October 29, 2025 • 24 mins
In this episode of Essential Pause, Carey Borkoski explores the idea of discomfort stamina—the ability to stay present and grounded during moments of struggle or uncertainty. Drawing on her experience running a 10-mile race, she shares how shifting from distraction to presence helped her endure discomfort step by step. Carey connects this lesson to the “ugly stage” common in art, work, parenting, and personal growth—reminding us that messiness often precedes learning and possibility.
She highlights the paradox of discomfort: though challenging, it can drive growth—whether in building muscle, setting boundaries in relationships, or navigating financial discipline. Building discomfort stamina, she explains, involves acknowledging discomfort, clarifying values, cultivating flexibility, practicing self-compassion, and seeking support.
Ultimately, Carey emphasizes that discomfort stamina isn’t about gritting your teeth but about pausing, noticing, and staying present—learning that discomfort doesn’t undo us, and often, it’s where transformation begins.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
Hello everybody. Welcome back to
Essential Pause, a podcast about slowing
down, noticing, and finding presence in
the middle of our busy and often
uncomfortable lives. I'm Dr. Carrie
Waskski, educator, researcher, coach,
mom, and author of Dancing with
Discomfort. Each week, I'll share
(00:25):
stories, practices, and reflections to
help you build self-awareness,
emotional intelligence, and the stamina
to stay grounded in the moments of
uncertainty. Today, I want to talk about
something I'm calling discomfort
stamina. I haven't seen it that phrase
in many places. I've seen it in the
(00:46):
context of athletics, endurance running,
but not always together. Um, they talk
about discomfort, they talk about
endurance and stamina, but not the two
together. This idea is actually pretty
central to my book, Dancing with
Discomfort. And it came alive for me
recently during a 10mile race. I was in
(01:08):
Annapapolis, Maryland. They have their
annual 10mi race through downtown
Annapolis over this beautiful bridge.
And I hadn't actually specifically
trained for the distance. Um, I actually
hadn't planned on running it and then I
had to make a trip to Maryland. I live
in Massachusetts and I thought, "What
the heck? I will do it. I've done it
(01:30):
many years before. I love the race. It's
a It's just a beautiful scenic route."
And I thought, "What the heck?" I signed
up anyway, reminding myself that my only
goal was to enjoy the race and finish.
No time, metrics,
nothing else. just to enjoy the day. I
was going to run anyway, so I may as
(01:51):
well run with other people in a
beautiful place.
Early on in the race, I was feeling
great, taking in the scenery, listening
to the hum of all the runners around me.
It's a huge race and soaking in, I don't
know, the energy, the enthusiasm of the
event itself.
(02:11):
But as often happens, as the miles wore
on, a little doubt started to creep in.
What was I thinking? I hadn't
specifically trained for this. And could
I really finish this race? Had I made a
mistake?
My old habit in these moments of
discomfort would be to drown out the
(02:32):
struggle by cranking up the music in my
headphones. I literally would try to
ignore my inner critic, that self-doubt,
and that discomfort. I was trying to
distract myself to avoid being in this
moment or preventing myself really from
enjoying the beautiful scenery and the
(02:54):
lovely morning.
But this time, I did something
different. Maybe it's because I've been
writing all summer about the essential
paws. Maybe it's because I've been
training and working hard to be a good
coach for my clients. Maybe it's because
this podcast has been on my mind. I
don't know. I just decided to try
(03:15):
something different. I still had music.
I love music. I don't think I could
leave the house and go for a run without
something in my ears, whether it's a
podcast or music.
But I also let in the sounds of the day,
the footsteps, the cheers,
even the rhythm of my breathing even
when it was a little heavier than I had
(03:37):
hoped. And when the discomfort grew, I
practiced a pause, not by stopping, but
by returning my attention to the
present.
So what does that mean? Maybe I was
running up. There are a lot of hills in
this course and so I can think of a part
(03:57):
of the race where you're a little over
halfway and so you're feeling like
you're getting over that hump and
there's a downhill and at the end of the
downhill there's literally a cone in the
middle of the road and it's a
turnaround. So the thing about that
downhill is that you know the uphill is
coming soon. And so I got into that
(04:17):
uphill. And what pausing looks like in
that moment is not to stop. It's not to
surrender to the hill, but it's to stay
focused on the present. And so what I
found myself doing is paying close
attention to each stride I would take. I
(04:38):
also often will set my eye on I don't
know mailboxes or phone poles or trees
and just pay attention little spaces
little steps pausing focus concentration
attention. Then I pay attention to my
breath to what was happening right now.
