 (08:38):
I feel like any mom or new mum listening to
it so will be like we've all been that, We've
all had those moments.

Speaker 4 (08:42):
We put the questions out because you were so requested.
We were like, hey, let's just really lead into this.
What did you want to know from Holly, like, you
guys have wanted this information and let's try and start
in chronological order.

Speaker 3 (08:52):
But there were quite a lot of.

Speaker 4 (08:53):
Questions surrounding your life before the Bachelor. Were you already
into like interior styling and fashion styling and because that's
what people look at you for now, it's really become
your mold of your Instagram presence.

Speaker 5 (09:06):
Yeah, I mean so, I was in fashion marketing for
ten years so before ironically I was one of my
main things was influence outreach and basically forgetting influencers to
do campaigns and things like that. So I worked for
a company called Retailer Power Group. And to be completely honest,
when I went on the show, Jimmy and I were
both asked to be to well, both both as to

(09:29):
be on The Bachelor but with but when Casting was
basically saying to me, because I was, I'm absolutely not
doing it. It's just not something that I feel like
is the right thing for me. And when Casting reached out,
they basically said, look, we're trialing something different this year.
Basically no one has any form of Instagram following. He

(09:51):
doesn't want to be he doesn't want to be an influencer.
He's got a real job all of that stuff, and
I was like, Okay, great, that sounds good to me
because I don't want to be in that whole scene.
And then I mean fast forward afterwards and it just
kind of it's just something that we we started doing.
It is something that just happens. Yeah, it happens. Jimmy

(10:12):
and I had a big chat about it after the
show it aired, and we were like, well, if we
are going to do this, what like, how do we
do it? What do we want to do? And a
big thing for us we made a pledge to each
other was if we are going to do this, we
have to always make sure that if we're ever going
to do brand partnerships, they always have to feel authentic
to us. We have to know and love the product
or we have to trial the product and genuinely love it.

(10:33):
And that's something that for us over the years has
been incredibly important. It's not something that we I remember
at the start, you know, getting you get so many requests, Yeah,
well so many requests. Mate.

Speaker 3 (10:46):
I did a soup in COVID.

Speaker 4 (10:48):
I needed money and I was like, oh, nothing against
sorry take out soup.

Speaker 3 (10:53):
Promote in COVID. I remember looking at brit at that point.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
Now, I was like, that's a real low point when
you're poking packet soup on Instagram and I was.

Speaker 4 (11:02):
Like, sorry, I need to support my entire family in COVID. Yes,
I'll sell the soup. I loved the soup, to be fair,
it was authentic.

Speaker 5 (11:08):
It's authentic.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
I also do think that when you come from the
side of life where you don't have an Instagram presence,
you know, when you're not an influencer. I do think
that we look at influencers with a dirty lens. I
think that we can kind of have a perception around
what we think that is. And then you you know,
doing a reality TV show like The Bachelor means you're
thrust into a situation where you do have a following

(11:30):
and people are paying attention to what it is that
you're saying, whether that's a value or not of value,
and you have a choice to choose what type of
business quote unquote you want to be. And I think
that I've kind of had the same feeling around it,
Like I didn't have a personal Instagram when I did
The Bachelor. I only had my business one Tony May
and then all of a sudden I had this random

(11:51):
one called Lady in a Cat that had a lot
of people following it.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
And I was like, well, what do I want to
do with this?

Speaker 1 (11:55):
Like it would almost be a missed opportunity to say
that you're going to do nothing with it, you know.
So I think that your perception around it changes as
you become more familiar with what it means to have
that responsibility.

Speaker 5 (12:06):
Yeah, and I think for Jimmy and I as well.
I mean that first year was I mean, you go
from being on a reality show to then being in
a new relationship and then you're basically working together and
we had no shortage of arguments. We decided we really
wanted to focus on travel. He's a pilot, and you know,
I really wanted to do all of the travel stuff,

(12:27):
and so we were reaching out to, you know, all
these different little airbnbs, like we'd love to come and
you know, and we'd bring the mics and we do
all of these things. And we worked really, really hard.
I mean, Jimmy learned how to fly the drone. He
tried to teach me and I crushed it, so I
don't touch that anymore. But we worked really hard, particularly
with the travel stuff to make something of it, and

(12:48):
that took about a year and a half and now
we're doing a lot more of that and whatnot. But
it does take work, and you've got to be incredibly
authentic otherwise people can see through it.

Speaker 1 (12:58):
Now, what was that you said the first year your life?
You know, you go from being on the show to
having a relationship to working together. What was that like
for your relationship, Because I think everybody has a different
experience when they get spat out of that Bachelor machine
and there's not a lot of there's not a lot
of support. You kind of just go from being on
this show to being like cool, make it or break it,
you know. And then I mean it's very evident that

(13:18):
some couples thrive in that or it's galvanizing for them,
and other couples really just it's a pressure cooker that
they can't survive.

Speaker 5 (13:25):
Yeah, we were very lucky that we had each other
and we kind of we did thrive in that whole environment.
And I think it was just because it felt a
little bit like it was us against us against the world.

Speaker 4 (13:36):
It does feel like that, I mean I do, but
it still felt like me against the world.

Speaker 3 (13:39):
But it does feel like that.

Speaker 5 (13:41):
Yeah, and you know, we put our foot in it
a few times. I'm sure you could probably remember one
of those times. You know. That's when it's really tricky,
is when you say something that you know gets taken
out of context or something, and then it's genuinely you
feel like the world is against you, and you have
that opportunity to either go, well, we can do this together,
or we can you know, let it break us. And

(14:03):
we thankfully didn't let those things break us.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
You've maintained a really close friendship with Carli from that
from the season that you guys did. Is there anyone
else from the season that you've been friends with or like,
what was that experience like for you when you came
out of the show and then still had to engage
with some of the girls and you know, yeah, it's
a weird one.

Speaker 5 (14:23):
Yeah, Well, I mean I didn't have a heap of
friends on that show. I've tried to think about it
a few times. I think it's because I have a
personality which I was probably considered to be a little
bit blunt, a bit sarcastic with some of the girls,
and I think there was also that element of I
mean it's just a very bizarre environment to make friends.
Carlie and I are still very close. Its actually her
wedding in a few weeks and I am bridesmaid, which

(14:45):
is really fun. And I'm also still really close with
Tani and Lily, So I kind of came out. I
was really lucky to come out with a couple of friends.
I haven't spoken to the others.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
It's one of those things where and I always describe
it as like, if you win it, you come out
with a partner, and if you lose it, you come
out with friends. And it's not very common to come
out with both because at the end of the day,
you're in competition with women for affection and there's like
this hierarchy system that starts to happen, and it is
just not an environment that is conducive for breeding friendships

(15:18):
when you're pitted against each other at every point.

