September 18, 2025 • 47 mins
After growing up in Trenton, New Jersey, Prince broke the cycle and built a life defined by discipline and service; first in the Army, then as a Charlotte-Mecklenburg police officer. Ten years into his career, everything changed when a drunk driver hit him, forcing an abrupt medical retirement.
While facing the aftermath of the crash, Prince was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and PTSD. Instead of breaking, he rebuilt—returning to school, earning multiple degrees, and ultimately completing his doctorate in criminal justice. Today, he uses his lived experience and education to teach the next generation as a college professor, while continuing to speak openly about mental health, resilience, and overcoming trauma.
Prince has transformed his pain into purpose advocating for mental health awareness in law enforcement and veteran communities while proving that it’s possible to rise from loss stronger than before. From losing the identity he once clung to, to finding purpose beyond the badge, his story is proof that resilience is possible even when the world falls apart.
Prince’s Socials and Links
https://instagram.com/realprinceblue
https://tiktok.com/@realprinceblue
https://www.linkedin.com/in/prince-blue
Email: armyprince2020@gmail.com
Real Time with Prince Blue Podcast
https://www.youtube.com/@realprinceblue
Black and Blue Lives Podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/black-and-blue-lives/id1574245761
Beyond the Monsters Socials
https://www.instagram.com/beyondthemonsters/
https://linktr.ee/BeyondtheMonsters
*Disclaimer: The content shared on this podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The discussions and experiences shared are based on our personal stories and opinions. This is not medical advice, and it should not be used as a substitute for professional medical guidance. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider for any concerns or questions regarding your health.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hi and welcome back to Beyond the Monsters.
Today I have Prince with me.
He's gonna share his story.
(00:21):
Yes, yes, yes.
Thank you for having me.
I am so excited.
You know, this has been a long time coming.
I've seen a lot of your podcasts and I am just, I am super excited to be here.
You great work and the stories I've heard and seen is just wonderful.
So I'm honored.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So let's begin wherever you're comfortable.
(00:44):
You asked me whatever you go
Go ahead, you start from, let's hear your story.
Okay, my story is I grew up in Trenton, New Jersey.
um Urban setting, um mom and dad.
uh I lived with my dad and my stepmom growing up.
I was the youngest of four.
(01:05):
I was the only one that got a chance to actually be raised by my dad.
So um around me, know, a lot of my friends, didn't have father.
So I had my father who was a strong influence in my life.
um
raised me to be the man that I am today.
Grew up in Trenton, went to uh the Trenton school system all the way up to the ninthgrade.
(01:29):
By the time I got to the ninth grade, my father was like, there's no way in hell you'regoing to Trenton High School.
So he sent me to live with my mom then, who was in a very affluent area, and she sent meto one of the best high schools in the country.
That's when I first learned that um there is things.
outside of the inner city.
(01:49):
There are things beyond what I grew up seeing.
And it showed me that, you know, I can do anything.
Cause I was around other kids that were go-getters and their parents were go-getters.
And I did that.
um Did high school, graduated high school, went to college a little bit.
(02:10):
um Then uh fell off, um decided to go to work, went to work.
um
That was working, but then I just felt like, you know, I just felt stuck.
So funny story, one night I had got off of work and my mom was getting on me about takingout the trash.
And I was just so annoyed because I was like, I'm 20 something years old and I'm stillliving with my mom.
(02:35):
And then the best thing happened that always happened and I never paid attention to it.
The army commercial came on and I was like, you know what?
I'm going to the army.
So I signed up.
I signed up for the army.
um Did the army for a little bit.
Went to Korea, spent some time in Japan, came back to North Carolina where I retired outof North Carolina.
(03:02):
um Worked a little bit again.
uh Chased my dreams of finally wanting to be a police officer.
uh Signed up to be a police officer.
Got hired by the...
Charlotte Mecklenburg Police Department in 2009.
Did that for 10 years.
(03:23):
Retired there, was hit by a drunk driver, so I had to medically retire.
Yeah.
So I did that for a while, 2019, and then in 2019 I got out, and for some reason I gotbored, and I started doing more schoolwork.
(03:43):
And I started taking class after class.
It started while I was being a patrol officer.
I was taking classes.
And then I was like, you know what?
This school stuff isn't half bad.
And then I kept taking classes, kept taking classes, got my bachelor's.
Then I was like, you know what?
I want to go get my master's.
Then I went and got my master's.
(04:04):
And then it was COVID season, and me and the whole family was sick.
Oh.
And we were all in the bed and we were watching Law and Order, SVU.
And then I remember an episode came on where the social work, the social work system wasoverworked and, you know, they were falsifying hours.
They really wasn't going on visits.
(04:26):
And then I looked at my wife and I said, you know what?
I want to be a social worker.
And my wife was like, that's the meds talking.
You already know, cause my wife's a clinical therapist.
but her foundation is in social work.
So she was like, you know what, I don't know where you're going with this.
I don't know if it's the meds.
I don't know if it's the bipolar, the major, the present.
(04:46):
Let's go, let's go.
So I was filling out for all these social work schools, got into my wife's alma mater.
Yeah, and then a recruiter called me and she said, I don't mean no harm.
I would love to have you.
I would love to have you, but.
Your bachelor and your master's is in criminal justice.
(05:09):
If you do social work, you'll just get a master's of social work and then you won't haveany certifications, any training, anything that goes with it.
You'll just have a master's of social work.
So it pretty much you'll start from the bottom.
And then she was like, have you ever thought about getting your doctorate?
And I was like, you mean like go to school for a long time?
(05:30):
I was like, absolutely not.
She was like, I think you should do that.
And then I was like, you know what?
Bipolar brain started working.
I started research, I started researching.
I was like, yeah, I could do this.
I could be a doctor.
could be a doctor.
Filled out for a whole bunch of schools.
Finally one called me back and it was like, hey, we would love to have you in our doctoralprogram for criminal justice.
(05:57):
And three and a half years later.
um I defended my dissertation in March and I graduated in May with my doctorate incriminal justice.
oh
I heard you say bipolar.
Is that something that you had that most of your life that you know of?
Like when were you diagnosed?
(06:18):
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder in the military.
And then, you know, I did that, I went through that in the military, and then I dealt withit while I was being a police officer.
And then it was when I met my wife, my wife noticed that she was like, I know they saidyou had major depressive disorder, um your mood swings are just too erratic, you're too
(06:46):
high sometimes, and then...
you're so low where I gotta drag you up out of the depths.
And she was like, I know you hate therapy, but you're gonna have to go talk to somebody atthe VA.
So I went to the VA just not telling them anything about what my wife said.
I just talked to them and oh told them what I was dealing with and took some tests.
(07:07):
And then finally it came back.
She was like, the reason why I believe that you were...
diagnosed with major depressive disorder and not bipolar is because they're similar insome aspects and if you're able to function enough that they'll say, okay, you have major
depressive or you don't have bipolar disorder, but she was like, yeah, you're the classiccase of bipolar disorder and I got because of my highs and lows and um Because believe it
(07:38):
or not when I actually took the test in the military they had you do this questionnaire
When I was reading back what they said, said, took the test, they said either you reallydidn't wanna try at all on this test or you have bipolar disorder.
But I guess back then they just couldn't fathom that I would have that and be able tofunction in the military.
(07:58):
So they was like major depressive disorder.
Because you know, in the military they don't want you having that and having access tomilitary secrets, weapons and all that stuff.
it was like major depressive disorder, we could work through that.
You tell us a soldier has bipolar disorder, that's kind of hard to come back from.
Yeah, so did they not have you on the right drugs, the right meds?
(08:22):
No.
Because you were depressive disorder and not bipolar.
Correct, and also, um you know, when you have any type of mental health disorder, youswear that they don't know what they're talking about.
(08:42):
So they were prescribing me stuff and I was like, man, I ain't taking no pill, I don'tneed no pill, I'm a soldier.
so you weren't even taking your meds anyway.
I would, right up, right when it was time for to go to therapy, like three days before Istart taking them.
And I'd be like, yeah, know, I'm taking them, you know, I do this, I do that.
I feel great.
(09:03):
So I wonder, that affect your roller coaster even more?
Getting meds in there for a few days and then not taking them or were you pretty?
all the time, because it was just, you know, they give you that stuff for a reason.
