August 1, 2025 • 48 mins
In this heartfelt conversation, Justean Winter shares her journey as a nurse and her spiritual experiences intertwined with her profession.
She discusses the profound impact of personal loss, particularly the death of her husband, and how it shaped her understanding of grief and healing. Justean emphasizes the importance of hope, resilience, and the mixed blessings that life presents, even in the face of tragedy. Her story serves as a beacon of hope for those navigating similar challenges, highlighting the power of love, memory, and the human spirit.
We also welcome our newest member of the team, Amanda so this is definitely an episode not to be missed!!
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She discusses the profound impact of personal loss, particularly the death of her husband, and how it shaped her understanding of grief and healing. Justean emphasizes the importance of hope, resilience, and the mixed blessings that life presents, even in the face of tragedy. Her story serves as a beacon of hope for those navigating similar challenges, highlighting the power of love, memory, and the human spirit.
We also welcome our newest member of the team, Amanda so this is definitely an episode not to be missed!!
LEAVE US THOSE 5 STAR REVIEWS! THEY REALLY HELP US!
Visit our website for all the latest and buy Guys books at:
https://www.acrossthepondpodcast.co.uk/
We run on Coffee! Want to buy us one?
https://coff.ee/acrossthepondpod
Join our Facebook group and discuss this episode:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1374944543747219
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/across-the-pond--6537033/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You know, for effect, dear our aliens.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Our difference is worldwide would vanish if we were facing
an alien threat. Perhaps we need some outside universal threat
to make us recognize this common bound.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Breaking news tonight, Sean Diddy Combs has been arrested in
an unhappy hotel.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
There's a relation to some comments that you made on
a Facebook page.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
This is a Fox News alert.
Speaker 5 (00:47):
The Epstein files have been released. Across the pond you're
looking at now, sir.
Speaker 6 (00:55):
Everything that happens now is happening for sure.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Now, welcome back, guys to across the Pond. For today's episode,
we're joined with the lovely Justine Winter.
Speaker 6 (01:07):
Hi Justine, how are you? Thank you for being here.
It's fad to have you.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Now. Justine's well known for her whistleblowing on NHS negligence,
But today we're going to talk about something of a
more spiritual basis, something that's a bit closer to Justine's calling.
Speaker 6 (01:24):
So, Justine, I would love to know how you got
into nursing.
Speaker 5 (01:28):
Right, So I know this sounds daft, I actually well,
I feel like I had the calling from when I
was four, So I you know, I have my little
uniform on with my little cross on it, my blue
my red uniform. Actually, as much as I do have
the picture, if this makes sense, I actually do remember
the moment. I remember going to nurseri and stuff like that,
(01:50):
do you know what I mean? Yeah, I just WoT it,
wore it forever, just knew. I just knew that I
wanted to be a nurse. And in fact, if you
ask my mom, she'd be like, yeah, she's always how
pay if we get to weddings, I'd be picking up
the glasses and things like that. I just go and
do these things like yeah, just go and help out,
you know. Obviously went on to do my training. So
my pre nursing was I was seventeen, So went onto
(02:13):
my diploma and then just kind of learning about myself,
if that makes sense. So you learn about yourself and
you're learning about who we are as people and what
do we want from that and stuff like that. So
I learned. So I did go to church. I actually
went to Cadet and Methodist Church, which I went past
(02:34):
the other day and it's now called Hope Church, and
I actually thought that was beautiful. I actually got married there,
and well, you know, yeah, I used to go to
play school there. I used to go to Sunday School
and that's my punt. I love Easter, Christmas, just about
bringing people together and just trying to be that bit
more helpful, you know. Incorporated that through my career, just
(02:59):
trying to do my best, made mistakes, not saying I
didn't hands up and stuff like that, but I just
did all that, you know, but I really pushed to
learn things and everything else. But today's lesson is really
more about like how we get on with things and
the challenges and obstacles because we know that it's not easy,
because we certainly know it's not I mean, if anybody
(03:20):
knows this, I'm actually losing my home because of what's
been going on and because I've not had any work.
But I have set up my own company, which I'm
proud of. It's only for me. It's just so low,
just doing little things. But your company, So my company
is it's called Kreme de la Creme Freelanceness.
Speaker 6 (03:43):
So you're still still in the nursing, still committing.
Speaker 5 (03:46):
To what you're calling was at one point I was
actually going to give up because I was just so down.
I was just so heard and I don't know what
it was and then I just had a good couple
of people in my life that just said, don't give up,
don't give in, so I didn't, and then everything escalated
when I was I've actually seen and so here's the
spiritful side of me. I've seen three people in cars
(04:10):
and they weren't even there. So I've seen my I've
actually seen my late husband. And I know this sounds
really daft, but I've had auras since I was a kid,
and you can see, yeah, oh yeah, so this was
(04:32):
not gonna be very nice what you hear. But it
started off when I was in work, when I was
in Cardiff. This is one of the girls. She said
to me, oh, how's my baby? And she was pregnant
and I knew she'd lost it, and I just but
what I do is what I see is it's not
so if somebody lost the baby. And I've seen this
(04:52):
a couple of times. I see there's there's no circle
around the stomach, right around the interest. There isn't nothing.
It's gone. And what it's telling me is that it's
focusing arong the person, not on the baby, because the
baby's gone. And I was heartbroken at kind of realizing
my curse, if that makes sense.
Speaker 6 (05:14):
It's not a curse. I don't think you just see that's
a gift.
Speaker 5 (05:18):
So anyway, I was concentrated on like, oh, you know,
I obviously didn't want as heller and I didn't Okay,
I didn't. This happened a few times and I'm like,
I can see this. Why am I seeing things like this?
So I couldn't understand it? And you've got to work
still do your best and trying to help people and
more so it's obviously it's you know, because that's what
(05:39):
we do. It's the end of life, you know, when
the when the soul leaves the body. And I have
never and I'm really proud to say this, Amanda, I
have never left one patient in thirty three years in
all of my career, so all even from a young start,
right even when I started working on the waters, I'd
always help it. I don't know why, I can obviously
(06:00):
tell you or I don't know why, but I always
opened a window.
Speaker 7 (06:04):
Or a door.
Speaker 5 (06:05):
I didn't understand it then I just automatically done.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
It to allow the energy to exit.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
Yeah, so the basically the spirit has to go home,
the soul has to go home or the home or
the soul has to go where every it needs to go.
It could be near the side of the world. But
guess what, you have to let it go because that's
what it wants. And all these other little things are
happening to me in different things and stuff like that.
So anyway, I obviously catch pregnant, and I'll tell you
(06:32):
the truth of my life. I have thought a few
times I'm gonna I don't want this curse. I actually
felt it was a curse. Okay, I don't want it
no more. I don't want it. It's affecting me because
I felt like I was just taking in so much
all the time. Does that make sense. I couldn't hope
with everything that I was learning, my knowledge and stuff
like that, and it was like I couldn't concentrate on
(06:54):
my job, you know, it was like, gosh, all these
things are going on. Anyway, when I caught pregnant, this
SAMs very bizarre. Now the next part of the quiz,
I actually lost it. I actually I felt like I
lost my powers. Right, However, this is how I look
at this. I didn't lose my powers. I just lost
my powers for that time that I was pregnant right
(07:15):
to allow you to allow me to joy and my baby. Yeah. Now,
don't get wrong, I had to have time on both
my pregnancies, but I guess what I made the best.
I made the most of it. I really try to
enjoy it as much as possible, I mean. And then
so after that, I got it back after my first
(07:36):
was born.
Speaker 6 (07:36):
And how long did it take to come back.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
Once you get if not, if not instant, it's just
a case of waiting for the next wave, if that
makes sense. So it's like it's like I call it,
I know it, Sam's daft. I call it the ten
year plan, so all our lives, but then for ten years.
Each ten years it changes for us, doesn't it. So
like your eyesight, you know what I mean? And on
(08:00):
the menopause, yes, I'm on the benopause, you know, it's
stuff like that. I post menopause.
Speaker 6 (08:04):
Now, Yeah, we had this conversation, I'm praying for mine.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
So it's stuff like that, you know. And then so
I lost it got it back, and then I realized
and I didn't kind of tell myself off, nothing like that.
And then when I got pregnant again, I lost it
all again and I'm like, I know what it is now.
(08:30):
I know it's for my baby. I know, I don't
know I need that for me now. But I was
still good in work, I mean, end of life. I
was always with you would never like close the door,
and if it was no place, I'd open the next
door that I possibly could. Don worry, I mean, because
that's how it works in the hospital. There's not always
a door, is there. There's not always a window. And
then when I had my second one, I just said,
(08:54):
but then yeah, probably another few moments and I got
it back and I realized then it was after after
going through this like transitioning period. I'm like, I'm ready
for this now I understand it. And it wasn't a
curse anymore. And it was what you said, it was
a gift and it was meant to be obviously, get
(09:16):
on with your career, get and bringing your children up
and stuff like that. And I said, do my real
best is a nurse. I was really really good and
I still am. Do you know what I mean. I'm
not just saying that, but like I said, all these
life changes that we get, and guess what, you you can,
if you really want to, you can make it. You've
just got to try and reach out to the to
the people that really have got the energy to help
you through it. It's no good to stay with negative
(09:37):
energy and agree that it's not you have to stay
away from it.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
So also sometimes yeah.
Speaker 5 (09:44):
And also I learned this very quickly in life. And
it's called three times and out. I can actually do
one and out now. So basically, three times and out
means you hurt me three times and you're gone.
