August 27, 2024 • 36 mins
In this episode, Jenn and Monet dive into the unique and challenging world of being on-call as birth photographers and doulas. They share their personal experiences and strategies for managing the unpredictability of this lifestyle. They cover everything from balancing family commitments to setting boundaries with clients. If you've ever wondered what it's like to live life on-call 24/7, this episode is for you!
Join us as we explore the highs and lows, the unexpected moments, and the ways to make it all a bit easier. Whether you're a seasoned birth worker or just curious about this incredible line of work, you'll find valuable insights and heartfelt stories that resonate. So grab a cup of coffee, get comfy, and let's chat!
Thanks for tuning in! Find out more about us, our courses, and other tools for birth photography at birthbecomesyou.com. And make sure to follow along on Instagram and Facebook at @birthbecomesyou. If you love listening, make sure to give us five stars on Apple Podcasts and subscribe wherever you listen.
Cover Image by BBY Certified Birth Photographer Nicole Hamic
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, Jen. Hi, Monet. How are you? I'm good.
This is the second week of school for my kids, so I feel like we're kind of
getting into that routine, which feels good.
Last week was a little crazy, but this week is starting to feel like we're getting
a swing of things. How are you doing?
I'm good. I'm getting over being sick, but my kids went back to school today,
(00:22):
so I'm excited about that. It's been nice to have a house to myself.
It's very quiet. My husband has to go into the office most days now.
So it's just me and the puppy, which is bittersweet. But it's nice to get some
work done. And it's nice to get some galleries out.
I feel like I've been just trying to play catch up all summer.
So yeah, nice to just get back on track.
(00:45):
Yeah, yeah. There's something about that consistency that feels really,
really good, really refreshing.
So yeah, a little early for me. I could start school really early.
So I'm still trying to like wrap my mind around that, but I'm grateful that
they are back in school. Yeah.
Well, do you want to launch into what we're talking about today?
(01:05):
This, I think, is such an important topic and something that every birth worker
and every birth photographer becomes very well acquainted with,
and that's being on call.
It is the most unique aspect, I think, of this job and perhaps the most challenging aspect of this job.
(01:26):
It's something that we experience as birth photographers, but also doulas live
this lifestyle, community-based midwives, right?
Midwives that are like working home birth practices live this lifestyle.
So we certainly aren't alone, but we definitely are a very small subset of the
(01:46):
population that lives life like this.
So we thought it would be good to talk about it, to talk about what it means
for us, what it means for our families, the hardest parts and the ways to make it a little bit easier.
Hi, it's Monet and Jen, and we are the co-founders of Birth Becomes You.
(02:06):
We are birth photographers and doulas with over 10 years of experience.
We've attended over 1,000 births collectively.
We started Birth Becomes You to create a safe space for new and experienced
birth photographers to share and grow.
We aim to equip and empower birth workers to feel confident in the birth space
and take beautiful, world-changing images.
(02:28):
We believe in a world where birth is visible, where shame is absent,
where fear is translated to power and where each individual's experience is
honored as valid and valued.
We are so glad you're here and we can't wait to learn and connect with you.
I think we should just start with a basic definition, Jen. What does it mean to be on call for you?
(02:50):
Like when a client hires you, what do you typically say is your like on call period?
I generally say between 38 and 42 weeks.
And I know that's a little controversial because a lot of birth photographers
will go on call at 37 weeks.
But in Michigan, at 42 weeks, you do not have to be transferred to the hospital to be induced.
(03:15):
So I've had clients go to 43 weeks. So I like to start my on-call time between 38 and 42.
And what that really means is if you call me at 36 weeks, 37 weeks,
29 weeks, I'm still coming to your birth.
It's just a time frame for me to like set some parameters around really.
(03:35):
Right, right. I find that if you're working with like a professional,
like full-time birth photographer or birth worker, most of us are on call most
of the year, if not all of the year.
And so we do kind of try to put parameters,
like we try to say like 37 weeks, 38 weeks, but by and large,
(03:57):
the majority of us are kind of on call for our clients really from the moment that they hire us.
I've had clients call me very early due to an emergency or a situation that
of course, no one wants to have happen.
But, you know, by and large, I'm able to either go myself or find a backup to
(04:18):
go if I'm like out of town.
But that so rarely happens because
part of being on call is that it's very difficult to go out of town.
So when are you going out of town? Right, right. That is quite,
you know, it's not as simple. And I think that.
When you are the birthing person, when you're having the baby,
of course, it makes sense that someone is going to be available for you if you
(04:42):
go into labor at 38 weeks or 41 weeks, right?
It's your baby. It's the most important day in your life, obviously.
It's a little bit harder, though, when you're a birth worker and you're working
with like 30 or 40 families that have a similar big level event happening because
I have to be that prepared not only for your family,
(05:05):
but for many other families all at the same time concurrently.
It's a big commitment, a big obligation, and it totally shapes your life.
It's not just a job, it's a lifestyle because I do you have to be available
to go to a birth at any hour, day or night?
(05:26):
And I don't think many people that work can relate to that, right?
Like can relate to their boss being able to call them at every single hour of
the day and say, actually, you know what, I need you to come to work now.
And it's like urgent. So you need to get here in 30 minutes.
Like that is kind of a wild thing that we do.
And it definitely impacts our lifestyle quite a bit.
(05:49):
So I don't know, Jen, do you have anything like you want to share about how
it impacts your lifestyle or your family's lifestyle?
Yeah, I think it as my kids have gotten older, my kids are 12 and eight now,
and I see it impacting our family more and more. I mean, of course, it always did, right?
Like when they're babies, then you're not breastfeeding them when you're gone.
(06:10):
So that's a little bit bit difficult, when they get to be a little bit older,
they miss you in certain ways.
And now that they're in school and they have activities, missing those activities is a really big deal.
And so it is hard to be able to juggle that.
It's not just me on call. My whole family is on call.
And I really try to make that clear to my clients when they're hiring me or choosing to hire me.
(06:37):
Because I want them to like think about, you know, what my job is for them as
much as what their job is for me, like to call me and to keep me updated.
And I just think that like knowledge across the board is really important for
both parties in this relationship, really, because it's hard to be on call and
(06:57):
it's hard for your family. It's hard for your kids.
You know, it's a lifestyle for sure.
It is lifestyle. And when you think about, you know, if you talk to any kind
of like parent coach or like child psychologist, they always talk about how kids like structure.
They like they thrive on structure, thrive on that.
And as you can imagine, it's really difficult when suddenly we're having dinner
(07:21):
and it's going to be bedtime soon.
But then suddenly mom's phone rings and she is literally dropping everything.
She's had, you know, three bites of dinner.
She's kissing you goodbye and she's gone for conceivably an unknown amount of
time. It's really hard on kids.
And I think that, you know, it's one of the reasons I tell my clients,
(07:44):
please, if possible, of course, it's not always possible, but if it is possible,
give me as much notice as you can.
Tell me when you think you're in early labor.
It's not just so that like I have my batteries packed, like all of that,
that camera stuff is pretty easy, actually.
The preparation is more for my family to let my kids know, hey,
(08:06):
I think someone might have a baby today. I'm not sure when.
Even giving them like a few hours to ruminate on that versus me suddenly being
like, oh my gosh, I got to go. See you later.
It's it's easier but I agree with you Jen
we both have our daughters are like in this kind of like
tween age now our oldest daughters and we're both finding I think that just
(08:29):
through conversations that we're having that the emotional needs of our kids
are growing as they get bigger and it's not so much I don't know like I think
the magical age of like going to births with kids is honestly like
the ages of like three to six,
maybe three to seven, because I feel like they're like, they're not babies.