(05:01):
What was happening is rather than
worrying about mile 8, 9, or 10, I was
focused and attentive to the mile I was
in. What I realized is that building
stamina and discomfort isn't about
pushing it away, gutting it out, or
pretending it doesn't exist. It's about
(05:24):
practicing the pause over and over again
so you can stay grounded even when it
feels hard.
Now, there's this thing that someone
shared with me called an ugly stage of
our process, our experiences.
What I just described in this 10mi race,
(05:45):
it's not always been the case for me,
and I still have days and races that are
a struggle. And someone that I was
teaching once told me that when you're
an artist, a painter, a runner, a
dancer, a musician, singer, author,
whatever it is that you love to do that
you need to expect an ugly face. This is
(06:06):
what a painting instructor, a
watercolors instructor told her one day
in a class. There will be a moment or a
period of time when things you are
doing, the drawing, the painting, the
waterc coloring, the dancing, the
writing, it'll be ugly. It'll be a
draft. It'll be messy. And it is
(06:27):
critically important and necessary to
just accept the moment and lean into it.
That idea resonated so much with me in
my work as a professor, author, coach,
and especially as a mom to three kids. I
(06:47):
encounter ugly stages all of the time.
Writing an article, a book does not just
turn out as an edited, polished,
finished product. It is not a wave of a
magic wand. It is not something that a
small group of individuals just have a
gift and they're able to produce these
beautiful finished pieces.
(07:09):
It's also not true that coaching is all
sort of natural talent and that these
techniques and abilities just happen. It
takes work and practice. And this is
certainly true if you're working with
young people, whether you're a parent,
an aunt, an uncle, a neighbor, a
teacher, a Boy Scout leader, whatever
that role is, there are always ugly
(07:32):
stages. I've also found this to be the
case in my running and working out.
There are days, weeks, and races that
have a lot of ugliness in them. But what
I'm learning in this moment is that
there's also growth. There's
opportunity,
there's learning
(07:53):
and possibilities.
Pausing in those moments helps us to
lean into and use these experiences
instead of immediately running away,
ignoring them or hoping, you know, you
close your eyes and close your ears and
you just hope that eventually that
discomfort will go away.
(08:15):
Now, here's the thing about discomfort.
It's a paradox. There's the stress, the
discomfort, and sometimes the pain can
also result in muscle growth. New
information and learning may initially
create confusion, but leads to clarity
and understanding.
(08:36):
Examples include emotional growth that
comes out of uncomfortable situations,
maybe difficult conversations,
financial discipline, and perceived
scarcity. This idea that maybe you're
learning to save or teaching your kids
or students to save. Well, saving is
withholding spending. So, it feels hard
(08:59):
and restrictive and at the end it
supports growth and opportunity.
relationships and setting boundaries.
We all need to set boundaries in our
relationships, set expectations, clearly
communicate and this too creates
discomfort
and it may lead to stronger and
(09:19):
healthier relationships. It may also
lead to healthier well-being for
ourselves. There is so much paradox in
discomfort. So, what about this thing
discomfort stamina? Well, I haven't been
able to find it in too many places, but
I you can find a lot of literature on
stamina. I found a healthline.com
article that defined stamina as the
(09:41):
strength and energy that allows you to
sustain physical or mental effort for
long periods of time. It also says that
having high stamina allows you to
perform your daily activities at a high
level while using less energy. I mean I
loved both of these these points that
the article makes. You know this idea
(10:03):
that stamina
helps you to manage to endure to take on
to sit with really to use sort of a
coaching or pausing language to sit with
things that are hard. I'm not saying you
should you know endure endure endure
discomfort for long periods of time.
(10:24):
What I am suggesting is when you find
yourself in a situation, whether it's a
meeting with folks, a relationship, a
conversation with a young person on a
run or doing something that you love, if
you feel some discomfort bubble up, it's
okay to sit in it for a little bit.
(10:44):
Perhaps remember that paradox. It will
lead to learning and opportunity. And
the other piece that I really love is
this idea that having this stamina, so
having this discomfort stamina actually
helps you to perform using less energy.
And I couldn't help but remember this
idea of cognitive load. You know, this
(11:06):
idea that we know that when we're
learning and growing that other elements
that appear, mostly emotions or
discomfort, if we aren't able or haven't
practiced managing these things that
emerge in the midst of our learning, it
creates undue cognitive load, which
(11:29):
means it's harder to learn. It is really
difficult to learn when you are feeling
stressed, when you're having to focus
your attention in managing what's going
on with your inner critic, your voice of
self-doubt. And so this discomfort
stamina also creates some sense of
efficiency, right, in terms of the
(11:51):
experience that you're having, whether
it's the learning, the painting, the
running. Endurance athletes talk about
discomfort as an opportunity for growth.
