Absurd Truth: French Toast Supplies

Grocery store shelves across the country clear out in fears of another supply chain crisis due to the port strike. Meanwhile, Will Ferrell says he regrets taking his transgender friend to a Texas steakhouse after she was booed for interrupting people's dinner with remarks about a trans law.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Dana Lashes of surd Truth podcast sponsored by Keltech.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
It's his life mission to make bad decisions.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
It's time for Florida man. Woo whoo whoo. All right,
so first stop, hmmm this uh crazy? Uh well, this
guy went to jail as a four being a pickle thief.
Almost said for pickle thieving sounds kind of. It's not

(00:34):
pickle ball. I mean, you know what. Uh Paul County
Sheriff's office the super Way Food Mart, a Florida man
was called in. He had committed a theft from the
store earlier in the day and he was back at
the store causing a disturbance. He fled after I realized
the store employee called nine to one one. And he
frequently steals from the store and then he tries to

(00:55):
like sometimes he will try to pay for the merchandise,
but then he throws the incorrect amount and literally throws
it on the counter and away. Uh so he stole
pickles and the store owner had enough. Now he's going
to jail upon arrest. Felipe Hayes's Gutierre says, quote, oh,
I'm going to jail as a pickle thief. That well,
thank you for naming yourself. That's great because it sounds
really good in a headline. Uh, the pickle thief is

(01:17):
facing a felony petty theft charge and he was. I
love how they the Sheriff's office puts out or rusted
by Pole County Sheriff's office. They got a picture of
their Pole County Sheriff's car and then they got the
purpse picture in the corner. It's hysterical. Yeah, well so,
But here's the most important question. What kind If it's

(01:38):
the sweet pickles taken away immediately they're nasty? Do you
like them? What is the matter with you? You people
who be bread pickles and people who think cilantro tastes
like soap. I don't get you people, right.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
I don't think cilantro tastes like soap for but I do.
I do enjoy that. Yeah good stuff, Yeah pickles stuff.

Speaker 1 (02:01):
So a teen girl, Florida girl brought a taser to
a middle school because she had a problem with another student. Now,
back in my day, we just beat the snot out
of them on the playground, but she was having a
problem thirteen year old girls. She got arrested for bringing
a weapon to Best Shields middle school and they they
said they got a tip about it. A student spark
testing a taser at a bolt at a bus stop.

(02:23):
It was in her person and an administrative search and
it's lavender colored. It's a new one. She borrowed it
and brought it to school because she had a problem
with another student. Now what gets me is that, you know,
the sheriff is like, it's unacceptable that someone to bring
a weapon to school to terrorize another student. You realize
that she felt like she had to because she was
being terrorized by another student. Like, I don't know, maybe

(02:45):
let's look at what the bully's doing to make a
student feel like they got to do that to protect themselves.
Just saying it goes both ways here, just it goes
both ways. I don't want to talk about the guy
who abused the dogs, Cane. How bad was it? I
purposely didn't read the story. It was bad, Okay, I can't.
All I know is that a guy was accused of

(03:06):
horrific animal abuse to his dogs in Polk County, and
I feel like I don't need to know more. Death penalty.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
The highlights are yeah, no, and I agree with the
death penalty, but the highlights were carcasses. Oh no, all around,
emaciated dogs that were alive, no food or water to
be seen.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
I'll take care of the problem for free, for Florida.
I'll go down there on my own time, my own dime.
I'll take care of that little problem for you, for
that guy. I'm just saying, you know, I'm not selling
you what I'm doing. I'm just said I'll take care
of the problem. I'm a wolf. Call me this, I'll
come help. Let's see here this. No, no, not doing
that one because I don't need that. Don't need this
one either, And I also don't need that one. Can

(03:48):
we stop going to stores and having romantical times just ourselves?
That'd be amazing. I mean, why is this? It's constantly
a thing. This Florida woman accidentally, she says, misplaced three
hundred and thirty dollars while depositing company checks over a
two year period. I accidentally put it on my account.
This is margate medical rehab employee faces grand theft charges

(04:12):
And it was a two year scheme apparently, But what
she had said was and the woman it went all
the way up to July last year. Her name is
Louise Pierre. She just was accidentally putting them in our ca.
She didn't realize he was going to sit into her account.
She didn't mean to do that. As our partners over
at Hillsdale and Actual Educational Institution, their initiative is about

(04:33):
spreading awareness regarding our nation's core values and so to
that effect, they were founded in eighteen forty four to
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like their free speech Digesti and Primus. They offer it
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You don't pay anything, fill out a form, put for
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(05:15):
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(05:36):
in the meantime, we got the strike, and so it's
already been crazy. If you all been to a Costco
or Sam's, it's nuts. They're already doing it. They're rationing
starting New York City Costco shoppers, emptied shelves and a
panic over the port strike. Ten. I don't like getting
people all hyped up, getting them to freak out over
this stuff. And I'm still like, man, don't freak out.