(08:49):
They don't need to like be nursing, but they also are kind of,
I don't know, like it's still hard, but there's something a lot harder when
your kid is having like a really hard time emotionally with one of her friends or her peer group.
And you really want to be able to sit down with them and talk to them after school.
But instead, suddenly you're leaving in for a birth then you might be gone for a really long time.
(09:11):
That's really, really hard as a parent to have to walk away when your kids are struggling like that.
Yeah. And it's not even like the walking away, like that's hard too.
But what if that's the moment that the client wants, you know,
texts you and says, I think my water broke.
What do you think? Or I'm having a hard day.
I really need to talk to you. I need to talk to somebody, you know,
(09:34):
so like leaving is hard, but just like the constant attachment to the phone.
Attachment to the responses that you have to make. And you have to send those responses quickly.
If somebody is like wondering if their water broke or if they're having a panic
attack about their new baby, like.
You do need to check in with them pretty quickly. And so it's hard to hold your
(09:57):
phone and read that and look at your teenager and then be like,
what am I going to do right now?
And that's been my struggle, I think, is just finding that balance and constantly
saying, my client's important, but you're more important and I have to manage them both.
I mean, I constantly tell my kids that and I try to just give them a lot of honesty.
(10:18):
It just so happens that this is the time that my client needs me and you need me now too.
And it doesn't feel very fair to any of us right now, but you just have to like
triage what needs to happen too.
So yeah, I think triage is a
great word, Jen, because that does feel like what this job is quite often.
(10:39):
I think the dependency that we have to have on our phones can be exhausting.
I was at a friend's house and they were talking Talking about how like at nine
o'clock, they all put their phones in this little box.
And it's like so relaxing because they get to like, you know,
they turn their phones off and they go to sleep.
And I just literally was staring at them with my mouth probably like gaping
(11:02):
open because there has not been a single night in the last year where I've been
able to turn my phone off or where I've gone to sleep,
not being prepared to get woken up and go to a birth.
And that level of kind of constantly having to be competent and on is wild.
Yeah. I mean, I don't, I don't drink anymore, mainly because for me, like.
(11:26):
Getting buzzed or like having a little bit too much to drink and then having
to go to a birth just feels too, I can't like, it's already complicated enough.
And if I add or another substance, it's just way more than I can handle.
And so I don't drink anymore.
And it is, it's fine for the most part, but I think that there are times where
(11:47):
I'm like, gosh, it's Friday night.
I would really like to like unwind and not even like drink, but just like completely
relax and be to feel like I can just, it's a weekend.
Yeah. It's a weekend. And I'm going to get this time off with my family.
And I don't, and I don't get that really.
Yeah. And I, and it's hard. And I think Jen and I, I think we,
we talk about this a lot with each other, right? This is the most support that we need.
(12:12):
It's not the, how do we take the most beautiful image or how do I handle this camera situation?
Right. It's how do we handle being on call and when is it okay to set boundaries
and when is it not okay to set boundaries and is this appropriate?
My 80-year-old dad came over last night and he's always trying to troubleshoot my business.
He was a business owner himself for 30 years. So he's always trying to troubleshoot
(12:35):
my business. And I was talking about how hard it was to be on call.
And he was like, well, he was like, you should just, basically his answer was
just like, send a backup.
When you don't feel like going or your kids are having a hard day.
And we love backups. Backups are so important. I think they have to be utilized.
But I also think that people don't understand how
emotionally difficult it is for us as
(12:57):
birth photographers to send a backup even when
we know we should send one even if it's like there's something really
big and important going on I need to send a backup it still breaks my heart
I still feel really guilty because it's usually like a really big moment for
my family or my kids or my husband but it's also my clients really big moment
(13:17):
and of course they want me to be there Right.
Like they want me, the person that they hired to show up.
They're very gracious if a backup has to come. They understand.
But you're still having to disappoint somebody.
And that's a hard thing to do, especially if you're a people pleaser.
And I think Jen and I, we're both kind of people pleasers. So it's definitely
(13:38):
emotional for us when we have to set that boundary. And we feel bad.
I had somebody that had a baby on Eliza's eighth birthday.
You remember this birth I was
talking to you about it. And I was at the birth earlier in the morning.
So I wasn't there when she woke up. And her birthday is a really big deal to
her, really is. She talks about it all year long.
(13:59):
And so I had to make the call in the middle of the day, hey,
I've got to bring in a backup because my daughter, she needs me to be with her for her birthday.
And I knew it was the right choice, but it still was hard. And I didn't want
to have to make it. So it's just, it's complicated.
It's a complicated lifestyle.
It really is. It really is. I had a similar situation with Clementine's birthday.
(14:25):
And this was a couple of years ago.
I mean, I've had multiple, you know, times when that's, you know, happened since then.
But this one just stood out because this client, my daughter's birthday party
was like on a Sunday and the client's water broke like early early, on like a Friday.
And then she never went into labor. And I had to tell her, like,
(14:49):
I told her on Friday night, I was like, well, I do, you know,
my daughter has a birthday party on Sunday.
We have all these people coming to our house.
And it was even outside of, I think, my call period, whatever.
I would have gone to her birth anyway, of course. But she understood the birthday party situation.
And it worked out. I ended up being able to go to her birth,
(15:12):
but it was Sunday night or maybe even Monday morning.
So she went all that time without having contractions. She ended up transferring
out of home birth care into the hospital, got induced.
So it was the whole kind of thing before she had the baby. But the whole weekend...
She just kept thinking, like, I can't have this baby on Sunday because then Jen won't be there.
(15:35):
And that sucks for her. And she's a repeat client.
So we were able to, like, talk about this and have a conversation.
And she was very understanding, as was I. I didn't want to miss her birth either.
And so it was just one of those situations where you're just like,
OK, well, have your baby now, you know, Friday night, Saturday,
all day Saturday, Saturday. And it just never happened.
(15:57):
But anyway, eventually it did work out. But the whole time we were just all stressed.
And there's just that like level of like, you know, you don't know what's going
on. Plus, her water broke on Friday.
So regardless of the birthday party or not, I was still going to that birth.
And so you're still kind of waiting, you know, Friday, Saturday,
(16:17):
Sunday, you know, that's a long wait just to kind of put everything on hold.
Because you know, when it's time, it's going to be time and it's going to be time fast.
So yeah there's just always a lot of juggling and
for me I guess and rescheduling yeah
yes yeah and rescheduling yeah I think
that's yeah I think that's a good point too is that it's not just
(16:38):
the being on call and waiting for the call which is
hard but oftentimes and you and I can relate to this we get a call in the morning
or in the middle of the night where someone like you said water broke or thinks
they're in labor and then you're in this really weird standard living liminal
space where it's not time to go to the birth,
(16:59):
but you also probably shouldn't go out on the boat with your friends.
You probably shouldn't go on a hike in the mountains.
You probably shouldn't even go, you know, to the farmer's market.
You need to stay close to home.
And so sometimes that means that I cancel like an entire day worth of plants.
And then I sit at home the entire day because labor never ends up picking up.
(17:19):
That happens a It happens a lot.
I mean, I hate to say it, it happens a lot. And it's a tricky part of this on-call
piece is that, you know, you're always on call.
And then when you get kind of an indication that something's happening,
you're extra on call. And then you have to decide.
You know, there was like, I wanted to go see a therapist and...
(17:42):
I was looking at her cancellation policy, which is something people don't think about either.
