April 21, 2025 • 12 mins
In this episode of Byte-sized L&D, hosts Donna and Yakov discuss effective feedback strategies, introducing seven impactful phrases to enhance feedback delivery. These include "This is a great start," "I noticed," "At the same time," "Even more," and "Based on the data points I have." They emphasize the importance of language in facilitating constructive, non-defensive conversations that lead to genuine improvement.
#feedback, #communication, #leadership, #improvement, #coaching, #language, #podcast
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Bite-Sized L&D, your quick no-nonsense update on the latest in workplace learning.
(00:10):
Today we'll uncover seven transformative phrases for delivering effective feedback
and reveal how to ensure your insights are positively received.
Alright, let's get straight into it.
Hey everyone, welcome to another episode of Bite-Sized L&D.
I'm Donna, and as always I'm joined by my insightful co-host.
(00:30):
That's me, Yakov Lasker. Thanks for having me back, Donna.
Like we'd do this without you, Yakov.
Today we're diving into something that affects every single L&D professional out there,
giving feedback that actually sticks.
Oh man, this is such a crucial topic, because let's be honest.
We've all been on both sides of feedback conversations that went,
(00:52):
well, let's just say less than optimally.
You can say that again, that awkward silence after you've given feedback that clearly didn't land well.
I still have nightmares about some of those moments from early in my career.
And that's exactly why we need to talk about this.
Today we're looking at seven specific phrases that can completely transform how we deliver feedback.
(01:15):
These aren't just fluffy concepts, they're tactical, practical phrases you can start using today.
I love that we're getting super specific.
So lay it on me, Yakov. What's our first magic phrase?
Alright, phrase number one. This is a great start.
Oh, I like that. It sounds positive, but also implies there's more work to do.
(01:36):
Exactly. And that's the beauty of it.
Many managers mess up by saying, this looks great,
when they actually have a ton of feedback to give.
Talk about mixed signals.
I've definitely been guilty of that before.
Trying to cushion the blow with, this is fantastic, but which basically negates the compliment.
Right. And what happens is the person hears it's great and mentally checks out for the rest of your feedback.
(02:03):
Or worse, they're confused about whether you actually want changes or not.
So this is a great start, acknowledges the effort without suggesting it's ready for prime time.
Precisely. It sets the expectation that more work is needed while still being encouraging.
It's saying you're on the right track, but we're not at the finish line yet.
(02:23):
I can see myself using this in our instructional design reviews.
This module is a great start.
Now let's talk about how we can make the interactions more meaningful.
Perfect application. Okay, ready for phrase number two?
Hit me!
Number two is deceptively simple. I notice.
That's it? Just I noticed?
It's more powerful than it sounds.
(02:45):
When you start feedback with I noticed, you're grounding your observations in concrete reality rather than subjective opinion.
Ah, I see. So instead of saying you ramble too much in your presentations, you might say.
I noticed in your last three presentations, it took about five minutes to get to the main point.
See the difference. One feels like a personal attack on their character, while the other is just an observation of something that happened.
(03:13):
And it's hard to argue with I noticed because you're just stating what you observed.
Right. The person can always share a different interpretation of what happened, but they can't deny that you noticed something.
It immediately makes the conversation more grounded.
I'm already seeing a pattern with these phrases. They're designed to get past people's defensive reactions.
(03:34):
You nailed it, Donna. Most feedback fails not because of the content, but because of how it's delivered.
The person's emotional defenses go up and nothing gets through.
Okay, I'm invested now. What's phrase number three?
Number three is at the same time.
As in, your presentation was clear. At the same time, there are a few areas we could strengthen.
(03:56):
You're unnatural. At the same time is the perfect replacement for but, which tends to negate everything that came before it.
I never thought about it, but but does have a negating effect.
When someone says, I like your idea, but you're just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Exactly. When you say, at the same time, you're acknowledging that two things can be true simultaneously.
(04:22):
It's not one truth canceling out another.
So it's a way to disagree without being disagreeable. I like that.
