August 6, 2025 • 48 mins
What do a crumbled wedding cake, a banned Bumble account, and a pandemic epiphany have in common? Ramsay
This episode is a wild ride through Ramsay’s journey from DJ to personal trainer to motivational speaker, all sparked by watching a bride laugh as her wedding cake hit the floor. That moment flipped a switch in him about how we handle life’s messes.
We get into the heavy stuff too, losing his best friend, walking away from a marriage, and figuring out that emotional intelligence (and using your words!) might just be the secret sauce to relationships.
Oh, and yes, he really did get kicked off Bumble.
Tune in for the laughs, stay for the perspective shift.
A big shoutout to our amazing sponsor, Tactical Tax Strategies! You can check them out at steptax.com. Remember, we drop your drawers, and they drop the tax—making life a little smoother for everyone. Thanks for keeping us covered!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Oh my god, I just totally got catfished.
He looks absolutely nothinglike his picture.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
So I found out, the guy that I've been dating is
married with kids.
His wife just reached out to me.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Welcome to the Meat Market.
The single scene is aslaughterhouse and we are here
to devour it.
We are your hosts.
I'm Lindsay, I'm Jess andtoday's sizzling single is
Ramsey Welcome.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Hi ladies, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
So MSN named you one of the top 10 speakers to follow
.
That is huge Congrats.
Well, thank you.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
How did?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
you get there.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Well, a lot of work.
It started back in 1999 when Istarted DJing.
So I've been doing that for alittle bit of time, spending
time on a microphone doing over800 weddings but I never really
knew where it was going to goand just kind of trust in the
process and following life.
So what do you speak about?
Mainly the power of perspective.
It's not what happens to us,it's how we choose to respond.
(00:55):
That really determines ourreality.
I have been in personaltraining business for 15 years
and I realized most of that wascoaching.
Everyone knows they need to eatbetter, move more, but why
aren't they?
And just that, doing the workon myself.
It's kind of a lot of thingscame together and, yeah, that's
where I'm at now.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
And so tell us what inspired you.
So he has a book Cake on theFloor.
Tell us what inspired the name.
I like that story.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
So I was also.
As I said, I was a DJ for awhile and I was at a wedding
about 10 years ago and the bridewent to cut her wedding cake,
but the venue didn't lock thelegs of her cake table out all
the way, so this five-tier cakefalls all over the floor and
everyone froze and looked at herand she started laughing.
And then everyone in the roomstarted laughing.
I was like, wow, what a greatway to handle that situation and
I thought why don't most peoplehandle situations like that?
(01:43):
Why do people usually freak out?
And it doesn't really changeanything.
So the book is mainly about thedifference between reacting
versus responding to situations.
What's really within ourcontrol and our life's all about
the story we tell ourself,rather than what's going on.
It's not what happens, it's howyou choose to respond that
really determines your reality.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
It's true, because we get so many hate comments on
social media and we say, oh,they hurt our feelings, they
didn't hurt our feelings, weallow them to hurt our feelings.
You know, we should, I should.
I need to learn how to reactdifferently because what do I
always tell you, lindsey?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I'm like there's enough when things happen that
are outside of your control.
What does like a freak outresponse?
Do nothing it only makes itworse for you.
It doesn't actually help tosolve or, you know, fix the
situation yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
So think about if somebody just walked up to you
on the street and said I hateyour green socks and you wearing
you weren't wearing green socks.
How would you respond or whatwould you say?
I'm not wearing green socks,and it wouldn't bother you at
all, right, so it's the samething the only thing.
time is when.
When they say something onsocial media, if we think
there's a grain of truth to itin our head, then we make that
part of our story.
So I just have my clients intheir head just say green socks,
(02:52):
like it has nothing to do withme.
I don't know what's going on intheir head.
Why are they projecting?
It really has everything to dowith them and I'm okay.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
So.
So do you meet a lot of singlewomen at these speaking events?
Speaker 3 (03:03):
I bet you do, I have had some women approach me
afterwards.
I do some book signings but Idon't look at it through that
lens because then it reallywould change my energy.
I'm there to deliver a message.
I even like I'll meditate andground before I go up on stage
because I don't want it to beabout me.
I want it to be about helpingpeople find the shift in their
perspective.
So I don't look at the audiencethrough that lens because I
(03:26):
think everyone can tell whensomebody's trying to mack on
that person in the room and Idon't want to be up on stage in
front of 400 people and everyonethink, well, this guy's checked
out, he's not even deliveringmessages, he's flirting with
this person.
So I could.
I can notice if someone'sattractive, but that's not why
I'm there and I usually workwith companies a lot more than
just a speaking engagement.
I do executive development andsix month like packages with
(03:47):
people and I don't want to ruinthat by you know crapping where
I eat you know from a work event.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
What about when you were DJing weddings?
Was it like a real life weddingcrashers?
Like the bridesmaids and the.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
That's a different story.
I enjoyed my 20s a lot.
I DJed a lot in nightclubs.
I DJed for Playboy, forHawaiian Tropic, with Vanilla
Ice, with Paul Oakenfold.
So I've enjoyed my life.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I'm not in that stage of life anymore, but yes, that
was a much different scenarioand a much different time back
in the day.
How true to life is that movie?
Remember they would go to theweddings for the desperate
bridesmaids and the desperatefamily members who are there.
Is there a lot of action atweddings?
Speaker 3 (04:39):
Yes, but I think the same can be said for any
scenario.
It's a matter of when you'regoing to enough events you're
going to see that happen.
It does happen.
I mean, again, I don't evenknow all the stories, I just
know because I'm behind thebooth a lot of times, so I don't
know what's going on out there.
But yeah, when I was, I mean, Iwas also married for a while
and so that definitely changedthe dynamic.
(05:00):
Whenever I was DJing, I wasmuch more respectful.
But when I was single and DJing, yeah, you know it's, it's,
life is short.
Um, you know, have fun, berespectful and be open and
honest about people, to peoplefor sure so now, if you don't
mind me, asking why did yourmarriage not work out?
we grew apart, we got married.
Um I say we were younger, wehad had a nine year age
(05:22):
difference, but I was, yeah, 31.
She was 23, 24.
And yeah, and we just kind ofgrew.
We grew apart.
She was finding herself and Iwas.
I didn't know who the hell Iwas.
I'm a very different humanbeing than I was back then.
Yeah, and different priorities.
So when, when COVID hit in 2020,I was a personal trainer.
(05:43):
I built a gym in my yard, I wastraining people, and my best
friend passed away during COVIDbut it wasn't from COVID.
He essentially drank himselfinto a coma and was on a
ventilator for over a month, andthen I was with him in the
hospital when he died, andthat's really what got me to
change my life and made merealize what in the hell am I
doing with my life?
(06:03):
He was 42.
Got me to change my life andmade me realize what, what in
the hell am I doing with my life?
He was 42.
Um, and so I went back toschool to become a certified
coach and to help people in amore profound way and, through
that process, really discoveredthat I just wasn't.
I wasn't happy in my marriage.
Um, she and I are still friends.
We're not.
we don't have co-custody of adog or anything but, we're
cordial, we're civil to eachother, yeah, but we just weren't
(06:27):
right for each other and that'sokay.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Are you on the dating apps now?
Speaker 3 (06:31):
I am.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
How's that?
Speaker 3 (06:32):
going, it's going.
I have finally, for the firsttime in my life, learned how to
just be comfortable with myself,and that's changed the way that
I approach dating apps.
I don't have to match withsomebody and if I go on a date
or two and if it doesn't workout, that's okay.
It's not that they're a badperson, it's just not the right
fit for the energy.
Uh, so, coming from a place ofI don't need this, it's it would
(06:55):
be a nice to have as really, Iguess taking a lot of the
pressure off that I used to puton myself.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
People take it so personal that what you just said
we're just not right for eachother.
It's like I've found thattypically we've talked about
this before.
I will.
If I feel like a date isn'tgoing to progress into something
more, I will right away, thenext day or whenever it is, say
hey, I was thinking about it andI just don't see this going
anywhere, and typically it's oneof two responses.
(07:23):
It's the very mature hey.
Thanks for letting me know.
I'm really happy that we didn'twaste any more time.
Or it's like the total fly offthe handle like fuck you too,
bitch.
Like.
I didn't like you either, andI'm like dude, like I was trying
to be nice and you know, stopthis from continuing to to go
somewhere and so it's just likeit's crazy people it's.
(07:46):
It seems to be either oneextreme or the other but that
should just make you moreconfident in your decision you
made the right choice.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
You made the right choice.
You dodged the bullet for sure.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
So I'm writing a second book called use your
words, because the my friendsthat have kids.
They're always telling theirkids use your words.
But as adults we're all justold children, like when we 18,
the bolt of lightning doesn'thit us.
We're not smart all of a suddenand we don't know how to
communicate.
I think, like you, being smartand intelligent and saying hey
and being respectful and lettingthis person know.
I'm just not interested in thatcapacity.
How else would you like?
(08:17):
That's how I would want to hearit.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Do they want to get strung along?
Speaker 3 (08:19):
for months or waste my time, because the longer you
spend time you know withsomething that's not for you,
the less time you have with whateventually is going to be for
you so why am I going to waste?
Either one of our time yeah,that's funny.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
I say that all the time.
Use your words.
Well, I also work in pediatricsso I say it all the time to kid
, like patients of mine.
But I say it to myself too whenI'm like, okay, how am I going
to approach this?
Like use, use your words, jess.
Like, just use your words, like, just say it.
You know what I mean, causeusually once you say it and get
it out there it's it starts.
It either starts a conversationthat goes in a positive
(08:53):
direction or it gets the extremebacklash of and that's how you
know, when people aren't able touse their words right, they
haven't developed thosecommunication skills.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
And the same thing applies in the workplace, and
that's what I'm saying, like howhow we show up at home can
mirror how we show up at work.
And if you, if, if, in theoffice I can't share how I feel
with my team or really feel likeI'm frustrated, I have that
toxic positivity or spiritualbypassing of no, I've got this,
or I just lash out.
And I think the reason I'm sobusy with work right now 75% of
(09:25):
job loss is due to emotional,intelligent components, and
that's I teach workshops onstress management emotional
intelligence because peopledon't know how to handle
interpersonal conflicts, theydon't know how to handle stress
or challenges at work, orleadership doesn't know how to
manage change, and it's so sadthat these things can be easily
fixed if we just slow down,learn how to share what we're
feeling.
I use the analogy that if youpretend to be cool with a
(09:46):
scenario, you're not, whetherit's with your partner or work
you then become an actor andyou're playing the part of
somebody who's cool with thissituation and eventually you get
tired of playing that part.
You're not being you, you'replaying this role, and then the
other person has no idea who youeven are, and then eventually
it builds, it, builds, it,builds, you blow up, and then
eventually, it builds, it,builds, it, builds, you blow up.
And then they're like where thehell did this come from?
(10:06):
You've never brought this upbefore Because you were trying
to be the nice guy and not shareanything and you're not doing
anyone any favors instead ofsaying I don't like this.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
I don't see this going anywhere.
So, ladies, this one's a badboy.
So you were banned from Bumble,is that?
Speaker 3 (10:20):
right they gave you the boots.
I was banned from Bumble.
That is correct.
What?
Speaker 1 (10:24):
happened.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
I was talking about a substance that I think is very
helpful for mental health thatapparently you can't talk about
on Bumble.
You know, I believe in thehealing power of plant medicine
and somebody had indicated theydid in their profile too, and we
were talking about it.
Apparently, bumble does havethese automatic AI things that
just scrub chats and if you talkabout it and if you reach out
(10:47):
to Bumble, be like, hey, I wouldlike to know what did I do to
be banned, they won't tell youlike sorry, it violates our
policy, but just know that youviolated it in your band.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Were you ever able to talk to a real person about it?
I think that's the problem withthe apps.
I had a friend, not from adating app.
She was recently banned fromAirbnb and she's devastated
because she's one of, like, mytravel friends and she's so.
She's so upset about it, butshe can't talk to a real person.
