A Firefighter’s Life – When the Flames Go Out, the Battle Begins

After 31 years of service in Western Australia, firefighter Anthony Ajduk had seen it all — until one horrific crash changed everything. In this powerful conversation, Anthony opens up about the night that ended his career, the years that followed, and the war he’s still fighting inside his own mind.

This episode dives deep into the reality of PTSD, the importance of involving family in recovery, and how dark humor keeps first responders alive long after the sirens stop.

Anthony’s honesty cuts through the noise, reminding us that PTSD isn’t weakness — it’s an injury. And injuries can be treated.

🧯 Guest: Anthony Ajduk – Retired Firefighter, Author of “A Firefighter’s Life” 📚 Available now on Amazon

🗓️ Episode drops October 23, 2025 – 3:00 a.m. CST

⚠️ Listener Advisory: This episode contains graphic and emotional content, along with dark humor. Discretion is advised.

If you’re struggling, don’t do it alone. Text or call 988 or visit 988lifeline.org

🧠 Need support right now? Call or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org. You’re not alone — not in this job, not in this fight. 📱 Follow us on Facebook: Dispatched and Dysfunctional   🌐 Visit: www.critical-run.com to connect, share your story, or just vent   🎤 Got a call that changed you? Submit your story — we’ll carry it with care (and maybe a little dark humor). ⚠️ Disclaimer: This podcast contains graphic content, emotional storytelling, and dark humor based on real-life EMS and first responder experiences. Listener discretion is advised.   Any medical discussion is personal opinion, not medical advice. Always follow your local protocols, medical direction, and training guidelines. This podcast isn’t about fairy tales. It’s about real calls, real chaos, and the medics who survive both.   Dispatched & Dysfunctional — because sometimes the worst calls… make the best stories.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
9 1 1.
What's your emergency? The following content is graphic emotional.

(00:30):
And includes dark humor that may not be suitable for all listeners.
Discretion is advised.
Explicit content included.
These stories are based on real life EMS and first responder experiences.
The calls are real, the providers are real names, and patient details have been changed to protect privacy.
Episodes may include trauma, suicide abuse, medical emergencies, mental health struggles, or things your HR department would definitely not approve of any advice, opinions, or discussion of medical procedures are based on personal experience.

(01:03):
And should never override your local protocols, medical direction or training.
Use your damn brain.
Follow your guidelines and your local or agency protocols.
Follow your training.
And when in doubt, call med control.
Most importantly, if you're struggling, don't do it alone.
Talk to someone, a coworker, a friend, a therapist, or help.
Reach out to me.

(01:23):
I'll answer.
Need help right now.
Text or call 9 8 8 or visit 9 88 lifeline.org. 20 00:01:29,652.244897959 --> 00:01:30,612.244897959 welcome back to Dispatch. 21 00:01:30,612.244897959 --> 00:01:31,332.244897959 Dysfunctional. 22 00:01:31,812.244897959 --> 00:01:35,352.244897959 Today's guest spent over 30 years fighting fires in Western Australia. 23 00:01:35,742.244897959 --> 00:01:41,122.24489796 And when one accident him over the edge, he found himself battling an enemy far more brutal than flames. 24 00:01:41,122.24489796 --> 00:01:41,902.24489796 PTSD. 25 00:01:43,402.24489796 --> 00:01:51,472.24489796 Anthony, I'm gonna butcher your name and I'm sorry your last name, and I'm sorry if I do, but Anthony Aju is a retired firefighter and an author of the Firefighter's Life. 26 00:01:52,222.24489796 --> 00:01:54,352.24489796 book is Raw Graphic and painfully honest. 27 00:01:54,832.24489796 --> 00:02:01,282.24489796 So, because so is the job, here to share what decades in the firehouse really due to a person. 28 00:02:01,582.24489796 --> 00:02:04,372.24489796 And while laughter sometimes saves more lives than turnout gear. 29 00:02:05,512.24489796 --> 00:02:06,802.24489796 Anthony, welcome to the show. 30 00:02:07,42.24489796 --> 00:02:10,132.24489796 I shared the basics with our listeners, but nobody tells your story like you do. 31 00:02:10,972.24489796 --> 00:02:17,409.24489796 What do you like to add about yourself and if there's one thing you want people to take away from this episode, what would it be? So thank you. 32 00:02:17,619.24489796 --> 00:02:19,799.24489796 For having me this morning, pleased to be here. 33 00:02:20,169.24489796 --> 00:02:38,229.24489796 I suppose the one thing that I want people to take away from my story is an awareness of post-traumatic stress disorder amongst, um, firefighters, but, um, first responders in general, uh, emergency service workers, that awareness that, um, we suffer. 34 00:02:38,289.24489796 --> 00:02:39,399.24489796 It's actually an injury. 35 00:02:39,399.24489796 --> 00:02:42,494.24489796 It's not a disorder and it's an injury of the, of the mind. 36 00:02:43,254.24489796 --> 00:02:51,504.24489796 The brain if you like, and as much as it's, you can't see it, it's just as much an injury as a broken leg. 37 00:02:51,774.24489796 --> 00:03:06,634.24489796 And that's, so I want people to take away that awareness and just realize that, uh, firefighters and first responders really go through a fairly hard time with some of the things that we come across and see over the time, you know, time of our career. 38 00:03:07,507.24489796 --> 00:03:07,987.24489796 Yes, sir. 39 00:03:07,987.24489796 --> 00:03:10,357.24489796 And I'm sure you've seen quite a bit in 31 years. 40 00:03:11,904.24489796 --> 00:03:13,464.24489796 I've pretty much seen it all. 41 00:03:13,554.24489796 --> 00:03:20,994.24489796 Um, I've, I've seen things that, uh, that most people never, ever see. 42 00:03:21,324.24489796 --> 00:03:24,834.24489796 Um, and, and it can be traumatic. 43 00:03:24,834.24489796 --> 00:03:34,54.24489796 You're seeing people, you're, you're dealing with other people on the worst day of their life, Yes and eventually it takes a time on you. 44 00:03:35,182.24489796 --> 00:03:38,2.24489796 I've only been doing it for about a decade, so 10 years roughly. 45 00:03:38,122.24489796 --> 00:03:40,552.24489796 Um, so yeah, I'm right there with you. 46 00:03:41,332.24489796 --> 00:03:43,612.24489796 Um, so Anthony, take us back. 47 00:03:44,332.24489796 --> 00:03:56,799.24489796 was it about 2012, the 2012 traffic accident that changed everything for you? So, um, we had, we had actually been to a, it was my last night shift, and we'd been to a. 48 00:03:57,939.24489796 --> 00:04:00,909.24489796 Fatality in a house fire on our first day shift. 