(05:57):
But you know, if you I need to get some
just some stuff for dinner. And I like it some
produce at Costco more so than some of these other
stores because I just think they're their produce selections better.
I wouldn't even go in their first stuff because I
have all of it, and it was crazy. It's crazy
when you go in there and you see people freaking out,
like oh my gosh, like what do you are? You
are you like playing on having just like massive diarrhea,

(06:20):
like when this is going like why do you need
that much toilet? I just don't get why you need
that much toilet paper? Man, that ozark came out just then.
Did you hear that toilet? Oh my gosh, that's hold on,
hold up, that's a specific part of the ozarks. It
says toilet. My grandmother said tarlet. So it's very different.
Like I do not have the R. My r's in
the wash, all right, hers is in the tarlet. So

(06:42):
it's very very different. But people were empty, and they said,
no toilet paper, no paper towels. You know, all the
only stuff is left is the thin nasty stuff. It's
like tissue paper, right, that's all it's left. This is
in Staten Island. They were going through everything. Water, they
were going through paper, towels, they were going through all
of it. People were just, you know, they were alarmed

(07:04):
about the put just chill out, calm thyself.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
I was in Sands last night, in the DFW area,
and shells empty of water, empty of paper, towels, empty
of toilet paper, and literally the line and every register
was at least three or four areas, at least three
or four people deep.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
I some of this is going to be self induced.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
Yeah, it's psychology, it is.

Speaker 1 (07:36):
I don't know what it is. But people feel like
they got to go and buy all the paper products
and French toast supplies. Have you noticed like whenever there's
like a if it's a hurricane, if it's a snowstorm,
f it's a tornado, whatever it is, people gotta go
out and they got to get French toast supplies and
all the toilet paper that they can imagine, right, toilet paper.

(07:57):
I can't help it. I'm just I'm toilette. Sounds so
weird to say. If Wand's laughing, Wan, I swear to you,
Wan says certain things better than English, and I have
ever been able to say I'm for I but for
but for real though, I mean, what is it's always

(08:18):
the same supplies if you notice those doesn't matter. If
it's like oh, if there's a strike, is there a
supply chain crisis? Is there a snowstorm? We need French
toast supplies and all the toilet paper you've got, Like,
what are you putting in them French toasts? What are
you put in it? What is what are you eating?
I don't know, Like I see people, I would be

(08:38):
too embarrassed sidebar for real. I would be way too
embarrassed to get that much. I couldn't go and do
a rush on the shelves. I would not want to give.
And I it's weird because I don't care what people
think unless it's something like that. I could not because
I know how I am. I'm judging you to death.
If I'm seeing you stand in the line at Costco

(08:59):
and You've got all the packs of toilet paper in
your cart, I'm thinking, what is wrong with you? That's
my first thought, Like you need a doctor. You don't
need more toilet paper. You need a doctor, right, Like,
what is your deal? Oh my gosh, And you know,
or paper towels. I'm like, they're just get a rag?

(09:19):
What is your what's your damage? I just I don't know, man,
I I would just be too embarrassed about that, right,
Like I don't want I don't want people. I don't know.
Like it's just weird. Is that weird?

Speaker 2 (09:32):
No?

Speaker 1 (09:32):
Like, try don't want to fall asleep on the beach
in front of cameras. I don't want to be seen
in Costco buying all the toilet paper.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
I saw it last night. I just went in there
for some cheese and some other What else did I get?

Speaker 1 (09:42):
What did you go in there for?

Speaker 2 (09:43):
I went in there for some cheese and I got.
What else did I get? I got some dairy stuff.
That's what it was.

Speaker 1 (09:49):
That's what happened. You go in these stories and you
don't remember what the hell you want, because I did.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
I just went. I was right there, and I just
jumped in just to see. And people I mean stacked
the water, stacked in their carts the toilet paper, and
I would it. I don't know. I wasn't vibing with
those people.

Speaker 1 (10:05):
I wouldn't vibe with them either. I mean, I don't
even need because I'm already prepared. See, I accumulate over
a period of time, so I don't have to go
in an embarrassingly buy and a small platoon's worth of
toilet paper.

Speaker 2 (10:16):
I think I'm good to the end of the year.

Speaker 1 (10:18):
Oh dude, real, I'm easily good to lean to the air,
oh easily, and maybe even after because I got grades
of stuff, right. I got my good stuff. I got
my mid tier, and then I got this stuff where
it's like you wor step away from me, cicadas. This
is what we got. So I got tears of it,
you know, for rationing in That just.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
Reminds me of the COVID stuff. Remember when everything when
they made a run on toilet paper back then just
doesn't it's it's psychological.

