May 1, 2025 • 42 mins
Gabby Bernstein is the kind of person you mention in a group chat and instantly get five voice notes back saying, “Oh my God, she changed my life.”
She’s Oprah-approved, a New York Times best-selling author many times over, a spiritual teacher and the voice behind the wellness movement that’s got us all manifesting, journaling and choosing our battles. In this episode of Holly Wainright's podcast MID, Holly sat down with Gabby to talk about feeling stuck, dealing with change, and the relentless voice in your head, you know the one, the inner critic.
If you’re looking for some clarity, a push to change things that aren't working for you, or just a little positivity, this conversation is for you.
Gabby Bernstein is touring the country in May follow the links here get tickets for Sydney, Melbourne or Brisbane.
Order Gabby's latest book, Self Help: This Is Your Chance to Change Your Life here and get a free gift! Follow Gabby on Instagram and try her gabby coaching membership app for free here.
Or, you can learn about Gabby's 21 day challenge here.
If you'd like to listen to more MID you can listen to season four here.
CREDITS:
Host: Holly Wainwright
Guest: Gabby Bernstein
Executive Producer: Naima Brown
Senior Producer: Grace Rouvray
Producer: Tahli Blackman
Audio Producer: Jacob Round
Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.
Become a Mamamia subscriber: https://www.mamamia.com.au/subscribe
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
On Hi there, I'm Kate Langbrook and I'm jumping into
your feed with a very special episode to share. If
you know the buzzwords of manifesting or the inner critic,
and don't we all, you've probably come across the work
of Gabby Bernstein. She's Oprah approved, a self help powerhouse,
and she's just joined Holly Wainwright on mid for an
(00:41):
incredible conversation with a.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Guru on the line.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Holly doesn't waste the opportunity. She's turning the interview into
a kind of therapy session about how to shift your mindset,
quiet your inner critic, the bad voices only, and amplify
the inner voice, your intuition that can guide you through
change and help you move forward when you're feeling stuck.
If you're craving clarity, positivity, or just a little encouragement,
(01:09):
this episode is for you. I hope you enjoy. Gabby
Bernstein and Holly Wainewright on Meat.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
There's a part of me that hates my guts, yells
at me from dusk till dawn. She thinks I'm lazy
and scattered, messy and chaotic, that it's only a matter
of time until I'm exposed a fraud. She knows if
you're opening my wardrobe, my life will fall out. That
under my bed dust and cobwebs are fighting. She thinks
(01:39):
this intro is clumsy and unclear, that this interview.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
Had too much gosh.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
She knows I shouted at my son last week and
that my book missed its deadline. She wonders aloud why
I can't stay away from bread, and taps pointedly at
the gym timetable on the fridge, asking if it can
still be valid if it's from twenty twenty three. She
whispers in my ear about that dumb thing I said
to my mate at work and how it hurt her feelings.
(02:07):
She knows I didn't post a car for my dad's
last birthday and that text messages just aren't the same.
She settles into the seat beside me when I sit
down and put my fingers on the keys, and she
leans over and looks up into my face.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
What have you got to say?
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Hey?
Speaker 4 (02:24):
She asks?
Speaker 3 (02:26):
What's interesting about you and I? Who's been working out
how to knock her off that chair for years, try.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
A new thing. I put my arm around.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
Her, pull her in as her grimace twists and asks,
what do you need?
Speaker 4 (02:43):
Buddy? Hello?
Speaker 3 (02:45):
I'm Holly Wainwright and I am mid midlife, mid family,
mid search. Have you found yourself adding another woo to
your wu lately? Maybe you're putting out your crystals to
charge on a full moon, setting a mantra to set
your day out right, making time to meditate, journaling for
God's sake. Maybe you're doing none of that, but you're
(03:07):
wondering why suddenly all your mates are. Maybe it's because
the world seems out of control. Maybe it's because it
seems that something we might have a handle on is
whisper it our energy and where we choose to put
it anyway. Out of all that, we want some answers, Yes,
some positivity, And I know the woman who's bringing that
(03:30):
energy by the bucket load. Gabby Bernstein is a big
deal Oprah. Yes, Oprah has called her a significant spiritual
thought leader. Her books and videos and courses are read
and watched by millions. Her new book Self Help is
just her latest New York Times bestseller. And when I
told some of my friends that I was talking to her.
(03:53):
They lost their minds. Her words had helped them mis see,
let go of things, trust in others, and negative attitude
something difficult they're trying to move through. So when I
knew I was going to be sitting down with Gabby today,
all the way over in New York, I wanted to
bring her some problems of my own.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
Sorry, I mean of.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Our own feeling stuck, dealing with big changes, wondering what
the hell's next? And yes, I did ask for a
little therapy session on what to do with that damn
critical part of myself that won't shut up. I call
her Hannah and she.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Can be a bitch.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
But first I told Gabby what my friends said about her. Gabby,
I've been talking to people who feel like their lives
have been changed by your work, and they tell me
a few things. But here's what they tell me. The
loudest they say, she lets me know it's going to
be okay.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
That's so nice.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
I know, how do you react to that? Well?
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I love that you started there. I really appreciate you
starting there. I actually feel like I needed to hear
that today. Oh, if that makes sense to you, because
I think with all the stuff that's happening with AI
and sort of like I'm not even dipping my toes
and I'm diving in head first because we have to,
(05:16):
right this is where we are. I think it's brought
up so much of this sort of like existential crisis
around like well what will my work mean to anyone
when it can be replicated in all these ways? And
like how will it have an impact? And I needed
to kind of remember that in all the different forms
this work comes, whether it's through a book or an
audio or an AI bot, whatever it's going to be,
(05:39):
it's helping people. So that's the whole thing, you know.
So I'm really grateful for you reflecting that back to
me today.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
I thank you, and what I'd love to do given that,
and if you're happy to talk about how that might
look for some of our listeners who aren't necessarily as
familiar with your work, but a lot of the listeners
to mid them going through a lot of stuff they
may have we call it sometimes in midlife collision. I
know you'd be very familiar with this way. Suddenly maybe
your marriage is ended, maybe you've lost your job, maybe
(06:08):
you've got hormone stuff going on, or a diagnosis or
a loss.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
And it can feel really hard.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
And I thought, if it's all right with you, I'd
love to ask you for a couple of kind of
practical tips that our listeners could could tap into a
bit of that it's going to be okay, Gabby energy.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
I'm not Yeah, it's going to be okay, Gabby energy.
It's going to be okay. I really like that for
a book title. It's going to be okay.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
I might have to well, it's yours friend, because that's
what That's what they were saying about you.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
It's really nice to hear that what you just said,
it really it really means a lot to me. So
I'm no stranger to the meltdown moments, whether it's the
mid life moments or the just sort of general meltdown moments.
And for me recently was my menopausal journey of forty four,
going in like skydiving into menopause. I don't get I
(07:03):
don't get the easy road. I get the tsunamis is.
But my girlfriends say they're like, oh, you get the tsunamis.
So but it was kind of a blessing to have
my hormones just sort of like disappear overnight because and frankly,
I'm sure I was in perimenopause since I was thirty five.
I just didn't know, right, I was taking all my
eggs and I was pumping them all out in my
late thirties trying to get a baby, and you know,
(07:24):
it was just a lot of the things we do.
So I've been in this moment of a transition of
sort of everything being up in the air, and the
way that I trusted that everything was going to be
okay was knowing and remembering the resilience I'd had in
the past, because all of our life experience provides us
(07:45):
with the felt sense of memory, the muscle memory of
knowing that we can survive, and so recognizing that my
past experiences of survival we're going to hold me as
I carried into these new ones. And in those moments,
maybe it's not late for death, but it still feels
(08:06):
like it is. Right. So, you know, if you've lost
the partner diagnosis or skydiving into menopause, whatever that might be,
you feel like this is it, Like I'm really it's
all consuming. And so I think that the proof that
we've recovered in the past, We've survived through many things
that we've lived to tell is actually such a great
remembrance that it's going to be okay. And then leaning
(08:28):
into that proof, relying on the tools that worked and
making a commitment to lean into those tools is really
how we build the muscle of resilience.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
So it's sort of the strength and smarts that got
you to hear you can tap into them to get
you from here.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
And also just the psychologic call it spiritual proof, right,
So it's the proof that I'm strong, the proof that
I'm resilient, the proof that I'm aligned, that I'm guided,
that I'm not alone, that I have tools, that I
have support. It's what we have to rely on in
those moments.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
The other thing that listeners often say to me at
this point is they say, I feel stuck. Stuckness is
a big thing, right. It isn't necessarily that you've been
had a big change, but you just feel like you're
not living the way you want to. I know this
is something you're very good at talking about, of course,
but you know people depend on you. You're comfortable, if not happy,
(09:33):
but you feel stuck.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
What's a great tip for getting unstuck.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Well, I would often say that the best first step
to getting unstuck is to recognize the beliefs that are
blocking you, because the reason you're stuck is not necessarily
because of an outside circumstance, but often because of an
internal belief system. And so it's about healing the beliefs
that hold us in the patterns that we get stuck in.