But a lot of places, dentist office, healthcare in general, like therapists,
getting your hair cut, they have 24-hour cancellation policies where if you
cancel less than 24 hours, you have to pay a fee.
And sometimes it's a hefty fee. And so I don't get my hair cut very often. in.
(18:06):
I, I'm sure I've made my dentist hate me because I've had to cancel so many
dental appointments because a birth happens.
This therapist that I really wanted to see, I was like, well,
shoot, like I, I can't afford to spend a hundred dollars if I don't go,
if I don't go, I just can't right now.
(18:27):
And so it's like that, that is just, it's very unique to the,
to the lifestyle that we live and it's very challenging.
So I think we've definitely talked about the hardest parts of being on call,
but what are some ways to make being on call easier, Jen?
Like what has worked for you or your family?
I think always being prepared is something that, you know, we,
(18:49):
I'm all, you know, I always have batteries charging.
All my camera stuff is in the bag and I take my bag with me a lot of places,
which I don't love doing.
So you're You're putting tons of money worth of equipment in your car and it
can get hot or cold depending on the weather, but it's the safest way for me.
I also have to have a lot of plan Bs. Like there's a scenario and a second scenario
(19:13):
in every situation, every single day, whether it's taking a kid to gymnastics
practice or picking up somebody from volleyball or the team dinner or whatever.
I have to have some sort of plan B.
Even my kids, like they will say, you know, are you going to pick me up or is that is,
you know, are you going to be at a birth like they need a plan B to whatever
(19:36):
it is, you know, especially if there's somebody kind of like with early labor or something like that.
But just lots of plan B's, especially for my oldest. She has a hard time with not having a schedule.
And so trying to like give her some sort of schedule on this job is imperative,
but also really difficult. and whatever schedule I give her,
(19:57):
it could be totally wrong. We have no idea.
So I think that's ways that it's been easier, but it's still also,
you know, you're still juggling and you're still guessing.
I mean, I'm constantly waiting for like the crystal ball that tells me like,
okay, you will go to this birth in 16 hours. Like that would be lovely.
I even had a midwife tell me yesterday, she was at a hair salon and she was
(20:20):
getting color and she thought she had all this time. And she was just so happy.
And then her client called her in labor and she had to have the stylist wash everything out.
She has long, long hair. So it was like your hair. So it was just a lot.
I mean, she of course was apologizing the whole time and then had to leave.
So I mean, we've all done that. We've all had to do those situations.
(20:43):
And so plan B for that. I mean, I mean, every single doctor's office,
haircut place, everything, they all know what I do.
And I have to like let them know that because I need to know their cancellation
policy, just like you said.
But to also give them a heads up that, you know, I'm going to get my haircut, but maybe I'm not.
(21:04):
Right. And that's hard. It is hard. It is hard.
But just telling people and making people aware, I think, is important.
I think another thing, too, is setting reasonable expectations with your clients, right?
This is one of the reasons that we created. That's hard. Yeah.
It's why we created the BBY contracts, though, because we felt like it was really
(21:25):
important to clearly lay out what our responsibility was to our clients and
then what our clients' responsibility was to us.
And one of those pieces that I rely upon and I remind myself about over and
over and over again is the amount of time that I ask people to notify me before
I need to show up for a birth.
(21:45):
In my contract, I think it's around 1.5 hours. I say from the moment you text
me to when I show up, it's an hour.
You need to kind of gauge it to give me an hour and a half, mainly because,
you know, I live really close to most people, like the most birth locations,
the hospitals here in Denver.
But when I get that text message, I may not be at home. I may be at a soccer
(22:09):
game. I may be at Whole Foods.
I may be at the zoo. And so I need time to gather my kids, to gather my family,
get us back home, get my bags, and then go.
And so knowing that that's in my contract, that I have an hour and a half,
helps me breathe a little bit easier.
Of course, it sucks when somebody texts you and they're having a precipitous birth.
(22:32):
That's like nobody's fault, right? It's not their fault. It's not my fault.
But we are human beings. And so it's not, you know, it's not reasonable for
someone to text you and then you just show up to their house in 15 minutes.
That's unless you live right next door. It's really hard to make that happen.
Most of us have to live our lives during that five week period.
(22:52):
We can't just be in our car ready to go to your birth.
But I think that expectation is.
I remind myself, okay, Monet, I know you feel panicked right now,
but you have an hour and a half. Like, do take care of yourself.
Make yourself breakfast. Take care of your kids. Say goodbye to them.
Yes, it's important to make it to this birth, but you also have to regulate
(23:16):
your nervous system to stay in this long term. And if you are just like, well, you got to call it.
It's a very intense adrenaline energy that's not good for you.
And it's not good for the person that you're about to be with,
the birthing person you're about to be with. That adrenaline energy is not great.
(23:37):
It's not great for your family either. No, no.
Especially when you're like running out the door, you've got to try to make
it as smooth as possible, which is impossible.
It is. I think also having great backups, having a good solid backup,
and then including in your contract that you utilize a backup,
(23:57):
of course, for emergencies.
But I also have it in my contract that I will utilize a backup if I need rest
or if there's something important happening with my family.
Because to me, that is just as important than, you know, if I'm sick.
Yeah, but if my mom's 70th birthday was a couple weekends ago, she only turned 70 once.
(24:20):
My mom raised me. She's a very important person in my life.
It was important that I was there with her just for a couple of hours, but that I was there.
And so I think it's okay to set up boundaries around your life.
A lot of birth workers feel, and you see some of this tension in some of these
Facebook groups where doulas will be like, I would never, you know,
(24:42):
I would never miss a client's birth and I would never.
And it's like, I understand. And of course you want to be committed to clients
and you don't want to be wishy-washy and you don't want to, you know, take people on.
But as someone with four kids that all have very important lives and things
happening in their little, you know, in their little worlds,
(25:02):
it's important that I prioritize them. As a mom, it's important.
And the only reason I've been able to do this for so long is that I have set
aside time and I have utilized the backup when I've needed to so that I can put them first.
Because so often they don't. They're not first. They have to kind of sit back
(25:22):
and let these births lead the way for our family.
And so it's important that I carve out time for them throughout the year where
they feel like mom's choosing me over everything else.
And you can use a backup, use someone that you trust, put it in your contract,
explain it to your clients.
All of your clients are either parents already or are becoming parents.
(25:44):
And I think when you spell it out to them, explain to them, I'm not like going
out to party with my friends.
I'm doing this to be with my kid or my mom or someone that's really important
to me or I'm getting a mammogram or I'm taking care of my health, whatever it might be.
I think when you explain it in those real human terms, people understand you
(26:05):
have to have a good back though that will step in for you because you can't just abandon somebody.
You have to have somebody that you can call in when you need extra support.
Yeah, for sure. That's just so
important. Like, I mean, having my backup makes my life 10 times easier.
And the stress level is much, much, much, much less when I know that I have
(26:28):
a solid backup who is there for me and prepared.
And it's hard to find those people. Like when you have somebody,
you know, I'm always like, okay, come hang, stay forever.
Because like having a good backup is just so important in this job. I had to use my backup.
It was kind of a funny situation earlier in the year.
(26:49):
It was a repeat client, so I really wanted to go to this birth, and I got influenza A.
And I was not going to the birth. Like I was not moving from my bed.
I was really sick. And the client had checked in and said that maybe she was
considering being induced.
And she wondered what I thought or, you know, she wanted to make sure I was available.
(27:11):
And I actually said to her at that moment, like, you know, if you want to be
induced, that's totally, you know, your prerogative.
Do whatever you need. I have the flu.
If the birth happens today, I will have to send Kathleen. I cannot move.
