Farming on Purpose with Elizabeth Collins (Part 1)

Episode Transcript
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K Castrataro (00:00):
What have you sacrificed for your farm dream?

(00:03):
Was it worth it? We discuss thisand so much more with Elizabeth
Collins, farm stay operatorextraordinaire, on today's
episode of Food, Flowers andFun, sponsored, as always, by
Pen Light for Farmers, creatingpurposeful farm lives, full of
time, energy and abundance,

Unknown (00:33):
if you're the woman who does it all, farm work,
housework, book work, homework,getting up at the break of dawn.
This is the podcast for you. Getaway from the cares of the day,
restock, rootstock, feedstock,seed stock. Chat with women

(00:54):
around the world to raise food,flowers and fun with your host,
K Castrataro, that's me.

Well, welcome back to Food, Flowers and Fun. We are
here with Elizabeth Collins fromOtter Creek Farm. She actually
has a whole like farm stay thingcalled Graceful Acres, so we're
going to learn all about her.And this is, this is kind of an
interesting version of Food,Flowers and Fun, because

(01:28):
normally I get together with ourguests before we have a regular
filming, and I get to, you know,learn a little bit more about
their lives. And Elizabeth and Idid not have the luxury of doing
that this week. So this is goingto be raw, raw, raw, which we're

(01:49):
all about here. So that's okay.So Elizabeth, welcome to Food,
Flowers and Fun. How are you today?

Unknown (01:57):
Oh, I'm great. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Hey,

I am so grateful that you're here, and so why
don't you just start out bytelling us you know who you are,
how you get into farming?There's a there's a great
midlife crisis story I hear, soI can't wait to hear that. Yeah?

Unknown (02:14):
Um, yeah. Consolidation of this. So I How did I get into
farming? Food is how I got intofarming is the simplest way. I
grew up in suburbia, Ohio in thelate 70s, and grew up with a fat
free diet. And yeah, as anadult, that wasn't really
working for me. I don't think itworked for me then either.

But kind of how did you know I don't usually
interrupt so quickly, but, but Ithink that the health thing with
farmers is so so critical. Sohow did you recognize that it
wasn't working

Unknown (02:49):
for you well? And so I was just honestly starting I was
hungry all the time, and I ran ahorse farm. I was working and
busy all the time in my 20sthrough my 30s, and it's kind of
when organic started becomingpopular. Like, this is so it's
so funny. Like, now the way Ilive to, like, say, like, I

(03:10):
didn't even know what organicwas, and it started to show up
in the grocery store, and waslike, actually had its own
little section. And I remembergoing through the grocery store
aisle and being like, I can'teat anything. There's like, tons
of fat and everything. Like, Iliterally, like, there was this
whole section of food that wassupposed to be, like, better for
you, and I actually couldn't eatit based on my own the way I was

(03:33):
brought up to eat, and that wasreally stressful to me. And
like, made me mad. And I waslike, or then you see a
cookbook, and you're like,there's all these beautiful
recipes and this amazing food.Who gets to eat this food? And
why not me? So it was reallyjust the pure need for nutrients
that I didn't know I had. And sowhen I started to, like, read

(03:54):
and research, wasn't it was liketrial by error. It was like
starting to eat food and thenstarting to understand fat and
so everything that I learnedhealth wise was backwards, like,
it's like, when I started tofeel better, or my brain started
to where I didn't have brainfog, or I wasn't thinking about
food constantly all day, I don'thave cravings. Like, I haven't

(04:15):
craved food in probably 15years. Like, if I am craving
something like, there's I'msick, or I actually need
something like, yeah, you know,versus before I was like, I
always thought, like, I thinkabout I used to be, I used to
smoke spirits, which is, less isweird too, so, and I thought
about cigarettes every day,like, all the time, my whole
entire day. And the day I quit,I was like, Oh, my God, I have

(04:37):
all this brain space, yeah, tonot think about that. And so I
did,

when you were one that could just quit cold
turkey, is that what I'm hearingor did? Well, it's

Unknown (04:46):
interesting. I took it took a long time, took a lot of
times failing at quitting. Uhhuh. This is actually, like a
heart story. I had my horse farmat the time, and blah had quit
for like the 50th time. And,well, I. Taught lessons for
kids. So I was dealing with kidsand horses, and one of my kids
students horses got sick, and Ihad to stay at the barn all

(05:07):
night with it, and this, like,big quote, unquote drama, you
know, like that we make. And,you know, I justified a reason
to buy a pack of cigarettes thatnight because I was like having
to stay at the barn and takecare of the stressful situation.
And he died the next day, and Iwas so mad at myself, I'll cry
telling the story, but I was somad at myself that I was like,
you know, I used him as anexcuse to smoke this horse, and

(05:30):
I use him as an excuse to quit.So I sat on his grave and I
smoked my last cigarette. And Inever, ever, ever ever thought
about smoking a cigarette everagain after that one moment.