Speaker 4 (15:21):
It's funny because I came out with friendly with everyone,
like not on bad terms with anyone, like you'll support
each other on Instagram. But I didn't come out with
any proper friends from the show. Still not to this
day do I have any My two friends closest friends
from the Bachelor, are you? Laura from a different season,
and the stylist Kim, who's become one of my best friends. Like,

(15:41):
they're the relationships that I ended up taking from The
Bachelor because it is it's not a normal environment, and
when you leave sometimes when you're in it, you have
these amazing connections, like I had really good friends on
the show, but then when you leave you realize that
maybe it's the pressure cooker environment that forces you to
have similarities, and then when you leave, you're like, oh,
it's not quite what it was in It's funny.

Speaker 5 (16:01):
I think back to those bunk beds. I don't know.
I actually think it's hilarious because the bunk beds, they're
all engraved by past seasons, and some of the engravings
were like leave, get out, and you're like, ride where
am I?

Speaker 3 (16:13):
I don't know.

Speaker 5 (16:13):
I don't think I had anything of yours. I remember, yes,
someone from the previous season. I remember reading hers and
it was like love so and so and it was
like get out right now while you can. And I
was like, oh my god, what have I done me?

Speaker 3 (16:26):
Hious?

Speaker 5 (16:27):
Yeah, but you would go to bed these bunk beds
all crammed in this room. And I remember even with Carli,
she would come home from a date at like eleven
pm or something and she'd crawl up into the squeaky
bunk bed on top of me and I'd be like,
how was it?

Speaker 2 (16:41):
Did you give him a kiss?

Speaker 5 (16:42):
And it's like, how bizarre is that relationship? And you
can either yeah, I think it's like what you said, Britt,
is you either realize you don't have that much in
common and what you have in common is bitching about production,
bitching about the situation, or you know, you're both dating
the same guy and you talk about his kissing technique
and then you get off the show and you're like, actually,
we don't have that much in common. And thankfully for

(17:04):
the girls that I was close with and still I
am close with, is that we realized that we did
have quite a lot in common, which was nice.

Speaker 1 (17:11):
You guys, obviously you have baby Letty now and we're like,
as we've established where like in the early throes of
what motherhood looks like it means to you, but I
kind of want to take you back to when you
were trying. And also you spoke about it a little
bit on Instagram after you did share that you were
pregnant that it wasn't an easy road to pregnancy. What
was that period like and from when you guys decided

(17:33):
to start trying until when you actually found out that
you're pregnant with Lenny.

Speaker 5 (17:36):
Yeah, well, first of all, I turned into an absolute
nutter in that time, and I think it's really it's
really easy to get completely swept up in this whole
thing because you spend your whole life trying not to
get pregnant, and then when you start trying, you realize,
hold on a second, it's actually so not as easy
kids just putting the p in the v and it's

(17:57):
all done.

Speaker 4 (17:58):
You can see penis a bit of manner on the podcast.

Speaker 5 (18:02):
I Feel So Naughty. No, it was actually a really,
really challenging time. I think that was probably one of
the hardest times in my relationship with Jimmy, because I
think it's kind of like you you are going through
the ovulation stage and then you have to wait two
weeks or however long, and you may get your period,
and it's those two weeks that you're just riddled with
anxiety and also with a bit of hope, and then

(18:25):
it doesn't happen. And I was just a wreck for
that whole week while I had my period, and then
you start over again. And I'm also very cautious talking
about this stuff because I know that so many people
have it so much worse. And that's why I don't
delve too much about it on social media because I
think it is really you know, it can be quite
triggering for people. It's a very sensitive topic, but for us,

(18:49):
I mean, we got to the stage where we were
checking sperm and doing those procedures and whatnot. Ironically, it
was actually Jimmy had gone to get his sperm checked
the day before I did the ignancy test, which I'm
so glad he did that because that was quite a
funny experience.

Speaker 3 (19:04):
Oh yeah, it is.

Speaker 5 (19:07):
It's just like I can't remember what he said. He
just made the whole situation so awkward. Like I think
as we left, he said to the receptionist like record
timing or something, and I was like, why did you
say that, Like why do you feel the need to
feel that silence?

Speaker 4 (19:19):
I offered to go in with Ben when Ben did it,
because we froze embryos. When Ben did it, they were like,
it bands your time coming. So he got up to
get the cup and go into this little room and
I was following behind him.

Speaker 3 (19:28):
He's like, what are you doing? I was like, I
don't know. Don't you want Do you want me in there?
He's like no, it's like I was going to go
in and play. I don't know what I was going
to do. I was like, don't you need me? He's like,
get out.

Speaker 5 (19:37):
Have you seen the room? Though? Yes?

Speaker 4 (19:39):
The TV it's like so gross, it's so gross, plastic
chair and like a TV to watch pawn.

Speaker 5 (19:44):
Yeah, And I think Jimmy actually went to play the TV,
which was like one of those old school, like thick TVs,
and it was like resume from resume from where you're at.
It was like seventeen minutes in and he was like,
oh god, okay, so he just got his phone out,
I think. But yeah, it was a challenging time for us,
and we fought a lot in that time, mainly because
I was just not the best version of myself at all.

(20:06):
I think you have this vision I've always wanted to
be a mum, and when you have this thought that
maybe it might not happen, or maybe you might have
to go down a more difficult route to get there.
I found it really really hard, and Jimmy tried his
best to understand where I was at, whilst also coping
with the fact that he actually might not you know,

(20:29):
have him It might not be as easy for him either,
you know, their journey to becoming a dad. So it
was a trying time. But yeah, we're just very grateful.
I think that we didn't have to go down more
of a difficult route to get there. We were lucky
to get pregnant and conceive naturally.