49 00:04:00,909.24489796 --> 00:04:04,929.24489796 And you know, like most firies we say, oh, let's, we've had one for the week. 50 00:04:04,929.24489796 --> 00:04:06,9.24489796 We're not gonna get another one. 51 00:04:06,609.24489796 --> 00:04:11,829.24489796 Anyway, we were turned out to a, um, incident involving two cars. 52 00:04:11,919.24489796 --> 00:04:12,729.24489796 Um. 53 00:04:13,824.24489796 --> 00:04:15,594.24489796 And person's trapped. 54 00:04:15,624.24489796 --> 00:04:24,54.24489796 And on arriving at the scene, what we discovered was, um, a guy in a, uh, big four wheel drive. 55 00:04:24,114.24489796 --> 00:04:26,214.24489796 He was drunk, he was drug affected. 56 00:04:26,214.24489796 --> 00:04:40,824.24489796 It was a stolen vehicle, and he'd just gone through a red light and t-boned a taxi that had obviously the driver and a English professor who was coming to Western Australia for a conference. 57 00:04:40,824.24489796 --> 00:04:41,874.24489796 And they'd only. 58 00:04:42,384.24489796 --> 00:04:47,694.24489796 Just left the airport some 10 minutes earlier and both of them were killed instantly. 59 00:04:47,694.24489796 --> 00:04:54,534.24489796 And when we arrived on scene, the culprit was lying on the ground screaming that it wasn't him. 60 00:04:54,534.24489796 --> 00:04:59,634.24489796 And didn't we see the driver and you know, what's gonna happen to him? He's got kids. 61 00:04:59,754.24489796 --> 00:05:04,524.24489796 And at that point, my mind, um, just snapped. 62 00:05:05,199.24489796 --> 00:05:13,269.24489796 I realized that, um, there was something severely wrong with me and I actually wanted to physically harm this guy. 63 00:05:13,269.24489796 --> 00:05:22,659.24489796 And had it not been for the two police officers standing there, I probably would've done something that, uh, would've been totally out of order and totally unprofessional. 64 00:05:23,319.24489796 --> 00:05:28,899.24489796 Um, but fortunately they were there and, and it, and it stopped me from taking that step. 65 00:05:28,899.24489796 --> 00:05:31,629.24489796 But I, I had to move away from the immediate scene. 66 00:05:32,589.24489796 --> 00:05:40,509.24489796 And, um, gather my thoughts and realize that something had had really gone wrong within my brain. 67 00:05:40,629.24489796 --> 00:05:47,229.24489796 And I managed to carry out the rest of the incident without any further episodes. 68 00:05:47,229.24489796 --> 00:05:49,629.24489796 But we were on that scene for about four hours. 69 00:05:50,289.24489796 --> 00:05:57,489.24489796 Um, the major, major crash squad who turn up to all fatalities have to come and do their work first. 70 00:05:57,849.24489796 --> 00:06:01,59.24489796 And so it was a really long, uh. 71 00:06:01,149.24489796 --> 00:06:16,599.24489796 A protracted incident, and by the time we got the deceased out of the car, which technically wasn't a hard job, but the police wanted it done in stages so that they could take their photos and do their research. 72 00:06:17,139.24489796 --> 00:06:25,659.24489796 And so we were confronted with these two deceased in the car for an extended period of time, and it was just so tragic and. 73 00:06:26,664.24489796 --> 00:06:31,104.24489796 At the end of the, um, incident, we went back to station. 74 00:06:31,464.24489796 --> 00:06:35,789.24489796 A couple hours later I knocked off and never went back to work again. 75 00:06:37,342.24489796 --> 00:06:37,702.24489796 That. 76 00:06:37,972.24489796 --> 00:06:40,12.24489796 Yeah, I don't blame you on that one. 77 00:06:40,12.24489796 --> 00:06:43,852.24489796 At least you caught it in your own mind before it escalated too quickly as well. 78 00:06:44,32.24489796 --> 00:06:48,989.24489796 That's, that's, that's one of the professional things that, I. 79 00:06:49,12.24489796 --> 00:06:51,712.24489796 I hate to say it in all first responders. 80 00:06:52,702.24489796 --> 00:06:58,882.24489796 Once we click like that, we normally don't stop clicking and we, we do go through it with it. 81 00:06:58,972.24489796 --> 00:07:06,142.24489796 Like you said, the cops stopped you, but you know, like you said, if the cops didn't stop you, that would've been a life altering event for you as well. 82 00:07:06,909.24489796 --> 00:07:08,409.24489796 Oh, for sure, for sure. 83 00:07:08,409.24489796 --> 00:07:11,289.24489796 And, and I, I went home and I. 84 00:07:11,754.24489796 --> 00:07:15,594.24489796 I sort of thought to myself, well, you know, I've been through this stuff before. 85 00:07:15,594.24489796 --> 00:07:18,984.24489796 This is nothing I haven't seen before, so I'll, I'll be right in a couple of days. 86 00:07:19,584.24489796 --> 00:07:26,364.24489796 And my wife knew that there was something wrong with me when I got home and I said, look, I'll, I'll be fine. 87 00:07:26,454.24489796 --> 00:07:37,734.24489796 And it wasn't till the next night that it really kicked in when, um, we were on our, on our way out to a social function and driving, I. 88 00:07:38,154.24489796 --> 00:07:49,344.24489796 Almost Well, I, I swerved into oncoming traffic because I thought there was a car coming out from a side street and, um, that really, that just set me off again. 89 00:07:49,344.24489796 --> 00:07:56,664.24489796 And during the function that night, a number of things happened where symptoms really started to come out and. 90 00:07:57,639.24489796 --> 00:08:01,989.24489796 My wife drove home and I was just a ball of nerves all the way home. 91 00:08:01,989.24489796 --> 00:08:06,399.24489796 And when we got home she said to me, you know, you're not right, are you? And I said, no, I'm not. 92 00:08:06,549.24489796 --> 00:08:14,469.24489796 And so we started the next day, um, contacting, um, our peer supporters that we have at work. 93 00:08:14,649.24489796 --> 00:08:26,199.24489796 Um, but also on the Monday I was fortunate to get into my doctor on a cancellation, and then fortunate again that he got me into a clinical psychologist that afternoon on a cancellation. 94 00:08:26,199.24489796 --> 00:08:26,439.24489796 So. 95 00:08:27,219.24489796 --> 00:08:34,209.24489796 Got to start my treatment really early and I think that was what, um, allowed me to recover. 96 00:08:34,239.24489796 --> 00:08:42,759.24489796 No, not recover, get to a point where I could manage, um, this injury, um, probably somewhat better than others. 97 00:08:43,777.24489796 --> 00:08:44,437.24489796 Yes, sir. 98 00:08:44,487.24489796 --> 00:08:47,127.24489796 it's funny, like you said on that for a second. 99 00:08:47,307.24489796 --> 00:08:49,767.24489796 I just wanna harp back on that, as you said, you know, get better. 100 00:08:50,247.24489796 --> 00:08:56,337.24489796 We, we do get better in the end, in my opinion, but we never completely resolve from the PTSD. 101 00:08:57,57.24489796 --> 00:08:57,904.24489796 You know, No, I don't. 102 00:08:58,167.24489796 --> 00:09:03,987.24489796 triggers, we'll always have the mental fog that we have from it. 103 00:09:03,987.24489796 --> 00:09:08,547.24489796 We, we'll always have capacity of what's going on at all times. 