So for you, you had tried, you had tried
quitting multiple times, and yousaid, like, your 50th time. So
it sounds like this was aconstant cycle for a while that

Unknown (05:54):
nobody ever wanted to smoke, like I just did, you
know, and it, but then it waslike, I don't know, it didn't
want to

stop so well, it becomes a part of your your
lifestyle, too. Like, when youget in the car, you smoke. When
you go down the street, yousmoke like, it's like, it's just
things get, get associated withit. But that, that deep heart,
heart rending experience, wasthe thing that made you say,
Nope, I'm going to do this, andI'm going to do it with the

(06:23):
memory of this animal whosedeath, you know, was, was so
tightly connected to your mind,and cigarettes like, that's
really powerful. Why we could,we could go into that, and the
power of the mind and motive,you know, purpose, why we, why
we are driven to do certainthings, but, but I don't want to

(06:43):
get away from your but I noticedalso, though, that you said that
you got into farming because offood, and yet you're already
working at a horse farm, which,in my, in my world as a horse
person, that's farming too. Soit's just not food farming.
Well, we're not gonna

Unknown (07:01):
go there, no, but it was so different. It was about,
you know, when I had horses,yes, I guess it is farming, but
it wasn't. It was animalhusbandry, but it wasn't soil
health. It wasn't. Was about,you know, it was, I don't know,
it was about this entertainmentthing, the showing thing, this,
this, it was a little bit more,I don't know the right word

I use. I put it in agritourism is where kind of a
farm based thing. And we couldalso talk about why soil health
isn't a thing for horse farmers,when really it should be just as
it is for grazers of other typeof livestock, but, but we won't
go there either today. Okay, soyou quit smoking, and you're

(07:50):
having this, you're having thisfood, this food experience, and
you're, you're saying, Wow, Igotta get some fat in my diet.
You start feeling better. Andthen what happens?

Unknown (08:01):
Um, yeah, so I just so I realized I had lifestyle,
like, grew up in suburbia, like,that's you thought about cheap
food, you thought about how togo the grocery store for the
cheapest amount of money. Andthat's just how I was raised.
And realizing I had mindsets orbeliefs that I needed to shift.
You know, first that startedwith, like, fat can fit into my
diet. What does that mean? Sostarting to, like, look at that,

(08:24):
and this was all like, early on,like, now I feel like you can
find tons of information aboutfat. And like, I definitely
would not have been thinkingabout lard at that time. It was
really just about, probablyeating, like, vegetable oils,
like fat, kind of stuff. So verybasic. But then started going to
a farmer's market, and I just, Iremember, at the time, the
person I was dating, you know,because, like, I was in charge

(08:46):
of, like, the grocery stores,the cooking and meal planning
and all that was my role. And itwas, like, it took a lot of
time, and it like, wasoverwhelming. You go the grocery
store and there's all theseproducts and all this stuff to
deal with and like, and thenmoney, and then we're, ah, it
was just too much. And it wasn'tabout the joy of eating or the

(09:06):
actual sheer fact that we'reactually, like, nourishing our
bodies, like nourish not part ofthe equation. So I remember, and
like, you know now I have ashared budget with someone else,
and I was looking at farmersmarkets and looking at like,
food prices that were like, outof way, out of the range of what
we've been spending and but Ilooked at our life, and I was

(09:27):
like, but we go out to dinnerand spend 100 bucks for two of
us and drink beer, likeexpensive, fancy beer, and it's
like, yeah, even our prioritiesare wrong. So I was like, maybe
we

can stay in a little bit more often and eat
different food and still be inthe same place, financially,
exactly.

Unknown (09:45):
And I really, honestly, it kind of came from a place of,
like, if that was my role and myresponsibility, it needed to be
easier. Like, this is where someof this was coming from. And so
if I went to the farmer's marketand there's all this beautiful
food. And and I was worriedabout price, or trying to do all
this stuff was, like, too hard.So I remember like, going and

(10:06):
getting a dozen eggs andbreakfast sausage. And I don't
know if at that point I wassmart enough to eat sauteed kale
with my breakfast or not, butI'm sure I got something bready,
you know, some kind of bread,and I made this breakfast for my
partner. And I remember like,sitting across the table from
him and just being like, here'sthe deal. Like, well, actually,
I don't even think I did itfirst. He said to me, like,
looked at me, he was like, thissausage is like, life changing.

(10:28):
And I was like, great, becausethat's my goal.

I'm changing because we're eating this now.
Your life has changed.

Unknown (10:38):
So that was, like, a great first step, and then we
actually had a major shift. Wemoved from Lexington, Kentucky,
up to New York to his hometownand my business, I just, I kind
of had this opportunity to breakfree from everything that I
don't ever known, and not a lotof people get that. I don't have

(10:59):
kids. I wasn't married at thetime, we were actually planning
on getting married because heasked me to move up here.
Somehow we thought that was whatyou should do. I'm no longer
with him now, so if that tellsyou anything, but divorcee,
right? Yes, I get it. So, so,yeah, so they just gave me this
opportunity to just, you know, Idon't know, right? We were grown

(11:21):
ups. We both had incomes, like,why not jump all in to food? But
I didn't know where to jump inor what to do. So when I moved
up here, I actually wanted to doan internship, like at a
vegetable farm or something. Ijust felt like I didn't know
enough. And I was like, there'sall these cool opportunities.
And I did not do it because wehad just gotten married, and I
thought, probably not the bestthing for me to leave for eight

(11:43):
months after we just got marriedand moved to a new state.

So couldn't be a little rocky. Yeah,

Unknown (11:50):
decision and stick at home, and I got a job. So this I
had the opportunity. I sold mybusiness in Lexington, so I kind
of had an opportunity to, like,what do I want to do? And I
wanted to get into food or farm.Now, I didn't know I wanted to
get in farming at all. Actually,I was, quite frankly, I was very
excited not to take care ofanimals. And I was really
excited living in upstate NewYork not care of animals through

(12:13):
a winter of like, not breakingwater or making

I dairy farmed in in western New York high school.
So I get it

Unknown (12:24):
like literally thought I'd never have an animal again.
So and so then I worked forthere was actually a startup
grass fed beef cooperative thatstarted in near where I was
living. And I have a businessbackground. I'd run two of my
own businesses, and, yeah, itwas like, perfect. It was like,
Wow, here I get to work forfarmers, and I get to be in the