They reframe it as potential. Enduring
discomfort and building stamina. As I
said earlier, it requires focus and
attention. Discomfort disrupts a moment,
(12:12):
experience, and an action. And so, our
ability to practice, that pause,
to find focus and presence can support
our ability to endure discomfort.
So this idea that in that race if we
circle back to the 10mi race in years
past having that discomfort would have
(12:34):
been really defeating for me if probably
would have slowed me down and it
exacerbates because what happens is that
discomfort slows me down which invites
my inner critic telling me I can't do
this or I'm not going fast enough
whatever the words are and it's just
sort of a neverending cycle. And what
the pause does for me is it creates an
(12:57):
additional disruption which is hold on
time out. Let's refocus. Let's bring
attention to what you are doing. You are
climbing up this hill. You are running
through this discomfort. You're running
with this discomfort. Maybe that's even
a better way to talk about it, right?
Whether you're writing, parenting,
(13:20):
biking, drawing, whatever artistry you
do, walking or doing the thing with
discomfort.
Wow. What would that be like? What
possibilities does that invite?
So discomfort stamina. I've mentioned
practice. I've mentioned the need for
(13:42):
it, the importance of it, the role of
it. And so I wanted to make sure that I
also offered some tips, some ways, some
strategies for building that discomfort.
So the first thing to do in taking that
pause, perhaps the pause is just simply
acknowledging the discomfort. Recognize
(14:03):
that feeling uncomfortable is going to
happen. It is expected and it's just
part of growth. Right? If we go
physiologically, if you think about
someone who is running or biking or
lifting weights, building muscle, it
hurts. It's makes soreness
and it's helping to grow those muscles,
(14:25):
right? So that's physiologically
your biology that happens. It's also
true in learning and growing. So, if you
do nothing else around this podcast
topic this week, maybe just practice
acknowledging, "Ooh, I'm feeling that
again. I'm feeling it in my stomach, my
shoulders. My teeth are clenching. I got
(14:47):
a grimace on my face. I got a warm
feeling cuz I'm worried and anxious. I'm
feeling a little bit warmer than usual."
Just spend a little time noticing when
the discomfort appears.
You can also go back to the pause and
think about your values. If you've had
(15:08):
any chance to do your core values or
thought about what your priorities are,
really get grounded in those values.
Having a clear understanding of what you
want to achieve can help you stay
motivated during tough times. So, if you
remember, I sort of made a pact with
myself as I was signing up for the race
(15:29):
that all I wanted to do was enjoy the
day and finish the race. And so, in
those moments of discomfort, I
remembered that and asked myself, what
is the joy? What is the enjoyment that
you're having in this moment? Or what is
possible in terms of those values, that
priority? And so again, just connecting
(15:49):
it back to what's important to you about
this thing or this process or this
training and see if that helps.
I think it's also important potentially
to develop a flexible mindset to embrace
the belief that challenges and failures
are opportunities. I do think this one
(16:09):
can be harder. You know, I think
sometimes we mistake positivity. some
there's a researcher I can't remember
her name but she talks a lot about toxic
positivity
this isn't just saying oh yeah failures
are opportunities for learning and
growth it's really believing it it's
embracing
that in this experience of learning
(16:31):
there will be discomfort you know
setting that expectation that it is just
part of the process that there will be
bumps and bruises and hurdles and it's
just there
practice self-compassion.
You know, I talk a lot about inner
critics, our judge, self-doubt, all
those. There's so many. And
(16:52):
perfectionism, pleaser, the list goes on
and on, unfortunately. So, what would it
take to practice some self-compassion?
What would it take to be kind to
yourself during those difficult times?
What would it take to be proud of
yourself? Acknowledge your efforts and
progress, no matter how small. Anybody
(17:13):
who knows me, anybody who's been in one
of my classes or has coached with me
knows I love a good celebration.
Getting yourself out of bed on a rough
day, finding joy while things are so so
difficult in this world,
small celebrations, being able to
acknowledge your efforts and progress.
(17:35):
Look, some of these goals we set for
ourselves are very long in terms of time
period, right? We're talking about a
month, 6 months, a year, two years. And
so what are you doing in those shorter
time periods, in those smaller moments
to celebrate your progress? Might be the
tiniest of thing. It might be that you
(17:57):
want to write a magazine article or a
book and today you wrote for 15 minutes.
