April 2, 2025 • 26 mins
Kyle Smith takes us on a transformative journey from his days as an online coach for fitness and nutrition to his full-time pivot into clarity consulting in 2023. In this episode, he dives into the roots of the negative narrative that holds us back and shares how NLSE tools can empower you to overcome self-imposed limitations. Tune in to learn how to build lasting mental resilience and unlock your full potential.
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Website: https://christroka.com/ #brainwork #framework #business #entrepreneurship #NLSE #MentalResilience
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I think where folks may think acommon narrative or a common belief
system is time heals all wounds.
And I will counter that and sayphysically, yes, time will not heal
the wounds of the emotional body.
We experience ourchildhood trauma as adults.
It's like, no, I'lljust give it more time.
(00:21):
I don't want to doanything about more time.
We'll do it.
It's probably going to linger in there.
I'll take up.
Probably there's a good chancethat it could linger there and
get worse before it gets better.
And if that story is lingering,then there's going to be
themes across our life.
It's like if you're dating, if youhave a friend, has dated ten different
people, however, they're the same person.
(00:42):
Different context, similar themes.
Same thing works with stories.
And then, experience.
It happens real time.
People feel it in the moment.
They can alleviate years of storiesthat hurt, haunt, taunt, annoy.
They can alleviate anxieties.
They can develop their senseof self, their character.
That's NRC.
You're listening to BrainworkFramework, a business and marketing
(01:04):
podcast brought to you by focused-biz.
com.
Welcome back to another episode.
With us today is a Clarity Consultantwith Clarity Consulting with Kyle.
Kyle Smith.
So excited to have him on.
He is a developer of the NeuroLinguistic Somatic Experience and
he's on a mission to defeat thevictim mentality through a practical
mindset coaching system for coaches,teachers, leaders, and influencers.
(01:26):
Kyle, so excited to have you on.
How are you doing today?
I'm doing stellar, my friend.
It's been a good day.
It's been a good weekand I'm happy to be here.
That is excellent.
So excited to have you on.
We always like to ask our entrepreneurs,what were you doing before that kind of
led you into this entrepreneurial journey?
And what are you doing today?
Nice.
In my personal lore life story, there's3 prominent chapters in my life.
(01:50):
1 was when it was my first job andat that time I think it was because
there's a picture of me cookingscrambled eggs and I would have been
1112 years old and I enjoy cooking.
I love to go.
It's fun.
It just feels good to cookfor other people and be able
to do that and I enjoy it.
So my first chapter waspursuing a culinary career.
I wanted to be a chef and Idid, I was in the restaurant
(02:12):
industry for very accurately fiveyears, three months and 14 days.
And from there, my follow up chapter wasbeing a personal trainer in person first.
And then from there it turned into oneon one than one to many and then it had
online and then I integrated nutritionand then from the body and aspect.
(02:36):
I really worked on developing my ownself and from that evolution I worked
or found my way interwoven into movingfrom physical health to mental health
or physical fitness to mental fitness.
So that's my present chapter right now.
That's fantastic.
And you had quite a bit ofsuccess before even going into
(02:58):
helping with clarity consulting.
I think a lot of business owners,entrepreneurs are struggling with kind of
their mindset, how to be more productiveand the mind can either be their
greatest asset or a big weakness to them.
How do you kind of approach thesituation with a lot of these
people you help within your program?
The first thing would be trying tohave an understanding of what the
(03:21):
context of their situation is, becauseevery person's going to be subjective.
However, there is themes that youcan see with individuals and some of
the themes that may hinder progressis just a resistance towards fear.
It could be a resistance towards judgment.
It could be a resistance towardsself sabotage or it's a resistance
(03:44):
that's inspired by self sabotageand I define self sabotage as active
procrastination, preventing progressand rejection where we're rejected
from a community and a group.
So if we have one of those points ofresist or points that are inspiring
resistance then we're less action proneto move towards the thing that we want.
(04:05):
So, oftentimes, folks will want to work.
Inwards first and then move outwards oractually it's not folks will want to it
is working inwards then moving outwards.
So, decreasing the resistance,what are the themes?
What's inspiring these?
And then figuring out someone'sown personal war, their stories.
Example being 1, 2, 10, 100people, overall, it's irrelevant.
(04:30):
However, for the example, let'ssay 99, because I like this one.
99 people say that you areincapable of doing things in
order to get what you want.
Most people are 100 percentright and 99 percent wrong.
All it takes is that one moment, thatone opportunity to say, I do know what
I am doing and then the naysayers,the smack talkers, the people behind
(04:52):
us rather than ahead of us becauseyou're never going to be smack talked
by someone working ahead of you.
That's on the same journey.
It's always going to be peoplebehind you that are going to be smack
talking you the most and that's okay.
Take it.
I received that as a compliment.
If I overhear someone smacktalking to me, I'm like, cool.
That's interesting and it comes downto our self image, like our self
image is influenced by our mindset.
(05:13):
And I define mindset as the storieswe tell ourselves about ourselves
or our opinion of ourselves or selfimage and when we have a practical
definition where people may think,I want to really improve my mindset.
What does that mean?
What does it look like?
And what are you using to contrast yourpresent behavior with past behavior
to show that you're making progress?
(05:35):
So when we have a practical definition,we can think higher of ourself,
lesser self and then we can adjustaccordingly until we find our personal
Goldilocks zone, our sweet spot.
Nice.
It's something that these businessowners with mindset no matter if you're
someone who struggles from time to timeor it's kind of this overreaching cloud
that always seems to hang over you.
(05:56):
We kind of battle withourselves, with our mindset.
You kind of have a different approach tothis flaw about people make about mindset.
Can you tell me more about thisflawed thinking with people's mindset?
The flawed thinking and people'smindset is thinking that
they have no control over it.
That they are not capable ofinfluencing their mindset.
