September 17, 2025 • 15 mins
Getting an ADHD diagnosis as an adult doesn’t hand you a neat instruction manual. It drops you into a storm of relief, grief, and “Why the hell didn’t anyone catch this sooner?”
In this episode, Jess and Jeannine get real about what happens after the diagnosis: the messy emotions, the missing pages, and the process of rewriting your story on your terms.
Come with them into the emotional rollercoaster, the myths and misinformation, and why community, therapy, and self-compassion matter more than “fixing” yourself.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Jessica (00:00)Welcome back to Angry on the Inside, where we talk about real, messy, and sometimes the raunchy side of living with ADHD, especially for women who figured it out later in life. I'm Jessica.
(00:01):
Jeannine Thill (00:09)And I'm Janine. today we're tackling the question that every woman who's been diagnosed with ADHD later in life has asked herself. Now what? What do do with this information? What should I do today? something that can feel both like a massive release and a huge overwhelming question mark. What do you do after you get your ADHD diagnosis?
What are you supposed to do with the information and how are you supposed to move forward?
Jessica (00:31)Right? Because it's not like someone hands you this step-by-step manual and says, here you go. Everything's laid out for you You're lucky to leave with a little packet of information, maybe a trifold pamphlet.
It's confusing, it's overwhelming. And we're going to talk through this together.
Jeannine Thill (00:45)let's start with the emotional roller coaster. I know when I got diagnosed I went through still going through that cycle of being relieved to being really angry to going through a grieving process Sometimes all the same afternoon. Sometimes in the same minute it's something that I think is still continuing for me and it's been four years
I think that happens for a lot of women, that continuing cycle of, my gosh, I know what it is now, to why the fuck didn't someone figure this out earlier, to ⁓ my gosh, all my lost opportunities.
Jessica (01:17)It's like suddenly your whole life just makes sense. And you're dealing with this grief because You realize how long it's been We're all playing on extra hard mode. And even after we get that diagnosis, it takes a long time for our brains to downshift and realize
the actual gravity of what's been going on in our lives that feeling of anger. and maybe some of that is at the systems and the people who missed it for so long.
Jeannine Thill (01:46)all of that is totally normal. All those emotions are valid. Your diagnosis doesn't erase your past struggles and it sure as heck doesn't suddenly make it clear, like, I have a diagnosis and tomorrow I'm going to wake up and everything's going to be different because I'm going to know how to handle my ADHD. But it does give us a chance to at least move forward differently. I think people expect to just feel happy about finally having an answer, but the truth is it's really complicated.
Jessica (02:10)to put it in perspective, taking the idea that you have this book and you've been rereading this book your whole life. And, it's everything that you've kind of paced your life at, Your mile markers, all these things. This book had everything in it that you needed. And then suddenly, 30, 40 plus years later, you realize it's been missing all these pages. And that's why nothing makes sense. Everybody else has a book that
It has all the pages.
Jeannine Thill (02:35)and you just can't process that overnight. Sometimes I feel it might actually take a lifetime to process through all of that. But I love that analogy of having a book because I used to always joke about where's my owner's manual. But now I realize even if I had been given owner's manual, there's probably pages missing unlike everyone else who seems to have a complete one.
it's definitely a journey. Some days you're hopeful, some days you're hopeless. So where do we start?
Jessica (02:59)we'll start where most of us all start in this journey, right? We start out learning as much as we can about ADHD, We, we let those emotions settle and we get slightly comfortable. And right when we do, we're like, we need to understand everything, It's key to understanding and accepting that ADHD, is a phenotype and that in other people's
perceptions, they might look at it as a brain disorder. It really is somewhere that people can negotiate and they can fight and they can argue or they can stop and listen and educate each other about it and listen to everyone's different perspectives about what this really is and how it affects those who actually have ADHD.
