April 15, 2025 • 40 mins
Ciao Lifers!
We're coming to you from 3 different locations today. Britt has finally been reunited with Ben in Italy and she's caused a stir about dipping croissants in coffee.
Laura has a positive update about her ovarian cyst. We have a chat about it not being 'normal' to be in pain and how it can be quite anxiety inducing to receive a 'wait and see what happens' type of diagnosis.
Should we be giving babies their mother's surname? There's an Italian politician who has proposed a law that would automatically give babies their mother's surname at birth. Britt's still making up her mind of what both her and her husband to be will do with their surnames when they get married. Laura questions why it's such a 'norm' for us to not even think about giving kids their mum's last names.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
We are on holidays.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Let it be known, but this is not only is
it cross continent, this is cross continent and cross city
record because we're all somewhere different.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I am down and a La Dullah love it down.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Here kesus in Paddington and she has Delilah, and I
am over in Italy with Ben. But like the time
frame difference here, it's like I'm at midnight, you guys
are at eight am. It's a whole thing trying to
do this on holiday.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Oh, let it be known. We were not here at
eight am. We were here at six thirty am. But
like technical difficulties when you're trying to record from overseas.
So we've been dicking around for two hours trying to
make this podcast work because we will never let you down.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
We'll just let ourselves down in the process.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
If you're watching this on YouTube, you will be able
to see it. Delilah has absolutely given up. She's like,
these fuckers cannot even organize a podcast recording. She's been
laying there waiting for me to take her for a
walk for two hours and she's like, hurry up, but just.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
So you guys know, So this is our last episode
before we two take like a week and a half off.
We bit the bullet a little bit early and decided
that we'd all fuck off a couple of days before
the actual holidays kicked in. So henceway, this is chaos,
but it's gonna be great. We've got some important things
to talk about. But Britt, you haven't seen Ben for
almost fourteen weeks.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
It was so good. It was like you sometimes it's
hard to explain. You almost get nervous in a way,
not nervous, but the excitement it's been so long since
you've seen each other. And then you're like, you've built
this up on a twenty four hour flight. But we're
like tracking our life locations to see how close we
were together. And he was waiting out the front for
me with a pizza. He had like a giant, family
sized pizza waiting for me. It was really really cute.
(01:50):
So we had like a really nice three minutes and
then we had a really nice night that was that
was great, and then we spent the day in Milan,
which was really cool. So he luckily a day one
of his days off coincided with when I arrived, which
wasn't intentional, very fortunate, So we spent this beautiful day
Milan like tourists. It was really really cool, And then
(02:11):
we came to his new house. Ben moved into a
very temporary apartment two to three months. He lives on
his own. He wasn't expecting visitors. I feel like I'm
living with like an eighteen year old college frat boy.
Like we are in basically a studio apartment. It is
so small, but he's like, I wasn't expecting to be
(02:32):
here this long, but like I can reach my arms out,
I can like touch all the walls. He's so biggy
belly fits in here.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I think that the bigger problem here is that Ben
owns about five thousand pairs of shoes, so I don't
really know where he's put.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Them right now. But that's probably the bigger problem that
you guys have to deal with.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
It is an.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Issue, but it's been really really nice. He's going away,
well he's been away for two days. Sorry, So it's hard.
It's like you come in on these highs, but with
Ben's work, he can't just say, hey, my fiance is
coming can I have a couple of days off. It
doesn't work like that. He has a job and he
has to go. So I was only here for one day,
and then he's been gone for two days. He literally
got back half an hour ago when we were recording,
so I said hello, and he's gone to bed because
(03:08):
it's twelve thirty in the morning. You know what I
have done. I have started something on Instagram. So I
went to just get like a coffee and a croissant,
and I dipped my croissant in the coffee, which I'm
a dipper. I don't know if you're a dipper, but
like I will dip biscuits, I'll dip anything that I've got.
And in Italy for breakfast here in Genoa, it's sort
(03:28):
of like a tradition that you get for kasher and
you dip your breakfast foods into your croissant. So I've
just immersed myself in the culture.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
So my granddad, who was from Italy and immigrated here
when he was little, every single breakfast he would have
a bowl filled with coffee and he would dip his toast,
and he would put cereal and he would put things
into his coffee and that's what he ate every single day.
And I always thought it was the fucking weirdest thing.
But it was like, that's what Papa did.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
It's so normal here, and so I'm dipping my croissant. Anyway,
I've been crucified on Instagram. I did put a pole
up that didn't go well with about six thousand people
said I was hooked, and about one thousand people said that, yeah,
they're pro dippers. But what I do want to say is,
and maybe I should have saved it for my vibe
of the week. Try the dip. Get a croissant, get
a coffee, but the croissant has to have like a feeling,
(04:12):
so like an arm and croissant or something, and do
the dip. I promise you you will not look back.
Think of like a beautiful, warm, coffee infused croissant.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
If you haven't dipped by the time we come back,
we know that there's a problem.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I need you to dip. Yeah, but the weather is
you know, the weather's really done me dirty here. I
did not pack accordingly, but I did have these visions
of like being on the Amalfi coastline and just having
like an apparol and beautiful and sunshine and all these
cute little clothing. Anyway, it is like a severe weather
warning and the whole time I'm here, like the next
(04:43):
ten days is literally like rain constantly. I don't even
think we have a glimmer of sunshine.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
I think if you're a parrot and you're packing, you
have to pack for like what is the most practical space?
Conscious right, like I need to fit all of their clothes.
I need to fit all of my clothes, so like
how many rotations of an outfit can I get out
of this specific outfit? Whereas like it's almost like you
have holiday theming and I'm here for it. I can't
wait for the day that I'm able to go on
a holiday and I'm theme it outfit for a day.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
In my defense, it is really hard to pack for
the weather that I have been going to, like the
countries Romania and Scotland. One day could be hot and
sunny and the next day you could be in an avalanche,
so you have to be prepared. When I was leaving
and I put on my stories, I put like all
my clothes that I was packing, I had like two
suitcases and I had one little suitcase. The number of
people that's slid into my DMS, like abusing me for
(05:31):
my packing style and how much stuff I was bringing.
I couldn't believe how much my packing offended people.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
See, I can because I saw your packing and I
was also offended.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
So I understand because I was like, how can one
single person needs so many things? That's why I.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Had Okay, I'm sorry this time. I have so much equipment.
I've got tripods, I have cameras, I have more cables.
I've got about twenty five length of cables. I've got roadcasters,
i have microphones. This thing weighs five kilos. I had
one whole bag that was basically equipment in my defense.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
And god damn it, I have another bag that's full
of bikinis. So go fuck yourselves and fuck you with
my twenty five bikinis.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
Hi.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Something did happen to me on the plane all the
way over. So I don't know about you, but I
am a sympathetic vomitter, like the smell of vomit.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
I'm a sympathetic gagger. It's when someone gags, I then
start gagging. Yeah, because kids get like congested, and because
they can't blow their nose, they snort it back all
the time, and so then they're full of they're full
of mucus. And so then in the nighttime, because they're
so full of mucus, they start coughing and then they're
like eugh. And I'll hear Marley from my bedroom doing it,
(06:41):
and I know I need to run in with a bucket,
but I can't run in with a bucket because I'm
already in my bed also gagging. So Matt has to
run in with a bucket. Anyway, that's probably too much information.
What for her to spit it out, because you're gonna
vomit because she vomits up mucus.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Anyway, that was too fast.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Sorry, guys, Yeah, that really escalated quickly.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Kisha looks. So back to the plane.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Where were Where was I?
Speaker 4 (07:04):
No?
Speaker 2 (07:05):
So there was this little boy that was seated directly
next to me and at a push like at best.
He must have been eight years old, maybe six or seven,
I don't know, quite small, and I don't know. His
parents must have put him on the plane and were
picked him up at the other end or I don't
know what it was, but he was by himself. Anyway,
we had probably the most hectic landing I have ever had.
It was like the plane was flying and then just
(07:27):
us decided like this is it will stop here and
just went boom, like just dropped.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
To the ground.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Anyway, the second that we hit the ground, this kid
projectile vomited everywhere the back of the seat, the ground,
all over himself, all down his legs, like I'm talking
more in touching distance, and I was like, oh my god.
He looked straight at me and he's like, I'm so sorry,
and I said, it's okay, buddy, it's cool. Like heaps
(07:53):
of people do that.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
This is not rare.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Anyway, we were stuck on the tarmac because it was
an emergency landing. They didn't let anyone up, so I
had this little kid. I was trying to comfort him
and help clean him up while not letting him see
that I was vomiting anyway, couldn't help it vomited. I'm
sitting this this kid, and I looked at him and
I was like, I'm sorry because he vomited and looked
at me and he's like, I'm so sorry. I was like,
it's cool, and then I was like oh. Then I
looked at him and I was like, I'm so sorry.
(08:16):
He's like, it's cool. I had to give him my
leftover rubbish, like the serviettes and stuff so he could
wipe himself down.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
The mum and me goes like that poor little boy
being on his own and then throwing up and then
no one being there to.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Take care of him.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
That's what I did.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
I always find it pretty amazing when kids are brave enough,
but also parents are brave enough to put their kids
on like an international flight by themselves. Me, I'm like,
I don't know if I would ever have the ability
to do that.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Not all heroes were capes. But I took my Quantus
pajamas on board and I did give him my Quantus pajamas.
I was like, you need to go and get changed, buddy.