That is progress. So find some
self-compassion. Find some ways to
celebrate and ask yourself, what am I
celebrating today? What am I celebrating
in this moment?
None of this work, even the pauses,
(18:18):
can't be done alone. Seek support.
Surround yourself with a supportive
community. Make those connections. Find
those relationships, those trusted
others who will understand and encourage
your growth journey. Seeking support is
always a great way to hold yourself
accountable, right? So, if you decide
(18:39):
this week that you're going to practice
just acknowledging the discomfort, maybe
you find someone who's willing to do it
with you or to check in with you.
Accountability. It's a great way to use
trusted others, friends, colleagues.
Other ways to increase stamina,
exercise, right? literally if you want
to be a biker, runner, rower, walker,
(19:04):
whatever that is, increase the time that
you exercise. The other piece of that
around exercise that I think really
resonates here is it's practice. So,
taking this out of sort of a physical
activity context,
discomfort, stamina requires a certain
set of muscles. It's focus. It's
(19:26):
concentration. It's shifting and
reframing inner critics to your
cheerleaders and celebrators and asking
yourself what you're celebrating, not
what's going wrong. That is a form of
practice. Those are a set of muscles and
if you don't use those muscles, they
(19:46):
atrophy just like your body muscles do.
So definitely practice and exercise.
Music can be a great additional practice
for discomfort. Not to drown out the
discomfort. Maybe sometimes it just
helps to mitigate or temper it in a way
that you can manage it. I mean the thing
(20:08):
about discomfort and I want to be clear
about this. If this is really new to
you, we want to sort of do this
gradually. Do things that make you feel
a little uncomfortable and see what you
learn from those experiences and then
maybe increase the intensity of
discomfort so that you can practice
more. Music can be a helpful way to
(20:31):
scaffold that practice, right? to give
you some additional support as you
experiment with ways to manage the
discomfort, ways to acknowledge um what
it looks like to give yourself
self-compassion in different gradations
of discomfort. The other thing I will
say and I think we've alluded to it or
I've alluded to it but not said the word
(20:51):
is meditation. Mindfulness and
meditation,
focus, practice, concentration, bringing
attention, being present. That's all an
element of meditation. And when I say
meditation, I'm not asking you to start
meditating for 30 minutes a day. You
know, 30 seconds, a minute, 5 minutes,
(21:14):
and maybe you find that you really love
it and you lengthen it. Again, we're
talking about experimenting here and
trying different things. Not
everything's going to work. Nothing is
going to work all the time. And it's
having multiple options and strategies
that you know work for you because
you've practiced. I mean, think about
(21:35):
the things you do in your life. I would
suspect that the things that you feel
like you're good at, it's because you've
spent some time practicing. You have
different techniques and ways of doing
the things that you do. And it's the
same for discomfort. We have to develop
strategies. We have to have expectations
that it's going to come up at some point
and we want to be prepared. And so what
(21:57):
does that look like? Is it music? Is it
meditation? Is it a practice of
self-compassion? Is it acknowledgment?
Is it somebody else, an accountability
partner that helps? Maybe it's a
combination of several of those things.
Or maybe it's something I haven't
mentioned. Maybe you have an idea of how
you can help yourself manage discomfort.
The point of this is it takes practice.
(22:19):
It takes work. You're not just going to
wake up one morning and voila be able to
handle discomfort.
So discomfort stamina is less about
gritting your teeth and more about
building presence in work, leadership,
and life. Discomfort shows up everywhere
in difficult conversations, in trying
(22:41):
something new, and in waiting for an
uncertain outcome. We often distract
ourselves to avoid the unease.
We've all been there, right? Scrolling
our phones, filling the silence with
noise, or speeding up, rushing through
just to get it over. But when we
practice pausing in the middle of
(23:02):
discomfort, we begin to train ourselves
to stay. We learn that discomfort won't
undo us. that sometimes it's the very
place we need to be, the very place
where growth can happen.
So this week for our essential practice,
(23:23):
I invite you to notice one moment of
discomfort, to acknowledge that
discomfort. A tough meeting, an awkward
silence, a challenging workout. Instead
of rushing past it or distracting
yourself, try pausing. Take a breath.
Feel your feet on the floor and name
what you're experiencing. You don't have
(23:44):
to solve it or escape it. Just practice
acknowledging it and staying even for
just a moment.
That's how discomfort stamina grows, one
pause at a time.
All right, everybody. Thanks for joining
me in the pause today. I hope these
reflections and practices help you find
(24:04):
moments of presence in your own life. If
you'd like to keep exploring, you can
find more stories and resources on my
Substack, Essential Pause. Until next
time, take a breath, notice the moment,
and remember, the pause is always
available to you. Thanks again and see
you soon.