Speaker 4 (20:43):
Yeah, And it's a hard space to talk about because
hard and difficult is subjective. Because somebody else's journey is
harder than yours doesn't mean yours wasn't hard. And I
understand why it's difficult to talk about because no matter
what happens to you or anyone listening, there will be
someone else has had it easier, and there will always
be someone else who has had it harder. And it's

(21:04):
difficult because you don't want to take away from your
experience and you don't want to add to someone else's.
But it's still your story to tell, so it's still
okay for you to say it wasn't the easiest thing
for you.

Speaker 5 (21:14):
Yeah, it's something and that's something that I kind of
overthink a lot with social media, and I'm sure you're
both quite similar as well. Is you've just got to
be so aware when it comes to sharing these things.

Speaker 1 (21:25):
Yeah, But I also think it's important to show the
spectrum of how people feel along this journey.

Speaker 3 (21:32):
And there are a lot of.

Speaker 1 (21:32):
Women who maybe try naturally for a year and then
they've created a narrative for themselves that it's like every
month is a disappointment and a sadness, and like those
women as well feel like, well, I can't talk about
this because it's not as bad as someone who's currently
going through IVF, but there's.

Speaker 2 (21:48):
Still a deep sense of like not having the thing
that you want. And I mean, the only thing that.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
I can compare it to from my perspective is I've
had two miscarriages. Both of those were as in I
had a miscarriage before Marley and then I had a
miscarriage before Lola, and I was very lucky to get
pregnant quite quickly after each miscarriage, and I felt that
having a successful pregnancy after each miscarriage kind of like
voided my ability to be sad about the miscarriages because

(22:15):
I was like, well, at least I got pregnant.

Speaker 4 (22:16):
Like negated the fact that it happened because you fell
straight away totally.

Speaker 1 (22:19):
So it was like I was like, well, I kind
of want to tell this story, but also I need
to make sure that people know that, like, I know
that other people's version of this is worse than mine.
And I guess like there's space for all of those
discussions in the spectrum of what it is to you know,
have a journey towards motherhood. And everyone is very, very
sensitive to the fact that there are women out there
who have it incredibly, incredibly hard, and it's so important

(22:42):
that those stories are shared. But I think every other
story along that spectrum is equally as important to share
because there are other people who are going through the
exact same thing.

Speaker 5 (22:49):
Yeah, And I remember when we were trying. I remember thinking, well,
I've only ever heard of like my close friends getting
pregnant first try or having to go down IVF routes,
having to you know try for many years before anything,
I never ever heard of the people in the middle.
And you know, when we went to go see a
GP and speak about what our next options were, she said, look, like,

(23:13):
what's normal. I know, but generally it would be six
to twelve months that people are trying, and that's kind
of what we would consider normal. And I was like,
even I didn't even know that. I thought that, you know,
most people got pregnant first go or it's a full
on journey.

Speaker 3 (23:27):
So you can't A lot of people might not even
know this.

Speaker 4 (23:29):
But with IVF, they won't even see you unless you've
been trying for twelve months, Like twelve months is definitely
the okay, twelve months, we might start to think there's
a problem. It really isn't as easy as people think.
But we do hear the people that are like, oh
my god, I fell first try, like I wasn't even trying,
and that's great, that's amazing, But it definitely isn't the
normal thing, and I think people need to understand that

(23:49):
to make themselves feel better. Also the fact that you're
an educated woman in your thirties trying for a baby
and you weren't even aware of that.

Speaker 5 (23:57):
No, and I was so unaware of so many, like
so many different things. I didn't even know that you
could only get pregnant a few days in the month
when we first started trying. I was like, I don't really.

Speaker 3 (24:07):
Tell you that just so could I navigated month. It's like,
I'm pretty sure I read somewhere.

Speaker 2 (24:11):
The fertility window is three weeks.

Speaker 5 (24:14):
I had no idea.

Speaker 2 (24:15):
What was it like for you when you got that
positive pregnancy test.

Speaker 5 (24:18):
I was in shock, And if I'm completely honest, I
feel like I was in shock for many, many months.
And I think after trying for a while, I was
so terrified something was going to happen. And at the time,
I was filming Luxury Escapes TV, so I was I
was on like cruise ships and things, which is not

(24:39):
where you want to be when you're in your first trimester.
And I was just kind of around the world. And
I was actually in a really bad place mentally because
I was hating first trimester, but mostly I was mentally
not in a great place because I was terrified constantly
that something was going to happen. And I was constantly going,

(25:00):
you know, oh, I don't know, did I eat something
that may you just you go into all of these
mindsets that just I don't know.

Speaker 4 (25:07):
I was.

Speaker 5 (25:07):
I struggled a little bit. Actually I struggled my whole pregnancy.
I'm going to say it right here. I hated being pregnant,
And I think two things can be true. I think
you can be so grateful that you are having a
baby and you're pregnant, but you can also not really
enjoy the experience. And I didn't love being pregnant.

Speaker 3 (25:25):
What else did you not like about being pregnant?

Speaker 5 (25:27):
I felt quite self conscious a lot, like I've felt
like my body was changing so rapidly, and it was
one of those things where all of a sudden, this
doesn't happen in life, where if you gain a few kilos,
someone will be, oh, you're looking you know, you're looking
on a little on the curve your side. And the
second that you become pregnant or you announce that you're pregnant,
people feel it's actually completely okay to go, wow, you're

(25:52):
sure you're not having twins. I got that constantly, or wow,
you're looking very healthy. It's like, but it was said
in a that didn't seem like a compliment. I was
really self conscious, and I think in this world as well,
in the social media world, that's a little bit more
exacerbated because you are getting those comments and those dms
quite frequently about your body. Yeah, like daily, I also

(26:15):
just I genuinely the hormones did not did not agree
with me. I was just anxious a lot, and I
wasn't myself, and I was causing a lot of arguments
with Jimmy and I because I was just constantly angry
about something. I was just an angry pregnant lady.

Speaker 1 (26:29):
I mean, I know that's kind of fast forwarding a bit,
and I want to know about the birth and everything else.
But you've mentioned hormones a couple of times, and I
think it's so important to talk about that period afterwards.
And so many women experience it where there isn't this
instant gratitude or connection or happiness. There's this feeling of
like what the fuck have we done? And it lifts,

(26:52):
but it's very real feeling, and it kind of exists
alongside lots of other feelings of motherhood at the same time.

Speaker 3 (26:58):
What was that like for you?