I was like, and put those into the bin.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Put your clothes.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
So this poor kid is walking around, he's like oversized
corntious pajamas.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
Bless him, the poor fair Well. I had an update
for you guys. I wanted to touch on from something
I spoke about the other week, So if you guys
were listening to the podcast, I was talking about how
I have ovarian cyst that has been on and off
like quite a problem for me for like the last
sort of six or seven months, and the last time
I went and had it scanned, it was up to
(09:20):
eight centimeters. And I mean, I really want to talk
about this again, because I received I cannot tell you
how many people messaged who had had their own experiences,
either with the healthcare system in terms of you know,
being a woman and experiencing complications, whether it's endometriosis or
PCOS or ovarian cis or whatever it was, or even
people who had reached out who have been diagnosed with
(09:41):
ovarian cancer. I was shocked by how many of you
they were, and it really reiterated the conversation that we
had around advocating for your own health and like being
the one to push for scans and push four tests
to be done if you know that there is something
that just doesn't seem right with your body, if you
didn't have that episode the other week, just to kind
of give you guys an update on that. So, I
(10:02):
think it was like September last year that I noticed
that I had this lump in my side that was
really really painful, and I kind of suspected that it
was my ovary but didn't I mean, I didn't do
anything about it straight away. But eventually I was able
to get in to get some scans done and I
had a five centimeter OVERI insist, which at the time
they said that they were just going to watch and
monitor and see kind of what happened. And over the
(10:24):
last few months, it's gone down in size, it's increased
in size, and it's kind of fluctuated depending on where
I was at with my ovulation cycle. But the last
time I went in it had increased again to over
eight centimeters. And it was at that point when the
sonographer and the specialist who was the one who read
the reports said that if it did have to go
(10:44):
down the track of having the cysts removed, there's a
pretty good chance I would lose my ovary in the process.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Yeah, in terms of my fertility and stuff like, I
kind of can wrap my head around the fact of
losing an ovary. But at the same time, I did
feel kind of a bit cheated because I was like, well,
if we'd done something about it when it was five centimeter,
would we be in a different situation, Like is it
really a case that has to be monitored? But also,
this is not my place and it's not my speciality
to criticize or to even, I guess, really question these
(11:10):
kinds of decisions, But I do want to say I
had some really good news, so I went and had
a scan done. They've been monitoring it like every couple
of weeks last sort of, you know, a few months now,
and I had my last lot of scans done and
it had decreased in size again. So now it's down
to four centimeters. So apparently what had happened is that
when I had ovulated, it had bled into the cyst,
(11:33):
and so the cyst had grown in size. And apparently
these things can fluctuate throughout your menstrual cycle as well.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I mean, that's great news, but then does that mean
you have to go for like continuous progress scans or
are they just saying, hey, if you feel discomfort, come back.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
The thing is, though, it's not gone away, so it's
kind of just always there, so it can always grow
back in size, so there is going to be a
monitoring of some degree. The thing is for me is
like I know when it's got big, like I can
physically feel it through my abdomen. It's a huge lump
in my side, and it's really really painful. So I
knew that it had gotten worse, and I knew that
it was big. I could see it in the mornings,
(12:10):
this like mound of my ovary. So I guess like
it's a monitoring thing. But in the long run, if
it keeps on being something that's just like chronic and
comes back and goes away, I'll probably end up getting
assists removed. But I just wanted to I mean, obviously
there's an update from my side, but more so the
volume of you guys who wrote who have had similar
experiences or have had your own experiences of this kind,
(12:33):
I just really want to say, like, it's not normal
to have to put up with this kind of pain,
and it's not normal for this to just be something
that's like, oh, we'll just monitor it for forever, and
you're gonna have to deal with the fact that you're
in total discomfort every time you ovulate, and so like, please,
if you find yourself in a similar situation, just keep pushing,
because I think unless I had been that person to
keep pushing, I would still not have the scans.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
I still would not have the diagnosis.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
And also on top of that, the wait times to
get into have surgery are just so incredibly insane. I'm
talking like six, eight, ten, twelve months for some appointments
with some specialists.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Was is there anything you can do in terms of
like treatment for it? You know, are there any types
of lifestyle things you can do or medications like what's
the go?
Speaker 3 (13:14):
If there is no one that I have seen has
given me any of that information. The result so far
has always just been thish, we'll wait and see, We'll
wait and see, We'll wait and monitor it. And I
guess they look for very specific things when they're looking
for things that are way scarier like cancer overy in cancer.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Well, just on that. I was just reading today and
I briefly told you before Laura, but Megan Fahi, I
might be pronouncing her last name incorrectly. She's from the
bold type. She was on the last season of The
White Lotus. Most people will know her. But she was
just talking today about the same thing she has had
he an ovy removed because no one believed her like
(13:51):
she kept going and she's I'm talking about someone famous,
to someone with access to the right doctors and money,
and she still wasn't listened to to the point that
it ended up having her over removed. She had to
go to like this really private clinic, pay through the
nose to get anyone to listen to her. And now
she's you know, really really young sands an ovary just
because of that, because she went for help and everyone said,
(14:12):
oh no, it's its normal, it's it's fine, there's nothing
to worry about.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Meanwhile, I mean, these cases sound very extreme, but like
another one of our listeners wrote in, and she was
having chronic pain where she was like debilitated, was vomiting,
was taken into hospital multiple times. Her mum was taking
her into emergency like this is you know, this is
one of our lifers. And it was after the fourth
or fifth time that this happened that they did the
proper scans to find out that she had ovary torsion.
(14:37):
So it was twisting around, which is like way more
common if you have a big massive ovarian cyst. So
it was twisting and then unfurling, and it just went
completely undiagnosed for so long. And I guess, like you know,
even though all the symptoms were there and they were
absolutely classic symptoms of an ovarian torsion, it just was
completely missed because, as we know, the healthcare system. When
(14:58):
it comes to women's pain and women's proper, a lot
of it goes undiagnosed misdiagnosed for a long time.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
But yeah, I appreciate it so much.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Like there were so many messages I received, and I
haven't had a chance to get back to every single person,
so like know that if you message me, I will
and I will read them, and I have been reading them.
But it was definitely a real eye opener, that's for sure.
But also you know, I'm glad that I have a
positive outcome thus far. We're just like waiting to see
what happens now, but then you're also in this perpetual
cycle of like the wait and see cycle. Keisha, I
(15:27):
know this is kind of also like really well timed
with the podcast episode that both you and Britt did
around PCOS, which is something that we've had so many
people ask for.
Speaker 4 (15:37):
Yeah, and in that episode, I mean initially when we
spoke with doctor e Zie Smith. She's an endocrinologist and
she deals with peacos day in day out. She's also
become one of my best friends, which is lovely, but
it was interesting for me to learn years ago from
her that having cystic over like PCOS is the most
silly name for the condition because you do not have
to have cystic ovaries.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
In fact, you likely will not.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
And having many cis or in large cysts is not normal.
And in this later episode, I actually learned a lot
more about that, and so it will be coming out
in a couple of weeks. But yeah, essentially, it's not
normal to have cys on your ovaries, even though we're
kind of led to believe that it can happen and
like it's quite standard and that kind of thing. It's
(16:22):
normal to have lots of follicles, which is you will
break down. But I'm trying to kind of think about
how I would react if I were in the same
situation as Laura, because I think there's a lot of
validation that comes when you are finally told this has
been going in your body and you're kind of validated
for the pain that you are experiencing, all the discomfort
or kind of that internal gut feeling of like just
(16:42):
something doesn't feel right. It's a very different conversation if
there is a really easy treatment plan for that, or
if there is a really easy option to be like,
oh cool, here's the medication. That I take and then
that problem goes away. Like having a diagnosis of this
is what is going on your pain is validated, but
can't really we're not really going to do anything about it.
It can cause a lot of anxiety and like it's
(17:03):
such a weird headspace to be living in constantly totally,
and you also have like the biggest fears about like, well,
what if it's something worse, Like obviously you don't want
to catastrophize it because like you know, there's no point
in doing that either, But there's something validating and knowing
what's wrong, But there's something totally invalidating in knowing.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
That you have like such a large cyst.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
Like I don't think that there's any woman out there
who if they were told you've got an eight centimeter cyst,
would think, oh, that's so fine, Like I'm cool with
that whatever.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
I guess.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Like that's the thing that's been like the most surprising
to me is just how like run of the mill
it seems. And I think that that sometimes is what
happens with like the healthcare system, when it is something
that medical professionals do see all the time and it
really isn't a big deal.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
To them.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
But when it's the first time that's happened to you,
or it's something that you have medical anxiety about, it's
really hard to get your head around the fact that like,
no one's kind of like meeting you with the level
of okay, here's a bit of a solution, and here's
a bit of a plan as to how we can
solve this rather than just wait and see, which always
feels super invalidating at the same time.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Will it burst or will it not totally?
Speaker 3 (18:04):
If you have chronic pain and you start vomiting, go
straight to emergency.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Well, something that I wanted to talk about that is
very topical in my life at the moment, and it
is happening right now in Italy, and I did read
this article on it a couple of weeks ago, maybe
two weeks ago now, and I've been thinking about it
a lot, which is why I wanted to talk about
it today. So, as you guys might have heard, I'm
getting married, Shocked, surprised, and married. I know it's crazy,
(18:30):
I'm engaged. Did you not hear? The question has come
up multiple times about our last name, and it's one
of those things I'm so I'm actually quite an indecisive person.
The big decision that I've been putting off is the
last name, Like what last name do you take? I
know we've briefly spoken about it in the past on
the podcast here and there. But this article that I
read in The Guardian, it's about a politician in Italy
(18:53):
named Dario Francescini. Dario is pushing for this new reform
in Italy that he's saying that by default, any child
born should have the mother's last name. So he's trying
to scrap that the male's are the default for the
last name, for the surname. He said that it is
a simple thing and also compensation for a centuries old
injustice that has had not only a symbolic value, but
(19:15):
has been a cultural and social source of gender inequality. Now,
obviously there's another political party here that is fighting him.
