How to Accept the Unacceptable

I started writing this a week ago standing in a voting line in West Chester , Pennsylvania. I still had a little bit of optimism that I might not have to record it the day after the election.

But here we are.

I have experience accepting seemingly unacceptable outcomes, including:

• Finding out my husband of twenty years cheated.
• Learning my fiancé was never going to survive his massive stroke.
• Being laid off after my company’s owner spent $28 million shooting himself up into space (that one was over twenty years ago).

And every time, those early days and weeks are rocky.

In the beginning of a big hit, loss, or change, you don’t want to follow any cute “New Age” healing steps.

You just want to survive the shipwreck that has hit your life.

Normal self-care, like a massage or night out, is impossible in the early days. For one thing, you probably don’t feel like leaving your house, and the idea of small talk with others is impossible. The loss and pain are so acute you can’t imagine anything will help. And you may even feel guilty desiring any sort of relief

You just want to breathe normally again.

When facing a difficult outcome, it’s natural to experience frustration, anger, and disappointment. And to go through the stages of death, including:

• Denial,
• Anger,
• Bargaining and
• Sadness

If you are having these feelings, try to be curious about what they are trying to teach you. And talk with your therapist about them. If any of them lead to thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out to your nearest emergency room or dial 988.

Understandably, as part of the stages above, you may question the part others play in your misery. If possible, please try to remember that no one took their actions to hurt you. They didn’t die to hurt you, they didn’t vote to harm you, they didn’t even make decisions to lay you off to hurt you. They are acting out of their own needs and path and possibly suffering.

You are hurt, but rethinking the instinct to blame - or the belief that something was done to you - might alleviate some of that pain.

Even in my rawest, most tender states, I want to travel through the uglier parts of my being and get to the peaceful person as soon as possible. To do this, I find it helpful to lean on yoga and Buddhist philosophy so I can navigate these moments with some semblance of grace.

Here are six ways I have found helpful...