(06:18):
Another thing that I believe isflawed when people think of mindset
is something that just happens wherewe're in a point in time where we can
outsource our solutions to other people.
And so we're pointing.
Oh, that's going to improve my mindset.
You can go Oprah style.
Everyone has mindsetunderneath their chair.
Just go for it.
(06:39):
And so with that, I think that theflaw is not an external journey.
It's an internal journey because ifthe mindset is our opinion of herself,
that's where our starting point is.
What is our opinion of herself?
Am I someone that I wantto go and hang out with?
I want to go on a hike with?
I want to have a smoke a joint with?
Am I someone that I want to be around?
And that's the first start becauseit goes inwards, not outwards.
(07:02):
So all my work is up in thebrain and into the heart.
That's smart.
I like that approach because yes,there are a lot of people who think
these external experiences are goingto somehow help shape and improve their
life instead of actually looking inwardand kind of going through that process.
Something that you focus on ismore on loving relationships
(07:23):
with yourself and with others.
Why do you think that is so important?
Cause I don't think people realizehow infectious that could be.
Yes.
Oh my goodness.
You just got my brain going ona solid mile a minute, my man.
With that one.
We'll think of it this way is who doesn'twant to be treated nicely or with kindness
(07:44):
and there's something I think of wherethe very thing someone is complaining
about not having and be the very thingthey can offer up and so it's something
else is goes ties with that is there'sthe five languages, where it's like acts
of service and those kind of things.
There's an idea that I think isreally neat where oftentimes our
behavior when we're used like fueling,making decisions more off of our
(08:09):
emotions, we have an avoidant type.
Oftentimes, if it's an avoidanttype, it's quality time.
That's the love language and I thinkwhen someone's developing a better
relationship with themselves thenthe relationships outside of us are
going to be a reflection of that.
I think that even over time, as I'vechanged personally, I have a lot of
(08:29):
the similar friends that have seen thatgrowth and it's been different because
I think that when it comes to buildingour fellowship or the people that make
space for, think about the people thatbring you support not the people that
you believe you're expected to be around.
I don't think we don't live.
No, I'm going to change that upbecause when we live into other
(08:50):
people's expectations in order tofit into a group then we are not
bringing ourself to the table.
We are becoming a duplicate of otherpeople's expectations and when we
remove the external expectation andthink, how would I show up for myself?
Would it be punctual?
Would I encourage myself?
Would I demean myself?
Would I support myself?
(09:10):
Will I behave with courage?
Will I Develop my knowledge.
Well, I've grown wiser because I'velearned how to solve problems and
turn my problems into passions andso it's just going to flow outwards.
It's going to improve froman external standpoint.
I also think that what a commondenominator is in each of these in
any context is being the person thatintroduces new change or introduces
(09:35):
that new open heart or introduceshugs when someone wasn't even a
hug or introducing questions whennormally you would be yelling.
So then that's how it wouldhugely impact the community.
And I think it's nottrying to fit in somewhere.
It's creating your own community basedoff of the values and the virtues and
the characteristics and the behaviorsthat you hold yourself at a standard
(09:59):
too and you introduce to others so thatthey can either take in what resonates
and then reject what doesn't andthat filters out the people as well.
Absolutely.
It's almost like you're externalizingor projecting the things that you
would want others to do for you,what you would want to receive,
that more positive mindset, the hugskind of putting yourself on there.
(10:20):
You kind of have to be the change youwant to be first and I think that kind
of has that snowball effect where onechange a day becomes two and suddenly
wow, I didn't realize how positivethis change has affected me now.
But that's important for everybodywhen you were kind of working with the
physical fitness side, did that carrya lot of similarities with what people
(10:40):
had going on in their mindset first?
Like, maybe they thoughtthe physical fitness.
Was going to help relieve some of that.
Do you see a lot of similaritiesin those clients or some of the
work that you've been doing?
Across that spectrum.
Yeah in retrospect.
It's the mind that's going to preventsomeone from progressing because I had
two cool experience with two clients onethat I had Like back to back and the
(11:03):
first one and there was side by side,same, similar goals, similar body type.
The only difference was age.
The second person was older.
At that point I didn't have the samecommunicative skill set and upon
reflection, I was trying to pull himup to where I thought he could be
rather than meeting him where he wasand our conversations were awesome
(11:25):
because we would talk about mindsetstuff often and things were clicking.
Things were resonating.
I wasn't cluing into stuffyet and so he was frustrated.
I was frustrated.
He was making progress.
The progress wasn't quick enough forhim and so we decided to part ways
and we're like, okay, cool and then Ihad my own little dilemma of thinking,
Oh, my God, is it the practice?
(11:46):
Like, how is it that hewasn't able to make progress?
Because I wanted to go through itand Test it and then the follow
up fella absolutely crushed it.
So, I thought it was the practice had tofollow next up so it was an A. D. Test
more or less and he slated he went from2 35 to 1 95 1 95 to 1 99 within three
(12:07):
months span and the biggest complaint hehad was having to buy more clothes because
he doesn't like spending money on himself.
That's a good problem to have, right?
Yeah.
Honestly, it was like anexistential crisis for him.
It was crazy and I was like,okay, it's not the practice.
So what was it?
It was my communication.
It was something on my end cause I see mein the first client as really good coach
(12:29):
client vibes not the right timing though.
It wasn't the right timing althoughI'm just grateful for what happened as
well because it's helped with all this.
Then I'm more or less just want to goand figure out how to develop the mind
and knowing the combination of the two,whereas the physical and the mental.
If I were to do something wherelater on down the line and people
(12:51):
were asking for a physical fitnessand mindset program, something along
those lines, that would be sharp.
And I would go about it in a differentway where I would work with the mind
first and then get them to do somethingsimple in their other time and then
figure out with more detail where theywant to go and what they can incorporate.
Is it going to only be walking?
Is it going to the gym?
(13:11):
Are you doing calisthenics?