Like I can't, I had a fever of 102.
And she said, okay, I'll hold off. And she was fine with that.
(27:31):
She was like happy to do that. I was like, okay, great.
And I remember texting with my backup Kathleen before this.
And I was like, should I tell her? And Kathleen was like, I think you should
tell her. So I, you know, that's what we did.
And then I kid you not, two hours later, the client texted, she said, my water broke.
And so Kathleen went to the birth. Anyway, she had the baby from that point.
(27:54):
She had the baby, I think, four hours after that. I mean, she didn't even have
contractions when she texted to say her water broke.
An hour later, she was at the hospital with Kathleen, maybe two hours later,
and then the baby was born an hour after that.
So it was really fast. But, I mean, I was so grateful to have Kathleen in that moment. She knew.
(28:15):
The client knew. Everybody knew. Everybody was on the same page.
It was the way that it worked out, but it did. And, like, that would have just
been a really hard situation had Kathleen not been there, been ready, and just able to step in.
Because there really wasn't a choice of, like, I have a cold.
Do you want me to come? I mean, this was like I was not moving. Like, there was no –.
(28:38):
We were really sick. Yeah, and I think, I mean, that highlights the fact that
you have to take care of yourself and you have to put yourself first or you're
not going to be able to do this for long.
And it's hard because this is kind of a job that definitely feels like it needs
to have this air of like selfless energy, but you do have to be selfish sometimes
so that you can continue to serve these families.
Exactly. I think another thing that's really important is you have to find ways
(29:02):
to regulate your nervous system because being on a call, you are living at this
higher level of intensity than most people 24-7.
And so you have to figure out what regulates your nervous system.
For myself, and I know for you too, Jen, we walk a lot. We go on walks every
day. We're always talking to each other on walks.
(29:24):
And I think there's something about that gentle movement that just...
If I get a call where I'm like, oh my gosh, someone's in labor,
but it's not time for me to go yet, But I'll often just like walk around the
block to just kind of get some of that adrenaline out of my body and to kind of settle down.
Some people practice breathing like on the way to birth. So like do really like rhythmic breathing.
(29:44):
You know, I think eating well, taking care. Again, it all comes back to taking
care of yourself because if you're not taking care of yourself,
you won't be able to do this for very long.
Your body will be like, whoa, I can't handle this. This is too intense.
And you'll have to stop. And I also think, to be honest, and this is a hard thing.
Say, but I do think that some personality types are suited for this job and some are not.
(30:10):
And you don't really know until you do it, but I can think of countless people
that were really talented birth photographers or birth workers,
but they just couldn't handle the lifestyle.
It's not a moral failing. It's just a personality thing.
Jen and I, we talk about this a little bit. We're both a little neurodivergent
and I think we see that a lot in people that do birth work for whatever reason.
(30:34):
I think that there are certain people that this lifestyle just doesn't work
for, and it's okay if that's you, but there are things you can do.
You could work in a collective.
There's ways to mitigate some of the stressors if you love this job,
but you don't necessarily feel like you can do the 24-7 on-call lifestyle.
(30:57):
I think that's why a lot of people work in the hospital, right?
It's because it's the shift work.
They love birth, but they don't want to be on call 24-7. So I get it.
Yeah. No, I think the collective is a great idea. I wish there were more collectives
and I wish that was an easier model for everybody to continue to use because
I think moving forward, birth work, you need somebody in it with you.
(31:20):
You need a teammate, you need a team, you need a partner, whatever it is.
It's hard to do this work solo. low.
So having people around you, you know, really makes it not only sustainable,
but more enjoyable too. Absolutely.
I totally agree. Having coworkers, you know, it's nice to have them.
Yeah. And you get to pick them in a sense because you're an entrepreneur and
(31:45):
you get to do that. And that is the nice part.
Cool part of the job for sure. Yeah.
Well, Monet, do we want to wrap up the podcast by talking about when we would
go to births? You've had some. So do you have anything?
Do you have anything you want me to try to guess?
I haven't heard too many of the birth. Like, well, I guess I've heard some of
(32:07):
them. So see if you can find one that I haven't.
Yeah. It's been a weird year for births. I feel like we could say that every
year. But this has been, this was an induction for a first time mom.
You may have heard, actually, you may have heard some of this,
but we'll see if you can forget what you have heard. First induction.
And she had a Foley balloon, the Foley balloon. And she had two,
(32:32):
she had two rounds of a side attack, Foley balloon.
And the Foley balloon fell out and her water broke.
They checked her right afterwards and her water broke. And she was like five
centimeters, 80% effaced, negative one, negative two, maybe.
But then the Foley balloon fell out and contractions stopped.
So at that point, dad called me and said, hey, just want to let you know, this is the update.
(32:57):
The Foley balloon is out. She's five centimeters, not having contractions.
And he asked me, when do you think you should come?
So what would you have said in response to that question?
Ooh, that's actually a little tough. I don't remember what happened with this one, so that's good.
I probably would have said, are they going to do anything to stimulate more
(33:19):
contractions? Are they going to give her Pitocin?
Are they going to just have her walk?
I probably wouldn't have gone, unless I was their doula, I probably wouldn't
have gone right then just because she wasn't contracting at that time.
But once contractions started back up and they were consistent and regular,
I would have gone pretty quickly after that.
(33:41):
For my first time clients, I like to leave around five to six centimeters because
usually most of my clients are 30 to 60 minutes from me.
So I like to have a little extra time. And it's nice to get there for a first
time parent around seven, six, seven centimeters, but it's always different.
It forever down and the foley balloons are tricky because
(34:01):
they will manually dilate the cervix right so
it's sometimes hard to know especially when they
fall out and contractions totally stop it's like well is this was this like
labor hormones or was this just manual dilation that was happening yeah that's
what it's saying so what i told the clients i said look i was like as soon as
things start up and they start feeling intense again because they had felt really
(34:24):
intense with the a Foley balloon, which is common.
I was like, as soon as that intensity comes back, just let me know and I'll come.
So they texted me like an hour later, contractions were back.
They were every like two minutes she was feeling shaky.
So I went to her birth and you know, we didn't have a baby until like midnight.
And I think I left, I left here around 6 PM, but that's not like,
(34:47):
that's totally normal for the first time. That's great.
And she was just progressing really, you know, it was like she was five centimeters
and she was seven centimeters. Then she was eight centimeters and she was complete.
You know, it was like a very kind of straightforward, beautiful birth,
but it was definitely tricky. Cause I was like, okay, you're five centimeters.
Your water just broke. All of this good stuff is happening, but you're not contracting right now.
(35:11):
So I did like, I stayed home. I had dinner with my family. And then I was like,
And then things picked up. And so then I went as soon as they did.
So it ended up working out well. That would have been a little trickier if that was a MOLTIP.
Yes, for sure. If it was a MOLTIP, I would have probably been like waiting outside the door.
But yeah, with the first time, again, first time parents, births can be longer,
(35:33):
but it often gives you a little bit more flexibility on your arrival time.
Being on call for MOLTIPs is, I think, a lot more stressful in a lot of ways
than being on call. Yeah.
First time parents. Yeah. Because when things happen, they can often happen
very quickly and they can kind of pick up out of out of nowhere.
So you do have to be extra prepared if you have multiple, especially if you
(35:57):
have multiple that have had precipitous births, which, you know,
we've we've all had. So, yeah.
Yeah. It's going to be a fun fall. I have like three of those. So, yeah.
Well, it was great talking with you today. Thank you so much,
everybody, for listening. and we're so appreciative that you're here and joining us on the podcast.
