Episode Transcript
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(00:05):
If you are
someone who has a dream, but feelstuck, if you are facing obstacles that
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So buckle up dreamers, Anchoryour Dreams is not just a podcast.
(00:26):
It's a community, a community of dreamers,supporting dreamers, women, supporting
women, subscribe, follow along, and let'snavigate the seas of ambition together.
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Get ready to be inspired,motivated, and empowered.
The journey begins now.
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Hello.
Hi.
How are you?
I'm good.
I'm good.
It's nice to see you Megan.
Oh, so nice to see you too.
Okay.
Sorry.
I'm a, my dog is supposed tobe going on a pack run today.
So they may, I may have to pausefor a second to put her outside.
(01:11):
That's awesome.
Is that where like the van comesand picks them up and takes them?
Oh my God.
I love it.
Yes.
And Yeah, it's, it's funny because Ioriginally, I thought I wasn't going to
be home when they would come to pick herup because I planned it for, for Tuesdays
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and and basically every single timeI've been home and anyways, it's just,
so I just may have to pause and I feel.
Awful already.
No, no.
I'm excited for you and your dog.
I should, my dog would love it.
I've got her outside right now withlike two bones that I filled with peanut
butter last night and put in the freezer.
(01:53):
So like, hopefully that'll keepher quiet for the duration of our
conversation, but there's no guarantees.
So I, I would love for you to just sharea little bit about what your journey
has been like to get where you are now.
(02:13):
That's yeah, it's been a, it'sbeen an incredible journey, really.
I was just saying to my husband Alex theother night that like, like, even though
I just published this book There was,like, two other books that took years to
write to get me to this one published one.
And then, like, so much beforethat, that had to happen, because I
(02:36):
never really saw myself as a writer.
I I, for a long time, was onthis path that was, like, flip
flopping back and forth betweenscience and fashion or design.
And And my heart was always in,in design and always in fashion.
And I, I don't think I ever really hadthe confidence or was under the impression
(02:59):
that that could be a viable career path.
And so I had this science backgroundand, and did all my education in science.
And didn't really know how tomake that a career path either.
And, and so I did, I just flipflop back and forth between the
two of them, like all my life.
And the very last sort of, like,career I would say that I had was
(03:24):
working in Courtney at a water lab.
And when I lost that position, becausethe lab itself got bought by a larger
lab and so they let most of the staff goit was a total, like, ego death for me.
A total crisis and, like, I, Ijust was unraveled by that sort
of loss and that loss of identity.
(03:46):
for having me.
And, and that's where sort of thewriting journey came in to save me
really in a strange kind of way.
I, I remember sitting at the kitchentable with like this large piece of
paper and just writing down on it,like all the sort of like skills
that I had, all of the qualities.
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That I felt were important and like,where was this going to take me?
And like, I did a sort of like a deep diveinto like all the sort of personal growth.
What would you call them?
Like quizzes and like, you know,I, I'm a INFJ and all these things.
And like, what, what are allthese pieces and how can I put
them together into something?
And that led me to bloggingbecause somewhere in there,
(04:30):
something said like, because ofwho you are and your personality.
You might be a good writer.
You might enjoy writing and I'mlike, okay, well I'll try it.
But the first blog that I did wasactually a fashion related blog
where I was designing clothing likean item of clothing every week for
a year and then blogging about it.
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And I got more feedback on thewriting than I did on the designs.
And ironically, the writing piece,again, was, like, something that
the blog kind of forced me to do.
Because I just took a lot ofpictures of what I was sewing, and I
thought, Oh, that'll tell the story.
And, and the blog is like, No, youhave to have a minimum amount of words.
Like, there is a requirementthat you have to write something.
(05:13):
And I was like, Damn it!
What?
So I started sharing more and more aboutthe experience of, of just like the design
process and creating the clothes and, andwhat was going into sort of all of that.
And, and that just led meto, to more and more writing.
And then I started anotherblog about breath work.
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And.
I thought, okay, well maybe ifI do enough of this Breathwork
blog, it, it could be a book.
And that's where the idea ofa book kind of, like, started.
And then it just went from there.
I, I, I started writinga totally different book.
And from that became my memoir,which I didn't see coming
(05:59):
when I started that book.
And then after that, I, Evolvethis whole soul selves framework
that I have, which is another book.
And now sort of out of the blue camethis idea to write about fashion,
metaphors, and spirituality.
And actually what ended up happeningwas I was looking for an editor
(06:20):
for my soul cells framework book.
I had sent it.
to Namaste Publishing.
And I was so excited about that, thatthey were interested in reading it.
They looked at the proposaland within days they're like,
yes, we want to read it.
And so I sent it to them and months andmonths and months went by and I finally
reached out to them and they're like,well, it didn't pass the editorial review.
(06:40):
And I was like, okay, I don'tknow what that means, but I
apparently need an editor.
And so I was trying to find someone toedit the book who would understand the
book because it's not a real easy thing.
sort of concept to understand, I think.
And I, I found this woman, StephanieGunning, who was the editor
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of another book that I reallyenjoyed called Rich as F U C K.
She says it in like symbolsand all the things or whatever.
And it's it's, it's a really, sortof like it felt really in alignment.
In terms of, of the sort of content.
And when I reached out to Stephanie,she was so keen and helpful.
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And she got back to me right away andshe's like, well send me a copy of, of
the soul self's framework and she hada quick look at it and, and we had a
conversation and she was super honest.
She's like, there's a lot goingon in this, you know, like, I
think you need to break it downinto many books sort of thing.
And I said, well, I had this otheridea that's been floating around in
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my head about fashion metaphors andyou know, calling it Buddha's closet.
And as we chatted about this concept,she was like, Immediately this
sort of light bulb started goingoff and you could, you could see
like how excited she was about it.
And she's like, there's something there.
Like, she's like, tell me alittle bit more about yourself.
And so I talked with her for a bitand she's like, that's your preface.
(08:08):
And then I'm like, okay.
She's like, okay, this.
You know, get back to me in the newyear, cause it was probably December
when we're having this conversation.
And, and she's like, if youwant to go ahead with this, you
know, let's, let's roll it out.
We can do it for spring cleaning.