He's a minority, saying that it should default to the women.
Because currently, in Italy and many countries around the world,
the default surname is the father, and only if the
father is not in the mother's life, or if it's
(19:36):
agreed upon between both parents, will the surname go to
the mother. And now there are some other countries saying
or not countries. Maybe I don't want to put that
black in statement. They're definitely not talking about this in
parliament in every other country. But this conversation on hey,
should we be doing this? Mothers are the ones that
have carried the baby for nine months. Mothers are the
ones that are breastfeeding and keeping the child alive. And
(19:57):
in the majority of relationships and situations, mothers are the
primary caregiver. Mothers are the ones that are there for
their entire life. Why aren't we defaulting to the mother's surname?
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Well, I think the thing that I found really interesting
in this is like in Italy specifically, if there is
a man and woman who are both on the birth certificate,
then the default is the men. It doesn't matter whether
it's a husband or not a husband. That's the thing, right, So,
like a lot of people have children outside of wedlock,
and so the default surname becomes the dad's surname, which
if you aren't in a relationship where you aren't married,
(20:29):
maybe there isn't any sort of like emotional obligation from
that man who you had a one night stand with.
I mean, there's so many variations of how this could
be very traumatic for a woman. The legal right is
for if his name is on the birth certificate, that
then his surname goes to the child. It's an interesting
one for me to unpack a little bit because you know,
even in my relationship with Matt, I knew that I
(20:51):
wanted to keep my last name, but I didn't even
question the thought about our children taking Matt's last name.
And now that you know Mali's five and Lola's for
I don't regret it, but I definitely think back on it,
and I question why was I so willing for my
last name to be discarded even though I wanted to
keep it for myself. The only thing I can take
(21:11):
from that is that there is this deep internal there's
a deep internalized patriarchy that's in all of us, where
the default is that we just expect that the man's
name ends up becoming our children's names. And for me,
and in my situation, it's fine because you know, I'm
in a loving relationship and I'm married to Matt, and
like you know, it doesn't affect me. But for women
(21:32):
who don't have that same relationship dynamic, or they aren't
able to make those same choices it is something that
can be really really oppressive, or it just means that
they don't have the same access or write over their children,
who they may be doing the majority care for.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
When I put this up on my Instagram, so I
put a video up, a reel up you can go
and look at if you want, and there were hundreds
of comments and there were hundreds of comments in my
dms as well. They're probably a bit more aggressive. But
the response was interesting to me because I said, oos,
did you change your surname? Did you not change your surname?
Did you do a double barrel? Like just would love
to get a general feel of the landscape. And a
(22:07):
lot of people were nice about it and they gave
me their opinions. Was fine, but the aggressive people that
were saying, ah, how anti feminist it is if I
take Ben's surname. And then I went away and had
to think about that and I had a real issue
with it, and I thought really carefully about it because
traditionally taking your partner's surname is anti feminist, I guess,
because you are giving up your rights to who you
(22:29):
are as a person and anything that identifies you as
an individual. But it's different now, and I think the
difference is feminism is the fact that we have the
choice now, We have the ability to choose if we
want to do it, and why we want to do
it and for what reasons. I think it's a pretty
blanket statement to say if anyone takes their husband's name
now and changes a woman and changes her name, that
(22:52):
she is not a feminist.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
I think it's a tricky one and I think you're
erring into dangerous territory with it because there is a
lot of conversation around choice feminism. It's a very privileged
place to be in to be able to choose to
take your partner's name voluntarily, and that is not a
choice that a lot of women have the access or
the ability to make, because it's forced upon them. So
I think that that version is very specific to a
(23:16):
specific type of woman who lives in a specific place,
and that's why I think it makes people still so angry,
because it's like, well, you had the opportunity to choose.
It's like people choosing to be a tradwife, or people choosing,
you know, any version of a traditional lifestyle that does
lean into this idea of patriarchy. It's because some people
have the opportunity of choice that makes it choice feminism.
(23:37):
So I guess for me, I don't look at it
like if I had taken Matt's last name, or I
hadn't taken MAT's last name, like, I don't look at
it as though it wasn't my choice to do.
Speaker 4 (23:44):
So.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
I guess my question that I come back to when
I ask myself is is why was I so voluntarily
free to give up my last name? And I didn't
even question or I didn't even think about my kids
having my last name. And it's because it's not the step,
And it's because I guess part of me was like, well,
how would his family react if I put forward the
(24:05):
idea of the kids being Maley and Lola Burn? How
would he react if I put forward the idea of
the kids being Lola and Maley Burn? Like I understand,
he was very very cool with me keeping my last name.
I don't know if there would be a lot of
men out there who would be cool with you keeping
your last name, but also you asking for your children
to have your last name, because the pendulum will swing
(24:26):
so far in the opposite direction that I think that
for a lot of men that there's this like real
emasculating sense that comes with it, that all of that
is just so deeply steeped in tradition.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
I actually have a friend. My friend's name is Sam,
his wife's name is Tina, and they had a baby
just over a year ago now, and they decided to
give the baby her last name, and most interestingly to me,
it was his idea. And so when we were kind
of were talking about this, I actually asked him to
send me a voice note of what the reasons for
that were, and this is what he had to say.
Speaker 5 (24:57):
So, there are a few reasons why we decide to
give my son Tina's surname. The first was that hyphenating
didn't really work. Tina surname is already hyphenated, and combining
the two of ours and giving him that would mean
we'd both have to change our surnames. Wanted him to
have the same surname as one of us at least,
so we didn't go that route. The other reason was
she gave birth to him. I strongly believe that that's
(25:20):
a big freaking deal and it's crazy that the people
who give birth to children don't automatically give the kid
their surname that seems pretty straightforward to me. Another sort
of technical point was, my wife has more siblings and
so they're going to have kids. I only have my sister,
and her kid is probably not going to have my
(25:42):
family's surname. And when I was growing up, all my
cousins didn't have my surname, and there was a connection
piece there for me. So I wanted my son to
feel connected to some cousins with the same surname, if possible.
The other reason was, as of father of a son,
you think a lot about how am I going to
raise this person in a patriarchal world to respect women,
(26:03):
And there's a lot of things we can be doing.
I think there's a lot of one percenters. Giving him
his mother's surname means he's not coming into the world
with that really subconscious ingrained. Oh, you were given the
father's surname because that's just the way things are, because
men own everything. So I wanted to sort of counter
that slightly.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
To Sam's point in that conversation, you know one thing
that I don't think I had really considered until I
heard him speak about it is this idea of like
your cousins and your familiar relations because even growing up myself,
like I was the only my sister and I with
the last name Burns. We were the only one and
my last name is Bird not Burns.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
That was weird. I was just like, have I been
getting it wrong? His whole time? I was like, who
are with the last.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
Name burn We were the only people in our cousin group,
Like of all of our extended family that didn't have
the last name the Italian last name Philippy. And I
feel like I felt my entire life very not Italian
because my last name is Irish. And the reality is
is like all my cousins are also second generation Italians here,
(27:05):
like you know, my grandparents immigrated. We all have that
same link, but they are so much closer to that
side of my family because they share that last name.
But another example of this, and I think the reason
why I also like, I really do think that it
has to be men at the forefront who want this
change and who are accepting of this change in order
(27:26):
for it to ever ever happen and for there to
be that swing from the patriarchal to the matriarchal. But
that's because so my mom married my stepdad she took
on the last name, and she had my brother and
his dad left when he was a newborn. His dad
has not been in their picture his entire life. It
is far more statistically common for a father to leave
(27:46):
than for a mother to leave. And so then you
have a situation in a family where a child doesn't
have the last name of everybody else in that family,
or doesn't have the last name of the mum because
potentially they were never married in the first place either.
So then there's this family disconnect there as well. And
I guess like we put so much emphasis on being
a family unit, but in order to be a family unit,
(28:08):
the expectation is as a woman that we abandon our
names and take on, you know, our partner's names. And
I just you know, I'm not saying obviously, it's so
still the norm and it's so still the tradition. I'm
not criticizing anyone who chooses to take on their partner's name,
or who chooses to name their children after their partner's name.
Late Britain, know that that's not a criticism of whatever
you choose to do as well. I think it's just
(28:30):
interesting to think about it. It's interesting to think about
the why. And when I reflect on myself, I didn't
think about it at all. It was just a very
obvious expectation. And it's only now so many years down
the track, and you know, when we talk about having
a third baby, I'm like, well, obviously that third baby
will have the last name Johnson, and that's you know,
it's okay, it's something that we've kind of accepted. But
(28:52):
also like there was just never a conversation. It was
always just an expectation. I think that that's what happens
in most families.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
And to be clear, I don't have a problem with
anyone doing anything, Like if you want to keep your surname,
I think that's amazing. If you want to double barrel
it great. If you want to take your partner's name,
I also think that is great. I just think it's
the ability of having the choice, and of course we
are very blessed to live the life that we do,
that we do have the choice. We do have the
(29:18):
choice of not being forced into a marriage and forced
to take someone's name. And I can't speak for everyone, obviously,
and I don't want to do blanket statements, so I
just I do want to really drive that home that
I am speaking when I say people are really angry
saying that I wasn't a feminist. I am speaking about
my position, my position that I do have the option
to choose and the luxury to choose, and I feel
very grateful to be in that position. But I don't
(29:41):
think that you choosing to take your partner's surname means
you're not a feminist. And I do think it comes
down to whatever your personal reasons are, because they did
start to be a bit of back and forth in
my on my reel as well, of people like sort
of arguing with each other, but the people that were
pro taking a name and the people that were against it,
and I just found it a really interesting discussion at
the end of the day when it comes down to
(30:02):
your reason. So do maybe people don't have an attachment
to their surname at all. Maybe it's the man all
the woman doesn't have the attachment to their surname. A
lot of people actually detest their surname for whatever reasons,
Maybe that their their father left, like you said, Laura,
when they're a child. Maybe it's just the fact that
you want to share your surname with your entire family
and your children for whatever reason. For me, I'm still
(30:26):
on the fence. I don't know what I'm going to do.