(12:46):
grass fed beef sector, which, atthat point in my life, to get
grass fed beef, I was having toship it from out west. Like,
grass fed beef just wasn't athing hardly, right. So I was
like, whoa. This is so superexcited. And I kind of thought
it was dream job. And, yeah,just kind of thought it was life
changing, and got into it, andit was a little bit chaotic, and

(13:08):
it was really hard to run a coop, yes, and a startup for
someone else. It's different.When you're doing it for
yourself, it's a lot different.Don't get paid by someone else.
So anyway, it's a lot of workfor not a lot of reward. And I
was about two and a half yearsinto that, and had the
opportunity to go to tons andtons of farming and food

(13:29):
conferences like so both, I waslearning every spectrum, from
soil health stuff raising so theanimal husbandry side for my
farmers, and then I was learningfood system stuff that it was
like blowing at my mind of,like, yeah, why we're taught to
eat the way we are, and this iswhy food is that way. So kind of
saw the whole big picture, whichalso opened up the door to,

(13:51):
like, lots of opportunities.Like, well, what do you do with
all this? And and I feel like Iprobably could have done any one
thing, you know, it's kind oflike the whole world was my
oyster. And what, you know,that's, that's hard. Sometimes
that's not always the easy. Itsounds great, but then you're
like, oh my god, I could doanything. Yeah,

it is. It is really exciting. And it can be
immobilizing if you let it be,yeah,

Unknown (14:16):
absolutely, absolutely, you know. And luckily for me, at
that time, while I wasn't overlyI guess, I was in a phase of,
like, personal growth andgrowing up, I guess, and wise
enough, I was smart enough toknow to, like, just ride it out
and keep learning. I was reallyenjoying learning everything and
meeting people. And then I had aday that I the co op. Was going

(14:39):
through a really big shift of,like, kind of like it really
needed to close its doors orchange its whole model, and I
was on board for them eitherway. Like it was the farmer's
decision, and I had to go toUpstate, further upstate New
York. I'm kind of in the CapitalDistrict, okay, way up. And.

(15:00):
Then I had to go all the way upto new to the top of New York,
and I showed up at this farmersfarm. He was one of my board
members, so I talked to himmany, many, many times on the
phone and participated inmeetings and all kinds of stuff
with him, but never met himpersonally or been on his farm.
And I, like, literally opened upthe door of my jeep and put my
feet on the ground, and I justhad this, like, total aha

(15:21):
moment, God moment. I don'tcare, whatever you want to call
it, moment of, like I am on thewrong side of the computer.
Like, I don't want to bemanaging this for the farmers. I
want to be a farmer. Like, itwas, like, so profound and so
like, undeniable, like, allright, and I don't, I mean

(15:41):
midlife crisis. I didn't knowthat at the time, but, like,

no, so, so you had said it was a midlife crisis,
and I'm gonna challenge thatjust just a wee bit, because,
because I have had, I've hadthat experience, and the college
that I ended up going to wasexactly the same thing. I can
remember when I stepped onto thecampus, like where I was on

(16:06):
Blanchard lawn, and I stepped onthe campus, and as soon as I did
that, I felt this is where Iwant to be and and wasn't sure I
would even get accepted, likeall of that stuff, but it was
just like I didn't have to doanything else. And I do believe
that there are times when Goddoes give you just this. This is
it. I call it the this is itfeeling, because I've had it a

(16:28):
few times with different things.Starting this business was one
of them. But just that, like,this is where I need to be. And
it can often defy reason, likeyou can come up with 8 million
reasons why that is the dumbestthing you could possibly do, and
yet, if you know it in yoursoul, you got it, you got to go

(16:51):
with it, or you're going to bemiserable until you until you
take that step. Yeah? So, so Idon't think that was a midlife
crisis. I think that was amoment

Unknown (16:59):
of clarity for you. Yeah, I fully agree, and I
actually thank you for Yeah, Iknow that, and it's happened to
me many times in my life, and soyou're totally right. I guess
that by the time it alltransitioned, it felt that way.

But yes, well, and it's and people, people are more
familiar with midlife crisis, soit's a more palatable phrase,
but, but I want to really affirmthis. This was not like you were
having a no. You knew, yeah.It's funny,

Unknown (17:33):
because when I do explain it as a midlife crisis,
I always say like, but it sucksfor me, because everything I did
in my whole life was to avoidthat midlife crisis. Like I feel
like I consciously made choicesthroughout my whole life to not
do that. And maybe I call itthat just because of the time of
my life, because I was, youknow, that was like 2015 ish 16,

(17:54):
probably 16 that I had theawareness. And then it wasn't
till 2018 that was for me. Sothat two years felt like a stink
in midlife crisis. It

was, well, that would be, because when you have
your purpose then, and you knowwhere you're supposed to be, and
then you're working towards it,especially if you feel like it's
being thwarted or you just can'tquite get there, that can be
frustrating.

Unknown (18:14):
It meant I left everything I had. It meant I
left my husband. It meant I leftmy job, wow, everything and not
not it didn't happen. That partdidn't happen quickly, but that
awareness happened quickly. AndI just like I, I would call it
then I physically had aspiritual awakening, because I

(18:35):
wouldn't have applied all thisto that God sense or to a
spiritual Yeah, and I never had,and that part was missing in my
life. And so in that two yearstruggle of realizing, like, Oh,
I I have to leave the life thatI'm in in order to fully do what
I've been become aware of, and Ihad to become aware of where

(19:00):
that came from in order to honorand respect that and, you know,
so I it was a lot and, andmainly because, like, I didn't
want to not be married, likethere was nothing wrong with my
marriage, like he was only man,and we had a we had, like, the
perfect little life, like I justdidn't I just wanted to farm,

(19:21):
and there was no way in hell hewas gonna come farm like we just
it was obvious, and it was verymutual between the two of us,
and he was gracious enough tolet me go and whatever, we
worked through it. And,

wow, that's so, yeah, that's that I'm so much
there to unpack, too, because,you know, being a divorcee, not
in those circumstances, yeah, tothink about having that, that
like good marriage, it soundslike you had a good marriage,
and then just to really havethat, not even we grew apart.

