#6 - The Attentive Parent

Discussing Sleep, Self-Improvement, and Life Challenges

In this extensive conversation, the speakers delve into personal experiences with sleep apnea, the impact of caffeine on sleep, and the potential benefits of using sleep-tracking wearables.

The discussion then shifts to the importance of being present, sharing experiences of random acts of kindness and how simple gestures can significantly impact others' days. They also explore the challenges of parenting, mental health, and the necessity of therapy for understanding one's mind and behaviors.

The conversation further touches on societal expectations, the process of self-development, and the influence of parental actions on children. The importance of facing past traumas to grow and the concept of life as a participatory experience rather than one that is fully controlled are also discussed, drawing on philosophical insights to conclude that life's unpredictability is what makes it valuable and enriching.

Episode Transcript

(00:08):
So if you have little ears around, either throw in an earbud or save this episode for a later time.
Consider yourself warned! Hee hee! Hee hee! Alright, here we go.
All right, buddy.
We're back.
So.
Let's uh, let's talk about sleep.
We're a kind of reminiscent about that.

(00:31):
Yeah, that's.
I don't know what is going on.
I actually have some sleep apnea.
My dad does I do.
I got tested for it.
Because my wife was like, Hey, there's some times where I'll wake up and you're like not breathing and I'm like, huh.
Interesting.
It sounds like it's a problem.

(00:51):
She's like, yeah, that would be sleep apnea.
I was like, oh, okay.
And then there's times where she's like, yeah, you kicked me as hard as you could in your sleep.
So I'll like jolt in my sleep.
I will stop breathing.
The other night, I don't know if it was like a night terror or what it was, but I got out of bed.
In a hurry in, like shot up out of bed.

(01:13):
It was like, Heavy breathing, like walking around my room.
And then I was like, what am I doing? Like what is going on? So I have no idea.
Problem is, but I would surmise that.
Uh, I drink a lot of caffeine every day.
So it's kind of like a.
It's kind of a perpetual cycle where it's like, I'm tired in the morning.

(01:35):
I'll drink a ton of caffeine throughout the day.
Stay engaged with whatever I need to do.
And then if it's too late in the day and I have too much caffeine, well then I'm not going to sleep as well.
So it's, it's like I need to do a caffeine detox or.
Whatever, but yeah, there's some sleep aids.
I'll take and.
Maybe I do need to, like we were talking about the other day, get like a whooper.

(01:57):
What are some of the other wearables that can track your sleep and then wake you up? When you're not in a REM cycle.
Yeah.
Maybe that's what I need to do.
I don't know.
Do you have those states where.
You're like halfway in, halfway up.
where your, you know, And it scares the shit out of you when you wake up too as well.
When you fully wake up.

(02:17):
Yeah.
But right now I have those states where.
It's almost, I know what time it is before I even have to check the clock.
Yeah.
And it drives me crazy.
Cause it's like, all right, it's three 40.
It's 4 45.
It's five 50, but it's not being able to.
Fully.

(02:38):
The deep sleep.
Yeah.
And it's.
I know it's my brain turning.
Yeah.
It's trying to find those solutions, whatever problems that are boiling or things that conscious going to work.
Exactly.
That.
And it's just like, bro, this is our time to relax.
It's kind of cool that.
And I don't know how well, like studied, documented or known that is because there's a lot of, there's a lot.

(02:59):
We don't know about driving and, you know, stuff like that.
But.
It is cool to think that is that your subconscious at work at night when you're.
You're your brains running in a different wave.
I pattern.
That's what I've read and it feels like it is.
Yeah.
Cause it's.
There's problems.

(03:20):
There's.
Key events that happened within there.
Where it's like, okay.
This is related to something else.
But.
It's also that are we fully.
Coherent or we have fully there or it's wild in terms of how it does.
How it works and.

(03:42):
It's just, when you think about it too, especially with sleep, it's such a fascinating thing.
And weird and maybe.
Maybe.
It's just not.
Like it's an environmental thing too, as well, or my body can't fully rest.
'cause it's gotta be on alert.
Yeah.
And I think, and I think that's some of that too.

(04:04):
I've.
I've built in.
Too much to an extent.
Where it's like, okay, this is your time to unwind.
Yeah.
This is your time to relax fully.
And even with my watch, I'll look at my watch.
Sometimes I take it off because it just pisses me off.
When I see the readings in the morning.
Cause it'll say, oh, you're fully rested your body charges at 98%.

(04:25):
Dude.
I feel like crap.
And then there's other times where it feels like I barely even slept in.
It's like, I'm good to go.
It's it's wild.
How that.
Phenomenon works.
Yeah.
I wonder how much of it is when you wake up in the cycle of sleep.
Yeah, I think that has a lot to do with it.
Uh, or at least from the little research I've done, but it's almost like.

(04:48):
Say you sat in alarm.
You fully intend on waking up at like 5:00 AM.
And.
You naturally wake up at like 4 25.
Your inclination would be like, wow, I have an alarm at five.
Let me go back to sleep.
But I wonder if it's not better, that if you naturally woke up at 4 25, did you just get up even though? Yeah, it might suck.

(05:13):
But you're not sabotaging yourself by then going back into sleep back into a deep sleep cycle and then being, cause I think what it's like 90 minutes is a full cycle.
So then if, if you wake up at 4 25, you go back to sleep.
If your alarm goes off at five, it's like abruptly waking you up out of a deep sleep cycle.

(05:33):
So it's like, I've heard before that maybe just wake up then at the 4 25.
Yeah.
And you might be better off.
Midday.
I don't know.
But there's been so many times where I've been in a deep sleep dreaming.
No, my alarm wakes me up in my little oh yeah.
And I'm like, damn it.
That was not the time to wake up.

(05:54):
Well, then you're groggy is crap too.
That's the bit.
The big thing, then the caffeine chaser.
So yeah, chasing the dragon essentially.
Entire day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
I wanted to share one thing that happened this morning that I thought was really cool.
And then maybe we could hit on, you know, The topic that we wanted to cover today, but.

(06:17):
I was.
Yeah, so clearly.
Yeah.
It's Monday morning, didn't sleep super well, you know, woke up and was just not wanting to get out of bed, whatever, call it the Mondays.
And I didn't have a ton of time from dropping my son off at daycare to get over here.
And I was like, yeah, me.
I stopped to get a coffee, something to eat.
And as I'm in the drive-through.

(06:38):
Uh, the girl at the window.
Was super like kind and she was just.
Like curious and friendly, first thing on a Monday morning.
So I pull up to the window.
And she's like, Hey, how's it going? You're on your way to work.
And I was like, Uh, yeah, kind of she's like, oh, well, what do you do? I was like, well, I'm going to shoot a podcast and I actually have an interview later in the day.

(07:05):
Uh, she's like, oh, that's awesome.
Like, that's exciting.
What.
What do you do for work then? Like when you're, what are you interviewing for us? I guess, sales.
So she just like, genuinely was actually curious.
It wasn't just like.
Hey, how's it going? Oh, good.
How are you? Yeah, I'm good.
Like she actually super nice, super friendly.
Just.
It was like, how's your morning going? You know? And after that, I was like, oh, I was like, kind of recharged a little bit.