Speaker 1 (10:44):
It is, it's so psychological. So they got So the
strikes are on going. I mean there are, Yeah, you're
going to see price increases with certain things. There's I
don't think you're not going to be able to get items.
I think it's going to be how expensive are those
items going to be? Because yes, this affects the ports
that are on the East coast going into like what
the Gulf, but you know you can ships will probably

(11:06):
they can. It'll be a hell of a lot more
expensive thanks to oil. But you know they can go
through the communists controlled Panama Canal CCP controls Panama Canal.
Great job us and go through Panama Canal and go
around the West Coat Port, West Coast ports or you
know you're looking at then they were in any out

(11:26):
freight and error. I mean it's so it's gonna be
more expensive, but for sure, But I don't I mean
I think if there's gonna be something that you absolutely
have to have, I think you're gonna be able to
get it, but do you want to pay that much
for it? I'm just wondering, you know, the longer that
this goes out, you know, what does that? Uh? What's
that mean for prices like going into Christmas and you
know all this other stuff. So we got the shoppers

(11:47):
that are empty in shelves. It's apparently it's costing the
US economy some hard cash. And they they don't want
any automation. You're gonna have to have some automation. You're
gonna have to. You can't have the United States fall
behind continue falling behind everybody else. This is the US
of A Like I wanted to be so damn swanky
when people pull in here there, I want people to go,

(12:08):
my gosh, look at what freedom does. That's what I
want them to be bowled over by, how awesome things
can be if you're free. And instead we got Harold
Daggett gold Ring. You know, oh, I didn't even I
don't think I have time to get into this. But dude,
I don't know how I missed this because I don't
know a lot about Cardia. But he apparently was wearing

(12:29):
like Cardia glasses feststooned with diamonds and gold in one
of his videos. I am not even kidding. I don't
even know how much the glasses cost. How much a
pair of Cardia and fancy Cardia glasses? First off, what
the hell kind of man wears Cardia glasses? I'm calling
I'm calling you out on how tough you think you
are if you're wearing more gold than your average b

(12:50):
How in the heck are you? Come on? I mean,
this is this is some liberace territory here, dude, Come on,
what man? Where's Cardia sunglasses? He's wearing these like fancy?
He dresses like Sorry, but he dresses like an old
lady going to church. He does. He's got his Cardia
sunglasses on. How much are those glasses? How are you

(13:10):
acting like you're a man other people? And you look
like a fruit loop all golded out? Nugget it out
and all this shut up? Good night? Are partners that
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Speaker 2 (14:10):
And now all of the news you would probably miss.
It's time for Dana's quick.

Speaker 1 (14:14):
Five, all right, So first and foremost, and pull this
up here to restart some stuff. It's probably the solar flare,
by the way, that's the other thing we're gonna talk about.
Apparently it's gonna it's like one of the biggest solar flares.
What are they saying, like seventeen years something to that effect,
One of the biggest solar flares in like seventeen years,
And it happened earlier this morning, and they said, we're

(14:37):
expected to I guess feel the residual after effects of
it for what how long? Like days? I think the
first is gonna be like in a day or two,
So that might mean that you could see more of
like those auroras the further south that you go. And
everyone's like, oh, there's gonna be radio blackouts, and I
don't know if it's gonna be all that. Let's see

(14:57):
here the Oh would you fly this an AI passenger
plane with no pilot where travelers can sit in the
cockpit and quote unquote enjoy the view?

Speaker 2 (15:10):
No?

Speaker 1 (15:11):
I would you know? What? This is what the robots
want you to think. They want you to be like, yes,
come fly on our plane. It's the AI plane. And
then you know, maybe for a few years, everything's gonna
go just peachy king.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
Right seeing the robot.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
I write a story the other day, but ate a
woman's hair. Yeah, her head was in the room. Ba anywhere.
I'm not gonna sit here, fly on this plane. I
am flying on an AI plane. No thank you. Let's see,
there's a doctors want to use a new b R
I system to measure how round you are instead of
b M I. I don't understand that. Why what? What's

(15:47):
because BMI is pretty accurate. It's called I'm not making
this up, the body Roundness Index. Did we all just
get a little dumber? I think we all just got
a little dumber. It's b M I. It's widely used,
but it's controversial. Now they want the body roundness index.
And they're trying to go why cellulade on your thighs