(20:00):
Where it was, like, all of asudden I got who I was and who I
was didn't fit this lifeanymore. And so then you had
choices to make, and thosechoices were, do I stay here,
where it's good, you know, it'sit wouldn't have been a,
necessarily a bad choice to staythere, or do I go into where I'm

(20:24):
feeling called to go and that?Wow, yeah, we could. We could
talk a lot about that, but Iwill let you so. So once you
made that decision, you saidthat was a couple years. So how
did you decide where to go andwhat type of farming to get into
and how did that all happen?

Unknown (20:42):
Yeah, so, I mean, I guess I was doing a lot of soul
searching, right? So we wouldsaid, like my horse farm, like
that was farming, and it'sright, like there were things
about that life. Like, I neverlived on that farm. I leased it.
I own that business from thetime I was 20 until I was 30. So
I was young. I didn't own ahouse. I well, I did at some
point, but it was like asuburbanite house, and I drove

(21:03):
to the farm and did all thatstuff, so

which is also a very perfectly legitimate way of
farming for all of you outthere. Because I am people who
watch me regularly know that Iam big on kind of redefining
farming so that we don't have,like this one definition, but
that if you're doing the act offarming, like if you're growing
food, if you're creating beauty,if you know nurturing, nurturing

(21:29):
animals, like, that's that'sfarming, animal husbandry, you
know, that's all part of who wewere meant to be as as farming
type people. So anyway, but yes,so you didn't own it, but you
operated it for a long time,

Unknown (21:42):
absolutely, for 10 years. So I was so it was just
the reflection back of, like,what I mean, I kind of did the
reflection back of my wholelife. But especially in that
point, I was very I was, I don'tknow, I worked for myself. It
was a successful business. I hada lot of joy in my life. And it
was like, What was so joyfulabout I'm, like, really defining
those things for myself andlike, and if this farming thing

(22:06):
is what I'm getting called todo, what is it about a farm that
I love so much, that this lifethat I have, which I will call
it the convenient life, right?Like, yeah and thanks. Like, I
love that forever to do list. Iwant to die with a to do list.
Like, I, if I die with the to dolist, I'm going to feel good,
like, that's fine, and, yeah, Ijust, I don't know, there's so

(22:30):
many things, so just doing thosedeep dives into that. So once I
was sure about that, and again,there was some, like, personal,
like, we did work on somemarriage stuff, just to make
sure, because I I did HolisticManagement, and that really made
me aware, because I felt very,like, definitive, like, Okay,
I'm gonna hang on to the job forlong enough until I can, like,
reasonably buy a farm and I cando all this stuff. And I'm like,

(22:53):
But marriage is like, in the waythey gotta, like, end that and
blah, blah, blah, blah. And Idid Holistic Management, which I
was supposed to learn about,like women farming. And I was
like, the whole thing aboutvalues and applying values to my
life. I was like, wait, I reallywant a relationship, and I'm
getting ready to throw it outthe door in front of all these

(23:14):
other things. That's a problem.So I really had a setback there
in a good way that it made mespend, probably about we spent
at least six months, if not ayear, of, like, really
revisiting that and mechallenging myself, like, okay,
maybe we can go buy a farmtogether. Maybe we can, you know
what, trying on all thesedifferent avenues to fulfill me,

(23:35):
but also fulfill the marriageand and then so when we realized
that it was okay for us to goseparate paths. Then for me, it
was like, whoa. Well, now I'm bymyself, and farming by myself is
totally different, and I own ahouse with him in Saratoga, so I
had assets. I was old enoughthat money would have been a

(23:57):
challenge, but I could at leastgotten my foot in the door. So
it's not that I couldn't haveafforded one, but I was like,
that's I want to farm withsomeone. I mean, that was my
biggest issue. It was like, Ikind of knew I I had done my
horse farm by myself, and thereason I wasn't still doing it
is because I was by myself, andI really wanted someone to
partner with me in that way,like, not to make the business

(24:20):
bigger, but just

someone else? No, no, it's, you know, this is, I'm
listening to you, and I'm like,oh my goodness, these are the
things that I really emphasizewith my clients. You know that
first, that that purpose andlike, what your values are,
like, how important it is tostart with the farmer, yeah, and

(24:42):
what's important to you, becausethen you build the farm life
around that. And I like thatrelationship component, like
it's a whole component of what Iteach, because I believe that
relationships, we're we'recommunal beings, like we were
meant. For relationship. Nowthat doesn't mean that we were

(25:02):
necessarily. Everybody has to bemarried or in a romantic
relationship or any of that kindof stuff, but we need to have
that companionship and thatsharing and iron sharpening iron
thing going on with each other.And so I, I really am just
applauding the fact that you,you know, took the time to

(25:25):
really parse these things outfor yourself. It was
challenging, and is, you know,probably, probably took a course
that most people would not agreewith or understand. You know,
they'd be like, well, you'regonna, you're gonna leave a
perfectly good marriage to dothis farming, and you don't want
to do it by yourself. So now,what are you going to do? Like,

(25:46):
go, go, put an ad for a husband.People do that. Did you do
farming? Husband must be, youknow, I actually my first
podcast guest. That's how shephoned her husband. So