And she had this whole visionthat instantly came together
in this first conversation.
And, and the excitement from herbehind it was enough to just like,
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make me drop everything else and just.
Go full speed ahead on on Buddha's closetand she came up with cleaning as a path to
enlightenment in that first Conversationand like it was it was practically done
before it was even written, which wasso cool So that's that's the sort of
journey I guess you could say for howeverything came to be where it is now.
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So well, I I love that I've I've hearda lot of Writers, they, like all the
stuff before that, there's usually onepiece that they feel like everything
before that was just stepping stones.
It was all mostly practice to get to thatone written piece that they feel is a
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highlight of their, their writing career.
I love that.
I, it's when you find people whounderstand you without even having.
To say so much.
Like it almost seemed like, likeshe really understood what you were
thinking, but also feeling and theenergy around this the preface of this
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book, like I was like, this is wild.
This is absolutely like, I.
I used to watch Fashionphile whengrowing up every single Saturday.
I would watch Fashionphile.
It was like, I couldn't, I couldn'ttake my eyes off of the clothing.
I was so intrigued by the designers andhow they created and came up with it.
(10:03):
And in grade six, I had to write.
I don't even know what you would call it.
Like I,
I had to create a presentation and I chosea designer and like, it's not that I would
sit and sketch designs or, or anythinglike that, but there was something about
(10:24):
it all that I just really, really loved.
And.
I did kind of like somethinghappened where it just didn't ever
seem attainable or achievable.
Like, I mean, I was not in a householdthat fostered creativity in that sense.
(10:44):
I did grow up with sewing.
I started sewing when I was like six.
But it wasn't like from aplace of being creative.
It was just a, like, skills.
This is, this is howyou sew a straight line.
This is how you create a bag.
This is, But anything else aroundthat I just wasn't able to, to get
(11:07):
into for one reason or another.
But where I was going with that is,is it just the preface of the book?
I just, I was like, Oh my gosh, Isee so much of myself in a lot of
this story, the journey, and I lovefashion, create, creating, but also
just as of recent, like the idea.
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of slowing down and goingthrough the process of things.
I, like, for instance, with thispodcast, I have a pattern of rushing
in because I'm so excited, I want todo the thing, and then I fill my plate.
What, what I, what I like to call moreof like a turkey platter, I have a
(11:50):
turkey platter and I fill that up andthen I start to burn out near the end,
like as we're getting to the last,you know, few bits on the platter,
I start to burn out and slow down.
Well, it's because I'm notactually going through the process.
I'm not actually being present eachindividual thing that I need to get done.
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And so in the book when, when you said,you know, Take each item of clothing
and stay with the thought that comes up.
I was like, like, like mind blown,like, of course, of course, we're not
going to go rushing in and put things intheir respective bins of whether you're
(12:38):
going to donate or give away or sell.
Yes, this is exactly what I neededto hear and read in this moment.
And I loved it.
This idea of slowing down and everything.
I really, I really felt called intothat with, with the book as well.
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The idea that our closets are ametaphor for our minds and that clothes
are a metaphor for each thought.
I'd love to hear more about that.
Yeah.
I think one of the things that'sbeen particularly like significant
To me on, on my personal growth andspiritual journey is this idea of
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paying attention to my thoughts.
I think when I, when I reallymade that distinction that
I could listen to eachthought and just let it go.
Like there's, there, there's thismoment, I think, when I became the
observer of my thoughts as opposedto believing and identifying with
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every thought that I was having.
And it's such a significant, like,line in the sand, so to speak, right?
And every day, I have to draw thatline again and bring myself into that
awareness that Oh, that's a thoughtI'm thinking, but that's not who I am.
Right.
And, and making that distinction hasbeen so fundamental in terms of taking
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that next step forward in terms of my,my personal growth and my spiritual
growth and, and letting things go.
Right.
It's a huge, a huge part of it.
And, and.
Meditation, like sitting in meditationreally sort of shines such a
light on, on this process, right?
Because when we're, when we're sittingstill, you know, our eyes are closed
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or we're staring at a candle flame orwhatever is sort of the like typical
meditative kind of environment is werealized how many thoughts we have and
how sort of out of control they feel.
And there's, there's that term,you know, the monkey mind and.
And I was never good atthat kind of meditation.
Like that never, neverappealed to me at all.
Right.
Yeah.
And me, me either at all.
(14:59):
Like, yeah,
no, no, I totally agree with you.
Right.
But I kind of realized like nowas I'm going through my day to day
life, like every moment is thatsort of meditation and there's
opportunities all the time to be ableto just like, bring my awareness to
what I'm thinking at any given timeand be like, Oh, I'm just That's not
(15:20):
a good thought to have right now.
Like, why am I thinking that?
I'm like, that's, that'smy ego or whatever.
And I'll just be like, okay.
Let's think of something else.
And it took a lot of practiceinitially to, to recognize when I
was thinking something and to comeup with alternatives, to think
something different, to like pushthat thought out or replace it.
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And, and the more awareness that I hadof, you know, these thoughts that I
was having and then beliefs and all ofthese things, there was also that space
that exists between the thoughts where.
You know, they describe it sortof as, you know, that's when
you're just like pure awareness.
And, and finding more and more momentslike that to connect with that have
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really deepened my own sense ofsatisfaction, I guess you could say.
And, and so in relation tomy closet being my mind.
And my thoughts being, or my clothesbeing my thoughts, there's, there's
this beautiful metaphor where, youknow, you can take everything out
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of your closet and as I do, I justpile it all on my bed here, right?
And then I'm looking at each itemof clothing and I'm like, you know,
there's thoughts that are coming upand, and some of them items of clothing
make me feel really, really good.
And other ones.
You know, don't have verygood associations with them.
You know, like maybeit doesn't fit anymore.
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And so I'm hard on myself about, youknow, the size and the shape of my body.
And, and I'm like, well, why amI putting that back in my closet?
Or why am I putting that thoughtback in my mind when I can choose
something that's gonna, you know, bringme a greater sense of satisfaction.