104 00:09:10,154.24489796 --> 00:09:12,44.24489796 That's absolutely correct. 105 00:09:12,104.24489796 --> 00:09:25,484.24489796 Um, you know, I, as I say, I manage it now, but every now and then, um, there's certain triggers that just set off certain symptoms without, and sometimes just without warning, without triggers. 106 00:09:25,934.24489796 --> 00:09:29,389.24489796 And strangely enough, my wife's able to pick it up before I do. 107 00:09:29,714.24489796 --> 00:09:34,587.24489796 Um, she, I'm laughing because my wife's the same way. 108 00:09:34,724.24489796 --> 00:09:34,964.24489796 oh. 109 00:09:35,757.24489796 --> 00:09:37,857.24489796 so I, I, it's a funny story. 110 00:09:37,857.24489796 --> 00:09:40,32.24489796 I was actually, I actually called my, I actually had a stroke. 111 00:09:40,932.24489796 --> 00:09:42,312.24489796 About five years ago. 112 00:09:43,32.24489796 --> 00:09:45,522.24489796 Um, and I wound up calling the ambulance myself. 113 00:09:45,522.24489796 --> 00:09:57,732.24489796 My wife didn't believe me at first, and ever since then, she's caught onto every little thing winds up You know, she'll, she'll, she'll notice me shutting down, she'll notice me being quiet. 114 00:09:57,732.24489796 --> 00:10:02,897.24489796 She's like, Hey, what's wrong? Why are you going to depressive mode? Why are you being PTSD mode? You know, whatever you wanna call it. 115 00:10:03,672.24489796 --> 00:10:07,182.24489796 And it's funny, the wise pick up on it faster than we can, and on our own selves. 116 00:10:07,769.24489796 --> 00:10:10,109.24489796 Certainly, um, they really do. 117 00:10:10,109.24489796 --> 00:10:20,279.24489796 And, and you know, I was lucky that my wife had that intuition right from the start, and so she was a part of my recovery. 118 00:10:20,519.24489796 --> 00:10:21,702.24489796 Um, Awesome. 119 00:10:22,259.24489796 --> 00:10:27,449.24489796 and I think that's really, really important and something that unfortunately a lot of first responders don't do. 120 00:10:28,379.24489796 --> 00:10:32,699.24489796 Um, involve their, their partners, whether that be a wife or a husband. 121 00:10:33,149.24489796 --> 00:10:39,749.24489796 Um, they don't involve their partners and I think that just prolongs the whole episode. 122 00:10:39,749.24489796 --> 00:10:44,729.24489796 I mean, she just took over, um, right from day one and. 123 00:10:45,389.24489796 --> 00:10:50,849.24489796 Basically shielded me from a lot of stuff until I was, uh, at a place where I could handle it. 124 00:10:50,909.24489796 --> 00:10:54,659.24489796 I didn't have to answer the phone, I didn't have to talk to anyone. 125 00:10:54,659.24489796 --> 00:10:56,609.24489796 She just absolutely took over. 126 00:10:56,609.24489796 --> 00:10:59,819.24489796 So I was really grateful for that, for that support. 127 00:11:00,479.24489796 --> 00:11:03,989.24489796 Um, and yeah, it's, it's really. 128 00:11:04,424.24489796 --> 00:11:07,304.24489796 A hard thing for a family to go through. 129 00:11:07,364.24489796 --> 00:11:08,174.24489796 A whole family. 130 00:11:08,294.24489796 --> 00:11:10,754.24489796 Uh, fortunately my kids were not living at home at the time. 131 00:11:11,354.24489796 --> 00:11:18,344.24489796 Um, they were often married and doing their own thing, but even still, it, um, you know, it has an effect on everybody. 132 00:11:18,344.24489796 --> 00:11:20,684.24489796 And I had el elderly parents as well. 133 00:11:20,894.24489796 --> 00:11:23,369.24489796 Really? Um, they couldn't understand what was going. 134 00:11:24,417.24489796 --> 00:11:24,777.24489796 Right. 135 00:11:24,777.24489796 --> 00:11:24,987.24489796 Yeah. 136 00:11:24,987.24489796 --> 00:11:25,737.24489796 And that, yeah. 137 00:11:25,767.24489796 --> 00:11:37,887.24489796 I actually wrote a book recently about that and it, it's, it, it's interesting as you said, that, you know, a lot of first responders don't have the support systems that we need to be first responders. 138 00:11:38,667.24489796 --> 00:11:38,967.24489796 We. 139 00:11:40,257.24489796 --> 00:11:47,877.24489796 think we do, but we wind up burning our own bridges to where we don't speak to the spouse, we don't speak to the kids. 140 00:11:47,877.24489796 --> 00:11:49,737.24489796 We try to separate the family from the job. 141 00:11:50,397.24489796 --> 00:11:57,177.24489796 But in our jobs, we cannot separate it a hundred percent because if we do, it will cause too much tension in our own brains. 142 00:11:57,177.24489796 --> 00:12:02,37.24489796 It will cause too much stress and, and the wives won't know what's going on. 143 00:12:02,37.24489796 --> 00:12:03,417.24489796 The kids won't know what's going on. 144 00:12:03,747.24489796 --> 00:12:04,269.24489796 And if you E. 145 00:12:04,269.24489796 --> 00:12:07,514.24489796 E what's going on with someone, how are you supposed to help them? Exactly. 146 00:12:07,784.24489796 --> 00:12:12,914.24489796 And you know, I used to hear guys at work say, I, I don't, I don't tell the wife anything about what happens at work. 147 00:12:13,244.24489796 --> 00:12:20,259.24489796 Um, I don't tell her what jobs we've been to, and I think that's a fatal flaw because if you are. 148 00:12:21,614.24489796 --> 00:12:27,554.24489796 Talking to your partner after your shifts and you're telling her or him, look this, this happened, that happened. 149 00:12:27,734.24489796 --> 00:12:39,134.24489796 They can then start to say, well, how did you deal with it? How are you feeling about it? And they will start to pick up that whenever you've been to these types of incidents, hold on a minute, his behavior has changed. 150 00:12:39,764.24489796 --> 00:12:45,674.24489796 So they can start to pick up this change in your behavior a lot earlier than what you can. 151 00:12:46,94.24489796 --> 00:12:49,334.24489796 And you know, she would constantly ask me. 152 00:12:49,739.24489796 --> 00:13:01,739.24489796 Uh, like years before this happened, you, you know, are you okay? You don't seem right today, what's the problem? And I'd say, oh, it's just the job I went to, you know, yesterday or whenever this morning, last night. 153 00:13:02,159.24489796 --> 00:13:03,929.24489796 Um, but I'll be right in a couple of days. 154 00:13:03,929.24489796 --> 00:13:08,9.24489796 So she could pick that up early because I used to tell her what was going on. 155 00:13:08,69.24489796 --> 00:13:13,319.24489796 And, without that, it, it really does make it hard because your moods do change. 156 00:13:13,319.24489796 --> 00:13:15,599.24489796 Your temper changes your whole being changes. 