And I know people out there, they'd like, you know, do the holistic thing or, you know,you don't need chemicals, blah, blah, blah.
(09:25):
But I'm like, you know what, these things are put here for a purpose.
And obviously they were working because when I was on them, I was fine.
And when I was off of them, I was not fine.
So obviously I needed that type of intervention.
So when did that affect you in the military at all?
(09:47):
Yes, um when I was really down and low, I would stay in my room, gain weight, eat, um justwatch TV or lay in my bed.
The funny thing is when you're depressed, you know it's the first thing to go, yourhygiene.
Right.
Like, you know, I wasn't shaving.
(10:09):
Right.
The only time water touched me is if it rained.
Like, it was like really, really bad.
Yeah.
But to me, it was just like, you know, I'm overseas, I'm in Korea, I miss home.
I was always finding a way to rationalize why I was doing the things I was doing versusjust admitting to myself that, hey, I have a mental health disorder and I need to fix it.
(10:34):
But I would just rationalize it as I'm away from home, I'm homesick, I have nobody.
So of course I'm gonna stay in my room.
Of course I'm gonna eat.
Of course I'm not gonna work out.
Of course I'm gonna do this and do that.
Okay, yeah, that makes sense.
So you struggled with this until your wife was like, hey, this is the reality.
(10:55):
Wow.
mean, isn't that always the case?
You mean, you're with your wife, you're with your significant other, you're with yourspouse, you're with your woman.
And she's like, hey, you ain't gon' why would just yesterday you was love bombing me andI'm the queen and I'm this and I'm that and today you're short with me.
(11:15):
You're highly volatile.
You're explosive.
You're angry.
Like what happened?
What did I do wrong?
And then to me,
Because you know, you're always the last person.
Everybody's telling you that you're different.
I'm like, what are you talking about?
I'm the same person.
Like, I don't have to talk to anybody.
You know, I don't have to be friendly.
Like, what is this?
(11:36):
But in reality, like, you're really hurting the people that is really in your corner.
So my wife was very, she was very uh big on me and the drive enforcing me to actuallybecoming compliant with my medicine, and especially with my therapy.
So, you know, if it wasn't for her, I probably would have been
Definitely worse off because I wouldn't have been taking medicine and I damn sure wouldn'thave been seeing a therapist.
(12:03):
Were you against therapy before that?
I you how people preface something and saying, I don't wanna make it this, but then theymake it that.
Like, I don't wanna make it a race thing, but when you're a black man and you grew up in ablack family and you say, I'm depressed, your mama be like, you better depress them damn
(12:23):
dishes.
Like, what is depression?
Like, what do you mean you sad?
What do you mean you sad?
I gotta work 10 to 12 hours a day to make sure you gotta eat and you're sad?
get over it.
Yeah, get over it.
it's like that was your therapy growing up, not somebody saying interesting.
So how does that make you feel?
Well, maybe it's this, let me turn to the book.
(12:45):
Okay, you have a classic case of this.
Like most of my diagnosis was you better get over it.
I don't know what's wrong with you, but you better fix it.
You better fix your face before I fix you.
So that's how I was growing up in the black community.
They didn't believe in none of this mental health stuff.
Do you think that's changing or not really?
(13:08):
I think it's changing, but I think it's changing for the worse because now people use itas a trend.
Like you see it on social media people be like, I have anxiety disorder or I'manti-social.
No, you just don't like to go into a crowded Walmart.
I don't like to go into a crowded Walmart.
(13:28):
That doesn't mean you have, if you know what crippling anxiety is,
You wouldn't throw out those terms so loosely.
Oh, I'm bipolar.
Oh, I'm anti-social.
You have no idea what it is to actually look at somebody that you love.
You loved them one day and then the next day you're like, why are you here?
(13:55):
What's the purpose?
You have no idea.
A lot of people like to throw around the new other one is narcissistic.
Everyone throws that one.
Everybody's narcissistic.
That's my favorite one.
Lord forbid you feel a little bit high about yourself, got some confidence.
You're narcissistic.
Because I can count to 10, like I'm confused.
(14:20):
Somebody called me that.
They was like, just because you got degrees, you're so narcissistic.
I was like.
My degree is in criminal justice.
I'm not diagnosing anybody.
I'm trying to fix a system.
Now, when I'm going on one of my trips, yeah, I may got a little bit in me that I think Ican do anything and I can conquer the world.
(14:42):
And I'm going to solve criminal justice issues in two days.
Yes, yes.
Oh my goodness.
I bet your wife has fun with you.
You guys, I bet you guys go back and forth.
She doesn't get away with anything, does she?
Like I said, she's a therapist.
I gotta watch what I say, because sometimes I gotta say, turn your brain off.
(15:06):
I need my wife.
I don't need you diagnosing me.
I'm not on the couch.
I don't sit on couches when I talk to her.
you're not about to diagnose me.
I just want to talk as your husband.
But yeah, she definitely keeps me on my toes.
Because I backslide a little bit every now and then.
I start feeling like I feel good.
(15:27):
I don't need medicine.
and then I'll start that pattern again and then she'll come, she'll stand one night shewas standing over me and she just opened her hand.
She said, here, take them, drink this water.
Do you actually stop taking them sometimes?
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, I still have issues with compliance.
(15:47):
Yeah
Yeah, yeah.
I know like, you because I did psych and addiction for like 20 years and a lot of forensicpsych.
I remember, you know, so many times, especially people with schizophrenia, that they wouldstop taking their meds because they didn't like the way they made them feel.
They didn't feel anything.
And then boom, right back.
It was always so frustrating.
(16:08):
feel good when I'm on one of those highs.
Like, as you see behind me, these are my highs.
Like, all in my cart, shopping, buying stuff.
Like, I don't know if you can, well, you definitely can't see it, but I have like shelvesof sneakers.
Like, I love collecting toys.
And I think that's my personality to where it's either all or nothing.
(16:33):
And I do that with everything.
And sometimes I do feel like medicine gets in the way of
of that creatively and that part of my brain that wants to do things.
So I stopped taking my medicine.
then of course things pile up and then it gets too far and it's like, now I have to reinmyself back in.
(16:53):
But I absolutely hate the way sometimes it makes me feel, but it's a necessary.
Right.
So tell me about some of the things you're doing.
Well, right now I am uh a college professor.
um I teach criminal justice uh full time, all week.
um I teach adults and I teach children.
(17:17):
um I do my own three podcasts actually.
Yeah, I know, Starting Wednesday, Wednesday through Friday, Wednesday I do a Black andBlue Lives podcast.
And actually my former supervisor at my old police department, we do a police podcastwhere we talk about police mental health, suicide, PTSD.
(17:43):
We break down viral clips, trending clips of bad police tactics.
And basically we just deal with police issues and things of that nature.
Then Thursday I do real time with Prince Blue.
That's me.
That's like me.
That's...
my brain on whatever you want.
(18:05):
I don't want to glorify drugs, but that's my brain when I'm like, hi.
So I do pop culture.
do pop culture.
I do trends.
I talk about everything.
break down viral clips.
I just I have a series.
Yeah.
And I just do a recap of my life and what I have going on.
And I give my own-
(18:27):
perspective on things in the community, all communities, especially the black community.
And then Friday, I do trifecta hour.
That's with me and two other, I will say this, I'm a black conservative Republican.
So I do it with two other black Republican conservatives and we just break down allpolitical stuff and we talk about issues in the community and things of that nature.
(18:53):
And I do that with them.
uh
every Friday.
Wednesday through Friday, I'm busy because if it's not busy, it's dangerous.
So I keep my mind.
You gotta stay busy that idle time usually is never wonderful
I'm never good with my own thoughts.
Now, do you have, have you suffered from PTSD from the military or police work?
(19:19):
Yes, I suffer from PTSD from the uh accident with the police force when I was um hit by adrunk driver on duty.
um I'll never forget this night.
We were...
uh
(19:40):
we got a call that two officers that were conducting a DUI investigation on the side ofthe road was struck by another drunk driver.
So we were in charge of setting up barricades so medic can work on those police officersand get them out of there.
(20:04):
So of course I go to help with the barricade and
I went to one spot and the officer was like, hey, I already got this spot covered.
You can take the highway.
So I went to take the highway, blocked it off sideways with my vehicle, turned on my bluelights.
I even had on my vest.