And, and so I'm, I'm building thispractice of like literally putting
(17:09):
things back in my closet and creatingyou know, a seasonal wardrobe out of
things that bring me joy and are, youknow, positive thoughts and experiences
and then setting the rest aside andwhether or not I donated or, you know,
Or sell it, or use it as a rag, orwhatever, whatever happens on the plot
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it is, It's something I can look at againlater at a later time possibly to write.
I think one of the most
satisfying I keep using that word, butthat's essentially what it comes down to
a lot of the time where like fulfillingexperiences when I'm in my closet is
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that it's like permission for me to play.
And it's one of those.
Those places where I can just havefun and, and, and get to know myself.
And, and what I realized was while I wasdoing that and trying all these different
clothes on and, and really not makingany decisions about anything at any point
other than like, you know, I like theway this looks, but this needs a little
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tweak and so on is that eventually there.
There would always come this point whereI find myself in this outfit, and like, it
was almost like this experience of blissstarted to sort of, like, rise up within
me, and I heard this other spiritualteacher, Michael Singer, talk about
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this on, on one of his YouTube videos.
Channels on his YouTube channel,one of his podcasts, I guess
you could say on YouTube.
And he said, you know, when you're tryingsomething on, you're in the store and
you, you have that feeling rise within youthat you're like, Oh, I really like this.
He's like, it's not, it's notthe item of clothing that's
bringing you that sense of joy.
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It's that you're recognizinga part of yourself.
That you don't often see.
And, and I realized like that,that's what's happening when we're
trying our clothes on literally.
And, and we're finding whatI call the unchanging self.
So by changing our clothes, literallychanging our clothes, we eventually
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connect with this part of ourselves.
That's like our true identity.
And it's a part of ourselves.
That's never changing.
And it's that observer.
Self that is just watching all thethoughts happening and letting them go
and just being a witness to it all and Andwhen you when you tap into that part of
yourself And then, and then like celebrateit and get used to that feeling, it gets
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easier and easier to find that again.
And, and then you're making decisionsfrom such a beautiful place and you no
longer, you know, are rooted in, in ego.
You're not rooted in, in allof those thoughts of identity.
And anyways, I'm goingdown the rabbit hole.
No, that's okay.
I mean, I think a lot of people.
(20:08):
And certainly relate to that when itcomes to clothing, whether there's
someone that seeks clothing based ona trend or something that is trending
or, or just to wear clothes that Ithink a lot of people and I think
for myself, I used to wearway more fashionable quote
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unquote fashionable things.
Because.
I felt good in my skin and I felt like Icould quote unquote pull these things off.
So I definitely, for myself, I, I'llwalk in my closet, what happened?
(20:54):
Like, it's so bland, it's not, it'smore functional now but I love it.
I still love fashion.
I love the idea of creations and yeah,like even when every once in a while
I would see a little video of youpop up with, with these outfits on.
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And they're bright and they're playfuland they're, I just, I loved watching
that because it really reminded me.
Of that kind of play that I usedto be able to do and when I was
reading that bit in the book,what do I, what do I do for play?
What do I do?
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It's not clothing because I tiemyself and my worth and all the things
into what I no longer can fit in.
And I realized what I really need todo is go in there and follow along your
book and all the things and and reallycreate that playful experience again.
(21:59):
I also with makeup, I also I likemakeup I play with and, and maybe I
think now that we're talking aloud andI'm now going down my own rabbit hole.
I think I just kind of realized,you know, didn't matter what shape.
My face was makeup laiddown the same, though.
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I think I just naturally sort ofgravitated and defaulted to playing
with makeup, then versus the clothing,but still found that creativity
and that playfulness out of it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want to touch on, sort of the,the cleaning out our closets
(22:41):
and this idea that spiritualfulfillment can be found cleaning.
In a form of meditation, becausethat's something that I struggle with.
I go, I kind of like, I go in my momentsof like, ah, there's stuff everywhere.
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I don't want this in my house.
I need to get rid of it.
And like, I just want to chuck it all.
And then I find myself like,okay, chill out, use this time of
vacuuming, which I actually do enjoy.
I do enjoy vacuuming for a numberof reasons, but use this time.
To just relax and justwalk around your house.
(23:23):
And like, for me, I have oneof those built in vacuums.
So it's a super long hose and it feelsreally easy to just walk around and.
I hear that everything gets sucked upin the vacuum, but I do, I, I, I think
now reading your book I think I do findit in, as a, as a form of meditation,
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but I didn't realize that that'swhat I was doing because I'm moving.
And as someone, like youmentioned, who doesn't find like
that normal or that traditionalform of sitting and meditating.
That's how I realized that.
That's how my meditation comes is,yeah, vacuuming, mowing my lawn,
(24:04):
like doing those sorts of things.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'd love, I love that you recognizethat because that was yeah, a real
pivotal, pivotal moment for me too.
Like I had, and I still have it.
I mean, I was, I was cleaningout my shower today, giving
it like a deep, deep cleanse.
And I was like, wow.
I don't want to do this.
Like, and like meditation andcleaning can be so similar that way.
(24:27):
Right.
It's like, I know I should do thisand it's going to make me feel better
after I do it, but just gettingstarted can be like the biggest hurdle.
Right.
And, and when I realized like, Ican combine the two in that sense it
made, it made cleaning so much moresatisfying and so much more joyful.
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I still, I'm still not very goodat it a lot of the time, but like
one of the things that was reallybecame part of my own practice is,
is being at home and, and vacuuming.
I've got the same vacuum systemlike you do, the good old vacu flow.
But I put my headphones on andI'd listen to like Abraham Hicks
or, or some sort of podcast.
And so timing that like physicalprocess and then like being open to
(25:15):
absorbing, you know, this informationas it's coming down, I, you know,
I'd have a lot of really pivotalor, you know, kind of breakthroughs
while, while taking care of my house.
And it's.
It's cleaning is just, again,it's, it's that metaphor, like
it's never going to be done.
You can get it to a certain point and thenit's going to change again and things are
(25:38):
going to get dirty and you have to clean.
And it's just like those thoughts,you know, they just keep coming back
and keep coming back and you justhave to be like, there it is again.
I'm just gonna recognize it and let it go.