(24:27):
[Music]
Thanks for tuning in. If you enjoyed
what you just heard, we have a whole
universe of podcasts waiting for you.
Simply search Dragon Podcasts wherever
you get your podcasts. You can also
explore our full lineup and discover new
shows at podbean.com/dragonpodcast.
(24:48):
That's podbean.com/dragon
Hello everybody. Welcome back to
Essential Pause, a podcast about slowing
down, noticing, and finding presence in
the middle of our busy and often
uncomfortable lives. I'm Dr. Carrie
Waskski, educator, researcher, coach,
mom, and author of Dancing with
Discomfort. Each week, I'll share
(00:25):
stories, practices, and reflections to
help you build self-awareness,
emotional intelligence, and the stamina
to stay grounded in the moments of
uncertainty. Today, I want to talk about
something I'm calling discomfort
stamina. I haven't seen it that phrase
in many places. I've seen it in the
(00:46):
context of athletics, endurance running,
but not always together. Um, they talk
about discomfort, they talk about
endurance and stamina, but not the two
together. This idea is actually pretty
central to my book, Dancing with
Discomfort. And it came alive for me
recently during a 10mile race. I was in
(01:08):
Annapapolis, Maryland. They have their
annual 10mi race through downtown
Annapolis over this beautiful bridge.
And I hadn't actually specifically
trained for the distance. Um, I actually
hadn't planned on running it and then I
had to make a trip to Maryland. I live
in Massachusetts and I thought, "What
the heck? I will do it. I've done it
(01:30):
many years before. I love the race. It's
a It's just a beautiful scenic route."
And I thought, "What the heck?" I signed
up anyway, reminding myself that my only
goal was to enjoy the race and finish.
No time, metrics,
nothing else. just to enjoy the day. I
was going to run anyway, so I may as
(01:51):
well run with other people in a
beautiful place.
Early on in the race, I was feeling
great, taking in the scenery, listening
to the hum of all the runners around me.
It's a huge race and soaking in, I don't
know, the energy, the enthusiasm of the
event itself.
(02:11):
But as often happens, as the miles wore
on, a little doubt started to creep in.
What was I thinking? I hadn't
specifically trained for this. And could
I really finish this race? Had I made a
mistake?
My old habit in these moments of
discomfort would be to drown out the
(02:32):
struggle by cranking up the music in my
headphones. I literally would try to
ignore my inner critic, that self-doubt,
and that discomfort. I was trying to
distract myself to avoid being in this
moment or preventing myself really from
enjoying the beautiful scenery and the
(02:54):
lovely morning.
But this time, I did something
different. Maybe it's because I've been
writing all summer about the essential
paws. Maybe it's because I've been
training and working hard to be a good
coach for my clients. Maybe it's because
this podcast has been on my mind. I
don't know. I just decided to try
(03:15):
something different. I still had music.
I love music. I don't think I could
leave the house and go for a run without
something in my ears, whether it's a
podcast or music.
But I also let in the sounds of the day,
the footsteps, the cheers,
even the rhythm of my breathing even
when it was a little heavier than I had
(03:37):
hoped. And when the discomfort grew, I
practiced a pause, not by stopping, but
by returning my attention to the
present.
So what does that mean? Maybe I was
running up. There are a lot of hills in
this course and so I can think of a part
(03:57):
of the race where you're a little over
halfway and so you're feeling like
you're getting over that hump and
there's a downhill and at the end of the
downhill there's literally a cone in the
middle of the road and it's a
turnaround. So the thing about that
downhill is that you know the uphill is
coming soon. And so I got into that
(04:17):
uphill. And what pausing looks like in
that moment is not to stop. It's not to
surrender to the hill, but it's to stay
focused on the present. And so what I
found myself doing is paying close
attention to each stride I would take. I
(04:38):
also often will set my eye on I don't
know mailboxes or phone poles or trees
and just pay attention little spaces
little steps pausing focus concentration
attention. Then I pay attention to my
breath to what was happening right now.
(05:01):
What was happening is rather than
worrying about mile 8, 9, or 10, I was
focused and attentive to the mile I was
in. What I realized is that building
stamina and discomfort isn't about
pushing it away, gutting it out, or
pretending it doesn't exist. It's about
(05:24):
practicing the pause over and over again
so you can stay grounded even when it
feels hard.
Now, there's this thing that someone
shared with me called an ugly stage of
our process, our experiences.