(10:00):
So this actually really a lot of the practices that
we'll talk about about My latest book is self help
is undoing and unburdening yourself of the beliefs that have
kept you're so stuck in the first place. And the
stuckness is patterns, it's behaviors, it's beliefs, it's limitations, it's
protection mechanisms. And so when we start to become curious
(10:20):
about those parts of ourselves that are keeping us stuck,
we start to give energy and access to those parts
of ourselves and we start to feel more safe inside.
Then we have the courage to start to create change.
But that courage doesn't come unless we tend to the
parts of ourselves that are inside that are so burdened
with these beliefs.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Do you think that sometimes when you're in that state
of knowing that things aren't right and you're not living
quite the way you want to. It's hard to know
if you're on the right path, or what the right
path even is to set before you start doing the work.
I've heard you say, ask yourself, how do you want
to feel?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (10:59):
Tell me about the power of that question.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
So ofttimes we'll think like, I need this thing to
get to where I want to be right so that
outcome then I'll be safe, or have that next that
was reassurance, or that whatever it might be. None of
us can rely on outcomes anymore. We re living a
very shaky time with a lot of powerlessness, and so
we have to really just rely on the feelings that
(11:25):
we have the power over, which is which is what
we think and how we feel. And so by by
saying okay, instead of focusing on that next accomplishment or
that that outside circumstance to give me direction, focus on
how you want to feel, Focus on the sensations inside
that you want to wake up to. For me, I
(11:46):
want to feel physically strong. I want to feel calm
in my body. I want to feel resourced, I want
to feel powerful, I want to feel clear and with
all those clear I can I can almost even visualize
the feelings as I talk about them. I can lean
(12:08):
into that and that clarity, and then wake up each
day leaning into those desired feelings. And so when you
know how you want to feel, you know where you
want to go.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
After the break, we dive into the little voice inside
my head, not the critical one, the kind one, and
how to find the courage.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
To listen to it so to self help.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
One of the things that I particularly love about your story,
and I've been obviously immersing myself the last few days
in particular, is that you've talked about it lots of time,
so we don't have to do that at all. But
in your mid twenties, you are struggling with addiction. You
describe you're at a rock bottom, and you asked for help,
and a strong inner voice or maybe out of voice,
told you get clean and you'll live a life beyond
(12:55):
your wildest dreams. First of all, before we start talking
about this particular book, do you believe that we can
all tap into a voice like that that really knows
what we need to do?
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Of course they do.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
Yeah, how can you be quiet enough to listen?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Well? The practice of becoming quiet enough to listen, is
a devotional practice, of tuning in, of strengthening your faith
through spiritual practice, through maybe even a religious practice. Whatever
it is that you are drawn to, it's about mindfully
slowing down. So whether it be a meditative practice or
(13:38):
a prayer practice, or a physical activity even you know,
I hear my connection to inner wisdom and spirit when
I'm walking, when I'm in nature. I walk every day,
and I feel oftentimes angelic energy around me when I'm walking.
And the reason stillness is the access to the divine.
(14:00):
Stillness is the access to the spiritual realm. The reason
is that our human resonance, like the vibration that we
function to live in this world, is not the same
frequency as the spiritual realm. And so if you want
to call it inner guidance or a spiritual voice, or
the voice of God or universal wisdom, I don't really
(14:22):
care what you call it, the care that you call
upon it. And when we're living in this world of
phrenetic energy, we're misaligned with the frequency of the universe,
with the frequency of spirit. And so through when we
still our mind and when we calm our nervous system,
and we settle our energetic being. Our energy begins to
(14:44):
vibrate at a new frequency, and the same frequency starts
to line up with the frequency of the universe. So
that lining up is what stillness does for us. And
so we get in tune, right. So you see, my
hands are kind of going like this. It's like we're
here and the spiritual realm is here, and we start
to rest and become more at ease, and then we
attune to it. It's literally like a pitchfork, okay. And
(15:06):
when we get attuned to that energy, then portal opens
and we start to believe the wisdom that we're hearing.
We start to trust the sensations or the voice, or
the direction, or the inner wink right, or the synchronicity
or the written word if we'rescribing in that state, and
so that's where messages can come to us. Guidance can
(15:28):
come to us, direction can come to us. We can
feel a presence of a spiritual energy and entity around
us that we know that we're not alone, and that's
really that's all that is real. That's all that is real,
that connection.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
It can take courage to be ready to hear that right,
because we push away those voices a lot, don't you think,
in the hustle of all the things we've got to do,
so there's the courage to go.
Speaker 4 (15:59):
It's not necessarily going to be easy.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Certainly wasn't easy for you, I'm sure when your voice
is saying get.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Clean, well, when they're saying, I mean it is guidance, right,
So there are spiritual guides. I believe in age. It's
whatever you choose to believe in. But you could be
hearing lots of different guidance systems, and for many people
it might just be more comfortable to say my inner
wisdom or God. Right, But again, I don't care what
you call it.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
Yeah, call upon it as you say, Yeah, you need
to be.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Brave enough to be ready to act on.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
What they're going to tell you.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
And when you're at that state where you know you
need help, that's a time when a lot of people
might discover this.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Yeah, it's when we hit bottom that really the wound
is the place where the light enters you. As Rumy says,
So when we have our moments of hitting a bottom,
there's a cracking open to a surrendered state, and in
that surrendered state, we become much more receptive to the
(16:58):
wisdom beyond our logical mind.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Friends, you're about to hear some discussion about Gabby's book
self Help, which centers around a type of therapy called
internal Families systems, and I wanted to jump into our
conversation to just explain it a little bit so that
it all makes sense when we're talking about it. In
its most basic form. IFS, as they call it, is
like inside out, a theory that we're made up of
(17:24):
lots of different parts. So in inside out, our girl's
head is filled with these anthropomorphized feelings anxiety, anger, etc.
In IFS, same idea, but these characters are our parts.
You might have a part, for example, who is incensed
by rule breaking, a part who's hyper vigilant about the
health of your loved ones, a part that's a control freak,
(17:47):
a part that pulls you back just before you try
too hard for something you really want. In IFS, the
idea is these parts need to be addressed, not pushed aside,
but invited to the table and asked what it is
they need, while also having the steering wheel gently removed
from their hands and put back in your own your
(18:08):
self's hands. Who is calm and mature and knows what's best.
That is my very amateur interpretation of IFS. But as
you hear Gabby speak more about it, it'll make more
sense back to her. What I particularly love about this
story is that because you're such a seeker and you've
(18:29):
from there built this amazing career and business and life
teaching sharing these ideas, but you write and self help,
that the extraordinary success came at a cost and you
had to deal with another kind of addiction in a way.
Tell me about your workaholic, because I loved reading the
beginning of self Help. You talk about sitting down to
write the book. Sorry, I'm holding it in my hand.
Speaker 4 (18:50):
Good.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
I love all the post and notes.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
You are talking about sitting down to write the book,
and this is a common experience of writers.
Speaker 4 (18:57):
I'm a writer myself.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Where you're the first thing that happens is your mind
is saying who do you think you are? Basically, I'm
paraphrasing you, who do you think you are? To write
this book? You know you have timed in internal family systems,
which is what this book is about largely, But you're like,
who do.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
I think I am?
Speaker 3 (19:15):
You're not good enough to do this like you've got
that chat that is somebody I'm very familiar with, and
you talk about what you did to overcome that.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
Can you tell that story?
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Yes? So when I sat down to write self Help,
it was my tenth book, so it wasn't my first rodeo.
And I was trained in this model of a therapy
that I'd practiced with my own therapist for a nearly
a decade at that time. And then I went on
to get trained in this therapy. And then I beat
very very clearly, felt lined up to write about it,
(19:49):
democratize it, turn it into a self help practice with
the blessing of the founder of the therapy. His name
is doctor Richard Schwartz. He gave me his blessing to
do that, to make it self help.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
He writes the introduction.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Yes, he does. And so I had the permission, I
had the book contract, I had the train, I had
the experience of living it, and I sat down to
write the book and the impost the voice of I'm
not good enough, I'm not smart enough. Who am I
to write this book. You're not a therapist, You're not this,
(20:22):
You're not that started to flood me, and so very
quickly I began to apply the tool that I was
sitting down to write about to myself and I share
the story of how I chose to check in with
that voice, that part of me that was so afraid
to write the book. And as I started to check
in and become curious, I noticed where it was in
(20:45):
my body, and I noticed where I felt it in
my jaw, and I noticed where it was in my heart.
