Bonus Episode: I Believe You

What happens when you finally speak up about workplace bullying—and no one believes you?

In this bonus episode, Dr. Jan shares her personal story of being dismissed, questioned, and ignored by those closest to her. She also reflects on how vital it is to have even one person who sees the truth and stands with you.

If you’ve ever felt unseen or blamed for what you’ve experienced, this episode is for you.

Because you deserve to be believed.

Resources: • StopBullyCulture.com for tools and support • Follow Dr. Jan Kircher for updates and stories

⚠️ Trigger Warning: Includes discussion of emotional abuse, institutional betrayal, and grief.

Episode Transcript

(00:08):
Welcome to Exposing Workplace Bullying,where we pull back the curtain and have
real conversations about workplace abuse.
I'm your host, Dr. Jan Kircher,founder of Stop Bully Culture.
This is a bonus episode.
I believe you.

(00:29):
One of the hardest parts of being bulliedis trying to make sense of it, and then
realizing that even the people outsideof work don't believe it's happening.
It's what happens when you finallywork up the courage to someone
and then they don't believe you.

(00:52):
I talked a lot about bullying becauseI was literally consumed with it.
I felt the bullying in every ounceof my being at work and at home.
I couldn't stop thinking about it.
I just wanted it to stop.

(01:14):
When I was in the thick of it, I told myson, Michael, what was happening at work.
I needed someone to just hear me,to see what I was going through.
He listened and I talked, but years laterhe said he didn't believe me that no

(01:35):
way that was happening, or if it was, itcouldn't be as bad as I was saying it.
He essentially, I was exaggerating.
It's hurtful to think that I waspouring out my heart and soul
about workplace abuse, and for somereason I was not a credible source,

(01:59):
but at least Michael listened.
I can't say that about the rest ofmy family, my siblings, my parents,
they never asked me how I was doing.
The reality is they didn't want to know.
After I started my business and startedtalking and writing about workplace

(02:23):
bullying, I went to see my brother Kerry,who told me a story about a woman at his
job, how she was toxic, how their bosssided with her, how she was undermining
him, and I think she might have evengot promoted, and I told him, huh?

(02:43):
That sounds like workplace bullying.
And he said to me, oh no,that's not what it is.
He was afraid to name it because someoneas smart and educated and as achieved
as he was, he couldn't be victimized.
But what's very interesting is hebarely lasted a year in bully culture.

(03:06):
He retired.
I worked in it for over 20 years.
That's how deep this goes.
Even when people experience it, theydon't want to call it what it is,
because that would mean acknowledginghow broken the system really is and how

(03:26):
workplace bullying can get to anyone.
And when you're the one living it,when you're being bullied and gaslit
and isolated day after day thatsilence from the people you love
can feel like a second betrayal.

(03:48):
You start to wonder ifit really is your fault.
You start to pick yourself apart,and let's be honest, when you
do tell someone and they respondwith, well, what did you do?
That feels just like the bully thatputs the blame right back on you.

(04:09):
As if you somehow caused it.
As if their first instinctis to believe them over you.
That's why being believed matters somuch, because when you're being gaslit at
work, you start losing trust in yourself.

(04:30):
You start to question your own reality.
You even start to believe you deserve it.
That something about you is the reasonit's happening, and sometimes it only
takes one person saying, I believeyou, to help you stay grounded.

(04:51):
It is important to have someone.
I was lucky.
I had a colleague whowas also being bullied.
Of course, I'm not happy she wasbullied, but I was grateful to have her.
We became each other's allies.
We told each other the truthwhen no one else would listen.

(05:12):
We listened to one another and wehad each other's back during the most
difficult times in our workplace.
But I want you to know this isn'tabout you or me or my brother.
This happens everywhere.
Even in the most respected professionslike healthcare and education.

(05:39):
Forbes found that nearly onein four lawyers reported being
bullied at work in the past year.
So if it can happen there,it can happen anywhere.
It can happen to anyone.
It's not about who you are.
It's about a culture thatrewards the wrong behavior.

(06:03):
You're being bullied because youhave a bully in your workplace and
your organization isn't stopping it.
And if you've been trying to convinceyourself it's not that bad, or wonder
why no one sees it, I want to bethe one to say what they didn't.

(06:23):
I believe you.
I believe you are being bullied.
You are not imagining it.
You're not too sensitive.
You're not making it up.
You didn't deserve to be bullied.
You don't deserve to be bullied,and you are not the problem.

(06:46):
You deserve to be safe,respected, and believed, and
if no one else has said it yet.
Let me be the first.
I believe you.
The Gaslight and plot, play their games.
Witness the smile.

(07:07):
You're part of the shame.
Your boss stays silent.
Closing the door.
How many voices will they ignore?
The holy, the brave,
the.

(07:29):
Your boss hides true, gets colder.
It's time to stop the bowling culture.