(07:28):
Cause it was just a nice, friendly interaction with another person that had some genuine curiosity about someone else's day.
You know, so I guess the point in that is like, If you can do that for somebody else.
That could change the course of their day.
And I just thought that was so cool.
That's like a little micro lesson.
Yeah, that I learned this morning that I certainly didn't expect.

(07:50):
Everyone's so busy in their day-to-day and to just drive into the Starbucks and just like, oh, give me my coffee.
All.
All right.
I got to go do this thing.
Then the next thing, and they're focused on their day seven steps ahead, but they don't actually take the time to be present and engaged with the person at the window.
So I thought that was really cool.
Uh, and I just enjoyed that, you know, I'm more of an extroverted person that can.

(08:13):
Jive off of other people's energy.
So yeah.
Yeah, that was pretty cool.
It gives you faith that.
Everything's so possible.
Yeah.
First species, right? Like there's, it's where we were looking.
And the engagements that we're having, because if we will see the world as a hellish blaze, what the hell are we going to expect? Yeah.
And it is case in point to that.

(08:36):
Was going home Friday with the girls after school when grocery shopping.
Got our groceries loaded into the car.
I put them in the car.
I locked the car and I'm like, okay, I'll be right back.
They know the routine.
Doesn't want to go put the guard away.
But the card away.
Going to put the card away.
There's a guy there.
Just finishing up and he has two teenage sons.

(08:58):
And I'm going by and it's pro the car returns probably.
35.
50 feet away from his truck.
I was like, Hey man, I'm dropping this guard off.
You want me to take your cart? And he just kinda looks at me like, what the fuck? I was like, no, man, there's, there's still good people out here.
Like, I'll take your card.
And he's like, really? And I was like, yeah, just give me I'm going there anyways.

(09:19):
I'll take your cart.
Yeah.
He's like, man, thank you.
I appreciate that.
And I was like, yeah man.
Anytime.
Yeah.
And it was it's those little things where you're just, and it's not the world's responsibility to give them to you.
It's your responsibility to give them to the world.
Yeah.
'cause that crap comes back and it's reciprocated and it's energy.
Yeah, because it could have drastically.

(09:41):
That little thing changed his yeah.
Day.
And that's what.
And the girls were like, what did you do then? Sometimes people just need a little bit of belief that there's still other good people out there too, as well.
And I said, they're out there, man.
I said, we just have to find them.
Right, right.
Oh, God.
That's so cool.
And it's.
It's but in a lot of it comes from, you know, how it feels to feel fucking shitty.

(10:07):
Yeah.
And to feel in that place.
And it's like, okay.
Maybe people just need that little sense of.
It's going to be all right.
Yeah.
There's still others in the game with you too, as well.
Yeah.
And one thing that came up as you're saying that is like, it's almost like a pattern interrupt for their day.
Correct.
There's so like, that guy was probably like, oh man, I got my sons.

(10:29):
I gotta go to practice.
Like I got these other things to do.
I'm in a hurry shit.
I got to put the cart back and very, in his own head, very head down, focused on all the things he asked to do that maybe he doesn't want to do.
And then there you are with the pattern interrupted.
Like, Hey man, can I take your cart? Like what? Uh, sure.
And then who knows, like maybe, you know, he gets in.
Uh, he's driving home and.

(10:51):
He stays in a better mood.
And after someone cuts him off on accident and he doesn't get a road rage incident because he's like, oh, I feel pretty good from that guy that helped me out on.
Feeling better than I was before.
I mean, you'll never know if the opposite happened.
Right.
But I think the point of it is like, those things can trickle.
You know, in almost like a domino effect.

(11:12):
Uh, you know, for someone is given the opportunity to pay it forward.
Yeah.
So it's like, okay, somebody looked out for me now.
I feel obligated to go look out for somebody else.
And that's where that investment back into the community into the site.
Society comes in.
Both sets of kids are seeing the transpire.
That's the beautiful thing about, right, right.

(11:32):
Cause it's like, oh wow.
Like what's happening here.
Yeah.
Oh, this is interesting.
Yeah.
You know, it's crazy.
Cause.
I, my brain just.
Shot me like an image of a world where.
You could say we're almost moving to, maybe we're almost even there, depending on how you look at it.

(11:53):
But the, the image in my brain was like, I pictured like a grocery store parking lot.
There's a lot of people in that vicinity.
But every single person is.
You looking at their phone or say it's like more futuristic, like connected to a device.
That's not even in front of them, but.
There's a bunch of people co located that are not interacting with one another and are kind of siloed into whatever their device is.

(12:20):
How freaking like.
Depressing and kind of lonely.
That is.
Because you have the opportunity to go engage with another person right over there yet.
Your so fixated.
On whatever the device is or whatever that thing's going to get you to, where the next place you have to go to.
It's almost like it really.
Technology in my experience.

(12:43):
Really pulls you out of the present moment.
And that's one thing that I really have wanted to.
Focus on is getting back to being present.
Especially with the age my son is at because.
I mean, just like all kids, he changes so rapidly.
But if I don't stop and.
Watch him.
Walk around in the park with a stick.

(13:03):
Like he was the other day I tried to be to squirrel.
Then, you know, I might miss it if I was looking at my stupid phone.
Yeah.
And so there's, there were a couple of times I had to just stop and.
But I do not disturb put it away and be like, what are you doing, man? Just focusing focused on having fun.
Right? Yeah.
So I know it was a little bit of a.
Uh, tangent, but.

(13:23):
I don't know.
I don't want people to.
Did I have this gum? I had this conversation with the parent.
Last week.
And I said, you put nine kids in a room.
No barriers, no filters.
Just play.
Yeah.
Everybody's vibing.
You're going to have tantrums and naturals.
But they're going to work through it.
Yeah.
But they're going to be cohesive.

(13:44):
Everybody's going to pull the other one up.
You put nine adults, everyone's going to their corners and on their phones.
Sometimes it takes that one person to say enough is enough.
I'm just going to.
I'm going to put myself out there.
And there's no.
Better place to put your, even if it's who gives a shit, if you get rejected.

(14:05):
Yeah.
But that one instance where you put yourself out there.
Could we go back to it is.
Dramatically altered.
Somebody's.
Possible day and even life.
Whereas.
Oh, okay.
There's.
Actual people out there.
They want to know my story.
I don't want to know me cause I don't have time for conversations about.

(14:29):
The fucking weather or politics or.
Things outside forced conversation.
Exactly.
Yeah.
And it's like, I want to know about you.
How was it? Like I want to know, not only, and I don't want it to be.
Paraded in this.
Happy-go-lucky state either.
I want the truth.
I want how you feel.

(14:49):
Because then we could work together.
To get through it because I may feel like shit too at the same time.
Yeah.
And I was like, all right, now we're vibing.
We're feeding off each other's energy.
Let's pull each other back up.
Yeah.
And it's cool because you get to.
Truly start to understand.
The person.
And then you also realize.

(15:10):
All this crap that I have everybody else has to.
Yep.
They just digested differently.
And then give it a different label, but.
In terms of a species, we're all going through the same thing.
We just need to go and.
Work as a pack.
And start pulling each other up.
Yeah.
That's what.