And then I became more curious and knew that it
had been around for a long time and it was
the little girl that though she was stupid, and just
kept checking in and checking in. And then I became
curious and I asked the part what it needed, and
the part that part of me said, believe in me.
Believe in me. And then another voice started to come in,
(21:06):
and that was the voice of my higher self, myself
for the capitol less maybe the inner wisdom or the
spiritual connection, and that voice is self started to speak
to me and say or not speak to me. Just
the presence of self came through, and it was this
inner healer coming through saying, yeah, of course you can
do this. This is your job. You got this, and
(21:30):
that process of choosing to check in becoming curious, compassionately
connecting and asking what do you need? And then noticing
the shifts of self come through. Those four steps are
the crux of the book. That's the self help check in.
And self is what is our inner wisdom, our our
higher self are the presence of the God within us.
(21:50):
The spirit within us self is compassionate energy, connected energy,
clear energy, courageous energy, confident energy. And so this whole
book is about letting these energies to self help these
younger parts of ourselves that are so stuck. So for
the listener stuck, this is your book.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Yeah, this is your book because one of the things
that I particularly and I know a little bit about
IFS myself, but you explain it so brilliantly here. But
I think that if you don't understand that the difference
is when you're sitting there, whatever project it is, or
whatever part of your life that in a critic is
coming at you and telling you not good enough. The
(22:32):
temptation is push her away, shut her up, right, That's
what I have always done.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
Has been like why am I thinking like that?
Speaker 3 (22:39):
And then the critic almost becomes part of the problem.
But what IFS is saying and what you're saying is,
don't push her away and shut her up, check in
with her and have compassion.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Yes, when we feel triggered for whatever reason it might be,
we will do whatever it takes to shut down the trigger.
So the trigger is a young, young part of ourselves, right,
It's a wounded part that feels inadequate or unlovable. And
so what we'll do is we'll start protecting against that feeling.
And that's where these protector parts. In the protector parts
(23:10):
are like I'm going to the yours would be saying
shut up, shut up, going going right, that's like a
shunning protector. Or maybe my be controlling or fighting back
or raging or overworking or over drinking or overeating, will
over things to not have to feel those deeper wounds,
and so we check out instead of checking in. And
so self help the practice is about choosing to check
(23:33):
inside instead of checking out with these protection mechanisms. And
so we check in with the protection mechanisms so that
it can feel like it can relax, and when it relaxes,
then we can let that young part of us, that
all these young parts of us inside know that there's
more safety inside and that they don't have to be
so activated.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
And the parts are in this system are given names.
So you have as I mentioned before, I was really
interested when you talked about your workaholic part. That has
obviously been of great use to you in building your
business to where it is, but you've learned to have
a different relationship with her. Now, can you tell me
(24:15):
a bit about that.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yes, so I've named my parts. You don't have to,
but it's nice to do.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
I think it's helpful.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
It is. We have lots of different protection mechanisms, and
you've probably said many times before a part of me
gets really activated when this happens, or a part of
me rages when my husband says this, or part of
me part of me, you know, all these kinds of messages.
And so for me, you know, I have a lot
of different parts. One of them was a workaholic at
the time. And what happens when we start to do
some connecting to these parts of ourselves is that we
(24:41):
start to recognize that they actually were just there protecting us.
And so while they might have been in extreme roles,
they also probably did a lot of good for us
and for the world, or for whatever happens in us.
So I look at my workaholic part now that it's
now that I've healed, and I can say, oh, yeah,
(25:02):
you were working real hard to try to to try
to fight against that suffering inside. But also I can
look at her and say, okay, but you also wrote
ten books in fourteen years and helped a lot of people.
And so I can see that while the part was
extreme and creating a lot of chaos in my body
and in my life and in my relationships, it also
(25:24):
did a lot of good. And now the good news
is that that part can do its great work in
such a less extreme way because it's connected to self.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
So the idea is not at all to get rid
of these parts of you, to sort of shed them
as if you're going to just be self.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
The goal is to help them be less extreme, yes
or not extreme. Right, You're not trying to get rid
of any of these aspects of yourself. They're very good aspects, right,
They have important roles, But to help them be less extreme,
and even a part that's extreme extreme, like a cocaine adict.
My cocaine addict, I was able to get clean and sober,
(26:05):
and then the more that I healed that part underneath
it was control, right, So then I had to work
with the control part, and then I started to heal
the control part. And now that the control part is
at a place where it's so unburdened from that extreme place,
it can show up when I need it.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
Right.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
It's not going to go do cocaine, but it's going
to show up and say, you know what, team, I'm
not seeing things going in the right direction. I want
to make sure we get back on track with our OKRs,
or I want to make sure that we're you know,
it's yeah, it's controlling. But if I didn't have that part,
I wouldn't be a great CEO and president, right, Yeah,
so you know it helps.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Absolutely tell me about that the check in process that
you was talking about before, because one of the things
that I've I've heard you talk about this is that
one thing that might be a bit scary to people
about this idea is they might be like, I don't
want to be constantly encouraged to tap back to the.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
Worst thing that's ever happened.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
You don't have to.
Speaker 4 (27:00):
Yeah, yeah, So explain that a bit.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Because if a lot of our parts were forged in
trauma and I've heard you talk about capital T lower
case T trauma. Everybody doesn't want to be dragged back
there all the time. That might be a barriers. So
what do you say about that.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
We're not going to those parts. So in IFS, there's
different types of protectors. Well, first of all, there's exiled parts,
which are there the young parts that were traumatized big T,
small tea could have been bullied, it could have been
big trauma, could have been attachment breach. Those are the
exiled parts. Those are the little wounded parts. We're not
trying to go to the exiles in this book. That's
(27:36):
where you would go to those parts with therapy. When
you experience those traumas, you started protecting yourself very quickly
because your little child brain could not process it. You
didn't have the emotional resilience to process it. You very
likely did not have a parent or adult figure to
help you process it. So you went into protector mode
and you started building up these protection mechanisms of fighting
(27:57):
back or judging, or perfectionism or needing to know workoholism,
to be seen because you weren't seen by your parents
or whatever. The story is. So in this book we're
teching in with those protection mechanisms, not with the exiles
and so the protectors and not even really the most
extreme protectors which I can with like the day to
day protection mechanisms that are managing our day to day life. Right,
(28:19):
So for me, it was a control or it was work,
or it was Knives Out was another part I read about,
like if you mess with me, I'm going to fight back. Right,
knives Out showed up today. Let me tell you, knives
Out came in today. I had to do a little
work with her today. When I did great work with
her today and came back to a situation and was
able to meet the situation with so much self energy
(28:41):
and so much love when like a few hours prior,
I was like telling another team member how pissed off
I was, and it's cursing. And you know, even though
I didn't do it to that person, I did the
work before I worked it out. And then I went
to that person with a lot of clarity and a
lot of calm because I did the four step check
in with the party.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
Because knives Out was helpful, but you didn't just let
it loose.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
And knives Out was able to be calmed and soothed
by the fourth step. Yes, and then once that self
energy emerged, I asked, so, here's what happened. Let's say
it like this, but something happened at work that pissed
me off. Knives out was defensive. I was like, I'm
going to fight back. I knew that was there. I
(29:25):
did the four step check in, so I checked in
with the part. So I focused my attention in towards
that knives out and wanted to fight so much. And
then I got curious about where it was my body.
I saw it in my jaw and and my shoulders.
It was very tense. And then I went a little
bit further and I started to notice that it was
like a very strong, defensive part that was very young.
And then I went to the third step, which is
(29:46):
to ask curiously, ask compassionately what do you need? And
the part said to me, I need clarity, I need
to be clear. I need to speak my truth but clearly.
And then I noticed that I checked the fourth step
checked for c qualities it self, and I was like, okay, yeah,
I feel like I know what I need. I feel
more calm, I feel connected, I feel that the courage
(30:07):
to speak up for what I need. So then a
few minutes later, I pick up the phone and I
called the person that I was frustrated with, and I
just looked her in the eye and I said, look,
let's work this out. But I want to be really
clear with you. You know, XYZ that you asked for
is exactly what I have given you. And when you
say x y Z, it's a trigger word for us,
(30:28):
you know whatever from employers, and it makes us want
to do x y Z. So I'm just being very
clear with you. I'm not threatening you. I'm just laying
it out for you. And I really want to make
this work. And I really think that you're excellent and
you've been adding so much value and I need to
be clear with you, right And so I said some
very hard truths, but with so much love and so
(30:51):
much calmness and so much courage and connection and clarity.
