Absurd Truth: Gavin's Cringey Dennis Reynolds Impression

Gavin Newsom continues to claim he is not jumping into the 2024 race. Meanwhile, women are loving men who embrace the ‘baby girl’ vibe.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Dana Lashes of surd Truth podcast sponsoredby Keltech. It's his laugh mission to
make bad decisions. It's time forFlorida man. Oh all right, So
people were shocked as a Florida manwrestled and caught a wild shark. Is

(00:23):
there any other type of shark domesticated? Yeah, here's my domesticated shark.
Some of it was on video aswell. If this will actually open,
because I hate everything right now now. People were shocked this guy literally went
in and caught and wrestled this thing. I don't know. I mean,
I I why that's I don't know, another day, another shark. They

(00:46):
the video. The guy said,uh, it was like in this shot
really shout shallow area and he didlike walk him out, which I think
he also makes him nuts. Hewalked him out to where he could this
shark could swim away. I don'tknow if you just like got stuck in
this shallow area or what. ButI'm like, dude, you're nuts.

(01:07):
First off, you're nuts, andthen secondly, there's no other type of
shark, buddy, wild shark.The size of that thing, I mean,
can I be real? I mean, I I like wildlife and I
want the wildlife to be happy andstuff. But I also at the same
time, I'm like, if Isee a shark of that size in a
shallow area somewhere by shark, sorrysucks for you. It's a big bummer.

(01:33):
No, I'm not gonna be likethat if it's trying to get you,
not just like if you randomly seeit. Oh my gosh, I
don't randoms. It's because they comeup to me. Sorry, but that's
how it goes. Just punch it. Kane's gonna be Just if you see
a crazed man in Florida jumping inrandom watering holes, just punching the wildlife,

(01:56):
it's Kane, that's what's happening.Uh. I gotta get this one
too. I saw a Florida womanwas sentencetri probation. Speaking of gaters.
She was at a traffic stop.Aeriel McCann the choir. It looks like
it just looks like her name isthe French way of spelling queer. I
don't know, look queer, Idon't know. She was arrested. They
stopped her and this other guy theyran a stop sign in Puna Gorda and

(02:21):
then as they had them step outof the car. She literally pulled a
foot long alligator out of her yogapants. So yoga pants means legings.
Pretty sure, girlfriend had a footlong gater in her legings. These are
my gator legings. These are thelegends that I wear when I go hunt
gators. She was out there catchingsnakes. They said that they were trying

(02:46):
to collect snakes and frogs from underneathan overpass, right, and they were
I can't even make those up.They were holding the things in a teenage
mutant ninja turtle's backpack. Just toI need to know more about the yoga
pants though, Like I'm looking atthis and I need to know. I

(03:07):
need to know more about the theyoga pants. I mean, that's pretty
impressive. Like what brand were those? Did you get the Muffy Amazon?
Like, I'm just curious. Let'ssee here a oh man, A wild
video shows a gator chasing after golfersin Florida. Oh man, I'm gonna
have to worry for getting more tothis tomorrow. But yeah, they were

(03:28):
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(04:38):
Com, that's K E L Te C Weapons dot Com. Tell them
Dana sent you. Trump says he'sready to debate Biden right now. Should
President Biden debates? But should PresidentBiden debates Trump in the prior debates,
I look forward him and this isyes, pure pure projection on a guy

(05:01):
who refused to debate in his ownprimary Back to my point, weakness masquerading.
I mean, look, they gotTrump dead to rights on that one.
That's why I'm like, you can'tand I don't want to say that,
because don't make me where I haveto agree with someone that I don't
want to agree with. Nothing pressesthe metal to the floor of totally chill
to murderous faster than that. Welcomeback to the show. You're living,

(05:26):
Daria here with you. Dana Lashcan listen coast to coast. You can
look at my brand new black Tshirt. It's like all of my other
black T shirts, except it's kindof new, and you can look at
it live right now. Woo canalso join the live chat over at YouTube.
Find us at Facebook. Did youwatch that interview with uh there?

(05:48):
Who's the guy I'm thinking of?What's that one? Was that one weird
kid show where they all were likewar foam on their heads and foam costumes
and it was right? Yeah,yeah, yeah he was. I didn't
he like, didn't that guy forreal go to the dirt? I almost
don't want to know? Yeah,but he looked like he came from it.