Like, what's the thing that's resonating?
Are you going to go play pickleball?
Are you going cross country skiing?
Any of these things?
And then just slowly integrating itbecause once we go with simple and
integration then we have like a lightspeed effect where it's not A snowball
effect where we're accumulating masswhich if we accumulate mass, we're
(13:32):
eventually going to hit something thatmass is going to freaking blow up.
It's going to just destroy.
It's done.
It's freaking done.
I like to go in the reverse wherewe go with a light speed effect.
We remove as much mass as possibleto move as quickly as possible and so
it's focusing on the 20, 20 percentthat yields the 80 percent results is
going to the base fundamentals and thenmoving into the more creative aspects
(13:56):
after the foundation set because it'salways going to be the simple, boring,
done over a long duration of timestuff that people are the most resisted
because it doesn't happen fast enough.
However, it's also the fastest wayof getting to where they want to go.
So it's like, okay, I guess yougot to choose which fricking
direction you're floating with.
Brah.
It's so true.
(14:17):
The things that we knowwork, diet and exercise.
We are so resistant to that becausewe know it works but it takes
a long time that we're willingto try these other shortcuts.
We may get excited about new ideas but Ithink within that client experience that
exchange you had your own aha moment whereafter some reflection, you said, maybe I
needed to change the way I communicatedand now it gave you a new perspective
(14:40):
on how to approach the situation.
And I'm sure that created a betterclient experience moving forward.
If you ask any business owner, none ofthem have had 100 percent success rate.
There's always an upset customer butthese are learning experiences for us to
understand what went wrong, what to dobetter and it's up to us to be willing
to learn and change as opposed to.
(15:01):
It's the world that's wrong.
Obviously, I don't need to changeanything but nothing's wrong
but that's important for us.
Yeah, absolutely.
I could tell you're thinking about ads.
So maybe I sparked your mind.
Yeah, it's interesting.
Honestly.
Absolutely.
This is the type of conversation thatpeople need to have in order to understand
the thought process, how our minds work.
They can either be our greatestasset or our biggest weakness.
(15:23):
Sometimes it's unfortunatebecause it's a pretty cool tool.
It's amazing what it can do and to havethat holiness back and just riddle us
with anxiety and all these intrusivethoughts that doesn't need to happen.
So we need to kind of get overourselves out of our minds but
it's easier said than done.
I don't know.
I think it's easier done thancontinuously said, Hey, I like it.
(15:48):
Because that's what itis, it's the resistance that
I was talking about earlier.
That resistance is our older versionof ourselves wanting things to
stay the same and I do characterconstruction in my work too.
So we have the inter rivaland the inter role model.
So there's also the primary.
We're always in threes and so the primaryis the voice that's speaking to you
and the voice that's speaking to me.
And as the head decision maker, it'sthe captain of the ship, it's the judge.
(16:10):
And then we have the inter rivaland the role model and many people
accept their thoughts as facts.
So the thought comes up, yo,Kyle, you're a piece of shit
and then I think, you know what?
You're right, mind.
I am a piece of shit.
Thanks for reminding me.
I appreciate you.
Like it's silly becausethere is that intermediate
It's like we're reinforcing that.
(16:30):
Totally.
Exactly.
And that's what it is, that wehave north of 60, 000 repeated
habitual thoughts per day.
Many of those thoughts are simplyrecycled and then we can adjust them
over time when we get new informationand when We have another voice that in
a role model, the person that you wantto become the one that want the one that
you want to embody and by figuring outthe characteristics, behaviors, habits,
(16:54):
what they do in order to get what theywant then that introduces a much more
hopeful frame because if we stay as we arein arrival then we will always get what
we've always gotten because we are thesame person in order to get what we want.
We have to become the person it takes toget it rather than waiting and receiving
(17:16):
actively participating in the actionsto get there and when we have that
frame, when we have that information, Ilike to think of it where every morning
there's a court case in our mind.
The primary is the judge, then you havethe prosecutor who's your inner rival,
shows up with an undeniable stack ofevidence that you are not who you say
you are and then you have your innerrole model coming in as the defendant.
Also, with an undeniable stack of proofthat you are who you say you are and
(17:40):
what happens, Is that we can have thislittle internal dialogue going through
the information and we can figure outwhere there's accuracy, inconsistencies
and to figure out who is the more accuratewith the evidence and then embody that.
Then if there's mostly an undeniablestack of evidence for the rival, I
think that in itself is an indicatorthat we can provide some more evidence
(18:05):
to the inner role model by embodyingthat possibility in those behaviors.
So that's how I break that idea downand then we decide, then it's a choice.
And then decide.
Latin.
Decade in English is to kill off.
So a decision is simply to kill off onedecision in order to go down another.
If we kill off the inner arrivals,influence then we can move towards
(18:27):
the role model's influence.
I really love that comparison.
I was laughing the entire time.
That was excellent.
Now I am curious about the NLSE.
The neuro linguistic somatic experience.
What the heck is that?
Why does it matter?
Why is it so important?
Totally.
NLSE is the practice that Ideveloped and it's a combination
of story work and breath work.
(18:48):
And it works as the mindsetgym for mental fitness.
And I say mental fitness rather thanmental health because in my opinion,
health is only one side of the coin.
We're neglecting unhealth and oftentimes, when we're focused on what makes
us healthy, we neglect what makes usunhealthy when we can focus on the
unhealthy things to get us healthy.
(19:09):
So fitness is eitherhigher or less than health.
And so, breaking it down.
It goes from top to bottom where westart with the mind and it goes into the
body and then it goes into experience.
So breaking down the NLSE, N stands forNeuro and that's meaning of the mind and
I already mentioned the definition ofmindset earlier, opinions of ourself.
It also ties into thinking about ourthinking and being able to observe our
(19:35):
narratives and being able to filterthrough and translate things and dive into
ways to make things more helpful and thenNeuro also goes into the nervous system.