And it feels less like a criticism and more like you're adding another perspective.
It's additive rather than subtractive.
I'm definitely going to catch myself next time I'm about to say, but in a feedback conversation.
It takes practice, but it's worth it. Ready for number four?
(04:46):
Ready.
Phrase four is even more.
That sounds intriguing. How does it work?
This one is especially powerful when you're giving feedback to peers or even people more senior than you.
Instead of implying something is lacking or broken, you suggest they can be even more effective.
So rather than pointing out a deficiency, you're building on existing strengths.
(05:09):
Precisely. For example, instead of saying, you need to delegate more strategic work.
You might say, you've been great at delegating operational tasks.
Your team would grow even more if you also delegated some strategic planning.
That feels so much more palatable. It's like you're saying you're already doing well.
(05:30):
And here's how to take it to the next level.
And psychologically, that's much easier for people to accept.
Nobody wants to feel like they're failing, but most people are open to getting even better at something.
I can see how this would be especially useful when you need to give feedback to your boss or senior leaders.
Absolutely. That's the perfect use case.
(05:50):
It removes the awkwardness of a junior person appearing to correct a senior person.
These are gold, Yaakov. What's our fifth phrase?
Number five is a bit longer.
I believe you are trying to do X, but it doesn't quite work because why I recommend trying Zed.
Ooh, that's a three-part structure.
Yes. And each part serves an important purpose.
(06:13):
First, you acknowledge their intention, which is almost always good.
Then you explain specifically why the current approach isn't achieving that intention.
Finally, you offer a constructive alternative.
So it's not just pointing out a problem. It's also offering a solution.
Exactly. And it shows you understand what they were aiming for.
(06:35):
Nothing is more frustrating than receiving feedback from someone who doesn't even understand what you were trying to accomplish.
I can see how this avoids that vague, unhelpful feedback like,
this just isn't working or this needs to be better.
Right. Those statements leave people feeling frustrated because they don't know what's wrong or how to fix it.
(06:56):
This approach gives them both.
Can you give me an example?
Sure. Instead of saying, this e-learning module isn't engaging,
you might say, I believe you were trying to create an immersive learning experience,
but the 10-minute lecture at the beginning loses learners' attention.
I recommend breaking that content into shorter segments interspersed with interactive elements.
(07:20):
That's so specific and helpful.
The person immediately knows both what's not working and what to do about it.
And it shows you're a thoughtful partner in their work, not just a critic.
All right. Two more to go. What's number six?
Number six is another simple but powerful one.
Already.
As in focusing on what they're already doing, right?
(07:42):
Yes.
Instead of making someone feel like they need to develop a completely new skill or behavior
which can feel overwhelming, you point out that they're already doing it in some context and just need to apply it more broadly.
So rather than you need to speak up more in meetings, you might say,
I've noticed you already speak up effectively in our small team meetings.
(08:05):
I'd love to see you bring that same confidence to the company all hands.
That feels so much more doable. It's like saying you have this skill. You just need to use it in a new context.
Exactly. It builds confidence because you're acknowledging a capability they already possess.
It makes the feedback feel like a small adjustment rather than a major overhaul.
(08:25):
And psychologically, that's much easier for people to embrace.
Small adjustments feel doable.
Complete transformations feel daunting.
I'm loving these phrases, Yakov. What's our final one?
The last one is based on the data points I have around X or similarly from what I've seen.
Ah, so this is about being specific about the scope of your feedback?
(08:47):
Precisely. One of the biggest mistakes in giving feedback is making sweeping generalizations about someone's character or ability.
It's based on limited information.
Like saying you're not a team player based on a single meeting.
Exactly. That kind of feedback immediately puts people on the defensive because it feels like an attack on their identity.
(09:08):
And they'll likely have plenty of counter examples to disprove your sweeping claim.
So instead, you might say,
From what I observed in yesterday's project meeting, there were several opportunities to support your colleagues that weren't taken.
That's it. You're being accurate about the scope of your observation.
You're not claiming to know how they behave in all contexts at all times.