(06:08):
He is like a bad guy villainin that LazyTown. Juan doesn't want
anybody to know that he knows thatLazyTown. We're not going to say that
we got it from you one.I think it's impressive we know that.
Yeah. Actually, thanks for puttingus in that boat too. Thanks great
job, Kane. We were like, we're too Jennax and call to know

(06:29):
without ass and then now we're like, wait a minute, how do we
reference it in the first place?So he does. He looks like he's
from LazyTown that interview. So Iwatched not the whole thing twice, but
I watched certain parts of it twicebecause I've that dude is going for a
presidential medal. And butt kissing.I mean, I've never even seen Kamala

(06:53):
talk this nice about Joe Biden.So he's being asked, oh, well,
should he debate? And then Gavin'slike, well, no, I
mean often debate in the primary.Wat should Biden debate? They're going to
use that as a way to nothave Biden debates. I hope everybody realizes
that that's happening. I doubt thatwe're going to have a debate in the
general election, which is a majorI think that that's just as a voter,

(07:16):
I find that disgusting. We shouldThat's why you should have as many
debates as possible, I think unlessyou have the same questions, because everyone
has the same unimaginative approach. See, I would be like, all right,
so you thought you came here fora debate, but actually you didn't.
We have a series of trials foryou to complete. The first one

(07:38):
is you have to put together thiseleventy hundred piece lego set without cursing one
time. That's your first task,so it'd be like Hunger Games, but
without death and like any serious skillset required. Right. The second game
is the second task is you haveto beat the first boss and Lords of
the Fallen, which is hard,so maybe that actually does require a serious

(08:01):
skill set. And then the thirdone would be you have to get through
a single sentence without forkidding where orwho you are, right, I mean
just things simple things like that.And then I don't know, well,
we'll come up with some other tasks. So they he just was fawning all
over him, faught it all overthe guy. Is this audio? So

(08:24):
is audio? Somebody six more ofit because he didn't really totally do it
in five but he what did hesay that? Biden? He called Biden
a master class, and I legitfell out. He called it a master
class. Dude. You're laying iton too thick, right, You're laying
it on too thick. It's thesame feeling that you get when you're watching

(08:46):
like a movie or a TV show, Right, And there's a bad guy
who's trying to bluff his way outof this situation with the authorities by really
being almost over the top in pleadinghis innocence, right or trying to throw
suspicion away from himself, and itjust is You're uncomfortable, and it's cringey,

(09:11):
and it's just awkward, and Ifeel like that watching Gavin Newsom.
Yeah, is this where he's fallenall over a mass of class. It's
such a he's such a genius,brilliant president. This is so uncomfortable.
You got to cringe with me.We're going to cringe right out of our
chairs. Go ahead, I mean, this is what he's done in three

(09:31):
years has been a masterclass. Closeto fifteen million jobs. That's eight times
more than the last three Republicans.Okay, can we stop for just a
second. Okay, when the economyis shut down by force under threat of
penalty by the government, okay,and a lot of people have their jobs,

(10:00):
they're suspended or they lose them outright, and then when you reopen
the economy, you don't get tosay that all of the jobs that are
coming back that were there previously andare now coming back are brand new jobs
that you've created. You also don'tget to say, because you're expanding the

(10:20):
size of the federal government, thatlook at all these brand new jobs I
just I just created. Because youliterally expanded the government, they're actually including
in their numbers eighty eight thousand newIRS agents, and they're trying to go,
look at all these jobs we created. Look at this, Look look

(10:41):
at the jobs. That's what they'redoing. They're trying to say that these
are additional jobs that they've created becauseBiden, as you know, is leading
a master class. Okay, goahead, I'm dying. Sorry, Okay,
play the rest of it. I'msorry. I shouldn't have interrupted.
More than the last three Republican presidentscombined. The economy is booming, Inflation

(11:03):
is cooling. It's point six percentmore than it was in the summer of
twenty twenty at just three point onepercent. Wait a second, we have
American manufacturing coming back home, allbecause of Biden's wisdom, because of his
temperance, his capacity to lead ina bipartisan manner, which is an underrepresented
point. And so I break,what in the world, What on earth

(11:26):
he acts like Joe Biden's holding hisdog with a gun to his head or
something. What in the world.I mean, it's a master class.
He's brilliant, Kate. He's thesmartest man that has ever been put into
meat. He's so genius. He'sso smart, Kane. I have to
admire the talent of keeping the straightface. Yeah, that is a proces.