I like my surname, and my surname for me is
part of my brand, I guess, and I hate to
say that, but when you're public facing, for example, like
the podcast and the radio, you are known in media
by a name, and it takes you a long time
to build up that name. To all of a sudden change,
it would feel like I'm taking away something from myself
(30:49):
having said that I want the same name as Ben
and my children. So it's a discussion that we're having
at the moment on what it's going to look like.
I have also said to him, will you take my name?
And he feels the same way. He's like, I'm not
against it, but maybe if I hadn't worked so hard
to have my name as a footballer and in my career,
you know, I probably easily would change it. But we
feel the same way, and I think what we might
(31:11):
end up doing is maybe I will change it privately.
I shouldn't say privately, but like officially on the documents.
If we have children, we'll all have the same name.
But I'll probably just keep my name publicly as is,
like I'll always be Brittany Hockley.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
Brit In that instance, though, when you say that, if
you were to say, Okay, I'm going to keep my
own name, but I'd also like our kids to have
the last name Hockley, what do you think would be
Ben's reaction to that? Because this is not to be
a criticism of him, I think that most men would
find that a really hard thing to pell it. And
I think it's just because it's so deeply entrenched in
what is the expectation.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
I think if I was really adamant, Ben is a
really good listener, and he's really forward with his thinking.
When I say that he his dad wasn't around. He
was raised by women like he was raised by except
for his grandpa. His grandpa and his grandma basically raised
him alongside his mum and his sister, so he was
surrounded by women. I think if I was adamant that
(32:08):
I was keeping my name and I wanted my kids
to have our name, I do wonder if he would
change it, because I think he would probably it'd be
more important to him to have that family unit. But
having said that, we haven't had that conversation. I haven't
said if I want the kids to have Hockley, what
we would we do. But then for me as well,
and this is what it goes back to when you
talk about what suits your situation and your relationship. I
(32:30):
have two brothers, we have so many nieces and nephews,
and they have boys. So the Hockley name has been
passed on, so that is something to think about. Whereas
for Ben, there's no one else in the family that
would pass on secrets. So that's another thing that we
have to talk about as a couple and see what's
important to each other.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
I feel like that there's been a lot of changes,
probably in the last five or six years around this,
like there are more and more public figures who are
coming out who are taking their partners like as in
like the male is taking the woman's last name. However,
and it happened back in twenty seventeen. So a friend
of mine who he was a producer on The Bachelor.
His name is Grant Davis and he is married to
(33:09):
Jade Phillips. He changed his last name to Phillips, and
there are a few reasons why he did that. He
said the many reasons that led to this. First of all,
her surname dies with her, as she is one of
two girls and has no cousins. Secondly, my connection with
my own extended family hasn't been strong for some time,
so for my wife to be forced to take my
surname because that's what tradition dictates, felt a little bit redundant,
(33:31):
as I didn't even have a connection with my name now.
At the time, like I said, it was twenty seventeen,
so it was more unusual for a man to give
up voluntarily their last name and take on their wife's surname.
And this made news, and there was quite a few
news articles and Grant did quite a few interviews around this.
I will never forget the absolute torrent of abuse that
(33:54):
he received off the back of it from so many
men online who had such fucking fragile ego around their masculinity.
He received death threats, and I think that the backlash
was completely shocking to him. I think obviously he realized
that it was going to be controversial for some people.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
But the volume.
Speaker 3 (34:11):
Of hate that was received because he took his wife's
last name, this feeling and overwhelming sense that like he'd
given up his masculinity, that he was no longer a
man because he had taken his wife's surname.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
And to think that that happened in twenty seventeen.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Now, I know that there have been some changes, and
obviously it's becoming slightly more common, but I would dare
say that that response would still happen today if it
was very public, because in our friendship groups, potentially in
you know, if you're listening to this and you have
progressive friends, this wouldn't be the case.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
But that is not the vast majority of the population.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
And I think like that's the problem, is like you
can look at this stuff in a sylu and go, oh, well,
I have the choice and this wouldn't happen. But the
reality is for so many people, and based on so
many people's opinions, and when something goes out into the
Internet where you're not just speaking to your own quiet yeah,
you're speaking to everyone, it becomes extremely evident just how
toxic it is when it comes to these conversations around
(35:06):
whether you should retain your name, whether you should name
your children after you know your birth name, or whether
they get the father's birthday. All right, well, look it
is time for Accidently Unfiltered and guys, you might remember this.
The other week, I was talking about the Bondi store
opening for Tony May and how I met this amazing
American listener who had been like one of our listeners
(35:27):
from overseas, and it was like this very serendipitous timing.
So she has been a listener for like the last
four or five years, og has moved to Bondi, has
only been living here for a couple of weeks. She
walked past the store at the very same time, and
when I met her, I was like, you need to
come back in an hour because BRIT's going to be
here and then we can.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
It'll be like a little life uncut reunion.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
I was like, come down, please, come and meet her,
come and have a wine with us.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
And she never came back. She never contacted us again, so.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Offended that she didn't want to meet me. She only
wanted to meet you.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
No, it wasn't that I was like so weird, because
I was so excited. We always say that if you
guys ever see us, like, please come and talk to us,
because it makes our day way more than it makes
your day. And so I was genuinely kind of expecting
that she might come back down and you know, we
could all like have a drink. And we got this
message from her the other day. It came through as
an accilent unfiltered, and I just thought it was literally
(36:18):
the most life on cut thing I've ever read in
my entire fucking life. It said, Hi, I have a confession,
and even if this doesn't make it on the pod,
I feel like you guys are going to get a
laugh out of it. So the other day I walked
past Tony May's Bonda opening and I said, hi to Laura.
I am a huge fan American and have been listening
to the pod for years. So I was like when
I read that, I was like ding ding ding, I
know exactly who it is. Yeah, Laura said, come back
(36:40):
in an hour to meet Britt and listen. Usually nothing
would stand in my way of meeting my legit celeb crushes.
I mean, that's definitely not we are not that, but like, fine,
I'll take it. And hearing BRIT's laugh in real time Sadly,
I had learned twenty minutes prior to meeting Laura that
I had chlamydia and had to go pick up antibiotics
and tell them that I was seeing that I'd given
(37:01):
him the clap, So sorry, brit the clap.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
One out on this occasion.
Speaker 3 (37:05):
Let the guy have clap for another hour, whether he's
got the clap for an hour more or not. Like
it's fine you maybe not, who cares.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
She had the opportunity to do this as like a cameo.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
She could have got you guys to record the video
that she sent to him to say, Hey, by the way,
oh my.
Speaker 3 (37:20):
God, could you imagine, it's just a tablet, there's nothing,
there's no shame.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
Firstly, I love that I met you, and I'm not
going to say your name on the pod, but I'm
so glad that like you came and said hi. And secondly,
I just love that there is we have fostered a
community where you feel so fine with messaging us and
telling us that this is where you're at in life,
because there's no shame.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Oh cute, Laura. I'm glad that you feel that way,
because I feel pretty shitty about being bumped for the clap.
I feel like in the line of priority, I should
have come above the.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
Clap, But like, good fore you for telling him so like,
thank you for be good for you because you did
the right thing.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
You're a responsible citizen and we really appreciate that.
Speaker 3 (37:57):
All right, well, look time for second sweet before we
leave you, Brittany, what is your suck for the week?
Speaker 2 (38:02):
This is going to be the easiest suck and sweet
I've ever done. Suck is I mean, it's pretty great.
So my suck is just the weather. I really wanted
some sunshine in Italy, but it's rain. So that's what
I'm saying. Sweet is, I'm with band, so it doesn't
matter what happens if he's here or not, what we do,
whether it's raining or a thunderstorm. That's my sweet that
I get to spend a couple of weeks with him.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
He's technically at least in the same country, which is
like a lot closer to what he usually is. I
love that you've traveled all the way there and then
he's not actually there, so like I know, for him,
what's your suck? Okay, my suck for the week is
that my kids are not sleeping. I don't know why.
I don't know what's happened. I think it's the change
of time zone, but something has shifted and I am
a five am wake up Gowley.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Now with these kids, they are.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Awake every morning and they also not going to bed
to late, so it's just like they're not catching up,
they're sleep deprived, they're angry, and that means everybody is
feeling it.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
So that's my suck.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
My sweet for the week is that we are on
holidays and I've really felt as though so and I
know I kind of say this every couple of months.
I feel like I come around in circles on it,
but like I do feel like the last couple of
weeks and months, I haven't had the type of quality
family time that I've been absolutely craving. I also, you know,
we spoke about on the pod I think it was
(39:14):
last week about missing really important males stone moments with kids,
and when you're having to juggle the work and the
work side of things and then you have to juggle
motherhood alongside that, I think it's it's really really hard
and for me, like the suite is really just being
able to have the next week and a half off
to do nothing but spend time with my kids. Lala's
not in daycare, Mally's obviously on school holidays. It's the
(39:36):
first time we've ever done school holidays with Marley in kindergarten.
And when they kind of understood that they get fourteen
days of just mum and dad and no interruptions, like,
the happiness on their faces was honestly just the best
thing ever. So I feel really grateful for these next
two weeks. And guys, we will be back very very shortly.
We're having a you know, it's a short break, but
(39:57):
we are back in like a week and a half
and have big episodes and we have some big news.