Speaker 5 (26:59):
That was, without a doubt, the worst. That's first part
of the fourth trimester was the worst part of this
whole time for me, with pregnancy, with trying to conceive,
with everything. And I've never spoken about it because I
truly feel like such an element of guilt. I have
everything I ever wanted. We moved into a beautiful new house.
Jimmy was amazing. He was on paternity leave and he

(27:20):
was there constantly and being an amazing father, and he
was just so positive all the time, which also led
to resentment because I was like, nothing's changed for you,
and everything's changed for me, which obviously things have changed
for him. But I felt such an element of guilt,
particularly in that first month, because genuinely I just felt fog.
I felt like I was looking out the window and

(27:41):
I was like, I can't see the light at the
end of the tunnel, and I think it was just
a little bit of baby blues. And I think a
lot of people experience this, But when I had the
C section and when he came out, I didn't feel
this instant like they showed me the baby and I
was like, is this kind of like this moment where
you're like, I know there was a baby in there

(28:02):
that whole time, but that's a baby, yeah, you know,
like I was supposed to do that. And I remember
when I was wheeled back up after the theater and
the midwife came in and she was this older midwife
who had done this for thirty years, and she was like, okay,
were you guys all good? And jim and I looked
at each other and we were like, but oh, sorry,
but what do we do now? And she was like,

(28:22):
just keep doing what you're doing. And I remember her
leaving the room, like in slow motion and just being like.

Speaker 3 (28:27):
Don't go. Yeah please.

Speaker 5 (28:29):
I was like, what do we do with this little thing?
And yeah, I think just it was probably almost at
the four week mark postpartum where all of a sudden
I woke up and I was just like, wow, this
is actually quite fun, and maybe we should start planning
a holiday this year, and maybe, you know, I could
start thinking about getting back into pilates, and like, all

(28:51):
of a sudden, I was thinking about the future, and
before I was just every day just trying to It
sounds quite dramatic, but trying to survive. Was just going,
you know, I feel like I should be so grateful
for this perfect little baby, and it led to guilt
because everything was so great, and I was like, you're
the problem. And we also had Lenny leading up to Christmas,

(29:14):
so there were so many people wanting to come over
and visit. And I said to Jimmy at one point,
I think it was about three weeks in and I said,
I think I've lost my ability to talk to people.

Speaker 3 (29:22):
Yeah, I don't want any more people.

Speaker 5 (29:23):
Yeah, I don't know how to keep conversation and sustaining
conversation anymore, because I felt like everyone was so excited
for us, and I wanted to be the life of
the party, and I wanted to be excited, but I
just wasn't you're.

Speaker 3 (29:35):
A dirt inside.

Speaker 1 (29:36):
Yeah, I think that there will be so many mums
who listened to this, and maybe, you know, I don't
know how many, Like every pregnancy and every birthing experience
is different, but I think that there will be mums
out there who listen to this and go, oh my god,
I had that with my first or my second, or
you know, I have a girlfriend at the moment who's
just recently had a baby, and she's going through the
exact same thing. This like feeling as though the connection

(29:59):
that you're expected to have.

Speaker 3 (30:00):
Just isn't there.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
And I think my pregnancy with Lola was such a
surprise because I felt that instant connection with Marley. But Lola,
I remember sitting on the side of the bed, like
three days after she was born and staring at her
thinking what the fuck have I done? And I did
not feel what I thought I was supposed to feel,
especially in comparison to first pregnancy.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
But it lifts, you know, and it changes and.

Speaker 1 (30:24):
Like the way that you feel, especially in that like
postpartum phase where your body is absolutely destroyed and then
everyone's over and you're like having cups of tea, Like
it's this surreal experience where you're like, I just ran
a marathon and almost died, and now I'm sitting here
fucking keeping this thing alive and talking to you about it,
and I'm so tired. I just want to go to bed. Yeah,

(30:46):
there's nothing that you can compare it to. So it's
so close to an your death experience you're gonna have.

Speaker 5 (30:51):
Yeah, yeah, I mean I just remember. And I think
the other thing with the C section as well, is
you were so paralyzed from like the ribs down, and
I remember it was actually so bizarre. They moved me
over on the sheet. I remember thinking my legs were
over to my left and then I looked up and
my toes are up the top of the top of.

Speaker 3 (31:09):
Me, and I was like, well, what is going on
or nothing?

Speaker 5 (31:12):
Yeah, And I remember when you're so physically unable to
do anything. I remember the midwife putting Lenny on my chest,
and first of all, she put him straight on my
nipple and she said, oh, by the way, sorry, did
you want a breast feed? And I was like, that's
probably something you should ask people, but it should put
him straight on there. And I just remember going like
I could hardly move my arms, and it was just

(31:33):
this moment where it was, wait, I have to parent now.
I've just been through the biggest operation I was awake
for of my life, and I now have to be
a mum? How does that work? You know? And I
think that it's just an interest. It's a very interesting
start to becoming a parent.

Speaker 3 (31:52):
How did you end up with the C section?

Speaker 5 (31:54):
Like?

Speaker 3 (31:55):
What was your birth plan? And then what when? How
wide did it change?

Speaker 5 (31:59):
Didn't have a birth plan. I think our obstitution of course,
used aviation analogies when we came in whole time. Yeah exactly.
It was like, okay, can we drop the aviation analogies?

Speaker 3 (32:10):
Yeah, And she.

Speaker 5 (32:11):
Said something with Jimmy like look, you know it's like yeah.
Basically she said, you know, I wouldn't go as a passenger.
I wouldn't go into I actually don't really remember. It
was something like this. I wasn't listening all the time,
but it was like you you know, I wouldn't go
into the cockpit and tell the pilot there's not going
to be any turbulence and it's going to be a
smooth light and blah blah blah. The whole goal is

(32:32):
to get those passengers on the ground safely.

Speaker 2 (32:35):
No, it's actually not a bad analogy, to be fair.

Speaker 5 (32:37):
Yeah, And I think for me, I was just like, look,
my main thing is I had like little things, you
know that I wanted to make sure, like I wanted
to see if I could have music on, and I
wanted to you know, there were just little things. But
I didn't I never thought, you know, I need to
have a vaginal birth and I need this to you know,
feel satisfied or whatever. And Lenny was Frank Breach. And

(32:59):
I had marginal cord insertion, so the ambilical cord attached
to the outside of the placenta, so it's just made
it a bit more of a high risk pregnancy. But
he was Frank Breach. It was up the right way
round the whole pregnancy. And then the little monster decided
that I actually want to turn upside down now.