Jeannine Thill (03:43)ADHD can lead to feelings of shame and self-blame. The more you understand it, at least this has helped me, the more I've understood what's actually going on. It's helped me let go of some of those negative emotions. Let go of that, feeling like I am less than and just understanding that, it's just wired differently. Nothing wrong with that.
when I was first diagnosed. I think for like two weeks straight, all I did was research ADHD. And I read as much as I possibly could.
Jessica (04:09)spent a lot of years wondering what was going on. ADHD wasn't really on my radar until my daughter and I started to discuss it. And because she was on TikTok and everybody can have an ha or whatever they want about TikTok. But I think it's a great place for the narrative verse community. and that really is what helped lead me to start to wonder if that's what was going on and being able to check off all those boxes. Cause I will tell you.
we all go through very similar journeys. A lot of us are very into astrology, horoscopes, emotional tests, all the Cosmo tests, because we're constantly trying to figure ourselves out and understand where we fit in and how we belong, learning about hypersensitive people.
those who are gifted, highly intelligent.
everybody wants to argue that they are their own individual single things. in many ways they are, but a lot of these paths end up leading us into the neurodiverse community. that's sort of where I started.
(00:22):
Jeannine Thill (05:09)which is so interesting because My daughter was diagnosed about three to four years before I figured it out. And it was actually in the process of moving and realizing that I was just so disorganized and feeling like, ⁓ my brain, it just doesn't work right. that night I remember Googling how to get organized and.
Jessica (05:14)Thank
Jeannine Thill (05:29)came on some list and the last thing on the list was, well, maybe ADHD. I then Googled ADHD and I found myself crying for an hour because it was like, oh my God, this is exactly what it is. So it was suddenly just introduced to it, not having any, I still thought it was, seven year old boy who
had too much energy that he couldn't sit down and concentrate. even with my daughter's diagnosis, it was like number three on the list of, you know, other things that were going on for her.
for me, once I understood exactly what ADHD was and could see where my symptoms played out. It just helped me really get rid of those feelings of, self doubt and shame, that it wasn't some character flaw or some moral failing, but there was actually a reason why I had some of the struggles that I had and why for others, a lot of that stuff was really easy.
Jessica (06:17)I'd say that, the increased awareness is the reason why we're here, right? It helps to spell common myths and misconceptions, and it lets you gain a clearer understanding of what it is and isn't.
There's a lot of great resources online. Chad, ADDA, be sure to check the links in the show notes. We'll make sure that there's plenty of resources for you.
Jeannine Thill (06:38)one of my favorites is Attitude Magazine. have a lot of free webinars that Jess and I joke about. sign up for all the time and then miss. I know I'm going to make the dig on TikTok. Just make sure it's not some kid.
Jessica (06:45)Yes.
Jeannine Thill (06:53)who thinks he knows what ADHD is. But there are obviously some very good resources about ADHD on TikTok, such as Jess.
Jessica (07:01)with that said keep in mind, there might be younger people on TikTok who do know what they're talking about. Lots of them list resources and different options. There's going to be things that resonate with you and don't. don't stop at one just continue to find others to
talk about their experiences, talk about your own. If you find that vibe with someone, then share, talk, We're here to form community and we're here to share understanding. that's probably one of the most important things all of us can do to help one another.
Jeannine Thill (07:30)that's what you and I realized when we met during the coaching program is to have that support system. I mean, it's just amazing to talk to somebody, and they get you. It's almost like you don't have to finish the sentence and they know exactly what you're talking about. But I feel like if I've talked to someone who's not neurodivergent, they just look at me like I'm a crazy person, that I don't know what I'm talking about. Or I'm just trying to make excuses, If I just be more disciplined, if I just be more organized.
Jessica (07:34)Mm-hmm.
As you learn more about ADHD, you can start to understand how it impacts your life. From there, you can take steps to address the areas that you want to change or build upon.