Every time she tries to figureout hey, what did I do wrong?
(11:18):
Why am I banned?
They can't they it's the samething.
They can't tell her why she wasbanned, so has no idea.
Why did she do anything shedoes?
she does know why it was, shedoes know why, but there's no
remedy she feels like she shouldbe able to remedy the situation
similar to you, like you feel,like you have a like interest
(11:39):
with someone that you met onbumble yeah so why should you
not be able to have a safeconversation about it within the
app?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Right.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
And so like, there's your argument, but you can't
actually get ahold of a realperson to explain that to them,
Whereas, like if you're arguingwith chat GPT, you know you're
going nowhere.
You're going around in circles.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
You know.
So, going back, what they didis they kept emailing me.
They said well, here, here arethe terms and conditions.
Just know, you violatedsomething on here.
And of course I read thespecific paragraph that it talks
about.
It was if it's an illegalsubstance, then you can't talk
about it and you're banned.
But they don't have a.
We'll let you know if youviolated the procedure.
It's kind of like if you getpulled over for speeding the
(12:21):
first time you're going to jailand it's like, well, holy shit,
just like let's pump the brakeshere.
Just let me know that thisisn't policy.
No one reads the terms andconditions Right exactly, I'm a
human being, not a robot.
And once you've let me knowthat I violated it, then cool, I
know that's a policy now and Iwon't do that anymore.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Almost seems strict.
Had another guest, a verylovely lady, so innocent, and
she was banned too and shedoesn't know why.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Right and I but I think hers was because people
were reporting.
I think someone reported hersomeone got, they were jealous
or something and reported herprofile.
I don't know it needs to bebumble, needs to be ran more
like an hoa, where they send youlike, hey, you're in violation
of this first warning within 15days or we're going to kick you
off the the app so but got me onto.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
You know I'm no longer on that app.
I'm still on another one, butit's like, well, maybe I'll I
don't know meet someone in reallife instead, and so that's
really kind of helped me learnto just get back out there in
the world and not I think Ican't remember who said it I'm
not going out looking for people, I'm going out to enjoy the
things I like to do, and indoing that, I will find people
(13:24):
who also like those things, andI think I was trying to do the
opposite for so long.
I was trying to find thatperson who would go enjoy the
things with me.
Well, but there's a hundredother deal breakers that could
be there that I don't know aboutwhen, if I'm meeting someone
organically, I can learn aboutthem as a person holistically.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
So wait can and holistically.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
So can I go back to your airbnb?
Speaker 1 (13:45):
story.
Are you allowed to disclosewhat she did?
How did you get banned fromairbnb?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
it must be pretty big um no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It was so.
She has this property that shewas trying to list on the seller
or on the renter side of it.
She's always been like a renteeright she's always rented places
(14:10):
and now she has this place thatshe bought recently and she
wanted to put it on Airbnb andso she was trying to.
She wanted her husband tomanage it and so it sort of was
this weird thing where she wasputting her name on it but also
wanted her husband's name on itas the manager, and I think
(14:30):
Airbnb didn't like that becausethere was two different names
and so they saw it as maybe shewas doing something shady
because she didn't have, youknow, the person she wanted to
manage it didn't have ownership,so the person she wanted to
manage it didn't have ownership.
So I think it was amisunderstanding and from her
explanation it was amisunderstanding.
She's not even really sure, butshe said Airbnb in general has
(14:54):
banned her overall from bothbeing a renter of her place to
others and her renting fromothers in the future.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Well, I know I will never use Airbnb again, not just
because of that story, but Ihad a horrendous experience as a
renter and I rented a place inFlagstaff last.
I think it was July and thelisting had.
Apparently they had heat but noAC and it was one of those hot
Arizona summers and inside thetemperature they had one tiny
(15:23):
little fan and it was up to 87degrees in the house.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
No, thank you, and I'm like.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
I'm going to have to go get a hotel.
I can't stay here.
And the owner was like nope, notgiving you anything back,
that's it.
And then so I left a reviewsaying this owner was
unreasonable.
He wouldn't give me even apartial refund and I had to pay
the whole thing.
Um, and then what he did?
He waited until the last daythat he could dispute it, to
dispute my listing, and then Icouldn't then update the review.
(15:49):
They just took it down.
Oh my god, I wasn't even ableto leave that review and it was,
I think, so egregious that Ifelt like my voice wasn't heard
to share with people.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
So I'm like, I'm just like I'll use vrbo yeah, he's
played that game before you camewith a knife to a gunfight.
Basically is what happened.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
He's a realtor here in the Valley so I looked him up
, the owner up.
He's a sleazy kind of guy.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Yeah, yeah.
So you're pretty international.
You weren't born in thiscountry right.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
I was born in Kuwait and then moved, lived in Amman,
jordan, for a couple of yearsand then we moved from Geneva,
switzerland, to a small town inArkansas, that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Switzerland to Arkansas.
I'm pretty sure Arkansas wasthe state of my little sister's
fake ID.
And we always had such a hardtime about it because we were
like that's our little sisterfrom Arkansas.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
Well, it was unique.
It had its fair share ofchallenges.
I'm half Arab, so growing up asa half Arab in Arkansas
definitely was an experience youknow, kind of shaped me who I
am.
There are some fantastic peoplein Arkansas but I don't live
there anymore because I justdidn't feel like I connected
with the culture.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
When did you leave?
How old were?
Speaker 3 (17:03):
you when I left Arkansas 19.
Okay, yeah, went to high schoolthere, then college out of
state.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Yeah, where'd you go to college?
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Mississippi State.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Really yeah, I went to.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Mississippi.
You know what I got to becareful.
I have clients in a lot ofstates that are incredible
people and every state has thismagic, but I really like Arizona
, I like being out here.
The mindset is different and Isay that without judgment.
I like to surround myself withpeople who have similar mindsets
(17:34):
and interests to what I do, andthe beautiful thing is and this
goes back to dating If someonedoesn't have the same viewpoint
as me, that's fine, just go yourown way.
So I would use my middle namein the dating science because I
have a rather unique first nameand I would, if I didn't match
with somebody, for whateverreason, I would have sometimes
people like look me up on mysocial media and still add me
(17:56):
anyway.
Hey, I saw you on on hinge andwe didn't match, but I thought
I'd reach out and say hi, well,why are you reaching?
Speaker 1 (18:01):
out what?
How embarrassing like.
That's the reason you didn'tmatch, but I thought I'd reach
out and say, hi, I'm like.
Well, why are you reaching outif we didn't match?
Speaker 3 (18:04):
How embarrassing Like that's the reason you didn't
match.
You're not interested, and so Ijust I like, especially when
people put their political viewsif it's not something that I
agree with.
It's like hey that's good.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
They're not super like.
Yeah, I don't know if any partof your audience aggressive
about it or not, trying to shovethem on you.
Could you date someone who'swho's the?
Speaker 3 (18:31):
opposite.
I could date somebody if theydidn't own an article of
clothing that was made by theperson they support.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Okay, you know, I guess so I guess that's.
That is that happens to be madein China.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
I'm not going to date somebody that is like if your
political ideology becomes youridentity, yeah, that's the issue
.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
That's the issue.
I have too.
My ex had very strong politicalviews and I do not have very
strong political views, and aslong as he wouldn't totally just
spew them all over, the place,it's fine.
And then there was once that hegot in a fight with one of my
friends who was opposite of him,and so it's just like things
(19:12):
like that, where I'm like youcan have your views, that's fine
, but you don't need to becalling my friend names, because
you guys have differentpolitical views.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Now I will be honest, I do have different political
views.
Now I will be honest, I do havestrong political views.
But I think, if I am able tohave conversations with the
other side of the aisle, I thinkif you can have intelligent
dialogue, I think that's what'smissing For sure, part of the
reason I think we are where weare as a country is because we
were always told not to talkabout politics and in doing so,
we never really understood theother side.
(19:44):
We're always just kind ofentrenched ourselves in our
beliefs and our viewpoint and wenever really understood.
Like hey, at the end of the day, we want a lot of the same
things.
Now, if you are talking about,I want to say, the fringe
elements that have taken hold inthe mainstream, that's a very
different mindset, the hottopics.
The hot topics.
The hot topics like the hot,the hot button.
(20:05):
Or they say hot topics.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
I'm like, well, that, yeah, that too, no, the hot
topics, the things that reallyget people riled up.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
Well, it's the same and I think what you hit the
nail on the head, whether it'srelationships or politics or
work.
So many of us are motivated byfear and we want to be
comfortable.
We want what we know and indoing so we don't grow.
So a lot of times that's what Ideal with in challenges, in
either organizations or even ina relationship.
(20:32):
I want to go try something new.
Two years ago, I wanted tochallenge myself and do
something I've never done before, so I swam around Key West 12
and a half miles in the ocean.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
That's so crazy.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
And I didn't think I could do it at first.
I'm like well, what Worst thingthat happens.
Well, I guess I could.
You die Well yeah, but I hadsomebody with me.
My best friend was in a kayaknext to me the whole time and I
would just stop and get out ofthe water.
But we don't know what we'recapable of, because we're so
scared and that comes toignorance of the other side or
(21:04):
what other people may think, orwhat people may think of me.
We're so scared of not beingaccepted and we're always
wearing a mask of what we thinkthe world wants us to be and
then we're not real.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
And I've been in relationships with some
incredible people, but they wereso scared of what their family
would think or what their exwould think.
I'm like well, are you livingfor you?
What are you doing for you?
Like you gotta be authentic.
It's gotta be exhausting tohave that mentality.
Yeah, it's like take the maskoff, it's so heavy it gets, and
I was doing that.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
I used to be an iron man triathlete and I went to
ireland to do one and I was aspade uh, spade.
I was a paid spokesperson for asports nutrition company and
the water was going to be 50degrees.
It was going to be 100% chanceof rain that day.
It's Ireland, for Christ'ssakes, and I'm like I don't want
to do this anymore, and Iremember posting on my social
media.
I'm tired of being the personthat I think you want me to be.
(21:56):
I just want to be myself.
I want to go drink a Guinnessand just enjoy my day, and the
outpouring of people who werecomplimentary, like thank you
for being real and vulnerable,it makes me feel better about
myself.
That there's not, because Iwould always portray myself as
invincible or this perfectperson, and that's very
different from the reality, andso I think being authentic with
(22:17):
who you are and what your needsare is going to attract the
right people 100%, and it's okayif I'm not for everyone.
It's okay if I'm not foreveryone.
It's okay if every day that goon doesn't like me, that's
fantastic.
I don't want to, you know,muddy myself down to just be a
common denominator and just kindof be vanilla yeah, well, and I
think too, speaking aboutmaking things your whole
personality, that iron mancommunity.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
There are so many people in that community that
that is their whole personalityit's like do you know how
somebody's done an iron man?
Don't worry, they'll fuckingtell you in every conversation
they have to bring it up.
I have a tattoo.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
Well, I just did.
I mean, I'm par for the courseright well, I think it's because
whenever I speak like I haveall these credentials, I've,
I've uh, you know all thesecertifications.
I've written a book, butcompanies will sometimes just
introduce me as a time Ironman,ramsey Bergeron.
I think it has such an elementof accomplishment and
perseverance that a lot ofpeople don't recognize that is
(23:15):
it the goal?
Because a lot of people in theIronman community myself
included it's not that I'mchasing the finish line.
I was running from somethingelse.
I had a lot of feelings ofinadequacy and I thought, if I
cross this finish line, I'mgoing to matter, and then a week
later I'm the same asshole Iwas before the race.
Well, what?
Now I need to do something, Ineed to sign up for another one.
(23:35):
So just chasing this emptiness.
And a lot of people don'trecognize.
Sometimes it's addictionswitching.
So you'll find a lot of peoplethat used to be alcoholics or
have other kinds of addictionsand then they go into endurance
sports.
I'm not a David Goggins fan.
It's like oh, don't you loveDavid Goggins.
He does all this crazy stuff.
And I'm like, well, at somepoint you just need therapy At
(23:56):
some point what are you?
running, for You're runninguntil you're peeing blood.