Unknown (25:58):
is that what you did? No, it's not I. So I actually
there were two choices I had. Idid have, you know, so as my
marriage was, we were trying tofigure that out. I Right. I was
38 ish years old when thishappened, so I was wise enough
not to just, like, peace out,like, right, if I wanted to move

(26:19):
forward, I couldn't put myselfin a position that I was just
trying to survive. And so I hadasked him, like he was, he was a
very linear, like most men arelinear, but he was very secure
and very like, didn't getoutside of his box. I always got
outside the box. And so I justasked my, part of my Ask of that
departure in us was, like, Ijust needed a little bit of time

(26:42):
in our house by myself, so Iasked him to move out for just
super short term. Like, give mefour to six months to just
figure life out, like, figureout what my next moves are,
without the pressure of tryingto live under the same roof with
him. Again. Not that it was bad,but it's just a distraction, I
knew,

and it's totally different. Like, once you've
made that decision, like, frompersonal experience, once you've
made that decision, therelationship changes, like, from
that that moment. Like, Iremember the moment that my ex
was like, Yeah, we're not gonnamake it. And I remember taking
my ring off and giving it tohim, and it was like a while for

(27:19):
the paperwork and everything,but emotionally, that marriage
was over there, like, it's veryinteresting

Unknown (27:25):
cigarette moment with me, like it really is exactly
that it shifts quickly, and Ididn't. I needed to not have a
distraction. That was the onething in my whole life I had
been I'd had nagging feelings intransitions to, like, take time,
but that wasn't that wasn'ttaught to women or me at that

(27:46):
time. Anybody, right? Yeah,anyone, and, like, literally, so
many, because I'm not a linearperson, and because I am a
passionate person and I followmy art, someone could look at my
life and say, like, I'm all overthe map, or I can tell you like,
actually, I'm pretty true toheart, and I'm not spacing out

(28:08):
with this stuff. I think when Iwasn't in at heart was when I
went into the convenient, easy,comfortable marriage. First time
I stopped trusting myself andfollowing myself. So again, it
didn't put me in a bad position.I was in a like what everyone
else had, and again, everyoneseemed like, what the hell's
wrong with her? And I justwasn't true to myself. And so

(28:32):
coming back to truth to myself,I needed space, and that's what
that four months did, of justnot distract me, allow me to
fall apart and pick up thepieces by myself, on my own, and
really challenge myself. Oflike, Okay, if this is what
you're going to do, like, whatis it that you want to do? And
again, I didn't want to do it bymyself. I love people, but I

(28:55):
also love I do like working bymyself. So there was that mix
and but I never lived in ruralanywhere like, again, when I had
my horse farm, it was rural, butI wasn't. I didn't live rurally,
so I've never, and that seemsscary to me, is to live out in
the middle of nowhere by myselfor with someone else. Yeah, the

(29:15):
farm state concept, again, Idon't know how it got
introduced. It's funny that Idon't know where, like, there's
so many other, like, reallypoignant times in my life, and
it's like, I have no idea wherethat actually got injected into
my brain, but it was like thatwas the answer for me, to go
live in the middle of nowherewith animals and to isolate

(29:38):
myself was to bring people tothe farm. I also knew at that
time I did not want to go to afarmer's market, and again, not
because of people. I love it. Ithink I could knock it out of
the park at a farmer's market. Idid not want to commit that much
time and work.

Oh, I agree. When I look at people. I grew up on a
farm that sold for. Them from afarm stand. So we always sold
off the farm, yeah. And I everytime I see people doing, like,
some people do, like, six oreight farmers markets a week,
and I'm like, right? How do youeven do that? Like the packing
up and the prep, and then theshipping it, and the standing

(30:19):
there and being cheerful thewhole time, and then packing it
all back up and driving back andunpacking it. Oh my goodness. I
just look at that, and I'm like,that is exhausting, and it takes
a takes a special person to beable to do that over and over
and over again. No, I hear youon that one. Yep.

Unknown (30:37):
So I didn't, yeah. So so business wise, I didn't
believe that was the way Iwanted to do it, and, and, but I
also like, so again, maybebecause I was so conscious about
this decision, because I alsosay about why I started the farm
stay. It's like most people haveto work off the farm to live on
the farm, like, and I would haveto like, this is a huge bond

(30:59):
with way more farm than I need,with way more infrastructure
than we need, and we have a lotof bills. So like, in order for
us to live here, I would havehad to have an off farm income.
But I like, I don't want toleave same thing with going to
farmers market. I don't this iswhat I want. I want to leave it.
So how do I generate money thatI don't have to go to an off

(31:20):
farm income, and they don't haveto go to a farmer's market seven
days a week, six days a week,two days a week, one day a week.
I don't care. I want to be home.And that part, you know, in my
20s, I would have had no ideaabout that. No Right. Like, that
was a wisdom choice of like,yes, and I'm going to, I'm going
to put restrictions on this sothat it stays and again, going

(31:43):
back to those values, like atHolistic Management, I had a
whole list of all of my valuesand the systems I was going to
set in place to maintain thosevalues. Yeah, important work and
anytime and even still, like, itstill happens in life, and we're
actually making a bit of a shiftthis year, of like, Oh, yep,
we're past startup phase. So Idon't get to, like, brush off

(32:07):
that value or brush off that anylonger. It's like, it's time.
Yes, have time for my garden.It's time to have time for
things. It's time.

