Coffee Talk E5 | The Mental Game: Turning Nerves Into Confidence

☕ In this Coffee Talk episode, BJ Johnson begins a 4-part series on mental health in youth sports with the challenge every parent and coach knows too well: pressure. From practice standouts who freeze in games to athletes who overthink when the lights are on, BJ breaks down why nerves aren’t weakness, they’re biology! You’ll walk away with practical tools to help athletes handle pressure, reframe nerves, and build confidence that lasts far beyond the game.

Key Takeaways: • Why athletes look different in practice vs. games • How pressure triggers “paralysis by analysis” • 4 practical tools to help kids handle nerves: pre-performance routines, external cues, expressive writing, reframing butterflies • The importance of self-compassion in sports • Simple do’s and don’ts for parents and coaches in big moments

 

🎧 Subscribe to Coffee Talk on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you listen, and don’t miss the next part of our mental health series, it’s a good one!

💬 Keep the conversation going with us on social media @AroundTheDirt and tag us with your story of how you help athletes handle pressure. 🩵

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Parents call it choking, coaches call it nerves,
but here's the truth.
This isn't weakness, it's biology.
Welcome to the Around the Dirt Coffee Talk.
I'm your host, B.J. Johnson, and every
week we're serving up a hot cup of
truth, strategy, and motivation for players, parents, and
coaches in the bat and ball community.

(00:23):
So grab your coffee, settle in, and let's
talk.
What's up everyone?
Listen, before I get into today's conversation, I
wanted to take time to thank everyone for
all the love from our previous episodes.

(00:45):
The feedback has been unreal, and it tells
me that we're hitting the real conversations that
parents and coaches want to hear.
We actually received some additional DMs asking us
to discuss mental health.
Now, in no way am I an expert
in this field, but I wanted to give
you some insights as a former player, a

(01:06):
coach, and a parent, and in full transparency,
as I do get older, I get more
sensitive on this topic.
So today I'm kicking off a four-part
series on mental health in youth sports.
So let's start with a story that I
bet many of you can relate to.
As a trainer, I hear it all the
time from parents.

(01:27):
BJ, my daughter crushes it in practice, but
it's not translating into a field.
And I get it.
I mean, inside the cage here at SFS,
it's a controlled environment.
There's no runners on base.
There's no crowd noise.
There's no coaches yelling verbiage that you've never
heard before.
It's just them, the ball, and the reps.

(01:51):
But the game is different.
Some kids thrive in that chaos and others
freeze.
And that's where mental skills come in.
The more we expose our kids to this
controlled chaos or pressure with a safety net,
the better they'll be when the lights turn
on.
And that's what this series is all about.

(02:14):
Let's start with the most obvious mental health
challenge in sports.
We all know it, pressure.
We've all seen it.
Your athlete is smashing balls in practice, but
come game time, the shoulders get tight, the
swing slows down.
They don't look like they're even the same
kid.

(02:34):
Parents call it choking.
Coaches call it nerves.
But here's the truth.
This isn't weakness.
It's biology.
When the game's on the line, the body
goes into what we call fight or flight
mode.
The heart rate spikes, the breathing shortens, and
then your vision narrows.
I was reading something from Dr. Sian Bylock.

(02:57):
I don't know if you guys heard of
her, but she's one of the leading voices
in this field and she calls it paralysis
by analysis.
Now, under stress, kids stop trusting their swing
and they start overthinking every single detail.
So instead of see ball, hit ball, their
brain says, keep your elbow in.
Don't drop your hands.

(03:17):
Don't miss.
And then what happens?
They miss.
Our job as parents and coaches is to
give them the tools that help them handle
that moment, not avoid it.
After researching this topic, here are a few
things you can try right away to help
your kids.

(03:38):
One, pre-performance routines.
Now, just like every hitter has their setup
in the box, you need to build a
short routine.
So step in, one breath, tap the plate.
It gives the brain control in a moment
that feels uncontrollable.
Two, have some external cues, meaning instead of

(03:59):
you yelling, don't drop your hands, say, drive
it up the middle.
Athletes perform better when they focus on a
target, not necessarily their mechanics.
Number three is what they call expressive writing.
This one is new to me because I'm
just not familiar with it, but research suggests

(04:20):
that before a tournament, have them write everything
down that they get nervous about, whether it's
striking out, letting their team down, whatever it
is.
That research also shows this clears the mental
space so those thoughts don't clog their swing.
And then four, reframe the nerves.
Teach your athlete that the butterflies they are

(04:42):
feeling before stepping into the box, it's not
fear, it's their body gearing up.
Call it energy, call it fuel, the body
doesn't know the difference.
And finally, self-compassion.
Mistakes are part of the game.
If Shohei Ohtani can strike out three times
in a game, you best believe your 12

(05:03):
year old is allowed to strike out three
times in a game as well.
So take the fear out of failure.
Now, let's be real, parents and coaches, we
either build pressure or help athletes handle it.
So here are some quick do's and don'ts.
Don't yell, relax from the bleachers.

(05:24):
That just makes them more tense.
However, do give a simple cue like, hey,
see ball, hit ball.
Don't bring up stats in the car ride
home.
However, do ask, what's the one thing you
had fun with today?
All right, don't roll your eyes or show

(05:44):
body language when they fail.
However, do remind them failure is data, not
identity.
So here's my challenge for you this week.
Pick one of these tools, just one, and
try it with your athlete.
If you're a parent, maybe it's the car
ride home question.
If you're a coach, maybe it's building the

(06:05):
team hitting routine.
And then DM me or tag Coffee Talk
with what you tried.
I'll share some of your stories in next
week's episode.
This was part one of our mental health
series, Pressure, Nerves, and Big Moments.
Next week, we're diving into burnout, identity, and

(06:26):
how to keep the joy alive in a
game that we love.
I'm B.J. Johnson, and remember, we're not
just raising athletes, we're raising humans.
Please like, share, and follow.
We'll see you next week.
Thank you for joining me on this episode
of Coffee Talk.

(06:47):
Subscribe to our channel and connect with us
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Play ball.
Connect all.