What I just described in this 10mi race,
(05:45):
it's not always been the case for me,
and I still have days and races that are
a struggle. And someone that I was
teaching once told me that when you're
an artist, a painter, a runner, a
dancer, a musician, singer, author,
whatever it is that you love to do that
you need to expect an ugly face. This is
(06:06):
what a painting instructor, a
watercolors instructor told her one day
in a class. There will be a moment or a
period of time when things you are
doing, the drawing, the painting, the
waterc coloring, the dancing, the
writing, it'll be ugly. It'll be a
draft. It'll be messy. And it is
(06:27):
critically important and necessary to
just accept the moment and lean into it.
That idea resonated so much with me in
my work as a professor, author, coach,
and especially as a mom to three kids. I
(06:47):
encounter ugly stages all of the time.
Writing an article, a book does not just
turn out as an edited, polished,
finished product. It is not a wave of a
magic wand. It is not something that a
small group of individuals just have a
gift and they're able to produce these
beautiful finished pieces.
(07:09):
It's also not true that coaching is all
sort of natural talent and that these
techniques and abilities just happen. It
takes work and practice. And this is
certainly true if you're working with
young people, whether you're a parent,
an aunt, an uncle, a neighbor, a
teacher, a Boy Scout leader, whatever
that role is, there are always ugly
(07:32):
stages. I've also found this to be the
case in my running and working out.
There are days, weeks, and races that
have a lot of ugliness in them. But what
I'm learning in this moment is that
there's also growth. There's
opportunity,
there's learning
(07:53):
and possibilities.
Pausing in those moments helps us to
lean into and use these experiences
instead of immediately running away,
ignoring them or hoping, you know, you
close your eyes and close your ears and
you just hope that eventually that
discomfort will go away.
(08:15):
Now, here's the thing about discomfort.
It's a paradox. There's the stress, the
discomfort, and sometimes the pain can
also result in muscle growth. New
information and learning may initially
create confusion, but leads to clarity
and understanding.
(08:36):
Examples include emotional growth that
comes out of uncomfortable situations,
maybe difficult conversations,
financial discipline, and perceived
scarcity. This idea that maybe you're
learning to save or teaching your kids
or students to save. Well, saving is
withholding spending. So, it feels hard
(08:59):
and restrictive and at the end it
supports growth and opportunity.
relationships and setting boundaries.
We all need to set boundaries in our
relationships, set expectations, clearly
communicate and this too creates
discomfort
and it may lead to stronger and
(09:19):
healthier relationships. It may also
lead to healthier well-being for
ourselves. There is so much paradox in
discomfort. So, what about this thing
discomfort stamina? Well, I haven't been
able to find it in too many places, but
I you can find a lot of literature on
stamina. I found a healthline.com
article that defined stamina as the
(09:41):
strength and energy that allows you to
sustain physical or mental effort for
long periods of time. It also says that
having high stamina allows you to
perform your daily activities at a high
level while using less energy. I mean I
loved both of these these points that
the article makes. You know this idea
(10:03):
that stamina
helps you to manage to endure to take on
to sit with really to use sort of a
coaching or pausing language to sit with
things that are hard. I'm not saying you
should you know endure endure endure
discomfort for long periods of time.
(10:24):
What I am suggesting is when you find
yourself in a situation, whether it's a
meeting with folks, a relationship, a
conversation with a young person on a
run or doing something that you love, if
you feel some discomfort bubble up, it's
okay to sit in it for a little bit.
(10:44):
Perhaps remember that paradox. It will
lead to learning and opportunity. And
the other piece that I really love is
this idea that having this stamina, so
having this discomfort stamina actually
helps you to perform using less energy.
And I couldn't help but remember this
idea of cognitive load. You know, this
(11:06):
idea that we know that when we're
learning and growing that other elements
that appear, mostly emotions or
discomfort, if we aren't able or haven't
practiced managing these things that
emerge in the midst of our learning, it
creates undue cognitive load, which
(11:29):
means it's harder to learn. It is really
difficult to learn when you are feeling
stressed, when you're having to focus
your attention in managing what's going
on with your inner critic, your voice of
self-doubt. And so this discomfort
stamina also creates some sense of
efficiency, right, in terms of the
(11:51):
experience that you're having, whether
it's the learning, the painting, the
running. Endurance athletes talk about
discomfort as an opportunity for growth.
They reframe it as potential. Enduring
discomfort and building stamina. As I
said earlier, it requires focus and
attention. Discomfort disrupts a moment,
(12:12):
experience, and an action. And so, our
ability to practice, that pause,
to find focus and presence can support
our ability to endure discomfort.