And in some sort of ironic way Aftertaking time off and being a stay at
home mom for a long time and in writingwhen the first job that I took on going
(25:59):
back to work was being a commercialcleaner and going to these businesses
in the evenings and, and and cleaning.
And I was so.
So resentful about it at first, like, I'mlike, Oh my gosh, I'm, I'm doing this,
you know, to support my family and likeshow up, but like, I'm not happy about it.
(26:20):
And then I'd get there and I'd put myheadphones on and I'd listen to my podcast
or, you know use something on YouTube.
And by the time I left, I was in a waybetter mood than I was when I got there.
Like, and I realized this,this whole act of cleaning was.
Totally part of my spiritual practice.
(26:40):
And once I embraced it, I was like,Oh my gosh, this is my special time.
I'm like, I'm excited to go to workand be completely alone and just tune
into myself and, and have this reallydeep meditative experience while like.
Moving my body and, and, and, and havingthat sort of sense of when I leave
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that place, it's in a better placethan it was when I, when I got there.
And, and I, I feel like I'malmost like blessing it.
And I think of it like I three nightsa week, I still, I'm still doing it.
I clean the Toyotadealership and it's like.
That Toyota dealership islike my temple now, right?
Like I'm there and I'm sweeping the floorsand I'm, I'm like, you know, I'm just
(27:26):
like a monk in there, a little monk inthere cleaning and getting things already.
And I feel like, I feel like I hope onsome level that like when the people
return to work the next day, youknow, like that space feels different.
Like it feels cleaner.
not just physically, but likeenergetically, because I've been in such
a good space when I've been in there thatI hope that that carries through somehow.
(27:48):
Right.
And, and so as much as I try and do thatat home, it's not as like poignant, but
it's been such a good practice for me.
And I'm, yeah, I'm really gratefulthat that's how life has unfolded
for me to be able to do that.
I honestly didn't tell anybody that Iwas doing that for like the first year
that I did it because I was so Ashamedof it and like oh my god, i'm a cleaner
(28:11):
kind of thing but like now I you know,i'm so much happier to talk about it
because it is such Such a beautifulspace for me to be in right and there's
nothing shameful about that at all.
So
no absolutely nothing absolutely,nothing shameful and Look at what it
has provided you and now look whatit's provided You Readers, right?
(28:34):
Like I love that.
One of the tips that you have forstaying motivated during maybe some more
challenging times is to believe the moreself valuation that we give ourselves,
the more external validation shows up.
I loved reading that.
(28:54):
Because I, maybe it's the space thatI'm in myself, but I feel like I just
kind of went through a breakthrougharound this whole external validation
piece, and like, not feeling likeI need it any longer in my life.
Don't get me wrong, there's stilltimes where I'm, I'm feeling like,
(29:20):
It, it, it creeps in every once in awhile, but I'm much better at kind of
taking in those thoughts and, and thinkingabout them and, and kind of working
through them and going into that space.
But I'd love to hear like your take onwhere you got to this space yourself.
(29:44):
That is, yeah, where did it originatethat it's been an ongoing process.
There's no question.
I know so much of ithas, like, stemmed out of
the seeking, I guess you couldcall it, we do on this, on our
(30:05):
spiritual journey and like this,this question of like, who am I?
Who am I?
Right.
And
I want to give you like a really likesolid example of when it landed for me,
but I don't know if I can, I think, Ithink a good part of it like had to do
with, this, this whole grief journey thatled into my spiritual journey and like
(30:28):
this realization that the, the love that Ithought I was missing from the person that
I lost was actually always like within me.
And, and so, I guess, yeah, I guess thisis really where it originated from, is
this idea that I was like externalizingall of those feelings onto this person
(30:51):
who was no longer in this world.
And so it felt like I couldnever feel that way again.
But in going through my whole writingjourney and writing about my grief
and sort of doing a deep dive intothat there was this moment where like,
I'm like, Oh, Oh, no, I, I don't needthat person to feel that love anymore
(31:14):
because I always felt it within me.
It was always in me.
Like I could summon that amount oflove and that sensation and all of
those, those good vibes, whateveryou want to call them within me.
Cause that's where they were when Ifelt them, like they weren't because
of him, they were always within me.
And.
When I was able to really own that,then it kind of made everything
(31:40):
else fall into line in the same way.
It's just like, it's, it's all within me.
I can't look externally for something
because it's never out there.
It's, it's.
it's just me feeling thethings that I'm feeling.
And, and so I get to decidewhat I feel at any given time.
(32:02):
And, and I guess a good part of like withthe soul cells framework is this idea
of taking responsibility for how we'refeeling and, and, and for a lot of things.
And so once, once I stopped, Blamingthe outside world for things that were
happening and feeling like a victim,you know, to all of the things I, like,
I still feel like a victim to cleaningoccasionally in my shower this morning.
(32:29):
Then, then all of thatexternal melts away, right?
And, and, and it becomes a total choice.
Everything becomes a choice in terms ofhow I want to feel or don't want to feel.
And, and it's, it's so empoweringreally when you, when you're able
to like own that and liberating.
(32:50):
Yeah, it is totally liberating.
Yeah, yeah, because you can now sort oflike steer yourself towards the better
feeling thought and the better feelingthought and the better feeling thought.
And when, you know, something jumps inthat's disrupting that, you're like,
Oh, okay, let me look at that, you know,and you take a, you take a moment and
you kind of like, Oh, what is that?
Okay, do I need that?
(33:10):
You know, why am I feeling that way?
And I honestly, I'm at a point nowwhere when something triggers me
I heard something the other dayactually that there's sort of a new
phrase where triggers is sort oflike not socially acceptable anymore.
And I can't remember what it was,but it's like where something
like emotionally unregulates me.
(33:33):
Maybe that's what it was.
I'm excited when that happensbecause I'm like, Oh, this is an
opportunity for me to learn moreabout myself and like, what is it?
I'm like, okay, bring it on.
I, you know, like, I want to find outwhat is causing me to get unregulated.
And.
How do I, how do I get back intoregulation now with that same
(33:53):
piece in place, but in a new way?
Like, how do I navigate with it asopposed to just like it being a barrier to
moving forward or doing whatever, right?
Like,
yeah, totally.
I, I'm sorry.