And so I met the situation with self instead of
the part, and I could speak for the part rather
than as that part. Does that make sense?
Speaker 4 (31:05):
It does.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
After this shortbreak, Gabby turns the interview on me and
we talk about how I talk.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
To my own inner critic.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
I mean, one of the things that I particularly like
about this, and you write about this is it. I
think it helps you write You're not a control freak
or a rager or codependent.
Speaker 4 (31:28):
Those are all parts of yourself.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
And I think that that's a lot of and maybe
women in particular, we do label ourselves and say, why
am I such a control freak? Why am I so
hard on myself?
Speaker 4 (31:38):
I'm this, I'm that.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
And the idea that you can that these are parts
of you that have roles to play, I think is
really really helpful.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Absolutely, it's recognizing that we are not our bad patterns
or our limiting beliefs or addicted behaviors. Those are protection
mechanisms that are parts of who we are that have
been holding it all together for so so long. And
these parts of us need our attention, They need our love,
(32:06):
they need our connection, they need our wisdom, and they
need her compassion.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
I when I was preparing for this conversation today, I
was like, I'm going to bring Gabby some problems, and
not all of them are my problems, but some of
them are my problems.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Bring me your problem.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
Well, one of them is definitely that in a critic.
So you have helped me with that already, because it's
very much the voice that starts whenever I'm about to
try and what you might term play big, like do
something brave and bold, and then that she starts with
her like who do you think you are? You're not
good enough, You're not as good as so and so. Okay,
(32:43):
And sometimes, Gabby, let's be honest, I work on the internet,
as I know you do, and sometimes those critics are
real in the world, you know, So that feeds her.
And so this is very helpful, this idea of not
just shunning her but bringing her in.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
Yeah, I mean I think that the inner critic part
is probably most women have it.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
Yeah, absolutely, And.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
She needs your she needs And by the way, I'm
calling these female parts like she, but they not have
a gender at times, like you might identify a part,
but it might feel like it's genderless, you know, or
I don't know. I don't want to name people's parts,
but you feel a female to you, So I'll talk
to you them like that. But you know, these inner critics,
(33:30):
they've been around for a really long time, and they're
really young, and they need our attention. They need some connection,
they need some compassion. So my steps are beautiful, choose
to check in with that part, become curious about it. Normally,
what we would do is shun it, right, we would
say stop thinking like that, stop doing it, move on.
(33:53):
I even heard you say that earlier. Right, do you
have children?
Speaker 4 (33:57):
I do.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
So if your child, one of your children came to
you and said, mom, I'm just feeling so inadequate, I
hate myself, what would you say.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
Ah, I meet them with love and tell them that
they're you know, that they're trying their best, and that
to me, they're the most incredible things in the world.
Speaker 4 (34:17):
They're teenagers, they do come to be with things like that.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Yeah, and you may be curious, right, you may be
curious about what's going on.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
Yes, I'm like, why are you what's making you feel
that way?
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Exactly what happened today that's making you feel that way.
Let's try and look at it in another way. Let's
make a plan.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Right, creative. So there's creative thinking. Yep, there's calmness. Right.
So what would you do when your inner critic shows up?
Your little girl? How would you talk to her?
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Well, this is the problem is I often shout at her,
right you know, well, I mean not literally obviously, but.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
You'll shut her down, You'll shout at.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Her, yeah, and then I get angry with myself about her,
And so then often she can hold you back from
making those big moves.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
So then my question for you is what would happen
if you started to perceive their inner critic as another
child that you have in your life, Like another child
it's just inside of you. Because we have all that
self energy for our children, but not for the children inside.
Speaker 4 (35:18):
That's profound. I would treat her with a lot more kindness, yeah,
and encouragement and love.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
So choose to check in with her those use the
four steps one today to check in with her.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
I also love that in the book you talk about
how you can this isn't a kind of therapy way
you I mean in terms of practicing it in the
way you talk about in the book.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
With the check in process.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
You can do it throughout the day whenever you need it,
like it's not, it's not you know, set aside half
a day for.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
The work, all day, throughout the day, whenever you aret Yeah,
whenever you need it. Is it when you need it.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
Moving on a little bit, a lot of your earlier
work and I know your work still is about manifesting,
and a lot of people roll their eyes about that
wood I want to know what they don't understand about it.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Well, people might be rolling their eyes too, because it's
gotten so sensationalized, you know what I mean. It's like
kind of But manifesting is just natural state. We're always attracting.
We're always attracting what we believe. We're attracting who we are,
We attract the energy we put out, and so when
we choose to realign with more high vibrational thoughts and
(36:37):
feelings and beliefs, we start to actually attract more of
what we want. And so that's when people start to
think of manifesting, Oh I'm getting that thing I want,
or that things started to show up in my life,
or I started to get the exact relationship I was
looking for. Well, not just because you're playing tricks with
the universe, but because you're aligning with the feeling that
you want to assume or the belief that you want
(36:59):
to assume, and when you believe it and you feel
it and you become a match for it.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Do you think that people maybe misunderstand and maybe they don't.
Maybe I'm getting this wrong, but the sort of literal
nature of it. So a friend of mine, for example,
she's divorced, she's very she's done a lot of self
help work. I suppose we'd say she is very ready
for a part a new partner, and she has been
saying that she's she feels like she's putting all those
(37:26):
things out there and nothing is happening, and she's like,
my energy must be off. I'm manifesting wrong. You know,
she's kind of using that now as a weapon on herself.
Is that a misunderstanding of what manifesting is?
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Yeah, very much.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
So.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
You know, I think that the energy being off is
because the beliefs are off. Give her self help. Yes,
that's my best manifesting book, because self help will give
you the healing from the inside out right, And you
know that when we heal the core beliefs, then that's
(38:02):
when everything starts to heal and change in her.
Speaker 4 (38:04):
Life very quickly.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
Before we go, I want to just get a couple
of practical tips for our listeners. I know that you
have been meditating your whole life pretty much, I think.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Since I was about fifteen.
Speaker 4 (38:16):
Yeah, this is meditation.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
Is what the universe keeps telling me to do I'm
constantly getting and I haven't quite nailed it yet.
Speaker 4 (38:22):
But I love that you. I've read you say before.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
That you literally put time for that kind of reflection
in your calendar so that it's unquestionable.
Speaker 4 (38:33):
The team knows you're doing it. Yeah, you do it
before lunch.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Just tell me a bit about that, because I think
that a lot of people.
Speaker 4 (38:38):
Are like, I can't make time for myself.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
So could you give us just a cup before we go,
a couple of practical tips for how to carve out
the time that you need to get your energy right.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
Oh, I'll give you even better than a tip. I
created the most amazing thing. I'm going to give it
to you and your listeners can can access it at
a link I'll give you. I created a twenty one
day Trust the Universe challenge. It's fabulous. It's so so good.
(39:10):
I love it. I'm doing it. I'm on D twelve.
It's rough in my world.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
So you do your You still do your own challenges
when you feel the need to do that.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
I always do my own challenges. D twelve my mind,
and it's it's about realigning your energy with the universe
and it's extraordinary and it's working. And so just go
to Deargaby dot com forward slash Universe and it'll be
right there.
Speaker 4 (39:37):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (39:38):
Reading about you and learning about you this a lot
more lately, I've realized how much you have. You love
something that works for you, you learn about it, then.
Speaker 4 (39:47):
You share it. It's my whole very right, that's your
that's very much your whole thing. Yeah, my last question,
I know I just said that last question. What are
we moving towards happiness? Contentment, enlightenment? What is it? What
should people be moving towards?
Speaker 2 (40:03):
Just happiness? Just just try to be happy.
Speaker 4 (40:05):
Thank you so much for being so generous with your
time today.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Thank you. This was a gore interview. I really enjoyed
it very much.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
Friends, I'm sorry you had to sit through my therapy
session today, but maybe it was helpful. So here are
six strong suggestions that I took away from that conversation
with Gabby Bernstein, the things that I wrote on my
notebook while we were talking. Right. Number One, you can
survive this challenge, whatever it is you're going through, by
(40:35):
remembering all the others you've already survived. Two, ask yourself strongly,
how do I want to feel? I just think that
is a really powerful question. Number three, you are strong,
You're resilient, You've got this. Number four, get quiet. You
(40:55):
can't hear that in a voice over all the noise.
I get quiet in my garden, as you know, of course.