So that's all happening very very soon.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Yeah, don't forget the big news when we come back,
bread crumbing.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
The shit out of you.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
You'll not want to miss at episodes. When we come back,
we have some big news to share. That that is
it from us, guys, and you know the drum.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
So your mum to your dad, tea dog to your friends,
and check back in for the big news.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Because we love, love, we love
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
We are on holidays.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Let it be known, but this is not only is
it cross continent, this is cross continent and cross city
record because we're all somewhere different.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I am down and a La Dullah love it down.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Here kesus in Paddington and she has Delilah, and I
am over in Italy with Ben. But like the time
frame difference here, it's like I'm at midnight, you guys
are at eight am. It's a whole thing trying to
do this on holiday.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Oh, let it be known. We were not here at
eight am. We were here at six thirty am. But
like technical difficulties when you're trying to record from overseas.
So we've been dicking around for two hours trying to
make this podcast work because we will never let you down.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
We'll just let ourselves down in the process.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
If you're watching this on YouTube, you will be able
to see it. Delilah has absolutely given up. She's like,
these fuckers cannot even organize a podcast recording. She's been
laying there waiting for me to take her for a
walk for two hours and she's like, hurry up, but just.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
So you guys know, So this is our last episode
before we two take like a week and a half off.
We bit the bullet a little bit early and decided
that we'd all fuck off a couple of days before
the actual holidays kicked in. So henceway, this is chaos,
but it's gonna be great. We've got some important things
to talk about. But Britt, you haven't seen Ben for
almost fourteen weeks.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
It was so good. It was like you sometimes it's
hard to explain. You almost get nervous in a way,
not nervous, but the excitement it's been so long since
you've seen each other. And then you're like, you've built
this up on a twenty four hour flight. But we're
like tracking our life locations to see how close we
were together. And he was waiting out the front for
me with a pizza. He had like a giant, family
sized pizza waiting for me. It was really really cute.
(01:50):
So we had like a really nice three minutes and
then we had a really nice night that was that
was great, and then we spent the day in Milan,
which was really cool. So he luckily a day one
of his days off coincided with when I arrived, which
wasn't intentional, very fortunate, So we spent this beautiful day
Milan like tourists. It was really really cool, And then
(02:11):
we came to his new house. Ben moved into a
very temporary apartment two to three months. He lives on
his own. He wasn't expecting visitors. I feel like I'm
living with like an eighteen year old college frat boy.
Like we are in basically a studio apartment. It is
so small, but he's like, I wasn't expecting to be
(02:32):
here this long, but like I can reach my arms out,
I can like touch all the walls. He's so biggy
belly fits in here.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I think that the bigger problem here is that Ben
owns about five thousand pairs of shoes, so I don't
really know where he's put.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Them right now. But that's probably the bigger problem that
you guys have to deal with.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
It is an.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Issue, but it's been really really nice. He's going away,
well he's been away for two days. Sorry, So it's hard.
It's like you come in on these highs, but with
Ben's work, he can't just say, hey, my fiance is
coming can I have a couple of days off. It
doesn't work like that. He has a job and he
has to go. So I was only here for one day,
and then he's been gone for two days. He literally
got back half an hour ago when we were recording,
so I said hello, and he's gone to bed because
(03:08):
it's twelve thirty in the morning. You know what I
have done. I have started something on Instagram. So I
went to just get like a coffee and a croissant,
and I dipped my croissant in the coffee, which I'm
a dipper. I don't know if you're a dipper, but
like I will dip biscuits, I'll dip anything that I've got.
And in Italy for breakfast here in Genoa, it's sort
(03:28):
of like a tradition that you get for kasher and
you dip your breakfast foods into your croissant. So I've
just immersed myself in the culture.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
So my granddad, who was from Italy and immigrated here
when he was little, every single breakfast he would have
a bowl filled with coffee and he would dip his toast,
and he would put cereal and he would put things
into his coffee and that's what he ate every single day.
And I always thought it was the fucking weirdest thing.
But it was like, that's what Papa did.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
It's so normal here, and so I'm dipping my croissant. Anyway,
I've been crucified on Instagram. I did put a pole
up that didn't go well with about six thousand people
said I was hooked, and about one thousand people said that, yeah,
they're pro dippers. But what I do want to say is,
and maybe I should have saved it for my vibe
of the week. Try the dip. Get a croissant, get
a coffee, but the croissant has to have like a feeling,
(04:12):
so like an arm and croissant or something, and do
the dip. I promise you you will not look back.
Think of like a beautiful, warm, coffee infused croissant.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
If you haven't dipped by the time we come back,
we know that there's a problem.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I need you to dip. Yeah, but the weather is
you know, the weather's really done me dirty here. I
did not pack accordingly, but I did have these visions
of like being on the Amalfi coastline and just having
like an apparol and beautiful and sunshine and all these
cute little clothing. Anyway, it is like a severe weather
warning and the whole time I'm here, like the next
(04:43):
ten days is literally like rain constantly. I don't even
think we have a glimmer of sunshine.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
I think if you're a parrot and you're packing, you
have to pack for like what is the most practical space?
Conscious right, like I need to fit all of their clothes.
I need to fit all of my clothes, so like
how many rotations of an outfit can I get out
of this specific outfit? Whereas like it's almost like you
have holiday theming and I'm here for it. I can't
wait for the day that I'm able to go on
a holiday and I'm theme it outfit for a day.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
In my defense, it is really hard to pack for
the weather that I have been going to, like the
countries Romania and Scotland. One day could be hot and
sunny and the next day you could be in an avalanche,
so you have to be prepared. When I was leaving
and I put on my stories, I put like all
my clothes that I was packing, I had like two
suitcases and I had one little suitcase. The number of
people that's slid into my DMS, like abusing me for
(05:31):
my packing style and how much stuff I was bringing.
I couldn't believe how much my packing offended people.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
See, I can because I saw your packing and I
was also offended.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
So I understand because I was like, how can one
single person needs so many things? That's why I.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Had Okay, I'm sorry this time. I have so much equipment.
I've got tripods, I have cameras, I have more cables.
I've got about twenty five length of cables. I've got roadcasters,
i have microphones. This thing weighs five kilos. I had
one whole bag that was basically equipment in my defense.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
And god damn it, I have another bag that's full
of bikinis. So go fuck yourselves and fuck you with
my twenty five bikinis.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
Hi.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Something did happen to me on the plane all the
way over. So I don't know about you, but I
am a sympathetic vomitter, like the smell of vomit.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
I'm a sympathetic gagger. It's when someone gags, I then
start gagging. Yeah, because kids get like congested, and because
they can't blow their nose, they snort it back all
the time, and so then they're full of they're full
of mucus. And so then in the nighttime, because they're
so full of mucus, they start coughing and then they're
like eugh. And I'll hear Marley from my bedroom doing it,
(06:41):
and I know I need to run in with a bucket,
but I can't run in with a bucket because I'm
already in my bed also gagging. So Matt has to
run in with a bucket. Anyway, that's probably too much information.
What for her to spit it out, because you're gonna
vomit because she vomits up mucus.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Anyway, that was too fast.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Sorry, guys, Yeah, that really escalated quickly.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Kisha looks. So back to the plane.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Where were Where was I?
Speaker 4 (07:04):
No?
Speaker 2 (07:05):
So there was this little boy that was seated directly
next to me and at a push like at best.
He must have been eight years old, maybe six or seven,
I don't know, quite small, and I don't know. His
parents must have put him on the plane and were
picked him up at the other end or I don't
know what it was, but he was by himself. Anyway,
we had probably the most hectic landing I have ever had.
It was like the plane was flying and then just
(07:27):
us decided like this is it will stop here and
just went boom, like just dropped.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
To the ground.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Anyway, the second that we hit the ground, this kid
projectile vomited everywhere the back of the seat, the ground,
all over himself, all down his legs, like I'm talking
more in touching distance, and I was like, oh my god.
He looked straight at me and he's like, I'm so sorry,
and I said, it's okay, buddy, it's cool. Like heaps
(07:53):
of people do that.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
This is not rare.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Anyway, we were stuck on the tarmac because it was
an emergency landing. They didn't let anyone up, so I
had this little kid. I was trying to comfort him
and help clean him up while not letting him see
that I was vomiting anyway, couldn't help it vomited. I'm
sitting this this kid, and I looked at him and
I was like, I'm sorry because he vomited and looked
at me and he's like, I'm so sorry. I was like,
it's cool, and then I was like oh. Then I
looked at him and I was like, I'm so sorry.
(08:16):
He's like, it's cool. I had to give him my
leftover rubbish, like the serviettes and stuff so he could
wipe himself down.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
The mum and me goes like that poor little boy
being on his own and then throwing up and then
no one being there to.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Take care of him.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
That's what I did.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
I always find it pretty amazing when kids are brave enough,
but also parents are brave enough to put their kids
on like an international flight by themselves. Me, I'm like,
I don't know if I would ever have the ability
to do that.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Not all heroes were capes. But I took my Quantus
pajamas on board and I did give him my Quantus pajamas.
I was like, you need to go and get changed, buddy.