(15:31):
My daughter's soccer.
Team's got the sunset wolves and.
That's what I was telling me.
That's right.
Such a Colorado name.
And I was telling the girls.
Because we've had a, an interest in season, especially with the Colorado weather and.
It just a lot of delays with it.
But it's eight years old kids.
And so everybody's very.

(15:53):
Depending on their upbringing and results driven.
And I'm like, we're not at a stage where we could care about results.
We play as a team, the results are taking care of themselves.
And that was my point of emphasis was.
I said, there's no negative.
Self-talk out here because our bodies are listening.
And you could tell it was just a mind fuck for some of the kids.

(16:14):
And it's.
We're not playing.
As yourself out here, you're playing as a team out here.
And I said, and what is the wolves? Greatest strength.
They're pack.
And I said, and that's how you play.
Wolf pack you play as the Wolf pack.
Exactly.
And they're the ones.
And I said, and there's.
The leader needs the pack.

(16:35):
More than the pack needs the leader.
And I said, and that's should be a drive home statement for a lot of parents do as well.
Yeah.
Wow.
It's like without the pack, the leader is nothing.
Yep.
And that's the one that continuously raises the standards, gets them going.
Where you think of.

(16:56):
Going keep going with the Wolf.
The leader doesn't sit in the front.
The leader sits in the very back.
He puts.
The ones that he trusts most up at the point.
The week, go into the middle to be protected.
And he stays at the pack at the back, ensuring that nobody's left behind.

(17:16):
Or everybody thinks a leader has to be at the very front.
Yeah.
That should be the leaders should be the one in.
Batman, the one in the shadows.
Operating ensuring that.
Everybody's falling their course, but also taking on the responsibility of the pack too, as well.
I am the bad man.
Yeah.
It's just an interesting look when you said.

(17:38):
The.
Wolf needs the pack more than the pack needs the Wolf.
Right.
And the later.
The leader.
Sorry.
Yeah.
So I totally agree with that.
Did you mean it in a way? That.
By being the leader and leading others, let's say in this case, you're the family CEO.
You have the family that you're leading.

(17:59):
You need the family because as a leader, you are, you grow and you.
Develop and you become a better person because of the responsibility, the burdens, the experiences.
That you have as a leader.
Is that kinda what you're getting at? Okay.
Yeah, I totally agree with that.
Yeah, you take that.
That's part of.

(18:21):
As part of the duty part of the obligation that comes with with it.
And it's ensuring that the pack knows that though.
That's that that's the drive home point with it, that the pack needs to know that.
The leader is nothing without them because.
Because it raises them up.
It strengthens the core.
Yeah, that's.
That's one thing that I always tried to keep in mind.

(18:44):
It's funny.
Through like college curriculum ROTC.
I'm sure the military academies at the same way.
When you are.
Learning to become an officer and learning the components of leadership.
They break down the different styles of leadership and one of them, I don't remember all of them, but.
You know, imagine one is like authoritative.

(19:05):
What I say goes.
It's going to be the least effective, but the one that stood out with.
Which I tended to gravitate towards.
I think it was called.
Yeah.
So then there's transactional.
Right.
Then there's transformational.
The transformational one is something I always kept in the back of my head because.

(19:25):
I was just thinking to myself, how can I inspire these people to want to accomplish whatever the thing is? And they could do it without me, obviously.
So it ties into what you're saying, like, how do I get through to these people? So that they are intrinsically motivated and inspired themselves to conduct what other activities, whatever activities are needed to meet that end state.

(19:50):
That transformational model is super powerful.
And I think.
It kind of ties into what you're saying.
Like they all recognize that they could collectively do this without the leader, the leaders there too.
You know, enact.
Tools resources whatever's needed.
Be the guide.
But also help to inspire and kind of transform them into the people that can, can do the thing, right? Yeah.

(20:16):
And you have to have.
Sounds wild and weird to say, but almost three dimensional thinking.
Because not everybody's going to absorb.
Everybody learns differently.
So you have ones that are going to be visual.
Ones that are going to be audio.
Others that just need to.

(20:39):
Show it be done too as well.
And that's where.
Especially doing a lot of.
I did a shit load of instructing.
And that was one of the key takeaways that I constantly kept going to is.
There may be geniuses in the room that you can't even talk to.
Because they don't want to speak up.

(21:01):
And that's just the way that they operate.
I don't look same day, but the individual operates that way.
They're more in tune with their words.
As opposed to being spoken.
Which I could fully relate to.
So it goes back to okay.
How do I.

(21:21):
Essentially you want.
You need everybody's voice.
So how do I get to their voice? So you do it through you.
Different.
I mean surveys, different, different avenues where you could go with it.
Open, open floor.
One-on-ones.
Really.

(21:41):
Because you have to get them to contribute.
Den to know that they're contributing at that same point too, as well.
The investment is going both ways with it and that I don't know everything.
None of us do.
But I need you.
I need your help.
And right now to just saying that.

(22:01):
It breaks down so many walls.
When you ask for help.
And you don't even need to be.
It's like what business right now? It's the same way.
I'm just having these conversations.
I'm not even asking for help and helps coming my way.
It's it's.
I want to do this with, for the community here.

(22:22):
This is my plans for oh, okay.
Here do you need my kids to start passing out flyers for you? What else do you need from me? It's wild because people want to be involved.
Yeah.
But they want to be involved in.
Place that is drawing us forward to.
Not just the typical board, Karen.
That's okay.
This is looking for a problem where it's okay.

(22:45):
Cool.
Like there's somebody out there.
That's just like me.
Yeah.
Then wants to see.
I don't necessarily like change, just progress.
Just pointing us in.
An avenue where we need to be going.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you were hitting on something that I think is important and that's.

(23:05):
This could be in a leadership role for you as a.
Family CEO as a real CEO in a company or.
Uh, church group, community, whatever the leadership role is.
It involves getting to know your people, because like you said, Different.
Let's see different strokes for different folks.
Yeah.
But it's, it, it truly is.

(23:26):
Different learning styles, different personality types, different.
Comprehension, comprehension, backgrounds, et cetera, et cetera, you name it.
But what it takes though is for you to truly get to know.
That individual and what their thing is and their background, their story, how they communicate.
Getting to know all of them to a level that you can find the most effective communication method with them.

(23:51):
Whether that is your kids, because they're going to be different or that is your team at work.
It is truly on you as the leader to get to know them and how to effectively communicate with them.
So that they can give them the most of themselves to the team.
But that involves sitting down, having conversations, learning about them, genuinely being interested in them.

(24:12):
And realizing that.
We're all similar, but we're all very different at the same time.
Yeah.
So that is.
In my opinion, one of the most important components of being in that leadership role.
It's just truly get to know your folks.
Yeah.
And what makes them tick? And how you can serve them.
So self-deprecating humor.
Yes.

(24:33):
That is.
The linchpin to get in to pretty much it breaks down so much.
Yeah.
All of that.
Resistance that you're having to try to communicate with that group or that individual.
Because most people go around with these thoughts inside their heads.
They're not able to vocalize them.
And when they hear somebody in the forefront, vocalizing them in tearing themselves down.

