November 18, 2025 • 16 mins
Many ADHD women move through Thanksgiving with a mix of joy, pressure, sensory overload, and invisible labor that most people never see. This episode offers a grounded, honest look at how the holiday actually feels for neurodivergent women without shame, without judgment, and without telling you how you’re “supposed” to handle it.
Jess and Jeannine explore the very real contrast between the parts of the holiday that feel comforting and the parts that drain us. From early-Christmas dopamine and all-day cooking marathons to childhood split-holidays and overstimulation before noon, they walk through the full spectrum of ADHD holiday experiences with warmth, humor, and compassion.
In this episode, you’ll hear about:
-
The playful chaos of getting into holiday mode early
-
Why cooking energizes some ADHD women and overwhelms others
-
How invisible labor shapes the emotional weight of Thanksgiving
-
Delegating tasks in a way that feels supportive rather than stressful
-
Building a “Minimum Viable Thanksgiving” that actually fits your nervous system
-
Setting boundaries that keep the day peaceful, not perfect
-
Why small or unconventional Thanksgivings count just as much as the traditional ones
-
How to stay present enough to be part of the memories—not just the labor behind them
This episode is for anyone who wants permission to make Thanksgiving simpler, calmer, and more reflective of how their brain actually works. You’re not alone in the way you experience this season, and you deserve a holiday that gives back more than it takes.
00:00 – Cold Open: Mariah in November & ADHD Holiday Vibes 00:39 – Invisible Labor & Why Thanksgiving Feels Like a Logistics Operation 01:08 – Show Intro: Two ADHD Women, One Holiday Season 02:31 – Split-Screen Thanksgiving: Cooking Dopamine vs. Holiday Whiplash 05:23 – Delegating, Letting People Help, and Letting Go of Perfect 07:47 – Minimum Viable Thanksgiving: Presence, Not Perfection 11:55 – Boundaries Without Being a Holiday Grinch 14:15 – Alternative Thanksgivings Count Too 16:00 – Closing: Peace, Pie & Permission to Rest
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
this time of year we should be giving thanks, but today I'm going to be giving you aconfession it's November I've already got Mariah on repeat and about 15 Christmas totes
(00:09):
sitting in the back room.
Mariah already?
Love her, but it's December thing.
Because I'm all about the real tree and that tree doesn't go up till like, sometimebetween December 10th and the 15th.
Love the needles.
Love the sap.
Love the smell.
but I don't want to start it in November.
You know why you like the real tree.
(00:31):
Bye.
Because you're the real deal.
my tree is like my ADHD.
Thank you very much.
Yeah, and you last
big and excessive and bright and blazing for about six weeks and then it all gets stuffedinto a box until I'm comfortable to bring it back out again.
today we're talking Turkey, but mostly Thanksgiving where gratitude meets a gravy boatloadof invisible labor and everyone's pretending this is fine.
(00:58):
this is angry on the inside.
The podcast for women with ADHD who are trying to survive the holidays without settingsomething on fire literally.
I'm Jess.
And I'm Jeannine, Why am I laughing when I say that?
It sounds really funny.
One more time.
And...
we're two women diagnosed late in life with ADHD who spent decades thinking our chaos wasjust a seasonal personality trait.
(01:23):
We aren't doctors and we aren't therapists, but we are certified ADHD life coaches.
And for this bonus episode, we are the calm before the family storm.
We just have a lot of feelings about holidays, and about asking for help without wantingto crawl into a hole.
grab your stretchy pans and your favorite fork.
Today we're giving thanks,
Thanksgiving starts calm, cozy and somehow turns into a full-scale logistics operation.
(01:49):
If your joy is a ridiculous mountain of sides with two friends, do that.
If the turkey is a headache, buy it cooked.
presence matters more than the perfect menu.
Some people are die hard Thanksgiving before Christmas, turkey before the tree kind ofpeople.
And that's totally cool.
Other people like me.
(02:10):
November one rolls around.
And if I can get those Halloween decorations down and back in the garage, you can bet yourass I'm trying to pull that Christmas tree back inside the house for the year.
I have a few random Thanksgiving items that fit into like a half of a storage box that Itry to make sure that I set out along with the Christmas decorations.
(02:30):
paying
Well, I'm a bit of a sadist, I guess.
I love all the cooking.