(09:31):
And that makes it much harder to dismiss the feedback outright.
Right. It's also just more intellectually honest.
None of us can truly know how someone behaves in all contexts.
We only have our limited observations to go on.
This is so helpful for avoiding those feedback conversations where the person spends the whole time defending themselves or providing counter examples.
(09:52):
Absolutely. And it models the kind of intellectual humility we want to see in our organizations. None of us have perfect information.
Yaakov, these seven phrases are absolute gold. Let's do a quick recap for our listeners. We have
One. This is a great start.
Two. I noticed.
Three. At the same time.
(10:13):
Four. Even more.
Five. I believe you were trying to do X, but it doesn't work because why I recommend Z.
Six. Already.
And seven. Based on the data points I have or from what I've seen.
I'm definitely going to be more conscious of using these in my feedback conversations.
They feel like small changes that could make a huge difference.
(10:35):
That's exactly it.
Small changes in language can completely transform how feedback is received and whether it leads to actual improvement.
And isn't that ultimately what we're after as L&D professionals?
Not just delivering feedback to check a box, but helping people actually grow and improve.
100%. Feedback is only valuable if it leads to positive change.
(10:57):
And these phrases help ensure your message gets through rather than bouncing off someone's psychological defenses.
I think our listeners should challenge themselves to deliberately use at least one of these phrases in their next feedback conversation and see what happens.
That's a great suggestion. Start with whichever one feels most natural to you, then gradually incorporate the others.
(11:18):
It might feel a bit scripted at first, but I imagine with practice these would become second nature.
They absolutely do.
And the results, seeing people actually implement your feedback rather than resist it,
make it totally worth the effort to adjust your language.
Well, that's all the time we have for today's episode of Bite-sized L&D.
(11:40):
Thanks for joining us, everyone. Until next time, keep those feedback conversations productive.
And remember, feedback is a gift, but only if it's wrapped properly.
As we wrap up today's podcast, remember the key to effective feedback lies in using positive phrases like,
(12:02):
This is a great start and I noticed, along with a structured approach to encourage growth.
Don't forget to like, subscribe and share this episode with your friends and colleagues,
so they can also stay updated on the latest news and gain powerful insights.
Stay tuned for more updates.
Welcome to Bite-Sized L&D, your quick no-nonsense update on the latest in workplace learning.
(00:10):
Today we'll uncover seven transformative phrases for delivering effective feedback
and reveal how to ensure your insights are positively received.
Alright, let's get straight into it.
Hey everyone, welcome to another episode of Bite-Sized L&D.
I'm Donna, and as always I'm joined by my insightful co-host.
(00:30):
That's me, Yakov Lasker. Thanks for having me back, Donna.
Like we'd do this without you, Yakov.
Today we're diving into something that affects every single L&D professional out there,
giving feedback that actually sticks.
Oh man, this is such a crucial topic, because let's be honest.
We've all been on both sides of feedback conversations that went,
(00:52):
well, let's just say less than optimally.
You can say that again, that awkward silence after you've given feedback that clearly didn't land well.
I still have nightmares about some of those moments from early in my career.
And that's exactly why we need to talk about this.
Today we're looking at seven specific phrases that can completely transform how we deliver feedback.
(01:15):
These aren't just fluffy concepts, they're tactical, practical phrases you can start using today.
I love that we're getting super specific.
So lay it on me, Yakov. What's our first magic phrase?
Alright, phrase number one. This is a great start.
Oh, I like that. It sounds positive, but also implies there's more work to do.
(01:36):
Exactly. And that's the beauty of it.
Many managers mess up by saying, this looks great,
when they actually have a ton of feedback to give.
Talk about mixed signals.
I've definitely been guilty of that before.
Trying to cushion the blow with, this is fantastic, but which basically negates the compliment.
Right. And what happens is the person hears it's great and mentally checks out for the rest of your feedback.
(02:03):
Or worse, they're confused about whether you actually want changes or not.
So this is a great start, acknowledges the effort without suggesting it's ready for prime time.