I just been like nodding my headbecause everything that you've
said is like, I feel like,
(34:16):
and I do understand that everyone hasto go through their own journey and.
I can't necessarily say thatthere's only one thing that has
come up in my life that has causedme to get to this place as well.
It's, it really is all encompassingof the last, well, you know, 39.
(34:38):
So the last, you know, 39 years,however One of the things that stood
out was, and you did bring it tothat point, is taking responsibility.
Like, I do feel there's thisexternal responsibility we do
tend to put on other people.
It's a bit of a dependence.
And then when that, when we can nolonger be dependent on that person to
(35:02):
hold these feelings and be that vesselfor us, it really, that grief goes
really deep because then we don't knowwhat to do with all these feelings that
we have had the whole time internally.
It's just that we didn'tattribute it to ourselves.
We attribute it to others around us,whether it's a person, an animal.
(35:26):
Anything like that.
So I, I felt like that was you, yousaid the word was taking responsibility.
And how you just brought up beingexcited, like I can really relate and
I'm only kind of laughing and maybe,I don't know, because it sounds wild
(35:49):
in a lot of, in a lot of ways, right?
Especially, I think, with thatword taking responsibility.
Trigger.
And I don't want to take away frompeople who aren't in this space
yet and maybe won't get there.
That's totally fine.
I can relate to that.
Just a couple monthsago, I got to this place.
I was asked some pretty, pretty,pretty Deep questions about why I
(36:14):
was having a hard time being seen
and where it went to was a place thatgot me so emotionally dysregulated
that in the past would have sent meon a very, a downward spiral, like
(36:35):
into a state of deep depression.
It totally would have sent me there.
Doing all the work that I'vedone, I was able to then.
Yes.
Like, I wouldn't necessarilysay at first, was I excited?
No, but I did, I was able to hold spacefor myself to sit there and question,
what is it about this emotionaldysregulation that I'm feeling?
(36:58):
Where is it coming from and why?
And within like 12 hours of, and therewas sleep during that 12 hours, but
I was able to kind of be like, okay.
Okay.
This is another breakthrough.
This is another like,okay, I'm ready to move on.
(37:19):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
I can, I can literally see thatas you're talking about it.
Like that, that breakthrough is like,is, is that ego cracking, right?
That layer of identity that wascovering up the light of your soul.
And all of a sudden it like crackedopen and the, and there's more of
that soul light shining through.
(37:40):
Right.
And, and.
Those are very difficult moments andoften we talk about that in terms of
like ego death or like a dark nightof the soul and often when we have
those, those breakthroughs or those,those moments of unregulation it's
because our ego is trying so hardto keep that covering on, right?
(38:02):
And it's fighting with all that it hasand it's going to throw everything at you.
All of these thoughts, all of these thingsto try and keep you from changing right?
And, and once you recognize that thereis that process happening within you,
that is somewhat or, or completelyunconscious you know, you, You can
kind of again, step back and be theobserver of it and be like, Oh, I see
(38:26):
what you're doing ego, you know, like,but I love you and I'm ready to change.
And, and, you know, I'mnot, you're not dying.
We're just, we're just releasing thispart of ourselves, you know, and like
you're, you're actually embracing it.
And, and without a doubt, there'softentimes that, you know, we're going
to, like you say, spiral into a depressionbecause that is part of our ego identity.
(38:51):
Having that light shone on it and,and, and, and sort of unraveling
and, and it's, it's a very difficult.
Well, it can be a very difficult thingto do, but I think the more awareness
we have of it, and then the more we sortof step into it and embrace ourselves
it, I don't want to say that it getseasier but it potentially can also get
(39:15):
easier and like, you know, we don'tnecessarily have to have that it.
That that's
place where, you know, our, ourenergy is, is, is in, is a lot
lower where we're sort of likefighting, fighting that resistance.
But yeah, I think that's one of the thingsthat I learned about depression in general
(39:36):
is it's just like, this is our, it'sa, it's a awareness of our ego, right?
Like, it's just a very.
Clear emotion that happens whenour ego comes to the surface.
Right.
And we have that awareness.
And so, yeah, I, you, you're so goodat articulating all these things.
I love it.
Oh, thank you.
That's interesting.
Like my grade nine teacher, it's funny.
(39:59):
I I'm only sometimes I can begood at articulating things.
And sometimes I get, I don't feel like Ilike, I don't, I don't see that in myself.
It's really interesting.
And even when I was, younger.
My grade nine teacher waslike, Oh, I definitely see
(40:20):
you as a teacher in English.
And then by grade 12, Iwas like failing English.
And I don't know what happened,but probably it's because
I was forced to read books.
I didn't want to read.
And I had zero interest in Butyeah, it's, it's, it's interesting.
(40:41):
That's a whole side tangent.
What I, and the other thing I wantto talk, to talk about too, is
perfectionism.
It's, it's, well, it comes up alot for me, and that's another
thing that I've recently reallystarted letting go of a lot more, is
(41:06):
feeling like I have todo everything perfectly.
Perfectionism.
And I get so stuck sometimes on thisidea of perfect, that it then becomes a
barrier and then I halt all productionof any, of all the things, and then I get
absolutely nothing done, and do nothing.
(41:26):
Like, if anything.
Yeah, so I'd love to, I'd lovefor, I'd love for you to share.
I'm glad you brought that up actuallybecause this book has been a total
process in letting go of perfectionismbecause I, I, I don't think I realized
At the time, how much it was influencingme or impacting me in my own way,
(41:50):
but I remember very distinctly lyingin bed and we were probably a couple
months into this whole book processand, and, and there's a moment in,
in sleep, kind of like right before,right Waking and, you know, deep sleep.
And, and for me, that's when I get thesesort of like downloads or I have this sort
(42:12):
of like really luscious connection with,I don't know if you want to call it divine
or my higher self or whatever it is, butall of a sudden I kind of have these you
could call them thoughts that come in orthese sort of like energies that drop in.
And, and this one was like,just it, like it said very
clearly to me, it's Get it done.
(42:34):
Like do the best you can and move on.
Like, and, and it wasn't even somuch a thought as it was this whole
understanding and this energy.
And, and it's like, justkeep moving forward.