So this idea that in that race if we
circle back to the 10mi race in years
past having that discomfort would have
(12:34):
been really defeating for me if probably
would have slowed me down and it
exacerbates because what happens is that
discomfort slows me down which invites
my inner critic telling me I can't do
this or I'm not going fast enough
whatever the words are and it's just
sort of a neverending cycle. And what
the pause does for me is it creates an
(12:57):
additional disruption which is hold on
time out. Let's refocus. Let's bring
attention to what you are doing. You are
climbing up this hill. You are running
through this discomfort. You're running
with this discomfort. Maybe that's even
a better way to talk about it, right?
Whether you're writing, parenting,
(13:20):
biking, drawing, whatever artistry you
do, walking or doing the thing with
discomfort.
Wow. What would that be like? What
possibilities does that invite?
So discomfort stamina. I've mentioned
practice. I've mentioned the need for
(13:42):
it, the importance of it, the role of
it. And so I wanted to make sure that I
also offered some tips, some ways, some
strategies for building that discomfort.
So the first thing to do in taking that
pause, perhaps the pause is just simply
acknowledging the discomfort. Recognize
(14:03):
that feeling uncomfortable is going to
happen. It is expected and it's just
part of growth. Right? If we go
physiologically, if you think about
someone who is running or biking or
lifting weights, building muscle, it
hurts. It's makes soreness
and it's helping to grow those muscles,
(14:25):
right? So that's physiologically
your biology that happens. It's also
true in learning and growing. So, if you
do nothing else around this podcast
topic this week, maybe just practice
acknowledging, "Ooh, I'm feeling that
again. I'm feeling it in my stomach, my
shoulders. My teeth are clenching. I got
(14:47):
a grimace on my face. I got a warm
feeling cuz I'm worried and anxious. I'm
feeling a little bit warmer than usual."
Just spend a little time noticing when
the discomfort appears.
You can also go back to the pause and
think about your values. If you've had
(15:08):
any chance to do your core values or
thought about what your priorities are,
really get grounded in those values.
Having a clear understanding of what you
want to achieve can help you stay
motivated during tough times. So, if you
remember, I sort of made a pact with
myself as I was signing up for the race
(15:29):
that all I wanted to do was enjoy the
day and finish the race. And so, in
those moments of discomfort, I
remembered that and asked myself, what
is the joy? What is the enjoyment that
you're having in this moment? Or what is
possible in terms of those values, that
priority? And so again, just connecting
(15:49):
it back to what's important to you about
this thing or this process or this
training and see if that helps.
I think it's also important potentially
to develop a flexible mindset to embrace
the belief that challenges and failures
are opportunities. I do think this one
(16:09):
can be harder. You know, I think
sometimes we mistake positivity. some
there's a researcher I can't remember
her name but she talks a lot about toxic
positivity
this isn't just saying oh yeah failures
are opportunities for learning and
growth it's really believing it it's
embracing
that in this experience of learning
(16:31):
there will be discomfort you know
setting that expectation that it is just
part of the process that there will be
bumps and bruises and hurdles and it's
just there
practice self-compassion.
You know, I talk a lot about inner
critics, our judge, self-doubt, all
those. There's so many. And
(16:52):
perfectionism, pleaser, the list goes on
and on, unfortunately. So, what would it
take to practice some self-compassion?
What would it take to be kind to
yourself during those difficult times?
What would it take to be proud of
yourself? Acknowledge your efforts and
progress, no matter how small. Anybody
(17:13):
who knows me, anybody who's been in one
of my classes or has coached with me
knows I love a good celebration.
Getting yourself out of bed on a rough
day, finding joy while things are so so
difficult in this world,
small celebrations, being able to
acknowledge your efforts and progress.
(17:35):
Look, some of these goals we set for
ourselves are very long in terms of time
period, right? We're talking about a
month, 6 months, a year, two years. And
so what are you doing in those shorter
time periods, in those smaller moments
to celebrate your progress? Might be the
tiniest of thing. It might be that you
(17:57):
want to write a magazine article or a
book and today you wrote for 15 minutes.
That is progress. So find some
self-compassion. Find some ways to
celebrate and ask yourself, what am I
celebrating today? What am I celebrating
in this moment?
None of this work, even the pauses,
(18:18):
can't be done alone. Seek support.
Surround yourself with a supportive
community. Make those connections. Find
those relationships, those trusted
others who will understand and encourage
your growth journey. Seeking support is
always a great way to hold yourself
accountable, right? So, if you decide
(18:39):
this week that you're going to practice
just acknowledging the discomfort, maybe
you find someone who's willing to do it
with you or to check in with you.