I had everything on.
(20:25):
remember, the only thing I remember was I went to go talk to somebody and then I got backin my car and I kid you not, the next thing I know is I'm sitting up,
I'm laying down in hospital, open my eyes and it's my wife, my captain at the time, andthe police chaplain standing over me because um they said that I would not wake up.
(20:51):
I just would not wake up.
So they were like, hey, uh Officer Blue isn't waking up.
You may want to get the chaplain.
It doesn't look good.
So I was just out.
And then I'm sitting up and I'm looking and I'm like,
Why are y'all, I'm like, why are y'all in my patrol car?
Cause I'm like, that's the last thing I remember was being in my patrol car.
(21:15):
And I'm in a hospital, I'm naked, I'm looking up, I see a chaplain, my captain and mywife, my pregnant wife at the time.
And I'm like, what are y'all doing here?
And they was like, you don't remember anything?
I was like, no.
They was like, you were hit, you were struck by a drunk driver while in your patrol carand you didn't wake, and you just now waking up.
(21:35):
And.
That was it.
That's all I remember from that accident.
And since then, when it comes to drunk driving and just driving on the road, I am veryvigilant about things like that.
And sometimes, it took me a while when it was time for me to get back and drive and stuff.
(21:58):
Even go back to the...
When I went back to being a police officer, when I finally rushed back, it just never feltthe same after that.
And then I started having health complications.
gained a lot of weight.
I, I, um, I was diagnosed.
hypervigilant.
Hyper hyper vigilant hyper vigilant with everything but working out and eating better Butat the time of course, I got the major depressive thing I got the bipolar thing that was a
(22:26):
diagnosed right and then on top of that now I got PTSD so I got all that going on and Igained weight got type 2 diabetes kept getting sick kept having um Kept going into
diabetic comas because my sugar was so high
And then finally I developed neuropathy in my hands and in my feet.
(22:48):
the doctor was just like, yeah, yeah.
beat my, both my mom and my dad are type two diabetics and they both contracted it at 40.
I beat them by like five years.
So congratulations to me.
um the doctor was like, you know, since at any given time you can't use your hands or youcan't use your, uh your feet like.
(23:13):
We can't sign off on you being a police officer anymore.
I was crushed.
I was crushed.
Gosh, that's so hard.
So then did you go more into depression at that point?
and you wanna talk about I went from.
(23:37):
When I first started, when I was fresh out of the academy, I was 215 pounds.
By the time I left, by the time I retired in 2019, I was 305 pounds.
Yeah, I was in like the deepest, darkest place.
(23:58):
I had a CGM, I had an insulin pump.
It was just, it was so awful.
I couldn't wear sneakers.
I couldn't wear any of my sneakers.
I had to wear slides all the time.
And my fingers and my toes were tingling.
It was just an awful place.
And of course, what do you do?
You take it out on the people closest to you.
(24:20):
So my wife, my kids, it was one of those things to where whoever was closest to me, Iwanted them to feel the pain that I felt, but.
I couldn't blame anybody but myself.
And I don't think it's intentional.
It's just the head space you're in, you know, at that time you can't really help it.
That is true, but one of the things I always told myself I would never do is I would neveruse my mental health disorder as an excuse.
(24:49):
Because I see people when they do that, they be like, yeah, you know, I climbed a clocktower and took out three people because I'm bipolar.
I'm like, no, that's not how it works.
Yeah, it's definitely, never any excuse to be.
And that's the beauty about
I be telling people all the time, I be like, no, that wasn't bipolar.
That was just me being an asshole.
(25:10):
At least you're not.
Yeah, I'm fully medicated.
I just don't like who you are and I'm just going to tell you about it.
So yeah.
Yeah, re-suicidal during that time.
No, that's the one thing I've never, but this is the thing.
You know how on the questionnaires they ask you, they be like, hey, are you suicide?
(25:33):
Are you suicidal or have you ever thought that people in the world would be better offwithout you?
I believe that that's a happy medium.
Like I was feeling like, you know, I'm sick, you know, I'm piling up all these medicalbills.
um
I need insulin.
(25:55):
need all this medicine.
I need four or five pills to function.
Like, what's the point?
So I've, I've, oh, I've sometimes felt that way, but never like, Hey, this world would bebetter off if I just take myself out.
But I was killing myself, not eating right, not working out, feeling sorry for myself, nottaking my medicine.
(26:19):
So honestly, if you want to think about it, it's
It's slow suicide because you are killing yourself.
The doctor tells you, he'd be like, do you wanna die?
No.
Well, if you keep doing what you're doing, you're killing yourself.
You're gonna die.
But when you say suicide, that just means that's the absolute decision that you're gonnamake a conscious effort to take yourself away from this earth.
(26:47):
And I've just never been there.
Thankfully, right a lot of people experience that you know in mental health, you know that
And first of all, I don't want nobody to get my sneakers.
I don't want nobody to get any of my toys.
I don't want anybody to get any of that.
So no, I ain't going nowhere.
And I always told my wife, if anything ever happened to me, and if you ever remarry, I'mhaunting him.
(27:14):
I'm like pulling his pants down when he get close to the steps.
I'm pushing him down the steps.
My ghost, I would never leave.
So no, no, I like being here.
I like breathing.
I like the earth.
You're like, definitely no one is wearing my shoes.
No one is wearing my shoes.
Absolutely not.
No.
So how do you like, how'd you pull yourself out of that?
(27:38):
it's gonna turn into her podcast, uh Good Woman.
Like she knew who I was and who I could become and she just would not let me be in thatdark place.
Like no matter how much I fought her, no matter how much I just said, leave me alone, likejust let me do me, like she just would not do that.
(28:03):
And then slowly but surely I started doing things that mattered.
whether that be, you know, when you have bipolar and you, I kind of call it, I use mysuperpowers, I use my superpowers for good.
I would, like, if I'm gonna be hypervigilant, I'm gonna be hypervigilant on my schoolwork.
I'm gonna be hypervigilant on my papers.
(28:24):
I'm gonna be hypervigilant on my tests.
I'm gonna do stuff like that.
And that's what I did.
I just slowly tried to, instead of making bipolar and major depressive order, um
my personality, I made it to where it was a strength and I did well and now I advocate forothers to do the same.
(28:47):
So have you come across quite a few people like in the mental health field or anythinglike that that you've helped along the way?
Um...
Well...
that are, I should say that are struggling.
uh
I talk to people, let's, let's put it this way.
(29:08):
I talk to people that they do everything, but go and get the diagnosis.
So when they're talking to me, you know, I'm not a doctor.
So, but when they're telling me things, excuse me, I'm like, yeah, that sound like you mayneed to go talk to somebody.
So what I do, I say, Hey, this is what I do.
When I'm in that place, this is what I
(29:30):
I go talk to somebody and no, I don't go talk to my pastor.
I don't go talk.
I go talk to somebody that is new to somebody that is trained and talk to deal with andidentify whatever it is you're going through.
Because some of your friends are going to tell you what you want to hear.
Some of your friends are going to tell you what you need to hear, but you need a personthat can say, this isn't good.
(29:57):
This is what we're going to do.
This is our plan.
That's how I do it.
I kind of lead by example, because people will see me now and they'll be like, yo, youlook great.
Like, what did you do?
Like, what happened?
And then that's when I say, hey, this is what I did.
This was my path.
I love that you share that though.
(30:17):
What is the mental health aspect?
just your experience because it's always so genuine when people do that and people thenbecome relatable.
I mean, why hide it?
mean, listen, I got bipolar.
I got major depressive disorder.
I got PTSD.
I mean, it's not the Scarlet Letter.
(30:38):
It's not a badge of shame.
It's just that chemically, I need help.
I'm going to need help for the rest of my life.
I'm going to need therapy.
I'm going to need chemical therapy.
That's OK.
So we're here now.
Let's move on.
It's not the plague.
It's not...
um
It's not leprosy, it's something that you can fix.
(31:01):
And number one, it's something that nobody can see.
Like if you're a burn victim, people can clearly see you've been in a fire.
When you have mental health disorder, think about it.
If you just see me out and about, or if I'm just telling you my life without any of thestuff, when you cut this up and I say that I'm a retired veteran, I'm a retired police
(31:25):
officer,
and I'm a doctor and I teach college.