(24:56):
It's like, holy shit.
He's.
It becomes.
We're all equal.
Yeah.
He's just like us.
Yep.
Yeah, it's a cool thing.
And my kids love it.
Cause they're like, dad, you're crazy.
But it gives.
It's good to call yourself out though, too.
It is.
And if you can make somebody laugh because of it.

(25:17):
The why the hell not.
Yeah, if not just for the reminder that.
You shouldn't take everything so serious.
You know, I remember.
I remember.
I was probably 24 at 25, maybe.
And I was a platoon leader and one of the other platoon sergeants and the other platoon, we were out doing some sort of like field training.

(25:41):
And I think maybe it was like live fire.
So when you're shooting live, Artillery rounds or a hundred pound bombs.
I mean, if you miscalculate one of those, you could kill, you could kill someone on accident that you didn't mean to.
So pretty important.
Yeah, but the point of it was there's so many systems in place and so many professionals that ensure that, that kind of thing doesn't happen.

(26:02):
And so as the leader, I trust your people.
Trust the systems.
I don't know what, what it was specifically I was doing.
Maybe he could tell, I was like a little bit stressed about something and he was just like, Hey, sir.
Don't worry about it.
It's going to be fine.
It's just the army.
Not a big deal.
We're good, man.
And I was like, oh shit.
Yeah, he's right.
And he's actually, he's very right.
I mean, he had spent a cumulative five years that Iraq.

(26:25):
That's how much this guy deploy.
So he's been there, done that, seen at all.
So for him to just come up to me and be like, Hey man, it's.
Not that serious.
Just Jeremy, don't worry about it.
We're going to be good.
I was like, oh shit.
I just needed that little reminder of like, not taking this and not taking myself.
So seriously in this moment.
So yeah, the self-deprecating humor is super important in terms of just even if not a reminder of like, It's going to be good.

(26:49):
It's not that serious.
And if it is okay.
Right.
What's the worst it's going to happen.
We're all going to kick the bucket someday.
Anyway, so.
I mean it's with sports.
You don't want to be stuck in your head.
Yeah.
It's getting you out of your head instantly.
Yep.
And it's bringing you back to that situation.
Or are they okay? We're not we're all right.

(27:10):
We just need to be here.
Yeah, and we're good to go.
And you need that call up.
Sometimes it's a very good call-out and.
It's such a mind shift at that time where it just pivots you into the moment.
And you're just like, yeah, this is, this is where we're at.
Yeah, this is what we're doing.
Yeah.
It's not just me.
It's everybody else too.

(27:31):
Yeah, I don't, I don't want to derail this too much.
But I feel like we're pulling each other all over the place.
But it was funny.
I was talking to a psychotherapist last week about, uh, I was like, you know, For, for real estate investing, I'm sending out these letters to property owners and.
I caught myself so many times trying to just like kick the can down the road to like, not do the things that I know I needed to do in order to have some success with investing.

(27:58):
Yeah.
And he's like, oh, did you have like kind of some intrusive thoughts or kind of extreme thinking? I was like, yeah.
He's like, all right, I'm going to go down this pathway and see if any of this resonates with you.
He goes.
All right.
So I'm going to send these letters out.
What's the worst case scenario.
I just so happen to send one to an absolute psychopath that was looking for their next victim.

(28:18):
And goes, Hmm, here's this guy that sent me a letter that wants to buy my property.
I'm going to go to his house, kill him and his entire family.
He's like, does that sound about right to you? I was like, I started laughing.
I was like, yeah.
Why? Like I was like, why do our brains think such worst case in extreme scenarios? He's like, well, It's not as useful anymore, but I mean, those are historical, like survival mechanisms that we all have, and that doesn't just change with time.

(28:46):
And I was just thinking about that.
I was like, yeah.
That is so crazy that we do that.
And we.
We think so extreme yet.
The chances of that situation.
I just described to you, I'm more likely to get in a plane accident or attacked by a shark.
You know what I mean? Like it's a very small percentage that anything that extreme is going to happen.
But our brains yet push us to this.

(29:08):
Extreme situation for what seems like seemingly no reason, but there is, you know, I think there's a battle that's happening inside.
So it's you it's those thoughts are coming from a place of it's trying to talk you out of it.
Yeah.
And then there's the other side where.
It knows you're onto something.

(29:29):
Um, and so it's doing everything in its power to keep you in that state.
So we don't have to go out there.
Yeah.
In that progressive state where everything's vulnerable.
And the unfamiliar.
We're going into a state where we can't see.
Anything anymore.
We're just acting.
And the biggest for me personally, that is.

(29:50):
That has killed it.
We all have it.
But it shouldn't have killed it, but have silenced.
That noise.
Is action.
Yeah.
It's putting it.
Okay.
This is what you're telling me.
All right.
Fuck you.
I know, I know what this is.
Yeah.
This is you trying to keep me at this point.
And keep me settled.
Because we don't want this other brain over here.

(30:13):
To become fully operational.
Um, because that's our brain.
Yeah, that's our mind.
That's the one that.
Is the artist that's painting.
The future.
But there's that all that.
That consistent battle that happened and it's a muscle.
So it's one of those where if you put too much thought into.

(30:33):
The thoughts itself, it becomes overpowering.
And it almost speak.
It's almost like it's self-induced or self-absorbed trauma.
You're creating trauma.
That was not even there to begin with.
Yeah, and you're pointed into it.
And now you're sitting in that state.
When all along there was never even trauma to begin with.
Yeah.
It's like 95%.

(30:54):
I don't know what statistic is of shit that you worry about.
Never even comes true.
Right.
You know? Um, and I wanted to share.
Because why.
It's that's a very good explanation by the way.
And I think.
'cause I totally agree, man.
I, and, and I wanted to pull up what specifically I wrote down.
Yeah.
Because I think this can be helpful.
So let me try to see if I can.

(31:16):
Well, and just to elaborate on it.
That's one of the downfalls of social media.
Because those stories that we're hearing.
Oddly enough.
If we con, if we're constantly just absorbing and taking it in and just digested it.
Yeah.
That's somebody else's trauma that we're taking on.

(31:38):
That's not even our trauma.
Yeah.
And we do a disservice to ourselves by doing that.
Because we're not digesting our own.
We're falling and that's where the battle.
Ensues.
Because we're not holding true to our story.
We're following somebody else's story.
Yeah.
And it's.
A point where you're like, okay, I just need to just close all these books.

(32:01):
And I need to go back to writing mine.
And it becomes.
And it's a constant struggle with it, but go ahead, fire away.
Well, you're hitting on it.
And I think it's important to point out that like this conversation and anyone that we bring on.
It will be helpful to learn.
Hey, what was the thing that was initially kind of holding you back? Like.

(32:22):
What neural pathways.
Yeah.
We're reinforced that.
We're trying to stop you from doing the things, you know, you needed to do to get where you wanted to go.
Because these other social media stories of like live 400 units by age 25, like.
Okay, but you don't learn of any of the struggles maybe internally or the, the, the blocks that they had to get through to get to that point.