Speaker 6 (09:54):
I love that. I love that. That is, you know what.
I'm going to start using that for myself.
Speaker 5 (10:01):
Three But I'm so trained now I can go, there's the.
Speaker 6 (10:06):
Door forget the third time, you're out on the first.
Speaker 5 (10:10):
Yeah, yeah, and I can and I can do that.
And I'm not I'm not like, I don't I'm not
a regretful person either. I've made mistakes, but I'm not
going to live with that either, because you know what,
there's more people everybody's made a mistake, you know, if
not everybody is like of course I've told white lives
to the kids to do because you don't want them
to do you know, so if you know, we we
(10:33):
do have to have, you know, a protective instinct and
stuff like that, to protect ours. That's it end up.
But how I looked at me was through nursing, like
I protected them. And I actually feel like now i've
you know, I was meant for that position. I was
meant to be in there trying to save from other people.
(10:54):
And that's how it worked, That's how it rocked for
thirty three years with me, and I'm actually really grateful
for that, and I really am. I'm I like who
I am. I don't need to hate myself. I've pushed,
I pulled, I've done a lot anyway. So moving forward,
I've obviously, you know, got married, divorce, and then I
(11:14):
met somebody else, as you do. And that's the other thing.
You know, people this people might not like me for
saying this, but unfortunately the will keeps turning, and I
don't want you to feel that you have to regret everything,
even if you meet somebody else. And that's my other thing.
So I'm not going to meet somebody else. I'm not
(11:35):
going to do this. And it's it's life. It's you know,
we've we've all whether you choose to do it or not,
it's fine. But I don't be saying they never never,
there's no such word as never, and.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Then sometimes yeah, character yeah, and it is and it's
evolving and stuff like that, and it's do you know what,
we go through so much pain as people anyway, And
I'm not just on other things in life that's going
on and stuff.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
That's what I'm trying to keep this to this. So anyway,
I just got married and five months later my husband
fell ill and we unfortunately found out just so Chris
actually had it's called a nis and forndicplication. So basically
(12:21):
it's for a Hyer tunia geopro lapse. So the nisan fentiplication,
so busy stomach, and what we do is we just
oversow it. And unfortunately, after the surgery developed an ulcer
which very very quickly within seconds to into cancer and
it was actually on the stomach to adenum. So unfortunately
(12:42):
that was That was thirty first of October. In four days,
Chris was very ill, going back into hostels several times
and just heartbreaking moments every single time. It doesn't matter.
What you're going through is one thing after another, you know,
And like I said, I really every thing that I've
gone through in my life, you know, I've lost a baby,
(13:05):
I've had the marriage, I've had the divorce, and I've
met somebody and I've remarried, and then I'm just about
just being told you've got cancer. So what actually happened was,
within I think December thirteenth, two and eighteen, very sadly,
Chris had a WHIPPLES. Now, if anybody knows what a
(13:27):
whipples is, it is brutal surgery. Okay, it's gastrectomy, it's
it honestly, just looking at it's so much in depth,
and Chris had the added extras that you ended up
being it to you, which I think most of them
do anyway, if I'm being honest. And then, sadly, that
day on December thirteenth, which was my birthday, I actually
(13:49):
got told that Chris was palliative and end of life care.
And then it's it's very surreal, it's very thing. And
then it takes me back into my career where I
worked in endoscopy in Gardiff and you've just got a
line of people that literally in moments just being told
(14:10):
they've got bowel cancer or they've got lung cancer, and
you just you're trying to help these people then, because
I knew it by then if that makes sense. Obviously
I'd lost Chris and stuff like that, and I'm going
through and of just trying to really just help these people,
thinking oh my gosh, what do I do? And you know,
because I know it, but not to scare them, you know.
(14:32):
And it's but I'd like to think that with my knowledge,
I don't want to hurt you. I really don't. But
it's like, do you know what, I remember what that
nurse said. You know, she told us about Pip, she
told us about you know, the disability bade. She told
us these little things because these things you don't even
think about because they those are the things they can
(14:55):
give you that quality of life. Does that make sense?
Speaker 6 (14:57):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (14:58):
So when they're going through something like this, yeah, they're
probably not thinking anything.
Speaker 6 (15:03):
You know, I don't believe anything.
Speaker 5 (15:05):
What's going on.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
So I think you being there and being able to
tell people give them that advice, you're making a massive impact, Justine.
And I don't even think you realize how much of
an impact you're truly making. Even from what you you
know might seem as a little small thing, a little
bit of advice could make such a massive difference as
someone you know personally in their life and like, honestly
(15:29):
your your true strength, you really are, thank you, but.
Speaker 5 (15:33):
It just come from there, It just come from right, Justine.
You know what you've got to do, you know how
you've got to help this person through and do what
and you know, and even if it's not taking the
right way, you never target somebody just because you don't.
They don't because they they don't understand, you know. You
just give them that bit more time or whatever and stuff.
Like I said, you've said it, and then person goes
(15:53):
away and does what they do anyway. So here's my
funny bits coming out right. So and Forfly obviously just
was it. So that was in the November we were
told that Chris was palliative, and in as the time
went on then coming up. So obviously you realize that
(16:16):
everything is the last the last walk together around the block,
the last conversation you'll ever have, the last word. And
I think what I was finding, even though I've been
a nurse, I'm like, oh my gosh, this is what
these people went through, you know, and it's putting it
together for me then and I'm like, oh my gosh,
(16:38):
I've tried to help so many people and now I've
got to try and help myself, you know, to deal
with it and to get through it, because there's not
this very little actual help out there that so when
it comes to counseling, you can help you. It's just
talking that did not help me. You know, I needed
to do something. So what I found was distraction, you know,
(17:00):
doing things, doing the garden and just picking up, just
cleaning the house. I didn't stop. Yes, I must have.
I must have cleaned the garage about twenty times, Amanda,
and I'm like the next thing. Then I've just like,
oh my gosh, you are you know, I'm trying to
sort things out, and I'm like, so I've got who
(17:24):
is it? I've just been distracted and just being don't worried.
Speaker 6 (17:32):
It's honest, I'm surprised my kids are not running in
and out.
Speaker 5 (17:37):
What are you doing? I'm trying a lot for make
him back anyway. So yeah, So what I find out
is so yeah, so on, So we took the walk
around the block and Chris actually said to me, he said,
do you He said, what you're going to do with me? Now,
this was in the February. This was the last time
(17:59):
he walked. Okay, up until really be in the house
band And I said to her, Mum, and take you
around the world. And he said, it sounds like a plan.
And I've actually taken my husband to sixty two countries
since plus silence in six years. Yeah, an island. Yeah,
(18:21):
So I sprinkle a little bit of my husband's ashes
all over the world. And that's what I've done. So
even when I've gone out, if I if I've gone
like so when I got to Snowden, he's at the top.
If I get to the top of a mountain, I'll
sprinkling there Mount Fuji, just thee Yeah. And I actually
(18:46):
this sounds staff, but I'm still buy in presents. Yeah,
And what I say so it's like memories. It's really
important that we keep our memories because you know what,
they probably take everything else from us. Yeah, You've like
so like I've got you know, my cabinet, you know,
with my work one stuff in that. Do you know
what I mean, it's going to be you know, your
little alien to keeper and stuff like that. Whatever is
(19:06):
your your spouse. I've I've kind of what I've learned
with Chris is I can put him there, I can
keep him in the bubble and I can separate out.
So that's that's that's where I got to. However, when
I when we were so we were in the gwent
(19:28):
and the actual doctor told us that Chris had four
weeks left to live, and we just seriously broke again.
And you do, every single step is break, break, break, break, break,
you know it's and you've got to walk away and
you've got to walk back to it and stuff like that.
And then what happened then was so Chris said to me,
(19:50):
he said, look, he said, I want to go to
the hospice. He said, I'm not at home. So we
sorted it out. She was lovely the I'm being honest
at hospice case. She was amazing. The whole team were
and they were Saint David's in Cardiff, in Newport, sorry
and brilliant, teen lovely people. I'm not saying that I
(20:12):
was easiest, but I'm losing my husband and obviously, you know,
they kind of let you ef they're out because it
just builds up and I just you just don't know
how to release it, you know, when somebody that you
love is dying. And do you know what, Chris has
been gone six years and I still love him, you know,
(20:34):
I still adore him. I still love him. He was
a rat bag, mind, but you know, it's just the
way the world, you know, it is the way of
the world. When somebody gets taken away from you, it's
it really is a very different matter, you know, because
I actually got told this, and I was really upset
by this. But somebody said, well, what's the difference between
divorce and losing somebody? And I'm like that, Oh my god,
(20:58):
you know, I don't say said it, but what Yeah, no, seriously, Yeah,
you get all these random comments like wows. No, this
is just in talking, you know, just.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
Like in normal that's just all like, honestly, I have
no words for that one.
Speaker 6 (21:17):
Yeah, I'm being serious. I'm now emotionally interested in this.
I'm like, what.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
I know.
Speaker 5 (21:27):
So so Christmas. So we got to the hospice and
the next thing then obviously, so I've got a book
and it's actually in the cabinet, and it's a book
about f one right, and it's Virginia Williams. And I
started reading the book to him. So I bought the
(21:47):
book for him, and I started reading the book and
he said to me, will you just keep reading to me.