What part of that are you gonna say, man, that dude off his rocker, he gotta have sometype of mental health disorder?
No, because you can't see it.
And only only people that are qualified to know what they're seeing can tell you that.
(31:47):
So mental health is just one of those things, man.
think people, I think it's getting better that people are talking about it more.
But with anything, we have people that really love to um be the center of attention.
And that's when you get the people uh on social media that's diagnosing themselves withautism and bipolar and anxiety and narcissism and explosive personality disorder.
(32:15):
And I'm like, I've never even heard of that.
Like, what is that?
So.
I know, I know.
I'm not familiar with the police departments and the military.
um Are there stipulations around mental illness?
as far as like say if somebody does have bipolar and they do have to take medication, arethey automatically a no-go?
(32:37):
I'm gonna let you in on something.
I don't know.
Because I didn't, you know, when you're a police officer, you're gonna share that becausethe first thing you're gonna think is, man, they gonna take my gun.
They gonna take me out of here.
So I don't know the policy and I wasn't interested in knowing the policy.
I was like, hey, just don't be out here doing nothing crazy and make it to retirement.
(33:01):
Don't tell them you bipolar.
Don't tell them none of that stuff.
You miss it?
um Sometimes I do.
I miss the people, but the way policing is now, I wouldn't have lasted that long.
um Because now the people that do the wrong are the people that's being put on a pedestaland police officers are being demonized.
(33:27):
So, I wouldn't have lasted any much longer.
So I miss the people.
Sometimes I miss the rush of putting the bad guy away.
But what I'm doing now, I consider I'm teaching the next generation to put the bad guyaway.
So I'm still contributing to criminal justice and law enforcement just in a different way.
(33:50):
I've worn a badge.
I did it on the street and now I'm doing it in a classroom.
So I feel like um I've done enough and I'm finally uh at peace with not wearing a uniformanymore.
You're doing so many cool things.
mean, teaching, these podcasts, I have to look all those up too.
(34:10):
Yep.
Hey, look them up with your own discretion.
Now, I'm just going to tell you, Black and Blue Lives is good because you know, it'sstructure, it's police, it's blah blah blah.
Real time Pritz Blue, I'm out there.
You know, I got some stuff out there that people will be like, what?
I want to see that stuff.
Then you'll kind of see like, now it makes sense.
(34:32):
Now I see, yeah, yeah, yeah.
yeah, but I don't, in real time started during the pandemic because I had a lot to say andI was alone in my thoughts and you know, I was going through the mental health stuff and I
was like, you know what?
I'm gonna do an hour a week of therapy, except it's gonna be with everybody else.
(34:53):
Like, I'm going to say something, you're be like, are you okay?
And I'm gonna be like, no.
No, I'm not okay.
I'm not.
But it's just so authentic.
You're just putting it out there.
I love it.
And I think when you do it that way, because think about it, what's the new thing?
People love to cancel you.
People love to find something about you.
So when people look at me, I'm like, I'm an open book.
(35:15):
What you gonna tell people?
I'm bipolar?
Done it.
What you gonna tell people?
I've been a police officer?
Done it.
You gonna tell people I shot somebody as a police officer?
Been there, done it.
Like nothing you can say or dig up is gonna embarrass me because I'm authentically me andI put it all out there for the world to see.
I love it.
I love it.
(35:35):
I have to make sure we get all these links.
We'll have to have you give them to Kenna so we can put them in your description.
I will do that.
And just to let you know, I am not the most technically advanced person.
So when people be like, no, you need to separate your social media from your podcast.
You need to make another link, another domain.
(35:56):
I'm like, look, it's all me.
Everything that you see is all me.
So why separate?
Because you don't want people to see your family and this and that.
I'm like, but my family is a part of me.
Like, so I'm not trying to hide anything.
Like, I love who I am.
(36:18):
I love that there's different aspects to me.
And I love that if people want to know who I am, they can go to one page and they can seeall these interests.
he likes sneakers.
he's a former police officer.
He's a former military.
he teaches now.
he does podcasting.
he loves the Eagles.
he loves to collect toys.
This is who I am.
There's no separating me from who I am.
(36:41):
Yeah, I saw that Eagles hat.
Brown's girl.
Don't laugh.
I was like, that is an eagle's hat he has on.
I have no beef with Browns.
I have no beef with the Browns.
Now Browns fans may have beef with the Browns, but I have no beef with the Browns.
Now as long as you not Cowboys, Chiefs.
(37:06):
I don't like Chargers fans right now because they're so obnoxious to never win anything.
And Commander's fans, can't stand them.
They do good one year and they swear they about to have a dynasty I can't take.
I can't
Our 10 year old grandson, he loves the Chiefs now just because of Taylor Swift.
(37:29):
I'm like, boy.
we talk about that?
Can we talk about that a little bit?
I know.
Okay, okay, I don't care.
Like, I know a fake relationship when I see it.
(37:50):
You think it's fake?
It's no doubt in my mind.
It's no doubt in my mind.
It's one of those things, well let me say this.
It's one of those things where, hey, let's put these two people together and it may startto blossom.
It started out as a business relationship and then it turned to something else.
It's just so manufactured and I love the fact because he was gonna propose to Taylor afterthe Super Bowl if they would've won.
(38:16):
And you know what happened?
My birds happy.
We are dynasty busters.
We are marriage busters.
We are wedding crashers.
But yeah, I just don't like, I've seen glow up.
Like Travis went from what he used to do to now I'm looking at this guy and you canevolve.
(38:36):
Don't get me wrong.
Cause I evolved, but.
You know they just got engaged.
Yeah, and do you see how that was pronounced?
You see how it was announced, right?
It was announced in the magazine like they just did it, but then the father opened hismouth and was like, yeah, we knew about this two weeks ago.
(38:57):
weeks, yep.
That's why I'm telling you.
You know, and the NFL wants it so bad, I don't want it.
I just want football.
I don't want it.
Right, yeah.
Gosh, these kids.
but we're influenced by that stuff.
But you know, it's bringing more people to football.
(39:18):
It is, for sure.
It's great.
Like the NFL is a phenomenal game.
It's a great game.
And if Taylor Swift is bringing more people to football, then so be it.
Necessary evil.
uh It is funny.
Yours.
Yeah, stop it.
(39:38):
Wow.
So what's in the future?
What are the future plans?
Keep on working with these podcasts, right?
The future plans is after this podcast, I plan on somebody saying, hey, that guy ishandsome, that guy is funny, that guy is interesting.
I wanna offer him a five year deal to do whatever, a variety show, something, I don'tknow.
(40:01):
It'll take off and then I'll bring you on and then I'll be like, this is where it allstarted.
But no, my priority is to get better as an educator, get better as an instructor.
um
keep doing my podcast, just keep becoming a better person every day and just finding newways to keep myself busy, keep evolving as a person, as an educator, as a podcaster.
(40:32):
I'm really big into, no, let me correct this.
I love fitness, I love working out, but I'm not like a fitness person, if that makessense.
oh
I love working out for what it has done for me, how it has reversed everything that waswrong with me and is very therapeutic, but I'm not out here.
(40:56):
You know how people lose 10 pounds and they be like, buy my plan.
Right, right.
This is what I did.
I chicken and rice once a day.
Lying!
Yes, yes.
did not!
You took all the shots!
I did!
Not take the skinny bitch shot, I swear.
uh
(41:45):
Right.
That's amazing to come that far.
And you did it on your own.
Well, you had that lovely wife of yours helping out too.
You have that mindset.
(42:14):
I know.
Right.
Exactly.
And then they can't eat.
So then as soon as they're off of it, it's right back to their norm.
Well I see you, you're doing amazing things.
(42:37):
Yeah.
You can still come do that anytime.
(43:01):
You
Well, anytime you want to come, you're welcome.
I lots to talk about.
uh
(43:29):
Yes, definitely come you guys are welcome anytime Thank you for sharing
Whatever whatever happens.
(43:51):
Right, right.
uh
I can't wait to see these.
I'm excited.
I'll text you and let you know.
(44:25):
I can't wait to see.
I'll make sure that, um, kind of Texas you to get all that.
You guys planned that trip to Tennessee?
(44:45):
Yes, like springtime is gorgeous and well me I love the fall fall Yeah, i'm from ohio fromcleveland originally lived in south florida for 22 years and then i've been in asphalted
for two years now oh
(45:05):
You sure?