Jeannine Thill (08:05)⁓ some people, maybe they find the biggest impact is on how they focus or for others like myself, it's the time blindness or impulsivity. or, emotional dysregulation that is a definite symptom of ADHD, but is so often not discussed
as long as you can reflect on your own life and start spotting those patterns and seeing where your symptoms are coming up, where are they impacting your life? Just being able to do that with just curiosity, not judgment,
Jessica (08:32)taking the time to reflect and really learn to lean in to the attributes of your ADHD and how it's impacting your life can make such a difference and bring such clarity. how does ADHD show up for you? And in the way that it's showing up for you, how can you utilize it to make your life better?
you'll end up wanting to take time to see how it has affected personal relationships, workplace challenges, and everyday routines. And at first, many people say, ⁓ well, I've tried all these things and nothing's ever worked. And it's just my ADHD. But again, if it is your ADHD, stop and listen to it. What will work with your ADHD? How do you lean in? How do you show up?
for your ADHD, it makes a difference in how you show up for your ADHD. Your ADHD will show up for you in life in a positive way.
Jeannine Thill (09:25)the goal isn't to fix yourself because we know you're not broken. It's just about understanding how your brain works and how you can work with it.
(00:43):
how do we actually move forward?
Jessica (09:34)So practical first steps,
building your support network. Now this could be a therapist, a coach, a support group, or even just a friend who gets it.
Jeannine Thill (09:43)I know we're coaches, but I would really say if it's something that you can afford or you can find a way to afford a therapist at the very beginning, I think it's so important because there's just so many emotions that most people need to work through. especially that grief piece, which I know we're going to be talking about later on in a future podcast. But if you can afford a therapist, whether it's online or in person,
I really think that's kind of one of the best investments you can make at the beginning of this journey. And then you go to the ADHD coach.
Jessica (10:13)something good is just to experiment with systems. by now, if you're here with us, you've tried planners and reminders and time blocking and, all of these different things, but finding your actual expectations for yourself, learning and understanding realistic expectations for yourself. These are huge.
it's almost about how you measure your own self-worth. when I say that, I mean we tend to measure our self-worth by the amount of work we think we get done, the amount of people we seem to be able to help. that's not a realistic, healthy way of dealing with that many times in the neurodiverse community.
that's where, Janine is coming from. Reach out, find help in community therapy, coaching. Only you can find your path and your way to get to where you need to be. But they are helpful resources. And if you try one and it doesn't work, keep looking, keep trying. the way you do that is staying in touch with community.
because we will hold each other accountable in a way that doesn't hurt each other's feelings. Hey, did you manage to get over there? Did you do that? you're giving them permission to ask you questions like that. you won't get upset because you've given them permissions to say, hey, did you make it to therapy? Hey, did you decide to look into coaching? All of those things set realistic expectations and boundaries and hold us accountable.
we're going to talk more about that as we go with the steps, primarily building your support system. That's our first step, making sure that we show self-compassion and self-care and self-love as we start to go through this process would be the next step.
Jeannine Thill (11:55)we talked a lot about just that group support, the community, a therapist, friends, that type of thing.
Jessica (11:59)Thank
Jeannine Thill (12:03)And also a
medical professional. Maybe it's the person who diagnosed you, talk with them about options for a lot of people, medications super beneficial for other you might try something and it doesn't work, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't continue to try other things. Just like we're talking about different systems, you
to least talk with your doctor about those options that could help you. Or maybe it's gonna be making sure you follow an exercise routine or make changes to your diet or your sleep hygiene, that type of thing. talking to, medical profession,
that specializing ADHD is so important because I'm sure we could do a whole podcast on how little medical professionals actually know about ADHD, especially when it comes to adults. They are just as naive as a lot of other people. So finding somebody.
who has a background in ADHD is really important. reach out to your community and find out who they've been working with or who do they know.
Jessica (12:55)one of the most powerful things after diagnosis is that you get to rewrite your story. But rewriting that story circles back to, leaning into your ADHD, learning to understand how it shows up for you, recognizing that
because having ADHD is a phenotype, this also means that different things will work for your brain. What works for your brain? Does it mean that you put your books in order of color instead of alphabetical order? Does it mean that
you cook all your meals on Monday and you just eat the same meal over and over again, Monday through Friday, because that's what's comfortable for you. What shows up? How does it work for you?