(32:46):
So I'll try to like succinctly read through this, but essentially the gist is.
When you recognize there's a thing that you need to do, like you recognize, oh, I need to send out those letters.
And it's like the 30th time it's come up that day.
And I, I say something internally to myself, such as like, ah, maybe I'll do it tomorrow or.

(33:08):
Maybe I don't want to like, even do this.
Cause I'm nervous what this person will say or rejection, whatever.
So pick up what that automatic default action of what my brain is telling me to do.
So this.
And in that, in that case, it would be like, let's just wait till tomorrow.
Or like, Hey, let's just not do this.
That's the automatic impulse that my brain is telling me to do.

(33:29):
This is an old neuro neuropathway.
So these are still present.
And when a new situation comes up, that reminds me of an old one.
It reminds me of the old event.
So I'll give an example.
In this case, when I was an agent and I was cold calling.
I had an experience with this guy.
He kept telling me he was.
Now I know being a little bit more seasoned in sales, what he was doing, he was pushing me off, essentially, just like, whatever.

(33:51):
Right.
But he's like, why don't you give me a call Monday, right.
Called a Monday.
And I want you give me a call Friday.
The guy was always fucking busy miraculously.
When they call them just don't pick up the phone.
Yeah.
So I did that three, four times finally called them the four time he lost his shit.
He's like, what the fuck, man? I.
You know, he's like a, a real rust belt guy in Pittsburgh construction type.
He said, what the fuck, man, it's you again? And I was like, yeah, you told me to call you.

(34:14):
And he's like, ah, Don't fucking call me.
Like lost his shit.
I got the phone.
I was like, what a fucking Dick had.
Right.
I was so angry and I, you know, I still hold onto that because it's like, that is.
In your brain, worst case scenario.
What happens when you pick up the phone and cold call now as anything in a coma that obviously not, it's like I'm getting attacked by a shark or something.

(34:35):
But that formed a neuro pathway that I kept reinforcing.
Every time I was going to pick up the phone and I was like, oh man, I don't know.
Maybe I shouldn't do this.
Like.
Yeah, this person might, might.
You know, tell me off or whatever.
So every time I, it gets stronger and stronger by me pushing off the thing I know I needed to do.

(34:55):
Yeah.
And so in this case, me sending out the letters.
It's like a, what if this person, do you remember what happened last time you put yourself out there, you had that guy who was a fucking asshole, right? It's that reinforcement that kind of stopped so many people me as well.
So I think the point is, is that's an old neuro pathway and.
It reminds me of that old event, but I have agency though.

(35:18):
So the more I can identify with what's coming up and decide to not reinforce this pathway is how I can change it.
So I can say, okay.
Yeah, we understand what happened last time.
But listen for where you think you want to go.
And where you, you want to be in the future.
These are the things you need to do.
So.
Thank you brain for what you're trying to help me with, but I need to do this anyway, and then you do it and then you can change those.

(35:42):
You know that circuitry a little bit, every single time you intervene and still do the thing.
So I just wanted to point that out because I think that's a huge setback that people face on the, on the entrepreneurial side.
For sure.
Yeah, no.
And it's.
We alluded to it before is.
We can't.

(36:03):
Anticipate that's truth.
That that could be a lie.
Yeah.
And that's your brain does lie to you? Yes.
Got everything upstairs is truthful.
Um, nor is it.
I felt the way it was originally felt before were.
Pulling on that.
To obstruct action.

(36:25):
Because we know.
The voice.
That is that whisper.
That's been guiding you your entire life.
That's the one that's calling for you.
And it's impeding that whisper.
And so it's just trying to silence that whisper.
That's what I wrote the other day too.
And.
I told it to my girls and I said, The bottom line is you need to be the curator of your thoughts and the composer of your voice.

(36:51):
And what I mean by that is it goes back to an old Saint Jim Rowan as it, you have to guard your mind.
You have to guard your mind, not the mind, the mind.
Tony Robbins do as well.
Tony rock.
And then it's, but it's.
That mind is always there.
It doesn't go away.
And that.
Was it still a lesson? I think I learned it finally.

(37:15):
But that it's always going to be there.
Going back to the beginning of the episode, the wake-up call at three forty five.
That's my subconscious waking me up saying motherfucker.
Some to go.
Yeah, like this is, this is our action time where I'm giving you.
If you do not take this opportunity and you do not feed this energy, I will destroy you.

(37:36):
Little by little with paper cuts.
It's not a big cut off your arm thing.
It's a slow.
Depressive.
Content.
Just bad place to be in.
And we've all been there.
And to get out of it.
Is going back.
It's starting back up the workout of the mind, going back to the whisper.

(38:01):
The hardest part is when almost that whisper doesn't even you don't, you.
You can't even hear it anymore.
You stop hearing music.
And it's.
What do I need to do to get back there? And they're not really settled to get back there.
What do I need to do to go forward? That's a lot of trip up to is, well, I'm going to get back to my routine.

(38:24):
Well fucker.
It didn't work for you before.
That's not your routine, your whole life.
This whole thing is to be in a constant state of evolution.
Yeah.
Not to be stuck into a routine or a habit it's to change your perspective.
It's to be pulling you.
In a direction that's resonating with everybody else around you too, as well.

(38:45):
The Franco.
That any time I could change my trajectory in this moment.
Negative or positive.
I hold that power, not the world.
And it's very.
Easy to say.
It takes a strong person.
To throw their hat in the ring.
To say, okay, enough is enough.

(39:06):
And.
Because it becomes.
Mental suicide.
It's your Benjamin Benjamin Franklin, I think said.
Most people die at the age of 25.
But physically at the age of 75.
I've buried and there you go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's so true.
I mean, you start.
And you have to take this experience.

(39:28):
Not only lessons wise, but you just got to live it, man.
Like that's.
And that, and it.
It's so easy in, we have, I got 13 years on you.
And it's.
I don't say that in like a I'm up here kind of w but it's, that's a lot of extra life experience too, that takes in to it to the end.

(39:48):
It.
It's funny too.
Cause you always, these damn old people are always telling me this and telling me, and then you start getting older.
And you're like, shit, man.
They're just trying to share their knowledge and just trying to help you exactly.
As they wished they would have realized.
I've done, you know? Yeah.
I don't.
I definitely don't take it.
But it's just, it's crazy.
Cause you start getting older and that's exactly what you want to do because you're learning these lessons and.

(40:12):
You're in shock.
You want to ensure that.
Especially the ones you love don't have these same trip-ups.
But it's also, I can't be forcing.
My lessons on to them.
That's not fair.
It's.
The guide factor.
I need to be the guide.
You need to know that not only.

(40:35):
I'm just doing this to enhance your experience, to ensure that.
This thing that you were born with? Continues to resonate for the rest of your life, that it doesn't get dirt thrown onto it because it's so easy to have dirt thrown onto it.
To a point.
Where it's like, fuck, I can't even dig this seat out anymore.
It's never going to sprout.

(40:55):
Yeah.
It's it's, it's gone.
Well, I wonder.
You know how much of that.
Uh, noise.
And I would say it's probably a lot.
Is well-intentioned advice from loved ones throughout your life.
Like, oh, you should look into this career or.
You should do this.