All the trauma, it's trauma and trauma and mental health.
When you're up on those highs, you're gonna conquer the world.
You know how that shit goes.
(45:36):
I know.
You're awesome.
Appreciate day and I thank you so much for coming on.
This was like, it was kind of like refreshing.
I love seeing people doing things and making a difference.
absolutely.
(46:09):
Good too.
I just caught when you said in the hospital, they said it was like your last name wasBlue.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Yeah, but I didn't catch it until then.
I'm like, oh, that is his name.
(46:48):
It's okay, you'll grow.
Right.
That is a good point.
I love it.
Love that attitude.
It's amazing.
And I'll make sure that down below kind of puts all your links down.
(47:09):
appreciate you coming out and sharing.
Bye.
Hi and welcome back to Beyond the Monsters.
Today I have Prince with me.
He's gonna share his story.
(00:21):
Yes, yes, yes.
Thank you for having me.
I am so excited.
You know, this has been a long time coming.
I've seen a lot of your podcasts and I am just, I am super excited to be here.
You great work and the stories I've heard and seen is just wonderful.
So I'm honored.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So let's begin wherever you're comfortable.
(00:44):
You asked me whatever you go
Go ahead, you start from, let's hear your story.
Okay, my story is I grew up in Trenton, New Jersey.
um Urban setting, um mom and dad.
uh I lived with my dad and my stepmom growing up.
I was the youngest of four.
(01:05):
I was the only one that got a chance to actually be raised by my dad.
So um around me, know, a lot of my friends, didn't have father.
So I had my father who was a strong influence in my life.
um
raised me to be the man that I am today.
Grew up in Trenton, went to uh the Trenton school system all the way up to the ninthgrade.
(01:29):
By the time I got to the ninth grade, my father was like, there's no way in hell you'regoing to Trenton High School.
So he sent me to live with my mom then, who was in a very affluent area, and she sent meto one of the best high schools in the country.
That's when I first learned that um there is things.
outside of the inner city.
(01:49):
There are things beyond what I grew up seeing.
And it showed me that, you know, I can do anything.
Cause I was around other kids that were go-getters and their parents were go-getters.
And I did that.
um Did high school, graduated high school, went to college a little bit.
(02:10):
um Then uh fell off, um decided to go to work, went to work.
um
That was working, but then I just felt like, you know, I just felt stuck.
So funny story, one night I had got off of work and my mom was getting on me about takingout the trash.
And I was just so annoyed because I was like, I'm 20 something years old and I'm stillliving with my mom.
(02:35):
And then the best thing happened that always happened and I never paid attention to it.
The army commercial came on and I was like, you know what?
I'm going to the army.
So I signed up.
I signed up for the army.
um Did the army for a little bit.
Went to Korea, spent some time in Japan, came back to North Carolina where I retired outof North Carolina.
(03:02):
um Worked a little bit again.
uh Chased my dreams of finally wanting to be a police officer.
uh Signed up to be a police officer.
Got hired by the...
Charlotte Mecklenburg Police Department in 2009.
Did that for 10 years.
(03:23):
Retired there, was hit by a drunk driver, so I had to medically retire.
Yeah.
So I did that for a while, 2019, and then in 2019 I got out, and for some reason I gotbored, and I started doing more schoolwork.
(03:43):
And I started taking class after class.
It started while I was being a patrol officer.
I was taking classes.
And then I was like, you know what?
This school stuff isn't half bad.
And then I kept taking classes, kept taking classes, got my bachelor's.
Then I was like, you know what?
I want to go get my master's.
Then I went and got my master's.
(04:04):
And then it was COVID season, and me and the whole family was sick.
Oh.
And we were all in the bed and we were watching Law and Order, SVU.
And then I remember an episode came on where the social work, the social work system wasoverworked and, you know, they were falsifying hours.
They really wasn't going on visits.
(04:26):
And then I looked at my wife and I said, you know what?
I want to be a social worker.
And my wife was like, that's the meds talking.
You already know, cause my wife's a clinical therapist.
but her foundation is in social work.
So she was like, you know what, I don't know where you're going with this.
I don't know if it's the meds.
I don't know if it's the bipolar, the major, the present.
(04:46):
Let's go, let's go.
So I was filling out for all these social work schools, got into my wife's alma mater.
Yeah, and then a recruiter called me and she said, I don't mean no harm.
I would love to have you.
I would love to have you, but.
Your bachelor and your master's is in criminal justice.
(05:09):
If you do social work, you'll just get a master's of social work and then you won't haveany certifications, any training, anything that goes with it.
You'll just have a master's of social work.
So it pretty much you'll start from the bottom.
And then she was like, have you ever thought about getting your doctorate?
And I was like, you mean like go to school for a long time?
(05:30):
I was like, absolutely not.
She was like, I think you should do that.
And then I was like, you know what?
Bipolar brain started working.
I started research, I started researching.
I was like, yeah, I could do this.
I could be a doctor.
could be a doctor.
Filled out for a whole bunch of schools.
Finally one called me back and it was like, hey, we would love to have you in our doctoralprogram for criminal justice.
(05:57):
And three and a half years later.
um I defended my dissertation in March and I graduated in May with my doctorate incriminal justice.
oh
I heard you say bipolar.
Is that something that you had that most of your life that you know of?
Like when were you diagnosed?
(06:18):
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder in the military.
And then, you know, I did that, I went through that in the military, and then I dealt withit while I was being a police officer.
And then it was when I met my wife, my wife noticed that she was like, I know they saidyou had major depressive disorder, um your mood swings are just too erratic, you're too
(06:46):
high sometimes, and then...
you're so low where I gotta drag you up out of the depths.
And she was like, I know you hate therapy, but you're gonna have to go talk to somebody atthe VA.
So I went to the VA just not telling them anything about what my wife said.
I just talked to them and oh told them what I was dealing with and took some tests.
(07:07):
And then finally it came back.
She was like, the reason why I believe that you were...
diagnosed with major depressive disorder and not bipolar is because they're similar insome aspects and if you're able to function enough that they'll say, okay, you have major
depressive or you don't have bipolar disorder, but she was like, yeah, you're the classiccase of bipolar disorder and I got because of my highs and lows and um Because believe it
(07:38):
or not when I actually took the test in the military they had you do this questionnaire
When I was reading back what they said, said, took the test, they said either you reallydidn't wanna try at all on this test or you have bipolar disorder.
But I guess back then they just couldn't fathom that I would have that and be able tofunction in the military.
(07:58):
So they was like major depressive disorder.
Because you know, in the military they don't want you having that and having access tomilitary secrets, weapons and all that stuff.
it was like major depressive disorder, we could work through that.
You tell us a soldier has bipolar disorder, that's kind of hard to come back from.
Yeah, so did they not have you on the right drugs, the right meds?
(08:22):
No.
Because you were depressive disorder and not bipolar.
Correct, and also, um you know, when you have any type of mental health disorder, youswear that they don't know what they're talking about.
(08:42):
So they were prescribing me stuff and I was like, man, I ain't taking no pill, I don'tneed no pill, I'm a soldier.
so you weren't even taking your meds anyway.
I would, right up, right when it was time for to go to therapy, like three days before Istart taking them.
And I'd be like, yeah, know, I'm taking them, you know, I do this, I do that.
I feel great.
(09:03):
So I wonder, that affect your roller coaster even more?
Getting meds in there for a few days and then not taking them or were you pretty?
all the time, because it was just, you know, they give you that stuff for a reason.
And I know people out there, they'd like, you know, do the holistic thing or, you know,you don't need chemicals, blah, blah, blah.
(09:25):
But I'm like, you know what, these things are put here for a purpose.
And obviously they were working because when I was on them, I was fine.
And when I was off of them, I was not fine.
So obviously I needed that type of intervention.
So when did that affect you in the military at all?
(09:47):
Yes, um when I was really down and low, I would stay in my room, gain weight, eat, um justwatch TV or lay in my bed.
The funny thing is when you're depressed, you know it's the first thing to go, yourhygiene.
Right.
Like, you know, I wasn't shaving.
(10:09):
Right.
The only time water touched me is if it rained.
Like, it was like really, really bad.
Yeah.
But to me, it was just like, you know, I'm overseas, I'm in Korea, I miss home.
