Breaking the Chains of Betrayal: How to Heal What Broke You and Stop Hurting Who Loves You

The episode centers on the profound exploration of the underlying reasons that compel individuals to engage in acts of infidelity, despite professing love for their partners. We delve into the intricate dynamics of self-sabotage, revealing that the propensity to betray is not merely a reflection of a lack of affection but rather an indication of deeper issues related to personal identity and self-worth. I assert that many individuals, ensnared in cycles of deceit, are grappling with unresolved traumas and a pervasive sense of inadequacy, leading to maladaptive behaviors that ultimately undermine their cherished relationships. By examining poignant narratives and integrating scriptural insights, we illuminate the necessity of confronting one's past wounds and embracing a new identity rooted in divine truth. Join us as we unveil strategies designed to foster healing and transformation, enabling individuals to break free from destructive patterns and cultivate genuine love and commitment.

The podcast episode presents a thought-provoking analysis of the intricate relationship between infidelity and personal identity, challenging the listener to confront uncomfortable truths about their own behaviors and motivations. The host, Malden Mitchell, articulates a compelling narrative that suggests the act of cheating is not merely a betrayal of trust but a reflection of deeper issues rooted in one's self-perception and emotional health. Drawing on statistics and personal anecdotes, Mitchell illuminates the paradox of men who profess love for their partners yet engage in behaviors that undermine those very relationships. This juxtaposition serves as a powerful reminder of the necessity for introspection and the importance of addressing the root causes of infidelity, which often stem from unresolved trauma and a crisis of identity.

Through the poignant story of 'Marcus,' a man grappling with the consequences of his infidelity, the episode invites listeners to examine their own lives and the motivations behind their actions. Marcus's struggles epitomize the internal battles many face; his journey from self-sabotage to self-awareness underscores the critical need for emotional maturity and spiritual growth. Mitchell emphasizes that the path to healing involves not only recognizing the destructive patterns of behavior but also understanding one's identity in Christ. This spiritual perspective provides a framework for overcoming the cycle of betrayal, urging listeners to embrace their true worth and seek a deeper connection with God.

In conclusion, the episode serves as a clarion call for men to reassess their lives and relationships, advocating for a transformative approach to overcoming infidelity. It challenges listeners to move beyond mere behavioral modification and to focus on healing their inner selves. By cultivating a deeper understanding of their identities and fostering emotional intelligence, individuals can break free from the chains of infidelity and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships. The episode resonates with the overarching message that true change begins with a decision to confront one's past and to embrace a new identity grounded in faith and self-love.

Takeaways:

• The recurring theme in relationships is the betrayal of love, often masked by false commitments.
• Understanding the psychological roots of infidelity reveals deeper issues related to self-worth and identity.
• Cheating is not merely a sexual act; it signifies a profound spiritual and emotional crisis.
• To break the cycle of betrayal, one must confront past trauma and redefine personal identity in light of faith.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
You keep saying that you loveher, but you keep betraying her.
You swear that it's the lasttime, but you know that it's a lie.
Today we're exposing the realreasons you can't stop destroying
what you claim to treasure.
Let's talk about it.
You just locked intoDiscipleship Decoded, where we get

(00:22):
raw, real and relevant aboutwhat it means to follow Christ in
a culture that that isabsolutely losing its mind.
This ain't about playing church.
We're here to make disciplespreach the truth and call out everything
that opposes the kingdom of God.
So if you're tired of watereddown messages and are ready for some

(00:42):
real talk, you're in the right place.
I'm your host, Malden Mitchell.
Now let's get into it.
Hello everyone everywhere, andwelcome back to another episode of
Discipleship Decoded.
I'm your host, MaldenMitchell, and I'm super excited that
you decided to take some timeout of your schedule to listen to

(01:06):
a few of the words that I haveto say.
So let's be real.
You're sitting there claimingto love her while you got another
woman's number in your phone.
Bro, you swearing that you arecommitted while you're sliding in
DMS at 2 o' clock in the morning.

(01:28):
You promised you change, butall the while you're planning your
next betrayal.
And every time you get caught,you got the same script.
Baby, I'm sorry.
It didn't mean nothing.
You're the only one that I love.
I'll never do it again.

(01:51):
But here's the gut punch truththat's about to shatter every lie
you tell yourself, bro.
You don't keep cheatingbecause you don't love her.
You keep cheating because youdon't love you.
See, this ain't about being deep.
It's about being deliveredfrom the cycle of self sabotage.

