S1 E3 When ADHD Words Hurt (and Heal): How Language Shapes How We See Ourselves

You can’t change what you can’t name and when it comes to ADHD, vocabulary isn’t optional. Women with late diagnoses have been slapped with labels like lazy, flaky, disorganized, or too much. None of those explain what’s actually happening in our brains.

In this episode, Jess and Jeannine dive into why words like time blindness and rejection sensitivity actually matter and how having the right vocabulary can shift the story from shame to self-understanding. We talk about family code words. How naming what’s happening in your ADHD brain can save relationships, sanity, and a whole lot of unnecessary guilt.

This isn’t about fancy labels for the sake of it.  It’s about finally having the language to explain what’s going on, to ourselves and to the people around us.

The truth is, vocabulary isn’t just semantics here. It’s survival.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Jessica (00:00)Hey everybody, welcome back to Angry on the Inside, a podcast for women who've been late diagnosed with ADHD. I'm Jessica from Alternative Path Coaching, your co-host and fellow late diagnosed woman.

(00:01):
Jeannine Thill (00:10)And I'm Janine from Everyday Greatness Coaching. today we're going to be diving into why it's so important to be able to have vocabulary for ADHD symptoms and characteristics. It might not sound important, but it can be a game changer, not only for ourselves, but for the people in our lives.
Jessica (00:24)many of us have spent years thinking, we're just too sensitive or too lazy. We're bad with time. We're a hot mess.
Jeannine Thill (00:31)I used to beat myself up constantly for not remembering stuff or for starting 12 things and finishing none of them. I had no idea that those were ADHD traits, but once I had names for those things, I felt like I finally had a manual for how my brain works.
Jessica (00:46)I think that's exactly right. Because, if you want to understand something, you got to give it a name. that's why our topic is vocabulary today. And just because you know the name of something doesn't mean that you're going to understand it. But when it comes to an ADHD perspective and a late diagnosis, vocabulary really, I think it's almost the anchor
to make sure that you don't float away after that diagnosis,
Jeannine Thill (01:10)definitely. And being able to name it also gives you language to explain it to others. like today, when I texted you and said, hey, my brain's an ADHD thing this morning, can we push back our recording? It's just easier way to help explain to others kind of what's going on for you in the moment
Jessica (01:27)when I received that text message, I replied back with a thumbs up. one of those things, and I know that a lot of people, they'll say, especially the newer generations will say the thumbs up is the new middle finger. But I make sure to tell everyone that I speak with my thumbs up is literally me smiling, doing a thumbs up like that is freaking awesome. we have to explain.
Jeannine Thill (01:40)All right.
Jessica (01:50)some of our actions to people as well. giving it a name and having that vocabulary kind of all ties together so that we start to understand each other and our community.
Jeannine Thill (01:58)now I'm freaking out about how many people I've given thumbs up to recently.
Jessica (02:02)Exactly. once you have that terminology, you can also figure out what actually helps, instead of generic advice, like just make a to-do list or start finding stuff that works for you and your actual brain. it's kind of like unlocking your own toolkit. And it truly is because I think we all unknowingly search for terminology to explain
the phenomenons that we are experiencing. once we get that diagnosis, it's no longer a case of those default answers of being lazy, of being, a fuck up or a screw up or broken or any other thing. Suddenly we have reasoning and we have an explanation. So that terminology is so important and comes into play. as we go along,
we have to remember we're not broken. We're not flaky. We've got ADHD and we all need to take the time as a community to educate ourselves as to what that means and also to help educate others. And that doesn't mean that we have to be the poster children for all things proper and correct.
with ADHD, but it does mean we have to know enough to understand and explain to those people we love and feel comfortable with so that they actually understand.
Jeannine Thill (03:21)a lot of times too, having that name, at least I know for me, when I would think about ADHD symptoms, and they talked about, for example, time blindness. It was like, my gosh, I finally have words that explains my experience. Because it's really hard to tell people that I just can very much lose track of time. I completely underestimate how long things are going to take. I'm always late to things.
but to have these words of time blindness to help me understand exactly what it is, why my brain is doing what it's doing is just really helpful for myself. it's been helpful to at least sometimes try to explain to others. labeling your ADHD traits, it's not about putting yourself in a box. It's actually just about finally understanding the box you've been in your whole life.
Jessica (04:04)I couldn't agree more, Janine.
Jessica (04:05)Many of us grew up feeling like we were too much or not enough. We were too loud, sensitive, disorganized, not focused not disciplined not good enough at pretty much everything.
Jeannine Thill (04:16)What we weren't told was that these things, all of these things, they might actually be symptoms of ADHD. But without a label, we internalize them as personal failings. that leads to shame, burnout, and some really mean self-talk, which I know I can be really good at.
Jessica (04:31)As can I, allistic people don't understand when they say you're always your own worst critics. That is to the nth degree for anyone with ADHD.
where labeling comes into play is a case when we're naming something like time blindness, rejection, sensitivity, it shifts the story, It goes from Any negativity towards ourselves to, all right, my brain is processing time differently