So direct.
Brain to body connection.
Nervous system pulls a lot ofemotions, signals helps us like move
our fingers and stuff like that.
So it's like a big deal.
Nerve damage sucks.
Like, that's a thing so we got theneural, we got the mind, we got
(19:58):
the nervous system, then we go intolinguistic, that's what the L is.
And that's language.
And that's what we say, think, write,and also how we breathe, because the
breath is the language of the body.
For the first three, what we say, think,and write the way I break down words.
They are the etherealmacronutrients of the mind.
When we feed our mind quality words,we're going to have quality thoughts.
When we feed our mind shit words,we're going to have shit thoughts.
(20:19):
Similar to how the body hasmacronutrients or it macronutrients
are the building blocks of the body.
We have our carbs, fats, and proteins.
The quality of the carbs, fats, andproteins we ingest is going to impact
and influence the quality of our body.
So impact and influence, very importantparts because then it brings us into
the magic of words because it's fun andwe bring in these characters to create
(20:43):
these spells and spells are words or acombination of words of great influence.
Then we can take it another step.
Abracadabra.
Have you heard that one before?
Only in the magical sense.
Yeah, man.
So Magicka and then peoplehave thought Pokemon.
I've gotten Steve Miller band.
I've gotten a couple variationsand so abracadabra is a old
(21:05):
language, 3000 year old language.
It's Aramaic and translated English.
It's with my words, I create literallytranslated with my words I create.
So we have our words and thenWe can create those spells and
those spells create stories.
Those stories are going to influence.
Actually brings up the stories thenwe attribute a meaning to the story.
(21:28):
That meaning to the story is thengoing to influence how we feel.
So that's how words are the buildingblocks of how our mind is structured.
Then how the breath isthe language of the body.
When you're breathing high andtight, you're good to fight.
When you're breathing low and slow,you're good to flow and when you can
think of it, you could recognize it,you could be in a set and setting where
you're having a chill experience, you'revibing, you're hanging out with your
(21:50):
peeps, you're like, this is cool stuff,I'm happy, like this is a happy camper.
And then you notice, you're breathingmuch more upregulated into your chest then
you can actually take a second and think,Whoa, why am I breathing up my chest?
Like, why am I startingto increase my heart rate?
Why am I starting to feel a littlebit my temperature increase?
What's going on?
Look around, nothing's going on.
(22:11):
So there's something that is in mymind that is influencing how I feel.
It's like, I'm good.
There's nothing to be concerned about.
Take a breath in, take it from thechest, drop it down into the belly.
So that way you can converse with yoursubconscious, your body, your animal
being to be able to say, no, we're good.
So that way it's likehaving a leash on a dog.
You're training the dog and thensomatic S. Somatic is of the body
(22:36):
and that is the physical body andthat is also the emotional body and
how they differ is that the physicalbody is time bound and passive.
So if we cut our finger, it's going toheal over time without our intervention.
The energetic body, theemotional body is different.
It's timeless.
It is active.
It takes active participation in theprocessing of unmetabolized emotions in
(23:01):
order to alleviate ourself of stories thathurt, haunt, taunt, annoy or fearful of.
So then, by actively participatingin it, we flow it out, we process it.
I think where folks may think a commonnarrative or a common belief system
is time heals all wounds and I willcounter that and say physically,
(23:23):
yes, time will not heal the woundsof the emotional body we experience
our childhood trauma as adults.
It's like, no, I'lljust give it more time.
I don't want to doanything about more time.
We'll do it.
It's probably going to linger in there.
I'll take a probably there's a goodchance that it could linger there and
get worse before it gets better and ifthat story is lingering, then there's
(23:46):
going to be themes across our life.
It's like, if you're dating, if you havea friend, has dated 10 different people.
However, they're the same person,different contexts, similar themes,
same thing works for stories.
And then experience, it happens real time.
People feel it in the moment.
They can alleviate years of storiesthat hurt, haunt, taunt, annoy.
(24:06):
They can alleviate anxieties.
They can develop their senseof self, their character.
That's an honesty.
I love that.
That's beautiful.
Now, Kyle, we only havea few more minutes.
I wanted to ask where can peopleconnect with you and find you online?
ClarityConsultant.
ca is my website and then for mysocial medias, it's a DapperDudeKyle,
(24:27):
D A P P E R D U D E K Y L E.
And if you want to shoot me amessage, go to my Instagram because
that's my fastest response time.
Very nice.
And we'll have the links availabledown in the description and show notes
so you can get connected with Kyle.
It is almost the end of 2024 here.
What are you most excitedfor leading into 2025?
And then we'll be wrapping up the show.
(24:48):
Okay.
I'll go with a personal one and thenI'll go with maybe a business one.
So personal one thatI'm pretty excited for.
I'm not sure if anything'sgoing to happen.
I don't know what it's gonna be like.
However, I know that a celestialscale, it's really cool timing.
And on January 25th, there'ssomething like six planets that
are going to be in alignment.
(25:08):
And this is something thathappens very seldom in a lifetime.
So I view it as something whereit's really, Oh, wow, that's cool.
Like a universal clock is coming.
It's like when the two clockhands are on both at noon where
they're just like lined up.
So I'm personally excited for that.
I'm curious to see if anything happens,if you could feel like a different goal
or anything, so that's my personal one.
(25:29):
And then for everything else, honestly,I'm excited for this practice sound
that I developed and excited to seehow many more people I get to help
with it and the reception and thereviews from folks already has been
phenomenal and it's very fulfilling.
So I have the intention of turninginto a stadium, growing it into
(25:50):
a stadium not building a house.
So I have a very big visionfor what I can do with this.
That's very exciting.
And obviously many people are enjoyingyour services and what you do.
You have a lot of great experienceand your approach and your thinking
mindset I think is rock solid.