I will get up at 6 a.m.
and not go to bed until midnight.
I know that my back's probably gonna hurt because I've been on my feet all day.
I just love, to cook anyway, but I just really love that.
there is something really great about it.
(02:52):
There's not the pressure.
it's just a great time they don't expect you to have your house decorated you don't haveto worry about the presence.
You don't have to worry about, I think there's just, it's to me much more relaxing.
freaking love that for you.
I so love that for you.
That's not the way we kind of rode with it.
You know, for my thanksgivings as a kid, I was from a divorced family.
it's one day where you have to split the families and then, my my kids for them, when welived in Ohio, it was for thanksgivings.
(03:21):
You know how like you see four Christmases, but you get like two days to go across it.
Yeah, for for us, it was like for Thanksgiving's.
And so it made it where you never quite got to actually enjoy any of the food because younever managed to get anywhere at the right time to get the food.
So it was literally a case when I lived in Ohio, when we would start out Thanksgiving orChristmas Eve, we would go to Waffle House and get something to eat.
(03:52):
And shout out to my Waffle House people.
We love you.
Thank you for working the holidays.
I try to always make sure that we give extra extra on the tips if we have it wheneverpossible for people working on the holidays it does, you know, help so much for others in
ways that people might not realize.
But like I was saying, every year I ate Waffle House to start the day because that was theonly meal I knew I was going to be able to get that was hot
(04:17):
and wasn't picked over.
So to me, it was always kind of like stressful.
what drains me for, for Thanksgiving is probably the equivalent of what lifts you up andwhat you look forward to.
It's just the opposite end of the scale, But what would drain me so much aboutThanksgiving is all the travel.
Like I would have to go from place to place to place and with three kids, that's fuckingexhausting.
(04:42):
Kind of takes the fun out.
it sounds draining.
Actually, instead of a sense of abundance, it feels like it's the opposite.
You were lucky if you got the scraps by the time you got to someone's house.
all you people out there who have Thanksgiving coming up and that ADHD overwhelmed thatmight be sneaking up around the corner.
(05:05):
The idea is we want to make this fun and make sure that everybody has a good time, let'stalk about keeping the fun parts and getting rid of the rest.
Jeannine she did mention a pre-made pie.
And though it won't make it into the edit right after she said pre-baked pie, she did sayeww Ill.
(05:30):
that
So Jeannine, apparently not a fan of pre-made pies.
Do you make your own pies?
no, that is one thing.
I'm not great at baking.
lucked out for like 10 years we had, before we moved we had dinner with another family andshe loved to bake.
So she was always responsible for bringing dessert.
Jeannine, we should have met each other 20 years ago.
Cause I am a dessert gal.
I am on point with the baking.
(05:52):
for realsies.
I know, right?
when my name was Baker, I'd be a baker.
maybe that's why good thing I gave the name up because I'm not a baker.
And they do say it is a difference.
You can either kind of cook or bake.
It's like algebra and geometry.
You get one or the other.
I agree.
Because I, I can't freestyle.
(06:12):
So I am with the metrics and how to make something the same over and over again.
also, great cook.
Yeah.
precise.
but he
So with delegating some stuff, we do have the option of pre-made turkeys.
Plenty of grocery stores sell, baskets or boxes at very reasonable prices.
(06:33):
And most people aren't that great at making turkeys.
if you're not that great at making turkey and you find it overwhelming, get one of thepre-made ones and heat that puppy up.
Focus on your sides if that's what you like.
but make sure that
your list is actually including some shit that you enjoy rather than just the stuff thatyou have to do.
what do you actually want from the day?
(06:53):
I know for a fact, Jeannine, she loves her some Thanksgiving.
And even from our intro, you already know she likes to go all out.
Lots of planning She is on top of it.
I myself, Thanksgiving, kind of an overwhelming holiday.
Not a huge fan.
I think we both get in positions where we were overloaded and we can kind of see those.
(07:16):
But the idea is, what do you want from the actual day?
What are the things that are actually important to you?
What are the parts that you actually enjoy?
when we think about it for me,
I've learned over the years, presence, not perfection, I'm going to do everything I can to
let that go.
(07:36):
I can let it go.
Jeannine, is there anything that like from your repertoire that, used to be a bitoverwhelming, but now you've sort of shifted out of that gear?
I still take on too much.