So I did, and I actually started realizing, I'm starting
to quicken up on this book because I'm thinking he's
going to go. He's going to go, He's going to
go up, and I'm in the hospice and I my
husband actually did say this to me. He said, now,
(22:08):
he couldn't eat, he couldn't drink. Well, he could manage
a little bit of red sauce right on the egg
until that stopped, if that makes sense, and then you
are my senses are going now. And then he says
to me, don't forget to bring in the tea Maria
and we'll have date night. So we actually had date
night in the coffee room, me with my tea Maria.
(22:29):
He couldn't eat or drink, and he just sat there
and we just chatted. And the other thing that we did,
we'd have a coffee that well, I'd have the coffee, yeah,
and he'd actually text me it's date night. You could
see onward Texans is all on there. It's date night.
On June third in the morning was Chris's actual last
(22:53):
words to me, and his actual last words in text
message was funny, henny, I feel in and obviously you
know feeling the way he's going and that's it. But
his actually words with some lovely family of courses, it
was I love you, was it to to finish him beyond?
(23:20):
And I love you like jelly tots and it was
really was his last words, honestly, And then he went
into a coma. And I don't think it didn't hit
me until straight away that he wasn't talking. Does that
make sense? I just thought, Ah, it's gonna he might talk,
even though I've been in this all my life, you know,
And it was and I knew it and it was,
(23:41):
but when it was me, it was like wow, you know.
So that night I was actually in the hospice and
I was checking my house cameras, which I've actually shown
you the footage, yes, and I was I wasn't checking
on my neighbors because they were on the dog for me,
but I thought, we'll just check the cameras and I
(24:04):
just went, what is that on my on my camera?
And it's on my van and I quickly recorded it
because I actually, you know, I recorded on my other
phone at the time, and I'm like, oh my gosh,
is that real? What by just seeing? And it's a
portal that's not just I understand energy, but that is
(24:26):
a portal into the next realm. And I actually believe that.
And I'm thinking, how amazing is that that that is
on my van? Right, So what I decided to do,
and I've and if somebody had done this properly, because
I've only done it off my little phone, there's screenshots
of my husband's in the van. You can see his eye,
(24:47):
you can see his face very clearly, and I'm like,
oh my gosh, how many people have got stuff like this?
But my husband's by the side of me because obviously
I'm in the hospice and I'm like, oh my gosh,
believe But but I didn't. And I still appreciate it
today and it really actually to help me to connect
and stay connected, not that I would lose it now.
(25:08):
I've been, you know, in this for so long. It's
certainly not gonna get my you know, my beliefs and
my beliefs, but it's definitely higher power. I mean that
footage is phenomenon footage.
Speaker 6 (25:19):
Well, the footage was undeniable. When I seen it, it
was I was.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
Shocked when you had said to me you had the
footage of this going on like at that same time,
I was like, well, you know, I thought, you know,
maybe it'd be just a little bit, but it was
so much energy being you know, thrown.
Speaker 5 (25:38):
It was.
Speaker 6 (25:38):
It was definitely something going on.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
And I would love, obviously everyone else to be able
to see this, and our listeners obviously can't, but definitely
I think if you know, so that people can see
that clearly there's something after.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
I don't even hold on to it because how I
look at it doesn't It gives people hope, you know,
and when in such a time that people need to go,
oh my gosh, you know what, I need something, they do,
but you have that, I have that footage and so on.
Jum the fourth was actually when Chris went into his coma,
and Chris actually didn't die until Gym the fourteenth. So
(26:18):
that's ten days on a syringe, pump driver, no food,
no water, no ivy, no nothing, and it is heartbreaking
enough anyway. At one point Chris had asked if we
could go to Switzerland, but we would never have got it,
you know, And that's why I said that the system,
it's it does need. We do need something, you know.
(26:40):
I won't go into the politics of it because I
know how people think, but for me, I know that
Chris was suffering. And Chris was actually thirteen stone when
we were together, and he actually passed away at under
sixth stone and he was just died full pain. Until
that moment. However, when I was by the side of him,
(27:03):
I actually woke up at oh when thirty in the
morning and I actually saw my husband so leave his body.
So this little Paisley and it was I did actually
have this wrong before, but it's not. I just think
I was thrown with the color the time, but it
(27:24):
was actually a blue and a green paisley tear drop
and it's like a marble and it just come out
of his nose and flew away, and I just went.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
For everyone listening, I'm getting full body goose bumps right now,
I just.
Speaker 5 (27:41):
Went, did I just see that? Look at me? My
whole body's gone again? And I'm like, have I actually
just seen that? It flew away? So I must have
fallen back asleep. Yeah. So after that then I just
I just kind of, you know, pushed it all in
and just you know, wanted the moment. I wanted it.
And then at three forty in the morning, I actually
(28:08):
woke up to Chris taking his last breath, right, and
this this this one's going to think. But it shows
you that it took from the time his soul left
his body to which was at half past one in
the morning, to oh three forty that took two hours
(28:30):
and ten minutes for the body to decompress, you know.
So I can even do from all my timeframes on
my phone, all the series of events of how and
what the body and I mean Chris was. I mean,
I can't believe how intelligent he was with the amount
(28:51):
of stuff in the syringe driver, you know, but what
I was, you know, I was led to believe. And
I'm and I'm being kind because abad he did anything wrong,
There was nothing. Okay, he had an amazing care But like
when you learned that how complex that cancer was and
how it literally sucks in this all these these drugs,
(29:13):
it just sucks in. So you're like, wow, unbelievable. If
you saw his text message to me, a man, you'd
be like, oh my gosh, he's still talking to her,
He's still everything. He's still so up there on like
he was so high up in his conscience in the
way he talked, he made a cup of spelling mistakes
now and again. But what happened was three forty he
(29:36):
passed away, and I kind of again gave myself the
time because what I actually learned was that the reason
why Chris didn't die sooner was guess what he was
holding on for me? The person that wasn't ready to
give in was me. So when I actually talked to
staff and they'll back me up on this, just got
(29:58):
to say David's hospice and asked that lovely lady, and
asked the manager, and asked the consultants right who led
his care. He was one of the longest people to
keep going and that was his body making that choice.
But he made that choice for me because I wasn't ready.
I couldn't let go. And I just realized that when
I was reading the book, and I read the book
(30:18):
and I'd finished the book and I'm like, we're still going.
It's because I wasn't ready. And what I realized was
the night before, just through a pure incidence of something,
I realized that I had to go home and I
said to Chris, I said, I've got to go home
because I had obviously the children and I had you know,
(30:39):
the dog, and I just said it's time, and that's
when he gave up for me. But do you know
why the reason why he died on the fourteenth of June, Amanda,
is because I was born on the thirteenth. Not that
I was born on the thirteenth of June, but that
whole week in June, right twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen.
(31:01):
You're not going to believe this. It's all my family's birthdays. Yeah,
it's same week. So I'm like, oh my gosh. And
then Chris took the fourteenth, and then my Auntie was
born on another day, my Grandpa's born on another day,
and I'm thinking, why wasn't it thirteenth, but the thirteenth.
He couldn't. He couldn't take the thirteenth because it was
(31:21):
my birthday. And he gave that to me. He was like,
just seeing, you have to keep your birthday. And what
I realized when we found out on my birthday that
previous year was you know that the cancer was already
spread mets. And then I call it mixed blessings, and
life is mixed blessings. It's the ups and downs, the rolls,
(31:42):
the rollout, that the whole works. But you have to
try and get that, you know, if you can learn it.
It's about making that balance. And that's what I've learned.
So he's always in my thoughts, he's always in my life.
He's still in my life. And then so this is
the funny way. So I actually at home and at
(32:02):
I just have a cup of tea, just decompress, and
at half past nine, I'm just staring at my glass.
I'm just staring at my cup of teas the soul
comes out to the cup of tea. So it's back
home because I opened the doors after Chris died, but
it comes up back in my cup of tea. And
then obviously the afternoon. By the afternoon, I actually got
(32:25):
an appointment for the births and deaths and they ask
you to take your stuff in, so I took the stuff.
It was a very it was a very yeah, obviously
hard tough because you've got so much going on and
you've just lost your husband. But you've got to sort
out your appointments and things like that. You know, you've
got a phone, you know, the crematorium, the funeral home,
(32:48):
and I phoned them up and they said, okay, thank you,
And you don't realize what stuff that I'd left behind
because you're just soap thing on everything. And when Chris
was in the Gwent, and I'm going to say her name,
and I hope she doesn't assume me, but her named
Missus Tetley, okay, and she was part of the Nana
Nitters in the Gwent. And that's why we need nanan Nitters, Okay,
(33:12):
because I actually still have that little blue blanket she
gave my husband because his feet were cold in the Gwent.
And I just find these little bits of rays of
light are beautiful and I just feel so blessed. I
feel so lucky. And then I'd left the blue blanket.
So she I get the phone call from the from
(33:34):
the funeral home and they said, I'm just letting you
know we've got two bags of items that were left
in the room, and I start, great, that's okay, that's fine,
I'll come and get them. So she tells me where
he is and I just went, oh, I'm not going
to get there in time, I said, with traffic and
everything else, because it was just such a brush And
she says to me, I swear I'm not making this up.
(33:56):
This is absolutely true story. You would be mind boggles
on this one. And she says to me, I'm just
letting you know. She said, your husband. I said, watch me,
my husband's not there. She said, I just realized that
we haven't got the bags. I'm just telling you about
the bags. I just I just couldn't, honest, couldn't fathom
(34:16):
me all out. And she went, so, they told me
that my husband's body was at this place, but it
actually it wasn't. So my husband this is actually true
story about No.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
I believe you justin but I believe it would only
happen to you.