So I appreciate you coming on and sharingyour tips and tricks and insight with us.
Appreciate it, Kyle.
Thank you so much.
Thank you very much for having me.
(26:11):
Always a good conversationwith you, my friend.
Absolutely.
Same here.
Thanks so much.
I think where folks may think acommon narrative or a common belief
system is time heals all wounds.
And I will counter that and sayphysically, yes, time will not heal
the wounds of the emotional body.
We experience ourchildhood trauma as adults.
It's like, no, I'lljust give it more time.
(00:21):
I don't want to doanything about more time.
We'll do it.
It's probably going to linger in there.
I'll take up.
Probably there's a good chancethat it could linger there and
get worse before it gets better.
And if that story is lingering,then there's going to be
themes across our life.
It's like if you're dating, if youhave a friend, has dated ten different
people, however, they're the same person.
(00:42):
Different context, similar themes.
Same thing works with stories.
And then, experience.
It happens real time.
People feel it in the moment.
They can alleviate years of storiesthat hurt, haunt, taunt, annoy.
They can alleviate anxieties.
They can develop their senseof self, their character.
That's NRC.
You're listening to BrainworkFramework, a business and marketing
(01:04):
podcast brought to you by focused-biz.
com.
Welcome back to another episode.
With us today is a Clarity Consultantwith Clarity Consulting with Kyle.
Kyle Smith.
So excited to have him on.
He is a developer of the NeuroLinguistic Somatic Experience and
he's on a mission to defeat thevictim mentality through a practical
mindset coaching system for coaches,teachers, leaders, and influencers.
(01:26):
Kyle, so excited to have you on.
How are you doing today?
I'm doing stellar, my friend.
It's been a good day.
It's been a good weekand I'm happy to be here.
That is excellent.
So excited to have you on.
We always like to ask our entrepreneurs,what were you doing before that kind of
led you into this entrepreneurial journey?
And what are you doing today?
Nice.
In my personal lore life story, there's3 prominent chapters in my life.
(01:50):
1 was when it was my first job andat that time I think it was because
there's a picture of me cookingscrambled eggs and I would have been
1112 years old and I enjoy cooking.
I love to go.
It's fun.
It just feels good to cookfor other people and be able
to do that and I enjoy it.
So my first chapter waspursuing a culinary career.
I wanted to be a chef and Idid, I was in the restaurant
(02:12):
industry for very accurately fiveyears, three months and 14 days.
And from there, my follow up chapter wasbeing a personal trainer in person first.
And then from there it turned into oneon one than one to many and then it had
online and then I integrated nutritionand then from the body and aspect.
(02:36):
I really worked on developing my ownself and from that evolution I worked
or found my way interwoven into movingfrom physical health to mental health
or physical fitness to mental fitness.
So that's my present chapter right now.
That's fantastic.
And you had quite a bit ofsuccess before even going into
(02:58):
helping with clarity consulting.
I think a lot of business owners,entrepreneurs are struggling with kind of
their mindset, how to be more productiveand the mind can either be their
greatest asset or a big weakness to them.
How do you kind of approach thesituation with a lot of these
people you help within your program?
The first thing would be trying tohave an understanding of what the
(03:21):
context of their situation is, becauseevery person's going to be subjective.
However, there is themes that youcan see with individuals and some of
the themes that may hinder progressis just a resistance towards fear.
It could be a resistance towards judgment.
It could be a resistance towardsself sabotage or it's a resistance
(03:44):
that's inspired by self sabotageand I define self sabotage as active
procrastination, preventing progressand rejection where we're rejected
from a community and a group.
So if we have one of those points ofresist or points that are inspiring
resistance then we're less action proneto move towards the thing that we want.
(04:05):
So, oftentimes, folks will want to work.
Inwards first and then move outwards oractually it's not folks will want to it
is working inwards then moving outwards.
So, decreasing the resistance,what are the themes?
What's inspiring these?
And then figuring out someone'sown personal war, their stories.
Example being 1, 2, 10, 100people, overall, it's irrelevant.
(04:30):
However, for the example, let'ssay 99, because I like this one.
99 people say that you areincapable of doing things in
order to get what you want.
Most people are 100 percentright and 99 percent wrong.
All it takes is that one moment, thatone opportunity to say, I do know what
I am doing and then the naysayers,the smack talkers, the people behind
(04:52):
us rather than ahead of us becauseyou're never going to be smack talked
by someone working ahead of you.
That's on the same journey.
It's always going to be peoplebehind you that are going to be smack
talking you the most and that's okay.
Take it.
I received that as a compliment.
If I overhear someone smacktalking to me, I'm like, cool.
That's interesting and it comes downto our self image, like our self
image is influenced by our mindset.
(05:13):
And I define mindset as the storieswe tell ourselves about ourselves
or our opinion of ourselves or selfimage and when we have a practical
definition where people may think,I want to really improve my mindset.
What does that mean?
What does it look like?
And what are you using to contrast yourpresent behavior with past behavior
to show that you're making progress?
(05:35):
So when we have a practical definition,we can think higher of ourself,
lesser self and then we can adjustaccordingly until we find our personal
Goldilocks zone, our sweet spot.
Nice.
It's something that these businessowners with mindset no matter if you're
someone who struggles from time to timeor it's kind of this overreaching cloud
that always seems to hang over you.
(05:56):
We kind of battle withourselves, with our mindset.
You kind of have a different approach tothis flaw about people make about mindset.
Can you tell me more about thisflawed thinking with people's mindset?
The flawed thinking and people'smindset is thinking that
they have no control over it.
That they are not capable ofinfluencing their mindset.
(06:18):
Another thing that I believe isflawed when people think of mindset
is something that just happens wherewe're in a point in time where we can
outsource our solutions to other people.
And so we're pointing.
Oh, that's going to improve my mindset.
You can go Oprah style.
Everyone has mindsetunderneath their chair.