Speaker 1 (33:15):
So he turned upside down and was feet first. For
anyone who doesn't know.

Speaker 5 (33:20):
Yeah, like they're in a pike. Yeah. So he's like,
we never got any cute ultrasound photos of him because
his feet were in front of his face.

Speaker 3 (33:27):
The born like that with my legs over my head.

Speaker 5 (33:29):
But first, I think you told me about this and didn't.
It was a vaginal birth, wasn't it. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (33:35):
Yeah, my poor mum, and also my hips to this
day dislocate like I could pop them out right now,
Simon Dentsman, the stars they pop out all the time.

Speaker 3 (33:42):
Because if you have a vaginal.

Speaker 4 (33:44):
Birth like that, you as a baby, you should be
put into a hip brace for like.

Speaker 3 (33:47):
Six months hip displasure.

Speaker 5 (33:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (33:50):
So I just wasn't because back in the day that
I didn't give a fuck. I was still smoking, so
like off go. But yeah, so I can absolutely understand
why you had a sea section.

Speaker 5 (34:00):
Yeah. I don't even think they would allow you to do.

Speaker 3 (34:02):
No mum lives through that.

Speaker 5 (34:04):
Yeah, just try it, just a little bit broken, but
she's Yeah, so he was. He was frank breage and
basically I tried all the things too. I tried all
the things to turn him. I think heaps of people
on social media said, you know, try mock sebustion, and
I was like, oh, so interesting. It's basically, like I
think you turn into you just do things that you

(34:25):
didn't think that you would do when you become pregnant.

Speaker 3 (34:27):
You're prefacing at what is it, Holly, it's a little
woo woo.

Speaker 5 (34:30):
But basically, and I came home in a field drinking your.

Speaker 3 (34:34):
Like, what are you doing on your handstand?

Speaker 5 (34:35):
I saw it on social media, So basically you get
it looks like a joint. It's like it looks like
it looks like and it smells like a joint. And
I remember Jimmy and I'm looking at him now because
I remember having the biggest fight with him because I
came home and he started busying himself laughing. Then like
what are you going to do with that? Yeah? So basically,
you hold it above your pinky toe, like I think
it's like ten centimeters above your binky toe or something,

(34:57):
and you hold it there for twenty minutes and it
like burns the crap out of your toe. So I
don't like it's hot. It's hot. On the toe.

Speaker 3 (35:04):
I thought you're going to say you hold it, you
just put it down.

Speaker 4 (35:06):
I thought you're gonna say you like smoked him out,
like smoke on the other vaginals, like gas him out.

Speaker 5 (35:10):
Basically, yeah. So and Jimmy was like, We're not doing that.
This is stupid. He tried to hold it and he
was like this is ridiculous, and I was like, we
are doing a week and to turn this baby. And
so I ended up sitting out on the balcony in
the freezing cold with this like joint op of my
toe and Jimmy's just looking at me like what is
Like what has she become? But tried all the things, acupuncture,
all of those things, and I was like, look, I'm

(35:31):
sure there's a reason he's not turning. I just feel
like you've got to kind of trust the process a
little bit. So I agreed to do a C section.
I agreed, like it was, it wasn't a choice. And
when he came out, actually they they said to Jimmy,
do you want to see the placenta and he was
like absolutely not, And they still came over with the
dish and like he's like, oh you know, And it

(35:53):
was actually pretty much all calcified, which is it was
measuring a forty three week placenta and I was thirty
eight weeks at the time.

Speaker 3 (36:01):
I was so lucky to have gotten about So.

Speaker 5 (36:03):
It's basically even in that within a couple of hours
I was heading into preeclamcy. My placentda was shutting down.
It was just your wasn't going to be I wasn't
going to be able to have a vaginal birth anyway.
And I think sometimes you've got to just go I
trust the process.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
Yeah, I mean, like we spoke about a little bit
and maybe it's even too early to know how things
have shifted, but what do you think having a baby
or how has having a baby changed the relationship between
the two of you.

Speaker 5 (36:27):
Ah, this is one of those things that I feel like,
I really I was very anxious about because you hear
so much about how much your relationship is going to change,
and truthfully, I think our relationship has actually changed for
the better. We've definitely had our moments. I think it's
so fun seeing your partner become a parent, like how

(36:48):
they just how they change. And Jimmy has just been
the most phenomenal dad. But we just we actually went
for quite a few date nights when I was pregnant,
and we made this a real focus. We were like,
we need to make sure to prioritize each other another
aviation now g But Jimmy was always like, you've got
to fit your oxygen mask before you fit the babies.
And it actually is a really good way to think

(37:09):
about it, because, you know, we make sure that we
are happy first and foremost, because that way we're going
to be good parents, you know, whether that's Jimmy still
going the gym or him giving me some time to
go to pilates, or us booking holidays and booking trips
and doing the things that we always did before. And
there have definitely been times I'm not gonna lie where

(37:30):
I'm like, are we ever going to be like, you
know that hot and spicy? Like is it the sex
ever going to be the same as all? Because I
remember the first time that we were intimate.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
It's so weird the first time, like you're just kind
of like, oh, I guess we'll get this out of
the way.

Speaker 5 (37:48):
Yeah, But I remember I had a dummy in my
ear and Lenny was like I was leaning on the
bed and had a dummy in my ear, and I
was looking at his dirty nappy, and I could hear
Lennie just like having a great old time in the
next room. He wasn't quite asleep, it was stirring, and
I was just like, this is you know, is it
ever going to be back to what it was? And
it's obviously still too early to tell. I'm I think

(38:09):
I'm eight weeks in. I've been saying, Lenny's like six
weeks old.

Speaker 1 (38:12):
You've guys have done a fucking cracking job because like
a lot of people even six, seven, eight weeks, and
I know they kind of say you got to wait
till six weeks, but I would say most people or
a lot of people can't get back into it at
the six week mark. Like that's like put in there
from like a health and safety perspective, but then there's
like your mental health around getting back into being intimate.

Speaker 3 (38:31):
That's the whole secondary thing. There's also the C section
recovery too. Yeah, that's why they're six weeks.

