We Tried to Be YouTube Legends. Here’s What Actually Happened.

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This is the second half of my conversation with Oscar. In this half, I tell him about why, eight years ago, I chose to abandon him, my best friend, as we were working on a project that had the potential to give us everything we ever wanted for our careers and our lives.

This is a decision that part of me still regrets to this day. I don't know if watching this video fully conveys the emotional weight of what I was going through at this time in my life, but this was one of the most difficult decisions I've ever made.

Knowing what I know now, I realize that if I just stayed in Rochester and got some crappy part time job and continued to grind with Oscar? We could have achieved everything we wanted. Famous YouTubers have confirmed this to me.

You are watching what is likely one of the largest mistakes of my life. And to top it off, this video will likely get like 100 views lol.

I was convinced that I did not deserve the success I had. I was ashamed for seeking external validation and fame. I did not appreciate what I had. I discounted the value of my collaborators. Instead of looking at my own skills and what I was good at, I sought out external validation and advice from people who had different lives and different goals than mine.

If you resonate with anything I say in this video or in this description and you are experiencing something similar, I would highly recommend you look into "shadow integration." If I were able to reconcile with myself my own greed - that I wanted attention, that I wanted validation and appreciation, and that those things were okay - I could have made the decision to stay. Instead, I ran away. I ran away from my failures to go prove myself to people who I didn't need to prove myself to.

I'd like to think that I will never make this mistake again. Hopefully, that's the case, but I can't predict the future. Every time I botch something now, I plan to stare it in the face and sit with it, until I see the flaws, and take imperfect action trying to address them. Don't run. Cowards run. Sit with your failure and become friends with it. It'll save you a lot of heartache. Or at least it would have for me.

Okay enough rambling. The nice part is - this story is not over.

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If you're considering supporting or following me, here are some of my current goals:

Continue Brain Juice: A personal podcast where I share stories from my life and the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

Continue my show Chasing Dragons: A show about creative entrepreneurship and psychology. I chat with other creative entrepreneurs and help them identify and re-shape the limiting beliefs that might be holding them back from success.

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Why should you join the Patreon?

All of your money will go directly to my editors.

You'll get access to our Mastermind Discord Community. The community is about helping you make progress in your life. We're starting twice-monthly video calls where you can share what you're working on, and other people can suggest guidance and resources to help you. You're also encouraged to share your knowledge and expertise with the rest of the community.

Your headshot will go directly on the Patreon Wall Of Fame in my office

You get direct access to me, with a Google Voice number where you can text me any time (within reason)

You get access to The Influence Index, weekly blog posts where I suggest media and talk about the impact it had on me.

There will likely be lots of future perks added to the Patreon.

I've been working at this essentially my entire adult life. I think it's finally time to start believing in myself and making this a reality. Whatever journey you're on, I would love to hear more about it. If you're willing to support me along the way, I would be eternally grateful.

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