157 00:13:16,64.24489796 --> 00:13:28,634.24489796 When you've been to these incidents and I, it was, it was only in hindsight after learning why this had happened to me, that I realized that I had actually been suffering for some years, but just didn't, didn't pick up on it. 158 00:13:30,382.24489796 --> 00:13:32,882.24489796 That actually brings me to this next question I got for you. 159 00:13:32,882.24489796 --> 00:13:34,72.24489796 So you served over 30 years. 160 00:13:34,72.24489796 --> 00:13:36,652.24489796 How did the job wear you down in ways you didn't see it first? Um. 161 00:13:37,934.24489796 --> 00:13:39,644.24489796 Sorry, I didn't hear, quite, hear the question. 162 00:13:40,77.24489796 --> 00:13:41,637.24489796 I said, so you served 30 years. 163 00:13:41,637.24489796 --> 00:13:45,764.24489796 How did the job wear you down in ways you didn't see it? First Oh. 164 00:13:45,824.24489796 --> 00:13:51,524.24489796 Um, just starting to dread going to certain jobs. 165 00:13:51,554.24489796 --> 00:13:56,294.24489796 You know, when the speakers came on, um, I'd go, oh, no, not another one. 166 00:13:56,414.24489796 --> 00:14:05,114.24489796 Um, not wanting to go to work, um, getting quite anxious but not realizing what anxiety was. 167 00:14:05,234.24489796 --> 00:14:07,34.24489796 Um, just. 168 00:14:07,724.24489796 --> 00:14:17,54.24489796 Having these episodes of feeling as though I couldn't get enough breath into my lungs and having to take really big, deep breaths to, to satisfy this, this need. 169 00:14:17,624.24489796 --> 00:14:22,874.24489796 Um, and then once doing that, realizing that a minute or two later I was exactly the same. 170 00:14:23,144.24489796 --> 00:14:24,764.24489796 Being quite hypervigilant. 171 00:14:24,944.24489796 --> 00:14:26,414.24489796 I was very hypervigilant. 172 00:14:26,594.24489796 --> 00:14:33,134.24489796 And, um, so these things were coming out and, and I just. 173 00:14:33,209.24489796 --> 00:14:39,569.24489796 It took them as, oh, well, you know, of course this is going to, we're gonna think about these things, or things are gonna happen. 174 00:14:39,569.24489796 --> 00:14:49,649.24489796 But I didn't realize that they were becoming quite, um, debilitating and, and affecting my whole being and my whole attitude towards things. 175 00:14:53,412.24489796 --> 00:14:56,974.24489796 So also my, my, my temper changes. 176 00:14:57,299.24489796 --> 00:15:00,89.24489796 You know, I could, I would fly off the hook, hook pretty quick. 177 00:15:00,884.24489796 --> 00:15:04,334.24489796 Um, and people took that as me just being an angry little bugger. 178 00:15:04,784.24489796 --> 00:15:13,182.24489796 But, but you know, it, it was more than that and the, the sad thing is I, I've, I've just now recently started. 179 00:15:13,572.24489796 --> 00:15:15,222.24489796 To seek help for myself for that. 180 00:15:15,252.24489796 --> 00:15:19,452.24489796 'cause I've started, I'm getting angrier and angrier and just fly out the handle outta nowhere. 181 00:15:19,872.24489796 --> 00:15:25,362.24489796 And as you said, that's just part of the beast that we were never properly trained deal, deal with. 182 00:15:27,769.24489796 --> 00:15:28,379.24489796 precisely. 183 00:15:28,899.24489796 --> 00:15:29,99.24489796 I mean. 184 00:15:29,804.24489796 --> 00:15:39,344.24489796 There's, it's really hard, um, for any organization to prepare you for what you're going to go through. 185 00:15:39,764.24489796 --> 00:15:42,704.24489796 I, I don't know how they could do it. 186 00:15:42,704.24489796 --> 00:15:45,644.24489796 I don't know how you could prepare for those real scenes. 187 00:15:46,184.24489796 --> 00:15:56,924.24489796 Um, it, they try and they try and put in counseling processes, but, you know, firies being firies, um. 188 00:15:57,734.24489796 --> 00:16:01,304.24489796 They're not, generally not ones to take to that sort of stuff. 189 00:16:01,334.24489796 --> 00:16:10,214.24489796 Um, having a clinical psych clinical psychologist stand in front of them and say to them, you know, if you start to feel like this or that, you need to get help. 190 00:16:11,354.24489796 --> 00:16:17,264.24489796 As much as those people know their jobs, um, firies are all about credibility. 191 00:16:17,264.24489796 --> 00:16:25,604.24489796 So a FI's first comment's gonna be, well, you haven't done my job, so how would you know? Um, you know, that's just, that's just the way they are, but. 192 00:16:26,69.24489796 --> 00:16:39,689.24489796 But in actual fact, had we, had I heeded more of that during my career, um, you know, maybe things may have been a little bit different, but, you know, I think it's just a, it's just a way of the job. 193 00:16:39,689.24489796 --> 00:16:50,639.244898 It's just a way of the people who we are in that, that job that we, that we do, and we are expected to act in a cool and calm manner under all sorts of pressure. 194 00:16:51,179.244898 --> 00:16:53,369.244898 And when other people are running away, we're running in. 195 00:16:53,369.244898 --> 00:16:55,194.244898 I mean, that's just the nature of the beast. 196 00:16:55,997.244898 --> 00:16:56,627.244898 Yes, sir. 197 00:16:56,927.244898 --> 00:17:10,817.244898 And on that training side of things, I, I would, I, I want, what I would wanna see on honesty outta my opinion is for them to start training, at all possible, to train the guys to be able to seek the help. 198 00:17:10,817.244898 --> 00:17:13,37.244898 To be able to be willing to accept the help. 199 00:17:14,127.244898 --> 00:17:18,447.244898 You know, and, and get rid of the old mentality of you don't talk about it. 200 00:17:18,747.244898 --> 00:17:19,617.244898 You can take it on you. 201 00:17:19,617.244898 --> 00:17:20,907.244898 You just, you don't talk about it. 202 00:17:20,907.244898 --> 00:17:21,687.244898 You leave it alone. 203 00:17:22,137.244898 --> 00:17:23,787.244898 You go about your job done. 204 00:17:24,477.244898 --> 00:17:25,107.244898 know that. 205 00:17:25,347.244898 --> 00:17:41,457.244898 I think in the end, if that would change and we would be able to teach about proper therapy, proper psychiatry, tree, seeing each other in, in, you know, as coworkers or teammates being able to see one another's issues would. 206 00:17:42,897.244898 --> 00:17:44,577.244898 change all of this, in my opinion. 207 00:17:45,579.244898 --> 00:17:50,784.244898 Uh, it precisely it would and, um, and, and get out of that attitude that. 208 00:17:51,689.244898 --> 00:17:57,389.244898 That was very prevalent some years ago of, you know, if you can't handle this, you shouldn't be doing the job. 209 00:17:57,389.244898 --> 00:18:01,829.244898 Or, you know, take some concrete and toughen up, get some wood, build a bridge, get over it. 210 00:18:01,889.244898 --> 00:18:02,637.244898 Um, Right. 