Like in order to keep thatmomentum going, you just.
Do what you can, the bestthat you can and let it go.
Like, just keep going.
(42:55):
And I was like, okay, okay.
I understand this to a level thatI've never understood it before.
And it's like, like I've gotthe book here, like just.
Figuring out the cover design, like,because we had sort of a publishing date
in mind, it's like there are all theseboxes that had to be checked in order
(43:15):
to accomplish that time and that goal.
And if I was going to be trying tobe a perfectionist at every step
of the way to check those boxes,like that timeline would be pushed
further and further and further away.
Like it becomes kind of likean infinite impossibility.
So in order to meet that deadline, Youjust have to keep checking the boxes
(43:37):
whether they're, you know, perfect or not.
It doesn't matter because it's It'sjust you showing up where you are
in that moment and moving forward.
And so like yeah, the cover is likesuch a perfect example of that in terms
of like, okay, it could be somethingcompletely different and perfect, but
like, who knows what that really is?
(43:58):
Right?
Like, is it good enough?
Yes.
It's good enough.
Is it, you know, all of the thingsand it says what it means to
say and checks the boxes then.
Absolutely.
And so just keep that momentum going.
And, and so that.
The whole idea of, of just droppingthe perfectionist has been such a
release, such a relief too for me.
(44:20):
And yeah, like you know, I think
I, I, I see how it like harnessesmy children in, in the things
that they're doing now too.
And so it's,
It's, yeah, it's such an interestingbeast to, to try and navigate.
(44:42):
Right.
And, and where it comes from, Idon't fully understand that one.
It would be neat to spend sometime with it and like, ask it
some questions, whatever it is.
Right.
But yeah, I'm, I'm so grateful for that,that moment where it just like dropped
in and it was just like, just keepmoving forward, keep moving forward.
And it was, it was just this weightthat was lifted off of me and,
(45:04):
and, and, and it just becomes.
Again, playful after that, right?
Because there is no nothing to attain.
It just is right.
You're just showing up and showing upthe best that you can in that moment.
So, yeah, I think like I attribute
it to a resistance because each timethat perfectionism comes in, it's,
(45:29):
it's, it's, it's, it's It's a resistantenergy and any form of flow I may have
had up to that point gets cut off andthen I'm like, Oh my gosh, I need this
to be this way and this to be that way.
And then kind of a bit of a spiralinto that state and can become a bit
(45:54):
of like a frenzy, like a mental frenzyof all these different thoughts of
what it could be, what it shouldn't be.
And.
Yeah, that release of letting goand also what I've realized too is,
is everything is data aswell, like the feedback.
(46:16):
So anything to do with, forinstance, the podcast, right?
Like I don't have perfect sound all thetime and I was getting hung up on that.
I was like, okay, howdo I make this better?
I am not techie with, Sound boardsand this and that, or any form of
knowing how it could make sound better.
(46:37):
So I would sit with it and I would startto think, okay, well, if I move this, this
way and this, this way, and then editingwould take days and days, and I would
come back to it and I would try again overhere and try again over there and moving
this dial and lifting this sound up.
I still didn't know what I was doing.
(47:00):
And then I would, I would just.
Basically, like, And I couldn'teven look at what I had done and
I felt like scrapping it all.
And that's what essentially alsotook me a really long time after
getting one episode aired becauseI was sitting in perfectionism.
And then I realized I just, atthis moment in time, I needed
(47:24):
quantity, quality would come.
Yeah, that's so, so true.
That's like, yeah, such aexcellent metaphor or not metaphor.
It's such an excellent mantra.
That's what I'm trying to say.
Right.
And that's what carries me through.
I mean am I as consistent as I wish?
(47:44):
not necessarily, but that's also life.
There's a whole lifesurrounding everything.
But getting back to this book, what are,what are some surprising connections that
have come out of you writing this book?
(48:06):
Surprising connections.
It can be with people, it can be with
Yourself.
Yeah, I'm waiting for theanswer to drop in on that one.
I know there's been many for sure.
(48:30):
Huh?
It's okay.
We can come back
to that.
That's not a problem.
Okay.
Okay.
Give me some time.
I'm sure something will drop in that'sgoing to like, yeah, surprise me.
No problem.
Yeah.
And well, what we were just talkingabout is the perfectionism and
sort of just doing our best andKeep forward with, with momentum.
(48:54):
And I think I touched on that aswell as just like sort of detaching
from the outcome per se and, andjust keeping moving forward and
not allowing our ego to take over.
, so with that being said, what, what aresome tips that you might have that relates
to bringing your dreams into reality?
(49:17):
It has been such anongoing process for me.
And.
I think such a huge part of that hasjust been listening to my intuition
and trusting my intuition and, andreally developing that relationship
with myself to know when something's,you know, dropping in to listen to it.
(49:41):
And I like just even going back tothat, you know, what, what's the
surprising thing that I've learnedor connection that's come up?
Like, like I have really,really had to practice.
Over the years, just listening to thatvoice as it as it's coming through and
and trusting it and not like feelinglike in this environment that I'm having
(50:03):
to script everything that I'm gonnasay and and trusting myself to do it.
Set that script aside, because thathas taken a long time to get to a
place where I can just like communicatefrom a place of authenticity, right?
Like where it's like, you know, my heartand my throat are connecting and I'm
just allowing the words to come out.
And so a lot of that definitelyis just yeah, really.
(50:27):
strengthening that bond that I havewith with my myself and my intuition.
And I think it's a really vulnerablething to do a lot of the time.
And so, you know, Doing itin small pieces has been very
helpful for me along the way.
And, and then, you know, you, you listento something and you follow that path.
(50:51):
And, you know, you, it's like,we're breadcrumbing ourselves
as my friend Monica says, like
but once we do it, you know, there'sthis, this sort of affirmation that
we find after, after listening to,to that, that like ping of intuition
to reinforce that relationship.
Right.
And so it just gets stronger andstronger the more that you listen.
(51:12):
And you know, I can look back and belike, Oh, that was my intuition speaking.
And I totally ignored it.
And, and then at the same time,there's this affirmation of like,
yeah, you shouldn't listen tothat because look what happened.