And I love what you said about the systems,
because they don't have to bebig systems either. Like some of
these things can be very small,and you might even just look at
them as habits, but it's still,you know, like, I get up in the
morning the kids, the kids go toschool, you know, I spend time
journaling and praying andreading my Bible like, that's my

(32:41):
day needs to start like that.Because if I go too many days
without doing that, everythingelse, everything else, falls
apart like and just taking thetime to recalibrate is so
critical for me. And you know,then you add that to all the
other values that you have thatyou want to support with
systems. And I love that, so I'mgoing to ask you because,

(33:07):
because I think a lot of us asfarmers, we have systems for our
farm. We have lots of goodsystems and habits, like we know
exactly when we're going tofeed, we know how to clean the
barn. We know how to do like thefield work, all that we have
systems for. We do not havesystems for supporting ourselves
and taking care of our likefulfilling our values. So can

(33:27):
you share one system that is,like a value based system that
you've put into place? Yeah.

Unknown (33:33):
I mean, well, one is an easy one, like time management.
Like, if you don't know how tomanage your time, learn the
skill to manage your time likethat, if that helps you in the
business part of it, the farmingpart, but also like creating
space for you personally. Butlike a value for me was fam time
with family. I no longer livenear my family, and I need so

(33:55):
therefore I needed to makeenough money that I could go see
my family. So that means I buy aplane ticket to Florida every
winter to see my grandmotherwhile she's alive. My mother
lives in Boston. I can drivethere, but I have to find a
weekend once a year to go there.My dad lives in Cincinnati
still, so I fly or drive toCincinnati annually. So before

(34:17):
vacations, before anything else,because I don't have that much,
I'm not traveling that much, andI don't want to travel that
much, but family is an importantpart, and I don't live near
family any longer.

So yep, and do you schedule? So I heard you say, I
think you said every winter youwere going down to Florida,
right? So you had a time of yearthat you were doing that. Do you
have a time of year for your momand your dad as well that are
just, like, standard,

Unknown (34:43):
everything's pretty much in the winter, okay, get
away,

yep, but that's, again, that's a way that you're
saying you're planning it beforeit ever happens. Like you're,
you're planning the rest of yourlife so that these things can
happen.

Unknown (34:57):
Yeah, absolutely. And then, like, you know, like,
just. To give you an example of,like, right? Because very easy
to get into perfection mode. Or,like, like, militant. So, like,
covid happened. I didn't go tomy dad's for three years, right?
And it's fine, and he comeshere, or whatever. It's just,
you know, you work with that.And then, like, you know, last

(35:17):
year I was able to go there,like, but he had come here, you
know, so you just make sure, andif you skip a year, that's fine,
if there's a justification forit, but just not an excuse. And

or, do you do more zoom calls or phone calls, or,
you know, I don't know,something really crazy and
countercultural, like, maybe youcould write a letter? Yeah, my
daughter and my cousins, they mykids and their cousins
sometimes. Write letters to eachother, and I always love that,
because, you know, I had penpals growing up, and first,

(35:50):
first, like, boyfriend was along distance boyfriend, and we
wrote back and forth all thetime. It was very, very
craziness. So, well, it's sofunny, like I'm just realizing
how I'm totally dating myself bythe fact that I wrote letters to
my boyfriend, but I love it

Unknown (36:10):
not happen then, so it's a lot different now.

But that's I think that's really helpful. So yeah,
thank you for sharing that. Soyou had all those systems in
place, and then where did yougo?

Unknown (36:24):
So you've got this, yeah, so we had options. So I
was still, like, again, like,missing piece was this other
person? It's like, well, that'sjust has to go on hold, and I
had to just trust and again, myspiritual awakening stuff was
happening, and I'm still workingon that, of like, even
terminology, of like, where thatcame from, and what does that

(36:45):
mean to me, and how do I followthat and all of those things,
and how do I have faith? Whatdoes my faith look like? When do
I, you know, who am I givingthat up to? What am I giving
that up to? And in that, in thattime that was still, like, very
new for me, I just had enoughfaith to be patient and to also
I was what I was realizing atthat time, what I was working

(37:05):
with is like, everything I needis in front of me right like, so
as I was like, the whole worldis at my like, what do I do?
Where do I go forward? It waslike, what is in front of me
right now, and being in mylittle house in Saratoga by
myself at some point was not anI was like, I really want to get

(37:26):
out on a farm and like, so I wastrying to find a farm apartment
or something. There was thisolder couple that had a goat
farm not far from where we live,that I bought stuff from the
farmers market. Knew them well,and they had a new grandchild,
and they wanted to go toCalifornia for six weeks, so
they need someone to farm sit.And I was like, Oh, heck. Like,
Sign me up. Like, again, like,Oh, here's this thing. And, oh,

(37:49):
by the way, their businesses andfarm is for sale, and it was 40
Acres. It was goat. I didn'tknow a damn thing about goat
except that I loved goat cheese,and I know

how to and they're so bloody cute, because they
just jump all over the place,and they're just so much fun.

Unknown (38:05):
Notes right now, if that tells you anything, but I
would have been okay

I had, I had one once.

Unknown (38:14):
So I went there, actually, with the intention to
buy their business. Most likely,I actually, they gave me access
to all of their QuickBooks so Icould, like, look at their
business stuff, and this is likea two person team. So I had to
figure out, what does that looklike for me, and can I take on
this? Can I, first of all,afford this? What would my
business look like? Because it'sfairly turnkey. What would I

(38:36):
change? Blah, blah, blah, blah,the first five weeks of that
job? Well, it was actually, canI want to tell you my first day
there was really interesting,because, right, you know, spirit
has called me to do this here.I'm so excited. I've made the
right decision. I have a sixweek trial that, literally, the
first morning that I woke upthere, I made my coffee. I was
like, so like, loving it. I hadto go milk goats that morning.