211 00:18:02,879.244898 --> 00:18:04,169.244898 that attitude has gotta go. 212 00:18:04,169.244898 --> 00:18:12,119.244898 And I must say that the younger generations in our occupation are much better at, at recognizing these things. 213 00:18:12,124.244898 --> 00:18:20,9.244898 And I've gotta say that, um, after I put my book out and a lot of firies read it, um, the response from. 214 00:18:20,639.244898 --> 00:18:27,719.244898 From them was fantastic in that they said, I, I thought I was reading about myself. 215 00:18:27,809.244898 --> 00:18:32,609.244898 Um, I, it made me realize that I'm not going through this alone. 216 00:18:32,609.244898 --> 00:18:38,939.244898 I'm not the only person that's going through this, that someone else is doing it, and, and it made them feel so much better. 217 00:18:38,969.244898 --> 00:18:45,479.244898 So if you can read about it, um, and if you can talk about it. 218 00:18:45,824.244898 --> 00:18:52,904.244898 Then it's going to do you some good and, and so the response from to the book was, was fantastic. 219 00:18:52,904.244898 --> 00:18:54,914.244898 And it has made more people talk about it. 220 00:18:54,914.244898 --> 00:18:58,934.244898 Now, when I go to functions where I'm talking to people about it, they, that's what they wanna do. 221 00:18:58,934.244898 --> 00:19:03,344.244898 They wanna talk about it, they wanna tell their story, and that's fantastic. 222 00:19:03,494.244898 --> 00:19:04,544.244898 That's a great start. 223 00:19:05,217.244898 --> 00:19:08,127.244898 Exactly that and that that needs to be more prominent. 224 00:19:08,532.244898 --> 00:19:11,442.244898 You know, it, it doesn't need to be in the shadows anymore. 225 00:19:11,442.244898 --> 00:19:12,222.244898 It needs to come out. 226 00:19:12,852.244898 --> 00:19:24,792.244898 Um, like you said, I wrote my book and it's, it was the same way for EMS and it was, it was funny because I had a few people reach out to me that I respected and they were my mentors. 227 00:19:24,852.244898 --> 00:19:33,552.244898 Um, had an older gentleman that was a partner of mine reach out to me about a week ago and he told me, Hey, I listened to your podcast. 228 00:19:33,552.244898 --> 00:19:35,82.244898 I listened to your, I, I read your book. 229 00:19:35,562.244898 --> 00:19:38,52.244898 He is like, if I didn't do that, I wouldn't have went into work today. 230 00:19:39,147.244898 --> 00:19:41,367.244898 He is like, I don't know how you did it. 231 00:19:41,367.244898 --> 00:19:44,187.244898 I don't know how, why you're doing it the way you're doing it, but it's working. 232 00:19:44,877.244898 --> 00:19:45,477.244898 Keep doing it. 233 00:19:45,507.244898 --> 00:19:46,797.244898 I was like, that's all I need to hear. 234 00:19:46,827.244898 --> 00:19:47,389.244898 One Yeah. 235 00:19:48,417.244898 --> 00:19:48,927.244898 giving me that. 236 00:19:48,927.244898 --> 00:19:49,647.244898 That's all I need. 237 00:19:50,204.244898 --> 00:19:50,624.244898 Yeah. 238 00:19:50,624.244898 --> 00:19:52,964.244898 And, and that was exactly how I felt. 239 00:19:52,964.244898 --> 00:19:55,29.244898 I had a couple of guys approach me and say that, uh. 240 00:19:55,889.244898 --> 00:20:04,349.244898 After they'd read my book, they then went off and sought treatment, long overdue treatment for their issues. 241 00:20:04,379.244898 --> 00:20:13,649.244898 And so that for me was just, you know, it didn't matter how much work I put into producing that book, just one person telling me that. 242 00:20:14,9.244898 --> 00:20:19,319.244898 It would've made it all, all worthwhile, all that time and effort and energy. 243 00:20:19,739.244898 --> 00:20:24,869.244898 But having multiple people tell me that, um, was just, it, it, it put me over the moon. 244 00:20:24,869.244898 --> 00:20:25,469.244898 It really did. 245 00:20:25,469.244898 --> 00:20:40,409.244898 It was so satisfying to realize that other people got something out of that and it, and it, and it helped them and, and they're on able to go on and, and seek the treatment that they, you know, should have got years ago. 246 00:20:41,232.244898 --> 00:20:41,652.244898 Right. 247 00:20:42,642.244898 --> 00:20:43,182.244898 I gotcha. 248 00:20:43,242.244898 --> 00:20:50,264.244898 Um, so what did PTSD look like in your life before you knew what it was? Well, it was, it was. 249 00:20:52,79.244898 --> 00:20:53,684.244898 It was something that other people got. 250 00:20:54,194.244898 --> 00:21:06,554.244898 Um, it was something that would, would, would never affect me because I thought that I could go into this particular mode at a job and, and which was sort of like a different person going into a different mode. 251 00:21:06,554.244898 --> 00:21:09,464.244898 And then when I finished the job, I would, I would come outta that mode. 252 00:21:09,854.244898 --> 00:21:13,604.244898 But PTSD for me prior to that, um, from. 253 00:21:13,919.244898 --> 00:21:24,239.244898 From a personal point of view, how it affected me obviously was that that anxiety and that hypervigilance and, and and temper stuff, which I didn't realize was me. 254 00:21:24,239.244898 --> 00:21:36,269.244898 But what I saw in other people was their inability to cope, their, their not wanting to be at work, their attitudes at work. 255 00:21:36,749.244898 --> 00:21:42,539.244898 Um, there, and, and this was a really strange one that other people that. 256 00:21:43,514.244898 --> 00:21:48,974.244898 Did have it were critical of people that went and sought help. 257 00:21:49,64.244898 --> 00:21:53,744.244898 They were the ones that would say, uh, if you can't handle this, you shouldn't be in the job. 258 00:21:54,194.244898 --> 00:22:05,384.244898 And you know, as it turns out, it's, it's those people who are putting up the shield in front of them to, to make sure that other people can't get in and see that they're suffering. 259 00:22:05,804.244898 --> 00:22:07,34.244898 And I think that's. 260 00:22:07,619.244898 --> 00:22:16,529.244898 What a, a big part of what it looks like for me is other people trying to protect themselves and not let others know that they are suffering. 261 00:22:17,99.244898 --> 00:22:18,59.244898 And that's really sad. 262 00:22:18,567.244898 --> 00:22:20,787.244898 It is and And you're a hundred percent right. 263 00:22:20,817.244898 --> 00:22:22,437.244898 There is a lot of those guys that do that. 264 00:22:22,497.244898 --> 00:22:29,277.244898 And they always, exactly as you said it, you know, well, if you seek help, you're pardoned by language, you seek help, you're pussy. 265 00:22:29,727.244898 --> 00:22:36,732.244898 You know, and that mentality is not what needs to be, say, don't make fun of each other for trying to get help. 266 00:22:37,737.244898 --> 00:22:39,627.244898 You know, tear your own walls down. 267 00:22:39,627.244898 --> 00:22:44,367.244898 Go get your own help then therefore, you can help someone else later on down the road. 268 00:22:45,609.244898 --> 00:22:46,449.244898 Exactly. 