Accountability. It's a great way to use
trusted others, friends, colleagues.
Other ways to increase stamina,
exercise, right? literally if you want
to be a biker, runner, rower, walker,
(19:04):
whatever that is, increase the time that
you exercise. The other piece of that
around exercise that I think really
resonates here is it's practice. So,
taking this out of sort of a physical
activity context,
discomfort, stamina requires a certain
set of muscles. It's focus. It's
(19:26):
concentration. It's shifting and
reframing inner critics to your
cheerleaders and celebrators and asking
yourself what you're celebrating, not
what's going wrong. That is a form of
practice. Those are a set of muscles and
if you don't use those muscles, they
(19:46):
atrophy just like your body muscles do.
So definitely practice and exercise.
Music can be a great additional practice
for discomfort. Not to drown out the
discomfort. Maybe sometimes it just
helps to mitigate or temper it in a way
that you can manage it. I mean the thing
(20:08):
about discomfort and I want to be clear
about this. If this is really new to
you, we want to sort of do this
gradually. Do things that make you feel
a little uncomfortable and see what you
learn from those experiences and then
maybe increase the intensity of
discomfort so that you can practice
more. Music can be a helpful way to
(20:31):
scaffold that practice, right? to give
you some additional support as you
experiment with ways to manage the
discomfort, ways to acknowledge um what
it looks like to give yourself
self-compassion in different gradations
of discomfort. The other thing I will
say and I think we've alluded to it or
I've alluded to it but not said the word
(20:51):
is meditation. Mindfulness and
meditation,
focus, practice, concentration, bringing
attention, being present. That's all an
element of meditation. And when I say
meditation, I'm not asking you to start
meditating for 30 minutes a day. You
know, 30 seconds, a minute, 5 minutes,
(21:14):
and maybe you find that you really love
it and you lengthen it. Again, we're
talking about experimenting here and
trying different things. Not
everything's going to work. Nothing is
going to work all the time. And it's
having multiple options and strategies
that you know work for you because
you've practiced. I mean, think about
(21:35):
the things you do in your life. I would
suspect that the things that you feel
like you're good at, it's because you've
spent some time practicing. You have
different techniques and ways of doing
the things that you do. And it's the
same for discomfort. We have to develop
strategies. We have to have expectations
that it's going to come up at some point
and we want to be prepared. And so what
(21:57):
does that look like? Is it music? Is it
meditation? Is it a practice of
self-compassion? Is it acknowledgment?
Is it somebody else, an accountability
partner that helps? Maybe it's a
combination of several of those things.
Or maybe it's something I haven't
mentioned. Maybe you have an idea of how
you can help yourself manage discomfort.
The point of this is it takes practice.
(22:19):
It takes work. You're not just going to
wake up one morning and voila be able to
handle discomfort.
So discomfort stamina is less about
gritting your teeth and more about
building presence in work, leadership,
and life. Discomfort shows up everywhere
in difficult conversations, in trying
(22:41):
something new, and in waiting for an
uncertain outcome. We often distract
ourselves to avoid the unease.
We've all been there, right? Scrolling
our phones, filling the silence with
noise, or speeding up, rushing through
just to get it over. But when we
practice pausing in the middle of
(23:02):
discomfort, we begin to train ourselves
to stay. We learn that discomfort won't
undo us. that sometimes it's the very
place we need to be, the very place
where growth can happen.
So this week for our essential practice,
(23:23):
I invite you to notice one moment of
discomfort, to acknowledge that
discomfort. A tough meeting, an awkward
silence, a challenging workout. Instead
of rushing past it or distracting
yourself, try pausing. Take a breath.
Feel your feet on the floor and name
what you're experiencing. You don't have
(23:44):
to solve it or escape it. Just practice
acknowledging it and staying even for
just a moment.
That's how discomfort stamina grows, one
pause at a time.
All right, everybody. Thanks for joining
me in the pause today. I hope these
reflections and practices help you find
(24:04):
moments of presence in your own life. If
you'd like to keep exploring, you can
find more stories and resources on my
Substack, Essential Pause. Until next
time, take a breath, notice the moment,
and remember, the pause is always
available to you. Thanks again and see
you soon.
(24:27):
[Music]
Thanks for tuning in. If you enjoyed
what you just heard, we have a whole
universe of podcasts waiting for you.
Simply search Dragon Podcasts wherever
you get your podcasts. You can also
explore our full lineup and discover new
shows at podbean.com/dragonpodcast.
(24:48):
That's podbean.com/dragon
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.