So yeah. Yes, we love it. And thanks for all of your sweet messages sending
(36:19):
the world to us. So thank you. We really do. Thanks.
Thanks for tuning in. Find out more about us, our courses and other tools for
birth photography at birthbecomesyou.com.
And make sure to follow along on Instagram and Facebook at birthbecomesyou.
And if you love listening, make sure to give us five stars on Apple Podcasts
(36:40):
and subscribe wherever you listen.
Thanks. Catch you on the flip side.
Hey, Jen. Hi, Monet. How are you? I'm good.
This is the second week of school for my kids, so I feel like we're kind of
getting into that routine, which feels good.
Last week was a little crazy, but this week is starting to feel like we're getting
a swing of things. How are you doing?
I'm good. I'm getting over being sick, but my kids went back to school today,
(00:22):
so I'm excited about that. It's been nice to have a house to myself.
It's very quiet. My husband has to go into the office most days now.
So it's just me and the puppy, which is bittersweet. But it's nice to get some
work done. And it's nice to get some galleries out.
I feel like I've been just trying to play catch up all summer.
So yeah, nice to just get back on track.
(00:45):
Yeah, yeah. There's something about that consistency that feels really,
really good, really refreshing.
So yeah, a little early for me. I could start school really early.
So I'm still trying to like wrap my mind around that, but I'm grateful that
they are back in school. Yeah.
Well, do you want to launch into what we're talking about today?
(01:05):
This, I think, is such an important topic and something that every birth worker
and every birth photographer becomes very well acquainted with,
and that's being on call.
It is the most unique aspect, I think, of this job and perhaps the most challenging aspect of this job.
(01:26):
It's something that we experience as birth photographers, but also doulas live
this lifestyle, community-based midwives, right?
Midwives that are like working home birth practices live this lifestyle.
So we certainly aren't alone, but we definitely are a very small subset of the
(01:46):
population that lives life like this.
So we thought it would be good to talk about it, to talk about what it means
for us, what it means for our families, the hardest parts and the ways to make it a little bit easier.
Hi, it's Monet and Jen, and we are the co-founders of Birth Becomes You.
(02:06):
We are birth photographers and doulas with over 10 years of experience.
We've attended over 1,000 births collectively.
We started Birth Becomes You to create a safe space for new and experienced
birth photographers to share and grow.
We aim to equip and empower birth workers to feel confident in the birth space
and take beautiful, world-changing images.
(02:28):
We believe in a world where birth is visible, where shame is absent,
where fear is translated to power and where each individual's experience is
honored as valid and valued.
We are so glad you're here and we can't wait to learn and connect with you.
I think we should just start with a basic definition, Jen. What does it mean to be on call for you?
(02:50):
Like when a client hires you, what do you typically say is your like on call period?
I generally say between 38 and 42 weeks.
And I know that's a little controversial because a lot of birth photographers
will go on call at 37 weeks.
But in Michigan, at 42 weeks, you do not have to be transferred to the hospital to be induced.
(03:15):
So I've had clients go to 43 weeks. So I like to start my on-call time between 38 and 42.
And what that really means is if you call me at 36 weeks, 37 weeks,
29 weeks, I'm still coming to your birth.
It's just a time frame for me to like set some parameters around really.
(03:35):
Right, right. I find that if you're working with like a professional,
like full-time birth photographer or birth worker, most of us are on call most
of the year, if not all of the year.
And so we do kind of try to put parameters,
like we try to say like 37 weeks, 38 weeks, but by and large,
(03:57):
the majority of us are kind of on call for our clients really from the moment that they hire us.
I've had clients call me very early due to an emergency or a situation that
of course, no one wants to have happen.
But, you know, by and large, I'm able to either go myself or find a backup to
(04:18):
go if I'm like out of town.
But that so rarely happens because
part of being on call is that it's very difficult to go out of town.
So when are you going out of town? Right, right. That is quite,
you know, it's not as simple. And I think that.
When you are the birthing person, when you're having the baby,
of course, it makes sense that someone is going to be available for you if you
(04:42):
go into labor at 38 weeks or 41 weeks, right?
It's your baby. It's the most important day in your life, obviously.
It's a little bit harder, though, when you're a birth worker and you're working
with like 30 or 40 families that have a similar big level event happening because
I have to be that prepared not only for your family,
(05:05):
but for many other families all at the same time concurrently.
It's a big commitment, a big obligation, and it totally shapes your life.
It's not just a job, it's a lifestyle because I do you have to be available
to go to a birth at any hour, day or night?
(05:26):
And I don't think many people that work can relate to that, right?
Like can relate to their boss being able to call them at every single hour of
the day and say, actually, you know what, I need you to come to work now.
And it's like urgent. So you need to get here in 30 minutes.
Like that is kind of a wild thing that we do.
And it definitely impacts our lifestyle quite a bit.
(05:49):
So I don't know, Jen, do you have anything like you want to share about how
it impacts your lifestyle or your family's lifestyle?
Yeah, I think it as my kids have gotten older, my kids are 12 and eight now,
and I see it impacting our family more and more. I mean, of course, it always did, right?
Like when they're babies, then you're not breastfeeding them when you're gone.
(06:10):
So that's a little bit bit difficult, when they get to be a little bit older,
they miss you in certain ways.
And now that they're in school and they have activities, missing those activities is a really big deal.
And so it is hard to be able to juggle that.
It's not just me on call. My whole family is on call.
And I really try to make that clear to my clients when they're hiring me or choosing to hire me.
(06:37):
Because I want them to like think about, you know, what my job is for them as
much as what their job is for me, like to call me and to keep me updated.
And I just think that like knowledge across the board is really important for
both parties in this relationship, really, because it's hard to be on call and
(06:57):
it's hard for your family. It's hard for your kids.
You know, it's a lifestyle for sure.
It is lifestyle. And when you think about, you know, if you talk to any kind
of like parent coach or like child psychologist, they always talk about how kids like structure.
They like they thrive on structure, thrive on that.
And as you can imagine, it's really difficult when suddenly we're having dinner
(07:21):
and it's going to be bedtime soon.
But then suddenly mom's phone rings and she is literally dropping everything.
She's had, you know, three bites of dinner.
She's kissing you goodbye and she's gone for conceivably an unknown amount of
time. It's really hard on kids.
And I think that, you know, it's one of the reasons I tell my clients,
(07:44):
please, if possible, of course, it's not always possible, but if it is possible,
give me as much notice as you can.
Tell me when you think you're in early labor.
It's not just so that like I have my batteries packed, like all of that,
that camera stuff is pretty easy, actually.
The preparation is more for my family to let my kids know, hey,
(08:06):
I think someone might have a baby today. I'm not sure when.
Even giving them like a few hours to ruminate on that versus me suddenly being
like, oh my gosh, I got to go. See you later.
It's it's easier but I agree with you Jen
we both have our daughters are like in this kind of like
tween age now our oldest daughters and we're both finding I think that just
(08:29):
through conversations that we're having that the emotional needs of our kids
are growing as they get bigger and it's not so much I don't know like I think
the magical age of like going to births with kids is honestly like
the ages of like three to six,
maybe three to seven, because I feel like they're like, they're not babies.
(08:49):
They don't need to like be nursing, but they also are kind of,
I don't know, like it's still hard, but there's something a lot harder when
your kid is having like a really hard time emotionally with one of her friends or her peer group.
And you really want to be able to sit down with them and talk to them after school.
But instead, suddenly you're leaving in for a birth then you might be gone for a really long time.
(09:11):
That's really, really hard as a parent to have to walk away when your kids are struggling like that.