269 00:22:46,719.244898 --> 00:22:50,739.244898 And you know, the, the biggest help you do get is from those around you. 270 00:22:51,159.244898 --> 00:23:02,679.244898 When, when people are open to talking about it, it's amazing the stuff that comes out and, and the things that people will say and, you know, we. 271 00:23:03,209.244898 --> 00:23:19,829.244898 We are a band of brothers and I quite often, uh, not quite often, not so much now that are retired, but there's a group of us that off, off our shift that do get together a few times a year and, and it's amazing how that support. 272 00:23:20,759.244898 --> 00:23:26,369.244898 As we've all come out of retirement, uh, sorry, come out of work and into retirement, and a few of 'em are still working. 273 00:23:26,849.244898 --> 00:23:38,549.244898 But you can see that support has just grown over the years as we all realize that, um, you know, we're not bulletproof and, uh, and we need each other's help. 274 00:23:38,849.244898 --> 00:23:46,324.244898 And it's a, it is a, it's quite satisfying to, to see everybody being like that all these years on. 275 00:23:47,232.244898 --> 00:23:47,772.244898 Gotcha. 276 00:23:48,342.244898 --> 00:23:51,677.244898 So do you remember the first moment you admitted to yourself, I can't do this anymore. 277 00:23:52,964.244898 --> 00:23:53,624.244898 Yeah. 278 00:23:53,774.244898 --> 00:24:06,674.244898 Yeah, it was, it was pretty much, I think it was probably before the incident, um, for probably the, the, the last two years that I was there, I was sort of struggling. 279 00:24:06,674.244898 --> 00:24:07,844.244898 I didn't want to go to work. 280 00:24:07,844.244898 --> 00:24:09,74.244898 I was sick of all the training. 281 00:24:09,764.244898 --> 00:24:12,14.244898 Uh, I didn't want to go to particular jobs. 282 00:24:12,74.244898 --> 00:24:13,814.244898 Um, so I think. 283 00:24:14,744.244898 --> 00:24:17,594.244898 But I think that was because I was, I was suffering. 284 00:24:18,164.244898 --> 00:24:20,774.244898 Um, but it was like, you know, I've had enough of this. 285 00:24:20,774.244898 --> 00:24:22,4.244898 I just wanna retire. 286 00:24:22,244.244898 --> 00:24:28,634.244898 Um, I probably would've retired as I went out on a medical retirement about 12 months after the incident. 287 00:24:29,144.244898 --> 00:24:34,964.244898 Um, I probably would've retired close to then anyway, 'cause I'd, I'd got to the age, um, where I could. 288 00:24:35,564.244898 --> 00:24:42,464.244898 But, um, I suppose the first moment was not long after that incident and. 289 00:24:43,889.244898 --> 00:24:49,679.244898 Speaking to a psychologist, I thought to myself, uh, I, I can't go back and do this anymore. 290 00:24:50,189.244898 --> 00:24:56,429.244898 And it was one of the good parts was that my clinical psychologist sort of hammered me a little bit on that and said, well, hold on. 291 00:24:56,429.244898 --> 00:25:00,689.244898 Is this, is this the way you want to go out of the job? And I said, well, no, it's not. 292 00:25:00,989.244898 --> 00:25:05,39.244898 Um, I had a preconceived why, how I wanted to go out of the job and this wasn't it. 293 00:25:05,819.244898 --> 00:25:10,169.244898 And she said, well, how are you gonna deal with that? And I said, well, you know, life doesn't always. 294 00:25:10,859.244898 --> 00:25:12,839.244898 Pan out the way you think it's gonna pan out. 295 00:25:12,899.244898 --> 00:25:15,809.244898 And, um, I've got nothing to prove. 296 00:25:16,19.244898 --> 00:25:17,579.244898 I don't have to go back and prove myself. 297 00:25:17,579.244898 --> 00:25:19,409.244898 I've done it over 30 odd years. 298 00:25:19,859.244898 --> 00:25:25,559.244898 Um, I've been to every conceivable type of incident you can go to in this job. 299 00:25:25,619.244898 --> 00:25:27,509.244898 And so I have nothing to prove. 300 00:25:27,599.244898 --> 00:25:32,279.244898 And I said, as much as it's not the way I want to go, that's life. 301 00:25:32,459.244898 --> 00:25:34,139.244898 This is just a fork in the road for me. 302 00:25:34,139.244898 --> 00:25:35,699.244898 And, and I take another direction. 303 00:25:37,302.244898 --> 00:25:37,812.244898 Yes, sir. 304 00:25:37,812.244898 --> 00:25:39,492.244898 And that's what brought you to your book. 305 00:25:39,492.244898 --> 00:25:42,522.244898 So you wrote a firefighter's life and you didn't hold back. 306 00:25:42,944.244898 --> 00:25:43,604.244898 No, I didn't. 307 00:25:43,932.244898 --> 00:25:48,374.244898 put, why did you decide to put it all out there? Um, I don't know. 308 00:25:48,374.244898 --> 00:25:55,544.244898 I, I just sort of thought that it was a story that needed to be told, um, because of all this. 309 00:25:56,489.244898 --> 00:25:58,289.244898 Um, ignorance about it. 310 00:25:58,499.244898 --> 00:26:02,459.244898 Um, not just, not so much ignorance amongst firefighters. 311 00:26:02,459.244898 --> 00:26:08,519.244898 For them it was more about, um, sharing the story and hoping that they would, they would seek some treatment. 312 00:26:08,819.244898 --> 00:26:20,429.244898 But I suppose for members of the public family and all of those sorts of people who don't come across the things we do, I wanted them to realize that, um, the people that protect them. 313 00:26:21,254.244898 --> 00:26:23,984.244898 Need protecting from this injury. 314 00:26:23,984.244898 --> 00:26:26,354.244898 And they need to realize that it is an injury. 315 00:26:26,834.244898 --> 00:26:43,454.244898 And the public needs to realize that, um, we're putting our emergency service workers at, at great risk and not giving them the follow-up and the backup that they need to be able to do a long, a long career and come out of it in, in one piece. 316 00:26:43,874.244898 --> 00:26:46,904.244898 You know, even my family had no idea what it was. 317 00:26:47,54.244898 --> 00:26:47,594.244898 Um. 318 00:26:47,714.244898 --> 00:26:55,964.244898 My close friends after they read the book said, gee, we didn't realize you did all that stuff in your job, and we didn't realize that that's, that's how you got affected. 319 00:26:55,964.244898 --> 00:27:07,659.244898 So, you know, it it, that was the impetus for the book, uh, was to make everybody aware of this, this horrible, bloody thing that gets into your brain. 320 00:27:07,729.244898 --> 00:27:16,694.244898 It's, it's, it's almost like a cancer that sits there quietly and bruise away, and then at, at some point just comes out and UNM mercilessly. 321 00:27:17,144.244898 --> 00:27:17,924.244898 Attacks you. 322 00:27:18,194.244898 --> 00:27:22,304.244898 Um, so yeah, people needed to be aware of that. 323 00:27:22,917.244898 --> 00:27:24,267.244898 Yeah, I like how you call it a cancer. 