Come on, man Like and I know Iswim around Key West but I think
there's there's an element ofbalance, for what's the
intention.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
Are you running towards something or are you
running away from something else?
And that can even be arelationship.
Am I running into arelationship?
Cause I don't want to slow downlong enough to be still, to be
quiet, to think.
What is it that I'm feeling?
What do I need?
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
And I'm just going to drown myself in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
So what are you looking for?
Are you looking to get marriedagain?
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Are you looking to have kids?
I would like both of thosethings.
I'm open to it.
I'm not attached to the outcome.
I have a word on my wrist thatsays allow.
So I just allow situations tobe what they are.
I would love to findpartnership.
I find partnership.
I am looking for somebody Iwant the old cliche of marrying
my best friend right who lovesto travel, loves to do things
(24:51):
with.
I think finding somebody elsewho knows how to repair is
incredibly important to me.
I think that's probably themost underutilized skill in a
relationship, because you'regoing to have disagreements.
Can you disagree with respect?
And do you know how to repair?
Do you know how to not take itpersonal?
And I think, to kind of yourpoint from earlier, bring it up
quick, because otherwise, whenyou don't, you let things faster
, resentment builds and then theother person doesn't even know
(25:14):
that this is bothering them.
So, um, being able to say hey,by the way, this can we I don't
like the way that you phrasethis right now Just being honest
about how you feel, becausethen you can move on from the
subject.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Otherwise resentment builds and then yeah, that's
been one of my biggest petpeeves in a past relationship Is
I'm very much a.
When I feel something, I'mgoing to let you know in this
moment how it makes me feel andhow either your actions or the
situation or whatever it is, isaffecting me right now.
(25:45):
Right, and so I was withsomeone who would hear that and
then grab something from eightmonths ago and go well when you
did this.
It made me feel this and I'mlike, no, no, no, yeah, we
should have talked about thateight months ago and we probably
did likely and fixed it, andfixed it and moved on.
(26:06):
But it's like now we're here inthis moment and this situation
is making me feel a certain typeof way.
So why are we talking about,you know, a situation from eight
months ago?
Speaker 3 (26:17):
have you heard of darvo?
No, darvo d-a-r-v-o.
It's deny, attack, reverse,victim and oppressor.
So, essentially, if you're in aconversation with somebody and
they don't know, they don't havethe emotional intelligence to
be able to listen and hold spacefor you, then that's, they'll
deny what, what you're, whatyou're bringing up, and then
they'll attack you and reverseit and make themselves the
(26:38):
victim in this scenario oh, myboy friends, that's like exactly
what I'm saying right now.
And here's the thing, don't takethe bait.
We're so quick to get hooked onthat story and I tell people,
there's always cake on the floor, right?
So how do you slow down enoughto not get pulled into that
drama and then recognize like,oh well, and if they don't have
(26:59):
the emotional intelligence to bein a relationship, well, that's
great.
It's just, I'm in a differentplace in my life, yes, and
that's fine.
I wish you the best.
I want somebody who can slowdown enough to recognize that
I'm not attacking you.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
I'm sharing what my needs are because I want to make
it work yeah, and I thinkthat's what my, my reaction was
always just like immediateshutdown, because I was like
you're not heard, I'm not heardand that's not what we're
talking about right now.
So I'm going to shut down andwe're going to keep it moving.
But just know, like this is notworking for me anymore and I
feel like now, as soon as I getthe first inkling that someone
(27:35):
is that way, it is an immediateno for me, because I've been in
a relationship like that for waytoo long.
To where it was, I was alwaysjust shutting down.
I will just shut down, shutdown, shut down.
And it's like now, as soon assomeone even starts to handle
conflict in that way, it's likeimmediate ick, immediate no,
(27:57):
yeah, like we're done here,there is no future.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Yeah, I used to make the joke that my I found my
purpose in this life, which isto help women realize they're
emotionally unavailable to be ina relationship, because I felt
like I would date somebody andthen I would recognize wait a
minute, this is because of whatyou're saying.
I used to be the avoidantchaser, where if someone wasn't
able to be in the relationshipor they would come on really
strong and then they would freakout and they don't want to be
(28:21):
in it and they're like well, Idon't think I'm the right person
for you.
I'm like, well, no, and I wouldchase and try to convince them
that they are.
But now I listen.
It's like well, you're right, Ido want too much than you're
willing to be able to give me,and that's okay.
I wish you the best of luck.
Yeah, and, and it's, it's, it'snot helpful for anyone.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
And well and I think with me, cause I've had that
happen to me before where I I am, have been upfront and said
listen, I'm not interested in arelationship.
It was really nice getting toknow you, but this isn't
something that I want.
And they continue to chase, asif they think it's a game, as if
they think that I'm playinghard to get and it's like, no,
(29:16):
that's not what I'm doing, I'mnot playing, I am serious, I am
telling you I don't want this tocontinue and so I think
sometimes you know, figure outif the person that you're
talking to are they just playinga game or do they just like the
idea of you, but not really youas a person?
Speaker 3 (29:40):
So.
So this is where I think that Iused to give people way too many
chances, because I see that, asthem trying, they probably in
childhood had that type ofattachment style with their
parents and they couldn't andthis is a realization I had as
recently, as early as this thisearlier this year, doing a
during a plant medicine ceremonyI had this giant epiphany in my
head that when I was young, Inever was made to feel safe,
(30:02):
that my, my parents weren't likewhat do you need?
We're here for you.
No one ever asked how I feltand I spent a lot of time trying
to guess what my partner neededand fix their problems, because
then they could help me and fixmine.
And it just dawned on me wait aminute, why don't I fucking cut
out the middleman and just takecare of my own shit?
(30:22):
Because I would always suppresswhat my needs were to take care
of them.
So whenever someone's chasingyou, they're really just chasing
that attachment style they hadfrom childhood.
They could never connect withmom and dad, and so they're
recreating that pattern, becauseif they can get you to like
them, then they're fixing whatwasn't working for them in
childhood.
They're making that wrong,right.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
So fix your childhood trauma everybody.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Yes, therapy.
Are you ready?
Speaker 2 (30:45):
for it, I'm ready for it.
The Keep More Minute brought toyou by Tactical Tax Strategies.
They help you keep more in yourwallet.
To you by Tactical TaxStrategies.
They help you keep more in yourwallet.
We help you keep more in yourrelationship.
So we've got listener questionto talk about today.
Let's see here All right FromFiona.
She says I love my partner, butmy family doesn't.
(31:05):
They say he's not right for me,even though he treats me well
and makes me happy.
How do I balance myrelationship with someone I care
about in a family that can'taccept him?
Speaker 3 (31:16):
Oh, this is to me.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
It's to all of us Boundaries.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
Boundaries.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
And I think it's important to talk to your family
about why don't they like him.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
It's tough because for me it was a deal breaker if
my family didn't accept or likemy partner.
Because we're such a closefamily and we get together all
the time, it was hard.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
It depends on your family.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
Like, how much of it is your, your parents issue
versus your issue?
Yeah, so there's a lot of, andwhy don't they like that's what
I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I there's a lot of energy and why don't they like
him?
That's what I'm saying.
I couldn't be with someone ifthey didn't intermesh well with
my family, because, also, I'mvery close with my family, but I
would need to know exactly whymy family felt like the person
wasn't right for me See if theyhave valid reasons.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Yeah, and then are you being honest with yourself
that because, just because yourpartner is nice to you there,
there's a lot more under theunder the hood there yeah, going
on.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Yeah, your family could be seeing things that
you're not necessarily seeingwith your rose-colored glasses
and typically families just wantthe best for each other, right,
so they probably just have herinterests at heart.
Yeah, so maybe just have aconversation.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Yeah, again, use your words, talk about it.
What don't you like about thisperson?
And then talk, you know yeah,communication is key.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
So the article we're going to discuss today, your
dating checklist, actuallyprevents you from finding love.
So you have not one, not two,but three checklists, right,
right?
I do have three checklists howare they different each
checklist?
Speaker 3 (32:51):
I have a deal breaker list, I have a must-have list
and then I have a perfectpartner list wow, I think we
need to let's, can we do you byheart, do you by memory know
some of?
I mean obviously you'd know Iknow I know some of them yeah,
on your list.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
What are, what are on your deal breakers list?
Speaker 3 (33:09):
I'm hesitant to share them because I used to list
them off when I was on a dateand then, magically, the person
became who I wanted them to be.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Of course, you give them the playbook.
Yeah, exactly, if you have anyof these.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
I won't go out with you.
Oh yeah, no, I don't do any ofthese, so I don't share those.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
That is so funny.
What's can you give us?
Your just your top.
What is your number onedealbreaker?
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Absolute no Smoker A smoker Okay.
So everyone says yeah, smoker.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
Cigarettes, yeah, cigarettes.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
I'm okay with other.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
well, depending on what you're smoking Crack.
There's a glass pipe involvedand probably out.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
Yeah, the wacky tobacco is okay, though, wacky
tobacco yeah, it's fine Okay topartake.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
So yeah, I'm okay with that.
So this article basically saysone of the biggest mistakes I
see people make in dating ishaving a checklist or criteria
that they judge people against,a list of qualities that they
hope for in an ideal partner.
The thing is, though, if youhaven't already been with your
ideal partner, then you don'tactually know what your criteria
is.
You don't know what it isthat's going to turn you on
spiritually, psychologically,sexually until after you've
experienced kind of like.
(34:12):
You don't know if you're goingto like eel until you've tried
it right.
It's true.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
But what if there's parts of one person you've been
with that are ideal and thenyou're with someone else who has
another thing that's ideal?
What if you've dated enoughpeople and you've seen parts of
your ideal?
Speaker 3 (34:29):
I think it comes down to values.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Like you know, it's your core values.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Yeah, If you're, if your deal breaker is, I don't
want someone who's who's goingto wear a blue shirt.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Big boobs or something superficial.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
Well, I mean, let's not get crazy.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
That's number number seven on his list.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
I see, I'm joking, that's not on my list.
I see, I'm joking, that's noton my list.
Yeah, but I think it depends onwhat.
So it comes down to why.
Why is this on your list?
Because there's usually a youknow what's the deeper thing
underneath it.
So I don't like smokers becausegenerally I don't like the way
that it smells.
I don't like the way that likebeing around smoke.
(35:09):
It's bad for my health as well.
Why is it a deal breaker?
Or why?
do you feel you must have that.
I on my, you know, I considermyself spiritual, maybe Buddhist
, if any.
If I was leaning towards areligion and I had somebody on a
social site say, well, I'mProtestant, Would you consider
converting to my religion?
Or I don't think we could dateand I, I just unmastered because
I'm like, well, it's different.
(35:30):
If you say, well, let's have aconversation.
I'd love to learn more aboutwhat you think, but it was very
much like well, you magicallybelieve what I believe.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
It's like well no, yeah, it's true.
So this goes on to say youmight miss out on a good partner
because they don't meet thecriteria.
I've seen so many people gothrough dating hell looking for
someone who ticks all the boxes.
Then they finally end up happywith someone who completely
contradicts the list.
That happens a lot.
He's not my type at all.
Um, let your experience withpeople tell you what your
criteria is.
Go towards people that youenjoy and connect with, even if
(35:58):
it doesn't make sense, and goaway from people who hurt or
bore you, even if they look goodon paper.
But I think you're right.
So then I went to reddit to seeyou know people's opinions on
lists.
Someone said for me, I have alist.
I'm at the point of my lifewhere I'm finding out the
following information before Ieven go on a date do our human
rights, our human rights viewsalign?
So there are some things thatare deal breakers or do they
(36:20):
value work-life balance, thatkind of thing?
so I think it really does dependon what is on your list, yeah
yeah, um.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
Yeah, like for me, you know my perfect partner list
blonde.
But my ex-wife wasn't blonde,she's a brunette.
So I think, like things likethat aren't like that's not a
deal breaker.
Like deal breaker um, I'llthrow one out there, a bonus one
for the ladies out there.
If you're mean to a waiter, ifyou're mean to someone, a mean
to a wait staff, that's a dealbreaker.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Yeah, um yeah then on his on reddit, someone says you
know, are they comfortablebeing around horses?
They've got to be okay spendingtime with horses, but isn't it
okay to have your own hobbies,to do your own thing?
You don't have to do everythingtogether in a relationship, but
if they're a professional horserider, a horse jumper then
they've got to be comfortablearound horses and they want to
show support and go to the races, or, if they own horses.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
think about it, If you live on a horse ranch and
you know, got all these horsesand you're out doing farm chores
every morning and you need apartner who supports you in that
.
I mean it's that's one of thereasons, sort of, why I moved
away from the farm, because I'mlike it doesn't interest me to
make and bring my farmer husbandlunch every day when he's out
(37:27):
that's true in the field.
Like it was fun when I was akid to go, you know along with
what whichever one of the auntsor parents or you know, wives
was going out that day, but itjust it was never something that
I really wanted my life to be,and so it's like you know you
have to.
If that's your life, yourpartner, your future partner,
(37:49):
has to be okay with doing that,you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Someone said but what if you never find someone who
checks all the boxes?
And then the response was wellthen I'll buy stock in sex toys
and live my best life solo.
Speaker 3 (38:02):
Yeah, just being able to be, I think, no matter what,
you have to be okay being byyourself, because it was like,
well, I have to find that person.
That's where so many peoplecome to dating from a place of
desperation.
So I think again, it's what'sthe intention behind the list
too well, and someone talksabout how he doesn't want an
older woman.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
But then someone says but what if your soulmate's an
older woman but you never giveher a chance because she's
statistically you know,factually older than you?
I'm on that page.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
I don't want to date an older woman.
Um, and that's okay, it's.
There's nothing wrong witholder women, it's just it's not
for me.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
What do you consider an older woman?
How old are you, oh God?
Speaker 3 (38:35):
Okay, I just opened a can of worms here, right, I
know so older than me.
Now I say that, but you'reright.
So let me put it this way On adating app, I won't match with
somebody if they're older thanme.
It's not a deal breaker, butit's kind of like.
On the app, I'm going to set myfilters to what I, what I think
I'm going to look for what yourpreference, I'm not going to be
like well, if the right 80 yearold walks into my life, I'm
(38:58):
there.
No, it's just going to be amatter of of and think about it.
What you look for in a datingapp is different than if you
meet somebody organically inreal life yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
so now it's time for the celebrity cut, where we
marinate in the juices of thecelebrities.
Do you know Bonnie Blue?
Gotta talk about Bonnie Blue.
Do you know Bonnie Blue?
So she was an OnlyFans modelthat has just gone crazy extreme
and she broke the Guinness Bookof World Records for banging
the most men in 24 hours.
What was it?
2,000 men, I don't remember.
I think it was 2,000 men.
So she's just crazy extreme andshe's very controversial.
(39:28):
Her newest stunt is she's goingto do a petting zoo where she
puts herself in a glass cage andties herself down and lets 2
000 guys come in and do whateverthey want to her anyway, I know
it's pretty disturbing, but thenews.
This week's news on bonnie blueis um, she's been banned from
only fans.
You have to be bad if you arebanned from that was the tweet
(39:50):
that I sent.
Lindsey was like imagine howdisgusting you have to be to get
banned from only fans she'sbanned from all the football
games in england because she wasoffering them sexual favors in
during the football game wow, II don't even know what to say.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
To be quite honest, it's.
There's a lot of people outthere that think I mean, that's
taken what my iron man story toan extreme.
I want to do something thatgets that.
They have to keep going biggerand bigger and bigger because
they want the notoriety orattention.
If she didn't do any of thesethings, who would she be?
Speaker 1 (40:21):
yeah.
Well, my question is did sheexperience childhood trauma,
like what made her happy?
Is she happy and she claimsit's kind of sad because she's
like?
You know OnlyFans are pickingon me.
You know they're my competitorson OnlyFans that they don't.
You know they cry and theybleed after they do their
sexcapades.
I don't cry, I don't bleed andI don't publicly announce if I
(40:44):
have to go to the hospital aftermy shenanigans and I'm like
what are you doing to yourself?
Like, is she happy and proud?
Is there something I don't know?
Speaker 3 (40:53):
but we're, we're talking about her, and that's
true.
That's the point.
That's the whole.
That's the whole point of this.
Now she's in this episode.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
Yeah, yeah, anywho.
So where's your favorite placeto go for a first date?
Speaker 3 (41:06):
Oh, I was about to say New Zealand.
That's a little for a firstdate, see, but now I don't want
to say it because then if Idon't take somebody there,
they're going to be like, well,he didn't take me there.
I like some places like the Vig.
It also depends on summer firstdate versus regular Arizona
first date.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
That's true, because the Vig is the patio.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
It's great, are you a dinner first date, coffee first
date, something quick and easy.
Speaker 3 (41:33):
Well, I was going to make a comment that could
probably be inappropriate.
Quick and easy first aid isgoing to be fun.
I was going to that's.
That's not true.
It depends.
It depends on the energy andthe person.
Like if someone, if it's ifit's nice outside and we want to
just go for a short hike, maybewe'll.
We'll do that If it's a busyprofessional and we, if we can
grab a coffee before work, well,it really depends.
I don't want to say it has tobe this um yeah, so again, I'm
(41:57):
just very organic.
It's not like a very cookiecutter experience.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
It depends on the person now it's time for get to
know you with zoyo, sponsored byzoyo, your neighborhood yogurt.
So rapid fire.
Questions ready for it okay thebest or worst pickup line
you've ever heard the best orworst pickup line.
Speaker 3 (42:15):
You've ever heard the best or worst pickup?
Speaker 1 (42:16):
line towards me.
Do you have a go-to pickup line?
Speaker 3 (42:18):
I can't oh gosh.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
He's like I'm going to give away all my secrets on
this episode.
Speaker 3 (42:29):
I'm going to be single forever after this
episode.
I'm going to sound like such aloser by not giving anything out
now.
I think.
I know, the cheesy ones, youknow, but I think nothing,
nothing beats being yourself.
Speaker 1 (42:42):
Let's just say you're at a bar or a restaurant and
you see a beautiful girl thatpiques your interest.
Do you go and talk to her?
No, no, I don't you let thatopportunity slip away.
Why?
Speaker 3 (42:51):
Because I don't want to be that guy Like I don't want
to be.
I have a lot of female friendsand they don't.
I mean, I'm sure that they likeguys coming up and talking to
them, but I'm more organic.
I would much rather there's areason to strike up a
conversation.
I mean sometimes I'll find one,it can be something as simple
(43:12):
as hey.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
Is anyone sitting here?
Speaker 3 (43:13):
And then just sitting down.
Is it more natural?
Or what are you drinking?
Just make it natural.
I'm not going to be like hi, doyou have any Arab in you?
Would you like some?
Speaker 2 (43:19):
I'm not going to do anything.
Did it hurt when you fell?
Yeah, that's the line rightthere.
No, it's not.
Speaker 3 (43:30):
I'm just more of just a natural person.
It's like I would literally sayis anyone sitting here?
Do you mind if I sit down?
What's the harm in that?
Speaker 1 (43:37):
More authentic.
Yeah, what's your favorite bodypart on a partner?
Speaker 3 (43:41):
It depends on the partner.
I love great eyes or a greatsmile.
Man, that really does it for me.
I'm probably going to look attheir face more than anything
else.
What gives you the ick?
That really does it for me,because I'm probably going to
look at their face more thananything else.
So that that's true, yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
What gives you the?
Speaker 3 (43:56):
ick, a woman who like , especially on a dating profile
if it's if they're only postingwhat they don't want like
negativity well that and traumabonding, like if on the first
date they're like well then,when I was 12, this happened
Because I used to be that guyalso and not recognizing that
(44:18):
hey, let's have some boundaries.
You don't get to knoweverything about me just yet,
like I'm holding on to somestuff and not having that fake
or false sense of connectionbecause I'm sharing too much too
soon.
So I've learned that gives methe this person doesn't have
boundaries vibe.
But that's fine for them, it'sjust not for me.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
Is watching porn considered cheating?
Speaker 3 (44:41):
I'm hesitant to answer that because I've had,
you know, I've I've done my bestto not watch porn, and it's
something that, yeah, you know,I think I think if I was with
the right person then, yeah, Ithink it would be.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
Okay, before you're intimate, is it appropriate to
ask your date how many peoplethey've been with?
No, it's not appropriate.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
No, whatever anyone's .
I mean, I hope that if Iaccidentally went on a date with
Bonnie Blue, someone would tellme.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
Hey man, you probably need to do this.
You're going to be number three.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
You've got a Wikipedia this one, but I
somebody has done before they'vemet me is is I.
That's their journey.
Who are they now?
Speaker 1 (45:15):
I love that.
I love that you don't judge,you're open-minded.
Is it acceptable to have sex ona first date?
Speaker 3 (45:19):
yeah, I think if you're honest and open about hey
, this is where I'm at, I'm notseeing anyone, and it depends on
what's your intention if it'slike I know some people just
after they get out of a marriage, they just want to go and, if
the other person's on board, dowhat you want.
People, if you're not hurtinganybody and you're on the same
page, you're being open andhonest with somebody.
(45:41):
That's what matters.
I think we have all these rulesLike no, it has to be 3.5 dates
and he has to.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
Exhausting when you think about it too much.
Speaker 3 (45:49):
Live your fucking life.
Stop letting society tell youwhat you should or shouldn't do.
Are you a grown-ass adult?
Are they a grown-ass adult?
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Right.
Speaker 3 (45:57):
Are either one of you married?
No, go do what you want to do.
Who gives a shit Live?
Speaker 2 (46:00):
your life.
That's always my rule of thumb,too, is if you're not hurting
anybody, then who cares yeah?
Speaker 1 (46:07):
Like yeah, should you disclose mental health issues
early on in a relationship?
Speaker 3 (46:12):
Yes, Now again, you don't want a trauma bond.
It doesn't need to be sittingdown for your first date.
Yeah, but I have been in somerelationships that I would have
made different decisions had Iknown some information sooner.
Speaker 1 (46:24):
Last question, save the best for last.
What's your favorite sexualposition, or my?
Speaker 3 (46:29):
Oh man, I don't realize you're going down this
rabbit hole.
Speaker 2 (46:32):
I think you gotta end with something spicy.
Speaker 3 (46:35):
I'm a fan of a lot of Position number 229 in the Kama
Sutra.
I'm not gonna stop until theRamsey is actually listed
somewhere.
That is hilarious, it's.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
I'm all about reading the energy.
Speaker 3 (46:51):
It's about the partner you're with Like because
it's.
I'm all about reading theenergy, right.
It's about the partner you'rewith like because good answer.
Well, I think it's 100 right,because it doesn't matter if I
love it, if she's not into it,then then it's it's.
You know you're getting deadfish like that.
They're just gonna lay there sothere's just like, hey, what,
what do you want to do?
And I think that's what's thethe the.
My favorite position is what?
Whatever she's into in thatmoment, like yeah let's go with
(47:13):
that.
Why not just lean into themoment?
Speaker 1 (47:16):
So I wanted to touch on something that we didn't get
to before.
So you come across as veryconfident and suave and secure
in yourself, but you're aself-professed nerd, right?
Speaker 3 (47:25):
Self-proclaimed nerd, yeah yeah, I played Dungeons
and Dragons for 30 years.
Yeah, oh yeah, I was for mybirthday.
I do themed dinner murdermysteries, I think.
Yeah, it's, I'm a multifacetedhuman being.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
That's awesome.
You have many hats.
I love that.
Very versatile, I know.
Will you invite us to your nextmurder mystery birthday party
In.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
February okay, yeah, if who I'm dating and my family
is okay with you, ladies, comeon.
They approve of you.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
They approve of us.
Speaker 1 (47:53):
Well, thank you so much for joining us this week at
the Meat Market and thank youso much, Ramsey.
If you want to snag a date withRamsey, go to any of our social
media platforms at Meat MarketPodcast.
And thank you to our sponsor,Tactical Tax Strategies.
If you want to keep more ofyour own money in your own
wallet, you need to go toTactical Tax Strategies.
We'll see you next week at themeat market.
Oh my God, I just totally gotcatfished.
(48:17):
He looks absolutely nothinglike his picture.
Speaker 2 (48:26):
So I found out, the guy that I've been dating is
married with kids.
His wife just reached out to me.
Oh my god, I just totally got catfished.
He looks absolutely nothinglike his picture.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
So I found out, the guy that I've been dating is
married with kids.
His wife just reached out to me.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Welcome to the Meat Market.
The single scene is aslaughterhouse and we are here
to devour it.
We are your hosts.
I'm Lindsay, I'm Jess andtoday's sizzling single is
Ramsey Welcome.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Hi ladies, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
So MSN named you one of the top 10 speakers to follow
.
That is huge Congrats.
Well, thank you.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
How did?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
you get there.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Well, a lot of work.
It started back in 1999 when Istarted DJing.
So I've been doing that for alittle bit of time, spending
time on a microphone doing over800 weddings but I never really
knew where it was going to goand just kind of trust in the
process and following life.
So what do you speak about?
Mainly the power of perspective.
It's not what happens to us,it's how we choose to respond.
(00:55):
That really determines ourreality.
I have been in personaltraining business for 15 years
and I realized most of that wascoaching.
Everyone knows they need to eatbetter, move more, but why
aren't they?
And just that, doing the workon myself.
It's kind of a lot of thingscame together and, yeah, that's
where I'm at now.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
And so tell us what inspired you.
So he has a book Cake on theFloor.
Tell us what inspired the name.
I like that story.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
So I was also.
As I said, I was a DJ for awhile and I was at a wedding
about 10 years ago and the bridewent to cut her wedding cake,
but the venue didn't lock thelegs of her cake table out all
the way, so this five-tier cakefalls all over the floor and
everyone froze and looked at herand she started laughing.
And then everyone in the roomstarted laughing.
I was like, wow, what a greatway to handle that situation and
I thought why don't most peoplehandle situations like that?
(01:43):
Why do people usually freak out?
And it doesn't really changeanything.
So the book is mainly about thedifference between reacting
versus responding to situations.
What's really within ourcontrol and our life's all about
the story we tell ourself,rather than what's going on.
It's not what happens, it's howyou choose to respond that
really determines your reality.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
It's true, because we get so many hate comments on
social media and we say, oh,they hurt our feelings, they
didn't hurt our feelings, weallow them to hurt our feelings.
You know, we should, I should.
I need to learn how to reactdifferently because what do I
always tell you, lindsey?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I'm like there's enough when things happen that
are outside of your control.
What does like a freak outresponse?
Do nothing it only makes itworse for you.
It doesn't actually help tosolve or, you know, fix the
situation yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
So think about if somebody just walked up to you
on the street and said I hateyour green socks and you wearing
you weren't wearing green socks.
How would you respond or whatwould you say?
I'm not wearing green socks,and it wouldn't bother you at
all, right, so it's the samething the only thing.
time is when.
When they say something onsocial media, if we think
there's a grain of truth to itin our head, then we make that
part of our story.
So I just have my clients intheir head just say green socks,
(02:52):
like it has nothing to do withme.
I don't know what's going on intheir head.
Why are they projecting?
It really has everything to dowith them and I'm okay.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
So.
So do you meet a lot of singlewomen at these speaking events?
Speaker 3 (03:03):
I bet you do, I have had some women approach me
afterwards.
I do some book signings but Idon't look at it through that
lens because then it reallywould change my energy.
I'm there to deliver a message.
I even like I'll meditate andground before I go up on stage
because I don't want it to beabout me.
I want it to be about helpingpeople find the shift in their
perspective.
So I don't look at the audiencethrough that lens because I
(03:26):
think everyone can tell whensomebody's trying to mack on
that person in the room and Idon't want to be up on stage in
front of 400 people and everyonethink, well, this guy's checked
out, he's not even deliveringmessages, he's flirting with
this person.
So I could.
I can notice if someone'sattractive, but that's not why
I'm there and I usually workwith companies a lot more than
just a speaking engagement.
I do executive development andsix month like packages with
(03:47):
people and I don't want to ruinthat by you know crapping where
I eat you know from a work event.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
What about when you were DJing weddings?
Was it like a real life weddingcrashers?
Like the bridesmaids and the.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
That's a different story.
I enjoyed my 20s a lot.
I DJed a lot in nightclubs.
I DJed for Playboy, forHawaiian Tropic, with Vanilla
Ice, with Paul Oakenfold.
So I've enjoyed my life.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I'm not in that stage of life anymore, but yes, that
was a much different scenarioand a much different time back
in the day.
How true to life is that movie?
Remember they would go to theweddings for the desperate
bridesmaids and the desperatefamily members who are there.
Is there a lot of action atweddings?
Speaker 3 (04:39):
Yes, but I think the same can be said for any
scenario.
It's a matter of when you'regoing to enough events you're
going to see that happen.
It does happen.
I mean, again, I don't evenknow all the stories, I just
know because I'm behind thebooth a lot of times, so I don't
know what's going on out there.
But yeah, when I was, I mean, Iwas also married for a while
and so that definitely changedthe dynamic.
(05:00):
Whenever I was DJing, I wasmuch more respectful.
But when I was single and DJing, yeah, you know it's, it's,
life is short.
Um, you know, have fun, berespectful and be open and
honest about people, to peoplefor sure so now, if you don't
mind me, asking why did yourmarriage not work out?
we grew apart, we got married.
Um I say we were younger, wehad had a nine year age
(05:22):
difference, but I was, yeah, 31.
She was 23, 24.
And yeah, and we just kind ofgrew.
We grew apart.
She was finding herself and Iwas.
I didn't know who the hell Iwas.
I'm a very different humanbeing than I was back then.
Yeah, and different priorities.
So when, when COVID hit in 2020,I was a personal trainer.
(05:43):
I built a gym in my yard, I wastraining people, and my best
friend passed away during COVIDbut it wasn't from COVID.
He essentially drank himselfinto a coma and was on a
ventilator for over a month, andthen I was with him in the
hospital when he died, andthat's really what got me to
change my life and made merealize what in the hell am I
doing with my life?
(06:03):
He was 42.
Got me to change my life andmade me realize what, what in
the hell am I doing with my life?
He was 42.
Um, and so I went back toschool to become a certified
coach and to help people in amore profound way and, through
that process, really discoveredthat I just wasn't.
I wasn't happy in my marriage.
Um, she and I are still friends.
We're not.
we don't have co-custody of adog or anything but, we're
cordial, we're civil to eachother, yeah, but we just weren't
(06:27):
right for each other and that'sokay.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Are you on the dating apps now?
Speaker 3 (06:31):
I am.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
How's that?
Speaker 3 (06:32):
going, it's going.
I have finally, for the firsttime in my life, learned how to
just be comfortable with myself,and that's changed the way that
I approach dating apps.
I don't have to match withsomebody and if I go on a date
or two and if it doesn't workout, that's okay.
It's not that they're a badperson, it's just not the right
fit for the energy.
Uh, so, coming from a place ofI don't need this, it's it would
(06:55):
be a nice to have as really, Iguess taking a lot of the
pressure off that I used to puton myself.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
People take it so personal that what you just said
we're just not right for eachother.
It's like I've found thattypically we've talked about
this before.
I will.
If I feel like a date isn'tgoing to progress into something
more, I will right away, thenext day or whenever it is, say
hey, I was thinking about it andI just don't see this going
anywhere, and typically it's oneof two responses.
(07:23):
It's the very mature hey.
Thanks for letting me know.
I'm really happy that we didn'twaste any more time.
Or it's like the total fly offthe handle like fuck you too,
bitch.
Like.
I didn't like you either, andI'm like dude, like I was trying
to be nice and you know, stopthis from continuing to to go
somewhere and so it's just likeit's crazy people it's.
(07:46):
It seems to be either oneextreme or the other but that
should just make you moreconfident in your decision you
made the right choice.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
You made the right choice.
You dodged the bullet for sure.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
So I'm writing a second book called use your
words, because the my friendsthat have kids.
They're always telling theirkids use your words.
But as adults we're all justold children, like when we 18,
the bolt of lightning doesn'thit us.
We're not smart all of a suddenand we don't know how to
communicate.
I think, like you, being smartand intelligent and saying hey
and being respectful and lettingthis person know.
I'm just not interested in thatcapacity.
How else would you like?
(08:17):
That's how I would want to hearit.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Do they want to get strung along?
Speaker 3 (08:19):
for months or waste my time, because the longer you
spend time you know withsomething that's not for you,
the less time you have with whateventually is going to be for
you so why am I going to waste?
Either one of our time yeah,that's funny.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
I say that all the time.
Use your words.
Well, I also work in pediatricsso I say it all the time to kid
, like patients of mine.
But I say it to myself too whenI'm like, okay, how am I going
to approach this?
Like use, use your words, jess.
Like, just use your words, like, just say it.
You know what I mean, causeusually once you say it and get
it out there it's it starts.
It either starts a conversationthat goes in a positive
(08:53):
direction or it gets the extremebacklash of and that's how you
know, when people aren't able touse their words right, they
haven't developed thosecommunication skills.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
And the same thing applies in the workplace, and
that's what I'm saying, like howhow we show up at home can
mirror how we show up at work.
And if you, if, if, in theoffice I can't share how I feel
with my team or really feel likeI'm frustrated, I have that
toxic positivity or spiritualbypassing of no, I've got this,
or I just lash out.
And I think the reason I'm sobusy with work right now 75% of
(09:25):
job loss is due to emotional,intelligent components, and
that's I teach workshops onstress management emotional
intelligence because peopledon't know how to handle
interpersonal conflicts, theydon't know how to handle stress
or challenges at work, orleadership doesn't know how to
manage change, and it's so sadthat these things can be easily
fixed if we just slow down,learn how to share what we're
feeling.
I use the analogy that if youpretend to be cool with a
(09:46):
scenario, you're not, whetherit's with your partner or work
you then become an actor andyou're playing the part of
somebody who's cool with thissituation and eventually you get
tired of playing that part.
You're not being you, you'replaying this role, and then the
other person has no idea who youeven are, and then eventually
it builds, it, builds, it,builds, you blow up, and then
eventually, it builds, it,builds, it, builds, you blow up.
And then they're like where thehell did this come from?
(10:06):
You've never brought this upbefore Because you were trying
to be the nice guy and not shareanything and you're not doing
anyone any favors instead ofsaying I don't like this.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
I don't see this going anywhere.
So, ladies, this one's a badboy.
So you were banned from Bumble,is that?
Speaker 3 (10:20):
right they gave you the boots.
I was banned from Bumble.
That is correct.
What?
Speaker 1 (10:24):
happened.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
I was talking about a substance that I think is very
helpful for mental health thatapparently you can't talk about
on Bumble.
You know, I believe in thehealing power of plant medicine
and somebody had indicated theydid in their profile too, and we
were talking about it.
Apparently, bumble does havethese automatic AI things that
just scrub chats and if you talkabout it and if you reach out
(10:47):
to Bumble, be like, hey, I wouldlike to know what did I do to
be banned, they won't tell youlike sorry, it violates our
policy, but just know that youviolated it in your band.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Were you ever able to talk to a real person about it?
I think that's the problem withthe apps.
I had a friend, not from adating app.
She was recently banned fromAirbnb and she's devastated
because she's one of, like, mytravel friends and she's so.
She's so upset about it, butshe can't talk to a real person.
Every time she tries to figureout hey, what did I do wrong?
(11:18):
Why am I banned?
They can't they it's the samething.
They can't tell her why she wasbanned, so has no idea.
Why did she do anything shedoes?
she does know why it was, shedoes know why, but there's no
remedy she feels like she shouldbe able to remedy the situation
similar to you, like you feel,like you have a like interest
(11:39):
with someone that you met onbumble yeah so why should you
not be able to have a safeconversation about it within the
app?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Right.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
And so like, there's your argument, but you can't
actually get ahold of a realperson to explain that to them,
Whereas, like if you're arguingwith chat GPT, you know you're
going nowhere.
You're going around in circles.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
You know.
So, going back, what they didis they kept emailing me.
They said well, here, here arethe terms and conditions.
Just know, you violatedsomething on here.
And of course I read thespecific paragraph that it talks
about.
It was if it's an illegalsubstance, then you can't talk
about it and you're banned.
But they don't have a.
We'll let you know if youviolated the procedure.
It's kind of like if you getpulled over for speeding the
(12:21):
first time you're going to jailand it's like, well, holy shit,
just like let's pump the brakeshere.
Just let me know that thisisn't policy.
No one reads the terms andconditions Right exactly, I'm a
human being, not a robot.
And once you've let me knowthat I violated it, then cool, I
know that's a policy now and Iwon't do that anymore.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Almost seems strict.
Had another guest, a verylovely lady, so innocent, and
she was banned too and shedoesn't know why.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Right and I but I think hers was because people
were reporting.
I think someone reported hersomeone got, they were jealous
or something and reported herprofile.
I don't know it needs to bebumble, needs to be ran more
like an hoa, where they send youlike, hey, you're in violation
of this first warning within 15days or we're going to kick you
off the the app so but got me onto.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
You know I'm no longer on that app.
I'm still on another one, butit's like, well, maybe I'll I
don't know meet someone in reallife instead, and so that's
really kind of helped me learnto just get back out there in
the world and not I think Ican't remember who said it I'm
not going out looking for people, I'm going out to enjoy the
things I like to do, and indoing that, I will find people
(13:24):
who also like those things, andI think I was trying to do the
opposite for so long.
I was trying to find thatperson who would go enjoy the
things with me.
Well, but there's a hundredother deal breakers that could
be there that I don't know aboutwhen, if I'm meeting someone
organically, I can learn aboutthem as a person holistically.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
So wait can and holistically.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
So can I go back to your airbnb?
Speaker 1 (13:45):
story.
Are you allowed to disclosewhat she did?
How did you get banned fromairbnb?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
it must be pretty big um no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It was so.
She has this property that shewas trying to list on the seller
or on the renter side of it.
She's always been like a renteeright she's always rented places
(14:10):
and now she has this place thatshe bought recently and she
wanted to put it on Airbnb andso she was trying to.
She wanted her husband tomanage it and so it sort of was
this weird thing where she wasputting her name on it but also
wanted her husband's name on itas the manager, and I think
(14:30):
Airbnb didn't like that becausethere was two different names
and so they saw it as maybe shewas doing something shady
because she didn't have, youknow, the person she wanted to
manage it didn't have ownership,so the person she wanted to
manage it didn't have ownership.
So I think it was amisunderstanding and from her
explanation it was amisunderstanding.
She's not even really sure, butshe said Airbnb in general has
(14:54):
banned her overall from bothbeing a renter of her place to
others and her renting fromothers in the future.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Well, I know I will never use Airbnb again, not just
because of that story, but Ihad a horrendous experience as a
renter and I rented a place inFlagstaff last.
I think it was July and thelisting had.
Apparently they had heat but noAC and it was one of those hot
Arizona summers and inside thetemperature they had one tiny
(15:23):
little fan and it was up to 87degrees in the house.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
No, thank you, and I'm like.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
I'm going to have to go get a hotel.
I can't stay here.
And the owner was like nope, notgiving you anything back,
that's it.
And then so I left a reviewsaying this owner was
unreasonable.
He wouldn't give me even apartial refund and I had to pay
the whole thing.
Um, and then what he did?
He waited until the last daythat he could dispute it, to
dispute my listing, and then Icouldn't then update the review.
(15:49):
They just took it down.
Oh my god, I wasn't even ableto leave that review and it was,
I think, so egregious that Ifelt like my voice wasn't heard
to share with people.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
So I'm like, I'm just like I'll use vrbo yeah, he's
played that game before you camewith a knife to a gunfight.
Basically is what happened.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
He's a realtor here in the Valley so I looked him up
, the owner up.
He's a sleazy kind of guy.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Yeah, yeah.
So you're pretty international.
You weren't born in thiscountry right.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
I was born in Kuwait and then moved, lived in Amman,
jordan, for a couple of yearsand then we moved from Geneva,
switzerland, to a small town inArkansas, that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Switzerland to Arkansas.
I'm pretty sure Arkansas wasthe state of my little sister's
fake ID.
And we always had such a hardtime about it because we were
like that's our little sisterfrom Arkansas.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
Well, it was unique.
It had its fair share ofchallenges.
I'm half Arab, so growing up asa half Arab in Arkansas
definitely was an experience youknow, kind of shaped me who I
am.
There are some fantastic peoplein Arkansas but I don't live
there anymore because I justdidn't feel like I connected
with the culture.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
When did you leave?
How old were?
Speaker 3 (17:03):
you when I left Arkansas 19.
Okay, yeah, went to high schoolthere, then college out of
state.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Yeah, where'd you go to college?
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Mississippi State.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Really yeah, I went to.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Mississippi.
You know what I got to becareful.
I have clients in a lot ofstates that are incredible
people and every state has thismagic, but I really like Arizona
, I like being out here.
The mindset is different and Isay that without judgment.
I like to surround myself withpeople who have similar mindsets
(17:34):
and interests to what I do, andthe beautiful thing is and this
goes back to dating If someonedoesn't have the same viewpoint
as me, that's fine, just go yourown way.
So I would use my middle namein the dating science because I
have a rather unique first nameand I would, if I didn't match
with somebody, for whateverreason, I would have sometimes
people like look me up on mysocial media and still add me
(17:56):
anyway.
Hey, I saw you on on hinge andwe didn't match, but I thought
I'd reach out and say hi, well,why are you reaching?
Speaker 1 (18:01):
out what?
How embarrassing like.
That's the reason you didn'tmatch, but I thought I'd reach
out and say, hi, I'm like.
Well, why are you reaching outif we didn't match?
Speaker 3 (18:04):
How embarrassing Like that's the reason you didn't
match.
You're not interested, and so Ijust I like, especially when
people put their political viewsif it's not something that I
agree with.
It's like hey that's good.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
They're not super like.
Yeah, I don't know if any partof your audience aggressive
about it or not, trying to shovethem on you.
Could you date someone who'swho's the?
Speaker 3 (18:31):
opposite.
I could date somebody if theydidn't own an article of
clothing that was made by theperson they support.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Okay, you know, I guess so I guess that's.
That is that happens to be madein China.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
I'm not going to date somebody that is like if your
political ideology becomes youridentity, yeah, that's the issue
.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
That's the issue.
I have too.
My ex had very strong politicalviews and I do not have very
strong political views, and aslong as he wouldn't totally just
spew them all over, the place,it's fine.
And then there was once that hegot in a fight with one of my
friends who was opposite of him,and so it's just like things
(19:12):
like that, where I'm like youcan have your views, that's fine
, but you don't need to becalling my friend names, because
you guys have differentpolitical views.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Now I will be honest, I do have different political
views.
Now I will be honest, I do havestrong political views.
But I think, if I am able tohave conversations with the
other side of the aisle, I thinkif you can have intelligent
dialogue, I think that's what'smissing For sure, part of the
reason I think we are where weare as a country is because we
were always told not to talkabout politics and in doing so,
we never really understood theother side.
(19:44):
We're always just kind ofentrenched ourselves in our
beliefs and our viewpoint and wenever really understood.
Like hey, at the end of the day, we want a lot of the same
things.
Now, if you are talking about,I want to say, the fringe
elements that have taken hold inthe mainstream, that's a very
different mindset, the hottopics.
The hot topics.
The hot topics like the hot,the hot button.
(20:05):
Or they say hot topics.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
I'm like, well, that, yeah, that too, no, the hot
topics, the things that reallyget people riled up.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
Well, it's the same and I think what you hit the
nail on the head, whether it'srelationships or politics or
work.
So many of us are motivated byfear and we want to be
comfortable.
We want what we know and indoing so we don't grow.
So a lot of times that's what Ideal with in challenges, in
either organizations or even ina relationship.
(20:32):
I want to go try something new.
Two years ago, I wanted tochallenge myself and do
something I've never done before, so I swam around Key West 12
and a half miles in the ocean.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
That's so crazy.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
And I didn't think I could do it at first.
I'm like well, what Worst thingthat happens.
Well, I guess I could.
You die Well yeah, but I hadsomebody with me.
My best friend was in a kayaknext to me the whole time and I
would just stop and get out ofthe water.
But we don't know what we'recapable of, because we're so
scared and that comes toignorance of the other side or
(21:04):
what other people may think, orwhat people may think of me.
We're so scared of not beingaccepted and we're always
wearing a mask of what we thinkthe world wants us to be and
then we're not real.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
And I've been in relationships with some
incredible people, but they wereso scared of what their family
would think or what their exwould think.
I'm like well, are you livingfor you?
What are you doing for you?
Like you gotta be authentic.
It's gotta be exhausting tohave that mentality.
Yeah, it's like take the maskoff, it's so heavy it gets, and
I was doing that.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
I used to be an iron man triathlete and I went to
ireland to do one and I was aspade uh, spade.
I was a paid spokesperson for asports nutrition company and
the water was going to be 50degrees.
It was going to be 100% chanceof rain that day.
It's Ireland, for Christ'ssakes, and I'm like I don't want
to do this anymore, and Iremember posting on my social
media.
I'm tired of being the personthat I think you want me to be.
(21:56):
I just want to be myself.
I want to go drink a Guinnessand just enjoy my day, and the
outpouring of people who werecomplimentary, like thank you
for being real and vulnerable,it makes me feel better about
myself.
That there's not, because Iwould always portray myself as
invincible or this perfectperson, and that's very
different from the reality, andso I think being authentic with
(22:17):
who you are and what your needsare is going to attract the
right people 100%, and it's okayif I'm not for everyone.
It's okay if I'm not foreveryone.
It's okay if every day that goon doesn't like me, that's
fantastic.
I don't want to, you know,muddy myself down to just be a
common denominator and just kindof be vanilla yeah, well, and I
think too, speaking aboutmaking things your whole
personality, that iron mancommunity.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
There are so many people in that community that
that is their whole personalityit's like do you know how
somebody's done an iron man?
Don't worry, they'll fuckingtell you in every conversation
they have to bring it up.
I have a tattoo.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
Well, I just did.
I mean, I'm par for the courseright well, I think it's because
whenever I speak like I haveall these credentials, I've,
I've uh, you know all thesecertifications.
I've written a book, butcompanies will sometimes just
introduce me as a time Ironman,ramsey Bergeron.
I think it has such an elementof accomplishment and
perseverance that a lot ofpeople don't recognize that is
(23:15):
it the goal?
Because a lot of people in theIronman community myself
included it's not that I'mchasing the finish line.
I was running from somethingelse.
I had a lot of feelings ofinadequacy and I thought, if I
cross this finish line, I'mgoing to matter, and then a week
later I'm the same asshole Iwas before the race.
Well, what?
Now I need to do something, Ineed to sign up for another one.
(23:35):
So just chasing this emptiness.
And a lot of people don'trecognize.
Sometimes it's addictionswitching.
So you'll find a lot of peoplethat used to be alcoholics or
have other kinds of addictionsand then they go into endurance
sports.
I'm not a David Goggins fan.
It's like oh, don't you loveDavid Goggins.
He does all this crazy stuff.
And I'm like, well, at somepoint you just need therapy At
(23:56):
some point what are you?
running, for You're runninguntil you're peeing blood.
Come on, man Like and I know Iswim around Key West but I think
there's there's an element ofbalance, for what's the
intention.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
Are you running towards something or are you
running away from something else?
And that can even be arelationship.
Am I running into arelationship?
Cause I don't want to slow downlong enough to be still, to be
quiet, to think.
What is it that I'm feeling?
What do I need?
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
And I'm just going to drown myself in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
So what are you looking for?
Are you looking to get marriedagain?
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Are you looking to have kids?
I would like both of thosethings.
I'm open to it.
I'm not attached to the outcome.
I have a word on my wrist thatsays allow.
So I just allow situations tobe what they are.
I would love to findpartnership.
I find partnership.
I am looking for somebody Iwant the old cliche of marrying
my best friend right who lovesto travel, loves to do things
(24:51):
with.
I think finding somebody elsewho knows how to repair is
incredibly important to me.
I think that's probably themost underutilized skill in a
relationship, because you'regoing to have disagreements.
Can you disagree with respect?
And do you know how to repair?
Do you know how to not take itpersonal?
And I think, to kind of yourpoint from earlier, bring it up
quick, because otherwise, whenyou don't, you let things faster
, resentment builds and then theother person doesn't even know
(25:14):
that this is bothering them.
So, um, being able to say hey,by the way, this can we I don't
like the way that you phrasethis right now Just being honest
about how you feel, becausethen you can move on from the
subject.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Otherwise resentment builds and then yeah, that's
been one of my biggest petpeeves in a past relationship Is
I'm very much a.
When I feel something, I'mgoing to let you know in this
moment how it makes me feel andhow either your actions or the
situation or whatever it is, isaffecting me right now.
(25:45):
Right, and so I was withsomeone who would hear that and
then grab something from eightmonths ago and go well when you
did this.
It made me feel this and I'mlike, no, no, no, yeah, we
should have talked about thateight months ago and we probably
did likely and fixed it, andfixed it and moved on.
(26:06):
But it's like now we're here inthis moment and this situation
is making me feel a certain typeof way.
So why are we talking about,you know, a situation from eight
months ago?
Speaker 3 (26:17):
have you heard of darvo?
No, darvo d-a-r-v-o.
It's deny, attack, reverse,victim and oppressor.
So, essentially, if you're in aconversation with somebody and
they don't know, they don't havethe emotional intelligence to
be able to listen and hold spacefor you, then that's, they'll
deny what, what you're, whatyou're bringing up, and then
they'll attack you and reverseit and make themselves the
(26:38):
victim in this scenario oh, myboy friends, that's like exactly
what I'm saying right now.
And here's the thing, don't takethe bait.
We're so quick to get hooked onthat story and I tell people,
there's always cake on the floor, right?
So how do you slow down enoughto not get pulled into that
drama and then recognize like,oh well, and if they don't have
(26:59):
the emotional intelligence to bein a relationship, well, that's
great.
It's just, I'm in a differentplace in my life, yes, and
that's fine.
I wish you the best.
I want somebody who can slowdown enough to recognize that
I'm not attacking you.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
I'm sharing what my needs are because I want to make
it work yeah, and I thinkthat's what my, my reaction was
always just like immediateshutdown, because I was like
you're not heard, I'm not heardand that's not what we're
talking about right now.
So I'm going to shut down andwe're going to keep it moving.
But just know, like this is notworking for me anymore and I
feel like now, as soon as I getthe first inkling that someone
(27:35):
is that way, it is an immediateno for me, because I've been in
a relationship like that for waytoo long.
To where it was, I was alwaysjust shutting down.
I will just shut down, shutdown, shut down.
And it's like now, as soon assomeone even starts to handle
conflict in that way, it's likeimmediate ick, immediate no,
(27:57):
yeah, like we're done here,there is no future.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Yeah, I used to make the joke that my I found my
purpose in this life, which isto help women realize they're
emotionally unavailable to be ina relationship, because I felt
like I would date somebody andthen I would recognize wait a
minute, this is because of whatyou're saying.
I used to be the avoidantchaser, where if someone wasn't
able to be in the relationshipor they would come on really
strong and then they would freakout and they don't want to be
(28:21):
in it and they're like well, Idon't think I'm the right person
for you.
I'm like, well, no, and I wouldchase and try to convince them
that they are.
But now I listen.
It's like well, you're right, Ido want too much than you're
willing to be able to give me,and that's okay.
I wish you the best of luck.
Yeah, and, and it's, it's, it'snot helpful for anyone.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
And well and I think with me, cause I've had that
happen to me before where I I am, have been upfront and said
listen, I'm not interested in arelationship.
It was really nice getting toknow you, but this isn't
something that I want.
And they continue to chase, asif they think it's a game, as if
they think that I'm playinghard to get and it's like, no,
(29:16):
that's not what I'm doing, I'mnot playing, I am serious, I am
telling you I don't want this tocontinue and so I think
sometimes you know, figure outif the person that you're
talking to are they just playinga game or do they just like the
idea of you, but not really youas a person?
Speaker 3 (29:40):
So.
So this is where I think that Iused to give people way too many
chances, because I see that, asthem trying, they probably in
childhood had that type ofattachment style with their
parents and they couldn't andthis is a realization I had as
recently, as early as this thisearlier this year, doing a
during a plant medicine ceremonyI had this giant epiphany in my
head that when I was young, Inever was made to feel safe,
(30:02):
that my, my parents weren't likewhat do you need?
We're here for you.
No one ever asked how I feltand I spent a lot of time trying
to guess what my partner neededand fix their problems, because
then they could help me and fixmine.
And it just dawned on me wait aminute, why don't I fucking cut
out the middleman and just takecare of my own shit?
(30:22):
Because I would always suppresswhat my needs were to take care
of them.
So whenever someone's chasingyou, they're really just chasing
that attachment style they hadfrom childhood.
They could never connect withmom and dad, and so they're
recreating that pattern, becauseif they can get you to like
them, then they're fixing whatwasn't working for them in
childhood.
They're making that wrong,right.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
So fix your childhood trauma everybody.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Yes, therapy.
Are you ready?
Speaker 2 (30:45):
for it, I'm ready for it.
The Keep More Minute brought toyou by Tactical Tax Strategies.
They help you keep more in yourwallet.
To you by Tactical TaxStrategies.
They help you keep more in yourwallet.
We help you keep more in yourrelationship.
So we've got listener questionto talk about today.
Let's see here All right FromFiona.
She says I love my partner, butmy family doesn't.
(31:05):
They say he's not right for me,even though he treats me well
and makes me happy.
How do I balance myrelationship with someone I care
about in a family that can'taccept him?
Speaker 3 (31:16):
Oh, this is to me.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
It's to all of us Boundaries.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
Boundaries.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
And I think it's important to talk to your family
about why don't they like him.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
It's tough because for me it was a deal breaker if
my family didn't accept or likemy partner.
Because we're such a closefamily and we get together all
the time, it was hard.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
It depends on your family.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
Like, how much of it is your, your parents issue
versus your issue?
Yeah, so there's a lot of, andwhy don't they like that's what
I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I there's a lot of energy and why don't they like
him?
That's what I'm saying.
I couldn't be with someone ifthey didn't intermesh well with
my family, because, also, I'mvery close with my family, but I
would need to know exactly whymy family felt like the person
wasn't right for me See if theyhave valid reasons.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Yeah, and then are you being honest with yourself
that because, just because yourpartner is nice to you there,
there's a lot more under theunder the hood there yeah, going
on.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Yeah, your family could be seeing things that
you're not necessarily seeingwith your rose-colored glasses
and typically families just wantthe best for each other, right,
so they probably just have herinterests at heart.
Yeah, so maybe just have aconversation.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Yeah, again, use your words, talk about it.
What don't you like about thisperson?
And then talk, you know yeah,communication is key.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
So the article we're going to discuss today, your
dating checklist, actuallyprevents you from finding love.
So you have not one, not two,but three checklists, right,
right?
I do have three checklists howare they different each
checklist?
Speaker 3 (32:51):
I have a deal breaker list, I have a must-have list
and then I have a perfectpartner list wow, I think we
need to let's, can we do you byheart, do you by memory know
some of?
I mean obviously you'd know Iknow I know some of them yeah,
on your list.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
What are, what are on your deal breakers list?
Speaker 3 (33:09):
I'm hesitant to share them because I used to list
them off when I was on a dateand then, magically, the person
became who I wanted them to be.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Of course, you give them the playbook.
Yeah, exactly, if you have anyof these.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
I won't go out with you.
Oh yeah, no, I don't do any ofthese, so I don't share those.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
That is so funny.
What's can you give us?
Your just your top.
What is your number onedealbreaker?
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Absolute no Smoker A smoker Okay.
So everyone says yeah, smoker.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
Cigarettes, yeah, cigarettes.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
I'm okay with other.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
well, depending on what you're smoking Crack.
There's a glass pipe involvedand probably out.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
Yeah, the wacky tobacco is okay, though, wacky
tobacco yeah, it's fine Okay topartake.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
So yeah, I'm okay with that.
So this article basically saysone of the biggest mistakes I
see people make in dating ishaving a checklist or criteria
that they judge people against,a list of qualities that they
hope for in an ideal partner.
The thing is, though, if youhaven't already been with your
ideal partner, then you don'tactually know what your criteria
is.
You don't know what it isthat's going to turn you on
spiritually, psychologically,sexually until after you've
experienced kind of like.
(34:12):
You don't know if you're goingto like eel until you've tried
it right.
It's true.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
But what if there's parts of one person you've been
with that are ideal and thenyou're with someone else who has
another thing that's ideal?
What if you've dated enoughpeople and you've seen parts of
your ideal?
Speaker 3 (34:29):
I think it comes down to values.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Like you know, it's your core values.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Yeah, If you're, if your deal breaker is, I don't
want someone who's who's goingto wear a blue shirt.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Big boobs or something superficial.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
Well, I mean, let's not get crazy.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
That's number number seven on his list.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
I see, I'm joking, that's not on my list.
I see, I'm joking, that's noton my list.
Yeah, but I think it depends onwhat.
So it comes down to why.
Why is this on your list?
Because there's usually a youknow what's the deeper thing
underneath it.
So I don't like smokers becausegenerally I don't like the way
that it smells.
I don't like the way that likebeing around smoke.
(35:09):
It's bad for my health as well.
Why is it a deal breaker?
Or why?
do you feel you must have that.
I on my, you know, I considermyself spiritual, maybe Buddhist
, if any.
If I was leaning towards areligion and I had somebody on a
social site say, well, I'mProtestant, Would you consider
converting to my religion?
Or I don't think we could dateand I, I just unmastered because
I'm like, well, it's different.
(35:30):
If you say, well, let's have aconversation.
I'd love to learn more aboutwhat you think, but it was very
much like well, you magicallybelieve what I believe.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
It's like well no, yeah, it's true.
So this goes on to say youmight miss out on a good partner
because they don't meet thecriteria.
I've seen so many people gothrough dating hell looking for
someone who ticks all the boxes.
Then they finally end up happywith someone who completely
contradicts the list.
That happens a lot.
He's not my type at all.
Um, let your experience withpeople tell you what your
criteria is.
Go towards people that youenjoy and connect with, even if
(35:58):
it doesn't make sense, and goaway from people who hurt or
bore you, even if they look goodon paper.
But I think you're right.
So then I went to reddit to seeyou know people's opinions on
lists.
Someone said for me, I have alist.
I'm at the point of my lifewhere I'm finding out the
following information before Ieven go on a date do our human
rights, our human rights viewsalign?
So there are some things thatare deal breakers or do they
(36:20):
value work-life balance, thatkind of thing?
so I think it really does dependon what is on your list, yeah
yeah, um.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
Yeah, like for me, you know my perfect partner list
blonde.
But my ex-wife wasn't blonde,she's a brunette.
So I think, like things likethat aren't like that's not a
deal breaker.
Like deal breaker um, I'llthrow one out there, a bonus one
for the ladies out there.
If you're mean to a waiter, ifyou're mean to someone, a mean
to a wait staff, that's a dealbreaker.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Yeah, um yeah then on his on reddit, someone says you
know, are they comfortablebeing around horses?
They've got to be okay spendingtime with horses, but isn't it
okay to have your own hobbies,to do your own thing?
You don't have to do everythingtogether in a relationship, but
if they're a professional horserider, a horse jumper then
they've got to be comfortablearound horses and they want to
show support and go to the races, or, if they own horses.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
think about it, If you live on a horse ranch and
you know, got all these horsesand you're out doing farm chores
every morning and you need apartner who supports you in that
.