(02:14):
And that's what's destroyingyour life.
See, bro, you think cheatingis about sex, but it's really about
self.
You think it's about lust, butit's really about the lies that you
tell yourself about who you are.
You think it's abouttemptation, but it's really about

(02:36):
trauma that you never dealt with.
You think it's about weakness,but it's really about warfare that
is happening in your soul.
So the other day while I waspreparing for this, I ran across
this article and it says thataccording to recent studies, 60%

(02:58):
of married men admit tocheating at least once.
But here's what the studiesdon't tell you.
90% of those men said theyloved their wives.
When they cheated, 85% saidthat they felt guilty while they
were doing it.

(03:19):
And 75% said that they plannedto stop after the first time.
But they didn't stop becausethey never address the root of the
problem.
You've been treating thesymptom instead of the sickness.
Family.
You've been managing thebehavior instead of dealing with

(03:42):
the brokenness.
And you've been trying tocontrol your actions without actually
changing your identity.
And here's what you don't understand.
Cheating is not just a moral failure.
It is a spiritual crisis.
It ain't just anotherrelationship problem.

(04:04):
It is an identity problem.
It ain't just a flesh issue,but it's actually a father wound.
And so you keep cheatingbecause you don't know.
You don't know who you are,whose you are and why you matter.
You keep sabotaging what youclaim to love because deep down inside,

(04:26):
if you be honest, you don'tbelieve that you deserve to be loved.
You keep destroying goodrelationships because you're convinced
that you are not a good man.
But today, we're about toexpose the real reasons behind your
betrayal and give you kingdomstrategies to break the cycle once

(04:51):
and for all.
Now, I know that hit deep, andwe're really just getting started.
But before we we dive intowhat God says about this mess, let
me tell you about somethingamazing that is going to revolutionize
how you handle temptation.
Don't touch that dial becausewe'll be right back.

(05:11):
Everybody talks about leveling up.
Nobody tells you the truth.
You can't change your lifeuntil you let God change you.
This is Discipleship Decoding,where we strip off the fake, expose
the real, and build men whodon't just talk faith, they walk
it.
No hype, no fluff, juststraight kingdom.

(05:35):
So if you're tired of cycles,tired of surface level sermons, and
you're ready for something rawand real, hit follow right now.
Let's lock in, let's growDiscipleship Decoded let's move.
When I think about his grace,his freedom Something like a woman

(05:59):
brave I'm grateful for theloving that you gave it's so amazing
no matter who we are we knowyou never change.
I'm.
In awe of how you.

(06:29):
Yo, yo, yo.
Welcome back to Discipleship Decoded.
I'm your host, MaldenMitchell, and if you're just joining
us, we're talking about thereal reasons why you keep cheating.
Even when you swear to love her.
Now you heard me break downthe psychology but it's time to see

(06:50):
what the word of God has to say.
Because when God speaks,everything else is just noise.
So let's go.
So listen to what David saidin Psalm 51, verses 3 through 4,
after he got caught cheating.
For I am conscious of myrebellion, and my sin is always before
me.

(07:10):
Against you, you alone have Isinned and done this evil in your
sight.
So our boy David realized thatwhen he cheated with Bathsheba that
he wasn't just betraying her,he was actually betraying God.
And so every time you cheat,you're not just breaking your woman's

(07:31):
heart, but you're breakingGod's heart.
Proverbs, chapter 6, verse 32cuts deeper.
It says that the one whocommits adultery lacks sense, and
whoever does so destroys himself.
Not just destroys hisrelationship, not just his reputation,

(07:54):
but destroys himself.
The word destroy in Hebrew iscat, which means to corrupt, to ruin,
to bring to nothing.
My brother, every time youcheat, you are not just hurting her,
you're corrupting yourself,ruining your own soul, bringing your

(08:18):
identity to nothing.
First Corinthians, chapter 6,verse 18 seals the deal.
It says, flee from sexual immorality.
And every other sin a personcommits is outside the body.
But the sexually immoralperson sins against his own body.
And so sexual sin just doesn'taffect your relationship, man.

(08:43):
It affects your soul.
It don't just damage yourreputation, but it damages your identity.
The word flee in the Greek isfuego, which means to run away, to
escape, to avoid at all costs.
But the truth be told, bro,you ain't fleeing, you're flirting.