Precisely. It sets the expectation that more work is needed while still being encouraging.
It's saying you're on the right track, but we're not at the finish line yet.
(02:23):
I can see myself using this in our instructional design reviews.
This module is a great start.
Now let's talk about how we can make the interactions more meaningful.
Perfect application. Okay, ready for phrase number two?
Hit me!
Number two is deceptively simple. I notice.
That's it? Just I noticed?
It's more powerful than it sounds.
(02:45):
When you start feedback with I noticed, you're grounding your observations in concrete reality rather than subjective opinion.
Ah, I see. So instead of saying you ramble too much in your presentations, you might say.
I noticed in your last three presentations, it took about five minutes to get to the main point.
See the difference. One feels like a personal attack on their character, while the other is just an observation of something that happened.
(03:13):
And it's hard to argue with I noticed because you're just stating what you observed.
Right. The person can always share a different interpretation of what happened, but they can't deny that you noticed something.
It immediately makes the conversation more grounded.
I'm already seeing a pattern with these phrases. They're designed to get past people's defensive reactions.
(03:34):
You nailed it, Donna. Most feedback fails not because of the content, but because of how it's delivered.
The person's emotional defenses go up and nothing gets through.
Okay, I'm invested now. What's phrase number three?
Number three is at the same time.
As in, your presentation was clear. At the same time, there are a few areas we could strengthen.
(03:56):
You're unnatural. At the same time is the perfect replacement for but, which tends to negate everything that came before it.
I never thought about it, but but does have a negating effect.
When someone says, I like your idea, but you're just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Exactly. When you say, at the same time, you're acknowledging that two things can be true simultaneously.
(04:22):
It's not one truth canceling out another.
So it's a way to disagree without being disagreeable. I like that.
And it feels less like a criticism and more like you're adding another perspective.
It's additive rather than subtractive.
I'm definitely going to catch myself next time I'm about to say, but in a feedback conversation.
It takes practice, but it's worth it. Ready for number four?
(04:46):
Ready.
Phrase four is even more.
That sounds intriguing. How does it work?
This one is especially powerful when you're giving feedback to peers or even people more senior than you.
Instead of implying something is lacking or broken, you suggest they can be even more effective.
So rather than pointing out a deficiency, you're building on existing strengths.
(05:09):
Precisely. For example, instead of saying, you need to delegate more strategic work.
You might say, you've been great at delegating operational tasks.
Your team would grow even more if you also delegated some strategic planning.
That feels so much more palatable. It's like you're saying you're already doing well.
(05:30):
And here's how to take it to the next level.
And psychologically, that's much easier for people to accept.
Nobody wants to feel like they're failing, but most people are open to getting even better at something.
I can see how this would be especially useful when you need to give feedback to your boss or senior leaders.
Absolutely. That's the perfect use case.
(05:50):
It removes the awkwardness of a junior person appearing to correct a senior person.
These are gold, Yaakov. What's our fifth phrase?
Number five is a bit longer.
I believe you are trying to do X, but it doesn't quite work because why I recommend trying Zed.
Ooh, that's a three-part structure.
Yes. And each part serves an important purpose.
(06:13):
First, you acknowledge their intention, which is almost always good.
Then you explain specifically why the current approach isn't achieving that intention.
Finally, you offer a constructive alternative.
So it's not just pointing out a problem. It's also offering a solution.
Exactly. And it shows you understand what they were aiming for.
(06:35):
Nothing is more frustrating than receiving feedback from someone who doesn't even understand what you were trying to accomplish.
I can see how this avoids that vague, unhelpful feedback like,
this just isn't working or this needs to be better.
Right. Those statements leave people feeling frustrated because they don't know what's wrong or how to fix it.
(06:56):
This approach gives them both.
Can you give me an example?
Sure. Instead of saying, this e-learning module isn't engaging,
you might say, I believe you were trying to create an immersive learning experience,
but the 10-minute lecture at the beginning loses learners' attention.
I recommend breaking that content into shorter segments interspersed with interactive elements.