(41:15):
You're always being told like what you should do.
Shouldn't do.
Societaly what makes sense.
And so I feel like a lot of people love seeing people that defy those norms, such as someone who doesn't have a house, maybe they just live out of a van and they.
They still work.
Right.
They still have a job.

(41:35):
Maybe they work remotely or they like, we know someone that.
They.
Have a remote job.
But they don't even have like an apartment.
They rent, they just stay, they like go to different places and we'll stay on like short-term rentals.
And just like travel the us and work remotely.
Like they don't have a family.
But they've prioritized.

(41:57):
Experiencing a lot of things across the us and, and even the world.
They've traveled all over the world.
They're gypsy.
Yeah, right? Yeah.
I'm the modern day gypsy.
Right.
But, but my wife and I were talking to, I keep saying they, cause I'm trying to anonymize this as much as possible.
So.
Um, so we were talking about them and, and just kind of in a state of awe.
'cause they're like, oh, it's awesome.

(42:18):
Because they, they defied what the societal norms are.
Right.
So we look at someone like that.
And we almost think it's like something that we could never do.
And that's just not true.
But I think a lot of people get influenced by like well-intentioned.
Advice from their loved ones while well-intentioned, that might not be the right thing for you though.

(42:38):
So what I'm getting at is you were saying like the whisper.
That keeps getting suppressed.
In my experience, what I've tried to do lately that has been seemingly working is just getting as quiet as I can.
So like I'll meditate in the sauna for 20 minutes.
Uh, I'll listen to like, So funny.
I'll either listen to like meditation music or like Norse, Viking music.

(43:00):
Isn't that insane.
I literally have a playlist that's called Viking war music.
It's so funny, but it's like, It almost does something primally where it's like, You get in like a trance state anyway, I won't go too far down, but.
I think some things to take away is like, for me getting quiet.
Listening to the inner inner voice and recognizing you're not those thoughts, but those thoughts can guide you places.

(43:24):
Maybe.
Um, I'm just trying to think of things that could be actionable for people to really understand.
Well, I mean, going back to the gypsies.
Yeah.
I have that same inclination.
Homey to me.
Right.
Yeah.
Just being in this house for.
Almost coming on a year.
It's like, okay.

(43:45):
It's time to go.
We need to go somewhere else.
And I don't know what the hell it could be all the times I've moved as a child.
It could be that.
And I thought it was.
But now.
I just know that.
I disliked change.
Yeah, and I like building and I like creating.

(44:08):
So I like changing to a point where I'm forcing the change I'm choice.
I'm forcing the environmental change.
Especially, I mean, in real estate too, as well, you have to have that adaptability skill within it.
Yeah.
But also just within life to where.
Jumping out of the first responder role, it was.

(44:31):
Walls that were suffocating me not growing me.
And that was just mine.
My trip, my trip on it.
Because all I wanted to do was fit inside that box until I realized.
I don't want to box.
I never wanted a box that was poor.
That was part of.
The broken child.

(44:53):
That was looking for validation.
Searching for the Euro.
Where it was.
Okay.
No, bro.
You were the hero.
You need to go and create the hero.
And.
I think it's natural to like, I cannot see living in a home.
For 20 to 25 years, that's fucking maddening to me.

(45:15):
Yeah.
Like that's just wild.
Two to three years, I'm ready for change.
And I'm cause it brings new blood and new life into it.
Energy.
Yeah.
And it's that.
Okay.
Cool.
We're.
We're going forward, but each step in those environments should be a progressive step.
It shouldn't be going backwards.
Yeah, it should be going forward with it.

(45:36):
Yeah.
And it does.
And I don't mean like get a bigger houses, bigger house, a bigger house.
I just mean.
Right now.
It's okay.
Cool.
This is actually everything we've ever wanted to do at the same hand.
But it's.
It's the entrepreneur entrepreneurial voice too is it's never good enough.

(45:57):
So it's we need to go get.
More.
Not external.
We need to go get more of the experience.
And showing that showing my children.
That.
Anything is possible by not putting.
Barriers on.
Just your current situation.

(46:18):
And I think polling.
Fucking going around in circles.
But pulling that.
Idea.
Of okay, cool.
I can't control the external, but I could also create a pivot point too, as well.
I could.
Insert that action trajectory to take us to somewhere else.

(46:40):
The only thing that's stopping me.
Are these false thoughts? So, how do we get rid of those false thoughts? We put them in action.
We take care of the situation.
But we let the situation take care of itself too.
It's kind of a.
It's an odd way of looking at it.
But yeah.
Because it takes the control factor away.
It's like, okay, well, I could only do what I do.

(47:06):
But there's always more to do.
And to me, it's, it's looked at as like, there's like, fucking, there's something wrong with you.
And there probably is.
But that's wrong with everybody.
That's okay.
Yeah, like I'm comfortable with that.
Right.
I don't hide anymore.
I don't.
Yeah.
I prefer to be the open book.
If that's what gets.

(47:28):
Others around me to start opening up to their own experience.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, it's just being authentically you and that's the most freeing way to be.
And I think what you're talking about too, it gets that process.
There's a lot of external forces at play in my opinion, that.
Can impede that pivot point or that progression that growth.

(47:50):
And what I'm referring to is like, Again, like the societal.
Norms or like, Oh, we're at this point in life.
I know X number of people that are also at this point in life and, and they.
Yeah.
And they, um, Okay.
Yeah.

(48:11):
Sorry, I we're, we're communicating back and forth here, but.
Um, The societal norm factor is like, oh, I'm at this age, I should be doing an XYZ based on all the other people on Instagram.
I've seen at this stage in life that have a family, they have two houses, three houses.
You know what, whatever the thing is.
But the point I'm getting at is like this societal things almost put walls.

(48:35):
Up to keep you boxed into something that you didn't even realize.
You.
Don't want for your own life.
Because you have silence like that voice.
And another helpful thing that I.
I got over the last couple of weeks.
Because I was unsatisfied and unfulfilled in certain areas of my life was.

(48:56):
This is very trusted person, was like, you're looking at Tim as a noun, right? You are looking at Tim as a fixed thing that you, Tim will get to a certain point in the future that you've completely manufactured.
And then when you get there, All of a sudden all of your problems are gone and you're happy.
The problem with that is as soon as you get there, it's gone.

(49:19):
Right.
It's a fleeting moment.
Everything's fleeting.
Good and bad.
And so delaying your happiness or whatever until you get to that point is acting in bad faith with yourself.
What you should be doing is looking at Tim as a verb.
Tim is a process.
Tim's not just a person, he's a process.
So where Tim was 10 years ago is very different than Tim.
Now in 10 years from now.

(49:40):
So if you approach that more as a fluid process, Than you can be more present and enjoy the fact that this process is happening and changes are happening.
And it's good that you're not who you were yesterday.
Yeah, that just means you're progressing.
So a couple of small tidbits, we've gone all over the place on this one, but I think it's, I don't know.

(50:02):
It's a cool exploratory conversation.
Yeah.
And it's the absorption.
Is what I've.
Focused on lately.
With my mind.
Going back to the societal norms.
And when it goes to just internal dialogue and.