I was always finding a way to rationalize why I was doing the things I was doing versusjust admitting to myself that, hey, I have a mental health disorder and I need to fix it.
(10:34):
But I would just rationalize it as I'm away from home, I'm homesick, I have nobody.
So of course I'm gonna stay in my room.
Of course I'm gonna eat.
Of course I'm not gonna work out.
Of course I'm gonna do this and do that.
Okay, yeah, that makes sense.
So you struggled with this until your wife was like, hey, this is the reality.
(10:55):
Wow.
mean, isn't that always the case?
You mean, you're with your wife, you're with your significant other, you're with yourspouse, you're with your woman.
And she's like, hey, you ain't gon' why would just yesterday you was love bombing me andI'm the queen and I'm this and I'm that and today you're short with me.
(11:15):
You're highly volatile.
You're explosive.
You're angry.
Like what happened?
What did I do wrong?
And then to me,
Because you know, you're always the last person.
Everybody's telling you that you're different.
I'm like, what are you talking about?
I'm the same person.
Like, I don't have to talk to anybody.
You know, I don't have to be friendly.
Like, what is this?
(11:36):
But in reality, like, you're really hurting the people that is really in your corner.
So my wife was very, she was very uh big on me and the drive enforcing me to actuallybecoming compliant with my medicine, and especially with my therapy.
So, you know, if it wasn't for her, I probably would have been
Definitely worse off because I wouldn't have been taking medicine and I damn sure wouldn'thave been seeing a therapist.
(12:03):
Were you against therapy before that?
I you how people preface something and saying, I don't wanna make it this, but then theymake it that.
Like, I don't wanna make it a race thing, but when you're a black man and you grew up in ablack family and you say, I'm depressed, your mama be like, you better depress them damn
(12:23):
dishes.
Like, what is depression?
Like, what do you mean you sad?
What do you mean you sad?
I gotta work 10 to 12 hours a day to make sure you gotta eat and you're sad?
get over it.
Yeah, get over it.
it's like that was your therapy growing up, not somebody saying interesting.
So how does that make you feel?
Well, maybe it's this, let me turn to the book.
(12:45):
Okay, you have a classic case of this.
Like most of my diagnosis was you better get over it.
I don't know what's wrong with you, but you better fix it.
You better fix your face before I fix you.
So that's how I was growing up in the black community.
They didn't believe in none of this mental health stuff.
Do you think that's changing or not really?
(13:08):
I think it's changing, but I think it's changing for the worse because now people use itas a trend.
Like you see it on social media people be like, I have anxiety disorder or I'manti-social.
No, you just don't like to go into a crowded Walmart.
I don't like to go into a crowded Walmart.
(13:28):
That doesn't mean you have, if you know what crippling anxiety is,
You wouldn't throw out those terms so loosely.
Oh, I'm bipolar.
Oh, I'm anti-social.
You have no idea what it is to actually look at somebody that you love.
You loved them one day and then the next day you're like, why are you here?
(13:55):
What's the purpose?
You have no idea.
A lot of people like to throw around the new other one is narcissistic.
Everyone throws that one.
Everybody's narcissistic.
That's my favorite one.
Lord forbid you feel a little bit high about yourself, got some confidence.
You're narcissistic.
Because I can count to 10, like I'm confused.
(14:20):
Somebody called me that.
They was like, just because you got degrees, you're so narcissistic.
I was like.
My degree is in criminal justice.
I'm not diagnosing anybody.
I'm trying to fix a system.
Now, when I'm going on one of my trips, yeah, I may got a little bit in me that I think Ican do anything and I can conquer the world.
(14:42):
And I'm going to solve criminal justice issues in two days.
Yes, yes.
Oh my goodness.
I bet your wife has fun with you.
You guys, I bet you guys go back and forth.
She doesn't get away with anything, does she?
Like I said, she's a therapist.
I gotta watch what I say, because sometimes I gotta say, turn your brain off.
(15:06):
I need my wife.
I don't need you diagnosing me.
I'm not on the couch.
I don't sit on couches when I talk to her.
you're not about to diagnose me.
I just want to talk as your husband.
But yeah, she definitely keeps me on my toes.
Because I backslide a little bit every now and then.
I start feeling like I feel good.
(15:27):
I don't need medicine.
and then I'll start that pattern again and then she'll come, she'll stand one night shewas standing over me and she just opened her hand.
She said, here, take them, drink this water.
Do you actually stop taking them sometimes?
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, I still have issues with compliance.
(15:47):
Yeah
Yeah, yeah.
I know like, you because I did psych and addiction for like 20 years and a lot of forensicpsych.
I remember, you know, so many times, especially people with schizophrenia, that they wouldstop taking their meds because they didn't like the way they made them feel.
They didn't feel anything.
And then boom, right back.
It was always so frustrating.
(16:08):
feel good when I'm on one of those highs.
Like, as you see behind me, these are my highs.
Like, all in my cart, shopping, buying stuff.
Like, I don't know if you can, well, you definitely can't see it, but I have like shelvesof sneakers.
Like, I love collecting toys.
And I think that's my personality to where it's either all or nothing.
(16:33):
And I do that with everything.
And sometimes I do feel like medicine gets in the way of
of that creatively and that part of my brain that wants to do things.
So I stopped taking my medicine.
then of course things pile up and then it gets too far and it's like, now I have to reinmyself back in.
(16:53):
But I absolutely hate the way sometimes it makes me feel, but it's a necessary.
Right.
So tell me about some of the things you're doing.
Well, right now I am uh a college professor.
um I teach criminal justice uh full time, all week.
um I teach adults and I teach children.
(17:17):
um I do my own three podcasts actually.
Yeah, I know, Starting Wednesday, Wednesday through Friday, Wednesday I do a Black andBlue Lives podcast.
And actually my former supervisor at my old police department, we do a police podcastwhere we talk about police mental health, suicide, PTSD.
(17:43):
We break down viral clips, trending clips of bad police tactics.
And basically we just deal with police issues and things of that nature.
Then Thursday I do real time with Prince Blue.
That's me.
That's like me.
That's...
my brain on whatever you want.
(18:05):
I don't want to glorify drugs, but that's my brain when I'm like, hi.
So I do pop culture.
do pop culture.
I do trends.
I talk about everything.
break down viral clips.
I just I have a series.
Yeah.
And I just do a recap of my life and what I have going on.
And I give my own-
(18:27):
perspective on things in the community, all communities, especially the black community.
And then Friday, I do trifecta hour.
That's with me and two other, I will say this, I'm a black conservative Republican.
So I do it with two other black Republican conservatives and we just break down allpolitical stuff and we talk about issues in the community and things of that nature.
(18:53):
And I do that with them.
uh
every Friday.
Wednesday through Friday, I'm busy because if it's not busy, it's dangerous.
So I keep my mind.
You gotta stay busy that idle time usually is never wonderful
I'm never good with my own thoughts.
Now, do you have, have you suffered from PTSD from the military or police work?
(19:19):
Yes, I suffer from PTSD from the uh accident with the police force when I was um hit by adrunk driver on duty.
um I'll never forget this night.
We were...
uh
(19:40):
we got a call that two officers that were conducting a DUI investigation on the side ofthe road was struck by another drunk driver.
So we were in charge of setting up barricades so medic can work on those police officersand get them out of there.
(20:04):
So of course I go to help with the barricade and
I went to one spot and the officer was like, hey, I already got this spot covered.
You can take the highway.
So I went to take the highway, blocked it off sideways with my vehicle, turned on my bluelights.
I even had on my vest.
I had everything on.
(20:25):
remember, the only thing I remember was I went to go talk to somebody and then I got backin my car and I kid you not, the next thing I know is I'm sitting up,
I'm laying down in hospital, open my eyes and it's my wife, my captain at the time, andthe police chaplain standing over me because um they said that I would not wake up.
(20:51):
I just would not wake up.
So they were like, hey, uh Officer Blue isn't waking up.
You may want to get the chaplain.
It doesn't look good.
So I was just out.
And then I'm sitting up and I'm looking and I'm like,
Why are y'all, I'm like, why are y'all in my patrol car?
Cause I'm like, that's the last thing I remember was being in my patrol car.
(21:15):
And I'm in a hospital, I'm naked, I'm looking up, I see a chaplain, my captain and mywife, my pregnant wife at the time.