And so that strengthens the intuitionto write like the things, the
places where I've, I've sort oflet myself down or failed is just
(51:35):
as much of a learning as it is.
When I've followed it and,and had a positive experience.
So it works both ways in that sense too.
So,
well, and I love how you, right afteryou said failed, that it's also learning
because truly looking, looking at a lot ofthings, they are lessons, it's not always
easy to understand what that lesson is.
(51:56):
And no, I don't, I don't personallyfeel like we're always meant to know.
What that lesson is in the momentthat we're going through it.
And as the saying goes,hindsight is 20, 20, right?
Like we, it's always easier to look backand say that was my intuition, but it
also sounds like you're connecting toyour own voice and trusting in that.
(52:20):
And as, as we do pick up those bread,breadcrumbs or kind of what I like to
refer to as following our true north.
Is we start to trust ourselves we startto trust and and even if we kind of
take a little detour we're brought,we're brought back in, in some way.
(52:41):
And I think trusting that we willalways come back to that path.
It just might take alesson or two to get there.
I, for me, that's, that's kind ofwhat what has certainly helped.
As a writer and someone who has nowwritten Two different blogs, two different
(53:03):
types of blogs and on multiple books.
What are some tips that you mighthave for someone who is like, I
really want to write something.
I just have this deep urge toget pen to paper or anything.
What would you say to them?
You know, I hear that often actually,so it's, it's really important to
(53:27):
actually sit down and, and carve outthe time to do it because it can, again,
like cleaning and like meditation,writing is right up there with like,
I know I should do this and I wantto do it, but like, how do I begin?
And yeah, like.
Often when I would sit and write thefirst 20 minutes, the first 30 minutes
(53:49):
easily, it's all just crap, like sorryto swear, but like, it's just, it's,
it's going to be, you know, you haveto work through all that stuff before
something worthwhile starts to emerge.
Right.
And, and again, As much as it is aboutspeaking, I think that's probably what
I love about writing so much is that Ifeel like I, I kind of became a channel.
(54:14):
And so the more I gave myself thatdedicated space and time to sit and,
and start writing, then I opened upsome sort of connection where the
words started coming through me.
And so once I, once I sort of openedthat channel, then, you know, I'd go
(54:36):
to bed and the words would still comeand I'd be like, Oh, that's so good.
I'm never going to forget that.
And you wake up in the morningand you forgot, you're like,
I know that was really good.
There's sort of like this lingeringfeeling like that was really cool.
But what was it?
And so I've, I've learned also to like,when that happens and it's, you know,
(54:57):
three o'clock in the morning and the wordsare coming to get up and write them down
because you can't get that moment back.
Right.
I've heard.
So many awesome rebuttal letters andall sorts of letters to people in
my, in my brain at three o'clock inthe morning, too dang tired to get
(55:17):
up lost everything by the morning.
And I too, same thing.
Oh yeah, yeah, no, that was great.
That was awesome.
Okay.
Like I want to, I like, I really liketo take pictures of things in my head.
So like I sort of took a
In my notes app, because that's whatI use a lot for writing random things.
(55:39):
And I pictured the words in my notesapp, thought that I took this great,
wonderful snapshot in my brain, andthat as soon as I woke up the next
morning, it was all going to be there.
And same thing, like, nope, wokeup, like, absolutely nothing.
But the feeling of having this great,wonderful, like, Whatever it was yeah,
(56:04):
I totally get that.
I know, it's like, it's the feelingthat You know, as a writer, I am
almost chasing after now, right?
Like, I love it when it comes throughand even if I read it, you know, a
week later and like, I don't get thatfeeling again, but I'm like, oh, but I
had it at the time and that was so cool.
So yeah, yeah.
(56:26):
Love that.
Any other points that you feellike you would like to cover that
maybe we haven't covered today?
Oh, again, such a good question.
I think like I am now at this place in myjourney where like I've done the writing.
And now I have to figure out the marketingand this is where it's so new for me.
(56:51):
And I feel so vulnerable and sooverwhelmed and I'm not really
sure like what the next stepis and what the next step is.
And I just have to remind myself to,again, like, I kind of like to think of
each book that I have having its own soul.
And so in those moments when I'm likehalf asleep, half awake, I, I try and
(57:14):
like reach out to the soul of the bookand be like, okay, tell me what's next.
Right.
And.
And I just sort of give it permissionto guide me and, and see what drops in.
And I had this beautiful conversationwith Bridget Aline Sisko yesterday.
She was the publisher for themulti authored book that I was
(57:34):
part of a couple of years ago.
And she knows this whole marketingand visibility world so well.
And she said to me, like, Marketingis just like opening the door.
And so having that visual andthat sort of like metaphor to
work towards was so helpful.
(57:56):
And so I think just like anything,when we're at the beginning of this
new journey, it's just, So importantto just keep showing up for it.
And, and like, this goes back to ourconversation on perfectionism, right?
Like, I don't know how to, how to marketmyself in this way or market a book.
You're doing it
(58:16):
right now.
You're
doing it right now.
Carrie.
Am I?
I'm like, Oh my gosh.
Okay.
This is so surreal, but yeah,just showing up again, like.
In my imperfectness and justlike putting it out there.
So just keep showing up in whateverway you're being called to show up.
(58:36):
Right.
Well, and that's the,that's the funny thing.
Like I have been thinkingabout reaching out to you.
Our kids go to the same school.
I drove in, I saw your car and I waslike, Oh, I need to talk to Carrie.
Maybe I could catch her in personto invite her on the podcast.
And then we didn't, we didn't, wedidn't catch each other that day.
(58:58):
And then I messaged you andyou're like, yeah, I've been
meaning to do the same thing.
And I was like, Oh, likesometimes I swear, Carrie, like
I used to not understand like theuniverse as I refer to it nor did
(59:18):
I trust anything to do with it.
And now there's these thingsthat have been happening.
And, and again, kind ofgoing back to The point about
self valuation and the moreexternal validation shows up.
So I,
(59:39):
I didn't know what directionthis podcast was going to go.
I had this idea and the premise for itand everything, but which direction.
I didn't know.
I'm just showing up all the time andjust trying to do what feels good.
Feels good.