Speaker 5 (34:35):
So my husband's party went missing. And I just went,
I just I actually did say this. I went, well,
the burden had me running around in bloody life. That
dreams is gonna.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
They do.
Speaker 5 (34:49):
I just took it. I just went with the flow.
I wasn't angry, I wasn't here hearing from losing. I'm
just like all this in one day, do you know
what I mean? So she's she says, to be on
the phone. She says, there any chance I could phone
you back? And I went, well, yeah, you're god aughter.
So this was about this is probably about maybe he
(35:10):
happens three four o'clock and there's no way I would
have got there, do you know what I mean? Because
where she said it was. She said, I'll have to
bring you back. I said, okay, that's fine. So she
brings me back and she says, right then, she said,
we're not making this this woman listen to this podcast.
Was going to go this with me, right, and she goes,
we found Justine Spotty. I know what it is, Okay,
(35:33):
I said, thanks very much for finding him. She says,
I'm just letting other bags are there too.
Speaker 6 (35:40):
Do you think this happened to obviously to make you laugh?
Speaker 5 (35:45):
Yeah, it was definitely, yes, seriously, yeah, it was meant
for the joke that it was. It was not meant
to be anything else, right, So what I did was
I contacted the funeral place and she said, oh yeah, lovely, seriously.
I feel I couldn't have asked for it any better.
(36:06):
So she says to me, yes, husband's here. She said,
I've got the bags. I said, can I come and
get them? And she said yes. So I literally got
over there because it wasn't far. I swear down around
as they spend an hour with me, just with me.
We sat and it's like this seance is obviously the
little room liked me. I felt like a little seance room.
(36:30):
I'm again, your hands out loud would be fine during me.
So we're all with the three of us are sitting
there and I'm going through loads of things, and she's
chatting and stuff like that, and I'm thinking, wow, I've
just had the most amazing counseling session after losing my
husband and then going missing for the last you know,
a couple of hours. And then we partways and I'm
(36:52):
I swear down, just about to part ways, just about
to leave the door, and all the lights go out
in the in the funeral home, and these two women
just when she said, he knows you're here, just staying,
and I went, yeah, I know. And again I got
two witnesses, you know. And I've had so even afterwards.
I've had little things happen in the house. I've had
(37:14):
shelves move, I've had my I've sat in the chair,
and I've kind of just maybe it was a dream.
I'm just saying that bit, but I actually did see
my husband's hands around my waist as I got Yeah,
I see different things all the time, Like I've got
I've always got birds around me. I don't know what
that is. You know, I've got like I've got the decks,
(37:36):
I've got the more hands. I mean, I do like
my little bits of you know, trying to get fit
out of the back and stuff like that. So I've
got like loads of pigs. What do you mean you know,
you mean just little things like that. But I just
I said, it's the footage was just phenomenal. Just I
(37:58):
just what I would do. What I've realized is that
all of my career, all of my thirty three years
in nursing, I was like, I get it now. I
know why I'm here, I know what I'm supposed to do,
and I love my job. I absolutely love that I
could do, you know what I mean, even if it
was just helping somebody just to say, look, do you
know what it's don't worry about it. It's fine. We
(38:20):
all go through these stages, we all go through these
moments until something like this, because it's obviously you know,
we all lose a spouse and stuff like that. And
at some point, I say, enjoy what you can while
you have it. I say, everything in small moderation, because
(38:40):
you know what you fancy a bit of whatever. It's
like a buffet, isn't it. You go to a buffet,
you pick what you want and you kind of say,
do you know what I like that bit? It's not
about I don't over indulge. I don't I have any
really drink, I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, you know.
So I feel like, yeah, and I do want to
put this to bed if this is okay. Obviously we
(39:02):
couldn't donate my husband's organs and with all the other stories,
but I do want to say this, right, I worked,
and I was a squad nurse for many years, and
I see and I've seen the good and the good again,
right in all good donation. You everybody can have their
(39:24):
thoughts and feelings and stuff like that, but regardless, I
am still and I'm staying on that organ donation register
because I want to help people. And that's how I
look at this. I'm not going to be deterred by
stories because if you actually see the good side of it,
(39:44):
that's what's keeping me in this. I don't want to
opt out. If I got the chance of helping somebody,
guess what, I could save another seven lives it's a body,
it's a shell. Somebody's going to do whatever. I think again, Amanda,
it comes from the fact I've worked with my in
my young teams for organ donation. I have worked with
transplant teams Birmingham. You know, they come down and they
(40:08):
were you know, they help and stuff like that. New
chat to them and you talk and we did that
in a few of the hospitals. So and I did that,
like I said, from what you know till two thousand,
well to twenty twenty two hours a scrub nurse. But
all those years I just saw the good of it
because I want to see the good of it. I
don't want this thing in me to say. And that's
(40:30):
because I do feel spiritually connected. I don't want to
give up hope. I want to give somebody else hope.
And all you're going to do is look at a
real that you know, I saw one recently. And if
you actually hear the stories of I've had a heart transplant,
listen to somebody that's had a transplant, off somebody off
an organ donut and they'll go, oh, do you know what,
(40:52):
I don't know why we're like the color yellow. Now,
I didn't like it before, and you've listened to that
person that sadly lost their life, right, and they'll go,
that was my son's favorite color, that was my daughter's
favorite color. And that's the spirituality of it all. Now,
I'm not an in depth person because I'm not. I
like to think I'm in the middle. I'm always gonna
stay on the fence line. And the reason being is
(41:14):
because it's called choice. You want it, you don't want it.
The only thing we can't do is nurses, and you
should never do this anyway. You should force of course anybody,
because it's about choice. It's about staying on the fence line.
For the reason that's your body, that's my body, And
that's the way I'm gonna, you know, gonna look at
all this, but I'm not gonna not I'm not gonna think.
(41:35):
And if you see, like I said, if i've met
people with transplants for all different reasons, do you know
what I mean? I mean, you could take a kidney
out of somebody and put it into another family member,
So what you see, that's the good of it.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
So that's how I completely agree with you, Justine, because personally,
I don't think you need your body once you've passed, and.
Speaker 6 (41:57):
You know, even as we're having this is us j E.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
From what you said earlier, with you seeing the actual
soul leave the body, and it's nice that you've had
that experience to see that. I don't personally think we
need the body. I would be happily donating every bit
if they would have it, you know.
Speaker 6 (42:13):
To help someone else. So I really agree with you
on this one.
Speaker 5 (42:18):
The one the one that I did struggle what a
long time ago, but that's just you know, because we
do so that. My other one was actually our eyes.
So when we would put you know, certain organs but
not your eyes and stuff like that. I actually it
still took me, I think two decades to say this,
(42:40):
but I eventually said no, you know, because it was like,
you know, yeah, your eyes, you know, the windows to
your soul and stuff like that. But I'd like to
think that if I could help somebody to see they
can have them as well. And I got over that
years ago, like I said, probably in the last fifteen years.
I'd like to say, no, it's okay, you know, that's
(43:02):
you know, if we can just do that take my corneas,
you know, if I could, if I can you know,
I want to I want to do that. I'm not
going to be put off. I've heard so many stories
and it's still it's not going to make one bit
of difference to me. You'll still have somebody go, oh,
what you want it or you want it because it's
my choice and that's your choice, and it does everything.
(43:22):
It's line and choice.
Speaker 7 (43:24):
That's what it does come down to. It's your life. Yeah,
so are you okay?
Speaker 2 (43:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (43:35):
Oh, I can tell you this, but as well. So
I actually picked my husband up from the cremation place
on the fourth of July, okay, and which is obviously
Independence Day, and I actually had a phone call to say,
I just can't pick this up a Amanda, and it
(43:58):
was just let you notice seeing that we unfortunately we've
had two child deaths and we have to do them
first before your husband. And I knew why straight away,
and it's because my husband had to help them through.
And that's how I look at it. He had to
(44:21):
he had to be behind them to support them to
go through. And then when I tell you the next bitch,
she's just going to be thing. But when I I
picked up my husband, eventually I opened I brought him
home and I'd accidentally put the cylinder upside down. The
(44:43):
lid had come off. I swear, I'm you're gonna make
You're gonna take She's nuts, I'm pulling the cylinder and all,
let's go. Really did you have to do it that way?
But honestly, it's just and it's been since that moment,
(45:04):
since all the previous moments, right, it's been a six
cent of humor to keep me going on the road,
to keep me sane, to keep me going. Do you
know what, Justine, this is what life is about. My
first trip where I took my husband after he died,
I went to Alaska and I met some beautiful women
on that trip, right, I went alone, and that's when
(45:27):
I met one of the girls, and she said, do
you know what that's called, Justine. I said, no, I don't,
and she said, it's called mixed blessings. And that's what
I learned about the mixed blessings. And she's right. It's
the whole system of don't give up, hope, courage, self preservation,
looking after yourself, you know, keeping this right for whatever's
(45:52):
going to come next, you know. And unfortunately that was
that's my story. So I hope you did smile.
Speaker 3 (46:00):
You know, you've made me smile, You've made me nearly cry,
I've had full body goose bumps, and you've made me
most importantly laugh. And I really hope like this episode
for whoever's listening or watching guys, does offer us if
you're going through anything similar, does offer some kind of
you know, hope, and just listen to Justine's story and really,
(46:24):
you know, just allow yourself.