Yeah. And it's not even like the walking away, like that's hard too.
But what if that's the moment that the client wants, you know,
texts you and says, I think my water broke.
What do you think? Or I'm having a hard day.
I really need to talk to you. I need to talk to somebody, you know,
(09:34):
so like leaving is hard, but just like the constant attachment to the phone.
Attachment to the responses that you have to make. And you have to send those responses quickly.
If somebody is like wondering if their water broke or if they're having a panic
attack about their new baby, like.
You do need to check in with them pretty quickly. And so it's hard to hold your
(09:57):
phone and read that and look at your teenager and then be like,
what am I going to do right now?
And that's been my struggle, I think, is just finding that balance and constantly
saying, my client's important, but you're more important and I have to manage them both.
I mean, I constantly tell my kids that and I try to just give them a lot of honesty.
(10:18):
It just so happens that this is the time that my client needs me and you need me now too.
And it doesn't feel very fair to any of us right now, but you just have to like
triage what needs to happen too.
So yeah, I think triage is a
great word, Jen, because that does feel like what this job is quite often.
(10:39):
I think the dependency that we have to have on our phones can be exhausting.
I was at a friend's house and they were talking Talking about how like at nine
o'clock, they all put their phones in this little box.
And it's like so relaxing because they get to like, you know,
they turn their phones off and they go to sleep.
And I just literally was staring at them with my mouth probably like gaping
(11:02):
open because there has not been a single night in the last year where I've been
able to turn my phone off or where I've gone to sleep,
not being prepared to get woken up and go to a birth.
And that level of kind of constantly having to be competent and on is wild.
Yeah. I mean, I don't, I don't drink anymore, mainly because for me, like.
(11:26):
Getting buzzed or like having a little bit too much to drink and then having
to go to a birth just feels too, I can't like, it's already complicated enough.
And if I add or another substance, it's just way more than I can handle.
And so I don't drink anymore.
And it is, it's fine for the most part, but I think that there are times where
(11:47):
I'm like, gosh, it's Friday night.
I would really like to like unwind and not even like drink, but just like completely
relax and be to feel like I can just, it's a weekend.
Yeah. It's a weekend. And I'm going to get this time off with my family.
And I don't, and I don't get that really.
Yeah. And I, and it's hard. And I think Jen and I, I think we,
we talk about this a lot with each other, right? This is the most support that we need.
(12:12):
It's not the, how do we take the most beautiful image or how do I handle this camera situation?
Right. It's how do we handle being on call and when is it okay to set boundaries
and when is it not okay to set boundaries and is this appropriate?
My 80-year-old dad came over last night and he's always trying to troubleshoot my business.
He was a business owner himself for 30 years. So he's always trying to troubleshoot
(12:35):
my business. And I was talking about how hard it was to be on call.
And he was like, well, he was like, you should just, basically his answer was
just like, send a backup.
When you don't feel like going or your kids are having a hard day.
And we love backups. Backups are so important. I think they have to be utilized.
But I also think that people don't understand how
emotionally difficult it is for us as
(12:57):
birth photographers to send a backup even when
we know we should send one even if it's like there's something really
big and important going on I need to send a backup it still breaks my heart
I still feel really guilty because it's usually like a really big moment for
my family or my kids or my husband but it's also my clients really big moment
(13:17):
and of course they want me to be there Right.
Like they want me, the person that they hired to show up.
They're very gracious if a backup has to come. They understand.
But you're still having to disappoint somebody.
And that's a hard thing to do, especially if you're a people pleaser.
And I think Jen and I, we're both kind of people pleasers. So it's definitely
(13:38):
emotional for us when we have to set that boundary. And we feel bad.
I had somebody that had a baby on Eliza's eighth birthday.
You remember this birth I was
talking to you about it. And I was at the birth earlier in the morning.
So I wasn't there when she woke up. And her birthday is a really big deal to
her, really is. She talks about it all year long.
(13:59):
And so I had to make the call in the middle of the day, hey,
I've got to bring in a backup because my daughter, she needs me to be with her for her birthday.
And I knew it was the right choice, but it still was hard. And I didn't want
to have to make it. So it's just, it's complicated.
It's a complicated lifestyle.
It really is. It really is. I had a similar situation with Clementine's birthday.
(14:25):
And this was a couple of years ago.
I mean, I've had multiple, you know, times when that's, you know, happened since then.
But this one just stood out because this client, my daughter's birthday party
was like on a Sunday and the client's water broke like early early, on like a Friday.
And then she never went into labor. And I had to tell her, like,
(14:49):
I told her on Friday night, I was like, well, I do, you know,
my daughter has a birthday party on Sunday.
We have all these people coming to our house.
And it was even outside of, I think, my call period, whatever.
I would have gone to her birth anyway, of course. But she understood the birthday party situation.
And it worked out. I ended up being able to go to her birth,
(15:12):
but it was Sunday night or maybe even Monday morning.
So she went all that time without having contractions. She ended up transferring
out of home birth care into the hospital, got induced.
So it was the whole kind of thing before she had the baby. But the whole weekend...
She just kept thinking, like, I can't have this baby on Sunday because then Jen won't be there.
(15:35):
And that sucks for her. And she's a repeat client.
So we were able to, like, talk about this and have a conversation.
And she was very understanding, as was I. I didn't want to miss her birth either.
And so it was just one of those situations where you're just like,
OK, well, have your baby now, you know, Friday night, Saturday,
all day Saturday, Saturday. And it just never happened.
(15:57):
But anyway, eventually it did work out. But the whole time we were just all stressed.
And there's just that like level of like, you know, you don't know what's going
on. Plus, her water broke on Friday.
So regardless of the birthday party or not, I was still going to that birth.
And so you're still kind of waiting, you know, Friday, Saturday,
(16:17):
Sunday, you know, that's a long wait just to kind of put everything on hold.
Because you know, when it's time, it's going to be time and it's going to be time fast.
So yeah there's just always a lot of juggling and
for me I guess and rescheduling yeah
yes yeah and rescheduling yeah I think
that's yeah I think that's a good point too is that it's not just
(16:38):
the being on call and waiting for the call which is
hard but oftentimes and you and I can relate to this we get a call in the morning
or in the middle of the night where someone like you said water broke or thinks
they're in labor and then you're in this really weird standard living liminal
space where it's not time to go to the birth,
(16:59):
but you also probably shouldn't go out on the boat with your friends.
You probably shouldn't go on a hike in the mountains.
You probably shouldn't even go, you know, to the farmer's market.
You need to stay close to home.
And so sometimes that means that I cancel like an entire day worth of plants.
And then I sit at home the entire day because labor never ends up picking up.
(17:19):
That happens a It happens a lot.
I mean, I hate to say it, it happens a lot. And it's a tricky part of this on-call
piece is that, you know, you're always on call.
And then when you get kind of an indication that something's happening,
you're extra on call. And then you have to decide.
You know, there was like, I wanted to go see a therapist and...
(17:42):
I was looking at her cancellation policy, which is something people don't think about either.
But a lot of places, dentist office, healthcare in general, like therapists,
getting your hair cut, they have 24-hour cancellation policies where if you
cancel less than 24 hours, you have to pay a fee.
And sometimes it's a hefty fee. And so I don't get my hair cut very often. in.
(18:06):
I, I'm sure I've made my dentist hate me because I've had to cancel so many
dental appointments because a birth happens.
This therapist that I really wanted to see, I was like, well,
shoot, like I, I can't afford to spend a hundred dollars if I don't go,
if I don't go, I just can't right now.