(09:07):
You ain't escaping, but whatyou're actually doing is you're entertaining.
You ain't avoiding, but you're approaching.
Ephesians 5:3 brings fire, itsays, but the sexual sexually immorality
and any impurity or greedshould not even be named among you,
as is proper for the saints.

(09:29):
Did you hear what I'm saying, fam?
It shouldn't even be named.
Not just I don't do it, butdon't even talk about it.
Don't even think about it,don't even entertain it.
But you got it on your phone.
You got it in your mind, yougot it in your plans, you got it

(09:51):
deep in your heart.
And so the Bible doesn'twhisper, so why should you?
God's standard ain't try notto cheat.
God's standard is don't eventhink about cheating.
But you've been living beneaththe standard, beneath your calling
behind your identity.

(10:13):
So check this out.
I knew this brother, let'scall him Marcus.
Marcus was a phenomenal dudeon paper.
He had a successful career,beautiful wife, two kids, nice house.
Dude was even active in the church.
But Marcus had a secret.

(10:34):
For five years, he had beenliving a double life.
He loved his wife, genuinelyloved her, would do anything for
her, provided for her,protected her, praised her to others.
But he couldn't stop betraying her.
See, it started with this socalled innocent flirting at work.

(10:59):
And then it became textmessages after hours.
Then it became lunch meetingsthat turned into hotel rooms.
And so every time, Marcuswould tell himself, this is the last
time.
I'm done with this, I love mywife, I'm going to stop.
But he never stopped.

(11:19):
And the guilt was eating him alive.
The lies were multiplying andthe deception was deepening.
And so Marcus couldn'tunderstand why he kept doing it and
why he kept doing what hehated doing and why he kept destroying
what he claimed to treasureand why he kept sabotaging the best

(11:42):
thing in his life.
And then one day, his wifefound out.
I mean, absolutely everything.
The affairs, the lies, thedouble life, the betrayal.
And man, as you can imagine,she was absolutely devastated.
The kids were confused, themarriage was over.

(12:04):
His reputation was ruined.
But in that moment of completedestruction, Marcus finally got honest
about the real problem.
It wasn't about sex.
It was about significance.
It wasn't about lust.
It was about the love that henever felt from his father.

(12:28):
It wasn't about temptation,but it was about the trauma from
childhood abuse that made himfeel absolutely worthless.
And so Marcus realized that hekept cheating because deep down inside
he believed that he was apiece of trash.
And trash people do trashy things.

(12:51):
I mean, he kept sabotaging hismarriage because he didn't deserve
the love that he was gettingfrom his marriage.
At least he felt that way.
He kept betraying his wifebecause he was convinced that she
would leave him anyway, so hemight as well hurt her first.
I say this all the time.

(13:12):
People who have wounds andthat are bleeding, they tend to bleed
on other people who arerelatively innocent in terms of what
they went through or thetrauma that they experienced.
And so that day, Marcusstopped trying to manage his behavior
and started dealing with hisbroken identity.

(13:35):
That brother stopped asking,how do I stop cheating?
And started asking, who am Iin Christ?
He stopped focusing on sexualpurity and started focusing on spiritual
identity.
And you know what happenedwhen Marcus discovered his true identity

(13:58):
as a son of God, beloved bythe father, chosen for purpose and
called to greatness.
His desire to cheat justdidn't get managed.
But it Got destroyed becausethe sons of the King don't act like
slaves.
Beloved children don't actlike orphans.

(14:18):
And chosen men don't act like rejects.
See, our boy Marcus learnedthat identity determines behavior
and family.
When you know who you are, youknow how to act.

(14:39):
And when you know whose youare, you'll know what you're worth.
And when you know why youmatter, you'll know how to love.
Marcus story hit you right inthe chest, didn't it?
Because you see yourself inhis struggle.

(15:01):
You feel his pain.
You know his cycle.
But here's the thing.
Marcus's breakthrough didn'tcome by standing still.
It came through when hestopped making excuses and started
facing the truth.
And that's what we're about todo right now.
We're about to strip awayevery lie, every excuse and every

(15:25):
justification and get to theraw truth about why you keep destroying
what you love.
This is about to get uncomfortable.
But necessary.
Stay with me.
Let me talk to the men real quick.
We were taught to suffer in silence.
To smile on the outside, whilebroken, addicted, angry, and empty

(15:46):
on the inside.
We were told, be strong, butnobody showed us how.
That's why I built the huddle.
A place where men can be real,be raw, and still be respected.
No judgment, no fake masks, noweak circles, just real brotherhood.