Speaker 5 (38:36):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, And I said this to Jimmy
the other day, I said, I think a big thing.
We actually had this conversation we said, is it ever
going to be like what it was, and Hey, of
course that Yeah, of course it will. You know, you
just need to give it some time. But I said
to him, I said, a big thing for me is
feeling attractive again and feeling sexy, and I don't. I
do not feel like that at all at the moment.

(38:57):
And that's just the reality, you know. I think I've
also built a career on beautiful clothes and styling things
and doing whatnot. I can't wear the same clothes as
I used to wear because my body is so different.

Speaker 4 (39:09):
And there are also so many new people now that
are in the same phase, that are following you in
looking at you for advice of this phase.

Speaker 3 (39:16):
Do you know what I mean? Like, there will always
be people in the journey with you no matter where
you are.

Speaker 5 (39:20):
Yeah, no, I agree, And I think it's just one
of those things you've just got to come to terms with.
This is the me at the moment, and I don't think. Yeah,
I feel like I'm surrounded by a lot of people
as well who bounce back really quickly. And I hate
that term bounce back. But you know, I was at
pilates the other day and there's mirrors all around and
I was just looking at my stomach and I had
like this little pouch that I've never had before, and

(39:42):
I was like, it made me not even want to
do the class because I felt so I just didn't
feel like myself anymore. And I think it's just about
coming to terms with those things. Not everything is going
to be influencers who come back from things very quickly
and all of that. There is this stage where you've
just got to try and deal with the new you.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
I also think that there's an evolution that happens, like
I don't and for me personally, like I never was
the same version before, Like I don't think you can
go back this idea of bouncing back to the person
that you were before you had kids. There are things
that change that never are the same. And for me,
part of that was I never felt as though the

(40:24):
clothes that I used to wear pre pregnancy, pre having
a baby suited me or fit me right anymore. Like
I had a complete change in the way that I
and it was it was really hard for a while
because I was like, what do I wear now?

Speaker 3 (40:35):
What does look good on me?

Speaker 1 (40:37):
I don't know, And it took me a really long
time to kind of figure out what my style was,
but that changed, and I would say, I look at
I have like plastic tubs worth of clothes that I
look at every so often that I'm like, oh my god,
I would have won all, Like it was all my
clothes pre pregnancy.

Speaker 3 (40:51):
I'll take them and none.

Speaker 1 (40:52):
Of it and none of it would I ever dream
of wearing now. And it's not that I don't necessarily
fit it. It just doesn't feel right on me. But
if that makes sense, I think there's also an argument
for the fact that you shouldn't go back to who
you were, because that's not what life is. Life is
forever evolving and you are not who you were before,
and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Like
we become a different person in a different part of life.

(41:13):
I think the thing, though, is that there's never another
time where it happens so rapidly as it does with motherhood. Yeah,
like we all age, we know that, but it is
like overnight, your physical identity shifts, and that can be
a really hard thing to process, I think for most people.

Speaker 5 (41:27):
Yeah, there's no other thing in life really that every
single part of you changes within those nine months. It's like,
and that's what I really struggled with It's like mentally
you change, emotionally you change, your relationship changes, your body changes,
and it's just about coming to terms with those things.
And now I'm just going I do still feel that
loss of identity a little bit. And I also struggle

(41:50):
with the you know, all of a sudden, everyone just
wants to talk about your baby and you, you know,
and how everything, which is ironic because that's what we're
talking about today.

Speaker 3 (42:00):
Yeah, we're talking about you.

Speaker 5 (42:02):
Yeah, but I think, yeah, it's just it's just going
to be a bit of a journey of figuring out
who the new me is.

Speaker 3 (42:11):
How do you go.

Speaker 4 (42:12):
Solely parenting now because Jimmy's job, obviously as a pilot,
takes him away. What's the longest period you've been on
your own for and how.

Speaker 3 (42:19):
Has it been so far?

Speaker 5 (42:20):
It's actually been alright, because Jimmy took quite an extensive paternity.
Well he was he was home for about a month,
but he did his ankle before I don't know. Ye
oh god, that was that was interesting that time.

Speaker 3 (42:32):
Also, sorry, Lenny has the hiccups.

Speaker 5 (42:33):
It's the cutest thing. He's just over there going. Yeah,
it's actually been it's a struggle. The main thing is
that feeling of not being able to be hands free.
I think you just it's a full time job. It's
not a full time job. Actually it's twenty four hours
and it's really challenging. But to some degree, I actually

(42:54):
quite enjoy having Jimmy gone. I realized the house is
actually a lot easier to keep neat, and there are
there are things like he can't do a lot of
the things that I can, you know, like I have
to get up and feed him, and if you are breastfeeding,
it is one of those things the men can kind
of be a little bit useless.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
Yeah, a little bit, especially during this period.

Speaker 1 (43:13):
How do you deal with the unsolicited parenting advice that
comes in, because one of the joys of having a
following is that there's people who are like interested in
what you say. But one of the burdens is that
people have a lot of things to say to you
as well.

Speaker 5 (43:24):
Yeah, look, that's definitely been one of the biggest hurdles
for me. I think you've obviously got family and friends
usually that will give you unsolicited advice. You'll have, you know,
maybe you're in law saying you know, you should do
it in a certain way, but when you have social
media on top of that, it is incredibly daunting, particularly

(43:44):
in those first few months, because you don't know what
you're doing, and there is such an over consumption of
just things on social media when it comes to pregnancy,
when it comes to parenthood, every second thing on my
algorithm at the moment is you know, this is my
bathtime routine with my three weeks old, and it's like,
who has a bathtime routine?

Speaker 2 (44:02):
And I was like, I barely watched her when she
was three weeks I think I watched her once.

Speaker 3 (44:06):
In that time.

Speaker 4 (44:07):
But the advice also contradicts constantly, so like you see
one thing and then someone else will pop up and
there's saying exact opposite thing.

Speaker 5 (44:13):
Yeah. I think for me it was when we got
back from hospital. I think I realized I went on
back onto social media way too soon. I think I
almost had this idea that if I just keep going
with social media, it's like it won't become this burden
in a couple of weeks time that I have to
then update people on our life, and that there is
that element. But I remember five days after being in hospital,

(44:35):
we got back and I remember posting this video of Jimmy,
and I thought it was just this really lovely video
of him holding Lenny, and he'd fallen asleep holding Lenny
and I was there, obviously unpacking the hospital back watching him,
and I just remember there was just this one comment
that basically said, you shouldn't be holding him that way.
There's the risk of SIDS. And it just blew up,

(44:56):
Like I had hundreds of people arguing with each other.
You know, you shouldn't talk to them. They're new parent,
like new parents, and blah blah blah, and then all
these other people going, well, no, she actually makes a
solid point. You know. I had this traumatizing experience which
I don't want to repeat. But and I'm reading all
of these things five days into becoming a mom and
just going, oh my god, am I doing this right?

