Cussler Hustlers

And suddenly... a FAX arrives! Terrible, horrible, no-good very-bad fates await most of the secondary characters in this episode, which I feel is a nice way to cull the chaff and keep Dirk focused! In the middle of it, though, Dirk has to fly to West Germany and relieve a former Nazi tank-driving farmer of his accidental Nazi loot. And maybe a fighter jet. And a painting. Really, it all seems a little convenient. How many more epis...

Dirk and Al start recruiting their Avengers Super Team. The Pitt family tree expands to include one of the men who helped create the atomic bomb. What's better, sushi or sausage pizza? Who's the real sidepiece, Dirk or Loren? How many classic cars does it take to make every woman on the planet horny? And perhaps most importantly, the final essential piece of the Cussler Formula has finally appeared... Cussler Himself! We hit the br...

Longer episode time! Dirk finally allows himself to feel emotion, then decides to make it his whole personality. A woman dares to have a secret, and must be punished accordingly. Japanese far-right ultra-nationalists decide to try American-style diplomacy. Clive predicts the Department of Homeland Security, except in his utopia they're understaffed and underfunded. Also, check out Nancy on Dork Forest with Jackie Kashian this week!

Short episode this week, folks! Nancy caught the plague, and following the plot of a Cussler novel was too physically and mentally taxing (we've all been there, right?) Dirk Pitt goes for a leisurely Sunday drive at the bottom of the ocean. Giordino rages at the heavens and rends his clothes asunder. Flandecker eats a cigar. The full might of the US Government manages to figure out which country tried to nuke them (the choices bein...

It's Hot Dirk Summer as we dive into a new book! We dive into the extreme action with not one, but TWO different atomic weapons (though to be fair, only one of them goes off). Submarine disasters? You bet! Secret underwater lairs? And how! Prolonged digressions into the quantum existence of the female protagonist's breasts? I mean, it wouldn't be a Cussler book without it! Dirk faces death with a stoic grin, while Giordino rends hi...

International Terrorism: It's everywhere you want to be! It's certainly anywhere DIRK goes! Seriously, they should have a global travel warning permanently attached to Dirk Pitt, like he's Vash the Stampede or something. America speedruns the false flag attacks, the migrant caravans, the extrajudicial killings, and the anti-democratic foreign meddling, because that's what heroes do. Oh, and Dirk has creaky old man sex. ¡Qué padre!

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VIOLENCE! Oh baby, the promise of the premise is finally paying off! Dirk gets blown up by a grenade, but fortunately he was near a filing cabinet, so he's fine. Everybody gets shot, but our heroes are wearing bullet-attracting vests. Rudi gets sent on an important mission, and manages to succeed by being racist. And Ammar... well... I don't think I'm allowed to say what happens to him in this description. It might get the episode ...

More terrorists! More special forces! And finally, VIOLENCE! ...almost! We're so, so close to the violence, everyone. Please don't go. Dirk schools the best of the best of the best about icebergs. Hala makes some terrible, terrible relationship choices. Yazid and Topiltzin are betrayed by their 23 And Me results. Ultra-high-altitude covert reconnaissance flights are the ideal location for self-love. Will Ammar get away with it, or ...

The Lady Flamborough pulls a David Copperfield out of Uruguay and flees to the Antarctic! You don't need to be suspicious of anyone with a gun as a political conference, because clearly they're SUPPOSED to be there! Dirk has some off-screen couch loving while his dad's being press-ganged into an elite terrorist organization! Mexico prepares to invade the United States! This book is BONKERS... and yet, it all still just feels like s...

Things are really picking up the pace (finally!) Al and Dirk trade pithy one liners while terrorizing a world leader. A car chase leads to an 80's wacky sex romp movie. Topiltzin is more, and somehow less, than he seems. Two thirds of the named characters all end up on the same luxury liner in Uruguay. Legions of unnamed goons get merked like lambs to the slaughter. American foreign policy continues to be "Let's offer to murder som...

Mister Dirk Goes On Holiday! We think he deserves a little bit of a break, don't you? Cussler sure does, because we spend almost the entire episode hanging out with the movers and shakers in the American government, the various evil Egyptian terrorists, and setting up the next big setpiece: a cruise ship in Uruguay! OF COURSE! It's so obvious! Finally, though, Dirk makes a comeback and immediately loses his true love: this book's S...

Our wettest episode ever! Also a day late, due to catastrophic computer failure.  We get more American intrigue, in the form of several high-level government briefings that would probably work fine as tweets in 2025. We get lots of backstory about the Library of Alexandria, from a bonus character we'll probably never see again. We get Dirk being a petulant child about having to answer to the Pentagon. Also, we learn one of the most...

The scope of our story expands to TWO countries trying to overthrow themselves, and America! Why would they do that? Who knows! What are their methods? Vague and mysterious! Are they religious fundamentalists? Of course, that was the only kind of bad guy you had in the 80s! Other than filthy Commies, of course, and... oh, they're here, too. Would you look at that! Dirk attempts some high speed archaeology. A diplomat realizes why i...

Shorter episode this week, due to technical difficulties and being busy adults with many important things to do. Probably a good place to stop, though, since we get into a LOT of Mexican and Egyptian intrigue next week and have to introduce like ten new characters (Cussler Mexico and Egypt. Any relation to actual countries is purely coincidental). This week, Dirk asks out three extremely attractive women with head trauma, and cleve...

Full disclosure: we apologize for starting a new Clive Cussler book during these troubled times. A shocking plane crash, crazy discourse about Greenland, unrest in Israel, declaring war on Mexico? We expect these sorts of things in real life, NOT in a Dirk Pitt adventure! The producers responsible for this tragic lapse in oversight have been sacked. In the meantime, please try to enjoy this episode and focus on all the sexy, sexy a...

It's a future episode... literally! Cohost Topper takes a break from Cussler to tell you about some of the other books he enjoys, namely the Zoey Ashe trilogy from Jason Pargin! He's not just good at picking titles for books, he's pretty good at the actual books themselves.  This episode is largely spoiler free, because Cohost Nancy hasn't read them yet (and after this episode, she just might!) Also, Editing Topper would like to ap...

We did it! In our traditional mad dash for the finish line, we throw the astronauts aside and dive headlong into Russia's cruel oppression of Cuba, and America's magnanimous generosity in restoring Cuban independence! You read that right! Also, there's some side plot involving a boat called the "Cy.... clops?" and some golden statue. I dunno, didn't seem to have much to do with the rest of the book. Nancy is freezing. California is...

Happy New Year! We very nearly managed to get this episode out on time, and that's our gift to YOU, the listener! Three separate plots crash together at the fourteenth hour: space shuttles invading Cuba, communists invading Cuba, and America invading Cuba! Which invasion will succeed? Will Dirk Pitt finally get called up to the major leagues? Will Jessie ever find some clothes? Will we ever see Secret Agent Santa Claus again? Find ...

We're back! We're jacked! Nancy's microphone sounds great and mine's being weird! But we cover an ENTIRE SECTION of this dang book for once, with a record low number of tangents. Dirk enjoys his Caribbean cruise. The Inner Core enjoys the smell of mall peanuts. Helga spends a couple decades at the pool, plotting her revenge. The Russians fight The Moon Men, and of course America comes out on top. Nancy fights off the legions of Pod...