(00:22):
that's where we come into understanding and creating vocabulary around how ADHD shows up Some choose to give it an actual name when they are reaching, a meltdown level or when they need time to be alone. They need their quiet time. They need their shutdown time.
they'll give it an actual name, a random name, right? Alan is in the building means I need to be left the frack alone. everybody in my family is going to understand that that's what that means. everybody's going to give grace and understanding and take a step back and be like, mom's getting ready to blow. she's trying to let us all know that she is getting ready to blow, that there is this level of overstimulation.
Jeannine Thill (05:31)You
Jessica (05:38)that she cannot handle and that is why we have a name for it. it's not to be funny and it's not a joke. It's very serious, but everyone in the room now knows, okay, mom's dysregulated. Let's all take a step back and give her a minute. That little spot, that little space and time, that little word, that little inflection, that can save so much
sadness and heartbreak and dysfunction and need for healing because It's a boundary when we're understanding these boundaries when we are understanding the people we love who are neurodiverse and Are trying to let us know what's going on? These are the things that save the arguments, They stop the explosions
Jeannine Thill (06:22)which is why that labeling is so important. mean, that shift is everything. it can really, in the moment, help those around you understand what's happening for you, what's going on for you. It also just giving a name, makes it less personal.
Jessica (06:22)music.
Jeannine Thill (06:37)just being able to depersonalize it, that it's not a moral failing. It's not that you're not enough. It's not that you're undisciplined or all those other words that probably our self-talk likes to say to us, that it's your ADHD. that at that moment is how it's impacting you. also those around you, or could if they don't get out of your way.
Jessica (06:55)Wait,
Jessica (06:57)What happens once we actually start to use the terminology and the vocabulary that we gain
With our ADHD diagnosis.
Jeannine Thill (07:03)to.
Well, several things, for example, we can communicate what's going on to our friends, to our coworkers, our families.
for example, you can communicate what's going on
instead of just saying, I'm sorry, I'm so flaky, you can explain to them what's going on for you. time blindness. And so that's why you can often forget when an appointment is or miscalculate how long something's going to take. Or if you're really, you know, just disorganized and
letting them know that this can be a common symptom and that you are working on it to.
Jessica (07:35)This is a new form of communication for you to use with not only your loved ones, but everyone who you Run into in your life, Everyone who you're interacting with who play major roles in your day because I think with ADHD
Jeannine Thill (07:49)Yeah.
Jessica (07:52)we internalize and even us saying,
that it is our fault, it is on us, something has gone wrong. Well, obviously it's my fault, like I said, it's a new form of communication. And I totally recognize so many of us here. All you do is talk about ADHD. That's all you talk about. just...
Jeannine Thill (08:10)Ha ha ha.

(00:43):
Jessica (08:11)That's like ADHD is like your whole life. It's your personality. Well, no shit. It's my brain, you know, it's going to affect everything I do, from waking up in the morning until I go to sleep at night. if it's going to affect every single thing I do, and if you're going to be in my life, it's going to affect you too. I want to take the time to help you understand, but I also am taking the time to heal myself and recognize in my own self that
Jeannine Thill (08:16)Yeah.
Jessica (08:36)there's reasonings behind everything that has happened for me in my life. people do not recognize or understand the holistics in our lives or the others who are undiagnosed in our lives. They don't take the time or maybe they just don't have the knowledge and I'm being harsh, but the amount of money and relationships and
stature and health that we lose, We lose so much. We don't even have a fighting chance and we don't know because we end up being late diagnosed we don't understand because no one around us understands. many of us are a classic textbook case of ADHD and
you say, it was different back then. It was different back then, but it's also a case that any doctor could have seen that so many late diagnosed people had ADHD, even if they just took a moment to actually look at the situation. But none of them did. And we all suffered for it. so, yes, you are going to have to learn a few new terms.
Jeannine Thill (09:33)yeah.
Jessica (09:43)because I've learned a few new terms. And yes, ADHD is going to be my personality, but you know what? It was my personality before and you were talking shit about it because I wasn't making the family reunion on time and I didn't remember to bring the fricking snack box and I didn't remember to send my kids to school with lunch money and all these other things. you guys were already talking shit about it. So let's learn more about it. And maybe you could say something nice about me instead.
Jeannine Thill (10:06)There you go. I liked what you just said.
labels can make a real difference and offer real life benefits, including just being able to get access to support for treatment. I think even building a sense of community when you can start sharing your symptoms, when you finally have those words to describe your symptoms, your experiences, and you come across somebody else who's also experienced ADHD that way,
It's actually an amazing feeling. just remember that from our class of having people who've experienced the same thing as you and things that you didn't know was ADHD all your life, Maybe you just beat yourself up, made you feel like you were on the outside, right? You were so different. You didn't belong. Then someone comes along and they're like, my God, I know exactly what you're talking about. it's just such a good feeling to have that support and that understanding.
from another person. I think that's another really good reason to become familiar with these terms, to educate ourselves and to learn about them. You know, we also talked about just the treatment, maybe you need medication, maybe you need counseling. when you know what you're trying to work on, What you want your medication to help you achieve is that you're gonna be more focused, that you're gonna...
have less TV's playing in your head, because that's at least for me. I don't have 20 TV's in my head anymore. I just have three. Two on really good day, but no longer the 20.
we've talked about how to use this new knowledge with our friends and our family. I think being able to have the term for it, being able to explain it, explain your experience, explain that symptom, it also gives those around you a chance to learn more, to understand you more, and gives you a chance to ask for the support. What is it that you really need?
You don't need them to buy you a new planner, a new organizer, Maybe it's you want them to provide you with some reminders. Maybe they can be your accountability partner. It's just that you have ways to being able to explain to them what is your experiencing and what's going to help support you, what's going to help you manage your symptoms better.
Jessica (11:55)you