Number five, be clear about what you want and what
you expect from others. And most of all, number be
kind to the bits of you that are cruel, sad
or shouty, because it will be okay. Gabby is coming
(41:19):
to Australia in May. She's doing live shows in Sydney,
Brisbane and Melbourne, and if you want to know more
about them, there's a link in the show notes. If
you want to learn more about internal family systems, of course,
there's Gabby's wonderful nobullshit book Self Help, and there's also
plenty of info from its founder, who Gabby mentioned, Richard C. Schwartz,
(41:40):
and will put links to those in the show notes too.
The executive producer of mid his Niama Brown. Our senior
producer is Grace Ruver. Our producer is Charlie Blackman, and
we've had audio and sound designed by Jacob Brown. And
I will be back here next week, not for a
therapy session, but for a very impressive conversation with a
very impressive woman.
Speaker 4 (42:01):
Bye.
You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
On Hi there, I'm Kate Langbrook and I'm jumping into
your feed with a very special episode to share. If
you know the buzzwords of manifesting or the inner critic,
and don't we all, you've probably come across the work
of Gabby Bernstein. She's Oprah approved, a self help powerhouse,
and she's just joined Holly Wainwright on mid for an
(00:41):
incredible conversation with a.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Guru on the line.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Holly doesn't waste the opportunity. She's turning the interview into
a kind of therapy session about how to shift your mindset,
quiet your inner critic, the bad voices only, and amplify
the inner voice, your intuition that can guide you through
change and help you move forward when you're feeling stuck.
If you're craving clarity, positivity, or just a little encouragement,
(01:09):
this episode is for you. I hope you enjoy. Gabby
Bernstein and Holly Wainewright on Meat.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
There's a part of me that hates my guts, yells
at me from dusk till dawn. She thinks I'm lazy
and scattered, messy and chaotic, that it's only a matter
of time until I'm exposed a fraud. She knows if
you're opening my wardrobe, my life will fall out. That
under my bed dust and cobwebs are fighting. She thinks
(01:39):
this intro is clumsy and unclear, that this interview.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
Had too much gosh.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
She knows I shouted at my son last week and
that my book missed its deadline. She wonders aloud why
I can't stay away from bread, and taps pointedly at
the gym timetable on the fridge, asking if it can
still be valid if it's from twenty twenty three. She
whispers in my ear about that dumb thing I said
to my mate at work and how it hurt her feelings.
(02:07):
She knows I didn't post a car for my dad's
last birthday and that text messages just aren't the same.
She settles into the seat beside me when I sit
down and put my fingers on the keys, and she
leans over and looks up into my face.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
What have you got to say?
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Hey?
Speaker 4 (02:24):
She asks?
Speaker 3 (02:26):
What's interesting about you and I? Who's been working out
how to knock her off that chair for years, try.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
A new thing. I put my arm around.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
Her, pull her in as her grimace twists and asks,
what do you need?
Speaker 4 (02:43):
Buddy? Hello?
Speaker 3 (02:45):
I'm Holly Wainwright and I am mid midlife, mid family,
mid search. Have you found yourself adding another woo to
your wu lately? Maybe you're putting out your crystals to
charge on a full moon, setting a mantra to set
your day out right, making time to meditate, journaling for
God's sake. Maybe you're doing none of that, but you're
(03:07):
wondering why suddenly all your mates are. Maybe it's because
the world seems out of control. Maybe it's because it
seems that something we might have a handle on is
whisper it our energy and where we choose to put
it anyway. Out of all that, we want some answers, Yes,
some positivity, And I know the woman who's bringing that
(03:30):
energy by the bucket load. Gabby Bernstein is a big
deal Oprah. Yes, Oprah has called her a significant spiritual
thought leader. Her books and videos and courses are read
and watched by millions. Her new book Self Help is
just her latest New York Times bestseller. And when I
told some of my friends that I was talking to her.
(03:53):
They lost their minds. Her words had helped them mis see,
let go of things, trust in others, and negative attitude
something difficult they're trying to move through. So when I
knew I was going to be sitting down with Gabby today,
all the way over in New York, I wanted to
bring her some problems of my own.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
Sorry, I mean of.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Our own feeling stuck, dealing with big changes, wondering what
the hell's next? And yes, I did ask for a
little therapy session on what to do with that damn
critical part of myself that won't shut up. I call
her Hannah and she.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Can be a bitch.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
But first I told Gabby what my friends said about her. Gabby,
I've been talking to people who feel like their lives
have been changed by your work, and they tell me
a few things. But here's what they tell me. The
loudest they say, she lets me know it's going to
be okay.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
That's so nice.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
I know, how do you react to that? Well?
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I love that you started there. I really appreciate you
starting there. I actually feel like I needed to hear
that today. Oh, if that makes sense to you, because
I think with all the stuff that's happening with AI
and sort of like I'm not even dipping my toes
and I'm diving in head first because we have to,
(05:16):
right this is where we are. I think it's brought
up so much of this sort of like existential crisis
around like well what will my work mean to anyone
when it can be replicated in all these ways? And
like how will it have an impact? And I needed
to kind of remember that in all the different forms
this work comes, whether it's through a book or an
audio or an AI bot, whatever it's going to be,
(05:39):
it's helping people. So that's the whole thing, you know.
So I'm really grateful for you reflecting that back to
me today.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
I thank you, and what I'd love to do given that,
and if you're happy to talk about how that might
look for some of our listeners who aren't necessarily as
familiar with your work, but a lot of the listeners
to mid them going through a lot of stuff they
may have we call it sometimes in midlife collision. I
know you'd be very familiar with this way. Suddenly maybe
your marriage is ended, maybe you've lost your job, maybe
(06:08):
you've got hormone stuff going on, or a diagnosis or
a loss.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
And it can feel really hard.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
And I thought, if it's all right with you, I'd
love to ask you for a couple of kind of
practical tips that our listeners could could tap into a
bit of that it's going to be okay, Gabby energy.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
I'm not Yeah, it's going to be okay, Gabby energy.
It's going to be okay. I really like that for
a book title. It's going to be okay.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
I might have to well, it's yours friend, because that's
what That's what they were saying about you.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
It's really nice to hear that what you just said,
it really it really means a lot to me. So
I'm no stranger to the meltdown moments, whether it's the
mid life moments or the just sort of general meltdown moments.
And for me recently was my menopausal journey of forty four,
going in like skydiving into menopause. I don't get I
(07:03):
don't get the easy road. I get the tsunamis is.
But my girlfriends say they're like, oh, you get the tsunamis.
So but it was kind of a blessing to have
my hormones just sort of like disappear overnight because and frankly,
I'm sure I was in perimenopause since I was thirty five.
I just didn't know, right, I was taking all my
eggs and I was pumping them all out in my
late thirties trying to get a baby, and you know,
(07:24):
it was just a lot of the things we do.
So I've been in this moment of a transition of
sort of everything being up in the air, and the
way that I trusted that everything was going to be
okay was knowing and remembering the resilience I'd had in
the past, because all of our life experience provides us
(07:45):
with the felt sense of memory, the muscle memory of
knowing that we can survive, and so recognizing that my
past experiences of survival we're going to hold me as
I carried into these new ones. And in those moments,
maybe it's not late for death, but it still feels
(08:06):
like it is. Right. So, you know, if you've lost
the partner diagnosis or skydiving into menopause, whatever that might be,
you feel like this is it, Like I'm really it's
all consuming. And so I think that the proof that
we've recovered in the past, We've survived through many things
that we've lived to tell is actually such a great
remembrance that it's going to be okay. And then leaning
(08:28):
into that proof, relying on the tools that worked and
making a commitment to lean into those tools is really
how we build the muscle of resilience.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
So it's sort of the strength and smarts that got
you to hear you can tap into them to get
you from here.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
And also just the psychologic call it spiritual proof, right,
So it's the proof that I'm strong, the proof that
I'm resilient, the proof that I'm aligned, that I'm guided,
that I'm not alone, that I have tools, that I
have support. It's what we have to rely on in
those moments.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
The other thing that listeners often say to me at
this point is they say, I feel stuck. Stuckness is
a big thing, right. It isn't necessarily that you've been
had a big change, but you just feel like you're
not living the way you want to. I know this
is something you're very good at talking about, of course,
but you know people depend on you. You're comfortable, if not happy,
(09:33):
but you feel stuck.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
What's a great tip for getting unstuck.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Well, I would often say that the best first step
to getting unstuck is to recognize the beliefs that are
blocking you, because the reason you're stuck is not necessarily
because of an outside circumstance, but often because of an
internal belief system. And so it's about healing the beliefs
that hold us in the patterns that we get stuck in.
(10:00):
So this actually really a lot of the practices that
we'll talk about about My latest book is self help
is undoing and unburdening yourself of the beliefs that have
kept you're so stuck in the first place. And the
stuckness is patterns, it's behaviors, it's beliefs, it's limitations, it's
protection mechanisms. And so when we start to become curious
(10:20):
about those parts of ourselves that are keeping us stuck,
we start to give energy and access to those parts
of ourselves and we start to feel more safe inside.