Just go for it.
(06:39):
And so with that, I think that theflaw is not an external journey.
It's an internal journey because ifthe mindset is our opinion of herself,
that's where our starting point is.
What is our opinion of herself?
Am I someone that I wantto go and hang out with?
I want to go on a hike with?
I want to have a smoke a joint with?
Am I someone that I want to be around?
And that's the first start becauseit goes inwards, not outwards.
(07:02):
So all my work is up in thebrain and into the heart.
That's smart.
I like that approach because yes,there are a lot of people who think
these external experiences are goingto somehow help shape and improve their
life instead of actually looking inwardand kind of going through that process.
Something that you focus on ismore on loving relationships
(07:23):
with yourself and with others.
Why do you think that is so important?
Cause I don't think people realizehow infectious that could be.
Yes.
Oh my goodness.
You just got my brain going ona solid mile a minute, my man.
With that one.
We'll think of it this way is who doesn'twant to be treated nicely or with kindness
(07:44):
and there's something I think of wherethe very thing someone is complaining
about not having and be the very thingthey can offer up and so it's something
else is goes ties with that is there'sthe five languages, where it's like acts
of service and those kind of things.
There's an idea that I think isreally neat where oftentimes our
behavior when we're used like fueling,making decisions more off of our
(08:09):
emotions, we have an avoidant type.
Oftentimes, if it's an avoidanttype, it's quality time.
That's the love language and I thinkwhen someone's developing a better
relationship with themselves thenthe relationships outside of us are
going to be a reflection of that.
I think that even over time, as I'vechanged personally, I have a lot of
(08:29):
the similar friends that have seen thatgrowth and it's been different because
I think that when it comes to buildingour fellowship or the people that make
space for, think about the people thatbring you support not the people that
you believe you're expected to be around.
I don't think we don't live.
No, I'm going to change that upbecause when we live into other
(08:50):
people's expectations in order tofit into a group then we are not
bringing ourself to the table.
We are becoming a duplicate of otherpeople's expectations and when we
remove the external expectation andthink, how would I show up for myself?
Would it be punctual?
Would I encourage myself?
Would I demean myself?
Would I support myself?
(09:10):
Will I behave with courage?
Will I Develop my knowledge.
Well, I've grown wiser because I'velearned how to solve problems and
turn my problems into passions andso it's just going to flow outwards.
It's going to improve froman external standpoint.
I also think that what a commondenominator is in each of these in
any context is being the person thatintroduces new change or introduces
(09:35):
that new open heart or introduceshugs when someone wasn't even a
hug or introducing questions whennormally you would be yelling.
So then that's how it wouldhugely impact the community.
And I think it's nottrying to fit in somewhere.
It's creating your own community basedoff of the values and the virtues and
the characteristics and the behaviorsthat you hold yourself at a standard
(09:59):
too and you introduce to others so thatthey can either take in what resonates
and then reject what doesn't andthat filters out the people as well.
Absolutely.
It's almost like you're externalizingor projecting the things that you
would want others to do for you,what you would want to receive,
that more positive mindset, the hugskind of putting yourself on there.
(10:20):
You kind of have to be the change youwant to be first and I think that kind
of has that snowball effect where onechange a day becomes two and suddenly
wow, I didn't realize how positivethis change has affected me now.
But that's important for everybodywhen you were kind of working with the
physical fitness side, did that carrya lot of similarities with what people
(10:40):
had going on in their mindset first?
Like, maybe they thoughtthe physical fitness.
Was going to help relieve some of that.
Do you see a lot of similaritiesin those clients or some of the
work that you've been doing?
Across that spectrum.
Yeah in retrospect.
It's the mind that's going to preventsomeone from progressing because I had
two cool experience with two clients onethat I had Like back to back and the
(11:03):
first one and there was side by side,same, similar goals, similar body type.
The only difference was age.
The second person was older.
At that point I didn't have the samecommunicative skill set and upon
reflection, I was trying to pull himup to where I thought he could be
rather than meeting him where he wasand our conversations were awesome
(11:25):
because we would talk about mindsetstuff often and things were clicking.
Things were resonating.
I wasn't cluing into stuffyet and so he was frustrated.
I was frustrated.
He was making progress.
The progress wasn't quick enough forhim and so we decided to part ways
and we're like, okay, cool and then Ihad my own little dilemma of thinking,
Oh, my God, is it the practice?
(11:46):
Like, how is it that hewasn't able to make progress?
Because I wanted to go through itand Test it and then the follow
up fella absolutely crushed it.
So, I thought it was the practice had tofollow next up so it was an A. D. Test
more or less and he slated he went from2 35 to 1 95 1 95 to 1 99 within three
(12:07):
months span and the biggest complaint hehad was having to buy more clothes because
he doesn't like spending money on himself.
That's a good problem to have, right?
Yeah.
Honestly, it was like anexistential crisis for him.
It was crazy and I was like,okay, it's not the practice.
So what was it?
It was my communication.
It was something on my end cause I see mein the first client as really good coach
(12:29):
client vibes not the right timing though.
It wasn't the right timing althoughI'm just grateful for what happened as
well because it's helped with all this.
Then I'm more or less just want to goand figure out how to develop the mind
and knowing the combination of the two,whereas the physical and the mental.
If I were to do something wherelater on down the line and people
(12:51):
were asking for a physical fitnessand mindset program, something along
those lines, that would be sharp.
And I would go about it in a differentway where I would work with the mind
first and then get them to do somethingsimple in their other time and then
figure out with more detail where theywant to go and what they can incorporate.
Is it going to only be walking?
Is it going to the gym?
(13:11):
Are you doing calisthenics?
Like, what's the thing that's resonating?
Are you going to go play pickleball?
Are you going cross country skiing?
Any of these things?