Still the cooking, as I said, delegate the desserts, delegate the hors d'oeuvres, but Iused to want the tablescape to be perfect and would drive myself crazy every year having a
(08:00):
theme, what it would look like.
first of all, being impulsive with my money, buying stuff I only used once, but finallythen my son one time offered like,
Do you want help with that?
And I magically said, yes.
And so then it actually became a really nice tradition with us is that that would besomething that we would do together every year.
(08:21):
I used to be so stressed out, things have to be perfect.
once I let go of things have to be perfect and let someone help me,
that part became much more relaxing is to let them be part of it.
And usually too, people want to be part of it.
I don't think most people really want to just sit around and watch somebody work their assoff.
(08:43):
I mean, maybe some, but I think most people want to have a part of it or be helpful.
And when you're constantly telling them, no, I've got it, I've got it, I've got it.
And then as we know, then you become resentful because you're the only one doing it.
Yeah.
You get what you want.
No one's going to help you.
And then you're resentful that no one's helping you.
here's a line that you can steal, thank you, I need a hand.
(09:06):
And I think they really appreciate being involved.
Simple short task.
If you have a lot of neurodiverse people in your family identified or not, simple shorttask.
That's the way to stay away from overwhelm.
think about the football families, those who always watching the traditional footballgames on Thanksgiving is, even those folks can help you.
(09:31):
It's halftime, hey, go take the trash out or go put the drinks in the fridge or what haveyou.
Everyone can get involved somehow.
It's quick, it's simple, but it actually makes things less stressful for you.
something I used to ask the boys just on a regular basis if I needed something, my sons,they'd be playing video games.
(09:51):
And I'd say, is this a pauseable game?
So that that way I knew if they could actually pause it or not, because I didn't want tostress them out by interrupting them right in middle of a battle or something and them not
being able to stop and then they get all pissy and shit.
So that's one thing for your boys.
But the same thing can be said about in a game, TV, whatever going on.
(10:12):
Most people nowadays,
It's pausable
and they're getting what they want on their day, ask everybody what they actually went outof the day if you guys are spending time together on the day What do you actually want?
Do you actually want a turkey?
Maybe you don't maybe the kids don't maybe everybody just wants a bunch of sides and aturkey sandwich.
Who knows?
most people, think, like the sides more than the turkey.
(10:34):
How many people really like the turkey?
I absolutely love the sides.
it's also important to remember and give thanks that as our families evolve and change,
People have different expectations for holidays and the idea is enjoying one another andbeing together,
There's so many things I want to say about Christmas, but I'm gonna stay true to thisThanksgiving theme, You're making it hard, Jeannine,
(10:58):
only thing is though is Christmas.
You have your moment.
You freaking actually have a whole month and I love me.
I love Christmas.
Absolutely love it.
But You got a whole month.
I just I love me that dopamine.
I love me that Christmas dopamine
so light and pretty.
(11:20):
Oh, told you you'd be the one to say gobble
How do we talk about the people who annoy you at the holidays?
let's start setting some expectations, right?
Holiday Mask Mode says, do everything please everyone.
No, pick the version of the day you can actually enjoy.
(11:41):
For me, it's minimum viable Thanksgiving.
One dish I like, people who are kind and a clear end time.
Everything else is pretty much optional for me.
everyone fed and no one cried in the gravy?
That's a win, don't you think?
predict your triggers because they're going to come, especially if you've got familycoming over.
(12:03):
Is it that it's too much noise?
too many people?
you haven't slept because you've been staying up too late trying to make everythingperfect?
Did you travel?
And that's sometimes not fun.
Just planning those buffers,
set time aside in the morning just to relax, spend it with yourself.
Maybe instead of inviting the entire family, only invite some of the family.
It's not that you're bailing, you're not bailing out on anybody, you're just budgetingyour energy, which can get really sapped this time of year.
(12:31):
sometimes you can't control who's coming to the house for Thanksgiving or who you're gonnabe around for Thanksgiving.
And that doesn't mean we can't set up, boundaries, Does your uncle?
piss you off every year at the Thanksgiving table by talking about religion and politics?
Well, let's try to do something about that.
(12:53):
What would be an option?
we can set the rule.
No politics, no religion.
None of those red hot button issues that get family members going.
And I love the idea just that you were talking about the other day of the conversationstarters.
games or even the things you can get online, they're actually fun.
it sounds like icebreaker stuff people don't like in their corporate training.