(50:22):
Cite the psychology of it.
With social media too, in those social norms, it brings problems into your conscious that you never even knew existed before.
And like how damaging is that? To a person psyche.
Yeah.
Let it alone.

(50:42):
I got my kids into therapy and I got it for this.
And the reason I did it, it wasn't.
I mean, everybody has problems.
They don't have problems.
They don't have, they're still live in.
Yeah.
I mean, there's still on Neverland.
They, they don't, they don't really.
See the world, as I see it.

(51:04):
Even though the older one is starting to get to that state.
The per the issue that I had with it was.
And it was almost like they were starting to look for problems.
And it's like, don't bring that to the attention.
That it doesn't deserve.
They don't have any recognition of this.
Why the fuck are we going to put this on the forefront? Obviously we pull back from it.

(51:29):
Because I looked at it as.
What it did for me.
Especially the CBT route cognitive behavioral therapy is.
It allowed me this a gross mindset.
It allowed me to digest it.
And to go forward.
The only issue that I had at that time with the therapy.

(51:50):
Was.
The therapist was saying, don't go back and start unpacking.
Like there's a reason your brain blocked all of this out.
Don't start opening up those books again.
Um, to me, that's where we at R or debacle.
It was, I mean, she was, she was phenomenal.
And.
It was, but we went back and forth and it was okay.

(52:14):
If this is what you feel is best for your journey, then that's what you need to do.
If you need to go and pack it, then go and pack it.
But ensure that you don't.
Just know that there's a danger.
When you go back that you could get stuck there too as well.
New Che talks about that too, as well with the abyss.
Yeah.
And so.
It's just it's.

(52:35):
I think it's very hopeful.
It takes.
Fuck man.
It takes years of digesting it though, too.
It's not like a overnight.
Okay.
Cool.
We worked this out.
Because it's so.
Easy.
To go back there and then to have that emotion flood through your body and take in that energy starts to just propagate and it just starts to compound.

(53:01):
And then your w then you're just in a tailspin.
And it's, it was like, okay, well, why.
Why the hell did we do this? When we were starting to feel like we're progressing to me, it's.
Part of the experience.
I want to get that full experience.
I want the shit as bad as I want the prosperity.
Because you have to have both.

(53:24):
And.
I think it's super helpful to go back, to look at it, to digest it and then leap forward.
Cause I think it starts taking the power away from it too, as well.
Yeah.
And you realize that some of these things that transpired.
Had fucking, absolutely nothing to do with me, but it's my responsibility.
To go forward with it.

(53:45):
Super good.
Point, and it seems like.
On the, on the therapy route.
Yeah.
If you don't go back and at least understand what happened.
And what that thing.
Served you at that time.
How are you to identify it in present day so that it doesn't impede your progress.

(54:09):
And an example of that would be.
I think it's common in men.
Is shame from being a little boy.
Something happened.
Right.
And shame was a response to.
Uh, your dad spanking you cause you were acting up or something like that.
You were shamed.
Into being a certain way.

(54:31):
Because you were acting up like a little boy is like adventurous, right.
Wants to go outside and chase the dog with a stick in his hand and go, ah, you know, like for me and my sisters, I was.
Running around the house, chasing them, being a jackass.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're a little boy that's adventurous, but then you, that gets suppressed.
And, um, this is just an example, right? I'm not saying my dad beat the shit out of me.

(54:53):
Right.
Of course there's spanking, but that's the time and whatever, right? Yeah.
Love my parents love my family, but I'm just giving an example because I think this is pretty prevalent.
So in this example, you know, you get spanked that gets suppressed.
Uh, it'd be a good boy.
Don't don't go do that stupid shit that you've been doing.
That then acts like a shame response and the issue with shame, man, I've been doing a lot of work on this and so is my wife and yeah.

(55:16):
Anyway.
Good.
The shame thing is the problem with that is.
Shame is like a, an I am this thing.
I am a bad kid.
I am XYZ.
Guilt is I did something wrong.
And so it's easier to detach from the guilt.
The shame though.
And I had tons of men, I think have this.
And that's what therapy is pretty important.
I think for men.

(55:36):
That shame in the past, then in my twenties, late teens, I think.
When that would come up, my choice would be to drink, have fun party.
Suppress any of that instead of even going back to think about it and deal with it.
And this isn't something that I really identified until the last six months a year.
I'm 31 took me that long.

(55:57):
Take your kid took a long fucking time and having a kit.
Yeah, because I wanted to unfuck myself so that I didn't pass these things on to him in a prison.
So to your point, though, we were getting at.
If you don't take the intentional effort to go back to understand what some of those things were in your life.
And it takes a lot of work and it's uncomfortable.
Then you will blindly be pushed in certain directions.

(56:23):
That are not serving to you based on those former, you know, neuro-pathways emotions that are trapped, whatever they are.
So I think it's super important to go back.
And I think last thing I'll say on this.
With with your girls is like, Because you even said it.
You're like, well, nothing's wrong with them? So that's, what's kinda crazy is historically.

(56:46):
You know, picture like the world war II type, the greatest generation type.
Yeah.
Those dudes came home from fucking war.
It say with like Vietnam vets.
They didn't see therapist, right.
There was such a stigma about it.
Like, oh, you're going to see a shrink, like, oh, what's wrong with you? You.
It's so unfortunate because you wouldn't buy a car and then never go get the fucking wheel changed or get the tires rotated.

(57:10):
Right, because it's going to collapse and burn, right.
So I look at, I look at it as like, okay, this is me doing like a tune-up right.
For myself.
Yeah.
My mental health.
There there's something wrong with everyone.
And if you are out there and you think there's nothing wrong with you, you're fucking lying.
Yes.
Right because.
Just by you thinking that there is something wrong with you, right? Because we're all processes as people.

(57:34):
So I think the point I'm trying to get at is.
I believe that we are now at a point in time where people are recognizing that, Hey, we're all a bit fucked up.
And we all kind of need.
Some outside help.
And so I think that's a very good thing because it will ultimately hopefully take us to a better place as people.

(57:54):
One of absolutely.
And if you're not unpacking.
How the hell can you identify your triggers? Yeah.
Exactly because your triggers are, they've been harbored.
Those are emotions that have just sat there that you haven't identified that have taken up.
Not only your psyche, but it's physically taken up your body to, yes, it's put that weight.

(58:16):
Like people.
You could feel that weight.
When that trigger hits.
Oh yeah.
It flows through you.
it's in your genes.
You can.
And.
To get to a, like, I love studying epigenetics.
Yeah.
Because it means not everything.
Is black and white.

(58:36):
We have the power to change that trajectory of that gene.
Once I heard that.
It was just, it was the light bulb moment.
Where it's like, okay, cool.
Like I could.
I get to dictate how this goes.
And with the girls.
Because they were asking about.
Why aren't we going back? And it was having to explain to them that.

(59:00):
My idea of therapy is to optimize.
Your current situation, especially in your state.
You have minimal.
Well, they've still.
I mean.
They've had trauma.
And they're very young.
But it's also.
They're so goddamn resilient at that state too is why the hell am I going to bring that trauma? Into that situation when it's not even.