Then we have the courage to start to create change.
But that courage doesn't come unless we tend to the
parts of ourselves that are inside that are so burdened
with these beliefs.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Do you think that sometimes when you're in that state
of knowing that things aren't right and you're not living
quite the way you want to. It's hard to know
if you're on the right path, or what the right
path even is to set before you start doing the work.
I've heard you say, ask yourself, how do you want
to feel?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (10:59):
Tell me about the power of that question.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
So ofttimes we'll think like, I need this thing to
get to where I want to be right so that
outcome then I'll be safe, or have that next that
was reassurance, or that whatever it might be. None of
us can rely on outcomes anymore. We re living a
very shaky time with a lot of powerlessness, and so
we have to really just rely on the feelings that
(11:25):
we have the power over, which is which is what
we think and how we feel. And so by by
saying okay, instead of focusing on that next accomplishment or
that that outside circumstance to give me direction, focus on
how you want to feel, Focus on the sensations inside
that you want to wake up to. For me, I
(11:46):
want to feel physically strong. I want to feel calm
in my body. I want to feel resourced, I want
to feel powerful, I want to feel clear and with
all those clear I can I can almost even visualize
the feelings as I talk about them. I can lean
(12:08):
into that and that clarity, and then wake up each
day leaning into those desired feelings. And so when you
know how you want to feel, you know where you
want to go.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
After the break, we dive into the little voice inside
my head, not the critical one, the kind one, and
how to find the courage.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
To listen to it so to self help.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
One of the things that I particularly love about your story,
and I've been obviously immersing myself the last few days
in particular, is that you've talked about it lots of time,
so we don't have to do that at all. But
in your mid twenties, you are struggling with addiction. You
describe you're at a rock bottom, and you asked for help,
and a strong inner voice or maybe out of voice,
told you get clean and you'll live a life beyond
(12:55):
your wildest dreams. First of all, before we start talking
about this particular book, do you believe that we can
all tap into a voice like that that really knows
what we need to do?
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Of course they do.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
Yeah, how can you be quiet enough to listen?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Well? The practice of becoming quiet enough to listen, is
a devotional practice, of tuning in, of strengthening your faith
through spiritual practice, through maybe even a religious practice. Whatever
it is that you are drawn to, it's about mindfully
slowing down. So whether it be a meditative practice or
(13:38):
a prayer practice, or a physical activity even you know,
I hear my connection to inner wisdom and spirit when
I'm walking, when I'm in nature. I walk every day,
and I feel oftentimes angelic energy around me when I'm walking.
And the reason stillness is the access to the divine.
(14:00):
Stillness is the access to the spiritual realm. The reason
is that our human resonance, like the vibration that we
function to live in this world, is not the same
frequency as the spiritual realm. And so if you want
to call it inner guidance or a spiritual voice, or
the voice of God or universal wisdom, I don't really
(14:22):
care what you call it, the care that you call
upon it. And when we're living in this world of
phrenetic energy, we're misaligned with the frequency of the universe,
with the frequency of spirit. And so through when we
still our mind and when we calm our nervous system,
and we settle our energetic being. Our energy begins to
(14:44):
vibrate at a new frequency, and the same frequency starts
to line up with the frequency of the universe. So
that lining up is what stillness does for us. And
so we get in tune, right. So you see, my
hands are kind of going like this. It's like we're
here and the spiritual realm is here, and we start
to rest and become more at ease, and then we
attune to it. It's literally like a pitchfork, okay. And
(15:06):
when we get attuned to that energy, then portal opens
and we start to believe the wisdom that we're hearing.
We start to trust the sensations or the voice, or
the direction, or the inner wink right, or the synchronicity
or the written word if we'rescribing in that state, and
so that's where messages can come to us. Guidance can
(15:28):
come to us, direction can come to us. We can
feel a presence of a spiritual energy and entity around
us that we know that we're not alone, and that's
really that's all that is real. That's all that is real,
that connection.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
It can take courage to be ready to hear that right,
because we push away those voices a lot, don't you think,
in the hustle of all the things we've got to do,
so there's the courage to go.
Speaker 4 (15:59):
It's not necessarily going to be easy.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Certainly wasn't easy for you, I'm sure when your voice
is saying get.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Clean, well, when they're saying, I mean it is guidance, right,
So there are spiritual guides. I believe in age. It's
whatever you choose to believe in. But you could be
hearing lots of different guidance systems, and for many people
it might just be more comfortable to say my inner
wisdom or God. Right, But again, I don't care what
you call it.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
Yeah, call upon it as you say, Yeah, you need
to be.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Brave enough to be ready to act on.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
What they're going to tell you.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
And when you're at that state where you know you
need help, that's a time when a lot of people
might discover this.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Yeah, it's when we hit bottom that really the wound
is the place where the light enters you. As Rumy says,
So when we have our moments of hitting a bottom,
there's a cracking open to a surrendered state, and in
that surrendered state, we become much more receptive to the
(16:58):
wisdom beyond our logical mind.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Friends, you're about to hear some discussion about Gabby's book
self Help, which centers around a type of therapy called
internal Families systems, and I wanted to jump into our
conversation to just explain it a little bit so that
it all makes sense when we're talking about it. In
its most basic form. IFS, as they call it, is
like inside out, a theory that we're made up of
(17:24):
lots of different parts. So in inside out, our girl's
head is filled with these anthropomorphized feelings anxiety, anger, etc.
In IFS, same idea, but these characters are our parts.
You might have a part, for example, who is incensed
by rule breaking, a part who's hyper vigilant about the
health of your loved ones, a part that's a control freak,
(17:47):
a part that pulls you back just before you try
too hard for something you really want. In IFS, the
idea is these parts need to be addressed, not pushed aside,
but invited to the table and asked what it is
they need, while also having the steering wheel gently removed
from their hands and put back in your own your
(18:08):
self's hands. Who is calm and mature and knows what's best.
That is my very amateur interpretation of IFS. But as
you hear Gabby speak more about it, it'll make more
sense back to her. What I particularly love about this
story is that because you're such a seeker and you've
(18:29):
from there built this amazing career and business and life
teaching sharing these ideas, but you write and self help,
that the extraordinary success came at a cost and you
had to deal with another kind of addiction in a way.
Tell me about your workaholic, because I loved reading the
beginning of self Help. You talk about sitting down to
write the book. Sorry, I'm holding it in my hand.
Speaker 4 (18:50):
Good.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
I love all the post and notes.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
You are talking about sitting down to write the book,
and this is a common experience of writers.
Speaker 4 (18:57):
I'm a writer myself.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Where you're the first thing that happens is your mind
is saying who do you think you are? Basically, I'm
paraphrasing you, who do you think you are? To write
this book? You know you have timed in internal family systems,
which is what this book is about largely, But you're like,
who do.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
I think I am?
Speaker 3 (19:15):
You're not good enough to do this like you've got
that chat that is somebody I'm very familiar with, and
you talk about what you did to overcome that.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
Can you tell that story?
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Yes? So when I sat down to write self Help,
it was my tenth book, so it wasn't my first rodeo.
And I was trained in this model of a therapy
that I'd practiced with my own therapist for a nearly
a decade at that time. And then I went on
to get trained in this therapy. And then I beat
very very clearly, felt lined up to write about it,
(19:49):
democratize it, turn it into a self help practice with
the blessing of the founder of the therapy. His name
is doctor Richard Schwartz. He gave me his blessing to
do that, to make it self help.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
He writes the introduction.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Yes, he does. And so I had the permission, I
had the book contract, I had the train, I had
the experience of living it, and I sat down to
write the book and the impost the voice of I'm
not good enough, I'm not smart enough. Who am I
to write this book. You're not a therapist, You're not this,
(20:22):
You're not that started to flood me, and so very
quickly I began to apply the tool that I was
sitting down to write about to myself and I share
the story of how I chose to check in with
that voice, that part of me that was so afraid
to write the book. And as I started to check
in and become curious, I noticed where it was in
(20:45):
my body, and I noticed where I felt it in
my jaw, and I noticed where it was in my heart.
And then I became more curious and knew that it
had been around for a long time and it was
the little girl that though she was stupid, and just
kept checking in and checking in. And then I became
curious and I asked the part what it needed, and
the part that part of me said, believe in me.