And I'm like, what are y'all doing here?
And they was like, you don't remember anything?
I was like, no.
They was like, you were hit, you were struck by a drunk driver while in your patrol carand you didn't wake, and you just now waking up.
(21:35):
And.
That was it.
That's all I remember from that accident.
And since then, when it comes to drunk driving and just driving on the road, I am veryvigilant about things like that.
And sometimes, it took me a while when it was time for me to get back and drive and stuff.
(21:58):
Even go back to the...
When I went back to being a police officer, when I finally rushed back, it just never feltthe same after that.
And then I started having health complications.
gained a lot of weight.
I, I, um, I was diagnosed.
hypervigilant.
Hyper hyper vigilant hyper vigilant with everything but working out and eating better Butat the time of course, I got the major depressive thing I got the bipolar thing that was a
(22:26):
diagnosed right and then on top of that now I got PTSD so I got all that going on and Igained weight got type 2 diabetes kept getting sick kept having um Kept going into
diabetic comas because my sugar was so high
And then finally I developed neuropathy in my hands and in my feet.
(22:48):
the doctor was just like, yeah, yeah.
beat my, both my mom and my dad are type two diabetics and they both contracted it at 40.
I beat them by like five years.
So congratulations to me.
um the doctor was like, you know, since at any given time you can't use your hands or youcan't use your, uh your feet like.
(23:13):
We can't sign off on you being a police officer anymore.
I was crushed.
I was crushed.
Gosh, that's so hard.
So then did you go more into depression at that point?
and you wanna talk about I went from.
(23:37):
When I first started, when I was fresh out of the academy, I was 215 pounds.
By the time I left, by the time I retired in 2019, I was 305 pounds.
Yeah, I was in like the deepest, darkest place.
(23:58):
I had a CGM, I had an insulin pump.
It was just, it was so awful.
I couldn't wear sneakers.
I couldn't wear any of my sneakers.
I had to wear slides all the time.
And my fingers and my toes were tingling.
It was just an awful place.
And of course, what do you do?
You take it out on the people closest to you.
(24:20):
So my wife, my kids, it was one of those things to where whoever was closest to me, Iwanted them to feel the pain that I felt, but.
I couldn't blame anybody but myself.
And I don't think it's intentional.
It's just the head space you're in, you know, at that time you can't really help it.
That is true, but one of the things I always told myself I would never do is I would neveruse my mental health disorder as an excuse.
(24:49):
Because I see people when they do that, they be like, yeah, you know, I climbed a clocktower and took out three people because I'm bipolar.
I'm like, no, that's not how it works.
Yeah, it's definitely, never any excuse to be.
And that's the beauty about
I be telling people all the time, I be like, no, that wasn't bipolar.
That was just me being an asshole.
(25:10):
At least you're not.
Yeah, I'm fully medicated.
I just don't like who you are and I'm just going to tell you about it.
So yeah.
Yeah, re-suicidal during that time.
No, that's the one thing I've never, but this is the thing.
You know how on the questionnaires they ask you, they be like, hey, are you suicide?
(25:33):
Are you suicidal or have you ever thought that people in the world would be better offwithout you?
I believe that that's a happy medium.
Like I was feeling like, you know, I'm sick, you know, I'm piling up all these medicalbills.
um
I need insulin.
(25:55):
need all this medicine.
I need four or five pills to function.
Like, what's the point?
So I've, I've, oh, I've sometimes felt that way, but never like, Hey, this world would bebetter off if I just take myself out.
But I was killing myself, not eating right, not working out, feeling sorry for myself, nottaking my medicine.
(26:19):
So honestly, if you want to think about it, it's
It's slow suicide because you are killing yourself.
The doctor tells you, he'd be like, do you wanna die?
No.
Well, if you keep doing what you're doing, you're killing yourself.
You're gonna die.
But when you say suicide, that just means that's the absolute decision that you're gonnamake a conscious effort to take yourself away from this earth.
(26:47):
And I've just never been there.
Thankfully, right a lot of people experience that you know in mental health, you know that
And first of all, I don't want nobody to get my sneakers.
I don't want nobody to get any of my toys.
I don't want anybody to get any of that.
So no, I ain't going nowhere.
And I always told my wife, if anything ever happened to me, and if you ever remarry, I'mhaunting him.
(27:14):
I'm like pulling his pants down when he get close to the steps.
I'm pushing him down the steps.
My ghost, I would never leave.
So no, no, I like being here.
I like breathing.
I like the earth.
You're like, definitely no one is wearing my shoes.
No one is wearing my shoes.
Absolutely not.
No.
So how do you like, how'd you pull yourself out of that?
(27:38):
it's gonna turn into her podcast, uh Good Woman.
Like she knew who I was and who I could become and she just would not let me be in thatdark place.
Like no matter how much I fought her, no matter how much I just said, leave me alone, likejust let me do me, like she just would not do that.
(28:03):
And then slowly but surely I started doing things that mattered.
whether that be, you know, when you have bipolar and you, I kind of call it, I use mysuperpowers, I use my superpowers for good.
I would, like, if I'm gonna be hypervigilant, I'm gonna be hypervigilant on my schoolwork.
I'm gonna be hypervigilant on my papers.
(28:24):
I'm gonna be hypervigilant on my tests.
I'm gonna do stuff like that.
And that's what I did.
I just slowly tried to, instead of making bipolar and major depressive order, um
my personality, I made it to where it was a strength and I did well and now I advocate forothers to do the same.
(28:47):
So have you come across quite a few people like in the mental health field or anythinglike that that you've helped along the way?
Um...
Well...
that are, I should say that are struggling.
uh
I talk to people, let's, let's put it this way.
(29:08):
I talk to people that they do everything, but go and get the diagnosis.
So when they're talking to me, you know, I'm not a doctor.
So, but when they're telling me things, excuse me, I'm like, yeah, that sound like you mayneed to go talk to somebody.
So what I do, I say, Hey, this is what I do.
When I'm in that place, this is what I
(29:30):
I go talk to somebody and no, I don't go talk to my pastor.
I don't go talk.
I go talk to somebody that is new to somebody that is trained and talk to deal with andidentify whatever it is you're going through.
Because some of your friends are going to tell you what you want to hear.
Some of your friends are going to tell you what you need to hear, but you need a personthat can say, this isn't good.
(29:57):
This is what we're going to do.
This is our plan.
That's how I do it.
I kind of lead by example, because people will see me now and they'll be like, yo, youlook great.
Like, what did you do?
Like, what happened?
And then that's when I say, hey, this is what I did.
This was my path.
I love that you share that though.
(30:17):
What is the mental health aspect?
just your experience because it's always so genuine when people do that and people thenbecome relatable.
I mean, why hide it?
mean, listen, I got bipolar.
I got major depressive disorder.
I got PTSD.
I mean, it's not the Scarlet Letter.
(30:38):
It's not a badge of shame.
It's just that chemically, I need help.
I'm going to need help for the rest of my life.
I'm going to need therapy.
I'm going to need chemical therapy.
That's OK.
So we're here now.
Let's move on.
It's not the plague.
It's not...
um
It's not leprosy, it's something that you can fix.
(31:01):
And number one, it's something that nobody can see.
Like if you're a burn victim, people can clearly see you've been in a fire.
When you have mental health disorder, think about it.
If you just see me out and about, or if I'm just telling you my life without any of thestuff, when you cut this up and I say that I'm a retired veteran, I'm a retired police
(31:25):
officer,
and I'm a doctor and I teach college.
What part of that are you gonna say, man, that dude off his rocker, he gotta have sometype of mental health disorder?
No, because you can't see it.
And only only people that are qualified to know what they're seeing can tell you that.
(31:47):
So mental health is just one of those things, man.
think people, I think it's getting better that people are talking about it more.
But with anything, we have people that really love to um be the center of attention.
And that's when you get the people uh on social media that's diagnosing themselves withautism and bipolar and anxiety and narcissism and explosive personality disorder.
(32:15):
And I'm like, I've never even heard of that.
Like, what is that?
So.
I know, I know.
I'm not familiar with the police departments and the military.
um Are there stipulations around mental illness?
as far as like say if somebody does have bipolar and they do have to take medication, arethey automatically a no-go?
(32:37):
I'm gonna let you in on something.
I don't know.
