In Part 2 of my conversation with Rachel Samson and Dr. Jessie Stern, we explore how these patterns play out in relationships and what to do about them.
Inside this episode:
- Why schemas and coping modes develop in childhood
- The classic anxious–avoidant pursue/withdraw loop and why it feels so stuck
- How to recognize flooding and use structured breaks that protect both partners
- The difference between boundaries and ultimatums (and why social media gets this wrong)
- Common attachment myths that keep us feeling broken or stuck
- Why deep listening may be the single most powerful skill for every human relationship
Whether you’re in a romantic partnership, parenting, or navigating workplace dynamics, these tools will help you shift from me vs. you into us vs. the problem.
What you’ll learn
- How avoidant partners shut down to self-protect (and how to reconnect)
- Why anxious partners amplify pursuit (and how to soothe instead)
- How to make breaks work instead of backfiring
- Why healthy relationships do have conflict — but repair faster
Resources & tools
- Free 7 Steps to Effective Breaks guide: https://www.drkatiestirling.com/download-deescalate-tool
- Free The 4 Horsemen & Their Antidotes ebook: https://stan.store/drkatiestirling/p/stop-reactive-communication--free-guide
- Program: Relationship Reset Bootcamp https://www.drkatiestirling.com/course/relationship-reset
🔗 Connect with Rachel & Dr. Jessie
Rachel Samson: @australianpsychologist
Dr. Jessie Stern: @drjessiestern
📖 Get their book Beyond Difficult: https://www.readings.com.au/product/9781923046597/beyond-difficult--jessie-stern-rachel-samson--2025--9781923046597
👩⚕️ Connect with Dr. Katie
Instagram: @drkatiestirling
YouTube: Call Me Katie Podcast Join Katie’s Online Relationship Reset: https://www.drkatiestirling.com/course/relationship-reset
Website: www.drkatiestirling.com
👉 This is Part 2 of our conversation. Don’t miss Part 1, where we explore how attachment, temperament and neurobiology shape the way we interact in relationships: https://youtu.be/HyqWEyCDorA
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