(07:20):
That's so specific and helpful.
The person immediately knows both what's not working and what to do about it.
And it shows you're a thoughtful partner in their work, not just a critic.
All right. Two more to go. What's number six?
Number six is another simple but powerful one.
Already.
As in focusing on what they're already doing, right?
(07:42):
Yes.
Instead of making someone feel like they need to develop a completely new skill or behavior
which can feel overwhelming, you point out that they're already doing it in some context and just need to apply it more broadly.
So rather than you need to speak up more in meetings, you might say,
I've noticed you already speak up effectively in our small team meetings.
(08:05):
I'd love to see you bring that same confidence to the company all hands.
That feels so much more doable. It's like saying you have this skill. You just need to use it in a new context.
Exactly. It builds confidence because you're acknowledging a capability they already possess.
It makes the feedback feel like a small adjustment rather than a major overhaul.
(08:25):
And psychologically, that's much easier for people to embrace.
Small adjustments feel doable.
Complete transformations feel daunting.
I'm loving these phrases, Yakov. What's our final one?
The last one is based on the data points I have around X or similarly from what I've seen.
Ah, so this is about being specific about the scope of your feedback?
(08:47):
Precisely. One of the biggest mistakes in giving feedback is making sweeping generalizations about someone's character or ability.
It's based on limited information.
Like saying you're not a team player based on a single meeting.
Exactly. That kind of feedback immediately puts people on the defensive because it feels like an attack on their identity.
(09:08):
And they'll likely have plenty of counter examples to disprove your sweeping claim.
So instead, you might say,
From what I observed in yesterday's project meeting, there were several opportunities to support your colleagues that weren't taken.
That's it. You're being accurate about the scope of your observation.
You're not claiming to know how they behave in all contexts at all times.
(09:31):
And that makes it much harder to dismiss the feedback outright.
Right. It's also just more intellectually honest.
None of us can truly know how someone behaves in all contexts.
We only have our limited observations to go on.
This is so helpful for avoiding those feedback conversations where the person spends the whole time defending themselves or providing counter examples.
(09:52):
Absolutely. And it models the kind of intellectual humility we want to see in our organizations. None of us have perfect information.
Yaakov, these seven phrases are absolute gold. Let's do a quick recap for our listeners. We have
One. This is a great start.
Two. I noticed.
Three. At the same time.
(10:13):
Four. Even more.
Five. I believe you were trying to do X, but it doesn't work because why I recommend Z.
Six. Already.
And seven. Based on the data points I have or from what I've seen.
I'm definitely going to be more conscious of using these in my feedback conversations.
They feel like small changes that could make a huge difference.
(10:35):
That's exactly it.
Small changes in language can completely transform how feedback is received and whether it leads to actual improvement.
And isn't that ultimately what we're after as L&D professionals?
Not just delivering feedback to check a box, but helping people actually grow and improve.
100%. Feedback is only valuable if it leads to positive change.
(10:57):
And these phrases help ensure your message gets through rather than bouncing off someone's psychological defenses.
I think our listeners should challenge themselves to deliberately use at least one of these phrases in their next feedback conversation and see what happens.
That's a great suggestion. Start with whichever one feels most natural to you, then gradually incorporate the others.
(11:18):
It might feel a bit scripted at first, but I imagine with practice these would become second nature.
They absolutely do.
And the results, seeing people actually implement your feedback rather than resist it,
make it totally worth the effort to adjust your language.
Well, that's all the time we have for today's episode of Bite-sized L&D.
(11:40):
Thanks for joining us, everyone. Until next time, keep those feedback conversations productive.
And remember, feedback is a gift, but only if it's wrapped properly.
As we wrap up today's podcast, remember the key to effective feedback lies in using positive phrases like,
(12:02):
This is a great start and I noticed, along with a structured approach to encourage growth.
Don't forget to like, subscribe and share this episode with your friends and colleagues,
so they can also stay updated on the latest news and gain powerful insights.
Stay tuned for more updates.
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