(59:27):
On their wavelength.
It shouldn't have to have it.
Shouldn't have to have that conversation.
And they were asking about it too as well.
Like, did you go to therapy? I was like, yeah.
Hell yeah.
I had to.
I had to do it for me.
This was even way before you guys, because it was tearing.
Your mom and I apart, I had so much hate inside of me and pain.

(59:47):
That I had to find a way to.
Not get rid of it, but turn it into.
Positive action.
Some sense of, cause that negative energy is.
It's very talked about and it's truthful is it's very powerful.
If it's converted.
Into a trajectory that's actionable.

(01:00:10):
It could also very rapidly destroy you too, at the same sense.
And it was having the conversation with them.
And it was a difficult one.
It was one that I didn't know if I should put on the radar, but I felt it was essential because.
The ones going.
She's slowly.

(01:00:30):
Within the next two to three years, she's going to be young lady.
And so she needs to start.
Knowing dad's story.
I can't hide anymore.
I can't.
Because then if I hide that.
And I started telling these stories.
They're going to look at me like, well, who the fuck is he? Why is he hiding this from us? What's the world hiding from this? So I had to have that conversation is.

(01:00:55):
That there is a strong history of mental illness within our family.
Bloodline.
That doesn't mean that we get to fall shelter to it and label it and say, well, this is our destruction because of this throw up your hands.
Exactly.
And I said, and that's what previous.
Generations.
I feel did not address the issue that it was, but.

(01:01:20):
I mean.
World war II shellshocked.
Um, Asylum my own brother was committed.
I had to commit them twice.
I mean, there was.
Yeah, there's been serious present day stuff too, as well.
And.
It's.
Being able to tell them that from a place of.

(01:01:43):
When it came down to is.
You could do whatever you want to try to help the individual.
But unless that individual is truly willing to change for themselves, nothing's going to happen.
With this.
It doesn't mean that you need to give up on them.
But you also have to.
And that's what I told them is.

(01:02:05):
I've started to take your energy because you felt that you needed to come and help me.
And that's not right.
That's not how it should be dictated.
You're not.
You gave me awareness of my scars.
It's my job to heal them.
That's not your job.
And.
To let them.
No that okay.
Where we're going with this.

(01:02:29):
It's not a matter of being okay.
Or being right or wrong.
It's just, it's a matter of being.
Human.
And knowing that, okay, this is part of.
What happens within this experience, but it's not, nothing is absolute.
Aside from death.

(01:02:50):
We've read.
I think we've said that a few times and.
It was.
And it's and people are like, holy shit.
You're saying that to like a 10 and an eight year old, but.
Why not now.
Until they get to 25 30 and then death is a fearful topic, right? Why should death be a fearful topic? It's a part of the experience.

(01:03:11):
Your whole.
Job.
Is to contribute in a way where this physical body could leave in your essence still carries on.
It's transpired to the next generation.
And it becomes with.
With it, it comes.
Um, w what I found with it too, is there's a dude.

(01:03:34):
It takes on such a great.
Like sense of accountability.
Where you become.
Cognizant of.
Like my life is mine.
It belongs to me.
It's.
It's a cool thing and it's very, and it's, it's something that you always.
Have to find too.

(01:03:54):
It's not just an arrival state.
Yeah.
Where it's like, oh, okay, cool.
I'm I'm the authentic self, like.
This is, this is Brandon.
This is who he is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
But it's, it's very, uh, it's, it's humbling too.
And it's.
It's my God, it just, it takes so much power.
Of all that bullshit away.

(01:04:14):
It starts rewriting those tapes.
Almost in a sense where you throw out the tapes and you rerecord a brand new tape.
And you've had that impact with your kid, which is.
Fucking phenomenal.
And I feel a lot of parents just don't get it.
They don't get that same impact where.

(01:04:35):
Like dude.
I got a lot of work to do.
And I have to get started.
Yeah, and I have to go because this person.
Is relying on me.
And who the hell am I to.
Say this stuff and not follow my own course too, as well.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Part of your duty as a parent.

(01:04:55):
And I think I deep down knew that leading up to him being born.
And that's why before he was born, I was like going on benders, you know, I was like, At buddy's weddings getting super drunk.
Like my one friend who is, he had a destination wedding in Mexico.
I was drunk that whole week.
And just.
Just, you know, It was me running from the discomfort of the fact that I know that very, very soon, I'm going to have to own my shit.

(01:05:24):
I'm going to have to work like hell to.
Understand my shed.
And worked through it.
If not, if not for me, for him, right? Yes.
Like, if you're not going to do for yourself, do it for the people you love.
Exactly.
Right.
So it was super, it was uncomfortable leading up to it.
So, but I'm so glad I did.

(01:05:44):
Right.
I'm so glad that I'm.
On the path.
I am certainly not linear, but.
Progress not perfection.
Yeah, I wanted to say one last thing.
And then I think I got to use the bathroom because I've been chugging coffee.
Uh, I man, I love Alan Watts.
Anyone, anyone listening? Just YouTube, Alan Watson, British philosopher.

(01:06:07):
I don't remember when he died.
I learned some interesting facts about him anyway.
Um, He talks about how.
And I'm gonna butcher this, but he talks about if you were to.
To go to sleep and dream.
And have complete control over your dream.
And he's talking basically about your life.
If you could design your life, you would have the most lavish dream.

(01:06:30):
You know, a palace, everything you could imagine, cars, whatever you want to eat the most perfect life.
Right.
You'd wake up and you'd be like, wow, that was quite, quite the dream.
Right.
And he's like, you, you know, you might do that again.
And again, and he's like, but then that becomes predictable.
Like you, you.
You have those dreams and that's how you want your life to be.

(01:06:51):
And then it becomes predictable.
Well, then after a while it would eventually be like, well, I'm tonight when I dream, I'm going to not know what's going to ever happen and just go down this path and experience, whatever things get thrown my way, almost like it's a game, something like that.
And he talks about.
Well, that's how your life actually is.
Right? So, if you were able to like, Design and pic and.

(01:07:14):
Have everything go your way.
Essentially, they'd get very, very repetitive and boring.
For sure.
And that's not really an experience worth having, you know, so I think the point that he was thinking, he was like, well, your actual life is the, is the ladder that I just described.
Your actual life is like, you don't get to pick a lot of these things, but it's basically like all these things come your way.
And it's an experience of how you respond and deal with them and learn along the way.

(01:07:38):
And that's.
When you take a second to zoom out.
And think about that.
It is pretty cool.
It really is because it is an experience that's there for you.
For sure.
Good to go.
Yep. 1509 01:07:55,709.9791667 --> 01:07:58,235.7363095 Hey friends, this concludes our episode. 1510 01:07:58,235.7363095 --> 01:08:00,219.9791667 For more content, check out our website at familyceo. 1511 01:08:00,239.9791667 --> 01:08:00,549.9791667 org. 1512 01:08:01,39.9791667 --> 01:08:05,409.9791667 Be sure to follow us on all social media channels at underscore familyceo. 1513 01:08:05,449.9791667 --> 01:08:07,619.9791667 Be sure to subscribe and smash that like button. 1514 01:08:07,959.9781667 --> 01:08:10,919.9781667 Until next time, be creative, bring value.