Season Two · Episode 13
Bloodied Pointe Shoes and Coercive Control – Healing the Dance World with Kellie Rhea
In this transformative conversation, I’m joined by trauma specialist and cult-aware educator Kellie Rhea to explore how hidden systems of control quietly shape the dance world—and how we can heal from them.
Together, we unpack the subtle ways that “excellence” can mask unhealthy pressure, the intergenerational expectations dancers carry, and how the body stores the stress and fear that arise in performance-driven environments.
I share personal reflections from my own journey—including a pivotal moment confronting a coercive parent as a studio owner, the emotional impact of my early training, and the raw promise I made to my younger self during the hardest days of panic disorder.
Kellie offers powerful insights into how dancers, teachers, and parents can:
💛 Recognize harmful systems early
💛 Reclaim self-trust and autonomy
💛 Return to dance as a space for authentic expression and growth
This episode is a must-listen for dancers, teachers, parents—or anyone healing from toxic systems and seeking a healthier future for the next generation of performers.
After Notes
Show Note from Kate: The letter I refer to in this episode was one I wrote to the principal of my first ballet school, addressing the emotional and physical harm I experienced there.
You’ll hear me get emotional in this episode. Even healed stories can carry weight. I share this not for sympathy, but to remind anyone listening—you’re not alone.”
Topics Covered
- What coercive control looks like in dance and high-performance spaces
- The difference between discipline and domination
- Parentification, infantilization, and the “teacher as god” phenomenon
- Loyalty, compliance, and why some systems reward silence
- Trauma stored in the body and the cost of emotional suppression
- Fawning, people-pleasing, and self-abandonment as survival strategies
- What true autonomy and trauma-informed environments look like
- How to spot red flags in schools, studios, and leadership structures
Resources Mentioned
💡 Red Flags of Coercive Systems – Ask yourself:
- Are disagreement and questioning allowed—or punished?
- Is discomfort explored—or reframed as resistance?
- Are students becoming more confident—or more dependent and afraid?
- Can people say no? If “no” means punishment, there is no real agency.
- Is leadership rooted in shared humanity—or upheld by hierarchy and conformity?
📚 Recommended Reading & Tools:
- Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker → www.pete-walker.com
- Search “Pete Walker C-PTSD” on YouTube for free talks and explanations
- Learn about spiritual bypassing (term coined by John Welwood)
Key Definitions:
- Infantilization: Treating capable individuals as helpless, creating dependency
- Future faking: Promising future rewards to gain present-day compliance
- Toxic positivity: Forcing cheerfulness or suppressing discomfort
- Fawning: Trauma response marked by people-pleasing to stay safe
Connect with Kellie Rhea
📎 Instagram: @iamkellierhea
Stay Connected with Kate
🌐 Website: www.katehiston.com
📷 Instagram: @katehiston | @Dance_Real_Podcast | @Master_Dancer_Mindset
🎧 Podcast: Dance Real Podcast – Available on Spotify, Apple, and all major platforms
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