(11:48):
I mean, it requires the suspensionof your soul, but disbelief.
I mean, yeah, your soulrequires this masterclass. I mean, there's
a lot of words I think ofwhen I think of Joe Biden's performance as
President of the United States, andI must say, audience, that master

(12:09):
class was not one of the termsthat popped into my head. Actually,
class was also one of the termsthat wouldn't pop into my life. Oh
no, yeah, I mean thatdefinitely not, definitely not. I I
just is this, This is howhe auditions, He debases himself like this,

(12:35):
because there's a certain element of insultingyour own intelligence to be able to
say statements like this, because whatyou're telling everyone is that you yourself,
are too stupid to recognize that thisis not, in fact, a master
class in how to deal with policythese last three years. Nay, tis
not that. It's actually fubar.It's a turn to punch bowl. It

(13:00):
is whatever euphemism you would like toapply to it that suggest mass chaos and
failure. It is not a masterclass. Class is not in session.
You're in detention. This is sodumb, This is so dumb. I
hate all this stuff. Gosh,these guys are clowns. They're so clowned.
Well then they were. They wereasking, uh, Gavin Newsom if

(13:24):
he was going to jump in tothe race, right, are you going
to get in governor gave Listen towhat he says here audio somebody six buzz
has not stopped. I know you'vebeen asked this before, but do you
still rule out a run in twentytwenty four? My gosh, I am
here celebrating the extraordinary accomplishments of theBiden Harris administration making the case that we

(13:48):
need to make. He has listlike the issues, lift up the record
drive contrast with the Republican nominee tobe Donald Trump. Have you got seen
that we can win for four moreyears? Have you gotten any calls?
Governor? It's all idle chatter,it's all around you know what. That's
a sideshow. I think what Democratsneed to do is worry less, do
more, continue to overperform as wehave, continue to win. Okay,

(14:09):
I just figured out who he is, you know how like there's always in
politics there is either a doppel gangeror as close as you can get to
a doppelganger in terms of character.In you know, culture, like in
film or television and I just figuredout who this is. Would you like
to know who it is? Imean, Uh, it's Dennis from Always

(14:33):
Sunny in Philadelphia. It is him, right, she's sitting here asking him.
So, Governor, are you can'task me if I'm going to run
for office? Let me try toredo my let me try to do the
GA response. So, Governor,the rumors are out there and we were
wondering are you going to run?What? I mean, that's just I

(14:56):
don't chatter. That was the KristenStewart perform of disbelief right. That was
like half her lines in Twilight convincing. That's all he did. He sounded
like he was tripped up by thattough question. He sounds like a dog
when you pick it up and it'ssquirming. What it is? And now

(15:18):
all of the news you would probablymiss. It's time for Dana's Quick five.
So an AI robot has copied whatthis is so weird? A bishop's
voice. Listen to this, thisis a charge. This isn't Britain.
The uh. These AI robots arecopying bishop's voices to con nuns out of

(15:39):
thousands of dollars in a terrifying newsscam. Hey, maybe just stop giving
people money, real easy, juststop, don't. I don't care if
you think you know him. Alwayshave a like a code word too,
for real, I always have acode word that's like a very important thing
I think families should do. Carshoppers aren't electrified by electric views another headline

(16:00):
that states the absolute obvious. Ihad to get a new battery for my
vehicle and it was expensive. AndI can only imagine the cost of having
to purchase a new battery for anelectric vehicle. Now, look, I
like gadgets. I don't care aboutyour arguments about helping the earth, because
it doesn't. It actually is worse. But the batteries are so ridiculously expensive.
Can you image? It's more expensivethan the car. Might as well

(16:22):
as burn your car up, blowit up, and just get a whole
new one. Yeah. I wasreading this horribly written piece by the Washington
Post by a woman named Janine Whalenwho can't write a balanced lead to save
her ever loving life. But thelong story short is that nobody's buying evs
you don't need. It's like whenI'm going to a recipe side, I
don't give a rats backside about yourfamily I don't care about anything personal about
you. Show me the recipe.No one cares. Blah blah blah,

(16:44):
cry cry, show me the recipe. Nobody cares. That's the only reason
why we're here. Same thing,with this same thing, same story.
Came the new housing, the newnormal in the housing market. Seven percent
mortgage rates, so it's kind oftipping back up. Busy spring season,
nars buyers and sellers are making peacewith higher rates now, so we're going
back up in the sevens. Itincreased three point one percent from December to