(18:27):
And so it's like that, that is just, it's very unique to the,
to the lifestyle that we live and it's very challenging.
So I think we've definitely talked about the hardest parts of being on call,
but what are some ways to make being on call easier, Jen?
Like what has worked for you or your family?
I think always being prepared is something that, you know, we,
(18:49):
I'm all, you know, I always have batteries charging.
All my camera stuff is in the bag and I take my bag with me a lot of places,
which I don't love doing.
So you're You're putting tons of money worth of equipment in your car and it
can get hot or cold depending on the weather, but it's the safest way for me.
I also have to have a lot of plan Bs. Like there's a scenario and a second scenario
(19:13):
in every situation, every single day, whether it's taking a kid to gymnastics
practice or picking up somebody from volleyball or the team dinner or whatever.
I have to have some sort of plan B.
Even my kids, like they will say, you know, are you going to pick me up or is that is,
you know, are you going to be at a birth like they need a plan B to whatever
(19:36):
it is, you know, especially if there's somebody kind of like with early labor or something like that.
But just lots of plan B's, especially for my oldest. She has a hard time with not having a schedule.
And so trying to like give her some sort of schedule on this job is imperative,
but also really difficult. and whatever schedule I give her,
(19:57):
it could be totally wrong. We have no idea.
So I think that's ways that it's been easier, but it's still also,
you know, you're still juggling and you're still guessing.
I mean, I'm constantly waiting for like the crystal ball that tells me like,
okay, you will go to this birth in 16 hours. Like that would be lovely.
I even had a midwife tell me yesterday, she was at a hair salon and she was
(20:20):
getting color and she thought she had all this time. And she was just so happy.
And then her client called her in labor and she had to have the stylist wash everything out.
She has long, long hair. So it was like your hair. So it was just a lot.
I mean, she of course was apologizing the whole time and then had to leave.
So I mean, we've all done that. We've all had to do those situations.
(20:43):
And so plan B for that. I mean, I mean, every single doctor's office,
haircut place, everything, they all know what I do.
And I have to like let them know that because I need to know their cancellation
policy, just like you said.
But to also give them a heads up that, you know, I'm going to get my haircut, but maybe I'm not.
(21:04):
Right. And that's hard. It is hard. It is hard.
But just telling people and making people aware, I think, is important.
I think another thing, too, is setting reasonable expectations with your clients, right?
This is one of the reasons that we created. That's hard. Yeah.
It's why we created the BBY contracts, though, because we felt like it was really
(21:25):
important to clearly lay out what our responsibility was to our clients and
then what our clients' responsibility was to us.
And one of those pieces that I rely upon and I remind myself about over and
over and over again is the amount of time that I ask people to notify me before
I need to show up for a birth.
(21:45):
In my contract, I think it's around 1.5 hours. I say from the moment you text
me to when I show up, it's an hour.
You need to kind of gauge it to give me an hour and a half, mainly because,
you know, I live really close to most people, like the most birth locations,
the hospitals here in Denver.
But when I get that text message, I may not be at home. I may be at a soccer
(22:09):
game. I may be at Whole Foods.
I may be at the zoo. And so I need time to gather my kids, to gather my family,
get us back home, get my bags, and then go.
And so knowing that that's in my contract, that I have an hour and a half,
helps me breathe a little bit easier.
Of course, it sucks when somebody texts you and they're having a precipitous birth.
(22:32):
That's like nobody's fault, right? It's not their fault. It's not my fault.
But we are human beings. And so it's not, you know, it's not reasonable for
someone to text you and then you just show up to their house in 15 minutes.
That's unless you live right next door. It's really hard to make that happen.
Most of us have to live our lives during that five week period.
(22:52):
We can't just be in our car ready to go to your birth.
But I think that expectation is.
I remind myself, okay, Monet, I know you feel panicked right now,
but you have an hour and a half. Like, do take care of yourself.
Make yourself breakfast. Take care of your kids. Say goodbye to them.
Yes, it's important to make it to this birth, but you also have to regulate
(23:16):
your nervous system to stay in this long term. And if you are just like, well, you got to call it.
It's a very intense adrenaline energy that's not good for you.
And it's not good for the person that you're about to be with,
the birthing person you're about to be with. That adrenaline energy is not great.
(23:37):
It's not great for your family either. No, no.
Especially when you're like running out the door, you've got to try to make
it as smooth as possible, which is impossible.
It is. I think also having great backups, having a good solid backup,
and then including in your contract that you utilize a backup,
(23:57):
of course, for emergencies.
But I also have it in my contract that I will utilize a backup if I need rest
or if there's something important happening with my family.
Because to me, that is just as important than, you know, if I'm sick.
Yeah, but if my mom's 70th birthday was a couple weekends ago, she only turned 70 once.
(24:20):
My mom raised me. She's a very important person in my life.
It was important that I was there with her just for a couple of hours, but that I was there.
And so I think it's okay to set up boundaries around your life.
A lot of birth workers feel, and you see some of this tension in some of these
Facebook groups where doulas will be like, I would never, you know,
(24:42):
I would never miss a client's birth and I would never.
And it's like, I understand. And of course you want to be committed to clients
and you don't want to be wishy-washy and you don't want to, you know, take people on.
But as someone with four kids that all have very important lives and things
happening in their little, you know, in their little worlds,
(25:02):
it's important that I prioritize them. As a mom, it's important.
And the only reason I've been able to do this for so long is that I have set
aside time and I have utilized the backup when I've needed to so that I can put them first.
Because so often they don't. They're not first. They have to kind of sit back
(25:22):
and let these births lead the way for our family.
And so it's important that I carve out time for them throughout the year where
they feel like mom's choosing me over everything else.
And you can use a backup, use someone that you trust, put it in your contract,
explain it to your clients.
All of your clients are either parents already or are becoming parents.
(25:44):
And I think when you spell it out to them, explain to them, I'm not like going
out to party with my friends.
I'm doing this to be with my kid or my mom or someone that's really important
to me or I'm getting a mammogram or I'm taking care of my health, whatever it might be.
I think when you explain it in those real human terms, people understand you
(26:05):
have to have a good back though that will step in for you because you can't just abandon somebody.
You have to have somebody that you can call in when you need extra support.
Yeah, for sure. That's just so
important. Like, I mean, having my backup makes my life 10 times easier.
And the stress level is much, much, much, much less when I know that I have
(26:28):
a solid backup who is there for me and prepared.
And it's hard to find those people. Like when you have somebody,
you know, I'm always like, okay, come hang, stay forever.
Because like having a good backup is just so important in this job. I had to use my backup.
It was kind of a funny situation earlier in the year.
(26:49):
It was a repeat client, so I really wanted to go to this birth, and I got influenza A.
And I was not going to the birth. Like I was not moving from my bed.
I was really sick. And the client had checked in and said that maybe she was
considering being induced.
And she wondered what I thought or, you know, she wanted to make sure I was available.
(27:11):
And I actually said to her at that moment, like, you know, if you want to be
induced, that's totally, you know, your prerogative.
Do whatever you need. I have the flu.
If the birth happens today, I will have to send Kathleen. I cannot move.
Like I can't, I had a fever of 102.
And she said, okay, I'll hold off. And she was fine with that.
(27:31):
She was like happy to do that. I was like, okay, great.
And I remember texting with my backup Kathleen before this.
And I was like, should I tell her? And Kathleen was like, I think you should
tell her. So I, you know, that's what we did.
And then I kid you not, two hours later, the client texted, she said, my water broke.
And so Kathleen went to the birth. Anyway, she had the baby from that point.