(38:59):
And I had milk goats twice aday, every day. I'd never done
anything like that, and Iremember walking from the house
to the barn, and it was not far,and kind of having an oh shit
moment of like, What the hellhave I done for the next six
weeks? Twice a day every everyday I have to milk goats. And I
was like, I really freaked out.Like, and how many goats did you

(39:22):
have? Oh, like, six. Not

many, yeah, but, no, but, but milking six goats,
it takes time, and if you don'thave all that, that muscle
strength in there,

Unknown (39:33):
we had a machine. It was fun, but it was just the
responsibility and thecommitment. It was all it was
is, like, Oh my God. Like, Idon't get to drive to Saratoga
and play soccer. I don't get Iremember I was living the
convenience. So it's a massiverealization of, like, all those
conveniences you are in themiddle of nowhere girl, and you

(39:53):
have to emote coats twice day,no matter what is going on, and
you're the only one to do it.And I just kind of was like.
What did I do? But I like it allworked out in that one little
walk of like, or I could take myjob back, and I could go turn on
my computer every morning, and Icould turn on and off my
computer twice a day everysingle day. Which one do you

(40:15):
want to be committed to? BecauseI was committed, no, I had to
work like, I don't have, like,unlimited funds. So working, not
working was not an option. Andit was just like, oh, and I
swear to goodness I went out tomilk those goats with bells and
whistles on every single day forsix after that one moment of
like, sheer panic.

Okay, so again, like, oh my gosh, Elizabeth,
you're amazing. And really thatwhole mindset thing, it's like
your mindset changed yourexperience in a moment, because
you asked yourself a reallycritical question, and that was,

(40:57):
what am I going to be committedto? Not am I going to be
committed to? Something like Ithink that's one of the
challenges I see with farmers somuch, is that we can get so
burdened by the work, and we cansay it's so hard, it's so much
work, I never get time off likewe focus on all of the hard, and

(41:21):
we forget that. First of all,everybody has hard. It's just a
different heart. And so, youknow Weight Watchers, who really
works when you do it, by theway, I'm obviously not doing it
right now, but when you pull theprogram, it's amazing how it
works. But they have, they havethis whole idea of choosing my

(41:45):
hard and I love that idea,because hard is part of life. So
what hard do you want? And whatabout that hard makes it less
hard than everybody else's hard.You know, I've said that so much
about being divorced and asingle mom and all this and
owning my own business. You knowthat people are like, Well, you

(42:09):
could do this, the easy thingyou can teach. Because I used to
be a teacher, and I'm like, Icould do that, and it would kill
me, my soul. It would kill mysoul, because now I do teaching,
but I teach adults, I teach. Icoach more than teaching, and so
I get to use all those skillsthat I really love in a setting

(42:29):
that benefits me. Now there aredrawbacks. I have less money, I
have less security. I have, youknow, all this other stuff, and
I get to be home when my kidsare sick, and I get to work from
wherever I happen to be. So ifwe go traveling someplace, I can
take my computer and I can stillwork. So like all of these
things, it's not that life iseasy somewhere. It's what's the

(42:52):
hard that is going to befulfilling for you, which,
again, comes back to thosevalues. I don't want to sit at a
computer every day I want to beoutside, yeah, how the goats
look

Unknown (43:06):
really good? Yeah, exactly. Didn't think anything
of it, and loved it, loved it.So that part worked and then,
but it did take me. I was justfascinated to witness myself, of
like, again, that life that Ihad had, of like, hadn't done
anything with my hands, similarto, I remember washing eggs
there, like, I had a wholecounter full of eggs. I was
like, Oh my God, there's so manyeggs I have to wash. That's so

(43:27):
stupid. And I actually, like,remember thinking, like, how
stupid it was that I had to washthis many eggs. And like, it's
gonna take me hours. But as aagain, like this, like these
moments that I have of like, allright, I can sit here and be
miserable the whole time, and Ican suffer, or I realized, like,
how long it had been since I haddone anything with my hands.

(43:49):
Like, no different than washingyour dishes and actually having
an appreciation for that, versussticking them in the dishwasher.
And, like, again, same thing.Like, all of a sudden I loved
washing eggs. And was like, thatwas amazing. And I, like, was so
calm and grounded and, like,connected to myself, like
washing stupid eggs, like, orlike these, like, profound

(44:10):
moments with, like,

it's a mindfulness, you know, again,
like a mindfulness practicewhere you're there and when
you're actually allowingyourself to experience what
you're doing instead of just doit, like, when you can sit there
and you can look and appreciate,wow, you know what? These eggs
are kind of cool. Like, they'reamazing, they're smooth, and
they've got this amazing, like,they're not really ovals.

(44:33):
They've got this weird shapegoing on, and they feel
different when they're wet thanthey do when they're dry. And
like, and how satisfying it isto get all the poop off of them
and then have them, like, readyto we can eat these, like, bar
before. You're not going to wantto crack and eat that one
because it's covered in, youknow, chicken poop. So, like,

(44:54):
all of this stuff, it's just, Ithink what you're saying even
the water, like, mean. Aware ofthe tactile nature of our lives,
like really rooting into ourbodies and our experience, and
that does, like, physiologicallyslow down our breathing, slows
down our heart rate, which thenreduces our stress, you know,

(45:16):
all of these things that just bybeing aware of what it's like to
be washing the eggs instead ofwishing you were done with the
eggs so you could go do the nextthing, or saying, this is a
waste of my time finding thevalue in the moment. Oh yeah,
yeah, yeah.