(16:06):
Men sharpening men.
Men walking into the purposeGod designed.
If you're tired of carrying italone, if you're done pretending,
reach out now.
Join an authentic community ofbrothers who will call you higher,
hold you down, and help youbecome unshakable.
This is the huddle.
Let's lock arms.

(16:27):
Let's.
I don't like to see you cryingon your pillow.
Never wanted you to feel likeI'm not there.

(16:49):
But I know that in this life,you will have trouble.
I just want to let you knowthat I'm still.
You see how I take care of the sparrow?
We back discipleship decoded,and we're about to go deep.

(17:10):
Look, you heard psychology.
You've heard what God says.
You've heard Marcus's story.
But now it's time for the mirror.
It's time to face the realreasons you keep cheating.
And I'm warning you, this isabout to get personal, and this is
about to get uncomfortable.

(17:32):
This is about to expose everylie that you tell yourself.
But if you want freedom, yougotta face truth.
So buckle up, because here we go.
You already know what it is.
You've been lying to yourselfabout why you cheat.
You've been blaming temptationwhen it's really trauma, Lust.

(17:56):
When it's really lies that youbelieve about yourself, weaknesses.
When it's really warfarehappening in your soul.
So let me ask you some hardquestions, and I want you to be brutally
honest.
When you cheat, what are youreally looking for?

(18:16):
Is it just sex or is it significance?
Is it just pleasure or is it validation?
Is it just lust?
Or is it that love that younever felt when you with another
woman?
What does it make you feel like?

(18:39):
Does it make you feel powerful?
Wanted?
Valuable?
Or maybe alive?
And when it's over, how do you feel?
Empty.
Guilty.
Ashamed.

(19:00):
Possibly disgusted.
So here's what's really happening.
You're using other women tofill a void that only God can feel.
I mean, you're seekingvalidation, man, from strangers because
you never got it from your father.

(19:20):
You're looking forsignificance and secret places because
you don't believe that youhave value in the light, bro.
You've been chasing temporaryhighs to escape permanent pain that
you never dealt with.
And let me tell you, thereason you keep cheating is father

(19:44):
wounds, man.
You never had a father whoaffirmed your worth, validated your
value, and confirmed your calling.
And so now you're looking forapproval from women, validation from
strangers, and significancefrom sex.
The next reason is you got anidentity crisis, bruh.

(20:05):
You don't know who you are,whose you are, and why you matter.
So you're trying to findyourself in other people's bodies,
other people's attention,other people's approval.
Next is emotional immaturity,like you never learn how to process
your emotions and communicateyour needs and how to handle your

(20:29):
pain.
So when life gets hard andwhen marriage gets difficult, and
when the pressures getintense, you run to what's easy.
The next is spiritual warfare, brothers.
The enemy knows your weaknesses.

(20:50):
He knows your triggers.
He knows your patterns.
And he's using your past todestroy your future, your pain to
sabotage your purpose, andyour wounds to wreck your witness.
And sometimes, let's behonest, we get bored and we get this
sense of entitlement.

(21:10):
See, man, you got comfortablein your relationship, entitled in
your thinking, and bored withyour blessing, that is your wife,
that is.
So you started lock startlooking for excitement everywhere,
looking for adventure outsideof the novelty in new places.
But here's the truth that youneed to hear.

(21:32):
None of these reasons are excuses.
So understanding why you cheatdon't give you permission to keep
on cheating.
Knowing the root of yourproblem means that you got no excuse
for not dealing with the rootof your problem.
You can't keep saying I can'thelp it, bruh.

(21:56):
I'm just weak, bro.
I'm just a man.
I'm just struggling.
No, man.
You're a son of the most highGod, created in his image, called
to his purpose, equipped withhis power.
You got the same spirit thatraised Jesus from the dead living

(22:16):
inside of you.
But you're acting like you'repowerless against temptation.
Man, you got access to thethrone of grace, but you out here
acting like you got no help.
You got the word of God asyour weapon, but you acting like
you defenseless.
Come on, man.
Stop making excuses and startmaking changes.