(13:15):
But interesting, if it's family, to ask what's your favorite childhood memory?
I think that it's different than like the training?
Cause I know as a neurodiverse community, like when we have to do the training and we haveto like do those cards, I think we don't like that because we are having to try to make
some type of small talk that we think is going to be acceptable in front of people who arecoworkers.
(13:37):
This is different.
This is family.
We know that the bulk of us, we're not too into small talk.
But we all love a random ass conversation about a hyper fixation.
That's a nice way to use those cards.
And if you can't buy the cards, just look them up online, print them out, handwrite themout, toss them on the table and just tell everybody, Hey, we're going to try something
(13:58):
different this year.
We're not going to go around and figure out what we're thankful for because if everybody'sverbally saying what they're thankful for, depending on your crowd,
Some people might get angry, some people might get jealous, some people might feeluncomfortable.
So let's talk about some random ass shit.
I think that's a great way to spend the time shoving food in your face, And talking aboutlike petrified dinosaur poop.
(14:24):
I don't know.
let's talk about some alternative thanksgivings.
a limited family day, it's a thing.
Two or three people, simple food, hard stop.
That counts.
or you don't have to host this year, if you're the one who always hosts, Someone else canhost.
you can just be a guest, Bring your joy.
(14:44):
You won't be exhausted.
It'll be an enjoyable day for you.
Bring your joy.
Bring your own plastic disposable containers to take those leftovers Head out a littleearly, go home, make it a leftover movie marathon, and call that thriving.
Small doesn't equal less.
we tag everything on an excess and we are excessive people, but there are other things wecan do to get those bumps of dopamine.
(15:10):
We don't have to spend every last dime that we have and we don't have to run ourselvesragged.
it's, it's just not necessary.
We've got to give ourselves permission to not be perfect, but also to actually enjoy thefrickin day.
we don't want to be the people that 20 years from now they say, there's no pictures ofJessica and Jeannine.
(15:30):
Why are there no pictures?
because
we don't remember grandma.
She was that lady in the kitchen,
I want to be the remembered grandma.
we had this weird ass conversation because she had these freaking cards and I thought theywere going to be stupid, but they were actually pretty good,
that makes a difference.
It really does.
and even if it doesn't go exactly the way you plan with the stuff you try to implement,it's okay.
(15:52):
If you know it's okay, if you're comfortable with it being okay, it really will be okay.
wherever you are, whether you're the host or hiding away we hope that you find a pocket ofcalm that actually feels like yours.
And if your Thanksgiving table happens to be at a diner, a movie theater, or at the boothin the corner
(16:14):
enjoy the meal, and thank the people working so the rest of us get to breathe a littleeasier this Thanksgiving.
this isn't about performance or perfection.
It's about peace, pie, and permission to rest.
I do too.
happy Thanksgiving, friends.
We'll see you next time on Angry on the Inside.
(16:39):
they weren't there.
They weren't around.
They were taking care of other things.
Or they were the ones that were always behind the camera.
Those types of things suck.
I want to be remembered by my kids, my grandkids.
I don't want them to just be like, grandma was in the kitchen.
this time of year we should be giving thanks, but today I'm going to be giving you aconfession it's November I've already got Mariah on repeat and about 15 Christmas totes
(00:09):
sitting in the back room.
Mariah already?
Love her, but it's December thing.
Because I'm all about the real tree and that tree doesn't go up till like, sometimebetween December 10th and the 15th.
Love the needles.
Love the sap.
Love the smell.
but I don't want to start it in November.
You know why you like the real tree.
(00:31):
Bye.
Because you're the real deal.
my tree is like my ADHD.
Thank you very much.
Yeah, and you last
big and excessive and bright and blazing for about six weeks and then it all gets stuffedinto a box until I'm comfortable to bring it back out again.
today we're talking Turkey, but mostly Thanksgiving where gratitude meets a gravy boatloadof invisible labor and everyone's pretending this is fine.
(00:58):
this is angry on the inside.
The podcast for women with ADHD who are trying to survive the holidays without settingsomething on fire literally.
I'm Jess.
And I'm Jeannine, Why am I laughing when I say that?
It sounds really funny.
One more time.
And...
we're two women diagnosed late in life with ADHD who spent decades thinking our chaos wasjust a seasonal personality trait.
(01:23):
We aren't doctors and we aren't therapists, but we are certified ADHD life coaches.
And for this bonus episode, we are the calm before the family storm.
We just have a lot of feelings about holidays, and about asking for help without wantingto crawl into a hole.
grab your stretchy pans and your favorite fork.
Today we're giving thanks,
Thanksgiving starts calm, cozy and somehow turns into a full-scale logistics operation.
(01:49):
If your joy is a ridiculous mountain of sides with two friends, do that.
If the turkey is a headache, buy it cooked.
presence matters more than the perfect menu.
Some people are die hard Thanksgiving before Christmas, turkey before the tree kind ofpeople.
And that's totally cool.
Other people like me.
(02:10):
November one rolls around.
And if I can get those Halloween decorations down and back in the garage, you can bet yourass I'm trying to pull that Christmas tree back inside the house for the year.
I have a few random Thanksgiving items that fit into like a half of a storage box that Itry to make sure that I set out along with the Christmas decorations.
(02:30):
paying
Well, I'm a bit of a sadist, I guess.
I love all the cooking.
I will get up at 6 a.m.
and not go to bed until midnight.
I know that my back's probably gonna hurt because I've been on my feet all day.
I just love, to cook anyway, but I just really love that.
there is something really great about it.
(02:52):
There's not the pressure.
it's just a great time they don't expect you to have your house decorated you don't haveto worry about the presence.
You don't have to worry about, I think there's just, it's to me much more relaxing.
freaking love that for you.
I so love that for you.
That's not the way we kind of rode with it.
You know, for my thanksgivings as a kid, I was from a divorced family.
it's one day where you have to split the families and then, my my kids for them, when welived in Ohio, it was for thanksgivings.
(03:21):
You know how like you see four Christmases, but you get like two days to go across it.
Yeah, for for us, it was like for Thanksgiving's.
And so it made it where you never quite got to actually enjoy any of the food because younever managed to get anywhere at the right time to get the food.
So it was literally a case when I lived in Ohio, when we would start out Thanksgiving orChristmas Eve, we would go to Waffle House and get something to eat.
(03:52):
And shout out to my Waffle House people.
We love you.
Thank you for working the holidays.
I try to always make sure that we give extra extra on the tips if we have it wheneverpossible for people working on the holidays it does, you know, help so much for others in
ways that people might not realize.
But like I was saying, every year I ate Waffle House to start the day because that was theonly meal I knew I was going to be able to get that was hot
(04:17):
and wasn't picked over.
So to me, it was always kind of like stressful.
what drains me for, for Thanksgiving is probably the equivalent of what lifts you up andwhat you look forward to.
It's just the opposite end of the scale, But what would drain me so much aboutThanksgiving is all the travel.
Like I would have to go from place to place to place and with three kids, that's fuckingexhausting.
(04:42):
Kind of takes the fun out.
it sounds draining.
Actually, instead of a sense of abundance, it feels like it's the opposite.
You were lucky if you got the scraps by the time you got to someone's house.
all you people out there who have Thanksgiving coming up and that ADHD overwhelmed thatmight be sneaking up around the corner.
(05:05):
The idea is we want to make this fun and make sure that everybody has a good time, let'stalk about keeping the fun parts and getting rid of the rest.
Jeannine she did mention a pre-made pie.
And though it won't make it into the edit right after she said pre-baked pie, she did sayeww Ill.
(05:30):
that
So Jeannine, apparently not a fan of pre-made pies.
Do you make your own pies?
no, that is one thing.
I'm not great at baking.
lucked out for like 10 years we had, before we moved we had dinner with another family andshe loved to bake.
So she was always responsible for bringing dessert.
Jeannine, we should have met each other 20 years ago.
Cause I am a dessert gal.
I am on point with the baking.
(05:52):
for realsies.
I know, right?
when my name was Baker, I'd be a baker.
maybe that's why good thing I gave the name up because I'm not a baker.
And they do say it is a difference.
You can either kind of cook or bake.
It's like algebra and geometry.
You get one or the other.
I agree.
Because I, I can't freestyle.
(06:12):
So I am with the metrics and how to make something the same over and over again.
also, great cook.
Yeah.
precise.
but he
So with delegating some stuff, we do have the option of pre-made turkeys.
Plenty of grocery stores sell, baskets or boxes at very reasonable prices.
(06:33):
And most people aren't that great at making turkeys.
if you're not that great at making turkey and you find it overwhelming, get one of thepre-made ones and heat that puppy up.
Focus on your sides if that's what you like.
but make sure that
your list is actually including some shit that you enjoy rather than just the stuff thatyou have to do.
what do you actually want from the day?
(06:53):
I know for a fact, Jeannine, she loves her some Thanksgiving.
And even from our intro, you already know she likes to go all out.
Lots of planning She is on top of it.
I myself, Thanksgiving, kind of an overwhelming holiday.
Not a huge fan.
I think we both get in positions where we were overloaded and we can kind of see those.
(07:16):
But the idea is, what do you want from the actual day?
What are the things that are actually important to you?
What are the parts that you actually enjoy?
when we think about it for me,
I've learned over the years, presence, not perfection, I'm going to do everything I can to
let that go.
(07:36):
I can let it go.
Jeannine, is there anything that like from your repertoire that, used to be a bitoverwhelming, but now you've sort of shifted out of that gear?
I still take on too much.
Still the cooking, as I said, delegate the desserts, delegate the hors d'oeuvres, but Iused to want the tablescape to be perfect and would drive myself crazy every year having a
(08:00):
theme, what it would look like.
first of all, being impulsive with my money, buying stuff I only used once, but finallythen my son one time offered like,
Do you want help with that?
And I magically said, yes.
And so then it actually became a really nice tradition with us is that that would besomething that we would do together every year.
(08:21):
I used to be so stressed out, things have to be perfect.
once I let go of things have to be perfect and let someone help me,
that part became much more relaxing is to let them be part of it.
And usually too, people want to be part of it.
I don't think most people really want to just sit around and watch somebody work their assoff.
(08:43):
I mean, maybe some, but I think most people want to have a part of it or be helpful.
And when you're constantly telling them, no, I've got it, I've got it, I've got it.
And then as we know, then you become resentful because you're the only one doing it.
Yeah.
You get what you want.
No one's going to help you.
And then you're resentful that no one's helping you.
here's a line that you can steal, thank you, I need a hand.
(09:06):
And I think they really appreciate being involved.
Simple short task.
If you have a lot of neurodiverse people in your family identified or not, simple shorttask.
That's the way to stay away from overwhelm.
think about the football families, those who always watching the traditional footballgames on Thanksgiving is, even those folks can help you.
(09:31):
It's halftime, hey, go take the trash out or go put the drinks in the fridge or what haveyou.
Everyone can get involved somehow.
It's quick, it's simple, but it actually makes things less stressful for you.
something I used to ask the boys just on a regular basis if I needed something, my sons,they'd be playing video games.
(09:51):
And I'd say, is this a pauseable game?
So that that way I knew if they could actually pause it or not, because I didn't want tostress them out by interrupting them right in middle of a battle or something and them not
being able to stop and then they get all pissy and shit.
So that's one thing for your boys.
But the same thing can be said about in a game, TV, whatever going on.
(10:12):
Most people nowadays,
It's pausable
and they're getting what they want on their day, ask everybody what they actually went outof the day if you guys are spending time together on the day What do you actually want?
Do you actually want a turkey?
Maybe you don't maybe the kids don't maybe everybody just wants a bunch of sides and aturkey sandwich.
Who knows?
most people, think, like the sides more than the turkey.
(10:34):
How many people really like the turkey?
I absolutely love the sides.
it's also important to remember and give thanks that as our families evolve and change,
People have different expectations for holidays and the idea is enjoying one another andbeing together,
There's so many things I want to say about Christmas, but I'm gonna stay true to thisThanksgiving theme, You're making it hard, Jeannine,
(10:58):
only thing is though is Christmas.
You have your moment.
You freaking actually have a whole month and I love me.
I love Christmas.
Absolutely love it.
But You got a whole month.
I just I love me that dopamine.
I love me that Christmas dopamine
so light and pretty.
(11:20):
Oh, told you you'd be the one to say gobble
How do we talk about the people who annoy you at the holidays?
let's start setting some expectations, right?
Holiday Mask Mode says, do everything please everyone.
No, pick the version of the day you can actually enjoy.
(11:41):
For me, it's minimum viable Thanksgiving.