I was like, and put those into the bin.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Put your clothes.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
So this poor kid is walking around, he's like oversized
corntious pajamas.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
Bless him, the poor fair Well. I had an update
for you guys. I wanted to touch on from something
I spoke about the other week, So if you guys
were listening to the podcast, I was talking about how
I have ovarian cyst that has been on and off
like quite a problem for me for like the last
sort of six or seven months, and the last time
I went and had it scanned, it was up to
(09:20):
eight centimeters. And I mean, I really want to talk
about this again, because I received I cannot tell you
how many people messaged who had had their own experiences,
either with the healthcare system in terms of you know,
being a woman and experiencing complications, whether it's endometriosis or
PCOS or ovarian cis or whatever it was, or even
people who had reached out who have been diagnosed with
(09:41):
ovarian cancer. I was shocked by how many of you
they were, and it really reiterated the conversation that we
had around advocating for your own health and like being
the one to push for scans and push four tests
to be done if you know that there is something
that just doesn't seem right with your body, if you
didn't have that episode the other week, just to kind
of give you guys an update on that. So, I
(10:02):
think it was like September last year that I noticed
that I had this lump in my side that was
really really painful, and I kind of suspected that it
was my ovary but didn't I mean, I didn't do
anything about it straight away. But eventually I was able
to get in to get some scans done and I
had a five centimeter OVERI insist, which at the time
they said that they were just going to watch and
monitor and see kind of what happened. And over the
(10:24):
last few months, it's gone down in size, it's increased
in size, and it's kind of fluctuated depending on where
I was at with my ovulation cycle. But the last
time I went in it had increased again to over
eight centimeters. And it was at that point when the
sonographer and the specialist who was the one who read
the reports said that if it did have to go
(10:44):
down the track of having the cysts removed, there's a
pretty good chance I would lose my ovary in the process.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Yeah, in terms of my fertility and stuff like, I
kind of can wrap my head around the fact of
losing an ovary. But at the same time, I did
feel kind of a bit cheated because I was like, well,
if we'd done something about it when it was five centimeter,
would we be in a different situation, Like is it
really a case that has to be monitored? But also,
this is not my place and it's not my speciality
to criticize or to even, I guess, really question these
(11:10):
kinds of decisions, But I do want to say I
had some really good news, so I went and had
a scan done. They've been monitoring it like every couple
of weeks last sort of, you know, a few months now,
and I had my last lot of scans done and
it had decreased in size again. So now it's down
to four centimeters. So apparently what had happened is that
when I had ovulated, it had bled into the cyst,
(11:33):
and so the cyst had grown in size. And apparently
these things can fluctuate throughout your menstrual cycle as well.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I mean, that's great news, but then does that mean
you have to go for like continuous progress scans or
are they just saying, hey, if you feel discomfort, come back.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
The thing is, though, it's not gone away, so it's
kind of just always there, so it can always grow
back in size, so there is going to be a
monitoring of some degree. The thing is for me is
like I know when it's got big, like I can
physically feel it through my abdomen. It's a huge lump
in my side, and it's really really painful. So I
knew that it had gotten worse, and I knew that
it was big. I could see it in the mornings,
(12:10):
this like mound of my ovary. So I guess like
it's a monitoring thing. But in the long run, if
it keeps on being something that's just like chronic and
comes back and goes away, I'll probably end up getting
assists removed. But I just wanted to I mean, obviously
there's an update from my side, but more so the
volume of you guys who wrote who have had similar
experiences or have had your own experiences of this kind,
(12:33):
I just really want to say, like, it's not normal
to have to put up with this kind of pain,
and it's not normal for this to just be something
that's like, oh, we'll just monitor it for forever, and
you're gonna have to deal with the fact that you're
in total discomfort every time you ovulate, and so like, please,
if you find yourself in a similar situation, just keep pushing,
because I think unless I had been that person to
keep pushing, I would still not have the scans.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
I still would not have the diagnosis.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
And also on top of that, the wait times to
get into have surgery are just so incredibly insane. I'm
talking like six, eight, ten, twelve months for some appointments
with some specialists.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Was is there anything you can do in terms of
like treatment for it? You know, are there any types
of lifestyle things you can do or medications like what's
the go?
Speaker 3 (13:14):
If there is no one that I have seen has
given me any of that information. The result so far
has always just been thish, we'll wait and see, We'll
wait and see, We'll wait and monitor it. And I
guess they look for very specific things when they're looking
for things that are way scarier like cancer overy in cancer.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Well, just on that. I was just reading today and
I briefly told you before Laura, but Megan Fahi, I
might be pronouncing her last name incorrectly. She's from the
bold type. She was on the last season of The
White Lotus. Most people will know her. But she was
just talking today about the same thing she has had
he an ovy removed because no one believed her like
(13:51):
she kept going and she's I'm talking about someone famous,
to someone with access to the right doctors and money,
and she still wasn't listened to to the point that
it ended up having her over removed. She had to
go to like this really private clinic, pay through the
nose to get anyone to listen to her. And now
she's you know, really really young sands an ovary just
because of that, because she went for help and everyone said,
(14:12):
oh no, it's its normal, it's it's fine, there's nothing
to worry about.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Meanwhile, I mean, these cases sound very extreme, but like
another one of our listeners wrote in, and she was
having chronic pain where she was like debilitated, was vomiting,
was taken into hospital multiple times. Her mum was taking
her into emergency like this is you know, this is
one of our lifers. And it was after the fourth
or fifth time that this happened that they did the
proper scans to find out that she had ovary torsion.
(14:37):
So it was twisting around, which is like way more
common if you have a big massive ovarian cyst. So
it was twisting and then unfurling, and it just went
completely undiagnosed for so long. And I guess, like you know,
even though all the symptoms were there and they were
absolutely classic symptoms of an ovarian torsion, it just was
completely missed because, as we know, the healthcare system. When
(14:58):
it comes to women's pain and women's proper, a lot
of it goes undiagnosed misdiagnosed for a long time.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
But yeah, I appreciate it so much.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Like there were so many messages I received, and I
haven't had a chance to get back to every single person,
so like know that if you message me, I will
and I will read them, and I have been reading them.
But it was definitely a real eye opener, that's for sure.
But also you know, I'm glad that I have a
positive outcome thus far. We're just like waiting to see
what happens now, but then you're also in this perpetual
cycle of like the wait and see cycle. Keisha, I
(15:27):
know this is kind of also like really well timed
with the podcast episode that both you and Britt did
around PCOS, which is something that we've had so many
people ask for.
Speaker 4 (15:37):
Yeah, and in that episode, I mean initially when we
spoke with doctor e Zie Smith. She's an endocrinologist and
she deals with peacos day in day out. She's also
become one of my best friends, which is lovely, but
it was interesting for me to learn years ago from
her that having cystic over like PCOS is the most
silly name for the condition because you do not have
to have cystic ovaries.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
In fact, you likely will not.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
And having many cis or in large cysts is not normal.
And in this later episode, I actually learned a lot
more about that, and so it will be coming out
in a couple of weeks. But yeah, essentially, it's not
normal to have cys on your ovaries, even though we're
kind of led to believe that it can happen and
like it's quite standard and that kind of thing. It's
(16:22):
normal to have lots of follicles, which is you will
break down. But I'm trying to kind of think about
how I would react if I were in the same
situation as Laura, because I think there's a lot of
validation that comes when you are finally told this has
been going in your body and you're kind of validated
for the pain that you are experiencing, all the discomfort
or kind of that internal gut feeling of like just
(16:42):
something doesn't feel right. It's a very different conversation if
there is a really easy treatment plan for that, or
if there is a really easy option to be like,
oh cool, here's the medication. That I take and then
that problem goes away. Like having a diagnosis of this
is what is going on your pain is validated, but
can't really we're not really going to do anything about it.
It can cause a lot of anxiety and like it's
(17:03):
such a weird headspace to be living in constantly totally,
and you also have like the biggest fears about like, well,
what if it's something worse, Like obviously you don't want
to catastrophize it because like you know, there's no point
in doing that either, But there's something validating and knowing
what's wrong, But there's something totally invalidating in knowing.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
That you have like such a large cyst.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
Like I don't think that there's any woman out there
who if they were told you've got an eight centimeter cyst,
would think, oh, that's so fine, Like I'm cool with
that whatever.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
I guess.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Like that's the thing that's been like the most surprising
to me is just how like run of the mill
it seems. And I think that that sometimes is what
happens with like the healthcare system, when it is something
that medical professionals do see all the time and it
really isn't a big deal.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
To them.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
But when it's the first time that's happened to you,
or it's something that you have medical anxiety about, it's
really hard to get your head around the fact that like,
no one's kind of like meeting you with the level
of okay, here's a bit of a solution, and here's
a bit of a plan as to how we can
solve this rather than just wait and see, which always
feels super invalidating at the same time.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Will it burst or will it not totally?
Speaker 3 (18:04):
If you have chronic pain and you start vomiting, go
straight to emergency.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Well, something that I wanted to talk about that is
very topical in my life at the moment, and it
is happening right now in Italy, and I did read
this article on it a couple of weeks ago, maybe
two weeks ago now, and I've been thinking about it
a lot, which is why I wanted to talk about
it today. So, as you guys might have heard, I'm
getting married, Shocked, surprised, and married. I know it's crazy,
(18:30):
I'm engaged. Did you not hear? The question has come
up multiple times about our last name, and it's one
of those things I'm so I'm actually quite an indecisive person.
The big decision that I've been putting off is the
last name, Like what last name do you take? I
know we've briefly spoken about it in the past on
the podcast here and there. But this article that I
read in The Guardian, it's about a politician in Italy
(18:53):
named Dario Francescini. Dario is pushing for this new reform
in Italy that he's saying that by default, any child
born should have the mother's last name. So he's trying
to scrap that the male's are the default for the
last name, for the surname. He said that it is
a simple thing and also compensation for a centuries old
injustice that has had not only a symbolic value, but
(19:15):
has been a cultural and social source of gender inequality. Now,
obviously there's another political party here that is fighting him.
He's a minority, saying that it should default to the women.