Jessica (00:00)Welcome back to Angry on the Inside, where we talk about real, messy, and sometimes the raunchy side of living with ADHD, especially for women who figured it out later in life. I'm Jessica.
(00:01):
Jeannine Thill (00:09)And I'm Janine. today we're tackling the question that every woman who's been diagnosed with ADHD later in life has asked herself. Now what? What do do with this information? What should I do today? something that can feel both like a massive release and a huge overwhelming question mark. What do you do after you get your ADHD diagnosis?
What are you supposed to do with the information and how are you supposed to move forward?
Jessica (00:31)Right? Because it's not like someone hands you this step-by-step manual and says, here you go. Everything's laid out for you You're lucky to leave with a little packet of information, maybe a trifold pamphlet.
It's confusing, it's overwhelming. And we're going to talk through this together.
Jeannine Thill (00:45)let's start with the emotional roller coaster. I know when I got diagnosed I went through still going through that cycle of being relieved to being really angry to going through a grieving process Sometimes all the same afternoon. Sometimes in the same minute it's something that I think is still continuing for me and it's been four years
I think that happens for a lot of women, that continuing cycle of, my gosh, I know what it is now, to why the fuck didn't someone figure this out earlier, to ⁓ my gosh, all my lost opportunities.
Jessica (01:17)It's like suddenly your whole life just makes sense. And you're dealing with this grief because You realize how long it's been We're all playing on extra hard mode. And even after we get that diagnosis, it takes a long time for our brains to downshift and realize
the actual gravity of what's been going on in our lives that feeling of anger. and maybe some of that is at the systems and the people who missed it for so long.
Jeannine Thill (01:46)all of that is totally normal. All those emotions are valid. Your diagnosis doesn't erase your past struggles and it sure as heck doesn't suddenly make it clear, like, I have a diagnosis and tomorrow I'm going to wake up and everything's going to be different because I'm going to know how to handle my ADHD. But it does give us a chance to at least move forward differently. I think people expect to just feel happy about finally having an answer, but the truth is it's really complicated.
Jessica (02:10)to put it in perspective, taking the idea that you have this book and you've been rereading this book your whole life. And, it's everything that you've kind of paced your life at, Your mile markers, all these things. This book had everything in it that you needed. And then suddenly, 30, 40 plus years later, you realize it's been missing all these pages. And that's why nothing makes sense. Everybody else has a book that
It has all the pages.
Jeannine Thill (02:35)and you just can't process that overnight. Sometimes I feel it might actually take a lifetime to process through all of that. But I love that analogy of having a book because I used to always joke about where's my owner's manual. But now I realize even if I had been given owner's manual, there's probably pages missing unlike everyone else who seems to have a complete one.
it's definitely a journey. Some days you're hopeful, some days you're hopeless. So where do we start?
Jessica (02:59)we'll start where most of us all start in this journey, right? We start out learning as much as we can about ADHD, We, we let those emotions settle and we get slightly comfortable. And right when we do, we're like, we need to understand everything, It's key to understanding and accepting that ADHD, is a phenotype and that in other people's
perceptions, they might look at it as a brain disorder. It really is somewhere that people can negotiate and they can fight and they can argue or they can stop and listen and educate each other about it and listen to everyone's different perspectives about what this really is and how it affects those who actually have ADHD.
Jeannine Thill (03:43)ADHD can lead to feelings of shame and self-blame. The more you understand it, at least this has helped me, the more I've understood what's actually going on. It's helped me let go of some of those negative emotions. Let go of that, feeling like I am less than and just understanding that, it's just wired differently. Nothing wrong with that.
when I was first diagnosed. I think for like two weeks straight, all I did was research ADHD. And I read as much as I possibly could.