(16:08):
is a good thing? Shut up? Shut up this. They're
trying to make you like they're trying to celebrate unhealthy
bodies and act like it's body positivity. No, no thanks.
And Idahomian took a homeless person to breakfast. Oh that's nice.
Oh but then he drug and stabbed him sixteen times.
That's not nice. That guy's that guy's nuts. He killed
a vagrant, took him to I hop and I's been

(16:28):
sentenced to life in prison. I hope his life is
shortened in prison. You know, not by anything bad, just
you know, if it's IHO, just don't want him to
die on the outside. I want him to, you know,
be in prison for a long enough time that he
can die on the inside. Like I cleaned that up.
There's a nice one. I got two annoying stories for you.
Let me get to the Will Ferrell one first, and
then then we're gonna get to the biohacker people. So

(16:49):
Will Ferrell he made this movie where he it's it's
just something on a Netflix documentary. It's called Will and
Harper or whatever. I don't know. I'm not watching it
because Will Ferrell used to be funny and then he
got high on his own supply and he got really
annoying and preachy, and I just can't stand it. I say,
these comedians when they get older, they're just like, I've
got to be serious and talk about it. Shut up.

(17:11):
So one of his friends, who's a dude, wants to
identify as a woman, and so he does this documentary
and it's all the people promoting it, including Wolf Ferrell,
are the only ones saying that it's controversial. They're like,
it's a controversial documentary. It's super controversial and they're like
pushing it, like, look how controversial. No one's saying that.

(17:32):
No one cares. And so he takes this dude as
part of I guess, like a scene from this documentary
to a Texas roadhouse, right or Texas? I guess Texas roadhouse.
It is a Texas roadhouse. But the people in Daily
Mail Ofnoida what the hell they're talking about, So it's
they just a random Texas steakhouse. It's Texas roadhouse. Dude,
I know them rolls anywhere. So he took his friend

(17:54):
to this steakhouse, I guess, to try to see if
they could sit there and eat and if anybody would
give him stuff, pretending to be a woman. And so
they're sitting there, they got cameras all around. They're trying
to make a spectacle of them of themselves. They gave
themselves a big toast at the table, and then the
dude who's pretending to be a woman, Harper said, we

(18:16):
gave a little toast, and I said something about passing
a trans bill, and the room did a reversal. You're
you're treating people are in there trying to just eat
their food, and you come in there with a bunch
of cameras. You sit down and you start making loud
remarks about trans issues when people and you're surprised that
people don't want their meals interrupted by your bs. And

(18:38):
then you're you're gonna use you being a moron and
being a bad guest and patron as a way to
falsely accuse them of being bigots because they just don't
want their meals interrupted by your attention seeking Read the room,
you fruitcake?

Speaker 2 (18:55):
GotY?

Speaker 1 (18:56):
So they they I mean, and you can see they
got photos there, and they got their camera crews all there,
and they're making a big deal about it. And then
Harper that dude who pretends to be a woman got
up and made a political speech. They conveniently left that
out of the documentary because they wanted to try to
get the room turning on them, and they wanted to
set these people up to make them look like bigots.

(19:19):
Prime the room. Oh there's a trans person in here.
Here's the trans person. They're gonna sit down and have
their stake. They went to a Texas roadhouse. They're going
to try to antagonize these people so that they can
get the reaction they want and then show them all
as being bigots. They gave a speech in there, and
this Harper Steele gets up in this damn crowded restaurant

(19:41):
and says, quote, I wish you guys would do more
for trans rights in this state, and then you would
be surprised if somebody rolls their eyes or is like,
just shut up and eat your food. I mean, interestingly enough,
nobody was mean to them. If anybody bowed them, they
deserve to get booed because you're interrupting all these people.
They just to get away from this crap. And you're
going in this restaurant and you're interrupting their food. Attention seeking,

(20:05):
self glorifying because you want to try to falsely portray
these good people as being bigots. When you're the one
who's creating noise in the restaurant, You're the one who
what kind of fruit does this stands up in the
middle of the restaurant, makes a speech about trans writes,
Oh my gosh, you guys are shocked at that. You
must be the biggest no they're shocked that a loud
mouth is standing up in the middle of the restaurant

(20:27):
and interrupting their meal. That, by the way, is probably
three times more than what it would normally cause because
the stupid policies you support. This is so stupid. Oh
it's controversial, and then Will Ferrell will goes. I sobbed.
He said he regrets taking his friend to that Texas steakhouse.

(20:48):
He said, he just it was a bad choice, and
he sobbed. So wait a minute, you annoyed everybody for
a scene for your movie, and then you're gonna try
to act like I just I can't believe I forced
my friend to endure by going to the steakhouse. Who
are these people? I mean, absolutely insufferable. Thanks for tuning

(21:09):
in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth podcast.

Speaker 2 (21:12):
If you haven't already, made sure to hit that subscribe
button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts.