207. From Conflict to Connection: Having Crucial Conversations that Count

How victim, villain, and helpless stories sabotage our most important conversations.

The hardest conversations aren’t just about what you say to the other person. According to Joseph Grenny, critical conversations begin with the stories that you tell yourself.

As a leading expert on business performance and communication, and a New York Times bestselling co-author of Crucial Conversations, Grenny explains that navigating high-stakes communication starts by examining the internal narratives we bring into these situations. “You and I use three consistent types of stories in these moments that don't serve us well,” he says: Victim stories (emphasizing our innocence), villain stories (demonizing the other person), and helpless stories (justifying our poor responses). "Those three kinds of stories are what amp up our emotions and justify us in our unhealthy responses," he says.

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Grenny joins Matt Abrahams to share practical strategies for mastering difficult conversations through what he calls "TLC" — truth, love, and competence. From recognizing your motives during conflict to accepting your role in creating it, he offers tools for staying focused on what you really want rather than getting hijacked by short-term emotional impulses.

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Episode Reference Links:

• Joseph Grenny
• Joseph’s Book: Crucial Conversations  
• Ep.105 Radical Candor: The Communication Shift That Can Transform Your Career
• Ep.148 Conviction and Compassion: How to Have Hard Conversations  

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• Matt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Introduction
• (02:23) - Influence & Why It Matters
• (04:22) - Truth & Love: The Foundation of Accountability
• (06:42) - Showing You Care & Respect Others
• (08:26) - Recognizing Motives in High-Stakes Moment
• (14:20) - Managing Emotions in Crucial Conversations
• (20:15) - The Final Three Questions
• (26:05) - Conclusion

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