(45:18):
Is my kid at risk of seeds? Like and you start,
I don't know. I was just a wreck. And I
said to Jimmy, I said should I delete the post?
And he was like, no, absolutely not. Stop reading the
comments and just move on.

Speaker 3 (45:29):
Just let them sort it out for themselves and move on.

Speaker 1 (45:30):
The ridiculous thing is is that people on social media
do love to give their advice based on a snapshot
in time. And the thing is is from that photo,
people don't have the context that you're standing there. I mean,
the context is in the photo. You're standing there taking
the photo. So although one person's asleep, the other parent
is right there. And I think that people make a

(45:52):
lot of assumptions around a second and then therefore like
give their advice. And it's the same when you talk
about being pregnant woman and the unsolicited comments on your body.

Speaker 2 (46:03):
When you're a new parent or any parent. I don't
think you have to just be a new parent.

Speaker 1 (46:06):
It's like you are open slabber for people telling you
that you're not doing it right or that you should
do something differently. And often that advice comes from women.
I would say it comes from like older women who
have maybe the second generation, who think that the way
that they did it was the right way of doing it.

Speaker 5 (46:23):
Yeah, and that's the irony as well. I think through
the whole time that Jimmy and I've been doing the
social media thing, Jimmy very rarely cops anything. It seems
to be always women against women, which really really sucks.
But I think, like, yeah, I don't know, I just
feel like it comes naturally, I think to some people
as well, even for me. The other day I saw

(46:43):
someone going like, pack my hospital bag with me, and
I remember thinking my head, oh, she's not going to
use that. And I was like, I just did the thing.
I did the thing where it's like you don't need that,
this is how you do it. Every child is so different. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
I did the same thing recently, and Influence was posting
all the cute baby outfits they bought for their newborn
and I was like, hah, buttons, You're never gonna use
any of those fucking cute but I bet you all
of those have tags on when that baby's four months old.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
Buttons, Yeah, I.

Speaker 5 (47:11):
Know, right.

Speaker 1 (47:11):
But but also like people have to learn for themselves,
and like there is no nothing good comes from telling
someone that the thing they're excited about isn't gonna happen,
because maybe they will be that parent who has the
energy or the capacity to put the buttons on their kid.

Speaker 2 (47:25):
Maybe they will be good for them. Like I found
that bon.

Speaker 1 (47:27):
Zippies were like my fucking one and only my kid
would go to Like we'd go to events and they'd
be wearing bond Zippy.

Speaker 3 (47:35):
I've never seen your kid in a button at five.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
Literally, Marley and Lola until they were literally one years
old just lived in slipsuits.

Speaker 2 (47:42):
I was like, it's all I have the capacity for.

Speaker 5 (47:44):
Yeah, having to be fair, Lenny is dressed to impress today,
he's got overall.

Speaker 2 (47:49):
Holy it was my first thought when I saw Lenny.
I was like, Wow, that's ambitious.

Speaker 5 (47:53):
Exactly was big podcast exactly exactly?

Speaker 1 (47:58):
Yeah, I mean I can only imagine how hard that
period is. And you guys are so in the thick
of it, like I mean eight weeks, six weeks, who
knows how old then he.

Speaker 2 (48:05):
Is, but like twelve months we want to take but
it really is.

Speaker 1 (48:10):
It's like this is ground zero for like everyone critiquing
how you're doing it. But I mean, anyone who can
get up, get themselves dressed and come into do a
podcast record with their husband and their baby is doing
a fucking amazing job.

Speaker 4 (48:23):
And I also, I think we scooted it over it.
But I do just want to say, because we should
have commented on it. But you just saying you went
to a polate's class and looked and saw your pouch
and you were really down about it.

Speaker 3 (48:33):
Can I just say a pouch. What you called it?
You said you look down for a pouch.

Speaker 5 (48:38):
Didn't you say that? I probably did.

Speaker 3 (48:39):
Well, maybe I called it a pouch. Maybe said pocket
is a pouch.

Speaker 2 (48:43):
But that's what we don't call it, right because you.

Speaker 5 (48:45):
Get this pouch, you get this pouch that stays a
bum bag.

Speaker 3 (48:49):
You've got a bumb bag.

Speaker 4 (48:50):
But can I just say, firstly, you look incredible, You're
doing incredibly well. No, there is no normal, there is
no bounce back. There is no normal recovery for any woman.
Eight weeks in, your hormones aren't even back to normal.
So even for you to look at yourself in another month,
you'll feel differently and that's going to be forever evolving.
So I just felt like we should have sat in

(49:11):
that for a second because whilst you don't feel quote
unquote sexy, you're fucking hot. Like I'm looking at you
now and you're a fire flame.

Speaker 5 (49:18):
So I feel like that's the nicest you've ever been
to me.

Speaker 1 (49:21):
It's like, I'm like, it's a hard one, isn't it,
When like the benchmark on social media is hot pregnancies.
I mean there's lots, like there's the full spectrum of it,
but like I even recently. I only use this as
an example because she is so beautiful and like being pregnant.
She's like literally the icon of fitness, Steph Claire Smith.
Like I was watching her kind of like, you know,

(49:42):
she's quite heavily pregnant now and she just looks amazing and.

Speaker 3 (49:45):
Yeah, she she pregnancy suits her, and like.

Speaker 1 (49:48):
You know, she's also her brand is fitness, so like
she's always going to be like the fittest version of
a pregnant person. And I looked at it recently and
I was like, oh, I just I just so hardcore.
Can't relate because I'm so sick when I'm pregnant that
I can't exercise. So for me, it's like I look
at people who are able to maintain that part of
their life and who go to pilates in first trimester

(50:10):
and they maintain their shape, and I'm like, I am
literally a dead person. Yeah, can't get off the couch,
can't stop vomiting.

Speaker 3 (50:17):
Yeah, pregnancy doesn't love you.

Speaker 2 (50:19):
It doesn't love your friend.