Because currently, in Italy and many countries around the world,
the default surname is the father, and only if the
father is not in the mother's life, or if it's
(19:36):
agreed upon between both parents, will the surname go to
the mother. And now there are some other countries saying
or not countries. Maybe I don't want to put that
black in statement. They're definitely not talking about this in
parliament in every other country. But this conversation on hey,
should we be doing this? Mothers are the ones that
have carried the baby for nine months. Mothers are the
ones that are breastfeeding and keeping the child alive. And
(19:57):
in the majority of relationships and situations, mothers are the
primary caregiver. Mothers are the ones that are there for
their entire life. Why aren't we defaulting to the mother's surname?
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Well, I think the thing that I found really interesting
in this is like in Italy specifically, if there is
a man and woman who are both on the birth certificate,
then the default is the men. It doesn't matter whether
it's a husband or not a husband. That's the thing, right, So,
like a lot of people have children outside of wedlock,
and so the default surname becomes the dad's surname, which
if you aren't in a relationship where you aren't married,
(20:29):
maybe there isn't any sort of like emotional obligation from
that man who you had a one night stand with.
I mean, there's so many variations of how this could
be very traumatic for a woman. The legal right is
for if his name is on the birth certificate, that
then his surname goes to the child. It's an interesting
one for me to unpack a little bit because you know,
even in my relationship with Matt, I knew that I
(20:51):
wanted to keep my last name, but I didn't even
question the thought about our children taking Matt's last name.
And now that you know Mali's five and Lola's for
I don't regret it, but I definitely think back on it,
and I question why was I so willing for my
last name to be discarded even though I wanted to
keep it for myself. The only thing I can take
(21:11):
from that is that there is this deep internal there's
a deep internalized patriarchy that's in all of us, where
the default is that we just expect that the man's
name ends up becoming our children's names. And for me,
and in my situation, it's fine because you know, I'm
in a loving relationship and I'm married to Matt, and
like you know, it doesn't affect me. But for women
(21:32):
who don't have that same relationship dynamic, or they aren't
able to make those same choices it is something that
can be really really oppressive, or it just means that
they don't have the same access or write over their children,
who they may be doing the majority care for.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
When I put this up on my Instagram, so I
put a video up, a reel up you can go
and look at if you want, and there were hundreds
of comments and there were hundreds of comments in my
dms as well. They're probably a bit more aggressive. But
the response was interesting to me because I said, oos,
did you change your surname? Did you not change your surname?
Did you do a double barrel? Like just would love
to get a general feel of the landscape. And a
(22:07):
lot of people were nice about it and they gave
me their opinions. Was fine, but the aggressive people that
were saying, ah, how anti feminist it is if I
take Ben's surname. And then I went away and had
to think about that and I had a real issue
with it, and I thought really carefully about it because
traditionally taking your partner's surname is anti feminist, I guess,
because you are giving up your rights to who you
(22:29):
are as a person and anything that identifies you as
an individual. But it's different now, and I think the
difference is feminism is the fact that we have the
choice now, We have the ability to choose if we
want to do it, and why we want to do
it and for what reasons. I think it's a pretty
blanket statement to say if anyone takes their husband's name
now and changes a woman and changes her name, that
(22:52):
she is not a feminist.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
I think it's a tricky one and I think you're
erring into dangerous territory with it because there is a
lot of conversation around choice feminism. It's a very privileged
place to be in to be able to choose to
take your partner's name voluntarily, and that is not a
choice that a lot of women have the access or
the ability to make, because it's forced upon them. So
I think that that version is very specific to a
(23:16):
specific type of woman who lives in a specific place,
and that's why I think it makes people still so angry,
because it's like, well, you had the opportunity to choose.
It's like people choosing to be a tradwife, or people choosing,
you know, any version of a traditional lifestyle that does
lean into this idea of patriarchy. It's because some people
have the opportunity of choice that makes it choice feminism.
(23:37):
So I guess for me, I don't look at it
like if I had taken Matt's last name, or I
hadn't taken MAT's last name, like, I don't look at
it as though it wasn't my choice to do.
Speaker 4 (23:44):
So.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
I guess my question that I come back to when
I ask myself is is why was I so voluntarily
free to give up my last name? And I didn't
even question or I didn't even think about my kids
having my last name. And it's because it's not the step,
And it's because I guess part of me was like, well,
how would his family react if I put forward the
(24:05):
idea of the kids being Maley and Lola Burn? How
would he react if I put forward the idea of
the kids being Lola and Maley Burn? Like I understand,
he was very very cool with me keeping my last name.
I don't know if there would be a lot of
men out there who would be cool with you keeping
your last name, but also you asking for your children
to have your last name, because the pendulum will swing
(24:26):
so far in the opposite direction that I think that
for a lot of men that there's this like real
emasculating sense that comes with it, that all of that
is just so deeply steeped in tradition.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
I actually have a friend. My friend's name is Sam,
his wife's name is Tina, and they had a baby
just over a year ago now, and they decided to
give the baby her last name, and most interestingly to me,
it was his idea. And so when we were kind
of were talking about this, I actually asked him to
send me a voice note of what the reasons for
that were, and this is what he had to say.
Speaker 5 (24:57):
So, there are a few reasons why we decide to
give my son Tina's surname. The first was that hyphenating
didn't really work. Tina surname is already hyphenated, and combining
the two of ours and giving him that would mean
we'd both have to change our surnames. Wanted him to
have the same surname as one of us at least,
so we didn't go that route. The other reason was
she gave birth to him. I strongly believe that that's
(25:20):
a big freaking deal and it's crazy that the people
who give birth to children don't automatically give the kid
their surname that seems pretty straightforward to me. Another sort
of technical point was, my wife has more siblings and
so they're going to have kids. I only have my sister,
and her kid is probably not going to have my
(25:42):
family's surname. And when I was growing up, all my
cousins didn't have my surname, and there was a connection
piece there for me. So I wanted my son to
feel connected to some cousins with the same surname, if possible.
The other reason was, as of father of a son,
you think a lot about how am I going to
raise this person in a patriarchal world to respect women,
(26:03):
And there's a lot of things we can be doing.
I think there's a lot of one percenters. Giving him
his mother's surname means he's not coming into the world
with that really subconscious ingrained. Oh, you were given the
father's surname because that's just the way things are, because
men own everything. So I wanted to sort of counter
that slightly.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
To Sam's point in that conversation, you know one thing
that I don't think I had really considered until I
heard him speak about it is this idea of like
your cousins and your familiar relations because even growing up myself,
like I was the only my sister and I with
the last name Burns. We were the only one and
my last name is Bird not Burns.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
That was weird. I was just like, have I been
getting it wrong? His whole time? I was like, who
are with the last.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
Name burn We were the only people in our cousin group,
Like of all of our extended family that didn't have
the last name the Italian last name Philippy. And I
feel like I felt my entire life very not Italian
because my last name is Irish. And the reality is
is like all my cousins are also second generation Italians here,
(27:05):
like you know, my grandparents immigrated. We all have that
same link, but they are so much closer to that
side of my family because they share that last name.
But another example of this, and I think the reason
why I also like, I really do think that it
has to be men at the forefront who want this
change and who are accepting of this change in order
(27:26):
for it to ever ever happen and for there to
be that swing from the patriarchal to the matriarchal. But
that's because so my mom married my stepdad she took
on the last name, and she had my brother and
his dad left when he was a newborn. His dad
has not been in their picture his entire life. It
is far more statistically common for a father to leave
(27:46):
than for a mother to leave. And so then you
have a situation in a family where a child doesn't
have the last name of everybody else in that family,
or doesn't have the last name of the mum because
potentially they were never married in the first place either.
So then there's this family disconnect there as well. And
I guess like we put so much emphasis on being
a family unit, but in order to be a family unit,
(28:08):
the expectation is as a woman that we abandon our
names and take on, you know, our partner's names. And
I just you know, I'm not saying obviously, it's so
still the norm and it's so still the tradition. I'm
not criticizing anyone who chooses to take on their partner's name,
or who chooses to name their children after their partner's name.
Late Britain, know that that's not a criticism of whatever
you choose to do as well. I think it's just
(28:30):
interesting to think about it. It's interesting to think about
the why. And when I reflect on myself, I didn't
think about it at all. It was just a very
obvious expectation. And it's only now so many years down
the track, and you know, when we talk about having
a third baby, I'm like, well, obviously that third baby
will have the last name Johnson, and that's you know,
it's okay, it's something that we've kind of accepted. But
(28:52):
also like there was just never a conversation. It was
always just an expectation. I think that that's what happens
in most families.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
And to be clear, I don't have a problem with
anyone doing anything, Like if you want to keep your surname,
I think that's amazing. If you want to double barrel
it great. If you want to take your partner's name,
I also think that is great. I just think it's
the ability of having the choice, and of course we
are very blessed to live the life that we do,
that we do have the choice. We do have the
(29:18):
choice of not being forced into a marriage and forced
to take someone's name. And I can't speak for everyone, obviously,
and I don't want to do blanket statements, so I
just I do want to really drive that home that
I am speaking when I say people are really angry
saying that I wasn't a feminist. I am speaking about
my position, my position that I do have the option
to choose and the luxury to choose, and I feel
very grateful to be in that position. But I don't
(29:41):
think that you choosing to take your partner's surname means
you're not a feminist. And I do think it comes
down to whatever your personal reasons are, because they did
start to be a bit of back and forth in
my on my reel as well, of people like sort
of arguing with each other, but the people that were
pro taking a name and the people that were against it,
and I just found it a really interesting discussion at
the end of the day when it comes down to
(30:02):
your reason. So do maybe people don't have an attachment
to their surname at all. Maybe it's the man all
the woman doesn't have the attachment to their surname. A
lot of people actually detest their surname for whatever reasons,
Maybe that their their father left, like you said, Laura,
when they're a child. Maybe it's just the fact that
you want to share your surname with your entire family
and your children for whatever reason. For me, I'm still
(30:26):
on the fence. I don't know what I'm going to do.