324 00:27:24,267.244898 --> 00:27:27,267.244898 I usually call it a ticking time bomb, and usually it just explodes. 325 00:27:27,267.244898 --> 00:27:28,377.244898 But same concept. 326 00:27:28,724.244898 --> 00:27:28,814.244898 Yeah. 327 00:27:29,399.244898 --> 00:27:30,719.244898 Yeah, it is. 328 00:27:30,719.244898 --> 00:27:33,269.244898 It's, um, it is, it's it's evil. 329 00:27:33,509.244898 --> 00:27:35,69.244898 It is absolutely evil. 330 00:27:35,69.244898 --> 00:27:50,489.244898 It's like this other being in your head that, um, just doesn't care what it does to you and, and at times that you don't expect it, um, or you don't want it, it, it just comes out and, uh, you have absolutely no control of it. 331 00:27:50,489.244898 --> 00:27:55,469.244898 I've never felt so, um, vulnerable. 332 00:27:56,172.244898 --> 00:27:56,322.244898 Yeah. 333 00:27:56,429.244898 --> 00:28:03,119.244898 not being in control of my own life and my own feelings because this, this beast used to just activate itself. 334 00:28:03,119.244898 --> 00:28:04,299.244898 And, that was it. 335 00:28:04,359.244898 --> 00:28:19,959.244898 Um, and it was only after I'd had some time with the clinical psychologist and learn how to then tame this beast a little bit and, and get through the symptoms that I started to feel more comfortable about it and knowing that I could, uh, I could get the upper hand on it. 336 00:28:22,62.244898 --> 00:28:22,552.244898 Awesome. 337 00:28:22,972.244898 --> 00:28:24,907.244898 In your book, you mixed humor with. 338 00:28:25,57.244898 --> 00:28:25,507.244898 Trauma. 339 00:28:25,927.244898 --> 00:28:44,169.244898 Why was humor so important to include? Because humor is part of the emergency services job, and I know that when we would go to incidents and we would come back, we would, it was an informal debrief that we would have around the. 340 00:28:44,784.244898 --> 00:28:47,34.244898 Around the dinner table, around the kitchen table. 341 00:28:47,544.244898 --> 00:29:04,914.244898 And that's when the black humor used to pop out, uh, which most people do not understand unless you're in the job, but also just the day to day goings on in a, in a fire station, and no doubt, uh, would be police stations and, uh, paramedic depots. 342 00:29:05,424.244898 --> 00:29:11,664.244898 Um, I think the practical, joking and the humor is our way of, um. 343 00:29:11,754.244898 --> 00:29:16,284.244898 Uh, dealing with some of this stuff and just taking the pressure down a little bit. 344 00:29:16,794.244898 --> 00:29:26,512.244898 I really do think that is, that is how we cope and how we see a different side to our job instead of just the trauma of, of having, percent. 345 00:29:28,372.244898 --> 00:29:33,849.244898 So how did writing the book become part of your recovery? well, it became. 346 00:29:35,529.244898 --> 00:29:45,879.244898 Uh, I had to dig quite deep and by this stage I had finished, uh, well, when I first started the book, I was still actually seeing, um, a psychologist. 347 00:29:46,509.244898 --> 00:29:51,699.244898 Um, but not long after ISI, I was in a position where I could stop seeing her. 348 00:29:51,789.244898 --> 00:30:00,189.244898 Um, I did a couple of years later go back on the old occasion for little issues, but, but essentially I haven't seen her for a, for a while now, but. 349 00:30:01,89.244898 --> 00:30:04,449.244898 Writing the book, um, made me really dig deep. 350 00:30:04,719.244898 --> 00:30:13,569.244898 Um, I had to really go well with inside of myself, um, to get some of this stuff out, but it was good for me. 351 00:30:13,569.244898 --> 00:30:17,79.244898 Um, as much as it was hard, it was still really good for me. 352 00:30:17,139.244898 --> 00:30:20,769.244898 And writing, uh, an autobiography. 353 00:30:21,149.244898 --> 00:30:23,814.244898 You, you don't realize how honest you have to be. 354 00:30:23,994.244898 --> 00:30:28,434.244898 Um, it's like looking into a cracked mirror and saying, well, there I am. 355 00:30:28,434.244898 --> 00:30:33,504.244898 And all those cracks are the faults in me, and I have to, and those faults have to come out in this story. 356 00:30:34,194.244898 --> 00:30:47,454.244898 And, uh, and I think realizing your own faults, your own weaknesses and your vulnerabilities actually helps you, um, get through those problems and those issues. 357 00:30:47,454.244898 --> 00:30:49,849.244898 And, and I, and in the end, makes you a better person, I believe. 358 00:30:51,487.244898 --> 00:30:53,107.244898 I, I agree again, a hundred percent. 359 00:30:53,107.244898 --> 00:30:55,867.244898 I love your mythology and your logic on all this. 360 00:30:56,347.244898 --> 00:30:59,617.244898 Um, so you've said PTSD is like fighting with yourself every day. 361 00:30:59,647.244898 --> 00:31:13,779.244898 How do you explain that to someone who hasn't ever lived it Yeah, it's really, it is really, really difficult and it, you have to, you have to be able to say, explain in a way that it's. 362 00:31:14,304.244898 --> 00:31:19,794.244898 It's something that is happening within your body, within your mind that you, you cannot control. 363 00:31:20,394.244898 --> 00:31:27,954.244898 And so when I mentioned earlier about it being like a cancer or a beast inside your mind, Yes, that's how you have to explain it. 364 00:31:27,954.244898 --> 00:31:33,789.244898 It's, it's like, it's like this other person is saying to you, well, I'm gonna bring you down. 365 00:31:34,509.244898 --> 00:31:40,959.244898 It's my turn now to, to dominate you and, and control how you are gonna feel and react. 366 00:31:41,349.244898 --> 00:31:44,139.244898 And so you have to fight with yourself to stop that. 367 00:31:44,469.244898 --> 00:31:47,169.244898 And that's the only way I can explain it. 368 00:31:47,229.244898 --> 00:31:51,519.244898 And it, and it is very hard for people to understand. 369 00:31:51,609.244898 --> 00:31:56,859.244898 Um, but other emergency service workers understand it totally. 370 00:31:57,399.244898 --> 00:31:57,939.244898 So you. 371 00:31:59,77.244898 --> 00:32:07,567.244898 And that, that, that's a, like you said earlier, I think that's a sad fact, but it is a fact that we all recognize it. 372 00:32:07,567.244898 --> 00:32:15,152.244898 We all see it, but we don't comprehend or understand a hundred percent on what we're seeing the end. 373 00:32:17,274.244898 --> 00:32:18,174.244898 E Exactly. 374 00:32:18,384.244898 --> 00:32:18,774.244898 Yeah. 375 00:32:18,774.244898 --> 00:32:24,204.244898 Um, it, it, it's really, it's really funny that some of the little hangover. 