Believe in me. And then another voice started to come in,
(21:06):
and that was the voice of my higher self, myself
for the capitol less maybe the inner wisdom or the
spiritual connection, and that voice is self started to speak
to me and say or not speak to me. Just
the presence of self came through, and it was this
inner healer coming through saying, yeah, of course you can
do this. This is your job. You got this, and
(21:30):
that process of choosing to check in becoming curious, compassionately
connecting and asking what do you need? And then noticing
the shifts of self come through. Those four steps are
the crux of the book. That's the self help check in.
And self is what is our inner wisdom, our our
higher self are the presence of the God within us.
(21:50):
The spirit within us self is compassionate energy, connected energy,
clear energy, courageous energy, confident energy. And so this whole
book is about letting these energies to self help these
younger parts of ourselves that are so stuck. So for
the listener stuck, this is your book.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Yeah, this is your book because one of the things
that I particularly and I know a little bit about
IFS myself, but you explain it so brilliantly here. But
I think that if you don't understand that the difference
is when you're sitting there, whatever project it is, or
whatever part of your life that in a critic is
coming at you and telling you not good enough. The
(22:32):
temptation is push her away, shut her up, right, That's
what I have always done.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
Has been like why am I thinking like that?
Speaker 3 (22:39):
And then the critic almost becomes part of the problem.
But what IFS is saying and what you're saying is,
don't push her away and shut her up, check in
with her and have compassion.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Yes, when we feel triggered for whatever reason it might be,
we will do whatever it takes to shut down the trigger.
So the trigger is a young, young part of ourselves, right,
It's a wounded part that feels inadequate or unlovable. And
so what we'll do is we'll start protecting against that feeling.
And that's where these protector parts. In the protector parts
(23:10):
are like I'm going to the yours would be saying
shut up, shut up, going going right, that's like a
shunning protector. Or maybe my be controlling or fighting back
or raging or overworking or over drinking or overeating, will
over things to not have to feel those deeper wounds,
and so we check out instead of checking in. And
so self help the practice is about choosing to check
(23:33):
inside instead of checking out with these protection mechanisms. And
so we check in with the protection mechanisms so that
it can feel like it can relax, and when it relaxes,
then we can let that young part of us, that
all these young parts of us inside know that there's
more safety inside and that they don't have to be
so activated.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
And the parts are in this system are given names.
So you have as I mentioned before, I was really
interested when you talked about your workaholic part. That has
obviously been of great use to you in building your
business to where it is, but you've learned to have
a different relationship with her. Now, can you tell me
(24:15):
a bit about that.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yes, so I've named my parts. You don't have to,
but it's nice to do.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
I think it's helpful.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
It is. We have lots of different protection mechanisms, and
you've probably said many times before a part of me
gets really activated when this happens, or a part of
me rages when my husband says this, or part of
me part of me, you know, all these kinds of messages.
And so for me, you know, I have a lot
of different parts. One of them was a workaholic at
the time. And what happens when we start to do
some connecting to these parts of ourselves is that we
(24:41):
start to recognize that they actually were just there protecting us.
And so while they might have been in extreme roles,
they also probably did a lot of good for us
and for the world, or for whatever happens in us.
So I look at my workaholic part now that it's
now that I've healed, and I can say, oh, yeah,
(25:02):
you were working real hard to try to to try
to fight against that suffering inside. But also I can
look at her and say, okay, but you also wrote
ten books in fourteen years and helped a lot of people.
And so I can see that while the part was
extreme and creating a lot of chaos in my body
and in my life and in my relationships, it also
(25:24):
did a lot of good. And now the good news
is that that part can do its great work in
such a less extreme way because it's connected to self.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
So the idea is not at all to get rid
of these parts of you, to sort of shed them
as if you're going to just be self.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
The goal is to help them be less extreme, yes
or not extreme. Right, You're not trying to get rid
of any of these aspects of yourself. They're very good aspects, right,
They have important roles, But to help them be less extreme,
and even a part that's extreme extreme, like a cocaine adict.
My cocaine addict, I was able to get clean and sober,
(26:05):
and then the more that I healed that part underneath
it was control, right, So then I had to work
with the control part, and then I started to heal
the control part. And now that the control part is
at a place where it's so unburdened from that extreme place,
it can show up when I need it.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
Right.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
It's not going to go do cocaine, but it's going
to show up and say, you know what, team, I'm
not seeing things going in the right direction. I want
to make sure we get back on track with our OKRs,
or I want to make sure that we're you know,
it's yeah, it's controlling. But if I didn't have that part,
I wouldn't be a great CEO and president, right, Yeah,
so you know it helps.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Absolutely tell me about that the check in process that
you was talking about before, because one of the things
that I've I've heard you talk about this is that
one thing that might be a bit scary to people
about this idea is they might be like, I don't
want to be constantly encouraged to tap back to the.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
Worst thing that's ever happened.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
You don't have to.
Speaker 4 (27:00):
Yeah, yeah, So explain that a bit.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Because if a lot of our parts were forged in
trauma and I've heard you talk about capital T lower
case T trauma. Everybody doesn't want to be dragged back
there all the time. That might be a barriers. So
what do you say about that.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
We're not going to those parts. So in IFS, there's
different types of protectors. Well, first of all, there's exiled parts,
which are there the young parts that were traumatized big T,
small tea could have been bullied, it could have been
big trauma, could have been attachment breach. Those are the
exiled parts. Those are the little wounded parts. We're not
trying to go to the exiles in this book. That's
(27:36):
where you would go to those parts with therapy. When
you experience those traumas, you started protecting yourself very quickly
because your little child brain could not process it. You
didn't have the emotional resilience to process it. You very
likely did not have a parent or adult figure to
help you process it. So you went into protector mode
and you started building up these protection mechanisms of fighting
(27:57):
back or judging, or perfectionism or needing to know workoholism,
to be seen because you weren't seen by your parents
or whatever. The story is. So in this book we're
teching in with those protection mechanisms, not with the exiles
and so the protectors and not even really the most
extreme protectors which I can with like the day to
day protection mechanisms that are managing our day to day life. Right,
(28:19):
So for me, it was a control or it was work,
or it was Knives Out was another part I read about,
like if you mess with me, I'm going to fight back. Right,
knives Out showed up today. Let me tell you, knives
Out came in today. I had to do a little
work with her today. When I did great work with
her today and came back to a situation and was
able to meet the situation with so much self energy
(28:41):
and so much love when like a few hours prior,
I was like telling another team member how pissed off
I was, and it's cursing. And you know, even though
I didn't do it to that person, I did the
work before I worked it out. And then I went
to that person with a lot of clarity and a
lot of calm because I did the four step check
in with the party.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
Because knives Out was helpful, but you didn't just let
it loose.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
And knives Out was able to be calmed and soothed
by the fourth step. Yes, and then once that self
energy emerged, I asked, so, here's what happened. Let's say
it like this, but something happened at work that pissed
me off. Knives out was defensive. I was like, I'm
going to fight back. I knew that was there. I
(29:25):
did the four step check in, so I checked in
with the part. So I focused my attention in towards
that knives out and wanted to fight so much. And
then I got curious about where it was my body.
I saw it in my jaw and and my shoulders.
It was very tense. And then I went a little
bit further and I started to notice that it was
like a very strong, defensive part that was very young.
And then I went to the third step, which is
(29:46):
to ask curiously, ask compassionately what do you need? And
the part said to me, I need clarity, I need
to be clear. I need to speak my truth but clearly.
And then I noticed that I checked the fourth step
checked for c qualities it self, and I was like, okay, yeah,
I feel like I know what I need. I feel
more calm, I feel connected, I feel that the courage
(30:07):
to speak up for what I need. So then a
few minutes later, I pick up the phone and I
called the person that I was frustrated with, and I
just looked her in the eye and I said, look,
let's work this out. But I want to be really
clear with you. You know, XYZ that you asked for
is exactly what I have given you. And when you
say x y Z, it's a trigger word for us,
(30:28):
you know whatever from employers, and it makes us want
to do x y Z. So I'm just being very
clear with you. I'm not threatening you. I'm just laying
it out for you. And I really want to make
this work. And I really think that you're excellent and
you've been adding so much value and I need to
be clear with you, right And so I said some
very hard truths, but with so much love and so
(30:51):
much calmness and so much courage and connection and clarity.
And so I met the situation with self instead of
the part, and I could speak for the part rather
than as that part. Does that make sense?
Speaker 4 (31:05):
It does.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
After this shortbreak, Gabby turns the interview on me and
we talk about how I talk.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
To my own inner critic.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
I mean, one of the things that I particularly like
about this, and you write about this is it. I
think it helps you write You're not a control freak
or a rager or codependent.
Speaker 4 (31:28):
Those are all parts of yourself.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
And I think that that's a lot of and maybe
women in particular, we do label ourselves and say, why
am I such a control freak? Why am I so
hard on myself?