One dish I like, people who are kind and a clear end time.
Everything else is pretty much optional for me.
everyone fed and no one cried in the gravy?
That's a win, don't you think?
predict your triggers because they're going to come, especially if you've got familycoming over.
(12:03):
Is it that it's too much noise?
too many people?
you haven't slept because you've been staying up too late trying to make everythingperfect?
Did you travel?
And that's sometimes not fun.
Just planning those buffers,
set time aside in the morning just to relax, spend it with yourself.
Maybe instead of inviting the entire family, only invite some of the family.
It's not that you're bailing, you're not bailing out on anybody, you're just budgetingyour energy, which can get really sapped this time of year.
(12:31):
sometimes you can't control who's coming to the house for Thanksgiving or who you're gonnabe around for Thanksgiving.
And that doesn't mean we can't set up, boundaries, Does your uncle?
piss you off every year at the Thanksgiving table by talking about religion and politics?
Well, let's try to do something about that.
(12:53):
What would be an option?
we can set the rule.
No politics, no religion.
None of those red hot button issues that get family members going.
And I love the idea just that you were talking about the other day of the conversationstarters.
games or even the things you can get online, they're actually fun.
it sounds like icebreaker stuff people don't like in their corporate training.
(13:15):
But interesting, if it's family, to ask what's your favorite childhood memory?
I think that it's different than like the training?
Cause I know as a neurodiverse community, like when we have to do the training and we haveto like do those cards, I think we don't like that because we are having to try to make
some type of small talk that we think is going to be acceptable in front of people who arecoworkers.
(13:37):
This is different.
This is family.
We know that the bulk of us, we're not too into small talk.
But we all love a random ass conversation about a hyper fixation.
That's a nice way to use those cards.
And if you can't buy the cards, just look them up online, print them out, handwrite themout, toss them on the table and just tell everybody, Hey, we're going to try something
(13:58):
different this year.
We're not going to go around and figure out what we're thankful for because if everybody'sverbally saying what they're thankful for, depending on your crowd,
Some people might get angry, some people might get jealous, some people might feeluncomfortable.
So let's talk about some random ass shit.
I think that's a great way to spend the time shoving food in your face, And talking aboutlike petrified dinosaur poop.
(14:24):
I don't know.
let's talk about some alternative thanksgivings.
a limited family day, it's a thing.
Two or three people, simple food, hard stop.
That counts.
or you don't have to host this year, if you're the one who always hosts, Someone else canhost.
you can just be a guest, Bring your joy.
(14:44):
You won't be exhausted.
It'll be an enjoyable day for you.
Bring your joy.
Bring your own plastic disposable containers to take those leftovers Head out a littleearly, go home, make it a leftover movie marathon, and call that thriving.
Small doesn't equal less.
we tag everything on an excess and we are excessive people, but there are other things wecan do to get those bumps of dopamine.
(15:10):
We don't have to spend every last dime that we have and we don't have to run ourselvesragged.
it's, it's just not necessary.
We've got to give ourselves permission to not be perfect, but also to actually enjoy thefrickin day.
we don't want to be the people that 20 years from now they say, there's no pictures ofJessica and Jeannine.
(15:30):
Why are there no pictures?
because
we don't remember grandma.
She was that lady in the kitchen,
I want to be the remembered grandma.
we had this weird ass conversation because she had these freaking cards and I thought theywere going to be stupid, but they were actually pretty good,
that makes a difference.
It really does.
and even if it doesn't go exactly the way you plan with the stuff you try to implement,it's okay.
(15:52):
If you know it's okay, if you're comfortable with it being okay, it really will be okay.
wherever you are, whether you're the host or hiding away we hope that you find a pocket ofcalm that actually feels like yours.
And if your Thanksgiving table happens to be at a diner, a movie theater, or at the boothin the corner
(16:14):
enjoy the meal, and thank the people working so the rest of us get to breathe a littleeasier this Thanksgiving.
this isn't about performance or perfection.
It's about peace, pie, and permission to rest.
I do too.
happy Thanksgiving, friends.
We'll see you next time on Angry on the Inside.
(16:39):
they weren't there.
They weren't around.
They were taking care of other things.
Or they were the ones that were always behind the camera.
Those types of things suck.
I want to be remembered by my kids, my grandkids.
I don't want them to just be like, grandma was in the kitchen.
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