376 00:32:25,104.244898 --> 00:32:45,337.244898 Things that I have from this is that when I, this, especially the hypervigilance, if I go into a restaurant or a cafe, I have to sit pretty much so I can see most of the premises and I can see the entry and the front windows because I need to be, I. 377 00:32:45,509.244898 --> 00:32:56,652.244898 it's bizarre, um, because I have to see what's going on so that I can prepare myself if something's gonna go wrong, Exactly, I, I, I have to face the door. 378 00:32:56,652.244898 --> 00:32:59,22.244898 I have to make sure I see who's coming in, who's going out. 379 00:32:59,249.244898 --> 00:33:01,452.244898 yes, see every entry, every exit. 380 00:33:01,547.244898 --> 00:33:04,362.244898 I, I have to be able to see people at all times. 381 00:33:04,362.244898 --> 00:33:07,962.244898 I, I don't wanna be in a pinned area to where something could happen. 382 00:33:08,339.244898 --> 00:33:08,849.244898 exactly. 383 00:33:09,897.244898 --> 00:33:17,802.244898 It, it, it's funny we do that, but I, you know, it, it's, it's just, I think that's another coping mechanism that we have come up with on our own as well. 384 00:33:18,599.244898 --> 00:33:19,109.244898 Oh, it is. 385 00:33:19,109.244898 --> 00:33:19,619.244898 It's it. 386 00:33:19,619.244898 --> 00:33:20,729.244898 It's about control. 387 00:33:20,759.244898 --> 00:33:29,284.244898 It's about being able to keep that control of yourself and not let either the beast in your brain or somebody else who's gonna do something. 388 00:33:30,44.244898 --> 00:33:33,404.244898 Horrible, um, be able to control you. 389 00:33:33,464.244898 --> 00:33:35,564.244898 And that's, that's really what it's about. 390 00:33:35,564.244898 --> 00:33:51,254.244898 It's being able to keep control of yourself and if things start to go pear shaped, you wanna be in a position where you can see it start to unfold, start to happen, so that you can take, uh, measures to reduce its impact on you and others around you. 391 00:33:52,362.244898 --> 00:33:53,22.244898 Exactly. 392 00:33:53,892.244898 --> 00:33:55,2.244898 So, let's see. 393 00:33:55,32.244898 --> 00:34:16,2.244898 How, how would you recommend for people currently in emergency services and fire, um, how would you recommend they handle the stigma of PTSD? So I think firstly what they need to do, and, and this will be an employer responsibility, is that I believe there should be, um, mandatory checkups, uh, Yeah. 394 00:34:17,19.244898 --> 00:34:17,369.244898 every. 395 00:34:18,689.244898 --> 00:34:20,729.244898 Well, hard to put a time on it. 396 00:34:20,729.244898 --> 00:34:22,979.244898 You know, you can say a year, you can say two years, whatever. 397 00:34:22,979.244898 --> 00:34:34,584.244898 But there should be some form of mandatory checkup with clinical psychologists, and I believe, uh, a few more group sessions with, with your peers, um, to work on this sort of stuff. 398 00:35:08,932.244898 --> 00:35:09,52.244898 I. 399 00:35:34,602.244898 --> 00:35:40,182.244898 I honestly have never heard that put that way, and that honestly makes a thousand percent sense. 400 00:35:40,182.244898 --> 00:35:40,242.244898 It. 401 00:35:41,472.244898 --> 00:35:42,882.244898 It gives you a mental reset. 402 00:35:42,882.244898 --> 00:35:47,442.244898 It gives you a an out if you need it, if you will, in the end as well. 403 00:35:48,787.244898 --> 00:35:51,852.244898 It it, it's a good exit strategy if all else fails. 404 00:36:24,627.244898 --> 00:36:25,107.244898 Yes, sir. 405 00:36:38,727.244898 --> 00:36:39,207.244898 I gotcha. 406 00:36:39,417.244898 --> 00:37:13,682.244898 So what's one coping me coping tool you wish you'd had earlier in your career? Very true. 407 00:37:13,742.244898 --> 00:37:16,142.244898 And again, I agree a hundred percent on that one. 408 00:37:16,652.244898 --> 00:37:19,442.244898 Um, so this is an interesting question as well. 409 00:37:19,442.244898 --> 00:37:27,332.244898 How do you talk to young firefighters about PTSD without scaring them off the job? So with all your experience and all your knowledge without scaring them. 410 00:37:27,332.244898 --> 00:37:31,142.244898 'cause I, I, I know I've done it before and I've, I've talked to a few people off the ambulance. 411 00:37:31,442.244898 --> 00:38:39,847.244898 So how do you do it without scaring them off of the job? Yeah. 412 00:38:42,777.244898 --> 00:38:51,502.244898 A lot more research, a lot more education, a lot more, uh, clinical and psychological training for practitioners as well. 413 00:39:02,722.244898 --> 00:39:03,22.244898 Oh, yeah. 414 00:39:15,282.244898 --> 00:39:15,502.244898 Yep. 415 00:39:33,447.244898 --> 00:39:33,747.244898 True. 416 00:39:41,37.244898 --> 00:39:41,967.244898 Keeps compounding it. 417 00:39:46,407.244898 --> 00:39:46,977.244898 Yes sir. 418 00:39:47,397.244898 --> 00:39:56,37.244898 So for the firefighter who hasn't told anyone about the nightmares for the medic drinking too much to bury the calls for the spouse watching someone they love disappear to Silence. 419 00:39:56,637.244898 --> 00:40:43,707.244898 What do you want them to hear from you right now? Yes, sir. 420 00:40:44,157.244898 --> 00:40:48,207.244898 So if anyone wanted to get your book, where do you sell it at? Is it Amazon? Is it. 421 00:41:33,417.244898 --> 00:41:33,927.244898 Awesome. 422 00:41:35,127.244898 --> 00:41:36,837.244898 So that was Anthony, uh, junk. 423 00:41:37,167.244898 --> 00:41:43,617.244898 Three decades in the firehouse, one crash that changed everything and the courage to tell the story so others don't suffer in silence. 424 00:41:44,127.244898 --> 00:41:47,637.244898 Check out his book A Firefighter's Life on Amazon to dive deeper into his journey. 425 00:41:48,27.244898 --> 00:41:50,157.244898 And remember, PTSD isn't weakness. 426 00:41:50,187.244898 --> 00:41:50,877.244898 It's an injury. 427 00:41:50,877.244898 --> 00:41:52,377.244898 It, and injuries can be treated. 428 00:41:53,947.244898 --> 00:41:56,257.244898 If you think it's too heavy to say, say it anyway. 429 00:41:56,497.244898 --> 00:41:57,577.244898 It beats a eulogy. 430 00:41:57,637.244898 --> 00:42:00,427.244898 You don't have to apologize for surviving however you can. 431 00:42:00,487.244898 --> 00:42:02,227.244898 You're not the reason things are heavy. 432 00:42:02,287.244898 --> 00:42:03,817.244898 You're the reason they're still moving. 433 00:42:03,997.244898 --> 00:42:05,47.244898 Need support right now. 434 00:42:05,137.244898 --> 00:42:08,797.244898 Text or call 9 8 8 or visit 9 8 8 lifeline.org. 435 00:42:09,7.244898 --> 00:42:09,757.244898 You're not alone. 436 00:42:09,817.244898 --> 00:42:11,647.244898 Not in this job, not in this fight. 437 00:42:11,797.244898 --> 00:42:15,157.244898 Wanna share your story or connect? Visit critical run.com 438 00:42:15,157.244898 --> 00:42:17,767.244898 or message the Facebook page, dispatched and dysfunctional. 439 00:42:17,827.244898 --> 00:42:20,347.244898 We're building this for you, for them, for all of us.