Jessica (04:09)spent a lot of years wondering what was going on. ADHD wasn't really on my radar until my daughter and I started to discuss it. And because she was on TikTok and everybody can have an ha or whatever they want about TikTok. But I think it's a great place for the narrative verse community. and that really is what helped lead me to start to wonder if that's what was going on and being able to check off all those boxes. Cause I will tell you.
we all go through very similar journeys. A lot of us are very into astrology, horoscopes, emotional tests, all the Cosmo tests, because we're constantly trying to figure ourselves out and understand where we fit in and how we belong, learning about hypersensitive people.
those who are gifted, highly intelligent.
everybody wants to argue that they are their own individual single things. in many ways they are, but a lot of these paths end up leading us into the neurodiverse community. that's sort of where I started.
(00:22):
Jeannine Thill (05:09)which is so interesting because My daughter was diagnosed about three to four years before I figured it out. And it was actually in the process of moving and realizing that I was just so disorganized and feeling like, ⁓ my brain, it just doesn't work right. that night I remember Googling how to get organized and.
Jessica (05:14)Thank
Jeannine Thill (05:29)came on some list and the last thing on the list was, well, maybe ADHD. I then Googled ADHD and I found myself crying for an hour because it was like, oh my God, this is exactly what it is. So it was suddenly just introduced to it, not having any, I still thought it was, seven year old boy who
had too much energy that he couldn't sit down and concentrate. even with my daughter's diagnosis, it was like number three on the list of, you know, other things that were going on for her.
for me, once I understood exactly what ADHD was and could see where my symptoms played out. It just helped me really get rid of those feelings of, self doubt and shame, that it wasn't some character flaw or some moral failing, but there was actually a reason why I had some of the struggles that I had and why for others, a lot of that stuff was really easy.
Jessica (06:17)I'd say that, the increased awareness is the reason why we're here, right? It helps to spell common myths and misconceptions, and it lets you gain a clearer understanding of what it is and isn't.
There's a lot of great resources online. Chad, ADDA, be sure to check the links in the show notes. We'll make sure that there's plenty of resources for you.
Jeannine Thill (06:38)one of my favorites is Attitude Magazine. have a lot of free webinars that Jess and I joke about. sign up for all the time and then miss. I know I'm going to make the dig on TikTok. Just make sure it's not some kid.
Jessica (06:45)Yes.
Jeannine Thill (06:53)who thinks he knows what ADHD is. But there are obviously some very good resources about ADHD on TikTok, such as Jess.
Jessica (07:01)with that said keep in mind, there might be younger people on TikTok who do know what they're talking about. Lots of them list resources and different options. There's going to be things that resonate with you and don't. don't stop at one just continue to find others to
talk about their experiences, talk about your own. If you find that vibe with someone, then share, talk, We're here to form community and we're here to share understanding. that's probably one of the most important things all of us can do to help one another.
Jeannine Thill (07:30)that's what you and I realized when we met during the coaching program is to have that support system. I mean, it's just amazing to talk to somebody, and they get you. It's almost like you don't have to finish the sentence and they know exactly what you're talking about. But I feel like if I've talked to someone who's not neurodivergent, they just look at me like I'm a crazy person, that I don't know what I'm talking about. Or I'm just trying to make excuses, If I just be more disciplined, if I just be more organized.
Jessica (07:34)Mm-hmm.
As you learn more about ADHD, you can start to understand how it impacts your life. From there, you can take steps to address the areas that you want to change or build upon.