Good for me, but also for the peoplethat I'm gonna be talking with anyways.
(01:00:00):
Point being is that, you know, then thereit's like the universe is just putting
these people and these stories in frontof me and I'm not having to do so much.
Whereas like before, I would gethung up on the idea of marketing.
Whether it was myself or when Iwas sewing and creating things
(01:00:24):
and trying to sell things, I wouldget so hung up on marketing them.
Like I wasn't connected tothe marketing side of things.
I disconnected myself from thatnow, of course, that's a whole other
story about sales and all the things,but how you also just brought up,
you know, it's, it's opening a door
(01:00:46):
You don't know what is ever going tobe on the other side of the door, but
you have to open it in the first place.
And I feel like, and it soundslike it's exactly what's happened.
Like naturally, I feel likelooking at our situation naturally,
that's just exactly what happened.
You open the door, you were, you wereopen to what was beyond that door.
(01:01:06):
And same thing for me.
And this is just kind of likesomething, a product of that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I remember that moment so clearlytoo, cause like I just dropped my
daughter off at school from her, itwas either my son or my daughter.
I can't remember one of them had a orthoappointment or dentist appointment.
And I was like, I was driving awayand you were there and as I was like
(01:01:28):
pulling around like the thoughtstotally dropped in and and it was like
we were having the same thought at thesame time like just I I love that that
I know
it
happened
like yeah
yeah I should I should have
come all the way around and just beenlike I don't know next time I'll do that.
Well, that's just it, because, well, Iwalk my daughter into her class every day.
(01:01:50):
She needs me to walk her in.
So, I didn't think I would see you on myway out, but knowing her, she wouldn't
have really I say this very gently allowedme to stop and chat in, in that moment.
But yeah, so I just was like, Idon't know, you know, this is, to
(01:02:11):
me, this is just like that wholeuniversal thing connecting people
Yeah.
Well, and, and like to build on that,like this, the whole process of this book
has been just full of ease like that,which is such an indication for me that
to, you know, just to keep going withit and just keep listening because like
(01:02:33):
from that very first conversation thatI had with my editor and, and the ease
of that and how well it came together.
Even the writing processand the revision process.
You know like her and Iwere really co creating it.
Every step of the way.
And, it's, it hasn't been one of thosethings that I've had to push myself into.
(01:02:54):
I'm almost like catching up with it.
And as I, As I look back, I can, I cansee where the soul of this book has
actually been like communicating withother people in order to communicate with
me, to be like, this is what you needto be doing right now, Carrie, right?
And I was like, no, no, no, no.
And when I finally listened,it's just sort of been yeah, just
(01:03:14):
full of ease and just playful.
And, and, and that.
That's the message that I get,and I talk about this in the book
too, like from Spirit, is just beplayful on your journey, right?
Like, find ways to be playful, andif it's playful, then, you know,
you're doing the right thing.
I don't know if that sounds right, butlike, for me, it's like, you know, it's
an affirmation that I'm on the right path,or on the path to whatever's coming next.
(01:03:40):
Oh, well, I love that.
I think ease is such a great wordto use, and, In that because I know
some people will say peace, they theyfeel peaceful and I know over the
over the last, you know, eight yearsor so there's been moments where.
I'm pushing and pushing and pushingthese things that just like, like,
sure, maybe some of it I was, I wasresistant to, but I also now looking
(01:04:04):
back, realize those were not for me.
And there's a reason why therewas so much more resistance.
I feel like the resistancethat I meant to work through, I
can, I can understand that now.
Yeah.
I can hold that resistance in place.
Think about it and work through it.
(01:04:26):
A different type of resistancewhere there is zero feeling of
getting through it is really becauseit's not the right path for me.
Interesting.
Now, going back to that intuitionpiece, now that I've been able to see
that over the last several years, Ireally truly can understand, okay, this
is like a little bit of resistance,maybe some ego happening here, but
(01:04:51):
that's something I can work through.
That over there, that is notmeant for me in any capacity,
like stop, halt, step away, moveaway, back out, back the truck up.
But yeah, so I like that word easebecause when, when you do feel at ease for
things, And you're relaxed in the space.
(01:05:11):
Like, I also feel like somuch more you're open to.
So I'll say with that too, with the wholemarketing piece, be playful with it.
Feel at ease with it.
Thank you.
I need that reminder.
Write that down in a few spots.
Yes.
(01:05:33):
Well, Carrie, thank you so muchfor joining me this morning.
This I really loved our conversation.
I really loved how it flowed.
I really appreciate you takingthe time and coming on here.
I love our conversation too.
These are the conversations that I livefor and I'm so grateful that you reached
(01:05:54):
out and made it happen and thank you.
It means a lot to me.
So yeah, it's been along time coming Megan.
It's, it's been a long time comingand I really, I really enjoyed it
and I've enjoyed following alongon your journey and I mean, I can't
wait to dive deeper into this bookand, and really start applying some
(01:06:17):
of the, the, the actions as well.
Okay.
That's one, that's one thing.
Do you have one takeaway outof the book that you could
potentially give to the listeners?
There's actually three.
And then I say this in the preface,like everything is your guru and Be
(01:06:44):
playful on your spiritual journey.
And then the third one ispractice self love by getting
to know your unchanging self.
(01:07:19):
Thank you for joining this week'sepisode of Anchor Your Dreams.
I hope you enjoyed today'sconversation as much as I did.
A big thank you to our incredible guestsfor sharing their wisdom and insights.
If you resonated with today's episodeand want to explore more about
turning your dreams into reality,Be sure to subscribe to the podcast.
We have a lineup of amazing guestsand valuable content coming your way.
(01:07:42):
Don't forget to connectwith us on social media.
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Share your thoughts, insights,and your own journey using the
hashtag anchor, your dreams.
Head over to our websiteat meganmcquillen.
com in the podcast section, where you'llfind the show notes, resources, and
information about upcoming episodes.
(01:08:04):
Before we wrap up, I want to express mygratitude to each and every one of you.
Your support means the worldto me, and I'm thrilled to
be on this journey with you.
Remember, anchored dreams becomegoals, anchored goals become results.
Until next time, dreambig and stay anchored.