Unknown (45:34):
So I did a lot of that stuff, of just really kind of
finding myself. And finally,like that last week, I was
getting like, nervous, because Ireally wasn't jumping into the
business stuff. That was adifferent part of my brain,
right? Like, different part ofall that was going on. And I
wasn't looking to tap into mybrain, I think, in the
beginning, but I got there soliterally, like, that last week
that I had it was kind of like,do or die. Like, are you? Are

(45:57):
you going to make a you know, Ihad to first make business sense
for myself, and then puttogether a offer for the farm.
And it did. It kind of cametogether. And there was a girl
that had been helping them, so Ihad lunch with her, because I
was, like, I knew I didn't wantto be in the cheese room, like,
so I was figuring these thingsout. Like, I want to be with the
goats. Like, I can figure outhow to take care of goats. I'll

(46:19):
have these guys as mentors.Like, that's easy peasy. I just
do not want to be stuck in thecheese room. But this girl did
so talking to her about apartnership, blah, blah, blah.
So enough foundation to say itwas affordable enough for me, it
was kind of turnkey, actually,that I, you know, just kind of
because Saratoga was so stupidexpensive, I could basically buy
a farm. Yeah, yeah, half thecost of my house for stupidity

(46:43):
reasons. So, yeah, anyway, so,like, it kind of made sense, and
I got brave enough withoutknowing how I was gonna do any
of it, that that seemed like theright thing. I could cows were
my passion, but there was no wayI could do cows by myself, and I
wasn't gonna wait around for aguy. So it was like, I don't
know what to do, you know? So Ican do goats, I can do this

(47:04):
business. I'll figure it out.And so went to a lawyer, put
together a offer. This farm hadbeen for sale for five years. No
one had ever put an offer on it.I put an offer on it. They
whatever the timeline was, theycalled me back at the timeline
and they took someone else'soffer. Or, like, What do you
mean? They you took someone

else's offer? Did you even have somebody else's
offer

Unknown (47:27):
five years? Like, there's two offers at once,
like, so, like, really kind ofdiminished. Like, I was tough
for me because I was, like, Ihad to muster up a lot of
strength and courage and forwardmomentum to put that like I was
committing to the next step,yeah, and I was all in, and it
got all like, not in, and I waslike, Oh, I don't know what to

(47:49):
do now, because, like, my fourmonths in my house is like,
winding down, and I don't feellike asking, you know, like,
whatever it was like, time Ineeded to do something, and
that's what I thought I wassupposed to do. God told me
something different, like,right, like,

right toy. What is it from? From the sound of
music? You know, wherever Godcloses a door, he opens a
window, so and, you know, open awindow for you. I'm assuming,
where was the window?

Unknown (48:18):
Well, all it was is I needed more time, like, right?
Like I was in a hurt like I wasalmost 39 I was like, Oh, my
God, I gotta figure this out.And I also didn't everyone
thought it was crazy already, soit was like, but if I can just,
like, get on with it, it'llprove everyone wrong, that I'm
not crazy and that I hadpurpose. And I had, like, there

(48:38):
was something going on here and,and I just was like, nope. And I
went back to that when I firstmoved to New York State, like, I
just needed to get my handsdirty. And I there was something
about me that I wanted to bereally authentic if I farmed.
Like, I didn't want to readbooks to do pasture management
of pigs and chickens and goatsand whatever else, cows and all
that stuff. Like, I actuallywanted to have the hands on. I

(49:01):
love learning from other people,like that's easier for me and
better for me. I learned throughexperience, not a book, not a
podcast. I do, I do all thesethings and YouTube, but I
thought it's not where I my soulreally like I go there after

you're it sounds like you're a kinesthetic
learner and and that's you know?I mean, as a former teacher, you
know that we have differentlearning styles, and we learn,
each of us learns better withcertain, certain approaches. And
so just from your describing thehands on nature of it, it's,
it's very kinesthetic. And Igotta tell you, Elizabeth, like

(49:40):
I'm sitting here and I'm like,we haven't even gotten to your
we're gonna have to have you onagain. Like, we're just gonna
have to, but I am gonna, I amgonna pause us here and say,
first of all, how much I'vereally enjoyed your call it your
origin story, a little bit like,I think it's, you know, there's
so much. There about how youbecame, who you became, and what

(50:04):
a foundation that is for who youare continuing to become,
because you are not donebecoming. You know like you can
see that you are a person who isinspired by growth, and you are
going to just keep becoming moreof yourself as you go, and I
love that. So in that spirit, Iwould like you to help my

(50:26):
listeners grow by ending with mysignature question, which is, if
you had one piece of advice thatyou would give to every farmer,
what would it be if

Unknown (50:39):
you're going to do it, do it with joy, love what you're
doing. Like I'm wincing as I saythat I'm wincing, I like my
whole body is doing lots ofdifferent things. Like my that
is so heartfelt, but it alsothat's a hard thing to hear.
Sometimes. I'm sure there'speople that are listening that
are going to it's going to hurt,but I challenge them to dig into

(51:04):
that hurt and either find thejoy or find

something else, yeah, and also heartfelt. I if
people are feeling that way,because I've talked to an awful
lot of farmers for whom Joyseems an elusive or almost like

(51:31):
a unicorn that they can't findanymore, I would say that you
should give me a call, becausewe can, we can do a very quick,
like, in an hour, we canprobably identify some of the
things that are keeping you awayfrom your joy and and that's
like, I'd love to help peoplewith that because, because I am

(51:56):
passionate about making farmerslives better, and that joy is
part of it. Oh my gosh,Elizabeth, you're amazing. We'll
have you on again. Thank you somuch for your time today, and
thank all of you for joining ustoday, and we will see you next

(52:17):
time on food, flowers and fun.Mm,

Unknown (52:26):
farm works, calling our show is all done, goodbye,
farewell, so long, Adieu, seeyou next week, same time, same
place for food, flowers and fun,go in peace.

Visit us at www.penlightfarmers.com.

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Farming on Purpose with Elizabeth Collins (Part 1)

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