Jeannine Thill (08:05)⁓ some people, maybe they find the biggest impact is on how they focus or for others like myself, it's the time blindness or impulsivity. or, emotional dysregulation that is a definite symptom of ADHD, but is so often not discussed
as long as you can reflect on your own life and start spotting those patterns and seeing where your symptoms are coming up, where are they impacting your life? Just being able to do that with just curiosity, not judgment,
Jessica (08:32)taking the time to reflect and really learn to lean in to the attributes of your ADHD and how it's impacting your life can make such a difference and bring such clarity. how does ADHD show up for you? And in the way that it's showing up for you, how can you utilize it to make your life better?
you'll end up wanting to take time to see how it has affected personal relationships, workplace challenges, and everyday routines. And at first, many people say, ⁓ well, I've tried all these things and nothing's ever worked. And it's just my ADHD. But again, if it is your ADHD, stop and listen to it. What will work with your ADHD? How do you lean in? How do you show up?
for your ADHD, it makes a difference in how you show up for your ADHD. Your ADHD will show up for you in life in a positive way.
Jeannine Thill (09:25)the goal isn't to fix yourself because we know you're not broken. It's just about understanding how your brain works and how you can work with it.
(00:43):
how do we actually move forward?
Jessica (09:34)So practical first steps,
building your support network. Now this could be a therapist, a coach, a support group, or even just a friend who gets it.
Jeannine Thill (09:43)I know we're coaches, but I would really say if it's something that you can afford or you can find a way to afford a therapist at the very beginning, I think it's so important because there's just so many emotions that most people need to work through. especially that grief piece, which I know we're going to be talking about later on in a future podcast. But if you can afford a therapist, whether it's online or in person,
I really think that's kind of one of the best investments you can make at the beginning of this journey. And then you go to the ADHD coach.
Jessica (10:13)something good is just to experiment with systems. by now, if you're here with us, you've tried planners and reminders and time blocking and, all of these different things, but finding your actual expectations for yourself, learning and understanding realistic expectations for yourself. These are huge.
it's almost about how you measure your own self-worth. when I say that, I mean we tend to measure our self-worth by the amount of work we think we get done, the amount of people we seem to be able to help. that's not a realistic, healthy way of dealing with that many times in the neurodiverse community.
that's where, Janine is coming from. Reach out, find help in community therapy, coaching. Only you can find your path and your way to get to where you need to be. But they are helpful resources. And if you try one and it doesn't work, keep looking, keep trying. the way you do that is staying in touch with community.
because we will hold each other accountable in a way that doesn't hurt each other's feelings. Hey, did you manage to get over there? Did you do that? you're giving them permission to ask you questions like that. you won't get upset because you've given them permissions to say, hey, did you make it to therapy? Hey, did you decide to look into coaching? All of those things set realistic expectations and boundaries and hold us accountable.
we're going to talk more about that as we go with the steps, primarily building your support system. That's our first step, making sure that we show self-compassion and self-care and self-love as we start to go through this process would be the next step.
Jeannine Thill (11:55)we talked a lot about just that group support, the community, a therapist, friends, that type of thing.
Jessica (11:59)Thank
Jeannine Thill (12:03)And also a
medical professional. Maybe it's the person who diagnosed you, talk with them about options for a lot of people, medications super beneficial for other you might try something and it doesn't work, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't continue to try other things. Just like we're talking about different systems, you
to least talk with your doctor about those options that could help you. Or maybe it's gonna be making sure you follow an exercise routine or make changes to your diet or your sleep hygiene, that type of thing. talking to, medical profession,
that specializing ADHD is so important because I'm sure we could do a whole podcast on how little medical professionals actually know about ADHD, especially when it comes to adults. They are just as naive as a lot of other people. So finding somebody.
who has a background in ADHD is really important. reach out to your community and find out who they've been working with or who do they know.
Jessica (12:55)one of the most powerful things after diagnosis is that you get to rewrite your story. But rewriting that story circles back to, leaning into your ADHD, learning to understand how it shows up for you, recognizing that
because having ADHD is a phenotype, this also means that different things will work for your brain. What works for your brain? Does it mean that you put your books in order of color instead of alphabetical order? Does it mean that
you cook all your meals on Monday and you just eat the same meal over and over again, Monday through Friday, because that's what's comfortable for you. What shows up? How does it work for you?
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