I like my surname, and my surname for me is
part of my brand, I guess, and I hate to
say that, but when you're public facing, for example, like
the podcast and the radio, you are known in media
by a name, and it takes you a long time
to build up that name. To all of a sudden change,
it would feel like I'm taking away something from myself
(30:49):
having said that I want the same name as Ben
and my children. So it's a discussion that we're having
at the moment on what it's going to look like.
I have also said to him, will you take my name?
And he feels the same way. He's like, I'm not
against it, but maybe if I hadn't worked so hard
to have my name as a footballer and in my career,
you know, I probably easily would change it. But we
feel the same way, and I think what we might
(31:11):
end up doing is maybe I will change it privately.
I shouldn't say privately, but like officially on the documents.
If we have children, we'll all have the same name.
But I'll probably just keep my name publicly as is,
like I'll always be Brittany Hockley.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
Brit In that instance, though, when you say that, if
you were to say, Okay, I'm going to keep my
own name, but I'd also like our kids to have
the last name Hockley, what do you think would be
Ben's reaction to that? Because this is not to be
a criticism of him, I think that most men would
find that a really hard thing to pell it. And
I think it's just because it's so deeply entrenched in
what is the expectation.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
I think if I was really adamant, Ben is a
really good listener, and he's really forward with his thinking.
When I say that he his dad wasn't around. He
was raised by women like he was raised by except
for his grandpa. His grandpa and his grandma basically raised
him alongside his mum and his sister, so he was
surrounded by women. I think if I was adamant that
(32:08):
I was keeping my name and I wanted my kids
to have our name, I do wonder if he would
change it, because I think he would probably it'd be
more important to him to have that family unit. But
having said that, we haven't had that conversation. I haven't
said if I want the kids to have Hockley, what
we would we do. But then for me as well,
and this is what it goes back to when you
talk about what suits your situation and your relationship. I
(32:30):
have two brothers, we have so many nieces and nephews,
and they have boys. So the Hockley name has been
passed on, so that is something to think about. Whereas
for Ben, there's no one else in the family that
would pass on secrets. So that's another thing that we
have to talk about as a couple and see what's
important to each other.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
I feel like that there's been a lot of changes,
probably in the last five or six years around this,
like there are more and more public figures who are
coming out who are taking their partners like as in
like the male is taking the woman's last name. However,
and it happened back in twenty seventeen. So a friend
of mine who he was a producer on The Bachelor.
His name is Grant Davis and he is married to
(33:09):
Jade Phillips. He changed his last name to Phillips, and
there are a few reasons why he did that. He
said the many reasons that led to this. First of all,
her surname dies with her, as she is one of
two girls and has no cousins. Secondly, my connection with
my own extended family hasn't been strong for some time,
so for my wife to be forced to take my
surname because that's what tradition dictates, felt a little bit redundant,
(33:31):
as I didn't even have a connection with my name now.
At the time, like I said, it was twenty seventeen,
so it was more unusual for a man to give
up voluntarily their last name and take on their wife's surname.
And this made news, and there was quite a few
news articles and Grant did quite a few interviews around this.
I will never forget the absolute torrent of abuse that
(33:54):
he received off the back of it from so many
men online who had such fucking fragile ego around their masculinity.
He received death threats, and I think that the backlash
was completely shocking to him. I think obviously he realized
that it was going to be controversial for some people.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
But the volume.
Speaker 3 (34:11):
Of hate that was received because he took his wife's
last name, this feeling and overwhelming sense that like he'd
given up his masculinity, that he was no longer a
man because he had taken his wife's surname.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
And to think that that happened in twenty seventeen.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Now, I know that there have been some changes, and
obviously it's becoming slightly more common, but I would dare
say that that response would still happen today if it
was very public, because in our friendship groups, potentially in
you know, if you're listening to this and you have
progressive friends, this wouldn't be the case.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
But that is not the vast majority of the population.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
And I think like that's the problem, is like you
can look at this stuff in a sylu and go, oh, well,
I have the choice and this wouldn't happen. But the
reality is for so many people, and based on so
many people's opinions, and when something goes out into the
Internet where you're not just speaking to your own quiet yeah,
you're speaking to everyone, it becomes extremely evident just how
toxic it is when it comes to these conversations around
(35:06):
whether you should retain your name, whether you should name
your children after you know your birth name, or whether
they get the father's birthday. All right, well, look it
is time for Accidently Unfiltered and guys, you might remember this.
The other week, I was talking about the Bondi store
opening for Tony May and how I met this amazing
American listener who had been like one of our listeners
(35:27):
from overseas, and it was like this very serendipitous timing.
So she has been a listener for like the last
four or five years, og has moved to Bondi, has
only been living here for a couple of weeks. She
walked past the store at the very same time, and
when I met her, I was like, you need to
come back in an hour because BRIT's going to be
here and then we can.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
It'll be like a little life uncut reunion.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
I was like, come down, please, come and meet her,
come and have a wine with us.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
And she never came back. She never contacted us again, so.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Offended that she didn't want to meet me. She only
wanted to meet you.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
No, it wasn't that I was like so weird, because
I was so excited. We always say that if you
guys ever see us, like, please come and talk to us,
because it makes our day way more than it makes
your day. And so I was genuinely kind of expecting
that she might come back down and you know, we
could all like have a drink. And we got this
message from her the other day. It came through as
an accilent unfiltered, and I just thought it was literally
(36:18):
the most life on cut thing I've ever read in
my entire fucking life. It said, Hi, I have a confession,
and even if this doesn't make it on the pod,
I feel like you guys are going to get a
laugh out of it. So the other day I walked
past Tony May's Bonda opening and I said, hi to Laura.
I am a huge fan American and have been listening
to the pod for years. So I was like when
I read that, I was like ding ding ding, I
know exactly who it is. Yeah, Laura said, come back
(36:40):
in an hour to meet Britt and listen. Usually nothing
would stand in my way of meeting my legit celeb crushes.
I mean, that's definitely not we are not that, but like, fine,
I'll take it. And hearing BRIT's laugh in real time Sadly,
I had learned twenty minutes prior to meeting Laura that
I had chlamydia and had to go pick up antibiotics
and tell them that I was seeing that I'd given
(37:01):
him the clap, So sorry, brit the clap.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
One out on this occasion.
Speaker 3 (37:05):
Let the guy have clap for another hour, whether he's
got the clap for an hour more or not. Like
it's fine you maybe not, who cares.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
She had the opportunity to do this as like a cameo.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
She could have got you guys to record the video
that she sent to him to say, Hey, by the way,
oh my.
Speaker 3 (37:20):
God, could you imagine, it's just a tablet, there's nothing,
there's no shame.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
Firstly, I love that I met you, and I'm not
going to say your name on the pod, but I'm
so glad that like you came and said hi. And secondly,
I just love that there is we have fostered a
community where you feel so fine with messaging us and
telling us that this is where you're at in life,
because there's no shame.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Oh cute, Laura. I'm glad that you feel that way,
because I feel pretty shitty about being bumped for the clap.
I feel like in the line of priority, I should
have come above the.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
Clap, But like, good fore you for telling him so like,
thank you for be good for you because you did
the right thing.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
You're a responsible citizen and we really appreciate that.
Speaker 3 (37:57):
All right, well, look time for second sweet before we
leave you, Brittany, what is your suck for the week?
Speaker 2 (38:02):
This is going to be the easiest suck and sweet
I've ever done. Suck is I mean, it's pretty great.
So my suck is just the weather. I really wanted
some sunshine in Italy, but it's rain. So that's what
I'm saying. Sweet is, I'm with band, so it doesn't
matter what happens if he's here or not, what we do,
whether it's raining or a thunderstorm. That's my sweet that
I get to spend a couple of weeks with him.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
He's technically at least in the same country, which is
like a lot closer to what he usually is. I
love that you've traveled all the way there and then
he's not actually there, so like I know, for him,
what's your suck? Okay, my suck for the week is
that my kids are not sleeping. I don't know why.
I don't know what's happened. I think it's the change
of time zone, but something has shifted and I am
a five am wake up Gowley.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Now with these kids, they are.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Awake every morning and they also not going to bed
to late, so it's just like they're not catching up,
they're sleep deprived, they're angry, and that means everybody is
feeling it.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
So that's my suck.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
My sweet for the week is that we are on
holidays and I've really felt as though so and I
know I kind of say this every couple of months.
I feel like I come around in circles on it,
but like I do feel like the last couple of
weeks and months, I haven't had the type of quality
family time that I've been absolutely craving. I also, you know,
we spoke about on the pod I think it was
(39:14):
last week about missing really important males stone moments with kids,
and when you're having to juggle the work and the
work side of things and then you have to juggle
motherhood alongside that, I think it's it's really really hard
and for me, like the suite is really just being
able to have the next week and a half off
to do nothing but spend time with my kids. Lala's
not in daycare, Mally's obviously on school holidays. It's the
(39:36):
first time we've ever done school holidays with Marley in kindergarten.
And when they kind of understood that they get fourteen
days of just mum and dad and no interruptions, like,
the happiness on their faces was honestly just the best
thing ever. So I feel really grateful for these next
two weeks. And guys, we will be back very very shortly.
We're having a you know, it's a short break, but
(39:57):
we are back in like a week and a half
and have big episodes and we have some big news.
So that's all happening very very soon.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Yeah, don't forget the big news when we come back,
bread crumbing.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
The shit out of you.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
You'll not want to miss at episodes. When we come back,
we have some big news to share. That that is
it from us, guys, and you know the drum.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
So your mum to your dad, tea dog to your friends,
and check back in for the big news.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Because we love, love, we love
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