(22:40):
Stop blaming your past andstart building your future.
And for heaven's sake, stopfocusing on your weaknesses and start
walking in your power.
Because the same God whodelivered David from his adultery,
who delivered Solomon from hissexual addiction, who delivered Paul

(23:02):
from his past, is the same Godwho can deliver you from your cycle
of betrayal.
But you got to stop managingthe behavior and.
And start changing the identity.
You got to stop controllingthe symptoms and start curing the
sickness.
You got to stop fighting thetemptation and start fixing the foundation.

(23:27):
And here's what you got to understand.
Freedom ain't about fighting temptation.
Freedom is about fixing your foundation.
You can't behavior modify yourway out of this, out of an identity
crisis.
And you can't willpower yourway out of father wounds.
And you can't discipline yourway out of spiritual warfare.

(23:51):
See, the solution ain't moreaccountability, more restrictions,
more rules.
The solution is new identity,new foundation, new understanding
of who you are.
Here's your kingdom strategyto break this cycle forever.

(24:14):
Step number one.
Face the father wound.
You gotta deal with your painfrom the past, the rejection you
felt, the love that you never received.
Bro, stop pretending that itdon't affect you and stop acting
like you got over it.

(24:34):
And stop lying about being fine.
And take the mask off.
Get some counseling.
Get prayer.
Get healing for the little boyinside of you who's still looking
for daddy's approval.
Step number two.
Discover your identity.
You are not what you've done,and you're not what you was, but

(24:58):
you are who God says you are.
You are the son of the mosthigh God.
Beloved, chosen, calledequipped, empowered.
And you got to start speakingyour identity daily.
I am loved by God.
I am chosen for a purpose.
I am equipped with power.

(25:20):
Step number three.
Build.
Build emotional maturity.
We, as men, we tend to sweepthings under the rug, but we got
to learn how to process youremotions, communicate your needs,
handle your pain withoutrunning to another woman.

(25:41):
And when you feel Rejected.
Go to God, man, not another woman.
And when you feelunappreciated, communicate with your
wife.
Don't cheat on your wife.
And when you feel overwhelmed,get help.
But don't get distracted.
See, the enemy is real.

(26:01):
His attacks are strategic, andhis goal is your destruction.
So you got to put on the armorof God daily.
You got to pray withoutceasing, fast, regularly read the
Word consistently.
And so when temptation comes,don't negotiate with it.
Don't hesitate.
But you got to activate yourspiritual weapons.

(26:23):
Stop being bored with yourblessing, man, as I'm preaching to
you, I preach to myself.
Stop taking your wife for granted.
Stop looking for excitement inthe wrong places, and find your purpose.
Find and pursue your callingand focus on your mission.

(26:45):
And when you're walking inpurpose, you don't have time for
foolishness.
When you're focused on yourcalling, you don't get distracted
by temptation.
And when you're living yourmission, you don't sabotage your
blessing.
So listen, freedom is possible.
Breakthrough is available, andchange is achievable.

(27:09):
But, man, it starts with a decision.
A decision to stop makingexcuses, A decision to face the truth
and a decision to just do the work.
You can keep on living in thesame cycle, making the same mistakes,
hurting the same people anddestroying the same relationships.

(27:33):
Or you can make today the daythat everything changes.
The choice is yours.
Family, the power is availableand the help is here.
But you got to choose freedomover bondage, truth over lies, and
healing over hurting.
Stop saying, man, that youlove her while you're betraying her.

(27:54):
But start proving you love herby protecting her, honoring her,
and cherishing her.
Stop saying that you're a goodman while doing bad things.
Start being the man of Godthat He called you to be.
Your wife deserves better.
Your kids deserve better.
And you deserve better.

(28:16):
But better starts with a decision.
Better starts with the truth.
And better starts with action.
This is discipleship Decoded.
I'm your host, Malden Mitchell.
And remember, you are not whatyou've done.
You are who God says you are.
Walk in that truth.
Live in that power, and livefrom a place of peace.

(28:38):
Until next time, stay strong,stay faithful, and stay free.
That's it for today, my kings.
If this hits you, don't justkeep moving.
Subscribe right now and spreadthe word.

(28:59):
Somebody out there is fightingsilent battles and discipleship Decoded
might be the spark that flipsthe switch in their life.
We're not just talking.
We're building men who livethis for real.
So hit subscribe share withyour circle.
And let's multiply thismovement until next time.
Keep standing.
Keep growing.

(29:20):
And whatever you do, don't goback to the person you used to be.
This is discipleship decoded.
And I'll see you on the next one.