I mean it's that's one of thereasons, sort of, why I moved
away from the farm, because I'mlike it doesn't interest me to
make and bring my farmer husbandlunch every day when he's out
(37:27):
that's true in the field.
Like it was fun when I was akid to go, you know along with
what whichever one of the auntsor parents or you know, wives
was going out that day, but itjust it was never something that
I really wanted my life to be,and so it's like you know you
have to.
If that's your life, yourpartner, your future partner,
(37:49):
has to be okay with doing that,you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Someone said but what if you never find someone who
checks all the boxes?
And then the response was wellthen I'll buy stock in sex toys
and live my best life solo.
Speaker 3 (38:02):
Yeah, just being able to be, I think, no matter what,
you have to be okay being byyourself, because it was like,
well, I have to find that person.
That's where so many peoplecome to dating from a place of
desperation.
So I think again, it's what'sthe intention behind the list
too well, and someone talksabout how he doesn't want an
older woman.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
But then someone says but what if your soulmate's an
older woman but you never giveher a chance because she's
statistically you know,factually older than you?
I'm on that page.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
I don't want to date an older woman.
Um, and that's okay, it's.
There's nothing wrong witholder women, it's just it's not
for me.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
What do you consider an older woman?
How old are you, oh God?
Speaker 3 (38:35):
Okay, I just opened a can of worms here, right, I
know so older than me.
Now I say that, but you'reright.
So let me put it this way On adating app, I won't match with
somebody if they're older thanme.
It's not a deal breaker, butit's kind of like.
On the app, I'm going to set myfilters to what I, what I think
I'm going to look for what yourpreference, I'm not going to be
like well, if the right 80 yearold walks into my life, I'm
(38:58):
there.
No, it's just going to be amatter of of and think about it.
What you look for in a datingapp is different than if you
meet somebody organically inreal life yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
so now it's time for the celebrity cut, where we
marinate in the juices of thecelebrities.
Do you know Bonnie Blue?
Gotta talk about Bonnie Blue.
Do you know Bonnie Blue?
So she was an OnlyFans modelthat has just gone crazy extreme
and she broke the Guinness Bookof World Records for banging
the most men in 24 hours.
What was it?
2,000 men, I don't remember.
I think it was 2,000 men.
So she's just crazy extreme andshe's very controversial.
(39:28):
Her newest stunt is she's goingto do a petting zoo where she
puts herself in a glass cage andties herself down and lets 2
000 guys come in and do whateverthey want to her anyway, I know
it's pretty disturbing, but thenews.
This week's news on bonnie blueis um, she's been banned from
only fans.
You have to be bad if you arebanned from that was the tweet
(39:50):
that I sent.
Lindsey was like imagine howdisgusting you have to be to get
banned from only fans she'sbanned from all the football
games in england because she wasoffering them sexual favors in
during the football game wow, II don't even know what to say.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
To be quite honest, it's.
There's a lot of people outthere that think I mean, that's
taken what my iron man story toan extreme.
I want to do something thatgets that.
They have to keep going biggerand bigger and bigger because
they want the notoriety orattention.
If she didn't do any of thesethings, who would she be?
Speaker 1 (40:21):
yeah.
Well, my question is did sheexperience childhood trauma,
like what made her happy?
Is she happy and she claimsit's kind of sad because she's
like?
You know OnlyFans are pickingon me.
You know they're my competitorson OnlyFans that they don't.
You know they cry and theybleed after they do their
sexcapades.
I don't cry, I don't bleed andI don't publicly announce if I
(40:44):
have to go to the hospital aftermy shenanigans and I'm like
what are you doing to yourself?
Like, is she happy and proud?
Is there something I don't know?
Speaker 3 (40:53):
but we're, we're talking about her, and that's
true.
That's the point.
That's the whole.
That's the whole point of this.
Now she's in this episode.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
Yeah, yeah, anywho.
So where's your favorite placeto go for a first date?
Speaker 3 (41:06):
Oh, I was about to say New Zealand.
That's a little for a firstdate, see, but now I don't want
to say it because then if Idon't take somebody there,
they're going to be like, well,he didn't take me there.
I like some places like the Vig.
It also depends on summer firstdate versus regular Arizona
first date.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
That's true, because the Vig is the patio.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
It's great, are you a dinner first date, coffee first
date, something quick and easy.
Speaker 3 (41:33):
Well, I was going to make a comment that could
probably be inappropriate.
Quick and easy first aid isgoing to be fun.
I was going to that's.
That's not true.
It depends.
It depends on the energy andthe person.
Like if someone, if it's ifit's nice outside and we want to
just go for a short hike, maybewe'll.
We'll do that If it's a busyprofessional and we, if we can
grab a coffee before work, well,it really depends.
I don't want to say it has tobe this um yeah, so again, I'm
(41:57):
just very organic.
It's not like a very cookiecutter experience.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
It depends on the person now it's time for get to
know you with zoyo, sponsored byzoyo, your neighborhood yogurt.
So rapid fire.
Questions ready for it okay thebest or worst pickup line
you've ever heard the best orworst pickup line.
Speaker 3 (42:15):
You've ever heard the best or worst pickup?
Speaker 1 (42:16):
line towards me.
Do you have a go-to pickup line?
Speaker 3 (42:18):
I can't oh gosh.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
He's like I'm going to give away all my secrets on
this episode.
Speaker 3 (42:29):
I'm going to be single forever after this
episode.
I'm going to sound like such aloser by not giving anything out
now.
I think.
I know, the cheesy ones, youknow, but I think nothing,
nothing beats being yourself.
Speaker 1 (42:42):
Let's just say you're at a bar or a restaurant and
you see a beautiful girl thatpiques your interest.
Do you go and talk to her?
No, no, I don't you let thatopportunity slip away.
Why?
Speaker 3 (42:51):
Because I don't want to be that guy Like I don't want
to be.
I have a lot of female friendsand they don't.
I mean, I'm sure that they likeguys coming up and talking to
them, but I'm more organic.
I would much rather there's areason to strike up a
conversation.
I mean sometimes I'll find one,it can be something as simple
(43:12):
as hey.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
Is anyone sitting here?
Speaker 3 (43:13):
And then just sitting down.
Is it more natural?
Or what are you drinking?
Just make it natural.
I'm not going to be like hi, doyou have any Arab in you?
Would you like some?
Speaker 2 (43:19):
I'm not going to do anything.
Did it hurt when you fell?
Yeah, that's the line rightthere.
No, it's not.
Speaker 3 (43:30):
I'm just more of just a natural person.
It's like I would literally sayis anyone sitting here?
Do you mind if I sit down?
What's the harm in that?
Speaker 1 (43:37):
More authentic.
Yeah, what's your favorite bodypart on a partner?
Speaker 3 (43:41):
It depends on the partner.
I love great eyes or a greatsmile.
Man, that really does it for me.
I'm probably going to look attheir face more than anything
else.
What gives you the ick?
That really does it for me,because I'm probably going to
look at their face more thananything else.
So that that's true, yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
What gives you the?
Speaker 3 (43:56):
ick, a woman who like , especially on a dating profile
if it's if they're only postingwhat they don't want like
negativity well that and traumabonding, like if on the first
date they're like well then,when I was 12, this happened
Because I used to be that guyalso and not recognizing that
(44:18):
hey, let's have some boundaries.
You don't get to knoweverything about me just yet,
like I'm holding on to somestuff and not having that fake
or false sense of connectionbecause I'm sharing too much too
soon.
So I've learned that gives methe this person doesn't have
boundaries vibe.
But that's fine for them, it'sjust not for me.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
Is watching porn considered cheating?
Speaker 3 (44:41):
I'm hesitant to answer that because I've had,
you know, I've I've done my bestto not watch porn, and it's
something that, yeah, you know,I think I think if I was with
the right person then, yeah, Ithink it would be.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
Okay, before you're intimate, is it appropriate to
ask your date how many peoplethey've been with?
No, it's not appropriate.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
No, whatever anyone's .
I mean, I hope that if Iaccidentally went on a date with
Bonnie Blue, someone would tellme.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
Hey man, you probably need to do this.
You're going to be number three.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
You've got a Wikipedia this one, but I
somebody has done before they'vemet me is is I.
That's their journey.
Who are they now?
Speaker 1 (45:15):
I love that.
I love that you don't judge,you're open-minded.
Is it acceptable to have sex ona first date?
Speaker 3 (45:19):
yeah, I think if you're honest and open about hey
, this is where I'm at, I'm notseeing anyone, and it depends on
what's your intention if it'slike I know some people just
after they get out of a marriage, they just want to go and, if
the other person's on board, dowhat you want.
People, if you're not hurtinganybody and you're on the same
page, you're being open andhonest with somebody.
(45:41):
That's what matters.
I think we have all these rulesLike no, it has to be 3.5 dates
and he has to.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
Exhausting when you think about it too much.
Speaker 3 (45:49):
Live your fucking life.
Stop letting society tell youwhat you should or shouldn't do.
Are you a grown-ass adult?
Are they a grown-ass adult?
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Right.
Speaker 3 (45:57):
Are either one of you married?
No, go do what you want to do.
Who gives a shit Live?
Speaker 2 (46:00):
your life.
That's always my rule of thumb,too, is if you're not hurting
anybody, then who cares yeah?
Speaker 1 (46:07):
Like yeah, should you disclose mental health issues
early on in a relationship?
Speaker 3 (46:12):
Yes, Now again, you don't want a trauma bond.
It doesn't need to be sittingdown for your first date.
Yeah, but I have been in somerelationships that I would have
made different decisions had Iknown some information sooner.
Speaker 1 (46:24):
Last question, save the best for last.
What's your favorite sexualposition, or my?
Speaker 3 (46:29):
Oh man, I don't realize you're going down this
rabbit hole.
Speaker 2 (46:32):
I think you gotta end with something spicy.
Speaker 3 (46:35):
I'm a fan of a lot of Position number 229 in the Kama
Sutra.
I'm not gonna stop until theRamsey is actually listed
somewhere.
That is hilarious, it's.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
I'm all about reading the energy.
Speaker 3 (46:51):
It's about the partner you're with Like because
it's.
I'm all about reading theenergy, right.
It's about the partner you'rewith like because good answer.
Well, I think it's 100 right,because it doesn't matter if I
love it, if she's not into it,then then it's it's.
You know you're getting deadfish like that.
They're just gonna lay there sothere's just like, hey, what,
what do you want to do?
And I think that's what's thethe the.
My favorite position is what?
Whatever she's into in thatmoment, like yeah let's go with
(47:13):
that.
Why not just lean into themoment?
Speaker 1 (47:16):
So I wanted to touch on something that we didn't get
to before.
So you come across as veryconfident and suave and secure
in yourself, but you're aself-professed nerd, right?
Speaker 3 (47:25):
Self-proclaimed nerd, yeah yeah, I played Dungeons
and Dragons for 30 years.
Yeah, oh yeah, I was for mybirthday.
I do themed dinner murdermysteries, I think.
Yeah, it's, I'm a multifacetedhuman being.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
That's awesome.
You have many hats.
I love that.
Very versatile, I know.
Will you invite us to your nextmurder mystery birthday party
In.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
February okay, yeah, if who I'm dating and my family
is okay with you, ladies, comeon.
They approve of you.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
They approve of us.
Speaker 1 (47:53):
Well, thank you so much for joining us this week at
the Meat Market and thank youso much, Ramsey.
If you want to snag a date withRamsey, go to any of our social
media platforms at Meat MarketPodcast.
And thank you to our sponsor,Tactical Tax Strategies.
If you want to keep more ofyour own money in your own
wallet, you need to go toTactical Tax Strategies.
We'll see you next week at themeat market.
Oh my God, I just totally gotcatfished.
(48:17):
He looks absolutely nothinglike his picture.
Speaker 2 (48:26):
So I found out, the guy that I've been dating is
married with kids.
His wife just reached out to me.
Host
Lyndsie and Jess
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