Because I didn't, you know, when you're a police officer, you're gonna share that becausethe first thing you're gonna think is, man, they gonna take my gun.
They gonna take me out of here.
So I don't know the policy and I wasn't interested in knowing the policy.
I was like, hey, just don't be out here doing nothing crazy and make it to retirement.
(33:01):
Don't tell them you bipolar.
Don't tell them none of that stuff.
You miss it?
um Sometimes I do.
I miss the people, but the way policing is now, I wouldn't have lasted that long.
um Because now the people that do the wrong are the people that's being put on a pedestaland police officers are being demonized.
(33:27):
So, I wouldn't have lasted any much longer.
So I miss the people.
Sometimes I miss the rush of putting the bad guy away.
But what I'm doing now, I consider I'm teaching the next generation to put the bad guyaway.
So I'm still contributing to criminal justice and law enforcement just in a different way.
(33:50):
I've worn a badge.
I did it on the street and now I'm doing it in a classroom.
So I feel like um I've done enough and I'm finally uh at peace with not wearing a uniformanymore.
You're doing so many cool things.
mean, teaching, these podcasts, I have to look all those up too.
(34:10):
Yep.
Hey, look them up with your own discretion.
Now, I'm just going to tell you, Black and Blue Lives is good because you know, it'sstructure, it's police, it's blah blah blah.
Real time Pritz Blue, I'm out there.
You know, I got some stuff out there that people will be like, what?
I want to see that stuff.
Then you'll kind of see like, now it makes sense.
(34:32):
Now I see, yeah, yeah, yeah.
yeah, but I don't, in real time started during the pandemic because I had a lot to say andI was alone in my thoughts and you know, I was going through the mental health stuff and I
was like, you know what?
I'm gonna do an hour a week of therapy, except it's gonna be with everybody else.
(34:53):
Like, I'm going to say something, you're be like, are you okay?
And I'm gonna be like, no.
No, I'm not okay.
I'm not.
But it's just so authentic.
You're just putting it out there.
I love it.
And I think when you do it that way, because think about it, what's the new thing?
People love to cancel you.
People love to find something about you.
So when people look at me, I'm like, I'm an open book.
(35:15):
What you gonna tell people?
I'm bipolar?
Done it.
What you gonna tell people?
I've been a police officer?
Done it.
You gonna tell people I shot somebody as a police officer?
Been there, done it.
Like nothing you can say or dig up is gonna embarrass me because I'm authentically me andI put it all out there for the world to see.
I love it.
I love it.
(35:35):
I have to make sure we get all these links.
We'll have to have you give them to Kenna so we can put them in your description.
I will do that.
And just to let you know, I am not the most technically advanced person.
So when people be like, no, you need to separate your social media from your podcast.
You need to make another link, another domain.
(35:56):
I'm like, look, it's all me.
Everything that you see is all me.
So why separate?
Because you don't want people to see your family and this and that.
I'm like, but my family is a part of me.
Like, so I'm not trying to hide anything.
Like, I love who I am.
(36:18):
I love that there's different aspects to me.
And I love that if people want to know who I am, they can go to one page and they can seeall these interests.
he likes sneakers.
he's a former police officer.
He's a former military.
he teaches now.
he does podcasting.
he loves the Eagles.
he loves to collect toys.
This is who I am.
There's no separating me from who I am.
(36:41):
Yeah, I saw that Eagles hat.
Brown's girl.
Don't laugh.
I was like, that is an eagle's hat he has on.
I have no beef with Browns.
I have no beef with the Browns.
Now Browns fans may have beef with the Browns, but I have no beef with the Browns.
Now as long as you not Cowboys, Chiefs.
(37:06):
I don't like Chargers fans right now because they're so obnoxious to never win anything.
And Commander's fans, can't stand them.
They do good one year and they swear they about to have a dynasty I can't take.
I can't
Our 10 year old grandson, he loves the Chiefs now just because of Taylor Swift.
(37:29):
I'm like, boy.
we talk about that?
Can we talk about that a little bit?
I know.
Okay, okay, I don't care.
Like, I know a fake relationship when I see it.
(37:50):
You think it's fake?
It's no doubt in my mind.
It's no doubt in my mind.
It's one of those things, well let me say this.
It's one of those things where, hey, let's put these two people together and it may startto blossom.
It started out as a business relationship and then it turned to something else.
It's just so manufactured and I love the fact because he was gonna propose to Taylor afterthe Super Bowl if they would've won.
(38:16):
And you know what happened?
My birds happy.
We are dynasty busters.
We are marriage busters.
We are wedding crashers.
But yeah, I just don't like, I've seen glow up.
Like Travis went from what he used to do to now I'm looking at this guy and you canevolve.
(38:36):
Don't get me wrong.
Cause I evolved, but.
You know they just got engaged.
Yeah, and do you see how that was pronounced?
You see how it was announced, right?
It was announced in the magazine like they just did it, but then the father opened hismouth and was like, yeah, we knew about this two weeks ago.
(38:57):
weeks, yep.
That's why I'm telling you.
You know, and the NFL wants it so bad, I don't want it.
I just want football.
I don't want it.
Right, yeah.
Gosh, these kids.
but we're influenced by that stuff.
But you know, it's bringing more people to football.
(39:18):
It is, for sure.
It's great.
Like the NFL is a phenomenal game.
It's a great game.
And if Taylor Swift is bringing more people to football, then so be it.
Necessary evil.
uh It is funny.
Yours.
Yeah, stop it.
(39:38):
Wow.
So what's in the future?
What are the future plans?
Keep on working with these podcasts, right?
The future plans is after this podcast, I plan on somebody saying, hey, that guy ishandsome, that guy is funny, that guy is interesting.
I wanna offer him a five year deal to do whatever, a variety show, something, I don'tknow.
(40:01):
It'll take off and then I'll bring you on and then I'll be like, this is where it allstarted.
But no, my priority is to get better as an educator, get better as an instructor.
um
keep doing my podcast, just keep becoming a better person every day and just finding newways to keep myself busy, keep evolving as a person, as an educator, as a podcaster.
(40:32):
I'm really big into, no, let me correct this.
I love fitness, I love working out, but I'm not like a fitness person, if that makessense.
oh
I love working out for what it has done for me, how it has reversed everything that waswrong with me and is very therapeutic, but I'm not out here.
(40:56):
You know how people lose 10 pounds and they be like, buy my plan.
Right, right.
This is what I did.
I chicken and rice once a day.
Lying!
Yes, yes.
did not!
You took all the shots!
I did!
Not take the skinny bitch shot, I swear.
uh
(41:45):
Right.
That's amazing to come that far.
And you did it on your own.
Well, you had that lovely wife of yours helping out too.
You have that mindset.
(42:14):
I know.
Right.
Exactly.
And then they can't eat.
So then as soon as they're off of it, it's right back to their norm.
Well I see you, you're doing amazing things.
(42:37):
Yeah.
You can still come do that anytime.
(43:01):
You
Well, anytime you want to come, you're welcome.
I lots to talk about.
uh
(43:29):
Yes, definitely come you guys are welcome anytime Thank you for sharing
Whatever whatever happens.
(43:51):
Right, right.
uh
I can't wait to see these.
I'm excited.
I'll text you and let you know.
(44:25):
I can't wait to see.
I'll make sure that, um, kind of Texas you to get all that.
You guys planned that trip to Tennessee?
(44:45):
Yes, like springtime is gorgeous and well me I love the fall fall Yeah, i'm from ohio fromcleveland originally lived in south florida for 22 years and then i've been in asphalted
for two years now oh
(45:05):
You sure?
All the trauma, it's trauma and trauma and mental health.
When you're up on those highs, you're gonna conquer the world.
You know how that shit goes.
(45:36):
I know.
You're awesome.
Appreciate day and I thank you so much for coming on.
This was like, it was kind of like refreshing.
I love seeing people doing things and making a difference.
absolutely.
(46:09):
Good too.
I just caught when you said in the hospital, they said it was like your last name wasBlue.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Yeah, but I didn't catch it until then.
I'm like, oh, that is his name.
(46:48):
It's okay, you'll grow.
Right.
That is a good point.
I love it.
Love that attitude.
It's amazing.
And I'll make sure that down below kind of puts all your links down.
(47:09):
appreciate you coming out and sharing.
Bye.
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