And then just slowly integrating itbecause once we go with simple and
integration then we have like a lightspeed effect where it's not A snowball
effect where we're accumulating masswhich if we accumulate mass, we're
(13:32):
eventually going to hit something thatmass is going to freaking blow up.
It's going to just destroy.
It's done.
It's freaking done.
I like to go in the reverse wherewe go with a light speed effect.
We remove as much mass as possibleto move as quickly as possible and so
it's focusing on the 20, 20 percentthat yields the 80 percent results is
going to the base fundamentals and thenmoving into the more creative aspects
(13:56):
after the foundation set because it'salways going to be the simple, boring,
done over a long duration of timestuff that people are the most resisted
because it doesn't happen fast enough.
However, it's also the fastest wayof getting to where they want to go.
So it's like, okay, I guess yougot to choose which fricking
direction you're floating with.
Brah.
It's so true.
(14:17):
The things that we knowwork, diet and exercise.
We are so resistant to that becausewe know it works but it takes
a long time that we're willingto try these other shortcuts.
We may get excited about new ideas but Ithink within that client experience that
exchange you had your own aha moment whereafter some reflection, you said, maybe I
needed to change the way I communicatedand now it gave you a new perspective
(14:40):
on how to approach the situation.
And I'm sure that created a betterclient experience moving forward.
If you ask any business owner, none ofthem have had 100 percent success rate.
There's always an upset customer butthese are learning experiences for us to
understand what went wrong, what to dobetter and it's up to us to be willing
to learn and change as opposed to.
(15:01):
It's the world that's wrong.
Obviously, I don't need to changeanything but nothing's wrong
but that's important for us.
Yeah, absolutely.
I could tell you're thinking about ads.
So maybe I sparked your mind.
Yeah, it's interesting.
Honestly.
Absolutely.
This is the type of conversation thatpeople need to have in order to understand
the thought process, how our minds work.
They can either be our greatestasset or our biggest weakness.
(15:23):
Sometimes it's unfortunatebecause it's a pretty cool tool.
It's amazing what it can do and to havethat holiness back and just riddle us
with anxiety and all these intrusivethoughts that doesn't need to happen.
So we need to kind of get overourselves out of our minds but
it's easier said than done.
I don't know.
I think it's easier done thancontinuously said, Hey, I like it.
(15:48):
Because that's what itis, it's the resistance that
I was talking about earlier.
That resistance is our older versionof ourselves wanting things to
stay the same and I do characterconstruction in my work too.
So we have the inter rivaland the inter role model.
So there's also the primary.
We're always in threes and so the primaryis the voice that's speaking to you
and the voice that's speaking to me.
And as the head decision maker, it'sthe captain of the ship, it's the judge.
(16:10):
And then we have the inter rivaland the role model and many people
accept their thoughts as facts.
So the thought comes up, yo,Kyle, you're a piece of shit
and then I think, you know what?
You're right, mind.
I am a piece of shit.
Thanks for reminding me.
I appreciate you.
Like it's silly becausethere is that intermediate
It's like we're reinforcing that.
(16:30):
Totally.
Exactly.
And that's what it is, that wehave north of 60, 000 repeated
habitual thoughts per day.
Many of those thoughts are simplyrecycled and then we can adjust them
over time when we get new informationand when We have another voice that in
a role model, the person that you wantto become the one that want the one that
you want to embody and by figuring outthe characteristics, behaviors, habits,
(16:54):
what they do in order to get what theywant then that introduces a much more
hopeful frame because if we stay as we arein arrival then we will always get what
we've always gotten because we are thesame person in order to get what we want.
We have to become the person it takes toget it rather than waiting and receiving
(17:16):
actively participating in the actionsto get there and when we have that
frame, when we have that information, Ilike to think of it where every morning
there's a court case in our mind.
The primary is the judge, then you havethe prosecutor who's your inner rival,
shows up with an undeniable stack ofevidence that you are not who you say
you are and then you have your innerrole model coming in as the defendant.
Also, with an undeniable stack of proofthat you are who you say you are and
(17:40):
what happens, Is that we can have thislittle internal dialogue going through
the information and we can figure outwhere there's accuracy, inconsistencies
and to figure out who is the more accuratewith the evidence and then embody that.
Then if there's mostly an undeniablestack of evidence for the rival, I
think that in itself is an indicatorthat we can provide some more evidence
(18:05):
to the inner role model by embodyingthat possibility in those behaviors.
So that's how I break that idea downand then we decide, then it's a choice.
And then decide.
Latin.
Decade in English is to kill off.
So a decision is simply to kill off onedecision in order to go down another.
If we kill off the inner arrivals,influence then we can move towards
(18:27):
the role model's influence.
I really love that comparison.
I was laughing the entire time.
That was excellent.
Now I am curious about the NLSE.
The neuro linguistic somatic experience.
What the heck is that?
Why does it matter?
Why is it so important?
Totally.
NLSE is the practice that Ideveloped and it's a combination
of story work and breath work.
(18:48):
And it works as the mindsetgym for mental fitness.
And I say mental fitness rather thanmental health because in my opinion,
health is only one side of the coin.
We're neglecting unhealth and oftentimes, when we're focused on what makes
us healthy, we neglect what makes usunhealthy when we can focus on the
unhealthy things to get us healthy.
(19:09):
So fitness is eitherhigher or less than health.
And so, breaking it down.
It goes from top to bottom where westart with the mind and it goes into the
body and then it goes into experience.
So breaking down the NLSE, N stands forNeuro and that's meaning of the mind and
I already mentioned the definition ofmindset earlier, opinions of ourself.
It also ties into thinking about ourthinking and being able to observe our
(19:35):
narratives and being able to filterthrough and translate things and dive into
ways to make things more helpful and thenNeuro also goes into the nervous system.
So direct.
Brain to body connection.
Nervous system pulls a lot ofemotions, signals helps us like move
our fingers and stuff like that.
So it's like a big deal.
Nerve damage sucks.