Speaker 3 (50:21):
You don't thrive at the start. Did you come into
your own Yeah?

Speaker 2 (50:24):
I figure it out midway, but it's a rough start.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
But also like by then, I've just done seventeen weeks
of literally nothing. So not only am I behind the
eight ball and trying to exercise again, I'm also midway pregnant,
Like it's so hard. So you know, I understand this
like reference point that we have sometimes for what pregnancy
looks like, and it's just so different for every single person.

Speaker 5 (50:45):
I do think though, I just I fail to believe
that there aren't women who are gassy and they've got
swollen hands and everything goes like the amount of symptoms
that you have. I remember asking chat GPT the whole
time I was pregnant, like is this symptom normal? I've
got a block nose? Is this symptom normal? It's like
every symptom.

Speaker 3 (51:05):
What was the weirdest thing that happened to you?

Speaker 5 (51:06):
God?

Speaker 3 (51:07):
Like, did you grow hair? Someway?

Speaker 5 (51:08):
You shouldn't have all the Yeah, if you are a
laser person, like I've had laser for twelve years on
the bee on the badge where the p goes yeah,
and it just all of a sudden it started growing
back in these patchy ways. And I remember as well,
for the C section, I was like, I need to,
you know, sort this out.

Speaker 2 (51:29):
I can't see it, but I need It's so.

Speaker 4 (51:31):
Funny because they're literally cutting you open to pull a
baby out, and you're like, oh, I know, you got it.

Speaker 5 (51:36):
Yeah, you got to make sure that it's all in order.
And I remember looking at it. Do you know that
the Deadpool Wolverine dog that's like it's got like all
the tufts of hair. I remember when my stomach started
to go down and I could see my vagina again.
I was like, what did I do? It was just
like there's just like it was just yeah, it was
not good. Yeah. So the hair situation that was and

(51:57):
I think, as well, just it's this isn't a funny one.
But it was just the hands, like everything just started
blowing up. I was like Violet Beauregard from Charlie and
the Chocolate Factory when she turns into the giant blue Barrey.
I remember going to the gym for the last time
and I just went in my third trimester and I
was like, nah, I picked up some weights and I
couldn't actually even clasped the weights and I started just

(52:18):
I was so pregnant, and Jimmy was sitting next to me,
and I just just crying with these dumb bells in
my hand and he was eing me to go, and
I think it's time. Yeah, so yeah, it all just happens,
it really does.

Speaker 3 (52:30):
It is something we didn't you go chest here? I
was like a drup. Wasn't that stuff?

Speaker 1 (52:36):
We got a really fat vagina, that's it? Fat, like
my fucking vulvar. I was like, are we are we kidding?
Like I was like, I can't even wear a fucking swimsuit.

Speaker 3 (52:44):
It looks like I'm packing.

Speaker 1 (52:45):
Like it was so confusing, and then it deflated afterwards.
But I just like, third trimester had the fattest vulvar
that you've ever seen?

Speaker 5 (52:53):
Wait, which is that? Which part is the volvering?

Speaker 1 (52:55):
The whole outside? Everything that's like on the art side
other than.

Speaker 5 (53:00):
Like except mine hasn't changed. Mine is still the same
as when I was pregnant, and it's been well no,
it's just my whole vagina has actually changed. I don't
know if this is a thing like my laby of
sucked in.

Speaker 3 (53:13):
Really most people go out well, but.

Speaker 5 (53:15):
I didn't have to push. I didn't push the thing.
It still waiting. They're waiting.

Speaker 3 (53:21):
You gotta vagina talk. You've got like a reconstruction.

Speaker 1 (53:25):
I got barracus veins as well, Like that was another
fun symptom that just came out of nowhere. I still
have them, haven't done anything about them, but like so
many things, like my hair stopped falling out and then
it fell out in tough afterwards, like it just it
really does do a fucking.

Speaker 3 (53:39):
Doozy on your body.

Speaker 1 (53:40):
And so it's no wonder that for those like few
weeks afterwards all longer for some people press like what
just happened?

Speaker 4 (53:47):
Well, yeah it's fair, isn't It's like when you're really
nutted out, you're like, yeah, this checks out.

Speaker 5 (53:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (53:52):
I mean we've spoken a lot about like the hard bits,
but what's been like your favorite thing so far?

Speaker 5 (53:56):
Oh? I mean I went into this being like I
want to make sure that I don't talk about doom
and gloom, and I hope that I haven't touched on
that too much. I just want to make sure that
everyone knows that this has been the most incredible thing
I have ever done in my life. It definitely comes
with its lows, but just seeing him now where at
such a fun age where it's like he's now starting

(54:18):
to respond. He's no longer just this potato who just
you know, poohs on you and vomits on you. He
is now like he smiles at us in Like I'll
go to get him out of his little bassinette in
the morning and he's just like smiling at me. And
I think, just seeing how much they change every day,
Jimmy and I have like these just really nice mornings together.
They're just slow mornings. We get up and we just

(54:40):
lie in bed with a coffee and we just have
the nicest you know, Jimmy will sing to him and yeah,
I mean he doesn't have the greatest voice, but it's
just all a really exciting time seeing him grow.

Speaker 4 (54:54):
Yeah, so beautiful, honey, Holly, thank you so much for
coming in and sharing your story.

Speaker 3 (54:58):
You actually are such a dream.

Speaker 4 (55:00):
You've always been such a giving and kind and generous person.
You've never You've not changed an ounce since we saw
you on the bachelorfe the whole way. And I think
that that is a really we don't see it often.
It's a really rare thing to be truly who you
are and authentic from go to woe.

Speaker 3 (55:17):
Like it's been like what six seven years now.

Speaker 5 (55:19):
No, no, like, yeah, maybe four seven for me, it's
been a while seven, Fu fuck.

Speaker 3 (55:25):
Is you eighty seven?

Speaker 5 (55:25):
Now? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (55:26):
I was thirty.

Speaker 4 (55:27):
I'm turning thirty eight this year, so I'm eight years.
Well yeah, I'm nearly eight years. You're going on nine years.

Speaker 3 (55:32):
Wow, what it's done to us? Yeah, so maybe you think.
But thank you so much for being so generous in
sharing your story with us today.

Speaker 5 (55:40):
Thanks guys, I've not got vicovern moment for thank you.

Speaker 3 (55:43):
The end of there