S1 E21 When Holiday Expectations Don’t Match Your ADHD Brain

The holidays come with expectations and for ADHD women, those expectations often collide hard with reality.

In this episode of Angry on the Inside, Jess and Jeannine talk honestly about why December feels so overwhelming for ADHD brains. From invisible “shoulds” and perfectionism to emotional overload and burnout, the holiday season becomes a pressure cooker for women who are already doing too much and trying to hold everything together.

They explore how perfectionism often shows up as a learned coping strategy, why kids and partners feel stress even when we think we’re hiding it, and how hypervigilance and all-or-nothing thinking can turn one imperfect moment into a “ruined” day. You’ll also hear why the holidays we remember most aren’t the perfect ones they’re the messy, human stories where things went wrong and everyone survived anyway.

This isn’t a checklist or a “just relax” conversation. It’s a grounded, validating discussion about setting realistic expectations, naming your limits, challenging the constant “shoulds,” and redefining what a good enough holiday actually looks like for an ADHD brain.

If the holiday season leaves you feeling overwhelmed, short-tempered, or quietly angry on the inside you’re not alone.

🎙️ Angry on the Inside is hosted by Jess and Jeannine, certified ADHD life coaches, sharing honest conversations for ADHD women navigating life, relationships, and late diagnosis.

00:00 – The Holiday Script in Your Head Why ADHD women enter December with a mental script and why reality never seems to follow it.

02:05 – Perfectionism, “Shoulds,” and Holiday Pressure How invisible expectations, perfectionism, and lifelong “shoulds” collide during the holidays for ADHD women.

04:55 – Kids, Partners, and Emotional Wi-Fi Why the stress we think we’re hiding is felt by everyone around us especially kids.

07:45 – Hypervigilance and All-or-Nothing Holiday Thinking How trying to control holiday chaos drains ADHD women and turns one imperfect moment into “the whole day is ruined.”

11:45 – Capacity vs. Expectations (What Actually Breaks Us) The mismatch between real capacity and holiday plans and why ADHD women often don’t realize the limit until after the crash.

15:25 – Good Enough Holidays & Letting Go of “Should” ADHD-friendly strategies for setting realistic expectations, communicating limits, and redefining what “good enough” really means.

19:30 – The Holidays We Remember Aren’t the Perfect Ones Why the most meaningful holiday memories come from messy, human moments not perfectly executed plans.