Like, that's a thing so we got theneural, we got the mind, we got
(19:58):
the nervous system, then we go intolinguistic, that's what the L is.
And that's language.
And that's what we say, think, write,and also how we breathe, because the
breath is the language of the body.
For the first three, what we say, think,and write the way I break down words.
They are the etherealmacronutrients of the mind.
When we feed our mind quality words,we're going to have quality thoughts.
When we feed our mind shit words,we're going to have shit thoughts.
(20:19):
Similar to how the body hasmacronutrients or it macronutrients
are the building blocks of the body.
We have our carbs, fats, and proteins.
The quality of the carbs, fats, andproteins we ingest is going to impact
and influence the quality of our body.
So impact and influence, very importantparts because then it brings us into
the magic of words because it's fun andwe bring in these characters to create
(20:43):
these spells and spells are words or acombination of words of great influence.
Then we can take it another step.
Abracadabra.
Have you heard that one before?
Only in the magical sense.
Yeah, man.
So Magicka and then peoplehave thought Pokemon.
I've gotten Steve Miller band.
I've gotten a couple variationsand so abracadabra is a old
(21:05):
language, 3000 year old language.
It's Aramaic and translated English.
It's with my words, I create literallytranslated with my words I create.
So we have our words and thenWe can create those spells and
those spells create stories.
Those stories are going to influence.
Actually brings up the stories thenwe attribute a meaning to the story.
(21:28):
That meaning to the story is thengoing to influence how we feel.
So that's how words are the buildingblocks of how our mind is structured.
Then how the breath isthe language of the body.
When you're breathing high andtight, you're good to fight.
When you're breathing low and slow,you're good to flow and when you can
think of it, you could recognize it,you could be in a set and setting where
you're having a chill experience, you'revibing, you're hanging out with your
(21:50):
peeps, you're like, this is cool stuff,I'm happy, like this is a happy camper.
And then you notice, you're breathingmuch more upregulated into your chest then
you can actually take a second and think,Whoa, why am I breathing up my chest?
Like, why am I startingto increase my heart rate?
Why am I starting to feel a littlebit my temperature increase?
What's going on?
Look around, nothing's going on.
(22:11):
So there's something that is in mymind that is influencing how I feel.
It's like, I'm good.
There's nothing to be concerned about.
Take a breath in, take it from thechest, drop it down into the belly.
So that way you can converse with yoursubconscious, your body, your animal
being to be able to say, no, we're good.
So that way it's likehaving a leash on a dog.
You're training the dog and thensomatic S. Somatic is of the body
(22:36):
and that is the physical body andthat is also the emotional body and
how they differ is that the physicalbody is time bound and passive.
So if we cut our finger, it's going toheal over time without our intervention.
The energetic body, theemotional body is different.
It's timeless.
It is active.
It takes active participation in theprocessing of unmetabolized emotions in
(23:01):
order to alleviate ourself of stories thathurt, haunt, taunt, annoy or fearful of.
So then, by actively participatingin it, we flow it out, we process it.
I think where folks may think a commonnarrative or a common belief system
is time heals all wounds and I willcounter that and say physically,
(23:23):
yes, time will not heal the woundsof the emotional body we experience
our childhood trauma as adults.
It's like, no, I'lljust give it more time.
I don't want to doanything about more time.
We'll do it.
It's probably going to linger in there.
I'll take a probably there's a goodchance that it could linger there and
get worse before it gets better and ifthat story is lingering, then there's
(23:46):
going to be themes across our life.
It's like, if you're dating, if you havea friend, has dated 10 different people.
However, they're the same person,different contexts, similar themes,
same thing works for stories.
And then experience, it happens real time.
People feel it in the moment.
They can alleviate years of storiesthat hurt, haunt, taunt, annoy.
(24:06):
They can alleviate anxieties.
They can develop their senseof self, their character.
That's an honesty.
I love that.
That's beautiful.
Now, Kyle, we only havea few more minutes.
I wanted to ask where can peopleconnect with you and find you online?
ClarityConsultant.
ca is my website and then for mysocial medias, it's a DapperDudeKyle,
(24:27):
D A P P E R D U D E K Y L E.
And if you want to shoot me amessage, go to my Instagram because
that's my fastest response time.
Very nice.
And we'll have the links availabledown in the description and show notes
so you can get connected with Kyle.
It is almost the end of 2024 here.
What are you most excitedfor leading into 2025?
And then we'll be wrapping up the show.
(24:48):
Okay.
I'll go with a personal one and thenI'll go with maybe a business one.
So personal one thatI'm pretty excited for.
I'm not sure if anything'sgoing to happen.
I don't know what it's gonna be like.
However, I know that a celestialscale, it's really cool timing.
And on January 25th, there'ssomething like six planets that
are going to be in alignment.
(25:08):
And this is something thathappens very seldom in a lifetime.
So I view it as something whereit's really, Oh, wow, that's cool.
Like a universal clock is coming.
It's like when the two clockhands are on both at noon where
they're just like lined up.
So I'm personally excited for that.
I'm curious to see if anything happens,if you could feel like a different goal
or anything, so that's my personal one.
(25:29):
And then for everything else, honestly,I'm excited for this practice sound
that I developed and excited to seehow many more people I get to help
with it and the reception and thereviews from folks already has been
phenomenal and it's very fulfilling.
So I have the intention of turninginto a stadium, growing it into
(25:50):
a stadium not building a house.
So I have a very big visionfor what I can do with this.
That's very exciting.
And obviously many people are enjoyingyour services and what you do.
You have a lot of great experienceand your approach and your thinking
mindset I think is rock solid.
So I appreciate you coming on and sharingyour tips and tricks and insight with us.
Appreciate it, Kyle.
Thank you so much.
Thank you very much for having me.
(26:11):
Always a good conversationwith you, my friend.
Absolutely.
Same here.
Thanks so much.
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