(17:07):
January. According to the National AssociationalRealtors Inventory bun sold existing homes rows two
percent, and they said that therevived should apply to should help meet the
returning demand. See I swear sidebar. I have a conspiracy. I actually
have one conspiracy theory. It's aboutthe tiny house thing. You know how

(17:27):
they've been trying to push everybody intolittle tiny crackerjack box houses. I think
it's because, yeah, you're notgonna own anything. You're gonna live in
a tiny little house on wheels thatyou can just poor toad around behind a
regular tiny like geometro Like that's small, and you're gonna love it neat bugs.
I'm telling you, let's see theda da da da da. Google
cud of, Oh, Google cindof deal with Reddit to train AI on

(17:48):
its data. So I panned AIfrom training on my substack. And now
I don't know what to make ofthis. Now AI can train on Reddit.
It's a new partnership between the twocompanies. I don't even know what
I'm gonna I don't even know whatI think of that, but they're they're
gonna try it. And California billis aiming to prohibit landlords from denying renters

(18:14):
with dogs. I think, ifit's your property, as much as I
love dogs, it's your property.You can make the determination as to what
someone else can do with your property. So that's just I think kind of
how it is. I love dogs, I love dogs more than I love
people, and I'm not entirely jokingwith you about that, but it still
is a landlord's property. Stay withI have a horrible story coming up.

(18:34):
Here's this horrible story I was tellingyou about. This is so ridiculous.
I hate culture right now. Thisis an actual headline New York Post.
I've seen this over and over again. I've seen this headline, and this
discussion over and over again the pastmonth. The headline, women are loving

(18:55):
men who embrace baby girl vibe andditch toxic masculine. Now you're like,
what on guy's green Earth is ababy girl vibe? And so they said,
here's how the article goes. Atwenty six year old six foot five
men isn't what comes to mind fromAmericans when they think of a baby girl,
but it as for gen Z.Jacob a Lordie twenty six, was

(19:18):
deemed so baby girl during his premissionas the host of Saturday Night Live that
the musical guests and cast member madethe decree. So they say that Pedro
Pascal, who's not gen Z,he's older than me, Timothy Shallowmey and
this other guy who's in white lotosand I don't watch it. The term
is a term of endearment that includesa specific type of swoon worthy dude,

(19:44):
a guy who is comes across asweet, charming and a bet bashful and
seemingly in touch with their feminine side, ready to talk about their failings or
carry a purse to brunch at anypoint. That is exactly what women want
and what men want to become theantithesis of talk sick macha masculinity. Who
wrote this trash this some bee namedAdriana Diaz gag me just because you want

(20:14):
an emasculated dude. I cannot standit when I see these broads get out
here with no live life experience,acting like they're talking all for women.
Girl. No, that sounds babygirl is synonymous with pansy. That's what
it is. I don't believe inthe phrase toxic masculinity. I do believe
in the phrase toxic femininity. Andit is you don't even have to say

(20:37):
it that long, just call ingbees, because that's what it is.
It is the matriarchy defined they theyit's women who want men that they can
manipulate the easily manipulated man. That'swhat this is. That's this is crazy.
Have you heard this term before,Kane? No, No, not

(20:59):
before today. Gag they're like pickme dudes, that's what they are.
Have you heard the phrase pick megirl? Yeah? The girl it wants
to eh, it's like that.That's what it is. Golly, a
man who's a baby girl who calledthe pedro Pascal tries too damn hard,
By the way, that guy isa pick me dude. He tries so

(21:21):
hard to be loved. It isit. I just cringe right out of
my chair. It's so I can'tdeal with it. And they're like traditional
norms are shifting. No, they'renot. There's nothing. I think if
you're using the phrase toxic masculinity,you're too stupid to define either. There's
a the chivalry is the code ofhonor by which men should behave toxic masculinity.

(21:45):
That's not a trait that's associated withbeing a dude. There's you're a
jerker. You're not just like womenor bees or they're not. It's very
simple. But I just think thisis so, this is so goofy.
It's about my not being Why isit that women fawn over tough guys?
Then, seriously think about it.Go look back the guys who actually get

(22:07):
the praise and the looks and thechicks. It's not these baby girl dudes.
I promise you that. Like there'sKhalee who wrote this, we have
more on the way. I hadto share that with you because I had
to read it. We get toshare in the suffering. Thanks for tuning
in to today's edition of Dana Lash'sAbsurd Tuoth podcast if you haven't already,
made sure to hit that subscribe buttonon Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you

(22:30):
get your podcasts.