Speaker 5 (46:26):
To be in it.
Speaker 3 (46:26):
And thank you so much, Justine for sharing. And I
really appreciate you, you know, obviously taking the time out
to share that, and that is something that's quite personal.
Speaker 6 (46:36):
To you, and we do appreciate you sharing that.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
But I know this will serve as a beacon of
hope for someone that needs it. Thank you so much,
Just thank you so much. It was lovely having you
and we will catch up soon. Thank you guys for listening,
and we'll be back soon with another episode.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
St stuttttent traction, contrition, confection contents, stretts fast strict content,
(48:23):
Constrict contents on content and spectacle and consc
You know, for effect, dear our aliens.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Our difference is worldwide would vanish if we were facing
an alien threat. Perhaps we need some outside universal threat
to make us recognize this common bound.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Breaking news tonight, Sean Diddy Combs has been arrested in
an unhappy hotel.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
There's a relation to some comments that you made on
a Facebook page.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
This is a Fox News alert.
Speaker 5 (00:47):
The Epstein files have been released. Across the pond you're
looking at now, sir.
Speaker 6 (00:55):
Everything that happens now is happening for sure.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Now, welcome back, guys to across the Pond. For today's episode,
we're joined with the lovely Justine Winter.
Speaker 6 (01:07):
Hi Justine, how are you? Thank you for being here.
It's fad to have you.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Now. Justine's well known for her whistleblowing on NHS negligence,
But today we're going to talk about something of a
more spiritual basis, something that's a bit closer to Justine's calling.
Speaker 6 (01:24):
So, Justine, I would love to know how you got
into nursing.
Speaker 5 (01:28):
Right, So I know this sounds daft, I actually well,
I feel like I had the calling from when I
was four, So I you know, I have my little
uniform on with my little cross on it, my blue
my red uniform. Actually, as much as I do have
the picture, if this makes sense, I actually do remember
the moment. I remember going to nurseri and stuff like that,
(01:50):
do you know what I mean? Yeah, I just WoT it,
wore it forever, just knew. I just knew that I
wanted to be a nurse. And in fact, if you
ask my mom, she'd be like, yeah, she's always how
pay if we get to weddings, I'd be picking up
the glasses and things like that. I just go and
do these things like yeah, just go and help out,
you know. Obviously went on to do my training. So
my pre nursing was I was seventeen, So went onto
(02:13):
my diploma and then just kind of learning about myself,
if that makes sense. So you learn about yourself and
you're learning about who we are as people and what
do we want from that and stuff like that. So
I learned. So I did go to church. I actually
went to Cadet and Methodist Church, which I went past
(02:34):
the other day and it's now called Hope Church, and
I actually thought that was beautiful. I actually got married there,
and well, you know, yeah, I used to go to
play school there. I used to go to Sunday School
and that's my punt. I love Easter, Christmas, just about
bringing people together and just trying to be that bit
more helpful, you know. Incorporated that through my career, just
(02:59):
trying to do my best, made mistakes, not saying I
didn't hands up and stuff like that, but I just
did all that, you know, but I really pushed to
learn things and everything else. But today's lesson is really
more about like how we get on with things and
the challenges and obstacles because we know that it's not easy,
because we certainly know it's not I mean, if anybody
(03:20):
knows this, I'm actually losing my home because of what's
been going on and because I've not had any work.
But I have set up my own company, which I'm
proud of. It's only for me. It's just so low,
just doing little things. But your company, So my company
is it's called Kreme de la Creme Freelanceness.
Speaker 6 (03:43):
So you're still still in the nursing, still committing.
Speaker 5 (03:46):
To what you're calling was at one point I was
actually going to give up because I was just so down.
I was just so heard and I don't know what
it was and then I just had a good couple
of people in my life that just said, don't give up,
don't give in, so I didn't, and then everything escalated
when I was I've actually seen and so here's the
spiritful side of me. I've seen three people in cars
(04:10):
and they weren't even there. So I've seen my I've
actually seen my late husband. And I know this sounds
really daft, but I've had auras since I was a kid,
and you can see, yeah, oh yeah, so this was
(04:32):
not gonna be very nice what you hear. But it
started off when I was in work, when I was
in Cardiff. This is one of the girls. She said
to me, oh, how's my baby? And she was pregnant
and I knew she'd lost it, and I just but
what I do is what I see is it's not
so if somebody lost the baby. And I've seen this
(04:52):
a couple of times. I see there's there's no circle
around the stomach, right around the interest. There isn't nothing.
It's gone. And what it's telling me is that it's
focusing arong the person, not on the baby, because the
baby's gone. And I was heartbroken at kind of realizing
my curse, if that makes sense.
Speaker 6 (05:14):
It's not a curse. I don't think you just see that's
a gift.
Speaker 5 (05:18):
So anyway, I was concentrated on like, oh, you know,
I obviously didn't want as heller and I didn't Okay,
I didn't. This happened a few times and I'm like,
I can see this. Why am I seeing things like this?
So I couldn't understand it? And you've got to work
still do your best and trying to help people and
more so it's obviously it's you know, because that's what
(05:39):
we do. It's the end of life, you know, when
the when the soul leaves the body. And I have
never and I'm really proud to say this, Amanda, I
have never left one patient in thirty three years in
all of my career, so all even from a young start,
right even when I started working on the waters, I'd
always help it. I don't know why, I can obviously
(06:00):
tell you or I don't know why, but I always
opened a window.
Speaker 7 (06:04):
Or a door.
Speaker 5 (06:05):
I didn't understand it then I just automatically done.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
It to allow the energy to exit.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
Yeah, so the basically the spirit has to go home,
the soul has to go home or the home or
the soul has to go where every it needs to go.
It could be near the side of the world. But
guess what, you have to let it go because that's
what it wants. And all these other little things are
happening to me in different things and stuff like that.
So anyway, I obviously catch pregnant, and I'll tell you
(06:32):
the truth of my life. I have thought a few
times I'm gonna I don't want this curse. I actually
felt it was a curse. Okay, I don't want it
no more. I don't want it. It's affecting me because
I felt like I was just taking in so much
all the time. Does that make sense. I couldn't hope
with everything that I was learning, my knowledge and stuff
like that, and it was like I couldn't concentrate on
(06:54):
my job, you know, it was like, gosh, all these
things are going on. Anyway, when I caught pregnant, this
SAMs very bizarre. Now the next part of the quiz,
I actually lost it. I actually I felt like I
lost my powers. Right, However, this is how I look
at this. I didn't lose my powers. I just lost
my powers for that time that I was pregnant right
(07:15):
to allow you to allow me to joy and my baby. Yeah. Now,
don't get wrong, I had to have time on both
my pregnancies, but I guess what I made the best.
I made the most of it. I really try to
enjoy it as much as possible, I mean. And then
so after that, I got it back after my first
(07:36):
was born.
Speaker 6 (07:36):
And how long did it take to come back.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
Once you get if not, if not instant, it's just
a case of waiting for the next wave, if that
makes sense. So it's like it's like I call it,
I know it, Sam's daft. I call it the ten
year plan, so all our lives, but then for ten years.
Each ten years it changes for us, doesn't it. So
like your eyesight, you know what I mean? And on
(08:00):
the menopause, yes, I'm on the benopause, you know, it's
stuff like that. I post menopause.
Speaker 6 (08:04):
Now, Yeah, we had this conversation, I'm praying for mine.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
So it's stuff like that, you know. And then so
I lost it got it back, and then I realized
and I didn't kind of tell myself off, nothing like that.
And then when I got pregnant again, I lost it
all again and I'm like, I know what it is now.
(08:30):
I know it's for my baby. I know, I don't
know I need that for me now. But I was
still good in work, I mean, end of life. I
was always with you would never like close the door,
and if it was no place, I'd open the next
door that I possibly could. Don worry, I mean, because
that's how it works in the hospital. There's not always
a door, is there. There's not always a window. And
then when I had my second one, I just said,
(08:54):
but then yeah, probably another few moments and I got
it back and I realized then it was after after
going through this like transitioning period. I'm like, I'm ready
for this now I understand it. And it wasn't a
curse anymore. And it was what you said, it was
a gift and it was meant to be obviously, get
(09:16):
on with your career, get and bringing your children up
and stuff like that. And I said, do my real
best is a nurse. I was really really good and
I still am. Do you know what I mean. I'm
not just saying that, but like I said, all these
life changes that we get, and guess what, you you can,
if you really want to, you can make it. You've
just got to try and reach out to the to
the people that really have got the energy to help
you through it. It's no good to stay with negative
(09:37):
energy and agree that it's not you have to stay
away from it.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
So also sometimes yeah.
Speaker 5 (09:44):
And also I learned this very quickly in life. And
it's called three times and out. I can actually do
one and out now. So basically, three times and out
means you hurt me three times and you're gone.
Speaker 6 (09:54):
I love that. I love that. That is, you know what.
I'm going to start using that for myself.
Speaker 5 (10:01):
Three But I'm so trained now I can go, there's the.
Speaker 6 (10:06):
Door forget the third time, you're out on the first.
Speaker 5 (10:10):
Yeah, yeah, and I can and I can do that.
And I'm not I'm not like, I don't I'm not
a regretful person either. I've made mistakes, but I'm not
going to live with that either, because you know what,
there's more people everybody's made a mistake, you know, if
not everybody is like of course I've told white lives
to the kids to do because you don't want them
to do you know, so if you know, we we
(10:33):
do have to have, you know, a protective instinct and
stuff like that, to protect ours. That's it end up.
But how I looked at me was through nursing, like
I protected them. And I actually feel like now i've
you know, I was meant for that position. I was
meant to be in there trying to save from other people.
(10:54):
And that's how it worked, That's how it rocked for
thirty three years with me, and I'm actually really grateful
for that, and I really am. I'm I like who
I am. I don't need to hate myself. I've pushed,
I pulled, I've done a lot anyway. So moving forward,
I've obviously, you know, got married, divorce, and then I
(11:14):
met somebody else, as you do. And that's the other thing.
You know, people this people might not like me for
saying this, but unfortunately the will keeps turning, and I
don't want you to feel that you have to regret everything,
even if you meet somebody else. And that's my other thing.
So I'm not going to meet somebody else. I'm not
(11:35):
going to do this. And it's it's life. It's you know,
we've we've all whether you choose to do it or not,
it's fine. But I don't be saying they never never,
there's no such word as never, and.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Then sometimes yeah, character yeah, and it is and it's
evolving and stuff like that, and it's do you know what,
we go through so much pain as people anyway, And
I'm not just on other things in life that's going
on and stuff.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
That's what I'm trying to keep this to this. So anyway,
I just got married and five months later my husband
fell ill and we unfortunately found out just so Chris
actually had it's called a nis and forndicplication. So basically
(12:21):
it's for a Hyer tunia geopro lapse. So the nisan fentiplication,
so busy stomach, and what we do is we just
oversow it. And unfortunately, after the surgery developed an ulcer
which very very quickly within seconds to into cancer and
it was actually on the stomach to adenum. So unfortunately
(12:42):
that was That was thirty first of October. In four days,
Chris was very ill, going back into hostels several times
and just heartbreaking moments every single time. It doesn't matter.
What you're going through is one thing after another, you know,
And like I said, I really every thing that I've
gone through in my life, you know, I've lost a baby,
(13:05):
I've had the marriage, I've had the divorce, and I've
met somebody and I've remarried, and then I'm just about
just being told you've got cancer. So what actually happened was,
within I think December thirteenth, two and eighteen, very sadly,
Chris had a WHIPPLES. Now, if anybody knows what a
(13:27):
whipples is, it is brutal surgery. Okay, it's gastrectomy, it's
it honestly, just looking at it's so much in depth,
and Chris had the added extras that you ended up
being it to you, which I think most of them
do anyway, if I'm being honest. And then, sadly, that
day on December thirteenth, which was my birthday, I actually
(13:49):
got told that Chris was palliative and end of life care.
And then it's it's very surreal, it's very thing. And
then it takes me back into my career where I
worked in endoscopy in Gardiff and you've just got a
line of people that literally in moments just being told
(14:10):
they've got bowel cancer or they've got lung cancer, and
you just you're trying to help these people then, because
I knew it by then if that makes sense. Obviously
I'd lost Chris and stuff like that, and I'm going
through and of just trying to really just help these people,
thinking oh my gosh, what do I do? And you know,
because I know it, but not to scare them, you know.
(14:32):
And it's but I'd like to think that with my knowledge,
I don't want to hurt you. I really don't. But
it's like, do you know what, I remember what that
nurse said. You know, she told us about Pip, she
told us about you know, the disability bade. She told
us these little things because these things you don't even
think about because they those are the things they can
(14:55):
give you that quality of life. Does that make sense?
Speaker 6 (14:57):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (14:58):
So when they're going through something like this, yeah, they're
probably not thinking anything.
Speaker 6 (15:03):
You know, I don't believe anything.
Speaker 5 (15:05):
What's going on.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
So I think you being there and being able to
tell people give them that advice, you're making a massive impact, Justine.
And I don't even think you realize how much of
an impact you're truly making. Even from what you you
know might seem as a little small thing, a little
bit of advice could make such a massive difference as
someone you know personally in their life and like, honestly
(15:29):
your your true strength, you really are, thank you, but.
Speaker 5 (15:33):
It just come from there, It just come from right, Justine.
You know what you've got to do, you know how
you've got to help this person through and do what
and you know, and even if it's not taking the
right way, you never target somebody just because you don't.
They don't because they they don't understand, you know. You
just give them that bit more time or whatever and stuff.
Like I said, you've said it, and then person goes
(15:53):
away and does what they do anyway. So here's my
funny bits coming out right. So and Forfly obviously just
was it. So that was in the November we were
told that Chris was palliative, and in as the time
went on then coming up. So obviously you realize that
(16:16):
everything is the last the last walk together around the block,
the last conversation you'll ever have, the last word. And
I think what I was finding, even though I've been
a nurse, I'm like, oh my gosh, this is what
these people went through, you know, and it's putting it
together for me then and I'm like, oh my gosh,
(16:38):
I've tried to help so many people and now I've
got to try and help myself, you know, to deal
with it and to get through it, because there's not
this very little actual help out there that so when
it comes to counseling, you can help you. It's just
talking that did not help me. You know, I needed
to do something. So what I found was distraction, you know,
(17:00):
doing things, doing the garden and just picking up, just
cleaning the house. I didn't stop. Yes, I must have.
I must have cleaned the garage about twenty times, Amanda,
and I'm like the next thing. Then I've just like,
oh my gosh, you are you know, I'm trying to
sort things out, and I'm like, so I've got who
(17:24):
is it? I've just been distracted and just being don't worried.
Speaker 6 (17:32):
It's honest, I'm surprised my kids are not running in
and out.
Speaker 5 (17:37):
What are you doing? I'm trying a lot for make
him back anyway. So yeah, So what I find out
is so yeah, so on, So we took the walk
around the block and Chris actually said to me, he said,
do you He said, what you're going to do with me? Now,
this was in the February. This was the last time
(17:59):
he walked. Okay, up until really be in the house
band And I said to her, Mum, and take you
around the world. And he said, it sounds like a plan.
And I've actually taken my husband to sixty two countries
since plus silence in six years. Yeah, an island. Yeah,
(18:21):
So I sprinkle a little bit of my husband's ashes
all over the world. And that's what I've done. So
even when I've gone out, if I if I've gone
like so when I got to Snowden, he's at the top.
If I get to the top of a mountain, I'll
sprinkling there Mount Fuji, just thee Yeah. And I actually
(18:46):
this sounds staff, but I'm still buy in presents. Yeah,
And what I say so it's like memories. It's really
important that we keep our memories because you know what,
they probably take everything else from us. Yeah, You've like
so like I've got you know, my cabinet, you know,
with my work one stuff in that. Do you know
what I mean, it's going to be you know, your
little alien to keeper and stuff like that. Whatever is
(19:06):
your your spouse. I've I've kind of what I've learned
with Chris is I can put him there, I can
keep him in the bubble and I can separate out.
So that's that's that's where I got to. However, when
I when we were so we were in the gwent
(19:28):
and the actual doctor told us that Chris had four
weeks left to live, and we just seriously broke again.
And you do, every single step is break, break, break, break, break,
you know it's and you've got to walk away and
you've got to walk back to it and stuff like that.
And then what happened then was so Chris said to me,
(19:50):
he said, look, he said, I want to go to
the hospice. He said, I'm not at home. So we
sorted it out. She was lovely the I'm being honest
at hospice case. She was amazing. The whole team were
and they were Saint David's in Cardiff, in Newport, sorry
and brilliant, teen lovely people. I'm not saying that I
(20:12):
was easiest, but I'm losing my husband and obviously, you know,
they kind of let you ef they're out because it
just builds up and I just you just don't know
how to release it, you know, when somebody that you
love is dying. And do you know what, Chris has
been gone six years and I still love him, you know,
(20:34):
I still adore him. I still love him. He was
a rat bag, mind, but you know, it's just the
way the world, you know, it is the way of
the world. When somebody gets taken away from you, it's
it really is a very different matter, you know, because
I actually got told this, and I was really upset
by this. But somebody said, well, what's the difference between
divorce and losing somebody? And I'm like that, Oh my god,
(20:58):
you know, I don't say said it, but what Yeah, no, seriously, Yeah,
you get all these random comments like wows. No, this
is just in talking, you know, just.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
Like in normal that's just all like, honestly, I have
no words for that one.
Speaker 6 (21:17):
Yeah, I'm being serious. I'm now emotionally interested in this.
I'm like, what.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
I know.
Speaker 5 (21:27):
So so Christmas. So we got to the hospice and
the next thing then obviously, so I've got a book
and it's actually in the cabinet, and it's a book
about f one right, and it's Virginia Williams. And I
started reading the book to him. So I bought the
(21:47):
book for him, and I started reading the book and
he said to me, will you just keep reading to me.
So I did, and I actually started realizing, I'm starting
to quicken up on this book because I'm thinking he's
going to go. He's going to go, He's going to
go up, and I'm in the hospice and I my
husband actually did say this to me. He said, now,
(22:08):
he couldn't eat, he couldn't drink. Well, he could manage
a little bit of red sauce right on the egg
until that stopped, if that makes sense, and then you
are my senses are going now. And then he says
to me, don't forget to bring in the tea Maria
and we'll have date night. So we actually had date
night in the coffee room, me with my tea Maria.
(22:29):
He couldn't eat or drink, and he just sat there
and we just chatted. And the other thing that we did,
we'd have a coffee that well, I'd have the coffee, yeah,
and he'd actually text me it's date night. You could
see onward Texans is all on there. It's date night.
On June third in the morning was Chris's actual last
(22:53):
words to me, and his actual last words in text
message was funny, henny, I feel in and obviously you
know feeling the way he's going and that's it. But
his actually words with some lovely family of courses, it
was I love you, was it to to finish him beyond?
(23:20):
And I love you like jelly tots and it was
really was his last words, honestly, And then he went
into a coma. And I don't think it didn't hit
me until straight away that he wasn't talking. Does that
make sense? I just thought, Ah, it's gonna he might talk,
even though I've been in this all my life, you know,
And it was and I knew it and it was,
(23:41):
but when it was me, it was like wow, you know.
So that night I was actually in the hospice and
I was checking my house cameras, which I've actually shown
you the footage, yes, and I was I wasn't checking
on my neighbors because they were on the dog for me,
but I thought, we'll just check the cameras and I
(24:04):
just went, what is that on my on my camera?
And it's on my van and I quickly recorded it
because I actually, you know, I recorded on my other
phone at the time, and I'm like, oh my gosh,
is that real? What by just seeing? And it's a
portal that's not just I understand energy, but that is
(24:26):
a portal into the next realm. And I actually believe that.
And I'm thinking, how amazing is that that that is
on my van? Right, So what I decided to do,
and I've and if somebody had done this properly, because
I've only done it off my little phone, there's screenshots
of my husband's in the van. You can see his eye,
(24:47):
you can see his face very clearly, and I'm like,
oh my gosh, how many people have got stuff like this?
But my husband's by the side of me because obviously
I'm in the hospice and I'm like, oh my gosh,
believe But but I didn't. And I still appreciate it
today and it really actually to help me to connect
and stay connected, not that I would lose it now.
(25:08):
I've been, you know, in this for so long. It's
certainly not gonna get my you know, my beliefs and
my beliefs, but it's definitely higher power. I mean that
footage is phenomenon footage.
Speaker 6 (25:19):
Well, the footage was undeniable. When I seen it, it
was I was.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
Shocked when you had said to me you had the
footage of this going on like at that same time,
I was like, well, you know, I thought, you know,
maybe it'd be just a little bit, but it was
so much energy being you know, thrown.
Speaker 5 (25:38):
It was.
Speaker 6 (25:38):
It was definitely something going on.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
And I would love, obviously everyone else to be able
to see this, and our listeners obviously can't, but definitely
I think if you know, so that people can see
that clearly there's something after.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
I don't even hold on to it because how I
look at it doesn't It gives people hope, you know,
and when in such a time that people need to go,
oh my gosh, you know what, I need something, they do,
but you have that, I have that footage and so on.
Jum the fourth was actually when Chris went into his coma,
and Chris actually didn't die until Gym the fourteenth. So
(26:18):
that's ten days on a syringe, pump driver, no food,
no water, no ivy, no nothing, and it is heartbreaking
enough anyway. At one point Chris had asked if we
could go to Switzerland, but we would never have got it,
you know, And that's why I said that the system,
it's it does need. We do need something, you know.
(26:40):
I won't go into the politics of it because I
know how people think, but for me, I know that
Chris was suffering. And Chris was actually thirteen stone when
we were together, and he actually passed away at under
sixth stone and he was just died full pain. Until
that moment. However, when I was by the side of him,
(27:03):
I actually woke up at oh when thirty in the
morning and I actually saw my husband so leave his body.
So this little Paisley and it was I did actually
have this wrong before, but it's not. I just think
I was thrown with the color the time, but it
(27:24):
was actually a blue and a green paisley tear drop
and it's like a marble and it just come out
of his nose and flew away, and I just went.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
For everyone listening, I'm getting full body goose bumps right now,
I just.
Speaker 5 (27:41):
Went, did I just see that? Look at me? My
whole body's gone again? And I'm like, have I actually
just seen that? It flew away? So I must have
fallen back asleep. Yeah. So after that then I just
I just kind of, you know, pushed it all in
and just you know, wanted the moment. I wanted it.
And then at three forty in the morning, I actually
(28:08):
woke up to Chris taking his last breath, right, and
this this this one's going to think. But it shows
you that it took from the time his soul left
his body to which was at half past one in
the morning, to oh three forty that took two hours
(28:30):
and ten minutes for the body to decompress, you know.
So I can even do from all my timeframes on
my phone, all the series of events of how and
what the body and I mean Chris was. I mean,
I can't believe how intelligent he was with the amount
(28:51):
of stuff in the syringe driver, you know, but what
I was, you know, I was led to believe. And
I'm and I'm being kind because abad he did anything wrong,
There was nothing. Okay, he had an amazing care But like
when you learned that how complex that cancer was and
how it literally sucks in this all these these drugs,
(29:13):
it just sucks in. So you're like, wow, unbelievable. If
you saw his text message to me, a man, you'd
be like, oh my gosh, he's still talking to her,
He's still everything. He's still so up there on like
he was so high up in his conscience in the
way he talked, he made a cup of spelling mistakes
now and again. But what happened was three forty he
(29:36):
passed away, and I kind of again gave myself the
time because what I actually learned was that the reason
why Chris didn't die sooner was guess what he was
holding on for me? The person that wasn't ready to
give in was me. So when I actually talked to
staff and they'll back me up on this, just got
(29:58):
to say David's hospice and asked that lovely lady, and
asked the manager, and asked the consultants right who led
his care. He was one of the longest people to
keep going and that was his body making that choice.
But he made that choice for me because I wasn't ready.
I couldn't let go. And I just realized that when
I was reading the book, and I read the book
(30:18):
and I'd finished the book and I'm like, we're still going.
It's because I wasn't ready. And what I realized was
the night before, just through a pure incidence of something,
I realized that I had to go home and I
said to Chris, I said, I've got to go home
because I had obviously the children and I had you know,
(30:39):
the dog, and I just said it's time, and that's
when he gave up for me. But do you know
why the reason why he died on the fourteenth of June, Amanda,
is because I was born on the thirteenth. Not that
I was born on the thirteenth of June, but that
whole week in June, right twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen.
(31:01):
You're not going to believe this. It's all my family's birthdays. Yeah,
it's same week. So I'm like, oh my gosh. And
then Chris took the fourteenth, and then my Auntie was
born on another day, my Grandpa's born on another day,
and I'm thinking, why wasn't it thirteenth, but the thirteenth.
He couldn't. He couldn't take the thirteenth because it was
(31:21):
my birthday. And he gave that to me. He was like,
just seeing, you have to keep your birthday. And what
I realized when we found out on my birthday that
previous year was you know that the cancer was already
spread mets. And then I call it mixed blessings, and
life is mixed blessings. It's the ups and downs, the rolls,
(31:42):
the rollout, that the whole works. But you have to
try and get that, you know, if you can learn it.
It's about making that balance. And that's what I've learned.
So he's always in my thoughts, he's always in my life.
He's still in my life. And then so this is
the funny way. So I actually at home and at
(32:02):
I just have a cup of tea, just decompress, and
at half past nine, I'm just staring at my glass.
I'm just staring at my cup of teas the soul
comes out to the cup of tea. So it's back
home because I opened the doors after Chris died, but
it comes up back in my cup of tea. And
then obviously the afternoon. By the afternoon, I actually got
(32:25):
an appointment for the births and deaths and they ask
you to take your stuff in, so I took the stuff.
It was a very it was a very yeah, obviously
hard tough because you've got so much going on and
you've just lost your husband. But you've got to sort
out your appointments and things like that. You know, you've
got a phone, you know, the crematorium, the funeral home,
(32:48):
and I phoned them up and they said, okay, thank you,
And you don't realize what stuff that I'd left behind
because you're just soap thing on everything. And when Chris
was in the Gwent, and I'm going to say her name,
and I hope she doesn't assume me, but her named
Missus Tetley, okay, and she was part of the Nana
Nitters in the Gwent. And that's why we need nanan Nitters, Okay,
(33:12):
because I actually still have that little blue blanket she
gave my husband because his feet were cold in the Gwent.
And I just find these little bits of rays of
light are beautiful and I just feel so blessed. I
feel so lucky. And then I'd left the blue blanket.
So she I get the phone call from the from
(33:34):
the funeral home and they said, I'm just letting you
know we've got two bags of items that were left
in the room, and I start, great, that's okay, that's fine,
I'll come and get them. So she tells me where
he is and I just went, oh, I'm not going
to get there in time, I said, with traffic and
everything else, because it was just such a brush And
she says to me, I swear I'm not making this up.
(33:56):
This is absolutely true story. You would be mind boggles
on this one. And she says to me, I'm just
letting you know. She said, your husband. I said, watch me,
my husband's not there. She said, I just realized that
we haven't got the bags. I'm just telling you about
the bags. I just I just couldn't, honest, couldn't fathom
(34:16):
me all out. And she went, so, they told me
that my husband's body was at this place, but it
actually it wasn't. So my husband this is actually true
story about No.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
I believe you justin but I believe it would only
happen to you.
Speaker 5 (34:35):
So my husband's party went missing. And I just went,
I just I actually did say this. I went, well,
the burden had me running around in bloody life. That
dreams is gonna.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
They do.
Speaker 5 (34:49):
I just took it. I just went with the flow.
I wasn't angry, I wasn't here hearing from losing. I'm
just like all this in one day, do you know
what I mean? So she's she says, to be on
the phone. She says, there any chance I could phone
you back? And I went, well, yeah, you're god aughter.
So this was about this is probably about maybe he
(35:10):
happens three four o'clock and there's no way I would
have got there, do you know what I mean? Because
where she said it was. She said, I'll have to
bring you back. I said, okay, that's fine. So she
brings me back and she says, right then, she said,
we're not making this this woman listen to this podcast.
Was going to go this with me, right, and she goes,
we found Justine Spotty. I know what it is, Okay,
(35:33):
I said, thanks very much for finding him. She says,
I'm just letting other bags are there too.
Speaker 6 (35:40):
Do you think this happened to obviously to make you laugh?
Speaker 5 (35:45):
Yeah, it was definitely, yes, seriously, yeah, it was meant
for the joke that it was. It was not meant
to be anything else, right, So what I did was
I contacted the funeral place and she said, oh yeah, lovely, seriously.
I feel I couldn't have asked for it any better.
(36:06):
So she says to me, yes, husband's here. She said,
I've got the bags. I said, can I come and
get them? And she said yes. So I literally got
over there because it wasn't far. I swear down around
as they spend an hour with me, just with me.
We sat and it's like this seance is obviously the
little room liked me. I felt like a little seance room.
(36:30):
I'm again, your hands out loud would be fine during me.
So we're all with the three of us are sitting
there and I'm going through loads of things, and she's
chatting and stuff like that, and I'm thinking, wow, I've
just had the most amazing counseling session after losing my
husband and then going missing for the last you know,
a couple of hours. And then we partways and I'm
(36:52):
I swear down, just about to part ways, just about
to leave the door, and all the lights go out
in the in the funeral home, and these two women
just when she said, he knows you're here, just staying,
and I went, yeah, I know. And again I got
two witnesses, you know. And I've had so even afterwards.
I've had little things happen in the house. I've had
(37:14):
shelves move, I've had my I've sat in the chair,
and I've kind of just maybe it was a dream.
I'm just saying that bit, but I actually did see
my husband's hands around my waist as I got Yeah,
I see different things all the time, Like I've got
I've always got birds around me. I don't know what
that is. You know, I've got like I've got the decks,
(37:36):
I've got the more hands. I mean, I do like
my little bits of you know, trying to get fit
out of the back and stuff like that. So I've
got like loads of pigs. What do you mean you know,
you mean just little things like that. But I just
I said, it's the footage was just phenomenal. Just I
(37:58):
just what I would do. What I've realized is that
all of my career, all of my thirty three years
in nursing, I was like, I get it now. I
know why I'm here, I know what I'm supposed to do,
and I love my job. I absolutely love that I
could do, you know what I mean, even if it
was just helping somebody just to say, look, do you
know what it's don't worry about it. It's fine. We
(38:20):
all go through these stages, we all go through these
moments until something like this, because it's obviously you know,
we all lose a spouse and stuff like that. And
at some point, I say, enjoy what you can while
you have it. I say, everything in small moderation, because
(38:40):
you know what you fancy a bit of whatever. It's
like a buffet, isn't it. You go to a buffet,
you pick what you want and you kind of say,
do you know what I like that bit? It's not
about I don't over indulge. I don't I have any
really drink, I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, you know.
So I feel like, yeah, and I do want to
put this to bed if this is okay. Obviously we
(39:02):
couldn't donate my husband's organs and with all the other stories,
but I do want to say this, right, I worked,
and I was a squad nurse for many years, and
I see and I've seen the good and the good again,
right in all good donation. You everybody can have their
(39:24):
thoughts and feelings and stuff like that, but regardless, I
am still and I'm staying on that organ donation register
because I want to help people. And that's how I
look at this. I'm not going to be deterred by
stories because if you actually see the good side of it,
(39:44):
that's what's keeping me in this. I don't want to
opt out. If I got the chance of helping somebody,
guess what, I could save another seven lives it's a body,
it's a shell. Somebody's going to do whatever. I think again, Amanda,
it comes from the fact I've worked with my in
my young teams for organ donation. I have worked with
transplant teams Birmingham. You know, they come down and they
(40:08):
were you know, they help and stuff like that. New
chat to them and you talk and we did that
in a few of the hospitals. So and I did that,
like I said, from what you know till two thousand,
well to twenty twenty two hours a scrub nurse. But
all those years I just saw the good of it
because I want to see the good of it. I
don't want this thing in me to say. And that's
(40:30):
because I do feel spiritually connected. I don't want to
give up hope. I want to give somebody else hope.
And all you're going to do is look at a
real that you know, I saw one recently. And if
you actually hear the stories of I've had a heart transplant,
listen to somebody that's had a transplant, off somebody off
an organ donut and they'll go, oh, do you know what,
(40:52):
I don't know why we're like the color yellow. Now,
I didn't like it before, and you've listened to that
person that sadly lost their life, right, and they'll go,
that was my son's favorite color, that was my daughter's
favorite color. And that's the spirituality of it all. Now,
I'm not an in depth person because I'm not. I
like to think I'm in the middle. I'm always gonna
stay on the fence line. And the reason being is
(41:14):
because it's called choice. You want it, you don't want it.
The only thing we can't do is nurses, and you
should never do this anyway. You should force of course anybody,
because it's about choice. It's about staying on the fence line.
For the reason that's your body, that's my body, And
that's the way I'm gonna, you know, gonna look at
all this, but I'm not gonna not I'm not gonna think.
(41:35):
And if you see, like I said, if i've met
people with transplants for all different reasons, do you know
what I mean? I mean, you could take a kidney
out of somebody and put it into another family member,
So what you see, that's the good of it.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
So that's how I completely agree with you, Justine, because personally,
I don't think you need your body once you've passed, and.
Speaker 6 (41:57):
You know, even as we're having this is us j E.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
From what you said earlier, with you seeing the actual
soul leave the body, and it's nice that you've had
that experience to see that. I don't personally think we
need the body. I would be happily donating every bit
if they would have it, you know.
Speaker 6 (42:13):
To help someone else. So I really agree with you
on this one.
Speaker 5 (42:18):
The one the one that I did struggle what a
long time ago, but that's just you know, because we
do so that. My other one was actually our eyes.
So when we would put you know, certain organs but
not your eyes and stuff like that. I actually it
still took me, I think two decades to say this,
(42:40):
but I eventually said no, you know, because it was like,
you know, yeah, your eyes, you know, the windows to
your soul and stuff like that. But I'd like to
think that if I could help somebody to see they
can have them as well. And I got over that
years ago, like I said, probably in the last fifteen years.
I'd like to say, no, it's okay, you know, that's
(43:02):
you know, if we can just do that take my corneas,
you know, if I could, if I can you know,
I want to I want to do that. I'm not
going to be put off. I've heard so many stories
and it's still it's not going to make one bit
of difference to me. You'll still have somebody go, oh,
what you want it or you want it because it's
my choice and that's your choice, and it does everything.
(43:22):
It's line and choice.
Speaker 7 (43:24):
That's what it does come down to. It's your life. Yeah,
so are you okay?
Speaker 2 (43:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (43:35):
Oh, I can tell you this, but as well. So
I actually picked my husband up from the cremation place
on the fourth of July, okay, and which is obviously
Independence Day, and I actually had a phone call to say,
I just can't pick this up a Amanda, and it
(43:58):
was just let you notice seeing that we unfortunately we've
had two child deaths and we have to do them
first before your husband. And I knew why straight away,
and it's because my husband had to help them through.
And that's how I look at it. He had to
(44:21):
he had to be behind them to support them to
go through. And then when I tell you the next bitch,
she's just going to be thing. But when I I
picked up my husband, eventually I opened I brought him
home and I'd accidentally put the cylinder upside down. The
(44:43):
lid had come off. I swear, I'm you're gonna make
You're gonna take She's nuts, I'm pulling the cylinder and all,
let's go. Really did you have to do it that way?
But honestly, it's just and it's been since that moment,
(45:04):
since all the previous moments, right, it's been a six
cent of humor to keep me going on the road,
to keep me sane, to keep me going. Do you
know what, Justine, this is what life is about. My
first trip where I took my husband after he died,
I went to Alaska and I met some beautiful women
on that trip, right, I went alone, and that's when
(45:27):
I met one of the girls, and she said, do
you know what that's called, Justine. I said, no, I don't,
and she said, it's called mixed blessings. And that's what
I learned about the mixed blessings. And she's right. It's
the whole system of don't give up, hope, courage, self preservation,
looking after yourself, you know, keeping this right for whatever's
(45:52):
going to come next, you know. And unfortunately that was
that's my story. So I hope you did smile.
Speaker 3 (46:00):
You know, you've made me smile, You've made me nearly cry,
I've had full body goose bumps, and you've made me
most importantly laugh. And I really hope like this episode
for whoever's listening or watching guys, does offer us if
you're going through anything similar, does offer some kind of
you know, hope, and just listen to Justine's story and really,
(46:24):
you know, just allow yourself.
Speaker 5 (46:26):
To be in it.
Speaker 3 (46:26):
And thank you so much, Justine for sharing. And I
really appreciate you, you know, obviously taking the time out
to share that, and that is something that's quite personal.
Speaker 6 (46:36):
To you, and we do appreciate you sharing that.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
But I know this will serve as a beacon of
hope for someone that needs it. Thank you so much,
Just thank you so much. It was lovely having you
and we will catch up soon. Thank you guys for listening,
and we'll be back soon with another episode.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
St stuttttent traction, contrition, confection contents, stretts fast strict content,
(48:23):
Constrict contents on content and spectacle and consc
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