(27:54):
She had the baby, I think, four hours after that. I mean, she didn't even have
contractions when she texted to say her water broke.
An hour later, she was at the hospital with Kathleen, maybe two hours later,
and then the baby was born an hour after that.
So it was really fast. But, I mean, I was so grateful to have Kathleen in that moment. She knew.
(28:15):
The client knew. Everybody knew. Everybody was on the same page.
It was the way that it worked out, but it did. And, like, that would have just
been a really hard situation had Kathleen not been there, been ready, and just able to step in.
Because there really wasn't a choice of, like, I have a cold.
Do you want me to come? I mean, this was like I was not moving. Like, there was no –.
(28:38):
We were really sick. Yeah, and I think, I mean, that highlights the fact that
you have to take care of yourself and you have to put yourself first or you're
not going to be able to do this for long.
And it's hard because this is kind of a job that definitely feels like it needs
to have this air of like selfless energy, but you do have to be selfish sometimes
so that you can continue to serve these families.
Exactly. I think another thing that's really important is you have to find ways
(29:02):
to regulate your nervous system because being on a call, you are living at this
higher level of intensity than most people 24-7.
And so you have to figure out what regulates your nervous system.
For myself, and I know for you too, Jen, we walk a lot. We go on walks every
day. We're always talking to each other on walks.
(29:24):
And I think there's something about that gentle movement that just...
If I get a call where I'm like, oh my gosh, someone's in labor,
but it's not time for me to go yet, But I'll often just like walk around the
block to just kind of get some of that adrenaline out of my body and to kind of settle down.
Some people practice breathing like on the way to birth. So like do really like rhythmic breathing.
(29:44):
You know, I think eating well, taking care. Again, it all comes back to taking
care of yourself because if you're not taking care of yourself,
you won't be able to do this for very long.
Your body will be like, whoa, I can't handle this. This is too intense.
And you'll have to stop. And I also think, to be honest, and this is a hard thing.
Say, but I do think that some personality types are suited for this job and some are not.
(30:10):
And you don't really know until you do it, but I can think of countless people
that were really talented birth photographers or birth workers,
but they just couldn't handle the lifestyle.
It's not a moral failing. It's just a personality thing.
Jen and I, we talk about this a little bit. We're both a little neurodivergent
and I think we see that a lot in people that do birth work for whatever reason.
(30:34):
I think that there are certain people that this lifestyle just doesn't work
for, and it's okay if that's you, but there are things you can do.
You could work in a collective.
There's ways to mitigate some of the stressors if you love this job,
but you don't necessarily feel like you can do the 24-7 on-call lifestyle.
(30:57):
I think that's why a lot of people work in the hospital, right?
It's because it's the shift work.
They love birth, but they don't want to be on call 24-7. So I get it.
Yeah. No, I think the collective is a great idea. I wish there were more collectives
and I wish that was an easier model for everybody to continue to use because
I think moving forward, birth work, you need somebody in it with you.
(31:20):
You need a teammate, you need a team, you need a partner, whatever it is.
It's hard to do this work solo. low.
So having people around you, you know, really makes it not only sustainable,
but more enjoyable too. Absolutely.
I totally agree. Having coworkers, you know, it's nice to have them.
Yeah. And you get to pick them in a sense because you're an entrepreneur and
(31:45):
you get to do that. And that is the nice part.
Cool part of the job for sure. Yeah.
Well, Monet, do we want to wrap up the podcast by talking about when we would
go to births? You've had some. So do you have anything?
Do you have anything you want me to try to guess?
I haven't heard too many of the birth. Like, well, I guess I've heard some of
(32:07):
them. So see if you can find one that I haven't.
Yeah. It's been a weird year for births. I feel like we could say that every
year. But this has been, this was an induction for a first time mom.
You may have heard, actually, you may have heard some of this,
but we'll see if you can forget what you have heard. First induction.
And she had a Foley balloon, the Foley balloon. And she had two,
(32:32):
she had two rounds of a side attack, Foley balloon.
And the Foley balloon fell out and her water broke.
They checked her right afterwards and her water broke. And she was like five
centimeters, 80% effaced, negative one, negative two, maybe.
But then the Foley balloon fell out and contractions stopped.
So at that point, dad called me and said, hey, just want to let you know, this is the update.
(32:57):
The Foley balloon is out. She's five centimeters, not having contractions.
And he asked me, when do you think you should come?
So what would you have said in response to that question?
Ooh, that's actually a little tough. I don't remember what happened with this one, so that's good.
I probably would have said, are they going to do anything to stimulate more
(33:19):
contractions? Are they going to give her Pitocin?
Are they going to just have her walk?
I probably wouldn't have gone, unless I was their doula, I probably wouldn't
have gone right then just because she wasn't contracting at that time.
But once contractions started back up and they were consistent and regular,
I would have gone pretty quickly after that.
(33:41):
For my first time clients, I like to leave around five to six centimeters because
usually most of my clients are 30 to 60 minutes from me.
So I like to have a little extra time. And it's nice to get there for a first
time parent around seven, six, seven centimeters, but it's always different.
It forever down and the foley balloons are tricky because
(34:01):
they will manually dilate the cervix right so
it's sometimes hard to know especially when they
fall out and contractions totally stop it's like well is this was this like
labor hormones or was this just manual dilation that was happening yeah that's
what it's saying so what i told the clients i said look i was like as soon as
things start up and they start feeling intense again because they had felt really
(34:24):
intense with the a Foley balloon, which is common.
I was like, as soon as that intensity comes back, just let me know and I'll come.
So they texted me like an hour later, contractions were back.
They were every like two minutes she was feeling shaky.
So I went to her birth and you know, we didn't have a baby until like midnight.
And I think I left, I left here around 6 PM, but that's not like,
(34:47):
that's totally normal for the first time. That's great.
And she was just progressing really, you know, it was like she was five centimeters
and she was seven centimeters. Then she was eight centimeters and she was complete.
You know, it was like a very kind of straightforward, beautiful birth,
but it was definitely tricky. Cause I was like, okay, you're five centimeters.
Your water just broke. All of this good stuff is happening, but you're not contracting right now.
(35:11):
So I did like, I stayed home. I had dinner with my family. And then I was like,
And then things picked up. And so then I went as soon as they did.
So it ended up working out well. That would have been a little trickier if that was a MOLTIP.
Yes, for sure. If it was a MOLTIP, I would have probably been like waiting outside the door.
But yeah, with the first time, again, first time parents, births can be longer,
(35:33):
but it often gives you a little bit more flexibility on your arrival time.
Being on call for MOLTIPs is, I think, a lot more stressful in a lot of ways
than being on call. Yeah.
First time parents. Yeah. Because when things happen, they can often happen
very quickly and they can kind of pick up out of out of nowhere.
So you do have to be extra prepared if you have multiple, especially if you
(35:57):
have multiple that have had precipitous births, which, you know,
we've we've all had. So, yeah.
Yeah. It's going to be a fun fall. I have like three of those. So, yeah.
Well, it was great talking with you today. Thank you so much,
everybody, for listening. and we're so appreciative that you're here and joining us on the podcast.
So yeah. Yes, we love it. And thanks for all of your sweet messages sending
(36:19):
the world to us. So thank you. We really do. Thanks.
Thanks for tuning in. Find out more about us, our courses and other tools for
birth photography at birthbecomesyou.com.
And make sure to follow along on Instagram and Facebook at birthbecomesyou.
And if you love listening, make sure to give us five stars on Apple Podcasts
(36:40):
and subscribe wherever you listen.
Thanks. Catch you on the flip side.
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