Speaker 4 (31:38):
I'm this, I'm that.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
And the idea that you can that these are parts
of you that have roles to play, I think is
really really helpful.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Absolutely, it's recognizing that we are not our bad patterns
or our limiting beliefs or addicted behaviors. Those are protection
mechanisms that are parts of who we are that have
been holding it all together for so so long. And
these parts of us need our attention, They need our love,
(32:06):
they need our connection, they need our wisdom, and they
need her compassion.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
I when I was preparing for this conversation today, I
was like, I'm going to bring Gabby some problems, and
not all of them are my problems, but some of
them are my problems.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Bring me your problem.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
Well, one of them is definitely that in a critic.
So you have helped me with that already, because it's
very much the voice that starts whenever I'm about to
try and what you might term play big, like do
something brave and bold, and then that she starts with
her like who do you think you are? You're not
good enough, You're not as good as so and so. Okay,
(32:43):
And sometimes, Gabby, let's be honest, I work on the internet,
as I know you do, and sometimes those critics are
real in the world, you know, So that feeds her.
And so this is very helpful, this idea of not
just shunning her but bringing her in.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
Yeah, I mean I think that the inner critic part
is probably most women have it.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
Yeah, absolutely, And.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
She needs your she needs And by the way, I'm
calling these female parts like she, but they not have
a gender at times, like you might identify a part,
but it might feel like it's genderless, you know, or
I don't know. I don't want to name people's parts,
but you feel a female to you, So I'll talk
to you them like that. But you know, these inner critics,
(33:30):
they've been around for a really long time, and they're
really young, and they need our attention. They need some connection,
they need some compassion. So my steps are beautiful, choose
to check in with that part, become curious about it. Normally,
what we would do is shun it, right, we would
say stop thinking like that, stop doing it, move on.
(33:53):
I even heard you say that earlier. Right, do you
have children?
Speaker 4 (33:57):
I do.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
So if your child, one of your children came to
you and said, mom, I'm just feeling so inadequate, I
hate myself, what would you say.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
Ah, I meet them with love and tell them that
they're you know, that they're trying their best, and that
to me, they're the most incredible things in the world.
Speaker 4 (34:17):
They're teenagers, they do come to be with things like that.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Yeah, and you may be curious, right, you may be
curious about what's going on.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
Yes, I'm like, why are you what's making you feel
that way?
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Exactly what happened today that's making you feel that way.
Let's try and look at it in another way. Let's
make a plan.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Right, creative. So there's creative thinking. Yep, there's calmness. Right.
So what would you do when your inner critic shows up?
Your little girl? How would you talk to her?
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Well, this is the problem is I often shout at her,
right you know, well, I mean not literally obviously, but.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
You'll shut her down, You'll shout at.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Her, yeah, and then I get angry with myself about her,
And so then often she can hold you back from
making those big moves.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
So then my question for you is what would happen
if you started to perceive their inner critic as another
child that you have in your life, Like another child
it's just inside of you. Because we have all that
self energy for our children, but not for the children inside.
Speaker 4 (35:18):
That's profound. I would treat her with a lot more kindness, yeah,
and encouragement and love.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
So choose to check in with her those use the
four steps one today to check in with her.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
I also love that in the book you talk about
how you can this isn't a kind of therapy way
you I mean in terms of practicing it in the
way you talk about in the book.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
With the check in process.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
You can do it throughout the day whenever you need it,
like it's not, it's not you know, set aside half
a day for.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
The work, all day, throughout the day, whenever you aret Yeah,
whenever you need it. Is it when you need it.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
Moving on a little bit, a lot of your earlier
work and I know your work still is about manifesting,
and a lot of people roll their eyes about that
wood I want to know what they don't understand about it.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Well, people might be rolling their eyes too, because it's
gotten so sensationalized, you know what I mean. It's like
kind of But manifesting is just natural state. We're always attracting.
We're always attracting what we believe. We're attracting who we are,
We attract the energy we put out, and so when
we choose to realign with more high vibrational thoughts and
(36:37):
feelings and beliefs, we start to actually attract more of
what we want. And so that's when people start to
think of manifesting, Oh I'm getting that thing I want,
or that things started to show up in my life,
or I started to get the exact relationship I was
looking for. Well, not just because you're playing tricks with
the universe, but because you're aligning with the feeling that
you want to assume or the belief that you want
(36:59):
to assume, and when you believe it and you feel
it and you become a match for it.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Do you think that people maybe misunderstand and maybe they don't.
Maybe I'm getting this wrong, but the sort of literal
nature of it. So a friend of mine, for example,
she's divorced, she's very she's done a lot of self
help work. I suppose we'd say she is very ready
for a part a new partner, and she has been
saying that she's she feels like she's putting all those
(37:26):
things out there and nothing is happening, and she's like,
my energy must be off. I'm manifesting wrong. You know,
she's kind of using that now as a weapon on herself.
Is that a misunderstanding of what manifesting is?
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Yeah, very much.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
So.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
You know, I think that the energy being off is
because the beliefs are off. Give her self help. Yes,
that's my best manifesting book, because self help will give
you the healing from the inside out right, And you
know that when we heal the core beliefs, then that's
(38:02):
when everything starts to heal and change in her.
Speaker 4 (38:04):
Life very quickly.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
Before we go, I want to just get a couple
of practical tips for our listeners. I know that you
have been meditating your whole life pretty much, I think.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Since I was about fifteen.
Speaker 4 (38:16):
Yeah, this is meditation.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
Is what the universe keeps telling me to do I'm
constantly getting and I haven't quite nailed it yet.
Speaker 4 (38:22):
But I love that you. I've read you say before.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
That you literally put time for that kind of reflection
in your calendar so that it's unquestionable.
Speaker 4 (38:33):
The team knows you're doing it. Yeah, you do it
before lunch.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Just tell me a bit about that, because I think
that a lot of people.
Speaker 4 (38:38):
Are like, I can't make time for myself.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
So could you give us just a cup before we go,
a couple of practical tips for how to carve out
the time that you need to get your energy right.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
Oh, I'll give you even better than a tip. I
created the most amazing thing. I'm going to give it
to you and your listeners can can access it at
a link I'll give you. I created a twenty one
day Trust the Universe challenge. It's fabulous. It's so so good.
(39:10):
I love it. I'm doing it. I'm on D twelve.
It's rough in my world.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
So you do your You still do your own challenges
when you feel the need to do that.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
I always do my own challenges. D twelve my mind,
and it's it's about realigning your energy with the universe
and it's extraordinary and it's working. And so just go
to Deargaby dot com forward slash Universe and it'll be
right there.
Speaker 4 (39:37):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (39:38):
Reading about you and learning about you this a lot
more lately, I've realized how much you have. You love
something that works for you, you learn about it, then.
Speaker 4 (39:47):
You share it. It's my whole very right, that's your
that's very much your whole thing. Yeah, my last question,
I know I just said that last question. What are
we moving towards happiness? Contentment, enlightenment? What is it? What
should people be moving towards?
Speaker 2 (40:03):
Just happiness? Just just try to be happy.
Speaker 4 (40:05):
Thank you so much for being so generous with your
time today.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Thank you. This was a gore interview. I really enjoyed
it very much.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
Friends, I'm sorry you had to sit through my therapy
session today, but maybe it was helpful. So here are
six strong suggestions that I took away from that conversation
with Gabby Bernstein, the things that I wrote on my
notebook while we were talking. Right. Number One, you can
survive this challenge, whatever it is you're going through, by
(40:35):
remembering all the others you've already survived. Two, ask yourself strongly,
how do I want to feel? I just think that
is a really powerful question. Number three, you are strong,
You're resilient, You've got this. Number four, get quiet. You
(40:55):
can't hear that in a voice over all the noise.
I get quiet in my garden, as you know, of course.
Number five, be clear about what you want and what
you expect from others. And most of all, number be
kind to the bits of you that are cruel, sad
or shouty, because it will be okay. Gabby is coming
(41:19):
to Australia in May. She's doing live shows in Sydney,
Brisbane and Melbourne, and if you want to know more
about them, there's a link in the show notes. If
you want to learn more about internal family systems, of course,
there's Gabby's wonderful nobullshit book Self Help, and there's also
plenty of info from its founder, who Gabby mentioned, Richard C. Schwartz,
(41:40):
and will put links to those in the show notes too.
The executive producer of mid his Niama Brown. Our senior
producer is Grace Ruver. Our producer is Charlie Blackman, and
we've had audio and sound designed by Jacob Brown. And
I will be back here next week, not for a
therapy session, but for a very impressive conversation with a
very impressive woman.
Speaker 4 (42:01):
Bye.
Popular Podcasts
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com